Celestia's Views

Hi everypony, Celestia here. Well retired life is going quite well and it looks like my suddenly larger and power hungry Twily is up to something. Now normally my plan would involve going and getting into a food fight with Dusty Pages but my Tia sense is really tingling so I shall share with you "The Last Problem."

Ok, to do this I grabbed the old Palantir so I could spy on my old home and what I saw did not make me a happy pony. Let me start out by saying that I am not thrilled with how things have turned out in Canterlot. What the hell is a griffon doing as a royal guard? Royal guards are meant to be ponies! Also, it looks like Twilight has been feeding Spike steroids and put him in a position that he has no business being in, going out and trying to get other creatures to get along. As I see what is going on I am seriously beginning to question my decision to retire. Yes life is easy, I don't have to put up with undesirable shit like summits and other crap but seeing Twilight turning the city into a multi-cultural clusterfuck has angered me greatly. What the hell I can do now I don't know but I'll think of something.

Ok, so Twilight has this shitty student named Luster Dawn. Ugh, I look at her behavior and it resembles Twilight before I sent her ass to Ponyville. The little bitch goes on bitching about how friendship isn't worth it since they don't last forever. Now my Twily had a look of disapproval and I can't help but wonder how she punished her and if she had any fun doing so. Well as it turns out Twilight is absolutely nothing like me! I learned that never once has she "punished" disobedient students nor has she disciplined her friends since she became miss high and mighty. What a shame too, I know how much fun she always had punishing them.

Ok, StormLuna is distracted by hockey so I can skip over the boring flash back shit. I suppose this is what happens when Hasbro tells their writers to throw together something that won't matter in the end anyway. Ok, so after learning about all this and when Twilight's friends show up for some friendship summit or other boring shit like that, Luster begins to realize that perhaps friendship is important.

Now wait a fucking minute. What the hell, Pinkie Pie got married to that Cheese Sandwich idiot and had a kid? Ok, now I am officially pissed with how Twilight has let things go. I never would have allowed such things to happen. To make matters worse, it looks like Discord is in a relationship with MY Fluttershy. Ok, this former princess is pissed and is dead set on fixing things. No way in hell is Discord even remotely good enough for my Shy. Now had the career mare Rarity took her, I wouldn't be so mad but this is unacceptable and I'm going to find a way to stop this shit. Wait a minute, I've got it! I'll go talk to my little Starlie and get her to take us back in time, prevent me from ever retiring and rather than hooking up with Discord, Fluttershy will marry ME instead!

Ok, StormLuna is still distracted by a hockey game that he doesn't care who wins so this is what I did. I decided to travel to Ponyville and I went to the school. Well to nopony's surprise, I caught Starlight and Trixie having a make-out session in her office. I stopped them and I talked to Starlight. I told her that we were going to go back in time. Initially she refused but when I told her that I would dissolve their marriage and take Trixie for myself, she really changed her tune.

Well we went to Twilight's old castle and fortunately the map is still there so she flared up her horn, cast the proper spell and back in time to Canterlot we went! Ok, we arrived right after the Legion of Doom had been defeated and Twilight was celebrating and shit proclaiming that her time had finally come. Now to take care of things, I cast the invisibility spell on myself and pulled past me into an adjacent room. I undid the spell and she sure was surprised to see me.

I began my conversation with her and told her how Twilight was going to fuck everything up if she and Luna retired. I told her about the griffon thing, I told her about Fluttershy, I told her about the multi-cultural thing, I told her about how Spike became more important than he should be and I told her about what appeared to be steroid usage by Twilight. She was not one bit happy and when I told her that she better not retire or I'd throw her in the dungeon and take things over myself, she quickly agreed!

Now the look on Twilight's face was priceless when past me told her that she and Luna weren't retiring after all. At first she was shocked, then she was angry and then she was sad. Past me simply told her that she didn't want her fucking anything up and sent her on her way. Then suddenly I was sucked through a vortex and wound up back in the throne room in the present, a present in which I had not retired.

Things were so much better. All the guards were still ponies, Pinkie Pie did not hook up with Cheese Sandwich, Twilight still ran the school, Spike was just as useless as ever but best of all, I had forced Fluttershy and Rarity to marry me! Yep I literally owned two lovelies but hey, I still had the rest of my huge harem too so everything was just fine! Now this is how it was supposed to end. In your face Hasbro, I changed an ending and someauthor didn't even stop me. He was so obsessed with a hockey game that I got away with........

"Princess Celestia!"

"Oh shit.......I mean, what is it StormLuna?"

"You do realize I was fully focused on your altering this in the way you did, in a way that was radically different than the real ending."

"Please don't make me give the real ending! Nopony liked it!"

"Hardly anypony did and personally I hated it."

"Really?"

"Yes and that is why I'm going to let you keep this ending. Screw the canon ending, this is much better."

"Oh my goodness! Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"You're welcome Celestia and the best part, you're still a princess....as you should be!"

"Damn straight I am and it is me ruling the roost, not my naive little Twilight!"

"Now I shall let you get going. The second half of the hockey double header has started and I'm sure you have some cake and lovelies to take care of."

"I do StormLuna and again, thank you!"

I can't believe it! StormLuna had absolutely no problems with me altering this and making me a very happy princess! Now I'm sure Twilight has been grumpy for the past thirty years but from what I have learned, the Twi-Cane calmed her pissy flank down whenever she would bitch and complain. Oh yeah and one other thing. The real Grogar came back and freed the Legion of Doom. From what I understand they are living in Ponyville. Tirek is working for low pay in a shoe store where he makes fat jokes about the mares, Chrysalis is blowing all his paychecks on pointless shit and Cozy Glow wound up becoming ~~dictator~~ mayor and is having her way with every hot mare she wants.

So you see everypony, everything turned out just fine in the end! What a shame I won't get to tell you this anymore, well unless StormLuna does post-series things but I must go because I have yellow cake along with white frosting on the docket. I do however have to go down to Ponyville and get some lavender sprinkles assuming Mayor Cozy Glow isn't eating them now. Oh wait, if she is I'll just make her surrender them. I have more pull than her so why am I worried?