A New Stall in the Square

by Night Music

Rating: everyone
Tags: Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Comedy, Random
Length: 4564

A hot dog vendor from New York gets teleported to the market square of Ponyville. And the person behind it? Doesn't care at all.

A hot dog vendor from New York gets teleported to the market square of Ponyville. And the person behind it? Doesn't care at all.

(Why did I do this?)

Published 2015-02-26 01:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-24 06:36:37 UTC

Applejack

It was the strangest day in Ponyville today. Not because Discord had done anything, no quite the contrary in fact, Discord literally did nothing today. But that's not why today was weird. It was weird because there was a newcomer to Ponyville market square. But he wasn't a pony, he was a giant hairless ape, and he stood maybe a head taller than the princesses. So, ponies had been wary of him. But he just stood there, behind his stand that had appeared with him. And from that stand of his came the most heavenly aroma, taunting everypony to come closer. And one brave soul had done so to find out what he was selling from his stand.

"Hello?" The earthpony known as Applejack had said with a little uncertainty in her voice.

"Hey, how ya doin'?" He replied picking up a pair of metal tongs.

Applejack had looked up at the ape with questioning eyes. And the ape looked back with an emotionless face.

"So, ya going to order or what?" The ape asked. Applejack had jumped a bit startled by the question. She had looked back at the crowd of ponies that had been hiding around the corner and watching with awe as the brave pony had approached the new vendor.

"Uhm, what are ya sellin'?"

The tall ape replied with pointing a finger to the small banner that had adorned his vendor.

"Hot... Dogs? What are hotdogs? You sell puppies or somethin'?" Applejack asked with concern, she had not heard any puppies in the time she was next to the vendor. He shook his head.

"Than, what are ya selling?"

"Would you like a sample?" He asked, holding the tongs above a opening in the vendor.

"..."

"...?"

"Sure..." Applejack finally said.

He then stuck his hand into the opening and pulled out a tube made of dark brown stuff, he then stuck it between two slices of connected bread. Looking down at Applejack he then asked.

"What do you want on your dog?"

A look of horror made its way onto Applejacks face as she stared at the thing in his hands.

"That's sick! Why in Equestria would you kill and cook dogs?!" Applejack yelled.

"They're not actually dogs, ya know? just the name, ya see?."

"Then what are they?" She asked as she continued to look at the thing in his hands.

"Look, at this rate, it's gonna get cold, and cold dogs are just gross, what do you want on it? We have ketchup, mustard, onions, beans, cheese, bacon, and for the weirdos, veggie bacon." He gagged at the last one.

"Ketchup, I guess..." Applejack said.

"A classic, not my favorite, but a classic none the less." He said as he whipped a red container and squirted a stream of ketchup onto the hot dog.

"So, what's ya name?" He asked before wrapping the dog up in a small napkin.

"Applejack." She replied as she took the food in her hoof. She stared at it, wondering if it would do anything now that she had it.

"So, what's this place called?" He said as he began to make another hotdog and spread beans and onions on it, along with pieces of bacon. He then began to eat it.

"Ponyville." Applejack said before she took a small bite out of the food in her hoof. She chewed for a good minute and swallowed. A small smile spread across her face as she devoured the rest. A hearty smile appeared on the vendor's face.

"Glad ya like them, now, how about we talk payment."

"How much for the one and maybe another for the road?"

All he had replied with was four fingers. Applejack took a saddle bag and tossed him four bits. He looked down at the gold coins, picked one up, and tested to see if what fake."This can't be real gold... Oh well, the coin is real."

"So, what do you want on this one?" He said as he put the bits away.

"Surprise me." Applejack smiled. The ape shrugged lifted another dog onto the piece of bread. spreading beans, onions, mustard, and finally, ketchup. Before wrapping it and handing it to her.

"Here ya go, the whole shebang."

"Thank ya kindly." Applejack said as she took the dog in her hoof and began to eat. "So, ya never told your name..." She said with a full mouth.

"Vinnie, Vinnie Abate." He said with a small smile.

"Where are ya from Vinnie?"

"The Bronx, New York, bad neighborhood, good people." He said, the smile on his face growing by a small amount. Remember his old job in New York.

"You mean Neigh York?"

"Yeah, whateva'." He said shaking his head. "I hate puns, and now, I have to live in one." He thought as he watched the small pony eat the tube of meat.

"What did ya do there? If I might ask."

"I worked for a group of people, nothing much else to say." Applejack shrugged and continued to eat.

"So, what is actually in these things? I think I want to try and make 'em."

"Eh~, You got your common dogs that are filled with various things." He said as he looked around at the crowd of ponies that have been inching closer and closer to them.

"Like what?"

"Ya got pigs, cows, and maybe a little bit of horse." Vinnie said nonchalantly.

And at that moment, the dog that had been in her hoof, hit the ground, and so did the one she had earlier.

Spike

While Ponyville was a nice town, in the days that Vinnie had been here, it had been a quiet town, too quiet. Nothing ever happened that was exciting for Vinnie, I mean sure, there had been spats that had happened right in front of his vendor. But that was it. Back in New York, you couldn't go a day without seeing a car crash of some magnititude, or someone getting knocked out from a punch to the face. Out here, it was more like a duel of words more than anything, no hoof tossing, no mane pulling. Just an argument. Nothing else. So, just like routine, Vinnie got up from his sleeping bag after taking his nap and stood up from behind his stall. And like routine there had been customers, even when the ponies had now known what was in the hot dogs he sold, minus a tiny detail. They still came, just because it was a quick meal that could be eaten on the go. With only minor difficulty... somehow.

Mustard and ketchup. New dog. Salad, beans, and mustard. New dog. Ketchup, onions, veggie bacon. Weirdo Vinnie thought. It was monotonous, yes, but it kept food in his stomach and his home warm. How his vendor had even retained the same amount of dogs and condiments as day one was a mystery to him, but he didn't care. That just meant he could have a snack or two a day. And then something happened, while he knew mythical creatures had called this place home, one of his customers had been even more mythical, in his eyes at least. And it was the town's dragon, or Spike as his customers had called him. Vinnie looked over his vendor at the tiny dragon and saw him holding up two bits.

"I've seen ya around, so, couldn't resist?" Vinnie asked as he reached into the vendor to pull out a new dog.

"Yeah, just wanted to try something new ya know?" Vinnie nodded at this.

"What do ya want on your dog?"

"Anything really. I just want to try some meat for once." Spike had replied. But Vinnie almost had a heart attack at this.

"Ya never had any meat before?" He asked, trying to play cool. Spike shook his head. "But, you're a dragon." He said suggesting to Spike with an open palm.

"I've mostly just eat gems, not much else."

"Ya know what? This can't go on for any longer, kid, you're gonna get the best dog eva, and it's gonna be my treat." Vinnie grabbed a tiny cardboard sign that was hanging from a handle on his vendor and he placed it on top of the vendor itself. 'Back in Five' is what it had said. The line disbanded with a number of groans. He looked at the crowd of ponies disperse and wander off. Then, Vinnie gestured for Spike to walk around the stall to the spot next to him. And he did.

"If ya eat this, and you like it, ya gotta come here everyday, just to get some for free, okay?"

"Why would you give them to me for free?" Spike asked cautiously.

"Well, mainly cause ya are the only dragon in this town."

"So?"

"Well ya see, you're different than these ponies, just like me, and if I'm going to be making any friends around here, I want ya to be my first."

"So, you want me to come here every day, just because I'm different, like you?"

"Well why not? Gotta have at least one friend to talk to, ya know?"

"I guess..."

"So, here ya go. Have a dog." Vinnie said as he piled ingredients and condiments onto the same dog. Mustard, beans, bacon, onions, and finally, a slice of a pickle.

Spike took the dog into his claws, looked at it, then brought it up to his mouth and bit down. He chewed slowly, as if savoring the flavor and trying to see if it was any good. Then, his eyes lit up like fireworks were going off in his head. The next moment, the dog was in the air making its way to Spike's mouth. He caught it chewed and swallowed.

"That was amazing! Is that what meat tastes like?"

"Not quite, that's just a small morsel compared to what could be made."

"And you said I could get more if I came to hang out with you?"

"Yeah, just chilling, eating dogs, sound good don't it?"

"Yeah! I'll come by same time tomorrow. Sounds like a plan?"

"Sure, I gotta get back to work, break doesn't last forever ya know." Vinnie held out a clenched fist and Spike returned the gesture with his own clenched claw.

Vinnie watched as Spike had left. The dragon had a special place in his heart, a place where fantasies from his childhood still remained. As he turned back to his vendor. He saw the line back where it had always been, and hopefully, where it will always be. The hot dog business won't get old, there were too many ponies who had a taste for it, mostly thestrals that had traveled down here to see what the craze was. Other ponies had been wary of them, some even warned him about them. But he had always wanted a vampire as a friend also, he just had to find the right one. But for now, he had to serve hungry customers the dogs he had. The pony in line had tossed bits into a bit jar that Vinnie had bought and told him what his order was.

New dog, mustard, ketchup, wrap it up, hand it to the pony, next.

While he was going through the motions of taking the customers order and making it. Vinnie had thought, "Nothing can go wrong, I have a stable thriving job, a warm house, free food. What could go wrong?"

Author's Note

So, what do you guys think? Tell me about it in the comments, if you hate it, tell me you hate it, if you love it, tell me that too. Any and all kinds of criticism is wanted and needed here. I am walking a thin line here. Next chapter is coming soon.

I hope you all enjoyed this one, a little more heartfelt than I would like, but hey, the comedy is coming back next chapter. And I can't wait to start writing.:pinkiehappy:

Shining Armor

Author's Note

A big thanks to Ekhidna, for allowing me to use his idea for this chapter.
I hope you all like it, I had a time writing it.

Shining Armor

It was a good day in Ponyville, just like every other day. Nothing had really happened since Vinnie came into town, which was a little weird. No thieves, no monsters, no nothing. Just peace. And this put the citizens of Ponyville on edge. It was almost everyday that something had gone wrong, and so far, nothing did. And that even put Vinnie on edge, back in New York, you couldn't go a day without something happening, in the bad part of town at least.

As Vinnie stood there serving dogs to the residents of Ponyville, a thought had popped up in his head, "Why do ponies even come here? I get why thestrals do it. But not the ponies." The next pony in line tossed two bits into the jar and asked for a hot dog with just mustard. Vinnie looked at him while he made it and asked.

"Why do ya guys even come here? I thought ponies were like grass eaters, ya know?"

The pony looked at him with his green pupiless eyes and said. "Just a quick meal, instead of going home and making something, they just walk here and boom, food." The stallion took the food into his hoof and began to take a bite into the dog, before he started to speak with a full mouth and say. "Or just waiting in a restaurant for ten minutes, that's what I would imagine, can't think of any other reasons." The stallion swallowed and took his dogs wrapper in mouth and walked away with it.

"Can't argue with that I guess." Vinnie thought as he got the attention of the next pony in line, waiting for the bits to be tossed into the jar before he would take the order and make the dog. Vinnie started to listen in on a conversation that was happening between two other ponies in line.

"Did you hear? A prince is in town, and apparently it's Princess Twilight's brother." A mint green unicorn said before her friend said.

"No way! Princess Twilight has a brother?"

"Yeah! I didn't know that either until I heard it from another friend, who's a friend of Rainbow Dash."

"Royalty huh? I wonder if he would like one of ma dogs." Vinnie thought as he looked down at his hot dog vendor. "No one could resist these things." He thought before handing another pony their hot dog. "On another note, I should probably look into hiring some security, I wonder if this world is like mine. Gonna see if 'Neigh York' is anything like New York back home."

"This was a good day, no ponies had a problem with ma food, hanging with Spike during break was pretty cool, apparentley he's like a little bro to the princess around here." Vinnie said to himself as he sealed everything on his cart and turned to go home, while it was pretty early in the day, it was late enough that ponies had stopped coming outside. Once he locked everything down, he turned to go home and what he saw gave him pause.

Right there, in front of him, was a white unicorn with a two-tone electric blue mane. The stallion was using his magic to hold something. What Vinnie saw made him a tad bit angry, what the unicorn stallion was holding was something Vinnie hoped he would never see in this place. It was a corn dog. Vinnie grabbed the bat from his stall and hid it behind his back as he made his way to the stallion.

"Hey friend! What ya got there?" Vinnie said as he waved and walked closer to the stallion. The stallion stopped mid step and turned towards Vinnie.

"Who me?" The stallion asked as he gstured with a hoof towards himself.

"Yeah you, what ya got there?"

"Oh uhm... It's a corn dog..."

"Mind if I try it? I don't think I've seen one of those around here."

"Sure..." The stallion said as he levitated the corn dog to Vinnie, who proceeded to catch in from the magic and take a bite out of it.

"Why is it sweet?! And this isn't even a dog! Not even meat!" Vinnie swallowed the lie that was called a 'corn dog' and dropped the rest of it.

"Hey! Be careful!" The stallion said as he wrapped the lie in a magic bubble.

"Why do ya gotta eat garbage like that?" Vinnie asked.

"Excuse me?"

Vinnie then picked up the corn dog that was still wrapped in the bubble, tossed it into the air and readied his baseball bat. The next thing that was heard was a large 'crack' before the bubble containing the corn dog, flew away into the distance.

"Good riddance." Vinnie said as he nodded his head.

"Why did you do that?!" The stallion yelled.

"I saved ya from that abomination, where did ya even get that thing?"

"One of the local sweet shops! Why?"

"Just curious."

"So, are you going to pay me back? That was a perfectly good corn dog that you just launched."

"That thing was not good, it wasn't even a dog. You want a dog? I'll give ya one." Vinnie offered.

"You know what? I'm tired, I'm hungry, I don't even care anymore, I'm going." The stallion started to walk away, and as he did Vinnie shouted.

"You'll thank me later!"

Today was a good day for Vinnie, he saved someones life, he sold dogs, he chilled with a friend, nothing had gone wrong. Vinnie turned to walk home, and as he did, he stopped to look at his vendor. As he looked at his vendor, he smiled. Finishing the moment he resumed to walk home. Whistling a tune while he did so.

"Nothing could go wrong."

Luna

"When I get the coin, I'll make my way up to Neigh York and poke around about getting protection." Vinnie thought to himself as he made his way to his vendor. An awkward feeling entering his stomach, he clutched his gut, in hopes that the feeling would go away.

"I got a bad feeling about today..." Vinnie said to himself as he watched all of the other ponies go about their day. The feeling of excitement permeated the air. And this set Vinnie on edge. The hairs on his neck would stand on end and he would look behind him to make sure he wasn't being followed. This happened until he got to his vendor and took the sign from on top of it and stowed it away. Vinnie gave a sigh of relief before two heavily armored stallions walked up to him and one of them said.

"Excuse me, sir? Do you have a license to be selling whatever you are selling?" The stallion on the left asked.

"Yeah, I do. Why else would I be selling, what I'm selling, ya know?"

"Can we see it?" The guard on the right said.

"Give me a moment to get it." Vinnie said before he had thought. "Christ, I don't have a permit to sell these things, let's hope my old one works here." He pulled a card out of his wallet and showed it to the two guards.

"Hmmm... Everything seems to be in order. Sorry we bothered you, hey, you don't mind if we get one of these things right?"

"Huh?" Was all Vinnie said before he looked at his card and thought. "This isn't my card! What the hell? 'School for Gifted Unicorns'? When did I graduate from there? I ain't even a unicorn..." Vinnie looked up from his card and looked down at the two stallions.

"Huh, oh right, dogs, yeah, what would ya two want on it anyways?" Vinnie asked as he put on a mask of cheery goodness.

"What ever, just want to try one of these, friend of mine who came down here, said they were pretty good."

"Do you have any drinks?" The left guard asked, completely ignoring his friend.

"Sure, but nobody's asked for those yet, don't know why."

"Are you advertising them? Ponies will usually take a drink if they are offered one with the meal."

"Hmm. Never really occurred to me."

"Well here ya go. Two plain dogs and a water."

"Thanks, how much for all of this?"

"Four for the dogs and one for the drink."

The guard moved his head to his side and pulled a sack of bits from his side. He placed it out onto the stall counter and opened it up and pulled out five bits.

"Here you go. Have a nice day."

"You too."

"Goodbye Mr. Monkey!" The left guard shouted as he trotted away.

"Ignore him! He was dropped!" His friend shouted back.

"Hm... Odd."

"Almost closing time, should probably be able to close up early and relax at home." As Vinnie had been closing up his stall for the day. He got a chill up his spine. It was as if he was being watched. He stopped to look around at his surroundings. Nothing but the usual. He shrugged. He resumed closing his stall. Not a moment later, the same feeling enveloped him. He grabbed his bat from the stall and turned around.

"Whoever's out there, just come on out and we can talk this out! Doesn't have to get messy!" Vinnie yelled into the open square. He stood there, staring, waiting for whoever was watching to show themselves.

"I applaud you creature. It seems that you are one of the few who can see right through our illusions."

"Show yourself and we can talk."

"Okay. We shall talk."

At that moment. A pony stepped out of the shadows. It was a tall one. Taller than any other Vinnie had seen. Dark blue coat, with an ethereal mane that seemed to flow in the non-existent breeze.

"So, what do ya want?" Vinnie asked defensively.

"Nothing but a moment of your time."

"Well ya have it..." Vinnie said, gesturing for her to proceed.

"I— I would like to ascertain one of your meat sticks."

Vinnie said nothing after hearing that. His mind quitting on him.

"You mean a hotdog?"

"Yes, a hotdog, may I ask something?"

"You just did..."

"You know what we meant."

"Yeah, what do you wanna know?"

"Is it real meat? Or is it some kind of fa—"

Luna was interrupted as Vinnie put his hand up to shush the princess.

"Why do ya want to know this?" Vinnie asked with a raised eyebrow.

"My ponies of the night require something to eat as well as the ponies of the day."

"...That's gonna cut into my sleeping schedule and from what I can tell is that most ponies around here aren't out at night."

"Canterlot has a whole society of ponies that are out at night. I could even pay you, fifty bits a night."

Vinnie almost had a heart attack. "F—fifty?!"

"Is that not enough? I could raise it...?"

"No, no, fifty would be fine, I usually end up selling to around thirty to forty ponies in the same day. If what ya say is true, I could end up with..." Vinnie did the math in his head as he counted away his fingers. "... Little over a hundred bits a night!" Vinnie's eyes were darting in every direction, instincts kicked in and he began to search around for other ponies in the dark. The deal was just to good.

"So, will you agree to feed my ponies your hotdogs?"

Vinnie calmed down, wiping sweat from his forehead as his heart rate returned to normal.

"Yeah, sure. Hell, I could even start selling other things too."

Luna smiled. "This is wondrous news, I hope to see you in the near future."

"Yeah, same here, oh by the way, I didn't catch ya name...?"

"I am Princess Luna, but you may call me Luna. And yours?"

"With the bits I'll be makin' I could buy anything... A trip to Neigh York doesn't sound so bad this time of year. Go and see if I got family around here."

Vinnie smiled and walked towards the princess. He extended a hand and Luna offered her hoof. "Name's Vinnie." And the two sealed a deal as sweet as those nasty corndogs.

Author's Note

This chapter idea was thanks to Lord_Kalbario, I hope you all like it.

I'm alive! Muahahaha! *cough* *hack* What was that? Anyways, like I said, I hope you liked this chapter of A New Stall in the Square. Took me long enough...

Screw Ball (April Fools!)

"Everybody! Can I get your attention please?" Vinnie shouted as he stood up on the top of his hot dog vendor. Everypony looked towards the recently newest resident of Ponyville and made no noise.

"I... have lied. I lied to you all, good citizens of Ponyville. I am in fact, not from The Bronx. I am in fact from, a place a little more west than that." Vinnie paused as he saw a corndog in the crowd of ponies. He jumped from the top of his stand and opened a compartment on it and pulled out an M9 and shot the corndog out of the unicorns magic. Everypony recoiled at the loud noise. And the unicorn that was holding the corndog was none other than... Shining Armor!

"You again! What do you have against corndogs!?" Shining Armor screamed in a squeaky voice.

And to this Vinnie replied with the action of jumping back onto his stand and continuing his speech after the harrowing encounter.

"I am a spy!" Was all he said.

Everypony gasped at this, nopony knew what to do.

"A spy for the United States of America, and I was transported here to gain intelligence on the nation that you all know as Equestria." Vinnie cleared his throat.

"And the one thing I can say for certain about your nation is..."

Everypony leaned in with the intent of hearing what he was about to say.

"This place is goddamned scary!"

Everypony raised an eyebrow.

"You all eat meat! You're all horses who eat meat! But you all deny it... and don't get me started on the things around here that are only carnivore! I mean... bat ponies? Really!? What made those!?" He paused to see the reactions, some bat ponies in the crowd had hurt expressions. Others had understanding and were nodding in agreement.

"But the thing I want to really know is... where do I keep getting the hot dogs I sell?"

And with that, he turned in place on his stand, opened the hatch for the dogs and jumped in, the pitch black bottom consuming him as he fell.

"AAAAAAGGGHHH!" Vinnie shot upright in his bed. A cold sweat rolling down his face. He looked around as he tried to calm his breathing.

"That... was the weirdest dream... I've ever had!" He declared before lying back down and falling back asleep.

Author's Note

You all knew! And don't you dare deny it! Anyways, April fools! You all thought this chapter was legit. No, no, it isn't.

I will start writing soon enough, don't you worry your pretty little faces.