Hulk Hogan the Spaghetti Luchador Puts Equestria into a Full Nelson

by Granpappy

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, Tragedy, Random, Alternate Universe, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy
Length: 1526

A story of romance and triumph, of love and loss, of excellent form when performing a full nelson.

So long story short, I saw a funny picture of a guy performing an RKO on a pony and thought I'd make a story about that. I didn't really try on this one (but then again, when have I ever tried?), anyway, sit back, relax and enjoy the show. This is a completely serious story to be taken with 100% seriousnessnessness. If you criticism I'll get Obama on you, he's my dad.

Published 2015-02-20 12:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-21 03:03:21 UTC

One-Hundred & One Reasons to Support Genital Mutilation

Rainbow and Twilight stepped into the Ponyville Murder-Dome. Rainbow with twitching with excitement, so much so that the horse at the counter gave them a discount because she thought Twilight was traveling with a mentally disabled child. Twilight wasn’t excited to see the show, she was just glad she had friends because, as previously stated, no one likes her. They entered the colosseum, once holding all of Ponyville’s blood games, now holding fake and fucking stupid blood games. Twilight sighed, she thought that fake blood games would be much more boring than watching another man die, while eating poop?

“Whaaaaaaaa” cried a horse.

Twilight punched him and he died. They then took his seat and waited for the show to start. Twilight had just started to criticize Rainbow Dash’s blatant lesbianism when the lights dimmed and the announcer (who was also a horse) stepped into the ring and grabbed his microphone.
“Vagina-Horses and Dick-Horses, boils and ghouls, foals of all ages and Swimmingly,” welcome to our latest event, a spectacle of blood and death (but not really dou that'd be rude).”
The announcer paced around the ring and pointed to various members of the crowd whilst yelling things such as ‘are you ready?’ and ‘I need stand up to her, its time to stop my daughter abusing me’ he grabbed the microphone once more,

“Without further ado, I introduce the main event, Weighing in a six pounds, from the solomon isles… HULK HOGAN.”

Just then, the ground shook in conjunction with his footsteps. The announcer jizzed his pants and died, every straight horse in the crowds ovaries exploded, every gay horses dick exploded in a semen shower and rocketed them through the lighting fixtures and this was before he even stepped out onto the ramp.

When he stepped into the arena it was absolute pandemonium. The very fabric of the universe crumpled beneath the boot of the yellow clad Aryan giant. His aged muscles flexed and burled as his blatant homosexuality sent rippling waves of energy through the crowd, killing several down syndrome orphans with cancer. He stepped into the ring and angels sang at his arrival, that is until he put them in a sleeper hold and broke their necks with one twitch of his constantly erect penis. He punched the announcer, killing him on impact and separating his soul from his body and grabbed the microphone from the announcer’s screaming soul.

“I fear no man” bellowed the mountain of man meat, “no beast or evil, brother.”

Rainbow Dash knew telepathically that the Huckster was offering memorabilia from the eighth Doctor Who as a prize for beating him in a fight.

“Oh nelly.” Chided Rainbow Dash,

She had collected the Eighth Doctor Who’s memorabilia for at least a day, and needed this DVD. She stepped into the ring, being the only not dead horse in the crowd due to her vagina-nuzzling tendencies and prepared to square off against the Hulkster.

“Negativity and Hulkamania - two things that don’t go together.”

The two fierce warriors squared off in the wring. A technicolour cartoon horse who had a worrying amount of teenage boys fapping to her, and a wrestling icon who had a worrying amount of teenage boys fapping to him. The looked deep into each other's eyes, sizing up their opponent.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” cried the soul of the announcer, “are you ready to rumble?”

Epilogue

Twilight stood over the coffins of both her friends. The two titans that died in battle. One she knew very well, one she didn’t know, but respected all the same. In the coffins lay the body of Hulk Hogan and the patch of grass he lifted up (Rainbow was there too). The purple mare held back her tears as she addressed the crowd of her friends, and some people she didn’t know.

“Today we honor the memory of two of our greatest friends and Rainbow Dash.” said twilight, barely able to stop weeping.

Twilight stood above the coffins a single tear rolled down her face, a single tear.

A tear for those lost.

My wife is dead.

Twilight punched a Bonobo Ape and it died. It didn’t just die, it exploded violently into a shower of blood and gore. Like on a scale of one to blargle that would be a solid seven. This poor, fucking, ape just had its head crushed by the hoof of a disgruntled horse. Even if it did live, it would never have walked or talked again, like Jesus what the fuck twilight?

“Buck apes.” Said Rainbow Dash with a glint of malicious glee in her horse eye.

“Daaaaaaahhllling, don’t swear.” Rarity chided.

“Buck you, you bucking shit eating cunt waggle.” Counter chided Rainbow Dash.

Rarity ran away, crying, as she all of a sudden realized how much of a cunt she was and left forever to go and train with monks in the Horsemalayan mountain range. Due to this turn of events, Rainbow Dash and Twilight were left alone in the woods. It occurred to Rainbow that this would be the perfect time to ask if Twilight wanted to go with her to that new fangled wrestling show. Twilight was her last resort when it came to possible friends/dates/BDSM-Slaves/Fuck-Buddies to go with, but all other members on the Rainbow Pony’s circle of friends had plans for that evening!

“Hey Twilight.” Said the pegasus reluctantly, starting to regret her choice of not going alone.

“Woah fuck.” Twilight was shocked by the sudden entrance of a voice into the silence of the forest, and promptly shit herself. Nobody ever talked to Twilight, she was to much of a know-it-all cunt to get along with.

“Don’t blow it, Twilight,” Thought the Unicorn, she prepared to speak “Hey buddy, you want to stick your hooves in my taco, paco?”

Rainbow Dash sized her up. Twilight was worried that she’d fucked it again, she started to sweat profusely and her stomach acid came up through her throat and burned her trachea, she threw up acid all over rainbow dash and her face melted.

“Yeah ok, get over here.” Said rainbow dash as her arms distended to supernatural amounts and dragged the unicorn towards her. Twilight hit several rocks with her head as she was dragged along the ground by penis tentacles.

Several days and an interesting story to tell to their friends, they finished their fuck session.

“Oh yeah,” remembered Rainbow Dash, “I had something to ask you.”

“What is it?” Queried the ravaged unicorn.

“I bought these tickets to a wrestling match and I was wondering if you’d like to come?”

“Yeah k,”

“Cool.”

Author's Note

How do I write words?

The Man, With the Plan, From Pakistan, Who Molested my Nan

The two forces clashed with such immense power that Twilight shat the lesbian out of her. Twilight stood up to see Rainbow Dash flying around the Hulkster whilst he took swipes at her. Hogan climbed up to the top ropes and swung his immense schlong like a grappling hook, and grabbed on to renboo. This stopped Rainbow in her tracks, as she struggled to resist the power of the snaking tendril gripping her abdomen. Twilight watched in horror and realized she had to help her friend. Being the dirty cheating slutbag that she is, Twilight magically enhanced the rainbow pegasus’ strength, enough that she could lift Hulk Hogan off of the ground. Rainbow dash smashed through the roof of the stadium and flew throughout the countryside. Hulks majestic peen could only hold on for so long and he was sent crashing into the ground. The Hulkster would be fine with a 30 story drop under most circumstances. Heck and doodle, even a 31 story drop wouldn’t faze the world cruiserweight champion. But he landed on stray lego brick, one of those ones with the six pegs that really fucking hurt. He landed left foot first onto the stray brick and it sent him spiraling into a blood fury. The Hulkster roared in sexual pleasure as he gripped the ground with his strong and sexy hands. He gripped the earth and pulled it up over his greased bod, putting it into a full nelson. The entire country shook with pleasure as he pulled, attempting to make an entire continent tap out. Rainbow Dash turned around and saw her nemesis grabbing the ground.

“Oh shit,” Rainbow expositioned, “If he makes the continent tap out then I will lose the match because of reasons.”

Rainbow dashed towards Hulk Hogan ant alarming speeds. She was going at least thirty kilometers an hour. Rainbows formed in a cone around her as Rainbow dashed as quickly as she could. She raised her hoof and, just as she was about to hit ground, rose 90 degrees to be heading straight towards the Hulkster. Hulk Hogan raised his head just in time to anticipate Rainbow’s sonic rainboom punch, and raised his fist in response.

They collided in the air.

And they both got hit by a Care Bear stare.

Author's Note

I ran out of ideas. So gg