The spell-binding tales of NAH, The Non-Adventerous Human.

At least I’ve had my coffee first.

That was my first thought as I looked at the glimmering disk of white light floating in the air in my backyard. I can only imagine the stupidity I would unleash if the thing appeared before my morning dose of caffeine. Fortunately it hadn’t, and with my brain clear of cobwebs I could begin dealing with this phenomenon.

That was when a stiff breeze reminded me of my current attire. Pants. Pants would be very important for the next step.

A few minutes later, now sporting some ridiculously awesome pants, I began my highly scientific analysis of the glowy-thingy behind my house.

Step 1: Poke thingy with stick.

Results: Tip of stick does not pass through glowy-thingy but disappears inside of it. Gives credence to theory that glowy-thingy is a warping of the fabric of spacetime, possibly an Einstein-Rosen bridge.

Step 2: Investigate interior of phenomenon. Achieved by duck-taping a video recorder to a skateboard with a rope tied to it and tossing it into the glowy-thingy.

Results : Probe left in for a period of 3 hours local time. Review of footage reveals the glowy-thingy connects to a medieval European-style town populated by technicolor equine-looking quadrupeds that speak English for some odd reason.

“Working off the assumption that I’m not insane and hallucinating all of this, it would appear that there is a portal on my back deck that leads to another world filled with fantastical creatures,” I mused out loud. “Soooo I have the opportunity here to go on an awesome adventure in a distant land, make lots of new friends and build a new better life for myself.”

A jolt of excitement shot through me at this thought. It wouldn’t take me that long to prepare either. Heck I didn’t have many friends or family and I didn’t really care for my job or school that much anyways. And the stories I would have to tell afterwards!

“I’ll be first contact with another species too! I’m gonna do it! This is gonna be-”

It was at this point that the little voice that is my common sense spoke up, Yes you have this great opportunity. All you have to do is drop your entire life and step through some strange portal that will take you to place that, at the very best, still runs a serious risk of stranding you there forever, and at the very worst could kill you on arrival. You do realize that you can make new friends and go on adventures here and not risk life and limb and becoming an interdimensional castaway?

“But first contact and -”

If you report this now you’ll still end up going down in history as the man who discovered aliens.

“Where’s my phone again?”.