How to be a Student

by Mattricole

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, Apple Bloom, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Romance, Scootaloo, Cheerilee, Random, Diamond Tiara
Length: 1019

Diamond Tiara's two daughters go to school together. How will Cheerilee survive this?

Sometimes Cheerilee wonders why she doesn't quit her job. Sure, she loves imparting knowledge onto her students, but when one of them adopts two foals in the same age group and one of them has an axe in her head, she starts questioning whether all this was worth the headache. She'll have her answer by the end of the year.

Spoiler warning: No, it's not worth it.

Set in the Mother-verse

Cover art by Bootsy Slickmane

Published 2015-02-18 05:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-18 05:10:02 UTC

Chapter 1

It wasn’t every day Cheerilee was weirded out. Despite popular opinion her class was very well behaved, even after the whole fiasco where Diamond Tiara had adopted Scootaloo. She had let it slide, after Diamond slid her a hundred bits of course, but this? Not only was she weirded out, but one could add on freaked, shocked, and disgusted as well. Why, you ask was she reacting this way? The answer was quite simple, really.

Because Diamond Tiara had just brought in a chocolate coated filly with an axe in her head!

“I like books!” the filly, aptly named Chocolate Icing, said as she poked her set of good pens.

“Choco, remember your manners,” Diamond Tiara reprimanded gently, booping her daughter on the nose. Her daughter who had an axe in her head!

“Sorry, Mama!” said the filly WITH AN AXE IN HER HEAD!

No! Cheerilee wasn’t letting this go! This filly, that Diamond claimed she found in a trash bin and adopted, had an axe in her head! How?! Why?! Who would do such a heinous act to a innocent little filly?!

This was not normal. Not even by Ponyville standards was this normal! The parasprite invasion wasn’t as bizarre as this! The thorny tentacle beast wasn’t as bizarre as this! Heck, not even Discord-

Okay, maybe Discord was slightly more bizarre, Cheerilee quickly took back, but that mattered little, really. The fact of the matter is, it’s not normal for a filly to have an axe in her head.

“Ahem,” Cheerilee coughed, getting both fillies attentions. “I see you decided to…” Cheerilee trailed off, not sure how to finish her sentence, well, more unwilling, really. Why was the government okay with Diamond Tiara adopting other foals in the same age group? Has everypony gone insane?!

“Yes, me and Apple Bloom-”

“Apple Bloom and I” Cheerilee corrected, much to Diamond’s annoyance.

“...Apple Bloom and I” Diamond fixed, rolling her eyes as she did so, “adopted another bundle of joy!” Diamond Tiara said, staring lovingly at Chocolate Icing. “The poor dear needed a good home, and what household is better than the Rich household?”

I don’t know, how about ANYPONY ELSES?! Cheerilee thought sarcastically, but decided not to voice her opinion. “That’s… Very kind of you, Diamond Tiara,” she decided to say instead.

“What can I say? I’m a giver.”

Bullshit. You’re probably just doing this to be the talk of the town, Cheerilee thought with disdain. “And what a giver you are!” Cheerilee said with false pride. How she wanted to strangle this little filly. “By the way, Diamond Tiara, why does she have an axe in her head?”

“Oh, that,” Diamond mumbled as she looked at Chocolate’s axe. “I found her in the dumpster that way. We took her to the hospital… Eventually, and apparently it fused with her skull,” Diamond Tiara explained, staring intently at the axe as she gently flicked it.

“It… Fused with her skull?” Cheerilee said with great disgust. That doesn’t sound healthy. At all.

“I was going to see if Princess Twilight could remove it, but her slave dragon, Spit, I think, said she would be away for awhile,” Diamond said with a shrug. “So we’ll just have to accomodate her as best as we can!” Diamond said as she swung her hoof enthusiastically.

“I like books!” Chocolate Icing said as she poked Cheerilee’s desk lamp.

“Manners, Chocolate. Manners,” Diamond said as she pulled Chocolate’s hoof away.

“Sorry, Mama.”

“It’s not me who you should say sorry too,” Diamond said as she pointed at a slightly annoyed Cheerilee.

“...Sorry, book,” Chocolate Icing said to the desk lamp, stroking it just to show how sorry she truly felt.

“...I suppose this is to be expected, given she has an axe in her head,” Cheerilee mumbled, thinking to herself how she was going to teach this young mare.

“Well, at least Scootaloo can now say she’s the smart one,” Diamond Tiara said optimistically. “Anyways, I’m here because I was hoping there were… Special classes I could sign Chocolate Icing up for.”

“Nope,” Cheerilee replied, earning a frown from Diamond Tiara. “Trust me, I’m just as upset as you are, but the principal insists everypony in the same age group goes to school together, regardless of special needs,” Cheerilee grumbled. “What I can do is keep Chocolate after school for an hour or two, give her some one on one time, but that’s about it.”

“Great,” Diamond Tiara grumbled, clearly not happy with the compromise. “Isn’t there a way we could convince Principal Prune Butt that he’s stupid and should quit his job?”

“As much as I would love that? No, so this is our best option for now.”

“... What if we put a scorpion in his food?” Diamond asked, earning a glare from Cheerilee.

“Diamond Tiara, we are not going to kill my boss,” Cheerilee scolded, much to Diamond Tiara’s disdain.

“... What if we mildly poison him?” she offered.

“As funny as that would be, no.”

“... Punch him in the-”

“Diamond, don’t finish that sentence!”

“Ugh, fine!” Diamond said with a pout.

“Is Mama sad?” Chocolate Icing asked barely above a whisper. Diamond Tiara turned to her daughter and began brushing her mane.

“No, honey. I’m just… Excited!” Diamond Tiara said with false optimism. “Now, how about we go home and eat dinner?” Diamond Tiara asked, earning a gasp from Chocolate Icing.

“I like food!” Chocolate said with a giggle.

“So do I, squirt. So do I,” Diamond said affectionately as she got out of her chair and led Chocolate home, leaving a stunned Cheerilee.

“Huh, that actually seemed… Genuine,” Cheerilee muttered after the two left the classroom. “Maybe I was wrong? Maybe Diamond really is a good mother?” Cheerilee asked out loud, and not a moment later smacked herself for saying so.

“What am I saying?! Ugh, this town is making me insane,” Cheerilee grumbled, not looking forward to the next day. Still, the way Diamond treated Chocolate Icing was awfully motherly. Cheerilee only hoped that not only was it genuine, but also that it would last.