Adventures of Mei: Kill all the trolls

by Imma nom your face

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Gore, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Other, Original Character, Comedy, Derpy Hooves
Length: 1196

This is a parody and a venting of what should happen to all evil trolls on the internet. Just placed and themed in equestria.

I look at everyone's stories and smile. There are those who make something unique and beautiful, original and happy. Then there are people who make just total crap, lets not dwell on those guys...but then....THEN...there are the worst possible things that no man, woman, child, mare, stallion, or filly should EVER EVAR!!! have to face...I speak of course of the troll.

This story is about the crusader unicorn known as Mei as he hears from the God of all that is awesome and good (Freddie Mercury) who tells him to kill all the trolls
So join Mie as he breaks the fourth wall twice as much as pinkie and hunts down all those mother f- (the following ten paragraphs have been cut as where it was just a very long and extended explanation of how the author views People who troll the internet. We now return you to the tail end of the long description)
-ixed with leprechaun taint and baked under the light of a full moon for twelve days only to be shat on from a fat guy ten stories up!!!!......
ahem!... so sit back and enjoy as the pony world is graced by The God of Awesomeness and his loyal servant wrecking a righteous and divine fury upon the evil blight in the pony world...and in the real world.

Published 2015-02-16 17:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-16 17:40:03 UTC

Kill them all in a blaze of righteous fury!!!!

Once upon a time there was a unicorn who lived in equestria named Vanilla Jubilee, but everyone including himself hated that name so he was called Mei. Even though he was fully grown his cutie mark had never come to him. Until one fateful night when the heavens parted and a God entered Equestria and laid his awesome hand/hoof on Mei's head.

"Mei!...you have been chosen!...you will go forth and.."

"WHO ARE YOU?" a surprised voice coming from the alicorn princess of the night who had just happened to be monitoring the unicorn's dreams shouted.

"I am the God of all that is awesome, Freddie Mercury, now STFU noob!"

With a righteous swat on the nose he knocked out Luna and went back to Mei's dream.

"I gift you with a special talent of righteous and divine power, It is up to you to carry out the will of all that is awesome here in this world and in the forbidden zone behind the fourth wall!!"

Mei looked up in surprise and fear gasping at the beautiful sight before him. Freddie Mercury in all his might and glory. Still wearing women's pants with his glorious moustache and fcked up teeth. He was both pony and not pony at the same time.

"great God of awesomeness whatever do you mean?...what is this that you speak of..."

Freddie Mercury shook his head and gestured at Mei's flank where a cutie mark of Freddie Mercury beheading a hateful troll showed up.

"go forth and use the powers I have given you... past the fourth wall its the first of your righteous crusade!!!"

just as a fat ugly jerk in the real world pressed the thumbs down button on this very story Mei's horn glowed a bright and righteous golden and instantly the fat ugly jerk in the real world caught aids, got his balls chopped off, got shot ten times in the face, just before his body exploded leaving a trail of his internal organs spelling out "Fck you poser" in cursive until his house caught on fire and burned to the ground!

"Oh great and powerful wonderful and majestic Freddie Mercury!! I will do as you command. Death to the trolls in this world and in the world from whence you were birthed into amazing awesomeness!!"

With that he quickly Exited his house and with the powers of awesomeness his horn glowed and he lifted into the air and blasted off to the side of one pony who needed Freddie Mercury's salvation more than anypony else in all of creation!!!!

His power flared as he blasted through the sky bursting into a sonic rainboom, then another and another, because nothing as gay as a single rainbow based superpower can measure up to even a fraction of how awesome the coolest gay person in all of creation was. So ten dozen sonic rainbooms started to kinda show how awesome Freddie Mercury was... but only a little bit.

just between that last sentence and the beginning of this next paragraph another hater pressed the thumbs down button and was skinned alive before he too caught aids, and cancer.... and gonorrhea... before he got curb stomped by someone seven times his size. His body was dumped in the sewer and everyone in his city took turns shitting on his dead body as it floated away.

Finally Mei landed in all his righteous power under the mantle of Freddie Mercury. Right in the middle of ponyville where he found her. Derpy hooves. The moment someone saw that the author of this story wrote derpy instead of Ditzy doo and started to go off on a rampage about soccer moms and handicap children he caught aids and fell into a giant blender before he was baked into a giant meat pie and shipped to nasa so they could launch the meat pie into the sun.

"Derpy!!!. oh majestic and beautiful derpy with those adorable eyes and that snuggle face I have come to kill all the Trolls who hate on you for being who you are. We love you just as you are and no one will ever hurt you so long as Freddie mercury is remembered. For you are who you are and that is what is at your core. Real people who are not trolls and haters will always either mock you or say that you are lesser because of your name, your eyes, but that is just because they cannot handle that people like you exist! They are deluded and stupid. Thinking that its wrong for people like you to be here. But I tell you. I love you as do we all. and any who dare insult the amazing derpy will be faced with the great and majestic powers of Freddie Mercury!!!"

Ten more Trolls and haters caught aids before exploding into a meat puzzle and were spontaneously dissolved into mulch by acid and thrown at other haters who were just in queue for reading this story and were destined to mark a thumbs down and to be killed by the awesomeness of Freddie!

Conjuring a massive hammer into existence Mei swung with all his unicorn might and smashed Diamond Tiara before chucking the giant hammer into the clouds and killing Gilda.

"BURN ALL YOU HATING ASSWIPES!!! YOU WILL NEVER KNOW THE AWESOMENESS OF FREDDIE MERCURY....here derpy have a muffin you are awesomes!"

All across equestria nopony dared to be a troll, and all gave tribute to the adorable ponyness of Derpy, gathering into an angry mob in canterlot they demanded and harassed Luna and Celestia until Derpy was made into an alicorn. The rightful princess of muffins with her right hoof pony, The holy knight Templar of the order of Freddie Mercury. Paladin Vanilla Jubilee, otherwise known as Mei or knight Templar mei, destructor of trolls.

and so Mei continued flying through this world laying waste to the haters and trolls of this world and equestria. All those retards who pick on derpy because "its offensive for someone to be disabled", AIDS!!! and all those jerks who spit on people's hard work with fan fiction because they can by just hitting the thumbs down button without saying another word, AIDS!!!. and most of all. Those evil hateful piece of ignorant shit who will levy hate on anyone for liking ponies or Freddie Mercury. They will all continue doing what is horrible until they are served their just deserts.....well..um....AIDS!!!. just remember you trolls.....one...two...Freddies coming for you....three four...better lock your door!....

Author's Note

Believe it or not this is not a revenge story...but it is a vengeance story ^w^
and the only story I will ever write on this site.
I have been here for less than 24 hours and I have seen wonderful works, amazing and awesome stories that people have written. and yet people come along and shit all over their stories with a boat load and a half of dislikes leaving no comments as to why. its ok to not like something. but seriously. have a fking soul guys. or Freddie will come for you!