A Stern Lesson

by flying_whimsy

Rating: everyone
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Romance, Changelings
Length: 3311

Royal Guard Sterner Stuff has no life beyond his job, but the changeling invasion quickly puts things in perspective for him.

Royal Guard Sterner Stuff, a seasoned guard, is one of many guards at the Grand Galloping Gala the year following the one that Twilight and her friends wrecked. It's a practice run for the upcoming wedding between Princess Cadance and Shining Armor. Things take an interesting turn for Sterner Stuff when he meets a beautiful pegasus, but the night doesn't end there.

Written for the EQD Hearts and Hooves Day Contest

Published 2015-02-14 13:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-14 13:50:02 UTC

A Stern Lesson

“The gala seems to be going pretty smoothly, wouldn’t you say, sir?” the young guard spoke as he turned to look at his compatriot.

“Don’t jinx it, rookie,” Sterner Stuff chided his junior. Sterner hadn’t only been a guard for a couple years; so while he knew the kid had a name, he wasn’t going to be bothered to learn the name of every rookie that he wound up on patrol with. Best to wait until they proved they had what it took.

“Was it really that bad last year, sir?” the rookie leaned over and asked quietly as they continued walking the perimeter of the garden.

“Worse,” Sterner shuddered, “it was a month before the nightmares stopped after that yellow pony burst into the place, screaming as every single animal from the garden swarmed everypony in the main hall. The entire place just sort of came apart after that. That terrible, angry face is one I’ll never forget.”

The younger stallion fell silent as they continued their rounds. After another hour the pair retreated to the guard station as their replacements came on duty. Even though the shift was over, every guard had been asked to remain on standby by not leaving during the course of the event. Sterner and the rookie made their way out to the refreshment table in the main hall where a number of other off-duty guards had ‘stationed’ themselves.

“Sir, now that we’re off duty, I have to ask:” the rookie spoke quietly as he used his unicorn magic to fill a couple of glasses with punch, “this seems like an awful lot of security, even with what happened at the last Grand Galloping Gala. Why are there so many of us here?”

“I guess they didn’t brief you on that,” Sterner chuckled as he used a wing to take one of the glasses from his junior, “We’re here not just because last year’s fiasco: there’s a royal wedding coming up in a couple of weeks. This is a dry run for that. Turns out our captain managed to capture the heart of a princess, so while we’re here for practice he’s off getting things ready.”

“I was wondering why he didn’t show up.”

Eventually, the rookie got caught up with the chatter between the other guards. Sterner contented himself with looking out the windows onto the garden while he kept an eye on the crowd at the edge of his vision.

“Excuse me,” a sweet voice came from an orange blur at the edge of his vision.

Thinking it was some pony just trying to get by, Sterner stepped took a step sideways.

“I’m not trying to get by,” the voice added as a sea blue hoof shook in front of Sterner’s face. The guard turned to see a pegasus mare, her coat the same shade of blue as a deep ocean and a mane that looked like the pale sky after a rainstorm. She fixed her pale orange eyes, the same shade as the simple skirt that covered her cutie flank and the flower in her mane, on Sterner as she leaned close and examined his face.

Sterner stood in silence, unsure of how to respond to the sudden intrusion of his personal space by such a cute mare. Most ponies kept a respectful distance from guards, and he liked it that way.

“You’re the best looking guard I’ve ever seen,” the directness of her words matched her tone. “Dance with me.”

“I look just like every other royal guard with this armor on,” and he did, too, right down to being the same height, build, and he even had a white coat. “And I’m not here to socialize; I’m here to keep everypony safe.” Seeing the skepticism on her face, he hastily added, “Besides, I’m not a very good dancer.”

“Just try not to step on my hooves,” the mare added as she grabbed one of his hooves and tried to pull him towards the dance floor. “And you can keep me just as safe on the dance floor as you can hovering around the punch bowl.”

Sterner glanced over his shoulder to try and get help from one of the other guards, but most of them were quietly laughing. The rookie motioned to cheer him on. With a sigh, the guard acquiesced.

The song was a simple three beat waltz, one that Sterner recognized as being popular amongst the higher class ponies. At first, the pair just danced as they pleased, but it wasn’t long before the song changed and the crowd on the dancefloor started doing some sort of choreographed dance in time with the music.

“I can’t say they taught us this one at the academy,” Sterner whispered to his partner as he struggled to keep up. He was lucky his training involved a lot of quick observation and movement drills, otherwise he’d be totally lost.

“You’re doing fine,” the mare grinned as she patted the top of his head, her hoof clanking against his helmet.

To the delight of the crowd, the tempo started to increase until soon enough no pony was able to dance along with it, eliciting giggles from those trying to keep up. The song ended to a flurry of cheers and laughter from a breathless crowd.

Sterner, still breathing hard, grinned at his dance partner. She smiled back, quipping “that’s the first time I’ve seen you smile all night.”

Before he could respond, the lights in the hall dimmed as the band began a slow melody. Sterner awkwardly motioned for them to leave the dancefloor, but his partner simply moved close and placed her head on his shoulder as she put a hoof over the other side in the sort of half-hug that couples typically used while dancing. He nearly pushed her away out of reflex and wound up standing there frozen. It wasn’t until she started swaying back and forth that he relaxed and followed her lead.

Unlike most of the other ponies at the gala, the blue pegasus didn’t have on any perfume. Instead, Sterner’s nose was filled with the smell of fresh air on a windy day tinged with just a little bit of sweat. It was a smell common to most pegasi that spent their time flying, but on her it smelled better than any fragrance the stallion had encountered before. Sterner got lost in that scent, and as she drew back to look him in the eyes he completely lost track of the world around them. She smiled and leaned her head against his shoulder once more.

Sterner didn’t know how much time passed after that, but he wished it would simply stop. Every once in a while the mare would lean her head back and just look at him with those penetrating orange eyes before resting it against his shoulder once more.

“Uh, sir?” a voice seemed to call him from a distance. “Sterner, sir.”

The guard quickly snapped out of his mental fog to see the rookie standing at attention to his side. The music in the background was for a another waltz, but Sterner would have sworn they were dancing to a slow song.

“Sir,” the rookie looked down at his hooves in embarrassment, “the lieutenant wants everyone to go on patrol until the gala ends.”

“Duty calls,” the moment gone, Sterner straightened up as he stepped back from his dance partner. With the tip of his wing, he pushed a lock of her mane behind her ear, “I’m sorry, Miss uh…”

“Sir,” the rookie interrupted before the mare could respond, “we were supposed to go on patrol ten minutes ago.” The young stallion gestured towards the entrance to the hall where a very irritated-looking lieutenant glared back at them. “I’m sorry, Sterner, I tried to cover for you.”

Sterner looked back at the blue mare, his expression filled with a pain his words couldn’t convey.

“Just go,” she smiled. “I’m sure we’ll bump into each other again.”

Sterner nodded and followed the rookie off the dance floor. At the exit to the hall, he looked back, but he couldn’t find the blue mare in the crowd.

The rest of the night was uneventful: no ponies broke any pillars. No ponies launched any cakes. No ponies broke any doors down in a fit of rage. And no pretty blue mares returned to ask Sterner Stuff to dance. As the night wore on, Sterner’s depression got worse. For just a moment, he had felt a spark like nothing he’d ever felt before. He kept turning his eyes to the crowd, but he never saw his pegasus dance partner again. The rookie tried to cheer him up, but only made things worse when he asked if Sterner knew her name.

The night ended with a surprise appearance by Princess Cadance and Captain Shining Armor: the pair had come out to give the formal farewell that signaled the end of the gala. Princess Celestia lead the crowd in wishing them luck on their wedding. Sterner had hoped to catch the mare on her way out, but his patrol had him stuck in the garden as all of the guests went home. He asked the other guards if a blue mare had asked about him, but none he spoke to had heard anything.

Between clean-up, a debriefing, and a trip to the armory to store their armor, none of the guards were given leave until it was nearly time for the sun to come up. Knowing that the mare, even if she had waited, wouldn’t be there waiting for him when he left, Sterner trudged home to his little house not far from the castle.

The night had a little chill to it and Sterner Stuff couldn’t help but shiver a little as he slowly trotted home. As he walked, he heard the soft echoing hooves of another pony. He stopped and turned around, hoping against hope to see that sweet blue mare again.

There was a mare behind him, frozen in mid-step by his gaze, but it wasn’t the blue mare. Instead it was probably the single most beautiful pony Sterner had ever seen in his life. She was tall and thin, with a flowing green mane that shimmered like a field in the summer. She had a light, dusty brown coat, but it was mostly obscured by the bright red dress she wore that clung in all the right places. But what really stuck out to Sterner were the eyes. They were bright green, almost like they were glowing.

“Hello,” the mare cooed in a voice that was halfway between honey and song. “I seem to have lost my way, can you help me?” She coyly batted her eyes at him as she spoke.

“I’ll do my best,” Sterner couldn’t figure out if she was trying to flirt with him or if she was just so attractive he was just hoping she was. “What’s your name, miss?”

“Miss Faux,” she had moved close enough to Sterner to reach out and shake his hoof, but he couldn’t remember seeing her move at all. “I was hoping a handsome stallion like you would come to my aid. I was just so tired after the gala I got all turned around once I left.”

“Where are you headed?” Sterner asked.

“I’m pretty sure it’s this way,” she gestured in the direction Sterner had been going. As they started walking, she moved as close to him as she could manage. Sterner’s heart raced at the close proximity.

He tried asking her some questions to figure out where she was going, but she mostly just answered that she didn’t know, or she’d change the subject. Sterner got the impression that she didn’t actually care where she was going, so long as it was with him. Before he knew it, they were nearing his house; his hooves walked him there without his realizing.

“I’m sorry, Miss Faux,” he gestured down the street, “but I accidentally walked us all the way to my house. Where were you heading again?”

“Why don’t we go in and discuss it over some tea?” she brushed a hoof over one of his wings as she spoke.

“Well, I, er,” the guard stammered. He couldn’t believe his luck tonight. Remembering his heartbreak from losing the blue mare earlier, he decided he wasn’t going to waste a chance like this. He found himself weakly responding, “ok.”

Miss Faux rewarded him with a wicked grin and huddled up under one of his wings as they walked the short distance to his house. He knew something big was going to happen, he could feel all the way down to his bones.

As he opened the door to lead his guest inside, something definitely did happen, but all he saw was a bright green flash before everything went black.

“Wake up, Sterny-boy,” a harsh voice hissed at Sterner. “Today’s the big day! I don’t want you to miss any of it.”

Sterner stuff opened his eyes. He was inside his house, but everything had a weird green tint to it. As he tried a cold feeling settled in his stomach: he could only move his head. He was trapped in some sort of cocoon.

“What’s going on?” Sterner demanded, hoping to keep the fear out of his voice. “Who’s there?”

“You are,” a white pegasus stallion in royal guard armor stepped in front of the cocoon. It took a moment for Sterner to realize he was looking at himself in his armor. “You know, I always wondered how comfortable one of these suits of armor was. It must be enchanted or something because it doesn’t even feel like I have it on. You guards are so lucky.”

“What are you?” Sterner growled.

“You don’t recognize me? I’m hurt.” The imposter gave a mock smile as he flashed bright green eyes at Sterner. “I’m the stuff of nightmares.”

“What do you want?” Sterner tried to keep his captor talking as quietly struggled to move.

“From you? Nothing.” The fake Sterner leaned against the cocoon. “You’ve been the easiest mark I ever had. No one doubted me for a second. You follow the rules, you hardly talk to anypony, and no pony ever even notices you. I can’t believe how easy it was to trap you, let alone replace you.”

“What do you want?” Sterner asked again, fearing the response.

“I just wanted you to be awake,” and evil grin spread across the imposter’s face. “I want you to hear the screams for what’s coming today. I want you to hear just how much you’ve failed. You see, Sternsy, today’s the royal wedding and all of Equestria is the gift for my Queen.”

“Somepony will stop you,” Sterner couldn’t move. He had the feeling no pony would hear him if he called for help. He’d been taken in by a pair of pretty eyes in a tight dress, and whatever was going to happen he was going to be stuck here.

“I’ll try and save a slice of the cake for you,” the imposter snickered as he walked out the front door.

Left alone, Sterner struggled against his restraints. Struggled was apparently too strong a word, however, as he couldn’t budge even the slightest bit. He yelled, he cursed, he yelled some more. All he could do was wait and listen to the silence outside.

After what felt like an eternity, it wasn’t silent outside anymore. At first there was a terrible buzzing like a massive swarm of flies, followed by screams. He could hear the panicked hooves of ponies outside. Over time there were less screams, and even the buzzing died down.

The guard couldn’t imagine what was going on outside, but he knew that the ponies were losing. There were no confident voices, no marching hooves out there leading a charge against whatever enemy had appeared.

Despair was on the verge of overwhelming Sterner Stuff when there was a loud magical sound in the distance, and suddenly a bright pink wave of light flashed by. The cocoon disintegrated around the guard, and before he knew he was on his hooves and galloping for the castle.

Sterner reached the castle, but by then the changeling invasion was over. Princess Cadance and Captain Shining Armor saved the day when even the Elements of Harmony failed. When Sterner first arrived, he was attacked by one of his fellow guards. Once he explained that he’d been abducted, they let him go. There wasn’t a lot of time to get caught up on what happened, however, as the wedding was rescheduled for that evening and everypony had to work hard to make it happen after the disaster they had that morning.

The other guards were still suspicious of Sterner Stuff: apparently the creature that had been posing as him for the last few weeks had wreaked havoc on his compatriots during the invasion. His diminished status found him on reserve duty for the day, so he and the rookie wound up relaxing by their ‘station’ at the refreshment table during the reception.

“You know, rookie,” Sterner casually stated as he sipped some punch, “I’m kind of glad we’re on reserve duty. I don’t actually have a lot of strength left.”

“Speak for yourself,” the rookie tersely replied. Sterner had heard that the kid had really proved his mettle during the invasion, being the one to actually stop Sterner’s imposter. At this rate Sterner was actually going to have to learn the rookie’s name. “I want to actually be doing something.”

“Not every job is saving the kingdom, kid,” the elder guard smugly responded. “The stretches between those moment of pure adrenalin are long and typically pretty dull. I still can’t believe I was trapped and unconscious for weeks, and that’s before we even get to the fact that not a single one of you figured out that was an imposter.”

“Well, how was I supposed to know?” the rookie shrugged, “and everypony else said they were glad to see being a bit more friendly. Would it kill you to crack a smile once in a while.”

“Look,” Sterner’s voice took on an edge to it, “I got abducted by a shapeshifting monster and spent weeks trapped in some green thing; I don’t think I’ll ever be able to relax around another pony again.”

“I suppose that means you won’t want to dance,” a voice that had haunted Sterner’s dreams for the last few weeks sweetly whispered from behind him.

Sterner spun around so fast he nearly spilled his punch. His heart skipped a beat as the pretty blue pegasus from the gala smiled at him; she looked every bit as pretty as she had that night.

Sterner’s whole world had nearly ended this morning, and hearing that monster tell him how utterly unrecognizable he was had made him realize he hadn’t even lived yet. And yet, here he was, face to face with the one pony that had noticed him in all of Equestria. Celestia herself couldn’t stop him now.

“Before you say anything else, I have to know,” Sterner could feel the stupid grin on his face, “what in Equestria is your name? I thought I was going to die without knowing it.”

The blue mare giggled, “It’s Sky Flower.”

“Hold my drink, rookie,” Sterner thrust his cup towards the younger guard, not even waiting to see if the junior guard had a grip on it before letting go. He held out a wing to the blue pegasus, “Care if I join you?”

The blue mare touched his wing with her own before cuddling up next to him as they walked out to the dance floor. “So, what have you been up to since I last saw you?”

“Funny story…”