A few parsecs to the left

by Ren Sen Solomon

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy
Length: 1050

Applejack and Rainbow Dash have a talk about the lengths of friendship.

Action! Adventures! Explosions! Romance! All of the aforementioned are definitely not in this story, substituting those with a conversation between Rainbow Dash and Applejack as they discuss the limits of friendship after an ever so slight falling out with the most powerful political figures in Equestria.

Published 2015-02-13 14:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-13 14:10:01 UTC

...And a slight lightyear to the right.

“Rainbow Dash!”

“You buzzed?”

“Did you just make a pun? How dare you!”

“Oh, come on, I was just looking on the brighter side of things.”

“There, you did it again! You know, you are unbelievable. I am literally on the verge of never speaking to you for the rest of our now very short lives!”

“Applejack, it’s not like it hasn’t been done before.”

“Yeah, it has, BY AN IMMORTAL GOD!!! Do you think we can really survive that long?”

“I’m sure that Celestia is just upset. It was probably a spur of the moment thing. Besides, she didn’t explicitly say how long this was.”

“THAT WAS BECAUSE SHE WAS SO UNBELIEVABLY PISSED OFF THAT SHE TURNED INTO A LITERAL FIERY DEMON RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!!!!”

“You just wait for Twilight to talk some sense into her. In fact, I bet in the next hour she'll see the error in her ways. Twilight’s always got our back.”

“Why did I even associate myself with you? Luna was trying to stop you all on her own. I could've just stayed back and let you take the punishment. I could have just sat there and sipped my tea while you made an absolute fool of yourself.”

“Oh, but you did come to stop me, and that is what friends are for.”

“Then why are we alone? Why couldn’t Rarity be here? Why couldn’t Spike be here? He should have been the ever-faithful assistant to swoop in and try to explain things when you were drunkenly stumbling around Sugar Cube Corner. You do realize that I am never going to give you another drop of cider after this, right?”

“You see?? There it is again! A true friend coming through for me. I drank a whole barrel and you were kind enough to be my sober sidekick.”

“Don’t call me that. I was merciful to you and that's why I paid the price. That's why I got zapped to the Moon with you, when you were so hammered that you thought that CELESTIA’S MANE WAS MADE OUT OF RAINBOW SHERBET ICE CREAM!!! Who the hell even bites the cone first anyways?”

“Yeah, I was wondering how she could use her horn after that...”

“Yes, just the time when Twilight convinces major political figures to have lunch with her friends so everyone could get to know each other, you decided it was a good idea to show up and yell that the sky was falling when you bumped into Luna’s tail, before trying to eat a cupcake directly out of her mouth!”

“I didn’t see her resisting...”

“Don’t try to justify this! After all that I have been through today I am going to need a loooong vacation. Even babysitting the Cutie Mark Crusaders ain’t this stressful.”

“Well, I would love to return the favor to such a good friend! Maybe I could babysit the CMC. Who knows, maybe they could get cutie marks in being sent to the Moon.”

“Oh, you think that’s funny? Are you still drunk? I wouldn’t trust you with an inch of responsibility!”

“Hey, I like constructive criticism as well as the next pony, but that’s kinda harsh.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter much because we are probably going to die here anyways. What're we gonna do for food? You know, you should've gotten Pinkie to come to your rescue. There’s always a fifty percent chance that she's accidentally put cake dough in her party cannon. Gosh, I’m so hungry. I only had half an apple fritter for lunch before you showed up.”

“Hey, what’s that moving behind that rock?”

“AAAAAAAAAH!! It’s a goddamn raccoon! It’s clawing my eyes! GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFF!!”

“Applejack! I got you! Just hold still!”

“OW! You bucked me in the face! What the hell!?”

“Well, I got the raccoon off, didn’t I? Wait, it seems a little striped for a raccoon...”

“Say, ain’t that Angel? Wait, you didn’t seriously…”

“Whatever happened I swear I didn’t know about it!”

“Did you put Angel on a bucking GRILL!?”

“Uh, maybe?”

“His fur is singed grey! I can see the carbon markings from the metal!”

“Look, I thought that the grill was a DIY thing, and Angel just happened to be on the table...”

“The grill was for HAYBURGERS! You don’t even eat meat!”

“Well, I do now...”

“What? Wait, You can’t be serious...”

“Since I am so thankful for having you as a friend, I will let you have the first bite.”

“No. You're insane.”

“You were the one who said you were hungry! Besides, you said yourself that we needed to find food.”

“I ain't gonna eat Fluttershy’s dead pet!”

“Look! I even went through the trouble of cooking it for you.”

“How do you even know that it’s dead? You might have just knocked it out!”

“No, I felt skull crack when I bucked it. It’s definitely dead.”

“Well, was it his skull or my skull?”

“Alright, now you're just nitpicking.”

“This is Hell, this is literally Hell.”

“Well don’t expect any leftovers, then.”

"Wait, did you see that blast of magic? It's Twilight!"

"Twilight! Thank heavens you're here! We hate being on the Moon. The rocks are itchy and I'm getting Moon dust in my mane and Angel teleported with us and now we have to eat him to survive."

"YOU TWO, ARE IN SO. MUCH. FUCKING. TROUBLE."

"It was all Rainbow Dash's fault! She was the one that got drunk and started hitting on Philomena! I was just trying to stop her!"

"I DON'T CARE! The only reason that the princesses even agreed to have lunch with us in the first place was because it was a PR stunt, and boy did it backfire on them! You reinforced the image that Celestia is a violent tyrant that sends ponies to the Moon if they don't agree with her! Personally, I wouldn't blame her for doing it because you two were making a scene and acting like goddamn morons!"

"Oh, right... Well, it looks like this place is a viable option now. Where do you want to set up the moon tent, Rainbow Dash? We can play a few thousand rounds of Uno together."

"I'll play you, but I get to gamble my half of Angel."