A Draconequus Walks into a Bar...

by Rock Slide

Rating: teen
Tags: Discord, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Fluttershy
Length: 1613

Discord finds himself bored and thinks its a good idea to go to a bar for a drink...turns out that was a bad idea.

When Fluttershy leaves Discord alone for some time, he becomes utterly bored and thinks going to a bar for the first time in a thousand years is a good idea, it turns out to be a very bad idea…Discord is going to get wild and chaotic thanks to a little hit of liquor.

a collab with my friend nyxknight

Published 2015-02-11 02:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-11 02:30:02 UTC

He kissed Who?!

Discord was completely and utterly bored. His dear Fluttershy wasn't suspected to be back in town until later tonight. This meant he had to babysit Fluttershy’s precious ‘children’. The silence and glares from the animals, more specifically Angel, were killing him. He wanted nothing more than to teach that little brat of a rabbit a lesson. Though at the same time, he didn't want to get the ‘stare’ from Fluttershy. Shuddering at that thought he just sat back down and pouted.  Few minutes passed before Discord unscrewed the light bulb from the lamp. He held it over his head and shouted in a classic mocking of Rarity, “Idea!”

He was going to have his first taste of a local tavern in Ponyville in over a thousand years, but he first had to find a way to get out of babysitting. just so happen to walk by Fluttershy’s cottage were three little fillies who were looking like they were going into the Everfree forest. Discord snapped his fingers and  teleported to where the fillies were walking. The Cutie Mark Crusaders were passing by when Discord appeared in a small cloud of pink smoke.

“Well if it isn't my young filly friends, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, what brings you children this far?” Discord asked them calmly, his gaze stern but soft even as a plan was hatching in his mind of how he would convince these young and slightly naive fillies to watch over the animals.

“Oh hi there Discord, we were heading into the forest for our cutie marks.” Sweetie Belle said sweetly as Scootaloo and Apple bloom looked ahead ready to get back to their adventure.

“That's all fine and well, but didn't Fluttershy and the others tell you not to go into the Everfree forest unless it was to Zecora’s?” Discord asked with a slightly stern gaze.

“Yea but…”Scootaloo tried to reason before Discord interrupted.

“No no no, you know the rules and as a responsible adult i can’t have you go traipsing into the woods, however…” He continued with a slight twinkle in his eye as it all came into place.

“Yes Discord?” they asked all together, weary of what he had in mind for them. He was always known for his chaos causing skills even if he was a good guy.

“I know of a safer way to get your cutie marks without getting the other ponies upset, all you need to do is something that even i can’t do.”

“What's that?!” the crusaders fell onto Discords hook, their eyes gleaming with hope of getting their cutie marks finally after all their hard work. They looked at him with big eyes inching closer to him, “What can't you do that we can?”

Discord snapped his fingers, his eyes glowing as both him and the crusaders magically teleported inside of Fluttershy’s cottage. The crusaders looked around confused, the room was silent, that even Discord was shocked when a tumbleweed passed out the door. He smiled as sweetly as he could and gestured to the animal’s behind him.

“Watch Fluttershy’s animals for a few hours if you wouldn't mind.” Discord let his eyes grow wide like a kitten begging for food, “Please?”

The Crusaders sighed as they were a bit disappointed at such a dull task. Discord then proceeded to explained that this was the faster and safer way of getting their cutie marks and that they didn't want to get on their sisters bad side...again.

So the Crusaders accepted Discord’s offer to watch over the animals though they said he would owe them for making them watch over pesky Angel Bunny, until he came back. Though the unsuspecting crusaders didn't notice that Discord didn't say when he would get back. He then snapped his fingers and teleported away from the cottage to the local tavern at the edge of town, the SilverHoof Inn.

The Inn was busy today as it was time for the pony-folk to get off of work and unwind from their stressful day. Discord entered the Inn and was greeted by the Innkeeper respectfully named Silver Hoof. Discord was surprised that the ponies weren't shocked to see him. He then proceeded to walk to the bar table and looked at the selection. He realized that since being trapped in stone for a thousand years, the times had changed which was evident by the new drinks and tonics on the menu board.

Discord ordered a large mug of some liquor with a name that he could not pronounce and chugged it down. He felt the burn as the liquor went down his throat and shuddered. There are many things one discovers in their lives and Discord discovered he couldn't hold his liquor.

The draconequus spun around with a sloppy, dizzy look on his face a mist clouding over his bright yellow eyes. The mist covered his red pupils like clouds covered the silver moon. He then saw a white unicorn with a fancy suit on, he snapped his fingers and the white of the ponies fur was now red, black, and green plaid. The result this had on the unicorn caused an almost hyena-like laugh from Discord as the stallion screamed like a little filly afraid of a spider.

Discord’s next victims were two mares dressed like they each were from noble houses. He chuckled as they  talked some old fashioned gossip oblivious to the spirit of chaos right behind them. he let out another laugh reminiscent of an escaped asylum patient as another snap of his fingers caused the mares manes to switch and turn into flashing neon green curls. the mares stopped speaking then looked at each other with eyes wide and belted out loud screams of terror.

Discord stumbled away holding his stomach as he tried not to burst out in laughter… again. He grinned as he saw an old stallion with little to no hair on his head, trying to pick up some mares. So he decided to be kind and he gave the poor old pony a lush head of hair, granted it was completely made of red, orange, and yellow flames. His fur then also turned to an almost perfect white instead of the dirty gray coat he had before. Then to the pony’s surprise the mares were all over him, to which he gave Discord a ‘thank you’ wink.

By this time Discord’s vision began to blur to an almost blind state as a pony with long beautiful wings walked in. In a drunken stagger he ran to the pony grabbing her face in his claws and passionately kissed her, sliding his long tongue into her mouth. He then grabbed her plot giving it a slight rub. However, the pony backed up and bucked Discord out cold.

A few hours later Discord awoke on the bar floor with a massive headache, like he was kicked in the face by an ugly buffalo. His head throbbed and he winced as the bright lights shined in his eyes.

“Oh my, what in Tartarus happened last night?”

Discord was confused, and had a strange taste in his mouth. He couldn't quite tell what it was but no matter he had to get back. So he stood up as graceful as he could and snapped his fingers, teleporting himself back to Fluttershy’s cottage to try and sort out last night. Discord entered the cottage to see that the Crusader’s did a rather good job at watching the animals as the cottage was still standing.

The spirit of chaos then sat on the couch and rubbed his aching head. the memories of last night were coming back, the bits of chaos on some poor ponies was fun, however one memory came back and it filled Discord with dread.

“Oh My Celestia…” Discord kissed Fluttershy, she must have come back early and was looking for him. the kiss, him grabbing her plot, Discord was beyond mortified. He stood up and began to pace, trying to figure out what he could do to make it up to her for his utterly disgusting mistake.

In the mere seconds he paced the room, Fluttershy appeared down the steps with a small smile on her face.

“Oh good to see you made it home Discord, I was a bit worried.”

“Ah, yes hello…Fluttershy...nice to see you too.”

Well Discord was embarrassed and he figured Fluttershy was being nice about the whole affair, However Discord was a spirit of class and he had to make this right. To Fluttershy’s great surprise Discord held her hoof and bent on one knee.

“Fluttershy...since I've know you I have been feeling this strange emotion I had never felt before, and I believe that what I did last night was unruly behavior and so I apologize...however I must admit that what we shared made me feel like a new spirit so if you feel odd about my feeling to you let me know.” Discord believed he was doing a noble act, even if Fluttershy had a very confused look on her face.

Out of nowhere the front door smashed open by none other than Rainbow Dash with a odd look of confusion and rage on her face. She rushed up to Discord, poking his chest with her hoof as she seethed.

“Discord! Why in Tartarus did you grab my plot and kiss me last night!? I can still taste your snake tongue in my mouth!”

Discord looks at her with wide eyes, his jaw hung open as he fell over onto the couch, his consciousness turning to black. His last glimpses of consciousness being an enraged Rainbow Dash about ready to slug him in the face.