ISSUES

by FamousLastWords

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Flitter and Cloudchaser, Spike, Sex
Length: 2863

Spike and Flitter talk about why Hearts and Hooves Day sucked.

Spike and Flitter cross paths and talk about why Hearts and Hooves Day sucked.

Thanks to Follow Focus for helping this story suck less!

Published 2015-02-17 03:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-17 03:30:02 UTC

Story

Curse you, alarm clock!

Spike's eyes travelled down the seemingly endless line of ponies that led to the comic shop.

Well, what else did you expect from a weekend like this?

It was the day after Hearts and Hooves and the local comic shop was having a pre-release sale for the newest issue of the Power Ponies comic.

Normally, Spike didn't mind waiting to get the newest issue, but this wasn't just any issue. Oh, no. This was the special Hearts and Hooves day issue. Few details had been released on its contents, but if the leaked cover art was any indication, Humdrum would be starring with a particular Power Pony love interest by the name of Radiance.

This was a very big deal for Spike, indeed.

However, as per the usual, life and its cruel sense of humour saw fit to come between him and his goal. For whatever reason beyond his comprehension, his alarm clock did not go off at the needed time. Instead, he woke up thirty minutes late, had to skip a shower and breakfast and made it to the shop just in time to see what must be one-hundred plus ponies in line, separating him from the item he so badly desired.

Head hung low, frown firmly in place, Spike plodded his way upon the cold dirt path toward his designated place at the back of the line. The early morning chill twirled around his scales, nipping at his exposed exterior, as if adding injury to insult. However, he had more important items on his mind than to worry about the virulent hostilities mother nature threw at him.

For one, he was going to be here for a good chunk of the day, and he didn’t even get to eat. Not to mention he had no idea how many copies of the comic book the store carried, so there was a possibility he may have to return home empty-clawed.

Then, of course, was the biggest thing of all that was on his mind.

The absolute horror that was Hearts and Hooves day. A horror so unspeakable, so embarrassing, so unnecessarily mortifying that he had no choice but to keep it as far from his memory as possible.

As Spike tried to purge his mind of any and all thoughts pertaining to the previous day, he had his attention broken by the sounds of gleeful laughter of pony walking by, holding a limited edition, Hearts and Hooves day, Power Ponies comic.

“Wow!” the pony exclaimed, a sickeningly large smile spread across his face. “I’m sure glad I woke up early today thanks to my fully functioning alarm clock and got my copy of the comic. This is the single best thing I’ve ever read!”

Well, buck you too, random pony.

Spike twisted his frown into a look of pure contempt and leaned back against the wall of the shop he was standing against.

“Ouch!” Spike felt a hard object poke into his body. Feeling around in his hidden pockets, Spike found something that gave him the single most joyful experience he had felt that weekend.

“Eureka! A gem!” He thrust out a small, yet beautifully crafted sapphire gem from his pocket. His stomach growled at the mere sight of such a precious morsel, and he could not wait to sink his fangs into it.

“Hoorah! Perhaps my luck is beginning to change after all!” Spike took one more second to appreciate the sheer beauty of the moment. He slowly but surely moved his claw closer to his mouth, ready to release the only meal he would be able to enjoy for the rest of day into him gaping jaws. Finally, he released the gem from his claw. As it made its way into his mouth, he could almost taste the heavenly flavour of the scrumptious delicacy. It inched closer and closer. Here it comes… “OOmph!”

Misfortune itself revealed its malicious intent in the form of a cataclysmic impact ramming Spike into the ground. As his face became one with the ground below, he had time only enough to see his precious gem roll away and be picked up by a bird, to be carried off to Celestia knows where.

Spike could feel a tear of pure anguish start to roll down his cheek as fate seemed to separate him from the last thing in life he had. But, at this point, he had just resigned himself to the fact he would not be getting his way about anything this day.

Spike slowly crawled back to his feet and turned around to see the nature of the force that collided with him. At this point, nothing would surprise him. A large beast, maybe? Perhaps the incarnation of evil itself, seeking to destroy everything he held precious?

A light blue mare with a large pink bow?

“Umm, excuse me?” Spike asked, attempting to communicate with her. He recognized her from his trips to the comic shop. “Flitter, right?”

“Yeah, what do you want?” she coldly responded, eyes firmly locked towards the distance.

“Well, any particular reason you ran into me just now?”

“You were in my way.”

Spike seeked to retaliate but found he had no response to her last statement.

“Umm, well, that wasn’t cool. You made me drop the only food I had for the whole day!”

“Look, I promise I’ve got bigger things to worry about right now than the current state of your breakfast.” The mare swiftly rolled her eyes and resumed her moody gaze.

Ouch. What’s her problem?

“Alright, fine, whatever,” Spike said, turning away. “But I’m pretty sure nothing going on in your life could be worse than what I went through yesterday.”

“Uhh, no, I highly doubt that,” Flitter replied.

“Oh really? Let’s hear it then,” Spike said, arms folded across his chest.

“Hear what?”

“Let’s hear what happened that put you in such a foul mood.”

Flitter turned her gaze to the ground for a moment in thought, but eventually let out a deep sigh. “Fine. Here goes:”

****

The sun was shining, birds were chirping and the world was an all-over happy place for Flitter as she pranced down the central path in downtown Ponyville.

She carried with her a bouquet of specially chosen flowers and a large box of chocolates, all for one pony and one pony only.

“He’s totally going to love this!” She said in reference to the light of her life, her one true joy, her very special somepony.

The special somepony who she was going to spend the rest of her life with… Hopefully. Over the past few months he had grown somewhat colder, more distant. She didn’t know why, perhaps it was something she said? Something she had done?

Whatever it was, she was going to make amends, and this bundle of flowery repentance was her first step. The next was to visit him by surprise and do whatever it took to earn his love once again. She even used some of her older sisters’ expensive perfume, just in case.

She ran down the street, a smile spread across her face, until she finally arrived at the home of her beloved.

*Knock! Knock! Knock!*

No answer.

*Knock! Knock!*

...Still no answer.

Flitter pressed her ear up to the door. It was mostly silent, but she swore she could hear the sounds of somepony moving around behind it. Maybe he was just in the back room?

“Hmm, I’m sure he won’t mind if I just let myself in,” she said with a mischievous smile. She nudged the door open and made her way inside, being as quiet as possible.

Now that she was inside, she could definitely hear a sound coming from the his bedroom in the back.

“Oh, here’s my chance!” she said, trying to contain her excitement.

She crept down the hall, presents ready, and approached his door.

“Alright, here we go. Three...two...one... “ Without a second thought she kicked the door open and leapt inside. “Surprise! Huh?”

It was a surprise after all, a paralyzing sense of dread washed over her as she found before her a large bed… An occupied bed. Two figures writhed about beneath the sheets, warping and twisting around each other in the most vile ways possible. The room was drenched in the stench of sweat and other odd pheromones, as the two ponies that lurked beneath fondled one another violently. The bed frame could barely support the activities that it was being asked to cater to.

“Ahh!” Flitter yelled, dropping the chocolate and flowers.

A stallion’s head popped up from the sheets and immediately made eye contact with Flitter.

“Flitter?”

“Thunderlane? What’s going on?!”

“Uh...Happy Hearts and Hooves Day?”

****

“So...yeah. Now you know.” Flitter swiped away a tear before it could run down her cheek.

Spike almost felt his heart shatter as he looked at the sad mare in front of him. Breaking up was one thing, but that… that was just on an entirely new level of douchebaggery he had never even heard of before.

“Wow… I’m so sorry,” Spike said, unable to think of anything remotely comforting to say.

“Well, I guess I should have seen it coming, anyways,” Flitter said, tracing circles in the ground beneath her. “So, what made your day so bad?”

“Trust me… you don’t wanna know,” Spike said, hoping to just drop the subject and save himself the embarrassment.

“No, I think I kinda do wanna know,” she said with a grin.

“Fine...but it isn’t pretty.” Spike closed his eyes for a moment, bringing back the events of yesterday to his mind. “It all started when I decided who I wanted to my special somepony:”

****

“Alright...Flowers? Check. Candy? Check. Breath spray? …*squirt, squirt* Check!”

Spike took a quick glance at himself in his bathroom mirror to make sure his clothing was in order. “Spike, you are one fine dragon. No way Rarity can resist you, today.”

It was no great secret he had a strong affection for Rarity, but he finally decided he would straight up ask her to be his. And what better day to do such than Hearts and Hooves Day?

Spike picked up his flower bouquet and box of Cocoa ‘Splosion brand Coconut Truffles and stepped out the door, ready for whatever the world could throw his way, or so he thought.

Spike arrived at the Carousel Boutique, a smile chiseled on his face. He puffed out his chest as he strode towards the door, taking time to make sure that his scales were nice and spiffy and that his spikes were all straight. Satisfied with his devilishly handsome appearance he took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

From behind the door emerged Rarity, beautiful Rarity. Her flawless coat and pristine mane glistened in the sunshine. She beat her perfectly crafted eyelashes and smiled warmly at the dragon, a mental chorus of a thousand angels accompanied her as she spoke.

“Why, hello Darling! What brings you here on such a gorgeous morning?”

Spikes tongue melted in his mouth.

“You simply must come in and join me for tea,” Rarity continued before Spike could form words. He nodded vigorously and followed the heavenly goddess into the boutique.

Before he knew it, he was seated at a table, his claws around a lavishly decorated tea cup. He swished the steaming liquid around in his glass as Rarity pulled another teacup from the cabinet. Spike had become quite adept at the art of staring at Rarity without looking like he was staring, and he felt no shame in practicing his art now.

“So, Spike, how are you enjoying your Hearts and Hooves Day?”

“Oh, you know,” Spike chuckled nervously, “It’s just as good as any other day.”

Rarity brought over a teacup of her own and settled down in the chair across from him. A sweet smile spread across her face.

“I simply think it’s divine,” she said, whimsically, “Everything is so lovely this time of year.”

“I agree completely,” Spike replied without hesitation.

“Everypony in town, strolling peacefully through the park, enjoying the day with their special somepony.” She looked almost passionately at Spike, a noticeable twinkle flickered in her eyes.

Spike noticed his palms were starting to get really sweaty.

“So, Spike,” Rarity said with a sultry gaze. “I couldn’t help but notice the flowers and candy you brought with you. Are they for anypony...special?”

Spike had completely forgotten about the gifts he brought with him. They were sitting on the ground by his chair.

Spike knew it was now or never.

“Well, about that, Rarity,” he said, picking up the bouquet and candy. “I actually bought these for you.”

Spike steeled his nerves, ready for whatever response he might receive. But the response that actually came, he couldn’t have wished for anything better.

“Oh, Spike!” Rarity said, levitating over the romantic offerings. “This is so sweet! I was wondering if you’d ever work up the courage to finally express your feelings to me like this.”

Rarity hopped up from her seat and planted a small kiss on Spike’s cheek.

“Oh, it, uh… It was nothing, Rarity.” Spike nearly fainted right then and there.

“This is so lovely Spike. Now, if you don’t mind though, I do believe one of these chocolates would just go swimmingly with my tea.”

Rarity popped the lid off the box of candy and immediately began munching on a select piece.

“Oh my, this is wonderful!” She said in the purest reverence, “You simply must tell me what flavor this is.”

“It’s coconut.” Spike replied innocently.

Rarity’s jaw dropped open, letting the chocolate fall out of her mouth, she paused in disbelief as her face turned the color blue… Literally blue. She gasped, clutching at her throat, “COCONUT?!”

Spike watched in horror as Rarity’s face began to puff, undergoing a massive, allergy induced transformation. She collapsed on the floor, gasping for breath. Tears flowed freely down her swollen cheeks as her lips formed the word “Why?”

*****

“...And the doctors said she can probably leave the hospital today. Unless there’s another setback.”

Flitter stared at Spike, eyes wide as saucers. “Wow, that’s awful! Did she still, you know, want to be your special somepony?”

“Well, she said it was okay when I visited her last night. But then she said she needed her space for awhile. Make of that what you will.”

“Ouch.”

“Eeyup.”

“NEXT!” a loud, shrill voice called out.

After being completely engrossed in each other’s stories for the better part of the morning, the two hadn’t even realised they were now at the front of the line.

“Next? Oh, that’s me!” Spike said as he hopped to the counter.

“Here you are, son,” said the stallion behind the counter. “One copy of the new Power Ponies. Enjoy!”

Spike greedily took in every inch of the item in his hand. Boy did he need this.

Spike was about to dash off toward his home, but he at least wanted to say goodbye to Flitter after their bonding of sorts while in line.

Flitter, for her part, trotted happily up to the stand to receive her copy, but was met with a much different result.

“Sorry, that was the last copy. We’re fresh out.”

“L-Last copy? B-But…” Flitter’s lip quivered uncontrollably as a few tears started rolling down her cheeks. After all she had been through, this was just the icing on the cake.

Spike could feel a hole forming in his heart as he watched her walk away, head drooped and legs threatening to buckle at any second.

He looked once more at the comic in his hand. The comic he had waited weeks for. The comic that he so desperately wanted, needed even.

The comic he was going to be saying goodbye to.

“Hey, Flitter, wait up!” Spike dashed over to her, and was greeted with one of the saddest looking frowns he had ever seen.

“Yeah, what is it, Spike? I kinda just want to go home.”

Spike took one last good look at his possession before continuing. “Well, considering how awful things went for us yesterday, I was wondering if maybe, I don’t know, you’d like this comic? As a Hearts and Hooves day present?”

Flitter’s jaw opened as her eyes travelled to the comic book that was being held out to her. “Y-You’re giving this...to me?”

“Well, yeah…” Spike said, awkwardly rubbing the back of his head. “I mean, it’s a little late for a real Hearts and Hooves day present, but better late than never, right?”

Flitter slowly took the comic from him, a small smile creeping onto her face. “I...I don’t know what to say.”

“So...do you wanna be my ‘one day late’ special somepony for Hearts and Hooves day?”

Instead of responding with words, Flitter pecked Spike on the cheek with a small kiss. “Absolutely. Now…” Flitter took Spike by the claw and pulled him along with her as she dashed out of the store.

“Let’s go read this comic book, together.”

Author's Note

Dedicated to all of you who have Issues in your own romantic lives. :P