The Shorse's Chortle

Twilight cleared her throat. “Umm, Hello?” she half-shouted over the downpour. The Alicorn gave no answer, not even a twitch as fat raindrops fell on its face.

“Is she dead?” Asked Applejack uncertainly.

Twilight uncertainly put a hoof just below the Alicorn’s jaw, searching for a pulse, but found none. Her heart fell. She was just about to turn and tell the others when its eyes snapped open. They were unnervingly large, with pinprick pupils red as blood. They locked backwards and upwards on Twilight’s face, which had contorted in horror.

As soon as the eyes focused on Twilight, she felt pure fear seize her very soul. This wasn’t dreadful horror like Sombra’s door, it was unadulterated, irrational, unbeatable terror. Her heart jumped, hammering into her throat but she couldn’t move, couldn’t run, couldn’t hardly breathe.

As much as Twilight tried to gain control of her legs, she was stuck, staring at this Alicorn, and judging by the others’ silence, they were too scared to run also.

Twilight watched in horror as the Alicorn, without blinking or breaking eye contact, unsteadily got its long legs beneath it, then got up. Twilight followed her up, up, up until she stood at full height. She rivaled, even surpassed Celestia. It looked down at them without any further movement- impossibly, deathly still.

It wasn’t just this magic or whatever it was that was so frightening either- there was an aesthetic here too; with her height, massive wings, flowing blood-red mane and expressionless stare, she was visually alarming too.

Its eyes swiveled to the others, and Twilight almost collapsed as the harrowing grip around her mind released. She shivered in the rain, quaking as the worst of the fear left her. After what felt like forever, the alicorn blinked and its pupils grew to about normal size, but their slightly luminescent depths were unmarked by pupil or highlight.

As soon as it reopened its eyes however, it was only met with a few dust clouds where the ponies and small purple thing had been sitting, which were quickly dampened by the rain. The ponies’ high-pitched shrieks echoed through the forest, quickly softening as they hauled buns out of there.

The alicorn looked down at its hooves.

~

She had expected no different, as she had used her fear power to scare them off on purpose. She usually had a chance to steel herself against hunger whenever she talked to others, but in most of those situations she was more or less prepared.

This had been unexpected. Completely out of the blue- what were comparatively dumplings to her had been sitting so nicely within her reach.

It had been for their own good.

But this still did nothing to further her knowledge about where she was or what she was.

The alicorn uncertainly folded its wings-at least those hadn’t changed much- and shuffled her hooves in the mud. Her paws, and beautiful claws, were gone. Replaced with these, these hooves. Hooves were for prey animals, but what did that make her now? Her once muscular tail was now replaced with nothing but lengthy- er- hair?

It was like smoke, but almost tangible. Like liquid in zero-g or something weird like that that remained un-dampened in the unrelenting downpour. Same stuff flowed annoyingly from her head and neck. She flicked her ears- wait, they were different too.

She wiggled them some more- they’d changed from her laid-back, flat ears to erect, cupped ears. Prey-animal style yet again. Ergh. What had she been turned into?

She also had the longest neck ever. Maybe she was taller than Winchester now-

Winchester! Fauntleroy! Everyone!

She hastily looked around in the pit but already knew they weren’t there. They must’ve been blasted to another part of this world.

She’d warned them, but the boys and Idunn usually didn’t hear her sage advice because of their excited screams. When you find a box that says ‘Enjoy, love Trika’ on it, with a heavy iron chain and lock to hold it closed, you should probably not just rip it open just because it’s Christmas.

Ergh.

Again.

She hoped they weren’t in any danger, but then again the residents of this world seemed harmless enough.

~

Far away, in a much different part of Equestria another alicorn’s eyes flew open. His diamond-shaped, pupil-less iris’ shrank in alarm.

Darkdarkdarkdarkdarkdarkdarkdarkdarkdarkdarkdarkdark!

Can we say it one more time?

DAAAARRRRKK.

Cause that’s what this was!!!!!

Not that he was afraid of the dark, of course.

But there were no trees here. Winchester couldn’t navigate in complete darkness without them.

Wait- wait. He could almost feel some trees, like a mile away. Almo-

“The Prisoner is awake!”

He jumped back in surprise as a voice, right in front of him, screamed this, and a multitude of cheers followed it. Or he tried to jump back. He was tied to something. Like a stake.

Oh. Oh no- he wasn’t a witch! What had he done to deserve this?

“Sompony fetch the Queen!” he heard someone say.

He looked around in all directions as thousands upon thousands of pairs of eyes opened. Pale white orbs in the darkness that created a dim, blue glow.

Oh crud, he was in the Hobbit! He knew it, he knew it. Here were the goblins to prove it.

Where was Gandolf with those eagles when you needed him?

Never mind. He could do this- he’d been in worse situations.

Not really, but there wasn’t much else to do but try. He moved to crack his knuckles in an intimidating fashion but-

Aaaahhhhgggghhh! His hands- fingers- gah! Hooves!!!!

Man!

That’s fine, that’s fine. Still got my-

Crud. His wings were bound tightly to the stake with him. Both pair.

Tail? No- he couldn’t tell what it was in the dark, but it certainly wasn’t his long, powerful, tufted tail anymore.

Back claws?-Hooves.

Antler?-

He knocked his head against the stake, but instead of hitting the single, thick, four pronged antler that usually was right off the back of his head, he hit- his head.

Boy- that was weird.

And –gasp! - He had ears! Ears that stuck out from the sides/top of his head that he could swivel. He laid them back and moved them around in circles just for the fun of it.

He’d always told Miramel how lucky she was to have ears, and the room on her head to wear a hat, but she’d never listened to him.

Suddenly, he saw a pair of eyes, different from all the rest, walk closer to him from over-way over- the tops of all the other eyes.

They were large, and three or four different shades of green with slit pupils.

And they were staring right at him.

~

Fauntleroy opened his eyes, but quickly shut them again.

Pink! And so bright! Wow- maybe he should have a pair of sunglasses for bed- this happened every morning.

He cautiously cracked an eye open again. Checkerboard grass. Mmm.

Pink sky and checkerboard grass- all was right with the world.

He sighed and turned over. It was too early to get up.

Wait- Trika didn’t have grass- her backgrounds were always white!

He jumped to his feet, and promptly faceplanted. His arms felt really long and thick.

He looked down at himself and screamed.

His back legs, and claws had been morphed into what might have been hooves.

His front legs, originally vestigial and T-rexy, had grown to be as long and thick as the back hooves. He carefully stomped around for a few steps, trying to get the coordination for being quadrupedal.

“Man!”

He laid back his- ears. He had ears. And he could reach them now! He did so, but with the hooves in the stead of two claws, it wasn’t very helpful. But- he did feel something on his head that wasn’t usually there- hair. Like Miramel’s fur, only a lot longer and shaggier. More like Winchester’s tail tuft. Or Guy’s fur/feathers.

Something tickled the back of his legs, making him jump back. He looked around to see a long tail. Made of hair- the tail that usually helped him balance on his two legs was now a much lighter, shaggy bunch of hair.

“Well,” said a voice, and Fauntleroy jumped, looking around. There was no one there, but he did get a better look at the landscape. It was nothing but rolling hills of checkerboard grass, with brown rivers flowing her and there. Chunks of earth floated randomly in the sky, spinning in relative zero-g. He blinked.

Okay- this place was weird.

“I don’t think I’ve seen you around here.” Said the same voice.

Fauntleroy continued to look around. “I could say the same about you.” He replied.

Laughter echoed from nowhere. “True. I make it a point to see before I am seen.”

“What, are you like a chameleon or something?” the small bat-pony looked around on the ground, searching for the minor distortions that would herald a color-changing lizard.

More laughter. Fauntleroy jumped back as a pair of large, yellow eyes with red pupils opened in front of him on the ground.

Something tapped his shoulder. He whipped around and looked up at a very strange creature.

He was like a dragon, as near as the little pony could guess. An eastern one. Long and twisty, with six limbs. The strange thing was that this dragon had a different animal for each limb. He stood upright on a green, clawed foot and a brown hoof on the other side. A long, red tail with a white tuft on the end and pink spikes along its top swished behind him.

He looked higher, to see two vestigial wings, one a purple bat’s, the other a blue bird’s.

He looked higher, to see a lion’s paw and eagle claw. One was folded over the other, and his claw was against his mouth, as if he was contemplating something. His head, Fauntleroy couldn’t really identify exactly, but it sort of resembled a horse’s. Except for the mouth full of fangs. He had a long goatee and pointed ears. An antler and blue horn adorned his head.

But that wasn’t what caught Fauntleroy’s attention. This creature had no eyes. A pair of hollow sockets ringed with dark grey and topped with outlandishly long white eyebrows looked blankly at the small pony.

Oh. Wait. Fauntleroy turned to see the eyes on the ground, but they were gone. He turned back around to see the dragonish thing donning them like glasses.

“You’re good.” Said the little pony.

“Oh, flatterer.” Said the dragon thing, brushing off his paw and claw.

“And besides,” he said, putting an arm around Fauntleroy’s shoulders from behind. The pony was still trying to keep up with all the places this guy could be at once.

“That’s not even the tip of the iceberg.”

Fauntleroy’s feet-er- hooves, were inexplicably cold. He looked down to see a huge chunk of ice that had risen out of the ground beneath them.

“Whoop!” he slipped, but the dragon caught him by his tail, dangling him upside-down in front of his face.

“So,” he began, hanging Fauntleroy in the air by his tail as if on a hook. He sat back in the air and began to file his talons. “What might your name be?”

“Fauntleroy.” Said the pony, looking up-er-down at the ground far below them.

“What, not a noun? Or an adjective? Or a pun?” The dragon looked surprised.

“No, why?” said Fauntleroy, still looking up.

“Huh- you can’t be from around here. You weren’t always what you are now, were you?”

“No, I wasn’t!” said the pony with a grin, revealing pointed fangs also.

“Well that clinches it, my little bat-pony.” Said the dragon, holding up a mirror.

Fauntleroy’s jaw opened in amazement-what on earth was he?

The shaggy, dark blue mane hung from his head and his eyes had gotten much bigger. And he had lips. In his world, there was no distinction between his face and his teeth- they were fused to his skull on the outside, so he didn’t have much choice but to smile all the time.

He blinked as the dragon handed him the mirror, which he promptly, but accidently dropped, having no fingers and all. Instead of shattering upon contact with the ground, it bounced away.

Fauntleroy looked back at the dragon, who was still watching the mirror from his iceberg perch.

“So what’s your name?” he asked.

“Well Fauntleroy, that all depends on where you know me from.”

The pony raised an eyebrow.

“If we’re talking about right here, right now, then I’m Discord.”

“That’s kind of like Trika. She doesn’t always answer to that-only when she’s with us.”

“And this Trika would be your . . .”

“Mom.”

“Ah. And who is this ‘us’, thou speakest of?”

“Me, Winchester, Guy, Bones, Idunn, and Miramel.”

“Where are they?”

“Why do you want to know?” said the pony, suddenly suspicious.

“Why would I not want to know?” returned the dragon, looking innocent. “I don’t get visitors very often, given that my universe is locked from the inside.”

The dragon-turned-pony kept silent, eyeing him distrustfully.

“Why so stoic? Are you afraid I’ll steal your identity?” Discord morphed into a Fauntleroy bat-pony look-alike, except he had his red and yellow eyes.

Fauntleroy was a little taken aback. This was just getting more and more bizarre.

~

Guy opened her eyes.

Yes, her name is Guy, even though she’s a girl. And she’s not transgender or anything- just a girl, named Guy.

Like a man named Sue, only better.

So get over it and moved on already, geez.

Back to the story- she opened her eyes, to see sky.

Big whoop.

She turned, but was prevented from doing so by something around her neck. What the-

It felt like a string- no, more like a cord. She could breathe, just not move.

So, of course, she struggled as hard as all get out, to get out.

Wait- what happened to her? Her forelegs felt long, and sturdy! Her back legs with two claws each seemed shorter and not as powerful, and her neck was squat! Her beak looked different from this angle also. She gasped as she felt her tail- usually like a golden retriever's, was snake-like with a tuft on the end.

Trika was going to hurt. Guy would personally go up to her and punch her in the-

Oh - Guy could feel that her wings were bigger and more powerful!

Maybe she'd allow that stupid Shorse to live.

Though she could feel the physical differences, she was still tied down by something. She writhed and strained, trying to break the cords, but they cut into her arms and legs and stomach like piano wire.

Finally, she lay still, fuming and rethinking the temptation of mercy towards Trika.

She felt something tickle her tummy, like a bug walking on it. No problem- she wasn't afraid of sissy stuff like bugs or spiders.

Her eyes nearly popped out of her head as some kind of mutant fairy walked up her neck and stood on the end of her beak.

It might have been described a quadrupedal sprite. Its transparent wings and gaudy eyelashes were proportionally huge, while its body was slight and skinny. What looked like a mushroom adorned its head over a pair of long, curly antennae. Its hair flowed in the slight breeze as it looked at her skeptically.

It declared something in a squeaky, yet triumphant way, sticking a tiny flag made from a twig and a leaf into the fur/feathers on the top of Guy's head.

A bird-dog turned griffin had just been conquered, and a Shorse's death warrant sealed.

~

Miramel had managed to fly out of the pit. She couldn’t fathom how those creatures had scrambled out of it with hooves alone.

She could already fly, it was just that this body had completely different aerodynamics and calibrations that she had yet to figure out.

She knew that neither Winchester, Guy, Bones, Idunn nor Fauntleroy were anywhere near. She wouldn’t be able to help them if she was in worse shape than they, so she had to find someplace to spend the night. Her strength was wavering on half full to less than half full.

Man, she’d fed so long ago and it was wearing on her. She had to keep diverting her thoughts from whatever creatures they were. After a few minutes, her control returned and she shut off the mental drive to hunt.

After crash landing on the cliff side, she stiffly rose and trudged off into the forest, laying back her ears in the heavy downpour. She was cold and ignored that fact, as it could do no harm to her, but it was still unpleasant.

Trudging on, she looked in every direction for a cave- a hollow tree, something. Something like, like . . . a house?

After walking for maybe five minutes, she caught sight of dim lights through the downpour and headed towards them.

Now that she’d gotten a grip on her magic again, maybe she’d have better luck interacting. And by interacting, she meant talking only when it was absolutely necessary.

If luck was with her, those seven creatures she’d met earlier didn’t live here.

~

The Zebra Zecora and her apprentice Applebloom were busy leaning over a large cauldron.

“Now, Applebloom, listen close. Here’s a potion that some need the most. It fills a need with something other, and thus it their bad habits smothers.”

Suddenly, there was a slow, ponderous knock at the door.

“Aw, that’s probably Applejack.” Said the filly, approaching the door. “She’s always worried stiff ‘bout me when ah visit ya.”

She opened the door to see a pair of knees. She looked up, up, up into the large red eyes of an alicorn. Lightning flashed behind it as it stared into her very soul.

Applebloom’s mouth fell open.

“Uhh . . . Uhm, Zecora? Ah think it’s fer you.” Said the filly in a small voice. The alicorn’s gaze never wavered.

The zebra stepped up beside Applebloom, and her mouth fell open too, but she overcame her shock faster.

“I take it you have lost your way- we have a seat if you’d like to stay.” She gestured at the benches in the hut. After a moment of stillness, the alicorn nodded and followed the ponies inside.