Celestia Is A WHAT?!?!

by arcanelexicon

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Flower Ponies, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Bon-Bon, Random, Slice of Life, Human, Main 6, Lyra
Length: 1173

Even without the internet and social media, rumors and gossips spread easily throughout Ponyville. Join us as we find out this new rumor concerning their dear Princess Celestia.

First there were rumors about Zecora being an evil enchantress, kidnapping and feeding on little foals. Then there was Gabby Gums. It seems that Ponyville loves their rumors and gossip.

How will Ponyville fare after a pony hears the comment that the town's resident human made about the Princess? Will there be utter chaos? Will there be pony on pony violence? Let's find out shall we?

11/01/15 EDIT: Small errors fixed.

(With the upvotes and views, this seems to be my Most Interesting Little Fic)

Published 2015-02-14 23:00:03 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-14 23:00:03 UTC

MisInterpreting Life's Fallacies

“Did you hear what the human said about our Princess Celestia?” asked Carrot Top.

“This sounds like a juicy rumor, darling. I so want in!” answered Rarity.

“He called her....a MILF!” exclaimed Carrot Top.

“You don’t say? Do you know what it means?”

“I don’t know. Maybe Major Identified Life Form?”

“I simply must tell the girls! They should know immediately!” Rarity quickly trotted off to tell her friends and pretty much every pony in the town the new rumor.

The Crystal Fortress, the home of Equestria’s newest Princess. Inside this majestic structure sat six friends who were engaging in a lively debate.

“Maybe it means Majorly Intelligent Loving Family! After all, it seems that all the Princesses, including me, are known to be intellectual juggernauts!” said Twilight.

Rainbow Dash placed her tea back on the table. “Actually, it means Mainly I Love Flying! You should see Princess Celestia fly! She can give the Wonderbolts a run for their money! She’s almost as awesome as I am!”

Applejack gave her friend and longtime rival a boop on her nose. “Don’t want ta burst yer bubble there Dash, but you’ve seen the way the Princess eats her apples, 'ahm sure it means Must Immensely Love FujiApples!”

Rarity cleared her throat. “Applejack, that’s just cheating! You girls got it all wrong! I think it actually means Moonstone Inspired Luminous Fashion.”

Fluttershy then mumbled something but everyone was unable to hear her.

“Come now, Fluttershy, you must simply speak up my dear!” said Rarity.

Fluttershy 'Eeped!' but seeing as she was with her friends, she found the courage to speak up. With a blush on her face, she said the dreaded words: “Uhm, I think it means... Maybe I Like Furries.”

Everyone but Pinkie glared at poor Fluttershy, who now started hiding behind her mane once again.

“I GOT IT!!!” screamed Pinkie. She took a deep breath. “It means Must Indisputably Love Farties!!!” Confetti and streamers then exploded everywhere.

The rest of the Mane Six facehoofed.

“That there just sounds so wrong Pinkie” said Applejack.

“How sure are you that there’s no such thing as farties?” answered Pinkie in a sing-song voice.

“No, just...No, Pinkie. Please don’t make us drink brain bleach all over again. Please-“

The girls were interrupted by noises coming outside. It seemed that the rumor had spread like wildfire all across Ponyville.

“Must Improve Landing Foyer” shouted Cherry Berry, the town’s hot air balloon pilot.

“What do you mean Mattresses Is Likely Fun? They can’t compare to my sofas!” roared an angry Davenport.

There was Mayor Mare putting up posters about Municipal Improvements Likely Forthcoming.

The spa twins, Aloe and Lotus, were also putting up signs for their new service that guaranteed ponies would also be called MILF’s like the Princess. They called it “Mane Is Luxuriously Flowing.”

Sugarcube Corner also had signs advertising their newest concoction, the Macadamia Infused Layered Flan.

The Flim Flam brothers, trying their best to cash in on the latest craze were singing about their newest product, the Maximum Ionizing Life Fixer.

The town ampitheater was hosting a shouting match between the town’s resident musicians. Vinyl Scratch and Octavia were in a heated argument, with Octavia screaming “Musically Inclined Loves Fiddlers” while Vinyl countered with “Musically Inclined Loves Funk.”

Near the town fountain, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were singing a song about “Maybe It’s Little Flanks” while Babs Seed was shouting something about a Mix-up In Little Fillydelphia.

The Great and Powerful Trixie was going crazy about a Most Inconceivable Levitation Force.

Somehow Screw Loose had gotten out of the asylum and was wildly shouting Rodents Of Unusual Size. She stopped her mad cackling when Thunderlane swooped down and embraced her saying that he never made a Mistake In Loving Fools.

Daring Doo was flying around looking for a Mayan-Incan Lava Fuel while her cousin Derpy was shouting “Muffins Is Life Forever.”

Lily, Lilac, and Rose were certain that it meant Moonshade Ivy Lavender Flowers and were madly dashing around to stock those for their store.

Lyra was sipping her hayshake thinking about Magic In Little Fingers, while Bon Bon, who was laying on Lyra’s lap was simply thinking “Maybe It’s Licorice Flavor.”

There was Spitfire, Soarin, and Fleetfoot, out on their daily patrols, talking about Multiple Inverted Loop Flight.

On the outskirts of town, there was Shining Armor, the Captain of the Royal Guards shouting “Mobile Infantry! Left Flank!” to the new recruits.

There was Doctor Hooves, who was fixing a strange blue box, muttering something about “Maybe its Linear Fluctuations.”

Zecora, who was initially taken aback by the silliness around her, was now smiling. “Most Inspiring, Letters Flowing” said the wise Zebra.

Near the schoolyard, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were being scolded by Cherilee after she heard the two of them calling the rest of their classmates Miniscule Impotent Little Foals.

There was Caramel, who was singing Maybe I Love Fields while trotting towards Sweet Apple Acres. He was approached by Filthy Rich who was now selling Minimum* Interest Loan Futures (Minimum Interest Loan will be compounded 500% daily for a period of one year. Simply saying, you will pay 1435 bits over 1 year for a 10 bit loan).

Featherweight was fluttering everywhere, taking pictures with his Maximum ISO Large Field camera.

There was Colgate, drinking her Mint Infused Lightly Fluorinated drink.

The Illuminaughty, trying their best to recruit new members, were chanting a hymn about Merriment In Luna’s Followers.

There were MILF’s everywhere, and each pony had their own definition of what it was. Amidst it all sat Discord watching everyone. “Man I Love Fun!” he said. He did not need to create chaos this day for it manifested itself thanks to this rumour.

The chaos died down however, when the town’s resident human, Doctor Quack, stepped out of the reconstructed Ponyville library.

There was a moment of silence as everyone turned to look at the human. The silence was shattered when, in unison, the ponies asked:

"WHAT DOES "MILF" STAND FOR?!"

Seeing everypony in town looking at him was unnerving for the good doctor. He had no way out, it was either answer them, or face death by cuddling. He cleared his throat and tried his best to answer in a cool, calm, collected voice.

“It means Monarch I Love Following.”

There was a chorus of “Oh” and then everypony returned to what they were doing before this MILF fracas.

Deciding that it would be better to hide than show his face around time for the time being, Doctor Quack returned to his abode. “All this nonsense about MILF’s...Man, I love fuckups...” muttered Doctor Quack.

Unbeknownst to him, there was a pony who heard his muttering. She quickly turned around and asked the nearest pony to her.

“Hey Lyra, you’re the expert on humans! I heard him say something about “loving fuckups.” Any idea what it means?”

Author's Note

A silly story written in an hour or so. Hope you guys enjoyed it!