Chapter 001: Let's start our adventure on the side of the road
Universe: Terra Maxima
Sub-Universe: Equestium
Identification Cluster: FimFicticus
Sub-Identification Cluster: Irregular Inhabitants
Infra-Universe: FF-248915/AGMI
Time: 7:21:46 AM
Date: 10/10/1990AD/5ME
Upcoming historical key points (Dr Whooves approved):
—Return of Nightmare Moon (T-20yrs, 0mo, 0d, 22h, 20min, 40sec)
—Return of Discord (T-20yrs, 11mo, 7d, 2h, 8min, 15sec)
—Return of Chrysalis (T-21yrs, 6mo, 11d, 10h, 20min, 57sec)
—Return of Sombra (T-22yrs, 0mo, 30d, 23h, 35min, 39sec)
—Return of Tirek (T-23yrs, 7mo, 0d, 15h, 35min, 21sec)
—13th Great Festival of Ragnōrok (T-24yrs, 2mo, 11d, 8h, 41min, 14sec)
—Return of Triton (ERROR: TIME NOT FOUND)
—ERROR (ERROR: TIME NOT FOUND) [Please contact Omniversal Source Code admins immediately for space-time debugging]
Location: in the middle of a Faust forsaken forest between Canterlot and Ponyville, Equestria, Northern Amareica, Terra
Quick question, how do you wake a near one trillion year old, sentient clump of energy? no this isn’t a joke, my trans-universal co-part is asleep and I can’t be bothered to jump time and space in order to wake him up for his own adventure so do you have any ideas? Screw it, you humans are useless as an Ice cream in a tundra. Though what to do; ah never mind, I think his friends are gonna do that for me...
Jay was annoyed… and hungry. Breakfast should have been ready a long time ago. Though there were two facts that hindered the chimera from massacring a plate of food: Cain, the intellectual Dragon-Lupien hybrid of the group, could barely find any food to eat, and the other was that Quick Quill, the loveable yet semi-psychotic spirit, was still sleeping; Jay was absolutely certain that this was to spite him and not so the lazy bastard could get some rest.
From the looks of it, Cain had managed to get something going and that meant eating breakfast was one step closer to actually occurring. Walking over to the campfire, Jay leaned over his friend’s shoulder and asked, “whats for breakie?”
“Pancakes, well to be more precise, improvised pancakes cause there seems to be nothing useful in this Poseidon damned forest!” Cain shouted in a manner that caused nearby birds to flee.
Sighing in frustration, Cain relived his attention on the starts of his pancake batter to point to their sleeping friend, “mind waking sleeping beauty in time for breakfast?”
“do you remember who we’re talking about? We’re talking about the guy who slept on the side of an erupting volcano! If it weren’t for the fact that he’s basically living energy, he would be a pile of dead stuff, and you want me to wake him!?” exclaimed Jay at the absurdity of the task.
“Yes I do remember Jay, I was there if you recall” deadpanned Cain, his gaze returning to the viscous liquid in front of him, “remember Jay; we live together, we eat together”
“I know, I know; but I want to eat today, not next week. Plus I’m hungry”
“You’re always hungry,” Cain sighed
“It’s not my fault I was designed with four stomachs” replied Jay in a huffy tone
Cain sighed, “tell you what: you wake him up within nine minuets and some pancakes might be ready”
With a cheshire grin on his face, Jay ran over to his friend and shouted right into his ear, “Oy! Wake up sleepy head”
“But mum, it’s not a school day” Quill replied groggily while still asleep. Jay just blinked and then sighed; it was going to be one of those days.
Jay wasn’t going to bother with the easy stuff today; so he walked back to Cain, who was about to start cooking pancakes, and plucked the cooking utensil strait from his claws.
“What are you doing with the frypan?” asked Cain, suspicious of Jay potential use for the tool.
“Oh nothing, just applying some blunt trauma wake-up therapy” replied Jay in a straight forward manner.
“Wait, What!?” Exclaimed Cain. He started running, in hope to stop Jay from killing himself; but it was too late, the pan collided into the cobalt coloured colt’s face.
“Huh, well that didn’t work–” Jay was rudely interrupted as Cain crashed into him”
“Damnit Jay!what were you thinking!?” shouted Cain at his friend’s stupidity, “Do you remember what happened when you once kicked him awake, he tore both your arms off in a half-conscience fury”
“So what? They grew back,” Jay replied, flexing his mismatched upper limbs for emphasis, “plus I got a free servant for a week, which, might I add, was totally awesome”
Cain just stared at him; and then facepalmed, “I have no idea what I’m going to with you,” plucking the dented frypan from Jay’s hand, Cain started to walk back to the camp fire, “If you need me, I’ll be cooking breakfast”
With Cain gone, Jay turned his attention back to the sleeping pony. If a frying pan didn’t work to wake him up then what will?
Sitting down on the log on the other side to the dirt path where Quill, or Monsy as he was sometimes nicknamed, Jay begin to think of ideas on how to wake the sleeping spirit; most of them were crap.
In a fit of rage, Jay stood up and kicked the log he was sitting on, “ah fucking shit, that hurts like hell” but with that string of swears, Jay was struck with inspiration. If kicking a log hurt like Tartarus, then how badly would of it hurt if said log was slammed into someone’s face?
With a grin that could put the Grinch to shame, Jay picked up the log in his claws and walked menacingly across the road, with menacingly pacing cause he was doing menacing stuff, menacingly. Though this did not go unnoticed by Cain who shook his head at Jay’s suicidal behaviour; it looks like he’ll be putting that little Changelingese shrine with Jay’s name on it to use, cause ya know, Jay’s probably gonna di- oh who cares what I say; you guys just want adventure, clopfics and panda alicorns (and also things from your local Aeon-mart, buy junk now! Hurry while stocks last)
With the log lined up, Jay was ready to brutally murder wake up Quill to a breakfast of yummy delicious pancakes; and what better way to wake someone up by smashing their face in with a log, but something stopped him.
‘Aww, he looks so adorable...,’ thought Jay to himself. Softly grinning as Quill tightened his grip around his alarm clock and golden scythe; though it was not to last when Jay de-hypnotised himself by shaking his head, ‘no, Monsy’s gonna wake up and I am going to have breakfast’
“Well here goes nothing”, Jay said to himself. He then lifted the log over his head and with the combined forces of gravity and muscle, the log smashed into the poor little pony’s head with an audible crack.
“Oh shit…” Jay moaned to himself, “Cain? I think I killed Monsy…”
With his friend looking at Quill’s dead body, Jay ran over, again…, to try and help him out. “Jay, what did you do now?” Cain asked as he looked over the dead body of their friend; there wasn’t any blood but the log cracked and knowing Quill’s obsession with a certain game series which isn’t even native to Terra but still is awesome as hell (Little Big Planet), Cain found his conclusion.
“I think you just broke his ‘sleeping bag’, my guess is that he formed a ultra-thin cardboard box as not to be disturbed, knowing his obsession with sleep… And Little Big Planet”
“So I panicked over nothing?” Jay said, the gills on his neck flaring in rage
“Well, I wouldn’t exactly called it noth–” started Cain before he was rudely interrupted by Jay.
“I am going to make him squeal like a fucking bastard!” shouted Jay as he extended the claws on his right hand. The miniature razors started to head to where Jay presumed a pony’s testicles to be. Though as his claws sailed through the air, of all things to happen, Quill’s alarm clock went off.
The spirit’s eyes opened as he abruptly sat upright, “morni–”, directly into Jay’s claws. Quill screamed in pain as his optical organs were rendered useless by the now bloodied claws of Jay.
And then there was pain and there were hijinks, the first morning.
