The city was cold and abandoned at night. The streets were empty as most people were wisely at home away from the coming storm. Yet still there were some brave fools who wondered the streets.
A single man walked down the streets alone. A rather young person, still new to the world . Around his eyes, however, were the cracks of an old and worn soul. The skinny man was ill prepared for the coming storm as he wandered about in a pair of ratty long jeans and a simple lavender colored T-shirt.
"You really should have worn something warmer." Beside him he heard the feminine voice speak. Her tone was chastising. His unicorn companion looked up from her book and smirked at him. The lavender unicorn was always teasing him. Above all she loved to point out, albeit subtly, that she was smarter than him. It never bothered him. Quite the opposite in fact, he enjoyed the unicorn's company. Personality and all. How could he not, she was all he really had in the end.
The two walked down the city street together, existing mostly in silence. He would occasionally pick his head up and look around, while she would just smile and look at her book. She was just happy to be around him, and he was happy to be around her.
Of course, he was always cautious about talking to her around other people. On the rare moments when they spoke, the surrounding people would stare. The two were an odd combination, a human, and his unicorn companion. It always made him uncomfortable to see everyone stare. People just never seemed to understand, and they never approved of her existence.
He always had the lingering fear that people would see him and think he was nuts to talk to her. They could never understand what he thought or felt, nor could they understand what she meant to him. They could and would try to break the relationship the two had formed. Too many times he could remember how people had come between them. How they would try to take her away from him. Always claiming that it was for the best. He never could understand why they wanted to hurt him, why they wanted to take her, his little slice of peace and happiness, away.
Damn them all. He didn't care what they thought of him. He couldn't help the fact that he loved her company, that he cared for her, and yes, even loved her. It wasn't like anyone else ever stuck around anyway. So why did it matter what they thought of him, what they thought of her?
He loved her. He truly did, more than anything, more then anyone in the world. She was perfect in his mind. Soft and good natured, curious and inquisitive. But, most importantly, she accepted him. When all others had abandoned him, she was there for him, and with him.
For a moment, the memories of his squandered life washed over him. He remembered when he first saw her in his room. He didn't ask how, or why. His elation was palpable, she was real, and she would be with him. She would be there for him.
A smile crossed his lips as he remembered her first questions. They were just as he expected them to be: Where am I; Where is this place; what are you? She was ever the curious student, and quickly engrossed herself in his life. Questioning everything, reading anything she could. Always begging him to pick up a book and read it with her. It was adorable, and melted his heart. She was everything he had ever wanted.
Looking over to her he saw the book she was reading. It was his gift to her, an older book written a few years before he was born. They had read it together last night. It warmed him a bit to know she liked her gift. "I see you like that book."
She smiled but never looked up from it. "Oh, yes! Thank you again for getting it for me!" He couldn't stop smiling.
No one would ever understood though. The first time he walked around his school with her it did not go well. People called him nuts for being with her, and later a pervert when he told them how much he loved her. Their cries and arguments were always the same: You're just a pervert; What is wrong with you; Wake up; Horse fucker. The last one always brought a particular chuckle out of him. He never even had sex with her, she was just... There for him.
Of course he had thought about it, but physical intimacy would be difficult. It didn't matter thought. So long as he had her. He always reminded himself of that, he had too. She was enough.
He shook his head as the cold stung his arms and snapped him back to reality. The stinging sensation of twisted nerves caused him constant discomfort. He rubbed the long scars on his wrist. They remained as a constant reminder of his failure to handle reality, and his desire to escape from it by any means necessary.
"Hey," she called to him, trying to snap him out of his fog, "Are you ok?". The look on her face was one of concern. No one else in his life ever looked at him with such concern. No one else had ever cared as much as she had. He remembered that night so vividly.
She was by his side the whole night as he lay there dying. She didn't disappear, she didn't leave him alone. She had called and screamed but no one heard her. No one ever did. Everyone in his life always ignored her. Even on that night, no one cared how much she yelled that he was dying.
He could see her crying and he tried to rub her face to wipe away the tears. He wanted to hold her, to let her know it was for the best. Yet, no matter how much he tried he couldn't reach her tears.
As his eyes closed that night, she was his last sight. Yet it did not end. Someone had found him on the floor. Cold, nearly dead he saw there in a pool of his own life essence. He was saved that night, and allowed to suffer for another.
When he woke up in the hospital, she was there, sitting on his bed, smiling. She was happy he was still alive. She was the only one.
When his mother left him at the hospital, and told him never to contact the family again, she was there. She would never truly leave him. Which was more than he could say for anyone else. No one in his family would talk to him anymore, any friends he may have had, were now long gone. If not for her he would be cold and alone.
The snow started to fall.
A moment of lightheartedness overcame him as he looked up. He was hungry.
"Maybe you would feel better if you ate something?" She was still looking at him with worrying eyes. She was right, as usual, but where would he get food now? Everything was closed, and there was nothing to eat back at the apartment.
He hadn't made it out to get groceries in weeks. Ever since he lost his job. The thoughts and memories of that last day still haunted him.
"You're fucking nuts! It's not even a person, just some fucking pink horse," his boss had screamed at him.
"She's lavender, and she's a pony unicorn. Not a horse." In retrospect it was probably not a good idea to correct his boss.
It was all caused by a mistake. A slip up, but it was enough. Honestly, the yelling was his fault. He had come back to talk to his boss after he had been asked to leave. "Look, I understand it's strange, but I love her. Besides, what difference does it make? I do my job."
His boss wouldn't have any of it though. "Look, we work with kids and families here. I can't have someone like... well, you working here. You're too much of a risk. I'm sorry. Get some help."
It was just once, just one little slip up when he brought her to work. His coworkers saw them talking in the hallway. He tried to explain, tired to convince them that it was ok. He loved her, and that's all that really mattered. They would understand, he thought. They wouldn't try to pull them apart.
Yet the harder he tried to explain, the more disgusted and scared they got. His boss acted quickly. His boss gave him one chance, one ultimatum. The particulars were fuzzy, but the result was what scared him the most. He would have to leave her. He couldn't do that.
He felt a sting in his chest. Possibly from the cold, possibly from hunger, probably from something else. He was hungry though. Looking around, he found one place, one thing open.
In the middle of the city, in the middle of the oncoming snow storm there was one brave hot dog vendor still trying to sell, still trying to make a living. The young man had been to him before, and had the unfortunate displeasure of having him denounce his companion. Still, he was selling food, and there wasn't much else open. He held out hope though, maybe the hot dog Vendor had forgotten about him by now?
He approached the cart, and immediately regretted it. "Why if it isn't the nutty horse fucker," the vendor announce loud as he could for all of no one else to hear. The young man winced at the words. He was about to turn around, but noticed that Twilight was trying to nudge him on. His stomach growled, and he felt light headed. He knew he needed to eat something and she knew it too.
"You haven't eaten anything in two days," she pleaded. "Please. For me?" She begged.
"You sure you don't mind me eating hot dogs?" He whispered to her. She looked at him a serious glare, one raised eyebrow. "I never cared about you eating meat before."
He sighed and tried to order "Yeah, I'd like one dog with relish and onions." The vendor laughed and went to work making his hot dog.
"Oh, and would your horse companion like anything? Maybe a carrot?" The Vendor purposefully held a hot dog bun to his side where she was standing. The jester was mocking and insulting.
"I certainly wouldn't want a carrot, from a prick like you. " she smirked
He laughed a bit at her comment.
"Oh you think that's funny do you?" The Vendor threw the half finished dog on the ground. "You know what? I don't want to serve you, you fucking freak. So why don't the BOTH of you scram?"
The young man held his head down in shame as he walked away from the cruel vendor. He was silent. For some reason, the vendor's words cut deeper than they should. He began to think, what was the point?
He had no job, no friends, or family, and no life to speak of. Why continue?
"Why don't you go back there and say something to him?"
He looked down at his friend. "Why don't you?"
She blushed and held her book back up to her snout. "You know I can't."
He looked down at the ground and whispered to himself, "Nether can I..."
The unicorn looked around. Seemingly able to read his thoughts, she knew were they were headed. "We're going to the park? Isn't it a bit cold for that?" She put her book down and tucked it into her satchel.
The night was cold and he shivered. The unicorn wished she had wings or something similar to grab the human with. To try to keep him warm, but she didn't.
The park was closed, signs and caution tape were put up.
"Caution
The park is closed due to inclement weather"
He shrugged and walked around the blockage. The park was deserted. No one was there, the white falling snow covered everything. It was pretty, in its cold harshness. 'Why am I doing this?' He thought. The cold icy chill caused him to shiver.
"You really should learn to bring a jacket with you." The little unicorn looked up at her human friend, who just smiled. She was right, he knew. She usually was. The two kept walking deeper into the park. She looked around, concerned for her human host and friend. There was no one else around, and that concerned her, to say the least.
The snow was coming down hard enough to obscure the sky line. Before long, even the entrance way disappeared in the snow storm.
"Maybe we should turn around and go home?" She was really getting worried. She could practically read his thoughts, she could feel his pain. There was something very wrong tonight. If only he would listen to her...
"Home?" he scoffed. "Where is that? I've never had a home..."
She struggled to find an answer to tell him something, "Home, back where you sleep. Where it's warm." It was all she could say.
"Home is where the heart is, Twilight, and my heart is long since dead. I have no friends, no family. Nothing of any real value." The storm was bad now. In the white out conditions there was no way to tell which direction would have lead him home anyway.
It was hopeless. Even in a city full of people, there was no one to help.
He fell into a deep snow bank. His legs were starting to go a bit numb as the cold attacked them.
Twilight appeared in front of him when he fell. "Home, with me."
The young man held a hand out to touch her, to brush her tears away, but he couldn't. No matter how close she was, she was always too far away to hold, and to touch. He was having a hard time not crying, as he tried to hold her but failed. "I wish... I wish I could hold you," he sobbed.
She held up a hoof to his mouth, the tears in her eyes, mimicking his. He could see all her movements. He could see her in her entirety. He knew what she was going to say, he heard her words before she could even speak them. He always did. "I know she," whispered, "but I'm not real." With that she disappeared.
It was those hateful harsh words that would always succeed in taking her away from him. She wasn't real, yet she was all he had.
He cursed him self and cursed reality, as the tears poured forth. He never asked to be insane. He never asked to be this way, he never asked to be alone. The surrounding snow circled, crinkling and cracking ever so softly as it did. The snow absorbed all other sounds around it. He gave up walking and just sat in the middle of the large snow drift.
For a moment, the snow let up just enough so he could see. He looked up to the light polluted lavender colored clouds and falling snow. It reminded him of her. Reminded him of what he could never have.
It was cold. He knew he should get up, he knew he had to move or he would freeze to death. Yet, he couldn't. He had nothing to move for, and there was no one around to offer their hand. There was still a chance to survive if he just moved. His legs and arms quickly began to go numb.
His toes and fingers were long since frost bitten. The ice slowly traveled upward, as he sat freezing. 'I should move', he thought. 'I should try.' His legs wouldn't move. Nor would his arms, not really.
He could feel a heavy weight on his chest grow heavier and heavier. His eyes and mind clouded over as the snow and ice beat him with their bitter might.
He wondered if she would show up again. If he could see her one last time. The white oblivion surrounded him and engulfed him. He felt his eyes close, and for a moment, he thought he could feel her hoof around him. He could feel her warmth engulf him. "You aren't real..." he spoke, or was it a thought? He couldn't tell anymore.
"It's ok," He heard her whisper. She embraced him, the feeling seemingly warming his body. He could feel her holding him hugging him, as he sat freezing.
Her warmth traveled to his lips as he felt her hoof touch his mouth. She was crying, but put on a brave smile. "It doesn't matter now." She gave him one last hug, her warmth radiating through him as the cold sapped the last of his life away.
"I wish..."
Then there was silence.
His cold and frozen body sat there in the icy dune, submerged in the snow silence.
Author's Note
So, some of you are confused about this story by now. Some of you are no doubt asking, "what was the point?" This story is meant to explore the idea of a particular variant of schizophrenia from the inside.
You'll notice that thru out the story small little things are amiss, a character who seems just a bit out of character, people being oddly aggressive without reason. This is how I have interpreted what a person going though schizophrenia might see the world: Paranoia, delusions, hallucinations, ect... The character's death at the end was in some sense symbolic of how many who fall down this mental hole are forgotten and die in a figurative sense, if not an out right literal one.
This story was my attempt to use MLP influences to create something more then just a fan fiction. I'm not sure if I truly succeeded in what I was doing. So far to my knowledge this hasn't even been attempted in any works that I have come across on this site.
If you have any questions or comments about this, please let me know. I'm dieing to know what other people think of this idea.
And thanks again to Dino Days for editing support.
