The Friend Zone

It seems forever ago that I heard Twilight carrying on about how beneficial it is to keep a diary to jot down all of your thoughts. I guess at the time I considered it to be rubbish. After all, how is writing down all of your unspoken thoughts supposed to help anypony? I know it's foolish to be writing everything down when I don't believe it'll do any good. I've just gotten desperate and I figured I would give writing a chance before I turned to liquor to help me cope.

If anypony is reading this right now, don't. It's not for your eyes and I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive you if you read past this point. And trust me, you don't want to be on my bad side.

Now, where to start?

. . .

I've just spent the past half hour staring at this notebook. I wish it was easier to find a way to put my thoughts into words. Heh, it probably would have been a game changer if I had learned that trick a few years ago. I guess. . . I'm writing my thoughts down because I'm

I'm writing because

You ever have that feeling like everything in life is going well? And then out of nowhere

I'm sad! There. I said it. I heard Twilight excitedly rambling about how Fluttershy was now engaged and it made me sad. When they asked me if I was happy, I said I was, but I guess that's not entirely true. I mean, I'm trying to be happy for her, but. . .

I don't even know how to put it into words. I've never been through anything like this and I knew she was going out, but I thought that they were way too casual for them to be getting engaged right now. It blindsided me. And the worst part is that I didn't even hear the news from Fluttershy. I had to hear it from a mutual friend. I always thought we were good friends, but I wasn't even good enough to hear the news straight from her.

I can't say I wish I'd never met her because I don't. I think knowing her has really changed me for the better. But I just wish. . .

I wish I wasn't still in love with her.