Eternal Burger

by orenero

Rating: mature
Tags: Tragedy, Slice of Life, Sad, Random
Length: 1148

I saw a bee once, I named him Simon.

Ain'nobody got time fo' dat. Ain'nobody got time fo' dat. Ain'nobody got time fo' dat.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-14 23:35:56 UTC

Prologue

I sat down and ate a forfilling breakfast of crack, piss and oats. I looked at the numerous tits I had cut out of magasines and stuck on family photos around the room, the dog shit is not mine. I walked around the fish tank for a while and decided to play some 'Team Fortress 4:The Return Of Jesus' I plugged the USB drive into my nun and punched her with reasonable but dignified force in the face, She screamed into life and I crabbed hold of the two controller sticks.

Shortly after playing Minecraft I exploded, then I went and bought a fridge carton from the cupboard after sifting through numerous used condoms and broken tortilla chips; blame my OCD over chicken based water polo, anyways, back to the point; my armpit hairs were tingling as I pulled a duck out of my arse to obtain a glass of water.

To be honest you should be bothering with the first chapter as it is just about how I saved a purple horse from chronic seizures and spontaneous combustion of her friends/slaves.

I said to my arse cavity dwelling duck bro, "WHERE IS BISCUIT MAN AND PALPY PETE HUEHUEHUEHEUHUE"

I response he quacked. Because he is a duck.

I took it as a no and shot through the ceiling and into space; I ordered a pizza and turned on the TV.

Then my head and Twilights rear left leg exploded.

Would you like a pie with that?

Ok, so once I ate a burger; hay and cheese.

It was good, So I ordered another one; but with a side of orphan tears and child wishes.

I noticed a purple horse thing walking along like a proper spastic,

She shouted "Allahu Akbar!"

Then turned around and her dumb flapping jaw spazzed about for a bit before she spontaneously exploded along with the rest of the population, I thought it was a glitch so I went home.

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print("MEMES")

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Anyways, with 150321732800313 pounds of horse shit and guts everywhere I decided not to go out to the shops to get the vaseline I desperately needed for... Fixing some shower handles; So I ordered it online with derp-mail.

18.46284173 minutes later a purple grey mare horse thing showed up, I beat the crap out of it and stole its virginity with a sweet pepper and a loo roll holder, My package of crispy chicken surprise had arrived!

With mediocre exitement I opened up the box, only to find it was full of sauce; so I cried for the next 54.47192130 hours.

Then our heads imploded.

Sing-Along Time!

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me

I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed

She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb

In the shape of an "L" on her forehead

Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming

Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running

Didn't make sense not to live for fun

Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do, so much to see

So what's wrong with taking the back streets?

You'll never know if you don't go

You'll never shine if you don't glow

[Chorus:]

Hey, now, you're an All Star get your game on, go play

Hey, now, you're a Rock Star get the show on get paid

And all that glitters is gold

Only shooting stars break the mold

It's a cool place and they say it gets colder

You're bundled up now but wait 'til you get older

But the media men beg to differ

Judging by the hole in the satellite picture

The ice we skate is getting pretty thin

The water's getting warm so you might as well swim

My world's on fire. How about yours?

That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored.

[Chorus 2x]

Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas

I need to get myself away from this place

I said yep, what a concept

I could use a little fuel myself

And we could all use a little change

Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming

Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running

Didn't make sense not to live for fun

Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do so much to see

So what's wrong with taking the back streets

You'll never know if you don't go

You'll never shine if you don't glow.

[Chorus]

And all that glitters is gold

Only shootin' stars break the mold

Because you probably wont read this ill just give you a pancake recipe:

Ingredients

    100g plain flour

    2 eggs

    300ml semi-skimmed milk

    1 tbsp sunflower oil or vegetable, plus extra for frying

    pinch salt

    fish shaped crackers

    friends

    hard drugs

Method

    Blending in the flour: Put the flour and a pinch of salt into a large mixing bowl and make a well in the centre. Crack the eggs into the middle, then pour in about 50ml milk and 1 tbsp oil. Start whisking from the centre, gradually drawing the flour into the eggs, milk and oil. Once all the flour is incorporated, beat until you have a smooth, thick paste. Add a little more milk if it is too stiff to beat.

    Finishing the batter: Add a good splash of milk and whisk to loosen the thick batter. While still whisking, pour in a steady stream of the remaining milk. Continue pouring and whisking until you have a batter that is the consistency of slightly thick single cream. Traditionally, people would say to now leave the batter for 30 mins, to allow the starch in the flour to swell, but there’s no need.

    Getting the right thickness: Heat the pan over a moderate heat, then wipe it with oiled kitchen paper. Ladle some batter into the pan, tilting the pan to move the mixture around for a thin and even layer. Quickly pour any excess batter into a jug, return the pan to the heat, then leave to cook, undisturbed, for about 30 secs. Pour the excess batter from the jug back into the mixing bowl. If the pan is the right temperature, the pancake should turn golden underneath after about 30 secs and will be ready to turn.

    Flipping pancakes: Hold the pan handle, ease a fish slice under the pancake, then quickly lift and flip it over. Make sure the pancake is lying flat against base of the pan with no folds, then cook for another 30 secs before turning out onto a warm plate. Continue with the rest of the batter, serving them as you cook or stack onto a plate. You can freeze the pancakes for 1 month, wrapped in cling film or make them up to a day ahead.