The Changeling Directive

by arcanelexicon

Rating: teen
Tags: Queen Chrysalis, Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Changelings, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1813

A poker game between Chrysalis and Celestia leads to dire consequences for our heroes...well, dire enough for them to drink themselves into oblivion.

Changelings have met many fates, from being turned into ponyquinns to being shipped with mares in heat. This fic does none of that. This story hopes to add another facet to the fates of the changelings and their Queen, and maybe present them in a new light. Where will this new direction take the changelings? Read on to find out!

Published 2015-02-16 18:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-16 18:30:02 UTC

The Day One Never Hopes To See

“I have you now, Celestia! You will fall before me, and I will drain you of all that you have!!!”

“Come now, Chrysalis, it’s just a game of poker. No need to be such a drama queen” laughed Princess Celestia

Chrysalis sighed. “After going all in, I could think of nothing more to say.”

“I fold,” said a smiling Celestia.

“The great and mighty Princess Celestia raising the white flag?! Surrendering to the Queen of the Changelings? My, how the mighty have fallen!” gloated Queen Chrysalis.

“Will you stop that, Chrissie? I quite enjoy the talk that we are having, and I don’t want it to end just yet” replied Celestia.

“You know us villains, Celly, it’s always all or nothing” purred Chrysallis.

It was a strange sight indeed. Princess Celestia, one of the rulers of Equestria and Queen Chrysalis, queen of the changelings, deep in the bowels of the Crystal Caves underneath Canterlot, playing poker of all things.

Equestrian society have thought the changelings eradicated, another footnote in the annals of history, but in reality, the survivors were tended to, and then placed in this subterranean dungeon. It wasn’t the ideal kind of life, but it allowed Queen Chrysalis and her brood to survive.

“Hmm, I raise you a thousand bits” said Celestia smugly.

“I’m all in! Prepare to suffer!” With an evil laugh, Chrysalis pushed her bits through the bars of her prison.

“Again with the “All or Nothing”?” asked Celestia. “You don’t enjoy our little game? What do you need the bits for anyway?”

“All or nothing makes for good drama don’t you know? As for the game, yes I find that it relieves the boredom of being in your dungeon, and as for the bits, it goes to the muffins that my subjects get every now and then” replied Chrysalis.

Celestia sighed. “I’ll make every full moon a muffin night, how does that sound?” She then tapped her hooves twice on the floor, signalling that she too, was going all in.

“You shall fall!” and with a flourish, Chrysalis unveiled her hand. With three apples and two diamonds, she had a full house.

“Not bad Chrissie. My cards may not be that high but...” Celestia then showed her hand. Individually, it did not have the shock factor of Chrysalis’s apples and diamonds, but with four two’s and a five, Celestia had the superior hand. “Four of a kind” Celestia said smugly.

“ARGH! How is it that you can always tell when I’m bluffing?!?!” screamed Chrysalis.

“Don’t be a sore loser, Chrissie. I’ll tell you if you promise that we’d play a different game next time” cooed Celestia.

“Does ‘Oubliettes and Ogres’ sound good?” asked Chrysalis.

“That would be pretty nice. Maybe I’ll ask Shining and Twilight to come join us. Shining has a high level paladin while Twilight has a charismatic mage.”

Chrysalis clapped her hooves. “That would do. More players, more fun they always say. So, how is it that you are able to tell when I’m bluffing or not?”

Princess Celestia’s horn lit up, and she used her magic to grab a crystal that was lying nearby. She did a quick polishing spell, turning the crystal into an improvised mirror.

“See that spot right there? It changes color from your natural hue, to something a little lighter. It is barely perceptible, but if you have dealt with the Royal Court for as long as I have, you train yourself to quickly see when ponies are lying or not” said Celestia nonchalantly.

Chrysalis sighed. “Remind me to never play card games with you ever again”.

Celestia decided to push her luck. “Do you have control over that thing you do?”

“This one is an unconscious tic I think, much like when That-Which-Was-Nowhere-To-Be-Found-When-I-Invaded eye twitches whenever she is nervous. As for the answer, yes, changelings have complete control over our shape shifting, and whatever we can put on our coats.”

Princess Celestia’s cutie mark then appeared on Chrysalis’s flank and in order to prove her point, she moved it from her flank up to her head, having it change its size along the way.

“That is quite interesting. I have also seen you look...full when we are together. How do you explain that, Chrissie?”

“Changelings feed on all emotion, not just love. I fed on your joy, the problem is that it’s like having dessert for all of your meals, it’s sickeningly sweet. I can also feed on rage, jealousy, sadness. I’ve also been feeding on the love you had for your subjects.”

Celestia was alarmed by this revelation. “And what will happen to me when you have finished feeding?”

“Nothing, actually, for we do not kill the hand that feed us my dear. The worst that can happen is you fall asleep” answered Chrysalis. “After we feed, we are able to survive for several moons before we have to look for sustenance once again. The invasion only happened because the town that we used to feed on moved to Appleloosa. We had been feeding on the townsfolk for numerous years and the worst that happened was when the town’s teacher failed to show up for a day.”

Celestia was intrigued. “Are you saying that if I released ten of your subjects on Canterlot, nothing would happen?”

“They’ll all get a good meal, but there would be screaming and panic after what we did last time” answered a downtrodden Chrysalis.

Celestia had an idea. “So you say that you feed on all emotions? Hmm.... I think I may have something for you to do, Chrissie. We’ll have to start in Ponyville though, they're used to the panic.”

It was a perfect day in Ponyville, the perfect day to head to the market. However, the moment Doctor Quack stepped out of the Ponyville Library, strange sights greeted him.

Before him was Pinkie Pie, who was unexplainably making out with the fourth wall. This was normal for Pinkie though, so the good doctor ignored it. What unnerved him was the sight of twenty changelings all over Ponyville.

One was walking around, and he seemed to have 'Try the new Sugarcube Corner Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness cake' on his coat. What was weird was that he was cheered on by the various townsponies that he passed.

Another changeling was following an older pony with a lecherous grin on his face. The changeling was smiling and pointing to her horn which had the logo of Neighagra, the....Pony aid.

There was another changeling in the skies. Her coat had the letters EFC on one side, and Equestrian Fried Churros on the other.

Another changeling was hooked up to a cart, his coat decorated by the logo of the Bord Cart Company, who was angrily being shouted on by ponies saying “Begin On Roadtrip Disabled.” Surprisingly, the changeling was still smiling in spite of the insults hurled at him.

In the town square, a crowd was cheering on a fight between two changelings. One had the logo of Sweet Apple Acres while the other had 'Carrot Top’s Fine Carrots' embellished on its coat.

“F*** this s***! I’m getting out of he-“

Doctor Quack’s rambling was interrupted when two figures landed in front of him.

“What in Tartarus were you thinking, Sun Butt?!” raged Doctor Quack.

Queen Chrysallis and Princess Celestia answered in unison. “We weren’t.”

“So you expect me to fix this mix-up? NO!!! I’m going inside, and I’m going to kill myself slowly, one brain cell at a time, by drinking EXTREMELY hard cider. Honestly, what the f-“

He was interrupted by a subdued Queen Chrysalis. “Actually, we were hoping to join you.”

Princess Celestia levitated several barrels of various heavy alcohol drinks. “Yes, I know when I made a mistake, and I’m going to do everything in my power to get SOMEONE ELSE to fix it.”

Doctor Quack sighed as he opened the door and let the two monarchs inside. “Damn ponies” he muttered.

The day which he dreaded, the day which he hoped to never see was finally here in Equestria and it was worse than Armaggedon. This was the day that advertising finally came to Equestria.

"I hope that they NEVER, EVER come up with the concept of daytime talk show trash" mumbled Doctor Quack.

Author's Note

Here's a picture I made to go with this story.
Yes, I make bad photoshops.

The Aftermath

Something woke up Doctor Quack. Even with the fuzziness brought on by his drunken stupor, and his lack of glasses, he could tell that the midnight blue blob in front of him was Princess Luna. A very drunk Princess Luna

“I was *hic!*ho- *hic!* hoping that we would be *hic!* unable to see the adornments of the *hic!*change- *hic!* cha- *hic!* changelings at night, but they *hic!* they glow in the dark" cried Princess Luna.

Doctor Quack did the only thing he could do. He cuddled with the greatly intoxicated Princess of the Night.

“Damn ponies!” groaned Doctor Quack.

Doctor Quack's head was pounding. He tried standing up, only to find Princess Luna, Princess Celestia and Queen Chrysalis cuddling him, and hindering his progress.

He looked around the room, looking for a way out but with Luna and Celestia pinning down his arms and Chrysalis on his legs, he was trapped.

“Is there room for one more? The Crystal Heart had no effect on the changelings, and I landed here after Shining threw me at the changelings” said the Pink princess.

“As long as Shining Armor does not murder me in my sleep, then yes” mumbled Doctor Quack.

Cadance, the Princess of Love, moved her one time rival Chrysalis off one of the Doctor’s legs, and then snuggled with that appendage.

Another groan of “Damn ponies!” escaped the lips of Doctor Quack before he once again fell asleep

The headache was getting worse, it seemed that the weight of the world was on the Doctor’s head. He opened an eye only to find Twilight nuzzling to him.

“I tried” whispered a despondent Twilight Sparkle.

“What happens now?” muttered Doctor Quack.

“I saw Pinkie making frenzied love with the fourth wall earlier. I’m sure she has something planned” replied Twilight Sparkle.

"Damn ponies."

....and Doctor Quack had some cuddle wuddles with all of the Princesses of Equestria and the Queen of the changelings. Also everything is now okey dokey lokey. Changelings now feed on normal stuff like boring normal ponies. And then Doctor Quack had his brain cells regenerated. Aaaaannnnnndddd Doctor Quack's mouth was washed out with soap, and everything tasted like soap for the next few days so that he wouldn't use that kind of language again.

“There! That should fix everything!” said an enthusiaistic Pinkie Pie.

Author's Note

Just a silly chapter to tie up any loose ends.