Batnapped

by ultra1437

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Comedy, Twilight Sparkle, Random
Length: 1634

Some batponies get scheming on how to cheer up their Princess of the Night.

After noticing how their Princess, Luna, had been aloof and lonely for quite a while since her return, some of her guards decide to take matters into their own hooves.

Written for the Twiluna Skype Chat, specifically, Mighty Biscuit. Because he inspired this with his antics.

Published 2015-02-28 22:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-28 22:20:02 UTC

Catnapped!

A baker’s-dozen fully-armored batponies filed into a darkened board room. One, slightly larger than the rest and his armor looking a tad small on him, stepped up to the podium.

“Our first order of business: Roll call. When I state your name, just say aye.” He eyed the dozen others sitting patiently before him. “First is Echo Route.”

“Aye,” the first mare responded, holding a hoof up.

“Midnight.”

“Aye,” another nodded, his eyes shining brightly.

“Elegant Moonlight.”

“Aye,” a smaller stallion grumbled while a few others snickered at his name.

“Batman.”

“Aye,” a stallion in the back hid in the darkest corner of the room, fooling none of the others.

And he went on down the list until all twelve names had been called. “Very good. Everypony is here. As you all know, every week for the last dozen moons, we’ve gathered here to plan how to please our Princess of the Night. I know most of you have seen the way she sighs longingly, and has no special somepony to call her own.” A dozen nods was his answer.

“We shall remedy this tragedy, but there are none among us worthy of our Princess.” Everypony present lowered their head in shame, knowing the truth in those words.

“How about Fancy Pants?” one offered.

“He already has a wife, Fleur De Lis!” another shot the idea down.

“What about that fancy photographer, Photo Finish?”

“No, she’s crazy.” Another shot to her hooves.

“Most of the ponies in Equestria are!” One stallion stood opposite her. Their heads butted and both growled petulantly.

“What about Queen Chrysalis?” Everypony stopped to shoot Midnight a flat stare. “Okay. That was stupid.”

Elegant spoke up, “What about Princess Twilight Sparkle? She is surely worthy? She helped rescue our Princess, and has saved Equestria multiple times.”

After a moment, the pony at the podium spoke, “The reasoning is sound.” Almost every pony present nodded.

“All in favor of Twilight Sparkle, say aye.” Ten ayes returned. “The ayes have it. We ship them on the morrow.”

Twilight Sparkle slept like a rock, it could be said. Spike took after her, and neither could be disturbed when they were dead-tired. Neither she, nor Spike heard half a dozen ponies landing on her balcony and opening the door. She even slept soundly while her abductors dropped her once. She never felt any of the hooves grabbing her and slipping her into the waiting carriage outside.

In short, she slept hard. And that was perfect for the batponies’ plans.

Princess Luna had just set the moon, to make way for her sister’s sun. As she approached her room, the two batponies stationed outside her door seemed to be failing to stand still. Every couple seconds, they’d lock eyes and one would giggle childishly.

Figuring they’d just pranked somepony, again, she stepped into her room with a small, “Good morning.”

What she saw before her both angered and confused her. Twilight Sparkle lay on her bed, wrapped in various red ribbons. Her front hooves were tied with one, her rear hooves with another. A large ribbon was stuck in her mane, while the largest was reserved to bind her wings to her body. She lay there snoring loudly, completely oblivious to her bindings.

Shaking her head, Luna spoke to herself, “Twilight Sparkle, what are you doing in my bedroom?” She made her way over and pushed Twilight with a hoof a few times. “Wake up, Twilight Sparkle.”

Twilight grumbled and slowly rolled away from Luna, revealing a bow tied to her tail’s dock.

Another, harder push. “Wake up, Twilight Sparkle.”

“Five more minutes, Mom.” Twilight’s eyes blearily opened and she tried to curl back into a ball.

Luna pushed once more. “I will give you ten seconds.”

Ten seconds passed before Luna lit her horn. The bedding Twilight lain on was swiftly lifted and roughly deposited on the floor. Twilight squealed as she hit the ground, “I’m up! I’m up!”

Luna smirked. “Good. Now, would you be so kind as to explain why you are in my room?”

Twilight’s neck shot up and she turned to find an unamused Princess Luna in her face. “Princess Luna? Your room? This is…” She looked around, realizing she was no longer in her own room. “I… have no idea, Princess Luna. I went to sleep in my own room last night, and now I’m here.”

Luna waved a hoof. “Just go home, Twilight Sparkle. I will forgive your trespassing this once.” She turned around and climbed into her bed.

“Um. Princess Luna?” Twilight fidgeted. “Why am I bound in… red ribbons?”

“I have no idea, Twilight Sparkle. Just teleport from them and please leave. I am far too tired to deal with this right now.”

Twilight quickly released herself and made her way from Luna’s room, wondering how she’d come to Canterlot in her sleep.

“Twilight Sparkle!” A voice thundered in her ear. Suddenly conscious, she jumped and slammed into the voice’s owner.

“What’s goi–” She was telekinetically grabbed and brought before a tired Princess Luna, once more. “Princess Luna?”

“What. Are you. Doing. In my. Bedroom. Again?” Luna was seething.

Thoroughly scared, Twilight tried to shrink in on herself. “I have no idea–”

“Horseapples!” Luna stomped a hoof. “I can forgive once, but twice? Not happening.”

“W-What are you going to do?” Twilight was shaking in fear.

“This.” Luna’s doors flew open and she tossed Twilight out. Following to the door, Luna spoke, “This is two nights in a row, Twilight Sparkle. If I find you in my room one more night, there will be consequences.”

Luna turned around and slammed the doors shut behind her.

Twilight, bound again, just lay across the hall from Luna’s room. She let herself calm down some before teleporting straight back to her own bedroom, tears in her eyes.

Princess Luna was in a good mood. She’d just made some progress on her latest painting, after inspiration struck. Ignoring the giggling guards at her door, she entered her room.

Inside she froze, Twilight Sparkle was there. She was awake this time, and consciously fighting approximately a dozen batponies, who were putting up their best fight to bind her in red ribbon.

One batpony, in a black cloak and wearing a mask launched about the room, occasionally shouting, “WHERE IS SHE?” as he grabbed at thin air.

Luna brought a hoof to her face and sighed. She knew it was going to be a long day. “What is going on in here?” Luna thundered, her royal canterlot voice catching all parties by surprise and throwing them against the far wall painfully.

“Twilight Sparkle. You are in my room again. I said there would be cons–”

“They ponynapped me! Each night!” Twilight countered, interrupting Luna.

“Your proof?”

“Just ask them! They’re your guards!”

Playing along, she turned to one of the batponies. “Is this true?”

He nodded meekly.

“Very well. My apologies, Twilight Sparkle. You are free to go. I shall find out why you keep ending up in my bed, and put a stop to it.”

Twilight shook her head. “I deserve to know, too. I’m also putting up wards to prevent this from happening again.”

Luna telekinetically grabbed the batponies, all eleven of them, and lined them up. Using the ribbon they brought, she bound them all together, along with their hooves. “Now. You are not going anywhere until you tell me why you have nearly caused me to attack Twilight Sparkle?”

All of them shifted to look at the biggest one of the bunch. “Well… we noticed how you seemed to be lonely. We thought we could bring you Twilight Sparkle and you two could be happy together!” The others nodded quickly, agreeing with the speaker’s words.

“You… wanted Twilight and I together?”

A nod was his response.

“That’s it?” Twilight asked.

Another nod.

Luna’s hoof met her face again. “That is it. I’m going to sleep. Twilight, do what you want with them.”

Twilight smiled viciously as she grabbed the bunch and made her way out of Luna’s room.

“Luna? I’ve got a letter for you from Twilight.” Celestia floated a letter over to her sister as she approached.

“Oh? I did not expect one, after this morning, but I shall read it swiftly.” Luna stowed it under a wing as Celestia shot her a queer look. “Let us get this day rolling, dear sister.”

A few minutes later, the sun was rising into the sky and Luna’s moon had set.

Walking back to her room, Luna unfurled the letter and began reading.

Dear Princess Luna

I wanted to take the chance to apologize for the shape your guards will return in. Their idea was sound, but their execution was another matter entirely.

Luna smirked at that.

Anyways, the idea of us together, while I would be honored, wouldn’t work out. I’m sorry for that, but it’s the truth. I’m already seeing somepony else, and it wouldn’t be fair to either of us if I started to date you as well.

If you are still looking for a special somepony, I think my friend Rarity or Princess Cadance would be the best pony to ask on the topic. They both have a kind of sixth-sense for this kind of thing.

I wish you the best in any romantic endeavors you wish to pursue,
Twilight Sparkle

She quickly thought, What is with ponies and thinking that I am lonely? Slipping the letter back under her wing, she yawned and retired to her room, for the first time in four days Twilight Sparkle-free.

She never noticed Twilight Sparkle stepping out of her sister’s room.

Author's Note

Eh, this is largely unedited, which is unlike me. Had an idea, and rolled with it.