Rho Phi Nu Initiation

by tosety

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Dinky Hooves, Random, Sweetie Belle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2563

Sweetie Belle and Dinky have been accepted into Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. Now they are trying to get into the best sorority on campus: Rho Phi Nu. This will be their final test of bravery and self control.

Sweetie Belle and Dinky have been accepted into Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. Now they are trying to get into the best sorority on campus: Rho Phi Nu. This will be their final test of bravery and self control.

This takes place in the Memverse, but does not contain any main characters from those stories. No understanding or reading of those stories are necessary except the effect of bananas on ponies. (details in the author’s notes)

Rated teen due to the nature of bananas in this reality.

The idea for this story came from this picture:
http://i.imgur.com/QsIRIVe.jpg

Whatever you do, do not take this story seriously, despite the fact that Techogre has declared it canon.

Published 2015-02-16 16:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-05 02:38:46 UTC

Initiation rites and wrongs

Author's Note

For the record, in the Memoirs Universe, bananas are a potent aphrodisiac, much more powerful than Viagra and even the claims of 'performance enhancers'

In addition, they will jumpstart a mare's cycle and cause her to go into heat immediately. Thus, the two major brands of bananas are 'Nature's Heat' and 'Instant Week'

Initiation rites and wrongs

Dinky and Sweetie Belle sat with the other mares in their dorm. Everypony was excitedly waiting as they got their horns painted yellow and had the sorority’s name painted over their cutie marks.

Ρ Φ Ν

“All right, fillies,” an upperclassmare whinnied. “Time to see what you foals are made of. Remember that anypony caught smiling or laughing will fail this final test.”

Hearing this, Dinky quickly quashed the excited grin she was giving Sweetie.

An orange aura that matched the glow of the upperclassmare’s horn enveloped a small drum and stick and it beat out four beats.

BUM
BUM
BUM
BUM

At the second repetition, everypony stood.

BUM
BUM
BUM
BUM

At the third repetition, they were marching in place to the beat. The clopping of their hooves quickly merged into an accompaniment to the drum as did the beating of their hearts.

BUM
BUM
BUM
BUM

Another upperclassmare cast an illusion to hide their horns and flanks as they started to march out the door. Every face was set in a grim line like they were royal guards marching to battle. Dinky quietly imagined herself in gleaming golden armor as she exited the building and onto the street.

Dinky cautiously looked around as she marched. Ponies on the street stood aside as the line of mares marched towards the castle gates. Some were confused, others were amused. Dinky heard a faint hum start up in time with the beat of the drum.

As they drew closer, many onlookers facehoofed, knowing what would be happening from previous years. Sweetie Belle had to struggle to keep from grinning at everypony’s reactions.

Sweetie Belle felt a strange tickle of magic on her flanks, but there was nothing to do but keep herself focused and serious. She and Dinky were going to be in the greatest sorority at Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns and this was the final gate to jump. Everypony who was anypony (with the exception of Twilight Sparkle, of course) had been part of this sorority. She frowned for a second, realizing that, being a sorority, stallions were explicitly left out.

Two blocks away, the chant started.

Po-tass-i-um.

It started out as a whisper.

Potassium.

Potassium.

Potassium.

It grew in volume as every mare in line joined the chant.

Potassium.

Potassium.

Potassium.

Soon, every mare in the group was shouting it.

Potassium.

Potassium.

Potassium.

One block away from the castle, an upperclassmare dispersed the illusion and everypony’s horns showed the yellow paint. Their fake cutie marks, however, were not the sorority name, but, rather, half peeled bananas. Many in the crowd burst out in laughter. The rest either facehoofed or grumbled about the inappropriateness of the sight. Any foals in the audience quickly had their eyes and ears covered as they were hustled as far away as possible.

There were going to be many uncomfortable conversations about bananas and their effect on the pony reproductive cycle.

Celestia stood on her balcony, quietly amused by the yearly parade. The mares were currently marching in a circle in the main plaza outside the gates of the royal palace. A crowd of onlookers showed several different emotions.

Officially, she considered it ‘the height of bad taste’ but deep down, she admitted that she found many examples of bad taste highly amusing. If her sister were watching, there would have been an obvious (to her) upturn at the corners of her mouth and a twinkle of mirth in her eyes. Luckily, anypony who had not spent more than two hundred years with her would be unable to notice. She wished she could applaud the show without the duty of being a proper princess and a role model to these students, but authority was a double ended spear.

“Same instructions as last year?” Raven asked from beside her.

“Of course,” Celestia replied.

As Raven trotted away, Celestia called back. “On second thought, make sure to include Luna and Twilight in the picture mailings.”

“Yes, they probably would enjoy them,” Raven said with a devious smile. “Any particular subjects? If I remember, one of the bearer’s sisters is in that class.”

“Ah, yes, good call. Make sure to get extra shots of Sweetie Belle... maybe the mailmare’s daughter too.”

As Raven closed the door, there was the signature pop of a teleport and soon there were pegasi guards with cameras flying over the retreating group of students.

Princess Celestia stood in the auditorium, looking out over the faces of the assembled fillies and colts in her school.

“It has come to my attention that a certain sorority on campus has caused quite the scene. Many ponies of influence are calling for its disbandment due to this being a recurring problem. I, therefore, need to state in no uncertain terms that this school does not support, condone, or appreciate public displays of lewd and chaotic behavior and will continue to voice our displeasure if it continues to occur.”

With that statement, she walked off the stage. As her flank disappeared from sight, Sweetie Belle thought she saw Celestia’s cutie mark change into a half peeled banana.

Dearest Sweetie Belle,

HOW COULD YOU?

YOUR MOTHER CAN BARELY BREATHE AND I WON’T BE ABLE TO SHOW MY FACE IN PUBLIC EVER AGAIN!

THIS IS THE WORST POSSIBLE THING!

EVEN TWILIGHT SPARKLE HAS SEEN THE PICTURES OF YOU WITH THOSE FEELIES.

Your loving sister,
Rarity

As Rarity finished rolling up the scroll, blushing furiously, her mother was turning purple.

”Mother, it is not that funny. Do you realize how many stallions saw your daughter in such a scandalous group?”

Her mother responded with a fresh burst of laughter as she and Hondo continued to leaf through the pictures that came anonymously in the mail.

My Precious Muffin

Somepony sent me pictures of you and your classmates. tt looked like you were having a very good time.

Next time, please let me know so that I can come and watch.

Your mommy
Derpy Hooves

P.S. Princess Twilight framed a picture for me and I asked her to make a copy for you.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Thank you for the wonderful pictures. I look forward to taking them out and complementing those two fillies next time I see them. Sadly, it reminds me of yet another thing I missed by being unwilling to socialize while in Canterlot, although my parents would have been mortified if they had received pictures of me doing that. I expect they would have refused to send me any spending bits unless I quit the sorority.

Sincerely,
Princess Twilight Sparkle

Hey Sweetie,

Bwahahahaha!

Love your new cutie mark.

Best. Picture. Ever!

Your friends,

Scootaloo & Apple Bloom

P.S. , You might want to stay away from Rarity for the next few years.

P.P.S. , My dad didn’t get it, but mom is still laughing. -Scoots

Dorm Daze (bonus chapter)

An extremely frazzled Watchful Eye approached the diarchs. Her blue hair, normally perfectly styled up, was more than a little frazzled.

“Oh... my...” Celestia whispered quietly to her sister. “Looks like there has been a little excitement in the dormitory.”

“Agreed,” Luna replied with concern as Watchful’s horn spat sparks. “Mayhaps a prank went too far?”

Watchful bowed deeply at the base of the dais. As they watched, a few more strands of hair broke free.

“I don’t see how. They’ve inverted the spatial parameters of her room, enchanted her coat wash to make her sprout feathers, and even turned her into a stallion.”

“A stallion?” Luna asked, disbelief heavy in her voice.

“Well, we believe it was some kind of illusion based magic, but it was convincing enough that she believed it. She’s been remarkably even tempered about even that prank.” Celestia turned her attention from her sister to Watchful. “Is something the matter, my little pony?”

“Y-yes, Princess!” Watchful exclaimed as she stood upright. “The horror! The horrible human magic is spreading immorality and debauchery even to the hallowed halls of your school.”

Luna’s concerned frown flattened as Watchful besmirched the character of her paladin. This was most likely a minor cultural difference blown out of proportion by speciesist unicorns.

Luna kept her face as neutral as she could and raised an eye inquisitively. “Oh?”

“Ah, that would explain it. She is extremely committed to her job,” Celestia whispered to her sister. “She’s one of the most outspoken against the yearly march, though even that garners grudging respect that they are able to slip it past her each time.”

“Yes!” Watchful Eye practically shouted before calming her voice down again. “Yes. Your paladin gave Miss Belle this horrible device.”

Watchful pulled one of the clones of Alex’s laptop out of her saddlebags and levitated it over to the diarchs. On the screen were yellow ovoid creatures with goggles and overalls. Luna took it in her own magic and reset the video to the beginning before playing it.

The four creatures began singing a capella in much the same way that the Ponytones did. As the song continued, Luna and Celestia sat stoically as they took in the extremely risque song lyrics while Watchful’s eye started to twitch and a few more strands of mane popped out of place. Celestia started getting nervous about Watchful’s stress level when her purple coat began getting matted with sweat.

“Thank you for bringing this to my attention, my little pony,” Celestia said as she closed the laptop. “I will be talking with Miss Belle after tomorrow’s classes.”

Watchful, grateful that the Princess was taking her seriously, smiled and bowed again. “Thank you.”

Celestia and Luna watched the mare leave looking slightly less frazzled than she came in.

“Oh, Sweetie Belle,” Celestia muttered, smiling and shaking her head. “What am I going to do with you?”

Sweetie Belle stood outside Celestia’s office trembling with fright. She was about to knock on the door when the regent and headmare called from the other side. “Please enter, Miss Belle.”
As always, the voice was compassionate and inviting. It settled her nerves and allowed herself to steel her resolve. Sadly, at the same time, it also reminded her of how horribly she had disappointed the princess.

Sweetie slunk in, ears flat against her head. Upon seeing not only her laptop, but Princess Luna as well, her ears found a way to press themselves even flatter.

“I am very disappointed in the level of distress you have caused Watchful Eye,” Celestia said with a sad frown. “May I ask what possessed you to play that song for your dorm mates?”

As Celestia said this, Luna turned around the laptop and activated the video.
Sweetie Belle glanced to the door behind her, briefly tempted to bolt. Dismissing that plan, she swallowed hard and tried to find her voice.

After a few pathetic squeaks, she managed a tremulous reply. “I-it was a bonus song on a movie made for human kids.”

“So, because you believed it appropriate for human children, you thought it would not be a problem to play it for your friends in a place that the Dorm Warden could hear?”

What had seemed so logical to her in her head, now, in Celestia’s disapproving voice came across as foalish. Sweetie Belle’s mouth felt drier than the Appleoosan desert. She looked at the floor and nodded a dismal affirmative.

“You are a very intelligent and capable young mare, Sweetie,” Celestia said with compassion. “But you need to learn wisdom. A mare, especially one who will be graduating near the top of her class, must know how to conduct herself with propriety. She must know when and where she can let her mane down. And, most importantly, she must know what precautions need to be taken for a given situation.”

Sweetie Belle winced as one of the creatures on the screen hit another hard enough to knock it over.

“Do you promise to think before you act and do your best to keep Miss Eye from any more distress?” As Celestia said this, she closed the laptop and put a piece of paper on top of it.

Sweetie Belle nodded soberly. “I promise.”

Celestia’s face brightened and she smiled beatifically down at Sweetie. “Good.”

Luna continued to sit impassively, but broke her silence. “We have decided your punishment shall be to memorize and perfect your casting of these two spells by the end of the week.”

Her blue aura enveloped the paper and the laptop as she levitated them over to Sweetie Belle.

Sweetie Belle nodded with a tentative smile as she accepted them. “Thank you, princesses. I’ll do my best.”

“I’m sure you will,” Celestia said as she opened the door. “You are dismissed.”

Sweetie scuttled out of the room, murmuring a few more ‘thank you’s.

“No way...” Sweetie whispered to herself.

Starswirl’s Sound Stopping Spell

Difficulty - Medium to advanced.

Effect - Puts a barrier on any surface that will keep sound from being able to penetrate.

Usefulness - Primarily used as an anti-spying precaution for private meetings and discussions. Also used as an echo removing enchantment for audio recording purposes.

An upperclassmare looked at the paper and smirked. “Yep, that’s Celestia for you.”

“Is she really saying-” Sweetie Belle was cut off by her fellow student.

“Oh, no!” the upperclassmare interrupted with overly dramatic horror. “Princess Celestia would never promote anything indecent!”

The effect was topped off by the mare going wide eyed and putting a hoof to her heart.

Sweetie Belle kept a straight face as she looked at the second spell.

Ignore Me

Difficulty - Advanced.

Effect - Creates a perception field around the target that convinces anypony looking at it that it is not worth noticing.

Usefulness - Primarily used as a way of hiding valuables.

Warning: Keys and other easily lost items may be rendered unfindable if the spell is cast directly on them. It is much better to cast it on a part of a large item, such as a desk drawer or section of wall.

“Don’t slack off with those,” her friend cautioned. “Celestia takes her punishment teaching seriously and when she says mastered, she means it.”

Sweetie Belle gulped nervously.

Celestia closed the door, locking it and casting one of the spells assigned to Sweetie. Reaching a hoof over to a blank part of her desk, she opened a drawer. She levitated her own laptop out, and, with some fiddling, found a link to the previously played song. Luna materialized two bananas.

Using the bananas as pretend microphones, the two diarchs flew into the air and began singing along.

“Ba, ba, ba,
ba-na-nana!
Ba, ba, ba,
ba-na-nana!”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQQvanCpC3Q