The Shorse's Chortle

by YodelGoat

Rating: everyone
Tags: Adventure, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Comedy
Length: 11435

A bird-dog, tree-guardian, vampire, t-rex-dragon, ferret-bird, and snarky skeleton are all sent to Equestria by a particularly annoying Shorse. Their quest to return and give her what she deserves: a punch in the face.

A bird-dog with an ambiguous name, tree-guardian named after a rifle, fluffy vampire, hyperactive t-rex-dragon, ferret-bird with memory problems, and snarky skeleton with a Beetlejuice tongue are all sent to Equestria by a particularly annoying Shorse. Their quest through the dimension (meeting everyone you want to hear from) to reunite with each other, return and give Trika what she deserves: a punch in the face.

My characters belong to me, obviously

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-03-02 02:33:50 UTC

1 Be Sure to be There on Time

Princess Twilight Sparkle had noticed that the storm clouds seemed particularly dark and evil-looking, but thought nothing of it.

Until now.

The pegasi had marked off the Everfree as a lightning-zone, to let off some of the cloud’s excess energy, but no one ever went there, so there was nopony enforcing the borders.

Twilight had seen the largest, crimson lightning bolt hit with earth-shaking force in the middle of the Everfree. And just had to document its effects.

So she was going. Now that she could fly, and had alicorn magic, she no longer feared the wood as she once had.

~

As a rule, whenever something on that much of a cosmic level happened, especially in someplace as forbidden as the Everfree, there had to be something magical about it.

Probably another Brony Fanfic. They and the Pokémon episodes always seemed to start this way-with giant lightning blasts in scary forests.

Plus, she wanted to meet up right on time when the others discovered that their paths led them to the exact same place.

And, being best pony, she wanted to make sure that all the Bronies got their good old-fashioned fill of Pinkie Pie, so off bouncing she went, without no knife, without no gun. (Double negatives ignored- she really didn’t have weapons other than her adorable cuteness).

~

Prior to the lightning storm, Applebloom had gone to see Zecora, which she was wont to do.

And Applejack, though her sister had become adept at avoiding the various dangers of the Everfree, still felt uneasy until her little girl returned home.

And, it being a lightning storm, and Zecora’s house being a tree, Applejack decided to go after her, not knowing full well what she intended to do, just that she had to do something.

So, pressing her cowboy hat farther onto her mane, she set out into the forest.

~

Rarity was at her boutique, making use of Spike’s frequent offers of service by having him help sort out her older sets of clothes. Sweetie Belle, Rarity’s younger sister, was there too, but doing more to help her practice with the Rubik’s cube than doling out clothes.

“Too last season.” The older unicorn said, flinging a pantsuit on top of the dragon, who held out his claws to receive such favors.

“Too frilly- I can’t believe that was in at one time. Yech!”

Then, Spike belched quite loudly, incinerating the clothing covering him. A rolled-up scroll landed on the floor.

“Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry Rarity!”

“That’s all right darling- they were going to the give-away anyway. What does the note say?”

Spike unrolled it and squinted at the hoofwriting.

“Dear Spike,” he read. “I’ve gone to Everfree to investigate lightning strike that happened this evening at 6:05 P.M. I probably won’t be back till- bla bla bla . . .” Spike went off, his green eyes skipping down the letter.

“Is Miss Twilight going to go into the Everfree all alone?” said Sweetie Belle, suddenly interested.

“Not if I can help it, she isn’t.” said Rarity stubbornly, starting towards the door. Spike trotted behind her.

“Well, there they go again.” Said the little unicorn after the door closed. She started scowling at the Rubik’s Cube again. “I know there’s a trick to this . . . Maybe fingers would help.”

~

Rainbow Dash never missed the opportunity to inspect lightning strikes. Being the creator, no- more master of such natural wonders, she loved to see the aftermath.

But it wasn’t as much fun without someone to come with her, to show her how awesome she was.

And she knew just the Pegasus.

~

Fluttershy opened the door to see her friend Rainbow Dash, looking smug.

“’Sup?” she asked coolly.

“Hello Rainbow.” Fluttershy replied. “What brings you here?”

“Oh, just something really awesome! Here c’mon, you’ve gotta see!”

“Oh.” Said Fluttershy, looking a little frightened as Rainbow tried to pull her out the door. “You mean that really scary lightning strike?”

“Yeah!”

“Ohhh.” Groaned Fluttershy, but she knew Rainbow wouldn’t give up until she came, so she walked after her friend against her better judgment, bading her bunny be benevolent until her return.

~

Twilight reached the clearing (of course it was a clearing) first. She saw a large crater and was about to walk over when Pinkie tapped her from behind, making her jump about a foot in the air.

“Aagh!” Shrieked Twilight.

“AaaahhhhIii scared you!” said Pinkie with a ‘you mad, bro?’ face.

“What are you doing here?”

“Waiting for the others. They should be here any second.”

Twilight was about to ask, when they heard a familiar, western voice.

“Twili- and Pinkie Pie? What in the hay are y’all doin’ out here?”

“Waiting for the others. They should be here any second.” Said Pinkie with a smile.

Applejack was about to ask, when they heard a familiar, almost snooty voice.

“Twilight we got your- Wait, what are you two doing out here? The note only said Twilight was coming!”

“What note?” asked Applejack.

“The note Twilight sent me!”

“I didn’t send any note.” Said Twilight uncertainly.

“Then who-” said Spike, looking scared.

Pinkie burst out laughing. “You guys are so easy to creep out!”

“Hey! What are you guys doing here?” said Rainbow from over the canopy.

“Waiting for the others. They’re here.” Said Pinkie with a smile.

“Well, now that we are here, I’ll go see what my lightning bolt did.”

Before they could stop her, she flew towards the crater. Before she got there, lightning flashed again and they all jumped back in surprise as a roll of thunder rattled their bones.

It started raining. Like, driving sheets of rain. Rarity squealed as she tried to create a magical shield to protect herself from the water.

“Rainbow!” the others shouted.

“I didn’t do that!” she said defensively. She tried to push away the clouds, but every time she approached one, it zapped her with a painful shock of static electricity.

One of her burned hooves in her mouth, she flew back down to the others.

“Maybe whatever’s in the crater’s doing it.” Said Pinkie, looking towards it.

“There’s nothing in the- is there?” asked Twilight, looking towards it from under her wings.

They approached it cautiously, Fluttershy hanging back. Way back.

Twilight dared look over the edge. She blinked. Slender, muddy-looking hooves and a long, long mane and tail trailed from under a gigantic pair of bat wings. It was unusually tall (almost like Celestia) and lying on its side, whatever it was. Its face, head and neck were obscured by its enormous wings.

“It’s a pony!” said Rainbow, already flying towards it.

“Hold on! We don’t know that!” said Rarity cautiously, having given up the battle to protect her mane from the rain.

“It is a pony.” Said Twilight, following the Pegasus.

“C’mon y’all!” Said Applejack, sliding down the slick crater wall. Pinkie slid after her with a ‘Wheeee!’, but Rarity and Fluttershy stayed on the edge.

Twilight volunteered as the unspoken tribute for first making contact. Her eyes caught on its cutie mark: an infinity loop with fangs and a drop of something red. She swallowed and reached out to touch the creature, but she jumped back, landing with a splash in a puddle as lightning flashed and thunder rolled again.

She shook her head as she got up and gently shifted aside a wing. Her jaw dropped as the others gasped. It was stunning, with a long, slender neck and a sculpted head. Its long mane and tail were crimson melting into mahogany. Its large eyes were closed. But its beauty weren’t why they were amazed- from the center of its forehead grew a long horn tinged with a reddish-brown that curved slightly backwards.

An Alicorn.

What were the chances?

2 Howdy-Do

Twilight cleared her throat. “Umm, Hello?” she half-shouted over the downpour. The Alicorn gave no answer, not even a twitch as fat raindrops fell on its face.

“Is she dead?” Asked Applejack uncertainly.

Twilight uncertainly put a hoof just below the Alicorn’s jaw, searching for a pulse, but found none. Her heart fell. She was just about to turn and tell the others when its eyes snapped open. They were unnervingly large, with pinprick pupils red as blood. They locked backwards and upwards on Twilight’s face, which had contorted in horror.

As soon as the eyes focused on Twilight, she felt pure fear seize her very soul. This wasn’t dreadful horror like Sombra’s door, it was unadulterated, irrational, unbeatable terror. Her heart jumped, hammering into her throat but she couldn’t move, couldn’t run, couldn’t hardly breathe.

As much as Twilight tried to gain control of her legs, she was stuck, staring at this Alicorn, and judging by the others’ silence, they were too scared to run also.

Twilight watched in horror as the Alicorn, without blinking or breaking eye contact, unsteadily got its long legs beneath it, then got up. Twilight followed her up, up, up until she stood at full height. She rivaled, even surpassed Celestia. It looked down at them without any further movement- impossibly, deathly still.

It wasn’t just this magic or whatever it was that was so frightening either- there was an aesthetic here too; with her height, massive wings, flowing blood-red mane and expressionless stare, she was visually alarming too.

Its eyes swiveled to the others, and Twilight almost collapsed as the harrowing grip around her mind released. She shivered in the rain, quaking as the worst of the fear left her. After what felt like forever, the alicorn blinked and its pupils grew to about normal size, but their slightly luminescent depths were unmarked by pupil or highlight.

As soon as it reopened its eyes however, it was only met with a few dust clouds where the ponies and small purple thing had been sitting, which were quickly dampened by the rain. The ponies’ high-pitched shrieks echoed through the forest, quickly softening as they hauled buns out of there.

The alicorn looked down at its hooves.

~

She had expected no different, as she had used her fear power to scare them off on purpose. She usually had a chance to steel herself against hunger whenever she talked to others, but in most of those situations she was more or less prepared.

This had been unexpected. Completely out of the blue- what were comparatively dumplings to her had been sitting so nicely within her reach.

It had been for their own good.

But this still did nothing to further her knowledge about where she was or what she was.

The alicorn uncertainly folded its wings-at least those hadn’t changed much- and shuffled her hooves in the mud. Her paws, and beautiful claws, were gone. Replaced with these, these hooves. Hooves were for prey animals, but what did that make her now? Her once muscular tail was now replaced with nothing but lengthy- er- hair?

It was like smoke, but almost tangible. Like liquid in zero-g or something weird like that that remained un-dampened in the unrelenting downpour. Same stuff flowed annoyingly from her head and neck. She flicked her ears- wait, they were different too.

She wiggled them some more- they’d changed from her laid-back, flat ears to erect, cupped ears. Prey-animal style yet again. Ergh. What had she been turned into?

She also had the longest neck ever. Maybe she was taller than Winchester now-

Winchester! Fauntleroy! Everyone!

She hastily looked around in the pit but already knew they weren’t there. They must’ve been blasted to another part of this world.

She’d warned them, but the boys and Idunn usually didn’t hear her sage advice because of their excited screams. When you find a box that says ‘Enjoy, love Trika’ on it, with a heavy iron chain and lock to hold it closed, you should probably not just rip it open just because it’s Christmas.

Ergh.

Again.

She hoped they weren’t in any danger, but then again the residents of this world seemed harmless enough.

~

Far away, in a much different part of Equestria another alicorn’s eyes flew open. His diamond-shaped, pupil-less iris’ shrank in alarm.

Darkdarkdarkdarkdarkdarkdarkdarkdarkdarkdarkdarkdark!

Can we say it one more time?

DAAAARRRRKK.

Cause that’s what this was!!!!!

Not that he was afraid of the dark, of course.

But there were no trees here. Winchester couldn’t navigate in complete darkness without them.

Wait- wait. He could almost feel some trees, like a mile away. Almo-

“The Prisoner is awake!”

He jumped back in surprise as a voice, right in front of him, screamed this, and a multitude of cheers followed it. Or he tried to jump back. He was tied to something. Like a stake.

Oh. Oh no- he wasn’t a witch! What had he done to deserve this?

“Sompony fetch the Queen!” he heard someone say.

He looked around in all directions as thousands upon thousands of pairs of eyes opened. Pale white orbs in the darkness that created a dim, blue glow.

Oh crud, he was in the Hobbit! He knew it, he knew it. Here were the goblins to prove it.

Where was Gandolf with those eagles when you needed him?

Never mind. He could do this- he’d been in worse situations.

Not really, but there wasn’t much else to do but try. He moved to crack his knuckles in an intimidating fashion but-

Aaaahhhhgggghhh! His hands- fingers- gah! Hooves!!!!

Man!

That’s fine, that’s fine. Still got my-

Crud. His wings were bound tightly to the stake with him. Both pair.

Tail? No- he couldn’t tell what it was in the dark, but it certainly wasn’t his long, powerful, tufted tail anymore.

Back claws?-Hooves.

Antler?-

He knocked his head against the stake, but instead of hitting the single, thick, four pronged antler that usually was right off the back of his head, he hit- his head.

Boy- that was weird.

And –gasp! - He had ears! Ears that stuck out from the sides/top of his head that he could swivel. He laid them back and moved them around in circles just for the fun of it.

He’d always told Miramel how lucky she was to have ears, and the room on her head to wear a hat, but she’d never listened to him.

Suddenly, he saw a pair of eyes, different from all the rest, walk closer to him from over-way over- the tops of all the other eyes.

They were large, and three or four different shades of green with slit pupils.

And they were staring right at him.

~

Fauntleroy opened his eyes, but quickly shut them again.

Pink! And so bright! Wow- maybe he should have a pair of sunglasses for bed- this happened every morning.

He cautiously cracked an eye open again. Checkerboard grass. Mmm.

Pink sky and checkerboard grass- all was right with the world.

He sighed and turned over. It was too early to get up.

Wait- Trika didn’t have grass- her backgrounds were always white!

He jumped to his feet, and promptly faceplanted. His arms felt really long and thick.

He looked down at himself and screamed.

His back legs, and claws had been morphed into what might have been hooves.

His front legs, originally vestigial and T-rexy, had grown to be as long and thick as the back hooves. He carefully stomped around for a few steps, trying to get the coordination for being quadrupedal.

“Man!”

He laid back his- ears. He had ears. And he could reach them now! He did so, but with the hooves in the stead of two claws, it wasn’t very helpful. But- he did feel something on his head that wasn’t usually there- hair. Like Miramel’s fur, only a lot longer and shaggier. More like Winchester’s tail tuft. Or Guy’s fur/feathers.

Something tickled the back of his legs, making him jump back. He looked around to see a long tail. Made of hair- the tail that usually helped him balance on his two legs was now a much lighter, shaggy bunch of hair.

“Well,” said a voice, and Fauntleroy jumped, looking around. There was no one there, but he did get a better look at the landscape. It was nothing but rolling hills of checkerboard grass, with brown rivers flowing her and there. Chunks of earth floated randomly in the sky, spinning in relative zero-g. He blinked.

Okay- this place was weird.

“I don’t think I’ve seen you around here.” Said the same voice.

Fauntleroy continued to look around. “I could say the same about you.” He replied.

Laughter echoed from nowhere. “True. I make it a point to see before I am seen.”

“What, are you like a chameleon or something?” the small bat-pony looked around on the ground, searching for the minor distortions that would herald a color-changing lizard.

More laughter. Fauntleroy jumped back as a pair of large, yellow eyes with red pupils opened in front of him on the ground.

Something tapped his shoulder. He whipped around and looked up at a very strange creature.

He was like a dragon, as near as the little pony could guess. An eastern one. Long and twisty, with six limbs. The strange thing was that this dragon had a different animal for each limb. He stood upright on a green, clawed foot and a brown hoof on the other side. A long, red tail with a white tuft on the end and pink spikes along its top swished behind him.

He looked higher, to see two vestigial wings, one a purple bat’s, the other a blue bird’s.

He looked higher, to see a lion’s paw and eagle claw. One was folded over the other, and his claw was against his mouth, as if he was contemplating something. His head, Fauntleroy couldn’t really identify exactly, but it sort of resembled a horse’s. Except for the mouth full of fangs. He had a long goatee and pointed ears. An antler and blue horn adorned his head.

But that wasn’t what caught Fauntleroy’s attention. This creature had no eyes. A pair of hollow sockets ringed with dark grey and topped with outlandishly long white eyebrows looked blankly at the small pony.

Oh. Wait. Fauntleroy turned to see the eyes on the ground, but they were gone. He turned back around to see the dragonish thing donning them like glasses.

“You’re good.” Said the little pony.

“Oh, flatterer.” Said the dragon thing, brushing off his paw and claw.

“And besides,” he said, putting an arm around Fauntleroy’s shoulders from behind. The pony was still trying to keep up with all the places this guy could be at once.

“That’s not even the tip of the iceberg.”

Fauntleroy’s feet-er- hooves, were inexplicably cold. He looked down to see a huge chunk of ice that had risen out of the ground beneath them.

“Whoop!” he slipped, but the dragon caught him by his tail, dangling him upside-down in front of his face.

“So,” he began, hanging Fauntleroy in the air by his tail as if on a hook. He sat back in the air and began to file his talons. “What might your name be?”

“Fauntleroy.” Said the pony, looking up-er-down at the ground far below them.

“What, not a noun? Or an adjective? Or a pun?” The dragon looked surprised.

“No, why?” said Fauntleroy, still looking up.

“Huh- you can’t be from around here. You weren’t always what you are now, were you?”

“No, I wasn’t!” said the pony with a grin, revealing pointed fangs also.

“Well that clinches it, my little bat-pony.” Said the dragon, holding up a mirror.

Fauntleroy’s jaw opened in amazement-what on earth was he?

The shaggy, dark blue mane hung from his head and his eyes had gotten much bigger. And he had lips. In his world, there was no distinction between his face and his teeth- they were fused to his skull on the outside, so he didn’t have much choice but to smile all the time.

He blinked as the dragon handed him the mirror, which he promptly, but accidently dropped, having no fingers and all. Instead of shattering upon contact with the ground, it bounced away.

Fauntleroy looked back at the dragon, who was still watching the mirror from his iceberg perch.

“So what’s your name?” he asked.

“Well Fauntleroy, that all depends on where you know me from.”

The pony raised an eyebrow.

“If we’re talking about right here, right now, then I’m Discord.”

“That’s kind of like Trika. She doesn’t always answer to that-only when she’s with us.”

“And this Trika would be your . . .”

“Mom.”

“Ah. And who is this ‘us’, thou speakest of?”

“Me, Winchester, Guy, Bones, Idunn, and Miramel.”

“Where are they?”

“Why do you want to know?” said the pony, suddenly suspicious.

“Why would I not want to know?” returned the dragon, looking innocent. “I don’t get visitors very often, given that my universe is locked from the inside.”

The dragon-turned-pony kept silent, eyeing him distrustfully.

“Why so stoic? Are you afraid I’ll steal your identity?” Discord morphed into a Fauntleroy bat-pony look-alike, except he had his red and yellow eyes.

Fauntleroy was a little taken aback. This was just getting more and more bizarre.

~

Guy opened her eyes.

Yes, her name is Guy, even though she’s a girl. And she’s not transgender or anything- just a girl, named Guy.

Like a man named Sue, only better.

So get over it and moved on already, geez.

Back to the story- she opened her eyes, to see sky.

Big whoop.

She turned, but was prevented from doing so by something around her neck. What the-

It felt like a string- no, more like a cord. She could breathe, just not move.

So, of course, she struggled as hard as all get out, to get out.

Wait- what happened to her? Her forelegs felt long, and sturdy! Her back legs with two claws each seemed shorter and not as powerful, and her neck was squat! Her beak looked different from this angle also. She gasped as she felt her tail- usually like a golden retriever's, was snake-like with a tuft on the end.

Trika was going to hurt. Guy would personally go up to her and punch her in the-

Oh - Guy could feel that her wings were bigger and more powerful!

Maybe she'd allow that stupid Shorse to live.

Though she could feel the physical differences, she was still tied down by something. She writhed and strained, trying to break the cords, but they cut into her arms and legs and stomach like piano wire.

Finally, she lay still, fuming and rethinking the temptation of mercy towards Trika.

She felt something tickle her tummy, like a bug walking on it. No problem- she wasn't afraid of sissy stuff like bugs or spiders.

Her eyes nearly popped out of her head as some kind of mutant fairy walked up her neck and stood on the end of her beak.

It might have been described a quadrupedal sprite. Its transparent wings and gaudy eyelashes were proportionally huge, while its body was slight and skinny. What looked like a mushroom adorned its head over a pair of long, curly antennae. Its hair flowed in the slight breeze as it looked at her skeptically.

It declared something in a squeaky, yet triumphant way, sticking a tiny flag made from a twig and a leaf into the fur/feathers on the top of Guy's head.

A bird-dog turned griffin had just been conquered, and a Shorse's death warrant sealed.

~

Miramel had managed to fly out of the pit. She couldn’t fathom how those creatures had scrambled out of it with hooves alone.

She could already fly, it was just that this body had completely different aerodynamics and calibrations that she had yet to figure out.

She knew that neither Winchester, Guy, Bones, Idunn nor Fauntleroy were anywhere near. She wouldn’t be able to help them if she was in worse shape than they, so she had to find someplace to spend the night. Her strength was wavering on half full to less than half full.

Man, she’d fed so long ago and it was wearing on her. She had to keep diverting her thoughts from whatever creatures they were. After a few minutes, her control returned and she shut off the mental drive to hunt.

After crash landing on the cliff side, she stiffly rose and trudged off into the forest, laying back her ears in the heavy downpour. She was cold and ignored that fact, as it could do no harm to her, but it was still unpleasant.

Trudging on, she looked in every direction for a cave- a hollow tree, something. Something like, like . . . a house?

After walking for maybe five minutes, she caught sight of dim lights through the downpour and headed towards them.

Now that she’d gotten a grip on her magic again, maybe she’d have better luck interacting. And by interacting, she meant talking only when it was absolutely necessary.

If luck was with her, those seven creatures she’d met earlier didn’t live here.

~

The Zebra Zecora and her apprentice Applebloom were busy leaning over a large cauldron.

“Now, Applebloom, listen close. Here’s a potion that some need the most. It fills a need with something other, and thus it their bad habits smothers.”

Suddenly, there was a slow, ponderous knock at the door.

“Aw, that’s probably Applejack.” Said the filly, approaching the door. “She’s always worried stiff ‘bout me when ah visit ya.”

She opened the door to see a pair of knees. She looked up, up, up into the large red eyes of an alicorn. Lightning flashed behind it as it stared into her very soul.

Applebloom’s mouth fell open.

“Uhh . . . Uhm, Zecora? Ah think it’s fer you.” Said the filly in a small voice. The alicorn’s gaze never wavered.

The zebra stepped up beside Applebloom, and her mouth fell open too, but she overcame her shock faster.

“I take it you have lost your way- we have a seat if you’d like to stay.” She gestured at the benches in the hut. After a moment of stillness, the alicorn nodded and followed the ponies inside.

3 All but One

Queen Chrysalis was confused, to say the least. When she’d first seen this Alicorn, she couldn’t believe her eyes. She hadn’t gotten word from her spies of any more impromptu promotions like with Twilight Sparkle, and she certainly hadn’t been notified of any visiting embassies!

So where had this male Alicorn come from? With two pairs of wings, no less.

She’d only ever heard and seen females. It was intriguing, but also unsettling.

Maybe Celestia was building up an Alicorn army to overthrow the world or something.

That sounded like the self-proclaimed sun goddess.

Before he’d woken up, her minions had tied him to the stalagmite to get him creeped out when he did wake up. She just hoped he wasn’t all that powerful or merciless. And that he was easy to scare.

She noticed a bunch of other things about him, all of which she dismissed as distractions. Like his face- so sculpted and elegant. His wings- so large and beautiful. His color! She’d never seen such a vivid, vital green on any pony or changeling. She only ever noticed these things about others to copy them, but never otherwise. She was both surprised and a bit disturbed at how obvious and captivating such details were.

But she couldn’t pay attention to wings, or his hue, or his face . . . No! She had thousands of mouths to feed, and an entire country to overthrow. And he was the key to achieving all of it.

~

Winchester watched wide-eyed in wonder as a green light burst to life from above the eyes. He flinched a bit, but only from surprise, not because of its brightness.

He looked more closely at his captors. There weren’t goblins- that was for sure.

They looked more like bugs mixed with some kind of cat. They had insect wings and beetle shells adorned their backs. Their queen got the majority of his attention though. She was tall (and I mean really tall), and had long sheets of straight, green hair. She was holey. Literally- holes were bored through her legs and wings and even hair.

Ouch-Talk about body piercings.

She leaned close to him, and he noticed that what looked like a long, very crooked horn grew from the center of her forehead. Whoakay- demon unicorn.

“Hi?” he asked uncertainly, but she ignored him, staring at him as if he were the most enthralling, important thing ever.

He was about to ask what on earth she was looking at, but she touched her horn to his forehead and the sentence died in his throat.

He saw his life flash before his eyes. Well, only part of his life.

It stopped at the time he met Miramel. Suddenly, images of her scrolled across his vision, as if someone were reviewing a bunch of home video clips of his friend.

He tried to throw off the influence, but her grip had already been established, making it very hard to even focus on fighting her. Why did all his interactions with others have to begin this way? With someone trying to kill him or something?

He concentrated harder than ever and focused solely on the probing presence that was her mind. Finally, with an animal growl, he thrust her from his consciousness and opened his eyes. The demon unicorn had stumbled backwards, the green light from her horn flickering. Something occurred to him and he shifted uncomfortably in his bonds as the bug-thing rubbed its eyes.

“Uhm . . . I don’t know if that’s how you say ‘hello’ on your planet, but I’d be a lot more comfortable with a hand-er- hoofshake.” He waited for a reaction.

The queen straightened with a creepy laugh. She opened her eyes, and they glowed evilly.

“You are not from around here, are you?” she asked, her voice sounding like several different voices merged into one. He’d seen enough Last Airbender to imagine where this was going.

“What . . . gives you that idea?” he said, trying to sound James Bondish.

“You are very powerful, there is no doubt.”

“Thank you.” He said graciously, attempting to be suave.

“But unfortunately, your current situation renders you helpless.”

His eyes widened.

Crap.

“Isn’t that right, my children?” said the demon unicorn silkily.

Winchester’s jaw fell open as the entire cavern or wherever they were filled with an insect-like thrumming/buzzing sound.

He was going to need so much therapy after this.

~

This hut was bigger on the inside. The tree was misleading in that it gave the idea that there wasn't much room to be hollowed out. Miramel was able to stand straight up, maybe even extend her wings if she chose.

The smaller of the creatures watched her in awe. Miramel returned the young thing's gaze, and to her surprise, the pony didn’t look away- she smiled.

“So what’s yer name?” the diminutive creature said in a southern accent.

Miramel stared at her, momentarily looking away to see the striped creature gathering what looked like blankets, before she looked back.

The dragon turned pony wasn’t sure she could speak in this form. After a minute of waiting, the small thing took things into her own hooves.

“Ahm Applebloom!”

Miramel stared at her. Not coldly, or warmly, but almost curiously. She looked away, and looked like she was trying to say something.

Applebloom waited patiently. Finally, it turned back to her.

“Miramel.”

Applebloom was startled. The Alicorn’s mouth hadn’t moved, but the sound had come from that area.

“That’s yer name?” The question wasn’t incredulous, but merely for clarification.

The Alicorn nodded once in affirmation.

Applebloom beamed and extended a hoof.

“Nice to meet ya, Mirameyl.”

Miramel slowly returned the gesture and they shook hooves as Zecora approached, holding a lot of towels.

~

Small-pupiled, and bright orange with shadows rimming the irises, Bones’ eyes snapped open, already in a skeptical glare. It was his automatic expression, often accompanied by a smirk of large teeth.

But there was no smirk this time.

There was snow. Everywhere.

Bones swore maliciously. He hated the cold.

That shorse. He was going to eat her.

Miramel wouldn’t stop him this time-he really was going to. And that little one, too. That dragon’d avoided being made a meal of for long enough!

But to devour them, first he had to get to them.

Why did those idiots open that box? They probably did it wrong and now they’d all freeze to death. They should have had him open it.

Not that he would have.

Wait-he didn’t hear any of their annoying voices. Only the shrieking of the wind.

His legs stiffened and his skin burned in the cold. He had to get somewhere warm or he’d be a living -scratch that- dead statue, memorial to the moronicy of friends.

He rolled his shoulders, then realized something. He wasn’t the same. He scrambled to his feet, then promptly fell over. He swore again. He looked in appall at eight hooves.

What in the -  going on here?!

His lithe, segmented body had been scrunched into a small, ivory-colored, fuzzy avatar. His clawed arms had melted into hooves along with his six back crab-like legs. His spaded tail had been replaced with one of hair! Hair black as night.

He laid his ears back instinctively, then did a double-take. He didn’t have ears.

Yes he did-now he did. And his imposing horns were gone -hair in their place.

Dang that horse!

He gasped. What did his face look like? He quickly felt it with his foremost hooves, and they stopped at his mouth. His teeth were gone.His teeth were gone! The ones fused to the outside of his mouth, anyway. And the bone-plates sharp as razors inside his mouth had been replaced with roundish-pointed teeth.

How was he going to eat those miscreants now?

The dragon-turned-pony hoped to whatever powers that were in this dimension that his tongue hadn’t changed. He stuck it out and above his snout to see-Nope-It was the same. Long, prehensile, and striped black and chartreuse. Good.

His hooves traveled farther around his mouth, then stopped at his nose. He had hair on his lip. It was like some cruel joke- a spiky mustache grew below his nose, in the exact shape of the teeth he’d lost. Hair-hair that he had to eat through.

He hated hair. He hated shorses! Especially ones called Trika. He hated them unless they were in a certain place-like on a plate, hog-tied with an apple in their mouth.

He smirked, but only for a second. He shuffled his hooves, getting a feel for how he was supposed to walk without catching one on the other seven. He settled for moving them two at a time, but he was still clumsy and uncoordinated.

He’d lost feeling in his extremities, and knew that the ability to use them wouldn’t leave too far behind. He squinted into the blizzard bad-temperedly, and his gaze fell on something in the distance that looked straight out of Candyland. The lights from its sparkling spires and glimmering streets seemed to beckon him with a kind, welcoming glow.

He rolled his eyes and started towards it, his face set in a disgusted scowl, forcing himself to keep a steady pace. Whoever lived there, they certainly wouldn’t have the satisfaction of seeing him hurry into the warmth.

Warmth. His now-rounded teeth were chattering, despite his clenching them.

Nope. He refused to run. Trika or one of those wusses would run. He wasn’t a wimp.

But those weaklings aren’t here. An imaginary shoulder-Bones popped into his mind.

Unlike the average sentient, Bones didn’t have good-self, bad-self arguments. His angel and devil were more just mini versions of himself -one rooting for his pride and dignity, and the other for selfishness and desire. Right now he was starting to side with the latter.

But what if someone sees me?

Then I’ll eat them.

He shrugged mentally. That worked.

He took off, snow blown up in clouds as he passed, and didn’t see the slender, scarred, Wisteria-colored mare left behind him, half-buried and unconscious in the white expanse.

4 Expedition

Guy was done with this twenty minutes ago.

Now the little sprites or whatever they were, were trying to pull her on a sort of wheeled slab.

Like that would ever work.

Then again, she couldn’t figure out how they’d gotten her on it in the first place, so . . .

She groaned loudly in boredom and frustration. If only she could open her wings and fly away-

“Ouch!”

One of the ‘guards’ sitting on her chest had thwacked her beak with its stick. It packed a punch for something little bigger than a bug.

“What gives?” she said angrily, craning her neck to glare at the annoying little pests. She wouldn’t’ve minded them so much, if they hadn’t tied her up like a rabbit for dinner.

It squeaked strictly at her, waving its stick threateningly as if to scold her for being so unruly. She glared at the forest despondently.

Why did she even try to talk to these things?

There was nothing to do but just wait.

She wasn’t good at that, but unless she wanted to strangle herself on the fishing-wire restraints, she’d better keep still.

…

And Fauntleroy had thought Discord was weird.

He tried to make sense of everything as it whirled in a blur around him.

After the dragon had had his fun teasing him, he’d grabbed up the batpony under his arm like a troublesome foal and walked out of space. He’d taken a zipper–pull that was hanging about six feet off the ground and pulled it down, revealing a rip into what looked like another dimension.

Fauntleroy was just speculating, but that was the only explanation of which he could think.

In this dimension were a bunch of ponies that looked like him. Sort of.

The ones that had wings-the wings were feathered, and not webbed. And they were super-tall compared to him, and they were girls.

Here was how the conversation went after he was plopped in front of six rather shaken-looking, mud-splattered, wide-eyed mares.

“Discord! We saw something in the-” began a yellow Pegasus.

“You don’t have anythin’ ta do with this, do ya?” said one in a cowboy hat accusingly.

Discord scoffed as if his honor had been besmirched. “Why would lil’ ol’ me, want to do something like this?”

“You already know th’ answer ta that!”

“Honestly, all I did was rescue a poor little colt from wandering aimlessly in my realm forever.” He looked thoughtful. “Maybe I should take him back-”

“No!” said a purple Pegasus/unicorn quickly. “Don’t do that, please. And we were talking about an Alicorn, out in the woods.”

Discord raised an eyebrow. “You mean Luna? Y’know she stalks campers, don’t you?”

The conversation continued, meanwhile little yellow Pegasus had crept up beside Fauntleroy and said very quietly “What’s your name?”

“Fauntleroy.”

“Where did Discord get you from?”

“He got me when I was where he was-I woke up where he lives, I guess.”

The Pegasus’ eyebrows knitted. “You mean, he didn’t grab you from your home-not that he would do it to be mean, he just likes to play jokes on ponies-”

The batpony shook his head. “Nope-We were opening a late Christmas present from Trika and it blew up and there I was, looking like this.” He shook his back leg while looking at it and swished his tail.

The Pegasus looked at a loss for words. “Oh. Well, I’m Fluttershy.”

“Hi!” said Fauntleroy, giving a grin that showed all his pointed teeth. The Pegasus jumped with a ‘meep’ sound, then grinned also. He noticed that her canines were more noticeable than they would have been otherwise. He gave her a hug and she returned it.

“We’re teeth-buddies.” He said, muffled by her fur. She giggled.

He was snatched from her gentle embrace and nearly suffocated by a bone-crushing hug against something pink.

“Ooooooooooh!” squealed a bouncy voice. “You’re so adorable!”

“Gak-” he said, and she said “Oh! Sorry about that!” before putting him down. He swayed dizzily before his double-vision combined into the image of a pink pony with outlandishly curly hair. She smiled excitedly and started bouncing.

“I’m Pinkie Pie, but you can call me Pinkie ‘cause everyone calls me that ‘cause ‘Pinkie Pie’ is way too long to say all the time even though I’ve said it like twice now!”

Fauntleroy blinked before smiling and jumping up and down. “I’m Fauntleroy-‘cause that’s my name and most people call me Fauntleroy-I don’t know why I don’t have a nickname yet ‘cause my name’s like super long and I even get tired of saying it sometimes. You can call me ‘Leroy’ or ‘Faunt’ or something like that if you want-I don’t really care as long as I know it’s me you’re calling for-nice to meet you!” He took a deep breath and waited for her reaction.

All he got was another bone-crushing hug, which he returned.

“I guess yu’ll jest have ta stay with us.” Said the one with the hat, reminding Fauntleroy that a conversation had been going on. “’Till we find ‘yer friends.”

~

“Whatever you want-” Winchester said firmly, “I’ll never give in!”

The demon unicorn chuckled, walking around him seductively. He proudly refused to follow her circuit and simply stared straight ahead, his mouth in a scathing half-sneer. He could take this overgrown insect, but he was tied up a hundred miles from any trees.

He had to hold in a groan. Though this was pretty cool he couldn’t deny-how often do you get tied up like a spy and interrogated by a member of foreign royalty?

“I think we can make you talk.” Said the unicorn threateningly. He scoffed, snapped back to the present.

“Pfft-and what exactly do you have to barter with, your highness?”

She grinned wider at his derision that was obviously a façade.

“We have that charming friend of yours in the torture chamber-Miramel, was it?”

~

Queen Chrysalis tilted her head happily as his eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. This always worked-say you had their loved one captive and they’d do whatever you wanted. So it kinda threw a wrench in the works when he burst out laughing.

“What?” the queen demanded. “Don’t deny that you love her-I’ve read your mind!”

He continued to laugh, several tears rolling down his face as he shook against the restraints.

“By all means, keep laughing.” she admonished dismissively, “Every second you do so is another that she suffers.” She watched him closely, but he snorted and kept snickering.

“I promise you, we take things very literally when it comes to breaking captives.” Said the insect-like Alicorn, glaring down at him threateningly.

He just kept laughing, and she’d finally had enough- She was both seriously annoyed at his flippant disregard of her threats, and wanted to end the noise that threatened to infect her as well. He was so cute when he laughed-NOPE Nope-this ends now.

“For the sake of all things evil!” She grabbed him by the neck, pinning his head against the pole. That stopped him laughing, but he was still biting his lip and grinning.

“What in the name of the Sunbutt, are you laughing about, boy?” she spat, shaking him.

“If you have Miramel-” he gasped, still grinning, “then you’re in more trouble than I am.” He burst out laughing again. She let go and stalked away, glaring and cursing under her breath.

“Called your bluff.” He managed to get out, before his breathing steadied. “You just have me, don’t you?”

This guy was infuriating. Yet admirab-

“Fine!” she growled, whipping around to face him. “We don’t have her, but we do have you.” She grinned again. His smile vanished.

~

Idunn’s eyes fluttered open. Her sinuses were all stuffed up like she had a cold, her throat was raw and she was freezing, even though she was surrounded by something warm. Her vision focused on something she’d never seen. It was a horse. She’d seen horses before, of course, but this one was sparkly! Like a gem or something, and it had armor on. It was saying something to her.

The first couple of times, it was too garbled for her to understand, then her ears started to work properly, but by that time he’d stopped talking.

She groaned uncomfortably as she tried to rise. A large blanket fell from her shoulders-that must’ve been what was warm. She rubbed her forehead, then gasped as she realized that she didn’t have her claws.

She looked down at what had been her hands to see hooves. She blinked at them, disoriented, before she realized he’d said something else to her. She looked up at him sideways, then all around. There were more guards like him standing at attention next to doors, different shades of fractal-ed sparkliness. There was also a clerk behind a desk with a nurse’s cap on, flipping through a clipboard of notes. Another nurse that she hadn’t noticed was walking towards her cot with a steaming bowl of something.

Idunn figured she was in a hospital.

“D’you suppose she’s deaf?” whispered the guard sideways to the newly-arrived nurse.

“Doh, I cad hear you.” Said Idunn with a warm smile, her speech muffled by her stuffed nose. He jumped, looking at her weirdly.

“Why didn’t you answer before, then?”

“I did’t cadch whad you said.” She said as the nurse gruffly tucked her in, tutting something about hypothermia and ‘Empress not giving poor fillies their rest’.

“Ooh!” she exclaimed, her excitement peaked. “Are dere Ebpresses here?” She’d always wanted to meet some.

“About that-” began the guard, but the nurse cut him off.

“Yes dear, there is and an Emperor too, but you’ll just have to eat this before you go gallivanting anywhere.” She pushed the bowl of soup into her hooves before shooting a look at the sentry.

Idunn noticed that there were dark markings from the bottoms of her feet to her knees. She could tell that her feather-frills that usually adorned her shoulders were gone. She frowned for a second-How would she present herself to royalty without her plumage? She returned her attention to the soup.

It looked like liquid marble and smelled like bacon. She sniffed at it uncertainly.

“You’re not going to get any better unless you-” began the nurse, but Idunn was already daintily sipping it. She felt warmth pervade her every nerve, flooding her insides like liquid heat. She kept on drinking, and her congestion and sore throat began to fade. When the soup was gone, she’d never felt better. She beamed at them, and they looked a little taken aback at her large, pearly white fangs.

“Oh!” said the nurse. “What big teeth you have!”

Idunn giggled, delicately handing the bowl back. “All the better to eat you with, my dear.”

The guard and nurse looked appalled. Idunn paused.

“Er-have you heard of that here?”

“What, cannibalism?” said the guard, inching backwards.

“No-Red Riding Hood.”

“What?”

She decided to stop before they clapped her in irons.

“You have a very nice hat, by the way.” She said to the nurse.

“Oh.” She said, looking flustered, straightening said hat. “Thank you dearie.” Though she didn’t look like she was talking to a ‘dearie’-more like a rabid animal.

“Erm . . .” said Idunn, looking uncomfortable, “What was it you were going to say sir?”

“The Emperor and Empress wish to see you, miss.” He replied stiffly, looking wary.

“Really?” She said, hopping out of bed and promptly doing the splits on the marble floor. Before they could say anything, she jumped to her feet, swaying a second before standing straight.

“Whoo! This floor is slick isn’t it?” She looked at the nurse and guard, then at the other sentries, who by this time were looking over, too.

“What?” she asked, looking around behind her as if there were something interesting.

“Uuh-this way please.” Said the guard, throwing a glance at the others. They snappily returned to attention, and Idunn followed.

~

One particular orange Pegasus with blue hair was watching closely. This was an odd pony if he’d ever seen one. She was unnaturally tall and slender-almost ferret-like. She limped from an old injury in her back left leg, and scars adorned her body. One deep furrow above her hock was obviously causing the limp, and three sets of claw marks were visible-on the back of her neck, left cheek and across her rear. A long burn-mark showed on both the inside of her right shoulder and her underbelly.

Despite this, the mare’s smile seemed to light up the room, and her step-although halting-had a bounce to it.

Her hair was a dark purplish that curled behind and under her ears in a perfect way. Her tail was long and straight, held into a loose ponytail-ish thing by a tie at the end. Her body was Wisteria-colored and her ‘socks’ were a deeper purple closer to her hair hue. Her neck was almost white, but returned to light violet by her especially fluffy shoulders. She had a single spot of color on the end of her snout-making it look as if she had a dog’s nose. Her ears were also weirdly feathery -maybe she had some batpony in her.

She smiled at all the guards in turn, as if to thank them for being there. When she smiled at him, he noticed that her pupils were oblong-not really circles. He returned the gesture uncertainly, noticing her sparkling fangs. He really hoped that the Emporer and Emporess knew what they was doing.

~

Miramel looked at the towel in dumfound.

Zecora held it out to the sopping-wet Alicorn, but she didn’t take it. Instead, she looked questioningly at Applebloom, who nodded.

“Well don’t make Zecora wait, Mirameyl.” She said, grabbing the towel and throwing it over the larger pony’s back. Miramel watched silently, her head turned 180 degrees around. She looked back at the filly as if waiting for something.

“And?” she said quietly.

“Ain’t’cha never taken a bath before?”

Miramel wordlessly, but gracefully licked her foreleg and rubbed it on her forehead before looking back at Applebloom. The filly’s mouth had fallen open.

“Don’t worry dear, (and use that towel), you needn’t utter a single vowel.” Said Zecora.

“What’s thayt suppose’ta mean?” said Applebloom.

“I’m picking up by observation, that she is not much for conversation.”

“Oh,” said Applebloom, looking back at Miramel. “Why didn’t’cha jest say so?”

Zecora facehoofed.

~

Guy snorted out of her snooze, awakened by a burst of raucous laughter.

“Wha-? Whatappened?” she said, disoriented. She’d laid there so long on this slab that she’d died of boredom.

That might have been literal for how deeply she’d conked out. Her throat was parched and her stomach growled loudly.

The laughter started again, and she squinted into the blinding sunlight to see an eagle.

No-wait-it was way too big. She looked some more, and saw lion paws behind giant eagle’s talons. She knew what this thing was called-it was on the tip of her tongue.

“Griffin!” She said out loud, finally able to think of it. “Oh thank every power there is! Getmeoutta here, will you?” she said, struggling against the fishing wire. “These stupid bugs’ve been holding me like this for days!” Said captors had obviously been scared away by the newcomer.

The griffin snickered cruelly, and walked around Guy. She got a better view of her. The Griffin had an off-grey head of a bald eagle with purple highlights around her eyes. Three long, purple-tipped feathers hung in front of her face. Her eyes were a harsh yellow.

Guy wasn’t sure she liked this chicken.

“What a dope!” she cackled, and Guy’s beak fell open. “Hey guys, check this loser out!” she called, and a second later two other griffins landed beside her.

Guy’s face flushed but she scowled viciously at them. She definitely didn’t like her.

“It’s not my fault-they got me while I was asleep!”

“Snooze, ya lose, wimp!”

Guy audibly growled, her ears laid full back. The griffins looked surprised, then derisive.

“Oooh! She’s so scawy, you guys! I think ah might’ve peed my pants!” snickered one of the griffins. The leader shot him a look and he immediately bowed his head submissively.

“Cut me loose and I’ll show you how scary I am!” Guy yelled, every feather on her bristling.

The eagle one pretended to think about it. “Mmmmmm, nah.”

“WHAT?!”

“I don’t think you deserve to be ‘cut loose’. We can’t have a wimpy lamebrain like you joining our eyrie.” She snapped Guy in the face with the tip of her tufted tail before walking away.

“C’mon you guys, let’s hit the road.”

“W-what about her?” said one uncertainly. Guy craned her neck to try and see them.

“She’ll just be an example to those too stupid to avoid the Breezies.” Said the eldest venomously. She heard the flap of several wings fade as they flew away.

Guy fumed, struggling with all her might. She didn’t care that the wires were digging into her skin-every fiber of her being called for payback.

Revenge.

And even if she had to cut herself into pieces on this line, she was going to get it.

5 It's All Coming Together . . . In Theory

Idunn was floored by the sheer beauty of all she saw around her. After endless, glittering hallways seemingly made only of glass prisms, she was brought before two large thrones. Upon the larger sat a buff unicorn with blue hair and a simple, yet distinctive crown sat on his head. He was looking at her neutrally, as if waiting for something to base his overall judgment on. She felt a little pressured. His wife sat beside him, a unicorn/Pegasus. She was beautiful-tall and her hair reached the floor. She had a glittering crown behind her horn.

Both ponies were sparkly like the others.

Idunn, aware of how important these two obviously were, slowly bent on one knee and bowed her head. “My Emperor and Empress.” She said clearly, but not unctuously. Unbeknownst to her, the Emperor raised an eyebrow approvingly.

Idunn heard the soft flap of wings, and her head was raised until she looked into the Empress’ eyes.

“Just ‘Cadence’, is fine.” She said.

Idunn was amazed-she sounded so young.

“And what’s your name?” the Alicorn continued.

“Idunn.” She said smartly, smiling winningly. Cadence returned it. By this time, the Emperor had walked up, too.

“Nice to meet you Idunn.” he said as he shook her hoof. “My name’s Shining Armor.”

Idunn sighed. “How romantic.”

“I know!” said Cadence happily. Shining pursed his lips as if he got this a lot.

“Would you like to sit down?” he asked politely as a couple of servants brought out three chairs. Idunn got the impression that even if she wanted to stand, she should sit.

They were served an odd drink that tasted like peppermint and cinnamon. Idunn politely set it aside after the first sip.

“As a matter of our Empire’s security, how did you come to be here?”

“In the palace?” She asked. She’d have thought he’d known that she walked in.

“No.” he sighed. “Our guards brought you in from the blizzard country surrounding us.”

“That explains why I had that bad cold.”

“How did an earth pony get all the way out there without extra clothing or supplies?” he asked, looking dumbfounded. “There are no records of you being on the train, or in our city before this.”

“Ummmmmm…” Idunn said, looking down. The last thing she remembered was a box being opened.

“Let’s start with where you’re from, originally.” Said Cadence kindly.

“Nowhereland.” She said brightly. Shining’s eyebrows knitted and he half-frowned. Maybe he’d never heard of it- There were, after all, only fourteen regular citizens to her native country.

“It’s also called Cerebrum?” Both of the royals looked no closer to comprehending.

“Gray Matter?”

Nada. Wait- she smacked herself in the head. “Duh! Different universe! Sorry about that you guys. I don’t expect you to’ve heard of any of that.” She smiled at them apologetically.

Shining was about to say something when Cadence stopped him gently. “Well, it’s not the weirdest thing to happen here.” She reminded him. He grudgingly nodded.

“And she’s passed the changeling test.” Said the Empress in satisfaction.

“What?”

“Nothing, just a little precaution we do here.” She said with a bright smile.

“Moving on-” said the Emporer. “I don’t suppose you were traveling with anyone . . .”

“If I was traveling, I don’t remember any of it, so that’s entirely possible.” Said the tall pony with a smile.

“Well, I think we should take you to meet somepony then.” Said the Emporer, offering a hoof to his wife to rise with, then to Idunn. She almost sighed at the gentlemanliness.

“I have to warn you though, if you don’t actually know him. He’s a little-volatile, shall we say?”

“That’s a good word for it.” Said Cadence, looking like she was reliving some unpleasant memories.

~

Shining was a little apprehensive about introducing this sweet-albeit absent-minded and a little daft- mare to who she was about to meet.

He shook his head. It was fine. This guy was in a cell, and she was with Cadence and himself. He just hoped nothing terrible had happened to the sentinels that had been stationed there.

His hopes were quashed by a guard running out of the room with his helmet in his hoof. Upon seeing the Emporer, he backpedaled frantically on the slick stone before falling on his back at Shining’s feet.

The ruler raised an eyebrow. The guard quickly got up, trying to find the words to speak.

“Forgive me, your highness, I didn’t expect you to be right there-I was just running to fetch you! My upmost apologies!” he said, bowing in embarrassment.

“Never mind that-what happened?” said Shining interrogatively.

“The prisoner-he bit me!” said the guard in an almost whiny way.

“He . . . bit you.” Said Shining skeptically, looking the shaken guard over but seeing no wound to speak of.

“Yes! Well, on my helmet, but still-look!” He held up his helm and Shining almost jumped. Inch-deep fang-impressions adorned it in the shape of a jaw right over where the back of the guard’s neck would be.

“How-” said Shining haltingly, tearing his gaze from the helm, “-How did it miss you?!”

“Ducked out of it at the right second sir. The devil couldn’t take my helmet back into the cell with him ‘cause it was too big to fit through. I was just coming to tell you-I don’t think we ought to keep that thing here anymore!”

“Why?”

“He’s started to chew through the bars, sir.” Said the guard, looking frightened.

“Maybe making them out of rock candy was a bad idea . . .” said Cadence thoughtfully.

Idunn just watched all of this with an absent smile, trying to get a good look at the helmet from over Shining’s shoulder.

He groaned while massaging the bridge of his nose. This was not going as planned.

“That sounds like something William would do!” Said Idunn cheerfully. Shining’s eyes snapped open.

“What did you say?”

“William.” She repeated. “Well, usually we call him something else ‘cause he looks like-”

“So you know him?”

“Well I don’t know if that’s him yet-”

“Let’s find out.” Said the Emporer, leading the way into the cell.

~

“So,” said the little batpony, after he’d been introduced to everypony, “Do you guys have any siblings?”

“Yes.” Said Discord, though offered no more on the subject.

“Yep!” said Pinkie cheerfully.

“No.” said Fluttershy, a little sadly.

“Yes.” Said Rarity, and was about to elaborate, when she was cut off.

“BISCUITS AND GRAVY!” said Applejack, facehoofing.

“Such language!” said Discord with a grin.

“What is it?” asked Twilight.

“Applebloom’s still at Zecoruh’s!” she said frantically. “With that, that thing on th’ loose!”

Discord and the other ponies gasped dramatically, but he was smiling.

“How awful.” He said, looking very interested.

“Is that bad?” said Fauntleroy, but no one heard him on account of a sudden conversation being struck.

“We gotta go after her!”

“Not to mention warn Zecora!”

“’Go after her’? As in ‘go back’? Into the forest? Where the monster is?”

“Well yeah! We can’t just leave ‘em!”

Fauntleroy, Spike and Discord simply sat back to watch the mares freak out. Fauntleroy had to admit, it was kinda funny.

“Discord!” Called the Alicorn as they finished.

“Yesh, mashter?” he slurred.

“Are you coming?”

“Most certainly.” He replied. “C’mon Leroy.” He said, grabbing the batpony up by the tail and flipping him onto his head.

“Oh no- He’s not coming with us!” said Rarity sternly. “And neither are you, Spike.”

“What!?” they both said in unison, but Discord silenced the batpony with a claw against his mouth.

“In my professional opinion, I think we should consider the options we have at our disposal.”

“What in blue blazes are ya goin’ on about?”

“Well, think of this-where did both this ‘creature’, and little Fountainroy come from? Hypothetically, if they know one another, mightn’t the batpony be of some use communicating?”

Their eyebrows knitted as they considered this.

“But he’s not like that Alicorn!” said Rainbow sharply. “They can’t’ve come from the same place!”

“We don’t know that, do we?” he countered. Rainbow scowled.

“I can help, really!” said Fauntleroy from his high perch. Discord gave a winning smile.

Twilight groaned.

“Fine.” she said after a second.

“And the dragon?” said the Draconequus, holding up Spike. They both made puppy-dog eyes.

“Absolutely not!” said Twilight.

“Too bad, he comes.” Said Discord, setting off towards the forest with the batpony and dragonling in tow.

Twilight’s teeth were set on edge, but she really didn’t have a choice.

“Boys.” She grumbled, trotting with the others after them.

~

Nixie Sparks could count on one-er-well, she hadn’t been at a loss many times in her life, but this definitely counted.

Nixie was a young Jenny, meaning a female donkey. She was a perky sort of yellow with a dark- and light-blue striped mane that hung in front of her eyes in the front but mohawked along her neck. Her tail was lion-like with a small tuft on the end matching her mane. Her cutie mark was a hammer and anvil surrounded by glowing sparks. She was a blacksmith. Her jaw was set and her ears usually laid back, but despite her surly appearance, she was actually quite cheerful. Her body was lean but muscular-it needed to be for pulling around weapons and stuff all the time.

She’d been pulling a cart full of armor through the countryside to sell at a neighboring town when she heard a terrible racket.

She ditched the cart and went to look. She blinked.

There was a griffin hog-tied to a slab of rock, writhing to get loose. It spotted her and glared.

“If you’ve come to laugh, I’ve had just about enough of that.” She growled, going back to struggling.

“Uh-No I just-Do you want some help?” Nixie asked nicely.

The griffin blinked. “Yes-I would.” She suddenly looked suspicious. “This isn’t a joke is it?”

“No-lemme just get my shears.”

The griffin’s eyes became as wide as dinner plates.

“Relax. I know what I’m doing.”

Within minutes, the griffin was running around, stretching her legs and flapping her wings in ecstasy.

“Oh thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!” she cried, rolling in the grass and leaping about. “I’ve never been so bored in my life!” she said, shuddering.

“How long were you there?”

“Must’ve’been days, weeks even. All without a drop of water to sustain me!” she collapsed dramatically.

“Want some water?” asked the Jenny.

“Yeah!” said the griffin, in a ‘duh’ kind of way, but the donkey didn’t mind-she was used to rudeness in her trade.

After the bird-dog’s thirst was properly slaked and her hunger satisfied, she asked which way the ‘earee’ was.

“Do you mean ‘eyrie’?”

“Yeah that.”

“Don’t you know?”

“Obviously not.”

This time, Nixie frowned. “It’s on top of that mountain, smart one.” She said, pointing a hoof.

Guy whipped around to see a huge swarm of what looked like gnats from this far away-it was situated at the peak of a foreboding-looking mountain.

“Thanks a lot.” Said the griffin determinedly, and she took off, flying as fast as she could for the eyrie.

“Bye then, I guess.” Said the Jenny, before returning to her cart. “So much for my dinner ration.”

~

Cadence was a teensy bit apprehensive about this, but it was too late-the bouncy earth pony had already followed Cadence’s husband into the cell. She quickly followed.

Both royals’ mouths fell open. The remaining guard was currently trying to jab the sleipnir away from the cell bars with his spear. The eight-legged monstrosity was having none of it, though. His jaw had unhinged into a maw full of fangs and his long, green-striped tongue was stuck out in the snarl. He seized the spear and effortlessly snapped it, spitting out the piece and snorting before glaring at the Emperor and Empress.

“Well hello.” He said in a crazy calmness, though his hackles were raised. “Come to visit the inmate?”

Cadence ignored him and looked at the earth pony. Idunn’s hooves had gone to her mouth and her eyes were wide. The Empress immediately felt guilty. This obviously wasn’t somepony she knew.

“Oh my goodness.” Said the mare quietly, and all but the sleipnir’s eyes fell on her. They heard the tumblers of a lock clicking just in time to see the prisoner walk free, having picked the cell door lock with the end of the spear.

Shining immediately jumped in front of the two mares, but Idunn leapt over his shoulder nimbly and latched onto the sleipnir.

“William!” she cried, and everyone looked surprised, even the escapee. He looked down at her in furious surprise, his mouth partially open, but seemed unable to move. Shining was fully expecting her to be eaten, but nothing of the sort happened.

“I’d hoped it was you!” Idunn said, swaying a little as she clung to his neck.

The sliepnir’s lip curled in exasperation as he rolled his eyes and groaned. His fangs ground together as he seemed to be controlling himself. He shot Shining a venomous look that said Not one word.

“So what if it’s me?” Bones growled, roughly shoving her off. Idunn was unperturbed and bounced to stand next to him, beaming. Cadence could tell that she was used to this kind of treatment.

“Well now we can check this place out together!” she said brightly, trying to catch his smoldering gaze.

“Heck no!” He snarled, pushing his way past the royalty and guards as if they were no longer a part of the conversation. Idunn followed him, not acknowledging the royals either, but more because she was focused on someone else. The crystal ponies followed a little farther behind, slightly spellbound by this odd conversation.

“I’ve had it up to here with this sickening universe, and I intend to get out of it!” he said, his words dripping with vice.

“It’s not so bad.” Said Idunn kindly. The sleipnir whirled about to face her, but she didn’t jump.

“Not, so, bad, is it?” he said, in an inquiring way, looking amazed.

“Which one of us was locked in a dungeon for the last three hours? Maybe you can stay here while I hit the road!” he yelled, walking on again. Idunn trotted after him, still limping.

“You’re right, you’re right, I’m sorry.” She said with true penitence. Cadence was amazed at her meekness. So much love, so freely given was just disregarded, and yet it kept coming.

Bones growled in a surly way, striding purposefully down the crystalline corridor.

Idunn giggled light-heartedly and he glanced back at her.

“What?” he spat. She stifled another snicker.

“What?!” he demanded, louder this time.

“You-you have a mustache now!” she said before dissolving into giggles again.

He moaned as if in agony and stalked on, trying to outpace her.