Feminist Blight: The Bravest Stallion
Celestia's ancient scrolls speak of a horde. A horde unlike anything the world has ever seen since their defeat. In the time before time they rose from the pits of earth to lay waste to the pony world. Their numbers rivaled that of the sand and they were relentless and they attacked again and again until we all neared annihilation. When our doomed seemed nigh we had only one hope, to turn to the gods. Celestia and Luna had to combine their powers and the sun and moon to seal them away in the bowls of the earth from whence they came. Ever since then our world has known no conflict like the blight and we pray we never will.
But that's why I'm here, I fear....
Seven days ago Equestria was rocked by a massive earthquake that shattered all records. The epicenter was the Everfree Forest. My name is Cliff and I'm a scientist sent by the royal court to check this new fissure and I pray the legend has not come to life.
My heart is filled with dread as I leave the foliage to find a gash wider than many football fields and deeper than.... anything I've ever seen. It's them, the blight is upon is... goddesses help us all.
BACK IN PONYVILLE
The mane six arrive at the train station after a quaint trip to Manehattan to buy perfumes for Rarity's birthday. But the station is oddly deserted and the town proper feels... wrong.
“I can't find anyone Twilight. No one at the ticket counter, snack bar or anything.” Fluttershy said in her worrying demeanor.
Applejack patted the distraught pegasus. “Ah now hush. Ah assume they're just on break. No need to go a' worryin'.”
The others calmed down at Applejack's words when Rarity looked to the sky. With a pointed hoof she cried. “Goodness! Smoke and lots of it!”
The rest of the girls looked out over the town and while it was a little away there were several pillars of smoke bellowing from structures in the town. Twilight's heart sank as Flutteshy now looked to be correct.
“We've got no time to waste girls! Let's get to the town and help in anyway possible!” Twilight said bravely and flexed her wings, rallying the other girls.
“I'm not a girl but I know what you mean.” Chirped Spike unamused.
-Later-
After a fast gallop to the town the girls (and Spike!) were witness to Ponyville in utter desolation. Fires burned in the streets, buildings were devastated if not collapsed in entirety, carts burned in the streets and the kiosks of the bazaar looked to have literally been trampled.
“Oh no- we have to run!” Fluttershy said in a fearful whisper as she cowered behind her friends.
Rainbow Dash inspected a nearby home whose windows had been shattered and the door kicked down. She loooked until she fluttered back to Twilight, defeated. “There's no one here, Twilight.”
Twilight's response was interrupted by a grown from behind a bale of hay. Quickly Applejack looked behind and soon dragged Pokey out from his hiding spot. “Pokeh' are you alright?!”
The blue unicorn stallion looked beaten and bruised like he crossed paths with an angry timber wolf. He looked at the girls and flinched in fear before putting his hooves up in a pleading motion. “Please... don't hurt me. Take what you want, for the love of the goddesses.” He said trembling.
Everypony exchanged worried glances before Rarity spoke to him again. “Darling it's okay, it's us. No one is going to hurt you. What happened?”
Pokey slowly lowered his hooves but did not unshield himself completely. “Horrible creatures, came from the forest. No one was spared. First the men, then the women and....” He sobbed. “Even the children. They kept shouting about something, they foamed at the mouth and they threw blood everywhere. Their blood melts like acid...”
Everyone looked again at each other and the display of desolation before them. “Who are they and how did you survive?” Rainbow asked unabashedly.
Pokey cried throwing his hooves over his face. “I faked being dead but they'll return. No one is safe from their darkness. Their evil will cover the planet like a plague of locust. This is the end of days.”
“Hush Pokey! Yur' scarin' Fluttershy.” Applejack said and stilled the shaking pegasus.
“Run ponies. They will spread until their horde crushes the setting sun. Run, run more and when you can't run run some more.” Pokey cried before falling back to the ground with a thud... and breathed no more.
“Is he-?!” Fluttershy said but was interrupted when Spike belched up a letter.
Twilight levitated the letter and read aloud:
Dear Twilight Sparkle and company,
A great evil has surfaced and is taking Equestria by storm. Please, hasten to me at the castle in Canterlot. If we do not act quickly this blight will poison the earth and destroy all life as we know it. Please, time is of the essence.
-Celestia.
“Ah blight? What exactly is this horde?” Applejack asked now worried.
“Who cares! All we need to do is get to the train station, head to Canterlot so Celestia can tell us how to defeat them! Whoever they are I'll make them pay ten times the damage they did to my home!” Rainbow Dash said angrily as looked on at a destroyed fountain statue of Celestria.
“Then come one girls! Not a moment too soon!” Twilight called and the gang galloped to the train station.
Later, the girls finally got to the train and into a car. The whistle blew as the conductor readied the engine. News of this blight came so fast, everyone was numb to it. The girls sat in unease as the train began to crawl out of the station when Spike belched another letter. Twilight took this one and read it out loud.
Dear girls,
Manehattan, Fillydelphia and Appaloosa have fallen to the blight and are no more, no survivors. Even now they ready the horde to assault Canterlot. Please make haste!”
Before anyone could comment the car shook violently. Hands pressed against the windows eventually cracking and breaking. What glimpses Twilight caught outside of horrible, nightmarish monsters. They looked feminine yet they had hair from their armpits, their crotches were stained red and their faces deformed from fat. Twilight puked at the sight and abhorrent smell of them. The train couldn't take off fast enough.
“Oppppreshun!” They moaned in their horrid, slurred tongue. With a crash they broke a window and their flabby arms grabbed Rainbow Dash. Twilight raced to help the flailing pegasus.
Twilight tried as hard as she could to pry her friend from their stinky grasp when Rainbow looked at Twilight and even through the noise and commotion Twilight heard her so clearly.
“Kill me, don't let them take me.” Rainbow said with tears in her eyes.
Rainbow kept her legs grabbing to the train window the horde was trying to pull her out of but her grip was failing. Twilight levitating a large shard of glass from the floor and adverted her eyes. With short jabs of magic she stabbed her best friend. The first stab was the hardest but then she realized she was saving her friend from a worse fate and clenched her eyes as she telekinetically stabbed her best friend.
Finally when the glass was stained red Twilight dropped it in revulsion. Rainbow was perforated and bled profusely but she smiled and closed her eyes and mouth thank you before going limp and dragged out the window.
“Muuuusoooggggineeeee!” The horde yelled but now the train was moving and soon beyond the horde's grasp.
Twilight feel to the floor by the blood puddles and the shard of glass. She cried for her friend but knew she spare her a worse death but still it hurt her soul. Mercy killing was not merciful to the killer. The others knelt down by Twilight wordlessly and looked at the scene below. They could offer no words and knew not to try.
Later
The train roared as it steamed up the rail to Canterlot. Snow fell heavily but it did not impede the train. Twilight resolved to avenge Rainbow Dash. She would see this blight purged from the land or die trying. She would deliver this horde to the gates of hell personally.
The streets of Canterlot were deserted. Windows were boarded up with families of every race and class taking cover for their life. The five girls wasted no time running to the palace which was heavily secured with a magical chained gate. There Twilight met her brother Shining Armor.
The stallion wrapped his sister in a hug. “Twilight... I wish we were meeting under better circumstances. Come, Celestia needs us to end the blight before all hope is lost.”
With their short reunion Twilight followed Shining Armor to the throne room where Celestia overlooked the lowlands at the bottom of Canterlot mountain. She did not gaze happily but reflected worry and fear.
“Princess Celestia.” Twilight said and everyone bowed in unison.
“Rise everypony. I'm afraid that earthquake awoke an ancient evil. The creatures we face are call, Feminists. They're a horde of creatures that were kicked out of hell. I believe they were created by Discord because they sow chaos into civilization. Feminist blights start by destroying the family, the first step to breaking a nation. Then they complain and label those who oppose the 'Patriarchy'. Many nations tried to sate them by giving into their demands but the Feminists are parasites and will feed off the living until they are no more.”
“But Ponyville is a ruin? This blight is not one of conquest but of annihilation?!” Twilight cried.
Celestia nodded sadly. “I'm afraid their time underground has drove them insane but can you drive something that is already insane to insanity? No. In my scrying basin I see Manehattan. The Feminists already control the city. They whined and refused to bathe until they got free birth control, they rip foals from their mothers and drown them in the name of freeing the mother from patriarchal duties, the men were dragged from their homes and burned alive and anyone who protested were called sexists and put to the sword as well. Shining Armor is one of the last stallions in Equestria, if he and the survivors die then our species is doomed.”
“Can... can we stop them, Celestia?” Rarity said, lip quivering a little.
Celestia was quiet before nodding. “Yes, after these centuries of wait I have formulated a way to be rid of the Feminist blight. They cannot be destroyed anymore than I or Luna can be. But I have made a... portal to another world.”
“Your highness, I would like to say this part.” Shining Armor interrupted solemnly. The princess nodded.
Shining Armor turned to his sister and took her hoof in his. “Sister, the princess has created a portal to a different world. We're gonna trick the horde into the portal and... I'm going to be the bait. I'm not going to survive.” He said with a tear in his eye.
Twilight hugged her brother. “No please! Rainbow died today, I can't lose my brother too.”
Shining Armor hugged her back but had to stop the embrace. “Twi, if we don't do this then we will all die. If I have to die to make sure you all and the pony race have a chance at life I'll do it every time. Just promise your big brother you'll help after the blight is over.”
Twilight wiped a tear from her eye. “Okay, I'll be the best mother you'd ever see and I'll make sure my kids know of their uncle, the bravest stallion.”
On a desolate stretch of land at the foot of Mt. Canterlot, Shining Armor stands by a large pit. The portal at the bottom primed and ready. The Feminist horde claws at the base of mountain, they are a cacophony of groans about misogyny and patriarchy and how they aren't asking for it.
“Ahem! Come get me you sluts!” Armor shouted at the top of his lungs, the last words he'd ever say.
Instantly the horde ceased and turned to the man. In a roar about ending slut shaming and killing all men the horde barreled towards Shining Armor. Instinct told him to run but but duty made him stand. His last thoughts were of his wife and sister, how they would have a chance at a new life. The blight would end with him. As the horde drew closer he took one last breath and closed his eyes before being tackled by a large woman with a mohawk. They all fell into the portal. The Feminists, fueled by blind hatred ran into the pit without a second thought and the portal transported them all, even the last. After the final enemy passed through the portal exploded burying the pit forever. The Feminist blight had been stopped and the world saved.
The road to recovery would be long and arduous. Many died but the few that were spared the holocaust would rebuild. Strong buildings and stronger families. Several generations later the world would be back to its former glory. And a statue of Shining Armor still stands today in the royal courtyard.
