Thoughts of Ending it All
Thoughts of Ending it All
Pinkie Pie stared out at the ocean, the reflection of the sunset shining beautifully for her to see. It felt fitting to her, for a place like this to be where she spent her last moments.
Her smooth, dull pink mane swayed back and forth as a small breeze blew past.
Her mane.
The lack of the usual poofiness to it just made her think more of how she also lacked that attribute now, both inside and out. Her joy was gone, replaced by the opposite of it; by utter despair, sorrow, and self loathing.
Sighing sadly, she looked down at her dull pink hooves. Things weren't supposed to go this way. She and her friends should've been happy, enjoying the last of a birthday cake, music, and hanging out together. But instead, they were all at a hospital, minus herself.
She knew she didn't deserve to be there with them. It was her fault they were there in the first place.
She had seen the looks on their faces when she attacked Twilight. She was in tune with other ponies' feelings, and what they were showing there in that brief moment was the exact opposite of the happiness she tried to bring.
Her eyes teared up for what felt like the millionth time that night at the memory of what her friends looked like during the event.
To think just one push at a sensitive subject could cause her to do such a thing to one of her best friends. Just a few sentences uttered about her past that could send her over the edge like that.
She scrunched her eyes up, letting the tears fall freely, off the cliff and onto the sharp rocks below.
She repeatedly slammed her face against the hard stone of the cliff she stood on, not caring about any sort of damage that she was causing to herself, nor any pain that she received. It was nothing compared to what she felt on the inside. She'd do anything to get the memories out of her mind.
But it didn't work. She stood back up, now not just drops of tears falling onto the rocks below, but drops of red, as well.
Sobbing silently, she couldn't help but recall the looks on her friend's faces.
It started off as shock, but Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Fluttershy quickly switched to panic. And in the case of a couple of them....she saw the briefest glimpse of contempt in their eyes.
That single second made her feel like her soul was being torn in half. The moment they left for the hospital her mane and tail deflated and her skin tone went dull. They were right to hold contempt for her. She deserved it and much more.
How could she possibly live like this, knowing what she'd done and what others thought of her?
She didn't think she could.
Pinkie peered over the cliff face once again, staring down at the sharp rocks below. Parts of her mind told her not to do it, but the breeze blowing her straight mane in and out of her view repeatedly just convinced her more and more that she had to.
She closed her eyes tightly once again and she remembered all the good times she had, all the smiles she caused. She had helped so many others around her when they were feeling down, but there was no one to help her here.
But most of all, the sight she saw in her mind the most prominently, was Twilight. The way she had looked right before Pinkie's mind shut off for the brief moment of anger, right before she lost all control, right before she did the unthinkable, right before the very audible 'SNAP' sound that brought silence to the room.
The look of terror, then pain, then betrayal, then nothing.
It was over. She couldn't bring smiles to anypony anymore, not after what she had done. She didn't deserve to smile, and she didn't deserve happiness.
Pinkie looked down at her cutie mark, and glared at it slightly through blurred vision.
Those balloons on her flank lied. It was just a big lie.
She tried to reach down and bite her own cutie mark off, but her neck couldn't stretch far enough. With a grunt of frustration, she picked up a sharp slab of wood nearby in her teeth and started trying to dig it into the skin on her flank. That mark had to go.
She cried out in pain a bit as she dug the wood into her skin, but she just couldn't do it with a simple piece of wood. She threw the now slightly red slab of wood onto the ground, and with a sigh of defeat, she turned back to the cliff. She couldn't put this off anymore.
She turned around and gulped. There was no going back. This was it. There was nothing left, no one to care about her, and no reason to live. Her entire purpose in life was destroyed, her entire being, gone. Hearing the flapping of wings coming towards her, she knew she had no more time. She let her tears flow as she jumped backwards, wanting to see the sunset instead of her imminent death in her last few seconds of life. The only beautiful thing left for her in the world would be the last thing she saw. And she had come to accept that it was over, it was the end.
Acceptance was the hardest part for her, and it was done. And with that acceptance she let one last, sad smile onto her face. The last smile she would ever give to anypony.
As she fell, she heard the voice of Rainbow Dash screaming her name in terror at what she was doing.
"PINKIE PIE!"
That name is too good for me,
She thought as tears flew into the sky while she fell, the rocks mere meters away.
I'm simply......Pinkamena.
Author's Note
After writing this story, I found out that there's apparently a 1000 word minimum on this website....so I had to rework the story, as it was only about 650 words long at first. It was difficult to do while still making it seem natural, so I hope having to add about 300 words didn't ruin it.
