The Land of Rainbows and Brimstone

In a tumbledown shack miles into a desert cracked by a sun that burned like hard liquor, Twilight Sparkle mopped the sweat off her forehead. She had a harness attached to her back, meant for the carriage crookedly parked next to the porch. It was a worn contraption with new and old parts melded together like a puzzle, with a jagged rainbow painted across the side. Next to them was a meandering river, so thin and crooked that on days like this one, it seemed as though it could evaporate in the blink of an eye. It only made her lips feel drier.

She was deep in thought, as she usually was, this time pondering about the abandoned shack providing her shade. She figured it might have been used for fishing, assuming there was actually a time Tumbleweed Country wasn’t the damned hellhole it is now. But whatever it had been before, the heat had driven the fish away, and the blackened damp wood continued to break off lazily into the water. The only living things in sight were a pair of vultures circling in the clear blue sky.

Twilight Sparkle, however, didn’t really wish to acquaint herself with that kind of company just yet.

Guess nothing ever stays in Tumbleweed for long, she thought, wondering what poor fools lived in this shack to begin with. She unbuttoned her vest, letting her purple tie swing in the hot breeze. She tugged at her white collar, which clung to her fur, moist with sweat. I probably wouldn’t stay here for too long either, if I were them.

Remembering the task at hoof, she glanced toward the horizon, following a faint trail cutting through the dry brush. “Nothing,” she muttered, letting out a huff. “They’ve been taking a real long time.”

“No need to worry, Twilight!” a jolly voice pitched in from above, startling the unicorn. Pinkie Pie leaned over the shack’s roof, her ragged miner’s hat protecting her face from the sun. “This isn’t first time they’ve taken a teeny bit longer! You know how these things go.” She didn’t get a response, so the mare began to dangle from the rooftop, her hat falling onto the rotted porch steps. “They can take care of themselves. They’re probably just having a little fun!”

Even in the blazing heat, the pink pony still had a grin stuck on her face. It was contagious, and Twilight was able to crack a tiny smile, replying, “I always appreciate the optimism, Pinkie Pie. I just can’t help being a bit worried.” Glancing back at the horizon, she added, “Of course, it’d be nice if we stuck to the plan every now and then.”

Chuckling, Pinkie Pie replied, “Pssh since when does that ever happen? I don’t even think we know there’s a plan half the time!”

“If that’s the case, then I wonder why I’m here in the first place.”

“To drive the cart, duh!”

Letting out a hot sigh, Twilight sat back onto the porch once she found a spot where splinters wouldn’t prick her hindquarters. “You know, Pinkie, sometimes I wonder how you do it. Out of all the ponies in this forsaken desert, you’ve got to be the happiest one by miles.”

“Somepony has to put a smile on your faces, silly!” Pinkie answered, still hanging off the side of the roof. “My Granny Pie used to tell stories of ponies going bonkers, just because they haven’t smiled in—.”

“There they are!” Twilight suddenly exclaimed, causing her friend so tumble off the rooftop into the hard dirt. Over the horizon, a faint dust cloud began to kick up into the sky. Among the quiet desert, the sound of popping revolvers punctured the air. Using her magic, Twilight latched the harness onto the front of the painted carriage, commanding, “Come on, let’s go!”

With large smile, where a few yellow teeth were rotted by sweets, Pinkie bounced into her position while Twilight attached her harness. Stomping a hoof on the ground, the pink pony crouched low, shouting, “Let’s get a’ moving! Whaaahoo!”

The duo furiously sped off towards the sound of gunfire, as the carriage rattled and shook behind them. While the wheels wobbled and the vehicle let out a painful groan every time it bounced off the rough ground, somehow it managed to stay intact. Twilight found herself quickly out of breath, working to keep up with the boundless ball of energy next to her. The flying dirt reddened her eyes, and she began to curse, trying to blink the particles away long enough to glance ahead.

As they got closer and faint galloping dots could be seen among the dust, Pinkie shouted, “Looks like they’ve got a wagon on their tails, Twilight!”

“Of course,” the unicorn was able to mutter, sucking in warm air which stung her dry throat.

Their posse was only a few yards away, with loaded burlap sacks strung across their back. The desert was thick with the sound of gunfire. Twilight and Pinkie Pie adeptly swerved the carriage around and slowed to a trot. Veering her neck back, she spied not one, but two wagons coming towards them. “Hop in girls, quick!” Twilight commanded, opening the carriage door with her magic.

The first figure to arrive was slightly smaller than the other ponies, with slender legs but a thick, brawny torso. She wore a hoof-knitted headband to keep a mop of brown hair out of her eyes, and a pair of long feathers was attached to the back. The young buffalo tossed her bags into the wagon, and with surprising agility despite her spindly legs, she somersaulted into the front seat. “They’re catching up, Fluttershy!” Strongheart called to the pegasus loading her own treasure into the cart.

The pegasus’s eyes widened with fear, as the thumping of the wagons became louder with every passing second. She attempted to shut the wagon door, only for some of the burlap sacks to tumble into the dirt. Visibly shaking, she attempted to grab one with her teeth. But just as she bent over to pick up the fallen loot, the wood of the wagon splintered just above her head, and her hat fell to the ground with a bullet hole on its top.

Thinking quickly, Twilight Sparkle shot out two bursts of magic with a yell of defiance. The first knocked one of the assailants off his wagon, landing on a stone with a low thud. The second blast exploded against one of the wagon’s wheels, knocking it loose and sending the entire vehicle sliding into the hot sand, the sound of gunshots replaced by crunching metal and wood. Seeing the opening, Twilight shouted, “Just leave it, Fluttershy, we need to go!”

“But…”

“Right now!”

The unicorn forcefully shut the wagon’s door with her magic, and Fluttershy scrambled onto the front seat next to Little Strongheart, clutching one more bag in her hooves. “Yeehaw!” Pinkie yelled joyously, and the carriage began to speed off towards the brown mountains in the distance.

Trying hard not to focus on the burning in her legs, Twilight Sparkle called to the two riders, “Where the hay is she?”

“She told us to take the loot and run before security got to us,” Little Strongheart replied. “Said she’d catch up to after she cleared the rest of the shacks.”

Typical Rainbow Dash, Twilight thought, shaking her head. This time the breeze favored them, blowing the dust away from their eyes. She kept pushing for the looming mountains ahead, hoping that their pursuers would either grow tired of the chase or lose a wheel from a hidden pothole in the ground. Her thought was interrupted by a whizzing bullet, shearing through one of her leather reins.

Twilight found herself straining to pull the wagon with just a sliver of leather connecting them, and Pinkie Pie started to pull ahead. “What’s the matter?” the pink pony asked, fully aware of the consequences of slowing down just a smidge.

“They snapped one of the reins,” Twilight replied. With the sound of gunshots getting louder each second, she added reluctantly, “I think we're going to have to stand our ground.”

“Girls look!” Fluttershy remarked, and the rest looked in the direction of her hoof, towards a faint little speck in the sky. At first it was hard to track because it was moving across the endless blue at mind-boggling speed. Within a few seconds, however, the dot was close enough to make out a faint rainbow trail following behind it.

“Well look who’s here,” Strongheart said. “That didn’t take too long now did it?”

Twilight followed the light blue figure as it began to swiftly descend, until it was hovering just above the ground. It sped forward leaving a storm of dust in its wake like a tornado, with their assailants’ wagon right in its path.

It happened so quick, even Twilight Sparkle had difficulty explaining what happened after.

The zooming figure shot inches away from the enemy vehicle, almost too fast for the naked eye to track. It created a sheer wind that deafened Twilight, and sent the entire enemy wagon tumbling as though it were made of paper. An opaque cloud of dust covered their pursuers, and for a moment, the ground itself seemed to exhale. Twilight shielded her face, as dirt and tumbleweeds flew in their direction. Then, a pegasus shot out of the monstrous cloud, her rainbow mane and tail flowing—a bold flag against the sky.

She slid her goggles up, revealing jubilant maroon eyes. “Did you miss me?” Rainbow Dash shouted with a smirk, tipping her hat toward her posse.

“Not at all,” Twilight Sparkle answered. “Although it would have been nice if you’d done that sooner.”

“No need to put on a brave face, Twi! I know you did.”

Rainbow started to fly toward her friends, but not without one last glance at her swirling creation behind her. Leave it to Rainbow to make an entrance, Twilight thought with a chuckle. The pegasus wore a black buttoned vest, with holes cut in the sides for her wings. A faded red bandana hugged her neck, and covering the top of her head was a black flat-topped hat, with her flying goggles perched on the brim. Hanging near her flank was a single holster, where a silver revolver glinted in the sunlight, with Dash’s cutie mark emblazoned on the grip.

“Turns out, the other storeroom didn’t have much else to it. Fleabags already sold the rest of their crop to some rich merchants a couple towns away.” Rainbow slung a couple of bags into the wagon, which make the wheels creak.

“How’d you know that?” Twilight Sparkle inquired. “And where’d you get those bags if the room was empty?”

“Their mansion,” Dash answered with a wink, standing next to her. “Don’t worry, they probably won’t miss a thing. You know, I’d like to get myself a mansion someday. Big glass windows and golden chandeliers. You know some ponies got big ol’ busts of themselves in the living room? I thought to myself, ‘That is the most egotistical thing I’ve ever seen…I should get one.’”

Shaking her head, Twilight answered, “Well I don’t know how we live with just one of you around Golden Oak, much less two of you. The girls would have nightmares for weeks. Now come on, let’s get going.”

But Twilight wasn't able to make good on those words just yet. As she finished talking, the pop of a revolver rang out of the dissipating cloud. Twilight Sparkle felt a blazing stab in her right ear, followed by something warm and wet trickling down the side of her neck. She instinctively clasped her ear—only for a large flap of purple flesh to come off in her hoof. Her breath became shallow and her head became numb, as her wide eyes saw drops of red staining the white sand near her hooves.

“Rainbow, by the carriage!” Fluttershy yelled.

Without hesitation, Rainbow Dash whipped out her silver revolver in one fluid motion. The mirth was gone from her maroon eyes, which might as well have been the color of cold steel. The shot rang out, deafening the already shocked unicorn next to her. A muffled cry of pain echoed across the landscape, and Twilight turned her head to see a stallion in the distance with a foreleg stained with red. His own revolver was blown a couple feet away in the dirt, along with what looked like a piece of his leg.

“There. A piece of flesh for a piece of flesh." Her eyes narrow, Dash holstered her gun. "That oughta give him the message.”

“You got him real good,” Strongheart said in awe.

“Yeah well...hurt my friends, and there’ll be hell to pay.”

The stinging started to crawl back into Twilight’s ear, and she began to press it to her head with her hoof, trying to stymie the flow of blood. “Celestia, this hurts,” she mumbled, wincing. The world started to spin.

“Here, let me pull the cart, Twi,” Dash said, unhooking her friend.

“Is it bad?”

“Naw,” Dash replied, her smirk crawling back onto her face. “If anything, it’s an improvement. And that’s more than I can say for the other guy.”

Twilight rolled her eyes, eliciting a chuckle from Pinkie and Strongheart. She climbed up the carriage next to Fluttershy, who began to wrap up her wound as best as she could until they returned. She looked back at the injured stallion huddled into a ball, before things started to spin again.

But she could still hear his agonized crying. For all the boasting and showboating, Dash definitely knew how to send a message. They wouldn’t have made it this far if she didn’t.