I sat on Cheerilee's roof, the sun was down and I could see her and what looked like a date walking down the street towards me. "Human...young.... Hmm." I rubbed my chin and adjusted the night-vision goggles on my head. "Maybe not too young."

The pair closed in. They were stumbling and already looked about half ready to go at it in the street. "I know, right? The worst." I only caught the tail end of Cheerilee's words. I crawled towards the edge of the roof, watching down on the drunk pair.

They were both smiling. "Yeah...you'd better hope she laughs." I slowly pulled my goggles down as the streetlamps faded away. The world went green, my eyes taking a moment to adjust to the new colorless look. I didn't really like having to spy on Cheerilee, but I'd heard she was going on a date with someone for a while, and I needed to check it out.

The man standing beside my sister leaned against the door. "So, it's pretty late..."

"Oh you fuck...." I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "It's dark and I'm horny, can I fuck you?" I scoffed at the horrid attempt at flirting. "God damn, pick up your game shitlord."

Cheerliee reached out and touched his knee. "I'd...love it--if you stayed."

I rubbed my forehead. "Drunks, both of you." I crawled back and sat on the roof. A loud tapping made me nervous, but it slowly turned into a common enough sound. Drunken flailing and stumbling at its finest.

I waited calmly, letting the two go about their half-cut courting. "Come on...got to bed." I looked at my watch, it was already past midnight, and I had to take Berry Pinch to school in the morning.

I ran my hand up and down my gun, waiting for the noises from below to stop. "They're gonna fuck...watch."

A faint thud came from below. "Mark, not so rough!" Cheerilee followed up with a drunken giggle. "Gonna bruise my flank."

"God damn it." I rubbed my mouth. "Great, just-- Fuck it." I crawled over to her chimney spout and tossed a cable over it. I made sure the anchoring was tight and got ready to move. I slid off the edge of her roof and started to walk my way down her wall, upside down with only the rope to keep me from plummeting.

I walked my way down until I spotted them. A hunched over man covered up by a sheet, and Cheerilee holding onto his back with her head tucked beside his neck. "Absolutely disgusting.... Missionary, and under the covers." I gritted my teeth and drew my gun. I fiddled with laser for a bit before it popped on. A bright dot came into view, landing against the back of the man's head. "Make her cum...your life depends on it you fag." I was lying to myself a bit. I loved doing this. Playing evil big brother was almost as much fun as playing daddy to a foal.

Cheerilee's face was calm and soothed, eyes closed, mouth barely open as she grunted and moaned. "Oh Mark...." She slowly opened her eyes. The odd glowy eye thing from my goggles lit her up like a Menorah. "Mark don't--"

I tightened my grip on my gun. "Alright Mark, you--"

I stopped myself as Cheerilee's eyes darted from the back of his head to me. Her mouth slowly plopped open. We stared at eachother silently, Cheerilee getting plowed, me hanging off the end of her roof with a gun.

I nodded slowly, the followed up by shaking my head. I brought my gun hand out and teetered it left and right.

Cheerilee slowly shook her head.

"...Fine." I turned off the laser and grabbed the rope. I swung myself around and started to climb up again. "Waste of time--"

"Mark stop!" Cheerilee shouted from below.

"Game time mother fucker!" I kicked off Cheerilee's wall and let go of the rope. I slammed boot first into her window, shattering the glass and causing both the occupants to scream. "On the ground!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, drawing my gun and causing a neighbor's dog to start barking. "I said get on the ground!"

"What the fuck!?" Mark scrambled back. "Holy shit!"

"Coward!" I turned the laser back on and pointed it at his forehead. "How dare you not put the mare behind you!"

Cheerilee let out a long groan and rubbed her forehead. "Dear Luna...not again."

The pair just sat at the end of Cheerilee's bed, one in utter disbelief, the other shaking in fear. I stood off, pointing my gun square at Mark's head. "You told him to stop, what happened?!"

"Nick put the gun down!"

I shook my head. "Well now he has to die!"

"Nick!" Cheerilee got upright and walked to the end of her bed. "Put the gun away!"

I puffed my cheeks out. "Why'd you tell him to stop--"

"Because there was a murderer at my window!" Cheerilee stomped her hooves on the end of her bed. "Why-are-you-even-here?!" She beat up the sheets bunched up at the foot of her bed and started having a little tantrum. "Was the first time not enough!? Now you're gonna stalk me?"

I looked to Mark. "Hey, I'm just here for quality control. But you told him to stop and he didn't!"

Cheerilee stepped off her bed, brushing broken glass away as she shuffled to me. "You busted the window open like a crazypony half a second after I said it!"

"Well his reflexes weren't fast enough." I lifted my goggles and waited for my eyes to adjust. "See, I know people that are good enough for you. Christ, Jamie, good men. Good with guns, know how to hide a body--"

"No!" Cheerilee stomped her hoof. "I just-- Can you go? Can you just go right now?"

I put my hands up. "Alright.... But if he-- Oh you fuck!" I laughed loudly and pointed to Mark. "Fucker drew a gun on me!" He was kneeling on the bed now, gun trained on my chest. "I love it!"

Cheerilee looked over to the man on the bed. "Another? Does every human have a gun!?"

Mark took a deep breath and stepped off the bed. "Look, I don't know what the fuck--"

I waved my hand at him. "Don't--"

Cheerilee let out a huge scream. "Dear Celestia, just one night! One night without a gun or a death!" Mark and I both took a few steps away from her. "If it's not a student killing a hamster it's you trying to kill my dates!"

"I haven't killed any of your dates, yet." I pulled my gun out. "This might end bad though."

Mark coughed into his hand. "Uh, is there--"

I walked past the screaming mare and over to the naked man. "Hi, Nick Cohen." I stuck my free hand out towards him. "You were banging my sister-in-law."

Mark looked down at my hand. "Okay?" He shook my hand. "So you busted in through the window with a gun?"

"Eh, yeah. Might have jumped the gun a little bit." I stowed my pistol and looked over at Cheerilee. "She deserved a man, stallion-- Someone excellent."

Mark set his gun down on the nightstand, Cheerilee's screams still rattled the room. "You've been watching her dates?"

"No, mostly if they end up getting close to here I'll check it out. The last guy was a griffon and he's currently lost." I laughed into my wrist. "I bagged him and dumped him in the Crystal Empire."

Mark shook his head. "That's fuck up."

I shrugged and turned my head towards Cheerilee. "Anyways, you're smart enough to bring a gun. So...benefit of the doubt for now." I leaned in towards him. "But if I find out you hurt her...you will die. Okay?"

Mark cocked an eyebrow. "I wasn't planning to."

"Good." I pointed to Cheerilee. "I'll pay for the window and all that. You should probably take her to a hotel." I walked over to Cheerilee, the mare still screaming her head off. "Alright, he checks out. Have a good night." I crawled out the window and slowly rappelled my way back down to the street.

He wasn't perfect, but given how angry Cheerilee was, I couldn't really kill her one source of physical release just yet.

Author's Note

Go read this...might keep me working on Mr. Smith.