Alone.
That's what Pinkamena was as she sat there, a contemplation of ponies that could understand her pain. The pain of loneliness was to much for her to bare. Her mind was trying to process her friends didn't want her around. Were they really even her friends?
Had they been pretending the whole time?
Was every good moment, and every smile faked?
Every party a disgusting blemish in their eyes?
Curling up into a small ball of fluff, Pinkie Pie stared forward blankly as a wave of emotional pain passed over her. Spike had confirmed it too. None of her friends wanted her. Did her parents love her?
Her sisters? She'd never be able to tell if Maud loved her with that deadpan look over her face at all times. Maybe she was ashamed to be her sister?
Why didn't they want her? Was she ugly? Did they not find her smart?
...Was she a bad pony?
Curling up tighter, Pinkie let out a sob of pain as her own self doubt and inner turmoil broke down her mind from the inside out. She screwed her eyes shut and let out several wracking sobs before pounding her hoof lightly on the ground as an attempt to comfort herself in her moment of utter weakness. Maybe she was wrong? Her friends. Every moment of emotion couldn't have been faked right?
...Right?
Pitifully crawling over to the wall next to her door, she flipped off the light and trudged back to her bed where she hid under the covers as if they could hide the shame and the pain of her self doubt. She desperately searched for a reason, any reason why her friends were indeed her friends.
...Twilight looked at her in exasperation every time she came around. She always explained things slowly to her.
...Applejack never had time to hang around her. She was simply too busy.
...Rainbow Dash thought she was uncool. She never wanted to be around her and almost never wanted to come to her parties.
...Rarity thought Pinkie was just an ugly mess. And unknowingly insulted her appearance on several occasions. Or maybe it was knowingly...
...Fluttershy never wanted to be around her. She was too loud, and commonly asked her to leave.
These awful conclusions embedded themselves into her head. She couldn't make them leave. Suddenly she realized.
The whole world hated her.
No one would ever love her. Only tolerate her. But for how long?
Seconds turned into minutes. And minutes turned into half an hour, and soon into a whole hour.
Pinkie lied still on her fluffy pink bed, dark thoughts passing through her head.
With the curtains shut, and the lights turned off she could find comfort in the dark where she belonged. The dark was her friend now. Decidedly, 'Dark's' silence was unnerving as it was eerie. How could she be the Element of Laughter if no one would give her a smile? The answer came to her swiftly and hit her like a brick to the face.
They were laughing at her.
She was a laughing stock, and ponies were all in on the joke.
At that moment, she couldn't be anymore glad 'Dark' was there to protect her from the cruel harsh world.
No pony...No one could see her pitiful act of self pity and self loathing. Not even her 'friends'.
She needed new friends that would love her, for her.
Crack
Pinkie's head in turn snapped up and gazed around the room, wondering what the sound was and where it came from. Her eyes darted visibly around the room looking for the invisible enemy.
...
After not finding anything, she simply gave a halfhearted shrug and lugged herself out of bed with an odd smile on her face. Slowly cheering her own self up in her mind, she felt her confidence come back to her. She could find new friends that were better. She gathered assortments and things that she could use to make new friends.
A bucket with some turnips in it.
A pile of rocks.
Some lint.
A bag of flour.
These ingredients would make the perfect friends for her. She moved over to the table in her room, where she arranged these items in a circle in chairs.
Finally, she grabbed her guest of honor and her personal best friend that she could always confide in. Gummy. Even if he didn't talk, he still listened.
"Thank you so much for coming! It means so much to Gummy..." She thought it was silly. But she felt her spirit breaking. She needed something to hold on to. Amazingly, and suddenly the turnip bucket came to life...
"Can I have some more punch?"
Pinkie gaped momentarily before recovering with a kind smile on her face.
"Of course you can have some more punch!" She swiftly galloped over to the table holding the punch and sat in on the table with glee. "Sorry it's a little old...I wasn't expecting a party.
"It's quite fine." The turnip replied in a kind response.
Crack
Pinkie's head snapped around to room to gaze at what caused the noise, only to turn up with nothing once more.
"Is something wrong?" The turnip asked with concern in his 'eyes'.
Pinkie looked sheepish as she shook her head. "I thought I heard something..."
"Hm, I heard nothing."
"Oh...Probably just my imagination."
"This is one great party! You've really outdone yourself!" Pinkie's gaze moved over to the now animated talking rock pile, she had to smile at the praise that filled her with joy.
"Why thank you Rocky!"
"I'm having a delightful time as well!" Sir Lintsalot also showed up giving her even more praise for her well done party. Pinkie's friends were all starting to roll in, which made her really smile. She was really glad they could make it to Gummy's party. It meant a lot to her and him.
"I'm so glad Sir Lintsalot..."
CRACK
Pinkie ignored the strange sound and chucked it up to someone doing something outside.
"Might I bother you for another slice of cake?" It was now the bag of flower's turn to come to life. Her friends were so modest, she gave them a loving smile.
"Anything for you Madame Flour..." She gently slid a piece of sliced cake on a plate to the flour bag with the same loving smile on her muzzle.
"I'm just glad none of them ponies showed up." Rocky grunted out with a look of displeasure upon his granite carved face.
"Oh...come on...they're not so bad..."
CRASH
Pinkie felt a warm fluid running down her cheek. Ever so gently she dabbed her cheek and licked the unknown substance that his been rolling down her cheeks.
Salty...
She knew this taste. It was the taste of pain. She rubbed her eyes, there was something in them. She sniffed deeply trying to suck the mucus back in her nose as disgusting as it was. She had somehow picked up a cold. Rocky snorted in anger.
"Not so bad? They're a bunch of losers!"
Pinkie stared at Rocky with a looks of pure desperation. She needed someone to confide in, someone would could not only listen but talk back. Turmoil ran through her as she wanted Rocky to say something else. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Rocky was her friend and was supposed to help her. They were going to help her get her friends back, right?
"Oh come now, losers might be a little strong...Don't you think so?"
Sir Lintsalot apparently didn't agree with this.
"After the way they treated you, dear Pinkie losers isn't strong enough."
Pinkie stopped to think about Sir Lintsalot's words, maybe he was right...They did treat her pretty bad. And they might not be her friends after all. Maybe her new friends were on to something?...
"Well it was pretty rude..."
"Pretty rude? It was down right despicable!" Madame Flour slammed it's digits down on the table with clear disapproval. They were right! These were her new friends, she didn't need those bad ponies.
"Yeah! It wasn't!?"
Creaaaaak
Pinkie Pie suddenly felt sick. Sick like she had a flu even, so very week. She was shivering profusely as she stared at her shaking hoof with fear. What was this feeling of dread? It was unlike anything she had ever felt before...
"If they're really good friends...When you're hurt they'd come and help you." Madame Flour spoke eerily. "Like now..." Pinkie realized that this was correct. A good friend would be here to help a hurt friend out.
"You know what you should do?"
Pinkie felt like she swallowed a cold block of ice as she gulped and started at Madame Flour, suddenly all her other friends were staring at her creepily...
"W-What?" Pinkie asked hesitantly.
Clink
That was the sound of metal hitting the floor, as a large sharp object was thrown over to her and slid across the floor. Pinkie leaned down to pick up the object, and found that it was a very sharp knife.
"You should cut yourself deeply. They'll think twice about hurting you next time..."
Pinkie stared at the knife in horrified realization. Her new friends...wanted her to cut herself?
"B-But don't you think that's a little much? Do I need to go that far?..."
Suddenly, no longer was her small little friends just tiny frail voices trying to help her out...
"Yes, Pinkie...Do it."
Pinkie shakily raised the knife up, right above her hoof. Tears of sadness, desperation and betrayal pooled deeply within her.
"Please don't make me do this...Someone please...Help me..."
"DO IT!" The voices began to chant.
Pinkie wrenched her eyes shut in sorrow and pure grief as the voices demanded her. They were so compelling.
The knife fell swiftly as she quickly aimed to plunge it in her hoof to silence the voices.
HaHaAHahAhaHahAh
"Hey."
The knife stopped descending.
Pinkie turned to the new voice that presented itself, the voice pierced through her own madness and the sounds of the evil voices taunting her. It sounded like hope incarnate.
"That's so not cool guys."
There sat an earth pony with a small compelling smile on his his face. He was colored ivory, his coat was a very pure shade of white with silver tint under all of it. The pony had a long ebony mane that draped over his left eye. His one visible eye was a beautiful colored green and yellow iris. His eyes were calm as the smile was on his face. Drifting downward, she could see his cutie mark was an brown electric guitar. The same guitar was on his back. The pony in question was sitting in her bed.
A hissing sound came from her right, suddenly her 'friends' fell still and ceased to be animate objects.
"Don't listen to them Pinkie. What kind of friends want you to hurt yourself? By the way, this is a nice bed you got here. Wanna come join me on it? Well, it's yours anyhow. But let me have this one. Besides, we can talk then right?"
Pinkie stared in confusion at the sudden savior, not that she wasn't grateful. It was unexpected. Maybe he was someone she could really confide in? He'd complimented her bed, and was offering her a chance for someone to talk to.
"Thanks...And, I guess you're right...Sure. " She got up, and trotted over to her bed before sitting next to that stallion with a confused look on her face. "Who are you?"
"Call me Shining Hope."
"Okay, Shining Hope. Thanks for helping me out...It means a lot to me."
"Any time Pinkie. I'm glad I was in time. Sorry for being late."
"Better late then never."
"Well Pinkie. Let's talk, that's what you wanted right? I hope you don't mind if I pull out my guitar. It helps me clear my mind."
Pinkie carefully inspected the ever calm smile on this stallion's muzzle. She finally could talk to someone.
"You can go ahead. And well, it's just that none of my friends have time for me. Or they just don't like me...What should I do? Am I over thinking it?"
"Well Pinkie. Here's the thing. You ARE over thinking it. Let's go over the list of your friends?"
"Twilight looks at me in exasperation every time I come around? She always explaining things slowly to me."
"Yeah, she has a short fuse I'll admit. Don't feel picked on, she kinda has an unknowing superiority complex and is a little smarter than every pony here. She'll explain everything to every pony slowly."
"Applejack never has time to hang around me? She's always busy."
"Pinkie, Applejack runs a giant field full of apples to buck every single day. She has an old grandmother, and brother and a small sister to feed. She won't always have time. You should know how that feels like, you work at the Sugar Cube Corner every day."
"Rainbow Dash thinks I'm uncool! She never wants to be around me. and almost never wanted to come to my parties..."
"Rainbow Dash wouldn't get up for anything is she didn't have to. She's just naturally lazy. And for the uncool thing...She has a huge ego. She thinks almost everyone is not as cool as her."
"Rarity thinks I'm ugly..."
"Once again, misunderstanding. She thinks everyone has flaws and she points them out sometimes without knowing it. I bet she'd make fun of my mane too. She's a perfectionist. Pinkie Pie, you're profusely plenty pretty. Don't let anyone, any pony, or anything-" He waved his hoof over to the now inanimate objects. "-Tell you otherwise. Okay?"
Pinkie sniffled lightly, her doubts had now been expelled with a single pony's words. It like a huge weight had been lifted off of her. She no longer felt the pit of ice in her tummy, but instead a fluttering warmth as her cheeks turned a lovely shade of rosy red from slight embarrassment. She was flattered from his words as well as relieved.
"What about Fluttershy?"
"She's scared of her own shadow. Let alone a screaming pink pony."
Pinkie giggled, but knew he was right none the less. She had jumped to conclusions. She sat there, her humor evaporated and just wondering what to do next.
"You okay Pinkie?"
Pinkie truly pondered this for a moment. Was she really okay? After a moment of silence, she nodded her head in confirmation as she felt just fine now thanks to her new true friend.
"...Yeah, I'm good."
"Wanna hear a song? Maybe it'll help you think about this. I'm pretty good, if I say so myself."
Pinkie giggled excitedly.
"Sure."
"Another day alone
Another night
Another knife
I guess I'm on my own
The lights are on
My eyes are closed
And no one understands
The Dark I'm dealing with
And all the people in my life
Are way too blind to see the vice
All these scars
All these scars
From the war against ourselves
The war against ourselves
All these scars
All these scars
From the war against ourselves
I'm livin in a hell
its what is real.
Real, oh I don't wanna go anymore.
I know that you're confused
I've been there once
I've been there twice
The third I didn't choose
I guess I'm born to lose
The ones that break you down
They look so cool,
Its why I always break the fucking rules
My Synchronized wounds
All these scars
All these scars
From the war against ourselves
The war against ourselves
All these scars
All these scars
From the war against ourselves
I'm livin in a hell
its what is real.
They break me down
I can't block the sound
So I turn to the one thing
I know will not let me down
People don't think to ask whats wrong
I stop and go to the beat
of the broken flow in blood
All these scars
All these scars
From the war against myself
I'm a walking hell
I won't starve myself of the dark
Listen to me scream and shout
but do not say a word."
Pinkie actually paused and sadly gazed at Shining Hope. These words connected with her on a level so deep it was scary. Shining Hope turned to her with a sad smile on his muzzle.
"That was beautiful...You're a really good singer." She allowed two tears to slide down her cheek as she smiled sorrowfully.
"Thanks. I try...It's going to be alright okay?" Pinkie nodded.
For a moment, the two sat in silence. Just sitting, no words being had. For the moment they were content.
"Hey Pinkie?"
Pinkie Pie turned to curiously look at Shining Hope.
"Yeah?"
"...Never give up." He reached over and gave her head an affectionate noogie like an older brother would.
Knock knock knock.
"Hey Pinkie, I heard some really cool singing. Who's in there with you?"
Suddenly the door flew open and Rainbow Dash barged into her room, apparently the Cakes had let her in.
"Oh, hi Rainbow Dash. This is my new friend Shining-" Pinkie stopped midway only to notice the stallion had mysteriously vanished. Not a sound had been made in his sudden departure.
"Ooooookay." Rainbow Dash gave an amused smile. Pinkie dipped her head sadly. Either her friend has left in a hurry, or he had never actually been there. "What's wrong? Come on! I got something to show you!"
Pinkie heaved a sigh, before getting up and trotting off with Rainbow Dash in tow.
"By the way, cool guitar you got there. I didn't take you for a Rock 'n Roll pony."
Pinkie Pie looked briefly surprised, before a joyful smile slowly made it's way on her muzzle.
It was going to be alright.
