My Life as a Teenage Bardock

A familiar scene plays in the mind of one man. A lone renegade stands at the precipice of global annihilation, a grim punctuation to his warrior race.

                  In the orbit around the planet Vegeta, the vile tyrant Freeza is about to annihilate the Saiyan Race from his starship. Despite getting past Freeza’s army, the lone Saiyan, Bardock now was no power to fight him or even survive the planet's destruction.

                 “You know, the funny thing is, Bardock, even if you had seen this coming, there’s nothing you could have done about it.” Freeza mocked the saiyan warrior’s pathetic attempt to stop the death of the Saiyan Race.

“You don’t… you have no goddamned idea.” Bardock muttered to the tyrant.

“Mmm, and even if you told every single Saiyan, none of them would have even believed you.” Zarbon said while tossing his ponytail behind him.

“Just… please stop talking.” Bardock was tired of this shit already.

“And you never even got a chance to say goodbye to your son.” Dodoria taunted

‘I have one of those? Oh god, I have TWO of those!’

“Consider this downsizing on a global scale! You can pick up your unemployment checks wherever you end up.” Freeza said as he charged up his colossal Death Ball.

"GO TO HELL!" Bardock summoned the last bit of his strength and fired an energy blast at the vile tyrant.

"See, that was my first guess." With a mere flick of his wrist, the evil tyrant launched his attack, his energy ball consuming Bardock’s blast. One would assume that a warrior’s final thoughts would be poetic.

‘Ah, crapbaskets…’ well they can’t be all poetic.

And so, with a macabre flash of blinding light, the howling laughter of a blood-parched tyrant echoing through his mind, so ends the tragic fate of Bardock.

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        It was just turning to midnight in a small town, the quiet streets, the lampposts turning on their flickering lights, a rhythmic of night's brutal romantic conquest over daylight. All was well as a teenager staying at a friend's home for a school break was now going to bed. This man was David Wilson, an average Joe if you ever saw him. he made good grades, had great friends and family, life seemed to spare him its twisted sense of cruelty.

        David had just finished watching an anime special episode called ‘Episode of Bardock.’ David had been a fan of Dragonball Z since he was just starting high school and he recently found out about the Bardock stuff from his friends. it took awhile to watch it all but he was impressed by the display. Eventually he went to bed and dreamed of what it would be like to be Bardock.

        This is the part where David realizes his little fantasy...however, fire trucks soon arrived at a home in that neighborhood. It seems that a commercial airplane had lost an engine and had to make an emergency landing, thankfully all the passengers made it to safer, but that was not the case with David Wilson.

        The plane’s engine had in fact dropped right on top of the sleeping David, crushing him into a fine fleshy paste before exploding and set fire to the home...only David died that day. Some say that he found peace in the better place.

.        .        .        .

    It was a sunny warm summer’s day in Ponyville square. The idle chatter of the town’s ponies and the clacking of hooves on the cobbled stones of the little town's streets were the only sounds that permeated the air.  All around were little houses with thatched roofs, brick and stucco walls, and happy ponies in the doorways. Vendors called to ponies from behind their stalls and in front of their carts. The smell of baked goods and fresh produce wafted from every corner.

                    Within the town’s center where the old tree library use to be was now Twilight’s castle, a large, beautiful building made from a mystical crystal like substance, and filled with all the amenities a Princess of Friendship like Twilight Sparkle could ever want. Twilight was reading a lovely novel in her study when a knock on the door caught her attention. She quickly ran to the door to find the mail mare Derpy Hooves had come to drop off a message. After greeting and thanking Derpy, Twilight took the message to her study to read it. The Princess sat in her comfortable chair and began to read.

Dear Twilight

I have felt a strange disturbance within the Everfree forest, it is nothing too alarming, however it has made sending you mail the normal way temporarily out of service,  but I would like you to keep an eye out for anything odd or strange and report it to me as soon as possible.

Your Friend

Princess Celestia

.        .        .        .

         David awoke to his general surprise as he felt the earth beneath.

“W-where am I? Am I alive? I feel... weak. What happened? The last thing I remember was sleeping in my friend's bed. I think?” David slowly began to open his eyes. He lifted his head and looked around him. The only two things he could see in this fog were trees, and grass. 'Why am I in a forest?' David slowly began to lift the rest of his body.

“Did I die?! And what the fuck!!” David looked down at his body to noticed his now muscular battled scarred body with a monkey tail around his waist, he panicked and rushed to a nearby pond to see that he was now Bardock.

          “Oh god, am I in Hell?!”

He assumed that hell would be mostly fiery or the ground would be made of spikes, or rotting corpses of male virgins, not a foggy forest. David wiped the dirt off his body. It was then he noticed he was naked, and to his surprise his ‘male attachment’ was oddly impressive now. Getting that weird thought out of his mind he ignored this nude glory.

                    To his disappointment, David tried to fly but could not get off the ground, he tried to blast a tree but nothing. Well it looked David that he was going to have to find out where he was the old fashion way. David stumbled through forest in his nudity, it was not meant for rough terrain, but it would have to do. Progressively, a feeling overtakes him. Something feels different, the air was surprisingly clean and pure.

After what felt like an hour of walking barefoot in the forest, the lone warrior finally found a opening in the forest wall. What he saw made him very concerned, as before him was a vast luscious landscape of various colors and in the middle of it was a primitive town, like something out of a old cartoon. Now this wouldn't normally bother him, except when he heard a noise and hid behind a tree. He peaked around to see something truly horrific. A pastel yellow colored pony, it was picking some wild berries as scooted away, leaving David unnoticed.

‘Crap…I can’t tell if I’m in hell or somewhere worse. I better follow this candy colored freak to find out.’ This slowly built a case that he may not be in hell…maybe.

         David followed the little Pegasus, making sure to keep a safe distance from it. The Pegasus lead David to a little cottage where it opened the door and went inside with a few cute animals following it.

David noticed some clothes on a drying wire, he took them and bolted into the forest. David is unaware that the man he looks like now is in fact still alive...sort of.