Gummy Is The Ultimate Overlord of Absolutely Everything(and 4Chan)
Gummy sat in the dark room, watching the strange pink horse.
Waiting.
The technicolour prepubescent-sounding equine had finally lost it and had gone nuts.
He could hear the screams of the innocent echoing inside of his head.
Pinkie would never know what it would be like to be a god.
All-seeing.
Causing millions of deaths every day.
He could hear everything, smell everything, see everything, feel everything.
Pinkamena Diane Pie was a meer mortal to him, not even worthy of his presence; yet he still found himself in this inevitable situation.
Why?
The pink disaster pulled her head up, pupils dialated, a white substance spread underneath her nostrils. She laughed like an ass(quite literally) and then rolled on the floor, picking up Gummy.
"RULE 34, GUMMY BEAR! NO EXCEPTIONS!" She dropped him and he scattered away, leaving the unstable mare to roll around on the dirty floor, cackling like a maniac. After a few minutes, she finally realized that he was gone.
"GUMMY, YOU TROLL! COME BACK!" she yelled, stomping her hoof. "FUCKING BETA!"
The small repitilian god only stayed in place, expressionlessly staring at the crazed bubblegum horse.
"No," he said, in his deep, almighty voice.
"What the fuck." Pinkie stared at him. "How much of that powder of the gods did I snort?"
"THAT IS NOT THE POWDER OF THE GODS!" Gummy yelled, his pupils turning red. He raised up in the air, wind swirling around him. "FOR THERE IS ONLY ONE GOD! AND THAT. GOD. IS. ME!"
"Cool story bro," Pinkie said. She took a peach flavoured blunt wrapper out of her closet and rolled up some dank. "Need some weed to balance out the coke." She took a puff, and looked back to the reptile. "Fuck the police."
Gummy's voice raised, getting deeper and demonic. "YOU UNKNOWLEDGABLE, IGNORANT, UNWORTHY, SHIT EATING MEMER!" He exclaimed. "YOU ARE A MEMER LORRRD!"
Pinkie stared at him. "Haha! Hahaha! It's a talking snake! What the fuck is this?" She said, turning to a non existent pony and pointing to the alligator.
The pink monstrosity had angered him. "GO BACK TO 4CHAN, YOU SOCIALLY UNACCEPTABLE MINDFUCK!"
"Mood," Pinkie replied, taking another puff of her blunt.
"PINKAMENA DIANE PIE!" the reptile said. "I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR BUUUUUUULLSHIIIIIIIIIIT!"
Gummy turned into a giant care bear and care bear stared the horse.
"FUCK! OP'S GOING TO KILL ME WITH HIS BAD POSTS!"
As Gummy blasted the unworthy horse, he had assumed her dead.
But no.
The damage he had done to her was not able to kill her, but only power her idiocy.
"20% COOLER! LIKE A BOSS! LOOK AT ALL THE FUCKS I GIVE!" She was now 4chan with legs, walking around, and occassionally throwing up rainbows(but of course that was censored, children should never be exposed to such horridness).
Gummy finally figured it out. Pinkie Pie was sent from 4chan Hell to torment him until the end of time.
The dumbassery of using rainbows against an even bigger dumbass would only power the little salmon shit, he needed to use...
The straight boy approach.
Gummy materialized a cell phone from mid air because fuck you, Gummy's OP, and he texted Pinkamena a message.
She picked up her phone and she read it.
"Haha, what would you be doing if I was in there with you? ;)"
Pinkamena dropped the phone, as her anti-sjwness level dropped from a ten to a nine.
Gummy then started lifting weights, bragging about how he did CrossFit. Her anti-sjwness level dropped from a nine to an eight.
He then patted Tank on the back, who also had huge bulging muscles, and said afterwards, "No homo."
That dropped her down to a six.
Finally, he brought out the big guns....
He tossed on a fedora, went on reddit, and said, "Girls are so terrible. I got friendzoned! Why don't gurls like nice guys?????"
Pinkie had been overcome with his straight boy power.
She kneeled on the floor, and slowly but painfully died.
Soon, there was another scream of the innocent added to Gummy's all knowing mind.
Tom the rock had grieved for Pinkie Pie. Although he was together with Rarity, he had always loved the Pink horse. He would have loved to be her smoking buddy. He could see them, going on a date and snorting coke in the public restrooms. He could see them scrolling through Tumblr, sending anon hate to blogs everywhere, laughing their asses off. He knew that it was never meant to be.
Tom cried for the mare, and gave her the proper burial. He gave one last farewell with a tip of his fedora. "M'lady," he whispered to her grave, which read lovingly, "Pinkie Pie has been educated” in comic sans. He rolled away into the orange sunset, filled with despair. He stroked his rock neckbeard, considering life's cruelties. What did the horse do to deserve this? It was only a matter of time, but why? He never got to confess his love to the pink horse. He was to forever be in the vortex of the friendzone, to live in loneliness.
He went to the bar to have a drink as he reflected more. He looked to the skies and sipped with his rock mouth. He scratched his rock double chin and sighed. "Such a cruel world..." He remembered yesterday when he stepped on a lego. He remembered the multiple times he's recieved comments that said, "OP’s an incel." He remembered when someone linked him to Shrek is Love, Shrek is Life, and he remembered when he was first Rick Roll'd. Such a cruel world indeed.
Tom soon died of a broken heart afterwards, the burden being too much for him. Tom was never given the chance to truly live life. He never had the chance to tell Boulder that he was his true father.
DEDICATED TO TOM, 2010-2014
he was a fuckin’ rock dude
