A Madman Without his Box.

by Nivarion

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Crossover, Human, Doctor Whooves, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Sad, Other, Princess Luna
Length: 4891

The Doctor finds himself stranded on Equestria, probably forever.

After running into a meddling God, the Doctor falls through a crack between worlds. But the TARDIS is incompatible with the energy of Equestria. Now, unable to leave and dealing with the death of his beloved ship, the Doctor needs to get a mortgage and find a flat. With doors and carpet even!

Well guys. I messed this one up. I had no plan, no solid goals and it shows in the end results. This one is getting canceled, but I'm going to try again with the general idea and a little more structure. See what we get from there.

Published 2015-02-20 12:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-13 11:41:59 UTC

Arrival

Author's Note

This is just popped into my head as an off the fly item. No structure, no plot. First draft with just a quick read over. And if there is any doubt, any doubt at all, N is a shameless self insert. Absolutely shameless, but I enjoy using him oh so much.

I wasn't really pleased with how this turned out, so I've done some light editing and rewriting. I feel it's a bit better and closer to passable now.

Arrival

The Doctor laughed, the TARDIS groaned and outside, his enemy roared. Staggering across a floor rocked by spacial turbulence, The Doctor found his way to the door and threw it open to look at his foe. It was bound to the TARDIS by energy not even he could consume. “I told you Braniac! I told you to stay away from the inhabited worlds, warned you not the cross me! But would you listen? NooOoOoO!”

The giant self proclaimed God screamed at the time lord. “Fool I am beyond you! I have all knowledge! I am in possession of every fact-”

“All you have is an over inflated hubris. Your knowledge? Scraps of what my people had.” The doctor said, leaning out the door. “SCRAPS you hear me!”

Braniac struggled to reach the TARDIS with his technology consuming tentacles. “I will have your knowledge then. You will give it to me!”

“No I don't think I will. We're at our destination anyways.” The doctor shouted as the blue box slowed to approach speed.

“What are you doing?” Braniac demanded, seeing what they were heading towards.

“Something stupidly brilliant. Or brilliantly stupid. OR maybe just stupid, but I'm doing it anyways! Say hello to your new home Braniac! I think you'll be spending a long time here.”

Gravity began to increase, stretching the artificial intelligence out, though the TARDIS protected the Time Lord in the door way. “You could say that this is a bitter pill to swallow, eh Braniac? Bet it annoys you that you don't know that reference, doesn't it!” The Doctor's mad smile grew.

“Fool! You will die too, if you approach any closer my calculations say your chances of survival are one to twelve sextillion!

“Fraid not brain boy. As long as the TARDIS's relativistic stabilizer is in place, I'll be fine. Not so sure about you-” A loud fizzing noise interrupted the Doctor's victory gloating. “Wait, what's that?”

The rhythmic grinding of the TARDIS grew to a frenzied sound as the ship began to plummet towards the black hole. Slamming the doors the Time Lord raced towards the center console where a piece had just exploded from the tower. “Blimey, that's no good. Okay, think doctor, think!” he said rubbing his head. “Gotta be a solution, simple, easy solution to get out of this!”

The ship began to shake hard, like it did on a particularly rough trip. “hold on ol' girl. You can make it! You've been through worse phasing into places. THAT'S IT!” Running around the console the Doctor began to enter settings for anywhere that wasn't dropping into a black hole.

“Boy, you sure are cutting it close.” A man said. The doctor looked up at the odd fellow standing in his TARDIS, leaning on the console. “That would work normally, I think. But- I'm gonna have to interfere here. I want to mess with your life a little.”

“And just who are you?” The Doctor said, stepping back from the TARDIS controls and drawing his Sonic.

“Me? No one important, really. I'm N, just the God of a small section of reality and need someone to be a hero in a corner planet of that section. Really, a world I'm
borrowing. Actually, one I stole. Hmm, might have trouble with that at some point. Ah well. Whatever. You know how stealing things can be.” As the self proclaimed god spoke he was turning knobs and switches on the TARDIS control panel while the Doctor scanned him. “I wonder, what ever would happen if I did this?”

The Doctor half smiled, “Yeah, yeah. People have gotten in the TARDIS before and I've met plenty of gods. Good gods, bad gods, gods with big smoke clouds and glowing green face projections. But I have to say, I've never met a real God.” The Doctor looked at his his sonic, confused by a readout that said 'Species; God. IQ God. Health; God.' In fact, 'God' was the answer to every inquiry the sonic made. “What?” The Doctor said, just before the God's question caught up to him “WHAT?” he said, looking in horror at the being, who's hand was on the control lever for the TARDIS.

“Well, as you used to say, about eleven generations ago. Alons-y!” N said, pushing the lever down. The ship began to shake even harder as it went somewhere unknown. A moment later the being disappeared like he had never been.

The Doctor ran in a frenzied panic to the control panel and pulled a screen towards himself. The TARDIS was heading towards an empty sector of space. One no one had been to in at least a thousand years, just an empty gap between galaxies. “Why here?” he asked as the ship began to rematerialize in regular space. “Of all the- Whoa!”

For the umpteenth time today the TARDIS began to shake and bounce, this one worse even than falling into a massive black hole. His TARDIS was built to handle that, it wasn't built though, to handle slipping through the gap between two varied dimensions. Sparks and fire flew through the control room, making the lighting flicker wildly.

As soon as he was past the dimensional gap, he found his ship flipping end over end as it entered the atmosphere of a planet. “WHY?” he shouted at the screen as he saw that he was heading for a city. Old medieval times city, with thatch roofed cottages built around an imposing castle. A castle right in his way.

The TARDIS rattled as it crashed through the western turret and bounced off the ground in a huge mess with lots of collateral damage. Judging by the sound, at least three cottages and a wagon full of cabage were destroyed by his passing. Even with most of the stabilizers still active and functioning, the impact was a lot for a TARDIS to negate. Like a rag doll, the Time Lord was thrown into a waiting wall, with a good bounce he passed out.

He was awoken by a distinctive quadruple tap. If he wasn't mistaken, it had been at least a half hour since his unexpected meeting with a wall. Slowly, the Time Lord sat up and took in his surroundings. The TARDIS control room was in terrible disarray; Paneling was scattered across the sideways room, wires and blown conduits hung from the ceiling as a few various circuits smoked. The entire scene was bathed in the eerie red of the emergency lights.

“Oh, this is bad. Emergency power systems... The damage isn't as bad as it looks but I'm going to have to find you some food soon old girl.” The Doctor slowly bear crawled his way to the center console, the floor leaning at an odd angle, signifying the failure of the orientation stabilizers. “Well, lets get to that, this old bucket aught to do the trick!” he said, digging in the center storage for the device.

It wasn't much to look at, really. A human made computer hooked up to one of their automotive batteries, a gift from UNIT. It had one purpose, and one purpose only; and that one purpose was to seek out suitable power sources for the TARDIS. He was just getting it booted when a sound caught his attention. A small soft click, like the turning of a lock. A moment later the click was followed by the squeak of unoiled hinges. “HAH! I told you I knew this!” a voice shouted triumphantly. The Doctor raised his eyebrow in worry. There were less than five unaccounted for keys to his TARDIS in all of existence. While it wasn't impossible that one was here, it at least struck him as highly unlikely. "No, he's probably not ready for company, just go back to the castle- Yes, he's completely safe! You might be a princess but I'm older than you little missy!" The door opened wider, filling the room with bright sunlight and admitting the key holder.

“Doctor, are you okay in there?” The intruder said with deep concern. “That was a pretty bad wreck- Oh, you're up!” The Doctor could only stare dumbfounded at the speaker. In his many travels he had seen many things, had conversed with many creatures of all shapes and sizes. But the cobalt blue horse, or pony rather, stumped him.

Sure, the coloring didn't make any sense, and the fact that it could speak was a bit shocking. But he'd met the oddly colored and the odd intelligent species out there. But the fact that the creature was speaking perfect Time Lord when it addressed him was... odd.

“I never thought I'd see you again!” the pony said, rushing forward to hug the Doctor around his waist. “It has been FAR too long my friend!”

“Must- *gasp* BE! Because I seem- Ouch- to have forgotten a talking pony.” The Doctor wedged a hand against the offending horse's face and pushed. “TOO MUCH HUGGING!”

The stallion let go with a laugh. “Sorry Doctor. I guess I do look different these days, but surely your recognize me even?” The stallion turned to present his rump, where an ourboros was emblazoned in bright gold against the blue. “I have to say, I do like the coloring of this regeneration. Reminded me of my best mate in all of existence.”

The Doctor looked stallion over, He had strong, thick legs, indeed he was a stocky build and heavily muscled, as the Doctor's aching ribs attested. He spoke Time Lord, and if he was to be believed, had regenerated, then that meant that surely this pony was a Time Lord himself. But it was the Ouroboros that pulled it together. “No...” The Doctor said.

“YES!” Replied The Pony. “Welcome to Equestria! You're probably gonna be stuck here till the end of your life, but it's a pretty great place to be stuck, eh?” The blue pony said, leaning in towards the still Humaniod Time Lord. “And the Mares are pretty hot round here if you know what I mean?” He said, wiggling his eyebrows.

“No, no. You see, you're trying to tell me that you're the Corsair. But THAT!” the Doctor pointed strait up “Is a fatal mistake. You see, the Corsair is dead. I personally dealt with his killer. Unless... Wait, are Time Lords equine of nature in this reality?”

The 'Corsair' shrugged, an odd looking action for a horse. “Don't know. I got here without my TARDIS. House killed her.” he sighed. “Sadly, I don't think this dimension's compatible with our technology anyways. Yours doesn't seem to be handling it well.”

The Doctor looked at the energy cells of his blue ship. They were fading quickly, too quickly. If the Doctor had to make a guess, this dimension was draining her. “NO! Hold on Sexy!” The Doctor shouted, pulling open a panel of the TARDIS. “I'll figure something out! I promise!” he straddled the hole he had made and began to dig “Okay, this isn't hard. I just need to find an alternate source of energy. I could use a regeneration, but I've only got three of those left. But what good are they if I have to spend them on one planet? Can you imagine living a whole lifetime on one planet?”

“Hey, this is a great planet! I've already been here for three regenerations!” The Corsair said indignantly, but the Doctor ignored him, there'd be time for catching up and or proving identity when his ship was stabilized.

“Maybe there's a fissure in the multiverse around here, and I can drag her over there and charge her up just enough to escape?” The doctor said, tapping on the computer

“Doctor!” The Corsair said, “You're getting in that mood.”

The computer was scanning, but showed no sources of energy nearby. Wait, no, there was one a little over two thousand miles off, but it might as well be on this world's moon.

“But how would I even move her? Augh Maybe I could-”

“DOCTOR!” The pony Time Lord shouted. “Calm down man!”

The Doctor turned on the intruder. “Why? It's my ship! My life! I mean... Hahaha, no she'll be fine. I've gotten out of this situation a half dozen times before! I just need to find a living energy crystal and feed it-”

“Doctor listen!” The Corsair said forcibly. The Doctor stopped mid sentence. There was a pop, a crack like an arm being pulled from it's socket layered over with paper being yanked from an envelop and glass shattering. A distinct sound that all Time Lords were taught to fear. The sound of energy crystals collapsing from exhaustion.

“It can't be... I- I don't know what... How many have you--?” he dropped to the floor, back against the center console.

“A dozen Doctor. How many does a model forty have?”

“Thirteen.” The Doctor said.

As soon as he said that, there was a 'crack pop' of horrible, terrible finality.

Catching up with Old Friends

The Doctor had lost track of time, but he knew he'd been at it for more than twelve hours and less than two days at this point. Long shadows were cast across the floor by the failing sunlight streaming through the door, made wild by the piles of panels and parts that surrounded him. With a deep sigh the Time Lord leaned his head against the control panel and stared at the wall, giving the energy cell in his hand a little squeeze.

She had gone quickly, giving her companion of thousands of years no time to say good bye. Memories flooded his mind, adventures he had had, friends who had traveled with him, of the numerous times he had regenerated here. Now, it seemed that the book that had been that life was over.

Hooves clip clopped behind him, breaking the Doctor from his reverie. “Doctor? How'd it go?” The Corsair asked from behind him.

The humaniod Time Lord sniffed. “No luck. Last time this happened, a small part, a single cell survived and that had been enough.” he held up the last of the crystalline batteries, dark cracks running through it. “No luck this time. No chance for us to get home.”

A hoof was placed on the Doctor's shoulder. “My friend. I am home.” The Corsair said. “I've gone fully native, they call me Time Cycle. I've been here two regenerations now and I love this place. I'm surprised you've not gone native somewhere yourself.”

“I did, for a little while. Planet named Christmas. Way back in my Eleventh regeneration. Good times that.”

“You talk about it like it was a long time ago.” Corsair said, prodding the Doctor towards the door. “Why don't we get you some food and you can tell me all about it.”

“Yeah. Sounds like a plan. One question though, Corsair, how did you get here?” The Doctor asked. “I mean, I've not seen you in four thousand years, and last I heard you were dead. And a woman. And Bipedal.”

The Corsair nodded. “Funny story that. But first, really. Call me Time Cycle. I've not been Corsair in a long time.” He said with a smile. “So I was out working that survey, terribly boring you know how it is, when I got a distress call. The Mistress, you remember her, right?” The Doctor nodded and let his supposed friend lead him to the door. “So I decide it's time for a daring rescue. I had regenerated just a few weeks prior, and was male again. Figured I could use some company and she had that reputation.” He growled and laughed deep a hearty, too much like the Friend the Doctor had known. If this was an imposter, it was one hell of an actor.

“Anyways, I get off my ship when I hear this sound from behind me. I turn around and my TARDIS is just dissolving, flying apart into pieces. I panicked and tried to get back inside when I got whacked over the back of my head.” he shuddered. “I shouldn't have woken up from that and I wish I hadn't. On some operating table of horrors when I did. I think they were removing my spine at the time.”

The Doctor grimaced and rechecked his mental blocks. They were still up and firmly in place, no mind reader would be getting at that info without him knowing about it. Honestly, just this little bit was melting his doubts like ice in the sun.

“I scream out, it hurt a lot, as you can imagine, when suddenly there's this guy standing in front of me. Introduces himself as N.”

The Doctor did a double take. “Wait, N? Did he introduce himself as a God to you too?”

Time Cycle looked at the Doctor and grinned. “Sure did. Guess you met him and his shit eating grin too?”

It was all the Doctor could do not to grit his teeth. “I did. It's his fault I'm here, and that she's dead.”

Time Cycle was leading him to the castle, scaffolding already going up around it's broken tower. “Did he say why he was bringing you here? He told me but it was cryptic.”

The Doctor grimaced. “No, not a word, sorry.” he paused. “Do you mind sharing what he told you?”

“Not at all my friend. He said that he was preparing a prison for the greatest threat in the universe. And that he needed me to prepare the Jailor.”

The Doctor nodded sagely. “Which leaves the question then. Am I the Jailor, or the Prisoner?”

“I don't know my friend. I wish I did.” Time Cycle said.

They walked for several seconds through the village in silence. Every door and window shut tight and not a soul to be seen on the streets. It looked like the aftermath of a bad Vashta Nerada attack. “So, I'm noticing a complete lack of people, or ponies as the case might be. Where is everyone?”

“Oh that. I asked everypony to kinda give you space. You've been through a lot the last few hours and two thirds the populace might cause you to freak out a little.” he chuckled. “Lets just say my special somepony has a lot of power around here, and I get to share some of it."

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. “I am six thousand years old and been more places than anyone. I doubt anything would make me... I doubt... Is that horse FLYING?” The Doctor's stared in awe at a pink pony flying over their heads.

There was an audible smack as the Time Cycle's hoof met his face. “Doctor, they're ponies. And yes.” The blue pony said, growling half his words. “Love! Get down here, NOW!” He shouted at the pegasus. The translation circuit on the TARDIS might have been fried, but fortunately they seemed to be speaking good old jolly English, which considering his taste in companions the Doctor spoke quite well on his own.

The pink and gold mare heard him and came shooting towards the ground like an arrow. An arrow trailing a pink ribbon of light; pink with little red hearts in it. “WHAT? How- That doesn't even-” The Doctor's eyes began to lose focus and his jaw hung open. Talking horses, fine, flying horses, okay, that could be accepted. But leaving a contrail of light- A contrail of light with a pattern? No.

“Hey sup TC! How's it hanging?” She said as she landed, offering her hoof to Time Cycle... who left her hanging. After a few seconds under the withering gaze of The Corsair she dropped her hoof and coughed. “So uh, who's the lurch?”

With familiar smile that told those that knew him that Time Cycle was ready to skin a pony alive, he spoke. “Love, do you remember that little decree I put out?”

She coughed and looked away bright yellow mane tossing. “Oh, shoot yeah. That was tonight. Uh so, this your friend?”

“Yeah, it's my friend. And look, you broke him!” The Corsair said, poking his humanoid friend in the knee, getting absolutely no response beyond a little drool. “Why can't you ever listen Love?”

The Doctor broke from his stupor. “Wait, Love? As in? Oh, so this is the mare you mentioned eh? Well I may not be an expert in pony beauty, but you sure did find a good one.” The Doctor knelt down and grabbed one of Love's wing's and began scanning it with his sonic, seemingly oblivious to the other two's blood red blushes.

“Uh hahaha. Us, together?” Love said, pulling her wing back. “No that would be weird!”

The Corsair took an obvious step away from the pegasus. “Yeah, she's like my, uh what's the relation again?”

Love rolled her eyes. “Niece twice removed TC.”
The Doctor rubbed his chin, which had a fair bit of scruff on it. “Hmm. Isn't 'Love' a little intimate for a Niece?” he coughed. “I mean, don't get me wrong you-”

“NO!” The Corsair said, blushing even brighter. “No her name is Love Touch!”

The mare struck a pose and flared her wings, a move which showed a mark of a shattering heart on her rump. “Yep that's me! Love Touch, fastest mare around. Nothing goes faster than the speed of Love!” she said with a lot of gusto She struck a pose, wings pointed back, right hoof pointing out, a cocky smile spread on her face. Which turned to a look of confusion, then shock before finally resting on anger as the Doctor began to laugh.

“Hey! What? What's funny?” She asked, flipping her golden mane from her face. “Not you too! What's funny?” as her uncle joined the laughter.

The Doctor lost his footing and landed on his back still laughing. “Faster- haha Faster than the- heh speed of Love? Did you even- haha listen to yourself say that?” The Doctor sat back up and wiped a tear from his eye. “Sorry, I might have found that funnier than it actually was.” he muttered something that sounded suspiciously like 'speed of love.'

“He's a jerk TC.” Love said. “why are you friends with him?”

“A jerk? Maybe. At least I have enough sense to... speed of love. Hahaha.”

“Heck, I don't even know what he is. Is he like a skinny minotaur?”

“Come to think of it, how are you even a pony, Corsair?” Asked the Doctor over Love's sentence. “Or speaking English for that matter? The chances of that language existing on two unrelated worlds is microscopic!”

“What's that blue box he came in? That was weird” “Added Love.

“And your anatomy is so strange, how in the world can she fly with such a small wingspan?”

“Really, I thought it was flying fast! It just zipped past me! How did it get going so fast?” Love bombarded her poor uncle with another question.

“And I keep seeing you two blushing. How can you blush with fur? And since when does the Corsair blu-”

Time Cycle roared “Both of you shut it!” he pointed a hoof at the pegasus. “Love, Go home. I'll talk to you later.” he pointed a hoof at the Doctor. “And You! No more questions! And forget that old name, I've not been the Corsair in... ” The wind blew out of his sails as he calmed down.

“Right, I'll just put that in the box with the other things we're pretending to forget.” The Doctor said.

“What do you mean?” Time Cycle asked, raising an eyebrow.

The doctor grinned his best grin. “Oh, you know. Bad Girl.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively while the Time Pony paled.

“Uncle, what's that mean? Is that som-” Love Touch started, but never got the finish as her uncle's eyes widened a moment before he started yelling.

“HOME NOW!” he shouted at his niece, who deciding not to push her luck futher exploded from the ground in a valentine's day patterned streak of light.

The Doctor stared as she zipped away. “Really, how does she leave a contrail of light? That's OW!” The Doctor hopped on one leg holding the other shin. He had just discovered a new world of pain as the hard chitin of hoof met shinbone. “Why?” he asked looking at his friend.

“For bringing up that thing.” Time Cycle growled. “I told you, that was just a drunken one night thing. It completely absolutely positively meant nothing.”

The Doctor chuckled, earning him a quick kick in the other shin. “Ow! Really, hooves hurt badly!” he said falling down for the second time in a few minutes. “And I was just checking to see if that was really you.”

“Whatever. Lets get going before you run into a unicorn.” TC said, trotting off.

The Doctor grinned. “A unicorn eh? I hope you don't need to be a virgin to tame on-” The obvious banter he was about to deliver was interrupted as his oldest friend tried to kick him with a double legged buck.

Still quick, despite this regeneration's age, the Doctor managed to side step. “Wait, we skipped a step, we're supposed to get drunk before we fight!”

“We're also supposed to drink before insults!”

“Are those before or after we make embarrassing memories?” The Doctor asked as he dodged a punch.

Time Cycle lost his mind and hooves flailing went full on the attack. With a frenzied “RAHAUGHGHH” he landed the first hit.

ONE HOUR LATER

“We cannot believe you two.” Luna said as the two Time Lords refilled the others flagon with a strong ale. “We findest thou brawling in the streets like common curs, and then I find the two of you into drink as though naught was wrong.”

“Ish- Thash sthandard for ush.” The Doctor slurred, before downing half his mug. “Thish ish good. Good beer.” He almost fell of his bench.

Luna frowned at the stupidity of the answer.“And how praytell didst though escape the dungeon?”

The Doctor held up a device. “With mah, shonic.” he pointed the thing at her and it made a strange buzzing. “Ha hahah, it shays you're shressed.” he slurred, draining half his pint.

“Yoush need to relaxsh Lulu.” TC slurred, leaning off his buddy as an eye began to swell shut. “Havsh a drink!” he slid a flagon across the table towards the Lunar princess, but pushed too hard causing the pewter mug to fall off and spill around her feet.

“Charming.” Luna said, looking at the liquid that was spreading across the floor. “We still do not see what our sister must surely see in thou.”

“Ish all in the dashing goot looks Lu- luna- lunatic. Haha, that's funny!” he snorted into the Doctor's coat.

The Doctor smiled and looked at Luna. “You- hic- You're cutsh when you're alls conste- conster- upshet.” The Doctor giggled to himself.

“Ish guess she ish.” TC added, rubbing a clear bite mark on his shoulder. “Shesh not- She's noa-- Lu, yoush need a straitshman.” he paused to finish his ale. “Liksh my- my besht friend here. Hesh- yoush would cute together.”

Luna raised an eyebrow. “Just how much of that have the both of you consumed?” Luna asked, levitating the cask away from the two. “It is nearly empty! Thou drankest an entire cask in an hour?”

“Lesh than an hour. And we're not finished. Ish feel my buzz fading.” The Doctor said, holding his cup out to the Lunar princess. “Mind giving me a refill? Orsh jussst the cashk?”

Luna frowned, her magic floated the cask outside a window and smashed the wooden barrel. “Looks like thou hast run out of the drink.” Both of the drunken friends cried out together. “AWWW.”

“Thash jush mean.” TC said, examining his empty mug. “An' Ah'm outsh too.”

The Doctor flopped on the table face first. “Yesh, how are we- howsh are we gonna catsh up on yearsh of drinking- without-” His speech slowed until he let out a gentle snore.

“This ish my besh friend.” TC said, setting his head on the Doctor's shoulder. “Ish- Ish love him. Bush don't tell anyone. Ish a shecret.” he hiccuped.

The Doctor immediately startled awake. “Are, arsh we embarrashin ourshelvesss already?” He laughed “Caush ah've- ah've.... Speed of love.” he laughed again, laying his head back down.

TC laid his head down too “Heysh, don't shleep here.”

Luna shook her head as the two Time Lords began snoring. “Idiots.” she said, levitating them in her magic before heading towards their guest rooms. “I swear if Celestia wasn't so attached to the one I'd throw them both out.”

Author's Note

Setting up a bit of Time Cycle, who was formally the Corsair's, character.

The Doctor landed in Equestria a couple hundred years before Luna's banishment.

Employment hijinks will ensue next chapter.