****
On a cold Ponyville morning, the silence of the Caine Street Railroad Yard was shattered as two diesels roared into life. The twin red FP9 loco's rolled slowly out of their shed, startling a flock of pigeons nesting on the roof, and began a slow journey out to be cleaned.
At the helm of the great passenger engines were the hostlers Snips and Snails, filling in for the engineers while they prepared the engines for their daily assignment. This assignment was no mere local or mail train, or a lowly freight, it was Celestia's newly-proposed Blue Crescent, a train that would cut the journey time between Ponyville and Manehattan in half. Using the newest (well, in Equestria) in railroad technology, the great express would cruise at around 60 miles an hour, beating the 40 MPH accomplished by the common tank engines of the current trains.
After nearly running them into several lines of freight cars awaiting sorting, Snips and Snails managed to hook the FP9's up to their waiting train. They were about to exit via the side doors, when the crew, Wilcox, Mel and Eldorado hustled in.
"Scoot over, kids," Mel chuckled, "Let's the pro's handle it!"
As Mel and Wilcox, the engineers of the train sat in their seat, they became flabbergasted at the comfort of the locomotive: Power seats, cruise control, a microwave, it was more of a living room than a cab.
After marvelling at the quarters for several minutes, the two had to get down to buisiness. The trouble was, how could the big machine moving?
"Uh, Will?" Mel muttered, scratching his head.
"Yes, Mr. Hutchinson?"
"How do you get this damn thing moving?"
After a quick browse through the operator's manual, which was conveniantly placed on one of the seats, the two had figured out where all of the controls were, and began the process of moving the train into the station.
After half an hour, the station was buzzing with life. Ponies hustled out of their cabs to the trains, most heading for the Crescent. Spike would greet them all, being his duty as a pullman porter, but was shocked to see the diabolical, malevolent prescense known as Chrysalis trotting casually over to him.
"Er-Hello, Ms. Chrysalis!" he stuttered, attempting to cover his fear by practicing the courteous ways of athe porter, "Pleasure to have you riding with us today!"
She didn't reply. The only thing she did was look the other way, and board, a great relief to him, for he had never attempted to bring up conversation with a changeling. Two of her minions trailed behind her, carrying her suitcases and baggage. These two were called Razorback and Silverwing, although they were commonly referred to by their birth last names, Steinmetz and Talloway. Spike had seen them once acting as ambassadors at previous Grand Galloping Galas, but most recently at their queen's side during the Changeling assault. He shivered as he thought of what they might be planning on doing to him.
"I bet they'll hang me by my legs in the baggage car, and suck my heart out with a straw!" he thought.
But Talloway waved hello, and Steinmetz actually complemented the station's layout!
"Why, thank you!" the purple dragon replied cheerfully, surprised that a changeling could even speak, "We built it back in '78, when we overhauled the entire system!"
"You know, kid?" Steinmetz remarked, gesturing to the length of the train with her jet-black hoof, "I don't think I've ever BEEN on a train before!"
"Well, I hope you enjoy the ride!"
The next passengers were less unusual. Berry Punch, Carrot Top, Flegel, and many others were loaded into the massive Budd streamlined cars. But there was one, too familar to ignore. A rival, a nemesis, his name was Fleetwood Brougham.
As soon as the brown pegasus-turned-alicorn saw him, he froze in shock for a moment. After Luna, who was accompanying him on the trip knudged him and asked him what the matter was, he continued on toward the platform, walking quite slowly, as if he expected Spike to leap onto him and melt him into slag.
"Erm, hello, Mr. Spike," he awkwardly greeted the dragon, "How art thou doing?" he turned to Luna. "Am I doing it right this time, dear?"
"Don't think you're out of the woods just yet, Brougham," Spike growled back, "You stole the only mare I ever loved once, and your stupid friends humiliated me during your bachelor party!"
"Oh, fear not, Mr. Spike," he reassured, brushing up affectionately against Luna, "I won't be stealing your dear Rarity today. Have a pleasant ride!"
Spike was confused. Maybe he had misjudged the car salesman. Maybe he had a change of heart? Well, he couldn't bother with that not, as he noticed a switcher attatching a heavyweight observation car to the end of the train, without the conductor's permission!
"WHOA, WHOA ,WHOA!" he yelled to the pony in the switcher, "Dutch, what are you doing?!"
"You have royalty on board!" he explained, "Father Night himself is riding today, and so are Luna and The Keeper!"
After the explaination, Spike continued greeting the passengers, until thre were no more. He went back to his compartment, where he freshened up. He straightened his dorsal spikes, and splashed some cold water on his face.
Meanwhile, while Spike prepared himself for the long journey ahead, Snips and Snails, who had a double duty as baggage loaders, were loading suitcases into the train. The first batch belonged to Luna.
All went well, until one busted open, and the contents poured all over them.
"Son of a BITCH!" Snails exclaimed, digging himself out, "Why does a mare fill a suitcase with nothing but SOCKS?!"
Upon realizing what he just said, Snails froze in shock.
"Wow," Snips muttered as he began repacking the case, "Fleetwood is lucky...."
The next bags were easier, but the two had to keep themselves from opening some of Equestria's biggest mysteries, such as how many bottles of booze Berry Punch kept with her, the mystery surrounding Fleetwood's rumoured mafia ties, Colgate's toothpaste fetish, and Father Night's archives. At last, they finished, loading some black bags with green trim onto the train.
Spike was on his way over to the diner car for some breakfast, when the conductor, Fleetwood's father, Eldorado, intercepted him.
"Alright, kid," he asked, "Everypony onboard?"
"Yessir."
"Alrighty then, let's get this beast movin'!"
Eldorado opened one of the doors on the sleeper car, leaned out toward the direction of the locomotive, and began swinging an oil lantern, a symbol of departure.
"'BOOOOOOOAAAAAARD!" he howled, and the engine responded by blowing the horn a long, single blast.
****
"Alright, Will!" Mel instructed, throttling up, "Time to MOVE!"
There was a great jolt as the train began to move, that swept down the train to the tail end, until all of the cars were moving. The engine began to slip on the damp rails, but Mel applied the sander, and they regained traction almost instantly.
As the train journeyed out of the yard, Pinkie stuck her head out the window, and looked back at her hometown, which was now disappearing rapidly.
"GOODBYE, PONYVILLE!" she yelled, waving her hoof, "SAYONARA!"
"Get yer head back in, woman!" Eldorado ordered as he walked by and took her ticket, "We don' want ya to get decap-a-te-mated, do we? It'd get blood all over the brand new paint!"
The train continued on without incident for a while. As the sun set, it entered the Outer Ponyville region, and large forests of Redwoods were present. That's when it all started, when Spike decided to get some dinner.
Spike was looking for a place to sit, when a very familiar mare invited him to sit down.
"Berry!" he cried in joy, hugging her, "How's life going?"
"No better than usual," she replied, "So, what're you doing here?"
"Well, it's my job! I get to travel across Equestria, and get PAID for it! All I have to do is be nice to everypony!"
"Seems legit. How're you and Rarity?"
When Berry asked him that question, Spike remembered the trouble that their relationship was having to weather.
"Everythings just wonderful," he muttered sarcastically.
"Trouble?"
"Well, not really," the little dragon sighed, "But, sometimes, she can be so emotional...."
"UGH!" Berry scoffed, pounding her hoof on the table, making several empty wine glasses clink against eachother as the table swayed, "I HATE stuck-up ponies like that. They always get on your case! "Don't wear that, Berry Punch! You'd have to be DAFT to like that TV series, Berry Punch! You shouldn't drink so much, Berry Punch!""
She stopped as she noticed how surprised Spike was at her rant. "Oh, I'm sorry, Spike, I didn't mean to scare you." She picked up a menu, and began thumbing through it, looking for something that looked good. "What do you want to eat?"
"Wait a second." Spike was confused. "You're buying me dinner?"
"Sure! Why not?"
What a pleasant surprise, he thought. "Okay, I'll have a....I'll have what you're having."
"A glass of champagne with a T-bone steak and a salad?"
"Well....Minus the booze."
While they had their meal, a malevolent prescence hung over the train, like something wasn't right. Somepony was in trouble, in fact, everypony was in trouble, for the things that occurred that night set forward a chain of events which would jeapordize everypony's existance for the rest of the trip.
In the baggage car, Professor Twilight Sparkle was tied up in a chair, suffering blow after blow from Steinmetz and Talloway, blood pouring from her nose.
"We're gonna ask you one more time," Steinmetz warned her, pointing her pocket knife threateningly toward the purple mare, "WHERE ARE THE LETTERS?!"
"I'll never tell," she spat back, coughing up blood, "Starswirl would never want you to have them!"
She was about to say more, but Talloway hit her with a baseball bat. The wooden bat split in two as it hit her face, and Steinmetz stabbed her mercilessly with the knife, until her face was cut open to the point of somewhat of a grimdark fic.
"How about now?" Talloway growled, "You know we can keep you alive JUST ENOUGH to feel pain until you do!"
Twilight gasped in pain as Steinmetz began stabbing her again.
"Okay...." she finally admitted, "I'll tell you where they are...."
But, before she could, her eyes rolled back into her head, and she died of loss of blood.
The two changeling commanders stood over her body, which had toppled the chair in a violent fit of thrashing before her death. They exchanged a glance, and Talloway slapped her comrade upside the face.
"We weren't supposed to KILL her!" she explained angrily, "Just hurt her enough to make her reveal the letter's location!"
"Well," Steinmetz shrugged, "I guess we should go looking for them in the morning. But first," She gestured to the purple unicorn on the floor, "I guess we'd better dump the body."
As soon as they began to untie what used to be Twilight from her chair, Chrysalis entered from the door at the end of the train car.
"Well," she asked, "Any luck?"
"No," Steinmetz reported, "We killed her on accident."
"DAMN IT, YOU TOO!" she raged, glaring at them with her emerald green eyes, "Professor Sparkle was the only one who knew where those notes were!"
"Not to fear, my queen!" Talloway reassured her, grinning optimistically, "Tomorrow, we'll search her compartment. We'll find it for sure!"
"Come on, Spike!" Berry laughed, pounding the table again, "Tell that joke about those two dragons and the diamond dog again!"
The two had long finished their meals, and Berry had convinced Spike to have "just one little sip" of her drinks. The two were having a great time in their cloud of alcoholism, for the wine had fueled Spike to come up with some of the best dirty jokes the magenta mare had ever heard.
"Zo, anyway," the little dragon slurred, glass in hand, "Zhere were zhese two....Dragonz from....Alt-abama, righ'?"
"Uh-huh!"
"And they....Wal' into a bar, righ'?"
"YEAH!"
"So, they're knockin' back a few....MMBEERS....and one says to the o'her, ' 'ey, man....Wanna...' Oh crap, I jus' forgo' it comple'ly!"
"Oh, well," Berry chuckled, "It wasn't that good anyway." She stopped, and gazed over to Spike from across the table suggestively, her eyes blurred by the drinks. "Wanna go back to my compartment?"
Spike would've been happy to just go along with it, and use the classic, "I was drunk, I couldn't control myself" excuse, but he was a good dragon, and decided to think about it first. On his left shoulder appeared a small Fleetwood, who donned a classic example of "pimpware"- A purple suit with a stetson hat, with gold wherever it could be fashioned. On his right shoulder appeared Rarity, with a golden halo over her head.
"Cmon, kid!" Fleetwood coaxed, blowing cigar smoke in his ear, "You know you want to! Who'll ever know?"
"Don't do it, Spike!" Rarity protested on the other shoulder, pinching his other ear, "It's not right!"
"Don't listen to her!"
"Oh, please, Superfly, you think you can convince him? I'm his WIFE!"
Spike began to develop a headache after a while of the two caricatures arguing.
"LEAVE ME ALONE!" he yelled, and the two blew up in a puff of smoke.
"Okay, then," he took a moment to regain his composure. "Sure, I'd love to!"
Pimpwood appeared again briefly to flash the Richard Nixon double peace sign in victory, and disappeared again. Spike attempted to swat him away, but failed, as his reflexes were slowed by the many glasses of assorted liquors.
The two began walking down the train to Berry's compartment.
As they entered the compartment, father up the train, in a restricted area, Chrysalis was attempting to get back down the train without being caught by security. She came around a corner, and was startled to see Eldorado strolling casually straight toward her. She had to think fast. Without thought, she shapeshifted into a soda machine.
Eldorado had been taking everypony's tickets for the entire trip so far, and was parched as a result, so Chrysalis was a relieving sight. He popped a quarter into her, and pressed the Coca-Cola button, but was shocked to recieve a drink labeled "Popular Non-Copyrighted Cola Beverage", but he concluded it would do.
He took a drink, but gagged, and spat out a mouthful of changeling larvae. He was blinded in rage by the incident, and began to violently shake the queen in disguise, demanding his money back.
"YA AIRDAMMED METAL SMARTASS!" he roared, shaking her even harder, "I WANTED SODA, YA GAVE ME JELLO!"
Eventually, he gave up and kept on walking up to the engine.
Chrysalis was relieved, the entire event had been quit painful. She regained her original form, and re-entered the permitted area of the train, while almost exactly above her, Steinmetz and Talloway dragged along Twilight's body on the roof, looking for a spot to throw it off....
