Here we go again, the propaganda spewing out of the radio again like vomit from a new born filly. It was the Equestrian news network broadcasting the scripted lies to the masses. The mega-spells and stables seemed hot topic lately, a thousand years of peace and they throw it all away by fighting this stupid war. I'm sick to death from hearing about it. I bet all my bits that most ponies dont even know why we are fighting them. I would ask one but the reply I'll probably get will be 'because they is bad' or 'because the radio said they are evil'. Brainwashed idiots.
Don't any pony question anything? One minute we have a armory of spears and swords then suddenly we have gun's and other crazy ass techology. Where did this stuff come from? I mean come on, It took a pony almost a life time to invent the radio. Now there shitting out all this tech like a bad case of diarrhoea.
I fumbled a smoke from the pack and slouched into my old dirty couch in an oddly fashion. As I got comfyI let out a yawn then led my wing over the arm rest that was full of cigarette burns. I not sure how long I've sat here, a week? Maybe two?
I look along the row of cider bottles along my window seal that kindly hid the dusty frames of photo’s of my military days and old friends. Did I drink that much yesterday? Or was it the day before? Buck me, I got a problem I thought to myself as I lit the cigarette of the lit candle that sat on the table next to me.
"And that’s the news folks." The presenter on the radio finished followed by the Equestrian news network theme tune, in which I hummed along to and wave my hooves around pretending to be one of those fancy fuckers at directs a orchestra.
A loud banging at my door interrupted my delusional musical bliss and caused me to drop my cigarette that rolled down my stomach and onto the carpet and burnt another hole.
"Mr Kirk, I had enough. I'm kicking you out!"A voice bellowed through my letterbox as I stretched out and kicked over a half empty bottle to put out the cigarette "You haven't paid me the rent and your stinking this place out!"
Every few weeks he comes round and says the same thing. Nothing ever happens, I do wonder now and again if the world is on a continual loop and I'm the only one conscious about it.
I watch the happy drones every day out side my window. Once Celestia's sun rises; they get up, go to work, have lunch in the cafe across from me, go home and repeat once Luna's moon sets. And they think they're free, dumb idiots.
Maybe The war is over and I'm the last pony alive and the zebras keep me living in a virtual world for a sick magical experiment. It's seem logical. Maybe I'm in some kind of magical virtural reality crafted up be the zebra's creepy magic.
"Don! I know your in there! you can retreat from your life forever." The landlord was still shouting through the letterbox "As I said, you got until tomorrow to pack up!"
Buck, he might me serious this time. Maybe being in a social experiment by the zebras might be true.
"What do you think George?" I lent over and asked my dying plant located across the room. In reply, the last leaf fell off on to the floor joining his fallen comrades. "Good advice..." I should've died with them.
I flicked open my pack of cigarettes to find only one left. A sudden dread came over me in the realisation of me having to go out side but I know I wouldn't last long with out my dose of nicotine.
I rolled of my couch, and tripped over the bottle I knocked over earlier and knocking over a few more. The residue of old cider and backwash spilled onto the carpet, creating a larger stain.
I stumbled out of my living room and in to the hallway, I looked into the mirror on the wall and had a good look at my sorry state as I stretched my one wing.
I almost forgot I had a light brown coat, that's how much I've been paying attention to myself. I stepped closer towards the mirror and looked into my blood shocked eyes.
"Look at you, your a failure of a pony.." My reflection commented, I fell back on my haunches In shock “Take a good bucking look at yourself.”
“No I’m not, I’m on a tactical retreat.” I answered back.
“Just do it Don!” My reflection pushed up against the glass. “Every pony has forgotten about you. They wouldn’t know.”
“SHUT UP!” I yelled at the mirror. Tears was streaming down my face as I sobbed.
“Your comrades are dead because of you!” The reflection smirked “You know what I’ll do it for you”
I looked on in horror as my reflection ducked out of sight and appeared again with a gun in his mouth. He looked straight into my eyes and lowered the muzzle of the gun to my chest and fired. I watched the blood splatter up the mirror and my reflection full back with a enormous smile on his face.
I snapped out of my hallucination and rubbed my chest looking for the bullet hole then looked back into the mirror my reflection was me again. I waved my hoof in the mirror to make sure, my reflection followed.
This was the fifth one this week. No amount of alcohol seem to drowned them out, and they seem to be getting worst. I’m starting to conspire against one’s self sanity.
I swept my tears away and headed to the kitchen to get my saddlebags. I need my cigarettes and probably help aswell, depends on which is the cheapest.
I stepped out my front door for the first time in three week, the unforgiving brightness of the sun blinded me. I could feel the backs of my eyes burn. I took some time for me to adjust to the natural light.
The noise of the hustle and bustle of daily life and the idle chatter from the cafe across the road echoed around the street. I looked above the cafe to see the towering buildings of Manehattan. Even though living in the quiet suburbs I could smell the foul stink of this damned city.
This city makes my blood boil, as I got a gut feeling as the towering buildings houses the pets of the fat cats and It's they will cause a catalog of catalysts' for a catastrophe. It's probably this fear that keeps in retreat.
When I trotted to my garden gate, I felt the cancerous growth of anxiety started that filled my body of fear. I couldn't believe what I've become, a battle hardened stallion reduced to a filly, who's scared to buy some smokes from a shop that’s ten minutes away.
Even though my mind refused to proceed onwards for my fiery nicotine haven. Even a prisoner of his own mind will break free for a puff of self-destructive bliss.
I walked along the path, passing by the drones. I couldn't decide if their smiles are fake or they're
completely oblivious there's a war going on. Along the walls propaganda plagued the streets. The ministries are definitely going all out for the public support.
I caught a glimpse of a flier on the floor with a yellow pegasus on the front with 'We must do better'; It was for the peace corpse. I watched ponies just walk over it as I walked on by. They didn't even notice what they was trampling on. Sometimes life has a good way of displaying irony, it's a shame as only a few ponies left who notices it.
I'd finally reached the shop, it was almost a blissful experience as I brought my smokes. In a life as broken as mine, doing a simple task as going to the shop can induce a intoxicating dopamine induced high.
On my way back I actually had a spring in my trot. Fuck the rest of the world, I got my smokes.
As I approached my house I noticed all my stuff was in the front garden. My heart sank and my euphoric high of my achievement simply bucked off with my livelihood.
"Oi! what the hell are you doing?" I yelled at the removal mare that was holding my radio with her unicorn magic.
"Doing my job," She replied sarcastically.
"But the landlord said I had till tomorrow."
"Well sorry, looks like he changed his mind."
"He can't do this!" A surge of anger came over me as I yelled. I knew I was causing a comotion when the ponies in the cafe across the road all stopped and stared.
"Well sorry sir. like I said, I'm just doing my job." The mare shrugged before she continued working.
I guess I should had seen this coming. I'm lying, I did see this coming, I just didn't think it would’ve happened so soon.
I didn't care much about my possessions, I didn't own much anyway but the thought of being homeless terrifies me, now where to retreat and hide. The worst part is that I can do nothing about it.
lowering my head, I turned a slowly walked away from my house. It felt like a filly being ripped from her mother. My life, comfort and security was behind me ever getting smaller as I walked away.
To add to my misery, I forgot rain was forecasted for today. A classic cliche there.
***
A few days past, being homeless had it's toll on me. Being caught in the rain on the first day and the bitter cold night that sparked a fever. My head was burning accompanied by a piercing headache. The final nail in my coffin was that I ran out of smokes. Life is a cruel mistress.
I manage to make it to the inner city, I knew there was many homeless there, but to my surprise they have all been drafted for the war effort. I suspected that when you're hungry you'll do anything to get food. Obviously I should have realise that the ministries would've taken advantage of them. Poor fuckers they're probably dead or damned to remain on the front line.
Guess I'm lucky I'm not fighting material no more.
I led on the corner on a dark quiet street and looked up at the towering buildings and watched silhouettes of families enjoying there life. I could feel my temperature rise. I was really burning up now.
I dragged myself to a puddle too cool my fever down.
"I told you to do it." I froze as my reflection in the puddle of talking to be again. "See you're suffering, you could of ended it all."
"Shut up!" I screamed loudly and splashed the puddle.
I led my head down, and let my mind drift, into a deep sleep.
My sleep was quickly interrupted by a nudge to my side. "Hey mister?" A feminine voice asked, "You alive?" What a stupid question to ask.
It must have rained again as my coat was drenched. I was oddly hot though, in-fact I was boiling. I thought it was the start of spring, its normally this warm.
"Your shivering, poor thing." The voice continued. "Come on, your practically on my door step and I don't think your going to move." I felt a pressure on my side as I was lifted to my hooves. "I cant leave you out here, I don't want to starting my day tripping over a dead body."
I winced open my eyes to find myself being pushed up a flight of old carpet-less stairs up into a long corridor.
"This one here." I felt a tug on my tail and being dragged in the apartment's and pushed on a couch and a blanket thrown over me.
"I'll leave the heating on, you make sure you stay warm."
I quickly fell back asleep.
"Retreat!" I yelled as bullets flew pass me "Pull back!" I looked over the battle field of corpses, they was no one alive even though there was gun fire and sounds of fierce fighting. "Move!" I yelled again at the bloody corpses. I turned around to one of comrades who appeared next to me. "Private Rain, these men has gone AWOL they're not following my orders." I fired a hoof at them.
"Of course not, they can't hear you, you're dead."
Suddenly I found myself buried under thousands of dead soldiers, ponies and zebras. I tried clawing myself to the surface but I keep slipping deeper getting covered in blood and entrails. The more I struggled the more I sank, the deeper I slipped the more decomposed the bodies became.
I eventually gave up struggling as I ran out breath and let myself slip. I felt my legs dangle in space and I dropped and fell into a abyss until I hit something.
I awakened with a jolt, My head was buried under my brown couch's cushions, it was morning. I could hear the birds tweet and the busy Manehatten life bustle outside. I led there trying to figure out which parts was a dream. I'm back on my couch so being homeless was apart of the dream as well. I was glad to be back.
I rolled over to find I wasn't home, the room was a lot smaller and had very few furnishings the walls seemed they haven't been painted for some time. Next to the couch stood a coffee table with cigarette sat on the edge. I stretched my neck out and used my mouth to grab it, and looked around for something to light it.
I noticed the end of the cigarette started to glow light blue and started to crackle and spark until it finally lit.
“I thought you would’ve needed one.” said blue unicorn mare as she lent against the living-room door.
