Ice Cream Sale

by Titanium Dragon

Rating: everyone
Tags: Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Comedy, Rarity
Length: 3454

Applejack offers to keep Rarity company on Hearts and Hooves Day. Rarity is thrilled that she has someone to commiserate with about being single; Applejack is happy to have a date. This may be a problem vanilla oat swirl can't solve.

Vanilla oat swirl ice cream is a girl's best friend when she's alone on Hearts and Hooves Day, and at half-off, it would be a shame not to buy any. But when Rarity runs into Applejack at the store, Applejack offers to keep her company.

Rarity is thrilled that she has someone to commiserate with about being single.

Applejack is happy to have a date for Hearts and Hooves Day.

This may be a problem even vanilla oat swirl can't solve.

Published 2016-02-14 21:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-02-14 21:40:02 UTC

Ice Cream Sale

Hearts and Hooves Day was invented by a monster. Rarity knew it, and she suspected that everypony else knew it as well, but were simply too polite to say so in public. She, of course, knew better than to ask, but still, it was so obvious. The arrows through hearts? The bloody banners strung like gaudy entrails from every store? The silent mockery of all the ponies who had someone?

Well, perhaps mockery was going a bit far. Pity, perhaps. Yes, that was it.

Hearts and Hooves Day was supposed to be a day of romance, but what sort of romantic holiday would exclude those who needed it the most? Couples went out on dates – they gave each other flowers and chocolates, dined together, and smiled at each other, walking side by side through the park enjoying one another’s company. Obviously the thought never crossed their minds that they were showing everypony else what they were missing as they languished in solitude.

Yes, it was positively monstrous. And worst of all, Filthy Rich had the temerity to take advantage of it! A pony who was all alone might partake in ice cream on occasion, but the Hearts and Hooves Day sale simply ground salt into the gaping wounds left on their hearts. The signs didn’t mention the holiday, of course, but he knew. Everypony knew that anyone who went to buy ice cream before Hearts and Hooves Day was all alone and had no one to share it with.

But who would want to suffer through Hearts and Hooves Day without such comforts, however cold they might be?

And so Rarity skulked into Barnyard Bargains draped in her finest shawl, a hood cast over her horn to conceal her eyes as she slowly made her way to the ice cream section. “Three bits a pint,” the sign proclaimed proudly. “Five bits for two.”

Only the most despicable of creatures would sink so low as to encourage a pony to gorge on such a thing. Didn’t he know how many calories were in a pint of vanilla oat swirl?

Rarity put her hoof on the freezer door, staring at her reflection in the glass. “Oh, woe is me! Why must I be alone, on this day of all days?” She leaned forward, her horn pressing against the cool door. “Am I not beautiful? Do I not deserve someone to share my days?”

She sat back on her haunches, casting a hoof over her eyes. “Or is it that I am simply too perfect? Am I a paragon, an unapproachable idol? Does nopony dare to cast their eyes so high as me?” She tilted her head up towards the ceiling, wailing. “Oh cruel world, why have you have betrayed me so that my only partner on Hearts and Hooves Day is vanilla oat swirl?” She sniffed as she lowered her head to peer in through the glass at the ice cream which taunted her on the other side, slowly dragging her hoof down the door.

“Rarity, is that you?” a familiar voice drawled from the next aisle.

Rarity recoiled. She mustn’t be seen! She quickly glanced from one end of the aisle to the other, but to no avail; there was no cover there other than a few staring ponies.

The sound of hooves clopping against the tile floor receded before an orange head poked its way around the end of the aisleway, a well-worn Stetson hanging over the mare’s ears. “I thought I recognized that caterwaulin’. Figured that there weren’t any washin’ machines for cats to get stuck in in a place like this, so it musta been you.”

“Shhh!” Rarity said, holding a perfect hoof in front of her snout. “I don’t want anypony to know I’m here!” Hadn’t Applejack heard of subtlety?

“Rarity, if anypony within a mile don’t know that was you yellin’ just now, I’ll eat my hat.” Applejack glanced down the aisle. “Any takers?”

The other mares all turned away, going back to their browsing of the frozen goods trapped behind the freezer doors. Rarity’s ears fell; didn’t any of these ponies know how shameful it was to be here? Marching around bold as brass, without an inch of fabric to disguise their marks – did they want everypony to know they were unloved?

“So what was that all about?” Applejack asked, looking around as if it were not perfectly obvious.

“I was simply noting that the stallions in this town simply are not good enough for me,” Rarity said, lifting her chin primly.

Applejack arched an eyebrow. “Really? Cause that ain’t what I heard you sayin’.”

“Yes, well, I might have gotten a bit carried away.” Rarity tossed her mane with her hoof. Did Applejack really need to call her on her little white lies? They weren’t hurting anypony; stallions didn’t shop for ice cream before Hearts and Hooves Day. She quickly changed the subject. “So, I see I am not the only one of our little group of friends taking advantage of the sale today.”

“Sale? Sale on what?”

Playing the fool, was she? “Ice cream, darling. Surely you noticed.”

Applejack glanced over at the colorful sign on the freezer door. “Fact is, I didn’t. Hooey, three bits a pint? Shoot, normally it’s way more’n that. Well, it ain’t on my list, but maybe it should be. Bet Apple Bloom’ll be real pleased.”

Rarity tilted her head. “Isn’t Apple Bloom a little young to be eating ice cream on Hearts and Hooves Day?”

“Uh, what?” Applejack narrowed her eyes at Rarity. “Is that supposed to be a euphemism for somthin’?”

Rarity retreated a step. “Oh, no. I just meant… well, why do you think that despicable stallion puts ice cream on sale every year before Hearts and Hooves Day?”

“He does?”

“Obviously.” Doesn’t that pony pay the slightest attention to her surroundings?

“Huh. Wonder why that is.”

Apparently not. “How can you not know?”

“Well, fact is I’m usually busy this time of year. Heh, bet that’s why.”

“What?” Rarity gasped. “Applejack, have you been hiding a stallion from us?”

“Huh? No, no!” Applejack shook her head quickly. “I just make pies.”

Rarity blinked. “Pies?”

“One of the best days of the year for ‘em,” Applejack said, nodding her head. “Ponies’ll pay extra if you put little hearts on ‘em. They taste the same, but, ya know, bits are bits, and it makes dessert a bit more special. Ice cream and apple pie go together like nothin’ else. I ‘spect that’s why they go on sale; can’t put hearts on ice cream, gotta get ‘em to buy it some other way. Though it don’t explain all the other flavors goin’ on sale. Why not just vanilla?”

Rarity put her hoof on the bridge of her snout. “Applejack, don’t you ever get lonely on Hearts and Hooves Day?”

“Well, I’m usually too busy bakin’ to really feel too lonesome, and the whole family gets together for dinner afterwards. Heh, last year we had a bit of trouble, what with poor Big Mac and Cheerilee and all.”

Rarity grimaced. “I remember. I had to apologize to my parents and Cheerilee for not keeping an eye on Sweetie Belle, and to promise to never allow her to brew potions in my shop. As if I were responsible!”

Applejack chuckled. “Eyup. Bit awkward. But she came over for dinner and all was forgiven. Apple bloom mighta got a few extra calluses from doin’ Big Mac’s chores, but no harm done.”

“Yes, well…” Rarity waved the subject off with her hoof. “You mean to tell me that you’ve never eaten ice cream on Hearts and Hooves Day before?”

“Not as I recall. Why? Is that some highfalutin city pony thing?”

“Forget I asked.” Rarity tossed her mane as she began to walk back towards the side of the aisle. How could Applejack simply not care? Did all the ponies who came to get a pie for their lovers not move her? Did they not tug at her heartstrings? Rarity sighed as she lit up her horn, tugging open the door and shivering as a cool blast of air struck her. One, two, three, four… oh, why did the ice cream need to be so affordable? It would all go to her flanks, and it would take weeks of exercise and parsley to maintain her fabulous form.

“Woah, there! That’s a lot of ice cream.”

Rarity’s ears plastered themselves back against her skull. “Is that a problem?”

“No, no, not at all!” Applejack shook her head. “I just was observin’, that’s all.”

“Good.” Rarity returned her gaze to the cartons. Oh, vanilla oat rip- wait, ripple? This was supposed to be swirl! Where had that fiend put her ice cream?

“Uh, you okay there, Rarity?” Applejack asked, reaching out with a hoof. Why did she have to be so considerate? Couldn’t she leave her alone?

“I’m fine,” Rarity said, her voice not betraying an ounce of her inner turmoil.

“Uh, alright then.”

Why wasn’t Applejack leaving?

“So, uh, you throwin’ a party or something?”

Rarity almost dropped her precious cargo. “What?”

“Well, it ain’t like you’re goin’ to eat all that yourself, right?” Applejack laughed.

Rarity knew just the proper response to that, and put exactly the right amount of ice into her eyes to chill a steaming cup of tea.

“Woah!” Applejack waved her hoof in front of her chest, her laughter dying on her lips. “I didn’t mean it like that. I was just wonderin’, that’s all. Ain’t none of my business if you decide to load up on ice cream.”

Rarity held her glare for several moments before hmphing, turning away. “Honestly, Applejack. Why do you feel the need to remind me that I’ll be spending my evening all alone, with nothing but vanilla oat… ripple for company.” She sighed, shaking her head. “Alone again for Hearts and Hooves Day! What’s wrong with me?”

“Oh, Rarity,” Applejack said in that neighborly voice of hers as she threw a hoof over Rarity’s shoulder, “there ain’t nothin’ wrong with you. You’ve just got high standards, that’s all. I’m sure someday some stallion’ll come along and sweep you off your hooves.”

Rarity scoffed. “Hardly. Even when I try to attract the pony of my dreams, they’re not interested. I’m going to be a spinster forever.” She rose up on her hind legs and draped herself over her friend’s back. With a slight flare of her horn the ice cream followed, bobbing slowly in the air overhead like a silent audience. “Forever alone! Perhaps I should simply give up, and cease teasing my heart to pieces. All the good ones are taken or gay anyway.”

“I’m pretty sure from the interest Trend was showin’ me, he ain’t neither.”

Rarity shook herself as she sank back to the floor, her face twisting. “He may be a good writer, but he was a terrible pony in person. Some of the things he said about farming! Ugh.”

“I know what’cha mean.” Applejack paused, looking from side to side before leaning in conspiratorially. “You know, when he was followin’ me around, he said he really respected us earth ponies. You know, on account of us bein’ so hard workin’ and all.”

Rarity gasped, then shook her head and gasped again, just to show the proper amount of horror. “He did what?”

“Eyup. Right to my face. Well, to my tail.”

“That lech! He might as well have said he had never imagined that a mud pony could be so clean!”

“I wouldn’t say he went quite so far, but it was pretty bad.”

“Ugh.” Rarity shuddered. “What nerve! Coming to Ponyville and saying such vile things.” She shook her head. “And here I thought he had some manners.”

“Heh, now what gave you an idea like that? Him keepin’ his eyes on my flank half the time?”

“Don’t remind me.” Rarity sighed, her ears falling. Why had he focused so on Applejack and not herself? Was she simply not shapely enough? She glanced at her friend’s flank for a moment, looking back at her own before sighing. “I can’t believe I ever had feelings for that lout.”

“Well, at least he weren’t as bad as Prince Blueblood.”

“Ugh. Why must every stallion I love be so terrible?”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “It ain’t love, Rarity. You just had a crush, that’s all.”

“Hmph.” It was easy for her to dismiss Rarity’s emotions. Still, perhaps there was some truth to it; neither of them had been even close to a fairy tale prince, or even the sort of stallion in some of the more realistic novels she kept in her closet where Sweetie Belle couldn’t find them. There was no need to give Applejack the pleasure of being right again, though; that mare was smug enough already.

“Come to think of it, I remember you swearin’ off stallions after him, too.”

“And I should have!” Rarity stamped her hoof into the ground, the floating ice cream jerking along with her head. “It has only been one heartbreak after another. Why must they all be so terrible?”

“All two of them?” Applejack smirked in a most unladylike manner.

“Three,” Rarity corrected.

“Three? I miss somethin’?”

“Just Hoity Toity breaking my heart.” Rarity swayed on her hooves, just to make sure that Applejack saw her pain. It wouldn’t do to be too subtle.

Applejack stared at her. “Hoity Toity? You mean that pony who came to Ponyville for your fashion show? That Hoity Toity?”

“I don’t know what other Hoity Toity I’d be speaking of.”

“Rarity, he’s gay.”

Rarity’s mouth worked. “Well, of course I know that now!”

“Now, and not the first time you heard him open his mouth?”

“Applejack!” Rarity said sharply. “You mustn’t judge a pony just by their voice. Why, many stallions in fashion speak that way.”

Applejack’s eyebrow shot up again. “Ain’t they all gay, too?”

“Not all of them.”

“Uh huh.”

“It’s true!”

“I didn’t say otherwise.”

Again, Applejack smirked all too knowingly. Didn’t her mother ever warn her her face might get stuck that way? Rarity opened her mouth to say as much before closing it.

Right.

“So, givin’ up on stallions forever, huh?”

That smirk really was unbecoming.

“Yes! Never again will they break Rarity’s heart!” What did she need a stallion for anyway? She and her vanilla oat sw—ripple didn’t need their company.

Applejack’s shoulders shook with suppressed laughter. Oh, now she held back. How kind of her. “Well then, guess you’ll just have to start datin’ mares then. Guess that’ll be one more thing you don’t have in common with them fashion types.” Applejack lifted her hoof to her chin in a mockery of thought. “Or would that be in common?”

Rarity rolled her eyes at her friend. “Oh hush!” she said, jostling Applejack with her shoulder. She didn’t mean for Applejack to fall over – and she certainly didn’t mean for Applejack to pull her down with her.

Rarity squirmed. “Hey, let me go! The floor’s dirty!”

“Well, that’s what you get for shovin’ me over,” Applejack said, lifting one hoof to ruffle Rarity’s mane as the ice cream bobbled in the air overhead. “Sides, of the two of us, you’re the one who pays to wallow in mud.”

“Hmph, that isn’t the same thing at all,” Rarity said, lifting her chin as she rose back to her hooves.

“I’m just sayin’, it would be a lot cheaper if you just came out to the farm and hopped into the pigpen. Could give the pigs a bath too, while you’re at it.”

“Oh, I’m sure you’d like me to do your chores for you.”

“Hey, it’s a win-win for me,” Applejack said, smirking again as she climbed back onto her hooves.

Rarity let her perfect grace vanish for a moment so she could properly express her thoughts to Applejack with a carefully orchestrated flick of her tongue out of her mouth, earning uproarious laughter from her friend.

“And here I was thinkin’ you were a lady.”

“Even a lady has their limits, dear,” Rarity said, her grace still perfectly intact as she smiled benevolently – perhaps a bit too benevolently – at her friend, before giving voice to a quiet giggle.

“So, feelin’ any better ‘bout not havin’ a date for Hearts and Hooves Day?”

“Yes. Though I’m sure tomorrow night, sitting all alone in my boutique with nothing more than rejected dresses and vanillia oat ripple to keep me company, I won’t be.” She cast her hoof over her face again, leaning back dramatically.

Applejack’s smile faded. “Havin’ somepony is that important to you, huh?”

“Well, it isn’t the having so much as the wanting,” Rarity waved her hoof dismissively. “But I do get rather lonely sometimes.”

“You know…” Applejack bit her lip, her eyes flicking away.

Oh dear. She had been holding up so well. Of course she felt lonely. Rarity smiled gently and took a step forward to lay a comforting hoof on her friend’s shoulder.

“I’m workin’ most of the day with Granny Smith, but uh, if you’d like maybe I could take you out for dinner?” Applejack’s smile showed far too many teeth, but it didn’t matter.

“Why Applejack, that’s a marvelous idea!”

Applejack blinked. “What? Really? You mean, you want to?” She leaned forward eagerly.

“Well, it is a nice thought. Going out to dinner would probably be impossible; it is Hearts and Hooves Day, after all. Reservations are usually booked at least a week in advance.”

Applejack’s ears fell. “Oh.”

“But that’s alright! You said you eat dinner with your family anyway; I would hate to disrupt a family get-together. How about you simply come over to the boutique afterwards, and we can enjoy the evening together?”

“You sure that’s okay?” Applejack tilted her head. “You sure you don’t want me to take you out to dinner or something? I just thought, you know…”

“No need to trouble yourself!” Rarity waved her hoof dismissively. Even if they could get a place, who would want to go to dinner with a friend around so many ponies who were making eyes at each other over their food? No, it would be simply another awful reminder of that monstrous day.

“Well, that’s mighty kind of you, but it wouldn’t be a bother.”

“Nonsense. So, when should I expect you, then?”

“Uh… about seven sound right?”

“Seven it is then!” Rarity beamed. “Oh, we shall have so much fun together! Maybe I can ask Twilight if we can borrow her projector and watch one of those reels that she got from Canterlot!”

“Reels?”

“You know, movies! I was talking to Spike the other day, and he mentioned that Celestia sent them something that had them in stitches. It’s perfect!”

“If you say so,” Applejack said dubiously, rubbing at her ear with her hoof.

“I’m sure you’ll love it. See you tomorrow!” Rarity trotted, her ice cream flying after her as she made her way down the aisle. What should she do? It had been ages since that sleep-over with Twilight. Maybe Applejack would finally let her do something with her mane?

Quivering with glee, Rarity made her way towards the register, ten bits already floating out of her bag to join the ice cream hovering in mid-air.

Applejack stared after Rarity. That had gone a lot different than she thought it would in her head. Better than she’d hoped, really, if she was honest with herself, but she’d been expecting something a bit more… romantic.

Then again, Rarity knew what she was doing. According to Twilight, Rarity had read every book about romance Golden Oaks had before it got blown up. Applejack? She’d done a lot of things in her time, but not this kind of rodeo.

Still, that probably meant the mare had high expectations. Shaking herself, Applejack turned around and walked towards the front of the store, making her way past the aisles until she found herself facing the candy section. There was just so much here to choose from! Dozens of hearts in shades from purple and pink to red and gold glistened on the shelves, pounds of chocolate hidden inside ornate boxes tied with ribbons and bows. Glancing around, she noticed a uniformed colt re-arranging one of the displays towards the back. Taking a deep gulp of air, she stepped forward.

“Hey, you there. You know what kinda candies a fancy mare might, uh, fancy for Hearts and Hooves Day?”

Author's Note

Thanks to horizon for looking over the first draft of this story and making suggestions. :heart:

Chapter 2, Mares' Night In, is coming Soon™.