Fallout: Equestria
Dinner at Dragon’s Den
“You're my shmoopy-doopy sweetie-weety pony pie.”
The alarm rang as it did every morning, drawing me out of a dreamless haze into the world.
“Attention, prisoners…” A voice buzzed, robotic and insincere, “Today is Hearts and Hooves Day. Please take five minutes to think about any loved ones.”
I only rolled my eyes, forcing myself out of my cot. My eyes greeted a rusty and ancient cell that was my home. It had a type of charm to it, I thought as I walked to my door.
Oh! Sorry, I didn’t see you there. I don’t get visitors that often, but I’m not as bad as they say. I’m Dirt. Welcome to Dragon Den, the most secretive prison in Equestria. Everyone from zebras to old soldiers, traitors, thieves, murderers, and more all end up here to be kept away from the rest of the world.
I brought a hoof up, gently pushing my cell open. With a creek, it slowly opened. In front of me, dozens of cells stretched across a wide room, each one holding one or two skeletons.
Sorry about the mess, I don’t think anyone has cleaned up this wing for… Oh, I don’t know. I’d have to ask Gem about that. She’s been keeping track of the days since she got here. In fact, let’s go see her!
I walked past a few cells, eventually arriving at one covered in green goo. In the center of the room lay a green unicorn, positively glowing with health. I smiled a bit, “Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, Gem.”
She stretched, fixing me with a smile filled of brown teeth, “Happy Hearts and Hooves Day,” Her voice rumbled, walking out for a hug.
Now, you might have guessed, but we’re special someponies. Really, who can blame us though? Everyone else around here is too quiet, and you know I’m not gonna try to date the warden! But really, she’s a sweet girl. Don’t remember why she’s here either, but it doesn’t really matter.
“Hey, Gem?” I asked, “My friend wanted to know how many days we’ve been here.”
She tilted her head, “Seventy-three thousand, seven hundred and thirty.”
Told you she kept track.
She poked my nose, “Who’s visiting you this time?”
“I don’t know, but they seem nice,” I admitted, “I was thinking of giving them a tour, but today is Hearts and Hooves… Do you think they can come with us?”
She offered me another smile, “Of course, Dirt. Just remember that if they start being rude, just-“
“Block them out, I know,” I nodded quickly. You wouldn’t want to be rude today though… right? “So what are we gonna do today? I think we deserve a proper date.”
“Oh, that’d be lovely…” Gem said, “I haven’t had a meal in weeks, maybe we could have a romantic dinner.”
“Sounds good to me,” I smiled back. Food is hard to find around here, with most of it held by the warden in the kitchen. But if you know where to look, you can usually scavenge something, “I’ll find us something to eat.”
“And I’ll try to find some candles,” Gem smiled, “We’ll meet back here soon, okay?”
“Okay!” I grinned, leaning in for a kiss. Her lips felt dry and chapped, but also had a strength behind them that sent a warmness to my face.
Gem smiled again, turning to walk down a corridor with the roof caving in. I wasn’t sure where Gem was going to search, but I know the best place to find food is the basement. With a quick glance around to make sure the warden wasn’t around, I began to head downstairs.
One of the bright sides to the lack of ponies is that there isn’t a lot of competition for food… not that Gem or I really need it anyway. Funny thing, after everyone began to get sick and food became scarce, we just began losing our appetites. I was worried of course, but after a few weeks without food we began to realize that we didn’t need it. Isn’t that weird?
As I went lower, the lights began to dim. I don’t know for sure how the prison still has power, but I’m not going to complain about it either. Beats the dark.
Soon, I entered the labyrinth of basement tunnels and rooms. Brown grass and hard mud was appearing through rotted flooring, with tiny holes spotting the area. Many prisoners came down here after everyone began getting sick, looking for anything they could get to survive. One by one, they either died or simply… vanished.
Now, finding food takes patience, quick reflexes, and luck. Just watch what I do, and you’ll be expert food-catcher like me.
I looked for a good hiding place, finding it between some rotting crates, and went still, staring out into the holes. From here, I just waited.
And waited.
And waited.
And wait- WAIT!
A small rat began to crawl through the hole, into the open. I stayed silent, still as a statue as it pointlessly explored the surroundings. A few steps closer, a little bit at a time.
Just a tiny bit more, and…
I hissed, jumping out at the rat, hooves going for the tail. The rat jumped back, but wasn’t fast enough for me. Wasting no time, I snapped the neck and dropped it down.
Now that is how you get food! Follow my method, and you’ll never go hungry.
I gently picked the rat up again, placing it on one of the boxes, “That’s my meal… Now for Gem’s.”
Another patient waiting game later, I saw a second rat come out. I didn’t waste time springing into action.
The rat squeaked out, beginning to run down the hall. I took chase, trying to grab at the tail. I couldn’t damage the food, this was supposed to be saved for dinner.
As we ran down the hall, I began to enter new territory. After the many disappearances, Gem and I had decided to never go too deep inside to prevent joining the victims.
The rat squealed, running into a hole next to a giant steel door, slightly melted.
I’ve never been in here before… I should probably go.
…
…But Gem deserves a dinner.
I took a deep breath, and pushed on the door, the sides screeching as it opened for me, “Come on out, little rat!”
“I am no rat, little pony…” A deep, booming voice roared, “If that is even what you are.”
I stopped, looking up at the room I had entered. It was a dark room, with dozens of strange machines pumping and beeping all across a massive chamber, all connected to a single creature.
“Speak… If you have the capability of it,” A huge, grey dragon with bright emerald eyes glared down at me, wires and machines stuck deep inside its body. It looked tired, gazing down at me with curiosity.
I swallowed, “I am looking for a rat… Did you see where it went?”
The dragon snorted weakly, “You mean this?” He removed a claw to reveal my prey, already dead.
“Yes!” I gasped, taking a step closer, “Can I have it back, please? It’s for a friend.”
The dragon huffed, “You are foolish to not show fear, little pony.”
I looked at him, taking in the machines, and shrugged, “Well… If you were going to kill me, you could have done it already. And I don’t think you’re going anywhere with all those things in you.”
The dragon glared, “For too long, these machines have robbed me of my energy, my power used to fuel these… abominations.”
“Yeah, okay. Hey…” I pointed at the rat, “If you’re not going to eat that, can I have it?”
The dragon narrowed his eyes, “You really want this creature?”
I nodded excitedly, “Yes please!”
“I will give it to you… if you set me free,” The dragon grinned, showing jaded teeth.
I blinked, looking at the machines, “How would I do that?”
“There is a computer key somewhere in this awful place that controls everything. Tell me, what are you?”
“Um… a pony?” I glanced at myself, “Isn’t it obvious?”
“You look more like a rotted corpse brought to life,” The dragon glared, “A zebra trick?”
I shook my head, “You’d look like this too without a shower in… however long it’s been.”
The dragon rolled its eyes, “Regardless, who else is here? Nobody has visited me in many, many years.”
“Just me, Gem, and the warden,” I explained.
The dragon paused, tapping a claw against the ground, “I will give you whatever you want, if you get the key to set me free.”
“Well… The warden probably has the key…” I frowned, thinking, “Say… if you help me give my friend a great Hearts and Hooves day, I will help you get out.”
The dragon seemed confused for a moment, before quickly nodded, “Agreed. I will be in your debt, noble pony, if you set me free from this torture.”
I grinned, “Just think of ways to cook rat, and you’ll be out in no time!”
The dragon gave me an odd look, but I didn’t have time to think about that. I began to head back up the stairs, my thoughts on the warden and the key.
This was perfect luck though! I bet you didn’t think I could do it, but nobody is going to stop me from getting a good dinner! If I help the dragon, not only will I get the rat, but then I can show Gem that I rescued a dragon. I’m not sure how romantic a dragon can be, but I’m sure it’ll work out! Now I just need to figure out how to get the key… If I was a warden, I’d keep the key with me.
As I walked upstairs, the prison’s intercom rang, “Prisoner 0201, entering the power generator is a breach of security, report to the warden’s office.”
“That was easy!” I smiled, beginning to climb up. Just gotta go in, get the key, and get out.
The warden’s office was one of the rooms that had kept mostly the same over the years, with cobwebs and dust being the main indicator of age. Despite that, it felt cold and sterile, with the markings of a pony that didn’t care much for anything other than work.
I almost dared to help that the warden would be out, but I saw him sitting at the chair, tapping a hoof against a table.
“Prrrrrisoner…” He rasped, staring into me as I entered. The unicorn in front of me wore a uniform that had been burned into his flesh, his mane and skin a distant memory. One crazed eye stared into me, an empty socket with dried blood around the bottom adding intensity to his look.
“Warden…” I bowed my head, walking in.
“Bad p-prissssoners…” He hissed, grabbing a baton from his rotting belt. I swallowed, beginning to think that I should run. But that’s when I realized we weren’t alone.
“Dirt!” A familiar voice cried, bringing my attention to the corner. Gem sat in the corner, chains around her hooves, “Look out!”
I glanced up, but it was too late to dodge the baton, my skull rattling as I went to the floor.
“Punissshment…” The warden grinned sadistically, “Execution.”
Oh shit.
I rolled to the side, just narrowly missing another baton strike. As I struggled to get back on my hooves, the warden kicked into my sides.
“Dirt, get me free!” Gem cried, her horn beginning to glow. We both turned to her, only to get blinded by a bright white.
I hissed, getting low and trying to regain my sight. All I could see was white, and a tiny shade of green which I began to crawl towards. The warden’s cries of agony only gave me speed to get closer.
“Dirt, the key is on the table,” Gem whispered to me, “Hurry!”
I shook my head rapidly, shapes beginning to reappear. I rolled a bit, eager to stay away from another baton blow as my hooves ran across the table. They felt against something cold and smooth, which I pulled up on.
“Yes!” I grinned, jiggling them.
“Bad!” The warden screamed, another forceful blow going into my sides. I took the hit with a gasp, trying to use the momentum to get closer to Gem. Beaten and half-blind, I rolled the keys into Gem’s general direction.
As I looked up, I saw the warden grinning, “Execute…”
“Don’t do this!” I cried out, rolling to the side. I felt a strong whack into my side, forcing me to curl up. Followed by another and another, pain exploding through me.
I-I can’t stop him! Help me!
Another baton smacked my hoof, making me gasp in pain before I heard a loud grunt from above me. I slowly opened my eyes to see Gem had tackled the warden and was struggling to hold him still.
I tried to pull myself up, spitting out a mouthful of coppery blood as the warden used his magic to smack Gem with the baton.
Gem screamed out, clearly hurt as her shoulder was smashed.
“Gem!! No!” I screamed, jumping up at the warden, biting into his neck in raw fury.
You don’t hurt Gem, nobody hurts Gem! Nobody!
I felt something hitting me, trying to pull me off, but I didn’t care. He dared try to pull us apart on Hearts and Hooves Day, he dared try to ruin our romantic evening. He dared to so much as touch her, and now he was getting just what he deserved.
I bit, I ripped, I snarled, and I pulled him apart, ignoring everything around me until I was sure the warden could never hurt her again.
I’ll save you an image… but it wasn’t pretty.
I spat out more blood when it was over, trying to regain my senses. Gem was staring at me with wide eyes, looking stunned, “D-Dirt?”
I coughed, feeling a bit gross, “Gem, are you okay?”
She looked confused a moment, then nodded, “I’m okay. What about you? Are you hurt?”
I winced, the mere mention sending some hurt through my sides, “Yeah, but I’m okay…”
Gem got up, wrapping me into a hug, “That was a very brave thing you did for me,” She said quietly, before kissing my nose, “Thanks.”
I wasn’t sure if I was blushing, but everything felt warm and fuzzy for a moment. I tried to say something cool, but it came out more like a raspy giggle.
She began to look over the room, “Well… The warden is dead. Now what do we do?”
I grinned, “Oh, I got us dinner! All I have to do though is get this weird computer key and free a dragon!”
Her eyes bugged out, “Wait, did you say a dragon!?”
“Uh-huh!” I began to look over the warden’s body, trying to see if I could find anything that fit the bill, “The dragon called me his only hope, said he’d give us the best Hearts and Hooves Day ever, you know,” I puffed up my chest a bit, “Typical hero stuff.”
She helped me move his body, pulling out a strange chip from his pocket, “And you’re sure this dragon is… friendly?”
I smiled, “Very sure. Come on, I’ll show you!” I opened the door, leading her back to the dragon. My body still hurt a bit, but just being with Gem was adding a spring to my step.
I’m so glad she is safe, although I gotta admit, I couldn’t have rescued Gem without you. Thanks, buddy. I’ll be sure to save some rat for you.
…Ha! What are you taking credit for, you did nothing! You just watched me do the hard work. What do you think I am, crazy?
Soon enough, we entered the dragon’s cell, his eyes gazing us over. I stepped forward, holding up the chip, “We found the key, noble dragon! What now?”
The mighty beast turned towards one of the machines, “Place the key in the slot…”
“You got it!” I walked over, gave a calm grin to Gem, and shoved the key into the slot. The machine buzzed gently, the machines all responding at once. The needles and claws holding the dragon began to remove themselves, earning a loud hiss from the prisoner.
Gem and I watched as the dragon pushed itself up, scales looking dusty and cracked as it stood up in the cramped room, “At last… I am free!”
“Yep!” I grinned, “Now fulfill the deal, and give me back the rat!”
The dragon stared at me for some reason, with a look of disbelief. I was about to speak, but Gem stepped forward.
“Excuse me, Mr. Dragon…” She said, “It would mean a lot to us if you could give us that food.”
“You would risk your lives for a dragon, then trust a dragon to not kill you?”
“Yep,” I said, “You just have that… trustworthy look. You know what I’m talking about?”
It stared at me again, before laying back down, “Now that I am not being put in constant agony, I suppose I do you owe you both. I am Scanivus, Lord of the Dead Plains.”
“Well, I’m Dirt, but you knew that already,” I began to move closer, trying to take the rat, “And this is Gem.”
“Thanks for not eating us,” Gem chuckled.
“No offense…” He looked between us, “But neither of you look particularly appetizing.”
“That’s because you’re not supposed to eat ponies,” I rolled my eyes, “You’re supposed to eat rats, or something.”
“I have spent too many years on rats,” Scanivus hissed, “I desire real food. I am no mere scavenger.”
“Well, we only have rats…” I wasn’t exactly keen to share my special meal either.
Gem held up a hoof, “Wait. The warden is dead, and he was in control of everything, right? So why not we have a real meal, a proper Hearts and Hooves dinner,” She gave me a smile, “Rats are nice, but I think we deserve something even more special.”
I frowned, “Like what?”
Gem paused for a moment, before offering a smile, “Pizza.”
I blinked, the word vaguely familiar, “What’s pizza?”
“Oh, it’s a delicacy!” She grinned, “I hope there’s still enough stuff here to make it, I haven’t had pizza in centuries!”
Now, I’m usually not one for strange meals… but even the big dragon seems willing to try it. But I think he would eat anything at that point. He was even giving me weird looks before! Gem was able to lead me through the kitchen, grabbing stuff and pulling it together. I have to admit, I have never eaten anything warmed with dragon fire before, but the room does smell of cheesy goodness…
“Here we are!” Gem said, setting up a makeshift table in the dragon’s den. We were slowly realizing that getting a massive dragon out of here might be trouble, but we were all willing to figure that out after a proper meal. Two slightly melted candles alit with green dragon flame set the stage, with dozens of strange triangles covered in cheese and sauce were around. As a backup plan, I set a plate of the two rats together, shifting them just right so they kind of looked like a heart.
She sat down next to me, the huge dragon digging into the comparatively tiny slices as we got set up.
“Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, Dirt,” Gem smiled.
I lifted a slice, “Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, my special somepony,” I opened wide, and took a bite into the strange meal. Sensation filled me, the flavor bursting in my mouth. I opened my mouth to say something, only to be kissed by a smiling Gem.
Oh Celestia, I am in heaven!
Author's Note
Written for DerpydaringDitzyDoo's Valentine's Contest.
http://www.fimfiction.net/group/240/fallout-equestria/thread/152633/valentines-day-writing-contest
