There were no ponies trotting past the large tree with the red sign with an open book adjacent its dutch door, no birds singing in its branches; there were not even any insects buzzing on the ground in the tree’s ample swath of shade. The sentient creatures of Ponyville had long ago learned that sometimes that particular tree contained hazards every bit as dangerous as the Everfree. No, there was not a soul to be found outside of the tree; however, there was a copious amount of something going on inside the tree.
And that something was science.
“Spike? Get down here, Spike,” shouted an increasingly impatient lavender unicorn from the basement laboratory. The delay that her assistant’s dawdling was causing to science beginning to fray her remaining patience. “Spike! Hurry up Spike. Science waits for nopony, or dragon, or anything else for that matter.” Twilight Sparkle paced around her laboratory, tail swishing in irritation as she awaited her diminutive assistant, paying no heed to her implements of science scattered about the room. Her glance swept over all the other science that littered the room that she knew so intimately, not that anypony else would be able to determine their origin or purpose beyond some scattered test tubes and something that looked vaguely like a screwdriver as she waited.
“I’m coming. I’m coming. Sheesh, Twi, you make it sound like the world depends on this,” groaned the baby dragon as he descended the basement stairs carrying a giant pile of something that looked vaguely like one of the forbidden power crystals he had seen in the Canterlot Museum of Really Dangerous Magical Artifacts when he and Twilight had visited.
He began to navigate the maze of equipment and components that littered the floor, staying well clear of anything that glowed or fizzed or stank.“What is so important it can’t wait for me to finish rehearsing my moves to woo Rarity with?” Spike set the offending article upon Twilight’s worktable, annoyance clearly evident in his voice.
“It’s the last piece I need to complete the PLOT,” answered Twilight as she gazed fondly upon the sketchy device in front of her on the table, her earlier impatience no longer leaking into her voice now that she could continue furthering her plans with her PLOT.
Spike quirked an eyebrow and gave Twilight a blank stare.“The what?”
“The Pinkie Location Observation Transmitter, otherwise known as the PLOT. I thought that was obvious.”
“Wait, what? I thought you’d given up on keeping tabs on Pinkie? We all know how that turned out last time. You even wrote the Princess a friendship report about it and everything. You can’t be serious that you would risk it again just because of the PLOT?”
“Well, yes. I had given up. However, that was before I had prepared my PLOT. Now I don’t have to worry about silly things like physics and the rules of nature getting in the way. I must know how she just appears out of nowhere. Earth ponies just don’t do that,” said Twilight, grinning just a little too wide, the twitch under her right eye becoming noticeable.
"I must know, for science!” Twilight Sparkle practically shouted while pointing a hoof boldly at the ceiling, an action that began to sow the seeds of worry in the baby dragon. It was enough that he began wondering if he shouldn’t make a dash for his emergency ‘Twilight’s lost it and Ponyville needs saving again princess’ stash of scrolls he’d made after the Smartypants incident, confident he could send it to Celestia before Twilight realized what was going on. Probably...he hoped.
“Don’t worry Spike. I’ve got this completely under control. Besides, I have a failsafe just in case.” Pointing a forehoof at a small round worktable behind the closer table with her PLOT prominently displayed for all to see, “I present to you the DERP” proclaimed Twilight proudly, the twinkle in her eye not escaping her assistant’s increasingly skeptical stare.
After a long pause and a rather deadpan stare from her assistant, Twilight realized that Spike wasn’t connecting the dots like she’d hoped. One deep breath and a sigh later, she began to describe a situation that Spike was very certain he needed to stop if he wanted a chance with Rarity before Twilight broke something important like the fabric of time and space.
“The DERP, Spike, is the Determin Error Regarding PLOT device. That nice stallion, Breakfast Cereal or something, at Equestrian Innovations told me it would fix what was preventing my PLOT from working right after I told him what I intended to do with it.”
A few eye twitches later and Spike began to realize just how bad this was looking as Twilight began qualifying herself. “Well, that or it could cause a hole in the fabric of time and space and kill us all, but he assured me that I shouldn’t worry about that. I mean, if I destroy the world and everything with it, why, I wouldn’t be around to miss it and nopony else would either!” The sudden twang of bits of Twilight’s mane snapping out of position as she said this was all the purple dragon needed to decide that he needed to stop this and now as far as he was concerned. He remembered the last time she looked that way, and he wasn’t about to stand idly by as it happened again, ‘Twilight Snapple’ was something he never wanted to experience again.
Some rather furious eye twitching later and Twilight Sparkle was finally ready to engage her PLOT. “This is it Spike,” said Twilight, practically buzzing with nervous energy in anticipation of what she was about to do with her PLOT. Putting the finishing touches on her PLOT to get it ready for action, Twilight’s eyes lit up and her smile widened in an uncanny impression of Pinkie Pie, the last of her preparations finally complete.
“This is going to be amazing,” said the lavender unicorn, more excitement dripping from her voice than anypony besides Pinkie Pie had a right have, the big moment a mere spell away. At this point Spike knew he had to act or face a lecture from Celestia, one that promised to be in the Traditional Royal Canterlot Voice should it be needed. But before Spike could reach the manic magenta-maned mare, a final maniacal laugh erupted from Twilight, followed by a flick of her horn as she aimed her spell at her PLOT and let out the battle cry that the residents of Ponyville had long come to fear.
“For Science!”
As the lavender pony’s PLOT began to hum with energy, Twilight and her PLOT began to lift into the air, a lilac glow expanding from the device, quickly enveloping Twilight in its aura. A strong wind began to overtake the basement as the light increased, the DERP and the rest of the implements of science scattering, a few lodging in the walls. Soon the light had overtaken the entire basement, the wind slowly pushing Spike back further and further from the glowing orb hovering in the center of the room and against the wall adjacent the DERP. In a brilliant explosion of pink light, confetti and streamers, the PLOT, its energy spent, clattered to the floor with a loud thud.
After wiping his eyes and recovering his bearings, Spike gaped at what he found. Science was everywhere, even places science had no right to be. What caught his eye, however, was the incredible lack of science in the center of the laboratory. Instead, he saw what looked like a bathtub, a rubber duck, and an alligator eating cotton candy as it hung over the side of the tub, all surrounded by the streamers and confetti. Well, that and a soot-covered and coughing Twilight Sparkle, mane standing on end as she leaned with a forehoof against the tub. But that was nothing he didn’t see, minus the tub, all the other times that science needed doing.
Having finally finished her coughing fit, Twilight stood up and gazed incredulously into the tub, finally catching sight of the Pink party pony and her ear-splitting grin gazing right back, apparently unphased by her pet gnawing on her anatomy or that she was not in the middle of Twilight’s basement. Before Twilight could fully register just went wrong, Pinkie Pie burst from the water and tackle-hugged the lavender unicorn.
“Hiya Twilight!” Reaching into her mane and pulling out a cupcake, Pinkie Pie quickly stuffed it into the dazed face of Twilight Sparkle. “Want a cupcake? They're delicious!”
Her mind unable to understand just how powerful her PLOT had been in order to actually find and then bring Pinkie to it, Twilight Sparkle, protege of Princess Celestia, bearer of the Element of Magic and owner of the most powerful PLOT in all of Equestria, rejected consciousness and promptly fainted.
“Oh well, more for me. Yay.” Pinkie Pie proceeded to stuff the entire cupcake into her mouth before getting back in the tub and playing with her rubber duck.
Having had his fill of science and whatever it was he just saw, Spike began to walk back upstairs and away from the disaster below, muttering under his breath. “It’s time to stop doing science. Now it’s time for romance.”
Across town in a shop known just as well for its beautiful proprietress as its beautiful wears, a white unicorn shuddered, unable to shake the feeling that something horrible was about to come her way.
Author's Note
Any constructive criticism is greatly appreciated as this is my first story ever. Feel free to point out any style, grammar or any other mistakes you find and I will fix them.
