Mail Call

by BlazzingInferno

Rating: everyone
Tags: Thunderlane, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Romance, Derpy Hooves
Length: 4331

Rainbow Dash starts receiving anonymous love letters. Thunderlane still isn’t sure writing them was a good idea.

Rainbow Dash receives a love letter from a secret admirer, and isn’t quite sure how to take it. What kind of pony sends stuff like this? Why can’t they just tell her to her face?
Thunderlane, meanwhile, isn’t sure starting this game was the smartest of ideas.

The (extremely short) original version of the story, which became the first chapter of this one, was written for The Writeoff Association's January 2015 contest, "All In"

Published 2015-02-12 03:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-14 00:46:38 UTC

Atypical Morning

Thunderlane soared over Ponyville’s rooftops. The big clock over town hall was just about to finish chiming in the hour. In a few seconds he’d officially be late for work, although that didn’t really matter when his boss was sleeping in. He could spot a few of the other weather pegasi in the clouds over town hall, and knew exactly what they’d say when he arrived: “You’re late, Thunderlane. You go get Rainbow Dash.”

He banked to the left, quickly losing sight of town hall in favor of Rainbow’s home. Pounding on her door would be more productive than trying to convince somepony else to do it.

Ten minutes and three knocking sessions later, he began to wonder if she was even alive. “Rainbow? You’re late for cloud duty!”

He sighed and shook his head. “For the third time this week…”

At least her doorstep was a nice enough place to wait. No matter what anypony thought of Rainbow Dash, there was one indisputable point: being the captain of the weather team paid well. Instead of an earth-bound cottage, she had a little patch of Cloudsdale all to herself, complete with rainbow waterfalls. This was the home of a pegasus with real taste in architecture.

Finally he heard signs of life. It sounded like pots and pans clattering around in the kitchen. He knocked again. “Rainbow?”

“The weather can wait five more minutes! I’m not busting clouds on an empty stomach again.”

“Could I… uh… could I come in?”

“Sure, just watch your hooves.”

He wasn’t sure what she meant. Not until he opened the door, at least. The front room’s floor was covered in everything from old Wonderbolts posters to older, and dirtier, flight suits. “Rainbow, this place is filthy. How do you live like this?”

A rainbow-hued blur rushed past him, sweeping up the junk in her forelegs and whisking it off to another room. She was back a second later, grinning sheepishly. “Heh, yeah, sorry. Kinda got carried away looking for my lucky horseshoe last night. Most of my friends aren’t even pegasi, so most of the time I don’t think about cleaning the place up.”

A shadow fell across him as another pony approached the door. He turned to see the mail mare with a stack of letters in her grasp. “Hi, Ditzy.”

“Hey, Thunderlane. I’ve got some mail here for—”

There was another crash of pans from the kitchen as Rainbow resumed her original task. “Just leave ’em on the counter, Ditzy. I’ve gotta find something to eat so we can get cloud busting. Oh, did I get anything from Wonderbolt HQ?”

Ditzy flipped through the stack of letters. “Hmm… Oh, is this it?”

She waved a pink envelope overhead.

Rainbow zoomed over and grabbed it. “Bleh, no. The Wonderbolts would never use pink to… what is this? It’s got all these hearts on it.”

Her wings slowed and, for the first time since Thunderlane arrived, she touched down on the floor.

Ditzy hovered over her and read the front. “Is it addressed to someone else? I… kind of mix up the mail… a lot.”

Thunderlane tried not to roll his eyes. “We know…”

Rainbow tore open the side and pulled out an equally pink page. “Nah, it’s for me and everything, but there’s no return address. Let’s see what it says… What the?”

She held the letter out in front of her. “ ‘Dear Rainbow Dash, you’re the fastest pegasus I know, and the most beautiful too. I’ll write again soon.’ That’s all it says!”

Ditzy giggled. “Somepony has a secret admirer!”

Rainbow shoved the letter into Thunderlane’s hooves. “Do you recognize that hoofwriting?”

“Uh—”

She hovered directly over him, staring him down with a glower that could turn storm clouds white. “ ’cause if you do I wanna know! What’s the deal with this pony? Are they scared of me or something?”

At the moment he wouldn’t blame them. “It… uh… it sounds like they like you. Sounds pretty simple.”

She snatched the letter back. “Well… why’d they have to tell me like this? Maybe they should just fly up here and tell me to my face.”

Ditzy sighed. “Aw, but the secret is the romantic part. It could be anypony.”

Rainbow crumpled up the letter and crossed her forelegs. “Yeah, probably somepony that’s totally lame.”

Ditzy flew over to Thunderlane and tapped him on the head. “You never know. Pretend it’s Thunderlane, for example.”

His eyes went wide. “What, me?”

“Sure! Like I said, it could be anypony.”

“But… uh, why use me?”

“Isn’t Rainbow a beautiful pegasus?”

“Well, she is… but—”

Rainbow shook her head. “Nah, I know your hoofwriting. It’s not you.”

Ditzy sighed. “That’s not the point, Rainbow. Just pretend it was for a second, wouldn’t you want to hear more of what he has to say? Wouldn’t you want to give him a chance?”

Rainbow stared them down for nearly a minute. Her fiery gaze slowly morphed into wide-eyed fear, followed by a blush. Finally her wings kicked in and she herded them out the door. “Tell the rest of the weather team I’m gonna be late. I’m… I’m sick, yeah. Achoo!”

Ditzy tried to take one last look at her before the door slammed shut. “But what about the letter? What if you get another one?”

“I… I have to think about it. Don’t you two have somewhere else to be? Get to busting those clouds and delivering that mail already!”

Thunderlane and Ditzy stood on the front porch, listening to what sounded like Rainbow dumping the contents of her pantry on the floor. He flicked a wing across the back of her head and sighed. “Did you really have to use me as the example?”

“Hey, it was completely hypothetical. Besides, she didn’t say no, did she?”

He stared at her smile, and slowly gained one of his own. “Thanks for writing the letter out for me.”

She giggled. “No problem.”

A New Normal

Thunderlane unlocked his bedroom window and pulled it open. He stuck his head out and took a deep, chemical-free breath. Once again he’d used too much hair gel, all thanks to the mohawk he’d been sporting for well over a decade. Maybe it was finally time for a new style, one with less brain-damaging fumes.

He glanced down and saw a puddle on the ground, a remnant of last night’s rainstorm. The gel-soaked weather vane sticking out of his head did look good, he had to admit. Anything that distracted from his goofy face and dumb smile was a welcome addition.

Suddenly Ditzy’s face was under his, and she was grinning. “Overdo it with the hair gel again?”

He jumped up and banged his head on the window frame. “Ow, yeah. Why are outside my bedroom window?”

“You weren’t answering the front door. Don’t you have a ‘special’ letter to for me rewrite?”

“Just come around the front, you don’t want to go through the bedroom when it reeks like this.”

“You sleep in it, doesn’t it always reek?”

“Hey, that’s—” He hit his head again. “—Ugh. Aren’t you supposed to be the clumsy one?”

She stuck out her tongue. “Just don’t let me near your fine china or antiques… again.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll be right out.”

He hurried through the eye-watering smells of the bedroom, taking quick glances at the made bed, immaculate dresser, and family portrait by the door. The picture showed four generations of pegasi, from his great grandmother Tailwind to his little brother Rumble, posing on a cloud overlooking Rainbow Falls. Ditzy was on the far end, and had fallen off the cloud shortly after the picture was taken.

Crumpled up papers littered the hallway to the bedroom, the kitchen, and adjoining front room, a growing mess in his otherwise spotless house. He’d gone through more paper in a week than in the past month, all for the sake of crafting his next anonymous missive. The final draft was sitting on the kitchen table, waiting to be transcribed by his partner in crime. It said “Want to go on a picnic? I’ll name a time and place tomorrow.”

There was a knock on the door, followed by Ditzy’s so-called ‘professional’ voice. “Special delivery for a Mr. Thunderlane.”

“Is it the second cousin I ordered?”

“Yep, and postage is due.”

He laughed as he undid the latch. “What do I owe you?”

She stepped inside and smiled big. “Details. All of them.”

“Details?”

“This is letter number five, right? How’s Rainbow acting?”

Before he could reply, she was at the kitchen table looking over what Rainbow Dash would be reading in less than an hour. “Let’s see, so far you’ve complimented her speed, her hair, her loyalty, her voice, and her eyes. You’re running out of classy things to… well, this is different. You’re really going to do it? You’re going to ask her out?”

He took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah. I’m nervous but… I’ve got to come out and say it eventually, right? Do you think she’ll be mad?”

“I might be able to tell you if you’d talk about how she’s acting already.”

“Well… it’s different. She—” The clock on the wall started to chime. “—I’ll tell you later, I’m going to be late.”

She shrugged. “So what if you have to get Rainbow up again? Maybe you can serenade her outside her bedroom window.”

“Hah, she’d probably brain me with a horseshoe. Besides, nopony has to get her up anymore, she—”

There were three loud thumps on the door, followed by Rainbow’s voice. “Get your lazy tail out here, Thunderlane!”

Ditzy pointed at the door and gasped. “Really?”

He nodded. “Really.”

“You’re spilling the beans tonight. Dinner. My place.”

“Can I bring Rumble?”

“As long as he likes spaghetti, and playing house with Dinky.”

“He’ll forgive me. Deal.”

Rainbow pounded on the door again. “Don’t make me kick this thing down.”

He rushed for the door. “I’m coming, I’m coming!”

Rainbow burst in as soon as he turned the handle, smashing him between the door and the wall. “What’s taking you so… Ditzy? What’re you doing here?”

Ditzy grinned. “Just… uh… picking up some deliveries.”

“Yeah? Have you got any mail for me?”

She nodded. “Oh yeah I do, but I… I forgot it at the post office. I’ll bring it by later, okay?”

Rainbow, who’d been airborne since she came in, folded her front hooves. “Aww. Just make it fast, okay?”

“Oh? Are you expecting something… special?”

Rainbow blushed and turned away. “Uh… maybe. Let’s get going, Thunderlane.”

Before Thunderlane could argue, she grasped his hoof and pulled him out the door.

Ponyville’s daily weather wasn’t very complicated: just a few scattered clouds over town and afternoon showers in the meadows. Thunderlane found himself dealing with the former, herding clouds across the sky to create shady spots on the streets below.

Pushing clouds across the sky was easy, keeping his mind focused on the task wasn’t. Every so often he’d see a pegasus flit out of the corner of his vision, and every time he’d wonder if it was her. Was Rainbow watching him? Did she know?

Times like these made him wonder why he’d ever started this game. They’d grown up in the same Cloudsdale suburb, and little had changed in all the intervening years. She was still the most beautiful mare he’d ever seen, and he was still the dopey stallion that couldn’t hold a candle to her.

Then she landed on the cloud he was pushing. “Hey, Thunderlane.”

He nearly jumped out of his feathers. “R-Rainbow?”

“That’s my name. Can I ask you something? It’s… kind of personal.”

He floated there for a moment, unsure of what to say or think. “Uh… sure, I guess.”

She scooted to the side of the cloud, giving him room to join her. “You remember a few days ago when you came to… well… you remember that letter I got, right?”

“The secret admirer one?”

“Yeah. Come sit here already.”

For a moment he forgot to flap. After dropping two feet, and fighting off a blush, he fluttered over the cloud and set down next to Rainbow. “So…”

“So this mystery guy keeps sending me letters. I’ve gotten a new one every day. Who does that?”

“Uh…”

“I mean, the letters are nice and all… actually they’re more than nice—” Rainbow shot off the cloud and zoomed around it. “—they’re great!”

He grinned. “Really?”

“Yeah! It was kind of weird at first, but they’re really growing on me. Did you see how I showed up on time for work every day this week?”

“Yeah?”

“This letter guy has got me thinking differently. All of the sudden I want to get up in the morning, and not just for the mail either. I… I kind of like knowing somepony cares about me like that.”

She flew up close and whispered in his ear. “I even cleaned up my house, but don’t tell anypony that part, all right? Can’t let the Wonderbolts think I’m taking time away from my flight training, or something.”

He nodded. “Do you… think you want to meet him?”

Her wingbeats slowed, and she rejoined him on the cloud. “That’s just it… The letter today said he’d give a time and place tomorrow but… I don’t know.”

“But… but you said you really liked how things are going.”

“Yeah, but what if it’s different after we meet? What if he’s different?”

He shrugged. “How could he be different?”

“I dunno… What if he’s really just a big loser, or he’s ugly, or he doesn’t think I’m awesome once he gets to know me? What do you think I should do?”

His mouth hung open. “You’re… asking me?”

She looked at him with mild annoyance. “Well… you’re a stallion and everything, right? What do you think this guy’s like? Do you think I should meet him?”

For a moment he stared off into space. Here he was, sitting on a cloud with Rainbow Dash, somewhere between Ponyville and the heavens above. Keeping the secret for one more day seemed silly. Even if she killed him, this would be a great moment to go out on.

A blue leg waved in front of his eyes. “Rainbow Dash to Thunderlane. Come in, Thunderlane.”

He turned to her. The moment of truth had arrived. “I… I think you should. He’s probably a nice enough guy, and he obviously thinks your great.”

So much for the truth.

She grinned and gave a big nod. “I’m gonna do it. When he writes me tomorrow, I’m totally gonna meet him!”

He grinned too. “Sounds gr—”

Then her forelegs were around him for the briefest of moments. “Thanks, Thunderlane. I know I give you a hard time and stuff… but I knew I could count on you.”

She was halfway across town before he could speak. “It’s… It’s me, Rainbow Dash… Where in Equestria am I going to take you on a date?”

A Small Problem

Thunderlane paced back and forth in front of his door. There was still an hour left to go before work, and yet the ticking clock on the wall was mocking him. Each passing second made the letter waiting on the table seem like a worse idea.

“Whitetail Woods Bridge… Sunset… Whitetail Woods Bridge… Sunset… What if she doesn’t know where that is? What if there’s some other couple there?”

He stared at the clock. “What if Ditzy doesn’t show?”

At last there was a knock on the door. He nearly pulled the handle off as he turned it. “Ditzy! I’m so glad you’re…”

Ditzy’s head was bowed, and twin puddles were forming on the ground below. She sniffled loudly and wiped her nose. “Can I come in?”

“Of course! What’s wrong?”

She walked in without taking her eyes off the floor, leaving two wet trails in her wake. “T-thanks.”

He guided her to the couch and held out a tissue box. “Ditzy?”

She burst into tears and grabbed the box. “I… I got suspended from work.”

“What? Why?”

A soaked tissue landed on the ground, and she reached for another. “The mail. I… I lost some important mail. The postmaster says if I can’t shape up, I’m… I’m…”

He put a foreleg around her. “Hey, it’s okay. You probably just left it in your spare mail bag.”

She shook her head. “No. I was up all night looking… It’s gone. I lost it for real. What if… What if they fire me? This is the only job I’ve ever had, and I’m awful at it! What if I can’t pay my rent? I-I’ll have to move back to Cloudsdale with my parents! Dinky won’t see her school friends anymore! She’ll hate me forever!”

“You’re her mom, she’s not going to hate you.”

“B-but—”

“If it comes down to it, you can move in here with me. Rumble and Dinky are friends, to them it’ll be like a really long sleepover.”

“But my job…”

“You’ll get another one if you have to. I can even put in a good word for you with the weather team.”

Her latest tissue flew out of her hooves and hit him in the face. “Oh my gosh! Rainbow Dash! I… I can’t deliver your letter, somepony else already took my route! What’ll she think?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

She sat back and stared at him. “What?”

“You’re family, Ditzy. You come first. I’ll worry about Rainbow Dash later.”

Her sudden embrace upended the coffee table and sent tissues flying. “You’re the best cousin ever, Thunderlane!”

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of the letter on the kitchen table. Meeting Rainbow Dash on a bridge was probably a bad idea anyway.

Forty-five minutes later, he was standing at the door again with an entirely different mindset. The curtains were closed, Ditzy was asleep on the couch next to a mountain of soggy tissues, and his letter to Rainbow Dash was folded up in a drawer. Instead of a ticking clock he heard the slightly disturbing sound of Ditzy snoring.

“Rainbow will understand, right? So the letter shows up one day late, that can’t possibly ruin everything.”

Ditzy’s snoring was the only reply.

He took a deep breath, and walked out the door. After a quick stretch, he spread his wings and took to the skies. Dark clouds blotted out the sun today, albeit slightly ahead of schedule. Apparently he and the rest of the weather team had been a little overzealous setting up today’s light showers.

The streets below were mostly deserted. Foals were already in school, and any adult pony out and about at this hour would likely be across town at the market. The overcast skies didn’t even leave him with a shadow for company. That just left him and his thoughts.

“Maybe I’ll just come out and tell her. It’s worth a shot.” His thoughts turned to Ditzy sleeping on his couch, and he sighed. “Doesn’t matter, that’s what I said. Family comes first. Anything with Rainbow just has to wai—”

The deep gong of the city clock reverberated through his wings and nearly knocked him out of the air. He looked up to see town hall looming a mere foot in front of him.

A second later, he heard a laugh from overhead. “Ha, and here I thought you were going to smack right into it.”

He glared up at Sassaflash, who was perched on a cloud. “Nice to know you care. At least I’m here on time.”

Several pegasi looked over the cloud’s edge, all wearing big grins. Sassaflash shook her head. “Too bad, you’re still last. You’re stuck getting Rainbow.”

“She’s not here already?”

Sassaflash shrugged. “I told you we should’ve had a betting pool going for how long ‘New Rainbow Dash’ would last.”

Another pony held up a bag of bits. “Some of us did, actually.”

“Huh? What about me?” Sassaflash said.

“You could give me your bits too, if you want.”

Thunderlane sped away before Sassaflash could respond.

He landed on Rainbow’s doorstep a few minutes later. “Rainbow Dash? Are you okay?”

The door swung open when he knocked on it. Looking down, he saw a trail of unopened letters that started at the doorstep and led into the unlit interior. He stuck his head through the opening and peered into the darkness. “Rainbow Dash?”

A loud sniffle broke the silence, followed by Rainbow’s sullen voice. “Go away.”

One of his hooves was about to cross the threshold when a paper ball whizzed past his eyes.

“I said go away! I don’t want to see anypony.”

He already knew the answer, but asked anyway. “What’s wrong?”

“The mail came on time but… there’s no letter from him.”

“Maybe it just got lost. Maybe it’ll come tomor—”

“What’d I do wrong? Did I do something dumb so now he’s not interested anymore?”

“Rainbow, I’m sure—”

Then she was at the doorstep. Her face was streaked with tears, and her teeth were bared. He’d seen friendlier looking lightning bolts. “It was all just a big prank, wasn’t it?”

He gasped. “What? That’s insane! Who’d do something like that?”

She had a collection of paper balls cradled in her wing. Judging by the color of the paper, they were the crumpled up remains of his love letters. She took one in her hoof and threw it at him. “I don’t care!”

He ducked under the first ball, but not the second or the third.

“I don’t care, I don’t think it’s funny, and I’m never opening a letter from this pony again!”

The last ball hit him on the nose, and the slamming door came within an inch of doing the same.

A Novel Solution

Somewhere outside Thunderlane’s house, the clock was chiming in the hour. It didn’t really matter on a Saturday, though. Today’s weather was somepony else’s problem. Today he could do something for himself, just as soon as he got his mind off of Rainbow Dash. He sat at the kitchen table, staring at the remains of his breakfast. The bowl of cereal was mush by now, and the toast was cold. At this rate, Rumble would come home for lunch and find him still seated there.

The letters were a dumb idea, that much he knew for certain. If he’d just left Rainbow alone, things would’ve been fine. She hadn’t been to work, or been seen out of her house, for two days now. That was his fault, without question. If he’d kept his dumb feelings to himself, she could’ve just kept sleeping in every day, oblivious to him and all the pain he was capable of inflicting.

At least Ditzy’s life was back to normal. After sleeping off her binge-searching on his couch, she’d gone back home and found the missing letters in her own mailbox. She’d accidentally delivered them to herself. All was right in her world, and all it took was upending Rainbow’s and his own.

There was a soft knock on the front door. He stood, stared at the door for a moment, and decided to put his dishes away instead. Whoever it was could come back later.

There was a second knock, this time a little more forceful. In response he dumped his bowl in the sink and turned the water on.

“Forget it, I’m not home.”

The third knock rattled the pictures on the walls, and the sound of Rainbow’s voice made him drop the plate on the floor. “Open up, Thunderlane! I know you’re in there!”

After turning off the water, and nearly stepping on the broken flatware, he ran to the door. “Rainbow, how could you possibly…”

She grinned as soon as she saw him. “Hah, knew it!”

He sighed. “You just guessed, didn’t you?”

“Yeah. Can I come in for a sec?”

He didn’t know what to say. Fortunately, his head began nodding on its own.

Rainbow walked past him and looked around. “Nice place you’ve got here.”

All he could see was the smashed plate by the sink. “I… uh… Thanks.”

“So… I haven’t been to work in a while.”

He nodded again. “Yeah… We all noticed.”

She looked at him and bit her lip. “You didn’t tell anypony what happened, right?”

“Why would I?”

“I don’t know… I just feel kind of embarrassed that I lost it over some pony not sending me a letter.”

“It wasn’t just a letter though, right?”

She shrugged. “I’ve been thinking about it and… yeah, it was. Turns out I had this ‘secret admirer’ guy figured out from the start: he’s a coward for using letters, and he’s a jerk for leaving me hanging.”

His legs started to shake. “But… I thought you liked how the letters made you feel. That last letter could’ve just gotten lost.”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t matter. I’m done with that guy anyway.” She flew up high and pounded her hooves together. “It’s time I took romance into my own hooves, where it belongs.”

He forced a smile. “That… makes sense, I guess. So why are you telling me all this?”

She dropped back to the ground and pointed a hoof at him. “ ’cause I’m asking you out.”

This time his smile was genuine. “Me?”

“Yep. I know you didn’t write the letters and everything but… I kind of wished you did. So how about we check out the wild clouds over the Everfree Forest this afternoon? You pick where we eat dinner, and you pay.”

He nodded. “I-I’d love to. That sounds great.”

She stepped closer and pounded a hoof on his chest. “And one more thing: no kissing or anything mushy on a first date, got it?”

He started laugh. “Got it.”

Her glare dissolved into a smile. “What’s so funny?”

“I’ve just got a really crazy story to tell you, but I’ll save it for tonight.”