Life, and All That it Entails.
They were at it again. The screaming, the shouting, the existential bullshit. Obviously that wasn't what was running through Breach's head at the time. It was more along the lines of 'The screaming, the shouting, is it my fault?'
It was not too uncommon for him to hear it. His mum yelling about the meds she wanted him to take, or the physically bullying way his older brother treated him, or his fathers attitude towards him. His dad yelling right back about how he didn't need to be medicated, that boys will be boys, or that he treated him just fine.
This is jsut what Breach heard anyway. There were other reasons for the arguing but none that he ever heard about until he became much older. For the time being he was left listening to his parents argue on a near constant basis, and from his understanding it was his fault. He wasn't old enough to understand the trouble about the amount of bits they did or din't have in the bank, or the numerous other problems. At 7 he only understood that because he didn't fight back when his older brother kicked him around he made his dad angry, and it made his mum angry. then they'd argue, then yell at the older colt, who in turn would just get mad and kick him around some more.
Breach put up with alot, but after having it pounded into his head that he was treated a certain way because he didn't fight back against it he got into the habit of blaming himself. When his older brother chased him onto the roof and left him there, well he should have done something else. When his dad started living somewhere else to get away from his mum, well it was his fault because he didn't keep dad happy. Eventually his parents got a divorce and moved to seperate towns. Breach left his only two friends behind to go live in some backwoods shithole as he would eventually come to see it.
His older brothers mood worsened, and his younger sister was always in a bad mood. After some bad incidents involving extreme bullying on his brothers part aswell as some involvement with the police ponies, his brother moved out of town to stay with his dad. This was also blamed on him. It was his fault that his mother and brother didn't get along.
Time went on, and the young colt that was Breach tended to gaurd his trust. He had one friend at the time. He was in third year also, but he quickly figured out that it wasn't just family that could be cruel. His friend stayed by his side throughout most of it, taking harsh comments and such just for being his friend. Again it was his fault as he saw it. If he wasn't friends with the colt they'd've never been bullied. It wasn't until 2 years later that he'd made his second friend. His new friend was made in 5th year. Things were just the same, he was still bullied. the only difference was now he had 2 friends that suffered because of him. The next year the wear and tear began to show on his original friendship. The colt eventually drew away from friendship with him. Breach took it hard, but understood in a way that the colt must've fidured out that he was bullied because of his friendship. It was this same year that Breach had his first encounter standing up to somepony. It had been a rather large colt for their age. He'd been mocking one of Breach's friends when Breach stood up to him. Things went well at first, but when Breach went to walk away after telling the colt off, the colt rushed up behind him and struck him down. This brought a whole new onslought of bullying and Breach's mind and mood continually darkened. At home wasn't much better. His younger sister had started fights since his third year and it was always his fault and how dare he hit his litlle sister.
&th year changed alot of that though. First was the discovery by his mum that, surprise surprise, it had been his sister starting fights all along. Didn't stop the fights she started though. Instead he just had to listen to his mum yell at her. Of course she'd then get mad and start another fight.
Breach's relationship with his father hadn't ever improved but he still stayed true to his weekend visits up until the past few months. His father had been sent off to fight another country threating the land. His dad was in the Airforce and he couldn't help but feel prideful about this despite their lack of understanding for eachother.
School in 7th year was just as bad though. Having only one friend it was hard for him to feel any acceptance. The insults from the other fillies and colts started to become jabs at his family and friends which angered him more than those aimed at him. It was him they wanted and they needed to leave his family and friends out of it. One fateful day at school Breach was cutting something when another colt insulted his father who was currently out of country. Pointing at the foal he told him never to speak of his family again or he'd beat the hay out of him. He didn't even realize that the hoof he'd used to point still grasped the scissors he'd been using.
The other colts quickly used this as a rallying cry and ran off to the principal of the school telling him that Breach had threatened to kill another colt. This led to Breach being sent to a school for troubled colts and fillies for a short amount of time. His problems trusting other ponies continued to come into effect, thus causing more problems at the temporary school. Despite this he was left to his studies without as much hassle. His grades rose from C's and F's to A's and B's and he started to draw himself from his shell. It wasn't to last though. He was only to stay in the school for a time set by his previous school's disciniplary system. Starting 8th year the colt Breach found himself right back amongst the colts and fillies that had tormented him for so long.
He took to going out on hikes through the country areas around where he lived. He got scratches and cuts on a daily basis doing this but he couldn't find it in himself to care. After a rather bad day at school and at home, he attempted to run away into the woods. It didn't work too well, and he quickly found himself back at his mothers house. He trusted his mother a bit, but not too much, and outside of that he really had nopony else. That is why it came as a devastating blow when his mother, worn out from her own troubles and troubles with his little sister, decided that she didn't need any more problems and sent him to a colt and filly mental health facility for a time.
Breach's feeble amount of trust for anypony was destroyed and he quickly fell into a deeper state of depression. He worked out often at this facility, despite books being his preferential hobby. He found the pain and burn in his muscles and extremeties a good way to dull the pain in his mind and emotions. He made his first couple of friends in a long time at this facility, but it was temporary. The workers at the facility knew he had nothing wrong mentally, so it didn't take long for them to clear him to go back home.
Returning in time for his ninth year he suffered from even more intense bullying. His hikes continued, and he started making a habit of straying close to where he knew dangerous animals resided, or a path he knew was hard to follow. Coming home with ever more scrathes, cuts, and bruises he unwittingly opened up a new spray of bullying about how he lost al sorts of fights and such.
Breach gained 6 or 7 inches in height between 9th and 10th year, causing the bullying to slack off for a time. The colt thought foolishly that maybe it was coming to an end, but as soon as everypony knew it came back worse than ever. During this year he also made a few new friends. Three fillies and a colt were now added to his list of friends, topping the list out at five. Yes it was true, his friend from 5th year was still loyal to him, and still suffering because of him.
Taunts became worse, and on top of that teacher ponies occasionally joined in. Breach's tenth year gradually grew worse and worse leading into his 11th.
11th year, now thats where shit hit the fan and dropped faster than Dash diving for Rarity.
Taunts, jeers, jibes. All done by faculty and student alike. Nopony gave him a break save his five colt and filly friends. Honestly everypony was closer to being young stallions and mares at this age but it didn't matter in his mind. Threats of having the hay beaten out of him grew into a crescendo of verbal death threats that the school refused to do anything about, culminating with a another young stallion physically slamming Breach against a wall and desk, threatening to kill him if Breach said anything bad to the school again.
Breach stopped going to school. The school didn't care, hardly any other pony cared, and he didn't care. He spent his days for the next 2 and a half weeks trotting through the woods, which had always been his escape. While he still hurt on the inside, the peace that was nature comforted him. It was spring afterall, and he got to see all the wildlife taking care of eachother. Birds with their hatchlings, and once a coyote with her pups. It was all so right. After 2 and a half weeks of this routine the school finally realized that Breach hadn't been in attendance, but only took notice when it was rumored that he'd come to school and assault everypony.
His mother furious, and with no other options(except for I dunno, yelling at the school faculty) she sent Breach off to his father's.
There were only 6 weeks left in the year, and Breach wasn't expecting a warm welcome in this next school. That perhaps was why he was so surprised when he quickly found himself befriended by quite a few cheery fellows. He began to pull himself out of a rather dreary pit when tragedy struck. One of his new found friends, the nicest happiest young stallion who had done so much to make him feel welcome, took his own life. Shortly after a couple of other ponies he had befriended over dosed on some illegal drugs, one had wrecked his cart after a party, and another took her own life too.
He immediatly started dropping himself back into a depression, thinking himself somehow responsible for all that had befallen his new friends. But that's exactly where his life truly began.
I wouldn't have expected it. I couldn't help but think that for all that had befallen my friends, and how it was my fault(somehow), that I was surely going to Tartarus.
Breach never even saw it coming. The young mare that walked into his life and bucked it right in the face. Her name was Bow-Ayn. She showed up out of the blue. She went out of her way to make him feel accepted, and despite the fact that Breach ocasionally pushed back against the friendship, not wanting this wonderful mare to befall the fate of so many he knew, she clung on all the tighter knowing even better what he needed than the young stallion knew himself. The tenacity and sheer determination broke away at the walls he'd erected to keep other ponies out.
The two began to spend more and more time together, and eventually Bow requested that Breach tell her his story. At first he refused, not wanting to dump his problems on the small mare, put through persistance she finally broke through. He told her his story, everything thing he could remember. When he was done he looked over at the mare to see her staring at him intently, tears in her eyes. Breach's eyes began to tear up aswell and the two ponies embraced. For Breach it was like the whole world had told him he belonged.
Knowing of his time spent hiking, Bow eventually invited him along to what she did to blow off steam. She called it urban exploring. It was essentially running around old industrial area in the citties, jumping across warehouse rooftops and climbing random buildings and objects. It was here Breach fisrt learned that he wasn't the only pony in the world with problems.
It was probably their 8th or 9th time out exploring together. Bow had always been secretive of her own past. Breach had asked her about it, but she always deflected and he never pressed further. This time was different though. Breach asked why Bow's older brother was so protective of her. Without thinking the mare replied that it was from when they were in state custody. She immediatly tried to change the subject when she realized what she had disclosed. The young stallion knew what she meant though, and he sat down, motioning for her to come sit down with him. Bow did so and he asked her if she cared to explain to him her life.
The young mare explained that her and her older brother had spent their lives in the system. They were orphans, but as soon as he was able her brother got a job, a house and custody as gaurdian of his little sister. Unlike breach, bow had never become bitter or depressed, but rather saw her hardships as experience to help other ponies. With this said, and a new understanding for the little mare that had saved him from himself, Breach sat with Bow as they watched the moon rise into the sky. This would be his greatest changing point. The two slowly grew closer until they became a couple. They never argued or disagreed, they understood eachother so well that they never had a reason to. With both their 12 and final school years drawing to a close the two ponies would soon be facing their futures. Bow was looking towards ministry. She wanted to go out and help as many ponies as possible. She also wanted Breach to join her, but he was too stubborn. In a foolish attempt to please his father after an arguement the young stallion signed up for the military. Bow told him she didn't agree with his choice but wouldn't allow it to become a wedge between the two.
two days before his departue for hoof camp Breach spent the day with Bow. Promising everything would be okay, he departed with the words that he'd never said to anypony before, "I love you".
Hoof camp was rough and after an accident where he fell, Breach partially tore a muscle in right shoulder and fractured his right ankle and knee. He spent some time in the medical rahabilitation platoon, where he unknowingly stress fractures in both his rear lowers legs. Exiting MRP his stress fractures grew into real fracture putting him right back into MRP. Hearts and Hooves day was coming up while he was inMRP and he sent a letter out to Bow. Bow had been a saint the whole time he'd been in hoof camp. She sent him a letter every week. Thus came the surprise when he didn't get a response.
I was naive, I shoulkd've known something was wrong, instead I passed it off as lost in the mail. Probably Derpy's doing. If I had known how wrong I was.
It wasn't until three weeks later that Breach got his reply. It was from Bow's brother. It was tearstained and wrapped around a Hearts and Hooves day card that had a strange red stain on it. I read the card first. It was by far the most uplifting heartwarming thing I had ever read. Then I read the note.
"Breach, I'm so so sorry to be the one to let you know, but there was an accident. A stallion had too much to drink and Bow was walking to send you your card. She was crossing the road and the stallion says he didn't even see her. Breach I'm sorry but Bow was killed." At first he couldn't believe it. It wasn't until Breach's firewatch shift that night, when he looked upon the card realizing what the dark reddish brown stain most likely was. Horrified he stepped out and went up to the third floor balcony. Tears streaming from his eyes he started to step out over the railing. He stopped though. He couldn't do it. He couldn't let Bow be the reason he died. The mare had done nothing but try to help every pony and he'd be damned before he destroyed her memory. It was still a killing blow though, and with his will destroyed he eventually was put into the recruit seperation platoon to be sent home on a general medical discharge.
This also became Breach's first time to truly stand up against harrasment. A stallion had been running his mouth off, and Breach threatened to beat his face in, due to his lack of a good temperament. The offending stallion thought he was being smart with his response. "Not as hard as I beat your mare friend last night." That was the last thing he'd said for the duration of his tenure in RSP.
Breach got home, suffering a already nearly completley healed break in his right fore hoof. He told everypony he just hit the stallion in the jaw. His secret was that in his rage he'd actually dislocated the left side of the stallions jaw and removed a few teeth.
Breach fell back into depression after finding out that his father had molested his little sister while he was away. Ashamed that he wasn't here to protect his mare nor his little sister his depression worsened. Topped with the innability to find a job and near constant arguements as he stayed with his mother the stallion finally headed out to where he and Bow used to go urban exploring. More specifically he went to the spot where he and Bow had spent that one night watching Luna's moon rise together. Standing on the rooftop ledge where he'd once sta with the closest thing he'd had to true family he decided he was done with it all. He took a few steps back, closed his eyes, dashed forward and.....
I was actually puzzled about it myself. I was on the other roof about 8 feet across and 2 feet below the previous roof. It turned out that hte training that Bow had taught me kicked in subconciously. While I actually expected to hit the ground and have it over with, something deep within me told my muscles to send me flying across to the other roof. I didn't land gracefully mind you, and wound up sprwaled on my back.
Breach layed there and cried. He cried for everything. He cried for his friends. He cried for his family. He cried for himself. Most of all, he cried for Bow-Ayn and her brother. the two had been through so much but never once let it get to them. He got up after a time. With a new determination shining in his eyes Breach took off across the rooftops until he missed his footing and fell about 12-15 feet and hurt his knee again. Regaining his footing. the stallion hobbled off to his car and went home.
A year later the stallion Breach was continuing his life under the lessons taught to him be his truest and closest friend. He still had trouble finding a job, but that was okay. In the meantime he spent his time writing.
I still remeber her voice. "C'mon Breach, watch the show with me." "No way, it's for little fillies."
Hehehe started watching it after that night. Later found out she had a persona for the show. I made one too. Then sarted digging around on the web. Now I write.
Author's Note: This is a self reflection of what brought me here. I don't care if anypony actually read's the story but if you did, and you're reading this, Thank you.
If I were to write a letter to Princess Celestia it'd be along the lines of, "Dear Princess Celestia: Today I acted upon a lesson taught to me by a dear friend. You can't go through life alone and you will always have somepony out there, whoever they maybe, ready to watch your back, pick up off the floor, wipe you down, clean you up, and head out the door with you."
Anyway I think it's a good lesson. If anypony ever needs someone to get something off their chest to feel free to message me.
Bow-Ayn- 5/7/1992-2/14/2011 Friend, Teacher, Supporter, Lover, Saviour, and Best Girl in the World.