Spotted Dick Visits Ponyville

by cucharrador

Rating: mature
Tags: Main 6, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Lyra, Comedy, Bon-Bon, Random, Princess Celestia, Sex
Length: 1257

Spotted Dick visits his cousin in Ponyville

Clean words that sound naughty:
Spotted dick: A pudding containing fruits & nuts (somewhat like fruitcake) that originated in the UK (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spotted_dick)
Horehound(s): A plant, also some hard candy or throat lozenges (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horehound)

At home in Trottingham, Spotted Dick has few problems. Outside of Trottingham, however, is another story. Spotted Dick visits his cousin in Ponyville and causes a bit of a stir.

Marked 'Mature' to play it safe - technically the name is clean, but the joke it involves is not so clean...so in essence it is not so clean when used as the joke.

Tagged sex for language and anatomical humor. No sex happens.

Published 2015-03-27 12:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-03-27 12:50:02 UTC

Chapter 1 - Spotted Dick Arrives

Chapter 1 - Spotted Dick Arrives

The train from Trottingham was running late. It was scheduled to arrive early Saturday morning, but due to some unexpected mishaps, it arrived mid-morning. As it slowed to a stop, the brakes squeaked like a hoof drawn across the chalkboard. When it finally stopped, those who stood waiting on the platform breathed a collective sigh of relief and removed their hooves from their ears.

A light brown earth pony stallion that was wearing a monocle exited the train, carrying a small suitcase on his back. He walked over towards one of the benches and placed his suitcase upon it while he stood beside the bench. He reached up and scratched his golden brown mane and hummed quietly to himself. To his right he heard *pwuff* *pwuff* *clop-clop-clop-clop*, the sound of a pegasus landing with a traditional backwing approach. He turned his head to look at the pegasus who landed beside him and noticed to his surprise is was a mare with many colors of stripes running through her mane and tail. Seeing his look of surprise in the direction of her mane, the mare grinned.

“Awesome, huh?” she said as she shook her head to give him a better view.

“I agree,” answered the earth pony, “it is quite stunning.”

“You’re not from around here, are you?” asked the pegasus. “The name’s Rainbow Dash.” She held out her hoof, which the stallion shook. “What’s your name?”

“Spotted Dick,” answered the stallion.

Rainbow Dash blinked three times with a blank expression before grinning. “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” replied Spotted Dick as he smiled.

From the other end of the station, two mares loudly arrived. “Lyra, I told you that we needed to leave early, and now look at what time it is!”

“I don’t see what you’re worried about Bon Bon,” replied the unicorn, “it looks like the train just got here.”

Spotted Dick looked over to his left as he heard the two mares. Very quickly, Dash lowered her head and tilted it to the side before returning to her previous stance.

“It seems you don’t know much about Trottingham food…” said the stallion as he looked back at Dash.

“Uh, why do you say that?” asked Dash.

“I'll tell you how I know somepony is not familiar with Trottingham cooking…” the stallion gave Dash half of a grin. “It's where their eyes go when they think I'm not looking.”

Realizing that she had been caught trying to confirm if the stallion’s name meant what she thought it meant, Dash’s face quickly became adorned with a red tint. “Uh, well…” Dash stammered with a nervous laugh.

The stallion began chuckling as the two mares approached. He looked at the earth pony and exclaimed, “Bon Bon, it’s so nice to see you again!”

Bon Bon gave the stallion a hug and noticed he was not alone. Pulling away from the hug, Bon Bon looked at Dash and grinned. “Cousin, you haven’t been here ten minutes yet and already somepony’s given you…” Bon Bon snickered as she finished the sentence, “the look.”

The stallion felt a whoosh on his right, and when he turned to look he saw that Rainbow Dash was no longer standing at his side. Instead of a flustered mare, there was a rainbow contrail leading up into the sky and away towards the other end of Ponyville. “I say,” muttered Spotted Dick to himself, “that’s rather impressive.”

“Lyra!”, exclaimed Bon Bon to the stallion’s left. “I thought we went over this!”

Rolling his eyes, the stallion looked back to his left to see Lyra sporting a sheepish grin on her face. “Heh, eh heh,” started Lyra. “I was just curious.”

Bon Bon sighed and started walking back the direction they came from. “Let’s just get back home and Spotty can rest up from the long train ride.”

They walked for five minutes, Bon Bon and her cousin catching up on old times while Lyra walked silently. Noticing this, the stallion looked over towards her. “I know what we can do to help lighten things up. When we get back to your place, warm up your oven and I’ll put in a batch of spotted dick. I think you’ll enjoy it and you can see for yourself that my cutie mark is quite accurate.”

*-*-*-*

Overhearing part of the conversation between a stallion and Lyra, Rarity nearly stumbled in surprise. “The nerve of some ponies,” she muttered to herself, “talking like that in public!” She shook her head and altered her course, deciding that tea with a friend (and the ensuing gossip) sounded better than a trip to the spa.

*-*-*-*

*Boing* *Boing* *Boing* Pinkie Pie bounced along the street as she sang a tune to herself.

“There’s a contest in a few days, we’re going to bake a cake.

And then sample all the entries, whenever we take a break!

We’ll be judged….by Priiiincess….Celeeeeeeestia,” Pinkie stopped in mid-air.

“Uh, oh...what rhymes with Celestia?” She then fell back to the ground onto her four hooves. Lifting a hoof to tap her chin, Pinkie struck a ponderous pose and hummed a deep-thinking “Hmmmmm….”

Pinkie’s ears perked up as the sound of hoofsteps approached her from behind. She turned around and smiled when she recognized who was walking in her direction. “Rarity!” she cheered as she ran over and gave the unicorn a patented Pinkie Pie hug (well, patent pending at least). “How are you doing this morning...isn’t it just a wonderiffic day today?”

Rarity patted Pinkie Pie’s back and then pulled out of the hug. “Well, it has been...interesting...so far.” Rarity looked to her left as she rubbed the back of her head with her hoof as she watched ponies walk down the street. She looked back at Pinkie Pie and grinned. “Feel like sharing a pot of tea? We could make a picnic out of it.”

Pinkie Pie trotted in place with a smile that spread from ear to ear. She rapidly shook her head up and down, saying “Whee! Tea! Yes, please!” All of a sudden, Pinkie Pie froze and her eyes opened widely. She gasped loudly and put her hoof in front of her mouth.

“Oh, dear,” Rarity said as she looked back and forth to see if there was another commotion. “Are you ok Pinkie? Is something wrong?”

Pinkie Pie took a deep breath, jumped up onto her back legs, looked up and threw her front hooves up into the air as she shouted “EQUESTRIA!” with a large smile on her face.

Rarity blinked and stood still as she watched Pinkie Pie go back to standing on four legs. Raising an eyebrow, she asked “Um, Pinkie darling, what was that for?”

Pinkie Pie bounced excitedly in place. Grinning, she looked at Rarity and explained, “Equestria! It rhymes with Celestia!”

“Oookaay…” said Rarity as she started walking. “I think we’ll use the decaf tea leaves this afternoon.”

“Okie dokie lokie,” replied Pinkie as she bounced along with Rarity.

Author's Note

This is a work of fanfiction (unofficial stories that lovingly borrow characters/settings, written by a fan of the show) - please do not confuse this with the the show. This story takes place in a somewhat alternate universe.

I do not own the characters or setting of the FIM universe - they belong to Hasbro. Please support them by purchasing their products (collectibles, videos, toys, etc.) - they are available at many physical stores as well as online.