Celestia's Views

by StormLuna

Rating: mature
Tags: Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Sex
Length: 240668

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is one of the greatest shows of all time. Equestria's main princess is going to tell us how she sees the episodes from her perspective.

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is one of the greatest shows of all time. Princess Celestia has decided the time has come to share with us how she saw things transpire and how she occasionally intervened to make things funnier.

Rated Mature and tagged sex for a lot of sexually suggestive dialogue.

Published 2015-02-25 20:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2020-02-24 03:33:46 UTC

Chapter 3: The Ticket Master

Chapter 3: The Ticket Master

Hello everypony, this is your supreme dictator Celestia again. For starters I am rather frustrated with Fluttershy because forcing her to come up here every weekend was really taking it's toll on her so I released her from having to please me every weekend. Now I am bored and need something to do. My royal duties can be frustrating and boring so I have decided it is time to stir up some trouble. Twilight is having too much fun with her new friends, it is time to test their friendships!

Alright, where do we get started. Twilight seems to think that by helping Applejack carry apples that she'll be able to seduce her and bang her. Seriously, since she left and doesn't get any anymore, she has to be getting so frustrated, I can see it in her eyes. She has a serious problem though, her dragon throwing those apples on the ground, which she will have to pick up later ain't helping matters any. She is going to have to buck him off of her if she wants to get Applejack in bed. What really surprised me is how once Spike found the best apple in the bunch, he eats the damn thing. I didn't think dragons liked apples or any kind of fruit. Oh well, it upset Twilight and seeing her frustrated is so adorable. What I don't get is that once her stomach starts growling so loud I could hear it up her in Canterlot, why the hell doesn't she just eat one of those apples Spike threw on the ground instead of complaining about being hungry. It's not like there was a shortage of food.

Now the time has come for Yours Truly to stir up some trouble. Deep down I know that all of Twilight's friends are going to want to go to the Gala so just to watch them bicker I only send two tickets. After all, I need something to entertain myself with. Well Applejack sees these tickets and is so excited at the prospects of going thinking that she would be able to set up a stand and sell apple treats. What she doesn't know is that she would have to apply for a peddler's permit and those aren't cheap. After all I can't have ponies making money off of a royal event without paying their due first and I don't think she could afford a permit.

Ok, I get it. I can see the importance of wanting to fix Granny's hip but still, I can't just let her set a stand up for free. If I did that, every idiot and his dog would be wanting to set up a stand at the Gala. If she knew that my sister thinks earth ponies are better than other races because of their hard work ethic, she could easily convince Luna to give her everything she dreams of and then some if she would simply ask.

Just as Applejack thinks that the ticket is her's, who comes crashing down? Rainbow Dash, the idiot who sleeps in trees. What I would like to know is how the hell she can sleep on branches without falling out more often. She sees that Twilight has an extra ticket and all of a sudden she decides that she wants to go. I wouldn't think that a tomboy such as her would want to go but oh because the Wonderbolts perform there every year, she is all giddy wanting to go. She goes talking about how she would interrupt their show, showing off some of her lame street moves, impress them and then actually think they would want her as their newest member. Come on, that fancy ass strut she was talking about, any pegasus that can run could do that!

Ok, so all of a sudden Rainbow and Applejack try to convince Twilight on who has the better reason for getting the ticket. What makes me sick is that Twilight would even consider Rainbow's reason for wanting the ticket comparable to the reason Applejack wants it. Applejack wants it so she can help out the farm and help get Granny's hip replaced while Rainbow just wants it for her own selfish desires. What a conceited, narcissistic bitch. If I were Twilight I would have told Rainbow she is a selfish bitch and that she should go drown herself in a lake but that's just me.

Next up we have Pinkie Pie wanting the ticket. Once she sees the ticket she violates every noise ordinance in Ponyville going on and on about how she wants to go. Would somepony but a muzzle on that bitch? Come on, you can't be violating noise ordinances and get away with it. I tell you, she knows absolutely nothing about parties in Canterlot, especially the Gala. She thinks they are all fun and games like parties everywhere else in Equestria. She is going to be in for a huge surprise when she sees it is nothing more than a social gathering for the snobbiest ponies in the land and a complete waste of my time. Now that I think about it, why the hell do I even throw this event when it is just a waste of time and money.

Well, Pinkie's ruckus draws the attention of Rarity, who notices the tickets and seems to be immediately drawn to them. Of course she gets all dreamy eyed over the prospect of getting to go to the Gala. She goes on about how she could meet him. She acts all dreamy at the prospect of meeting and whoring herself out to my nephew, Prince Blueshit. Oh yes, she thinks they will meet, fall in love, screw all night long and get married. *Ugh....gag me!* Rarity is going to be in for a very nasty surprise when she discovers what an ass he is and that she can't marry him. I say that because he is so in love with himself that he actually married himself and unfortunately for Rarity, polygamy is illegal in Equestria.

Next up we have Fluttershy and that demonic rabbit of her's come along. What I hope to be a meal one of these days grabs the tickets and takes them to Fluttershy. She sees them and seems to think they are perfect, perfect for her to go and harass MY animals. She has her own dream of going in and wooing my animals into being best friends with her forever. What she doesn't know is that my animals hate everypony except me. Yes I know Fluttershy's special talent is communicating with animals but she'll likely get pissed when my animals think she is a meddlesome bitch who needs to mind her own business.

Well along come Applejack and Rainbow again, which leads to everypony bickering over who should get the ticket and causing Twilight a lot of undue stress. While Twilight left me and can be a bitch at times, I felt a teeny tiny bit sorry for her. I should have flown down to Ponyville, grabbed her and despite still having that image of her with her mane and tail screwed up, took her into my sleeping chambers and made her feel better, but I'm getting too much enjoyment out of this!

Twilight finally has had enough of her bitchy friends and sends them packing, well for now anyway. Get this, she is still bitching about being hungry when she could have ate like ponies used to a long time ago, she could have just ate some grass. But oh no, miss bitchy pants is too good for that! She has to go waste government funds at some fancy ass restaurant that is too cheap to carry gems for a dragon. She orders a daffodil and daisy sandwich. Yuck, the very thoughts of that make me want to vomit! How in Equestria could she stand to eat that? She may as well just eat Rarity's shit if she'll lower herself to eating crap like that.

Now her friends start to do favors for her to try and get her to give them the ticket. Rainbow is nice enough to kick a hole in the clouds to keep Twilight from getting soaked but oh no, Twilight just had to bitch about it saying she wouldn't accept favors. Rainbow zips up the cloud, she gets soaked and her lunch gets ruined. Hey Twilight, you could have at least waited until you finished that nasty sandwich to tell Rainbow to close it. Oh well, I got to see Twily in her hottest, sexiest form. I can't help it, seeing her soaking wet makes me so hot and bothered!

Now it's Rarity's turn. She takes Twilight and Spike in to her boutique. Despite claiming that she didn't want Twilight to get a cold, I know the real reason she had the two go in, and unfortunately for Spike, it was not for them to screw all day long. At first it seemed like Rarity genuinely cared about Twilight's well being but then her true colors show. She puts a "dress" if you can even all it that on Twilight and then low and behold, she has made one exactly like it for herself! Rarity must have thought that if they whored themselves out together that she could get twice the fun. What Rarity doesn't know is that Twilight only likes mares, which doesn't seem to be the case with her.

Finally Twilight decides to grow a brain and get out of Rarity's wannabe lingerie shop and is instantly greeted by Applejack, with a whole lot of food. Just swallow your pride and eat some bitch. Nopony ever said that if you ate some of Applejack's food you would be forever in her debt and have to give her the ticket. I swear, for as smart as you are supposed to be you don't have one ounce of common sense, but then again, neither does Twinkleshine or any other student I have banged. Poor Applejack, she slaves over a stove making all that delicious food and my bitchy purple student basically tells her to go fuck herself.

Guess what, Fluttershy has committed a crime in order to butter Twilight up. She breaks into the library and starts cleaning it. She isn't the only one guilty of breaking an entering, her demon rabbit is guilty too. If I didn't think I still had a chance of getting Fluttershy to return to pleasing me, I would banish her to the moon and put Angel in a stew. Of course Twilight gets home and is frustrated when she sees her friend doing something nice for her. What surprises me is that Angel, the greediest little demon rabbit in the universe, even had a salad for her, which she turns down. I swear, Twilight is so bull headed, she bitches about being hungry yet turns down every meal offered to her. It would have served her right if she would have never got any food and starved to death.

Of course Twilight leaves and is greeted by Pinkie, who does nothing to help her. She just breaks out into song and informs the whole damn town that Twilight has an extra ticket to the Gala. Now Twilight has a mob chasing after her. I couldn't help but laugh as all of a sudden everypony wanted to be her best friend and help her with anything and everything. Memo to Daisy, Twilight doesn't have a garden! She's a bucking librarian, not a gardener.

Well she and Spike get cornered and Twilight must be better with teleportation than I thought. She freaks out so much that she zaps both of them back into the library. She turns all the lights off and suddenly not only is it dark in the library, it is dark outside as well. She turned MY sun off! Who the hell does she think she is? If I didn't have further uses for her, I would banish her to the moon. Well the lights magically come back on, probably the work of Rarity, and there are all of her friends waiting for her, like some sort of stalker.

For starters I would like to know how the hell Fluttershy got a blue wing. Did she dye it that color or did she bite off one of Rainbow's and sew it on herself? Twilight finally has enough and starts screaming that she can't decide. Of course this causes her friends, well most of them anyway to realize their wrongs and say they didn't want the ticket anymore, EXCEPT for the most arrogant pony of all time, Rainbow Crash, oops, I mean Rainbow Dash.

Applejack is able to make Rainbow see that she is being a selfish bitch so she says she doesn't want it anymore either. Well Twilight decides to send the tickets back saying that if they all can't go, she doesn't want to go either. I thought to myself, "alright, I've toyed with them enough. I'll send them all tickets and maybe I can get them all in my sleeping chambers at once. After all, a seven mare orgy sounds really exciting! We can all make Rarity see that mares are better!"

Well I send a message back and send them six tickets. What is funny is that the little bastard who constantly said he didn't want any part of that girly-fru-fru Gala junk is sad when he doesn't get one. So I decide to be nice and send him one. He pretends to be all upset but is really happy. Well, now just a few months until the Gala and hopefully I can have tons and tons of fun!

Chapter 4: Applebuck Season

Chapter 4: Applebuck Season

Hi everypony, it is your supreme dictator Celestia again and apple bucking season has arrived. I am a bit worried though because all the apples may not get harvested and it might be my fault. Well you know how Big Mac got hurt? I am partially to blame for that because I decided that, although I am into mares, I would give a stallion a chance. I decided that Big Mac was the only one deserving so I seduced him and took him to Canterlot. Well let's just say I got a little too rough with him and I managed to injure him. It's not a matter of him being weak, it is just a matter of how much bigger I am than him. While he was good, mares are far better so I'm not going to mess with another stallion ever again. After injuring him, I hurried up, got him home and told him to tell his family that he simply fell out of bed. They would probably have had Luna banish me to the sun if they knew I was responsible for his injury.

Back to the harvest. Wow, that is a hell of a big harvest at Sweet Apple Acres this year but thanks to Yours Truly, Applejack has to do it all alone. Big Mac, always the wise one tells his sister that she won't be able to do it alone. Being the stubborn pony that she is, she insists on doing it alone. This should be entertaining.

You know something, I never knew that the cows down there in Ponyville were such little chickenshits. They stampede over a snake, a snake! Now if they were down in Appaloosa I could understand since there are rattlesnakes there but there are not any poisonous snakes in Ponyville. So Applejack and Winona has to come and save the day. Well she manages to get the stampede's path turned right before they go thundering into town. I swear, Applejack is way too patient and way too nice. Had I been the one that had to save the day, I would have banished those fucking cows to the moon for making me waste my valuable time.

So they decide to hold a party and give Applejack a huge ass trophy. What about Winona, she did help too. So basically according to the citizens in Ponyville, it is fuck Winona, who cares that she aided in preventing the town from being flattened. During this ceremony, Twilight acts like it has to be all formal and shit. I've heard that when a pony is sexually frustrated they'll try to overcompensate in other areas. Maybe I need to pay her a visit since none of her friends are putting out, that ought to get her to quit acting like she is preparing a speech for some fancy ass university graduation. I find it funny that Rainbow, Pinkie and Fluttershy all interrupt her. After all, nopony would want to listen to a long-winded speech anyway and in the end the mane dying dingbat of a mayor realized that and stopped her before she could start to bore everypony.

Well Applejack, who has been being stubborn and working her ass to death finally shows up to the ceremony late. Don't get me wrong, Applejack is my favorite of Twilight's friends but why the fuck would she carry all those apples with her to the ceremony. Was she really so tired that she forgot to leave them at home. I couldn't help but laugh when after she was given the trophy that she was standing on the stage looking into it making weird noises. Naturally that prompts Pinkie to go and do the same thing, which is no surprise. Applejack decides to cut the party short and drag her trophy home. After all, she has to continue her nearly impossible task of clearing the whole farm on her own.

Ok, what I don't get is why in the hell she would go helping her friends if she is so dead set on getting that orchard cleared. It makes no sense to me . Well first she decides that she is going to help Rainbow with some trick that she thinks will impress the Wonderbolts. Rainbow must be a complete idiot if she thinks that some trick that can only be accomplished by getting launched off of an overgrown see-saw will impress the Wonderbolts. Well Applejack continues to jump off of this platform, missing the high end of the see-saw numerous times. I'm surprised she didn't break something, such as her whole body in doing this. I love how she just presses down on her end eventually. Finally she manages to land on her end, but unfortunately for the arrogant pegasus, it was while she was stunned, sending her soaring across the sky and crashing into Twilight's balcony.

Alright animators, you really FUCKED UP this one. You had it appear as though she was launched a mile and that the library was way out of town when the library is right there in town. Ok, I get it, animation errors. If I had a bit for every animation error I could probably build a new castle. Of course Rainbow cries and whines to Twilight about it so she goes and interrupts her from her tedious task and occasional naps. Well Twilight goes asking Applejack if she needs some help and naturally my favorite but most stubborn pony says no.

Now she is off to help Pinkie Pie bake some muffins at Sugarcube Corner. With as tired as she is, despite being the best baker in the world, this can only lead to a disaster. I have come to the conclusion that Pinkie has to be the most ignorant pony of all time. She tells Applejack what she needs and every time, she grabs the wrong item but Pinkie does nothing to stop her from putting it in there. In the end you would think she would notice the fucking worms she put in the mix. Well the muffins get done and suddenly you have a bunch of very sick ponies, including Pinkie Pie. Either Applejack didn't eat any or she has a stomach of steel since she didn't get sick. Also, those worms must be tough as nails to survive being baked. Well I have decided that I will never eat anything Pinkie makes, because baked bads do not sound very appetizing.

After poisoning half the town, Applejack goes back to harvesting apples. Once again, Twilight goes and reprimands her over what happened and basically demands that she allow somepony to help her. Come on Twilight, haven't you figured it out yet. She ain't going to go letting other ponies help her with this. The Apple Family, while I love them dearly, are a stubborn bunch. They are set in their ways so why don't you just drop it? Besides, Applejack now has to go help Fluttershy round up bunnies.

What I would like to know is why the hell is it so important to conduct a bunny census? I swear, Fluttershy really needs to come back up and be my lover every weekend. The fact that she is doing this is proof that she has way too much time on her hooves. Being the good friend she is, Applejack takes time away from the harvest she has been bitching so much about to aid in this worthless endeavor. Given the state that she is in, Applejack isn't exactly going to make the best decisions in herding them and having Winona help herd bunnies is a very bad idea. Winona probably saw them all as a bunch of little meals running around. Too bad she wouldn't have ate one of them, seeing Fluttershy cry would have been entertaining, then I could come to the rescue and make her feel all better if you know what I mean.

Well the roundup begins and immediately the bunnies go into a panic. Of course Fluttershy is whining about how they are scaring the bunnies. Who gives a fuck if they are scaring them? I sure don't care and I doubt Applejack does either. You ask her to help you but then you bitch about how she is helping. You should be glad she decided to help you at all. You are probably the only pony in Equestria that would give a rat's ass about the bunny population. Seriously though, I'm thinking of putting all the females down there on the pill so Fluttershy won't waste her time with this shit anymore. I can threaten her. I will tell her that if she doesn't start being my lover every weekend again I will sterilize every bunny, squirrel, rat, beaver and whatever the hell other animals she holds so dear. That should get her back in my bed.

After a bit of chasing bunnies around we have two stampedes in one episode, what fun! This time there would be nopony to stop the beasts from thundering through town. Luckily though the only thing that got destroyed were gardens and flowers, which only really bothered Roseluck, Daisy and Lily. Get over it girls, your damn flowers will grow back. And of course seeing the damage to the gardens and Fluttershy being unable to get the bunnies to listen to her, she goes to Sweet Apple Acres and once again starts to bitch out Applejack.

Applejack thought she was so close to achieving her goal. There she was up on a hill kicking what she thought was the last tree. Twilight states again that she needs help. With one last kick on that tree, the apples fall and Applejack appears to be victorious. She proudly states that she did it, that she cleared the whole orchard at Sweet Apple Acres without anypony's help. I loved what she said, "I did it. I cleared the entire Sweet Apple Acres crop without your help! What do you think about them apples?"

Big Mac, who is still injured, points to the other side of the orchard, which hasn't been touched and asks "what do you think about them apples?" She sees what still has to be done and passes out. I can understand why too. If I were about to drop dead of exhaustion and saw that I only had half the job done, I'd probably pass out to.

Finally when she comes to, and Twilight is kneeling over her. I am glad to see that Twilight finally appreciates the Apple Family ways but still insists that Applejack needs help. Surprisingly, Twilight is able to get Applejack to come to her senses and let her friends help her with the harvest. With the help of her friends, the rest of the harvest took no time. I tell you, Applejack claims she was a might stubborn, but she was horribly stubborn. To close things, no Spike, nopony wants those muffins you found in the garbage. Eat them yourself you little bastard, don't go making anypony sick. Had you forced those on anypony and made them sick, I would have came and banished your sorry ass to the moon.

Chapter 5: Griffon the Brush Off

Chapter 5: Griffon the Brush Off

Hi everypony, this is your Supreme Dictator Celestia again and do I have a surprise for you. I'm going to give you my analysis of Griffon the Brush Off. It was quite an interesting episode and it did prove one thing. It proved that griffons are generally assholes and the behavior of Gilda confirms why I consider them to be one of the lesser species in this world. Let's face it, ponies are the best and out of ponies, Alicorns are the best and out of the Alicorns, I am the best!

Alright, first off we have Pinkie who is yapping about Rainbow Dash's moves while Twilight is reading. You would think that with how Twilight was responding to her she would get the hint that she doesn't give a rat's ass about Rainbow's moves. I often respond the same way when somepony is being annoying.

I don't know why the hell Pinkie seems to think the sun rises and sets in Rainbow's ass. She sees her and immediately starts following her trying to get her attention. Pinkie thinks so highly of her that despite being treated like shit, she tries to warn Rainbow about a mountain which she immediately slams into. I couldn't help but laugh over that. It serves Rainbow right for being such a bitch.

Well, Pinkie goes looking for Rainbow AGAIN. What the hell is wrong with her? I wouldn't go looking for somepony who is being a total ass. Well she finds Rainbow and starts following her around everywhere. I swear, she has to be the most annoying of Twilight's friends. She is like a puppy dog, she constantly follows other ponies around until she gets what she wants. Well finally Rainbow realizes that escaping from Pinkie ain't going to happen since she has some sort of weird ability to show up anywhere and everywhere much faster than she should be able to.

Well she is able to convince Rainbow to start pulling pranks. I really feel for Spike, getting scared into getting the hiccups like that. What really pisses me off is that their stupid little pranks causes me to get buried in scrolls. Here I think I might be getting something important, such as a note from Twilight telling me to pay her a visit tonight and have some fun but all I get are junk scrolls. Scrolls advertising stagecoach insurance, life insurance, homeowners insurance and all sorts of other shit that doesn't affect my life any. I am Equestria's DICTATOR after all, I have everything provided for me. Well in the end Pinkie got her just deserts when the annoying pegasus scares her into getting hiccups as well.

One thing I don't get is when Rainbow tells Pinkie she isn't as annoying as she thought when she discovers she is a prankster. I thought those two had known each other for years and were friends. Hell, the writers have it seem as though they are just mere acquaintances that only met yesterday. Good job screwing up there writers. I would think that would have been caught by Hasbro or whoever the hell reviews this stuff but apparently not.

Well they decide to go and start pulling pranks on other ponies. I swear, that joke store in Ponyville has to have by far the worst architectural design in all of Equestria. I'll tell you one thing, something that hideous would NEVER be allowed up here in Canterlot. I'm surprised it is even allowed in Ponyville. It reminds me more of some crappy whore house in Las Pegasus. Ok, back to where I was. Well they decide to put some sneeze powder in some flowers they place on Rarity's doorstep. This is proof that Rarity is far too trusting. If I was to just discover flowers on my doorstep I would have one of my guards go check it for explosives, poison, sneezing power or anything else I wouldn't want around me.

Now the two jokers decide they are going to replace my star student and former ho's ink with vanishing ink. What are you two thinking? Yes she may not be my marefriend anymore but still, messing with her is not a wise idea. And I would love to know the hell they were able to so quickly paint Applejack's apples. Well this is a cartoon, so anything can happen. What gets me is that they would even think of pulling a prank on Fluttershy, well Rainbow anyway. Well she is a total bitch so I can see why she would do that. Thankfully Pinkie stopped it dead in it's tracks.

The next morning arrives and Pinkie is ready to make everyponies' lives hell again. This time she is in for a surprise though when she goes to get her partner in crime. She is greeted by Bitchda....oops, I mean Gilda. Yep, the bitchiest character to date has shown up, and given how she is, conjuring up a bigger bitch will be hard to do. Poor Pinkie, she keeps on trying to hang out with her friend but Gilda keeps on running her off in not so pleasant ways. Well it isn't all Gilda's wrongdoing here, Rainbow was equally as guilty in making Pinkie feel bad.

Well Pinkie runs off to Twilight to whine and complain. I'm thinking she should have ran off and whined to somepony else because Twilight is not only going to take a more analytical approach, she also ain't going to give a shit. I love Spike's comment, "green with envy, well pink with envy." Yeah he can be a little dick sometimes, but he does have a sense of humor.

Now comes the time when I would really like to snap Gilda's neck and feast on her corpse, when she goes into Ponyville. The bitch has the audacity to scare Granny Smith, who I probably hold in a higher regard than any other pony in Equestria. Some say she's senile but I think otherwise. She is simply elderly and something like what Gilda did would frighten most anypony. Then she STEALS an apple! I didn't know griffons liked apples, I thought they were primarily carnivorous. Even though I'm older than dirt, I still learn new things once in a while.

Ok, I honestly wonder about Fluttershy. Why the hell would she be leading a bunch of fucking ducks down main street? Doesn't she know that she will likely bump into somepony? Doesn't she know that other ponies have places to go and why doesn't she just have the damn things FLY? They do have wings. Her idiotic behavior still isn't an excuse for Gilda to be a grade A cunt to her though. I honestly wanted to kill her then as well. Hell, I've wanted to kill that bitch for years as I did accidentally run into her one time. She roared at me too but cowered in fear when she realized who she had fucked with.

Guess what? It's party time, Pinkie Pie style now! Before the bitch gets to Sugarcube Corner, other ponies are talking about her and you know something, I don't blame Fluttershy for asking Pinkie if this party was such a good idea. I don't blame her. If I was holding a party for Gilda, I would have a guillotine ready and once she got there, stun her and behead her. If a guillotine wasn't available, I'd just have Luna bite her head off, since she has done that to unruly griffons in the past.

Once Gilda gets there, let the fun begin! The hoof buzzer incident was hilarious, especially how Gilda's feathers were all fucked up afterwards. So now Pinkie wants to introduce the bitchy griffon to her friends. Well this ought to be a hoot. Now why would Pinkie want everypony to cheer for her and honor her in welcoming her to Ponyville? Pinkie knows she's a bitch and yet thinks everypony should honor her? Does she seriously think that will improve Gilda's attitude? No chance in hell is she going to improve her attitude.

The pepper covered lemon drops and the dribble glass with the punch was hilarious. Seriously though, Gilda must not be able to handle spicy foods if a bit of pepper seemed hot to her. Hell I eat five alarm chili all the time and it doesn't bother me. I could always just invite Gilda up here and serve that to her, it would likely kill her. Nah, that would be too easy on her. If I ever kill her, I want it to be gruesome and bloody.

Well apparently spitting snakes is a popular prank down there in Ponyville given that Applejack was pranked like that before. She laughed about it but Gilda didn't exactly care for it. Again she gets all pissy and then Pinkie gives her a cake. What the hell is she hoping for? Is she hoping she can get Gilda in bed? Ugh, the very thoughts of that make me want to vomit. I have decided that Gilda is way too thin skinned. Relighting birthday candles pissed her off. The more I see of her the more I want to kill her. She seems to get all mad but deep down this is what she is really thinking, "Waaaah, waaah! Poor me, poor little me! Why is everypony so mean to me? Waaaaaah!"

The pin the tail on the pony moment was priceless! Gilda in her arrogant stupidity decides to not listen to Pinkie. I know she distrusts her but come on, even I know how that game works. Apparently griffons don't. They probably play a game called pin the ass on the griffon. Well Gilda slips on some cake frosting and goes crashing into the kitchen. Once she returns she shows what a cunt she really is. She roars and goes on a tirade. Somepony forgot to tell that bitch to use her inside voice.

Then she starts yelling how every single prank was set up by Pinkie Pie, which was wrong. I will admit, I was shocked when Rainbow admitted that she was the one who set up those pranks and that Pinkie was just the one who threw the party. Pinkie must be very naive if she honestly thought that a party would turn Gilda's frown upside down. Nothing would get that bitch in a better mood, not even getting laid.

I was honestly impressed when Rainbow did not leave with Gilda and went off on her for treating her new friends like shit. I guess there is some hope for her after all. And well, I'm thinking that after this Rainbow will stop hanging out with party poopers, well she won't be hanging with Gilda anymore. One thing they don't show in the episode is me and my sister hunting Gilda down and punishing her for her behavior. Luna caught her and bit her head off which was quite the sight. We took her carcass back to Canterlot, skinned her and ate raw griffon. It was quite tasty. Hopefully another griffon will come along and give us a reason to kill it as well.

Chapter 6: Boast Busters

Chapter 6: Boast Busters

Hello everypony, again it is your supreme dictator Princess Celestia. Next up is Boast Busters, which is personally one of my favorites because who doesn't love ponies showing off their abilities. It doesn't bother me because I know I'm better than the rest of them combined.

Starting off, Twilight has a list of tricks she is working on. Tricks, seriously? I did not let Twilight into my school AND make her my personal protege to be practicing street magic that anypony, with the exception of a couple morons who I will get to later, could do. I am beginning to wonder about Spike. Why the hell would he want a mustache? Is he wanting to be like that flamboyant and possibly gay river serpent? Does Spike secretly have a boy crush on him and think that if Twilight gives him some facial hair he'll be able to score with him since he can't with Rarity? Well Twilight gives him the mustache and he suddenly acts like he is hot shit. Good thing she quickly took it away because he was so fucking ugly I thought I was going to vomit.

Apparently Spike must be trying to get Twilight to give him that hideous mustache back because while they are walking out in the street, he is praising her so much I thought he suddenly wanted to get her in bed. Poor Twilight, she should have smacked him and told him to shut the hell up. Now the morons I mentioned earlier come to make everypony's lives hell. Snips and Snails, probably the two dumbest and most powerless unicorns in all of Equestria run into Spike and start making a fuss about a new unicorn in town. Now why the hell would they even care and when they say that "they say she has more magical power than anypony, ever" what I would like to know is who the fuck is they? It sure the hell wasn't me or anypony else in Canterlot. Everypony up here knows that I am the one with more magical power than anypony in the history of the universe. That K Street whore has nothing on me!

Once Twilight and Spike arrive in the town square they see one of the worst sights ever, an arrogant blue unicorn doing lame street magic that refers to herself as "The Great and Powerful Trixie." What the hell is so special about making bouquets of flowers and the other crap she did. She thinks she is so great that she claims that anything somepony can do, she can do better. That is a crock of shit. Had she came up to Canterlot, I would have shown her up on numerous acts of magic and then had Luna banish the little cunt to the sun, since it is a hell of a lot more uncomfortable than the moon.

I have heard a lot of tall tales in my day but somepony making a claim that they vanquished an Ursa Major is by far the tallest and most ridiculous. Does Trixie even know anything about the Ursa Major except for the fact that it is a bear? Chances are she doesn't. She is just an overly confident dingbat that probably dropped out of school and started a magic show because she was too dumb to get a real job.

Ok, I can understand why other ponies would want to show this bitch up but come on, the only one who will be able to show up a unicorn in this setting is another unicorn. If Applejack truly wanted to prove that she is better than Trixie, she should have put a horn cap on her, dragged her sorry flank over to the farm and challenged her to an apple bucking contest. Chances are Trixie would have broke her back legs in the process of kicking the first tree but oh no, Applejack had to some fancy trick with a rope. While it is impressive, a unicorn will easily be able to counter that trick and come out on top, which unfortunately happened.

Rainbow Dash had a better chance of being better than Trixie. Her flying feat was quite impressive, still nothing compared to what I can do, but still impressive. What doomed her was that when she stopped on change she had that rainbow over her. Now where the hell did that come from? I suppose the writers needed to do something so Trixie could outwit her and make her sick. One thing I didn't know is that Trixie could make clouds. Perhaps I should fire all the pegasi and just have her make the weather. Yeah small, shitty thunderclouds won't produce much rain, if any, but it would still save the taxpayers a ton of money.

Now entering the scene is The Obnoxious and Prissy Rarity. So a unicorn is supposed to conduct herself with grace and look elegant in her eyes. What I would like to know is why do some unicorns think they have to dress to the nines to show off? This was far too easy for Trixie, just zap little miss priss with some magic and make her look hideous. Game over. So far the results are Trixie 3 Twilight's friends 0. I suppose another lesson I tried to teach Twilight never sunk in. She didn't want to try to show up Trixie because she was afraid she would make everypony else hate her. I taught her that if she could put a bitch in her place, do it. I should drag her ass back up here and pound it into her head that she is better than everypony except for me and Luna.

I have come to a conclusion, it is not so much a matter of Snips and Snails simply admiring Trixie like she thinks, I can tell by the way they are acting that they want to bang her and knock her up. Is that even possible? I know they haven't hit puberty yet so those boys will have to wait a while. Ugh the thoughts of a hybrid between Trixie and one of those two are even scarier than a dragon/unicorn hybrid. My suspicions were proven when Snips shows up with a hay smoothie holding it on his flank and presents it to Trixie. I don't know what he was thinking, there is no way him presenting his ass to her is going to get her in bed. I am betting that is what caused Trixie to tell both of them to go away and not bother her until the next morning. She probably didn't want Sanils presenting his ass to her either.

As they are leaving they run into Spike who tries telling them that Trixie ain't all she's cracked up to be. Of course they bring up the Ursa claim and Spike just has to open his mouth and give them a bad idea. He just had to mention an Ursa Major walking up the street and of course that causes them to decide to go get one! How fucking stupid are those two? I'm surprised they managed to find the cave and wake it up without getting eaten. What a shame they didn't become bear food, it's not like they'll ever be productive members of society anyway.

While the two stooges are off getting the Ursa Spike goes home and again tries to get Twilight to go and show off her stuff. Does he not listen? How many times does Twilight have to tell him that she isn't going to go and show up Trixie. At least one of those two learned something from me. If he could perform magic, he would have put Trixie in her place. Twilight's door making trick doesn't impress me though. Any adult unicorn could pull that off.

Well the idiotic colts find the cave and Snips starts complaining when he can't see his own hoof in front of his face. What an idiot. Perhaps he thought the Ursa would have his cave decorated with Hearth's Warming lights. Will wonders never cease! Although it was difficult for him, Snails actually managed to use some magic to light up his horn. I didn't know he had the smarts to do that. Maybe he won't be completely useless after all, key word, maybe!

Good thing, Snails proved he is smarter than Snips, which I always questioned. Bad thing, he wakes the Ursa up and pisses it off. I don't blame it, I would be pissed off if somepony woke me up like that too. Low and behold they show more intelligence, they run from the beast rather than standing there in awe and becoming bear food. Spike, all dejected happens to be out when he has another encounter with them. Good thing he did, because had he not that Ursa could have done some serious damage.

Spike runs home and finds Twilight reading a book. Chances are she was either reading a book about how to please herself since I can't be there for her all the time or she was reading a book on how to overthrow the government. If it was the latter, I will have to execute her for treason. Well she hears the roars from Ponyville's newest guest and decides to go out to see it for herself.

Now boys, what did Trixie tell you. She told you two to not bother her until morning. You just can't listen, can you? Banging on her door in the middle of the night won't get her to bang you. I found it quite hilarious when Trixie saw the Ursa approaching, looks like she is going to piss all over herself and runs off. For a pony who allegedly vanquished an Ursa Major, she sure took off like a little chickenshit when she saw it.

It was kind of a shame that the Ursa crushed Trixie's traveling house because she didn't have any insurance on the thing. So now Trixie is homeless and chances are she doesn't have the funds to buy a new one. Well if she is looking for a place to stay, unless she is willing to give me and Twinkleshine the time of our lives, she isn't welcome up here with me. Staying with me has it's costs, but it has it's perks as well.

Well the idiot colts finally admit to Trixie that they brought the Ursa into town and naturally this pisses her off. Well Trixie did claim that she could vanquish an Ursa so she brought this upon herself. Too bad those two had to put the rest of Ponyville in danger. Trixie's attempts to vanquish the beast were pathetic! Oh yes, tying a rope around a couple of fingers on one of it's paws is really going to do the trick! Trixie was probably thinking, "You see, Trixie vanquished it! Now move out of Trixie's way bitches, Trixie's gonna go brag some more!"

That was a joke. The Ursa breaks the rope and the two idiots encourage Trixie to continue with this impossible task. Trixie decides she will try to make her own weather again. I swear, she must not have any creativity at all. Once again she creates a shitty little thundercloud that only produces one weak little spark of lightning. She could at least create a tornado that would carry it, along with the rest of town, off into the forest.

My star student finally shows up and discovers that the two dumbest ponies in Ponyville brought an Ursa to town. Of course this pissed Twilight off but it was good to see Trixie finally get off her high horse (no pun intended) and admit that she never vanquished one. Now came Twilight's time to shine. With some encouraging by Spike, Twilight took action. If she is as good at vanquishing Ursas as she is in pleasing me, that thing is toast.

Well Twilight starts out by making some sappy music involving wind and broken cat tails. Spike referred to this as number sixteen. Ok Twilight, I doubt if street magic will aid you in this endeavor but surprisingly it did. Now for something new, she decides to turn the town's water tower into an overgrown milk bottle. How she fit that thing in the barn and milked the cows without being in there is beyond me. Wait a minute, this is bad news for the dairy workers. Now that Twilight has done this, I could see the Ponyville dairy hire her to milk the cows and fire their current workers. After all, paying only one pony will be much cheaper and it will make the dairy turn a profit for a change.

Well now that the Ursa is calmed and has a king sized milk bottle, Twilight puts as much power into it as she can and levitates that thing back to it's cave. I knew she could do it. Hey, she kept me happy in the bedroom so vanquishing an Ursa is nothing. Too bad for Twilight though, she didn't become the first pony to vanquish an Ursa Major. It was only an Ursa Minor that she vanquished. At least she was able to get rid of it instead of expecting me to come down and haul it's ass home.

Well Twilight tells everypony it was just an Ursa Minor and Trixie is shocked it was just a baby. She finally realizes how pathetic she is and runs off after bragging about her show stopping abilities. Guess what bitch, being a show pony won't save towns. It will just turn them against you. Everypony praises Twilight, including the two idiots brought the beast to town. They must be really stupid if they think praising Twilight is going to cause her to let them off the hook. Good job Twilight, they were responsible for Trixie's shattered home and deserved to have to clean it.

Ok Twilight gets a lot of praise for vanquishing the Ursa Minor but then decides to do some of that pathetic Trixie level street magic. That will impress nopony, it will just make them think she is a showboat that needs to be ran out of town. What is worse is that she gives a couple of moronic hacks with a combined IQ of one along with Spike mustaches. How wasteful. Of course in the end the mustache does not aid Spike in his endeavor to knock Rarity up and he thinks he needs a beard too. I highly doubt Rarity will want to fuck a hair ball. Opal coughs them up enough and I'm sure they don't get any action. Spike just needs to be himself, maybe some day in the distant future after Rarity has gone through menopause, she will want to screw Spike because nopony else will want to at that point.

Oh, and by the way you peasants, now you must refer to me as The Hot and Sexy Princess Celestia.

Chapter 7: Dragonshy

Chapter 7: Dragonshy

Hello everypony, this is your supreme dictator Celestia again. Now I shall do my commentary on Dragonshy, which is an episode that made me wonder about some of the ponies and made me want to banish one of them to the moon. I'm sure you'll figure out which one that is before too long.

For starters, I don't know why Fluttershy is so good to that demon rabbit of her's. Hey, if he doesn't want to eat anymore, then don't make him. Let the little bastard starve. Better yet, I would gladly come and take him off your hooves. I'm in the mood for rabbit stew anyway. He does prove that he isn't a complete waste of space though as he tries to get Fluttershy to notice smoke coming from a nearby mountain. Eventually he is finally able to get the sexiest of Twilight's friends to realize that the sky is getting filled with smoke but that isn't going to make me not want rabbit stew. Twilight would have relayed my message to the town soon enough anyway.

You know, if she would do more than whisper when she is panicking in the town square, she might get somepony's attention. Luckily I sent a message to Twilight's scroll hacking dragon telling her to warn the rest of the town about a smoke snoring dragon. Alright, it is time to get the gang together and go take care of the beast. I would have just went and taken care of it myself, but it isn't part of my royal duties. In an old scroll dating back to the earliest days of Equestria, it states that a princess is to never go confront a dragon like that. It says that she is supposed to find some common hacks to get it to leave.

Well they get ready to leave and while Twilight is looking at a map on how would be the best way to get to the mountain and get rid of the dragon. Personally I would have just flown up there or teleported myself there but none of them are Alicorns, so forget that idea. Twilight was so absorbed in that map that Fluttershy was almost able to convince her to just let her stay home. That would have been disastrous. She is the only one smart enough to handle wild animals like that. Luckily for Equestria, the rest of the gang was able to force her to go. Yeah grabbing hold of her and carrying her there may not have been the most pleasant of ways to get her there, but it had to be done.

The route up the mountain would not be easy for the ponies. They get to the base of the mountain and Fluttershy, despite being a pegasus, was too scared to even try to get up to the path that would lead them up the mountain. While I love Fluttershy to pieces, well when she puts out anyway, I was rather irritated when she was too chickenshit to fly up there. There is one thing I will never understand about pegasi, why the hell is it that when they get scared that their wings freeze shut? Of course this causes Rainbow to enter into bitch mode. I know she was not happy about Fluttershy's fear and her wings freezing shut, but she could at least not go into bitch mode. When I saw this I wanted to go and smack her. This would not be the first time I wanted to do that either. I guess that is the difference between Alicorns and pegasi, we don't panic in stressful situations, we get pissed and handle the problem.

I commend Applejack for volunteering to take Fluttershy around the mountain. Now where is this path around the mountain that leads up to the path? I've certainly never seen it but then again I generally don't go flying in that area either. Well while Applejack was doing what she probably thought was a civic duty, Pinkie and Rarity decide to play tic-tac-toe. Pinkie wins 35 in a row and Rarity asks best of 71? Come on Rarity, you already lost 35 and even I can't Pinkie at that accursed game so you would never win.

Well once Applejack gets Fluttershy up to the path they are finally able to continue their dangerous journey. The path takes them to a chasm, a very narrow one. Well for most of them it is an easy cross but for Fluttershy, it is impossible. One time I sent some ponies out to make a map of that mountain and you know how wide that chasm is? SIX INCHES! Yep, six measly inches but Fluttershy is terrified to cross. It didn't help any when my student and former ho tells her not to look down. Had she not done that getting Fluttershy across would have been much easier. Good job Twilight, way to slow everything down. You should have just kept your yap shut.

Well now the path takes them into an area where rock slides will happen if even the slightest amount of noise is made. This should be interesting. Well Rainbow Bitch decides to fly through a tree causing a couple leaves to fall out of it. Why doesn't she just walk like everypony else or at least fly OVER the tree. I am assuming she was doing it either to be a big shot or because she has some sort of sexual attraction to trees.

Unfortunately Fluttershy just happens to be walking under the tree as the leaves are falling and she decides to be a moron and start to scream "avalanche." Well isn't this just dandy! Now a rock slide happens and nearly crushes Twilight. How the hell are they supposed to defeat future villains if even one of those element bearers gets crushed? What am I supposed to do, go find somepony else to bear it? Create a carbon copy of said pony using my Goddess magic? Well luckily nopony got killed. Now while that would piss anypony off, it sent Rainbow into super-bitch mode. The way she treated Fluttershy again made me want to go and banish her to the moon. Well given that it was daytime I would have had to have Luna banish her to the sun, but that's beside the point. She was being a little bitch that I wanted to punish.

Ok, so they have to climb over the rock slide. It doesn't seem to be much of a task but of course Fluttershy falls down on the way down knocking Applejack and Rarity down. Rarity apologizes to Rainbow for no reason and of course Rainbow makes another snide comment directed towards Fluttershy. Rainbow better be careful or I will find some other pony that represents the element of loyalty. She isn't indispensable and she better realize that.

Well thank Faust they finally get up to the entrance of the cave. I didn't think they would ever make it with all the shit that slowed them down. Once again they are slowed down by Fluttershy's fears. Initially everypony, especially the arrogant Rainbow Dash thought it was because she was scared of caves and once again went into super-bitch mode. I'm thinking that when the Gala comes around, I will see to it that she disappears without a trace. After all, it's not like anypony would give a rat's ass and I'm sure the manticore will be hungry. Eventually they discover that Fluttershy is scared of full grown dragons. Of course Applejack is the voice of reason and states that they're all afraid of that dragon. Of course the arrogant blue pegasus claims she is not. Well she'll think otherwise later on. In the end Fluttershy refuses to join Twilight in the cave, goes home and my whiny star student has to go in alone.

Naturally Twilight would be the voice of reason but getting a dragon who needs to sleep for a hundred years to wake up and go nap somewhere else is no easy task. Obviously the dragon doesn't care that Equestria can't survive a hundred years in a dark haze. I would gladly send him off to the Griffon Empire and let him put them in a haze for a hundred years. Let those fuckers suffer. They deserve it after the shit Gilda pulled a while back.

What I would like to know is why does the bastard have to sleep for a hundred years? Sometimes I need some extra rest but a hundred years seems a bit excessive. Spike sleeps more than he probably should but at least he doesn't go sleeping for a century. Well I guess I should look on the bright side, at least he isn't going to take a nap for a thousand years like the G3 Spike did. Ugh what a little bastard he was. His voice sounded like that of a child molester and the fact that he would go to sleep whenever there was not a princess makes me wonder. Did he only stay awake when they had a princess because they had some sort of crazy law that the reigning Princess had to screw the resident dragon? Well I'll go more into my rant over G3 later on.

Next up is Rarity. Ok, Rarity obviously knows nothing about dragons. She goes waltzing into his cave and starts complementing him on his scales and every other part of him possible. She says he should go out and show them off. He looks like he will go and do that but then she just has to say she will watch over his gems. Does that bitch not know how protective dragons are of their gems and apparently with this one, his bits too? She goes out crying how she almost had that diamond. Guess what you greedy little bitch, that dragon almost had unicorn souffle too.

Pinkie is a complete moron. She goes in dressed as a present thinking that will get him to leave. All that did was make him think that she was a moron and booted her out, popping a couple balloons in the process. Finally Rainbow decides that she would go in there in bitch mode and piss it off. Rainbow ain't all that bright, I'll tell you that much. Any pony who goes in thinking that they can get a dragon to leave by simply pissing it off is an utter moron. One good thing though, she finally showed fear of that dragon. The dragon throws her out and knocks all her friends down. A good roar and breath of smoke throws them up against a rock, causing it to break. Low and behold, there is Fluttershy! I thought she went home.

Fluttershy sees her friends in the shape they are in and FINALLY, she shows the emotion she needs to show. This has pissed her off and it is not wise to piss off Fluttershy. Yes she is sweet, innocent, shy and submissive most of the time, but a pissed off Fluttershy is not something you want to deal with. I tell you, the way she went off on that dragon was epic. He goes from being ready to kill my student and her friends to crying like a little bitch. Thanks to Fluttershy they accomplished their mission and the dragon leaves. What I would like to know is why the hell little miss Rarity didn't go in and steal some gems after the dragon left. She could have taken as many as her and her friends could carry!

Well they get home and my student is writing her friendship letter to me praising Fluttershy's bravery and going into detail about their recent exploits in the bedroom. What the fuck? Fluttershy decides that she will put out for Twilight but not me now? Oh she is going to pay for this! Some animals are gonna die tonight. Maybe I can convince Luna to help me kill that bear since she likes bear meat too.

Rainbow is bouncing the ball on her head getting close to the ball bounce record. What? Who in the hell keeps records for such meaningless things. It is obvious that some ponies have way too much time on their hooves. I find it hilarious that Pinkie scares her with a fake dragon roar just as she was one away from tying the record. Good job Pinkie. I love how Fluttershy laughs over this while Rainbow admits to being scared. Yeah Fluttershy, not everyone is as brave as you are but be warned, you won't be so brave when I confront you over putting out for Twilight after saying the weekly trips to Canterlot are too much for you.

P.S. For those of you who ship Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash this episode is the best reason as to why that is a bad idea. Rainbow was a total bitch towards her for most of the episode but eventually she would piss Fluttershy off and the element of loyalty would wind up dead.

Chapter 8: Look Before You Sleep

Chapter 8: Look Before You Sleep

Hello my subjects, it is your beloved Supreme Dictator Celestia. This time I shall share with you the events of "Look Before You Sleep" as I saw them.

First I would like to say that it must really suck to live in a backwater town such as Ponyville. I mean come on, they have to tear loose branches off of trees before a heavy rainstorm hits? I am so lucky that the residents up here in Canterlot don't have to worry about that. Unlike towns founded by earth ponies, we are allowed to just use our magic to fix things like this.

One thing I would like to know is why the hell was Rarity even out helping with this? I would think that little miss priss would just hide out in her home/boutique and let everypony else do all the work. Maybe she didn't want everypony to view her as lazy, but she caused a lot more problems than she provided aid.

So in the previous week the pegasi skipped a scheduled drizzle and now they have to make up for it with a heavy duty downpour. That makes no sense. I wouldn't think a week's delay would cause them to have to overcompensate in such a way. Dumb fucks anyway. Maybe I need to fire them and simply hire a unicorn mage who knows how to handle the weather to take over for them. Unfortunately Twilight doesn't know how to handle, Rarity sure the hell doesn't and none of the aristocratic hacks up here know how to do much more than levitate things and wipe their ass. So for now scatterbrained pegasus ponies will have to do.

Well Applejack rips down a branch that Rarity had fixed with her magic and the argument begins. Applejack approaches Rarity over why she can't be practical while Rarity bitches about how somepony has to beautify things. I know how she can be but I didn't know that she was this dumb. Well the rain starts and she starts whining because you know how she is, she just can't get wet. Now Applejack gives her a suggestion but this time I will side with Rarity. One can not hunker down under a picnic table during a powerful storm and expect to remain dry, especially when there is a mud puddle already under there.

Unlike Rarity, Appleack did hunker down under the picnic table, which wasn't all that bright in my opinion. Finally Twilight calls out to them to go inside the library with her. Of course from my vantage point I am thinking, "You little bitch, you're gonna get it on with these two but won't come see me?" I wanted to launch a powerful thunderbolt upon her but then I decided otherwise in the event she would be useful later on.

Well they head on over and go inside. Applejack has muddy hooves and Rarity basically orders her to go outside, in a horrid thunderstorm and wash up. Is that bitch really that stupid? Had Applejack been killed by lightning, I would have had to find a new element of generosity because that is something she would not have got away with. What happens while Applejack is out washing her hooves off out in the thunderstorm? Twilight decides that the three should have a slumber party.

Before I continue on with this there is one thing that I found odd. The way they have Rarity and Applejack talking about one another at first you would think they are mere acquaintances that hate the very thought of spending any time together rather than being friends. This is just as bad as how they made Rainbow and Pinkie act like acquaintances in Griffon the Brush Off. Well another fuck up on the part of the writers that not many ponies bitched about.

Ok, back to where I was. Twilight thinks they should have this slumber party and do it by the book. Yes, by the book. I know she is a bookworm but this is fucking ridiculous. Give me a break. Having fun at a slumber party shouldn't require doing it by the book. That sounds more like a regimented night at the office than something that is supposed to be fun. Hell, the slumber parties that her and I had were never done by the book and we still had fun, lots and lots of fun!

Well finally Applejack gets her hooves all cleaned up but then Twilight and little miss priss are covering their faces in mud! I don't care if it is a mud masque, it is still mud. What a hypocrite. I'd like to shove some of that shit down her throat and then smear it on her face when she shits it out. It would serve her right. What I don't get about these damn makeovers is why Twilight would use her magic to just fix their manes and tails back to how they used to be before they were put in curlers. It completely defeats the purpose. Apparently this was just a thing that Twilight and Rarity wanted to do to punish Applejack since she is my favorite of all Twilight's friends. Hell, I respect her more than I do Twilight, at least she thinks in a much more rational way than anypony else.

Next up come the ghost stories, oh this is going to be fun! Of course you have Applejack and her "story" mocking Rarity's unnecessary neatness and then Rarity's story mocking Applejack's "messiness." Applejack ain't messy, she just doesn't brush her mane a hundred times a day. Ugh, those aren't ghost stories girls, it is just mocking one another. Well Twilight tells the tale of the headless horse, which is one of the oldest ghost stories out there. I was in shock when Rarity and Applejack were embracing one another in fear. Come on girls, it's just some dumb old mare's tale that almost everypony over the age of three has heard.

Well now that that is done, up next we have the smores incident. Once again Rarity tries to make everything fancy by trying to make everything just so. Come on, one doesn't have to place everything down in place perfectly. Applejack is right when it comes to these things, you just eat the damn things. A memo to Rarity: Applejack shouldn't have to say "excuse me" to you! This was in Twilight's home and if she doesn't give a shit that Applejack burped, then why should she have to apologize over something natural?

I have come to the conclusion that none of those three know how to play the game Truth or Dare. Ok, just because you dare somepony to do something they have to do it? What happened to the answering a question part? Well the funny thing was when Applejack dared Rarity to go out into the rain and get her mane ruined. When she came back in with that wet mane I got so hot and bothered. If I could have got there in time I would have swept her up and made sweet love to her. Then Applejack has to wear some shitty fru-fru outfit. Poor Applejack, but rules are rules. Too bad they wouldn't have dared Twilight to engage in a threesome, that would have been quite the sexy sight.

Next up in Twilight's book is the pillow fight. How in the hell can Twilight not know what a pillow fight is? She claims to be all smart but obviously she isn't. Maybe I'm partly to blame since she lived a rather sheltered life since I raised her once she got her cutie mark. I feel kind of bad not letting her have more fun but those are the key words, kind of bad. Oh well, it ain't the end of the world. Rarity and Applejack taught her what it is soon enough and she doesn't seem to be very interested in it.

Finally Twilight decides it is time to go to bed and here is another thing I don't get. Why the hell doesn't Twilight just give Applejack and Rarity separate blankets to sleep under. They aren't going to cuddle the way Twilight hopes. I thought it would have been better had Twilight just invited Rarity into her bed because I know she wants to screw her. That way Rarity would have been happy and Applejack would have had the whole bed to herself and been able to sleep, well if she could sleep through all of Twilight and Rarity's moaning and squealing that would have definitely happened. Who knows though, she may have wanted to make it a threesome.

Well Rarity and Applejack begin to fight over the blanket and how in the hell Twilight didn't wake up right away is beyond me. Either she is a heavy sleeper or she just enjoyed listening to them fight for a while. Finally she sits up and yells. Poor widdle Twily, her slumber party got ruined because it didn't go exactly by the fucking book. Ugh she can be annoying. I remember how she asked what else could go wrong. I'm going to let all of you in on a secret. That was no random bolt of lightning. I am the one who caused it. I wanted to see how miss bitchy pants would react to it.

My bolt of lightning hit a tree causing the top of it to nearly become detached. At first it appeared as though it was going to fall away from the library but then Applejack has to be stubborn and use her rope to pull it back upright. Of course this caused it to fall into MY library. Yes, you heard it right, MY library. I just let Twilight live there since she is my student. If any damage is done to that library, Rarity and Applejack will be billed for the damages and given that Twilight is my student, I can't really punish her financially. I could punish her in other ways though, ways in which both of us enjoy. After all, she does like it rough.

Now that the tree is in Twilight's bedroom you'd think she would do something to try to get rid of it, right? I guess Twilight has even less common sense than I thought. While Applejack tries to get rid of it, Twilight is looking in her damn slumber party book to see if there is something in there saying that you're supposed to have giant tree branches at your slumber party. I swear, if it was to tell her to go jump in a volcano in that book she would have went and done it. Then we have Rarity who is so focused on cleaning up the little things that she may as well just be standing there sucking face with Twilight.

Well Applejack realizes that she can't get rid of it on her own and that she needs help. She knows that Twilight is too damn absorbed in her book to even pay attention to what is going on so she has to lower herself to apologizing to Rarity for yelling at her earlier. That had to be hard on her, given that she is much, much smarter than Rarity. Well after disgracing herself enough Rarity finally decides to quit being such a bitch and help her. What I thought was going to be a joke turned out quite well. Rarity uses her magic to turn a majority of the giant branch into some little leafy decorations.

Now Applejack was getting ready to kick the remaining part of the tree out the window but little miss priss glares at her so Applejack has to just bite it and throw it out. Applejack gets the window closed and there stands Rarity, covered in mud and started to whine about how awful she looked. Applejack decided to be nice and put a couple cucumbers over her eyes to make her feel better. Now I would have went and rammed my hoof down the bitch's throat for treating me like that.

Of course after that everything was just fine and dandy, they were all laughing, getting along and doing things together. The whole twenty questions thing was idiotic. Twilight wanted them to win together? Couldn't they have just had a threesome to accomplish that? Well Twilight writes me her sappy letter about how two ponies who have so little in common can get along. Again, I thought Applejack was friends with this hack. They sure seemed to get along perfectly fine when they set off to turn my sister back into Luna.

Well the skies clear and they are having fun and the show ends, well what they are willing to show. Yes Applejack went home and did her thankless job in continuing to provide that backwater town with food. Rarity however, did not go back to selling her whore costumes. Her and Twilight both had a lot of pent up sexual frustration after that night and they had to release it. A lot of ponies actually complained to that dingbat mayor but she has no authority. The final say when it comes to noise ordinances rests on my shoulders.

Oh and for those of you who were wondering what kind of "royal business" Spike had up here in Canterlot, here it is. Remember when Luna killed Gilda and the two of us ate her. Well we didn't get the whole corpse picked clean in time and some of the meat had went bad. I figured that if he could stomach those baked bads, some rotten meat would be nothing for him. After all, we were not about to allow any part of a good kill to go to waste.

Now be gone with you you serfs, Twinkleshine is giving me bedroom eyes and she always studies better after we have our fun.

Chapter 9: Bridle Gossip

Chapter 9: Bridle Gossip

Hello everypony, it's your Supreme Dictator and Overlord Celestia again. Now I shall give you my views on one of the most interesting episodes, Bridle Gossip.

First off I think Spike thinks too highly of himself. He honestly thinks that everypony would shut themselves in just because his breath stinks more than normal? What a narcissistic little prick. Why would he think a smelly breath is so wonderful. Then he starts to wonder about a zombie pony. He must be as dumb as Snips and Snails if he honestly believes that zombies exist, what an idiot. Maybe next time he comes up here he needs to have his head examined. However, I can understand Twilight wondering if it is a pony holiday down there since she hasn't lived there that long.

Pinkie sees Twilight and her idiot dragon outside and tells them to come inside to hide. I wouldn't think Twilight would just go running inside without knowing why. It's not like a swarm of angry hornets was descending upon Ponyville. As it turns out, Pinkie wasn't the only one hiding. The rest of Twilight's friends were in there as well. Ok, I can understand Fluttershy and Rarity hiding but Applejack and Rainbow Dash? Those two are a lot tougher than the rest of the lot but I suppose that is not the case this time.

Finally Twilight discovers why they are hiding out. It is because a zebra has come into town and is trying to get herbs. Yes, they are scared of a zebra. I have come to the conclusion that Ponyville is one of the most judgmental places in all of Equestria. I suppose that is how backwater towns like that are given that most of the residents there have never seen somepony (well in this case somezebra) that doesn't fit what they are used to seeing. I have met Zecora before and she is quite wise and very friendly.

While they act all afraid, they also show signs of curiosity as they peek out the window and watch her digging at the ground. What she is digging for I'm not sure but I don't really care. Fluttershy can cry and whine about it maybe being innocent creatures she is digging for but if she needs it for something she is going to make, go for it. Fluttershy can cry over it and then I can come visit her and make her feel all better. Of course Twilight and Apple Bloom seem to be the only rational ponies after seeing her.

I have also decided that I need to fix the education system down there. The fact that only Twilight knew what a zebra was is bad, very bad. Now Twilight mentions that zebras come from a far away land. Well no shit, they aren't native to Equestria but thanks for informing those hacks you call friends of that anyway. Those ponies down there have been paying taxes to fund the school for ages and yet nopony has been taught about inhabitants from different parts of the world? Well that is going to change, pronto!

Rarity's reaction to the fact that Zecora was born with those stripes is pathetic, she faints over it! I'm pretty sure there would be plenty of folks around the world that would faint over that hideous mane and tail of her's. I almost did when I first met her. Key word, almost.

What I would like to know is why the hell the Everfree Forest freaks them out so much, it's not like they haven't been there before. So what if Zecora lives in the forest. I don't blame her for living there. All the ponies are judgmental as hell and she can live peacefully in there away from all the misjudgments of other ponies. Sometimes Luna talks about us moving back to our original home but I always tell her that the move would be too difficult and that fixing that place would be too tedious. It doesn't sit well with her but that's just how things have to be.

Hey morons, across most of the world the plants grow on their own, the animals care for themselves and the clouds move all on their own. I would love to know what the hell is wrong with this land. I can understand wanting to control plant growth and the weather but the whole issue with the animals is downright confusing. Back when Luna and I took over we wanted a land where we could control things. I was more naive back then and thought it would be fun to make everypony care for the animals. I should have listened to Luna when she voiced her concerns saying that the animals would just be a royal pain but oh no, I just wouldn't listen. Sadly though, that spell was permanent and now we're stuck with lazy ass animals that are too fucking stupid to care for themselves.

Well they continue to argue and Twilight, being the voice of reason, mentions that they should approach her and get to know her. Of course her friends are scared to death at the very mention of it but Apple Bloom thinks otherwise. She decides that since she is a big pony that she will take this task on herself. That is one thing I do like about younger ponies. They haven't been programmed to think a certain way by their older siblings and parents. Well she sneaks out and starts to follow Zecora. How she does it without being noticed is beyond me.

What made me laugh besides Pinkie's song is the fact that she believes that eating hay somehow makes Zecora evil, especially considering that all ponies eat it. I guess her sorry ass is evil too, right? I suppose mentioning hay was a good thing since that word is what caused them to notice that Apple Bloom is missing. Well they head on out to track the filly down. I don't blame them on this one, if I had a foal and he or she went running off like that, I would be concerned too.

Given that they all know Zecora lives in the forest, it didn't take them long to track down Apple Bloom. Their yells attract both the attention of Zecora and Apple Bloom. Now Zecora, despite being seen as evil, gives a warning to Twilight and her dunce friends but they take the way she talks as her putting a curse on them. She warns them about the blue plants but because of their arrogance they get in them anyway. Luckily for her, Apple Bloom is riding on Applejack's back as they walk through them.

What gets me is that Twilight's friends actually believe in curses. That is another thing I am going to have to add to the curriculum down there at the school. They need to be taught that things such as curses, hexes and zombies do not exist, that they are just old mares' tales that are meant to scare.

Twilight had a rather interesting night. Apparently the events of the day were seared into her mind more than she let on given the nature of her nightmare. When she wakes up her hair is a mess. Well sometimes it would look like that when her and I would roll around under the sheets a little too much so it did bring back good memories, although simply brushing it would not get it straight again given the nature of our activities.

Ok so she looks at herself and laughs about her hair being cursed, but then she discovers she has droopy horn! Now how in Equestria was she able to levitate the brush to fix her hair when her horn was like that. Once again the writers miss something. Sometimes I wonder if they don't do things like this just to see if anypony notices. I'm sure among the target audience that nopony notices but Bronies and Pegasisters do notice, as does your all powerful dictator.

Now the fun begins! One by one Twilight's friends come walking in, well crashing in in the case of Rainbow Crash and riding on Apple Bloom's back in the case of Apple Teeny. Pinkie can hardly talk (which might be a good thing), Rainbow can't fly worth shit, Applejack is the size of a bug, Rarity's looks have improved drastically, Twilight's horn has lost it's erection and Fluttershy sounds like a guy, hence the nickname Flutterguy. Hey if I were into stallions I'd think she sounded hot but with a voice like that, no matter how sexy she is, no thanks!

While everypony is trying to convince Twilight that this is a curse Apple Bloom decides to head off to Zecora's place to make things right. While she is leaving Applejack decides to jump in her tail to make sure she doesn't do anything she would regret. Apple Bloom must have an extremely thick tail for her to be able to just jump into it without falling out.

While Apple Bloom and an unexpected passenger head off to Zecora's place, everypony else is arguing over whether this is a curse, hex or some other bullshit or not. Suddenly they notice that the two Apples are gone. Hey morons, how could you have stepped on her or sat on her when she was standing on a table. It is quite obvious that they aren't the brightest bunch around.

I truly see that Rainbow is the dumbest one of the bunch here. She knows that she can't fly worth shit but what does she try to do when they get ready to leave? She does exactly what she did when she tried getting into the library, flying. She crashes into the side of the doorway, again. She caused some damage so she will be billed for it and if she doesn't pay within a week, I will cut her wings off and banish her to the moon for a few years.

While Twilight and company are getting ready to leave, Apple Bloom gets into the forest. Applejack pops out of the top of her mane and tells her to turn around. Wait a minute, wasn't she in her tail just a minute ago? How did she get to her tail from her mane in just a minute without falling off Apple Bloom's back. After all, that filly wasn't leisurely walking along and she would have felt her sister walking on her back anyway. What I find funny is Applejack yelling about her being the big sister but then Apple Bloom puts her on a branch and replies, "Sorry sis, but Ah'm the big sister now!" Well Apple Bloom sure acts like it. After all, she doesn't believe in foalish nonsense such as curses.

Apple Bloom continues her journey while Twilight and her friends head into the forest, well except for Rainbow who goes crashing in and through it. Damn Rainbow, had she ate Applejack when she crashed I would have had to kill her. Luna and I had to eat an unruly pegasus back before she was banished and it was quite tasty so having roasted pegasus again would have been a treat.

While Applejack is riding Rainbow like a horse trying to get to Zecora's place, the rest of them arrive and everypony but Twilight is creeped out by the appearance of the tree she has hollowed out and lives in. You know for a bunch of ponies who are allegedly so scared of her they sure do like watching her. They actually peep through her window like a bunch of damn stalkers. They act like it is so horrible that Zecora is speaking in her native tongue as she is making her brew. Now I can understand their concern when Zecora said, "The perfect temperature for ponies I presume, now where is that Apple Bloom?"

Zecora speaking in her native tongue causes Pinkie to accuse her of stealing her song. What the fuck Pinkie? It doesn't sound anything like your stupid song and because you can't talk worth shit, you get Flutterguy to sing it for you. I don't blame her for not being thrilled about it but she isn't the type to say no to puppy dog eyes. I would have told you to go drown yourself but Fluttershy is too kind. I need to teach her that the only one she does anything for is ME!

Look, here comes Rainbow Crash and Apple Teeny, barging through Zecora's door. This is one of those instances where Zecora probably wished she had unicorn magic so she could freeze them in mid air instead of crashing into her cauldron and spilling her precious brew. Well now little miss bitch and her friends go in and accuse Zecora of cursing them and demanding that she remove the curse. I don't blame Zecora for blowing her stack here. To tell you the truth, I think Zecora was way too kind here. I would have hogtied them, gave them a few hundred lashes and then led them to my sleeping chambers, one by one, and kept them there for a week while Luna raised and set the sun for me.

Well Twilight demands to know where Apple Bloom is, which is understandable. Much to their surprise, in comes Apple Bloom perfectly fine. I am wondering if in the future Apple Bloom will aid Zecora in gathering herbs since she found everything she needed. Also a quick memo to Apple Bloom: Yes those silly fillies got into Twilight's head. It is rather pathetic that a student of mine would eventually cave in and believe in such nonsense. I think I will "punish" her for this, if you know what I mean.

Well they finally learn that Zecora did not curse them, that what happened was just a result of making contact with the poison joke. I guess now if any ponies up here piss me off I can go throw them in the poison joke rather than beat them violently with chains. Wait, I could do both! That would be a fun experience.

Now the ignorance and irrational fears of Ponyville show up again as Zecora heads into town to get an ingredient so she can make a new batch of the cure for the poison joke. All of the ponies run to their houses but three of them are especially judgmental. Roseluck, Lily and Daisy have really pissed me off with the way they acted. I have decided to abduct them and punish them the same way I will Twilight. I don't know if they are into mares or stallions but after I'm done with them, they will only like mares.

Well Twilight gets what she needs for Zecora and she makes another batch of the cure. For as scared as everypony initially was of her, all of a sudden everypony loves her. If I were Zecora, I wouldn't just give the recipe for that herbal bath to the spa ponies for free. I would first trademark it, then sell a copy of it to them and then they would have to pay Zecora royalties every time they mixed a batch of it. Zecora could be living on easy street!

Finally everything is back to normal once they bathe in it. Applejack is back to her normal self, Pinkie can annoy ponies again, Rainbow can fly normally again, Fluttershy sounds sexy again, Rarity looks hideous again and Twilight has her horn erection back. Twilight finally realizes that you shouldn't judge somepony just because they look different. Hopefully she will teach that backwater town that lesson. Now if you will excuse me, I have three hot mares in Ponyville to go abduct, take up to my bedroom and punish severely! I decided to let Twilight off the hook for aiding in getting the herb that Zecora needed.

On a side note, I have already drawn up adoption papers for Zecora to adopt Apple Bloom in the unfortunate event that something was to happen to the rest of the Apple Family. Now I want you to know that I will not do anything to them. I just want to make sure that if it did happen, that Apple Bloom would have a wise, caring individual there to raise her.

Chapter 10: Swarm of the Century

Chapter 10: Swarm of the Century

Hello everypony, it is your Supreme Dictator and overlord Celestia again. I have been scanning the land have decided that you have all behaved well enough that you deserve to see the events of Swarm of the Century as I saw them.

I was so delighted that some of the ponies were out gathering flowers for my visit. I knew that the sweet and sexy Fluttershy would be one of them. Even though she was just saying "la lala, lalala" Fluttershy's voice was so enticing. I wanted to just fly down there and bring her home with me but that would have prevented her from doing what is important, getting enough flowers to let me know that I am loved.

Alright, I'm not sure what these weird little bugs are but they sure are adorable. I knew Fluttershy would think it is the greatest thing in the world which really pisses me off. She needs to realize that I am the greatest thing in the world. She sure thought that for a while until she decided she didn't want to come up here every weekend and make me happy. I can't confirm it but she is probably keeping Rarity happy every weekend now. Damn seductress anyway. If I find out my assumption is true, I will banish her to the moon permanently and imprison Fluttershy in my bedroom for the next thirty years.

Well while Fluttershy is out giving adoration to annoying bugs that she should be giving to me, Twilight is in the library having only the type of panic that she would have. Twilight should know that the library doesn't have to be spotless for my visit. As long as her bed is cleaned off, that is all that matters. And Spike is right, Twilight should be reading the books she threw all over the place one at a time. Too bad she wasn't reading the Kama Sutra, she really needs to learn some new things. I get sick and tired of doing the same old things all the time.

While to me it would make more sense for Spike to check on the preparations and for miss magic pants to stay at home and prepare the library for my visit, she decides Spike should stay home and clean up her mess. It was a good thing that she did though because had she not, I would have had to banish Golden Harvest and Berry Punch to the moon for a million years. My name is Princess Celestia, not Princess Celest you dingbats!

Alright, I have had enough, Pinkie is going to pay for devouring the sweets that were meant for ME! If I were the Cakes, I would fire Pinkie and throw her out. How dare she have to taste their cooking to make sure it is suitable for me. I have had their sweets plenty of times and they are the best bakers in Equestria. Pinkie probably thought she could get me in bed if she made sure everything was perfect, but she was sadly mistaken.

Before Pinkie could devour all the treats Fluttershy shows up with her adorable little friend, which has suddenly become three little friends. With as much as she knows about animals I would think she would know what they were and with as smart as Twilight is, I would think she would know but unfortunately, she didn't. Pinkie on the other hand does and heads off to start gathering everything to drive the critters out of town.

One thing I would like to know is how did Rarity get Rainbow into that hideous looking outfit. Good grief, if she thinks that is Rainbow looking nice for me, then she must be a bigger idiot than I thought. With the exception of snobby events like weddings, coronations and the Gala, most ponies don't wear clothes! Suddenly Twilight comes waltzing in thinking that Rarity is going to give a rat's ass about a dumb bug. What surprised me is that both her and Rainbow seemed to suddenly think the sun rose and set in those things' asses. Well guess what, it doesn't. I move the sun and it most definitely does not rise and set in a bug's ass.

Now Pinkie, why would you go barging into the boutique thinking Rarity would have an accordion? The music store is a couple blocks down and besides, unless you rob the place, you're not getting one. Those things aren't cheap because they have to be imported from overseas since nopony in Equestria knows how to make the dumb things. Suddenly the police scanner in Ponyville goes off reporting a robbery at the Ponyville Music Store. The bad thing is that the town cop was up here at Donut Joe's feasting on donuts so Pinkie got her accordion. Oh well, it had been sitting there for two years so nopony was going to buy it anyway.

One thing I love to do is cast invisibility spells on myself and teleport myself into important places. Well right after Twilight turned off her light, I cast an invisibility spell on myself and teleported to her bedroom. While Spike and his bug friend were sound asleep, I saw and heard what Twilight was doing. She is such a naughty girl! She was massaging herself with her hoof and calling out my name, she must be getting ready for tomorrow night. While I am flattered, I am displeased at the same time. What if Spike would have woke up and saw this? That is something a pony should not be doing around children! I will be sure and punish her severely for this tomorrow night.

Everything seems fine and she assumes there is nothing to worry about. Well it wasn't too long after I teleported back to Canterlot that Spike decides to feed his little friend. Morning comes and Twilight realizes that either Spike screwed that bug and it mass produced or that more of them just found a way into the library. She starts to freak out again. She is so cute and sexy when she does that. Poor Spike though, slave-driver Twily makes him do so much hard work and then the bugs ruin it. I'm betting Spike won't consider those things friends anymore.

Rainbow wakes up and quickly gets attacked but she doesn't have near the problem that Twilight does. Rarity has tons of them too but at first she is still adoring them because she realizes she can enslave them to help her make the slutty outfits she is so famous for, well until she sees how they reproduce. She thinks it is icky but hey, it is clearly effective and it doesn't require hooking up with some ass who only wants to get in your coat. As long as we don't have a billion bug army fly in and overthrow me, they can hack up more of themselves all they want.

While Pinkie continues to try to find enough instruments to create a one pony orchestra, Rarity and Twilight bump into one another and see that they have the same problem. Despite the fact that she didn't know how one turned into three the day before, Twilight suggests they go see if Fluttershy knows how to stop them from throwing up babies. Here is where they are wrong. Fluttershy seems to think they are so adorable that they could multiply so much that they would fill her whole cottage, leaving her nowhere to live and she'd be fine with it. That wouldn't be so bad though because then I could get her to come live with me and fun times would ensue!

Well Twilight opens the door and a bunch of them head outside while many others stay in with Fluttershy, hoping that she will feed them enough that they can form an army big enough to overthrow me. Now I know why she didn't want them to stop multiplying and simply acted like she was trying to stop them. She can control the minds of animals and she would have them breed enough that she could form that billion bug army to come in and overthrow me and crown herself Supreme Dictator. If that is the case, I better fly in, destroy her army, abduct her and imprison her in my sleeping chambers until she loses her sex appeal. If you think I'm bad, having Fluttershy in power would be much worse. I've seen her bad side and she would probably execute over half of the ponies in this country for either being mean to animals, bullying others or simply because she thought they weren't worthy of being alive.

Finally in comes the voice of reason, Applejack. I would say that Fluttershy having her bring in apples as bait was a bad idea, but it did aid in getting most of the damn things in one place. Well everypony but Pinkie is able to get them rounded up into one huge ball and using her spectacular herding skills, Applejack and her friends are able to drive them back into the forest. Woo-hoo, my visit won't be ruined after all, or so I thought.

Here I thought that my visit would be a normal one now. I would mingle with the commoners, gorge myself on sweets and then go bang Twilight but no, Fluttershy just had to keep one of those fucking bugs in her house and of course it just had to try to rebuild the bug army. I don't blame the others for being so pissed about her keeping one when she knows how quickly they multiply. Well Rainbow seems to think that creating a mini-tornado will do the trick. Initially it does, until Pinkie just has to come along with some cymbals. Ugh, why must she always ruin things. First she sabotages the Cakes' attempts at making sure I am well fed and now this. Perhaps I should banish her to the moon along with those dingbats who can't even spell my name right.

Those cymbals of her's get sucked into the tornado and that could have caused Rainbow to be beheaded. Now she can be annoying a lot of the time but at this moment she was trying to help out. Rainbow gets thrown out of her tornado and all the bugs go flying into Ponyville. I am shocked that Pinkie's friends did not beat the shit out of her for this. Now my visit will be ruined because those fucking things will eat all the food.

It is rather obvious that nopony in town knows what they are, especially Bon Bon. She holds one of her hooves up for one to land on and gives it the same adorable smile you would a newborn foal. She thought differently when it went and ate her and Lyra's slices of pie. What I'd like to know is how could something so small eat things so much bigger than they are? Ok, I get it. Just like with Pinkie being able to be in Manehattan one second and Las Pegasus the next, it is a cartoon so anything can happen.

Well Twilight and her friends get back to town watching every bit of food get devoured. Applejack decides to run off to the farm and prevent these things from eating her apples. Now my star student has had many good ideas in her life and now she has another, she will cast a spell to stop them from eating all the food. I'm surprised Fluttershy didn't throw a fit over this because it would be preventing those things from practicing their true nature. Well she casts the spell and the food is safe, it is just everything else that is in trouble now!

Nice job Twilight, because of you I might have to have new maps of Equestria printed. From the way things are going, it looks like Ponyville will get eaten off the map. Where will they go next? Manehattan, Fillydelphia, Las Pegasus? I don't have to worry about them coming to Canterlot because I have already put a force field around the city so they can't get us. Oh well, don't any of you worry about what would happen to Twilight if this happens. I have a spot in my bed for her to sleep. I'll teach her new things, things much more important than friendship!

Well the reprogrammed bugs break into Rarity's store and begin to eat her merchandise. I know some ponies may think "poor Rarity" but it isn't really any loss. It's not like I ever wear clothes so why should I care? Then Applejack and her family are there waiting for the swarm to approach. Ok, a fly swatter, a pitchfork and a canister of Raid is not going to stop these things. Had Twilight not altered their mindsets the Apples would no longer have a farm, but instead they now have no home. Well I'll send in some of Canterlot's best builders to help her family out, after all they are wisest family in Equestria. I'll just punish Twilight further since she turned the bugs into building eaters.

It was just not that long ago that Twilight got on good terms with Zecora and suddenly she decides to grab one of these things and hauls it out to her hut to see what the hell it is. Unfortunately, when Zecora told her what it was, I missed what she called them. I do remember her telling Twilight that if they were in Ponyville that they're fucked.

Twilight gets back to town to discover half the town in ruins and total chaos ensuing. Pretty fun, right? Just when she thought things couldn't get any worse the one pony orchestra starts marching in. Twilight thinks it is my procession but what she forgot is that I don't have a fucking procession. That is wasteful, inconvenient and expensive. Naturally Twilight is pissed UNTIL she sees the bugs begin to behave in a different manner upon hearing her music. They go from devouring the buildings to following her! I have changed my mind, I won't banish her to the moon for eating all the treats after all and since I'm in a good mood, I won't banish Golden Harvest or Berry Punch for misspelling my name.

While Pinkie is leading these little pests into the forest I am greeted by her friends who bow down before me in a way that says, "will you punish us tonight?" Well I will punish Twilight more than I ever have but the others I will leave alone, yes, even Fluttershy. I know she is mad that her bug friends got driven back into the forest and it is no fun banging a pony in a bad mood.

Well Twilight gives me her friendship report basically saying that even if someone is an idiot you should listen to what they have to say. Normally I would have smacked her and told her she is simply being a bitch but in this instance, she is right. I have come to the conclusion that Pinkie must have had to deal with the things in the past. Perhaps that is why nothing grows at the rock farm, they had these things attack the place before she moved away.

Yes the things are cute and shit, but they are obviously a nuisance and guess what? I have to go to Fillydelphia and get rid of their infestation so sadly, I will not get laid tonight. Oh well, once I get done purging those bugs from the big city I will come and take care of Twilight.

On a final note, while I am driving them out of Fillydelphia, I learned that these bugs are called parasprites. I feel rather stupid that I, the Sun Goddess and supreme dictator of Equestria, did not know the name of something that lives within my domain. I have decided to put a barrier up around the Everfree Forest to keep the parasprites from invading the rest of the country. YOU'RE WELCOME you pathetic serfs!

Chapter 11: Winter Wrap Up

Chapter 11: Winter Wrap Up

Hello everypony, this is your Supreme Dictator and Beloved Sun Goddess again! Next up on my commentary list is Winter Wrap Up!

The first thing I would like to know is why the hell was Twilight so excited to get up and start this thing. With as excited as she was you'd think she was coming up here to have some hot, raunchy fun with me. Perhaps that town is starting to rub off on her since she is getting excited over boring shit like that. Something that boring would not interest me in the slightest. I would have just faked an illness, said "screw it," peeked out the window every now and then and laugh my ass off when they were fucking everything up royally.

Well Twilight gets up and goes outside. Well for starters, it is still dark. She is obviously way too excited for this backwards, antiquated activity. Secondly, the ground is still dry and everything looks like it would on a normal summer night. So Twilight goes back in and gets a bit more rest.

A few hours pass and all of a sudden winter has arrived in Ponyville. In just a few hours everything has went from lively and cheery to horrible and gloomy. Pegasus shit (aka snow) now covers the whole town, the birds must have teleported themselves far off to the south, the lakes are frozen over and all the animals that were playful and active the day before are now comatose and holed up in their burrows. What is even funnier is that Twilight arrives LATE for the meeting for this event that she was so excited about. I guess her dreaming about me giving it to her rough kept her in late.

The dingbat mayor stands up there giving an inspirational speech. Yeah, like that will do any good. She's gave the same crappy ass speech every year since she took office and you know what? It never works, they always fuck up along the line somewhere and are always at least a day or two late getting winter wrapped up. Maybe they should start their winter wrap up a week before the equinox so maybe, just maybe, their spring will be on time.

Well after the mayor finishes yapping and everypony heads off to start this, they break into the greatest musical number I have ever heard, even though it's been a while since they did it, I still have it in my head.."Winter Wrap Up, Winter Wrap Up!" Twilight wonders where she fits in in this event. Here is the thing, she DOESN'T fit anywhere in this event. She should have just let them bungle their way through this, came up to Canterlot and readied me for when I had to change the season the next day. I always did better changing the seasons after having some fun with her.

I have come to the conclusion that the birds in Ponyville are extremely stupid. They have to have ponies make their nests for them! Can you believe it? The birds in the Everfree Forest don't need their nests made for them but then again everything runs normally in there. But then again the forest doesn't operate like the rest of Equestria. Ugh, once again I am kicking myself for not listening to Luna when she told me that casting a spell to where ponies would have to control everything would make things so difficult.

Alright, Twilight first decides that she will help Rarity, the town nest maker. Wait a minute, the town needs lots of nests and they only have one pony doing it? If she were allowed to use her magic I could see it but forcing one pony to make lots of nests the old fashioned way is ridiculous. How about we do things the really old fashioned way, have the dumb fucks make their own nests!

I would think Rarity would be trying to get these damn things done given how many she has to make but oh no, she has to take forever and a half just to make sure every nest is just perfect. Let me guess, after they get winter wrapped up she will make slutty outfits for them as well. Twilight sees how Rarity made her nest and gives it a shot. She tries to make it look the exact same as Rarity's but she fails miserably. I would think a pony as smart as Twilight would make them simple and practical, oh wait, I'm thinking of Applejack. Always the smart ass, Spike claims that the nest Twilight made could be used for an outhouse. He obviously said that because he wants to get in Rarity's coat. I'm betting had anypony else made the fancy nest that Twilight couldn't duplicate, he wouldn't have made that snide remark.

Well when Rarity got busy trying to fix Twilight's outhouse nest, Twilight and her glorified pet head off to make somepony else's job a lot harder. Now here we have Pinkie Pie, the pony responsible for scoring the lakes. What? Score the lakes? Why don't they just get a few ponies to go out there with axes and shatter that ice into slush? Or better yet, have Spike melt the ice with his fire breath? It would make life easier and be much more efficient. Why won't they do it though? They won't do it because it makes sense and Faust forbid they do something that makes sense.

I tell you, Pinkie is great on those skates but the way she is doing it is NOT that effective. Going out there like a damn figure skater and doing all those fancy moves won't get the lake scored. It is just showing off your useless skating skills. Well my little Twily gets the skates on and gives it a shot. Well one thing is obvious, she is definitely not as good on skates as she is in bed. Well very quickly she loses interest and trying to help Pinkie out with this thankless task so now it is time to move on.

I'm going to let you guys in on a secret. You may already know it but I think Fluttershy cares way too much about those animals and not enough about me. If she put forth as much effort in keeping me happy as she does in waking those fucking animals, I may not be quite the bitch that I am. Oh yes, real bright Fluttershy. There are hundreds of nests and yet there you are alone, ringing a bell trying to wake them up, one den at a time. Why can't you be up here ringing my bell instead?

Well Twilight sees some of the little furballs that Fluttershy has woken up and decides she wants to help get these little beasts up and running before the pegasi melt the snow. Instead of firing a powerful bolt of energy into that hill and waking them all up at once, she uses the same slow, time consuming and antiquated method that Fluttershy uses.

I have learned another thing about Twilight that I didn't know about. She is as stupid as those cows down there are. The snakes come out of their den and suddenly you have a one pony stampede waking other critters up as well. In her terrified state she winds up getting a bee hive stuck on her head and then wakes up some skunks. Now it is bath time for Twilight. Lots and lots of tomato juice should get rid of that skunk smell.

Bitch, bitch, bitch, is that all Twilight knows how to do. She has already proven that she is a terrible nest maker, can't stand on skates and isn't any good at waking animals. She is determined to find a way to help with this. When I saw all this I sent her a message that read, "Twilight, I see you suck at helping with winter wrap up. Come up and suck me instead."

Here I thought she would be all excited, have Spike send me a message that she's coming and get her ass up here. But oh no, she just couldn't do that. She has Spike send me a message that reads, "Princess Celesta, I can't. I want to help this town wrap up winter.
P.S. While I couldn't help Pinkie score the lakes I will just try to score with her instead."

How dare she! What does Pinkie have that I don't? I mean come on, I'm a sexy Alicorn Sun Goddess, Pinkie is just a party pony who talks too much. Well it looks like Twinkleshine and I will have to find somepony else for the threesome we have planned tonight. Maybe Moondancer will join us.

Well now Twilight heads over to the farm to lend a hoof. This can only lead to a disaster. Personally I hope she really fucks up since she turned down my invitation just so she could screw Pinkie. There are all the strong stallions, pushing those plows and clearing that snow. It truly frustrates me that those ponies are being put through so much hard work when all it would take is a beam of energy from my horn to make all of that unnecessary. After what is about to happen, Applejack will probably wish I would have done that.

Well Twilight gets it in her head that she can help out on the farm somehow. She actually thinks she can push a plow and clear snow! She is either overly enthusiastic, arrogant as hell or wants to get Applejack in bed. I was laughing my ass off when she was trying to push that plow and getting nowhere. I was thinking, "You know Twilight, it would be a lot easier for you to push your horn in me than push that thing so just forget it already."

While Twilight was taking her tomato juice bath Spike mentioned that this could be done quicker with her magic. Well she decides to use a come to life spell on that plow. At first it was going perfectly fine but apparently she forgot how to stop increasing the strength of the spell as that thing was no longer just clearing snow, it was building a huge snowball. Eventually she loses control of the damn thing and smashes into Applejack and Spike, making them part of the snowball. Sorry Twilight, but doing that to Applejack will not get her in bed.

I have taught Twilight a lot but apparently she was distracted when I was teaching her how to properly cast a come to life spell. I remember her staring at my ass during that lesson, daydreaming of the night that would follow so I feel that I owe Applejack an apology. I will apologize to her in a couple weeks when I go down there and see Fluttershy.

Naturally Applejack was pissed. She wasn't pissed because Twilight tried to kill her with a snowball, it was because she dared to use magic as part of this, especially on her farm. Lighten up Applejack, she was only trying to help. She just needs to learn how to control how much power she puts into her spells.

Now Twilight has officially proclaimed herself as a "winter mess up" as she is hiding in a bush. Damn straight she's a winter mess up. The only thing she's ever done good during the winter is keep me warm! Well while she is in a bush crying and whining, everypony else starts arguing. What a surprise! When nothing gets done and you are using outdated methods, arguments are sure to ensue.

Applejack is bitching about the pegasi needing to melt the snow but Fluttershy is whining that the flooding will damage her animal friends' homes. I know there are still animals that need to be woken up but Fluttershy is there bitching instead of doing her job. Well come to find out while everypony else was working their asses off, the mayor was in her office hoofing herself and calling out my name. Unfortunately for the mayor, that's the closest she'll ever get to scoring with me.

Finally the mayor crawls out of her office and starts bitching about how spring will be late again and that they need to be more organized. Well now, Twilight finally realizes she might be useful after all. She goes from wallowing in self-pity in a bush to arrogantly boasting that she was the pony to get them organized. With as much as she had screwed up that day, I was secretly wishing that they would all attack her at once and beat her senseless, but instead they all smiled and realized that little miss hot shit would likely save the day. Fucking bitch anyway, I'm the one who should be saving the day.

Well she did get them organized and got things moving along more efficiently. Yeah multiple bells to wake the animals is a bit more efficient, but still not as efficient as me simply striking the land with lightning that would cause thunder so loud all of them would wake at once. Oh my goodness, they actually decided to plant the seeds as soon as the plow cleared the ground. I am in a state of shock right now. Well now that the ground is cleared, the pegasi can FINALLY clear the damn skies and bring those dipshit birds home. With the help of Amethyst Star, Lyra and a few other unicorns, Rarity was able to get those hideous nests done.

Guess what? Spring arrived on time for the first time in ages in Ponyville. While I really hate to admit it, Twilight was the reason since her organization got their sorry asses in gear. Now it wasn't done nearly as quick as I could have got it done but for a backwater town full of incompetent hacks, it turned out well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know Twilight taking part in winter wrap up was special and shit but I'm still going to punish her for rejecting my invitation. I'm thinking I'll even allow Twinkleshine to join in. She's always wanted to help me punish somepony so the next time Twilight shows up here, Twinkleshine's wish shall come true. Twilight will be at our mercy.

Regarding the winter wrap up here in Canterlot, I took care of it in TEN SECONDS FLAT. Damn I love being an Alicorn! Maybe I should just cast a winter wrap up spell that will cover the whole country. It will save everypony a lot of time and make their lives easier. I just hope their methods for changing other seasons aren't equally bad. Hell I wouldn't be surprised if they spray paint the leaves to start off fall.

Chapter 12: Call of the Cutie

Chapter 12: Call of the Cutie

Hello everypony, it is your supreme dictator and overlord Celestia again. You peasants have been behaving for the most part so I will share with you how I saw Call of the Cutie.

For starters, I really need to go and have a talk with Cheerilee. That whore is giving them a lesson on cutie marks. Yep, you heard me right, cutie marks. Isn't that something that parents or other family members should be teaching their foals about? There are much more important things that should be taught in schools such as mathematics, science, history and the emphasis of how I am the greatest, sexiest and most powerful pony in existence. Besides, like we saw, a lesson on cutie marks is useless for the ponies that already have them and pure torture for the ones who haven't got theirs yet. Well things are going to change, not just in Ponyville, but nationwide.

I truly do feel for Apple Bloom. I can't say as though I know how she feels given that natural born Alicorns are already born with their marks but she does seem rather bothered by the fact that she has yet to get her mark. I am currently contemplating a way to punish Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon for the way they treat others. I wonder, what would happen if Diamond Tiara's dad were to lose all his money in a stock market collapse and he had to sell her tiara? Would that little cunt lose her cutie mark? I would do this but causing a market collapse would hurt so many ponies financially so I'll have to figure something else out.

I tell you, Twist is a lot different. She also hasn't got her mark but she doesn't seem fazed by it but she fails to realize that her friend is in no shape for such enthusiasm. If she doesn't want any of your damn treats Twist, don't go trying to push them on her. Besides, I have heard that her treats are made with high fructose corn syrup, and that will rot a pony's teeth quicker than real sugar.

Ugh can't Diamond Bitch and Silver Slut just leave the "blank flanks" alone rather than waltzing around making snide remarks. With the way those two rub their asses together I have come to the conclusion that they do all sorts of things together that fillies should not be doing together. Well once they mature they'll be able to more fully enjoy the fun they have together.

While I commend Applejack on trying to calm her sister down, she needs to realize that Apple Bloom ain't going to listen. She wants her cutie mark and she wants it NOW! Given how desperate she is, if she thought that overthrowing the government would get her her cutie mark, she would do it. Because of this, I have put her on a government watch list and told the royal guard to haul her to Tartarus if she were to try to overthrow my sister and I. I am not going to tell my sister about my fear though. If I did, she would likely go and kill Apple Bloom before anything could happen.

I am sure that many of you know that young children can help out on the farm BUT once that labor is moved off the farm, all the rules change. Despite her being my favorite of Twilight's friends, I will have to punish her this weekend for violating child labor laws. I need the release anyway since Twinkleshine isn't putting out as much as she used to. Besides, Apple Bloom was causing a lot more trouble than anything else. Let's see, she literally forces one pony to buy an apple, she terrorizes another pony into running away and she just starts filling another pony's bags with apples. I don't blame Applejack for not letting her sell apples anymore. She is a shitty businesspony who could single-hoofedly bankrupt the farm if she were allowed to continue helping at the market.

I know Apple Bloom wants her cutie mark badly but what I would like to know is why the hell would she want to go to Diamond Bitch's cute-ceañera anyway. If somepony treated me like shit I sure the hell wouldn't want to go to their fucking party. What, does she think she'll get a cutie mark by going to it? Now if she had plans to take a butcher knife to those two bitches I could understand her wanting to go. Perhaps she is just a glutton for punishment but likes to cry and whine about it. She's not like her sister, that's for sure.

Well she listens to her sister's advice and goes to see if Twist, the other filly without a cutie mark would want to go with her to the party. I don't know why Twist would want to go either. Diamond treats her like shit too. Much to poor Apple Bloom's dismay, Twist got her cutie mark! Oh boy, I have a feeling that a certain blue unicorn is going to be unhappy about this! Well she should look at it this way, the more ponies that eat Twist's sweets and gets cavities will simply give her more business.

This only causes Apple Bloom to fall into despair and here comes Rainbow Dash to try to help her. This is going to be interesting and likely comical. We all know Rainbow got her damn cutie mark in a race but she gives the filly the absolute wrong idea about how to get a mark. Oh yes, just try as much crap as you can in the shortest amount of time you can and you'll get a cutie mark. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Earning a cutie mark involves self-discovery, not just trying any old thing you know nothing about. Hell, Apple Bloom could always go slitting the throats of bitches and assholes, maybe that is her special talent. A bloody butcher knife with a severed head would make for a cool cutie mark too! Maybe not though, what if I was to be one of her targets?

I would really like to know what the hell is up with Pinkie. An "eating cupcakes" cutie mark? So, her special talent is going to be eating sweets, clogging her arteries and digging herself an early grave? Real bright Pinkie. The making cupcakes idea is better, at least she would be doing something productive and sending more ponies Colgate's way.

Well apparently Apple Bloom's special talent is not making cupcakes because she can't make them worth shit. I would love to know how the hell she was able to step on the oven door without burning her hooves. Is that a magical oven where the inside of the door stays cool despite the interior being brutally hot or does Apple Bloom have no feeling in her hooves? If the latter is the case, the Apple's better get her to the doctor ASAP. Well after she forced him to pay four bits for one lousy apple, I doubt Dr. Whooves will want to take her as a patient.

Well, Apple Bloom's quest for her cutie mark is once again fruitless, pardon the pun with her being expected to get a cutie mark that is apple related. I would love to know why Twilight even bothered trying to give her a cutie mark. She should have just been firm with her and said, "look bitch, I can't just give you a cutie mark. You have to EARN it." I suppose I could always go down there and use my Alicorn magic to give her one but the cost would be great for her sister. She would have to come up to Canterlot for a few weeks to pay me for the favor of shutting her sister up.

Apple Bloom really needs to pay attention to her surroundings. She decides she just won't go to the party but she is so upset about Twilight's failure that she goes waltzing into the party unnoticed. It must really suck to be that scatterbrained. I am really surprised that she managed to go unnoticed for as long as she did once she got to the party. The places she tried to hide were not exactly the best places. I know this is completely off point but that must have been an enchanted cake given that Snails could eat a majority of it and it remains standing. I think he is a fucking idiot but I am glad that he ate most of it. I would rather see a total moron get most of the cake than a complete bitch that needs to be beat senseless get it.

What I would like to know is why the hell did so many adult ponies showed up to this party. You'd think half the fucking town showed up. Well I guess in backwater towns any event is open to all. I have heard rumors that in some of the small communities that when a pony dies, every idiot and his dog goes to the funeral, whether they gave a fuck about the dead pony or not. IF I were mortal, I would only want a small graveside service but I don't have to worry about that being an Alicorn. Now if it were going to be a ceremony where Diamond Bitch got hung or beheaded, I bet everypony would be there for an epic celebration. Hell Luna and I would show up for that because public executions always have the best post ceremony celebrations.

Well Apple Bloom tries to make her escape but Applejack just has to come and ruin her plans. What is even worse is that she thought the rich bitches were her friends. I would think Applejack would know that her sister would never be friends with such lowly trash. While those two may be rich now, I'm guessing they'll wind up being prostitutes in Fillydelphia or some other big city someday. That's how the rich ones usually turn out because daddy always cuts them off once they grow up and they aren't smart enough to get real jobs.

Now I don't get what the hell Apple Bloom was thinking when she tied a tablecloth around herself so the FPE (Future Prostitutes of Equestria) wouldn't see her blank flank. I think she was incredibly stupid to lie to the two in saying she had a cutie mark. What was she supposed to do, wear something over her flank until she finally gets her mark. Please don't tell Applejack but I am quickly coming to the conclusion that her sister is an idiot. This was proven when she heads off to "mingle" and gets caught in her new "dress" and rips it off, exposing her blank flank for all to see.

Well her pathetic lie was exposed and of course the FPE fillies go and mock her. In come Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo to defend her. Now here is another EPIC FUCK UP on the part of the writers. They have it appear as though this is the first time that Apple Bloom has met her new friends. However, those three were cowering in fear together when my sister came back from the moon. I'm sure I'm not the only one that noticed that. But the good thing is that the two new adorable fillies took the attention away from Diamond Bitch and had everyone paying attention to Apple Bloom. Yes Apple Bloom was being an idiot towards the end but I'm glad to see she stole the party.

Ok, now those three have become friends and are starting to plan illegal activities. They are going to start a SECRET SOCIETY! Oh if they start something like the Illuminati that I've read about in Lyra's human books I will have to banish them to the moon. To make things fun, I'll banish one to the moon, I'll have Luna banish one to the sun and the third I will banish to Tartarus. That will teach them to try to form shadowy groups hell bent on removing me from power.

Twilight's letter was rather boring. So one of the youngest serfs learned a good lesson in friendship, so what? She needs to get her ass up here and make me happy since she obviously didn't learn anything. Now if you peons will excuse me, I have a new secret society I have to defuse. If they are like other secret societies, they could cause a lot of problems for me.

Chapter 13: Fall Weather Friends

Chapter 13: Fall Weather Friends

Hello everypony, it is your beloved Supreme Dictator Celestia again and do I have a treat for you, Fall Weather Friends as I saw it.

One thing I would like to know is what the hell is up with the weather in Ponyville? Just two weeks ago they were wrapping up winter and now here it is fall. I am surprised that they are able to produce any food down there at all. I am thinking it is time to fire the pegasi that control the weather down there and simply hire a unicorn mage to handle the weather there. Of course the big problem with that is that they would need to be trained and the last time unicorn mages were trained to handle the weather was when Starswirl the Bearded was alive. However, if it means having normal seasons across Equestria, I'm up for training them. The pensions we have to pay those pegasi are bankrupting the country anyway.

I tell you, watching Applejack and Rainbow compete is always quite entertaining given their competitive nature. Of course both of them think they are the best at everything which is rather annoying because everypony knows that I am the best at everything! When it comes to horseshoes between those two, Applejack proves that she is better. Well come on, everypony already knew that. Watching Rainbow sulk and act like a whiny bitch over losing is hilarious. If she weren't such a tomboy, I would fly down there and make her feel better, but once I got there I know either Fluttershy or Twilight would wind up seducing me. Besides, those two are so much sexier than Rainbow, especially Fluttershy.

Alright you two, I get it. The horseshoes competition isn't enough. You have to prove who is the overall better athlete by setting up all sorts of competitions, an Iron Pony competition. I am so thankful that I have this telescope to monitor Ponyville. After all, how could I not keep my eyes on the oh so sexy Fluttershy and Twilight. Today however, I shall keep it on the two most competitive ponies out there.

I'm going to be honest with all of you, I have a feeling that this competition will turn nasty early, perhaps in the beginning. I say this because while both are extremely competitive, Rainbow is much more likely to cheat. After all, Applejack is the element of honesty, so she would never cheat.

I was shocked to see that after the first ten events, that they were even at five a piece but what shocked me even more was that Rainbow hadn't tried to cheat yet. But of course that would change all too soon when Rainbow realized that the upcoming events would favor Applejack. I really don't know why they didn't disqualify Rainbow after she started using her wing power to win these events. This is why when those two agreed to this "Iron Pony" competition, they should have drawn up an agreement that Rainbow is not allowed to use her wings in any of these events. Of course the overly trusting Applejack never thought of this and Twilight, the judge, was probably fantasizing over her next visit to see me to think about it.

Well event number twenty comes along and Applejack's chances to win had already been eradicated long ago but she wasn't going to give up. I am guessing that had Rainbow been the one in that situation, the moment Applejack had victory number eleven she would have thrown a fit and quit like the spoiled brat that she is. Well it looks like Applejack was going to come out on top when Rainbow, being the cheating bitch that she is, just had to use her wings. It is a good thing that Luna did not see Rainbow get away with all this cheating. She would have flown down there and banished her sorry ass to Tartarus. Hell she probably would have banished Twilight to the sun for not disqualifying Rainbow, you know how highly Luna thinks of the Apple Family and earth ponies in general.

Well Rainbow's cheating ass winds up winning and of course all the pegasi are wanting to eat her pussy. Yes she is one of their kind but did they not see what a disgrace she is, what a cheating bitch she is? Now they shall compete in The Running of the Leaves. I am glad to see that Rainbow is agreeing to a condition that she is not allowed to use her wings. I do have a bad feeling though that she will find one way or another to cheat. You know how she is when she loses. She is worse than a spoiled rich brat not getting what it wants, ugh it makes me want to vomit.

The day has come, the day to shake those leaves off the trees has finally arrived. This is another inconvenience that Luna and I forced upon the ponies of this land when we decided we wanted to control every aspect of life in this country. I wonder how many ponies even know that the sun and moon used to move on their own, that pegasi were not needed to control the weather and that the leaves used to fall off the trees on their own? I am guessing that there are very few that do.

I have come to the conclusion that Spike is an attention whore. First he had to do the announcing for the Iron Pony competition, which really didn't need any commentary. He could have just summed it up at the end and said, "Rainbow's a cheating, knifing bitch" and it would have been sufficient. Now he wants to do the commentary for The Running of the Leaves. One thing he seems to forget is that he has no way to actually watch the whole race. Well it looks like that problem will soon be solved as Pinkie decides to be the element of generosity and offer Spike a job as a co-reporter. I truly feel for all the ponies that have to listen to that commentary. Pinkie is a bad enough reporter but throwing Spike in the mix will only make matters worse.

Well here comes Applejack and the Iron Phony, as Applejack calls her. I am so glad that Rainbow said that she could win with her wings tied behind her back because this caused Applejack to do that to Rainbow. Now the race will at least have a chance of being fair but what will happen next will shock not just me, but the overly competitive ponies as well.

Well my mind is officially blown. Twilight decides to be a late entry into the race. Yep, the oh so sexy Twily has decided to give it a go. I know she is down there to learn but I didn't expect her to take part in events that she has absolutely no chance of doing well in. Hopefully she won't wear herself out by taking part in this. I don't want her to be overly fatigued when we spend some time together this weekend, after all, she is so much more fun when she is feisty and full of energy. If she is dead tired it won't be any fun. Besides, who wants to screw someone who is just laying there. I was reading one of Lyra's human books and in there it said something about that scenario being called a "dead fuck." Who the hell wants to fuck something dead or something that resembles something dead? Not me, that's for sure.

Well the race actually started off rather boring. I was hoping that Applejack and Rainbow would have started trying to trip one another right at the very start. What I would like to know is why the hell don't they clear the path of obstacles before holding this race? Not everypony is going to run with their heads down. I mention this because Applejack trips over a rock. I find it hilarious how she thinks Rainbow tripped her. Of course rather than continuing on, my little Twily stops to try and reason with her. Oh well, I don't care if Twilight finishes dead last. As long as she can "perform her duties" this weekend, I will be happy.

What at first looked like was going to be a boring race might actually be worth watching after all, and not just because I get to see Twilight's ass shake as she runs either. Applejack has caught up with Rainbow and has now taken the lead! Just like Applejack, Rainbow trips over something, a tree stump. What I would like to know is why the hell they would not rip up a tree stump, especially with it being in the middle of the path. It is a good thing Rainbow did not hurt herself because had she done so, she could have sued me since this is a government sanctioned event. Don't worry everypony, next year I will make sure that the path is clear of all debris before allowing the race to start.

I swear, Twilight must not be all that bright despite having claimed to read numerous books on the subject of racing. If she had an ounce of brains, she would have just kept running instead of stopping to talk to Rainbow. I want her to still be well rested for our tryst this weekend but I don't think she needs to stop entirely to check on another runner, especially Rainbow. She can take care of herself.

So now Rainbow thinks the time has come to change the rules despite my Twily telling her that Applejack did not trip her does she? Now this is going to turn into the fun race that I devoted some of my time to watch.

Now the cheating has begun as Rainbow pulls a tree branch back to where it would smack Applejack and knock her to the ground. Alright, that's it. I'm flying to the finish line and after this race is done, I'm going to punish Rainbow one way or another over this. It is a good thing Luna didn't see this or Rainbow would be dead within the hour.

Alright, back to where I was. Some ponies say that Applejack isn't that bright because she is a farm pony, well she proved that wrong. I don't know how she did it, but she flung herself forward with that tree branch and soared past the cheater. Now this is more like it. I know Applejack is the element of honesty but this scenario warrants the measures she is using. Yes it is technically cheating but I don't care. Any advantage she can get will be fine in my eyes.

Now what Applejack does next really defeats the purpose. I would think she would know that those bees from that hive she kicked down would chase after Rainbow, causing her to run faster. Well now Rainbow has a sizable lead and has hid from the bees. Yeah it pisses me off that she does this but it is brilliant. She changes the direction that the arrow on the sign is pointing and hides. Of course Applejack follows the sign even though it leads her to where there are no trees. Ugh I wanted to go and bitch slap Rainbow when she did this. I would have to say that out of Twilight's friends, she is my least favorite. She is a loudmouth and she is a narcissistic bitch.

Yes I know what Applejack does next is cheating as well but hey, why not? Getting a lift with Pinkie and Spike seems fine to me. Rainbow cheated and to me, this is where two wrongs make a right. What I would like to know is why the hell there are buckets full of some sticky liquid attached to the trees along the race's path. Well Applejack kicks one of these buckets over onto the path and Rainbow gets stuck in this shit. What really surprises me is that none of the other racers got caught in it. Well Rainbow uses the stuff to her advantage and soars past Applejack.

Of course this gave Applejack her own forward momentum but eventually the two crashed into a cliff. I love Twilight's comment as she runs past them, "Forgive me, girls. I know I'm not an athlete, but shouldn't the Running of the Leaves actually involve running?"

Well the two finally realize this and decide to actually run! Now their tactics will change from trickery to using force in their attempts. I love the tail biting! Unfortunately Applejack winds up untying the rope holding Rainbow's wings down. Now that bitch decides she will just fly. I suppose she figures that since she won't win the traditional way, she'll just win by flying. This is where Luna's favorite of Twilight's friends truly shines. How the hell she jumps so high she can tackle Rainbow is beyond me. By this time I was already hiding in the bushes watching those two wrestle one another towards the finish line.

Finally those two cross the line and they think they won, but they were wrong. Pinkie lets them know they tied for LAST! While the looks on their face were priceless, what was really priceless was my sexy little Twily approaching them with a medal around her neck. I'm so proud! I might even let her dominate me this weekend I'm so proud of her.

Well I was thinking that until she admitted to only taking fifth. While I am happy that she finished far up enough that she won a medal, I am now wondering why in the hell they would give a medal to a pony who only takes fifth? What the hell is that thing made of, spray painted aluminum? I remember the good old days when you had to finish in the top three to win a medal. Oh well, at least Twilight will have something to hang in her bedroom that says, "Look at me, I'm hot shit now! I'll beat anypony in a race!" Twilight very well could have taken first had she not stopped to talk to Applejack and Rainbow when they tripped. Let that be a lesson to everypony, NEVER stop in the middle of a race unless you break your leg or have a heart attack.

Well Applejack and Rainbow are at a loss as to how Twilight beat them. Twilight, in her "I'm hot shit" voice lets her friends know that it was by pacing herself, something she learned about in books, is how she beat them. I suppose her nerdy ways actually helped her out in an athletic competition, which I didn't expect.

Well I finally decide to make my presence known and I loved seeing all those ponies bow down to me. That's right bitches! You better bow down to your Supreme Dictator if you know what's good for you. Now for the poor sports, I notify them that because of their idiotic behavior that they didn't do their job. What was said in the show was edited. What I really said to them was, "Look bitches, because of your fucking horseplay and cheating, the damn leaves didn't get knocked off. Now go clear those trees of their leaves OR ELSE!"

What they took from the "or else" part I'm not sure but I personally don't give a shit. What matters is that they clear the trees of those leaves.

Now for what happened after the show. I was so proud of Twilight that I took her up to Canterlot and locked us in my sleeping chambers. I certainly kept her busy and despite having to listen to us squeal and moan for six days straight, Luna enjoyed taking on my responsibilities. Yeah she nearly started a war with Saddle Arabia over a trade agreement but in the end they backed down and caved in when she banished one of their diplomats to the sun.

Note to self: Do not let Luna handle trade negotiations on her own from now on.

Chapter 14: Suited For Success

Chapter 14: Suited For Success

Hello my beloved serfs, this is your supreme dictator Celestia and have I got a surprise for you, my views of "Suited for Success."

Ok, I have decided that Rarity is a slave driver. Opal simply meows a bit and suddenly she thinks she wants to help so she puts a pincushion in her mouth. What a bitch, Opal meows in disapproval and Rarity thinks she wants to help her more. I am seriously thinking I need to contact animal welfare. I'm sure they would find a new home for her where she wouldn't be used as slave labor. Maybe I'll give Fluttershy the honor of caring for her since she is the only one Opal likes, but it will come at a price. She must let Opal kill and eat Angel while becoming my sex slave. She is the sexiest of Twilight's friends after all.

Luckily for Opal but unfortunately for Fluttershy, Rarity made her stop helping her but she seems to be in a bad mood and this is evident when Twilight and Applejack came to visit her. I can see why Rarity would get pissed but what should have pissed her off more was what Twilight wanted, which unfortunately for her was not to get laid. She wanted her to fix a button on some ugly ass dress, and I mean an incredibly ugly ass dress. That thing looks more like something a 100 year old aristocrat would be buried in. Good thing for Twilight Rarity offers to make her a new dress. Of course at first my sexy little student declines her offer but eventually accepts it, as does Applejack and the rest of her friends.

Now Rarity has one, two, three, four, five and one for herself, six unique dresses just like that. Now for the big question, will they all be slutty outfits that will guarantee getting laid or will they be something more appropriate. Knowing Applejack though, she would definitely turn down something too promiscuous as would the rest of her friends so I suppose she only has one slutty outfit to make, her own. Now Rarity breaks into song and starts work on the outfits.

Well eventually she gets the dresses done and my goodness, they look spectacular. They look so good that even Opal likes them and we all know that if Opal finds something good, then it has to be good. What frustrates me though is that when Rarity shows her friends the outfits she worked so hard on they seem hardly impressed. Well I suppose Rarity can't win them all so she gets to work on new outfits, one that her friends will dictate how they want them as they are being made. The results of this can only lead to disaster, and they would be much more disastrous than simply being an eyesore.

Well the new dresses are done and Rarity's friends love them. Sweet mother of Faust, those things are beyond hideous. They are so bad that Opal is hissing at them. I would never tell her friends that but those things need to be burned and the ashes be banished to Tartarus. Now the absolute worst possible thing is about to happen. I don't know how he found him but Spike told Hoity Toity about the fashion show they had planned. I'm guessing that Spike was hoping he could get Rarity in bed but with what was about to happen, Rarity probably wished that she had the ability to banish others to the moon and send Spike there for all eternity.

Now fashion shows are normal up here in Canterlot, but in backwater towns like Ponyville they are treated like they are better than the zapapple jam festival. Why that is I don't know but I'll tell you one thing, you wouldn't catch me at one as they are boring as hell. Once the snobby Hoity Toity arrives Spike starts things off thinking this is going to be Rarity's rise to being the best fashionista ever, instead the opposite happens. My Twily and her friends come out in those hideous outfits, it is no wonder the fashion snob made fun of those amateurous designs and of course Rarity's reputation has now went down the toilet. Real nice Spike, Rarity is a laughingstock and your chances of ever scoring with her have plunged to ZERO.

Now poor Rarity is devastated. I'm thinking, should I pay her a visit and comfort her in her time of need or not? Despite not having got any in a week, I think I will restrain myself and leave her alone, for now anyway. If I were in that situation, I wouldn't want anypony bothering me either. Several days pass and Rarity is now contemplating going into exile. I'm thinking, I could always invite her to move to my sleeping chambers for exile, once she is out of this funk anyway because she won't be any fun if she is still devastated over this.

Well Rarity's friends hear her crying and talking about going into exile and decide that something must be done to get her back to her normal self so they finish the dress she had started on for herself. Today I learned something new, I learned that Fluttershy has a good amount of knowledge when it comes to sewing. Perhaps I should invite her up to the palace to sew together new curtains. After all, the ones in my bedroom are becoming rather tattered and after she finishes that, the two of us would have more privacy and sexy times would ensue!

They finish the dress but getting Rarity out to see it will not take much. Despite Opal despising her, Rarity hears her beloved cat meowing out in a tree and rushes out to save her. Low and behold Rainbow has stranded her in a tree. Now in most instances this would qualify as animal abuse which is a serious felony that could result in execution, but I'll go easy on her since Opal wound up being safe and Rarity headed out to see her new dress.

Oh no, despite her friends working so hard on the damn thing she doesn't like it! What's it going to take for her to like it, Fluttershy hauling her over to her cottage and having some fun? Well as it turns out she loves it! Good, now maybe she will quit complaining but there is still one problem, she is still a laughing stock down in Ponyville, well until Spike convinces Hoity Toity to go back down there for a second fashion show.

Ugh, why did they have to hold this one inside? They should have held it outdoors so the town could see that she isn't an incompetent dressmaker. I wanted to see this up close but I didn't feel like teleporting down there. I could see some from through one of the windows so it isn't a total loss. Well it turns out Hoity Toity loved the original designs and now wants Rarity to make a ton of them for some fashion outfit of his or something like that. Well eventually Rarity became respectable again. Damn it any way, I was hoping she would come into exile in my sleeping chambers and despite that hideous tail of hers, become my full-time sex slave.

Ok Twilight, I get it. You learned that you should be happy when somepony works their ass off to make you a gift, too bad you didn't learn that when Applejack offered you all that food when I only gave you two tickets to the Gala. You want to know what you didn't learn? You didn't learn that you should not keep your master waiting. You are three hours late and you know how much I hate tardiness. So tonight, while Fluttershy and Rarity are getting it on, I shall pay Twilight a little visit. Spike can spend some time on the farm and let's just say the whole town will hear me "punishing" my little Twily.

That is all for now you peons, I have a sexy lavender student to go and punish. I'll be damned if I'm late for that so be gone with you!

Chapter 15: Feeling Pinkie Keen

Chapter 15: Feeling Pinkie Keen

Hello everypony, once again it is your beloved dictator, the Supreme Goddess Celestia, the sexiest, sweetest and most powerful pony in existence. You all have been very good and Twinkleshine gave me the night of my life last night so I'm in an extremely good mood. I shall share with you my views on Feeling Pinkie Keen.

Well it is another glorious day in Ponyville. You know, I sometimes wonder how they keep everything green down there given the lack of precipitation they receive. Ok, enough about the arid conditions down there, I promised to tell you about this episode and I'm going to. Well now, Spike and Twilight are practicing magic. Wait a minute, for Twilight's magic to work Spike has to be looking at her and giving her his undecided attention? I've never heard of magic like that but it must be horribly useless with that being the case.

Ugh watching her do this is so damn boring but suddenly something distracts the two. Pinkie Pie, one of those ponies I will not let in my chambers, is acting very strangely. Now why in Equestria is she hiding under stuff. Does she know of my abilities and does not want me watching her? Well hiding in bushes ain't going to work Pinkie, it'll take a lot more than that to escape my eyes.

Twitchy, twitch, twitch. Now why is that pony's tail twitching? Maybe it is her going into heat. Well if it is, I'm sure Rainbow will gladly please her given those two seem to be pretty close. Well it ain't her going into heat, it is some sort of weird sense of her's claiming that something is going to fall out of the sky. Now whether I believe this or not I'm sure. After all, Fluttershy is flying right over head carrying a bunch of frogs and one just so happens to fall on Twilight's face.

Ok, now before I continue on I must go on a little rant. Once again Fluttershy is proving that she cares about the animals down there a whole lot more than she cares about me. Guess what, I'm going to sterilize half the frog population over this AND drag her by the tail up here to Canterlot and punish her for a few days.

Now Pinkie is going off about this "Pinkie Sense" thing and naturally Twilight finds it ridiculous. I guess that comes from me. I told her not to believe anything that can not be explained, that she is to think rationally at all times. Ok so that moment is over and Pinkie runs off to cause somepony else some grief but once Twilight forces her little slave back into magic practice Pinkie comes along again with the twitchy tail. So something else is going to fall. Just look at the sky, it is clear and nopony is carrying anything above you so nothing is going to happen, I promise!

Well it looks like I was wrong, in her arrogance and bloviating about how great she is, she failed to watch where she was going and fell in a ditch. I wonder, perhaps there is something to this whole Pinkie Sense thing. Maybe she gets special senses that predict when I'm going to get laid and which mare will grace me with her presence. Thankfully for Twilight, Pinkie runs off again. Now Applejack comes along and finds out Pinkie predicted Twilight falling into a ditch. Like I've said before, I respect Applejack a lot but the disaster pony and her twitching tail have left. There is no need to go freaking out.

Ugh again she comes back and has flopping ears. I think somepony needs to put a muzzle on her, tie her tail down and glue her ears down. Uh oh, from what Pinkie's saying somepony's going to get a bath! Note to Twilight: Don't go standing next to mud puddles, especially when there is traffic coming. Now had I been down there to take that bath with Twilight, it would have been perfect!

Yeah, yeah, yeah Pinkie, we get it. You have all sorts of different involuntary body movements for various things. Wait a minute, there is an alligator in the tub with my Twilight? You better be glad that dumb thing is toothless. Had it bit Twilight or even worse killed her, you would have been fed to Cerberus. However, I am still upset that something scared Twilight and I wasn't able to get down there to calm her down. Great, just great. Now I have realized that Twilight can calm down on her own. Oh well, Fluttershy still needs me to calm her down every now and then!

Now Twilight gets an idea. She is going to haul Pinkie down into some sort of torture chamber in her basement that I never knew about. I never knew my Twily had a dark side like that, I'm so proud! Wait, it is just some boring science lab that she does dumb experiments in when she can't get laid. Anyway, she hooks Pinkie up to some sort of mind reading device wanting to see what happens when she gets one of her predictions coming.

Guess what Twilight, she is locked down in your basement of boredom so nothing is going to fall on her, no alligators in tubs will be present or anything else. The only sensation she gets is hunger. Speaking of hunger, I'm going to get a slice of cake during the next commercial break, that sounds really tasty right now.

Now don't be so bitchy Twilight, so nothing happened when you had your mind reader hooked up to Pinkie but guess what, you're about to experience the Pinkie Sense wrath. Pinkie predicts a door's going to open and it does, smashing Twilight behind it. Oh and just so you know Twilight, Spike and Pinkie did not concoct some sort of plan to squish you up against the door. Damn, you're getting overly paranoid. I guess frustration will do that to a pony. Don't worry, I'll fix that after the episode is over.

Now Twilight is losing it. She honestly thinks that spying on Pinkie is going to reveal the secrets behind Pinkies's strange ability. One thing Twilight does not know is that stalking is against the law and I know exactly how to punish her. I will hog tie her and force her to watch me, Fluttershy and Rarity engage in a hot, raunchy threesome while she won't get any! That will teach her to obey the law!

Alright, an itchy nose. Perhaps Pinkie is simply reacting to some pollen that she is allergic to or could it be something else. Well she's hiding under something so it certainly isn't a mere allergy. Pinkie is a hell of a lot smarter than I thought and my "star student" shows she ain't all that bright. Her loudness attracts a swarm of bees and she gets stung multiple times. That's what she gets for thinking that she is little miss hot shit. With her stings covered in band-aids she continues her espionage. I can't wait to see what happens next, hopefully it will be something funny.

Now Pinkie is predicting an opening door again. Now where in Equestria is a door going to open, well near her anyway. Little miss hot shit decides to leave the safety of her bush and stands by the barn door boasting that there is nothing to worry about. While the barn door ain't going to happen, nopony ever said a door in the ground wasn't going to open up. My little student crashes into Applejack's new apple cellar. Maybe Pinkie's tail should have twitched instead since she did fall.

Well despite her injuries Twilight is back to spying on Pinkie in a bush again, in a device holding her front hooves up. Well now things are really going to get interesting. Pinkie's tail is twitching again and Spike nearly gives their presence away. In this case he was right, something was going to fall and it wouldn't be good. Let's see, a flowerpot, an anvil, a cart of hay and a piano all crash onto my student. Wait a minute, is this My Little Pony or Loony Tunes? I'll tell you one thing, if Twilight died because of that shit falling on her, those moving ponies are going to die.

Luckily she didn't die but sadly she didn't heal up in one second like that coyote does that tries to eat the roadrunner all the time. Applejack is hauling more apples to her cellar and it is discovered that Pinkie has known all about her stalker. While Twilight has been busy breaking the law all day, failure to report somepony breaking the law is a crime as well. How will I punish her? I plan on hauling her to Canterlot, throwing her in the dungeon for a week and forbid her from eating any sweets. Next time Pinkie will report crimes when she sees them!

I find it hilarious how Twilight is all bandaged and looks horrid as she yells at Pinkie. While I have seen Twilight in a bitchy mood before, this time it was so bad that I had to look away. Seeing her in that foul of a mood is a major turnoff. Now Pinkie's whole body is shaking. Either she's cold as hell or that is the prediction for Rarity and Fluttershy are going to have fun with me. So it's gonna be a doozy at Froggy Bottom Bog? Well that isn't the sign for me having fun with those two hotties because I will not go to that Faust-forsaken place. I would rather spend a week in Tartarus than go there.

Shit, now they think something is going to happen to Fluttershy. I hope not, she is the hottest and sexiest pony besides me out there. Ok, I have come to the conclusion that Pinkie and Spike are fucking morons. Ponies don't just explode and they sure the hell don't explode and then explode again. Now I am questioning the intelligence of the dragon that laid the egg that Spike was in. She was probably a dumb whore that took drugs before laying his egg. No wonder she abandoned him and it was her drug use that probably caused him to never develop wings as well.

Finally they get to that swamp and Fluttershy is perfectly fine! Yay! My sexiest lover will be joining me and Rarity tonight! Well my arrogant little student goes boasting about how she was right. I know I taught her to think she's the best (except for me) but when that stench arrived she should have known something was wrong. Well to come out there is a hydra living in that swamp. Here I am the ruler of Equestria and even I didn't know one of those things lived in my domain.

Well it's time to go everypony unless you want to be hydra food. How stupid is Pinkie, she just stands there shaking in terror watching the thing approach them. She's worse than those two moron colts that woke up the Ursa. At least they had the brains to run when they saw they may become some beast's next meal. Well Twilight gets her ass in gear and saves Pinkie and then saves Spike when he got stuck in the swamp.

Now what is about to happen is surprising yet disappointing at the same time. They reach a chasm with tall rocks. Fluttershy gets there and realizes they need to cross. Good news, she knew it was a hop, skip and a jump....well several of them to cross but the bad thing is that she could have just flown across, she is a pegasus after all. All of them get across except for Twilight who is trying to be a show off. Yeah they didn't think they would all make it with as close as it was getting but she could have teleported across, I did teach her how to teleport more than three feet after all.

I must say that I am shocked that Twilight's sudden desire to act like a cocky, arrogant pegasus didn't result in her death. Yeah in the end it made her jump much harder and had she not been saved by a bubble rising from the swamp, she would have fallen to an early death. I'm going to let you in on something, the reason that bubble was able to throw her back up and to safety is because I created it from afar. I was not about to see my star student die like that because we do need a bearer of the element of magic after all. If any of the other unicorns up here had even a tenth of her knowledge in magic, they would have sufficed but that is not the case so I had to save her....besides, she is so sexy!

Ok, the hydra is no longer a threat and Pinkie is still shaking. What, does she think I'll just take all of them including Spike in my chambers? Well that ain't happening so her shaking is for something else. Now I personally think she has completely lost it but Twilight finally decides to accept Pinkie Sense after nearly burning herself up and the shaking stops. The hydra wasn't the doozy but Twilight accepting Pinkie Sense was? I have one word to describe that, BORING!

Yeah, yeah, yeah Twilight. I get it, now you've understood to not say something is wrong or stupid just because you can't see it. You may have learned to not question a friend's weird abilities but you still have not learned what happens to ponies who stalk others, yet.

After the episode was over I gathered Fluttershy, Rarity and Twilight and we all headed up to Canterlot and proceeded to my sleeping chambers. I tied Twilight to a column in my room and as promised, I forced her to watch Fluttershy, Rarity and I make hot, raunchy, kinky love all night long! Yeah she didn't like it but oh well. I told her that if she had not broke the law this would have been a foursome.

Now leave me alone you commoners, I had a very exhausting night and it is time for breakfast in bed.

Chapter 16: Sonic Rainboom

Chapter 16: Sonic Rainboom

Hello everypony, it is you beloved dictator Celestia and since none of you have led any protests over my new laws so I have decided to share with you my synopsis of "Sonic Rainboom."

Another lovely day has arrived down in Ponyville and there is my oh so sexy Fluttershy doing something with Rainbow Crash. What I would like to know is why is she spending any time with her? It's not like anything she would ever do would be worthwhile to start with. Ok, Rainbow is practicing some dumb routine for the young flyers competition and Fluttershy is basically there for moral support, cheering her on. What's that Crashie? You are upset because she is saying "yay" instead of going completely nuts over you? Go and find Scootaloo, I'm sure she'll give you the adoration you certainly don't need.

Alright, now she's working on her routine. I am watching this and I can't help but think BORING! Nothing she is doing is worth my time but hey, I promised all of you I would give you my synopsis of this so I'll endure her lackluster antics and keep on watching. The weaving between the trees and making the clouds spin is nothing special. Hell I'm betting that any pegasus that can fly could do that but get this. Little miss bitch has decided that she is going to try and do a sonic rainboom. Yeah Crash, I'm real sure you'll be able to do it, NOT! Now I wait for her to grind to a stand still and for the bow shock to throw her Faust only knows how far away.

Enough with Crashie, Twilight, Pinkie and Rarity are in the library doing something. Luckily for me I can see through that window and luckily they aren't filming a porno because I would be angry if Twilight put herself out on film like that. You know how embarrassing it would be if everypony learned that one of MY students, especially my protege, was training to be a porn star? It could really damage my reputation. It might damage it so much that parents may not want to send their fillies to my school anymore! They might see if Luna would educate them instead and that would not be a good thing.

For what they are doing, they are re-shelving books. Wow, I'm shocked that my Twily would allow anypony to assist her in that. Now for the funny thing, just as those three finished getting that tedious task done, Rainbow comes crashing in through that window and the library is a mess, again. Poor little Twily, she is so distraught now! You know what that means, it means that I'll have to go down there tonight and make her feel all better! Thank you Rainbow, I was getting a bit needy anyway.

Now to make things even better, Fluttershy has landed in the window sill to see if Crash is ok. Woo-hoo, I always love staring at her sexy flank! Alright, so now they all know that Rainbow is practicing doing a sonic rainboom for this competition and Pinkie is acting like it is all that and then some. Oh Pinkie, she thinks she's never seen a rainboom before. I don't want to give away too much of what might happen in a later episode but I have a feeling she may be mistaken here.

Oh yes, and despite fucking up royally, Rainbow is bragging about how she is the best flyer to ever come out of Cloudsdale and is claiming that she could do those rainbooms in her sleep. Bullshit bitch, you couldn't even do one while you were wide awake! Just admit it to your friends that you are a mediocre flyer at best and that your arrogance is how you keep yourself from falling into a deep depression. Had I not had a cake being delivered to me, I would have flew down there, smacked Rainbow, told her she is a fucking idiot and then hauled Fluttershy and Twilight up here and had some fun.

Well now Rainbow has flown home to hoof herself while Fluttershy is telling her friends that Rainbow is an arrogant, conceited bitch who can't fly worth shit and should just give this up. (Well in the unedited version anyway) Now Fluttershy has left and of course you all know the animators can't show were she went to! If you guessed she came up to join me for some cake in my sleeping chambers, you are right. We had cake and then we had each other for dessert!

Yes I'm having fun but I also can't help but wonder why the hell Rarity suddenly wants to get in Rainbow's coat. She is demanding that my Twily find a spell to get them into Cloudsdale. I really didn't think Rarity was into racing but I guess even I learn new things every now and then. Well Twilight decides to cast a spell on Rarity to give her wings and it works. That is all good for her but ugh, those wings are hideous. I thought that Twilight would be gifted enough to give her real wings that would be permanent. I didn't know that she only had enough ability to give her fake ass, temporary wings. Hell I'm betting that even Trixie could pull that off.

I'm going to let you in on something, while it looked like everypony headed up to Cloudsdale immediately, it wasn't until the following morning. After all, Fluttershy did not just have a quickie since she flew up to Cloudsdale with Rainbow. Now for what really pisses me off, the moment they get up there, three undesirables wind up approaching them and making fun of the least favorite of Twilight's friends. Hey, I don't particularly care for Rainbow but I certainly do not like bullies. Those three have been on my shit list since they were colts and I'm hoping they'll do something one day that would warrant a public execution! For now though, I must resist my urge to kill.

Now Rarity has arrived with those fake wings of hers. Look at her, acting like she is hot shit and all that. Ugh, I know I enjoy dragging her into my sleeping chambers sometimes but I certainly will not do that as long as she has those grotesque wings. I would think she would consider it a crime against fashion but since she can fly now, she loves them. They may not be a crime against fashion but they are an insult to real wings everywhere, especially mine.

Now Twilight is a smart pony as you all know but another thing troubles me, she is lazy. Yep you heard me, lazy. Get this, doing that wing spell on Rarity was so hard on the poor thing that for the rest of her friends and herself, she just cast an easier spell that would allow them to walk on clouds. She is pathetic, truly pathetic. That isn't a matter of a spell being too difficult, it is a matter of her being a lazy bum. Hell I wonder if that is any indication of how she is going to be in the bedroom tonight? You know what, screw it! I'll just have a solo session with Fluttershy.

Now that they have arrived and thanks to Twilight's spell, the non-pegasi can walk on clouds. Wouldn't you know it, the second Rarity gets there she starts being an attention whore, well worse than she already is. A very carefully placed mirror has drawn her attention and of course she can't stop adoring herself and her new wings. Get over yourself Rarity, I know you think you're hot but even among your circle of friends, you only rank third. Oh well, it ain't only her who is in love with her wings, the construction pegasi seem to think they are wonderful too. I don't care what they think though because it doesn't affect me any.

Now my sexy Fluttershy and her ugly, narcissistic friend have decided to give everypony a tour of Cloudsdale. I can understand why they'd find it fascinating given that this will likely be their only chance to look around but still, I think Twily will still find my bed more entertaining. Regarding Applejack though, since she is a farmer I can see why she would be interested. Oh and memo to Pinkie Pie: Rainbows are not exactly meant to be consumed. I tried one once and yuck! After that I decided I would never try tasting things from the weather factory ever again.

I swear, those Cloudsdale ponies must be idiots. It seems like everywhere Rarity goes, everypony can't stop looking at her wings. Even those undesirables are impressed with them. I have a suggestion, since they love Rarity's wings so much that even one of them wants a pair, maybe I should make that desire come true. What I would do is cut their wings off, find a spell to give them permanent fake wings and they can fly around like delicate flowers from now on. I'm sure then those bullies would be bullied by the REAL pegasi and guess what, I would turn the other cheek and laugh.

Oh great, somepony has suggested that Rarity enter the competition and that is exactly what she does. You know something, I honestly thought Rarity wanted to get Rainbow in bed the way she wanted to attend this event but now she is in it for her own selfish desires. What a bitch! Hey I'm not a fan of Rainbow but I actually feel bad for her. I'm pretty sure with Rarity in the competition, her wings will impress the judges so much that she'll likely win.

Speaking of the judges, guess who they are, the Wonderbolts. So now Rainbow is all giddy that her heroes are going to be determining the winner of this. Soon though her joy of trying to impress her heroes becomes extreme paranoia over Rarity and her wings. She gets so nervous that she even starts switching numbers so that she won't have to go out there right away. Guess what Crashie, you'll have to go out there eventually. Speaking of switching positions, Rarity has decided to let other ponies go ahead of her so that she can make herself look perfect. Let me guess, she's going to go out there with her face caked in makeup and be donning some very slutty outfit.

Finally it is performance time and here comes Rainbow, nervous as hell and here comes Rarity. Ugh, gag me with a spoon! She may not be in a slutty outfit but her face is downright repulsive. I have never seen anything uglier in my life! A little mascara is ok but tons of it, lipstick and doubling the false eyelashes is going way too far. I don't know how long I'll have that awful image stuck in my head. There are some things in this world that simply can not be unseen, and this is one of them.

To make matters worse, Rarity has changed the music and it is horrid. Well the performances start and just as expected, Rainbow is making mistakes and Rarity is up there acting like a damn figure skater, doing all these fancy moves and acting like it is the best thing in the world. Personally I'm not impressed. If I were the judge I would just yawn and decide that she isn't worthy of even being considered.

Now comes Rarity's ultimate attention whore moment. She flies up in front of the sun, spreads her wings and basks the city in multi-colored sunlight. I'll admit it is pretty but it still isn't enough to make me go all fangirl over her. What's that? Her wings have incinerated and now she is plunging. Shit, if she falls and goes splat, I'll need to find a new generous unicorn. Maybe Twinkleshine can have her job, she is quite generous, well in my sleeping chambers anyway.

Well it looks like the Wonderbolts are going to be more than judges, they are going to be lifesavers, well that was the case until Rarity kicks them unconscious. Hell, now I might have to replace not only the element of generosity, but replace three Wonderbolts. Rainbow hears Rarity screaming and despite her being a total attention whore, Rainbow goes to save her ass.

I'm going to be honest, I didn't think Rainbow would reach them in time and there would be four fatalities that day. But I would be surprised when everypony's favorite little narcissist broke the sound barrier. Not only did she create a sonic rainboom, but she also saved her friend and her heroes. Good, now I won't have to worry about perhaps putting a pony in as the element of generosity who may not be up for the challenge. After all, simply being generous and submissive in the bedroom doesn't exactly make a pony element bearer material.

Now the time has come for Rarity to eat crow. There she is, sitting in that balloon basket, telling everypony she's sorry for being an attention whore and telling Rainbow how great she is. It is good to see her humbling her self like this, not to mention being out of that outfit and having her face clean. Ugh, I seriously think that next time makeup should be banned from this competition. You may think that would be an unnecessary ban but damn it, ponies need to look presentable! Makeup and hideous shit like that may be ok for boring events like the Gala but when it comes to athletic events, it is uncouth!

Now since the Wonderbolts were kicked unconscious, they now have no memory of the event so somepony else had to be the one who decided would win, and naturally that pony is ME! I will admit, I wanted to give Derpy the win since she was the one who did ten barrel rolls in a row but there is something they didn't show. Twilight promised me that if I would give Rainbow the win, that she would allow me to be extra rough with her that night so I caved in.

Oh boy, now the bullies have shown up and are suddenly wanting to eat Rainbow's pussy along with wanting her to show them how she pulled that sonic rainboom off. Sorry boys but Rainbow only likes mares and besides, why would she want anything to do with bastards such as you to start with?

Now the Wonderbolts have shown up and of course Rainbow is going all fanfilly. She is ecstatic that she gets to spend the whole day with them! I'll let you in on something, there is only one Wonderbolt she cared to spend much time with and that was Spitfire. Yeah I'm not sure if she is going to want to take Rainbow into her bedroom given that she is relatively young compared to her, but who knows. Rainbow might be pleasantly surprised or she might be devastated if Spitfire turns her down.

Now for what happened after the show. As you all know I told Twilight that I would give Rainbow the title of "best young flyer" if she would let me be rough with her that night. That is not what happened. Remember how I said that I wasn't going to give Twilight any action over her laziness when it came to those spells? Well I held true to that so the only one I took home with me was Fluttershy. Yeah Twilight wasn't happy that she wouldn't get to be with me but oh well. I'm sure her and Rarity can go at it tonight and have plenty of fun!

Now if you serfs will excuse me, I have a lovely yellow pegasus waiting for me. She is standing by my bed with a disapproving look on her face trying to persuade me to shut up and join her. I better hurry up or she will punish me severely and I certainly don't want that!

Chapter 17: Stare Master

Chapter 17: Stare Master

Hello my beloved serfs, it is your ~~ruthless dictator~~ benevolent princess and do I have a surprise for you! You have all been very good, you have worshiped me as dictated by law, paid your taxes and an article showed up in the Manehattan Times about how I am the sexiest pony in existence so I will share with you my synopsis of "Stare Master."

Another day has begun in Ponyville and Rarity seems rather frantic, the type of frantic that makes me wonder if I should pay her a special visit. Well as it turns out she is freaking out over being behind on these outfits she has to make. Alright, I'm thinking that might be my fault because I did go and pay her a visit last night. I'm not sure if Sweetie Belle knew what the squealing was all about but hey, if she did that will give her a head start over her friends, right?

It looks like Sweetie wants to help and wouldn't you know it, she wound up causing a huge mess, again and now Rarity is freaking out worse than ever. That soon will be put at ease as the sexiest pegasus ever, Fluttershy, drops Opal off from her grooming. I'm going to let you in on something. Fluttershy did not take Opal to the groomer, she took her in last night so her ears would remain virgin. I don't want a kitty's ears, regardless of how mean she can be, losing their virginity.

Oh wow, that silk Rarity made is quite impressive but did she really make it? I ask this because Sweetie's friends have came over and are discussing a cutie mark planning sleep over. Oh joy, it looks like the Filly Illuminati are going to try something stupid, again, to get their cutie marks. Seriously girls? Why don't you just quit stressing over it, let it happen when it happens and enjoy the thrills of life without having ponies having high expectations from you. Well this should be interesting.

Now to that yellow silk. Sweetie Belle has apparently made them matching cloaks with their logo on it and oh no, she used the silk Rarity made! Even worse, she is claiming she made it! Well that really doesn't matter because now Rarity has to make more if she is to finish them and deliver them to Trottingham by tomorrow morning. Ok writers, you fucked up, AGAIN. Do you not know that Trottingham is across the freaking ocean? Do you really think Rarity can teleport that far, or at all! No she can not! Unless by tomorrow morning you mean late next week, it isn't going to happen.

Alright, I need to stop bitching about every little detail or I'll never get this done. Now since Rarity is going to be so busy, the Filly Illuminati's sleepover has been cancelled, well until a certain yellow pegasus really pisses me off. Get this, Fluttershy has offered to take them in for the night! How dare she, we had a hot and raunchy night planned that night and now I am one extremely angry princess. Rarity will be busy, Twilight is going into the forest to Zecora's to get some sort of herb that will make our experiences more intense and my students up here have an extremely important exam tomorrow so I guess I'll be stuck either hoofing myself or gorging myself on cake....or maybe both.

Well the evening has arrived and my Fluttershy is taking those three little "angels" into here house. Angels my white ass, they are little demon fillies who are dead set on overthrowing the government one day. I would cast them into Tartarus or banish them to the moon but I don't want to devastate three of my element bearers so I'll just have to watch my back.

Oh good grief, the moment my Flutters gets them in, they already begin thinking of things they can do to get their cutie marks. They try being carpenters, being creature catchers, pretending that playing in a chimney will make them coal miners and who knows what the animators didn't show. Hell they could have tried things fillies should not be dong and had one of them recording the other two. I know my Fluttershy has a video camera and I just hope the girls didn't find it. I'm sure if they did find it, Scootaloo would have been recording the other two and then hoped she could get a cutie mark in distributing filly porn which is against the law. If she tries that, she will wind up in the dungeon.

Alright, enough about what would get Scootaloo thrown in the dungeon. Now the girls have been put to bed but Sweetie Belle has to start yelling some lame lullaby. Oh no, now the chickens have got loose and they have to go round them up. Cutie Mark Chicken Herders? Sorry girls but that ain't happening and who wants a picture of a chicken on their ass anyway? I sure the hell wouldn't and I doubt my sister would either.

Once Fluttershy gets the chickens rounded up it is bedtime for the girls again. Oh wow, Fluttershy has decided to lay down on her couch and leave the girls upstairs! Perhaps it is time for me to pay her a visit. If we're quiet enough maybe we can have lots of fun and they'll sleep through it. Unfortunately that won't happen as they go downstairs and sneak past Fluttershy with her not even noticing! Yeah Fluttershy, you can claim nothing can get past you but this proves that is a crock of shit and there go the girls into the forest to look for a missing chicken. Yay, since they're gone maybe I can pay Fluttershy a visit after all, woo-hoo!

Unfortunately, she goes to check on the girls before I can even take off from my balcony! Damn her flank anyway! Here I thought I would get to go have some fun but oh no, she just has to go and discover the girls are gone. Even worse, she has discovered they are going into the forest. Well, I'm not going to be able to see anything unless I follow her so I do the typical invisibility and teleport spell and follow my sexy pegasus into the Everfree.

Now luckily I can see up ahead of us so I can see that the Filly Illuminati have decided to start arguing over first how to call a chicken and now are suddenly thinking that arguing is their special talent. Now I know for sure that they are idiots. Now if they were those lame humans that are part of some evil cult known as a congress in Lyra's comic books, maybe it would be. Get this, in those nations in her comic books they actually allow uninformed serfs to elect people to run their country. Now if that isn't backwards and stupid, I don't know what is.

Ok, enough about Lyra's comic books and back to this synopsis. Their arguing continues until my sexy Fluttershy finds them but before she does, she discovers that my sexy Twily has been turned to stone. Oh shit, that means there is a cockatrice on the loose. Even though I am invisible, that damn thing could still turn me into stone so I better be careful. As soon as the girls finally run into that thing, they start panicking and in their panic, they find my Twily turned to stone.

Now comes Fluttershy's time to shine. She winds up staring that thing down and even though she started to turn to stone, she was able to break out of it and forced that thing to fix Twilight and her chicken. Now those girls see Fluttershy as a hero and have vowed to listen to her from now on. Lesson number one from Fluttershy, "Hey girls, don't bug me on nights when I'm supposed to see Celestia. You know that pisses her off!"

Now Twily has found Fluttershy and seems a bit disoriented. You know, if the fillies weren't around, I'd reverse the invisibility spell and have some yellow cake with lavender icing right there in the forest! Unfortunately they are and I don't want to rob their eyes of their virginity at that young of an age. Once they reach legal age, I'll let them watch a live porno involving me, Twily and Fluttershy. I'm sure they'll enjoy that.

The next ~~day~~ week arrived and Rarity has returned from delivering those outfits to Trottingham. The time has come for the girls to go but Rarity just can't get them to listen. Luckily for me though Fluttershy got them to listen and they headed home. Now Rarity needed help with Opal but that didn't take long and Fluttershy told her to go home.

Now for what they couldn't show. Since I had my three lovelies with me, we all headed into Fluttershy's cottage and had lots and lots of fun! I had my yellow cake with lavender icing and white sprinkles. What made it even better is that they were so playful and feisty! This is when princess life is good, I have my lovelies whenever I want and naturally once I got back to Canterlot, I had a huge cake waiting for me too!

Now be gone you serfs, I had a long night following Fluttershy in the forest, a long day of lovely time, a late afternoon cake and then I had to set the sun. I think I'll forego supper and just hit the hay. Of course I can't forget to mention I have lovely time tonight with Colgate, my most intense lovely. I say she is intense because she has never let me dominate her, is far more assertive than the others and for some reason, she always has my mouth pried open with her aura and is staring at my teeth. I'll admit, it unnerves me a bit but I find it kinky at the same time.

Chapter 19: A Dog and Pony Show

Chapter 19: A Dog and Pony Show

Hello my beloved subjects, I am in an extremely good mood and you have all paid your taxes, contributed to society and worshiped me so I shall give you my synopsis of A Dog and Pony Show.

Well we start out with Rarity working in her shop, most likely making some slutty outfit to try to impress me in when who comes in her shop but Sapphire Shores! I'm going to admit, I'm such a huge fan. I don't know how Rarity found her way into Clothes Whore magazine or why Sapphire would read it but she decided to see if Rarity had anything worthy of her purchasing. I'm in shock, Rarity shows her a spectacular outfit covered in gems that is not slutty and of course Sapphire wants it! Bad thing, she wants six of the things all done in a different gem pattern and Rarity is out of gems. Now Rarity has to go out and look for more gems.

As you all know I enjoy stirring up trouble every now and then so while Sapphire was paying our fashionista a visit I paid a visit to some gem loving dogs out in the desolate wastes where Rarity finds her gems. I told them that they need to kidnap Rarity for illegally harvesting resources out of Equestrian soil. I gave them an ultimatum, it was either do what I say or die. That got them to agree in a hurry.

Now Rarity is going out into the hills to gather gems and of course she was easily able to convince Spike to go with her and pull the wagon. I'm sure Spike was thinking he would get to push the wagon in her for doing this but the most he'll get is a couple gems. I swear, those dogs must be incredibly stupid. I explicitly told them that they are to kidnap a WHITE UNICORN when she is out harvesting gems yet they think it is the dragon who is the gem hunter. If I didn't want to give my plans away I would have went down there and turned those mutts into dog food but finally they see that it is little miss priss that they need to abduct so they do exactly as I instructed them.

Naturally this terrified both Rarity and her little slave and while he did his best, Spike could not stop the diamond dogs from dragging her down a hole in the ground. Well Spike runs off to Faust only knows where. Maybe he headed off to hang himself for failing to save his crush. Well next Twilight and her friends are heading out into the hills to try to save Rarity and we find out how they know. Thankfully when Spike ran off he went and told his primary master and her friends rather than hanging himself. If he would have hung himself that would have sucked because then I would either have to personally deliver messages to Twilight or send them through the mail and when urgent messages need to be sent, that would not have worked.

Well now they discover a ton of holes and they begin to conjure up visions of what might have happened to Rarity before trying to get down them. You know, had they just tried to get down the holes immediately they would not have had such a hard time getting underground. Sadly for them, they were unable to get in the ground until most of the holes were filled up, except one. Now here is something funny. After Rarity had gathered enough gems she gave Spike a gem to prevent him from wanting to screw her but I know after that he wanted to do that more than ever.

Now where that comes into play, Spike sees one unfilled hole and decides to use it as bait to lure the dogs out and of course while he is doing this he is fantasizing over how he will save Rarity. Oh yeah, Spike has to overcompensate in this fantasy. He is a bigger dragon yet still stands like a little one with some sort of rod to keep the dogs at bay. Like in every other fantasy he dreams of doing shit he has no way of doing and in the end it is his fire breath that scares the dogs off. Next up, he goes in and kisses Rarity. The show inaccurately portrayed that though. In his real fantasy he banged her, knocked her up, she gave birth to unicorn/dragon hybrids and then he cried his eyes out when I banished him and the little beasts to the moon. Well now that we're past that and we know that Rarity won't fall prey to a horny little dragon, let's move on shall we?

Finally those dumb mutts take the bait and pull Twilight and her friends down the hole and while they are on their way to the bottom most bowels of this hideous place, Rarity has become the slave of the diamond dogs, just like I wanted! Oh I'm going to admit, the events that will soon unfold will prove to me that Rarity is either a lot smarter than I thought OR that those diamond dogs are incredibly stupid....chances are it will be the latter.

They order her to start finding gems and of course she does so but when asked to dig them up, she barely drags her hoof over the ground. Now comes the time that she actually proves her intelligence. Eventually those dumb dogs have their unintelligent hacks digging up the gems but alas, Rarity still has to pull the wagon, for now. Pretty soon the diamond dogs begin to piss her off with their disrespect. I don't blame Rarity for being upset over how they treat her. I would be pissed too if I were being called "pony" all the time. Luckily since I am an all powerful Alicorn Sun Goddess, I don't have to worry about falling into the trap she did. What a shame Rarity didn't even have ten percent of the magical abilities of Twilight. If she did, she could have teleported herself out of this mess.

Now for the funny part, she starts complaining about anything and everything. Well if she were in any other situation I would say she was bitching but this is different. Now the idiot dogs think she is whining and what does she do? She starts whining in the most horrid sounding voice! It was so loud and hideous that I had to cover my ears all the way up here. Believe it or not though, her whining is what begins to drive them nuts and eventually she gets them to treat her like royalty. Oh boy, now I am pissed. Yes this is aiding in her cause but NOPONY with the exception of Luna and me are to be treated like royalty. Once this is over, those dumb dogs are in for a world of hurt.

One thing that is quite funny though is those dogs trying to pull those wagons full of gems, barely being able to move them and sweating like stuck pigs and well now Rarity's princess moment is over. The diamond dogs realize that doing that was not their job, it was Rarity's so she is back to pulling the wagon, well until they smack the bitch and call her a mule, causing her to cry and whine. I almost feel sorry for Rarity. Key word, almost!

Well her whining and crying is finally heard by her friends and I can see the wheels turning in Spike's head. He probably thinks he can score with her if he saves her but before he can even attempt that the diamond dog's minions capture Twilight and her friends and think they have more work horses. Well I'm thinking Applejack must have taught them all a thing or two about being rodeo ponies because they bucked those big mutts off of them. Now it is Spike's time to shine! He grabs a piece of rock from the ceiling and yells, "Hi ho Twilight, I gotta go screw Rarity, AWAY!" Well that was in the unedited version. The unedited versions are always funner but unfortunately Hasbro won't let those be seen.

Just as Twilight storms through the door and thinks he's gonna score with Rarity, the dogs are running away! What a role reversal, now the diamond dogs are the ones that are whining! Well those dogs did get one thing right, she is picky, critical and won't stop talking. It is that pickiness that will prevent Spike from ever having a chance with her. Well the dogs give her back and then they do something really STUPID. They let Rarity and her friends take six huge wagons of gems with them! Why the hell wouldn't they just keep them. I have decided because of their stupidity, that I am going to take them to the vet after this episode is over! If they are that dumb they shouldn't be procreating.

So they leave and Twilight decides to say her friendship letter to me in her thoughts. Yeah I've gotten to where I can read her mind from afar so she doesn't have to waste paper by having Spike send me scrolls. This was not a matter of a "defenseless pony" using her wits to outsmart and outshine them all. This was a matter of me choosing the wrong diamond dogs to stir up trouble. I should have found some smart ones to abduct her instead. Oh well, Rarity got her gems for those outfits and that's all that matters.

Speaking of those gems and the outfits, Sapphire looked great in them when she was up here in Canterlot. I am shocked Rarity could make six great outfits like that that provide modesty but she did. Maybe I'll let her join Twilight and Fluttershy the next time they see me, maybe!

Regarding the diamond dogs, I took them to the vet to be neutered. I don't need them fathering more diamond dogs because they would likely be just as dumb as them. As an added bonus, I had their overgrown buddies neutered as well. They're all dumb and I don't need more of them running around either. No leave me be you peons, I have things to see and ponies to do!

Chapter 20: Green Isn't Your Color

Chapter 20: Green Isn't Your Color

Hello my beloved serfs, this is your Supreme Dictator Celestia again and you know what, you have been good little serfs so I shall share my views on "Green Isn't Your Color" with you!

Well what seems to be a rather normal situation for her is going on, Rarity is in the spa and so is Fluttershy. I just hope that they don't do things in there that they shouldn't be doing. After all, I have decided that Fluttershy can only have so much fun with her friends, approximately 49.9% of the amount that she has with me. Well I decide to cast my invisibility and teleport spell so I can keep an eye on them.

Good grief Rarity, all you can do is brag on yourself. Photo Finish compliments you on your hideous hat and all of a sudden you think you're hot shit? You think she is going to make you the most popular designer in Equestria? Don't count on it but knowing her she will have some sort of plan and chances are I won't like it. So now she is going to try to dress Fluttershy in her slutty outfits to get recognition. Now of course my sexy pegasus doesn't want to expose herself like that. Eventually though, Rarity begs her to the point where she gives in. I'll tell you this much, if I find even one picture of Fluttershy in something revealing, Rarity will be dead. I'm sure I can find some other generous unicorn to take her place.

Well now Rarity has Fluttershy in her boutique and is getting her ready for a photo shoot. Wow, I don't believe it! The dress Rarity has her in is actually quite modest, a whole lot more modest than what most models across Equestria wear. She must know that I am keeping an eye on her and realizes that my beloved Fluttershy is not to be exposed.

Ok, now this is pathetic. Spike is allowing himself to be used as a pin cushion. Guess what Spike, that ain't going to get you in Rarity's coat so why don't you just give it up already? Ok, now it is time for Spike to share a secret with Twilight and Pinkie, "I have a crush on Rarity!" Well no shit Spike, everypony who watches the show knew that from the first time you saw her! Good grief, what do you think those two are, stupid or something?

Well Photo Finish arrives with her envoy and begins to take pictures. Ugh, I can't stand Photo Finish. She waltzes around acting like she is Faust's gift to the world. Everypony knows that there is only one pony who is Faust's gift to this world and that is me! Well the photo shoot starts and apparently Photo Finish wants Fluttershy to look like a submissive doormat in all the pictures because she won't take pictures of her looking confident. Now this is really pissing me off. The only one Fluttershy should ever look submissive towards is me! She should not be portrayed that way to every hack in Equestria.

Well the photo shoot ends and Rarity thinks things didn't go well since the hot shot photographer didn't take many pictures. Oh well, I don't think Fluttershy should have her image appearing everywhere. Now Photo Finish comes back and announces she has found the newest fashion star in Ponyville. It isn't Fluttershy who celebrates, it is Rarity. Now she is bouncing around her boutique like she does when I give her the privilege of dominating me in the bedroom, which is very rarely! What is sad though is that Spike doesn't care that she is jumping up and down on his tail, despite it obviously being painful for him. This is just another sign that he is truly pathetic. Hell she could probably hold a knife to his throat and he'd still want to screw her.

The next day arrives and Rarity is certain that she will soon become the most popular fashionista in all of Equestria, so popular that she'll be able to afford dragon repellent. Guess what Rarity, that won't be happening. While that outfit you put on Fluttershy is the embodiment of modesty, it won't impress Photo Finish. Now for a crushing blow to Rarity's ego, it is Fluttershy who will be the new fashion star, it will be her who shines across all of Equestria, not you!

Alright, now Rarity is having a meltdown. She decides to make a simple black cloak and begins talking about going into exile. Well I can think of one place where she can go into exile. She can come up here, move into my sleeping chambers and keep me happy for years, well until she loses her sex appeal and starts going through menopause. After that, yuck, I will throw her out!

Poor Fluttershy, getting dragged off to face who knows what kind of horrors. I swear, when they are putting the blush on her can't they make up their minds on how much they want on her? It is obvious that Fluttershy is getting frustrated so I guess I know where I'll be tonight! One thing I didn't know, and I probably should, is how tiny her sneezes are. They're nothing like mine that's for sure!

I decided to pay Rarity a little visit. She was crying her eyes out, kind of like how she does when I decide to simply make her watch me and Twilight get it on. Well we had a little bit of fun but she was too distraught to make it really enjoyable so I decided to go see Twilight and of course with her, whether she is happy, sad or distraught, my presence always makes her feel better.

Well it's photo shoot time for Fluttershy. Here Photo Finish thinks that she is going to be happy and excited, well she doesn't know Fluttershy very well. She is nervous and Photo Finish thinks it is ridiculous. Well what can you expect from a pony who has been an attention whore since she was five? Well Fluttershy goes out on the runway but she does marvelously, the ponies love her. Soon images of her will be used by advertisers everywhere. Wait a minute, I just realized they probably won't pay her royalties for using her image and if they don't, I will make sure she gets her money....even if it means using torture! Nopony cheats my sexy Fluttershy and gets away with it!

Now the advertising is coming out with Fluttershy's image. I am keeping track of this. I won't go after Sweet Apple Acres because I'm assuming since Applejack is a friend of her's, Fluttershy gave her permission to use her image. Everypony else though, they'll pay dearly for this!

Ok, now I know Fluttershy hates attention but why would she walk through town without any disguising clothing on? She is a star now, everypony and their pet is going to harass her. Suddenly everypony is chasing after her and she can't get away from the cameras. She finally finds refuge in Rarity's boutique. That was obviously hell on Rarity. It is quite obvious that she is jealous of Fluttershy but she tries to put on a happy face and you'd think she would be able to tell Fluttershy was miserable. But of course Fluttershy MUST, SHE MUST, SHE MUST do this for Rarity. I was going to go tell Rarity to tell Fluttershy that she didn't HAVE to do it so everypony would be happier, but I decided against it. I figure if Fluttershy is more stressed out, she'll need me around to unwind more.

Well Fluttershy's refuge wouldn't last for long. Photo Finish hunts her down and drags her off. Good gravy you whore, can't you just leave her alone for a bit? Unfortunately the answer to that was no and poor Rarity, ponies come in looking for Fluttershy. You know what Bon Bon, there is no need for you to be such a bitch when Rarity tells you she is having a sale. Oh yes, you and Berry Punch just had to go see if you could get in Fluttershy's coat didn't you? I'm thinking, just to stir up some trouble I should tell Lyra that her marefriend wants Fluttershy. That would be quite entertaining. I wonder if those two ever fight and if they do, I wonder how kinky the make up sex is? I've always heard it is really kinky. I've heard the same is true about hate sex, so maybe Bon Bon and Rarity should have an intimate encounter sometime. The hateful sexy times would be quite hot!

Well now Rarity is at the spa waiting for Fluttershy and my sexy little Twily shows up. I'm wondering, I didn't see any of the spa ponies around so perhaps things happened that they couldn't show in the episode. Turns out I was right, they had hot, raunchy sex right there in the spa and I wasn't invited! Now both of them are going to pay. I've always wanted to get laid in that spa and now I'm jealous!

Now for what they could show. Rarity admits to Twilight that she is jealous of Fluttershy's fame, well no shit! Everypony already knows that. Shame on you Rarity, you want her bright star to burn out? How could you even think that? Fluttershy is supposed to be your "best friend!" Let me guess, you're afraid Fluttershy won't want you as her "bestie" anymore once she becomes the hottest supermodel in all of Equestria.

Now on to more important topics, Rarity makes Twilight Pinkie Promise that she won't tell Fluttershy about her jealousy. First it is Spike's secret she has to keep and now she has Rarity's. Hmmm....how well will she do at keeping these? Oh and Twilight, next time you do the Pinkie Promise, close your eye when you say "stick a cupcake in my eye." You are supposed to be one of the smartest ponies in Equestria and you fail to do the simplest of things.

Rarity leaves and now the hot and sexy Fluttershy shows up. Poor Fluttershy, I heard her and Rarity were going to have fun in the sauna but oh no, Photo Finish just had to make her miss it. That is the REAL reason she was so agitated, well I'm sure her hating modeling had something to do with it too. Oh, and now Fluttershy makes Twilight promise not to tell Rarity that she hates modeling. Now Twily has three secrets to keep. Can she do it? I've decided that if she can, sexy times will ensue and I'll let her dominate me! If not, sexy times will still ensue but I'll be the one in charge and after I'm done, Twinkleshine can have her way with her.

Now Fluttershy brings up something that gives Twilight and idea. What if the ponies didn't like her anymore? What Twilight does next is a stroke of genius. Since Fluttershy can't do anything unattractive on her own, which I know all too well!, Twilight will use her magic to make it happen. This should be quite interesting. Either way, I know Fluttershy will be distraught and I'll have to make her feel better, which makes both of us feel better!

Now it's time for the fashion show. There's that smug ass Photo Finish there along the runway, with that pompous ass smile on her face. What I wouldn't do to rip those sunglasses off of her and smack the shit out of her. I wonder, why does she always wear those things? Is she missing an eye and would look downright hideous without them? Oh well, on to more important matters. Twilight is briefing Fluttershy on what is going to happen and Fluttershy seems to like the idea.

The music starts and Fluttershy heads out on the runway. Now here comes little miss jealous in an incredibly hideous dress and an even more hideous hat. Ugh, sometimes I wonder about Rarity. She is jealous as hell but she still wants to go see Fluttershy shine. Now the fun part begins. Twilight uses her magic and suddenly Fluttershy is doing all sorts of things! Barking like a dog, flying upside down, scratching herself, picking her nose. Now everypony is booing her and Photo Finish just had a coronary. You'd think those idiot ponies would know some external force was influencing Fluttershy.

Just as Fluttershy thought her nightmare was over, Rarity starts cheering "Bravo!" Oh good grief, other ponies see what she is wearing and now they applaud Fluttershy's altered performance as well. Poor Fluttershy, now she is even more popular? This is terrible! What if she was to become more popular than me? Nah, why should I worry? Nopony will ever be more popular than your sexy Sun Goddess!

Now Fluttershy is complaining to Twilight and Rarity comes along, trying to comfort her. Now finally, Rarity admits her jealousy to Fluttershy and now Fluttershy admits her hating modeling to Rarity. It was funny as they were talking though, the measures Twilight took to prevent herself from spilling the beans first. I wonder, was that dirt very tasty? Ponyville must be rubbing off on her, I heard some ponies there eat dirt but you'd never catch me doing it, ugh that is just gross!

Ok, Photo Finish shows up and starts saying what Fluttershy did was brilliant. It was not brilliant, it was just her being controlled by my sexy purple student. Now that she doesn't have to worry about Rarity being mad at her, Fluttershy tells Photo Finish to go fuck herself when she brings up all these new photo shoots. (Well in the unedited version anyway)

Twily was doing so good at keeping those secrets and then she just has to yell "Spike has a crush on Rarity!" around Photo Finish. Memo to Twilight, Photo Finish doesn't give a shit. She has much bigger issues right now, such as finding a new model. Small issues like a horny little dragon wanting to bang Rarity don't mean shit to her.

Now back in the spa, Twilight reads her message off to Spike and yeah I get it. You learned that sometimes being afraid to tell the truth will make your life miserable. Well guess what Twilight, you will be dominated tonight, by both me and Twinkleshine. As far as Rarity and Fluttershy go, I'm pretty sure they will have plenty of fun tonight. Oh and Spike, just send the damn message rather than doing anything you can to bang Rarity. Tonight is Fluttershy's turn, tomorrow night is Twilight's, after that it is me and then Rarity will be having fun with all three of us! She ain't into BABY dragons so get over it!

Now be gone all of you, I need to go inform Twinkleshine that her and I will be dominating Twilight tonight. I'm sure she will be very excited over this, she loves to dominate Twilight, but then again who doesn't?

Chapter 21: Over a Barrel

Chapter 21: Over a Barrel

Hello everypony, it is your beloved sexy Sun Goddess Celestia again and I have a surprise for you. Yes most of the ponies in Equestria have failed to pay their taxes, have disrespected me a lot, some have called for me to abdicate but since three of my lovelies aren't available and the rest have exams to study for, I have nothing better to do so I shall give you my synopsis of "Over a Barrel."

I'm not a very happy princess right now because three of my lovelies and their friends are traveling out to some backwater town in the absolute middle of nowhere and why are they doing this? They are doing it so that Applejack can take this special tree of hers, Bloomberg, and give it as a gift to her family down in Appaloosa. Couldn't Applejack have done that on her own or at least have only taken Pinkie and Rainbow with her? I had plans with my lovelies for tonight but now I won't get any action, none at all! Oh well, I'll punish them accordingly once they get home.

Back to the train and get this. Applejack has got a private sleeper car for that tree of hers! Yep, you heard me right, a sleeper car for a tree! Aren't there cargo trains to transport things like that? It looks like I'm not the only one less than thrilled, Rarity is as well. Yeah she was whining like a little bitch over it but I can see her point because I know what she was thinking. She was thinking that she, Fluttershy and my sexy little Twily could go in there and have fun but instead, she has to sleep with the other ponies in a regular car. I know what I'll be doing when they get back, I'll be making a fashionista with a hideous tail feel all better!

Alright, I need to stop going into every single detail or I will never get this done. After my lovelies and their friends were being incredibly annoying, obnoxious and loud enough to keep Rarity awake, Spike decides to go back to the sleeper car and curls up next to Bloomberg. Sorry Spike but I doubt that tree is going to give you the action Rarity won't. Yeah it is quiet but still, sleeping with a tree is weird and creepy.

Alright, before I continue on I'm going to make a comment about the train they are using. It is backwards, very backwards. Get this, they have something that looks like an engine in the front but they have stagecoach stallions pulling it! Is that all the more they have out in that hellhole? The train left Ponyville so I would think that modern trains would be used but oh well, it's not any skin off of my flank.

Now for something fun! It looks like the buffalo aren't exactly thrilled with trains running out through their territory, well I think it is their territory. I'd have to look at a map and see where the buffalo lands are but looking at the place, I'm guessing it is.

Alright writers, once again you fucked up big time! Those buffalo trying to knock over the ponies pulling that thing would have worked! Those buffalo are much bigger and the ones trying to knock over the train should have succeeded in derailing that thing. I get it, the tree has to get there safely but seriously, can't you at least make it a bit realistic? They could have had the buffalo derail it, then have me go use my magic to transport that tree to Appaloosa and then had me have some fun with my lovelies at the hotel there!

Speaking of the buffalo, there is one smaller one, a female who manages to not only jump on top of the train but also detach that sleeper car from the rest of the train. Oh no, the buffalo have Spike and Bloomberg now. Naturally Rainbow Crash tries to go after her and without anypony else noticing, Pinkie manages to jump off the train and look for Spike as well. I know the ponies across Equestria, especially the earth ponies, would want me to intervene but I have more important things to do, such as eat some cake and a side of Twinkleshine since she has been giving me bedroom eyes.

Enough about me going to have some cake and Twinkleshine, let's get back to this. Finally the train arrives in Appaloosa and they are all greeted by Applejack's overly enthusiastic and mildly annoying cousin, Braeburn. Good grief cowcolt, I know you like your town but good grief.....wait a minute, did he just say that his town had been built in just the past year? If that is the case you know what that means don't you? It means that if that town was built on buffalo land and they came complaining to me, I could force them to move their town elsewhere. I suppose we'll see if they come and bitch to me or not.

Now we go to Pinkie and Crashie who are out in the desert searching for Spike and good grief you bitches, don't be so damn loud! Unfortunately for those two their noisiness has caused them to be surrounded by buffalo but luckily for them, Spike is able to convince the buffalo to not attack them. I'm surprised he was able to do that given that the buffalo aren't fond of ponies, well most of them anyway. They totally respect me because they know of my powers.

Night time has arrived and it looks like those two are out with the buffalo. I don't know if they took those two hostage or what but if they did and they do something terrible to them, I won't care. I can always find another overly joyous earth pony and another loyal pegasus....it's not like the buffalo took one of my lovelies!

Alright, now we find out why the buffalo are so mad, the ponies have planted an apple orchard right in their traditional stampeding ground! Oh my goodness, what do I do here? I know that I should intervene but not only is Twinkleshine begging me for some love, so are Lemon Hearts and Colgate. Hell even Lyra came up and is begging me for it too so you know what? I'll just have Applejack and her friends deal with it, four little hotties in heat and some cake is way more important!

Alright, the next day has arrived and I must admit, I am one very happy princess! I had a bunch of cake last night, I had a fun time with four hotties although I'm going to admit....one of my students, Colgate, really unnerved me when she pried my mouth open with her magic and looked like she was checking my teeth out and then suddenly rammed her hoof up in me but oh well, I know she prefers to be dominant so no problem there. I'll let you in on a little secret none of you better tell anypony, I find it really hot the way she asserts her dominance over me!

"Princess Celestia!"

"What is it StormLuna?"

"Look, I know you like talking about your sexual exploits with your students but now is not the time to do it! You have a synopsis to give!"

"But StormLuna...."

"No buts! Unless you want me to have Colgate brutally molest you with a sharp object, you'll get back to work on this!"

"Oh fine but just know I'm only doing this so Colgate won't hurt me."

"Just get back to work, alright?"

*grumbles* "Whatever"

I guess I better get back to work on this so StormLuna won't have Colgate hurt me. Alright, like I said the next day arrived and apparently my sexy Twily and her friends are going to go hiking into buffalo territory to find their friends but luckily for them, they won't have to because Pinkie and Crash found them first BUT they have Little Strongheart, the smaller female buffalo with them.

Ok ponies, ok buffalo, let's have a good, civil discussion over this orchard that is creating so many problems. Now before they can even begin to discuss anything Pinkie breaks out into one of the most annoying songs about sharing and caring. I could see it in the eyes of not only the sheriff but Chief Thunderhooves that they were going to sit down and negotiate but now the buffalo are going to go in and not only destroy the orchard, but the whole town! I really hope they do and there are fatalities on both sides because that would make this episode a lot more fun!

Now that the Appaloosans know the buffalo are going to come and level that sorry excuse of a town they are preparing for it. Oh my goodness, they think wooden barriers are going to stop the stampede? They think apple pies are going to stop them? I swear, they obviously aren't the brightest bunch around but I suppose they are just doing what they can with what they have. I would simply use my magic to move the orchard but you know I have other things on my agenda because the castle chef just placed a whole cake right in front of me and I can't say no to cake!

Not only are the Appaloosans preparing for the stampede, but so are the buffalo and Crash honestly thinks Chief Thunderhooves doesn't want to do this? Look bitch, they took their land, they planted a damn orchard on it and they never even asked for permission!

The following day has arrived and it looks like the buffalo are ready to stampede, crush that town and hopefully take a few lives. If that happens, that will give me the authority to deem that place unsafe for ponies and the buffalo can have all of their land back. One thing I can't help but wonder, where the hell do those Appaloosans get their water from? I ask this because there certainly aren't any lakes or rivers out there.

What is this, suddenly the buffalo aren't going to stampede? What a shame....oh boy, Pinkie is singing that annoying song and CHARGE! The buffalo have begun their stampede and are creating havoc out in that backwater town. Oh please buffalo, wreck it to the ground! Everything seems to be going fine until poor Chief Thunderhooves gets hit in the face with a pie and falls to the ground.

Ok writers, I want to know something. How is it that apple pies can bring the buffalo down? I get it this is a cartoon so anything can happen but still, the buffalo aren't that weak. I have some good news though, the chief got a taste of that pie and now he is all better and he has come up with the perfect solution! They have decided to clear a path through that orchard for the buffalo to stampede through but the Appaloosans must give them some of their apple treats every time they go through.

Alright, that is fair enough. In the end though this wound up being boring because nopony and nobuffalo got hurt and to make matters worse, my lovelies are going to stay down there one more night just so they can feast on apple pies! Now I am one very pissed off princess. Not only do I hurt down south because of Colgate shoving her hoof up in me but I won't even get one of my three favorites tonight! Well I suppose this will give me time to heal and I will tell you one thing, I'm seriously wondering about ever letting Colgate in my chambers again. Yes I find her dominance sexy but the pain that comes along with it is anything but sexy!

Now if you will excuse me, I am going to hide in my chambers because I hear a blue unicorn banging on my door demanding I let her in because she is in the mood. Oh Mother Faust please don't let her know how to unlock doors, please!

Chapter 22: A Bird in the Hoof

Chapter 22: A Bird in the Hoof

Hi everypony, this is your supreme dictator Celestia and all of you have behaved quite well recently so I have decided that I will share with you my synopsis of A Bird in the Hoof.

Well here we start out with Fluttershy again showing that she cares way too much for those animals and not nearly enough about me. Ugh, what pony in their right mind would allow a disgusting family of mice to live in their home? Does Fluttershy not realize that those things carry diseases and are downright nasty? I'm thinking I will avoid her cottage for a while, well at least until she evicts those dirty little vermin. Having a demon rabbit is one thing, but rodents are one thing I don't want to have to be exposed to.

Speaking of demon rabbits, along comes Angel. The way he is panicking you'd think he is worried that I'm coming and he is urging his owner to clean her cottage. Well the clock tower strikes four and the sexiest of Twilight's friends is just standing there completely clueless. Now why would she be completely clueless, it's just a damn clock going off. Suddenly it's her, she has an event she must attend, an event in which I will be present. Now she realizes what is going on and gets ready to go. But what does she do, she keeps on running back and forth thanking Angel. Finally the demon rabbit locks her out so she'll come to my event. I am shocked, that demon rabbit has done something useful! Don't tell anypony this but had Fluttershy not shown up, I would have tied her to a chair and forced her to watch me screw Rarity and Twilight tonight.

Well I have learned one thing about Rainbow. She must be incredibly stupid if she thinks she can get into my royal guard. One thing she doesn't realize is that I only allow stallions into the guard. Yes I tend to think that males are the "lesser sex" but they sure the hell are useful when it comes to being guardsponies. Oh and Rainbow, being in the guard does pay well, well as long as you are higher ranked. The newbies only get room and board. Making them stay on the base keeps them out of trouble.

Ok, now on to the party. Well after a bit of trouble with my guardsponies, Fluttershy was finally able to get in. When I saw she arrived I was both happy and irritated. I was happy because I would get to watch her flank sway back and forth as she walked BUT I was irritated that she was late! She was tardy and you know how I feel about tardiness!

I know Twilight wants me to approve of her friends but come on, I've met them before and I know some of them a lot better than the others, a lot better! I'm not sure what is wrong with Applejack but she can't bring herself to eat anything, Rarity is freaking out over something getting on her dress (big surprise) but what pissed me off was that Pinkie had the audacity to eat MY cupcake! She better be happy that she did this in a social setting where half the town was present. Had she done that anywhere else, her ass would have been on the moon ASAP.

Enough about Twilight's other friends, Fluttershy comes to talk to me! I'm always happy when I get to talk to her but I'm still irked she invests so much time and energy into a bunch of dumb rodents who never thank her in return. Well I brought my pet with me and she seems curious as to what she is. Well I don't mention it because it simply didn't cross my mind. Well I get notified that the mane dying dingbat mayor wants to speak to me. Great, just great. Here I was about to tell Fluttershy I needed to see her after this party but royal duties call. I'll tell you one thing, if that mayor wants to get laid it ain't happening. I'd rather have to hoof myself for all eternity than get it on with her ugly ass.

Well the Cakes get to cleaning everything while the other ponies leave. Little did I know that a disaster was about to strike. What is even worse is that the events that were about to unfold would happen while I would be ignoring the mayor and fantasizing about Fluttershy as she flapped her jaw. From what Luna saw up in Canterlot, I seriously wished that the mayor would have left me alone.

From what Luna told me she saw Fluttershy steal MY pet, she stole Philomena. Luna told me that she was going to come down and stop her but figured that I gave Fluttershy permission to care for her. Oh boy, now Fluttershy is going to pay! Nopony takes anything of mine without me giving them permission. I don't know how I will do it but I'll tell you one thing, despite me loving her, she must be punished and punished severely!

Ugh I wish Luna would have came down here and rescued Philomena. I know Fluttershy meant well but the things she would do to my pet infuriated me. For starters, she obviously doesn't know much about taking care of a patient. She covers my precious Philomena up until she overheats, then uncovers her and puts an ice bag on her head until she freezes. Here's an idea, instead of doing that bring her back where she belongs. Ugh Fluttershy, you are not going to like what I have planned for you, Tartarus for a week perhaps?

Next up she wants to shove a pill down my pet's throat! What if she were allergic to it and it killed her? If that would have happened I would have killed Fluttershy, found a different sexy and kind pegasus and replaced her. Luckily that didn't happen and Fluttershy soon learned that ordinary bird seed did not sit well with her. Memo to Fluttershy: Philomena only eats the finest bird seed imported from Saddle Arabia, not that low grade shit you feed your birds. No wonder she threw it up.

And also, she tries to feed her some nasty soup, well that ain't happening! Philomena won't eat that shit either, got that Flutters? Just as I prefer your fine nectar over that of lesser mares, my bird only likes the best soup. So now you think a humidifier is going to help? Well you obviously don't know anything about phoenixes now do you? Aromatherapy? Hell that shit makes me gag so she sure the hell ain't going to like it. Another thing that proves Fluttershy is a ditz is that she puts my phoenix in a tub of water. Once again, stupid.

Now during all this Philomena has been shedding her feathers, like phoenixes always do towards the end of their life cycle. Now this is where I do a facehoof, Fluttershy is taping the feathers back on her. I'm thinking it is time to strip her of her veterinary license. Nopony in their right mind would think doing that would help.

So now Twilight is headed over to see Fluttershy, probably to have some fun with her to prep for tonight. You know how my Twily is, she always likes to be ready and a bit of practice will ensure that she won't screw up. Sadly for her things may not turn out so well. Twilight all of a sudden decides what is best for my pet. She forces that pill down her throat! Ok Twilight, you've screwed up and regardless of how things turn out, somepony's going to get punished tonight and it will NOT be in my sleeping chambers just in case you're wondering!

Well my guard goes and tells Twilight that my bird is missing. Guess what you moronic hacks, she already knows that! Once they leave the fun part arrives, trying to return Philomena to her cage. I must say, Philomena is a chip off the old block as she would not make this easy. So a chase ensues and the same twangy country music the writers always use goes on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they keep on thinking they'll catch her but they can't. It's not surprising though considering the animators forgot to show that ten minute make-out session those two engaged in.

Well finally, despite lacking almost all her feathers, Philomena finds her way up to the top of a pony statue and after some of the melodramatic death scene acting, she falls and bursts into flames. Oh boy, Fluttershy is in for it now! I am going to charge her with first degree murder of a royal pet. The punishment: Death by fire in town square. This will teach everypony that you do not steal my pet and kill it!

Well I show up and see that Fluttershy is obviously distraught over this so maybe I will spare her my wrath, key word, maybe! So now Twilight and Fluttershy are both claiming responsibility. They are so adorable bickering like this I have decided to let them both live, despite being responsible for the death of my bird. Now for the fun part! They didn't kill Philomena but they don't need to know that, yet! So I go over, told Philomena's ashes to stop being such a bitch and reform. Now everypony's happy but the little miss hot shit animal mare still doesn't know what she is, nor does my little miss hot shit student. Perhaps I need to "educate" the two sometime!

Ok Fluttershy, I get it, you learn you shouldn't steal something without permission and next time you plan on committing larceny, you'll ask permission first. I doubt you'll get it but I'll spare the rod for now. While it was funny to see Philomena to make my guardsponies laugh, what was even funnier was the priceless look on Twilight and Fluttershy's faces when I loaded Rarity up on my chariot and left them home. Hey, the worst she did was whine about her dress being in danger. Let's just say that having Rarity all to myself was fun, very fun.

Now just leave me alone, I am grieving because I only get to keep Rarity for a few more days before she has to engage in whatever stupid shit it is that she does with her friends. The less time I have to deal with you is the more time I can focus on my slutty fashionista.

Chapter 23: The Cutie Mark Chronicles

Chapter 23: The Cutie Mark Chronicles

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and do I have a surprise for you! Most of you have paid your taxes, you have paid homage to me like you are supposed to and the Appaloosans and the buffalo had a joint celebration honoring me so I shall share with you my synopsis of "The Cutie Mark Chronicles."

A new day has arrived and it looks like the Cutie Mark Crusaders are once again trying something to get their cutie marks. Get this, this time they are going to try zip lining. Seriously girls, you think that is going to work? This is even more proof that those three must have skipped the line when common sense was being handed out to newborns. Oh well, I have a feeling this episode is going to be a good one so I have ordered my cake delivered to my balcony so I can watch the antics they are going to give us.

Alright, they failed in getting zip lining cutie marks, big surprise there right? Now they have decided to ask other ponies how they got theirs. That is good because maybe it will prevent them from ever adding "depose Celestia and Luna" to their ideas of how to get those marks on their asses.

Now they are bickering about who they should ask and guess who their final choice is? If you guessed Rainbow Crash, you are right. Seriously girls, you think she would have anything to teach you? You honestly think that a cutie mark in narcissism is going to be a good thing? Well guess what, it won't be. Just go find somepony with a brain and ask her instead. *hint, hint, come ask me* but remember, you'll be surrounded by guards with spears if you do.

They start their search and the first pony they run into is Applejack, who Apple Bloom initially wanted to ask. Alright, it looks like Applejack is going to tell her story and it is flashback time! Oh I love it when there are flashbacks of ponies when they were adorable little fillies! They are always so adorable and their little smiles are to die for!

To the first flashback. Alright, when Applejack was a filly she wanted to go live with her Aunt and Uncle Orange in Manehattan and live the sophisticated life. Wow, that is nothing like the Applejack of today! Naturally when she left Granny and Big Mac were sad but soon little Applejack would learn that life in Manehattan would not be what she had hoped....tiny meals, her relatives there have snobby friends and most of all, she got homesick.

One morning when the sad little filly was looking out the window she saw a rainbow that pointed her home and it was home she went and she got her cutie mark! So I'm guessing the moral of this story is run away from home, get homesick, come home, get greeted by your relatives and get a mark. Sounds simple enough, right?

Well Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom liked the story but Scootaloo found it too sappy. That doesn't surprise me but once again she is demanding that they go find Rainbow Dash and so off they went. The next pony they ran into was not Crash but instead it was the sexiest pegasus to ever roam the earth, a sexy pegasus that is on the docket for me tonight, Fluttershy.

Alright, once again Fluttershy is showing that she cares way too much about a bunch of dumb animals and not nearly enough about me! Helping baby ducks across the road? Seriously Flutters? I have an idea for you, fly up here and help me get to my sleeping chambers so we can have some fun. I'm really needy and I can see it in her eyes that she is too but she can't show it around those fillies!"

Despite Scootaloo being a little bitch about it, they decide to listen to Fluttershy's story. Awww....she was such an adorable little filly! Naturally her story starts in Cloudsdale at summer flight camp and I can't help but feel sorry for her. The poor thing was a weak flyer and got made fun of by those stupid, useless jocks who wound up not contributing to society at all. Now I would have executed them by now but I've had so many other things that cluttered my schedule over the years.

Alright, enough about those little bastards, back to Fluttershy. Naturally one pony didn't like seeing her get bullied and surprisingly it was Rainbow Dash, who was also an adorable little filly. She challenged those little bastards to a race and unfortunately, Fluttershy was the one waving the start flag and got knocked to the ground when the three racers flew by. Luckily for Fluttershy, the rest of Equestria and especially me, she was saved by butterflies.

Alright writers, you must be smoking crack or something because Fluttershy, even as a filly, would have fallen through and crushed those butterflies rather than them catching her. Next up she broke into song and sang about how she loves everything. Yeah, uh huh Flutters, I doubt you love everything. You don't love those piece of shit bullies and you haven't met me yet so no you don't!

Once she finished her song a loud boom scared the animals into hiding but Fluttershy was able to calm them down and she got her cutie mark! Before I move on though I must make note of something. In Cloudsdale she couldn't fly worth shit but suddenly she can fly up into the clouds and comfort some ducks? Perhaps it is a matter of flying in front of others that was her problem, not flying in general. Now back to where I was headed. Alright Scootaloo, I know you didn't like her story but there is no need to be such a little bitch about it. Hell maybe she will get a cutie mark for being a bitch but what would that even look like?

Next up they run into Rarity and she goes into her story. Now this doesn't surprise me, she was making costumes for her school's play. Of course they would be modest because what little filly even thinks about making slutty outfits? One thing that she was back then though was a perfectionist just like she is now. Now personally I agree with her teacher and think the outfits look nice but oh no, that isn't enough, they have to look spectacular!

Ok writers, you fucked up again! You show Rarity sewing and she said the school play opened that night but then have her horn spend a whole day dragging her out to this rock? Alright, now for what is absolutely adorable! Filly Rarity getting mad because she thinks her destiny is a rock. I swear, angry fillies are the most adorable fillies but then some boom winds up splitting that rock and it is full of gems! Yep, you heard me right, gems. Now had I known she done that I would have taxed her parents for it but oh well, it is all a moot point now.

Now for another mess up, how did she get those gems back to Ponyville? How did she get them attached to the costumes and how did she get them back so quickly? I get it, again it is a cartoon so anything can happen but still, they could have tried to make it look semi-realistic.

As it turned out the play turned out great, her teacher gave her a huge smile over those costumes and she got her cutie mark! Oh good grief Scootaloo, would you stop bitching already? I have a message for her as well, getting a cutie mark IS a result of discovering who you are! It is not about doing dumb shit like zip lining or other pointless things that will never result in gainful employment.

And so the search for Crashie continues but up next they run into my sexy Twily and of course they listen to her story and she, like all the others, was a very adorable little filly! You know, I think I remember seeing her cut to the front of the line and watching me raise the sun. If you didn't notice, I saw her down there and gave her a smile because I had a feeling she would be somepony special, somepony with powerful magic and no, I did not think about her growing up into a sexy, kinky unicorn! Only complete sickos think that about fillies and colts!

Of course we all know that even before she got into my school that she was OCD when it came to studying and next up we have her entrance exam. I remember that day too. Yeah I didn't see her failing but I did see her when her magic was in overload, she had made Spike huge and turned her parents into plants. What I remember most though was that moment when she got her cutie mark, "Yes, yes, yes!"

The adorable little thing was jumping around but that wasn't the only time she did that. Once she matured she would do that when I told her it was time for a "special study lesson" and she still does it sometimes when I come to visit because she knows that sexy times are going to ensue!

Scootaloo, would you quit being such a bitch and lose the Crashie obsession because outside of you, nopony else cares how she got her mark. It was probably doing something stupid like crashing into a wall or something. Ok, enough about that because next up they run into Pinkie Pie.

Scootaloo, just listen to her story alright? Pinkie goes into her story and what a sad little filly she was. Poor little Pinkamena was working hard on the rock farm and had no happiness in her life until she saw a rainbow for the first time, a rainbow that cleared away the dreary skies out there. Now suddenly she is happy and even stranger, she somehow has the means and money to go and get presents and cake! Her family was shocked to see this and I'm really bummed out, I could have had cake had I known about this!

That was the moment that she transformed from being Pinkamena to Pinkie and would not go down a path of being a serial killer and instead would become an Element bearer. Alright, now they have arrived at Sugarcube Corner and I can see inside and sadly, there is no cake! They have no cake whatsoever and now I am a sad princess. I was going to go down there too!

Finally they find Crashie and she goes into detail about her cutie mark story which outside of defending Fluttershy's honor was boring! Yeah, yeah, yeah Crash we get it. You broke the sound barrier, created a sonic rainboom, became a narcissistic bitch and got a mark on your ass, big fucking deal!

Wait a minute, from what they all are saying it was that sonic rainboom that caused things to happen where they would get their marks? Ok, maybe her cutie mark story isn't as bad as I thought it was but I still have a memo for Scootaloo: Give it up bitch, you're not going to get a mark the way your hero did so get over it. Maybe you can try packing boxes, stealing candy, testing pillows or some other dumb shit since you can't do it the Dash way.

Ugh....they're all going to have a sappy hug moment, *gag, gag, gag!* Give me a break girls, so you've been connected for quite some time but so what? All that matters is that Twily, Fluttershy and Rarity put out on demand and everything will be fine. And finally, Twilight is writing a sappy letter to me while staring at a rainbow.

What they had her say was not what she really wrote. This is what she really wrote,

"Dear Master Celestia,

My friends and I just finished telling the Filly Illuminati about how we got our cutie marks and now I'm really stressed but I'm not the only one. Rarity and Fluttershy are also stressed out and the three of us need a release so we will be up there before nightfall. We shall see you soon and be ready for you to "punish" us!

Love your little Ho,

Twilight Sparkle"

I tell you, that night those three were so ready, so energetic, so kinky and so feisty. Yeah my sister was a bit concerned that I would be too tired to raise the sun but you know what, I proved her wrong and even better, those three stayed with me for an extra five days until they would be needed for the next episode! I tell you, sometimes princess life can be a bitch but moments like that make it all worth it!

Chapter 24: Owl's Well that Ends Well

Chapter 24: Owl's Well that Ends Well

Hello everypony, it is your malevolent dictator, I mean benevolent princess and I do have a surprise for you. Yes most of you have been complete assholes with the negative editorials, failure to pay taxes and a festival in Fillydelphia honoring Luna has pissed me off but I have nothing better to do so I shall share with you my synopsis of "Owl's Well that Ends Well."

Remember how those assholes in Fillydelphia held a festival in honor of Luna? Well I have discovered that it is because of some dumb meteor shower she has planned and thanks to her, Twilight just has to go out and watch it instead of kicking Spike out and inviting me to the library, dumb bitch anyway. Despite her doing this, I decide to do the invisibility and teleport spell anyway to keep an eye on her.

It looks like my little Twily is gathering everything she thinks that her friends would like. With all the crap she's taking I'd think she wants to have a six mare orgy tonight but I'll make sure that doesn't happen. I'm pissed that she's putting this ahead of me so I'm not giving her any love tonight but hey, Fluttershy is a different story.

Now here we have Spike being a narcissistic little bastard. My Twily makes a comment about him being her number one assistant and he keeps on saying "what was that, I didn't hear that." Little bastard anyway, you are her only assistant. He may think that but soon he will do something that might upset my sexy little student further down the road.

My Twily asks him to go and get some old book about the stars, planets and all that other boring shit and of course he complies. Here is what is funny, while he is grabbing it he sneezes and incinerates a good part of the book. Sweet, now I just have to wait for Twily to discover this, get all grumpy and then I can swoop in and calm her down. Alright, well he claims he can't find it, starts telling Twily she is super smart and they are on their way.

Once they arrive on top of this hill they are greeted by her friends and you're not going to believe this. Rarity made Spike this gem covered bow tie because he is such a star. Ugh, gag me and now I can see it in Spike's eyes, he thinks he is gonna get laid!

Now you're not going to believe this but Rarity said, "Screw the meteor shower. Come on Spike, you can come screw me instead!" I can't believe it, she's gonna put out for him. I decided to follow them and that is exactly what happened and even better for Spike, she was ovulating so chances are he knocked her up. Do I hear wedding bells ringing? Guess what, I do! Rarity asked Spike to marry her and he said yes!

"Princess Celestia!"

"What StormLuna?"

"Look, I know you probably find this funny but that did not happen. Rarity did not lure Spike to the boutique so he could knock her up."

*laughs* "But it would make Spike happy! If I say it happened, it happened, right?"

"NO! Look, do it right or I'm taking your lovelies away from you and giving them to my OC."

"No, not my lovelies! Please don't give them to your OC! He'd probably knock them up!"

"First they would become his wives and then he would knock them up so if you don't want them turning straight you'll do this right."

"Fine but I'm only doing this so your OC doesn't steal my harem."

"Ok, get back to work."

Ugh he can be so mean. I want to add some humor to this and he threatened to punish my lovelies. Alright, well once again Spike goes acting like he is hot shit as Twily's friends continue to patronize Spike until my hot little student told him to shut his fucking trap (well in the much better unedited version.) Ultimately the meteor shower started and ponies across Equestria began praising Luna and commenting how much better she is than me. Guess what, all those serfs are going to see a major tax increase. Nopony goes saying Luna is better than me!

Finally this accursed meteor shower is over and Twilight's glorified pet has fallen asleep in the punch pitcher. Ugh, how disgusting. Chances are he probably drooled in it and luckily for everypony, Twilight dumped it out because nopony wants to drink something with dragon spit in it and after that, Twilight and Spike headed home.

Now guess what, as soon as they got home Spike fell asleep again and rather than hoping on the train to Canterlot, Twilight decides to start writing useless information down about comets. Look Twily, I already know about the composition of comets so you don't need to write me some dumb report to impress me. If you really want to impress me, you'll tell Spike to get lost so I can reverse this invisibility spell and sexy times can ensue! Unfortunately that does not happen and what happens next will likely piss off a scroll hacking pet.

Ok, there is Twily writing about comets acting like hot shit when the wind picks up and blows her scroll away. Doesn't that dumb bitch know how to close windows? When I saw her scroll blowing away I was thinking "good, now I can get some action." Unfortunately for me some dumb ass owl decides to return her scroll and she thanks the damn thing and decides to invite it in to stay with her while she studies (aka become her new pet).

Well shit, she already has Spike and now I'm going to have to kick TWO critters out before we can have some fun. Well I can think of one pony who won't be so upset, Fluttershy. With Twily being tied down by not just Spike, but this owl as well, I'll devote more time to the sexiest pegasus to have ever roamed this world....enough about how Fluttershy is going to see more action. Let's move on, shall we?

Finally I headed home because I needed to raise the sun and was hungry but hey, I can still watch her from my balcony while I feast on some cake, right? The next morning arrives and oh my goodness, Spike has slept in. I haven't seen him in this kind of panic in a while, quite a while actually. To make matters worse, I thought Twilight would be all grumpy and need calming down but she didn't. She was perfectly fine with him sleeping in because that owl of hers, that she named Owlicious, had done his chores for him.

Eventually Twilight decides to go out and Spike meets Owlicious. Naturally Spike met the owl and introduced him but that's not important. What is important is what my Twily did once she went out. Get this, she went to Rarity's and grabbed her, then they headed to Fluttershy's and had some fun. Of course yours Truly saw this as an opportunity so I teleported myself into Fluttershy's cottage and what they had planned to be a kinky threesome became a kinky foursome!

Wow, what a release. I didn't get any the night before and morning cake can only do so much. Now I think I shall prowl around Ponyville and keep an eye on those three, and if I get the chance, haul either one of them or some other hot mare to a secluded place and have some fun!

After we had some fun, Twilight and her sexy friends met up with their not so sexy friends outside of the library so they can meet Owlicious. Oh good grief, there are all her friends going all fan-filly over the dumb thing and there was poor Spike up in a windowsill listening to them. Now this is cold on the part of Rarity, very cold. She gave Owlicious a bow tie just like the one she gave Spike. Now this pisses him off and I don't blame him. I'm not thrilled either and rather than wasting time making apparel for owls, she should be submitting to me in the bedroom.

I don't blame Spike for being pissed and storming back inside one bit. Now there they are wondering why Spike was being such a little bitch and my Fluttershy makes the suggestion that Spike may feel threatened and worried that he may be replaced. Oh Twilight better not do that. I had to send crews out into the dragon lands to steal an egg and if she abandons Spike in favor of some dumb owl that can't talk, I'm dumping her as my protege. I'll demote her down to the role of royal sex slave and send somepony else down there to replace her. I've got it, I'll send Colgate down there because she scares me in the bedroom the way she is constantly staring at my teeth while she punishes me.

Alright, enough about this because if I don't stop going into so much detail this analysis will wind up being more like a book report. Moving on, well it looks like Twilight is writing more shit down to try and impress me again! Well while she is trying to impress me and failing miserably, her last quill breaks. Sweet, now she can forget about this, head up to Canterlot and make me happy! Now we have Spike to the rescue, he is bound and determined to find her another quill somewhere so he doesn't get replaced.

Well his initial search for a quill was fruitless. First the little dumb ass tears the library apart and then goes and tries to buy one from "Quills & Sofas" but unfortunately, they didn't have any so he had only one option. Despite knowing that a chicken's feather would be a sorry substitute for a quill he heads to Sweet Apple Acres and after getting his ass kicked by a chicken, he manages to get a feather. Of course he returns home to find that Owlicious had gave Spike one of his feathers to use as a quill.

Alright, now I am not happy. I was so busy following Spike that I'm not sure how she got him to give her a feather. Oh boy, she better not have put out to that damn thing in return for a feather. If she did, somepony is going to be in serious trouble and as punishment, I will chain her to my bed and let Colgate have her way with her and instruct my most intense student to torture her and then screw her. It would serve as a proper punishment for putting out for a damn owl.

Alright, again I'm going into too much detail but luckily for Twilight, I heard her thank Owlicious for the feather free of charge so sorry Colgate, but you'll have to wait until another time to get to punish Twilight for me. Ok, Spike has fallen asleep but that will not last for long when she dropped that book he burned up right in front of him and yelled at him.

Good grief Twilight, calm the fuck down! I would try to calm her down right now but I don't like dealing with her when she goes into grade A bitch mode. It was getting late, I was tired and I had a certain pony on my docket that night that despises tardiness more than Twilight, a pony who would punish me severely if I'm late. I just have to hope she won't rip my teeth out while we're having fun.

"Princess Celestia!"

"What now StormLuna?"

"Would you just tell everypony what they want to hear? I highly doubt they want to hear about how Colgate will punish you if you're late."

"Oh fine, I just got side tracked. I'll get back to work on this right away."

Sorry about that everypony, I'll try to stay on track now. The next day arrived and Spike has decided that he is going to try and fix this obsession Twilight has with that owl once and for all. I think he must have known that Rarity and Opal were headed over to Fluttershy's house for some fun. Flutters will have some Rares and Opal will hopefully kill and eat Angel. I would go and join them but I have to keep my eye on Spike because I'm sure that whatever he has planned is going to blow up in his face.

Get this, he wants to make it look like Owlicious killed a mouse in the library and what is ridiculous is that he thinks Opal's toy mouse will suffice. Come on Spike, I know you want to hurry up and frame Owlicious for rodentcide but please, Twilight is going to know that thing ain't real. Unfortunately in his fit of jealousy, he not only tears that thing open but he takes it home, throws it on the floor, covers it in ketchup but then as an added act of idiocy, he tears Twilight's pillow up right in front of her not knowing she was there. Now I am pissed, that pillow was really comfortable and who is to say if she'll find another one that good.

I'm not the only one pissed, Twily is too and after yelling at Spike, she leaves and after she left, Spike ran away from home. Well shit on a stick, how the hell am I supposed to communicate with her? Yeah I could always fly down there to tell her what I need but rather than going on and saving Equestria if need be, she would be satisfying my needs and sometimes that can't be on the top of her priority list....what a shame, right?

Night has fallen and Spike is wandering through the Everfree Forest pouting about how Twilight hates him now and how he let an owl unseat him as Twily's number one pet, I mean assistant. Once a rainstorm hits he finds a cave and goes in to get dry. Well shit, now I'm going to have to actually go there and monitor him. What a little bastard, I had a cake right in front of me and nopony else wanted to go to the forest and make sure he doesn't fall prey to timberwolves or some other creature that may be hungry.

Oh fun, just as I arrived a huge adult dragon has discovered that Spike is eating his gems. You'd think Spike would know that a big pile of gems would not just be sitting in a cave for no reason. Unfortunately for him, not being able to eat any more gems is the least of his problems at this point. It looks like this dragon is going to kill Spike but what the hell happens next? Get this, despite him trying to frame him for rodentcide and pillow destruction, Owlicious has come to save him! Now this is proof that Twily's pet owl ain't all that bright. I would have just let the dragon eat Spike but I would TAX HIM over the value of those gems and if he can't pay up, he'll be sleeping with the fishes.

Not only had Owlicious came to save Spike, but so did my sexy little student. Finally Spike, Owlicious and Twily got away from the dragon and out of the forest. Twilight can claim that she was worried about Spike all she wanted but I know what her initial reaction was when she discovered he ran away. She was thinking, "Good, now if I can just find a way to dispose of this owl, Celestia can come for sexy times any time she wants!"

Sadly the writers would pound it into her head that she better go save him and finally Spike decided to apologize to Owlicious for trying to frame him. Finally Twilight decided to have Spike try to write me some sort of sappy message how he learned not to be a knifing little bastard and that he shouldn't be jealous that Twilight has two pets now. That's right Spike, you shouldn't be. The only one who has that right is ME!

Now for what happened afterwards, I was not thrilled with Twilight for putting herself in danger for a disobedient little dragon so I made myself known, hauled her ass up to Canterlot and took her someplace that she would not exactly like. I decided that one of my hot students should get to fulfill her dreams. I took her to Colgate's house where she wound up getting brutally punished. Now I did get it on video but Colgate promised me that if it were mass produced that she would ram her whole leg up in me so it will remain a "Celestia's Porno Collection" exclusive. Perhaps this will teach Twilight not to put herself in unnecessary danger in the future.

Now if you will excuse me, Colgate is impatiently tapping her hoof because now it is time for us to punish Twilight together and I am sorry, but this one will not be on tape.

Chapter 25: Party of One

Chapter 25: Party of One

Hello everypony, this is your beloved dictator Celestia again and do I have a surprise for you, my analysis of "Party of One"

Well it looks like another wonderful day has arrived in Ponyville and as usual, my hot little student is reading away when what happens, Pinkie Pie decides to go deliver a singing telegram to her about her stupid alligator's birthday. Come on, nopony cares about the birthday of a toothless alligator. I am not happy that she interrupts my student from reading a book I sent to her about new sex positions! Well after she finishes annoying my little Twily she goes and annoys the rest of her friends. By the end of her singing telegram she is so tired she collapses on Fluttershy's doorstep.

Well her annoying her friends is bad enough but the fact that she was able to get them to attend this ridiculous party is even worse. I invited Twilight and Fluttershy to a party in my bedroom that day too but they just had to pick this instead. Well next time I see them, I'll punish them severely if you know what I mean. Seriously though, why would anypony choose a party for a brain dead alligator over a party with the sexiest pony to ever exist? Well they have their dumb party, engage in boring Pinkie party antics and then go home. Then Twilight has to make the dumbest suggestion ever, that they'll have to have another party soon.

Well shit, here I was thinking I could drag Twilight up here the next day for some fun but the party pony just has to ruin it. She shows up the next day and invites Twilight to "an after birthday part for Gummy." Seriously? Who in Equestria throws an "after birthday party?" That has to be the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of. Twilight however, has other plans. Pinkie approaches her over this but this time my student was ready, she pulled all her books out and told Pinkie she had to hit the books. Well yeah she has to hit the books, she has to learn something new! After all, I can only enjoy the same old stuff for so long. Sadly that was not what Twilight was going to study, she was simply making an excuse so she could plan out Pinkie's birthday party.

Well I suppose all I will get to do is watch Twilight and her friends do what it takes to get everything ready for Pinkie's party, which winds up becoming rather humorous....so humorous in fact that I can put my urges aside for some comedy. Now back to the episode, her other friends make excuses as well as to why they can't attend the party. She acts more and more suspicious as they all decline her invitations. I don't blame them, I would decline that kind of invitation as well. I would have simply told her that after birthday parties are stupid but that is just me.

Unfortunately for her friends, they don't manage to do that good of a job when it comes to avoiding detection. For starters, my beloved Twily must not be all that bright. She just had to go to the sweets shop to pick up the cake. I would think that if those five had an ounce of common sense, they would have had the cake delivered to Sweet Apple Acres the night before, that or had me watch over it and deliver it that day, under the condition that Twilight and Fluttershy compensate me, but it is too late for that now! Now you'd think Mrs. Cake and Twilight both would wonder what the hay is going on with the tin can in Sugarcube Corner but both of them lack common sense and don't think a thing about it.

Well Twilight gets the cake and heads over to Rarity's. What she doesn't know is that she is being followed by Pinkie, wearing the lamest and most overused disguise of all time, the glasses, human nose and mustache. I swear, while she does have her moments, she is quite dumb there. Anypony would know that is her. Well Rarity thinks she hears something and Gummy blows their cover so she has to find a new disguise. Speaking of Rarity, she is actually putting that hideous tail of her's to use. She is using it to carry the cake. Bravo Rarity! I didn't know she was that smart! Perhaps I should give her some special treatment at the Gala, if she decides to want me instead of my idiot nephew that is.

Well she delivers it to Fluttershy and who is right around the corner, a haybale with that stupid disguise on! Come on, that disguise will give Pinkie away no matter what. She could disguise herself as a pile of shit and as long as that disguise is on it, everypony will know it is her! Ok, the oh so sexy Fluttershy grabs that cake in her mouth and heads off but low and behold, she bumps into Haybale Pie and flies off. One thing most of you don't know. She was so scared she came up to Canterlot for a quickie to calm herself down. It's about damn time she put out, I was seriously considering banishing her to the moon if she would have waited much longer.

Once she got here and I took her to my sleeping chambers, I told a guard to keep an eye on this. From what he told me, Rainbow Dash walked by her and knew it was her. I must say that despite being an arrogant jock, that she is very observant. The guard broke down laughing as he told me about how no matter what she tried, she couldn't get away from Pinkie. I have some advice for Rainbow, fly up to Cloudsdale and hide....well maybe not, Pinkie would just beat her there in that balloon and manage to walk on clouds without having a spell cast on her. Suddenly I have the guard rushing in just as Fluttershy got me to climax yelling that Pinkie is chasing Rainbow towards the farm. I thought, "Oh shit! I can't have Fluttershy and the cake be missing!" With that I teleported her and the cake to the barn. What her friends thought when she was soaked with my nectar I'm not sure, but as long as she got washed off before Pinkie's party, all will be fine.

Well once I get back to my window to spy on Ponyville some more I see Pinkie interrogating poor Applejack over what is going on. Good thing my sister didn't see this or she would have flown down there, threatened to banish Pinkie to the sun if she didn't leave her alone and despite claiming she doesn't like sweets, she would have probably ate most of the cake herself.

Now the truly fun part ensues, Pinkie decides she must interrogate innocent little Spike over this. For me to see the next part, I had to cast an invisibility spell on myself and bolt to Ponyville. When I get there she has poor Spike in a chair and is interrogating him. Now you'd think Spike would wonder what is up with her offering him gems just to talk. Yeah he can be useful at times but at other times he is far too trusting. Pinkie keeps on yelling at him as he talks. I'm thinking, "Would you just shut up bitch? He wasn't in on this, alright?"

Finally Spike tells Pinkie what she wants to hear, AFTER WHAT SHE TELLS HIM WHAT TO SAY! Guess what, now we have Pinkamena Diane Pie! What a shame it wasn't the fan version of her, I was in the mood to watch some pony going on a killing spree, oh well though, I guess seeing her completely lose it and befriend inanimate objects will have to do. I suppose she decided that a bucket of turnips, a pile of rocks, a piece of lint and a sack of flour would be sooooo much better than real friends! Well they sure the hell won't be element bearers. Oh great, if this keeps up I'll have to find a new pony to bear the element of laughter.

Well after imagining her new "friends" are talking and moving on their own, Rainbow finally shows up to drag her ass to her party. Now something happened that should not be happening in a children's cartoon, in their struggle, Pinkamena ends up sitting on Rainbow's head. Now whether she was simply trying to suffocate her or wanted to give her a golden shower is beyond me, when it comes to these two, I'd rather not know.

Well finally Rainbow drags Pinkamena to Sweet Apple Acres for her party. In the crazed state she was in, Pinkamena thought they were throwing her a farewell party. Now why in Equestria would anypony throw somepony else a farewell party. With the way she was acting, they should have just thrown her out, told her to go to Tartarus and threw a "Twilight and Fluttershy are off to see Celestia party." Well eventually they get Pinkamena to see that it was her birthday and she returns to normal. Guess what though, she then wants to turn it into an "After Birthday party for Gummy" because he was upset his got cut short. Give me a break, it lasted for several hours.

I did get a good letter from Twilight which really read, "Dear Master Celestia, While I am enjoying Pinkie's stupid birthday party Fluttershy and I have plans on bolting early. Don't worry, we'll be there by nightfall. Love, Twilight Sparkle

P.S. Could you get Luna to do your duties for a few days, we're both really frustrated right now and need several days with you."

Of course my answer was yes and I'm seriously thinking that maybe I should just let Luna take over everything, make Twilight and Fluttershy immortal and have a threesome with them for all eternity.

Chapter 26a: The Best Night Ever

Chapter 26a: The Best Night Ever

Hello peasants, this is your Supreme Dictator Celestia again and one of the biggest events of the year is upon us, the Grand Galloping Gala. While I tend to find this event increasingly boring and useless, the dressmakers of Equestria have convinced me for decades to keep it going given the money they make off of it so I keep this shitty tradition alive.

Let's get started on this. It appears as though the pegasi have created yet another wonderful day down in Ponyville and up here in Canterlot. It would have been a shame had they decided a nasty rainstorm would have been necessary, causing my girls to get wet down there before coming up here. Well in the case of my sexy Twily, it would have been a good thing. Speaking of Twily, she has suddenly decided that her and her friends are too good to take the train up here so she uses some fancy spell to turn an apple into a carriage. Ugh, that reminds me of something that lame ass showboat Trixie would do. What would happen next would horrify everypony. She uses street magic to turn four mice into the ugliest horses of all time. I know she wants to get up here to see me as soon as possible but no way in Tartarus am I letting those hideous beasts into Canterlot! Luckily for me Opal attacks one of them and they take off.

Now they have no way to get to the Gala, well until Rarity promises to whore herself out to a couple of her neighbors. How dare she, first she wants to seduce my idiot nephew and now she wants to bang these two hacks? Not after I'm done with her. After tonight, she will realize that MARES are the way to go! She'll never bat an eye at a stallion ever again. Again I had to do a little teleport and invisibility spell to see how Spike wanted in while they were getting dressed. It wasn't Spike wanting in that shocked me, it was the fact that Rarity wears false eyelashes. Yep, she has no natural eyelashes. Well they always say that when a pony lacks in one area, they overcompensate in other areas, hopefully she will prove that right tonight in my sleeping chambers.

Well after what seems to be forever they finally get going on their way to the Gala. I know Spike is excited to get to the donut shop but damn it, must he treat those hacks pulling their carriage like stagecoach horses. Come on boy, this ain't the Dodge Junction Express! They finally get here and burst into a magical number involving their dreams and of course, my sexy Twily's involves giving me bedroom eyes and talking about magic. Oh we'll be doing more than talking about magic tonight, we'll be experiencing it too!

Of course after their magical number they go off their separate ways and leave Spike all alone. Oh well, I'm sure Donut Joe won't mind given that Spike will be his only customer for most of the night. Now naturally Fluttershy goes off to piss off MY animals. What she doesn't realize is that I approached them earlier today and told them to do whatever it took to frustrate a yellow pegasus with a pink mane and tail and three butterfly cutie marks. I figure that if she is overly frustrated, I can make her feel all better!

Of course Rarity sees my nephew and naturally starts her pursuit. Ugh, her taste in potential mates is as hideous as her tail is. I wouldn't wish Blueblood on those vile witches from G1, much less any Equestrian pony. Enough about Rarity, Applejack has set her pie stand. Luckily for her my sister paid the vendor fee for her so she can sell her sweets. I know Luna appreciates her hard work ethic but to bend over backwards for her seems a bit excessive. Luckily for Applejack, Soarin' is hungry, as usual. He buys one of her pies and naturally she is happy. Sadly though, none of the rest of these ponies want her treats. Then again what can you expect when most of the guests are upper class snobs that eat caviar and demand imported apples?

Regarding Soarin's apple pie, he drops the damn thing and who comes to the rescue? Rainbow Dash of course! She must think that if she can save it, she can get one of them in bed....I highly doubt it is Soarin' she wants though. My sister has visited her dreams and reported rather disturbing images of her and Spitfire defiling the Wonderbolt Academy mess hall. Well Spitfire asks her if she wants to hang out and she goes all fangirl and nearly pisses in her dress before following them into the VIP section.

Pinkie Pie gets her chance to party, which would prove to be futile because the guests are way too boring and stupid to know how to have fun. She bounces around like always and bursts into song, which they don't like. Now she is relegated to sitting at a table singing to herself. She should just go join Spike in the donut shop since she obviously won't fit in here. I feel bad for her but she should have known better. This ain't the foal and filly fair!

Now comes my beloved Twily running up the stairs shouting, "Celestia Master, let's get started! I can't wait!" Of course the writers edited that to something more fit for a kids' show. I gave her a seductive smile and whispered, "Not now Twily, we have to wait for the others!" Hey, just because Twily's already in heat doesn't mean I'm going to leave her friends out in the cold.

For a while Twilight and I have this long line of ponies that need being welcomed to the Gala. I suddenly notice something, it seems like I have the same damn ponies going through that line several times. Is that all you got animators? Do you only have a few generic designs for ponies. I swear, Fine Line must have gone through that line a dozen times. Next time I'm only going to give tickets to a select few and I'm thinking I will exclude most of the wealthy ponies, they are far too boring.

After nearly nodding off a couple of times and being bitched at by a couple rich scum ponies, things start to get interesting. From the ball room I hear the band playing a tune that sure ain't fit for the Gala and I hear Pinkie singing "The Pony Pokey." I'm thinking, "Thank Faust, maybe this accursed event will be fun after all!"

Now I start to hear Pinkie making more noise in the ballroom and I can see from afar that Applejack has decided to find a different way to get these snobs to eat her treats, too bad she won't make any money on it. And what is this? Rarity is still trying to whore herself out to Blueblood? If I were her I would have just left, came up with me and Twilight and waited to have some fun. Pinkie dives and launches Applejack's cake into the air and good grief, I learn that my nephew is a bigger pussy than I thought. He puts Rarity in front of him to take the hit from the cake. Maybe this isn't all bad though, Rarity is rather worked up and I'll be just the one to calm her down! I might even let her tie that hideous tail of hers around my back hooves if it will make her feel better, key word, might!

Ok Rarity's mad and Blueblood winds up knocking the Alicorn over. Eventually Rainbow Dash catches it but knocks a column over, which caused all the others to fall over as well. I know she was thinking that she could get Spitfire in bed if she kept the whole room from being destroyed. Sadly for her, Spitfire only has eyes for Fleetfoot. Just as she thinks she has saved the day, the statue breaks and I decide that I should go check it out. Of course Twily won't leave my side, fearing that if she does she won't have the time of her life.

The place is a disaster area but I am actually happy, I hoped this boring event would have some excitement for a change. Now the ultimate fun comes, my animals stampede into the room as an enraged Fluttershy chases them in. What? My dear, sweet, innocent Fluttershy is in a rage? Such a rage that she has my animals on the run? Yeah it is irritating that she did this to my animals but hey, I'll get compensated for it tonight.

As all out chaos ensues and more damage is done to the ballroom Twilight and her friends run off to the donut shop and after I throw all the rich snobs out, I go looking for them. When I find them I discover that Spike said that his plans of them sticking together would have been so much better. How dare he, he wants a boring Gala and he probably wants Rarity for himself! Well that ain't happening.

After everypony agrees with that smug ass dragon I have a talk with them. Remember how I have brought up a seven mare orgy in the past. Well I have decided against it because some of them I simply don't find attractive. Applejack, bless her heart simply doesn't remind me of the type that would engage in that activity, Rainbow Dash is as close to a boy as you can get without having a penis and Pinkie is just too damn immature. Applejack looked relieved, Pinkie was talking about throwing a "You're gonna get laid" party for Rarity, Fluttershy and Twilight while Rainbow Dash grunted and flew away.

I led the three chosen ones towards my chambers but first I told a guard to relay a message to Luna. I told him to tell her, "Twilight and her friends aren't going to be busy for a while so I'm taking three of them on a vacation. Could you perform my duties for a few months?"

He obliged and I took my lovely slaves up to my room and we started our several months of fun! Now be gone with you serfs, I have several months of non-stop fun with the three hottest mares in Equestria ahead of me!

Chapter 27: The Return of Harmony Part 1

Chapter 27: The Return of Harmony Part 1

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess and season two has begun. The good news, I'm certain to have plenty more exploits with my lovelies, bad news, I have to release one of my lovelies from my sleeping chambers. Overall though, I am in a very good mood so I will provide you with my synopsis of "The Return of Harmony: Part 1." Don't worry, I'll do part two since it would make no sense to only do half of it.

Today is actually a very good day, well sort of. The school down in Ponyville is having a field trip up here to look at the sculpture garden that is so famous and you know what that means! It means that while those foals are roaming the palace grounds, I will be engaging in some sexy times with the hottest school teacher in Equestria.

Ok, enough about my plans for Cheerilee. She has brought the three most dangerous things to my rule with her so she must be punished! Ok, about the Filly Illuminati, it seems like they aren't exactly getting along all that well and really begin to fight when they come across a stone statue of an old foe of mine from long ago. Wait a minute, is the stone starting to crack? Shit, I hope not or having some flower butt as a snack may not be on the agenda after all.

Meanwhile, down in Ponyville Rainbow is having problems with chocolate milk clouds? Now where the hell would something that unnatural come from? I get it, those stupid pegasi are trying to play jokes so guess what, I'm hiring weather mages to serve every town in Equestria and firing the pegasus ponies. It will save the country millions in annual pensions and perhaps save us from bankruptcy.

I guess I better quit making plans on saving the economy and focus on this. Apparently the chocolate milk rain isn't the only problems Ponyville is having. The corn is turning into popcorn, Applejack's apples are growing huge and now the damn rabbits are growing really long legs? I was really hoping that this would cause the sexiest pegasus to have ever roamed the earth to get distraught and need comforting but unfortunately it did not.

Along comes my sexy little student thinking that she can fix these problems with a spell but unfortunately she can't. Now normally I would punish her severely for failing at a spell but something bad has happened so I summoned them to Canterlot, all of them. I honestly wish it was just the hot ones for some sexy times but sadly, they all must come.

Now the writers will finally let me tell them what the hell happened. An old foe of mine, one that was a royal pain in the ass has escaped his stone prison and has decided to go cause problems in Ponyville. In the past Luna and I had to turn him to stone using the Elements but unfortunately, since Twily and her friends used them on my sister, they won't work for me anymore and they must use them on Discord. It seems simple enough but I have a feeling this may not go as planned.

Oh joy, the Elements are missing from Canterlot Tower and as it turns out, my foe comes to taunt me and boast about how he "borrowed" the Elements. Now I honestly think that he must not be that bright because he gave my lovelies and their unsexy friends a riddle as to where they would be. Eventually my little Twily decides that they are somewhere in the hedge maze. You know something, I think I know the REAL reason she wants to take her friends into that thing, and it ain't to find the Elements!

I wish them luck and tell my lovelies that they better not have any fun without me unless they want to be punished and sent them on their way. Now what would happen next would not make me happy. Discord decided to show up and he turned them all into earth ponies. Noooooo! Now Twily and Rarity can't give me horn sex and I can't preen Fluttershy's wings for her anymore! THIS IS THE WORST POSSIBLE THING! Ok, enough about the bad things, I better get moving if I ever want to finish this.

Eventually they headed into the maze and Discord has decided to have a little bit of fun with them. Ok Applejack, you should know that there aren't going to be apples falling in the maze because there are no trees in there but she falls into the trap and follows the apples to where she is greeted by talking piles of apples. Now I would have just told Discord to stop playing stupid games but that is just me, commoners are more likely to fall into silly traps like this.

Great, just great. Now Discord has Applejack convinced that she and her friends are going to break up because of all this. Because of that, she has lost some of her color and once Twilight finds her, she winds up lying about not talking to anypony! Well there goes her status as being the Element of Honesty. Well as long as my lovelies manage to escape that fate, I will be fine.

Next up is Pinkie who is greeted by a balloon garden. I'm standing at my window shaking my head because she should know that something that useless would NEVER be in my hedge maze. That was created for me to haul lovelies out into to have fun outside, not throw mindless parties in.

Well it looks like another one of the Element bearers are falling under Discord's spell and has turned gray. Once she is found by my oh so sexy student and Luna's favorite of those six, she is suddenly revealed as an overly paranoid grump. Hey, I have no problems with the paranoia but the grumpiness will be a problem with her being the Element of Laughter.

So far Discord has fallen two of them to fall and now I am not happy, he is targeting one of my lovelies now, with three diamonds. Yeah Discord is being a complete asshole right now but he knows exactly how to get Rarity to give up her true nature. At first I thought Rarity would be able to resist but then she just had to fall under his spell and once she is found, she has become the Element of Greed and thinks a huge boulder is a diamond.

Now for something the writers certainly couldn't show, you know how Fluttershy hid in the bushes for so long? Well she really wasn't there the whole time. She spent a lot of that time up in my chambers with me! Even as an earth pony though, she still rocked my world during the little time we had.......

"Princess Celestia!"

"What?"

"You can not say that happened because it didn't! Fluttershy hid in the hedge because she was scared, she was not rocking your world!"

"Come on, they never showed her up until that point so she could have been doing anything!"

"Sorry Celestia but you can't go claiming things that didn't happen."

"Oh fine, she just hid in the hedge like a coward then."

"There, that's better. Now get back to work."

*grumbles* "Whatever."

Ok, so Fluttershy was hiding in the hedge like a coward when she should have been up with me! Finally some butterflies, three of them to be exact drew her out and she suddenly started having a conversation with them. Of course this is Discord but what is this, is he not going to get her to change? Yes, I knew the hottest one wouldn't cave in UNTIL Discord simply touches her and decides that it was time for her to be a bitch.

Yes she lost some color but I was really hoping that when she was found by most of her friends, that she was still normal but sadly that would not be the case, she was indeed a bitch and she even slapped my still perfectly sexy Twily in the face with her tail. Now that gives me an idea, should I force them to swat each other in the face with their tails in the future? Perhaps I will but now back to the episode.

Finally Discord targets the ugliest and my least favorite of Twilight's friends, the so-called Element of Loyalty. Now it doesn't surprise me much that she was so easy to corrupt but hell, he could have simply presented her with a key to Spitfire's bedroom and she would have bailed without getting her wings back. I guess I shouldn't bitch too much though, I would bail on the scene if it meant I got my wings back too.

Well now everyone of them except my sexy little student have been corrupted. Applejack is now the Element of Dishonesty, Pinkie is now the Element of Grumpiness, Rarity is the Element of Greed, Fluttershy is the Element of Being a Total Bitch and Rainbow is the Element of Dishonesty. Well at least he hasn't got to my sexy Twily yet, she still has all her color and probably still has her ability to satisfy my appetite too!

Now Discord has made the maze disappear and is gloating over how they didn't find the Elements, how he had won. You know, I'm not a fan of eternal chaos but if he will leave Twilight alone, tell her to come up to my sleeping chambers until she loses her sex appeal and not spy on us, I'll let him off the hook. As long as I have Twilight as my slave, that is all that will really matter!

One good thing though, Twily and Rarity got their horns back and Fluttershy got her wings back! That is a relief because I seriously thought I'd have to force one of my other students to give me horn sex, one of which I am a bit afraid of.

Despite there being chaos all over the place, the castle chef has just brought me a cake so while I feast on it, I shall take a short break. Don't worry folks, I'll do part two as well!

Chapter 28: The Return of Harmony Part 2

Chapter 28: The Return of Harmony Part 2

Yeah, yeah, yeah Hub. We all know what just happened a few minutes ago, no need to go reminding everypony of it. Hell the way they act you'd think it was a week ago or so. As promised, here we go with part two of "The Return of Harmony."

Well it is a horrid day in Canterlot now, two of my lovelies and their not so sexy friends have become the opposite of what they are, chocolate rain is falling and Twilight is getting mocked by Discord. I feel so bad for the poor thing. If someauthor would let me change things up a bit, I would bring her up here and make her feel all better. Well if she fails because she is too distraught, it ain't my fault, it will be the fault of an uptight author!

Oh boy, thanks to Discord and his taunting, my girls are now fighting with one another and are representing their new, not so pleasant Elements....well except for Twilight who has yet to be corrupted. You know Twilight, you can claim he ain't playing fair but Discord doesn't know the meaning of the world "fair." Look Twily, I know you're upset he took the maze away before you found the Elements but I'm going to give you some advice. Simply tell your friends you're done with them, come up to my sleeping chambers and make me happy!

Now Discord has a moron moment, he takes my Twily back to their moment in the throne room to listen to what he said again and now my sexy student has figured out Discord's riddle, the Elements are somewhere in Ponyville. Now why couldn't Discord have just said that they were in MY favorite place instead? That's right, because he even has to make my life miserable by denying me the girls that I need to function properly!

Now that my Twily has figured things out, it is time for her and her so-called friends to return to Ponyville without coming up and paying me tribute if you know what I mean. Well guess what, I'm going to punish her in one way or another and even thought the thoughts of a male watching me and one of my girls getting it on repulses me, if he isn't defeated I'll just have Discord record me punishing Twilight and then send it out across Equestria as a PSA....do not deny your sexy Sun Goddess what she wants or you may not like what will happen!

Ok, enough about me maybe having Discord record me punishing my Twily. Now that they are on the way home some of those long legged rabbits trample Twilight into the ground. Bravo rabbits, bravo....that will teach Twilight a lesson, maybe she will pay me tribute before she leaves in the future.

What the hell? Now Discord is playing with my sun and Luna's moon and neither one of us are very happy princesses right now. I swear, I really wish that my sister and I were still tied to the Elements instead of Twily and her so-called friends. Instead of us turning gray and becoming the opposites of our true selves, we could have turned him back into stone in ten seconds flat but oh no, the writers just couldn't leave well enough alone now could they?

Enough about how Luna and I would be able to turn Discord back to stone in nothing flat, it looks like my girls are arriving in Ponyville so more fun antics are sure to ensue! Now my Twily is trying to convince her friends to go into the library and they are suddenly losing all their color and getting worse! This is horrible because Fluttershy will likely be horrible in bed now! I have got to do something to save my number one lovely!

Well they have gone inside the library and Fluttershy has become an even bigger bitch, she has dumped water all over Spike and woke him up. Wait a minute, why should I care? Oh well, moving on and now Fluttershy has dumped water on Twilight and said that she is soaking wet and clueless. Sweet, my dream has come true and since StormLuna is distracted by the Winnipeg game, I'm going to try a little something.

"Don't even try it Celestia."

"Hey, I thought you were distracted by the Winnipeg game!"

"They won so I'm not distracted anymore. Now do this right or I'll throw you off the project and have Luna banish you to the sun."

"No, please no! Don't do that!"

"Very well then, will you do it right?"

*grumbles* "Fine but I'll find a way to do things my way in the future."

Well I tried but back to the library. Now it looks like my Twily's friends are continuing to be total bitches to her and are now keeping the Elements of Harmony book away from Twilight. Sweet, Twilight is getting so agitated that it is adorable but when she is agitated like this, I usually try to steer clear of her. I tried something with her once when she was like this and she shoved her whole leg up in me and I tell you, that hurt like hell!

Well now, it looks like they have found the Elements of Harmony in Twilight's book and now they are off to defeat Discord so they won't ever have to talk to one another again. Well the bad news is that with Fluttershy being a brutal gray bitch and Rarity being a greedy gray bitch they won't be allowed in my chambers anymore but now I can force Twily to move home and into my sleeping chambers so perhaps things aren't going to be so bad after all.

Alright Twilight, so you and those bitchy friends of yours are going to defeat Discord with the Elements eh? Well guess what, you don't have Rainbow Crash and the friends you do have simply don't give a shit so I'm quite certain this won't work and it looks like Discord is in the same mindset and in the end it didn't work! Guess what Twily, you failed! Your friends failed too and now we are going to have eternal chaos. Hey, if Discord keeps it confined to Ponyville I don't give a shit. I know my sister will since that is where her fritters come from but I don't!

Now Discord is gloating about how he won and suddenly Twilight's friends have decided to unfriend her, if that is even possible in Equestria, and have now gone off on their separate ways, leaving my Twily all alone. That poor little thing, I'll be sure to give her some TLC when she gets her ass back home where she belongs. Wait a minute, now she has turned gray too?

Damn you Discord, you have turned ALL my lovelies and their not so attractive friends gray and Twilight will likely suck in the bedroom now since she seems to be completely hopeless now. Yeah I do have other students I can bang but still, it won't be the same without my yellow cake, lavender icing and white sprinkles.

Now when I saw Twily go gray, I knew something had to be done to try and fix that so what I did was send all of the letters Twilight had ever sent me back and make her scroll hacking pet sick. Yeah I know that may seem a little cruel but what was I supposed to do, send them to her through the mail? Hey, that would take longer and the local mail pony pissed me off here lately so I'm not giving the postal service any of my money!

Regarding Twilight and the scrolls, well she started to read them and she gained her color back and her determination back, woo-hoo! At least one lovely will still be able to put out, now it is a matter of can Twily fix her friends, defeat Discord and then get her ass in my sleeping chambers or simply be ran out of town? Either way I will get to keep her so all is good!

Ok, now for Twilight to go and fix her friends. Well she does succeed for the most part but I couldn't help but notice how they had Fluttershy tied up. What the hell happened there? Did she try to rape Twilight in a sex-crazed rage or something and Applejack had to do what she could to save Twily from a wrathful mare in heat? What matters is that they got all of them fixed, except for one....Crashie who has gone MIA and damn her hide, she is needed to help defeat Discord.

After searching just about everywhere they find her and it looks like catching her ain't going to be easy. Get this, my little ditz Fluttershy asked Rainbow if she could hold her down so Twilight could cast the memory spell on her. What an idiot, she obviously isn't the brightest bulb in the box. Sorry Flutters but I'm right, you may put out very well but that was an epic stupid moment.

Get this, Twily and her friends have put Fluttershy in charge of pulling their balloon along to catch Rainbow. Good grief, she is a horribly weak flyer and if you needed somepony to pull that balloon, you should have just came up and talked to me. I would have done it but at a price! A four mare romp and just for shits and giggles, I'd make the three unattractive ones engage in their own threesome, get it on video and sell it all across Equestria! Hey, some ponies are into ugly ones screwing one another!

Wait a minute, Twilight promises Fluttershy that she will let her dominate her and suddenly Fluttershy is flying so fast they are gaining ground, or air I should say, on Rainbow. Sweet Mother Faust, since when did she become such a strong flyer? What matters is that they caught Rainbow, Twilight cast the loyalty spell and now they're all happy again. Now the time has come for them to go and defeat Discord.

Yeah, yeah, yeah Discord, we get it. You're still gloating over their failed attempt to defeat you and think the same thing will happen again. If you had even a tenth of the intelligence I do you'd notice they aren't gray anymore and that they're all there. I do hope that they can defeat him this time, I'm getting hungry and I can't have what I'm hungry for until after the episode is over.

Well Twilight and her friends told Discord how important friendship is and then they proceeded to defeat him. Now he is turned back to stone, Ponyville is normal again and now they are up here for another overpriced, time consuming ceremony that the writers make me do for these six every time they wipe their asses correctly. Oh and speaking of them being up here, I'm sure you know what's going to happen after the episode is over, right?"

Now for one more little thing the writers are going to force me to do before I haul the sexy ones up to my chambers and send the ugly ones home, the mandatory stained glass window presentation. Ugh, I am getting so sick and tired of all these damn things being put up. Hey writers, have you ever thought that I might want to actually see outside instead of looking at images from the past?

Well shit, I'm so upset over this stained glass window thing that I'm not even in the mood now. I have made a change of plans, I decided to send them all home and I took a little vacation. I decided to go to Las Pegasus where I rented the most expensive room with the best view and with that room came cake deliveries on demand. I got my cake, I got my spectacular views and I did pick up a couple hotties for bootie calls down there so it wasn't bad at all.

Since I was able to unwind in Las Pegasus, I'm ready for the next episode and that is a good thing because I will actually get role in it for a change.

Chapter 29: Lesson Zero

Chapter 29: Lesson Zero

Hi everypony, it is your magnificent and glorious supreme dictator again! You have all been extra good so I will share with you how I saw the episode "Lesson Zero."

For starters, I must say that I was disappointed last time I saw Twilight and her friends. After that fancy celebration I gave them along with a new stained glass window glorifying their most recent victory, they head off home without even saying goodbye, how inconsiderate. Twinkleshine is ill so I guess I'll just have to hoof myself, for now anyway.

Oh how I love to see my little Twily planning her new day. She is the only pony I have ever seen make a long list like she does. I remember back in the day when she lived up here with me and she'd make lists like that. It would read, "Boring event, make Celestia happy, boring event, meet Celestia in her sleeping chambers, boring event, share lunch with Celestia in my tower......" well you get the idea. Ok, about her list. I have seen what is on it and it must really suck to be her, not a single fun activity on there and there certainly isn't "leave Spike home and go have fun with Celestia" on it. What a shame.

So I'm spying on her with my telescope as she starts to do everything on her list and I can't help but yawn, "Boring!" I was thinking of stirring up some trouble like I did shortly after she moved down there but something in the back of my mind was telling me not to intervene, to let her screw something up on her own. Now like always, when she went into the sweets shop I had to cast an invisibility spell and teleport myself down there and I was appalled by what I saw. Mrs. Cake was being generous by giving her an extra cupcake and those things had plenty of icing on them. What does Twilight do, she bitches and complains "Oh I'm having a party and I don't want somepony else to feel like they're getting extra icing." For starters, she has 13 cupcakes so somepony is going to get an extra cupcake unless she feeds it to her scroll hacking pet. Second, nopony is going to care that one of them has more icing on it than the others. The only thing that matters to me is that I get Twily's icing after this episode!

Well then she decides to just start removing it. If I were Mrs. Cake I would have been insulted. I would have thrown her out and banned her from ever coming in, but she just takes it in stride. Well now my hot little student leaves and heads home, with almost every item checked off. Everything except for "Triple-check the checklist to make sure that we didn't miss anything when we double-checked the checklist." I swear, if she put as much work into keeping me happy as she does her damn checklists, maybe I wouldn't have to lock Twinkleshine in my bedroom every weekend.

Now the fun part comes, Spike mentions them not having to report anything to me. Well this naturally causes Twilight to panic and frantically search for her calendar. She is so adorable when she goes into panic mode like this. As it turns out it has been a week since she last wrote me and if she fails to send me something by sundown, she'll be tardy! And you know what the punishment is for being tardy is don't you? I'll let you in on a secret, it is me tying her up and letting Twinkleshine have fun with her without me. So far she hasn't had to endure that punishment but you never know, tonight could be the night Twinkleshine's dreams come true, having Twilight all to herself!

Ok, so now Twilight thinks I'm going to send her to magic kindergarten if she is tardy. Now why would she think such a thing, you know how awful I would look if it were discovered I had a kindergartner, regardless of her age, as my sex slave! It would make me look awful and everypony would demand I hand full power over to my sister, which I'm sure she would gladly take.

Once her drama queen moment is over she asks Spike if he has any problems that "She as a good friend" could help? For Faust's sake Twilight, you live with him! If he had any problems I'm sure you'd already know about them. Well Spike says no and now my little Twily is headed out to cause herself undue stress. Remember how at the end I let Twilight know that Spike sent me a message stating that she had started to freak out? Well he did that the minute she left but I decided rather than simply go and help her out then, that I would watch her descend into madness without her knowing it. After all, I love seeing her get all riled up. This will just give me an excuse to stay the night down there with her if she can't get things sorted out before sundown.

Ok, I'm glad I did that little teleport and invisibility spell because I couldn't see what was about to happen. Rarity is screaming for one reason or another, perhaps because she is frustrated because Fluttershy calls out my name when they get it on, who knows? Twilight gets in there to find that Rarity has lost some fancy ribbon she uses on her slutty outfits. Big deal! Now Twilight tries to comfort her and asks her what is wrong. I notice that Twilight sure puts a lot of emphasis on "That I as a good friend" can help you with. Hey Twily, they already know you're a good friend, I don't think you have to do that!

Well after Twily finds her ribbon and measuring tape my beloved pupil heads over to Sweet Apple Acres to stir up some trouble. She sees Rainbow Dash destroying a barn and immediately thinks she has serious issues with Applejack. If anypony has serious issues, it is me. I am having serious issues with her not coming to see me enough and having to please myself. After grabbing Rainbow with her aura and trying to act like a "I'm hot shit" counselor, she discovers that Rainbow was merely helping Applejack tear down an old barn so she can put up a new one. Boring! Well I wasted my time watching this.

Now I see my little Twily heading over to Fluttershy's. What? She is going to see Fluttershy but didn't invite me first? HOW DARE SHE! Oh she's in for it now. Alright, enough of my rant. Here Twilight thinks it will be oh so easy to fix one of Fluttershy's problems over her fear of everything, well everything except manticores and my bedroom anyway. Twilight notices what is going on and thinks Fluttershy has suddenly stopped being such a chickenshit. If she knew Fluttershy as well as she claims she does, she would know that she is the local animal doctor and they come to her to fix their problems. Yeah the bear looks ferocious, but even I knew she was going to fix it's back, and I don't even live there!

So far Twilight has been unsuccessful in finding any problems her friends have. If she would have had her bearings straight, she would have went over and helped the cakes resolve the class action lawsuit filed against them over the baked bads incident. Rather than making herself useful, she decides to go into self-pity mode and start fearing little fillies as she became more paranoid over me sending her to magic kindergarten. Good thing is, her mane and tail are starting to get a little messy, reminds me of how she would look after our quickies in the Starswirl the Bearded wing after lunch.

A lot of times Spike can be a little ass but throughout this episode, he is the voice of reason. He arrives to find Twilight talking to her reflection in a mud puddle. I'm really starting to enjoy this. I guess even the best students can go a bit haywire when they aren't under their sexy teacher's supervision all the time. Ok, back to Spike. Spike shows up with the cupcakes and suggests she sees her friends. Way to go Spike, pound some reason into her head!

I know how she is when she is stressed but I would think going to see her friends would calm her down, well it doesn't. By the time she gets there her mane and tail are so messed up you'd think her and I locked ourselves in the library and got hot and heavy all weekend long. Alright, I know I need to calm down but seeing her like that brings back so many sexy memories, memories that have suddenly made me wet! What if I were to be detected by smell alone? Alright, while they're yapping I'm headed to the lake to wash off.

It must have been a rather short talk as when I returned I see that she is gone and Rarity is calling her a drama queen. Excuse me? Yeah she threw a fit but nopony calls my Twily a drama queen except me. If I weren't down here trying to keep my presence hidden, I would have smacked her, hogtied her and let Spike have his way with her, which is something I know she would not like!

Here I am prowling around trying to hide and before too long out of the library comes my little Twily with her smarty pants doll. What is she going to do, cast a come to life spell on it and solve it's friendship problem? If she does that I'll really punish her. If she does that I WILL put her back in magic kindergarten and make her go back to living with her parents! That will teach her to try and cheat.

Luckily for her my suspicions were proven to be incorrect but what she is about to do is just as bad if not worse. She is going to try to make the Cutie Mark Crusaders fight over her, then come in and tell them why they shouldn't fight over it and get out of me letting Twinkleshine punish her. Unfortunately that plan fails. I don't blame those three. Why would they want an old stuffed toy that is falling apart but what happens next is funny. They fight over who should play with it because they don't want to! This is too rich. She should have just stepped in, asked "Girls, what seems to be the problem here? Is there anything that I AS A GOOD FRIEND can help you with?"

Now she decides to be a big shot and cast the want it, need it spell on that doll. Good grief, if she is going to cast that spell on anything she needs to go up to my sleeping chambers when I am home, cast it on herself and sexy times would ensue! Wait, she wouldn't have to do that but it would make it all the more fun. Well now those girls genuinely want the doll but guess what, soon the whole damn town wants it! And I mean everypony wants it, everypony from Big Mac, the mane dying dingbat mayor and the rest.

Soon I would discover why it is that Big Mac likely has no marefriend, somepony steals the doll from him and every mare that was surrounding him gets blasted off of him in his determination to get that thing back. He is too big and strong for the mares here, not big enough and injury prone when it comes to me and unfortunately, my sister prefers her solitude and likes her personal space. Maybe I can find some mare out there that can handle him.

Well enough about finding Big Mac a mare, now a stampede is thundering through town, luckily it didn't do any damage but once the sun sets and my poor little Twily looks like she could really use some comforting I decide to let my presence be known. I reversed the want it need it spell and suddenly nopony wants that torn up old doll....except one. Now why would Big Mac want that thing? Perhaps he knocked Cheerilee up and she's expecting and that will be the foal's first toy. Who knows, I can't trouble myself with that, I have a student that must be punished!

A broken and devastated Twily heads towards the library to meet me but before we could start having any fun her damn friends just had to show up. To be honest I never had any plans to punish Twilight, well badly anyway, I felt like punishing THEM for keeping me out of Twily's coat. Ok, I get it. You don't want me to punish Twilight in the way she has made you think I will. Tell you girls what, write me friendship lessons when you learn something and I won't take Twilight back to Canterlot and make her my full time sex slave. There, happy?

Kudos to Spike for informing me of what was going on. I had a good time sneaking around Ponyville watching the oh so sexy Twily driving herself batshit crazy but hey, I have to go. I'm expecting some mail and I better get that letter pronto or it won't just be Twilight that I take away from them, FLUTTERSHY will become my slave too!

Now be gone with you serfs, Twinkleshine is feeling all better so your Sun Goddess has a sexy night ahead of her!

Chapter 30: Luna Eclipsed (Luna's View)

Chapter 30: Luna Eclipsed (Luna's View)

Greetings citizens of Equestria. Thy Princess of the Night shall give thee her perspective of our episode Luna Eclipsed. Our sister had planned on doing this but since we hast banished a couple Saddle Arabian diplomats to the sun recently Celestia decided to go to Saddle Arabia and try to deescalate the situation. Hey, it's not our fault their diplomats called us "Moonbutt!" When somepony makes fun of us, they must be punished!

The evening starts out simple enough as Twilight and Spike are readying themselves for the festivities. We see that Twilight is going as Starswirl....excellent costume choice....and Spike hast decided to go as a dragon. We find his costume choice as most ridiculous. Why would one go as what they already are?

Now some adorable foals show up at Twilight's doorstep to get some candy but much to their dismay, one of Twilight's friends shows up to take it instead. We are most surprised that Pinkie hast not lost all her teeth yet as she seems to not eat anything but sugary snacks. One thing that does disturb us is that Pinkie, nor anypony else for that matter, knows that Twilight is dressed as Starswirl. Perhaps we need to talk to our sister about expanding the curriculum down here, they need to learn some history.

While we find it displeasing that most ponies know not of Starswirl, we do find it humorous how Twilight is getting frustrated over nopony knowing who she is supposed to be. We do like her idea of her starting a history club, it would save the taxpayers many bits and Twilight would get to do what she loves most, sharing knowledge. While they are going along Rainbow Dash decides to pull a most unpleasant prank on Twilight and Spike with her lightning. Poor Spike nearly got choked. Wait a minute, is Rainbow a Shadowbolt? We dost not care for her choice of costume as it brings back too many bad memories for us.

Now Twilight hast been mistaken for a country music singer by Applejack, one of the hardest working ponies out there, the one that we purchased a peddler's permit for at last years Gala which she found most disappointing. We shall admit though, Twilight dost look like a country singer. Now everypony is headed to the town square to listen to the horribly dressed mayor. Come on, a clown wig like that? It hast been a long time since we attended any kind of costume party but she looks downright awful.

Now comes Zecora to inform the foals what this celebration is about and like our sister does, we can listen in from afar. We discover that this is not a normal celebration, it is Nightmare Night. Nightmare Night? How dare they hold a celebration to dishonor thy Princess of the Night. We must head to Ponyville at once to correct this problem!

Once Zecora tells the foals why they must dump their candy at our statue we decide to make our presence be known. We do hope that we will be met with much happiness and open hooves but unfortunately that is not the case. When we arrive in town and disembark from our chariot, everypony is scared of us. Yes, they are scared of us. Why would anypony be scared of us? Certainly it canst be our Royal Canterlot Voice!, canst it?

They are all scared of us so we decide that perhaps we should leave, without even doing the royal farewell. That ought to teach them. While we appeared to be just upset as we left, we were sad, most sad. We just want to feel like we belong, we just want somepony to like us after having been gone for a thousand years. We will let thee in on a little secret, we do still resent our sister for banishing us and allowing such degrading festivities to happen every year but we canst let it show as we do not wish to be banished again.

We are eventually found by Twilight as we were laying at the base of our statue. We must say though, at least she knows we are not evil and we are most happy to see that somepony actually put together a Starswirl costume correctly. We are going to have to have a talk with our sister though, she hast obviously never taught Twilight about the Royal Canterlot Voice. She hast never taught her that we are to speak using the royal we or use a lot of volume when addressing our subjects. Leave it to our sister though, she is the one that abandoned our home in the Everfree Forest and discarded all of the old traditions. She could have just fixed the castle and left well enough alone but sadly, she just had to move on to a new era. If they were here, we are sure that mother and father would be most upset over what our sister hast done.

Twilight Sparkle hast decided that it is our voice which makes us unapproachable so she takes us to see if Fluttershy can help us speak to where ponies will like us. We shall admit, we found it unpleasant that it had to come down to this but decided to give it a try. When Fluttershy opened the door and saw us, she thought we were Nightmare Moon. Luckily Twilight got her to realize that we are not Nightmare Moon. This really displeases us, despite all of them meeting us before, why dost all of Twilight's friends not know we are Princess Luna?

Fluttershy attempts to get us to speak in a lower volume but it is Twilight who helps us in the end yet when somepony flings false accusations at us like Pinkie did, AGAIN, it will cause us to raise our voice. We head back into town and everypony cowers down in fear and we realize that they will never like us. One part of us thinks we should just go back to Canterlot but another part of us wants to win these ponies' adoration. We hast decided we shall stay in Ponyville for now.

When we visit Applejack we learn something new, we learn what fun is. At first we were unsuccessful with throwing spiders into the web we tried again and succeeded. We also found pumpkin chucking most enjoyable but what upset us is that when we saved Pipsqueak from drowning, Pinkie (again) claimed we were going to eat somepony. We are growing beyond most tired of this. If we did not fear any punishment from our sister, we would stay around till dawn and banish Pinkie to the sun for making it impossible for us to win over the adoration of Ponyville.

We hast decided that all this screaming and running around every time this pink pony yells is not acceptable. We decided that the Royal Canterlot Voice wast necessary and used it to let them know that this insulting celebration shall be cancelled forever. We decided to leave town for some solitude before heading home but Twilight would stop us.

We had given up all hope yet Twilight Sparkle still thinks that the town will eventually love us. We are most happy that she finally decided to get Pinkie to know that we are not evil. Perhaps banishing her to the sun shall not be necessary. We approach her to make peace when Rainbow uses her thundercloud to make us still appear evil and scare Pinkie. Do not worry though, she shall get what is coming to her before the end.

Twilight Sparkle tells us a little secret, that these ponies actually enjoy being scared. We are thinking, "Art Twilight Sparkle nuts? Why wouldst anypony have fun being scared?" Despite us finding her revelation as unbelievable we go in with her on our plans, plans which will result in us taking on a form which we hoped we would never do again.

We see the children along with the mayor coming to offer us more candy when we decide to appear as Nightmare Moon. Of course this scared them and disappointed us as we returned to our real form. Suddenly we feel our mane being yanked on. A colt that goes by the name of Pipsqueak told us that they like to be scared. That is when we realized that we were simply misinterpreting their reactions. Then the unthinkable happened, the colt said that we were his favorite princess ever! This made us most happy so we decided we shall allow Nightmare Night to stay and now we are loved by the townsponies.

Before the episode ended we did have one last surprise for Rainbow. She wast going to scare Twilight and Spike with a thundercloud but we used one ourselves and scared her. We along with Twilight had a most enjoyable laugh.

Shortly after the episode we received a message from our sister letting us know that she had got the Saddle Arabians to realize that the rudeness of their diplomats was what got them banished and that our punishment on them was legit. Sadly, we will no longer be allowed to engage in negotiations with the Saddle Arabians alone as we are too likely to banish them to the sun.

Not to worry dear subjects, our sister shall return next time. She apologizes for missing this week but with this episode focusing on us, it was better that we did it anyway.

Chapter 31: Sisterhooves Social

Chapter 31: Sisterhooves Social

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess and I am in a good mood. Twinkleshine put out last night so despite half of you being late paying your taxes, I shall give you my synopsis of "Sisterhooves Social."

Another morning has arrived in Ponyville and my Rarity is laying there having some sort of dream. Hopefully it is one about me giving it to her rough but soon she smells smoke and panics. In her state of panic she falls down the stairs and discovers that not only is Sweetie Belle there, but so are her parents. I'm not overly thrilled that her parents are dropping her off so they can go on a vacation. I was planning on spending the night with her tonight but that will now be impossible. I can't go getting it on with Rarity with a filly in the house!

It appears as though Sweetie Belle has fixed Rarity some breakfast, well burned her some breakfast. Good grief, she burned everything, even the juice. Now how in Equestria does she do that? Well come to find out her mother has been teaching her to cook. Chances are that is not a good idea because Pearl, I think that is her name, simply can't cook and I'm pretty sure Magnum, her dad, can't cook either. Either they eat out a ton or they simply graze like ponies used to eons ago, before we evolved into the smartest, most sophisticated species on the face of the planet.

From the sounds of things this vacation that their parents is taking will be seven days and six nights long. They say this but I have a very bad feeling about this. Judging by the amount of luggage Sweetie has brought with her, I have a feeling that this may be them just pawning Sweetie off on Rarity clear up until she is an adult while they go and travel the world. Am I going to punish those two? Nope but I will punish Rarity for not telling them to go dump Sweetie Belle off at Sweet Apple Acres since her and Apple Bloom are friends.

Well their parents leave for Faust knows how long and Rarity decides to clean up the kitchen and make a proper breakfast. Yeah I agree that burnt food would not be very tasty but what Rarity fixes is not much better. The eggs, yes but the carrots and parsley, no thanks! Carrots are ok for lunch and supper, but not at breakfast. Substitute those carrots out for a couple slices of cake and you'll be fine, or in Luna's case, a plate of fritters.

You know something, I like Sweetie Belle for the most part. Yeah she is part of that secret society that is hell bent on removing me from power but I do think that she could be reformed. Speaking of Sweetie Belle, she is wanting to help Rarity fix breakfast. Given the fact that she has yet to learn how to access her magic, this will likely end in a disaster. Rarity continues to cook and fix this meal until she finally allows her little sister to put the parsley on the plate. Well things don't go so well. She ends up tipping the table over and sends the plates of eggs flying. Surprisingly though, the eggs are fine and the garnish lands perfectly! Despite Sweetie getting it right, Rarity is mad at her. Because of that, despite Sweetie being in the house, I'll go down and punish Rarity severely for her anger. If Sweetie asks about it, I'll just tell her that Rarity was having a bad dream and needed me to calm her down.

Some time has passed and once again Sweetie Belle wants to help her sister. That filly must know that her parents aren't coming back for her given that she is trying to get on her good side. Now it is laundry time and Sweetie tries to help but things didn't turn out so well. Sweetie wound up hanging some fancy wool sweater of Rarity's out in the sun and of course we all know that in the heat of the sun wool shrinks. I don't get why Rarity is so upset, it's not like she's ever wore the damn thing to start with. Now I know I am going to punish her, I might just have to send Sweetie to Sweet Apple Acres to do it.

Now Rarity has decided that she doesn't want her little sister's help. In the edited version of the episode she simply told her to stay out of trouble but in the unedited version she said, "Look bitch, don't go causing me any more trouble and besides, I have to go screw Twilight." How dare she! Here she knows that I've gone into heat but she is going to go and have fun with Twilight? Well I should still be needy tonight when I go down to punish her.

Back to Sweetie Belle, she decides to do some drawing since that has never got her into trouble in the past. That sounds all good but unfortunately for her, one addition to this arts and crafts project is about to cause Rarity to go into full blown bitch mode, again. Sweetie has the audacity to use some of Rarity's gems with this. When Rarity discovers this she gets mad and is now yelling about how she has to go find some more gems. Good, I know where she goes to find them so as we speak, I am speeding to that area. Hey, nopony lives there so what does it matter if I bang her in broad daylight?

Well while Rarity was out looking for gems she was interrupted when I showed up and demanded a gem of my own, which of course she gave me because she knows what the punishment is for not giving your sexy Sun Goddess what she wants! After that Rarity goes back home in a very good mood. After all, getting some action with me always makes her feel better, even when I'm rough with her so it's a win/win situation for both of us.

Meanwhile while Rarity and I were having fun Sweetie Belle decides she is going to try and help, again. Don't you get it Sweetie? Rarity doesn't want your help and going in and cleaning up her inspiration room isn't going to make her happy. I wouldn't be thrilled if somepony did that with my sleeping chambers either, especially if they tried to wash my heavily stained sheets! Rarity gets home and sees what Sweetie has done and of course this pisses her off. Well it looks like I'll stay in the area because Rarity needs to be calmed down again, YAY!

Finally Sweetie does the smart thing and leaves the house which gives me time to go and make Rarity feel better again. I secretly hope she gets mad a whole lot more and then I have plenty more chances to make her feel better. Yeah when she's angry she starts out a bit unpleasant but it isn't long until she becomes playful and feisty, which is something I enjoy so much!

Back to Sweetie Belle, she runs into Apple Bloom and is not in a good mood. While what they put in the episode was kid friendly, that is not what Sweetie said. He proved that she is not innocent when she yelled, "You know what Apple Bloom? My sister is being a grade A cunt and she is doing nothing but yelling at me over nothing! I wish I could fucking kill her right now!" Now Sweetie Belle, where did such an adorable little filly learn such language? Oh wait, she learned it from her sister.

Alright, enough about Sweetie Belle and her sudden burst of profanity. Apple Bloom is listening to her friend and has made what I think is a wonderful suggestion, they should compete in the Sisterhooves Social together. You know something, maybe Luna and I should compete too! Maybe not because we are Alicorn Goddesses so we would easily win and that wouldn't really be fair. Then again though, since when have the two of us cared about fairness as long as we can win? Oh well, it's too late to sign up for this year but there is always next year.

Now Sweetie Belle is headed back to the boutique to make this suggestion to Rarity. Unfortunately for Sweetie Belle, this causes Rarity to get mad again and claim that the social is uncouth. What? How could it be uncouth? Oh wait, I forgot that Rarity can't stand a single speck of dust on her yet has no problems getting covered with my juices and then having me smear dirt into her coat. Now for the funny thing, their argument has turned to the point where they decide they would be better off without sisters. So now Rarity and Sweetie Belle are "unsisters." I don't think that is what their parents had planned but oh well, they're off doing Faust knows what so that is irrelevant at this point.

Now Sweetie Belle is over at the farm where she seems to be a bit more relaxed, only a bit though. She is still bitching about Rarity telling her to go fuck herself when it came to competing in the social. Ok that isn't the kid friendly version but oh well, since when has yours Truly ever cared about things being kid friendly? Come to think about it, they should let me write the episodes and make them much more entertaining. If they let me do that though, MLP would have to be moved from Discovery Family to Comedy Central late night when all the foals are asleep.

Nighttime has arrived and Sweetie is still at the farm roasting marshmallows with Applejack and Apple Bloom when Rarity shows up. I'm pretty sure if Sweetie had her way, she would want to roast that marshmallow sister of hers over the fire but I'll make sure she doesn't. After all, that marshmallow is very tasty and I'm not about to allow the little marshmallow to destroy it. Alright, back to Rarity, she shows up hoping she can make amends with her unsister but that ain't happening. Sweetie doesn't like being treated like shit and I don't blame her.

What does look promising though is that suddenly Sweetie Belle has adopted Applejack as her big sister. Yes, now I can go bang Rarity anytime I want and we can be as loud as we want. I think now Rarity will be the easiest one. Twilight has Spike who she has to send away, Fluttershy has all those annoying animals she has to lock out and the only one Rarity will have now is Opal and she likes me along with the fact that her owner is my little bitch. She just gives me a smile when I lead Rarity into her bedroom before closing the door. I'm sure she knows what is going on and she obviously approves and as we all know, if Opal approves, then it is obviously acceptable.

Back to Sweetie's new sister, it looks like Apple Bloom isn't going to give in so easily. For some odd reason she thinks that if Sweetie takes Applejack as her sister, then she won't be her sister. I know she is overprotective of her sister but at this moment she is also being an idiot. Just like what Pinkie sang to the Appaloosans and the buffalo, "You gotta care, you gotta share!" Hey, Twily shares me with Rarity and Fluttershy so what is the big deal? Hopefully Apple Bloom will see that she is just being an overprotective bitch who needs to calm the fuck down.

The next day arrived and since Sweetie stayed on the farm last night, Rarity and I are both in very good moods. Now I did plan on returning to Canterlot and watching this event from my balcony while having a slice of cake but I have a feeling something strange is going to happen. I'm thinking I'll just cast my invisibility spell and catch the action up close, and I'm glad I did. Apparently since Applejack and Apple Bloom do this thing every year, Apple Bloom has decided to be nice and let Sweetie take her sister for a test drive. Now isn't that nice of her, maybe she did learn that sharing is caring, even if it is just for a day.

Now the race starts and things seem to go awry right off the bat as Applejack gets stuck in that mud bog in the beginning. That kind of surprises me as I would think she would be fine. Next up Sweetie can't jump up on that top box thing all that well and needs help. Damn those two are falling further and further behind. Next up we have the pie eating and damn, I figured Applejack would be able to eat it in nothing flat but Sweetie Belle, that seriously shocks me. Just imagine if Luna and I competed and they had cake! The two of us would simply inhale it!

Now things seem to be going much easier for them. They push the hay bale with no problems, the grape juice making was beyond easy for them, the apple catching was also very easy and the method they used for carrying that egg was brilliant! Why don't the other ponies just carry it together? Well not everypony is as smart as Applejack so that is likely why. Now things are starting to get dirty as Berry Punch and her little sister race by, sending Applejack and Sweetie spinning. Now they have ground to gain and just as it looks like they might win, they fall short. I feel bad for them, I really wanted to see Sweetie Belle and Applejack win. Oh well, next year it will be Luna and I so it doesn't really matter.

The race is over and they fell short but Sweetie Belle is still so happy that she jumps on Applejack and knocks her hat off. What the hell? Since when does Applejack have a white horn. Oh wait, as Sweetie wiped the mud off of Applejack she discovered that it was actually Rarity. Wow, I am shocked that Rarity would allow herself to be covered in mud like that but one question I have is where the hell is Applejack?

Oh, she was hiding in the mud and as I listen in on this apparently all three of them were in on this. Rarity wanted her sister back, Apple Bloom wanted her sister back and apparently Applejack didn't want to drive a wedge between Sweetie and Apple Bloom. Now for the funny part, Rarity thinks a trip to the spa would be a good way to celebrate this. First off, you lost so there is nothing to celebrate. You only celebrate when you win!

Now it is time for Rarity to report what she learned to me while she and her sister have a contest on who can dress the most hideously. Yeah Rarity, I get it, now all of a sudden you think having a sister is just about the best thing in the world. What beats that? That's right Rarity, being dominated by me! Ok, overall I think you learned your lesson and hopefully you won't be treating Sweetie Belle like shit anymore. If you do, your punishment will be brutal and I'll invite ALL your friends to watch and then just for fun, I'll let Spike knock you up! That ought to ensure that you're nice to your little sister!

Now if you'll all excuse me I have plans. I've had plenty of fun with Rarity but Twilight and Fluttershy are frustrated and need a release. If you want, I can give you commentary on that too!

Chapter 32: The Cutie Pox

Chapter 32: The Cutie Pox

Hello everypony, this is your Supreme Dictator again and you have all been good so I have decided that you have proven you are worthy of hearing my synopsis of The Cutie Pox.

Well here we go again, the Cutie Mark Crusaders are now going to be trying to get their cutie marks in bowling. I honestly think these girls have no clue as to what getting a cutie mark is really about. I guess I should consider myself lucky that overthrowing the government is not in their cutie mark planning so this will make for some funny moments.

Well first off those silly little fillies are arguing over what their new name will be once they get their marks. Sorry girls, but you already tried arguing and that didn't get you your marks. Well once they decide on The Bowling Dolls they head in but I have some advice. Girls, before you give yourselves a new name at least get your damn marks first and I have a feeling that this will be another epic fail on your parts.

First up is Sweetie Belle. Her attempt looks simple enough but I couldn't help but shake my head in disappointment in how she did it. Pushing the ball with your nose Sweetie Belle, seriously? Well it ended up just as I thought, it went in the gutter. Epic fail number one. Now Scootaloo decides to give it a shot and I know this can only end in disaster. Kicking that ball ain't going to do it and of course it doesn't. Memo to Scootaloo, keep the ball in your own lane and in your own gutter. Epic fail number two. Now up is Apple Bloom. First thing I have to say is "gross!" Memo to self: Never go bowling with Apple Bloom, slobber covered bowling balls are something that an Alicorn Goddess should not be touching. She spits the ball out and we hear pins fall over. Ponies are celebrating over a bowling cutie mark. Could she have done it! Could this be the death of that secret society? Well Apple Bloom looks at her flank and unfortunately for her, it was somepony else that got a strike and a mark and unfortunately for me, I still have a secret society I have to be on the lookout for.

Well the girls leave the bowling alley still markless but in different moods. Despite the fact that she will likely be banned from the bowling alley, Scootaloo seems happy. Despite only getting gutter balls, Sweetie Belle is still happy. Apple Bloom however, is in a bad mood. Perhaps it is because she still has no mark OR it could be because Mr. Kingpin made her clean the lane they used after her slobber covered balls left spit all over the place.

Pout, pout, pout, is that all Apple Bloom knows how to do? Rather than running off and making plans to overthrow me on her own, why doesn't she just have fun with her friends? Maybe this is a good thing, running off into the Everfree Forest is not a wise decision for a filly and if she were to fall prey to the timberwolves, there would be one less threat to me and the Filly Illuminati would likely disband.

Does that filly not watch where she is going? She falls and breaks a tooth! Luckily for her Zecora shows up just in time to take her to her hut, give her some medicine and fix her problem. Perhaps that wasn't such a wise idea. While Apple Bloom did get her chipped tooth fixed, she begins to wonder about what all sorts of tonics Zecora has and could possible make. Luckily for everypony, Zecora lets the filly know that she can not make a cutie mark appear. Now everypony and everyzebra has told Apple Bloom that she will have to wait.

I'm sitting up here watching everything unfold and I think that perhaps this will be the end of it and ready myself for lunch but then something horrible happens. Zecora leaves her hut to go get some flowers or herbs and she leaves Apple Bloom in her hut alone! For the love of Faust, what in Equestria is she thinking? Now I know some impending disaster is going to happen. I'll just have my lunch delivered to me so I don't miss any of the action.

Well it must be the next day when Apple Bloom shows up to school with a brand new cutie mark! She did it, she did it! Finally, that secret society will die! Your Sun Goddess shall reign forever! Woo-hoo! Now that I can rest at ease I can sit back, watch the show and laugh at the shenanigans that are ahead.

Well what her cutie mark is, I'm not sure. It looks rather boring so maybe her talent is something boring like spelling or making rings but to come out it is spinning a hoop around her waist. Seriously, that is something to celebrate? I'll tell you one thing, she sure the hell ain't going to engage in any gainful employment. The only way she'll be able to get a job is if she decides to join the circus and live no better than those disgusting carnies that work the cheat stands at carnivals.

Yeah seeing her classmates do terrible trying to spin hoops around their waists did make me chuckle a bit but what really made me laugh was when she decided to act like she's all shit and fly up like a helicopter with a hoop on her tail. Suddenly another cutie mark shows up and she crashes! A second cutie mark? This can't be good so I get myself a biohazard suit because I know what she has and if the virus she has were to get carried by the winds up here, Yours Truly could get really sick and Luna would have to take over for us. Faust I hope not, Luna tends to do nothing but put a strain on foreign relations when she handles things so I have to make sure I don't get sick.

So now she can spin plates on sticks too, big deal. Yeah I know for your common hack that is special but when you're an Alicorn, shit like that isn't impressive, not to mention it is LAME! Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is so special she has to lead a parade through the streets. I am utterly shocked by what ponies in backwater towns celebrate. If a pony were to suddenly develop two cutie marks here, they would be locked up somewhere that said pony would be isolated from others until their cutie pox went away.

Ok Applejack, we all get it. You don't need to keep on saying you're proud of Apple Bloom for catching a disease....I mean getting two cutie marks. Now things are going to get fun! Applejack can't sleep and discovers her little sister has three cutie marks. Shit's getting real now. Now they know something is wrong and who do they take her to, Twilight! That's right, they take her to my prize pupil to see if she can help. You know I respect you more than the others Applejack but if you need to take your sister anywhere, it is the hospital! Twilight is not a damn doctor.

Luckily for everypony Spike finds the right book and it now they know what is wrong with Apple Bloom, cutie pox. Rather than getting her isolated so she won't get sick they lead her down main street! Oh wonderful, isn't this just dandy! Now the EHO (Equestrian Health Organization) is going to have to cordon off Ponyville and if I were to need the element bearers to save Equestria, we'd be up Shit Creek without a paddle!

Oh boy, now it is cutie mark city for Apple Bloom! Mark after mark after mark shows up on her. It is kind of like what happened when Rainbow Dash was trying to get the filly ready to go to Diamond Bitch's party but in reverse. Here it is get the mark and then do the completely useless and moronic task. Finally the ponies in that town realize she is cursed and when Spike tells them what is really wrong, they run for their lives! The reaction of the flower girls is priceless, THE HORROR, OH THE HORROR!

Finally Zecora shows up. Obviously she has some sort of plan to handle this but at first she wants answers out of Apple Bloom, she knew she stole her flowers. One more cutie mark for Apple Bloom, a tornado. This has to be by far the worst one for her. Zecora plants the truth seeds and finally Apple Bloom realizes that eating crow and owning up to her mistakes is more important than cutie marks. A wonderfully majestic plant grows and Apple Bloom eats the plant. End result, Apple Bloom returns to normal, she apologizes to everypony and everything seems to be fine....ALMOST.

Since she is a blank flank again, I must now worry about those three trying to dethrone me in the name of getting their cutie marks. Wait a minute, why the hell am I so scared of a little earth pony filly, a unicorn filly that hasn't figured out how to use her magic and a filly pegasus who can't fly? Perhaps I'm letting my sister's paranoid nature rub off on me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah Apple Bloom, you claim you've learned that good things come to those who wait. I call bullshit on that and I am right. Not even five seconds after the letter being sent, those three decide to go try and get potion making cutie marks. I do hope Zecora just tells them to get lost. Maybe someday they will realize that simply trying any old thing will not get you a cutie mark....key word, maybe.

Well after the episode ended my sister and I headed to Ponyville to go bowling and guess what, I bowled a 300 game! So I think you should be proud of me. I kept my balls out of the gutter and I actually managed to keep my mind out of the gutter in this synopsis. Let's celebrate by having Pinkie throw an "After a perfect game of bowling" party. There will be cake, ice cream and plenty of dancing. Wait a minute, that sounds boring as hell so maybe I'll skip this one. Perhaps I should take Twilight to Canterlot and dance with her instead!

Oh shit....there goes my sex free synopsis. Hey I tried, I get an A for effort, right?

Chapter 35: Sweet and Elite

Chapter 35: Sweet and Elite

Hello everypony it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and you have all been very good little serfs so I shall share with you my synopsis of an episode that takes place completely up here in Canterlot, "Sweet and Elite."

For starters, I am going to say that sometimes I think I am way too good to Rarity. Yes I bitch about her tail sometimes but she is generally a good pony. Twilight let me know that she was coming up to Canterlot and needed a place to stay so I decided to let her stay in a private suite here in the castle, at a cost of course! You know I'd never allow her, or any other hot mare for that matter, to just stay for free.

Ok, get this, she is coming up here so that she can make Twilight's dress or so it seems. One thing I'd like to know is why she can't make it down there in her wannabe lingerie shop. Alright, I get it. Sweetie Belle has a big mouth and would likely go tell Twilight what fabric she was using and what it would look like. This is a positive for yours Truly though because had she not decided to do it here, I wouldn't have a hot little sex toy for a few days.

Before I left the tower there she starts kissing my hooves and acting like a complete doormat. Yes! That is how I like them, completely subservient to me and being a doormat. After all, why would your Sun Goddess want an alpha-female. The only reason I ever let them dominate me every now and then is because I do find it kinky.

Rarity has decided to have a fancy meal at one of the local cafes, a rather nice one that caters to ponies who have pets. While Rarity is having her meal a couple of the city snobs, Jet Set and Upper Crust, see her hat and decide to talk to her. At first they are acting like they are going to become "friends" but much to everypony's surprise, Hayseed Turnip Truck is washing windows and manages to get caught in some rope and fall. It is all downhill from there, especially when he mentions that he met Rarity at a hoedown in Ponyville. Now the snobs know Rarity is a hack from a small town and insult her. Ugh I hate ponies like them. Just for fun I think I'll jack up their property taxes 200%, they'll still be able to afford it and not have to change their lifestyles any.

Now poor Rarity is devastated and will need some extra TLC tonight. Things for her about to change though as she bumps into Fancy Pants and Fleur de Lis. Now this causes her to spill everything yet think he is the greatest thing in the world. I know she thinks he is hot and for that I will punish her and I have a feeling I won't be the only one. Fleur de Lis is the type of pony who doesn't like other ponies hitting on her husband but the animators certainly don't show her anger. Fancy Pants finds out that she is staying at the castle and knows me so he invites her to the Wonderbolts Derby. Ugh, why would anypony want to go to something that boring. I would rather have a hoof to paw fight with Cerberus. At least that wouldn't cost me any bits.

Well Rarity returns to her suite and is torn between either working on Twilight's dress and going to the derby. I know what she is secretly thinking. She is hoping that she can get Fancy Pants to cheat on his wife and bang her. Oh boy, now I am pissed. I let her stay in that suite and she breaks one of the rules I have for MY mares, she is not to give an ounce of adoration to those of the lesser sex. I don't care if it is a stallion with the social status of Hayseed or Fancy Pants, MY PROPERTY must do as I say! Now I will be extremely brutal with her. She wants something rammed up in her, well her dream shall come true tonight! She is the funnest one to violate anyway so I'm looking forward to this.

Rarity heads off to the derby and as she is headed to the VIP box *the snobs who belittled her earlier see her headed up to the fanciest and most expensive seats. They are probably thinking "whatever" until they see Fancy Pants let her in and interact the way he did with her. Now they are jealous and most likely grumpy. Oh well, I don't give a shit if they are annoyed or had their feelings hurt. I'm not overly fond of Fancy Pants but I can see why he would prefer Rarity's company over them. They are just mad he has more money than they do. They are upset that they are just part of the gentry while Fancy Pants is part of the much wealthier nobility. Both groups however, have nothing on me and Luna and they certainly aren't as important! Who am I kidding, your average mule is more important than them!

Fancy Pants has made his prediction that some Wonderbolt I had never heard of was going to win and soon we will learn that no matter what he says, everypony around him agrees. This was not the case with Rarity though, she picked Fleetfoot, most likely because she is the only one she knows the name of. The race starts and while I normally wouldn't care and just go gorge myself on cake, I watched this just to see who would be right. Guess what, Rarity correctly picked the winner. Now Fancy Pants and his buddies think her shit doesn't stink and her lie only makes her better to them. Then she lies about Rainbow being the trainer of the Wonderbolts and saying she knows her. Now they are begging her asking if they can come by her suite and have some fun but she very smartly lets them know that she has but one master, ME! Yeah they were jealous because she gets laid by your Sun Goddess but oh well.

I have a feeling that these overdressed low lives just don't get it. They continue to follow her around, laughing at every little thing she says and of course they beg her for rump calls that night but just like before, she told them that she is my property and that not only would they face my wrath but so would she. Eventually they stop asking for rump calls but now they are begging her to come to all these events of theirs for the next few days which actually makes me happy. It means she will be extending her stay and of course that means plenty more action for me!

Now little miss Rarity has started attending all these high society events, juggling that along with paying me tribute. How she did it I'm not sure but all that matters is that she is there when I need her. I will admit though that I am still pissed that she is drooling over Fancy Pants. I'm honestly thinking of tying her up in my sleeping chambers, inviting Fleur de Lis to the castle and let her punish Rarity in whatever way she sees fit. Personally I hope Fleur likes mares too because having both of them at once would be quite nice.

Bad news, the time for Rarity to leave has come and I still haven't been able to get Fleur de Lis to join me in punishing her for her crimes but wait a minute, somepony is delivering a letter for Rarity. Sweet, the snobs want Rarity to show up to the Canterlot Garden Party the next night so that means another night with her and this time, Fleur will join me whether she likes mares or not. Both of them will be at my mercy. Rarity because she is my property and is breaking my rules and Fleur just because I want to punish her. I don't need a reason, I am Princess Molest....I mean Celestia after all. One thing that makes Rarity even more worthy of punishment is the letter she wrote to Twilight lying about Opal being sick. Yes I'm glad she'll be here another night but come on. She could have either said, "Hey Twily, the rich snobs want me to stay here for a party and I won't be there for your birthday so go fuck Fluttershy since I won't be available."

Of course the animators could never show this but I was able to get both mares into my chambers and we had so much fun! Given that Fleur's horn is longer, she was able to give me more pleasure than anypony else ever has. I'm thinking that I might add her to my list of hot mares that must put out on demand! Alright, enough about the secret threesome, let's get back to what the animators could show.

Rarity is getting ready to go to this boring event when her friends showed up. Now they made Twilight look all happy when she saw her but she did say one thing that they couldn't add in. She said, "Rarity, how dare you try to get out of coming to my party! Fluttershy and I wanted a threesome and we're going to get it whether you like it or not!" Guess what Twily, you and Flutters will get a foursome because I'm joining you whether you like it or not!

Now that Rarity has had her cover blown they head to the ballroom where they are going to hold my Twily's party. Thing is, the windows to that place face the place where the garden party is being held. While everypony else was celebrating Twilight's birthday, Rarity was all miserable wishing she could be at the garden party. Now she is starting to engage in trickery that is not pleasing me. She is going back and forth from one party to another because it would be a federal crime if she doesn't go over and act like she wants to get Fancy Pants and Upper Crust in bed. Ugh, that is just gross. Fancy Pants is bad enough given that he is a stallion but Upper Crust is worse because she is uglier than a pile of shit. What Jet Set still sees in her is beyond me.

Now Rarity has blown her cover as she goes back to Twilight's party with a croquet mallet in her mouth. Now Rarity has to explain herself and she just can't but Twilight is way too understanding. I have some news for you Twily, Rarity wasn't over there because she is a savvy business pony, she was over there because she doesn't give a flying fuck about you. She only cares about her new status symbol as a very important pony among these morons. The only pony she should be worrying about her status with is her status with ME! And unfortunately for her, right now she is falling fast and will be more likely to be punished severely!

Twilight and her friends have now went out and crashed the party. Good, it is about time that damn thing has some excitement. I would have made an appearance had Pinkie not ate all the cake but oh well, I don't like mingling with the gentry and nobility unless I absolutely have to, well except for Fleur de Lis now that she has to pay me homage every now and then.

Now things continue to fall for Rarity as she has to admit that her Ponyville friends are actually her friends to the elite up here that honestly don't give a fuck about her. You know something, I have actually gained a great amount of respect for Fancy Pants. Not only does he find the dress that Rarity made for Twilight good but he finds my Twily and her friends charmingly rustic. Now all of a sudden Upper Crust wants a replica of Twilight's dress and the rest of them don't see my Twily and her friends as unrefined.

Now for another thing that could not be shown. I was able to get Twilight, Rarity, Fluttershy and Fleur de Lis together and the five of us had a ton of fun. You're not going to believe this but Fleur said that if Fancy Pants weren't so wealthy, she would divorce him and move in with Fluttershy since those two got especially kinky. I suppose her lavish lifestyle still beats out a hot mare who gave her the time of her life. My view is that is a good thing. I don't want her banging my Fluttershy all the time. She is my property after all.

Yeah, yeah, yeah Rarity. I get it, you learned that you shouldn't be ashamed of where you come from but let me tell you what you didn't learn. You didn't learn that you should put your friends above rich hacks who don't really like you. They only liked you because Fancy Pants likes you. Next time you come up here to do something like make Twilight or anypony else a dress, you will be staying in my sleeping chambers so I can make sure you behave and don't go mingling with undesirables, got that Rares?

Author's Note

* From that point forward Jest Set and Upper Crust, when being mentioned as a pair will simply be known as "the snobs." After all, Tia hates them!

Chapter 36: Secret of My Excess

Chapter 36: Secret of My Excess

Hello my beloved serfs! I am in a very good day and most of you have been paying your taxes and worshiping me like you're supposed to, so I shall give you my views on Secret of My Excess.

It looks like it's just another boring day in Ponyville but something ain't right, Twilight has closed her curtains! What is she up to? Oh she better not be having any fun without inviting me. If she is, I will punish her severely. So I do the little invisibility and teleport spell and come to find out, it is re-shelving day. Boring! Now why would she close the curtains to re-shelve her books? Hell, why does she always re-shelve her books anyway? I am guessing that it is likely that Rarity and Fluttershy have been leaving her out of their sexy nights so she is frustrated. Poor thing, I'll have to ease her frustration after this episode. I would now but such things can't be done in front of a baby dragon, or any dragon for that matter.

Well she starts this task and I can't help but yawn. Ugh, how can she stand to do this. Well laughter is coming from upstairs and naturally my sexy little student gets upset over it. Come to find out Spike has a fire ruby that he will be eating next week as it will be his birthday. You know what that means? That means it will be the anniversary of Twily becoming my student too. I'll come down, throw Spike out and Twily and I can celebrate. He can go eat his gem while I'll be eating a gem of my own, a sexy lavender gem!

Well Twilight continues her task but is interrupted once again, this time by Rarity. Yeah so she needs some fashion book, big deal. Perhaps Twilight is rubbing off on her given that she suddenly wants reading material. Oh no, Rarity sees Spike's fire ruby and starts getting all dreamy eyed. I have a bad feeling that Spike is going to wind up losing his supper before he even has a chance to eat it. Guess what? That is exactly what happens. Rarity gives Spike bedroom eyes and now the gem is her's. Poor Spike, Rarity could have at least took him to her bedroom and banged him in return but all he gets is a kiss. Of course that is more than enough to make him happy and what is worse, Spike is claiming he will never wash that cheek again. I swear, Spike may not be greedy like other dragons but he obviously ain't the brightest either.

A week passes and it is time for Spike's party. Ewww....he still hasn't washed that cheek? Now that is flat out gross. I would think Spike would know that if his cheek was still dirty that his chances of scoring with Rarity would be zero. Let's face it though, he'll never score with her! Well the party goes on, boring as most other parties are. Spike gets presents from all of them, although I'm thinking one of Rarity's tampons would make him happy. Ok, I need to stop talking about that before I vomit.

Ok, back to the party. He wants it to last forever until Pinkie mentions the Cakes have something for him so out the door he goes. I must say though, I am amazed that the Cakes were able to afford those sapphires for that cupcake given that they are still paying restitution over the "baked bads" incident. Well Spike is happy and he decides to head back to the library, well until he runs into Cheerilee.

Well he is happy over his cupcake and mentions it is his birthday so Cheerilee gives him a hat. Oh shit, things can only go downhill from here. Now Spike's inner dragon is coming out and he does become greedy. I am going to have to "punish" Cheerilee. I will do that tonight, Twilight will have to wait until later. Spike goes on his way and now he charms Lickedy-Split out of his ball. Come on man, what are you thinking? I certainly wouldn't just hand something of mine over to somepony, well in this case somedragon else just because it was their birthday.

Next up is Junebug but luckily Twilight was able to catch him before he stole her flowers. Now why would he want her flowers? Well when a dragon becomes greedy I've heard they'll steal outhouses from farms just so they'll have more shit to add to their collection of stuff. Well Twilight gets Spike to see the error of his ways, or so she thinks. She thinks he's going to go give Cheerilee her hat back but he will continue on his quest to make sure that everypony in town gives him something.

Well night time arrives and I do indeed punish Cheerilee. I just hope the stains in her classroom aren't too obvious but I did notice Snips and Snails watching us. What a shame it wasn't more credible foals running home to tell their parents that Cheerilee is my ho! I'd love it if everypony knew the town teacher isn't little miss innocent. Oh well, I can't win them all. What a shame they couldn't have shown the two of us getting it on in the episode. She is quite kinky and loves it rough so I think I'm going to add her to my list of hot mares that have to please me every now and then.

The following morning arrives and things have returned to boring and normal for me but the same can't be said for Twilight. She wakes up to find a stash of all sorts of shit at the foot of her bed. Now she discovers that Spike has grown quite a bit. Ok, now I am questioning her intelligence. She thinks something is wrong with him and has the audacity to waste government funds by taking him to a pediatrician. Yep, you heard me right, a pediatrician!

Well naturally he discovers Spike is a dragon and refers Twilight to a vet. Well once again Twilight wastes government funds because the vet has never seen a dragon before. I'm thinking I will seize her parent's house and make them pay rent to live in it. That should make up for all the government funds Twilight has wasted and will likely waste in the future. Now Twilight does what she should have done in the first place, she takes him to Zecora.

Naturally Zecora knows what is going on, after all she is one of the smartest and wisest of my subjects. Twilight seems shocked with what Zecora is telling her. Why did Twilight not know this? Well I'm partly to blame. The day I was going to teach her about how dragons think was interrupted by her going into heat and she can't concentrate when she gets like that so we had a "special study session" in the Starswirl the Bearded wing of the library. Damn Spike is quick and good when it comes to larceny now. He steals everything in Zecora's hut without either one of them noticing it. Now that he has broken the law and he is Twilight's responsibility, not only am I going to seize her parent's house I will also jack up their taxes. They're wealthy so they won't be hurting any.

Now Spike is really going to pay! He is trying to steal Scootaloo's scooter. Come on Spike, stealing from a filly? I'm thinking it might be time for another spell, a spell to make Rarity want to kill him and constantly scare him. We'll see though, if he succeeds it's going to happen. If not, well I'll figure something else out. Luckily for Scootaloo, my sexy student is able to lure him away with "an amazing broom!" Now this is absolute truth about how stupid greedy dragons are. He is already Twilight's assistant and janitor, why would he want to steal a larger version of what he is enslaved to? Well Twilight gets him into the library but all he does is mess up the room she just re-shelved. Poor Twily, she is now a bit distraught and while they could never show it, she was hoofing herself and calling out my name. I guess I'll be having some fun tonight!

Now for what really makes me wonder about things, he goes and steals all of Applejack's apples AND leaves! Where the hell did he put all of that and how was he able to take it all? I get it, this is a cartoon so anything can happen. Twilight lets Applejack know Spike needs to be lassoed because he is running wild and naturally she laughs until she sees him running with stolen produce. Applejack is good with a lasso but with the help of Twilight, she screws up royally. Now they're tied to a tree and need Rainbow Dash to free them. I can only imagine what was running through her mind, probably something not fit for a kids' show.

Now Spike scares Fluttershy and steals her chicken coop. It looks like I will be having Fluttershy joining Twilight and I tonight because she really needs calming down and the two of us know how to make her feel so much better. Now Pinkie has to put up with Spike and the dumb ass is giving him cake! I guess she doesn't know jack shit about dragons and how they are when they're greedy either. Yes she is distraught too but she won't be getting any from me because she isn't that attractive and her immaturity is a huge turn off.

Well Spike has grown bigger and is now off to abduct Rarity. Given his size now that should be easy. The bad thing for him about being that big, his friend down south is likely larger than her, so no scoring now and besides, once he does abduct her, I think Rarity will be scarred for life. That won't be all bad, I'll find a different unicorn who is generous and take Rarity home with me. Yeah I bitch about her tail all the time but she is hot overall and does perform well in bed.

Now Spike is rampaging and destroying Ponyville. Alright, since Twilight's pet has done so much damage, I'm seizing her parents' house, all the money they have in the bank and they are moving into the castle where they will become my indentured servants. As far as their house goes, I'll sell it to the highest bidder and that money can be used to repair all the damage in Ponyville....unless Twilight rocks my world tonight, then I will consider letting her parents off the hook.

Well another strike against Twilight, Spike has now stolen the town's water tower to put all his crap in. Even if Twilight rocks my world tonight, her parents will still see their taxes increase. Now Spike has Rarity in his tail and has used her to try and knock her friends out of the sky but all he does is ruin Rarity's cape. Poor Rarity, she will be joining Twilight, Fluttershy and I tonight. A four mare romp does sound good after all!

Apparently the dragon alert reached Cloudsdale so in come the Wonderbolts. It did no good though because Spike just caught them with the water tower. I am really hoping something will snap this beast out of his greed mode or Twilight will need a new assistant. Well now, Rarity removes her dress, exposing her necklace with the fire ruby in it. Suddenly Spike starts acting weird. Could this be what does it? I certainly hope so.

Well he sees the fire ruby and remembers him giving it to Rarity and getting as close to getting laid as he ever will by her and it isn't long until he shrinks down to his normal self. Now they are in a free fall and Spike tries to admit his crush to Rarity but she puts his hoof over his mouth before he can finish the sentence. She knew what his feelings were. Sorry Spike but admitting your crush to her ain't going to get you laid!

Now on to bigger problems. Unless somepony can catch those two I will have to find a new element of generosity. In come Fluttershy and Rainbow to save the day using Rarity's torn cape. Well they succeed and I breathe a sigh of relief. I won't have to find a new element of generosity nor will I be one short when it comes to my list of sexy mares that must keep me happy.

Ok Rarity, you're proud of Spike, good for you! The little bastard nearly destroys the town and here you are leading him on again. I swear, it is no wonder that he can't get it through his head that he won't score with her. If she would stop giving him bedroom eyes all the time maybe he would figure it out that she doesn't lust after him the way he lusts after her. Again she kisses him and he is probably thinking he's going to get laid. Unfortunately for him, he is sadly mistaken.

Ok Spike, I get it. You learned that giving is better than receiving. You learned that being greedy will turn you into a town destroying monster. Guess what, I don't give a shit. What upsets me is that your owner can't control you. I care about what she learns, not you. Here is what Twilight learned, "I can't control my dragon and I'm a total dumb ass because I don't know about a dragon's true nature."

The day is getting late and I have three, no make that four mares to grab to have fun with. Fluttershy, Rarity, Twilight and just for fun I shall add Cheerilee. She is very hot after all. To make things more fun the five of us have decided to defile the schoolhouse tonight, especially Diamond Bitch's desk. I'll make sure that our girlcum coats it so much that her seat will still be wet come tomorrow morning! Now this will be priceless, seeing her sit in that and be grossed out. The funniest thing though will be her going home to daddy and him thinking his daughter has been a naughty girl! She'll be grounded for a month, I guarantee it!

Chapter 37: Hearth's Warming Eve

Chapter 37: Hearth's Warming Eve

Hello my beloved serfs! Since all of you have behaved for the most part, paid your taxes and have not badmouthed me, I have decided that you are deserving of my synopsis of "Hearth's Warming Eve."

Well that time of year has arrived, again. Yep, Hearth's Warming Eve is here and everypony is in such a happy mood. I'll be honest, I don't get why they would be because the weather is terrible, the days are short and everypony focuses way too much on family, gluttony and gifts when they could be focusing on something far more important, ME!

As you all know, Canterlot holds a pageant every year over the holiday and I decided that Twilight and her friends may as well make themselves useful for once, I decided they should play the lead roles in it. I was initially deciding to hire a local theater troupe but that would cost money and I am not about to blow government funds when I could get ponies to do this for free. And to make things even better, I can force Twilight and Fluttershy to visit me in my sleeping chambers after the play. They haven't paid tribute in a while and I am not a happy princess.

Of course you all know the story of Hearth's Warming, the three tribes arguing over who the better race was and distrusting one another over petty differences like the earth ponies hogging all the food, the pegasi being a bunch of assholes and making it snow and the unicorns sitting up in their castle doing nothing productive. What a shame the master race had yet to arrive yet. If they would have had Alicorns to keep their petty squabbles in check, the windigoes never would have shown up because they never would have fought.

Ok, back to the play. As we all know, back in the day the three tribes each had a different style of government. The unicorns were the smartest of the three since they had a princess, the pegasi were led by some sort of dictator but the earth ponies had a very stupid system, a democracy. Seriously, what kind of fucked up shit is that? It is no wonder the earth ponies were always the butts of everypony's jokes. Anypony who would allow mindless serfs to elect other mindless serfs to run their country are a bunch of complete morons. To be honest, I'm surprised the inefficiency of their government didn't cause them to go extinct.

I'm going to let you in on something truly terrible about that whole democracy thing, especially the representative democracy model. One time Lyra gave me a report over the subject and about how a human nation nicknamed America wound up using that system. Get this, not only did they allow inferiors to elect other inferiors to run their country but there were even instances where the serfs' votes didn't count and some college put their leader in power! Now I'm pretty sure you know how horribly that turned out! From what her report stated, their leader went mad, nuked their allies and that is what led to the extinction of those inferior creatures so maybe that lunatic wasn't such a bad thing after all. Had it not been for that, us ponies never would have evolved and became the master species!

Now of course we all know that they did a pretty good job in portraying the tribes finding their new lands, fighting over it, the windigoes freezing them into a cave and then the leaders bodies' freezing. There was one thing though that the writers did not show. The three subordinates that did not get frozen over, it was not just singing under the heart that send those windigoes packing, it was something better, much better!

Now history has always brought up how the leaders and their subordinates were stallions but everypony knows that isn't true. If the lesser sex truly was the ones who discovered the new land, this play probably wouldn't be being put on at all. Ponykind would have went extinct due to constant warfare and retardation among the country's leaders. They were female and that is why I forced Twilight and her friends to play the lead roles while Spike fucked everything up with his annoying narrating.

Want to know what the subordinates really did? Well Clover the Clever and Private Pansy wound up having hot, raunchy sex under that heart while Smart Cookie watched and cheered Clover along since the earth ponies weren't overly fond of the pegasi because of their lack of weather control. Yes eventually the leaders bodies thawed and a little known fact for you, Princess Platinum joined in and made it a hot threesome. That is the real reason the ice and snow melted away! Too bad the animators couldn't have given everypony the real story.

I'll be honest, I wasn't expecting them to do as good as they did nor did I expect them to get a standing ovation but they did. In fact they did such a good job I decided that they were all deserving of a reward, well except for Spike. His narrating sucked and besides, it's not like he ever does anything real meaningful to start with.

This is what their rewards were. Luna bought a ton of fritters from Applejack, I ordered Spitfire to rock Rainbow's world and I bought some cake from Pinkie Pie. The much better reward was for Fluttershy, Twilight and Rarity. Their reward, a whole week of being locked up in my chambers with me! Now naturally they didn't just have to please me but one another as well. The fun thing, all of it was captured on video so I'll have another addition to my massive porn collection.

Now with any luck the writers will have winter over and done with by the time I let my girls go home. Winter is ok for a couple of days when you have three hot mares to keep you warm but anything past that, no thanks! Winter is unpleasant and besides, it really limits the story line.

Now be gone you serfs, I have three hot mares to have some fun with so I certainly don't have time to sit here and chew the fat with you.

Chapter 42: Read it and Weep

Chapter 42: Read it and Weep

Hello my beloved serfs! You have been behaving for the most part and have been worshiping me like you're supposed to so I'll give you my take on "Read it and Weep."

Alright, it is another sunny and glorious day in Ponyville. Rarity and Pinkie are gawking in the sky and turning their heads. Something rather stupid must be entertaining them because I'm not headed down there yet. I still have a couple hours of boring princess business I have to take care of before I go and see Twilight. Tonight we're going to go into the forest and have tons of fun!

Ok, enough about my plans with Twilight. Speaking of her, she decides to join in on watching whatever boring event is going on in the sky. Well as it turns out Rainbow Crash, oops I mean Rainbow Dash is flying around being a big shot when suddenly she crashes. I guess I can call her Rainbow Crash now. It must be pretty bad because they had to haul her to the hospital. I bet she ain't thinking she's so great now!

Wow, she must have crashed hard because she knocked herself out cold. When she comes to she sees her friends surrounding her and realizes she is in a hospital. Oh wah-wah-wah, quite your whining Rainbow Crash. Well the doctor says she is going to be ok. Well that's good because we do need an element of loyalty. Now I personally don't care if she ever flies again or not, all I care about is that she can be ready to help save Equestria and keep me in power if need be.

Well a nurse is pushing a cart of books past Rainbow's room and naturally this attracts the attention of the sexiest nerd in existence. She sees a book on it that she thinks Rainbow might like. She gets the book and nudges Rainbow with it. Wait a minute, does that dumb jock even know how to read? Ok, enough of the insults. Naturally Rainbow isn't interested and claims that she isn't going to read because she is a "world class athlete." Let me tell you something Crashie, a world class athlete wouldn't go showboating and crash. Just give the damn book a chance.

Alright, the nurse runs Twilight and her friends out so Rainbow can get some rest. Good thing too because I would have been rather upset had Twilight and I not been able to defile the forest! Well Rainbow is bored out of her mind, playing with a ball, gagging over her meal, playing with her lamp, telling jokes to her roommate who happens to be in a body cast and can't respond to her and banging her head up against the wall. What an idiot. Perhaps she's trying to give herself a concussion as well. Perhaps I should just look for a new element of loyalty since this one is a showboat who is too likely to injure herself being stupid.

Now that the Wonderbolt wannabe has ran out of stupid stuff to do the book is calling out to her. Will she resist or will she actually work that moldy brain of her's and read it. I don't believe it, she actually picks up the book and decides to read it. I'm betting she'll quit after less than one paragraph and go back to banging her head on the wall.

What is this? She starts reading and the images of the book start running through her mind! Perhaps she has a normal brain instead of a pile of mold after all! Ok, so now let's get on to Daring Do....for now anyway.

Yeah she's going through the jungle with a broken wing. Oh wah, wah, wah...so you can't fly up into the clear blue sky, deal with it bitch. You probably did something stupid to break it anyway, probably something stupid like the idiot reading your book. Ok Daring, so you're being pursued by predatory cats, so what? My sexy Twily and her friends have had to face off against my sister when she turned evil along with a disgruntled draconeqqus who was hell bent on bringing about eternal chaos so your situation is nothing.

Run, run, run as fast as you can but remember you're not the gingerbread man! I'm hoping that little white cat will get her and claw her up. I want her to live but I still want to see her have some scratches on her pretty little face. Well unfortunately she escapes the cats and finds herself face to face with some temple. Hmmm....that thing looks familiar. I could have sworn I saw that thing when I was flying over the most remote corners of Equestria when I needed to get away, after a former protege of mine refused to put out.

Now why the hell would she want to go in that thing? Oh right, she's a greedy treasure hunter and there's probably something she wants to steal it, bring it to Canterlot and try to sell it to me. Whatever it is, it must be of very high value. I've heard ancient temples like that are rather dangerous places.

She goes waltzing in there acting like she is hot shit when suddenly all sorts of threats try to wipe her out. Fire, crocodiles, axes and then she has to hurry and get through that door way before it closes on her. Well after going down some sort of slide and getting her hat filled with arrows, she arrives in the room with that relic she wants so bad. I must say, it is rather pretty. What a shame this is a work of fiction, I would love to have that sapphire statue on my mantle in my sleeping chambers.

Uh-oh! The story stops because Rainbow got distracted by my sexy Twily and the even more sexy Fluttershy. They decide to come and cheer her up. I will admit, while I love those two dearly, I am disappointed that Rainbow's thoughts were interrupted. Well they bring some boring board game that Rainbow apparently loves. Well it is quite obvious she has no desire to play this since not only does she let my girls go first, but she lies about what happened. They didn't find her seagull, sting her bumble bee or rain on her cumulus, although I do plan on raining on Twilight tonight! Rainbow "loses" the game for the first time and sends her unwanted visitors on their way.

Once they are gone Rainbow gets back to the book. Ok, back to Daring Do. Well she must now find her way across that thing on the floor that goes in a pattern. Why haven't I thought of something like this. It would keep unwanted visitors from reaching my sleeping chambers, well unless it is my sister or a pegasus pony. Alright, so everything on there except one is a predator, rats. Ugh, I hate rats.

Well Daring Do goes and steals the relic and suddenly the place starts to collapse on her and magma comes up from the floor. Somehow she manages to escape but once she hits the ground and loses her grasp on that relic she wanted up, a big blue thing shows up and says, "HELLO RAINBOW DASH!" Wait a minute, this scary looking thing has Pinkie's voice. Well that made it a couple hundred percent less scary. Chances are it throws parties and simply annoys everypony rather than serving some useful purpose.

Well thankfully for that blue thing, that is not his voice. It was Pinkie coming in with Rarity and Applejack to visit with Rainbow. I think it is funny seeing Rainbow get upset that nopony will let her finish the book she has gotten so into and to think, it wasn't very long ago that she wouldn't have touched a book with a ten foot pole. Kind of ironic don't you think?

Well it is lunch time for Rainbow and to get rid of her unwelcome visitors, she starts eating and making a huge mess. Ugh, I don't blame them for leaving. I wouldn't want to be around somepony that messy either although I must admit, I am kinda messy when it comes to eating certain meals, especially if they are lavender so I guess I'm not one who should be talking.

Good, they're gone and now we can get back to Daring Do. So this blue thing is known as Ahuizotl? I've never seen anything like that and thank Faust he is just a creature in a fictional book. If something like that really existed, I would have to contain him into a remote corner of Equestria and seal it off. Oh no, now our hero has been tied to a slab and Ahuizotl has begun to fill the chamber with sand. Spikes with spiders crawling on them are headed towards Daring Do and good thing that isn't Twilight tied to that slab because cobras are coming in as well and we all know how Twilight is when it comes to snakes!

Oh damn, another interruption! Unfortunately for Rainbow, it is the doctor telling her she is being discharged. I'd think the bitch would be happy she was getting out so she could eat real food again. Well she is now whining about being sick that she won't know what happens to Daring Do, who I seriously think, despite being a fictional character, that Rainbow has developed a serious girl crush on. Well I do hope that she won't stop pursuing Spitfire because of her infatuation over a fictional character. I know how much Spitfire loves the attention and can be a bitch if she doesn't get it.

So Rainbow goes right back into the emergency room whining about her wing hurting. For the love of Faust Rainbow, you could have at least had the doctor touch your bad wing instead of your good wing. The doctor's diagnosis? Lazyitess. I've never heard of it but it sure seems to fit her. She should have done something to piss the doctor off to where he would be so mad he would hurt her to the point she would have to be hospitalized again. She is sent off on her way and continues to whine and whine. What's going to happen to Daring? Swallow your pride bitch, just ask Twilight if you can borrow her copy. So what if she knows you are joining "Eggheads United?"

So now Rainbow has decided to break into the hospital, over a book! She would rather risk jail time and punishment by me, which would likely be a hundred lashes. Well she gets in and finds her way to the room she was in but oh no, somepony else is in her bed now. No problem, the book is under the bed so she gets under it and continues reading.

Back to Daring Do, yay! Well she struggles to get out of the bounds Ahuizotl had her in and suddenly a talking spider! Shit, the pony in the bed woke up and is accusing Rainbow of trying to steal his slippers! Well now a chase ensues, Rainbow loses the book and is now being pursued out of the hospital.

Well now the whole town is being woke up because of not a dog, but some crazy pony that barks like a dog. Well the chase ends outside of Twilight's library and all of her friends along with the doctor and nurses have surrounded Rainbow. It doesn't take long until everypony knows Rainbow broke into the hospital just so she could finish that Daring Do book. Twilight is shocked that Rainbow would try to steal A BOOK! Good job Twilight, you turned Rainbow into a criminal.

Well after all is said and done Rainbow reports that she learned that she shouldn't knock something until she tries it. Big deal, Twilight learned the same thing the first time I rained on her not too long after we became more than student and teacher.

Good, now Rainbow is back to reading! Time to finish this. Well Daring Do has shown the brains that any good explorer/treasure hunter has, she somehow gets her hat to fly around just right to push that lever back up. The sand drains, the spikes retreat and the snakes go away. While she is escaping Ahuizotl is sitting there with his cats gloating about how he is victorious. One major problem, he is holding that relic in his hand tail and in comes our hero and steals it. Wah-wah-wah Ahuizotl, you're not going to defeat Daring Do.

Our story is over and Rainbow has finished the book. Now she has Twilight's book collection and has decided to go on a binge when it comes to reading. Well I would rather her be reading books than flying around injuring herself.

Now be gone you serfs, I didn't get to see Twilight last night so I'm off to have a bit of fun. I'm extremely frustrated and you know how I get when I'm frustrated! If I don't get some action, nopony wants to be around me until I get what I want and whether she wants to or not, Twilight is going to give me what I want!

Chapter 43: Hearts and Hooves Day

Chapter 43: Hearts and Hooves Day

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and I have a surprise for you. You have all been good little peons and worshiped me like you are supposed to so I shall give you my synopsis of "Hearts and Hooves Day."

Well another Hearts and Hooves Day has arrived in Equestria and all the fillies and colts are busy making cards for their teachers and each other. Before I wound up getting with Twilight, I despised the holiday with a passion. In this day and age though, I love it because it is usually the day she is the absolute most submissive to me. Ok, enough about my relationship with Twilight, this episode is going to be centered around the filly illuminati, who I always have to keep an eye out for.

Morning has arrived in Ponyville and those three are up in their clubhouse engaging in some sort of idiotic activity like they always do. Luckily their window faces Canterlot so I can see what is going on. What the hell? They are making a jumbo sized card for their teacher and expect it to fit in a tiny little envelope. What I'd really like to know is how the hell they are going to get that thing to the school. Alright, I'll share something with you. The animators never showed it but Rarity used her magic to carry it there, she is Sweetie Belle's sister after all. Twilight probably would have but she was getting the library ready for tonight.

Well those girls get that oversized card to the school and Cheerilee is stunned. I can't really tell if she is impressed, annoyed or what but I can tell she is wondering what the hell she is going to do with it. I'm betting she'll probably just burn it or dispose of it in some other way that those three won't know she didn't keep it. I could always dispose it for her but it would come at a price, a price I'm sure she would be more than willing to pay!

Oh boy, now the girls are asking her about a very special somepony. She may claim she doesn't have one but you all know better than that. Yeah she isn't as close with me as Twilight is but we've had plenty of fun. Naturally though, she can't let her students know that she is your sexy Sun Goddess's little bitch. Why is it I suddenly have a feeling that those girls are going to do something to stir up a lot of trouble? If they do, their sisters will be the ones to pay. I don't punish adorable fillies but I am the only one who is allowed to stir up trouble in Equestria.

As it turns out they're going to. Since she said she doesn't have a special somepony, they have decided to go out and find her one. Now I am extremely pissed. It is bad enough they go out looking for somepony to hook her up with but even worse they are going to try and find a stallion to hook her up with! I swear, those girls must not know their teacher all that well. Once they get older though they'll learn that an increasing number of mares across Equestria are turned off by the lesser sex.

It's song time! As they begin looking for some hack to hook Cheerilee up with they have burst into song describing potential mates for her. Give me a break girls, there is no reason to be doing this. Her reaction at the school should have been enough to let you know that she is happy not having a special somepony, well at least not having one that you can know about. Perhaps I should put a brand on her, one that reads, "Property of Princess Celestia" on it.

Enough about me branding Cheerilee. The girls think they have done it. Since he has no plans for this evening, the girls decide to hook Big Mac up with Cheerilee. Come on girls, he is extremely shy and isn't going to just ask her and I doubt Cheerilee is going to ask him out. It isn't a matter of her not being the type to do that, it is a matter of her knowing that she is my property. Of course the girls have already cooked up some sort of plan to try and change this.

Ugh, those girls are annoying. They con Big Mac into believing that the gazebo needs fixed and they lure Cheerilee to said gazebo by wanting her to identify a tree for them. I couldn't believe it when those girls acted like they didn't know what an apple tree was, especially Apple Bloom. Also, why would Big Mac give a shit about the town's gazebo? It's not like the town is paying him to do it, it is just him being a good ol' boy who will help anypony in need.

Now comes awkward moment number one. Seriously girls, a "romantic" picnic with sappy music. You three must be dumber than I thought if you actually thought this would work. Fortunately for me, both of them just walk away. While they never said anything, I could read their minds. Both of them thought the filly illuminati were just being a bunch of idiots who need to mind their own business.

Alright, failure number one. Now the girls run into my sexy Twily who is reading a book about the history of this holiday. WHAT? She is supposed to be getting the library ready for my arrival, not out reading books. If her bed isn't cleaned off, I am not going to be very happy. Because of this, Twilight will have to be punished severely! She should know that she is to put nothing ahead of me, and I mean nothing!

Now for a really bad thing, Twilight tells the filly illuminati that she is reading about the history of the holiday and how it got it's origin, which is a rather disgusting one. Some stallion wanted to get an Alicorn princess in bed so he created what he thought was a love potion. The two drank it and suddenly both of them were so lost in the other's eyes that they couldn't do anything. A dragon was involved, the kingdom fell and from what I understand, both of them were murdered by their subjects. Now that was a good thing, my sister and I didn't need some lesser Alicorn already being in power when we arrived to save this land.

Now I am pissed. The CMC are going to make this love potion. Now they are breaking the law as producing, possession and distribution of it is highly illegal. I know that I have this soft spot for fillies and don't like the idea of punishing them, well severely anyway but this is them going to far. I'm thinking that maybe if I make them clean the castle from top to bottom, that will make them think twice before doing something like this in the future.

So far they are guilty of production and possession of the love potion. Now will they violate the third law as well. Well here we go again, they have lured both Big Mac and Cheerilee to the gazebo, AGAIN! Good grief, are those two stupid or something. I'm going to have to talk to Applejack about how her brother is far too trusting and as far as Cheerilee goes, I shall punish her severely. She likes it rough but if she thinks last time was rough, just wait till next time. I have decided that shall be tonight, Twilight and I can punish her together and defile the schoolhouse again.

Ok, the girls are hiding in a bush again watching the ones they want to hook up and now they have decided to drink this "punch." Well shit, they drank it and are now lost in one another's eyes. Ok girls, now you are not only guilty of production, possession and distribution of this shit but you are also guilty of fooling two ponies into drinking it. I don't care what anypony thinks now. After this episode, all three of them are going to spend all day cleaning the castle for the next six days. I know some ponies will see that as cruel but look at it like this, it beats me banishing them to the moon, flogging them or throwing then in Tartarus.

Now everything has gone to hell, my slave and one of the best apple farmers in the country are now lost in one another's eyes and can't even think straight. All they can do is mumble gibberish that basically says, "I have a special somepony, I'm so happy!" Ugh, gag me. The girls seem to be thinking the same thing but here is the thing, they wanted them to act like this. If they didn't, they wouldn't have mixed up that highly illegal potion. Once they are up here cleaning this castle, I will continue to emphasize that what they did was illegal. I might even threaten their sisters just to scare them into behaving.

Under the advice of the CMC, now those two have decided that they are going to get married, well get ready to get married. Well guess what, that ain't going to happen. I will not allow the mayor to marry them and I sure the hell won't marry them. They can get ready all they want but luckily for me that won't happen. Ok, back to them going to get ready to get married, those girls learned that if they can keep them from gazing into one another's eyes for an hour, the spell will be broken. I am hoping they can keep them apart for that long but that might be tough.

Ok, Sweetie is going to have my property try on wedding dresses while Apple Bloom and Scootaloo are taking Big Mac to try and find a good diamond for Cheerilee. When things are looking good, Apple Bloom just has to take her eyes off of her brother for a second and suddenly he has made his purchase and is gone. What an idiot. She should have just let Scootaloo keep her eye on the clock. Well now they have to chase him down, which isn't going to be easy.

While Apple Bloom is trying to stop Big Mac from getting to Cheerilee, Scootaloo has went to join Sweetie Belle in keeping their teacher locked in the dressing room. I can't help but think "what in the hell" as Big Mac is so strong that despite Apple Bloom somehow getting him tied to a house, he drags the damn thing with him. Has he been taking steroids since the Applebuck Season episode? I am pretty sure he has but I can't do anything about it because unless he is playing sports, steroids are not illegal.

Great, just great. Now he is yelling out for Cheerilee and of course once she hears him, she is quickly able to smash through the damn road block the girls put in place. One thing I forgot to mention though, Sweetie and Scootaloo must have been expecting this because not only were there conveniently placed shovels right around the boutique, they were able to dig a hole in nothing flat. Luckily for those three, Big Mac broke loose from the house and fell straight into that hole. Even stranger, how the hell did a mattress get in there? I get it, it is a cartoon so anything can happen but this is really stretching it.

Now my sexy little schoolteacher is heading out and unfortunately, it looks like their eyes meet right before the hour has passed. Who knows though, maybe they didn't pay enough attention to one another to keep the spell going. Oh please be normal, please be normal. Thank Faust, they are back to normal. Now Ponyville won't starve and I won't be deprived of my schoolteacher! Woo-hoo.

Yeah, yeah, yeah girls, I get it. You learned you shouldn't meddle in other ponies' relationships BUT you didn't learn not to break the law. Because of that, like I said earlier, you are going to be punished to the full extent to the law, well what is the full extent for fillies. Six days of cleaning the castle, with MY SISTER supervising you! You think I could be tough, she'll be tougher and with her royal Canterlot voice, she'll strike fear into you!

Now for the punishment Big Mac and Cheerilee issue them. They have to do the rest of Big Mac's chores and what is funny is those two pretend to be back under the spell. That is funny but I'm still agitated that they would even pretend to be like that. Will I punish Cheerilee over it, of course I will! She is my property and is not behaving in a way that I approve of!

Now for what happened afterwards. Despite it being Hearts and Hooves Day, I was so frustrated over those girls that I decided to forego my fun with Twilight and Cheerilee that night and simply hauled those girls with me up to Canterlot. The next day they began their punishment and of course they did not like it. Hey, lawbreakers must be punished and they could have caused a lot of damage with that love poison. In the end they learned not to piss me off and learned that they better never break the law again.

Now if you serfs will excuse me, I have a sexy lavender student and a very sexy schoolteacher to go and punish. That should be quite fun and don't worry, my sister will make sure the girls clean the castle from top to bottom. Also, I will have them back to Ponyville in time for the next episode.

Chapter 45: Putting Your Hoof Down

Chapter 45: Putting Your Hoof Down

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and do I have a surprise for you! You have all paid your taxes, the castle chef made me a cake to die for and Twilight rocked my world last night so I have decided to give you my synopsis of "Putting Your Hoof Down."

Ok, another day has arrived and my Tia sense is letting me know that Fluttershy is up to something but I can't see it because she is in her cottage. To check on her I did the invisibility and teleport spell because I most certainly am not going to ask StormLuna if I can just monitor her off site. If it were Pinkie or some other unattractive pony, it would be different but this is Fluttershy here so off to her cottage I go!

Once I arrived I immediately began to get pissed off. Once again she proved that she cares way too much about all those stupid critters of hers and not nearly enough about me. To make matters worse, she seems to care more about that little demon rabbit I plan on making a meal out of one day. Get this, she gives her other animals measly pellets while she gives him what was her breakfast and it wasn't good enough for him. He throws a fit and decides he wants something my number one lovely can't make!

Well my lovely decides to head to the market to get the ingredients to satisfy that little bastard's appetite, why the hell can't she just let him starve, head up to Canterlot and satisfy my appetite instead? I've decided since she is putting his needs ahead of mine, that she will be punished and I might let Twilight and Rarity join in on it so tonight is going to be fun, very fun!

Well my sexy Flutters arrived at the market and it looks like she probably isn't going to get any asparagus because she lets everypony cut in front of her in line and good grief, those two valley filly ponies, what bitches. You know something, that one with the bow in her mane and tail would make perfect lovely material if she wasn't such a cunt. You know something, forget punishing Fluttershy tonight, those two are going to feel my wrath in my sleeping chambers tonight and after that, they're going to the dungeon until they are needed again.

Unfortunately for Fluttershy, she would not get any asparagus at all since some nerd pony bought the last of it but guess who comes to the rescue, Rarity and Pinkie. Now I must say, I am not very happy with Rarity because she used seduction to get the nerd pony to give her the last of the asparagus that he bought. The looks she gave him and the way she talked to him probably had him thinking we was finally going to get a marefriend. Unfortunately for him though, that would not be the case.

Am I mad at Rarity right now, hell yes I am. Am I mad at her for giving him adoration, no. I am mad because she was leading a pony on who will likely never get any action. I can't believe I'm saying this but she could have put out for him just once and I would have actually forgiven her....wait a minute, am I going nuts! If she would have done that I still would have punished her!

Ok, now Fluttershy has one last thing to get, a cherry. Now this is odd, the cherry pony had one cherry left, one cherry! Now about the meal that Fluttershy's demon rabbit wanted, it required a cherry on top. Now Fluttershy has a ditz moment and says that she just has to have that cherry so the pony running the stand says it would be ten bits? Seriously, ten bits for one cherry. If this pony knew what was good for him he would just give her the damn thing, its not like giving away a cherry would hurt him.

Get this, I think Fluttershy will be punished along with those valley fillies for being dumb enough to actually pay that much for it. After that, she tried using tactics like what Pinkie did with the tomato salespony but it didn't work. To make matters worse, she was willing to pay twelve bits for it. Good grief bitch, just how stupid are you. In the end the cherry sold for two bits to Lemon Hearts and Fluttershy headed home without that all important cherry.

Well she headed home and I followed her of course and she fixed that stupid rabbit a meal that is bigger than he is. Why didn't she just tell that little fucker that it was bigger than him and force him to eat pellets if he didn't want to wind up on her overlord's dinner plate? Get this, he not only throws it back in her face but throws her out of the house! Now that rabbit is going to pay! I'm thinking next time she goes out and about, I'm killing that rabbit whether she likes it or not. Besides, if she is distraught enough I can make her feel all better!

Get this, StormLuna is now distracted by basketball and Fluttershy is distracted by some flier she got in the mail so I made myself visible and decided to unleash my wrath upon Angel. I levitated him right in front of my face and gave him a death look. You'd think the little fucker would cower down in fear but he glared back at me! At that moment I decided to just end this so I bit his head off! Now I know Fluttershy will need some TLC after discovering his headless corpse.......

"Princess Celestia!"

"What?"

"Look, I hate Angel just as much as you do but unfortunately, he didn't die in this episode and you know you can't go altering endings or any other part of an episode!"

"Please, can't I do it just this once?"

"No you can't. Either you stick to the script or I will take away your cake and lovelies!"

"No, not my cake, not my lovelies!"

"Alright then, will you do this right?"

*sighs* "Yes but just know I'm only doing this so you won't take away what makes me happy."

"As long as you do it right, everything will be fine."

*grumbles* "Whatever."

Apparently I'm going to have to wait until he is distracted by hockey or baseball to pull this off. Alright, about this flier, it is advertising a self-help seminar this Minotaur Iron Will is holding. I've never heard of him but get this, Fluttershy is now claiming she will never be a pushover again! That is a crock of shit Flutters, you'll be a pushover in my sleeping chambers and like it!

Alright, well she is headed to this seminar so I decided to follow her. That Minotaur better not convince her to not submit to me anymore because if he does, I'll wind up banishing him to the moon OR perhaps I will have Minotaur stew, whichever I'm more in the mood for.

As I am watching this I see nothing wrong, he is simply giving ponies advice on what to do so they won't be doormats but all of a sudden he needs a volunteer and everypony but my sexy Fluttershy raised their hooves. Ok, I just learned something. Apparently Fluttershy isn't the only pony who can communicate with animals because Iron Will can with his goats and it turns out one of them points out Fluttershy and guess what, Iron Will wants her on stage, NOW!

I really hope that this doesn't turn out bad but after having her path blocked by a goat, Iron Will finally shows her the assertive way to get somepony, well in this instance somegoat, to get out of her path. There is my Flutters smiling as Iron Will is holding her up by her hoof. Either Fluttershy is simply happy that she impressed Iron Will or something very bad is going to happen, something that will make my sexy Fluttershy a total bitch.

Well the day is drawing to a close so I decided to head home, well after abducting a couple of bitches that nopony knows what their names are. That night was quite fun, well for me. I gave those bitches that were mean to Fluttershy rough hate sex. I had other ponies in the castle bitching about their cries but you know what, I don't care! I'm the most powerful pony in existence so if I want to basically rape a couple of bitches, I'm doing it!

After I was done with them, I threw them in the dungeon and got some sleep. I was late to rise the next morning because hate sex even wears me out but I headed to my balcony and cast my gaze off towards Ponyville to see some mule over watering Fluttershy's flowers. Get this, when she caught him she was not one bit pleased. Now I thought she'd just wind up saying, "Hey, run my water bill up, I don't care. Instead she calls him out on it, causes him to get soaked and she is so happy. Way to go Flutters, I am thinking maybe that self-help course helped.

Now for what baffles me, as she is headed into town her path is blocked by a couple of ponies hauling garbage and she gets mad. Memo to Fluttershy, you are a pegasus, you could just fly over them and fly up to see me like you would if you knew what was good for you. Instead, after being blown off a couple of times, she kicked their trash onto them and went on their way. Wow, I am really liking what I'm seeing! She is carrying herself with so much confidence!

Now she has got into town and headed into Sugarcube Corner but unfortunately there was a line. Now I am not happy, somepony cut in front of her in line but instead of being a little doormat, she got mad at this pony and what is even funnier, she got everypony to let her cut in front of them.

Well shit, she has headed inside so I did what I always do when one of my lovelies goes inside and I have discovered that Fluttershy has a new personality, "New Fluttershy." I certainly hope New Fluttershy is just as good in bed as the old one. Now this isn't looking good, Fluttershy got mad over Pinkie laughing at her and all of a sudden I have realized that "New Fluttershy" is not the same sweet thing I love so much and after seeing her literally beat up and throw a pony off of a cab, I am actually kind of leery of her. Granted she couldn't kick my flank but what if she was to hurt me? What if she was to ram her whole leg up in me out of anger?

Well another day comes and goes and rather than heading home that night, I just stayed with Twilight and we had tons and tons of fun. I let her know that Fluttershy had become Flutterbitch and she was suddenly terrified that if she pissed her off, that Fluttershy might rape her. Now come on Twily, just teleport away, preferably into my sleeping chambers, and you'll be fine. She can go force Rarity into non-consensual sex.

The next day arrived and Fluttershy is being a total bitch again! First the almost blind mailpony and then some tourist faces her wrath. Good grief, I'm thinking I may have to boot her out of my harem because she is simply becoming too violent. Now for something really, really bad. Rarity and Pinkie confront her over being a total bitch and something really, really bad happened.

Now this was something that the animators certainly couldn't show but Fluttershy knocked Pinkie out cold, gave Rarity a concussion and then rammed her hoof up inside of her. Oh sweet Mother of Faust, Rarity's cries were so painful and the look on her face was downright awful. Now given that I saw her not only assault two ponies but brutally molest another, I am legally obligated.....screw it, I'm Equestria's overlord so I can get away without reporting this crime. I'll punish Fluttershy in my own way, well if she ever gets out of total bitch mode.

Now back to what they could show. After belittling and assaulting her friends, Fluttershy sees her reflection and finally realizes that she has been being a total bitch. Too bad she wouldn't have realized that she is overdue in putting out for me as well.

Well, well, well, it looks like my Flutters has went back to being a wimpy little doormat, hiding in her cottage and vowing never to come out again. I'll tell you one thing Flutters, that ain't going to be the case. You might be needed to save Equestria, Twilight might want you to have a special study session with her in the library, Rarity may need you to clean out her gem OR most important of all, I may need you up in my sleeping chambers! Anyway, it looks like Rarity and Pinkie are trying to get her to come out but failing.

Alright, Iron Will has come to collect what Fluttershy owes him and despite being delayed by Pinkie and Rarity, he knocks on the door and gets Fluttershy to come out. Now get this, despite him getting in her face and demanding she pay up, she says no! Wow, she has a lot of guts to stand up to him like that. Maybe she isn't back to being a doormat after all. Want to know why she can get away without paying him? Well he claimed 100% satisfaction guaranteed at his seminar and said that if a pony wasn't completely satisfied that they pay nothing. Fluttershy got him on that and once he realized he wasn't going to get paid, he headed off on his way.

Now what would happen after that was truly magical. After Fluttershy, Pinkie and Rarity had their sappy moment and the episode was over, I revealed myself and shocked them all. I let them know that I had been watching the whole time and told Fluttershy since she was being such a bitch, that not only was I going to punish her, but so was Rarity and Pinkie.

Now you're not going to believe this, I thought Pinkie was all innocent when it came to this but she sure seemed to know what she was doing when she had my Flutters pinned down and was grinding her. Of course after her and Rarity punished her, I ran them off and punished her in my own way. This might surprise you but I wasn't rough with her because she needed calming down so she received plenty of TLC from Yours Truly.

Now be gone with you serfs, I have a tasty yellow cake just waiting to be eaten and to make things better, I'm rushing off to get some lavender frosting and white sprinkles. Hey, unfrosted cake just isn't all that appealing!

Chapter 46: It's About Time

Hello everypony, it is your beloved ruthless dictator, I mean beloved benevolent princess again and do I have a treat for you. Yeah I'm pissed because almost nopony has paid their taxes but it is a holiday in some areas of Equestria so I shall give you my synopsis of "It's About Time."

Well it is the middle of the night and Spike is having a dream, a dream about an ice cream house and Rarity. Let me guess, he's going to take her into that thing and impregnate her with unicorn/dragon hybrids. Well I guess at least he can score with her in his dreams, or can he. Oh no, Spike has been woken up by my Twily pacing around frantically, AT THREE IN THE MORNING!

What I would like to know is why is my Twily up pacing at this hour? It's not like I'm running behind or anything. Come to find out she is pacing like crazy because when she made her schedule for next month, she forgot to put in time to make another schedule. I absolutely love it when she freaks out like this, she is so adorable and of course it makes things more fun when I make her feel better. I guess I know what I can add to my schedule here pretty soon. That is the good thing about being an Alicorn Goddess, I don't need a schedule. If I have to change things at the last minute I just do it. I don't care who I piss off and they know better than to question my decisions.

It seems as though Spike is questioning her sanity because she is so distraught over this, not to mention she woke him up from a dream where he was just about to lure Rarity into an ice cream house and score with her. Well hey, Spike can pick up on that dream later but now something strange is happening in the library. I really want a good view of what is going on so I do the typical teleportation and invisibility spell to see this.

Now what is that bright light and the wind that is accompanying it. I'm not sure what it is but it has scared Spike bad enough he is hiding under Twily's bed. Now we know what it is, another Twilight! Woo-hoo, maybe if I hurry up and get down there I can score with her, TWICE! Given that there were two Twilights and that this would likely be a once in a lifetime opportunity, I undressed future Twilight and scored with both of them before future Twily got sucked back into the future. What was even funner was that before she had to go I forced present Twily to bang future Twily so that if anypony ever told her to go fuck herself, she could say that she already has. Yeah Spike saw all of it but don't worry, I cast a spell on him to where he had no memory of this so it won't make things awkward between those two.

I really need to move on because I can't have my sister knowing that I made my student bang herself nor can I let her know that I banged two Twilys at once. She would claim it was unethical and knowing her, she would blackmail me. Wait a minute, why should I care. All I have to do is pay her off with a hundred fritters to keep this a secret and she won't say a word. Seriously though, I do need to get going. I need to raise the sun here pretty soon and then eat breakfast.

The morning has arrived and it appears as though Pinkie is planning some sort of party and it looks like Fluttershy cares way too much about Pinkie's dumb party and not nearly enough about me. She is carrying these heavy bags of party supplies. Why I don't know but I do know enough about my sexy pegasus that it isn't to get Pinkie in bed because she told me she simply doesn't find her attractive. Now for something kind of funny and something kind of disgusting. My Twily crashes into Fluttershy and got a lame ass disguise caught on her face. Want to know which one? If you guessed the idiotic glasses with the human nose and mustache you are right. What is worse is that my little student doesn't even notice and makes an ass in front of herself in front of some of the townsponies.

Yeah Twily, you claim you have something important to say in that? No wonder everypony thought she was a joke. She removes the moron disguise and announces she has been visited by herself from the future and again they laugh. I suppose it is a good thing she didn't mention what she, her future self and I did or they would have laughed even further. Now she goes on about how her future self told her about a disaster next Tuesday morning. I, of course know that there is no disaster so I'll just sit back, eat some cake and watch these events unfold.

Now Twilight is claiming they are going to disaster proof Equestria yet they are only taking care of things in Ponyville. What is worse is that Pinkie is LOOSENING one of the bolts holding the bridge together. Hey Pinkie, to tighten things you turn them clockwise! Turning it counter-clockwise loosens it. Well that disqualifies her from any kind of construction work or any future she might have had as a carpenter. Oh well, she is a party pony and would have sucked when it came to gainful employment to begin with so no biggie.

Now regarding this disaster Twilight is predicting, I have a bad feeling that it may actually happen because Cerberus has left his post and has decided to visit Ponyville. Well shit, now there is a decent chance that at least one of the dangerous creatures that have been locked up in Tartarus might escape. Well I'll have to be on the lookout because even just one of those things could overthrow me and make life for everypony hell, much less several of them.

Here I thought Ponyville would likely be destroyed but the sexiest pegasus in existence has come to calm that mutt down. I know Fluttershy is good with animals but holy shit, I didn't know she was this good. I suppose she is just as good with them as she is in bed. I think I will reward Fluttershy for doing this next time I go to see her. I might even let her ram her hoof up in me I'm so pleased with her.

Now Pinkie has found a ball for Twilight to lure Cerberus back out to his post but I am not happy with him. I am thinking that once Twilight returns him, I am going to take the vet out there and once she is done with him, he won't have a set of balls. It may seem like a rather pointless form of punishment but it is the principle of the matter. One does not just leave their post and go unpunished. If a guard pony did that, he would be tortured to death so Cerberus's punishment will be nothing.

Spike is just waking up as Twilight is getting back to her library. Yeah she was gone for a bit longer than expected but there is a reason for that. I grabbed the vet, took her out there and we neutered Cerberus. Twily was out there and protested me doing this because it would upset Fluttershy if she ever found out but I don't care. He was punished for his crimes and then I decided to punish Twilight for opposing my punishment for Cerberus. That is why she was covered in mud, it wasn't just because she ran quite a ways to get him home.

You know how I like to stir up trouble every now and then? I decided that this would be the perfect moment to do so. I couldn't help but remember how freaked out Twily was over her future self's appearance so I decided to send a lost dog flier just as Spike was facing her. Now she has a cut on her face, just like future Twilight. Yes, my plan is working and she is getting more freaked out. While I wanted to go make her feel better right then and there, I had a feeling that things would get worse, much worse so I contained my urge.

Some time has passed and guess what, my Twily has paced a groove into the floor! I don't know how she managed to it so quickly but I find it adorable. Get this, now she has decided that perhaps it is what she doesn't do that will prevent the disaster so she is just going to stand still and not move a muscle. Oh Twily, what am I going to do with you? Because of this, now Spike has decided to start gorging himself with ice cream. I guess when it comes to ice cream, he not only likes to dream about houses of it where he can screw Rarity but he also likes to binge eat it.

Now for something funny. Rainbow has barged in to discover Spike eating a tub of ice cream and Twily not doing anything about it. This is too rich, now loudmouth dash knows that my Twily is going into freak out mode. Personally I hope she goes and tells the whole town about it so they will agitate her further. After all, she is so much fun when she is overly distraught.

Things are about to get worse for my Twily as Rainbow is trying to get her to move and then Spike tries to. He gets on her back and starts to tickle her. Bad idea. She throws him off of her and now, thanks to his fire breath, she has the exact same mane style as future Twilight. Sweet, I think she looks hot like that anyway. Maybe I'll make her wear her mane like that every now and then.

I have come to the conclusion that Spike is an idiot. He is taking Twilight to a fortune teller who just happens to be Pinkie dressed up as one of those "fortune tellers" that cheat foolish ponies out of their money down in Neigh Orleans. Ok, enough about me thinking Spike is an idiot because Twily is about to prove that she ain't much smarter. She actually believes that Pinkie's Pinkie Sense can predict the future. I remember when she thought Pinkie was a moron with it and now here she is thinking she can predict the future with it. *Twitchy, twitch, twitch* Guess what, a carefully placed flower pot has fallen on my Twily and now she has a bandage on her head, just like future Twilight.

Pinkie must be feeling a bit of remorse because a few days pass and she is now going over to check on Twilight since she hadn't seen her in a while. Now this is hilarious, she goes in to discover Twilight in all out panic mode and what is funnier is that Spike is still eating tons and tons of ice cream. What I would like to know is where Twilight stores all of this, how she afforded it and why Spike hasn't already shit his guts out. I would think he would have done that a couple of days ago. Oh well, watching Twily panic is too much fun to worry about that.

You thought watching her panic was fun before? Once she finds out that Tuesday morning is the following morning, she only gets worse. Now for the funniest thing, normally Luna doesn't care about what Twily does but she decided to spy on her with me. She got quite the look on her face but couldn't help but sigh in disappointment when Twilight was dumb enough to stare straight into the sun with her telescope. Yep, in her increased state of panic, she forgot that you NEVER stare into the sun, especially with a telescope. I just hope the hell she doesn't go blind in that eye because that would be a true disaster.

Luckily for Twilight though Pinkie has a stash of eye patches all over Ponyville. Kind of convenient, don't you think? Yeah I know the writers need the episode to flow smoothly so that is why they had that happen and didn't include my romp with both Twilys. Besides, like so many other things they don't show, that wouldn't be fit for a kids' show.

Now Twilight has come up with a plan that is certain to lead to some sort of disaster, she is going to stop time. Now she has truly lost it. Even Starswirl had a few issues with his time spell at first and here Twilight thinks she can just go and find a way to stop time. Guess what Twily, that ain't happening because he never wrote a time stopping spell but there is one good thing, she is coming up to Canterlot. Maybe I can lure her into my sleeping chambers and let her know that everything is going to be fine.

Now they have arrived in Canterlot and Twilight has put on a black body suit and looks exactly like future Twilight. I know what is going to happen now but I shall wait to approach her until the right time. I shall wait because I have a plan on how I can make this even funner for all four, oh I mean all three of us!

At first she is wandering around trying to find the Starswirl wing when it was right there in plain sight. To make matters worse it was Pinkie who found it. This is either a sign that Pinkie is very observant or that Twilight forgets the location of everything when she is in a panic. After all, her and I did have lots and lots of fun in that place when she still lived up here. Well once a guard let her in there I decided to spring into action. I headed to the Starswirl wing and waited for just the right moment.

Oh she is so adorable when she is in her worst panic mode! Here the sun is rising and she is thinking there is going to be a horrid disaster. Get this, she hides underneath an open window thinking it will protect her. Come on, if there were to be some sort of horrible explosion, one like those radioactive ones mentioned in Lyra's human books, it won't help her any. Hell no where would be safe if that were to happen.

Finally she discovers that it is a nice day and I decide to pay her a visit. I compliment her on her new mane style and it appears as though I leave after wishing her a happy Tuesday. That is not what happened. After Pinkie found the time travel spell and Twilight cast it, she wasn't the only one who traveled back a week. They didn't show it but I stood right by her so I got sucked into the past as well. Now this is going to be really fun! Two Twilights along with past me and present me, now I am going to get to do something that I never imagined I could. Not only will I get two Twilights, I will also get to try myself out! You see, I cast a spell to slow time down so I would have time to have fun with both Twilights and past me. It was so nice to have fun with a pony the same size as me, especially with a horn of the same length.

Of course the time to return arrived all too soon and once we returned, I had to go wash off. Hey, being covered in the juices of not just past me, but past and present Twily is not how a princess should greet her sister, or anypony else for that matter. Once I left they could show what was going on again.

Now come on Twilight, you don't look that ridiculous but your dumb ass dragon could learn a few things. He needs to learn that eating too much ice cream will make him sick and I'm sure holding all that shit in for a week can't be good for him. Oh well, it ain't my problem. I really need to get some food in my system. I am very hungry and the cake is always the freshest this time of day.

Now go away you commoners, I'm hungry and I have a big breakfast ahead of me. Eggs, oats, pancakes and cider. After that, I shall have some cake for dessert and then just for fun, I'll have some lavender icing for my after dessert snack.

Chapter 49: Ponyville Confidential

Chapter 49: Ponyville Confidential

Hello everypony, it is your Sexy Sun Goddess again and do I have a surprise for you, everypony has paid their taxes, worshiped me as dictated by Equestrian law and I even had somepony send me a surprise cake so I shall share with you my synopsis of "Ponyville Confidential."

School is being dismissed down in Ponyville and it looks like one of the colts, Featherweight, just got his cutie mark! It always is a magical moment when a pony gets her or his cutie mark but I'm sure you know there were three fillies who were not happy about it. If you guessed the Filly Illuminati, you are right. Ugh I wish those three would quit whining, they'll get their cutie marks when they discover whatever the hell their special talent is.

Now I can't help but wonder what those three are going to plan next. What is this, now all of a sudden they think the school newspaper is going to help them with this endeavor. I'm pretty sure it will be doomed to failure like everything else they do is but it will likely make for some fun moments so I shall enjoy my cake on my balcony.

Where do they start first? Get this, they actually think that they are going to get a cutie mark in packing boxes! Good grief those girls are stupid but their attempts at making birds' nests and trying to use folded up pieces of the paper as a boat isn't any better. Yeah they may be trying idiotic things to get their marks but it beats them trying to depose my sister and I and it provides for great entertainment so I suppose I shouldn't be bitching about it too much.

Now I'm glad that I can see into the CMC clubhouse because Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo go in there a muddy mess but apparently Apple Bloom has a different idea. She thinks they should write for the school paper. Oh joy, this ought to be interesting. What are they going to do, write editorials in every single one bitching about being blank flanks? Whatever it is, I'm sure it will be entertaining.

The following day it looks like those girls along with some of the other foals are going to start their new year on the paper and apparently my sexy schoolteacher isn't going to be directly involved, she is just going to be the advisor for it. Get this, she has officially pissed me off because she has decided to make Diamond Tiara the editor. What I would like to know is why she would make that snotty little cunt the editor. I'll tell you one thing right now, Cheerilee is going to be punished severely for this!

Regarding that little bitch running the show, I can only imagine what kinds of stories she is going to want. Ok, she says she wants juicy stories? I don't know what she exactly classifies as juicy stories but I have a feeling that it is going to be something that will likely intrude on ponies' privacy and cause an uproar.

Now for what the girls are going to report, so Scootaloo is going to write a story about a nest of baby birds. Seriously Scootaloo, that is boring as hell and outside of my sexy Fluttershy, nopony is going to care. Sweetie Belle is going to write a story on Rarity's new hat. That is even worse than Scootaloo's story because absolutely nopony is going to care. Apple Bloom is going to do one on the history of Ponyville? Once again, LAME!

I have a feeling Diamond Tramp is going to throw these things back in their faces and that is exactly what she does. Look girls, she said she wanted juicy stories, not lame stories that only history buffs, fashion experts and animal lovers are going to care about. Go out there and get REAL stories!

Well it looks like the Filly Illuminati is sitting there completely frustrated, not knowing what to do. I have an idea, they could always go spy on Fluttershy and Rarity when they have their tea! They would most certainly get a good story there, with plenty of juicy details but I doubt that something that would fit into my porn collection would be suitable for the school paper.

Very soon though, their problems would be solved when the two dumbest colts in Equestria wound up getting stuck together with gum. Now how in the hell did that happen? Well considering it happened to those two, it could be for any reason and guess what, Sweetie Belle has found their story.

Oh wow, I managed to get a hold of one of those papers and it is freakin' hilarious! Now there are some things that the writers obviously couldn't put in. Want to know how they got in that situation? Well they were chewing gum and then thought it would be fun to stick it in each other's coats and then roll around on the floor together and get stuck! I swear, this is an instance where if ponies were put to death for stupidity, these two would meet the requirements and I would gladly burn them alive in the courtyard below my balcony for all to see!

The girls have taken the pen name of Gabby Gums and now they have a problem, there is nothing else going on in the school to report and once Sweetie Belle discovers that Rarity loves Gabby Gums, she decided that they should expand and start digging up dirt on ponies all over Ponyville and I have a feeling that this may not go over as well.

Now I have discovered that to begin pulling the shit they're going to, they need the photographer, Featherweight, to go around and start taking pictures and it looks like their new story involves the Cake Family and their foals throwing a fit at the store. I'll admit, that column was kind of funny but a major let down compared to their first.

The next day arrives and my girls are in the spa checking out the latest edition and while they are doing it, I just received the latest edition and I AM PISSED. I am thoroughly pissed! I don't know how that photographer did it but he got a picture of me with cake all over my face and the Filly Illuminati just had to write up something. Now they never showed it but I have no problems sharing it with you, I want you to all see what little cunts they were being,

"Here is Princess Molest....I mean Celestia feasting on cake. I have always heard that she likes her cake but I never knew she was that messy with it. It almost makes me wonder what else she is messy eating because I've heard my sister talking about how she always winds up with lavender icing all over her face after she snacks on her yellow cake with white sprinkles."

Not only have those little bitches shown a very unflattering image of me but they revealed that I have an appetite for other things. I just hope that everypony across Equestria just thinks that it is literal cake, icing and sprinkles and not my lovelies. I could actually have a horrible uprising happen and have ponies demanding I step down if they found out I'm screwing the Element bearers, well the sexy ones anyway.

I was so angry after seeing this that I didn't even give a shit about the mayor dying her mane. I have much bigger issues than an idiotic mayor wanting to make herself look older than dirt. Don't worry everypony, I'll find a way to get around this. I've got it, I'll blame Photoshop for the cake image and cast a spell that will cause everypony to think that the article itself was just a product of a filly's unsound imagination!

I went to bed angry that night and when I woke up, I took a quick peek at the paper and saw that there more lies in there so I decided to do the invisibility and teleport spell into the Ponyville spa since that is where my girls were. The ones that day didn't anger me but I knew it would Twilight and her friends. This should be fun, very fun. They may be so distraught that I will have to make them feel all better!

As my girls begin to read it, they find so many lies and naturally some will need comforting. Applejack asleep on the job, Pinkie being a party animal, Rainbow being a softy, Fluttershy having tail extensions, my sexy Twily being a Canterlot snob and get this, Sweetie Belle stole Rarity's diary for the paper to print her entries. Oh boy, I have a feeling that a squeaky voiced white filly is going to be punished severely!

Do I want to punish those three over these? Hell yes I do but I'm still so pissed over what they reported about me that right now I really don't trust my judgement. I might wind up killing those three over this and I'm sure killing some fillies would not help my image any. What is worse though is that none of my lovelies are in the mood for any fun! Fluttershy is flooding her cottage with tears, my Twily is so mad she put up a force field around the library and while they never showed it, Rarity beat Sweetie Belle's flank until it looked like she had a red spot for a cutie mark and of course Rainbow and Applejack were pissed too.

Well after Rarity tells her little sister she is a fucking cunt and should go kill herself (in the unedited edition), those three decide that they are going to quit writing gossip. Unfortunately for them, Diamond Tramp had photos of them that are not flattering and threatened to publish them if they quit! Oooh, what's going to happen? Are they going to go dig up some dirt on somepony else and piss more ponies off, will Sweetie Belle heed her sister's advice and have her friends join her or will they kill Diamond Tramp and but her obituary in there? Personally I hope it is the third because I never have liked that little bitch.

Now it looks like everypony in town hates them and will have nothing to do with them and while they hid out in the clubhouse all night they finally decided on what they will do. Sadly they're not going to kill their editor, they decide to write an apology letter to the whole town and somehow manage to get it past Diamond Tramp and it ends up in the paper. It is nice and all that they apologized to the ponies down there but they still haven't apologized to the one pony who matters the most, ME!

Right now I am thinking of a proper punishment for them but since they are fillies, it can't be anything overly bad. Now that they have apologized and everypony has forgiven them, Cheerilee demotes Diamond Tramp from editor to running the printing press. If she had any brains she would have kicked her off the staff entirely but since she didn't, she's still getting punished!

Since Diamond Tramp was the editor and she ordered the Filly Illuminati to write trashy stories I had Luna banish that little bitch to the sun right away. I tell you, she, that photographer and the CMC better be glad that they didn't get any unflattering photos of her or write anything bad about her or the sun would have had five new permanent residents.

Now that the episode is over I will share with you the punishments I handed out. I forced Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo to come up to Canterlot and be custodians here in the castle until they are needed again. I was not very kind with Cheerilee though. Let's just say that I was incredibly rough with her that night and after that, I had Luna banish her to the sun until she is needed again.

Let this serve as a warning, NEVER print anything defamatory about me or publish unflattering pictures of me or you'll suffer the same fate as Cheerilee! Now if you will excuse me, I have some yellow cake with lavender frosting and white sprinkles to eat. Don't worry though, I'll wash my face before anypony has a chance to take any pictures.

Chapter 55: Too Many Pinkie Pies

Chapter 55: Too Many Pinkie Pies

Hello everypony, it is your beloved sexy Sun Goddess again and I have a surprise for you. I have been scanning the country and there haven't been any uprisings, everypony has worshiped me as dictated by law and everypony has actually paid their taxes on time so I shall share with you my synopsis of "Too Many Pinkie Pies."

Alright, it is another peaceful day in Ponyville and my sexy little student and her scroll hacking pet are out working on magic it appears. What is this? Is my little Twily trying to turn an apple into an orange and she can't get it done? That is pathetic, absolutely pathetic! I made her my protege when she was young and here she can't do one of the most basic transfiguration spells? Perhaps I was wrong in taking her in like that, I'm sure one of my other students could do this. Oh well, too late for that now so no use bitching about it too much, key words though, too much!

It looks like Pinkie is out engaging in typical Pinkie antics and bumps into my Twily as she is doing this and causes her to misfire. Ok, Twilight can't turn an apple into an orange but she can a bird? Perhaps she had other things on her mind earlier but now it appears as though Pinkie is wanting to throw hugs around all her friends. Ugh, how boring. Couldn't she buy Twilight a train ticket to Canterlot instead? That would prove to be far more useful and would create a very happy princess!

Now there are not just one but two sexy ponies present as Rarity has arrived and oh my goodness, she is showing off a high quality, modest dress! Are the ponies down there starting to shy away from slutty outfits and are going for a more modest look? If they are, good for them. I don't like the ponies of this country dressing like skanks and that is especially true for the hot mares that I either already own or the ones I hope to own someday.

Alright Pinkie, Twily isn't going to turn you into an orange so quit annoying Rarity and Twilight. Finally she decided to go bug her other friends and it seems like there isn't much for her to do. Yeah the thinning out the fog did aid Rainbow but all she did with Applejack and the oh so sexy Fluttershy was annoy them. Oh well, I'll continue to watch her bug everypony while I feast on some cake.

Ugh, here we go again with Twilight being unable to do a basic transfiguration spell and once again Pinkie aids in the creation of an orange/animal hybrid. This time it is a frog she screws up and get this, Pinkie actually thinks that she can get back and forth between Sweet Apple Acres and Rainbow's snoozefest by the pond in 20 seconds. I swear, she must be even dumber than I thought. Yeah I know she wants to help Applejack and then lick Rainbow's pussy but come on bitch, it just ain't possible.

Of course my Twily is the voice of reason and tells her that she is a dumb bitch and can't do it all at once, in the unedited version of course. In the version everypony saw she simply told her that there would need to be more of her to go around and Pinkie brings up the legend of the mirror pool. Well shit, now this means two things. One I'm going to have to do the invisibility and teleport spell to monitor Pinkie in the forest and chances are we'll wind up with two overly hyper dingbats instead of just one.

Pinkie has headed into the forest and I have done what needs to be done to follow her. Good grief Pinkie, couldn't you have chose a different route, one which won't cause my beautiful coat to get all screwed up and risk getting bloody? Finally Pinkie finds this pool and I have a very bad feeling about this. Well she recites the proper words and oh great, now we have two Pinkies. I suppose as long as they don't cause too many problems things will be fine.

Back to Ponyville now, apparently Pinkie has instructed her clone to go annoy Applejack while she goes to try and get in Rainbow's coat, ugh that sounds disgusting. Which one do I follow, the one who will keep it clean or the one who has a thing for narcissistic pegasi? I think I'll follow the clone, maybe I can steal some treats at the farm without anypony noticing.

Now here I am following the clone to the farm but she just had to bump into my sexy Fluttershy. I was not thrilled when I saw this though. Once again Fluttershy has proven that she cares way too much about a bunch of dumb animals and not nearly enough about me. Why is it that she takes those dumb critters on picnics but she never invites me especially when she'd have a whole lot more fun! Hey, I'd happily put out for her while all those dumb critters do is chatter away in whatever language it is they all speak in.

Fortunately for Fluttershy Pinkie doesn't stay for long but unfortunately for me, I have to follow her rather than rocking Fluttershy's world. Now I am very upset with this clone because rather than going to the apple farm she goes to find her real self. I followed her and so far the real Pinkie has not scored with Rainbow, yet. Now that there are two Pinkie's, maybe they can gang rape her. Now I honestly wouldn't care but according to Equestrian law, if I saw that happened I would have to report them and I certainly wouldn't want that.

Luckily for me and Rainbow that didn't happen but the fake Pinkie is throwing a fit about how she didn't have any fun and what is this? Suddenly Pinkie has decided she wants to make even more of herself? Well shit, I have a feeling that this isn't going to turn out well. For now, I must follow the Pinkies back to the mirror pool and watch them make more of themselves.

I can't help but wonder, what would happen if I cast a really neat spell on them right before they began reciting whatever it is she calls it? What if I were to transform both of them into the fan version of Pinkamena? You all know how I wish I could see fatalities but it never happens? Well this is my chance, I'm going to do it! I want to have a whole army of serial killers on the loose! I lit up my horn and readied myself for this spell......

"Princess Celesita, don't even think about it!"

"But StormLuna, it would be so much fun. I could round them up, have them kill a bunch of undesirables and then we could all throw a 'Pinkamena killed an undesirable' party!"

"Celestia, what did I tell you about your lovelies before?"

*sighs* "That you'd marry them off to your OC if I don't do this right?"

"That is correct so no crazy spells to create serial killers, alright?"

"Fine."

Good grief, StormLuna can be so irritating sometimes. Here I want to make things more fun and he just has to make me keep it boring. Alright, back to what Pinkie and her clone are doing. Eventually two turns into a whole bunch of them. I'm not keeping count of them because I know they're just going to go and cause everypony problems.

Now it is time for the real Pinkie to teach her clones about her friends and she only gave them info on a couple of them! I would think she would have showed them a picture of Twilight and said, "Alright, this is Twilight. She's the one that is always busy making Princess Celestia happy so leave her alone!"

After teaching all her clones about some of her friends they all part ways and I'm pretty sure all hell is going to break loose. I have a couple of places to monitor so I better make it quick. The first place, Sweet Apple Acres where all the clones ruin Applejack's barn raising. The nerve of them, ruining a hard working pony's construction project but I better get going because I have a feeling a narcissistic pegasus is about to get gang raped. Don't worry folks, I won't let them violate her. I may bitch about her narcissism all the time but I wouldn't even wish that on her.

I was late arriving but at least Rainbow only got annoyed and disturbed, she did not get violated and now we have a serious problem, all these Pinkies have been harassing everypony. Rarity is bitching about them going through her boutique and my sexy Fluttershy is whining about them trashing her critter picnic. Good, I'm glad they did that. That will be a valuable lesson for her to forego stupid things like that and fly up to my sleeping chambers instead.

Well it is time to get in the library while my Twily and her glorified pet look for a spell to get rid of these little pests. Luckily for the town they find one but the bad news is that if they can't figure out which one is the real Pinkie they could send her back to the pond by mistake? Damn, they better find the real one because I doubt one of these dumb clones would make for a decent element bearer.

Now my Twily once again proves that perhaps she isn't as bright as I thought she was when they went to look for Pinkie. Good grief you dumb ass, can't you tell that one of them is behaving differently? Can't you tell one of them is feeling a lot of regret over how her dumb clones screwed everything up? Because of her inability to tell her apart from the others I have decided I will punish her severely. How I will do it I'm not sure but I'll make sure a couple of her friends benefit from it.

Finally they have Applejack and her family rounding up all these annoying Pinkies but as they led them in I saw one that was still outside. Oops, it looks like they might miss one! Luckily for everypony Crashie rounded her up and just threw her on the floor like it was nothing and I'd think even Rainbow would have enough of a brain to tell that was the real Pinkie.

Oh no, these Pinkies have to take a test, a very boring test. They have to watch paint dry and whoever passes gets to stay. Personally I think a much better test would have been give them all video cameras and have them record me, Twily, Fluttershy and Rarity having a four mare romp. Of course we'd have to run AJ and Rainbow out first and whoever got the best footage got to stay! Oh well though, if they can weed out all the fake Pinkies we'll be fine.

I tell you, seeing my Twily zapping away all those Pinkies made me kind of worried. I was constantly thinking "what if she sent the real Pinkie back? What if some villain was to come and depose me because of it?" Well if that happened I guess we could have taken the fake Pinkie back to the pool and made her recite her thing until the real one was back.

Luckily though all the fake Pinkies were sent back and our element of laughter was still there to annoy us. I have decided that I will not punish Twilight for not being able to tell the real Pinkie apart from the real one since she didn't send the wrong Pinkie back to the pond. In the end Pinkie decided to have some fun by sleeping and she wasn't the only one to have fun!

After the episode ended I revealed myself and while they were shocked to see me, my Twily, Flutters and Rares were very happy to see me because they knew that sexy times were about to ensue! Now if you'll all excuse me, I have three hot mares to have some fun with. If you must have a princess deal with something important, talk to Luna. Yeah she may get pissed if you bug her during the day but deep down she loves it when I'm busy because doing my duties makes her feel more important.

Chapter 65: Magical Mystery Cure

Chapter 65: Magical Mystery Cure

Good morning my subordinates! This is your beloved Sun Goddess Celestia and you've been fairly good so I have decided to give you my analysis of "Magical Mystery Cure." Now this is a good one since I have a role in it, a very important role.

Well it is morning in Ponyville and Twilight has decided to burst into song. I think I know why, I think it is because she is still thinking about the the fun her and I had a few days ago and just can't get that happiness out of her system. Twilight is right when she says everything is certainly fine, for now. What a shame it won't stay that way. You see, Yours Truly decided to stir up some trouble. I have been planning something for quite some time that involves Twilight. This trouble I stirred up will be the ultimate test to see if she can truly handle what I have planned.

Well her little musical number comes to an abrupt end when she gets water dumped on her. Oh thank you Rainbow Dash, you made Twilight soaking wet! You know how hot and bothered that makes me but don't go thinking I'm going to give you any special favors over it. Well suddenly I see that it isn't Rainbow that made her look so hot, it was Rarity. Now why in Equestria is Rarity handling the weather...hmmm...I wonder! Well I will say this, despite her making Twilight extremely sexy, she sucks at handling the weather. A checkerboard sky? Seriously? That is why you don't let fashionistas handle the weather, they'll just screw everything up.

I am watching from up here in Canterlot and I see Rarity has Rainbow's cutie mark. What in the hay is going on down there. Now yeah, things certainly aren't fine now! Oh boy, this is going to be quite funny! What a shame Discord is off gathering herbs with Zecora, he would find this absolutely hilarious! He probably would have laughed himself to death.

Well now Twilight is headed off to Fluttershy's....wait, did I just hear that right? Did Twilight say that was Rainbow Dash's cottage? Either I'm hearing things or the writers really screwed this one up. Once Twilight get's to the cottage she discovers that Rainbow is in there and what is this, Rainbow Dash has Fluttershy's cutie mark. Now something bad has happened, very bad. I do worry about Rainbow's welfare though. Despite her having Fluttershy's cutie mark, she has no control over those animals.

Well Rainbow breaks out into song questioning her destiny as she tries to handle those beasts in the cottage. I can't help but wonder, how much shit piles up in that cottage with all those animals in there? Well given that Fluttershy keeps most of them outside probably not much. Since Rainbow has them all in there with her though, it's probably pretty bad.

Well now I'm watching all of Twilight's other friends break out into song as well. Let's see, suddenly Fluttershy has Pinkie's cutie mark but can't make ponies laugh, Pinkie has Applejack's cutie mark but can't do shit on the farm, Applejack has Rarity's cutie mark but can't make slutty outfits and like what happened earlier, Rarity has Rainbow Dash's cutie mark but can't handle the weather. What in Equestria happened. Well, I'm thinking my attempt at stirring up trouble and testing Twilight may have had unintended consequences.

Here is how it happened. I sent Twilight Starswirl's old magic book with his failed spell in it. I sent her a message telling her that I think she is the one to rewrite it and I promised that if she could fix it and make it work, that sexy times would ensue! Well I know how her mind works. She decides to cast the damn thing without knowing the first thing about it. The result? The element bearers all have the wrong mark now. I am now going to have to humble myself and apologize to Ponyville for doing this. Ugh I hate the thoughts of having to admit doing something wrong to commoners. Maybe some other disaster will take place and I can get out of it.

So now Twilight is starting a sob song. Another song? This makes three already! She's crying and whining about how she's fucked everything up royally and wondering what she's going to do. Waah, waah, waah. Well guess what Twilight, I'm not coming down there to fix this nor am I going to come down there and make you feel better. You screwed everything up and now you're gonna fix it!

Well Spike makes himself useful and convinces Twilight that she'll figure a way out to fix it. Yeah right, even I wouldn't know how to undo the damage she has done. Yes, even your all powerful and sexy Sun Goddess doesn't know everything so it is either Twilight fixes this or Ponyville will have to simply be abandoned and I'll cordon off that area forever.

Well she stares at a picture of her friends and starts to glow. How the hay is she doing that? She sure the hay never glows for me when we're having fun! Well now she gets Spike to get the elements and runs off acting like she's hot shit! She's thinking, "Oh yes! I know how to get everything right! Just you watch Tia, I'll do it!" Now that is a strike against her, NOPONY EVEN THINKS OF ME AS TIA! I'll have to punish her severely for this!

Well she runs off to find Fluttershy moving back to Cloudsdale. What? Why in Equestria would she want to move back to the place that brought her so much heartache as a filly? I'm wondering if maybe she is afraid that since she has a different mark that she may not be good in bed anymore and that is why she isn't moving up here to be with me. Well with the way things are going, Fluttershy losing her ability to perform in the bedroom may be the least of my problems.

Well Twilight manages to get her to go help Rainbow Dash with "her" animals despite her knowing absolutely nothing about them. Well they get over to "Rainbow's" cottage and suddenly it looks like Rainbow is going to get cooked by the animals! Oh shit, now not only am I partially responsible for ruining the element bearers, I may be indirectly responsible for the death of one of them. Crap, I knew I should have decided against making grandiose plans for Twilight but oh no, the perverted side of me said that "oh if she can complete this task she'll be even better in bed" and I just had to listen to it! I'm starting to feel dumber and dumber as this episode progresses.

Well Twilight tells Fluttershy that SHE has to be the one to keep those beasts from feasting on Rainbow. Well at first she can't but suddenly she starts getting through to them and before long Rainbow doesn't have to worry about being put in a stew. Now is the time to see if little miss hot shit discovers if she was right or not. She puts Fluttershy's necklace on her and she is transformed back to herself! Yay! At least I know she'll still have her sex appeal and be able to perform!

Well here comes yet another song. This episode has been more song than anything else but at least they're tying them in with the story line. So now the time has come for Twilight to fix everypony else. She convinces Rainbow to give cloud busting a chance and she discovers she is still good at it. Twilight puts her necklace on her and the element of loyalty has been restored. Good, now she can go fix the rest of them and when the next threat arises, Equestria won't be screwed. Once she fixes everypony, their wonderful magical number ends with a midair hug. Now how they managed that I'm not sure but all that matters is that for the first time in her life, Twilight fixed a mess she created on her own rather than expecting me to do it for her.

She is so close to finally doing what she needs to do for me to go through with my plans. She hears a voice in her head and leads her friends to the library. Well here she goes grabbing Starswirl's book and getting ready to write the revised spell in it. She writes, From all of us together, together we're friends. With the marks of our destinies made one, there is magic without end!"

With that the elements start acting very strangely and now here she is encircled in energy. Very soon I finally get my part. Well Twilight looks as though she was incinerated, leaving a burn mark in the shape of her cutie mark. You killed Twilight, you bitches!

Alright, they didn't kill Twilight but she finds herself in a realm of just stars and darkness. Now I have decided to pay her a visit. I have decided that she has done a sufficient amount of things to finally be worthy of what I have planned for her. I approach her and plaster all sorts of images from her life around us, and I will admit, despite her fouling up quite a bit I am proud of her. Anypony that can put up with my bitchiness and satisfy me as much as she has deserves this. Now comes the best part, another song....but this one is sang by me, the pony with the absolute sexiest voice ever.

"You've come such a long, long way

And I've watched you from that very first day

To see how you might grow

To see what you might do

To see what you've been through

And all the ways you've made me proud of you

It's time now for a new change to come

You've grown up and your new life has begun

To go where you will go

To see what you will see

To find what you will be

For it's time for you to fulfill your destiny"

Well now the time has come to do what I had planned since she let Spike take the crystal heart to Cadence. She became encircled in energy and suddenly she has transformed. This transformation will not be revealed until I make sure she is ready so before she is allowed to return home, we have some fun in that dark realm and my oh my, she is absolutely spectacular now! Now the time has come for her to return to Ponyville.

It is obvious it took me a while because it is now dark in Ponyville as she returns. I could read her friends' minds when they saw that dark pink star coming towards them. They were nervous but once Twilight landed, she spread her wings and looked magnificent. One thing Rainbow needs to realize that before she deems Twilight a new flying buddy, she needs to learn how to use those wings first.

Fluttershy is quite observant, yes Twilight looks like a princess now because she IS a princess now! Luna opposed this for quite some time until Twilight showed she wasn't selfish when it came to saving the Crystal Empire. After that, Luna was on board. Now I must dip into the treasury to give Twilight the coronation that she deserves....well that along with some regalia for myself and my sister that will match this occasion.

Now the coronation begins. Look closely at me and my sister. We have special regalia for this. My sister claimed she would look better in silver rather than gold and after seeing this, I should have had her's made silver, but oh no, I DIDN'T LISTEN! I had to make it gold! But look at my regalia. You see that huge crown! It says, "That's right bitches, your Sexy Sun Goddess is the best pony out there and don't you forget it! Bow down before me or meet you doom!"

I finally feel like a true champion as for the first time one of my students has deemed herself worthy of being a princess, so happy that I even allowed another song to be sung despite this episode being done mostly in song. While Twilight looked sexy all sopping wet, she looked even better with those curls in her mane! Let's just say that I had further plans for her and tonight those plans are going to come true!

Although I know Twilight wanted to go to my chambers immediately and let Cadence and I initiate her into the royal system, first she had to give a speech. Yeah it was boring and shit but after that she decides to go prancing through the streets singing what would thankfully be the last song of the show. She again goes singing about how everything is certainly going to be fine. I sure hope the hell so, Cadence and I have plans for her tonight and we can't have anything go awry.

Oh and just so you know, according to Spitfire, the seven songs in this episode is an academy record. Now be gone you commoners, Cadence, Twilight and I have sexy times ahead. Yeah I know it's wrong to be getting it on with my niece but hey, I'm not rigid and straight laced like Luna. This initiation requires that Cadence and I do this with her together. As far as Luna goes, I'll let her do my duties but I will NOT let her handle anything involving foreign relations.

Celestia Punishes Her Serfs: Synopsis of Equestria Girls

Hello, this is your Supreme Dictator Celestia again. Now many of you have been very, very bad serfs. You have failed to do your part to contribute to Equestria, you have failed to pay your taxes and you have disrespected me a few too many times so I am going to punish you severely. I have decided to FORCE you to listen to my synopsis of Equestria Girls.

I'll make this short because I don't feel like going into too much detail over this abomination for two reasons. Number one, I didn't like it. Number two, I'm not going to punish you that badly!

Ok so now my Twily decides to leave her crown by her bed as she sleeps. How dumb can she be, doesn't she know those things are supposed to be locked in a vault when one sleeps? Maybe I shouldn't have made her a princess after all. Some dumb mirror that I had forgot about opens up and Sunset Shimmer, one of my former students, one who refused to put out after I was too rough with her, decided to come through it and steal Twilight's crown and replace it with some fake replica from this other world. Well she took the real crown back with her. Where they got the idea for a fake crown like this I'm not sure but I do know one thing, if I can get my hooves on Sunset Shimmer there will be a public execution here in Canterlot. Just for fun I'll hunt her parents down and execute them as well. If I can't get my hooves on her, her parents will still be put to death. We haven't had a public execution in Canterlot in a few hundred years and I'm just itching to execute somepony.

Luckily Twilight woke up and chased after her but it was too late, she got through the mirror. Now I had no clue where this mirror lead to, neither did my sister or Cadence. It could have lead to a world of carnivorous sea ponies but one thing is for sure, Twilight had to go through there and get her crown back. Now had the element of magic not been in that crown I would have told Twilight to forget about it, make me happy and we'd make her a new crown. However, since it has that gem in it, she has to put her life at risk heading to a world we know nothing about. Well we send her off and wish her well. I just hope she can make it back through that accursed thing before it closes. If she doesn't return, some villain will probably destroy Equestria, overthrow me and as far as Twilight goes, she'll become sea pony food or the victim of whatever creatures lie there.

One thing they didn't show in that dumb movie was the fun Twilight and I had before she left. I knew this might be the last time I see her so we had the hottest, raunchiest fun we ever had. I had to exclude Twinkleshine though as I just wanted it to be me and my sexy Princess Twily. Well the next morning arrives and after a good breakfast, I send her and Spike to what could be her doom. When she arrives she has transformed into something completely hideous. She has transformed into one of those Faust-forsaken creatures out of Lyra's comic books but she has lavender skin and Spike has turned into a dog, an extremely hideous purple and green dog. Hell, carnivorous sea ponies would have been preferable to what this world had to offer.

Well ok, now the bad part of this starts so I'll make it quicker. Twilight turns into a naive dingbat, a dingbat so dumb she makes Trixie look like the second coming of Starswirl. Well what can one expect when a pony is transformed into an inferior creature with a primitive brain. Well she meets some humans that resemble her friends here in Equestria and surprisingly they aren't as stupid as she became. Maybe it is because they have always lived there but that is beside the point.

She has to enroll in some high school. Yes, a high school for ordinary, lame brained humans. Good thing though because she discovers her crown is being held hostage by some human who resembles me. Sadly though, the human me is just as primitive as the other hacks in that world and what makes that world truly terrible, no one (yes, it is no one instead of nopony since they aren't ponies) there has magic. Ugh that must suck.

Well my now naive and moronic little Twily has friends but eventually she bumps into something truly inferior. She runs into one of those disgusting bipeds, one of the lesser sex, named Brad, aka Flash Sentry. Alright, if he touches my Twily inappropriately, I'll go through there and kill the bastard. He looks like a pretty boy so maybe he is a lot like that river serpent, flamboyant and possibly gay, well in this human's case, most likely gay.....BUT they blush at one another so he is likely bi. Alright, Twilight is in for a world of hurt if she ever gets home. I will force her to bathe in a bath of rubbing alcohol to cleanse her and then lock her in my chambers for months to purify her.

Now it is discovered that this crown is given to the princess, whore, queen or whatever title they give the most popular girl of some dumb dance. Now Twily and her new friends have to turn the school against Sunset Shimmer, who has apparently become some dictator bitch that has them all under her control. How the hell that little whore could get everyone to fear her is beyond me. Maybe she rapes them with spiked rods if they don't obey her, who knows? As long as my Twily gets home with her crown I'll be fine.

Well now it looks like Twilight is going to get framed for destroying the decorations for this human version of the Gala which I see is extremely dumbed down and made for serfs. Oh boy, now my human self won't let her go and is likely going to execute her. Shit, I've gotta do something so you know what I did? I temporarily handed all power over to Luna, went through the mirror and went through the trash to clear Twilight's name. In the movie they made it look like the bisexual pretty boy cleared her name, but it was really me. Boy oh boy was the human version of me surprised to meet me! I warned her that if she didn't let Twilight go to this dumb dance I would take her to Equestria and banish her to the moon. That got her to clear her in a hurry.

Well I return home to discover that Luna was making plans to invade and conquer Saddle Arabia. Good thing I got back when I did, I really don't feel like ruling over a land of magicless horses. I told Luna that they would just be a pain in the ass and while she seemed to agree, I could see she was just itching to expand our empire. Note to self: Don't hand over complete power to Luna ever again.

Well they get this dance off and as I watch I can't help but think, "Boring! This is as bad as the Gala! Something fun could happen such as a terrorist attack or a car come crashing into their gym. After all, humans like doing shit like that because they are braindead morons." Well as it turns out the students had to vote which slut gets Twilight's crown. I should have engraved "Property of Princess Celestia, GODDESS of every living thing" on it before I gave it to my little student. Well shit happens and I just have to hope more of the peons there vote for Twilight than Sunset. If Twilight loses, I'll have to return to that world, get the crown myself, drag both Twilight and Sunset back to Equestria, destroy that damn mirror and execute Sunset! I secretly hope that happens, I want to execute Sunset so bad I can't stand it!

Time for the vote, Twilight wins! Well now she has that crown on her head and she can get her ass home. Just as I thought she was going to come home Sunset steals her crown and turns into a she-demon. Do I want to mess with that thing? I'm not sure. Well in the end Twilight "reforms" Sunset, got her crown back but she jeopardizes her chance to come home by deciding to dance with that bisexual pretty boy at their stupid dance. Oh boy, if she gets home she's really going to pay now! Maybe if she gets home I should strip her of her wings in public, take away her title and execute her along with her whole family in front of the whole city. That will teach her to willingly let an inferior creature of the lesser sex touch her. I'm sure I can get Moondancer to be more sociable and shape that gem into the shape of a moon. She is good with magic after all.

Well finally Twilight realizes it is time to go. She says her farewells to her friends and her and Spike step into the portal, just as it was going to close. When she returned we acted all happy she was back. I was happy she was back because she had that element where it belonged. However, I was not so thrilled to see her at first. They didn't show this but she gave me an extremely nervous look upon her return. She cold sense I knew what she did and knew that her punishment was going to be brutal. What is even worse is she bumps into a new guard that just graduated from the academy. It is the pony form of him, the pony form of that bisexual pretty boy Flash Sentry. What is worse is that she blushes at him. I have decided that Flash must go. I was going to execute him but Cadence convinced me to go easy on him and let him go up to the Crystal Empire.

Now for what they could never show. Twilight engaged in horrid activities in the human world and blushing at that guard upon her return didn't help her case either. I told the city about her crimes and we all agreed she deserved 100 lashes, so that is what she got. After that I gave her the bath of alcohol which really hurt because of the wounds from those lashings. Finally after a night of stinging pain, I hauled her ass up to my sleeping chambers and made her my slut for five months straight. This ought to make her realize that humans are not to be touched and really make her realize that she is not to give any adoration to the lesser sex. I'm guessing that by the time I release her so she can ready herself for whatever boring endeavors she will have next she will KNOW that she has but one master, ME! Well ok, I'll let Twinkleshine and Fluttershy have fun with her too since they enjoy it so much.

Well while I was punishing Twilight, Luna again encountered trouble with the Saddle Arabian government. This time though, she banished their monarchs to the sun for calling her "moonbutt" and now Saddle Arabia is a commonwealth of Equestria. Yeah they get to keep SOME of their revenue but a lot of it comes to Equestria since we own them now. Oh well, I guess the extra revenue will help out, we have some roads that could be improved upon. Now Luna is wondering what nation she should take the next time I have Twilight locked up in my chambers for an extended amount of time. Maybe it will be Neigh Zealand, I never did like those punks and I could straighten that backwards land out.

Oh and I would like to apologize to you serfs. Talking about this crappy movie put me into full bitch mode and I just lost control of myself. Hey look at it this way, I could have given you all my synopsis of Howard the Duck, the absolute worst movie of all time. Ugh, whatever humans came up with that abomination should have been hung for the crime of idiocy.

Oh and just so you know, I executed Sunset Shimmer's parents in courtyard one and after that, my sister and I held the biggest party in the history of Canterlot. Of course Pinkamena Diane Pie organized it, she does throw the best "after public execution" parties.

Chapter 69: Daring Don't

Chapter 69: Daring Don't

Hello my beloved serfs! This is your beloved dictator Princess Celestia. You all have been good, you have worshiped me how you are supposed to, you have paid your taxes and you haven't caused any problems so I shall share with you how I saw "Daring Don't."

Another glorious day in Ponyville has arrived and once again Fluttershy is proving that she cares way too much about some dumb animals and not nearly enough about me. She is trying to teach some baby birds how to fly! Isn't that the mother bird's job? It would have been far easier for her to fly up to my sleeping chambers than it would be to try and teach these things how to fly.

Well suddenly Rainbow Dash is flying around making a ruckus over one thing or another. Now we find out why, the next Daring Do book comes out in four months! Good grief, she is making a big deal out of that? She winds up getting so lost in that fact that she crashes into a tree. Damn she is stupid. She should watch where she is flying rather than fantasizing over a fictional character.

A few days pass and Twilight and her friends are throwing a "National Random Holiday Party Day" party or something like that? I swear, they will throw a party over anything. Why can't they throw a "Celestia's gonna get laid" party and then send Twilight and Fluttershy up to see me. That would be a much better type of party.

Ok, so Rainbow shows up and bitches about how she wasn't invited to this idiotic party. As it turns out she was, it was just that she was so absorbed in the last Daring Do book that she wasn't paying attention to her when she invited her. Hey, I'm a fan of the series as well but I don't get so caught up in one that I don't pay attention to my surroundings.

Now Rainbow is talking about how it will be 3 months and 26 more days until she can read the next one. Guess what Rainbow, that ain't happening. The book's release is being delayed an additional two months. Yeah I'm a bit disappointed but I'm not going to do what she is about to suggest. She suggests that they go out, find her house and help her with whatever everyday nonsense is keeping her from spending her every waking moment writing. Apparently she doesn't know that would be classified as stalking and stalking is illegal in Equestria. I'm thinking a few months in the dungeon ought to fix that problem!

Well they head out on their journey to one of the most far flung corners of Equestria. How the hell they managed to get there in the same day is beyond me. Alright, I get it. It is a cartoon so anything can happen. Once they get out there they find A.K. Yearling's house. Now why the hell would a famous author live so far out in the middle of nowhere? It's because she wants to be left alone so she can write in peace and not be bugged by fanfillies like Rainbow all the time.

It looks like her house has been broken into and ransacked. If Twily and her friends knew what was good for them, they would have traveled several hundred miles and reported the break-in since they can travel across great distances in nothing flat. Instead they go in and start wondering what happened when suddenly A.K. Yearling shows up. The moment Rainbow sees her she suddenly goes into a state of awe. I knew what was running through her mind. She was wanting to run her friends off and see if Ms. Yearling would take her up to her bedroom. Sorry Rainbow but just because she is a re-color of you, she isn't going to put out for you.

Now I don't blame Yearling for being upset that they were in her house and thinking they were probably the ones who ransacked it. Now we have Yearling being very nervous looking for something. While she is doing this Rainbow pushed things off of her desk and ordered her to hurry up and get back to typing. Now had I been A.K. Yearling, I would have beat the shit out of her and threw all six of them out. Instead, her search continues. Now she pulls a book out from under Rainbow and has to do all sorts of strange things to open it. Well she gets it open and takes out a golden ring. Oooh, I think that would look good up here in Canterlot! Maybe I should teleport out there and steal it. Perhaps not though, that ain't what the writers have in mind and it probably has some sort of use later on in the episode.

Finally Yearling is fed up and runs her uninvited guests out. Good, Twily is late for her regular visit and I'm frustrated. Now they can go home and she can come up and unwind with me. Once they are thrown out they notice some goons crawling into Yearling's upstairs window and soon she is surrounded. She must know who they are because she throws her clothes and glasses at them. I thought this was supposed to be a kids' show. I'm shocked that Yearling would do this, especially given how these guys broke into her.....wait a minute, A.K. Yearling IS DARING DO!

Just like with Twilight, my mind is officially blown! No wonder the book is being delayed, whatever adventure this book is supposed to be about, she is probably going to not get it all over and done in time to write about it. Now a fight ensues over this ring and it finally lands by the door and who shows up? I can't believe it, it's Dr. Caballeron. I never once imagined that he and Daring Do both were real ponies. Now for the big question, does this mean Ahuizotl is real too? I guess we will find out sooner or later.

Now I know he is real. Caballeron is going to sell that ring to him, make a fortune and retire from archaeology. Oh great, if he retires he won't be in any of the future books. He is my favorite antagonist in those books so I hope he fails in his quest to sell it. Now that he and his lackeys have left, Daring Do is alone in her hut trying to bandage her injured leg. Memo to the Mane Six: Get in there and help her instead of being a bunch of peeping toms!

Finally they go in and help her. Now comes what will become a regular part of this episode, Daring Do tells them that she works alone. Fair enough but guess who can't get that into her head? Yep, it is the fanfilly Dashie. Despite her not wanting the help, Rainbow takes off to find her. Ugh, sometimes I wonder how Rainbow managed to help save Equestria from the foes that she has. Well enough about that, back to the episode.

There is Rainbow flying over this forest trying to find her crush....oops, I mean hero. Finally she finds her and begins to pursue her. Now here she is talking about how great she is and then punches herself, what an idiot. If it hurts so much why did she keep doing it? Knowing her, fantasizing about having a make out session with Daring Do would cause her to do anything.

Daring Do realizes that somepony is following her so she pounces on whoever it is and discovers that it is her fanfilly stalker. Obviously she is not very happy and now what does Rainbow do? She starts telling her how she is such a huge fan and then begins to beg her to let her help her retrieve that golden ring. Look Rainbow, Daring Do has let it be known that she works alone but you won't listen!

Finally Daring Do caves in and let's Rainbow help her. What in Equestria was she thinking? Chances are now she'll try to get Daring Do to rock her world after they either finish or fail at this quest. It looks like they have caught up with Dr. Caballeron. I don't know where she got them from but she has a huge bag of bits to pay him for that ring. She puts a bunch of leaves on her face to make herself look like a stallion and proceeds to make this transaction. Shit, she can't succeed! If she does, Caballeron won't be in any future books. Unfortunately, despite him having another buyer, he winds up agreeing to sell the ring to her but guess who shows up, Ahuizotl!

I can't believe it, he is real too! I never knew that such a creature actually existed, especially in my nation. Well as long as he stays out in that corner of Equestria, everything will be just fine. Caballeron winds up grabbing that bag of bits and runs away upon his arrival. Shit, now Caballeron has a ton of money. Ahuizotl demands Daring Do give him the ring but she says that she can't give it to him until she properly proposes. As Rainbow is watching this confrontation between the two, I read her mind and she really wished that Daring Do would propose to her! Big surprise, right?

Now Daring Do is trying to fend off Ahuizotl's feline friends and Rainbow starts trying to get Daring's attention because she has her hat. Bad idea Crashie, I mean Dashie. Now Ahuizotl has Rainbow captured in his hand tail and Daring Do gets captured by the big cats. They must be very talented given that they not only had rope on them, but they were able to tie our protagonist up. Now she is being hauled off to the temple and it is all Rainbow's fault!

Finally her friends find her and she is throwing herself a pity party. Good grief Rainbow, get over yourself and quit whining. Now suddenly she doesn't want to go save Daring, the pony that she dreams about every night and according to Luna, let's just say that those dreams turn out like my romps with Twily do in real life. Finally Twilight is able to get Rainbow to see that she has value and they head off to save Daring. Hopefully they can get that ring back because I have a bad feeling Ahuizotl has rather sinister plans in using it.

So now we find Daring Do chained to a wall above a pool of water with piranhas in it. Shit, she better not get eaten because it will be Rainbow's fault and I will throw her in Tartarus if that happens. Hey, I'm sure I can find some other loyal pegasus, one that isn't a show off and doesn't go all fanfilly over Daring Do and The Wonderbolts. Sorry Daring but it does look like Ahuizotl will get away with this. Hell I might have to intervene. I can save your ass and stop our big blue friend from doing whatever it is he is going to do.

Now water is beginning to pour into the chamber Daring is trapped in but guess who comes to the rescue? Rainbow comes and rescues her like a knight in shining armor does a damsel in distress. Now for what they wouldn't show. After Daring Do broke those stone bricks on her hooves, she decided to "thank" Rainbow for saving her. Yeah it wasn't quite as much as Rainbow was hoping for but it was much more than I ever imagined Rainbow would ever get in her life.

Now back to what they can show. Ahuizotl and this whole tribe of ponies have gathered for the ring placing ceremony to bring about 800 years of unrelenting, sweltering heat. Oh shit! Now he is going to try to keep MY sun up non-stop for 800 years in a remote corner of Equestria. Now if he succeeds I will have to intervene. Nopony tries to take control of something that is mine, especially MY sun!

You know, Ahuizotl must be an idiot. You would think that the moment Twilight and her friends showed up, that he would have simply placed that top ring on the stack of other rings and accomplished his objective. Instead, he is so careless that he allows Twilight and her friends to get a hold of it and play keep away. Now after an intense make out session, Daring and Rainbow finally show up and while everypony else is distracted, they begin to remove the rings from that column. Apparently the further down they go, the heavier those things get.

As they are removing these things Daring finally realizes that having some help is necessary sometimes. Had my girls never shown up, she would have been fish food and Ahuizotl would have began to bake that place for 800 years, or at least until I went there and lowered my sun, destroyed those rings and hauled him to Tartarus for the crime of trying to seize control of my sun. Luckily that did not happen. Instead Rainbow and Daring got that bottom ring out of the temple and the rest of the Mane Six were able to escape the collapsing temple.

Once they got far enough away they dropped the big ring and it broke. Daring thanks Rainbow and lets her know that she couldn't have done it without her. Now this is where they had to alter things. While Twilight and her friends went home, Rainbow flew home with Daring and let's just say that her dream came true. Her and Daring defiled her cabin for several days straight.

A few months pass and Rainbow gets the new book a week before everypony else. Even better, it is an autographed first edition and those aren't easy to come by. Even better for her, it is the unedited version which includes their make out session in the temple and their sexy times after they got back to Daring's cabin. Rainbow wasn't the only one to get that version, I did as well. I have already read it and damn, Daring went into graphic detail about their tryst.

Regarding trysts, I decided to reward Twilight, Fluttershy and Rarity for aiding in saving that part of Equestria from 800 years of unrelenting, sweltering heat. While the sexy times Rainbow had were hot, the time I had with my girls was even hotter, hotter than any heat Ahuizotl could ever unleash. Don't worry, Applejack and Pinkie were rewarded as well. Luna took 10,000 bits from the treasury and gave them to Applejack. She also gave Pinkie some money too but it was confiscated by the Cake Family and they were FINALLY able to finish paying off the damages they owed from the baked bads incident. It's about time! I was beginning to wonder if they would ever get that paid off.

Now be gone with you all, I still have a lavender gem, a yellow muffin and a white cake to finish off!

Chapter 70: Flight to the Finish

Chapter 70: Flight to the Finish

Hello everypony, it is your Supreme Dictator Celestia again and I'm in a good mood today so I shall share with you "Flight to the Finish" how I saw it.

Another school day has arrived in Ponyville and it appears as though it won't be your normal school day as there are two guests waiting outside the school, waiting for the cue from Cheerilee to go in and give some sort of presentation. One of them is everypony's favorite narcissist, Rainbow Crash....I mean Dash and the other is this rather snobby looking pony with a trophy cutie mark. I don't know why but I have a feeling that it won't take me long to not like her.

Well the snobby looking one goes in first and shit, I can't see what's going on so like always, I do my invisibility and teleport spell. I do have a synopsis to give and I want to see what goes on anyway. I have a feeling that a certain arrogant pegasus is going to piss off what is likely a narcissistic earth pony.

I do my spell and there stands this pony in front of the class, Ms. Harshwhinny. Ugh, look at her up there with that smug look on her face. Ok, so now she begins going on about something that everypony already knows, the Equestria Games are coming up. Now something good for the little ones, they get a chance to go too! They could have a role as flag carriers IF they impress her. Given her attitude, I have a feeling that they will have to perform brain surgery or some other impossible feat to do so.

I tell you, not only is Ms. Harshwhinny a pompous bitch, she is also boring as hell. I thought I was going to fall asleep while she was yapping. Luckily for me and the kids, Rainbow comes flying in announcing that she is going to be the coach. Oh fun, I'm sure this is going to either lead to plenty of humorous antics or a complete disaster. I'm not going to make any guarantees but I'm betting that it is the latter of the two.

Oh joy, now the two are having issues with this presentation. There is Rainbow acting all enthusiastic which is something I would expect out of her here but there is Ms. Harshwhinny being a rigid bitch who has to be all prim and proper. Alright, I have come to a decision. I have decided to hate her already rather than waiting until later on in the episode. I may bitch and complain all the time about Rainbow and her egotistical attitude but I've found one who is worse. At least Rainbow knows how to let her mane down.

Finally their presentation is over and all the fillies and colts go out to start coming up with their routines. I will turn my focus onto the filly illuminati first, since they are the only ones who will likely create anything original. Forget Snips and Snails, that weightlifting routine they did in the classroom was ridiculous and when it comes to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, it will likely just be them boasting about how great they are.

I am closely monitoring the CMC making sure that their routine does not include something that would involve trying to overthrow me and luckily, that is not the case. Instead, they mention how three different kinds of ponies live in Ponyville and then they burst into song and start doing all sorts of things. Memo to the filly illuminati: While all that looks nice, it will not impress Ms. Harshwhinny. It was so lame that I nearly fell asleep watching you.

Oh great, now the bully bitches are there to bash the CMC over their routine. Yeah it wasn't the best performance but there is no need for them to be so mean about it. You have no idea how many times I've wanted to banish those two either to the moon, Tartarus or have Luna banish them to the sun. She can't stand them either and I'm sure she would gladly do it too.

Well the CMC decide to take a different route, something that will be done on a stage. I hope that it is better than the first routine. It better be or they can forget all about carrying that flag. They start the new routine with not only Rainbow watching, but the little bitches and yours Truly. That new routine of theirs is fantastic! I have a strong feeling that with this routine, that they should win this and carry that flag!

At first Rainbow seems to love it but then she remembers how the pompous trophy pony told her to keep her emotions in check. She has trouble doing it but in the end she does so the CMC really don't know what to think. Scootaloo is right though, if they keep working hard they'll have a shot.

Now I am thoroughly pissed! How dare those bullying bitches plot to get under their wings. I don't know what I'm going to do to put them in their place but I do know one thing, their families' bank accounts will not like it! I'll fine their fathers for their daughters being such bitches and what is worse, they plant doubt in the mind of Scootaloo. Now she is wanting to change what is a perfectly good routine.

Ok Scootaloo, I know that suddenly you think that you're going to have to fly to win this but guess what, your wings aren't big enough to get you off the ground. Now I find this as a horrible, cruel fate the writers have given her. Bulk Biceps has wings even smaller than hers and he can fly just fine! Yeah it is a bit slow but at least he can fly. If I didn't think I'd ruin everything by revealing my presence, I would reverse the invisibility spell and let Scootaloo know that they are just bullies and that she shouldn't listen to them. Unfortunately, if I were to reveal myself, I'd ruin the whole episode so I keep watching all this undetected.

Oh come on Scootaloo, this new routine is not working! For the love of Faust, you can't get off the ground and your friends are obviously growing very impatient and extremely unhappy with you. I'll admit, Scootaloo is my favorite of the three since she is a tough little filly but still, she is going to ruin their chances of winning if she keeps this up! Finally though, her friends throw in the towel for the night because they're tired and hungry.

Well given that I wanted to continue to monitor this I decided to just hide out in Ponyville for the night. I didn't get a room at the inn or seek other lodging so I just slept behind some bushes. Yeah I put myself in grave danger of being discovered but luckily that did not happen and I did wake up in time to watch the girls' final run through.

Well I saw it and good grief, it was horrible! They were extremely fatigued, they barely knew what they were doing and worst of all, Scootaloo could not fly through the hoop. I seriously think they need to go back to the original version for two reasons. First, it actually worked and second, Scootaloo looked quite awesome doing that trick on her scooter. What the hell is it going to take to get her to see that she needs to stop thinking solely about herself?

While her friends have left, Scootaloo is there on that stage continuing to try to fly. I honestly feel sorry for her, I really do. I know it is extremely rare for me to feel sorry for anypony but this is an exception. I'm going to let you all in on a secret, while a pony can not just use magic to get a cutie mark, there are wing growth spells out there. I have wanted to cast it on Scootaloo but way back in the day, the writers told me that I couldn't do it. I think that is horrible that they would do this to her but sadly, there is nothing I can do.

I am tired, extremely tired. I am so tired that I nearly collapsed multiple times but I managed to stay awake to watch over Scootaloo. She keeps on trying clear until I raise the sun and she still can't fly. Finally the poor thing passed out but I would make sure she woke up soon enough to go catch the train, well at least head to the train station. After all, I can't have her missing the train if she is to compete.

She heads to the train station to meet up with her friends, followed by yours Truly of course! Good grief Scootaloo, you're not going now? Your friends need you and here you are quitting? Ugh, now that is behavior that is unacceptable. Guess what? You're not my favorite CMC anymore! I think I like Apple Bloom the most now.

Yeah I'm mad as hell at Scootaloo for just quitting on her friends so I have decided to get on the train and keep my eyes on the other two. Guess what, Rainbow finally lets her emotions flow and she has announced that she wants the CMC to win so bad. Guess what? I do too but without Scootaloo that won't happen unless they suddenly come up with a routine on the train. I tell you though, Rainbow was not one bit pleased when she found out that Scootaloo was not making the trip and was able to convince the CMC that they shouldn't leave a friend behind.

Well this trip is going to be pointless now. The only reason I was going was so that I could watch these girls compete and hopefully win the competition. While Rainbow is taking the girls back to Ponyville, I have already took flight back to Ponyville and teleported myself into Scootaloo's house. Alright Scootaloo, you should be happy that your friends have come back and are showing enough loyalty to you that they don't want to compete without you.

I must say, I'm impressed that Rainbow is being so understanding with Scootaloo because she reminds me of the type that would be very angry over this and basically tell Scootaloo to stop being a whiny brat, but then again Scootaloo does adore her like she would her own sister and naturally Rainbow just gobbles up that attention.

Now for something that probably wouldn't be possible if this weren't a cartoon. Rainbow, Scootaloo and her friends somehow manage to get to the Crystal Empire in time to take part in the competition and guess what? They do the original version of the routine and they won! Woo-hoo! I knew they could do it, after all, they are the most talented fillies in Ponyville. They are much more talented and intelligent than those mindless hacks in her class.

What happens next is hilarious! The CMC get their awards and Rainbow simply says that they did acceptable. Get this though, Ms. Harshwhinny, the one pony who I thought wouldn't be impressed at all, is suddenly going all fanfilly over the performance those three put forth. I guess she isn't an uptight, rigid bitch after all, well most of the time anyway. And Scootaloo, give me a break, you're not going to get your cutie marks in flag carrying. I don't know what I'm going to do with those girls. I honestly don't know if they'll ever get their cutie marks as long as it involves them just doing ordinary, every day activities.

Now for what they couldn't show. Once I got home I began to celebrate because I finally managed to do something that nopony thought was possible. Unlike how I failed at the end of "The Cutie Pox" episode, I managed to get through a whole episode without my mind wandering into the gutter. I am quite proud of the fact that I pulled it off. Not only was I happy, but my sister was happy as well once she found out.

Well everypony, since I managed to pull this off, Luna has offered to take me down to Sugarcube Corner for cake since she knows I like it so much. While I am thrilled she is taking me there, I'm pretty sure she'll wind up dragging us to Sweet Apple Acres so she can gorge herself on fritters. After all, she likes the Apple Family's fritters just as much as I like the Cake Family's cake.

Now if all of you will excuse me, I need to get to Ponyville. I really don't want to keep Luna waiting because you know what a bear she can be to live with if somepony makes her late for anything.

Chapter 71: Power Ponies

Chapter 71: Power Ponies

Hello everypony it is your Supreme Overlord again and I'm going to go easy on you guys. Yeah I am not in a good mood because of all the derogatory letters to the editor in papers across the country regarding my rule but I have decided I will give you my synopsis of "Power Ponies." Keep this bad mouthing me up though and I'll throw another Equestria Girls review your way.

It is night and Twilight is trying to get some sleep but something is already pissing me off. Spike is laying there, with a lamp on, reading a damn comic book! Yep, a damn comic book. Listen Spike, Twilight and her friends are going out to fix up the castle that Luna and I used to live in tomorrow and Twilight needs her rest. I'm thinking I might join them because I need a release and there are plenty of places there that provide plenty of privacy! Finally after several more minutes Spike finally puts the comic book down and gets to sleep. Good thing he did too because Twilight couldn't sleep so she started hoofing herself calling out my name. She is such a naughty girl sometimes!

The next day arrives and I notice that my girls are out at my old castle. Like I said last night, I am going to go out there so I do the invisibility and teleport spell. I don't want them knowing I am out there and besides, once I find Twilight alone, I'll undo the spell and lure her into that room where they found my old journal. If I can't find her alone, I'll take Rarity or Fluttershy in there. When it comes to those three, you know I'm not picky.

I'm glad to see that they're cleaning that place instead of making me do it. After all, your sexy Sun Goddess should not be having to clean up messes like that. Get this, Spike is wanting to help too but everypony knows that whenever he tries to help with anything that he fucks up royally. Because of this, Twilight tells him to go fuck himself (well in the unedited version). In the edited version, she simply told him to let them take care of things, go take his comic book and find a quiet place to finish reading it.

While it is fun watching Twilight and her friends cleaning the place, I decide to follow Spike and watch him whine about not being allowed to help. Yes I would rather stare at Twilight's ass but something is telling me that I should hang around Spike and his pity party. Yeah it sounds lame as hell, but when I hear voices like this, I tend to listen to them.

It is break time for my girls and now they are calling out trying to find Spike. I'm sure Spike probably wished that it would be Rarity calling out his name while they were having fun but he didn't even hear any of them. Now to Spike, he has discovered that his comic book ends before it should and has discovered some writing so small that he needs a magnifying glass to read it. Spike gets that magnifying glass and begins to read this small writing. Shit, why is it that I have a feeling that some sort of disaster is about to unfold?

Now back to Twilight and her friends searching for Spike. It is good that they were by the entrance to that secret chamber when they were given what was about to happen. Spike finises reading that tiny text and suddenly a bright ball of light is radiating from that damn comic book. What happened next would terrify me. Spike began to get sucked into the comic book and since they were close enough, my sexy little princess and her friends went to save him. Unfortunately they would be unable to and since I have to make a synopsis of this, I followed Pinkie through the comic book.

Ugh, where am I? What is this place? It looks a bit like Manehattan but it looks a lot like the city of New York in Lyra's human comic books. I mean seriously, the buildings are bigger and they look like they took a hell of a lot of work to build. I suppose I'll find out what has truly happened and why we are here very quickly.

What? My Twily and her friends have become the Power Ponies? I've read those comics and I love them! I just wish that I could make myself visible and get a much better look at the place. Alright, we have Masked Matter-Horn, Fili-Second, Zapp, Radiance, Mistress Mare-velous and Saddle Rager! Wow, this is amazing but I never imagined that my girls would become The Power Ponies.

Oh no, that laughter. From reading the books I'm pretty sure I know who that is, the Mane-iac, and it looks like I'm right. Now what the hell is she up to this time? She has pulled a lot of shit in earlier comic books but this time, could she be doing something to enslave the citizens of Maretropolis? Could she be coming up with a sinister plan to shave everypony bald since her shampoo factory went belly up after her accident. I suppose I'll find out.

Ok, so she is going after this electro-orb thing that she is going to use to power up some doomsday device and destroy the city. Well isn't that just dandy. This obviously isn't going to be an easy thing to stop but my Twily, I mean Masked Matter-Horn and her friends will have to stop her if they want to get back home, and if I want to get home. Hey, I love these comic books but being stuck in Maretropolis would suck. Not only would I not be ruling over anypony, chances are Luna would find a way to destroy Equestria.

Oh great, now Spike, I mean Hum-Drum is suggesting things, he suggests to Rain....I mean Zapp, that she unleash the lightning bolt to stop their foe but the idiot unleashes a tornado instead. Well I guess this is what happens when you have replacements in here instead of the real Power Ponies. The same can be said with Applejack....I mean Mistress Mare-velous and the problems she had with her lasso as well. Oh and way to go Hum-Drum, you look like you might be trying to be useful but you drop that electro-orb so the Mane-iac can get it right back. Why is it that I have a feeling we will never get home and Luna will crown herself Queen Luna of Equestria?

After bungling their way through this and failing to catch the Mane-iac, the replacement Power Ponies finally realize who they're really supposed to be and hopefully they can act more like they're supposed to instead of fucking everything up. Now I would reveal myself and defeat the Mane-iac on my own but given that would completely ruin this comic, I can't. It would be cool to have me be in this though, especially if they had me lead one of my lovelies into a hotel room and have fun! Of course if that happened, this comic book would only be available in the adult comic book store.

Now the Power Ponies have to head to this shampoo factory to defeat the Mane-iac. Most of them seem confident except for Saddle Ranger, who is supposed to turn into a savage if she gets mad so I better hope she loses her temper or we all might be stuck here. Upon arrival at this shampoo factory it looks like this awful fate may come to pass. They've all been frozen with hairspray! Shit, they're frozen in place, can't use their super powers and only Hum-Drum is safe, well I am too but you know I can't reveal myself and ruin things.

Oh great, now the Mane-iac is in there bloviating about how great she is and how she and her hench ponies have defeated the Power Ponies. Would somepony shut this bitch up already? I hear enough bloviating from foreign dignitaries back home so I certainly don't need to hear any here. Fortunately though, my Twi.... I mean Masked Matter-Horn goes on about how Hum-Drum will stop her and how he always saves their asses. That is true but I still don't care, he fucks things up enough in Equestria as it is.

Speaking of Hum-Drum, he has found a way into the heating system and falls through to where he can see his friends in a cage. After hearing Twilight praise him he realizes he isn't a complete idiot and starts to set things in motion that would save the day. Ok, now I've come to the conclusion that the Mane-iac and her hench ponies are complete idiots. You would think they would have seen him doing all these things to make sure she can be defeated. I suppose that is what bloviating too much and having brainwashed hench ponies will do to you.

Oh my, Spi....I mean replacement Hum-Drum must be smarter than the real Hum-Drum because he knocks down that can of hairspray and freezes the hench ponies. Now Radiance can make something to cut that cage open and hopefully defeat this bitch that has them locked up. Alright, they're out and now while they are fighting the hench ponies, their boss is just sitting up on her overgrown hair dryer shouting at them. Talk about being lazy, it is no wonder it is looking like we might get to go home now. Well that is a good thing because I don't want to become Celestia, ordinary citizen of Maretropolis.

I am so proud of these six, I mean five. Saddle Ranger is just getting ready to jump ship! How dare she abandon this mission when she is needed. If we ever get back to Equestria, Fluttershy is going to be punished and punished severely! Luckily though, a dumb firefly gets in the way of the Mane-iac's plans to use her hair dryer on Saddle Ranger. Now just like my sweet Fluttershy, Saddle Ranger obviously cares way too much about some dumb bugs.

Now it is time for Saddle Ranger to shine, she gets mad over this and holy shit, I knew she turned into a huge monster but never did I imagine she'd get that big. Just imagine if that happened if Fluttershy got that big in Equestria when she got mad. Even I might have troubles handling her, and I'm being serious. I'm not talking about in the bedroom here, I'm talking about preventing her from deposing me.

Now to see how powerful Saddle Ranger really is. The Mane-iac fires her hairspray ray of doom at her and it doesn't even affect her! It looks like the Mane-iac is going to be defeated so I better get by my girls so I will return with them. I just hope Saddle Ranger doesn't stay huge like that upon getting home. Even I couldn't defeat a magic resistant beast like that. She'd probably kill me and all the other princesses, take control of Equestria for herself and kill anypony who is mean to animals and bugs.

Luckily for all of us though, once we return to my old castle, everypony has been returned to normal. Good, because I would have really missed all those wonderful nights with my three lovelies, and likely would not have survived Fluttershy. Now somedragon has learned a valuable lesson. You don't have to have superpowers to be a super friend. That is true and apparently I have underestimated him, yet again. I have thought of him as an idiot a lot of times and I'm sure it will happen more but this time he really proved he is useful.

Ugh, I am exhausted. Going through that portal twice took a lot out of me so I'm going back to Canterlot, Fluttershy's punishment will have to wait for another day. Believe it or not but I managed to not interrupt an episode to make love to one of my girls. Yeah I know it isn't as impressive as last time when I kept my mind out of the gutter entirely but it still isn't as bad as what I usually do, right?

Chapter 76: Three's a Crowd

Chapter 76: Three's a Crowd

Hello my beloved serfs, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and you have done your part. You have paid your taxes, you have worshiped me like you are supposed to and the hot mares that must put out on demand have done so so I shall give you my synopsis of "Three's a Crowd."

Another morning has arrived in Ponyville and Twilight's little slave is bringing in the mail. Now why the hell is Twilight so excited about the mail. She knows that if I need her to come up here that I just have Spike hack it up. It won't be long until I find out. So she was expecting Cadence to come see her and she is notified that she can. How sweet, two sisters-in-law are going to be getting it on! I think I shall join them. We can send Spike to Rarity's and Cadence's Auntie Celestia can have fun with her and her little sister-in-law.

It looks like Twily isn't the only one getting good news on that day. Fluttershy has been given permission to go watch these breezie things gather pollen in western Equestria. This better not take her too long because she is on the docket for later this week. No what I find ridiculous is Pinkie's excitement over a flier regarding a sale on USED PATIO FURNITURE! Good grief, look at the shit pictured on there. That is crap that should be thrown in the dump, not sold to foolish ponies who are easily parted from their money.

Now Fluttershy and all her friends are at the train station. Fluttershy is waiting for the train to west Equestria and Twilight is waiting on Cadence. I'm going to be honest, I am not happy with Fluttershy right now. Once again, she has proven that she cares about some stupid creatures way too much and not nearly enough about me! Why would she want to go watch some critter gather pollen when she could come up and make me happy. She could watch as I lowered my gem into her face so she could have a snack. I would think that would be much more important but oh well.

Fluttershy's train arrives and leaves and now that leaves Twilight waiting for Cadence. Now I can't help but wonder what kind of plans those two have and whether or not I will find it fun. If I know those two well enough it will be. Besides, despite me being her aunt, Cadence likes it when I give her the love that Shining Armor just can't. Well her train finally arrives and of course she has horns sound when she gets off her car and her royal guard comes out first.

Wait a minute, is that who I think it is? It is and now I am thoroughly pissed. She had the audacity to bring Flash Sentry with her. I gave her a stern warning when that fucker bumped into Twily after she got back from that world of disgusting humans. I told her that she is never to bring that low life anywhere near my Twily. Forget giving her any love, I have a different form of punishment planned for her now. It will not be in my sleeping chambers and it will be extremely painful. After this, she will know never to bring that piece of shit anywhere near MY Twily again.

Luckily for Flash Sentry though, just from the way he acted, I'm not sure if he even knew Twilight was there. Wait a minute, now that I think about it I think he may have given her a half-smile. Whatever he did, I am not happy. I shall let this slide but if Cadence ever allows him and Twilight to be within a mile of one another again, a certain niece of mine will experience never before known realms of pain and a certain royal guard will be executed for the crime of being too close to a prized possession of mine.

Now that the train along with the undesirable has left, Cadence and Twilight decide to go engage in whatever activity they had planned. What the hell? They are going to a traveling exhibit involving Starswirl the Bearded? Hey, it looks interesting from up here but I have no plans on flying down there and attending. There are two reasons for this. First, there is no cake. Second, I honestly don't know what I might do if I ran into Cadence right now. It would not look very good if I killed her right there in Ponyville. I want to punish her but I don't want to kill her.

Now that Twily and Cadi have headed off to the Starswirl exhibit, Twilight's other friends are still at the train station waiting for something. It is a good thing too because I have decided to stir up some trouble. After the shit Cadence pulled I summoned a former foe of mine and told him to go to Ponyville and make a couple of Alicorns' lives a living hell. If you guessed Discord, you are right. Yeah we aren't best friends but hey, he doesn't want to be turned to stone again so he'll do what I say.

Now what is funny is that he is blue. Yep, blue. He is blue because I told him to fake an illness, one which would be contagious. Now I know some hilarious stuff is going to happen so I have ordered that a cake be delivered to my window. Hey, I'm hungry and I need something to calm down from the shit Cadence pulled.

Naturally Twilight's friends are not thrilled about Discord's presence but you know what? I don't care. I sent him down there to cause trouble and that is exactly what he's going to do. Alright, I have learned that Rainbow is a complete bitch. Yeah they aren't the best of friends but Discord is a friend now so she could at least help him get well. Typical Rainbow though, speed off and not give a shit. Oh well, I heard her talking about how she was supposed to be Spitfire's little bitch so it wasn't all bad.

Now we have Pinkie offering to take care of him but he doesn't want her care, he wants Rarity and Applejack's. I find that kind of funny since they still don't particularly care for him and what is funnier is that he gets them sick! They turn blue and now Discord knows that he has to find a different caregiver. After all, with them being sick, all that would happen is that they would continue to share germs and none of them would get better. Don't worry everypony, they got better once Discord left so Luna will still get her fritters and I'll still have my marshmallow if I want her.

Now to the Starswirl exhibit, there are Twilight and Cadence looking at all that stuff in awe. I swear, some ponies get way too excited over things other than me. Well they are about to go from a state of happiness to one of shock as Discord has disguised himself as a candle that Starswirl used for some reason, I don't remember exactly what it was. Now Discord is harassing Cadence and Twilight. Good, now perhaps I can get some laughs and really lighten the mood.

Yay, Cadence and Twilight are grumpy now! I was hoping to see those two turn blue too but unfortunately once she sees Discord is sick, Cadence just has to cast a health bubble around them. Oh well, funny times are still about to ensue. Wait a minute, am I hearing this right? Twilight is going to let Discord crash at her place. Now I am stunned. I thought for sure she would tell Discord to go to hell when he asked this since her and Cadence had "other plans."

Alright, I can just barely see through the window into Twilight's bedroom but I can see enough that I won't have to do the invisibility and teleport spell. Besides, even if I did, Discord would still be able to sense my presence and knowing him, he would start laughing and I would start laughing and neither one of us would want them to know we were in on this together.

Ok, now for more fun. Just as it looks like Twily and Cadence are going to leave Discord alone in the library, he asks for some water. He doesn't just ask for it though, he bursts into song over it. You know how a lot of times I find songs boring, his way anything but. All sorts of funny things happened along with this. I think the best part was when he swapped Twily and Cadence's manes. I'm thinking, perhaps next time I have those two together I will have him do that to them because they do look hot like that! Who am I kidding, they always look hot!

Well now that Discord's musical number is over, Twilight began digging through her rather limited collection of books to see if there is someway to heal him. Give me a break Twily, if you were even a tenth as smart as I thought you were, you would know that he isn't really sick. I suppose I can't blame her entirely given that she has been watching Cadence's flank ever since she got there. I can tell the poor little thing must be so frustrated. Well she might not get to have any fun with Cadence but hey, I'll make sure she feels all better after the episode.

Now Discord has told them about some flower out on the edge of Equestria, a place so distant that you can actually see the neighboring country. Now for the funny part, Discord creates this huge chariot for Cadence and Twilight to pull since he doesn't feel well enough to just teleport himself out to this place. I find it kind of funny that Cadence is having so much trouble flying. Hey Cadi, that's what happens when you just sit on your ass and do nothing! If you'd bother to FLY down to Canterlot every now and then to make your Auntie Tia feel better once in a while, you wouldn't have this problem!

They finally arrive where this flower is that is supposed to heal him and remember how I said you could see the neighboring country from there? Well there it is, it looks like a rather lifeless place, devoid of any vegetation. Kind of odd how a single gorge can separate a wonderful country full of life and magic and a desolate place that is without magic and not to mention BORING!

Ok, at first they couldn't find the flower despite it being huge. Once they find it they realize that retrieving this thing is going to be much harder than they thought Now for the scary part, once they uproot this flower some snake monster jumps out and attacks them. I have a bad feeling that my attempt in using Discord to stir up some trouble may have had some unintended and potentially fatal consequences. When that thing started trying to eat them I honestly thought I was going to lose my Twily or that Cadence was going to die before I could punish her. Luckily that did not happen and Cadence saved the day.

Now for what is funny. There those two are carrying that flower back down to the chariot thinking they'll be able to get home in time to bang each other when suddenly Discord is feeling better. Yes! My plan worked perfectly, Discord faked an illness, caused Cadence and Twilight a lot of undue stress along with inconveniencing them. The part about Discord testing their new friendship was a bonus. I suppose Twily really does see him as a friend. Even though him and I are no longer enemies, I still wouldn't literally go to the edge of Equestria for him. Now for the bad part, that damn snake thing resurfaces and makes Discord sick. Great, just great. Now he really is sick and could make it harder for me to see some action.

Well now Twily and Discord are back in Ponyville and guess who is back to baby him? Yep, Fluttershy. I am very unhappy with her now. First she shows too much interest in some dumb things that need to get pollen and now she is showing that she cares way, way too much about Discord and not nearly enough about me. I was supposed to pay her a visit tonight but thanks to Discord and his legitimate illness, I can't! Oh well, I have other things on my agenda.

Yeah Twilight, I hear you. So you learned that when you are with your marefriend/sister-in-law that even the worst days can be enjoyable. So what, I don't care. What matters to me is that as soon as you're available, you get your flank up here and pay me tribute OR ELSE!

Now regarding my other thing on my agenda. I took Cadence up with me to Canterlot and told the city of what she did. I told them about how she took Flash Sentry to Ponyville and how he might have given Twilight a half smile. Once I told them about what the punishment for that was, 100 lashes along with me giving it to her rough, everypony began to cheer. While everypony was able to see me flog her a hundred times, the sexy times would take place in the privacy of my sleeping chambers. While I most certainly enjoyed these sexy times, Cadence did not. I'm thinking that after this, she'll know not to bring Flash Sentry anywhere near MY Twily.

Chapter 77: Pinkie Pride

Chapter 77: Pinkie Pride

Hello my serfs! It is your sexy Sun Goddess Celestia and do I have a treat for you. You have all paid your taxes, not paid homage to foreign leaders and have turned a blind eye to my exploits with Princess Twilight so I shall share with you "Pinkie Pride" from my perspective.

Well we start out in Appaloosa where there is a party going on. Wow, and I remember back when the Appaloosans and the buffalo despised each other. Whoever threw this thing for them must have plenty of money to be able to afford so many decorations. Well it turns out this pony's name is Cheese Sandwich. Suddenly he starts trembling because his "cheese sense" is telling him there is another party to go plan, and it is in Ponyville. It looks like I'll get to watch more things unfold down there soon. It also means that there will be cake, yay! Even better, there will be lavender ice cream to go with it!

As it turns out, Rainbow Dash's birthday is today and Pinkie is going to throw a party for her. While Rainbow is my least favorite of Twilight's friends and in the bottom tier of ponies overall, I might show up for her party if I think I can get some cake, key word though, maybe. Well she breaks into song about planning a party just for you while she gets all the shit she needs for Crash's, oops I mean Dash's party. I honestly don't get why she thinks Rainbow is so great. She doesn't go all out for her other friends' parties and she sure the hell doesn't come up here and throw me any parties, dumb bitch anyway. I'm thinking maybe an off-season in Tartarus will fix that.

Well she has everything all ready and Rainbow shows up. Pinkie asks who wants to help her make this party great since not only is it Dash's birthday, but the anniversary of when she moved to Ponyville. Ugh, this is going to be a Rainbow Crash love fest so I'm going to avoid this party, I'll just have the chefs make me my own cake.

Now regarding somepony going to help Pinkie with this, some stranger shows up and says that he is ready to do so. Why is it that I have a bad feeling about this one? Well we'll see what happens, I'm not going to deem this one, despite being of the lesser sex, anything bad, yet.

Well as it turns out, this pony is Cheese Sandwich, the same one who threw the party in Appaloosa. He bursts into song about what a great party planner he is. What a narcissistic prick. Ugh, I can't stand ponies like him. Maybe I should just save myself the trouble and deem him a trouble maker right now and banish him to the moon at the soonest possible moment.

Now I am not happy, suddenly everypony is acting like he is the greatest thing in the world and suddenly forgets that Pinkie even exists. Yes Pinkie can be annoying and immature sometimes, but she has helped save Equestria on multiple occasions while this idiot has done nothing for this fine country. What is even worse Rainbow goes talking about how this party will be epic with Pinkie right there in earshot. So much for her being the element of loyalty. Maybe I need to find a different pegasus who will be loyal. I'll start looking around for one that isn't a narcissistic bitch and possesses a sense of loyalty.

Now Pinkie heads home and is sad, very sad. She begins to question her future and cries some. I truly feel sorry for her but I don't think there is much I can do at this point. I would have to kill Cheese Sandwich in the town square and punish her so-called friends in a very violent way for her to maybe feel better....well if she were the fan version of Pinkamena anyway.

Now she is looking at some old pictures of hers, ones of the parties she has thrown. She finally realizes that she is a good party planner, especially after seeing the ones of the reception she held for Cadence and Shining Armor. Good, I certainly don't want the element of laughter being sad, especially if she were to be needed to save Equestria.

Well she arrives at this party that is in full swing and holy shit, where the hell did he get the money for all that stuff. I highly doubt that a pony who just wanders Equestria throwing parties would have the money for that. Either he has a wealthy family, he has robbed a lot of banks or he has taken out a lot of loans that he'll likely never pay back. Personally I hope it is the third because then I can throw him in the dungeon, banish him to Tartarus or banish him to the moon OR I could always have my sister banish him to the sun, he would deserve that, dumb bastard anyway.

Now Pinkie has a plan on how she can show up Cheese, a goof off. Now what the hell a goof off is I don't know but I'll find out. Ok, so it is whoever can make the judge laugh the most. In this case the winner gets to headline Crash's dumb party and the loser doesn't. Fair enough and it looks like the element of disloyalty is the judge. The way she has been fanfillying over that miserable waste of space Cheese I have a bad feeling she will just say he won whether he does or not.

Ok, the goof off begins and it is typical party pony antics, silly stuff that is boring the hell out of me. I think I'll go get a slice of cake while they continue this non-sense, it's not like I'm missing anything important anyway.

Alright, I return with my cake and Pinkie has this huge ass cake, which looks very appetizing, suspended by a hook on a crane when some dumb bird lands on it and causes it to crash down on Dash. Well something happens to Pinkie and she suddenly realizes that her so-called disloyal bitch of a friend isn't having the best time of her life. Well no shit, she's not getting screwed by Spitfire so of course she isn't! Pinkie decides to forfeit the contest and Cheese wins. I know Pinkie is genuinely a good pony but she should not have just gave up. She should have turned into Pinkamena and taught the residents of that backwater town a thing or two about surgery by harvesting organs from a moronic jackass with a superiority complex.

Well Pinkie has her party cannon and is getting ready to skip town when her friends catch up to her and apologize for being disloyal bitches. They can apologize all they want but Twily, Rarity and Fluttersy are all going to be punished severely, and it will NOT be in my sleeping chambers. I'm thinking five days on the moon will serve as a warning to them. You do not betray your friend like that, especially not over a mindless colt in a stallion's body.

Now Cheese comes along and admits that he is a lying bastard to Pinkie. Even better, he tells her about his past and how it was her who inspired him to become a part planner. What happens next is ridiculous, now all of a sudden Pinkie and Cheese act like they are best friends and work together to throw Rainbow the most epic party ever. How dare they! The only pony who should get the most epic party ever is ME!

Ok, I'm thoroughly pissed with all of them now, yes even Pinkie. Yes in the end Cheese Sandwich gives Pinkie his dumb rubber chicken which will serve some purpose later on given that a rainbow shot across it but that is beside the point. I have decided to hand down the following punishments.

Twilight, Rarity, Fluttershy and Applejack will each receive 100 lashes and then spend six days on the moon for their disloyalty. Pinkie will be flogged for 10 minutes straight and then be locked in the dungeon for forfeiting that goof off and aiding one who I have deemed an enemy to Equestria. Rainbow Dash shall serve a sentence of six days in Tartarus for her crime of being a disloyal bitch.

Now for what will truly make Cheese Sandwich have such a horrible punishment. You know how he afforded all that party shit? Well he has taken out many, many loans under various aliases from The Royal Bank of Equestria and has defaulted on over 300,000 bits worth of loans. So for defaulting on all those loans and making Pinkie cry, Luna banished him to the sun for 1 million years. Hell she is even thinking of releasing some Saddle Arabian diplomats because being stuck with Cheese Sandwich is beyond cruel and unusual in her eyes.

Now if you will excuse me, since I banished my three hot element bearers to the moon for a few days, I have a threesome with Twinkleshine and Lemon Hearts tonight and I certainly don't want to be late!

Chapter 78: Simple Ways

Chapter 78: Simple Ways

Hello my subordinates, it is your overlord Princess Celestia again and since you have all been well behaved, well except for those punks in Fillydelphia and their bitching over me not coming to see them, I shall give you my synopsis of "Simple Ways."

Well, well, well, it looks like those hacks down in Ponyville are planning a festival. Boring! It is likely something that I would never find interesting, well unless it is an "Invite Princess Celestia to Ponyville so She can abduct the Hottest Mares and Bang Them" festival.

Come to find out it is the Ponyville Days festival where they celebrate the founding of Ponyville. Yeah it is exciting for them but it does not interest me in the slightest. Ok, it does a little because I like spying on them but I have no intentions on going to their lame festival.

It looks like they have to select somepony who will organize this and who are the judges? It appears to be Granny Smith and a couple of the other elderly ponies who were alive when it was founded. It looks like they have a rather diverse selection of ponies who may put it together. Personally I hope they select Derpy and I'm sure Twily wants them to pick that weird stallion that wears the telescope on his head but it turns out it will be neither one of them. Instead it will be Rarity. Now this will be worth watching because she'll likely have everypony wearing slutty outfits and turn it into some sort of disaster.

Upon announcing that she will be in charge everypony is cheering and suddenly acting like they want to eat her for lunch. They better not or I am going to force her to wear a sign that reads "property of Princess Celestia." Ugh and guess who is more than ready and willing to help Rarity? I swear, Spike must be an idiot if he thinks that will cause Rarity to take him to her sleeping chambers.

Well shit, Rarity has taken them in her boutique and I can't see what's happening so I do the typical invisibility and teleport spell and Rarity is making all these grandiose plans. So Rainbow and Pinkie will be hanging lights in the town square. Why Pinkie? Why not Fluttershy instead since she is a pegasus. Of course Applejack will get the farm ready for this and what Rarity asks of MY Twily and MY Fluttershy really pisses me off. She wants them to model her slutty outfits in the fashion show. If I wasn't trying to stay hidden, I would have slugged Rarity and hauled Twilight and Fluttershy up to my sleeping chambers to protect them from such an uncouth activity.

Now for something pathetic, Rarity is wanting everypony else to aid her so she can focus all her attention on making this festival special enough to impress this pony named Tenderhoof. Wait, she wants that narcissistic mare who thinks she is so hot but not me? Wait a minute, it isn't Tenderhoof, it is this travel writer of the lesser sex she wants. Ok, I'm going to have to punish her severely, again! When is she going to get it through her damn head that she is only to give her adoration to mares? Hell maybe I should ram my horn so far up in her the other end will come out of her mouth. Well I shall see how she behaves around him before I decide how severely to punish her.

Now everypony is leaving and rather than teleporting myself back to Canterlot, I'll just hide out in Ponyville. I am invisible after all so as long as I don't get wet watching Twilight and Fluttershy, I'll be fine. Over at the train station Rarity and Twilight are waiting for this Trenderhoof idiot to get there. Ugh, I saw those pictures of him in Rarity's place and gag me, he is uglier than a pile of shit. After what seems to be forever he finally arrives and Rarity is lost when she sees him. Give me a break Rarity, I don't get why you think he is so great. I'd rather have to hoof myself for all eternity than have to hook up with him, or any other member of the lesser sex for that matter.

Now Rarity is nervous and is hiding under my Twily's tail. How pathetic, here she is wanting to bang this idiot yet she doesn't even have the courage to go talk to him? Luckily my Twily forces her up there so she can take this hack to Ponyville and show him around.

Since I am down in Ponyville, I am watching this very closely. He better not try any funny business with her and she better not just jump on him and kiss him. If she does, I will banish her to the moon and find a new generous unicorn. Maybe Lyra would be a good substitute, she used to be in my school and always was generous with her friends.

Ok, enough about that, Rarity hasn't committed any crimes yet. So far her showing him around Ponyville has been rather boring. He doesn't seem overly interested and luckily he hasn't shown any interest in Rarity either. Maybe it is her hideous tail or he found out she wears false eyelashes. Everything seemed to be mundane until she takes him to Sweet Apple Acres.

I swear, for him being such a snobby pretty colt he seems fascinated with the farm. Unfortunately for a certain hard working earth pony the farm isn't the only thing he is interested in. He sees Applejack and suddenly thinks that they are fated lovers or something. Sorry pretty colt, but I don't think Applejack is going to be interested. Naturally this upsets Rarity and she is now devastated. Poor thing anyway, I'm still going to punish her but I'll make her feel better too.

Rarity heads back to her boutique hoping that I will show up and ease her pain but unfortunately Spike must be stalking her because he beats me there. Now this is sad, he finds Rarity in there crying at her stupid shrine she made for Trenderhoof. I would think Spike would know that she is never going to be interested in him and simply leave but oh no. He thinks that by being there for her she will want to screw him. Well that ain't happening.

Now Rarity is whining to Spike but what she says really pisses me off. "Oh Spike, how could you possibly know what it is like to be totally obsessed with somepony only to find out that they're obsessed with somepony else." WHAT A BITCH! She should know that Spike knows exactly how she feels. He has been obsessing over her from the moment he saw her and she has never seen him as anything more than a cute child. Kind of funny, back then I secretly cast a spell to create such a situation and even after all this time, it is still going strong! I'm not one bit sorry though, this has been so entertaining over the years and it will continue to be for years to come!

While poor Spike is listening to Rarity whine Applejack has an attachment that she just can't seem to rid herself of. Yep, Trenderhoof is now following her around like a puppy and is being as annoying as one of those stupid miniature dogs that some mares carry in their saddlebags. I honestly feel bad for Applejack. While I could easily fry such a problematic pony to death with my magic, she doesn't have that luxury. I could read her mind though, she wanted to kick him in the head so hard he would have a year long concussion but she resisted. If she would have done so and got charged with aggravated assault, I would have pardoned her anyway so she shouldn't have held back.

Get this, Rarity has it in her head that Trenderhoof has a thing for farm life so she makes herself a "country" outfit. Oh come on Rarity, that drugstore cowgirl outfit ain't going to sway the object of your affection. It is just as fancy as the rest of the shit that you make. Just give up on Trend, focus on the damn festival and let Applejack figure out what the best way is to get rid of this pest on her own.

Now Rarity's plans of impressing Trend have reached a new low. She is sitting on a plow expecting it to just start plowing the field. Doesn't that bitch know that you have to actually pull that thing. She could have at least went out and found Twilight. She could have taught her how to cast a come to life spell on the thing. When Applejack comes along and sees her doing that, she tells her to get her sorry ass off her plow (in the unedited version) and then proceeds to do this necessary chore.

Ugh, I seriously wonder about Trenderhoof. He acts like she is the sexiest thing in the world as she plows that field. Why doesn't he go find some other country pony to go and harass since Applejack has, on multiple occasions, made it clear that she is not interested in him.

Now for what is truly pathetic, Rarity thinks that by apple bucking that she will get Trend in bed. Once again Rarity, that ain't going to work and until you lose the drugstore cowgirl outfit, he ain't going to pay attention to you, especially since you can only buck ONE apple off a tree at a time. He is attracted to REAL country ponies, not some fashionista who is simply posing.

Well Applejack has more chores to do and thankfully for her, they are in the hen house. I can only imagine how much it must stink in that thing. It gets hot in there and that will only cause the chicken shit to smell worse. While she is doing this Rarity is once again hitting on Trend but what is funny is that he asks her if Applejack would want to go to the festival as his date. I almost feel sorry for Rarity, almost. Wait, what am I thinking, I don't feel sorry for her one bit.

Oh boy, now this should get interesting. Rarity is changing the theme of the festival from "Small Town Chic" to "Simple Ways." What the hell, she is actually wearing country pony clothes and sweet mother of Faust, her mane and tail look spectacular. They look so much better than that fancy style she usually has them in. I have decided that once in a while I might make her wear it that way when she comes to see me.

Now everypony thinks she is ridiculous for doing this but Applejack is coming up with a plan to put Rarity in her place. Now this ought to be funny but first Rarity has decided to torture the CMC and a couple other fillies. Ok, so now more means more. Good grief, that shit she put on Apple Bloom looks horrid, absolutely horrid. Now she wants the rest of them to make fools of themselves and dress the same way. What's this, we have another model. Rarity seems intrigued but I have a feeling as to who this "Apple Jewel" pony is.

It looks like I was right in thinking that it was actually Applejack. Now she is the fashionista dressing in style, I'm sure G3 Rainbow Dash would love it. Now Rarity is all grumpy but I have no plans on making her feel better just so you know. Oh boy, now those two have decided to start fighting over their style and who is truly the better representation of what they are dressed like.

Come on Rarity, you look good with your mane and tail like that but quit trying to act like you're a country pony. What I find the funniest though is when she jumps in the mud. Now Rarity must be overly desperate. Normally she wouldn't even touch mud unless it is that shit she likes to smear all over her face.

It looks like the real Rarity is coming to the surface given that she is concerned about getting shit on Applejack's dress but what is the funniest is when she discovers that it was HER dress that Applejack was wearing. Now there is the Rarity we all know and love. I prefer her regular personality but her new mane style is much better. If she would just lose the overalls she would be incredibly hot! She would be so hot I would reverse the invisibility spell, scoop her up and take her to my shower and then my sleeping chambers.

While they were reversing roles it looks like Trend has a new look too. Oh no, he's moving to Ponyville so he can continue to stalk Applejack. If this goes much further I am going to have to intervene and banish him to Tartarus for stalking. Poor Applejack can't bring herself to tell him to go fuck himself so Rarity in a much more polite way lets him know that Applejack simply doesn't find him appealing. Well he finally realizes this and cancels his plans to relocate.

Now the festival has started and everything is as boring and lame as I figured it would be. Rarity decided to go with "Small Town Chic" and it was basically the local townsponies dressing like snobs although I think a few Canterlot ponies showed up because Fine Line was there and she is no Ponville native.

One bit of good news though, Rarity decided to have the filly illuminati model dresses instead of Fluttershy and Twilight. There is a reason for that. They were readying themselves for the hot night that I had planned for us. Just as soon as I finish spying on this that will happen.

One final thing before I leave. Applejack must like Trend just a little bit because he invited Granny Smith to dance and she looked jealous as hell and here I thought she had no interest in him at all. Well I'm sure that once he skips town she'll forget all about him and focus on her work. Now regarding Rarity and her crime of showing adoration to a stallion. I would punish her tonight but I have other plans so her punishment can wait until tomorrow night. I can guarantee you one thing, she will be screaming in pain so bad she will keep the whole town awake.

Now be gone with you, your sexy Sun Goddess has a lovely yellow pegasus and a sexy lavender Alicorn to have some fun with and I certainly don't want to keep them waiting.

Chapter 79: Filli Vanilli

Chapter 79: Filli Vanilli

Hello, it is me, your beloved Sun Goddess again! You all have been good little serfs here lately so I shall give you my synopsis of "Filli Vanilli."

It is another peaceful morning in Ponyville and Fluttershy is waking up. Well once again she proves that she cares way too much about those dumb animals and not nearly enough about me. Well I have a feeling that something good is about to happen so I shall have my morning cake delivered to me. Besides, spying on Fluttershy always makes me feel so good, and often times, wet.

Yes, she is starting to sing! I have always loved her singing and when she flies around and sings, it is even better. Oh my, she has put flowers in her mane. I suddenly feel weak in the knees and my heart has skipped a beat. She is so lovely, she is so wonderful, she is so sexy, she is so perfect. I honestly think I could give up my harem and marry Fluttershy right now. We could spend our nights having fun and then she could serenade me to sle...."

*THUD*

Oh no, our sister hast fainted because of Fluttershy. Well we shall continue the commentary of this episode until she wakes up. Well everything seemed perfectly fine for Fluttershy until her friends show up. Suddenly she stops singing and shrinks back. We will be honest, we feel sorry for her being so shy. Well we know what that is like, sort of anyway.

Alright, moving on. Now Fluttershy's friends are complementing her on her beautiful voice. That is all and good until Rarity suggests she join the Ponytones and to make matters worse, Pinkie terrifies her by telling her how ponies would turn on her if she messed up. We find her actions most heartless, see if we visit Sugarcube Corner anytime soon!

Finally Rarity realizes that Fluttershy has no desire to perform and they stop bugging her about it. Now they have headed to the site of the fund raiser to help the animals. The Ponytones are practicing and we must say, they do sound spectacular! No wonder they have such a big following down there. We wonder if they would be willing to come up to Canterlot and put on a show, we know they would be most popular.

The practice goes fine and the next day arrives but our sister is STILL asleep! Fluttershy must have had a real impact on her....don't ask us about her dreams though. While she claims that she sees Fluttershy as lovely and perfect, her dreams express her true desires and they certainly aren't foal friendly!

Now Rarity tells them to rest their voices but that does not happen. One of them simply doesn't know how to listen. You see, Sweet Apple Acres was holding this turkey call contest. While we weren't sure if we should do it or not, we decided to leave our slumbering sister home and went to it because it sounded fun. We went, competed and guess what? Thy Princess of the Night won! She defeated the six time champion! We are sure when she finally wakes that our sister will be most proud.

The next day arrives and Big Mac can't sing because he lost his voice. That is bad enough but the writers make it look as though Pinkie won the turkey call contest, not us! Now we are most unhappy, perhaps somewriter needs to be banished to the sun for a few years. Enough about that though, now it appears as though the Ponytones won't be able to perform that night until Fluttershy suggests a remedy for Big Mac's voice.

Now we must use tactics that our sister uses since Rarity, Fluttershy and Big Mac all go to Zecora's hut. We do the invisibility and teleportation spell and discover that Zecora can't heal Big Mac in time for the performance and now Fluttershy must drink the poison joke tonic to have a deep voice. Perhaps it is best that our sister is still in a deep slumber, we all remember how she found her voice most unpleasant after their unfortunate encounter with that blue plant so long ago.

Now Fluttershy's time to sing has come. She hides behind the curtain while Big Mac is on stage moving his lips. It reminds us of some human pop group from Lyra's human books, Milli Vanilli was their name. The performance goes perfectly fine and all the animals got good homes. We figured that Fluttershy would be able to bathe in the antidote and sound like herself again but some filly wants the Ponytones to sing at her cute-ceañera the next day. Great, just great. Now we must hope our sister remains in her slumber so she doesn't hear Fluttershy sounding like a stallion.

Luckily she does and that filly's party goes fine but now the mayor wants them to sing the next day. Why can't Big Mac's voice get better? Our sister will wake up eventually! Performance after performance and day after day passes and they continue to get more requests until one night arrives and things don't seem right. They began to sing like always but Fluttershy seems to have either forgotten the words or has gotten too excited. She is flying around behind the curtain and shoves Big Mac forward. In her joy of singing she knocks the curtain down and now everypony knows it was her singing! They cheered for her but we knew deep down that they found Fluttershy sounding like a stallion a bit disturbing. We do feel bad for Big Mac though, now Applejack is most angry with him because he was still letting Fluttershy sing for him despite his own voice being fine.

Fluttershy flies home, bathes in the antidote and now sounds like herself again. However, we still hope that our sister remains in a slumber until this blows over because if she found out that she drank poison joke, Fluttershy could be in trouble and you know our sister's methods of punishing ponies, well mares she is attracted to anyway, are most unconventional.

Fluttershy's friends find her at home and try to comfort her, well except for Pinkie who continues to be ridiculous and does nothing to help. Poor Fluttershy speeds away from her friends but eventually they catch her and tell her that she sounded good, except for Pinkie (again). Now Fluttershy will never sing in front of anypony ever again. We don't blame her though, after what she went through, we would not wish to do so either.

Finally though, they are able to convince Fluttershy to join the Ponytones and they have a performance for their friends and the animals, with Fluttershy as the lead singer. That is understandable though given that her voice is the most soothing on the ears. We are happy for her though we do hope she gets to where she will want to sing in front of other ponies.

Now not only is she writing what she learned in their journal, but our sister is finally waking from her slumber. Oh no, we can not allow her to see this because Fluttershy is singing to herself. We can't allow her to faint again because foreign diplomats do not like dealing with us and we have a summit coming up!

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Well Fluttershy has headed home and our sister comes to the window to spy on Ponyville thinking the episode is still going on.

"So Little Sister, what did I miss?"

"Big Sister, thou missed the whole thing but don't worry, thou didst not miss anything important."

"Oh, what happened?"

"Fluttershy had her pet center fundraiser and it went fine."

She then saw our medal from the turkey call and asked, "Luna, where did you get that from?"

"We got it at the Sweet Apple Acres turkey call competition! We defeated Big Mac who was the six time champion."

"Oh, so other than you winning a turkey call competition it was a rather boring episode? So I didn't miss anything?"

"No big sister, thou didst not miss anything."

After that we headed to breakfast and thy Princess of the Night can breathe a sigh of relief. Now we just have to hope that Twilight and her friends do not bring this up to her. Our sister would be most angry if she found out that we lied about what happened. Do not worry though, our sister shall return to do the next episode, well unless Fluttershy makes her faint again.

On a side note, our sister was still most tired so we had to deal with all the diplomats at that unpleasant summit. Thou will be most proud of us though, despite the governor of Saddle Arabia calling us "Moonbutt" we were able to contain our anger and did not banish him to the sun! We did however seize all the money they received in taxes. Perhaps they will vote him out of office for being so disrespectful to thy Princess of the Night.

Chapter 80: Twilight Time

Chapter 80: Twilight Time

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and do I have a treat for you. You have all been good little subordinates and worshiped me as you should so I shall give you my synopsis of "Twilight Time." Don't worry, Fluttershy doesn't show up in this episode so I won't be fainting on you.

It's another day in Ponyville and Twilight has started something new. She has decided to help the filly illuminati in their fruitless quest in getting their cutie marks. Yes I think it is good that she is teaching them new skills so they won't be living off the system but seriously, they aren't going to get their cutie marks this way. Oh well, the more she distracts them is less time that they will be making plans on trying to overthrow me.

Well shit, I can't see what is going on so I do the typical invisibility and teleport spell and it looks like Scootaloo is trying to become a mechanic, which didn't get her a cutie mark when they made that float for the summer harvest festival. It also looks like Apple Bloom is trying to learn how to grow plants with potions and apparently Twilight is training Sweetie Belle to be her custodian since Spike will likely defect and decide to bug Applejack again or clean up Rarity's bloody tampons, which I'm sure he wants to do so badly.

Well the three fail in their lessons, again. Big surprise there, right? Oh well, once the girls left to do whatever moronic thing they do when they're not pursuing cutie marks I can have some fun. Luckily for both me and Twilight, since Spike was cleaning Rarity's wannabe lingerie shop, that is exactly what happened. I had a very tasty lavender gem and she had some white cake which she loves so much. Damn I love our private time together, it helps me unwind after dealing with boring princess business all day long.

Now it is the next day and the girls are at recess instead of being inside studying, well that was the case with all of the fillies and colts so guess who's going to get punished tonight? That's right, Cheerilee! Well she likes it rough and we haven't defiled Diamond Bitch's desk in a while so tonight will be quite fun.

Speaking of Diamond Bitch, she is bragging about some worthless routine she has come up with but guess what? The little skank is too tired to do it so she makes her family's butler do it instead. Poor guy, he already has to clean their place up and now he has to cover for that bitch here too? Well he covers for her and of course she still gets all the credit for it, well from most of her class anyway. Only the CMC don't think she is so great. Despite them being a constant threat to my being in power, I will admit that they are smarter than the rest of their class.

Well shit, Sweetie Belle has to go and ruin that thought when she boasts about how they hang out with my sexy Twily all the time, or at least once a week. Now Diamond Bitch and Silver Slut want in on the fun and since Twilight Time is that afternoon, time to do the invisibility and teleport spell again. Yeah I know I should try something different every now and then but this method is effective.

Ok they go into the library and of course I'm there with nopony knowing about it. The girls show how they're doing in their skills but given their closeness, Twilight wanted the rich snobs to show off some skills of their own. Unfortunately the animators had to leave that out because I don't think Hasbro would have taken kindly to showing a couple fillies eating one another. I however did see it and I think I might be traumatized for life....well shit, that is forever in my case. There are somethings that can simply not be unseen. I guess that's what I get for my excessive espionage.

The next day arrives and all of a sudden, because of the rich sluts, the CMC are the big shots at school since they are everypony's ticket to see my sexy Twily. What is worse, Diamond Bitch and Silver Slut have become the only way to talk to the CMC about getting time with Twilight. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo seem unsure about this but I'm beginning to think that Sweetie Belle is becoming an attention whore since she thinks it is so wonderful that everypony wants to be their friend now. I just hope that the rich fillies don't start demanding special favors from those three for what they are doing. Thing is though, I could see Sweetie giving them the favors and enjoying it.

Now it is meal time and the CMC have invited Twilight to the local diner for lunch. Wait a minute, how could those girls afford to take Twilight out for lunch. I would soon find out though, Twilight pulled out the government credit card and paid for it. I think I will punish her tonight. I will bring her up here, hog tie her to my bed and leave her alone with a former student of mine, Colgate. Colgate has rather sadistic desires when it comes to bedroom activities which you will all eventually find out about.

Wow, I guess Twilight is a bit more like me than I thought. During her meal, she was gorging herself on hayburgers like I do with my cake. Many ponies would find watching her stuff her face like that as unappealing but that is not the case with me. Hell it got me really hot and bothered and unfortunately, wet. What is the worst though is Luna had gotten up and could smell it. Yeah she told me to go wash off but hey, I'm not going to go wash off if I don't want to, I am the primary princess after all.

Now all of a sudden the CMC's whole class is out there taking pictures of my Twily. How dare they! If I find even one picture of her stuffing her face anywhere, the filly illuminati will no longer have any classmates. Perhaps that would be for the best though since two of them are idiots, two of them are rich skanks that will one day be prostitutes and the others aren't all that bright either.

Twilight finally catches them and goes outside to see what they are doing. Now my Twily is surrounded and is giving out autographs, for free. What the hell? Now I am beginning to wonder if Twilight isn't becoming a narcissistic bitch just like Rainbow Crash. That does remind me of something she would do. What is even worse is that Twilight tells those whiny brats that she is only at that diner because the CMC were there. Now everypony thinks that anywhere those girls are, that there is a chance that Twilight will show up. Now their classmates want them going to all their events and are doing all sorts of favors for them. Let's just hope that they don't demand favors in return eventually.

After the girls go to a boring lemonade party, the slutty rich fillies have now invited them to Diamond Bitch's house. Great, just great. Now they will be forced to give them special favors for what they have done for them, well Sweetie Belle anyway. My sister has visited the dreams of Diamond Bitch and Silver Slut and both have dreamed of having a threesome with Sweetie in the Rich family's living room. She has yet to visit any of Sweetie's dreams so who knows with her.

Luckily nothing happened at Diamond's house but now it is time to leave as it is Twilight Time. Unfortunately for them, Diamond Bitch gets mad because they hadn't asked Twilight if they could bring them along. Those girls rush off towards the library but sadly for them, they would be greeted by a couple moronic colts, not the dumb unicorns but two other ones along with the rest of their class. Diamond orders the colts to knock on the door and Twilight answers. Now that little bitch thinks my Twily will be upset but luckily she wasn't so into the library goes the whole class. Well shit, it is time for the teleport and invisibility spell, again.

So I hid up in Twily's bedroom but looked down to see all the action. Of course Twily is getting things organized just like any good little slave of mine would. Next up she asked Pip what he wants to do. So he wants to be a cutie mark crusader. Well shit, now there could be a colt member of the filly illuminati too. If that happens, I will just have to make them all disappear without a trace. Luckily for me, that does not happen. Instead he exposes the filly illuminati for taking advantage of their friendship with Twilight to gain fame in their school.

Now Twilight is upset which is good because she will need me to come and make her feel all better after this fiasco. Now the CMC must prove that they actually are there to learn by showing off their skills. That is all good except for the fact that they forgot their stuff so they have to make due with what Twily has. Guess what, they all fail and it looks like Twilight Time is over as Twilight runs all those little brats out of the library, well until the CMC apologize to her and suddenly show off that they can do their special skills.

Oh great, just great. I'm getting weak in the knees because Sweetie Belle has put a flower in Twilight's mane. Ok Celestia, just breathe and hope that your little slave doesn't start flying around and singing like Fluttershy. Luckily for me she doesn't do that and luckily for the CMC, Twilight forgives them. Would I have forgiven them? Not just no, but hell no. I would have banished them to the moon until they were needed for another episode and fined their sisters a few hundred bits for their sisters taking advantage of me. Yes I am counting Rainbow as Scootaloo's sister even though chances are she isn't.

Things must be fine now because Twilight is letting them do a journal entry in that book of theirs. Well that is good and what is even better now is that the CMC are leaving the library. Now I shall make myself known once Twilight closes the door and sexy times shall ensue. I'm thinking we should grab Cheerilee and the three of us could go and defile Diamond Bitch's desk. Hell just for the fun of it, we'll do the same to Silver Slut's too.

Now be gone with all of you, my sexy lavender slave, the hot schoolteacher and myself have a couple of desks to defile. I'm sure Cherilee will find it hilarious when those rich bitches sit down in wet seats! Their parents are going to think they have been naughty little fillies and hopefully ground them until they're 18.

Chapter 81: It Ain't Easy Being Breezies

Chapter 81: It Ain't Easy Being Breezies

Hello everypony, it is your beloved Princess Celestia, the sexiest, most powerful and smartest ruler Equestria has ever had. Now you've been disappointing me a bit here lately but I'll still give you my synopsis of "It Ain't Easy Being Breezies."

It's another lovely day in Ponyville and the oh so lovely Fluttershy is out talking with her friends about something. I'm not quite sure what it is yet but I'll find out soon enough. Wait a minute, she is telling her friends that the breezies are coming through Ponyville and that they have to learn how to cheer quietly. For starters, this once again proves that she cares way too much about some small life form and not nearly enough about me.

Ok, enough about how she doesn't care about me, for now anyway. So there she is telling her friends to basically whisper cheer for these damn things as they pass through Ponyville. I have something to tell you Flutters, they flew through Canterlot too and were met with absolutely no fanfare. Luna was asleep, I was doing boring princess shit and all the other ponies here merely thought it was a small swarm of fruit flies so nopony cared. If Ponyville were like that, your lives would be much easier and you could be cleaning your cottage for when I come down there tonight.

Fast forward a couple hours and a whole damn festival has been set up for them. With the way it looks you'd think that both my sister and I were coming down there with the amount of cake and fritters that they had. Now here comes Rarity in a sparkly purple gown of some sort that the sun is really reflecting off of. It was shining so brightly that I thought it was going to damage my eyes, much less those dumb critters that Fluttershy cares way too much about. Luckily for Fluttershy, Rarity removes it but is still glowing white! How dare she, she never glows for me. I think I will punish her severely for this. Hmmm...maybe I can punish two mares at once tonight.

Well Rarity stops glowing and Twilight begins to try and give a speech. Oh that poor thing must be so frustrated. She always does try to give speeches when she needs some so make that three mares I'll punish tonight, all at once! Luckily for her voice the damn things arrive ahead of schedule and the whole damn town is staring at them like they are the most wonderful thing in the world. What makes things the worst is that Spike is bound and determined to get a birds' eye view of the things so after failing to get on Pinkie's back he climbs a tree to see them.

There he is standing on a limb acting like a little kid jumping up and down right as they passed by. I was thinking of sending Twilight a message at that moment but then I realized that would kill a bunch of breezies and it ain't their fault some ponies are idiots and waste a day of productivity to watch them. Unfortunately for those things, Spike knocks a leaf loose and that separates some of them from the others. Now we have Fluttershy going into panic mode, extreme panic mode.

Now we have Rainbow, Thundelane and the hot little Flitter trying to get the breeze just right to help the separated group catch up with the others. I just realized something, Flitter is rather sexy with that bow in her mane so guess who's getting added to the list of mares who MUST please me every now and then so make that four mares for tonight! I'll just haul them all up here since nowhere in Ponyville has room for all of us.

Unfortunately for the breezies their attempt failed and now there are probably over a dozen of these things left over and of course my Fluttershy saves them and even worse, she takes them into her cottage. Great, just great. If she keeps those things around for too long, especially if it ends up being after the portal to their homeland closes, forcing her to make me happy will be almost impossible. Well we shall see what happens.

What seems to be forever passes and Applejack along with MY Twily go over to see if those things are ready to go and of course Fluttershy says they are not. I have some advice, just have the damn things climb in your mane, have the smart one tell you what direction to go and then you could easily get them home. Hell, you'd probably even beat the other group back home but oh no, that makes way too much sense and in the eyes of Fluttershy, that would be abandoning them to the cruel world. Guess what Flutters, they're going to be going home, not to Tartarus so just throw the damn things out already!

I swear, she is doing way too much for them. She is treating them like they are special little snowflakes who will cry and whine if they don't get their own way. Wait a minute, with the exception of Sea Breeze, that is the case. They fake illnesses, pretend to be cold, pretend to have panic attacks and do whatever else it takes to continue to take advantage of Fluttershy. I know she's the element of kindness but come on! Can't she show me a bit of kindness and send these things packing.

Finally one of the breezies is fed up and has decided he will face the winds alone, Sea Breeze. Yeah is an arrogant, demanding little bastard but he is thinking with his head. Well he heads out and discovers that his endeavor is going to be far more difficult than he imagined. Acorns nearly crush him and then the wind carries him straight into a beehive. Oh shit, now the bees are pissed and are likely going to sting him to death. Do I feel sorry for him, a little but it is part of the circle of life so I won't intervene. Luckily for him, Fluttershy discovered that he was missing and finds him before this tragic event could happen.

Once she found him he had a bunch of angry bees ready to kill him but when she started talking to the damn things, they obviously weren't listening. At first she tried to tell them that Sea Breeze was sorry and the fuckers were still readying themselves to attack. Next up she dresses in a bee costume that suddenly showed up out of nowhere and that didn't work either so she had to be firm with them. Now in the unedited version she called them all pieces of shit and said they need to go fuck themselves but of course that wouldn't be fit for a kids' show.

Once she saved Sea Breeze she took him back to her cottage and finally told those breezies that they better get going or they'll never get home and that would really suck. I'm sure they have families that would worry them and that would make Fluttershy unavailable for a whole year and chances are she will have to help save Equestria from some super villain and of course you know how I am when I don't get my Flutters!

Now the time has come to get those things on their way home but "Ponyville, we have a problem!" There aren't enough breezies to hold the breeze together. Now my sexy Twily comes up with an idea, she will turn herself along with her friends into breezies to help get those things home. Good news, it actually works and they can keep the breeze together. Bad news, it looks like it will just be me and Flitter tonight. Oh well, I figure breaking her in would be best done if we are alone.

Now Fluttershy is leading those breezies toward the portal to their homeland and holy shit they go through a lot of different landscapes, snow, desert and temperate zones. Where the hell is this thing located anyway? I can't think of any place that you would go through such areas to get anywhere. It takes them quite a while and yes I did have to have one of the guard ponies tell me some of what was going on since I was having my Flitter time but they eventually get to that opening and once they cross into their homeland I can't see anything! Even worse I can't teleport there so I'll just have to assume everything went fine since they did come back out unscathed.

Now that they are back in Equestria they have a hell of a long trip back home, a trip that is going to take quite a while. This is frustrating because I am really needy and was hoping that Twily and Fluttershy would be back to have some fun. Oh well, I'll keep Flitter with me and make Twinkleshine join us.

Oh and memo to Rainbow: Twilight isn't going to turn you into a dragon or a griffon. If she ever did I would banish her to my sleeping chambers for the next hundred years.

Now be gone with all of you, I have a hot pegasus with a bow and a lovely white unicorn to have some fun with.

Chapter 82: Somepony to Watch Over Me

Chapter 82: Somepony to Watch Over Me

Hello everypony, it is your Supreme Overlord Celestia again and do I have a surprise for you! You've all paid your taxes, you haven't badmouthed me and I was named "Pony of the Year" by this human magazine known as Time! Because of all this, I shall share with you my synopsis of "Somepony to Watch Over Me."

It is early morning and I can sense that something is going on at Sweet Apple Acres but there is one problem, I can't see what's going on in their house! I have to give you my synopsis so I will do my usual invisibility and teleport spell so I can see and hear everything. Ok, now for what is going on. Some sort of meeting is going on between Applejack, Big Mac and Granny Smith while the Filly Illuminati are out waiting. Now what could be going on? Hopefully they are discussing a way in which they can get those girls no know not to try to overthrow the government.

Well unfortunately that's not it but instead it sounds like they are going to leave Apple Bloom home alone while they go out and make pie deliveries. What, are they nuts? They're going to just leave her alone so she and her friends can make evil plans like all other secret societies do? Oh thank goodness, she has to do the chores so that will keep her occupied for a while, disaster averted! I just love the girls' reaction to the news that they're leaving Apple Bloom home alone. Yeah they're excited but they manage to keep their composure. This should be an interesting day so I think I'll just hang around the farm today. Don't tell Luna though, you know how she gets when I come down here without her.

Alright, now they are getting ready to leave town and while Big Mac and Granny seem perfectly confident that Apple Bloom can do this, Applejack does not. I know she loves her little sister but come on, she will be fine. Look at Scootaloo, she is always roaming around free. Hell I don't even know who here parents are and despite always monitoring everything, I wonder if she even has a home. For all I know she could either be an orphan who lives in the Everfree Forest or just sleeps in a different place every night. I swear, one of these days I'm going to find out. I do not like seeing such a young filly being alone like that all the time.

Well it looks like the adult Apples are leaving and now I must make a decision. Do I stay here and keep an eye on Apple Bloom or do I follow Applejack? I have a feeling I better stay here in the event that she finishes her chores early. I certainly don't want her calling her friends over to plot a coup attempt. If she does, I don't care what anypony thinks, they're going to Tartarus.

Well everything seems to be going along normally, Apple Bloom is doing her chores like a good filly and I'm guessing the other two are out doing something stupid to try and get their cutie marks. Now Apple Bloom has her chores done and she can make all the decisions! Why is it that I have a feeling that this will wind up in some sort of disaster. Good grief filly, you want to stand on the table and talk to yourself? Yeah I think it is stupid but at least she isn't plotting to overthrow me.

What the hay? Applejack has come back and Apple Bloom trips and knocks the table over! Now Applejack has realized that leaving her sister home alone was likely a mistake. Now Applejack has realized this and despite needing to make a pie delivery, she will stay at home, make sure her little sister doesn't do anything else stupid and I have a feeling that plenty of funny moments will ensue. It is just a matter of me not making so much noise laughing I give away my presence.

It is time for more chores but what Applejack has done will make the first one impossible. Seriously Applejack, a pillow on the end of a rake? Sorry but that isn't going to help in getting anything done, well except piss off Apple Bloom. Now comes the helmet and apple bucking. Good grief, nets in the trees and yet another helmet on Apple Bloom? Now the next moment is an epic screw up on the part of the writers. Apple Bloom is pushing this miniature wheel barrow full of apples but suddenly the damn thing has training wheels? I know Applejack can get things done in a hurry but how would she do it without being seen? To do that it would require magic and I certainly didn't do it nor did anypony else, well that I know of anyway.

Apple Bloom has had it, she is sick of Applejack babying her but things are only going to get worse. Somehow she has managed to baby proof everything in the house. When did she have the time to do this? Ok, I know this is a cartoon so anything can happen but seriously, I think this is going a bit excessive and now Apple Bloom has two helmets. You all know I respect Applejack the most out of the element bearers but I think she is going way too far here. I don't blame Apple Bloom for being pissed, I would be too had Mother ever done that to me.

Poor poor Apple Bloom, now she has been put in a crib and her friends are over to console her. Yes I'm not thrilled that those three are being left alone together but at least with Apple Bloom in a crib, she can't take part in a bloody coup, Applejack will see to that. Now here they are scheming, scheming on a way to make Applejack see that her little sister isn't a baby who must be coddled at all times. Personally I hope it fails so that the secret society will collapse. Hey, if one of them is basically imprisoned by her older sister, she can't aid in its evil causes.

Now for the plan, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo are going to put on bows and try to make it look like Apple Bloom is back in her crib while she makes that pie delivery. Oh great, now I'm going to have to make a decision again. Do I hang around here to see what happens or do I follow Apple Bloom? Wait, I got it! I'll hang around here until Applejack freaks out and then teleport myself out to Apple Bloom when the time is right.

Ok, Apple Bloom has headed off to make her delivery and Applejack is checking on "Apple Bloom" constantly, seeing if she wants something. Applejack, she isn't answering you so she is obviously asleep, or at least pretending to be. Ugh, waiting around in this dark bedroom is so boring. Ooh, I better be quiet, here comes Applejack!

Ok, get this, there she is standing over the crib while Sweetie Belle sleeps. I would think she would notice that Sweetie Belle is in the crib but in that low of light, that isn't the case. Yep Applejack, you're right. You don't need to baby your little sister the way you are. Real smart Scootaloo, Applejack says this then you yell how happy your friend would be to hear that? Now Applejack discovers that Apple Bloom isn't there and is having an epic freak out and discovers that her sister headed out to make the pie delivery. Now it is time for me to go and follow Apple Bloom! Hey, you need to know what she's doing too.

Alright, the path to this place the pies are being delivered to is incredibly dangerous. I don't know why Applejack would take a path like this. Ok, so it is likely the quickest route but I don't think saving a few minutes is worth putting up with flame geysers. Now one has incinerated the map but that is going to be the least of Apple Bloom's problems as something really bad is coming after her.

What the hell is that thing? A head of a tiger, a head of a goat and a literal snake tail? You know, I feel incredibly stupid not knowing what kind of creatures reside within my realm. This is almost as bad as me not knowing about the hydra but hey, at least this thing isn't so big that not missing it would be impossible. Now for what is interesting, each head on this thing can speak and from the way it sounds, it sounds like the tiger is a male while the snake and the goat are females. Yet the way those heads talk, it sounds like all three of them are female.

Ok, so this thing apparently likes apple pie. Ok, so Apple Bloom should be able to escape. She can just give it a few pies to satisfy its appetite and go on her way but oh no, that would make way too much sense. She has decided that she is going to try to be a big shot and get through the swamp without feeding this thing. This is proof that she isn't very bright. If I were in her situation, I would have swallowed my pride and gave it a couple so it wouldn't want to eat me.

The thing pounces and misses Apple Bloom but I don't see her getting far and naturally she doesn't! She slips out of the harness she used to pull that cart and now it looks like she is going to be monster food. Poor Apple Bloom and poor Applejack. I know it is going to take a great amount of consoling to make the Apple Family feel better and chances are that Luna will be the only one that will be able to help them heal from this. Chances are though that they won't be using this route for any future deliveries either.

Just as it looks like Apple Bloom is going to get eaten, Applejack comes to the rescue. I knew she would eventually come out looking for her but for just a moment I honestly thought Apple Bloom was going to die. Would I have intervened though? While I may talk like I would have just let her die to end the Filly Illuminati, yes I would have saved her. Back to Applejack's arrival though, I have a feeling she has dealt with this thing before because she knew exactly how to handle it.

Now I know why she was asking Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo if she wore flame proof boots, took a snake charming flute, brought a lion tamer's chair and brought a hunk of ricotta because apparently that thing, well the goat head anyway, likes it. You see Applejack, your sister actually got the pies this far and didn't fall prey to that monster so you don't have to baby her.

Well they finally get the pies delivered to this extremely remote town, a town that I didn't even know existed. While I am still invisible, I decided to snoop around with nopony noticing. Somehow a community has managed to exist in Equestria for ages without me knowing about it. It seems like they have almost no contact with the outside world, well with the exception of the Apples. Now I wonder how the hell they paid them because it looks like they don't use currency out here. Well as it turns out one of those ponies makes a great salt water casserole that the Apples really like.

Now this is very upsetting because these ponies get away without paying any taxes and sadly, I can't force them to pay any! I can't force them to because they don't use money. Their transaction with the Apples is using the ancient barter system, the system that was used in a long forgotten era that existed prior to the arrival of my sister and I. Am I going to force them to join the modern world? No, I will not. I will just let them continue to live in this commune style. As long as they aren't causing any problems or engaging in monetary transactions, everything will be fine.

Now I must be returning home. I am extremely hungry and I'm sure Luna is wondering where I am. Oh, I just realized something. This is probably the only kid friendly synopsis I've ever done because not only did my mind not wander into the gutter, I didn't swear or call anypony any bad names, not even once! You should be quite proud of me for being so well behaved this time! Don't worry though, come next time I'll be back to my normal self!

Chapter 89: Equestria Games

Chapter 89: Equestria Games

Hello everypony, it is your Sexy Sun Goddess again and I have a treat for you! Yeah I'm not overly thrilled with your behavior and the fact that only half you have paid your taxes pisses me off but I'm in a good mood so I shall share with you my synopsis of "Equestria Games."

Ah yes, that time of year has arrived again, time for the Equestria Games and all the delegations are headed to this year's host city, the Crystal Empire. I'll admit, while I do enjoy watching the games, I would much rather be hosting my own Equestria Games in my sleeping chambers. You know, I might consider that! Find the hottest mares from each community and have tons and tons of fun!

Ok, enough about me and my sudden desire to host my own Equestria Games, I have an episode to give my synopsis of. Like I said before, the delegations are heading to the Crystal Empire and it looks like Rainbow has the Ponyville delegation working out on the way there. What a bitch. Doesn't she know what could happen if the train was to have to stop in a hurry? Doesn't she remember what happened when they were doing their dumb routine to get Ms. Harshwhinny in bed....I mean get her to give the games to the Empire? Oh well, at least nopony got hurt by the time they got here.

Alright Rainbow, yes you have a great delegation but don't get cocky. I don't see everypony winning medals, although Fluttershy could easily win the gold in my own games while Twily would take silver and Rarity could win bronze. Come on Tia, I said I wasn't going to go on and on about my own games. Back to business now, Rainbow is already conceding her chances of winning the gold because her relay team is going up against the Wonderbolts. I'm not exactly counting on them winning given how slow Bulk Biceps is but I guess we'll see. Perhaps if we put a key to Spitfire's bedroom at the finish line it will prompt Rainbow to break the sound barrier so they can get the gold. You all know how much she loves her.

Well it looks like the relay team aren't the only ones with no chance at gold, the filly illuminati don't either. Well no shit Scootaloo, you're carrying the flag for Ponyville and Crashie is right, there are no winners. Tell you what Scoots, I'll take some tin foil, shape it into a medal, spray paint it gold and then you can have your participation medal....NOT! Sorry Scoots but this isn't like the human world in Lyra's comic books! We don't do participation medals in Equestria, you want a medal, you earn it!

Now that the delegation is here they can get their crap together and head to the stadium. That also means that my sexy lavender princess can come to the crystal palace to see me! Unfortunately though, Spike has learned that the crystal ponies think his shit doesn't stink. Why is that? It is because he saved the Empire from Sombra. Well so did Cadence and Shining Armor. Had Shining not thrown his wife like a football she would have never grabbed the heart, Sombra would have ate it and Spike would have gone splat so I think them building a huge crystal statue of him was very unnecessary, not to mention extremely wasteful.

What makes matters worse is that they are now feeding the little bastard gems like they're going out of style. How could these crystal ponies be so dumb? Hell it was ME who sent Twilight and her friends up there in the first place so if they should be giving anypony gems, it should be ME, well the sexier gems anyway!

Oh boy, now I have a feeling that a complete disaster is about to unfold. Get this, Cadence wants Spike to light the torch to start off the games. How dare she, I am the one who was supposed to do that! I think I am going to punish her severely for this, well that and punish Twilight for bringing him up here to start with. Oh well, I guess that's what I get for allowing any common hack to come to the games. If Canterlot ever gets the games, I'll make my own rules, rules that will make sure that I light the torch, can have my way with any hot mare I want and keep any lowly scum out that I don't want there.

Speaking of lighting the torch, the opening ceremonies opened as they normally would. The flag carriers did their routine, the delegations came into the stadium and of course, Spike headed up to light the torch. Well I was expecting this to go according to plan, a bit boring and uneventful, until the torch wasn't getting lit. I looked over to my right and saw Twilight beginning to panic as she realized that her scroll hacking pet was going to fail. Cadence and Luna too were concerned but I couldn't help but smile as I always like a bit of drama added to things.

After what seemed to be forever and Ms. Harshwhinny pissing herself Spike finally lit the torch but I saw something out of the corner of my eye. Twilight's horn was glowing which can mean only one thing, she cast a spell to do it for him. Oh she's going to pay now! It was supposed to be Spike the scroll-hacking dragon who lit it, not my sexy Twily. I'll tell you this, I'm thinking I might hog tie her, give Twinkleshine a whip and some chains and let her punish Twilight in any way she sees fit. She secretly resents her and I know it so perhaps that will make her be less resentful.

Back to the episode, not only did Twilight light the torch for Spike, she has no added fuel to his already overblown ego. Get this, after the ceremony he is stopped by a couple of crystal ponies who beg for his autograph. What a bunch of idiots, why would they want his autograph when the only autograph that is worth anything in this country is mine? Well ok, Luna's is valuable too but we all know mine is the best! Now for what is pathetic, Spike actually thinks he can light fire with his mind and tries to set fire to the autographed picture by just looking at it.

I'm going to tell you all something, Twilight better beat it into that idiot's head that he can't become an arsonist just by looking at something. If she doesn't, I will. Yeah he saves the day at times but as we all know I'm the one who normally saves things while he is just bungles his way through things and somehow gets lucky and makes things go alright. Unfortunately for him, he'll never get lucky when it comes to Rarity since I made sure of that on day one!

Luckily Twilight tells Spike that he is a fucking idiot if he actually believes he can set fire with his mind, well in the unedited version anyway. Bravo Twilight, maybe I won't let Twinkleshine beat you to a bloody pulp and then bang you after all, key word though, maybe! Any way now Spike is pouting like a little bitch and tells another pony who wants his autograph to go fuck himself, again in the unedited version. Now I'm going to need to get Twilight to get Spike to stop being such a little bastard, realize he fucked up royally and get over it.

Now comes the big event, the aerial relay that Rainbow has been making such a big deal over. Before I get started, get this. The Equestria Games higher ups have decided that unicorns have to go through some sort of device to disable their magic to prevent cheating. I'm not overly fond of them doing this because it is preventing unicorns from doing what makes them unicorns, using magic. While I would never even consider punishing Ms. Harshwhinny the way I would Twilight, I will hit her where it hurts most, her pocketbook. I'm going to fine her a thousands bits for each unicorn that was forced to go through that disabling device. That will teach her to mess with what makes a unicorn a unicorn. Luckily though, that didn't apply to us Alicorns since we're princesses. Had she tried to force either Luna or myself through one of those things, she wouldn't have lived long enough to see the aerial relay.

Back to the relay, well it starts out normally. Bulk Biceps can barely fly and has dug Ponyville into an extremely deep hole. What I would like to know is why didn't they choose a less bulky pegasus, one who can fly faster, to fly the first leg. Derpy ain't perfect but she would be able to fly faster. Next up is the sexiest pony competing in the Equestria Games, my dear beloved Fluttershy! She is faster but doesn't get Ponyville in the lead. Now comes Crashie, their best flyer. Damn, maybe I should rethink calling her Crashie because she flew fast, very fast. She flew so fast that Ponyville took silver! Just think had somepony other than Bulk flew that first leg, they would have taken gold. Oh well, they still took silver and I'm going to make sure that Fluttershy gets a whole lot more than a shiny silver medal! Let's just say that we're going to have some kinky, one on one fun tonight.

Oh boy, now that the relay is over Spike has decided he wants to sing the anthem of the winner. I can't help but wonder if he even paid attention to the race or if he knows the Cloudsdale anthem. One thing I do know though is that he is an attention whore, probably the biggest attention whore in the history of Equestria. I could see what was going on and of course Ms. Harshwhinny wasn't thrilled about him wanting to do something more for the games but very soon, he would regret wanting to get more attention.

He is shocked when he realizes that it is the Cloudsdale anthem he has to sing. Now here he is whining about not knowing their anthem and being unsure of himself. Hey Spike, you are the one that wanted to do this so now you must sing! It doesn't matter whether you know the words or not, just do it. These crystal ponies are expecting you to sing and you better not let them down!

Now comes the most hilarious part of the episode, Spike singing. Oh my goodness, he is butchering that thing. I can get why he'd think it is a Blunderwolt....i mean Wonderbolt glorifying song and this obviously isn't going well for him. He is clearly embarrassed and most everypony is cringing over it, except for three. I look down and see Pinkie enjoying the song with a smile and bobbing her head. Cadence was shocked and Twilight was horribly embarrassed but the same could not be said about my sister or myself. We were both laughing our flanks off and bobbing our heads to the music like Pinkie. Yeah Twilight wasn't thrilled but oh well. If something is funny, I'm going to laugh.

Now Spike is throwing an even worse pity party and has hidden out for several days. Do I feel sorry for him? No, I do not, not one bit. Now for another funny part, the filly illuminati have gone to check on Spike. Sorry girls but he ain't going to listen to you. He is going to continue to lay back there and wallow in self pity. After they fail to get him to come out they go to Twilight, who is much more forceful on making him leave his pity chamber. Guess what, my sexy Twily was able to get him to come out!

While all this is happening, the ice archery final is going on and this is what will determine who wins the medal count. At that time Ponyville had the lead but it looks like the best they will do is tie if not finish second since Cloudsdale has two ice archers. What a shame too, I wanted to see them win it. Oh well, I guess you can't win them all....or maybe you can! It looks like an ice archer has tripped and shot his arrow into a cloud. Now we have an ice cloud heading into the stadium, an ice cloud that could claim some lives! Woo-hoo, I was hoping something would happen that would lead to fatalities! As long as none of my lovelies, my sister or myself gets hurt, everything will be fine.

Now for something that shocked me. Spike sprung into action, jumped on some pegasi's back and breathed his fire breath on that cloud and melted it. Damn, that sucks. I really wanted to see something exciting like fatalities or at least property damage. Now all this is so boring, yet controversial at the same time. Because of this, the ice archery final was never completed so no medals were awarded and Ponyville won the medal count. I certainly didn't expect that to happen! Want to know what the award is for that? The sexiest mare from their delegation gets to spend a whole week with me and of course you all know who that will be, FLUTTERSHY!

Now for the closing ceremonies, Cadence has decided that since Spike saved everypony from that ice cloud that he should light the fireworks to finish things off. Give me a break, the little bastard couldn't even breathe to light the torch, I doubt he'll be able to use his fire breath to light these fireworks. Surprisingly he was actually able to do it despite being in front of over ten thousand ponies. Well I suppose he finally got over himself.

Now there were some things they couldn't show. The four ice archer finalists all filed lawsuits claiming that they were deprived of their chance to win a medal. Now of course this did not sit well with me because I wanted Ponyville to keep their title of medal champs and had I allowed that final to be done over, Cloudsdale would have likely won and I'm not a fan of that place to start with so I threw the suits out. Besides, law suits are annoying, wasteful and filed by crybabies who are just mad they didn't get their own way.

On a much more positive note, I was able to take my lovely Fluttershy into my sleeping chambers and we had such a wonderful time. Like always she is so sweet, so innocent, so lovely and of course after our fun she serenaded me to sleep with that sexy voice of hers.

Now if all of you will excuse me, I still have a few more days with my lovely Fluttershy before I have to return to the Crystal Empire for a boring visit from some foreign dignitaries. Oh well, so goes the life of a princess. Not all of it is enjoyable, as my sister would say it, sometimes I have to do things that are most unpleasant.

Chapter 90: Twilight's Kingdom Part 1

Chapter 90: Twilight's Kingdom Part 1

Hello everypony, it is your Supreme Overlord Celestia again and I'm very impressed with all of you. You've all paid your taxes, you've worshiped me as is dictated by law and the editor of the Fillydelphia Daily News wrote an editorial praising me about what a wonderful ruler I am, not to mention she put a lot of emphasis on how sexy I am too! Because of all this, I've decided to give you my synopsis of "Twilight's Kingdom Parts 1 and 2."

As you all know I recently ended a few days with Fluttershy in my sleeping chambers and I am now back up here in the Crystal Empire to meet with the delegation from Maretonia. Why the hell couldn't we have just did this immediately after the Equestria Games, they were already here. Talk about wasteful spending and wasting my time. If Cadence had half a brain she would have had them stay and I could have still had Fluttershy in my sleeping chambers. Oh well, princess life can be a bitch at times.

One bit of good news though, Twily and her friends have came too. For Twilight it was mandatory because she has to smile and wave while those lesser equines from abroad come here for this pointless visit. Alright, Twilight has two jobs while she is up here. One is to smile and wave while the dignitaries make their glorified appearance and the other is to make me happy. With any luck, she'll get those done, we can head home and start from what I understand could be up to eleven months in my sleeping chambers! Now that sounds very nice, almost a year with my Twily, woo-hoo!

Here we go, this ceremony is going on as it usually would until I see something, something that I despise. Get this, Cadence had the audacity to have Flash Sentry announce the arrival of the Maretonian royalty. Apparently that little bitch did not listen to my warning after the situation when she took him down to Ponyville. Alright, that's it. Even though he never spoke to or even saw Twilight, THAT GUARD IS FINISHED! While I'm up here on royal business I may as well add "kill a worthless guard" to my list. He ain't the only one who is going to suffer. Remember that Twicane from the season premiere? Well I have it and let's just say that Cadence isn't going to like what I plan on doing with it!

Alright, now that I've made my plans for this let's move on shall we. Ok, my Twily is wallowing in self-pity wondering what her role is as a princess in Equestria. Guess what Twily, your role as a princess in Equestria is KEEPING ME HAPPY! Isn't that enough for you or do you want some sort of role where you'll be glorified with your own castle, have your picture on our currency or what? You're already the most popular princess which is something that has both Luna and I pissed so get over it.

Now it's time for a song. Yeah I know, I along with my fellow princesses have to sing a song to make Twily feel better. Yeah I know it is corny and shit but hey, we have to make her feel better and something is telling me not to bring her into my bedroom tonight. I don't know what the hell it is so despite my desires, I resisted. One thing the animators could not show though was Cadence making Shining Armor sleep in the barracks so that she and her "favorite" aka only sister-in-law can do some very noisy family bonding.

After listening to Cadence and Twilight squealing and moaning in the bedroom above me for nearly two hours straight, I finally was able to get to sleep but I had a horrible nightmare. It was about this unicorn carrying oranges in a rather dark, scary place when he runs into this thing in a cape. Well this thing identifies itself as Tirek and sucks all the magic out of this poor unicorn and then he grew.

I woke up terrified, I have never had such a bad dream. Apparently my sister must have had the same dream too because she came barging in my room but the bad thing is that this was no dream, it was a vision. Shit, the worst villain in the history of Equestria has found a way out of Tartarus and is hell bent on enslaving us all. I don't know what the hell we're going to do to stop him but I do know one thing, this will likely be the last raunchy night Twilight and Cadence will have for a while.

Now that we know what has happened I really need to share a little story with everypony, something from the distant past involving our enemy. Long ago, Tirek and his brother Scorpan came to Equestria from a distant land intent on stealing Equestrian magic. Come to think of it though, the land they came from looks a lot like that place across that gorge from the edge of Equestria, the place where that huge flower was so perhaps it isn't such a distant land after all.

It wasn't long after they came here that Scorpan showed he had a heart and started befriending the ponies, including Starswirl the Bearded. Scorpan tried to convince his dumb fuck brother that they should just quit this shit and go home but of course the fucker just had to say no so Scorpan did what any good individual would do, he alerted my sister and I to the problem so we could handle it. After that Scorpan went home and his bastard brother was thrown into Tartarus for his crimes.

Now for something that has really pissed me off. My sister and I have come to the conclusion that Tirek escaped when Cerberus left his post. You know what that means? It means that after we get Tirek put back down where he belongs that I will have another punishment to dish out. Not only will Flash Sentry die and Cadence get violated with the Twicane but a certain three headed mutt is going to wind up losing his nuts. Hey, he left his post and he must be punished and you know how much most males value their nuts, right? Well after this, he won't have them anymore! That will teach him to go thinking he can leave his post without repercussions!

Alright, back to the present. Well it seems as though my sister and Cadence think that Twilight is the one to take care of this problem but I have a different idea. Remember how I had Fluttershy reform Discord? I decided that he would be the one to take care of this since he can sense magical imbalances and besides, I didn't have him released from his stone prison AND have him reformed for shits and giggles. Despite Luna, Cadence and Twilight protesting, I summoned him and gave him the details on what he needs to do. At first he didn't want to do what I asked of him but after threatening that I would violate Fluttershy with the Twicane for the whole off-season, he was more than ready to take this mission on.

Now that I have told Twilight of my plans, she goes home all pissy and tells her friends of who I'm going to have take care of this. Yes most of them are skeptical but Fluttershy seems to think he will do it and not fuck up. I know my Twily is upset so she decided to go out to my old castle. I was secretly hoping she would go out there alone so we could have some fun but she just had to take her friends with her, dumb bitch anyway.

It wasn't long until they would get out by the Tree of Harmony when who should show up? This is sad, Discord comes floating down like some Mary Poppins wannabe with that umbrella. What is worse is that he somehow got a hold of the journal that my girls have been keeping all season. Normally I would think this is funny but I did not give him permission to spy on them, well ok I might have but I didn't want him to keep the damn thing!

Now on to more important matters. Remember that chest from when Twilight and her friends had to give the Elements back to the tree? Well Discord is either very observant or is rubbing it in my girls' faces that they have yet to open it. Well no shit Discord, they already know that! Now it is a matter of what is in it. I'm going to be honest, even I don't even know what is in it! It could be a VIP pass into my sleeping chambers for any mare who has it, assuming she meets my standards of course! Maybe it is a recipe for cake that I'm sure to love! Personally I'd rather it be the latter since hot mares don't need a special VIP pass to see me. Maybe we'll find out what it is eventually.

Now it appears as though Discord is actually being useful! He has bookmarked certain parts of that book that are important to him and maybe what my girls might need to open that thing, get what I hope is a great cake recipe and make me a very happy princess! Now my Twily thinks that the answer on how to open that chest is somewhere in the castle. Yeah Twily, that's what you thought when you went out there and discovered that secret chamber but that wasn't the case. What do you think is going to happen, it will just magically show up?

While my girls are searching aimlessly for answers, it looks like Discord has discovered a way to lure Tirek to him so he can capture him or do whatever it takes to defeat him, taking the form of a pony. Now I discover something that is a bit disturbing, not only do Discord and Tirek know one another, it seems as though at one point in the past they were friends! Well maybe this will work to my advantage, he can lull Tirek into a false sense of security, I can sneak up behind him with a sword and slash his throat. That would be one death I'm sure everypony would celebrate! Hell even the naive human children and their uptight parents in Lyra's comic books would like that!

Well shit, this isn't looking good. Tirek is trying to sway Discord to join him instead of defeat him. Crap, if this happens things may really go downhill in Equestria, they may get so bad that not having any cake might be the least of my concerns. In the end, my worst nightmare came true as Discord decided to join Tirek. Perhaps my sister was right when she opposed me calling on Discord to do this. I suppose now I have to get a hold of Twilight and tell her that she is needed up here in Canterlot.

While I am contemplating what I should really do, my Twily has discovered something. She has discovered that the answers they need are in their journal. Wow, it took my supposedly smart princess this long to figure it out? I knew it from the moment they started keeping the damn thing that it would aid them in something big like this. After discovering this they go back to Ponyville and get the items they have received this season. I'm not sure if they will be of any use but we'll see.

Back to the tree they go after getting their items and I'll be honest, I don't see how those things could provide any clue as to where these very important keys are. I swear, Pinkie must be a complete idiot if she thinks that stupid rubber chicken is going to give any clues. What is she going to do, have Twilight cast a come to life spell on it and expect it to start talking? If she does hopefully it will say this despite me not having the keys, "Twilight, the keys are in Celestia's sleeping chambers! You, Rarity and Fluttershy must go up there, make her happy and she'll hand them over!"

Get this though, Pinkie throws that damn thing at the chest and oh my goodness, that rubber chicken is one of the keys! I suppose Cheese Sandwich isn't quite as much of an undesirable as I thought but that still doesn't remove him from my shit list. He did make Pinkie cry after all. Now they wonder about the other items and as it turns out they are keys too! Sweet, now they can open it, get that recipe and make me a cake! Oh wait, there is one missing. Since Twilight has been a lazy bitch this season she hasn't taught anypony how to be better so she never got anything and thus doesn't have her key. Damn it, I wanted to have at least one more good cake along with lavender icing before we're all enslaved by Tirek.

Now that we know that they have all but one key I have decided to send a message telling Twily to get her ass up here and unfortunately for both of us, it isn't for a little bit of fun. The message was marked urgent so did she hurry up and get here, you bet she did! Once she arrived I had to break the news to her about Discord betraying the ponies of Equestria.

Now there is something the animators could never show, her tirade after I told her. She yelled, "Celestia you fucking cunt! Luna, Cadence and I told you having him do this would only lead in disaster but you just have to be a dense sunbutt didn't you? If we all get enslaved by some dumb fuck centaur, it will be all your fault!" She smacked me and continued, "If we manage to survive this, it will be YOU who gets violated with that fucking Twicane during the off-season and trust me, I'll make sure it hurts like hell!"

I was shocked that Twilight would go off on me like that and I was even more surprised when Cadence and Luna said that they would join her. I don't know what would be worse, being enslaved to Tirek or having three very angry princesses violating me with an inanimate object. And when I told her about Tirek being able to steal flight from pegasi and strength from earth ponies, she only got madder.

But there is one thing that might stop him from getting too powerful and I know it is taking a risk but us Alicorns are going to have to rid ourselves of our magic somehow so Tirek can't steal it. Yeah Twilight wound up being real nervous about it but we really don't have any other choice.

Now if you will excuse me, I am extremely worried. I am afraid Tirek will either enslave us OR we will defeat Tirek but Twilight will molest me with that Twicane for nearly a year non-stop. All I can do is pray to Mother Faust that I can avoid both fates, pray that we beat Tirek and pray that Twilight will spare the rod....I mean Twicane.

Chapter 91: Twilight's Kingdom Part 2

Chapter 91: Twilight's Kingdom Part 2

Well everypony, you have all continued to behave so, as promised, I shall share with you my synopsis of "Twilight's Kingdom Part 2."

Yeah, yeah, yeah we all know what happened in the last episode. Everything from me making plans on killing Flash Sentry through Discord's betrayal and of course the most scary part, Twilight's rant and threats to punish me for taking a chance on Discord trying to take care of Tirek.

Alright, where was I when I left, oh yes, ridding ourselves of our magic. Here is the thing though, magic can not simply disappear so somepony has to keep it safe. There is one bit of good news, it is believed that Tirek does not know that a fourth Alicorn princess exists in Equestria. Hell I didn't even know he knew about Cadence, I thought he only knew about Luna and I. Well we can't worry about that now.

Now that Twilight knows what must be done and after a bit of persuasion, we were able to convince her to keep our magic safe. I know I fucked up royally on trusting Discord to aid us in stopping Tirek but this was the only option. The three of us know that Twily would never turn on us but what if she was to run into Tirek and he stole all our magic? If that happened Equestria would be doomed and everypony in the land would be praying for death as it would be preferable to enslavement.

Now for the energy transfer, I will admit that neither Luna nor myself wanted to have to do this but desperate times call for desperate measures. It felt weird, a bad kind of weird to be shooting all of my magic up into a ball and I could sense that Luna and Cadence felt the same way. Twilight was nervous seeing that ball of energy heading towards her and was literally shocked as it all entered her body. The way she was glowing and her eyes were shining white I thought she was going to blow apart but luckily that did not happen.

After the transfer was over, I felt terrible. I felt more than just terrible, I felt empty. It was a feeling that I had never experienced before. You will never know what it is like to go from being the most powerful being in the universe to being a magic-less hack. To go from being a Goddess to being no more powerful than the royalty from Maretonia is humiliating but like I said earlier, desperate times call for desperate measures.

Now it was time for us to say our good-byes. While I thought for sure Twilight would be thinking that she could easily depose us after she defeated Tirek, the look on her face said otherwise. When she saw us as blank flanks, she could sense our sadness. Damn straight we were sad. I guess now I know how the filly illuminati feels not having their cutie marks but for the three of us it is worse, we know what it was like to have magic and talents, those three don't. For now though, we have to deal with it and send Twilight on our way since Tirek is likely going to come looking for us.

Night has arrived in Equestria but one thing I wonder is how? Luna doesn't have her magic anymore and I don't remember Twilight lowering the sun and raising the moon so that was another fuck up on the part of the writers. Of course they do this all the time, I'm not sure if it is just things they miss or if they do it on purpose to see how many people will notice. Enough about that, it is time for my ultra-powerful Twily to try and raise the sun.

All seems fine down in Ponyville until she realizes she is late raising the sun. How could she? She has always been so anal about being on time and had the most epic freak out of all time over being tardy with the friendship lesson letter! If Tirek is ever defeated and I get my magic back, I'm going to punish her for being tardy raising the sun! How will I do it though? I got it, I'll get that Twicane out of her hooves and do to her with it what she wants to me! That will teach her to mishandle MY sun!

Now the time has come and while she has a horrible time doing it, she eventually gets the sun raised. Another problem though, she set the moon in THE EAST! Luna saw this and is not one bit pleased about it. She is talking about punishing Twilight too if we ever get our magic back but all she wants to do is seize her assets and buy a bunch of fritters from Applejack! She is so boring! Why only do something to get fritters when she could punish Twilight like I could! Ok, I get it, Luna is uptight, rigid and fritter obsessed while I am a lot more carefree and like my lavender icing on my cake!

Well shit, I think Luna's boring ways of punishing Twilight may be the least of our problems as I hear something outside, loud stomping. Shit, he's out there, Tirek is out there. Well after stealing Shining Armor's magic he comes barging in like the bastard he is thinking he will steal our magic, grow to the size of a mountain and enslave everypony. Guess what though, that ain't happening!

Oh yes Tirek, you think you're all that and a sack of shit. You think you can steal our magic but we don't have any you dumb fuck. What are you going to do now? Are you going to smash a few buildings because you're mad? Are you going to go jack off because all the female centaurs think you're ugly....oh wait, we have to listen to you yap for a while because Discord is terrible company and nopony or nocentaur else wants to put up with you.

Now while I'm having to put up with this idiot bloviate about how great he is and then whine about how his ex-girlfriend dumped him for that baboon from The Lion King, my Twily is having issues with all that extra magic. She is having so many problems with it that she damages the door to the library! Good grief, she couldn't have just used her damn hoof to open the door instead of blowing it off the hinges. Oh well, right now I have bigger things to worry about than minor damages to government property.

Spike must be able to tell something is up because my Twily runs from him and then takes flight. Holy shit she's flying fast, I didn't know she had it in her. Perhaps she should take up racing if we all survive this ordeal because she could certainly put Rainbow in her place! Speaking of Rainbow, my Twily soars past her but then crashes into the ground! Perhaps I should call her Twilight Sparkle, the princess of crashing. Forget her going into racing.

Now her friends know something is up because she never flown that fast and one thing they didn't show was them asking her why the hell she had energy just shooting off of her horn. Yeah Twilight, you can claim that you caught a strong breeze but they know better. I can tell they think you have been taking magic steroids and that look on Rarity's face. I can tell she is wanting some so she can be powerful enough to cast a spell on Spike to get him to stop wanting to bang her. Whenever she comes up here all she does is whine and complain wishing he would find somepony else to stalk. You know, I might just make that happen, eventually.

So now my Twily is headed off to my old castle and told her friends to stay put and make everypony stay indoors. While all this was happening here I was along with my fellow princesses having to put up with Tirek and his triumphant celebration. Yeah, yeah, yeah Tirek. We all get it, you think that soon everypony is going to have to bow to your will. We'll see about that because my Twily is very resilient. Maybe she'll write a spell or something to drain this idiot of all the magic he has stolen and everything can go back to normal.

Damn it, damn it, damn it. He's sending all three of us to Tartarus and now we are weak and can barely speak. I did speak to someone, or should I say somedog once we got there.

"Hey Cerberus, can I ask you of a favor?"

"What is it?"

"Could you keep an eye on things and continue my synopsis of what's going on. The readers don't want a huge part of this missing."

"Yes but only IF you don't neuter me."

"Oh fine, I won't neuter you. Now get up to the entrance of the cave so you can see what is going on!"

"Fine but remember your promise. If you don't keep it, I'll eat Fluttershy."

"No, not my Fluttershy! Anypony but Fluttershy!"

"Do I have your word then?"

"You have my word, I won't neuter you."

"Good, now I'll go do this"

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Hi, Cerberus here. As you all know Celestia is locked up in Tartarus and unfortunately I can't just set her free. I would but the writers won't let me so I have to report to all of you what I see so here we go.

Wow this synopsis giving stuff must give me awesome powers because I can actually see inside Canterlot Castle. Ugh, there is that arrogant bastard Tirek and his little sidekick Discord. Grrr....so help me, if everything is ever returned to normal, I'll kill and eat not just Tirek, but that tyrant Discord too. I've never ate any centaur or draconeqqus meat and I can't help but wonder what it tastes like. Alright, enough about what kind of meat sounds tasty, I must continue this if I don't want to get neutered.

Back to the episode, well it looks like Tirek is giving Discord some sort of medallion. You know how Discord likes pretty shiny things and now he is happy. Oh boy, Tirek is mad when he learns there is a fourth Alicorn princess and to make matters worse, Discord has told him where she lives. I have a feeling that some serious shit is about to go down, perhaps it will be something to make monitoring this all worth it.

Back to Ponyville, ok it looks like Twilight's friends were able to get everypony to stay indoors but along comes Discord who is obviously up to no good. I know I told Tia that I would eat Fluttershy if she neutered me but I am appalled that Discord would do what he did. Pretend he is bringing those nasty cucumber sandwiches and then imprison them all in a cage.

Oh great, now Tirek has come along and is stealing the magic from the element bearers. Damn it, I'm thinking that things might not wind up going all that well and I might wind up having to guard these princesses forever. Maybe something good will happen but I'm not going to count on it. To make matters worse there is Discord acting like he's all that boasting about how nopony in Equestria will be able to stand up against him and Tirek.

Just how fucking stupid can he be? He should know that Tirek isn't going to share power with anyone and to make sure this is the case, he steals Discord's magic too. You see Discord, in his eyes you are worthless, completely worthless! You deserved this you asshole! I'll admit, I don't like Tirek one bit but I'm glad he stole that traitor's magic for two reasons. One, he betrayed the ponies of Equestria and two, he'll be easier to eat. Him trying to teleport all over the place would have made it rather difficult for me to feast upon his miserable, pathetic flesh.

Now it looks like it is Twilight, who is having serious problems with all that magic versus Tirek. Damn, I know she's having issues with her teleportation right now but she can teleport hundreds of miles and what is even more amazing is that I can see it. Having the responsibility of giving a synopsis really kicks ass, I can pretty much see anything, anywhere I want! I guess I shouldn't be gloating over this right now though, there is a lone Alicorn princess out there against some demonic scum on steroids.

Oh good grief Tirek, get over yourself. Twilight doesn't have anything that belongs to you but just like every other demon, you are a spoiled brat who thinks the world owes him everything. Well Twilight begins her battle with this thing but it won't be easy because she crashes right at the base of his leg. Twilight, get out of there, he'll steal your magic.

Luckily Twilight listened to me and teleported to her library but unfortunately, Tirek has spotted her and has fired energy towards her. Oh boy there goes the library and now Twilight is pissed! That is the absolute wrong thing for Tirek to do. I know Twilight well enough to know that since he destroyed her books, he is screwed. After all, nopony, nocentaur or nothing else destroys her books and gets away with it! What is even worse is that he almost killed Owlicious!

Now of course Twilight is in full rage mode and I don't blame her. Holy shit that is a lot of energy she is unleashing up on him. With any luck she'll kill the bastard but unfortunately that is not what happens. Now he knows what the hell has happened, he knows that she is carrying the magic of all four Alicorn princesses in her. While it won't ensure her victory, it will ensure that defeating her will be next to impossible.

And now what appears to be an epic battle ensues. The energy used in this is tremendous and while I hate to admit it, Tirek's physical power is great, so great that I think he has likely found some steroids and pumped up on him. Now the bastard throws Twilight into a mountain but luckily she uses her aura to protect herself. Now for what I don't get, how the hell can Tirek fly without magic? How is he just able to lunge forward and stay airborne? Ok I get it, it is a cartoon so anything can happen but still, I think they're glorifying a lesser creature here.

After tearing a hole in the mountain their battle continues until they fire energy at one another and the place where that energy meets is devastated. Damn, the energy released from the collision creates a mushroom cloud. Now that is epic. Finally Tirek realizes that he ain't going to defeat Twilight but unfortunately, he has taken the Mane Six, Spike and that traitor Discord captive. His terms for their release is that she give him all of his magic.

Uh Twilight, are you sure that giving him that magic is such a good idea? I know your friends are important but are they really worth allowing Equestria to burn in his fires? Well her answer to this is yes. Tirek sets her friends free and after a bit of a disagreement, he sets Discord free too and then he steals Twilight's magic. Hell I'm surprised Tirek didn't throw her in here with the other princesses.

Shit, now we have a mega-sized centaur roaming around ready to destroy anything and everything. Oh and now here we go with Discord. Yeah uh huh Discord, sure you feel bad over this. You can claim you know what friendship is all you want but you don't! You can claim that medallion you're giving to Twilight is a sign of loyalty but we all know better. Wait a minute, did that thing just have a rainbow go across it when Discord put it around her neck? If so, maybe Equestria isn't fucked and I don't have to keep protagonists imprisoned anymore.

Very quickly they get to the chest and as it turns out, that medallion was the sixth key. Uh ponies, you might want to stop celebrating you got the sixth key and unlock that chest unless you want Tirek to destroy you and the tree of harmony. Well they finally turn those keys and something magical is happening. The magic from the elements flows down and into that chest and how the hell did they get sucked into it only to raise again with amazing new mane and tail colors?

Now for the ultimate form of magic to be unleashed, the magic of friendship. I will tell you, seeing that rainbow zapping all the magic out of that hideous thing was wonderful and want to know what was even better? Seeing that bastard back in a cage here in Tartarus, where he belongs. I will make this promise to all of you, I'll never leave my post again because this nearly ruined Equestria and the lands beyond.

Now the magic is spreading across the land and everypony is getting their magic back and most importantly, the princesses have got their magic back and are flying out of here. One thing I did want to make sure of before I let her leave though was that Celestia would hold true to her word and not neuter me. Luckily she said she would not punish me and now all is good. Also, my time of telling you what has happened is over as Celestia has returned.

****************************************************************************************************************

Your Sexy Sun Goddess has returned after being imprisoned in Tartarus and like Cerberus said, I will keep my word and not neuter him because I really didn't want to lose Fluttershy. Ok, back to the episode. While everypony has their magic back, the Tree of Harmony is still acting weird, I mean much weirder than normal.

You remember that chest thing? Well now it is being carried by a rainbow into the outskirts of Ponyville and is sucked into the ground and then something very strange happened. A castle sprouts out of the ground and I'm pretty sure you all know who it belongs to. It doesn't belong to me, Luna, Cadence or anypony else. It belongs to my Twily, yep my Twily!

You see, I knew all of this was going to happen the moment that chest appeared. Enough about that, now it is time to take Twilight in her new castle and discuss with her what her role in Equestria is. I tell you, she was stoked when she saw that she finally has her own throne room, well technically it belongs to all her friends since they all have thrones.

Well I let Twilight know that she has the ability to spread friendship across Equestria so it is natural that her new title is Princess Twilight Sparkle, The Princess of Friendship. Of course her friends are going to be a big part of things because what the hell would she be without her friends? I'll tell you what, she'd be a reclusive princess who likes having your Sexy Sun Goddess over all the time to have fun. Well she'll still love having me over, she just won't be a recluse.

Now it is time for a song and the time for every hack in Ponyville to come out and start singing while a rainbow shoots out of the top of Twilight's castle and passes by everypony that gave my girls the key they needed to unlock that chest. Now many of you noticed that Discord gave me flowers and winked at me. No it does not mean we are dating nor does it mean he is in love with me!

Now I'll get to the reasoning for that, but it goes much further back than just what I set in motion at the start of the episode. Remember how Cerberus left his post a couple years back? You see, I'd had plans for Twilight like this for an extremely long time so I lured him away from his post with a few dog bones. I lured him away just long enough to let Tirek escape and luckily Twilight got him back before anything else escaped because that would have sucked.

Alright, fast forward to the start of the episode. I knew Tirek was about to start stealing magic and once I found out that he did, I summoned Discord and told him to go join forces with Tirek. I did that for a reason. You see, I knew that medallion around his neck was Twilight's key but I knew it wouldn't work unless I could get it away from him and then have an ally give it to Twilight as a sign of friendship. Well luckily it all worked out and Equestria was not destroyed, too bad the same can't be said for The Golden Oaks Library. Oh well, Twilight has her castle now and as an added bonus, a huge library came along with it so she'll still be a happy little bookworm.

Now as you all know Twilight is not happy with how I nearly destroyed Equestria but she said she would let me go take care of a couple items of business before she imprisoned me in her sleeping chambers for nearly a year. Want to know what I did? I decided to take a little trip to the Crystal Empire, I returned with Cadence. She was relieved when she learned that I decided to not punish her but the same could not be said for somepony else.

Remember Flash Sentry, the guard I hate so much? Well I abducted him and took him back to Canterlot. When I led him out in front of the populous and told them of his crimes, being too close to Twilight and how he blushed at Twilight, we all decided that he must go. Let's just say that his screams were loud yet pitiful as the flames consumed him. The crowd cheered in joy as the most hated pony in Equestria was no more. And like it was with when I executed Sunset Shimmer's parents, Pinkamena Diane Pie threw an epic "after public execution party" with lots and lots of cake and fritters!

Now I had best get back down to Ponyville. I know Twilight isn't overly thrilled with me and maybe if I beg and plead with her, she'll spare the Twicane and just make me her slave for the next eleven months.

Chapter 92: The Cutie Map Part 1

Chapter 92: The Cutie Map Part 1

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and a new season is starting. Finally, I thought that nearly year long hiatus was going to destroy Equestria. Well I am in a good mood since we are back so I shall give you my synopsis of "The Cutie Map, Part 1." Don't worry, I'll do the second one too.

Another new day has arrived in Ponyville and it looks like my Twily and her friends are starting a new day, not to mention breaking in the throne room. Kind of funny that Twily's new sleeping chambers got broke in before what many will consider the primary part of the castle. Remember how sexy her squeals sounded bouncing off the walls of that study tower, they sound even sexier in her chambers.

If I am going to give you an accurate account of what happened I better do the old invisibility and teleport spell. I arrive and something strange is happening, as they sit down the cutie marks on their thrones begin to glow and wow, so are their cutie marks. I can't wait for Twily to sit down but first she must go on and on about wondering why she got the castle and thinking that they shouldn't be sitting in Ponyville. With the others that wouldn't be so bad but she would be much better off laying in my bed giving me the love I need.

Now for the moment I've been waiting for, she sits in her throne and her already sexy ass begins to glow too. Woo-hoo! Just imagine if she were sopping wet and her ass glowed, that would be even better! Alright, enough about me thinking what would make Twily hotter but suddenly this map thing appears on their table. What kind of dark magic is this? Whatever it is I have a bad feeling that it will take my three lovelies away from me at times and unfortunately, I would be proven right.

Now their marks, well replicas of them, have flown off their flanks and are circling some place out in such a remote corner of Equestria that I've never even been there. I was hoping that Twilight would just attribute this to it just being a dumb map but now she thinks they should go out to this place. Yeah, yeah, yeah I get it. Everything is connected so you just have to go out and see what is up with this place. Now one of them is showing some smarts. Fluttershy may be acting like she is scared to go but she secretly wants to stay because she is expecting me to visit her tonight. After some persuasion they talk her into going and now I am a very unhappy princess. My lovely pegasus will be gone, Twinkleshine has the cutie pox and has been quarantined, Lemon Hearts has a bad cold and I'm terrified of Colgate for reasons which I will discuss later. Sadly I will just have to hoof myself tonight.

As they head off on the train I decided to teleport myself home because I am hungry and the cake is usually the freshest at this time of day. Now I'm watching from my balcony and what I wonder is why is there train service to the absolute middle of nowhere, what a waste of Equestrian tax money. What is worse is that the train just stops at this gorge and then goes in reverse. I am seriously wondering about that map thing. Maybe it's sole purpose is to deny yours Truly of what she needs to make it through the day without completely losing it.

Now they decide to cross some bridge that eventually leads into a small town. Regarding this town, why does it exist? There is no water anywhere near it nor is there anywhere to grow food either. Is this a race of ponies that don't need food or water. If they are that would be another new thing I would learn and I would feel sorry for them as they would never know the joy of eating a cake fresh from the oven, fresh fritters, freshly processed cider or lavender icing.

Ok, this is weird. All these ponies have the same cutie mark, the same ugly cutie marks. Equal signs, seriously? I was really hoping that they just painted them on because it would really suck to have such a lame mark. I would rather tear the skin off of my flank than be cursed with something that ugly. To make matters worse, these ponies all have the fakest of smiles, smiles that seem forced. Perhaps living where they do has driven them beyond the point of insanity and they don't know any better.

Their first interaction is with a couple of weird stallions who seem obsessed with my girls and their unique cutie marks. Shit, if they try to cut them off and sew them on themselves I'm heading out there and putting a stop to that problem. Them being stallions is bad enough but now they are going to lead them to this leader of theirs named Starlight. I tell you, Starlight better be a mare or else! I do not like the idea of a lowly stallion ruling over any mares, regardless of whether they are hot like Twily or ugly like Upper Crust.

Shit, they are going into this Starlight's house and for some reason, I can't teleport myself there. It is almost as if that place has some sort of dark magic to it, let me see if Luna can do it so I need to head up stairs and wake her.

"Little sister, I need to ask you of a favor."

"Big sister, can't thou see that we are sleeping. Thou knows that we need our sleep if we are to be alert tonight."

"Twilight might be in trouble! I need you to teleport out to some creepy place in the middle of nowhere."

"Fine but just know that thou shall be woken up at night sometime."

Luna joined me on the balcony and she too can see what is going on but much to my dismay, she can't teleport there either.

"Big sister, thou woke us up for this? We can't teleport there either. Now if thou will excuse us, we shall return to our daily slumber."

"Fine, I'll have to find another way to do this synopsis."

Well Luna stormed back to her sleeping chambers and I am left here to worry about my Twily and what could happen to her alone. Well a couple minutes pass and she and her friends come out unharmed so that is good. Now hopefully Twilight will decide that nothing is wrong and get going but now this Starlight pony has decided to burst into song so they will understand their town better. Damn her hide anyway, if she would just let them go they might get home in time to give me what I need.

This song, it isn't quite as bland as the others and actually has a good beat to it, such a good beat that my Fluttershy is taking a liking to it. Unfortunately for me though, it seems like this Starlight pony is taking a liking to my Fluttershy too. She better not if she knows what is good for her. I honestly think I need to put a brand on everypony that must give me what I want, when I want. It could read "Property of Princess Celestia, most powerful being in existence." That would keep ponies such as this one from hitting on one of my girls.

Ok the song is over and it looks like they're getting ready to leave, yay! Wait a minute, now they're going to have some muffins. Ugh, why can't they just get their asses home? I'm getting needy and I want lavender icing. Like I said earlier, Twinkleshine and Lemon Hearts are ill and I'm terrified of Colgate and her "unconventional" desires in the bedroom.

I have just now noticed something, it seems like all these ponies in this town are dull colored, almost like they are partially gray, except for Starlight Glimmer. I don't know what is up with that but I have a feeling that those six need to get going before they go gray too, and somehow manage to get those ugly equal sign cutie marks.

Back to the muffins, well once this Sugar Belle pony brings them out to them they wind up being disgusting, so disgusting that even Pinkie didn't like them and you know if Pinkie doesn't like some baked good, then it is obviously bad. I just hope they don't get sick like everypony did with the baked bads incident or my girls and their friends may fall victim to this virus or whatever it is out there that is altering those ponies.

Now they are done eating their muffins, well I should say Pinkie is done eating all of them and she has a green face. Shit, just like it was with the baked bads incident. Oh well, I'm sure I can find another overly joyous pony to take her place. Besides, the elements are back in the tree now so I doubt the fact that she is an element bearer will even matter anymore. As long as Twily, Fluttershy and Rarity get home, I'll be happy.

Well shit, they have gone inside again so I'm going to try to do the invisibility and teleport spell but once again, it fails. Well this sucks, once again I can't tell what is going on and I'm not even going to try and ask Luna because she was pissed off enough about being woken up once. If I do it again she'll likely be a total bitch for the next week. Well I'll just have to hope that they come out of this house unharmed. Luckily for me, they do come out unharmed but now this Starlight pony that I don't trust is leading them up to a cave. Luckily for me, the opening of that cave faces Canterlot so I will be able to see what happens.

As they are being led up there, I order some cake because hey, you know how I am if I don't get cake every so often. I get as bad as Luna does when she is either sleep deprived or is fritter deprived. Alright, back to what is going on. They were led into this cave and I see something weird. What the hell is in that thing? Holy shit, there are cutie marks in there! How in Equestria did they get in there and what the hell is that piece of wood? Why is it that I suddenly have a bad feeling about what is going to happen. I can't teleport out there and even if I could, I would miss out on my cake so I have no choice but to remain here and watch from afar.

I am watching things unfold and this Starlight pony now is wondering how they even knew about this vault as she calls it. Well shit, apparently Sugar Belle must have told them about it and now something bad is about to happen. Oh no, it is a trap and something very bad is happening. Starlight is using this piece of wood, the Staff of Sameness, to remove their cutie marks. I know it ain't the staff that is taking cutie marks because I know enough about Meadowbrook to know that she didn't have any freaky staffs with that kind of dark magic. It has to be Starlight doing this!

Great, just great. Now my girls' cutie marks are locked in this vault thing, they have equal sign cutie marks and they have turned a bit gray. I have a bad feeling that Starlight is going to do something very bad to them. I'm not sure what but I do have this terrible feeling that they won't be coming home anytime soon. I guess I better either get used to hoofing myself.....wait a minute, I'll just force Fleur de Lis to pay homage to me until they get home. I don't care what Fancy Pants thinks, Fleur de Lis is MY PROPERTY and I'll do with her what I wish.

Just hang around you serfs, I'm going to wait on getting Fleur de Lis because I have to continue monitoring this. Knowing my girls, I'm sure Twily will find a way out of this mess. I would go and take care of this problem but I can't teleport and even if I could, what if Starlight took my cutie mark too?

Chapter 93: The Cutie Map Part 2

Chapter 93: The Cutie Map Part 2

Hello everypony, it is your supreme dictator again and as promised, I shall give you my synopsis of "The Cutie Map, Part 2."

Well folks, I have some very bad news. After having their marks removed my girls have been locked in some sort of prison. The bad news, they have lost all their special talents and can't get out. The good news, one of the windows faces Canterlot and the drapes are thin enough I can see through. That is good because even though I can't get there to rescue them, I can watch them to make sure that nothing overly bad is going on.

What is even better is that I can hear what is going on too and what is happening is not good. Starlight is trying to brainwash my Twily and her friends. All those horrible slogans, so Marxist in nature, are not what a pony should be taught. Ok, maybe these things will stop Rainbow from being such a narcissistic bitch but if Twilight, Rarity and Fluttershy were to be bombarded with any message, it would say, "Submit to Celestia. Celestia is your master. Put out for Celestia when she demands it. You belong to Celestia." I just hope my girls don't come out as mindless zombies after being bombarded with too much of this communist bullshit. If they ever get loose and Twilight wants to scrap our free market economy, Starlight will pay. Tartarus for a hundred years? Nah, I say the moon would be better.

Now they are trying to make plans as to how they are going to get out of this place but they are failing miserably. I think that losing their marks has caused them to lose their common sense. Hey Applejack and Rainbow, to get out of that prison of yours you have to PULL on the door, not push! What is worse now is that Twily doesn't have the magic to open the door nor does she have the common sense to tell the strongest members of their friends how the door opens. I have a bad feeling that they may not have the sense to know how to have fun anymore either.

The night arrives and my girls are still being pounded with those awful messages and Twilight is about to go batshit crazy. One thing they didn't show though was that they tried to have fun. Well Rarity, Fluttershy and Twilight did have some fun but they must also not have as much sensitivity because they barely moaned and barely moved around. Normally they are loud and very feisty. If they never get those marks back, I will be an extremely needy princess. Yes I have other mares in my harem but those three always please me the most.

Another thing that happened that night, they realized that one of them has to pretend that they have accepted their fucked up philosophy. Now there is one of them that they think could fool them, Fluttershy since she has been saying how wonderful that Faust forsaken place is and seemed to like their song so much. Finally the morning arrived and Starlight brings them out before the whole town to see if any of them are ready to join them, and in the case of Twily, Fluttershy and Rarity, be imprisoned in her bedroom until they lose their sex appeal. I guess at least Starlight has good taste when it comes to those she wants to bang.

At first it looked like none of them were going to want to join until as they were being led back into their prison Twilight nudges Fluttershy. Fluttershy let's them know that she is ready to join their cult and as the others are being locked back up in their prison, Fluttershy is being led into her new prison. Now for what the animators couldn't show would really piss me off. Starlight spent all day having yellow cake! Now of course this pissed me off and made Fluttershy a bit uncomfortable. Starlight on the other hand, was boasting about how Fluttershy was her first since no other mare has met her expectations and like me, Starlight finds stallions disgusting so she wouldn't even touch them. Maybe if she is reformed someday, she can join me in my sleeping chambers since she is very sexy.

Night time has arrived and Starlight has decided to let Fluttershy sleep in the guests' room. I am shocked, I would have kept her in my bed and sat on her face all night long but perhaps Starlight can't sleep unless she is alone. Fluttershy of course took this to her advantage and found a way to climb out of that place through the chimney. I have a feeling that if she gets caught, that Starlight might actually kill her. Yes Starlight has the hots for her but she is a ruthless dictator and you know how ruthless dictators are. With me, I'm just a benevolent dictator so I would just banish her to my sleeping chambers until she lost her sex appeal but that is just me.

While Fluttershy is up on the roof one of Starlight's hench ponies has arrived at her door and has brought her something. Did she know about Fluttershy going to go retrieve those marks because this idiot is bringing them to her. I have a feeling that this idiot has a bit of a crush on Starlight but he knows that she is like a lot of mares across Equestria, she only likes other mares! Sorry Double Diamond but all you will ever be is a pawn of hers who greets ponies and delivers marks of potential threats to her.

Now that the idiot is gone Starlight is taking these marks up to her bedroom but she trips over something. Of course the oh so sexy Fluttershy checked it out and Starlight has tripped over a tub of water. What the hell, she has a REAL cutie mark? Oh boy, that mark of hers symbolizes powerful and sometimes sadistic magic. Well my Fluttershy knows she better get back inside if she doesn't want to be brutally punished.

Now the next morning arrived and it is time to see if anypony else is ready to join their cult and what has happened really pissed me off. MY Twily has decided to join and now this Starlight pony is in possession of my number one possession. I am going to have to fly out there and retrieve my property now. Now my sister has been watching this with me too and is very concerned about my welfare.

"Big sister, art thou sure thou should be flying out there. Starlight is most powerful and she would likely take thy cutie mark if thou tries to rescue those six."

"Luna, I have to do this! She has my three sexiest possessions and two of them have become commies like her. I must save them and restore their sanity."

"Big sister, we know that thou will be most bitchy if thy sexual appetite is not dealt with but this could be most dangerous! Like we said, thou could have thy cutie mark stolen!"

"Luna, I can't leave them out there! You know how I love three of them and besides, without Applejack who will make those fritters you crave so much?"

"That is true but still, Twilight is a most resilient pony and we believe she will find a way out. Just wait and see what happens. If she gets half of them converted, then we suggest that thou goes to save them."

"Fine, I'll stay for now but if Rarity winds up being converted too, I'm going!"

Well I decided to listen to my sister and kept an eye on things. Like I said, Starlight seemed stoked that she had my prized possession but I am thinking that perhaps Luna was right, Twilight is still showing some resilience and wants her old mark back. Good, if she can get it back she can free the others and get her ass up to my sleeping chambers where she belongs.

Now it is not my Twily who shines but my Fluttershy. She throws a tub of water at Starlight and exposes that cult leader for the fraud that she is! Now her townsponies are mad and want their marks back. Way to go Flutters, I'm thinking I shall let you dominate me and be rough with me next time we meet.

Now everypony is off to get their marks back but much to their dismay, Fluttershy let them know that their marks are in Starlight's house, in her bedroom. Luckily I can see inside Starlight's house but once she takes those marks into this tunnel under it I can't monitor her. I have a feeling that she will emerge above ground at some time and that is exactly what happens. While she is taking those marks to Faust knows where, her former slaves break that vault and get their marks back. Good, I'm glad they got them back. Nopony in Equestria should be a dictator over others except for ME!

It is good to see that Double Diamond and his three friends have regained their free will and now they are going to help my girls since they still have those fake marks. Oh shit, Starlight is heading into the caves in those mountains. If she gets in there, their marks will be lost forever and my three most prized possessions will be permanently mediocre at everything. I can't have that and now I have to rely on four very close friends to make sure that doesn't happen.

Well shit, Starlight is getting closer and closer to the entrance to those caves until Double Diamond, who found his old skis, creates a mini-avalanche thanks to the pegasus, Night Glider, carrying him. Yes! The snow buries Starlight and causes her to lose her hold on the glass jars she had my girls' marks in. The glasses break and woo-hoo, my girls have their marks back! Now I don't have to worry about Twily, Fluttershy and Rarity not being able to perform in the bedroom.

Now it is lecture time. Twilight has made it to where Starlight was buried. Of course Starlight is pissed over this and tries to take the four friends' marks back. Luckily Twily puts up a shield but had I been Starlight, as soon as Twily took down the shield, I would have taken her mark. I suppose she was so upset that it didn't even cross her mind. Now Twilight gives her a boring lecture about how her friends helped her become the pony that she is. I'm with Starlight here though, "Spare me your sentimental non-sense."

After my Twily bloviates a bit more Starlight runs off into those caves and I have a feeling that she will most likely die in there. Oh well, Equestria doesn't need a dictator that could sneak into the castle in the middle of the night and steal my cutie mark. I don't think Equestria would fare very well or last that long with that commie running the show. After all, look at what a poverty stricken hellhole Neighth Korea is. Let that be a lesson to everypony, communism is nothing but a failure.

Now just as I am thinking that my girls will get their butts home, they just have to stay for their party. Wait a minute, those snacks look pretty good so I might try to teleport out there since Starlight is gone. Now for what the animators didn't show. I was able to teleport out there and Pinkie is right, Sugar Belle can bake very well. The residents of that town were shocked but ecstatic to get to meet me and after I ate all of Sugar Belles' treats, Fluttershy and I decided to go defile Starlight's old bedroom. Isn't it fitting, Fluttershy got action from two ponies on the same bed!

Now be gone with all of you, I have sent the other girls home but I have decided to stay out at Our Town for the next six days with Fluttershy. During the day we shall eat Sugar Belle's treats and at night, we shall eat one another!

Chapter 96: Tanks for the Memories

Chapter 96: Tanks for the Memories

Hello everypony, it is your beloved dictator Princess Celestia again. You all haven't been overly bad and I haven't been denied any cake or any lavender icing here recently so I shall give you my synopsis of "Tanks for the Memories."

It is another fall day and Ponyville and once again it is time for the Running of the Leaves. I chose not to go this time because my sexy Twily was not taking part in it. What a shame too, last time I loved watching her shake her ass as she ran that course. Applejack and Rainbow weren't competing either so it was likely going to be a boring old race with nothing exciting going on. Come on, they could at least have cake at the finish time. That officially makes this year's event LAME!

This time things seem different though. It is colder and Cloudsdale is heading to Ponyville. Well shit, that likely means that as soon as they get the leaves cleared away winter will arrive early. Damn it, once again I am kicking myself for not listening to Luna when she said that having ponies control everything would be a royal pain, not to mention have negative results. Can't winter just wait until the damn solstice? Seriously though, only idiots like winter. Most ponies like it warm where you can have fun outside without risking hypothermia.

Speaking of only idiots liking winter, Rainbow Crash is excited that it will soon arrive. Leave it to her to like it but it seems like her pet tortoise isn't so thrilled. He seems rather sleepy given the drop in temperature. There she is dreaming of all the so-called fun things those two can do together and Tank is likely thinking, "Would you shut up you mindless bitch! Notortoise cares about dumb winter games, just let me get some rest!"

Guess who Rainbow very first asks about Tank? She asks Twilight! What a moron, yes Twilight is an Alicorn Princess and a very sexy one at that but she is NOT an animal expert. Perhaps little miss crash needs to let somepony else take a look at him, somepony such as the sexiest pegasus to have ever roamed the earth and that is what she finally decides to do, she takes him to Fluttershy so to give an accurate account of what happens next, I will have to do the old invisibility and teleport spell into one of my favorite places, Fluttershy's cottage.

Like any good veterinarian would do, Fluttershy listens to his heartbeat to make sure he isn't just a zombie tortoise and as it turns out, it is a bit slow but he is just fine. Good, I really don't want Crashie throwing some sort of fit and either getting so mad she kills Tank or gets so depressed that she kills herself. Either way, I would have to replace her so I just have to hope that she remains calm. Fortunately, that does not happen but she questions my sexy Fluttershy's knowledge on animals.

Look Crashie, she knows what the hell she's talking about. She knows more about animals than anypony else does, well except for when it came to those damn parasprites. Hell she even gets a book out that tells explicitly that tortoises hibernate and Rainbow doesn't believe it. It looks like she is going into denial. Wait a minute, I just noticed something about that book. It says that rabbits hibernate too. Sweet, that means that very soon Angel will be hibernating as well. Thank Faust, now I won't have to worry about that little fucker crying and whining when I throw him out so Fluttershy and I can have some fun. What I look forward most to though is when he goes into permanent hibernation. Alright, enough about my hatred of Angel, let's get back to the episode.

I think Rainbow is starting to go into denial because she decides to go visit Spike over the matter. Seriously Rainbow, Spike? You do know that he isn't a veterinarian or a reptile, don't you. I'm thinking that if Rainbow takes him to somepony, or should I say somedragon, that tells her that he won't have to hibernate, that he won't. What an idiot. She should always come up to me and I'd tell her that narcissistic pegasi hibernate and hopefully she would do it. Sorry Rainbow, but Spike doesn't know anything so you should just get going, Spike has to leave too because since I'm in town, I'm going over to have a private meeting with Twilight in her sleeping chambers.

Now Rainbow is back to bringing in more clouds still acting like winter is the best thing since zapapple jam and Tank is digging into the ground getting ready to hibernate. You know, why didn't I think of that? Perhaps I should just dig....what the hell am I thinking? If I dug myself a burrow every winter that would probably cause Luna to go conquer the whole planet, crown herself Goddess of the world and banish me to the sun while I slept so forget that.

Pinkie must know more about animals than Rainbow because even she knew Tank was getting ready to hibernate. Now Rainbow is all pissy because she used that evil "H" word. Watching Rainbow go into all out bitch mode is quite humorous. Oh and Rainbow, yes you look angry. I have some advice for you bitch, Tank has to hibernate so get over it. Perhaps you should have thought about that when you chose your pet. That falcon wouldn't have had to do this, but then again it likely would have attacked and killed you in your sleep too.

I swear, Rainbow must be going nuts. Here she has been looking so forward to winter and now all of a sudden she comes up with a brilliant idea. Since Tank doesn't hibernate when it is warm, she has decided she is going to stop winter! Finally, she puts her scheming ways to use. Tell you what Rainbow, if you can successfully do this, I will transform you into an Alicorn, make you the Weather Princess and put you in charge of keeping winter contained to the mountains. In the lower elevations, warmer temperatures and rain will suffice. I'll just crank my A/C into overdrive to make up for it. After all, there are several mares that must keep me warm during the winter.

Now the time has come to see if Rainbow is just all talk or if she can actually stop winter. There are those weather ponies, acting like they are all that and a bag of chips bringing in those hideous snow clouds. Now Rainbow has put her plan into action and the weather ponies are starting to wonder what is happening to them? Who cares? As long as winter is stopped, Rainbow will be happy and so will I. Just imagine how Hearth's Warming would be if it weren't cold! Just think of the huge festival we could have, a huge festival with lots and lots of cake!

Now Rainbow has burst into song and while I know she cares about Tank, I never knew she cared about him this much. She truly is dead set on stopping winter. She's making heart shaped clouds and then breaking them to let the sun in, shine on Tank and remove his fatigue. I know I complain about Rainbow and emphasize on what a bitch she is all the time, but right now I'm seeing a side of her that I never knew existed. She actually does have a heart.

No matter how hard she tries though, those dumb weather ponies take three steps forward for every one that Rainbow sets them back. Well either Rainbow steps up her game or I'm going to be one very unhappy princess. If she loves that tortoise as much as she claims, she'll do whatever it takes, even if it means breaking the law, to stop winter Surprisingly, it looks like that is what is going to happen. This should be fun, very fun!

Now Rainbow has decided to break into the weather factory to stop winter. This should be fun to watch because despite her handling some aspects of the weather, she doesn't know how to operate the machinery which is going to make this operation much, much more difficult. She should have just thrown herself out to that pegasus that looks like Sea Swirl but then again, maybe not. She is just as hot as Sea Swirl and I have decided I want her so I'm heading to Cloudsdale, abducting her and hauling her to my sleeping chambers. I can find out her name later, I'm just needy and she looks perfect.

Enough about my plans on adding another mare to my harem, back to the show. Well she's done it, Rainbow has broken into the winter lab. The bad thing is that she is looking at all that equipment and is completely clueless as to how it works. Had she done better on her weather control test so long ago, she could have been working in the weather factory instead of being a lowly local weather team member. Oh well, with as obsessed as she is with Spitfire and the rest of the Wonderbolts, she wouldn't have had the discipline nor the composure to work there anyway.

At first her plans seemed pretty lame. Yeah they may have delayed winter for a while, but suddenly she gets a bright idea. Drain the water from their tank. Without water, there will be no clouds or snow! Yes, maybe she'll do it! Perhaps she can stop that Faust-forsaken season from coming and I can enjoy Hearth's Warming for a change. Unfortunately though, Tank and his flying device cause him to flip some switch that turns on this fan. Great, just great. Now she is getting blown into where they store the lightning bolts and it only makes matters worse.

Before I go on I am going to bring up a little something the animators didn't show. On the side of that weather machine there was a switch. Had she thrown that switch up to the warm setting, she would not be going through all of this nor would she be causing millions of bits of damage to expensive weather making equipment and most importantly, she would stop winter and make me a very happy princess.

Unfortunately for her and tank, now they have been sucked into the weather machine and are getting thrown back to Ponyville, as part of a giant snowball. Well shit, winter has arrived not just in Ponyville, but in Canterlot as well. Thanks a lot Crashie, you've brought the worst season of the year to my city before it was time. The only reason I won't punish you is because you had good intentions. Now it looks like Tank's hibernation is inevitable, I guess unless she keeps him holed up in her house for a few months.

Well it looks like Rainbow is throwing in the towel by throwing herself a pity party. Oh wah, wah, wah. You failed Rainbow, you destroyed expensive weather equipment and still failed. Perhaps I should punish her after all. Thing is, she doesn't have the money to replace it and she certainly isn't the type of pony that I would ever lead into my sleeping chambers. I've got it, I'll just jack up taxes on the wealthiest ponies across Equestria. If they protest, I'll banish them to the moon or even better, I'll have Luna banish them to the sun! She hates the elite ponies anyway so she'd gladly do it.

Now I have a memo for Twilight and her friends. Rainbow is devastated and now matter what you do, you're not going to improve her mood. She knows now that she failed, her beloved pet tortoise is going to have to hibernate and she will have nopony, notortoise or anything else that will truly give a shit about her until spring arrives. Ok, I forgot that Pinkie will still care but that's it. The rest of her so-called friends merely tolerate her presence because I force them to.

Now Fluttershy finally lets her know that her winter will be petless. What the hell is going on? Suddenly Rainbow is crying? That's right, she is crying and it isn't some lame drama queen cry like Rarity does either. This is a true cry coming from a devastated pony who is going to lose her best friend for several months. I may seem like an uncaring sex obsessed, cake craving bitch most of the time but I am actually crying a little myself seeing this. Because of this, I won't punish her any but that still doesn't mean the wealthy won't see their taxes go up.

Now what happens next is cold. Fluttershy starts to cry too and Rarity says it is awful to see Fluttershy cry. For Faust's sake bitch, Rainbow is the truly distraught one here. Fluttershy is simply too tender hearted and will cry over just about anything. Just wait till Angel dies though, then she will be the one needing comfort and the funny thing will likely be that Rainbow won't care and may find it funny. Like me and pretty much everypony else, she thinks Angel is a little asshole that will rot in Tartarus.

Finally Rainbow accepts the fact that Tank has to hibernate and takes him out by this tree where he will dig his burrow. I'm surprised he was able to, I thought the ground would have froze by now. Now this is a sad moment for Rainbow and a goodbye moment for the others. I do look forward to when spring arrives for more than one reason though. Pinkie plans on throwing a party for when he comes back above ground. If it has cake then I'll be there and if it has fritters, I know Luna will be there as well. I may not be obsessing over when Tank finishes his winter slumber but I am obsessing over what is on the menu.

I'm sorry Twilight but I don't think Rainbow is quite ready to go and partake in some winter fun. She is going to stay by Tank's hibernation spot and read some Daring Do to him. Whether he can hear her or not is beyond me but all that matters is that Rainbow proved that she isn't a 100% narcissistic and self-absorbed bitch, just 99.99%.

One final thing that they didn't show. Rainbow nearly froze to death but she sat there by that tree all winter long. She didn't even take part in Winter Wrap Up. Luckily it got done on time, Tank woke up and Rainbow was happy again. My sister and I attended the party Pinkie threw because yes there was cake and plenty of fritters. In the end Rainbow was happy, Luna was happy and I was happy. Now it is just a matter of time before Pinkie has to throw an Angel's permanent hibernation party where everypony will celebrate, well except for Fluttershy, who I will have to make feel all better.

Author's Note

Celestia's newest lovely, the one who looks like Sea Swirl

Chapter 100: Slice of Life

Chapter 100: Slice of Life

Hello my beloved subordinates! I'm going to let you know that you have been wonderful little underlings. You haven't bad mouthed me, you've paid your taxes like you're supposed to and you've worshiped me as required by law so I'll give you my synopsis of "Slice of Life."

Alright here we start out with Cranky and Matilda reminiscing about the time they've been together. From the way it looks, it looks like they live together. Now that's odd, I would have thought that Matilda would have waited until marriage to live with him. Oh well, you know what they say. If a couple co-habitates for a while and don't kill each other their marriage will be more likely to survive. Good! I don't want to have to officiate a divorce between two asses.

It looks like something is going wrong with the way Matilda is acting. Oh no, the invitations have the wrong date on them. It says their wedding is today instead of tomorrow. Shit, now Luna and I have to get going so we're not late. Well we decide we need to shower before we go because she had fritters stuck in her coat and well, I had a ton of fun with Lemon Hearts last night so I'm sure you know what was stuck in my coat.

Well we got washed up but we had a while before we had to go so I went to my balcony and continued to spy on what was going on.

Obviously Cranky is pissed and goes to chew out the pony who he had make the invitations and guess who it was? It was the local mailmare, Derpy Hooves who he hired. Now would I have hired her to handle the invitations? No I would not have. While she seems like a friendly mare I simply don't think she was the best choice for something like this.

Now she is complaining to the Doctor about her problems and as it turns out, she hired somepony who has no experience with a printing press, Featherweight. Now what the hell is a school colt doing handling this? Come on Derpy, I know you could do better than that. Yeah it was on short notice but still, I don't think you would have to had gone with a colt. Hell you could have asked me and I would have made them for free using my magic but oh well, what is done is done.

Now it looks like the Doctor has taken Derpy into his basement. Shit, I can't see what's going on so now for my usual response when this happens. I can't not know what is going on if I am to give you a good synopsis of this. Well it seems like me teleporting myself in there was rather unnecessary as absolutely nothing interesting happens! The doctor mentions bringing time forward to you to fix problems? How the hell would that even work? Thing is, that is fancy talk for just living in the present and here I was hoping that he would do something like Doc Brown and be able to travel back in time. Well he doesn't have a DeLorean nor does he have any plutonium so forget that.

So now the doctor suddenly realizes he has to get his suit tailored and who does he go to, Rarity! I didn't think Rarity did clothes for stallions, I thought all she did was slutty outfits along with the occasional modest dress. Well I guess even an old mare like me can learn new things. Unfortunately for the doctor, she is not home and get this, he runs into DJ-PON3 expecting her to know where she is. She must be able to read lips because she certainly can't hear him over her music. Well she doesn't lead him to Rarity, but somepony else.

She takes him to the bowling alley where he meets up with some rather fancy stallions, ones that make their own outfits. They agree to tailor his suit BUT he must bowl with them since their other team mate didn't show up. Here is the problem, the doctor and his overly analytical way of thinking has caused him not to want to bowl. You know how his type are, they analyze everything and decide that if there are too many variables, they won't mess with it. Eventually though he does decide to bowl given the bowling ponies told him to just throw it straight.

Now that that is taken care of now all of a sudden my girls are huddled together outside. Now what could possibly be going on that would cause them to do that. Probably something boring such as a friendship problem OR it might be something more fun! It might be something that will bring some real excitement to that town, something much more exciting than a wedding involving two asses.

Ok, this is odd. Half the town is watching their little meeting and Octavia, who has a semi-important role later on, wonders what is going on. Come to find out it is either a friendship problem or a monster attack. Well I'll let you in on a little secret, yours Truly decided to stir up some trouble to make this wedding exciting so it is the later. I decided to free the bug bear from Tartarus, not just because I wanted to make this fun, but I also wanted to test those six and cause another pony down there to freak out.

Well my bug bear unleashes its attack on Ponyville and immediately Matilda freaks out given the chaos this thing is causing. Even worse, Matilda's wedding planner is busy so she calls on somepony else to help her with the last minute things. She calls on the pony who used to plan everything before my sexy lavender student arrived, Amethyst Star. Now I'm going to admit something to you, I like Amethyst. Not in the same way as I do other mares though. She is the one who told Rainbow Crash that she was a narcissistic bitch and added that she needs to lose the hero complex a while back. Of course Amethyst happily agrees to aid Matilda in this and well, Derpy wants to help too.

Matilda gives her a simple task, go get her flower arrangement. There is one problem though, those oh so sexy flower girls don't even have the flowers in much less have them arranged. Those girls are so adorable, not to mention sexy when they go into panic mode the way they do. "Oh the horror, the horror!" What happened next is hilarious, the bug bear broke a stem on one of the zinnias. They fall over again and Roseluck cries, "The horror, oh the horror!"

I'm going to be honest, when they do that I just want to snatch them up, take them to my sleeping chambers and calm them down, especially Roseluck. Since I was already down there I figured I would just grab them, take them to the town hall and we could defile the place before the wedding. Unfortunately though, two mares who were decorating the place would beat me to it.

Now I have to teleport myself into the town hall where Lyra and Bon Bon were busy decorating the place. Alright simple enough but now they are talking about how a "best friend" always knows you the most. Ok, I call bullshit on the best friend thing. Many ponies think they are just close friends but I know better. They are basically inseparable and they often give one another looks that certainly aren't kid friendly.

Yeah yeah yeah girls, I know you think you'll get everything done together but if that ass bumping is leading up to what I think it is, I might have to come in with my flower girls and finish the job. Oh wait, if I have them with me I wouldn't get it done either. I'll just have to do it myself.

Holy shit, the way the way they are looking at one another definitely says that sexy times are going to ensue very soon, I can feel it. Maybe I could join them, a threesome with these two would certainly be fantastic. Maybe not though, these two truly do love one another and aren't merely friends with benefits. Ok, now all of a sudden there is some ruckus coming from outside and of course Bon Bon wonders what it is. What I would like to know is how did Lyra know it was a bug bear. Now all of a sudden Bon Bon looks like she is going into a panic.

You see, she actually works for a secret anti-monster agency in Canterlot. Long story short, I'm her boss and I do monitor her closely. Now she is freaking out wondering how it found her and what is even funnier is how Lyra suddenly thinks their whole relationship is a big sham. "What about the benches we sat on? The lunches? The long talks? The munchy-munchy sessions we had? The horn sex I gave you? Are you saying that none of that was real?"

Calm down Lyra, she just lied about her name being special agent Sweetie Drops and lied about her line of work but other than that, everything is perfectly fine! Once Sweetie Drops apologizes and tells her why she did what she did they embrace and give one another bedroom eyes, ON SCREEN, that basically makes LyraBon canon! Yes, finally! Thank you Larson, you finally shattered the whole concept of mares can't love each other in a kids' show. Maybe Hasbro will let him put an exploit I have had with Twily in an episode because that would be sweet! Who knows, maybe episode 150 will be of me marrying Lyra and Bon Bon. That would be sweet too because after I married them we could have a three way honeymoon!

What they couldn't show though, was that before Bon Bon went out after the bug bear, those two headed into the mayor's office and defiled her desk for an hour straight! I can't wait to see the mayor's reaction when she finds her desk covered in girlcum! As my sister would say it, "it will be most hilarious!"

After their intimate moment Bon Bon leaves to go out after my monster and of course Lyra acts like the upset wife saying they'll talk about it later. Yeah, uh huh, you'll just bang each other and forget about this entirely. Ok, now Lyra is all alone and sad continuing to decorate the town hall without her marefriend and given that I can't reveal myself, she has to do it all on her own.

Meanwhile back at the bowling alley the poor doctor has to hit a 7-10 split to win the game. Unfortunately for him, Derpy interrupts his concentration when she decides that his flameless fireworks would look better than the flowers. Normally I would hurl an insult at a pony who caused somepony else to screw up royally but Derpy is sweet, innocent and pure. She didn't know any better. Bad news for the doctor though, he missed converting the split and never got his suit tailored so I guess he'll have to wear a burlap sack or something else that is a crime against fashion to the wedding.

Well I have to do yet another teleportation spell, this time it is into the spa. Unfortunately for me though, it is not to bang Twilight in the steam room. I did see not only Matilda, but Steven Magnet, the sea monster that I have always thought was possibly gay. Well from the sounds of his chat with Matilda, he thinks of her as family and Matilda learned that her fiance's best steed is a sea monster. Quite a good choice if you ask me. It beats having another ass, right?

Now on to something I have been so curious about so I reversed the invisibility spell and shock not only the spa twins but also Matilda and Steven. They all were surprised to see me but there was one thing they didn't sow, my talk with Steven. Well come to find out while he acts happy and flamboyant all the time, he is depressed because some female sea monster he had been dating for a while dumped him in favor of another guy. That poor guy. I also did something I hate doing. I apologized to him for saying that he might be gay in my synopsis of the premiere. He accepted my apology and all is good. Now I have to get out of here, I need to show up at the town hall here soon.

Well shit, I've been notified that I have yet another place to go, Vinyl and Octavia's place. What I would like to know is how those two can even stand to be together given how different they are. Once I did the invisibility and teleport into their place, I discovered something, something the animators never showed. They aren't just roommates, they're marefriends! Wow, I am discovering all sorts of exciting things without dealing with my bug bear.

Now on to what they could show, well Octavia is bored as hell with the standard wedding music. Well I don't blame her, standard wedding music is boring, bland and is horribly painful on the years. Luckily though the DJ helps her make things more interesting and I am also shocked to see that her music machine is mobile as well. So what happens, they decide to take that baby for a spin and collect a few ponies along the way.

Some bad things did happen on their way to the town hall though. Something showed up to wreck her music machine. The Twicane! Yes that damn Twicane came back. Ugh I hate that thing. I remember right after Twilight and her friends fought back the Everfree Forest, Twilight "punished" me with that damn thing and it hurt! I banished that thing to the moon but just like a damn ouija board, it found it's way back. I'll have Luna banish it to the sun, it shouldn't return from that. Oh, and on a side note, Cranky lost his toupee.

While this was going on, Pinkie's dumb alligator was watching this go on with that same mindless look on his face but you know what? He can actually think and had quite the interesting thoughts regarding cutie marks and bug bear attacks. Oh well, enough with that. The music machine and all it's pony passengers have crashed into the town all and Luna has shown up so time to go into the town hall now.

Well Luna arrives and shit on a stick, she forgot the gift! How the hell could she forget to grab the damn gift when she is usually the organized one between the two of us. Oh well, those asses are getting enough gifts as it is, what is one less going to matter? I'll just return it, get those 100 bits back and buy myself some cake.

Ok, I have come to the conclusion that Shining Armor is either a pussy, an overly emotional overgrown colt or is still traumatized by his own wedding which would explain why he cries at every single one he has been to since his own.

Good news for you all, my sexy Twily and her friends have defeated the bug bear! Now Bon Bon can come and try to make amends with her marefriend. What I find funny is that Lyra made a big deal out of her cooking and eating some fancy oats they had been saving for a special occasion. I can't help but wonder what that "special occasion" was. Oats don't last forever so I know they weren't saving them for their wedding night. Maybe come episode 150 or 200 girls, maybe then Hasbro will let you get married.

Now that the bug bear has been defeated, Twilight can come join me. I do hope that someday it will be us getting married. I can just imagine the ceremony. I'd be up there in royal guard garb since I would be the alpha-female and she'll be coming up the aisle in a magnificent gown, one that would be so much fun to remove once we got to a private place.

Wait a minute, Derpy and the doctor come in and Derpy locks my Twily and her friends out. How could she? How could she deny me the chance to have my lovely lavender hottie next to me. Oh well, I suppose now I can get some sleep while the mayor yaps and have Luna wake me up when the bride and groom say "I do."

Well they kiss and the doctor's flameless fireworks ignite. Yeah they may look spectacular to your common hack but Luna and I found them lack luster. Why get excited over something that lame when we could create explosions like that ourselves. Hell even that showboat Trixie could do that.

In the end Twilight is going on some sappy rave about how wonderful it is to live in this town and how much she loves her friends. Ugh gag me. Now I know this place has rubbed off on her way too much. I find nothing special about it so you know what? She can stay here tonight and I'll take the flower girls home with me. Besides, I overheard her talking to Rarity about having some fun tonight.

Now for what happened afterwards. I decided to let Cranky and Matilda spend a week up in that fancy suite Rarity stayed in so long ago for their honeymoon. I don't know what they did in there but one thing I do know, Lyra and Bon Bon kept the whole damn town awake. I've heard about noise complaints involving them before but this time the complaints were far more numerous. They weren't the only ones keeping everypony awake. Colgate and Twinkleshine got a room down here and holy shit were they loud. Normally I would be pissed that Colgate would take my Twinkleshine away from me but hey, I have three hot flower girls on tap for tonight, so it's all good.

Now if you serfs will excuse me, I have three hot florists to have some fun with. If you hear a mare squealing, "The horror, oh the horror!" you'll know which one I'm giving it to rough!

Chapter 101: Princess Spike

Chapter 101: Princess Spike

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess. As you all know my sister and I got back from a couple of asses getting married a few days ago and while we thought everything went fine, it didn't. That editor of The Ponyville Express is in big trouble. He published something accusing me of all the ponies keeping the rest of the town awake that night. He accused innocent little me! Well because of that I have decided to punish you with my synopsis of "Princess Spike."

I swear, these past three days have been horrible. Nothing but meetings with delegates from all over Equestria and absolutely no lovely time....and that is even with Twilight up here! She has been staying up all night long trying to make sure this thing runs smoothly. Now I tried telling her that this dumb thing wasn't worth her stressing out over BUT SHE DIDN'T LISTEN! Because of that, despite me having had a couple slices of cake this morning, I'm in a bad mood and my sister isn't exactly enjoying this summit either.

Well here we all are talking to these idiots and talking about how we'll dedicate this fancy gem statue to all these dignitaries at the party tonight. A party sounds nice and all but I have discovered one thing, there will not be any desserts at all! No cake, no fritters, no donuts, no nothing! What kind of party is that? Hopefully something will happen and not only me, but my sister can get out of it.

Well now we have a huge surprise here, my sexy Twily is tired, very tired. She is so tired that she can't even think straight! Well Cadence has taken her up to get some sleep. My sister and I see this and we get an idea.

"Little sister, do you see that? Cadence is taking Twilight up to get some sleep! Let's bail on this pathetic scene!"

"We are not sure about that big sister. What if someauthor was to get mad?"

"Come on little sister, StormLuna won't get mad!"

"Tia, we probably should ask."

"StormLuna, Luna and I have a question to ask you."

"Yes?"

"We have been put through hell during this summit and we can't take anymore! Luna hasn't had any fritters, I haven't had any lovely time with Twilight and we just want to have some fun!"

"Dear StormLuna, canst we go somewhere and relax?"

"Yes you may. Go down to Ponyville. Luna, I will alert the Apple Family that you are coming and there should be fritters waiting for you. Celestia, I shall notify Sugarcube Corner of your coming and they'll have a cake waiting for you."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Now go before Cadence comes back!"

"Thanks StormLuna!"

Yes, my sister and I get to leave. I'll tell you one thing, we never flew as fast as we did then because we didn't want Cadence to see us. Once we got to the point where we figured Cadence couldn't see us, we slowed down because we didn't want to arrive in Ponyville before our treats would be ready for us!

Hello, Princess Cadence here. I don't know what happened but I can't seem to find my aunts anywhere so since Twilight is sleeping and those two are doing Faust knows what, I guess I get to give this synopsis for a while.

Ok, well Twilight is really tired and needs some sleep. Perhaps it is best that I can't find Celestia because I know that once I left, she would have Luna lure Spike away with something and then go in and keep Twilight awake with her "lovely" time. I honestly don't get why my aunt has to be such a nympho. It seems like other than cake, the only thing she wants is Twily, Fluttershy, Rarity and often times me! Me, and I'm her niece for Faust's sake!

Ok, back to the synopsis. Twilight needs her sleep and I told Spike to make sure that she is not disturbed. Of course he agreed and if he succeeds, I may give him a crystal or something halfway decent to compensate him for doing this. Now I go off to attend some of these meetings but don't worry, I'll keep my eyes peeled and I should be able to keep an eye on things.

For a while things were actually very quiet. Good, I'm glad it is because Twilight needs her rest and I need to be able to pay attention to these presentations.

Well that silence would be broken all too soon when a bird was singing. Now something happens that causes me to realize why my aunt always calls him an idiot. Get this, instead of simply closing the window like anypony with half a brain would do, he climbs up that tower to tell the bird to be quiet! Well that thing then flies into Twilight's room and lands on her horn! I thought for sure it would wake her up but luckily it didn't and Spike was able to get the bird out of there.

Now I would assume Spike would shut the window, especially once the polo game got started but oh no, he has to go stop it and piss a bunch of ponies off! Well he got them to take their game elsewhere but now the city's public works ponies are out doing their jobs and are being loud. Well no shit they're going to make noise Spike! Chainsaws aren't quiet and neither are jackhammers.

There is one thing I would like to know. My aunt knew this damn thing was coming up before too long so why couldn't she have had those trees trimmed a week ago and I would think that unicorn working on the water main would know to shut off the water before working on it. Hell maybe it's a good thing I don't live here anymore, I would probably wind up smacking a few ponies....and that's if I wasn't in a real bitchy mood.

Now that this has been taken care of Spike has decided to sit out in front of Twilight's door and start eating some fire rubies. Oh yes, just because Twilight hasn't been woken up yet doesn't mean she won't be. Now I know why my aunt thinks he is a narcissistic little bastard most of the time. If I didn't have to listen to this tiger striped griffon bitch about Gilda's griffon-scone prices I would. Ugh, Gilda can charge whatever the hell she wants....look bitch, it's called a free market economy! She has a monopoly up there and can charge what she wants.

Ok, enough about the bitchy griffon. It looks like Spike has a couple of delegates who need Twilight to make a decision. Both of them are scheduled to use the same hall at the same time but each thinks their speech is more important. Well Spike goes in and asks Twilight and she says something about eating candles so Spike has decided it is time to make decisions for her. He says to share it. I have a bad feeling about this but we'll see what happens.

I had to attend that meeting and all they did was shout over each other. Yeah I'm pissed about that but I'm even madder over my aunts being nowhere to be found. Celestia and Luna should have been attending this because I had a spa treatment scheduled at this time but oh no, they just couldn't show up now could they. Hell, they could be faking an illness and hiding in their sleeping chambers. I would go and check but if I were to disturb either one of them, they would punish me....and I know Celestia would take that Twicane to me and I certainly don't want that!

Now everypony is coming to Spike asking about this and that. I swear, all these delegates think Canterlot owes them this and owes then that. I honestly think Spike should have just told them all no and I am glad to see he said that Twilight didn't think it was fair for Fancy Pants to get VIP passes to all the events. Now why he would want VIP passes to all these events is beyond me. It's not like anything special is going on. To be honest, I'm bored out of my mind and if Twilight didn't need her sleep, I'd go see if she'd be up for a little bit....no make that A LOT....of fun.

So now Spike has decided to take it to the next level and take care of all of Twilight's afternoon meetings. Yeah it may be making sure she gets her sleep but he is probably going to screw something up. Ok, that talk with the gem pony with the nasally voice must have been boring as hell but good grief, he tells the public works ponies to keep letting things stay as they are. He could have at least told the idiot working on the water main to shut the damn water off. Now I know why Celestia thinks the city workers are idiots.

Now I did have a brief spare moment and while I was going to go to the spa I had to go check on Spike and let's just say I'm not thrilled with him making all these decisions for Twilight. Yeah he can claim he isn't enjoying all this but deep down I know he is. Celestia is right about him, he is an attention whore but just won't admit it. All I can do is hope those trees don't crash and that main doesn't break.

Well I fly off because I had yet another boring meeting to go to. You know, this whole summit is really starting to wear me thin and I am slowly but surely getting madder and madder that my aunts have gone Faust knows where and shouldered not just this day of meetings on me, but this damn synopsis! Hell I wouldn't be a bit surprised if they ran off somewhere just to get out of having to do this! I know how Celestia can be, if she wants to avoid doing something, she will go hide....normally taking a "lovely" with her!

After discovering Spike has been telling ponies that Twilight wants them to do things for him, I finally catch him in his damn lies. So he thinks princess life is so great? If I didn't think Twilight would stop putting out...."oh shit, did I say that out loud"....well I would give Spike a sex change operation so he could be one to start with!

"I heard that Cadence, you may think you are all innocent but I have dirt on you now. I'm sure Celestia will love to know you're banging her property!"

"StormLuna, please don't tell her! If she finds out I do it without her permission she'll violate me with the Twicane!"

"Oh, and I take it you don't enjoy it?"

"No, it hurts so bad! Please don't tell her!"

"Fine I won't. This will be just between us, ok?"

"Ok."

Alright, back to where I was. I saw through Spike's lies and now the shit has hit the fan! Those idiots with the croquet game have knocked their ball to where it knocked a tree over. That tree knocked others over and one crashed on the water main and now the banquet hall is flooded. Well shit, I better go get the water turned off, which is something that public works pony should have done before he started tearing the street up.

Oh great, now Fancy Pants is being a complete asshole towards the city workers. I'm not happy with him either but he acts like he is the pony in charge when he isn't. My aunts are in charge of this and now I know why Aunt Luna hates the wealthy ponies of Equestria so much, they think they are all that and that their shit doesn't stink! Now all these delegates are going to go bitch out Twilight and I'm not one bit happy. They should just realize that shit happens and get over themselves.

Luckily for Twilight Spike beats them up to her tower but when they all learn she's sleeping, they get all pissy. Hey shitheads, she's been up for three fucking straight days so of course she's going to need some rest. So help me, if I weren't the Princess of Love and Light, I'd rain a shitstorm of hate and darkness upon them right now....screw it, I might do it after the episode anyway.

After a good day's rest Twilight wakes up well rested but is greeted by a pissed off Fancy Pants and is greeted by something much worse, a flooded banquet hall and a destroyed gem statue. I'm not so concerned about the gem statue as I am the banquet hall. You know how my aunts are when it comes to damaging government property. They either demand monetary reimbursement or since it was Spike, Celestia will likely punish Twilight in the bedroom and I don't want that to happen.

Well Spike apologized to everypony and we go that statue rebuilt. Oh shit, somepony is giving him dragon sneeze flowers and it looks like we'll be rebuilding that statue, again! Luckily we are saved by the credits, woo-hoo!

Now for what they couldn't show. I did indeed round those delegates up and rained down a storm of lightning bolts on them. I am one pissed off princess and they are the reason why. I missed spa time because of them and they overall pissed me off. Yeah I saw this one blue unicorn get out of there unscathed but oh well, I think she is the local dentist and we can't have her getting injured.

Of course after this I was still frustrated so I decided to pull a page out of my aunt's playbook. I led Twilight back up into that tower and her and I had lots and lots of fun but still, my aunts are going to have a date with the Twicane when they get back for cursing this upon me! Mark my words, they will not like what their little niece of love and light has planned for them.

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"Well big sister, this trip was most enjoyable! That summit should have ended by now. Think we should get home."

"I don't know little sister, what if it ran late?"

"Celestia, Luna, I think you should wait."

"Why StormLuna?"

"You see, things went to hell and now Cadence is threatening to punish both of you with the Twicane."

"Well, we shall see about that. She'll be on the sun before she even has the chance."

"Trust me, I'll take that Twicane to her before she has the chance."

"Oh and Celestia, just so you know, she is screwing Twilight as we speak."

"Without my permission! Oh she is going to pay dearly! I think I'll punish her with my horn instead!"

"Alright, just don't kill her, alright? I don't think Hasbro would like that."

"Probably not."

"I would advise you wait until morning to return home though. Cadence wound up burning some of the delegates with her energy after they pissed her off."

*laughs* "Good. I didn't know she had it in her."

"Oh well, that dost not mean she will not be punished."

"Alright ladies, it's time to finish this. You get some rest."

" *in unison* "You too StormLuna!"

Chapter 102: Party Pooped

Chapter 102: Party Pooped

Hello everypony it is your sexy Sun Goddess again. I must warn you, I am in a very bad mood because ponies are blaming ME and my sister for everything going to hell in that shitty summit Canterlot had to host here recently. How could it have been our fault when we weren't even there when it happened? Because of this and a few negative reports from the editor of the Canterlot Chronicle, Luna has banished them to the sun and I shall force you to listen to my synopsis of "Party Pooped."

Here it is another day and it looks my sexy Twily and her friends are preparing for another event. Damn, first she had the asses' wedding, then that useless summit that I skipped most of and now she is going to throw a party for some yaks so we can be friends with them. Come on Twily, they haven't even associated with us for Faust knows how long and I see no point to this. You would be far more useful up here with ME giving me the love I need.

Ok, enough about that. I can't see in her castle so I do the typical invisibility and teleport spell and she seems to be a bit nervous. I'll tell you why, it isn't because of her fears of failing in friendship here, it is because she knows I'm going to be pissed off at her for putting these idiots ahead of me.

Well they finally arrive and the first thing I remember about the last time I dealt with them, good grief they're stupid. "Me honored?" They can't even speak proper English, perhaps that is why Luna and I told them go freeze to death in that shit hole they call Yakyakistan. Well apparently Twily had some sort of food and claimed it was Yakyakistan food. Of course their idiot leader eats it and realizes it ain't yak food.

Now here is something that really makes me wonder how these things manage to live without drowning in their own drool. They say that if something ain't perfect, yaks get mad. Well the food ain't perfect and they get mad. They start stomping and jumping around Twilight's castle until they do probably 15,000 bits of damage....and yes I plan on billing them for it. Yeah their currency is so weak it will likely bankrupt their tiny nation but I don't care. They damaged government property and one does not get away with damaging government property without repercussions!

Ok, the yaks have left and now Twilight must assess the damage. I know it may look bad but at least they didn't do any damage to the only part of that castle that has any real use, Twily's sleeping chambers! Now it looks like some of Twily's friends have decided to try and convince these losers that they can transport them back to Yakyakistan. Seriously AJ, hay beds like they're used to? Those may be hay beds but they aren't made with yak hay so guess what, they get all pissy and decide to smash the place.

Ugh these things are stupid. Had I not heard that yak meat is nasty I probably would have reversed the invisibility spell, killed them and ate them. Forget that though, there is a cake waiting for me at Sugarcube Corner so I will go and eat it. Don't worry though, I'll keep going with this synopsis though.

Next up is the sexiest pegasus to have ever existed, Fluttershy. She thinks that by putting horned helmets on her animals that they will be Yakyakistan animals? Nice try you ditz but once the secret is revealed that they aren't yakyakistani animals, the morons nearly kill them! Luckily she was able to save them but a certain yellow pegasus will not be so lucky for endangering the lives of other citizens of Equestria. You hear that Flutters? Your master will pay you a very sexy yet painful visit tonight!

Now Rarity is trying to convince these hacks that she can make something more like what they're used to. She failed as well. Get this though, these dumb fucks tried eating the fabric. I swear, I honestly don't think befriending such stupid creatures is even worth wasting time over. Twilight needs to send them packing, grab Fluttershy and Rarity and get their asses up to Canterlot at once. That way I could get home too and "punish" them for wasting time entertaining a truly inferior species.

Good grief, now Crashie is going to try to please them. Look, you are a weather pony, you should know that Equestrian snow is not like the snow up in their Faust-Forsaken country so naturally she fucks up royally. Get this, in the unedited version Prince Rutheford yelled, "This no fucking yak snow, yaks crush pegasus!"

Luckily for her she was able to fly out of the way before they started stomping on the snow. You know something, I am seriously considering reversing that invisibility spell and putting those yaks in their place. For one, I think they have severe mental challenges given that they would flunk a kindergarten English test and behave in a manner that even hillbillies out in the middle of nowhere would be disgusted by.

Now it is meeting time and my Twily and her friends are having a meeting and Pinkie is right, things are going horrible! Well what do you expect when you're dealing with idiots that make Snips and Snails look like geniuses? Now Pinkie has come up with what she thinks is the perfect idea, actually go up to Yakyakistan, get something and bring it back to make these idiots feel at home.

Alright, this is one thing I notice constantly throughout the show. It seems like ponies can travel all over the country in nothing flat. Here it is, just a few hours before the party and she thinks she can get up there, grab something and get back in time. Memo to writers, Equestria is not the size of a small city in Lyra's comic books. The way they make it seem with the timing is that Yakyakistan is nothing more than a thirty minute journey. Hell I read a ton of fan fictions that make the distances seem far more realistic!

Back to Pinkie's trip, well she hops on the train and yeah it looks normal, lush green country, mountains in the area but suddenly she is in Dodge Junction. Ok, once again an epic fuck up on the part of the writers! You don't have that kind of territory between Ponyville and Dodge Junction. Ok, I know that besides me, only the most anal fans notice this but hey, at least they pay attention.

Now they have to stop because a bunch of damn sheep are sitting on the tracks, a bunch of damn sheep. Here is what your sexy Sun Goddess would do, put a cow catcher on the front of the train and it would just push the damn things out of the way, well at first. Once it was going fast enough it would kill them but oh well, it's not like sheep are an endangered species or anything.

Well since Pinkie is stuck in Dodge Junction because of the sheep she runs into Cheery Jubilee and she's going to somehow get her to the Crystal Empire in thirty minutes or so. You know, I would use my goddess tier magic to simply teleport Pinkie to Yakyakistan but that isn't how things work. Once they get going it isn't long until they wind up falling off into a ravine. Well shit, if Pinkie dies I'll have to find some other overly joyous earth pony to take her place. Oh well, the elements are back in the tree and Tirek is back in Tartarus so I don't think it will really matter.

Great, just great. Now instead of showing us what happened, I am now having to endure some shitty music Spike is playing for these yaks who are suddenly crying like babies. What a bunch of losers. I for one find the music hideous but perhaps it is some sort of song about death back in their Faust-forsaken homeland. Soon though those tears will turn into screams of rage as we learn that Spike wasn't playing the piano, it was on a player piano.

Ugh, these yaks are idiots. Because of that they decide to smash the piano and are now going to go home. Good, I don't care for them to start with. Wait a minute, what was that? These idiots are going home, bringing back more yaks and declaring war on Equestria. Now I know for sure that they are by far the dumbest creatures on the face of the planet. Do they not know that with one single bolt of energy from my horn that I could kill a thousand of them? Well I guess once they bring more of their kind back here I'll get to show off my killing skills.

Now as you know I have been keeping an eye on things and Twilight was supposed to entertain these idiots and prevent them from doing dumb shit like this before I decided to make my presence known but because of this, she must be punished! I'm wondering, shall I do it with my horn, should I hoof her extra hard or shall I use the TwiCane? I'm not sure but the mischievous side of me is leaning towards the TwiCane. It is always so much fun to see something with her image going up in her!

Pinkie somehow arrives in the Crystal Empire and Cadence is leading her to the northern boundary, which is outside of that protective dome. Now even I have learned something new as I thought anything outside of it wasn't part of the Empire. Hmmm....perhaps if I want to have fun with Cadence without taking her out of the country I know where to take her now. Yeah it might be a bit uncomfortable for her but it will be so much fun for me!

"Ugh, I'm getting so bored with this one, this episode was so awful, why won't StormLuna just let me go grab a lovely and take her to my sleeping chambers and end this early? Hell, I'd even be happy taking Rainbow to my chambers if it meant I could get out of this and you know I don't find her the slightest bit attractive! Please StormLuna, have mercy on me, please!"

"Sorry Tia, but you have to do this. I have readers who want your view on the whole thing!"

"You're so cruel, you know that?"

"I know. Tell you what, I'll make sure you get extra cake in a different synopsis or maybe in a different story."

"Fine, you win."

Well I guess I better get back to doing this even though I'd rather be doing ALMOST anything else right now. Alright, so on her way to Yakyakistan she runs into a yeti and then a cute little baby yak. Tell you what, if the yaks declare war and I decide to not only wipe their army out but their whole country, I'll spare that one. He is adorable. I can raise him to be part of the royal guard, after all, a yak guard who is loyal to me would kick ass!

Oh no, Pinkie jumped on the baby's sled but then she started falling backwards while that little fella got in. Well so much for her making these idiots happy. Who knows, that sled thing might cause her to go crashing into the ocean. Wait, what is this? A deleted scene! Now I am very unhappy with Cadence. She caught Pinkie, hauled her up to her sleeping chambers and had fun with her! Does she not know that I must approve of anypony she takes up to her chambers? Guess what Cadi, you now have a very angry aunt and trust me, your Auntie Tia will punish you severely! Well after her moment of fun, Cadence launched that sled back on it's way and Pinkie is returning home.

While Pinkie is somehow going through basically every place in Equestria to get home her friends have broken an entering! For that I have decided that Twilight, Fluttershy and Rarity are going to be punished severely tonight. Also, since the Crystal Empire is apparently just a few minutes away, I'll use the writer's distance and go grab Cadence and punish her for banging Pinkie.

Now regarding this breaking an entering, they have discovered that Pinkie has a secret party planning cave. I'll admit, now that is cool but does she have a file for me? If she did it would read,

"Celestia likes yellow cake, lavender icing and white sprinkles....as long as they are playful and feisty! But she is afraid of apple fritters because her sister would fight her to the death over one!"

Well Pinkie is back and has discovered her friends broke into her party cave and has notified her friends that thanks to the sheep, the yaks never got out of town so in the end they had their party. Now thankfully I don't have to hide from the writers and I see that Pinkie did the right thing, she made the yaks feel at home here in our vastly superior country rather than trying to make our country feel like that dump.

Now Twilight knows what I heard when Prince Rutheford said "no declare war." Twilight gave me a nervous look when he said this and I could tell what was running through her mind. She knew that I was going to punish her and was so scared I was going to use the TwiCane on her.

After that boring party was over I took Twilight home with me and I DID use the TwiCane on her! Like I said I could have killed a thousand of them quicker than Crashie could clear the sky but still, it is the principle of the matter.

"All I have to say is thank Faust this one is over. I can't believe StormLuna would force me to give a synopsis of this while he probably had my sister either sleeping or feasting on fritters."

"Celestia, I let you get out of most of 'Princess Spike,' isn't that enough for you?"

"No, just make Twilight, Luna or Cadence do the awful ones from now on!"

"No Tia, I won't. The name of this story is 'Celestia's Views' after all."

"Fine, but I demand lots and lots of cake."

"Alright, and tell you what, I'll throw a side of Twily in with it."

"Ok, you win."

Chapter 103: Amending Fences

Chapter 103: Amending Fences

Hi, it is your beloved Sun Goddess and you all have been very good little serfs so I have decided to give you my synopsis of "Amending Fences."

So we start out with my sexy Twily being a slave driver, making poor Spike do the dishes. One thing I'd like to know is why the hell she doesn't just use her damn magic to clean them instead of making a BABY dragon do them. Oh well, it ain't my problem, there's no laws against enslaving baby dragons.

I'll admit, Spike is right, Twilight has had a lot on her plate lately so perhaps it is time for me to go pay her a visit. I can tell she is frustrated and needs a release but Spike just has to ruin my plans. The little bastard brings up how bad of a friend she used to be. Now she has decided to do something that will make banging her tonight next to impossible. Wait a minute, did I hear that right? Twilight suddenly wants to come up to Canterlot to apologize to her old friends? Yes! While she's doing that she can make me happy too! Perhaps Spike isn't such a little bastard after all.

I am stunned that she doesn't even remember her old friends' names! Perhaps I should have never made her the Princess of Friendship" after all. Well it's too late for that, well unless she were to commit some act of treason such as call me dirty names, not put out for a time period of a month or more or allow a member of the lesser sex to either kiss her or violate her. Alright, enough of what would cause Twilight to lose her wings and be stripped of her title.

Ok, so Twilight and Spike fly up to Canterlot and where does she go, she goes to her old tower. You know, I honestly don't know why I didn't take the key from her and put another student in there. I would have but there haven't been any students smart enough to meet my criteria. Twinkleshine has come very close but performing well in the bedroom won't earn you the honor of being my protege. Besides, she has been spending WAY TOO MUCH time with Colgate. I have a feeling they have something going on but I can't be completely sure.

Now for the thing they wouldn't show. It wasn't long after Twilight and Spike got up to her old tower and reminisced that I headed over there to pay Twilight a visit. I gave Spike a hundred bits and sent him off to feast on donuts so Twilight and I could reminisce about some of our times together....well the most erotic times anyway. I forgot how sexy her squeals sounded in that place the way her voice would bounce off the walls. Damn I miss those times! Damn I miss having her as my full time slave! Maybe I should alter her title, blackmail her and force her to move back into that tower and be completely and unquestionably subservient to me.

Alright, back to the show. The next morning arrives and not too long after I left, Twilight and Spike head off to find her old friends. Again Twilight can't remember her old friends' names? Wait a minute, who is this Minuette pony she has been mentioning so far. Well I guess I'm about to find out. When she gets to her first friends house, I was shocked. Minuette is Colgate! What in the hell is going on here? On all her paperwork from when she was in my school it was clearly stated that her name was Colgate.

The very sight of that blue unicorn scares me. I remember back when she was in my school and what happened one time when I took her to my sleeping chambers. Well I decided to let her dominate me that night so you know what she did? She tied me to my bed, got her dental equipment and began to drill holes in my teeth! At that time I had no clue that she had also been enrolled in a dental academy and was using me as a guinea pig. After that I threw her out of not just my sleeping chambers, but also my school. I guess it all turned out good for her given that she is a hotshot dentist making a killing. It really sucks that she is being successful without graduating from my school. Damn her hide anyway, unicorns aren't supposed to be successful after I kick them out of my school.

Ok, back to the episode. What I would like to know is why the hell is she so excited to see Twilight. The little bitch was an awful friend, she never visits her when she is up here and she just up and left without saying goodbye. Ok, that last part was my fault since I'm the one that forced her out so quickly. Minuette may have looked and acted overly happy but I know what she was really thinking. She was secretly wanting to drag my sexy Princess Twily into her basement, drill holes in her teeth, bang her, force her into her practice to get fillings and bill the government an outrageous amount of money to fix Twilight's teeth. Luckily for the taxpayers, that did not happen.

I'm sorry everypony, I know I'm bringing up the past too much. Alright, so Minuette mentions that they should go visit Lemon Hearts and Twinkleshine. Lemon Hearts was another pony I had to throw out of my school. It wasn't for being a sadistic psychopath but for simply failing her courses. She does however make a great organizer for important events though. Of course you all know about Twinkleshine and the exploits I've had with her. Like I said earlier though, she has been spending way too much time with Minuette and not nearly enough with me. They are so close and I notice that Lemon Hearts is close with them as well. I know this sounds like a crazy conspiracy but I almost wonder if they aren't in some sort of weird three way relationship.

Ok now for the blast from the past. You know I completely forgot about Moondancer and what a serious student she was all the way back to when she was a filly right up until I sent Twilight away. After that, I'm not sure what happened to her, she just quit showing up for classes. I have a sneaking suspicion that Twilight might have had something to do with it.

Ok, now Twilight and her extremely close friends are headed off to see Moondancer. What in the hell is wrong with her yard? Does she not know that there are regulations that a pony must keep their yard well kept in Canterlot? Well after Twilight damages her property, which I will force her to pay to repair, I see what happened to Moondancer. She has become the most anti-social pony ever.

Next up Twilight and Minuette violate numerous laws by stalking Moondancer for three straight days. All Moondancer does is go from her home, to the library and back home. What the hell could Moondancer be doing in that library since she isn't in my school anymore. Well come to find out she is studying just for shits and giggles. I suppose she is just living off of her parents' generosity since she obviously doesn't have a job.

Now to the library. I honestly don't think Twilight realizes what complete and utter assholes the patrons of the library are. She may be a princess but those stuck up snobs aren't going to care, even she can't make a noise in there without everypony telling her to shush. Look Twilight, Moondancer has made it obvious she doesn't want to be bothered so leave her alone and come "bother" me instead. I won't mind!

Now Twilight has managed to get herself into a book to bug Moondancer and of course this pisses Moondancer off, well and scares her. I would be scared if a pony showed up in my book and started talking too. Enough of that though, I am thoroughly pissed that Twilight would find a way into a book when it would be far easier to find her way into my sleeping chambers. I would think that sexy times would be far more important to her than continuing to harass a pony who wishes to be left alone. I think I will "punish" her severely for this!

Wait a minute, now Twilight is hauling Moondancer up to her old study tower. Hey Twilight, I doubt Moondancer is going to want to do what you want her to do. She isn't like you, she isn't going to put out on demand. She realizes this and offers to give her the key to that tower if she'll have some fun with her but that fails miserably so she only forces Moondancer to go out to dinner with her and her friends.

I can't help but feel bad for Moondancer having to go through this. Hearing about the lives of those three would be boring to me too. Wait a minute, who is that behind that menu? Could it be Starlight Glimmer? It sure looks like her, well the top of her head anyway. What the hell am I thinking? It can't be her because I'm pretty sure she died in those caves after getting ran out of that town she oppressed for so long.

Well Moondancer leaves their dinner and Twilight is wondering what the hell went wrong. It's flashback time! Oh those were the days, back when Twilight was my slave and my lesser pupils were always trying to lure her away from her studies to go and socialize. Now that I look back at this, I wish she would have went to that party. I could have kept her under my wing and sent Moondancer down to Ponyville to make friends and save the world from my sister. If I would have listened to that voice in the back of my head, I could still have Twily with me. Hell, I would have altered marriage laws so I could marry her but oh no, I DIDN'T LISTEN and because of that, I have nopony to make me happy every single night.

Well now it looks like Minuette is stalking Twilight. Sorry Minuette but Twilight isn't going to let you into her tower alone. She knows what you'll do. She knows about your sadistic desires when it comes to bedroom activities. Well come to find out Twilight headed back to Ponyville to get Pinkie to plan a party. Great, just great, now a whole bunch of noise ordinances are going to be violated. Guess what, since Twilight brought her here I'll just make her parents pay the fines and of course there will be the mandatory punishment for Twilight, which I enjoy so much! She may be a princess but I'm still her QUEEN and she better never forget that.

Ok so now it's party time and believe it or not, not a single noise ordinance has been violated. I'm so disappointed, I wanted to force Twilight's parents to pay a bunch of fines and then punish Twilight. Wait a minute, I don't need a reason to punish Twilight. I'll just make something up, place the blame on her and then sexy times will ensue!

Finally I learn what caused Moondancer to quit coming to class. She was beyond devastated when Twilight left without saying goodbye. I honestly never knew that Moondancer thought so much of Twilight that her leaving without saying goodbye would cause her to basically flush her life down the toilet. While I swore I would never take Moondancer back into my school for simply dropping out, I will talk to her about coming back after this episode since emotional distress was the reason. Regarding Twilight, I have a reason to punish her now so tonight will be quite fun.

So now Twilight is claiming that despite her having put her life in extreme danger that seeing what she did to Moondancer makes her feel so bad. I call bullshit on that. She is only saying that to make Moondancer feel better. One thing they never showed in the series premiere is that when I told Twily to go down to Ponyville to get ready for this, she secretly said, "Well at least I won't have Moondancer hitting on me for a few days." Despite her lying through her teeth, she was able to convince her that she felt bad and she had her party.

Now Moondancer is coming out of her shell and decides to take part in some fun activities with her old but new friends. I am happy for her. For the first time in ages, Moondancer looked truly happy. I just hope she doesn't fall back into her old ways once I allow her back in my school and make her my protege. Unlike Twilight though, I will allow her to still live in her current house and I will give her her space.

Alright, now for what they didn't/couldn't show and the things that I learned. I learned that Twinkleshine and Minuette are in a very serious relationship so I have released Twinkleshine from having to make me happy. I also learned that while they aren't involved in a three way relationship that includes Lemon Hearts, those two do enjoy having fun with her.

Well after the episode I asked Moondancer to be my protege and while she was unsure at first since she knew of my past and what I demand from my proteges, she agreed once I told her that I would give her the space she needed and that I would never violate her personal space. Once I did that, she enthusiastically agreed. Hey, she's good with magic and one day she may be needed to save Equestria in the event something bad happens when I have Twilight locked up in my chambers.

And finally, one thing many of you don't know is while Pinkie and Spike headed home right after the episode ended, Twilight and I decided to lock ourselves in her tower and relive the old days. Believe it or not but I almost convinced her to just stay up in Canterlot with me but unfortunately she decided that her royal duties were more important than me. Yes I was sad but I realized that it was all my fault for ever making her a princess to start with.

Chapter 109: Crusaders of the Lost Mark

Chapter 109: Crusaders of the Lost Mark

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and since you all have been well behaved I have decided to give you my synopsis of "Crusaders of the Lost Mark."

Well here we go again, the filly illuminati are up in their clubhouse and it appears as though Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo are finally throwing in the towel. They have tried every dumb and moronic thing that they possibly could and still no cutie marks. Good, if they're throwing in the towel I don't have to worry about them. Oh wait, Apple Bloom is telling them that they shouldn't give up. What the hell are they going to try to do, get cutie marks in killing ponies or *GASP* trying to overthrow the government? They better not or two of the element bearers will be sisterless and another will be missing the filly who adores her like one.

Just as they are getting ready to go out and make fools of themselves again Pipsqueak shows up and freaks out over his campaign he has running for the student pony president. Oh boy, here we go again. Seriously girls, campaign manager cutie marks? While it seems completely moronic and is obviously going to be doomed to failure, it beats the shit out of them trying to get cutie marks in deposing me and my sister.

They agree to help him and now there they are at the school where they need to convince the other fillies and colts to vote for Pip instead of Diamond Bitch, who has somehow won elections in the past to hold that post. What did she do to ever get elected, did she have her daddy buy her votes by either giving the ponies money to vote for his skank daughter or did he pay Cheerilee to rig the elections? Whatever it is I don't care. It's not like a slutty snob filly holding a student office affects me anyway.

Now a song starts, woo-hoo! I love songs so much, NOT! It is just another lame song about how the students should vote for Pip. Big deal, most elections are bought off anyway so of course Diamond Bitch will win this. The voting has started and here Filthy's whore ass daughter has to stop things and send a message to the students who have yet to vote. She goes on about this and that but the message is simple. It is "vote for me and I'll make sure my daddy gives you things."

What I find interesting though is that Diamond's little fillyfriend tries to tell something special to the rest of the school that would be certain to sway the election but Diamond Bitch tells her to shut up. Well it is obvious who the dominant one is in that relationship, quit fitting for Silver Slut, she is Diamond's little slut. Once they grow up Diamond will likely pimp her out on every street corner in Manehattan.

Their lame ass song is over and the results are in. Yeah I claim to not care but I have a synopsis to give here so I must spy on Ponyville. I can't believe it, Pip won! Of course the CMC look at their asses expecting cutie marks but they fail, again! I swear, if they ever get cutie marks they will be in being horribly impatient. Do I feel sorry for them after years of failure, no I do not. Have I been entertained quite a bit by their failures, hell yes I have.

Now for something funny, once Diamond verifies that she lost and learns she only got one vote, she cries to her little slut about not voting for her. I can't believe it, Silver Slut is actually standing up to her! Maybe she won't wind up being pimped out on some street corner after all, she'll just throw herself out there instead. Now Diamond Bitch is throwing a fit and runs off. I've never liked that little cunt and can't help but laugh here on my balcony over her distress.

Ok, now I am convinced the CMC are complete morons. They actually feel sorry for the bitch that has tormented them for years and want to try to help her so what do they do? They follow her and monitor her every movement. Perhaps they are looking to get cutie marks in spying. If they were to get them in that, I would gladly hire them to spy on other nations. After all, I do need to know if anypony might be planning on attacking Equestria.

Now I have always wondered if Filthy Rich was a single father because I have never seen his wife, well until today. Diamond's mother sees her and upon learning her bitchy little daughter lost the election, she belittles her and goes on a horrible rant. I am thinking I know where Diamond got her attitude from, from her mother. Does this suddenly mean that I don't hate the little whore? No it does not, it just adds her mother to my shit list.

After her mother belittling her the little bitch runs off and we have another song. What, am I hearing this right? She wants to be a better pony? I call bullshit on that because she has had years to change and never done so. Yeah, yeah, yeah so she sees all these parents out with their fillies and colts bonding with them. She may be singing about wishing she could be in that situation but I know it is a lie. She is a lying bitch, just like her skank mother.

The next day arrives and school is getting out. Of course all the fillies and colts are rushing out except for four. Diamond Bitch is sulking and the Cutie Mark Spies are following her. What is this, they are inviting her over to their clubhouse. Good grief, are these girls gluttons for punishment? I wouldn't invite a pony who has bullied me for ages to hang out, but then again any pony who bullied me wouldn't live to see the next day either so that is besides the point.

Now they have gone in the clubhouse and I can only see a tiny bit of what is going on through the window but I can't do the invisibility and teleport thing here because I wouldn't fit in the clubhouse. Oh well, I'm sure they'll be leaving soon enough and luckily for me, they do. Pip has been told to go fuck himself by the school board when he asks for money for new playground equipment. Now Diamond Bitch is back to arrogant little self and thinks that she should be reinstated as president. What a narcissistic little cunt. She needs to just accept the fact that she got her ass handed to her and move on.

Now a chase scene ensues. The CMC follow her as she races to the school and yet another song is sung. Ugh, it is just as lame as the last one. They could sing a song about how I am the sexiest, most powerful being in existence but oh no, that would make too much sense. Diamond Bitch just sings about how great she is and the filly illuminati just sing about how she could be a different pony and in the end try to direct her away from the schoolhouse. That of course fails and Diamond Bitch gets there just as the school board meeting was adjourning.

Now I know why Pip had his request denied, Spoiled Rich is the dictator, i mean president, of the school board. I'm pretty sure I know how she won that office, either voters were paid off or Filthy's money rigged the last election. Anyway, I have a feeling that what is about to happen next will be interesting. Watching bitchy foals and their bitchy parents interact in front of other ponies is always fun!

What the hell did Spoiled Bitch call all those other foals? Ok, for calling them low lives I think I shall punish her for that. No way am I allowing that pig faced bitch into my sleeping chambers so I think perhaps a few months on the moon will suffice OR better yet, I'm sure Luna would gladly banish her to the sun for a few months. She hates pretty much all the wealthy ponies in Equestria to start with so she'll be happy to banish her and likely have Pinkie throw a "Luna banished a rich bitch to the sun" party.

Now I am shocked, Diamond Bitch actually talks back to her mother? Is she perhaps starting to see how horrid her mommy is and has decided to turn over a new leaf. Now I am even more shocked, she has told her mother to stop calling the CMC blank flanks because it is hurtful and suddenly they are her FRIENDS? Since when were they friends?

You all know how I always thought Diamond's cutie mark was nothing more than a status symbol cutie mark, well today I learned what it is really about. Her special talent is getting other ponies to do what she wants them to do. Yeah right, she would never get me to do what she wants. If she tried that with me she would be cleaning toilets with her tongue for the rest of her life but her daddy must be a softy. I say this because she gives her mom a note to give to her dad requesting that he donate money for the playground equipment and he does! Wow, she actually does something positive! I never once thought she would do anything good in her miserable, pathetic life.

Now she is thanking the filly illuminati for helping her see the true nature of her cutie mark and realizes that she can do good with her talent. Now as the playground equipment arrives Diamond bursts into song about how nice it is to be a nice pony and her cutie mark glows. Maybe that is what happens when a pony discovers what their cutie mark REALLY means. Now I am watching this with a smile UNTIL my Twily brings some of the playground equipment in. How dare she, she was supposed to be getting her castle ready for my visit tonight. I think I will punish her severely for this. At least Fluttershy and Rarity are being good mares and readying themselves for tonight.

Well the playground equipment is all set up and the CMC are talking about how they have tried all sorts of shit to get their cutie marks and failed but that when they take a little time off, they help somepony else. That is true, they did help Troubleshoes see his true calling in life. Now they're being all sappy and ugh Scootaloo is the worst! She is saying that she doesn't care if she ever gets a cutie mark as long as she can be with her friends. Yeah right, she wants that ass mark that she'd behead somepony if it meant she'd get one.

Now they do their typical hoof bump in the air and suddenly I can't see things all that well. Those three are levitating and are circled in light. Could it be, could that magical moment finally be happening? Well they drop back down and guess who it is that notices what has happened, even before me. Diamond Tiara mentions what has happened.

Yes, yes, yes! They did it, they got their cutie marks! The secret society is FINALLY dead! Woo-hoo, now your sexy Sun Goddess shall reign for all eternity! Oh boy, I hear snorting and stomping coming down the stairs. Shit, I have woke Luna up and you know how she is when she is woke up from her daily slumber.

"Big sister, why art thou being so loud? Thou knows that we need our daily slumber if we are to be alert tonight!"

"Luna, come check this out. The Cutie Mark Crusaders finally got their cutie marks!"

"Seriously, they finally got them? We shall believe it when we see it."

Well my sister looked off towards Ponyville and saw that I was right and what is even better is that they are going to hold the biggest cute-ceañera in Ponyville history and there's going to be cake, and lots of it!

"Big sister, they are going to have lots of cake!"

"Really, then let's go. You know me, if there is one thing I can't get enough of it is cake!"

"Yeah, and a side of Twilight, Rarity and Fluttershy too, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you don't need to expose my sexual desires to everypony. Let's go, I don't want to be late."

Well we sped off towards Ponyville and as we were arriving another sappy ass song was going on. When we arrived we decided to hide in the bushes as they sang this thing and marched down main street. Here is the funny thing, while they were out celebrating the girls' new marks Luna and I sneaked into Sugarcube Corner and devoured every single cake, fritter, brownie and cookie in there. It was quite funny when they got back and there was no food left. Sadly for them, they had no snacks when they returned. What is even funnier is that I left the place before they got back but Luna was still in there. Now they are mad at her for ruining the cute-ceañera. Oh well, they know not to do anything wrong or they will wind up on the sun.

After the episode ended Luna and I both had some dessert. Luna headed to Sweet Apple Acres for a second party and ate a ton of fritters. Where she puts all this food I'm not sure but I had a nice snack of my own. I had some yellow cake with white frosting and lavender sprinkles and of course all of them were so tasty, not to mention feisty! It is always funner when they are playful and energetic.

Now be gone with you, I have decided to take my energetic desserts with me back to Canterlot and I do not wish to be disturbed. If you want to talk with anypony else, go talk to Luna assuming she isn't stuffing her face full of fritters.

Chapter 111: Hearthbreakers

Chapter 111: Hearthbreakers

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and do I have a treat for you! It is kind of cold and I have nopony to keep me warm right now so I shall sit by the fireplace and give you my synopsis on "Hearthbreakers."

Like I said I am cold and it looks like Hearth's Warming Eve has arrived again. Ugh, Hearth's Warming Eve is a rather depressing time for me. Twilight and Spike have their little tradition involving opening gifts, Rarity and Fluttershy have their own "special tradition" and my students are spending time with their folks so I'm all alone and want to know the worst thing? The baker got sick so there isn't anypony around to even make me a cake!

Like I said, Twilight and Spike have this stupid tradition of opening gifts on Hearth's Warming Eve. Everypony knows you don't open your gifts until the next morning. Well apparently Spike is such an impatient little bastard that Twilight has to break from tradition and what is even worse is that Spike is disappointed in the gifts Twilight gives him, which happen to be books. Hey you little asshole, Twilight could just leave you alone and come up here to be with me, where she belongs. I think once she is available, I shall punish her for putting that scroll hacking pet of hers above me.

It looks like Applejack and Pinkie have shown up to say goodbye before they head off to the Pie family's rock farm for Hearth's Warming. Considering that they may be related is a good reason to go. While they aren't sure they are or not, I'm going to let you in on something. I am checking out the genealogy records and they are related and it wouldn't just be Applejack being related to Pinkie, they're all related so hopefully they are able to do some good family bonding.

The train ride out there is rather mundane as nothing special happens, well with the exception of Applejack telling Apple Bloom a very shortened version of why we celebrate Hearth's Warming. Ok, I lied, it was an incredibly boring and uneventful train ride. Of course that would always be the case unless I am there keeping everypony company.

Once they arrive at the train station it is obviously a desolate place with pretty much no vegetation. I would love to know why that place has zero vegetation but that really doesn't matter given it is the middle of the winter. Maud arrives and is her usual self, somewhat quiet but extremely smart with what was on Applejack's hoof. I would have just thought it was dirt and not said anything but that is why she is the rock expert and not me. I have more knowledge when it comes to lavender frosting, white sprinkles and yellow cake, you know the tastier things in life.

Maud leads them to the farm and I must say, they have it decorated quite nicely. Yeah there are no candy canes or wreaths but hey, to each their own. Now for the interesting part, which I think should be entertaining. You know how Pinkie is all hyper and overly happy and how we saw in that flashback that her family is rather humble and straight laced, I wonder if they are still the same way.

Now it is time to meet the families and it looks like the Pie family is the same as they always were, well except that the daughters are older. Ok, the father, Igneous Rock Pie speaks kind of weird, even stranger than how my sister did back in the old days and even right after she returned from the moon. The mother, Cloudy Quartz seems nice enough but I'm with Granny Smith, I think the names Iggy and Big Mama Q sound much better.

Now it is time to meet the daughters. Well we already know Maud and Pinkie but wow, Limestone has quite the scowl on her face and seems rather rude while Marble is the cute and quiet type. Ugh, I can imagine all the colts loving her, you know how they are when it comes to the shy ones. You know, she reminds me a bit of a souped up Fluttershy while Limestone reminds me of the type that I would want as a castle guard. She is no nonsense and would likely tell ponies I don't want to see to go fuck themselves.

Back to Limestone for now. I can tell by the way that she acts that she is extremely protective over that rock farm and especially of Holder's Boulder. Limestone, I know you mean well and I have decided that you are my favorite Pie sister, please don't be overly rude to everypony. When it comes to Marble though, she really needs to talk to the Apples, they could all be fourth cousins twice removed and that is no way to treat family!

The time has come for supper and here are the Apples up in the guests' sleeping quarters thinking it is going to be just like what they have, especially given that they could be, and are, related. This however would not be the case. Sorry Applejack but they're not going to have cinnamon rolls or any of that other tasty stuff, instead they eat rock soup. Yep, you heard me, rock soup. Now how in Equestria they are able to chew up rocks, much less stomach them is beyond me. I may have to do some research about rock eating ponies because they certainly aren't like any ponies I know.

The supper went by awkwardly because of what was on the menu. Now yeah, I will admit while I wouldn't go acting the way the Apples did over something I wasn't used to but the rock soup thing is kind of odd. I can't eat rocks and I'm the most powerful pony in existence so of course the Apples aren't going to be able to. Oh well, it isn't my place to judge nor is it my place to intervene. They'll just have to stomach the rocks or starve.

Now it's time for the Hearth's Warming dolls, well sort of. Rather than having crochet dolls that are passed down from generation to generation the Pie family makes theirs out of rocks! Yep, rocks. I honestly am surprised that their last name isn't some sort of rock. Oh well, last names are no indication of talents or anything like that because Big Mama Q nor any of the rest of them make pies, that is Granny Smith's specialty.

Down in the quarry they are making their dolls, well trying to. Of course the Pie family is easily able to make theirs but things aren't going so well for the Apples and when Applejack tries to make hers, it winds up looking more like a ghost with a frowny face while the rest of the Apples can't even get their rocks shattered. Yeah I feel sorry for them but just like it is in every other situation, it isn't my job to intervene, especially with something this menial.

Now the time has come to take part in another Pie family tradition, finding this rock to decide who will raise the Equestrian flag up the flagpole, uh I mean on top of Holder's Boulder since they don't have a flagpole. I'm honestly surprised that Limestone would allow that. I would think she would go Pinkamena on anypony who would do anything like that to Holder's Boulder.

Now for what they do to determine who gets to do it, the pony who finds this rock that Limestone hid earlier that day gets to do it. Ok, fair enough and Pinkie decides to make teams. We have Maud and Apple Bloom in team one, Big Mac and Marble in team two, Granny, Iggy and Big Mama Q in team three and of course Pinkie and Applejack in team four. Now for the fun part, go out and search for that rock.

In the mine Pinkie and Applejack are searching for the thing and suddenly it is becoming apparent that perhaps their families are not so much alike after all. The Apples have their much more traditional ways while the Pie family has their own unique ways, that are very rock based. Come on Applejack, you know I like you but you don't need to think the Pie family is so strange. Now Pinkie has found the rock and it is a picture! It isn't an actual rock and this only makes Applejack more confused.

Now Applejack learns that they hide their presents and that on most years nopony even gets a present. Ok, now I'll admit, that is weird but then again it is their tradition so I shouldn't be one to judge. Well it is getting late and everypony is getting ready to turn in for the night. While the Pie family quickly gets to sleep Applejack is up fretting over the fact that the Pies have never had a "real Hearth's Warming." What does she mean by that? Hell the Pies could go visit them and assume the same thing. After all, who doesn't like rock soup, having to find your presents, raising the flag on a rock and finding a picture of a rock?

Well something very odd happened that night. Applejack is up the whole night putting traditional decorations up and want to know where she got them? They didn't show this but Trixie was there with her lame ass street magic making all those decorations just like she made a bouquet of flowers appear out of nothing. Why is it I have a very bad feeling that this is going to turn out to be a disaster?

The following morning arrives and of course Pinkie Pie wakes everypony up with her loudness. Everything seemed to be fine until everypony went outside to discover that Applejack had transformed the rock farm entirely. Not only was the whole Pie family unhappy, even her own family wasn't thrilled about it. Apparently Granny, Big Mac and Apple Bloom respect the Pie family traditions more than Applejack. Now everything has gone down hill big time and things are about to get worse. The flagpole Applejack planted, well she planted it in a fault line and the ground fractured. Even worse, Holder's Boulder has fallen down into the quarry.

Oh boy, this is looking bad for Applejack now, along with the rest of the Apple family. While the rest of the Apples are up in the guests' quarters packing up getting ready to go home, Applejack has fled into the mines, and so has Pinkie. Those two are devastated and it is kind of odd how they are saying such similar things at the same time. Well they are related so that comes as no big surprise. Both of them are too ashamed to go back above ground but Applejack must because she needs to get home.

Now the Apples are heading home but Granny must have been told about the history of the farm and the importance of Holder's Boulder because she told Applejack why it is important and then something falls from the ceiling. What is this? A gift has fallen! Now how did Pinkie hid a present on a moving train and WHY would she hide it there? Well she is Pinkie so anything is possible. Now Applejack finally sees why what the Pie family does is so special. Apparently nopony else must have been on the train since they were able to get it to go back.

Now I feel bad for the Pie family, they are going to have to try and push that heavy boulder out of the quarry. Hell this could take them so long that it may be next Hearth's Warming before they get it out OR your sexy Sun Goddess could go and lift it out for them. I suppose if they don't get it out by the end of the episode, I'll go and do that or maybe I'll have Luna do it because I will likely be having a lavender snack.

Well Limestone is getting angrier by the second, no big surprise there, and who should show up but the Apples! Of course this only pisses Limestone off further until they offer to help get the boulder out of the quarry. Surprisingly they are able to do so and since Applejack apologized to the Pie family for screwing everything up and forcing her traditions on them they decide to have a Hearth's Warming that mixes both of their traditions.

Wow, Limestone suddenly has a smile on her face and she has cinnamon rolls! That looks very tasty but unfortunately my sister and I won't be able to get there before they eat them all. What a shame, too. Oh well, I guess I can't win them all.

Now for something that I find rather troublesome. Big Mac and Marble Pie are blushing at one another. No way in hell am I going to allow them to hook up! Yes they are just barely related but still, ponies of the opposing gender can not hook up unless they are sixth cousins or further removed. Now when it comes to same sex relatives, sisters can marry one another if they want since they can't procreate. Personally if Flitter and Cloudchaser ever decided to get married since they are so close, I would gladly officiate it and be even more happy to join them on their honeymoon.

Well now everypony is happy, well almost. I'm still all alone, my students are gone to see their folks, Twilight has headed to Rarity's place where them along with Fluttershy are having tons of fun. Oh well, I'll just have to hoof....wait a minute, why am I throwing this pity party? I am the most powerful pony in existence so I am going to Ponyville and I will pay Cheerilee a visit. She hasn't paid homage to me in a while and I really need a release.

Now if you serfs will excuse me, there is a hot school teacher that needs to be taught a lesson!

Chapter 113: What About Discord?

Chapter 113: What About Discord?

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and I have some bad news. I don't know what it was that I ate but I'm sick so I won't be able to be doing any teleporting to monitor this episode. Don't worry though, I do have ways to report on things even if they're inside. Since I'm too ill to bring any of my lovelies up to my sleeping chambers and I'm bored as hell, I shall share with you my synopsis of "What About Discord?"

It looks like a three day weekend has arrived in Ponyville and my sexy Twily is falling into her old ways again. Get this, she is going to reorganize all the books in her library solely because she wants to. What the hell is wrong with her? Is she doing this because I sent Spike a note telling her about my illness or is it because Rarity and Fluttershy have decided that they don't want to include her in their nightly romps? Whatever it is, she is frustrated and I can't do anything to help her!

Three days have passed and I'm still sick! You know, I always thought Alicorns healed quicker than other ponies but I guess I was wrong so I'll just have to continue to monitor this from here. Alright, it looks like Twilight and Spike have finally emerged from the library after three straight days of reorganizing books. I swear, Twilight finds the absolute most boring things interesting because I'd fall asleep after five minutes of boring shit like that but it is time to move on.

Now this is interesting, Rainbow and Discord are hanging out. Yep, those two are hanging out for the first time ever and it seems like they are really enjoying one another's company. I don't know what the hell happened while Twily was locked up in her library and I was bedridden but it must have been rather fun for those two to have bonded like that.

Now I'm watching those four interact and I am beyond shocked. Rainbow and Discord are acting like they've been friends forever and I can see so much confusion in my Twily's face. Now she obviously knows that those two would never get it on but can't help but wonder why the hell Discord would turn himself into a snake. You know, if Discord would have just done silly things like that in the past instead of making everypony's lives miserable, he never would have been turned to stone.

After she finished her conversation with Crashie and Discord her and Spike headed over to Rarity's. Now seriously Twily, you are going to take Spike with you while you release all that pent up stress? Couldn't you at least wait until another mare was available to record it instead of forcing Spike to watch you screw his crush? Well that wouldn't last long because soon my sexy Fluttershy would show up with Discord.

Ok, I can see Fluttershy hanging out with him but really Flutters, you want Discord to record that three way you have planned with Rarity and Twilight? Sorry but I will not allow that. I do not want Discord or any other male even seeing my girls' sexy times, much less recording them!

Now this is weird, Rarity actually found something Discord did genuinely funny? I can't help but wonder what is going on here. Yeah I get it, Twilight's friends and Discord did something fun this past weekend and I didn't see it but that doesn't mean I don't want to know. Don't worry everypony, I'll find out what it was and if any of my lovelies did something she shouldn't have, she will be punished severely!

What the hell, Discord just turned my sexy Fluttershy into an orange and to make matters worse, both Rarity and Fluttershy are laughing! I seriously wonder what happened. Did Discord put a spell on them or something because the Rarity I know would not find Discord's antics, regardless of how harmless and comical they are, funny.

Ok Discord, we get it, you were all over at Sweet Apple Acres and something funny happened. I don't know what it is but the more my girls laugh over this, the more intent I am on finding out what it was. Perhaps I'll just summon him up here and tell him I'll turn him back to stone if he doesn't tell me. Enough about that for now though, it looks like my Twily is leaving, probably going to go hoof herself since Fluttershy and Rarity were in no place to put out.

Now it looks my sexy little princess and her scroll hacking pet have headed to Sugarcube Corner and what the hell, Discord is there too? Either he is teleporting from place to place or he made duplicates of himself just to annoy Twilight. Get this, Applejack and Pinkie are laughing along with him too? Now that is strange because normally neither one of those two trust him. I'm with Twilight, it must have been some weekend. Unfortunately for me though, it was the worst weekend in ages.

Oh boy, now Discord is petting my Twily and her horn doesn't seem completely erect. He better not be putting any kind of spell on her because if her horn even bends just a little, it won't go up in me. Yes I know she has a small horn just like all my other lovelies but it still beats nothing. What a shame Luna isn't so uptight because she could give me the pleasurable horn sex I need. Enough about that though, back to the episode.

Oh boy, my Twily is jealous! She may claim she's not but I can tell that she is and now she is going to do something completely adorable, something that makes me wish I felt like going down there. Get this, she is going to make her friends re-create the events of the weekend. The poor thing is so frustrated, since I can't do it maybe Fluttershy or Rarity will calm her down.

Now first they start talking about the events that took place at Sweet Apple Acres and apparently Discord caused a stick to look like a snake and chase after them....wait a minute, is somepony spying on them in the background! They are, I see binoculars sticking out of a bush and holy shit, I see the top of Starlight Glimmer's mane. First she showed up in the restaurant in Canterlot and now here? Perhaps she didn't die in those caves after all, maybe she is just spying so that she can go give my Twily some rough hate sex later on.

Now on to the restaurant to re-create their lunch. Ugh, I swear seeing them trying to re-create everything is so boring! It is obvious to tell that it is all so fake, not to mention lame. Come on Twily, they can try to reenact every single event but it won't be the same and FYI Twily, Discord is right. They can't do it the same because you're there! Why don't you get your ass up here, go find a healing spell in the library and then come heal me. If you do that Twily, I will reward by letting you dominate me!

Oh boy, now I know my Twily is really jealous! I know she can have her epic freakout moments and yes I mentioned perhaps Discord put a spell on them but I was just joking about it. My Twily on the other hoof, she honestly believes this. There she is going bat shit crazy and now has decided to go and annoy Zecora and see if she can make a potion to lift the spell.

Ugh, I was able to see inside her castle using other methods but I can't see inside Zecora's tree so despite me being really sick and feeling like shit, I decided to do the invisibility and teleport spell out to her place to monitor her. Want to know the good news, I got there way before Twily did so I talked to Zecora to see if she had a potion that could make me feel better and since I only had the flu, she did. I drank it and just as quick as Apple Bloom's broken tooth was fixed, it healed me right away! Now I feel fine and can have my usual desserts after this episode!

Right before my Twily got there I had to go invisible because I can't let her know I'm spying on her especially since she thinks I'm still sick. Anyway, Zecora at first thinks she is kind of nutty but there is one thing they didn't show. When she first brought it up Zecora smacked her and in her rhyming way of speaking, she basically told Twilight she was a fucking idiot and to get lost.

Of course what they could show was Zecora giving her a potion that should lift the spell but I could read what she was really thinking. She figured she would just give Twilight a bottle of some pink antibiotic that was bubble gum flavored and sent them on their way. I tell you, Twily is going to be in for a huge surprise when her friends drink that crap and they still find Discord's inside jokes from the past weekend funny.

Now for something they really couldn't show! In the show it simply showed them arriving in Twilight's castle the following morning but the night before I headed to Fluttershy's cottage and was able to release all that pent up frustration with Fluttershy. Oh my goodness she was so good too! Please Mother Faust, don't let me get sick like that ever again!

"Uh Celestia, I'm the one who gave you that illness, not Mother Faust. Mother Faust hasn't been involved in the show since the end of season two, remember?"

"What? YOU made me sick? Why would you make me sick?"

"Because I decided to stir up some trouble like you do sometimes."

"That is cold StormLuna, very cold."

"Would you expect anything else from me?"

"No but I think you owe me lots more cake and tons and tons of lovelies in the future!"

"Look....."

"If you don't give them to me, I'll go on strike and I'll tell my sister to do the same and you'll have nopony to do these."

"Oh fine, I'll give you more cake and lovelies in the future, alright? Now get back to work!"

"Alright but you better never do this again or I'll quit!"

Can you believe that, can you believe that StormLuna would be so cold as to give me an illness and keep me away from my lovelies? Ok, well I guess I better get back to work. Alright, I followed my Twily back into her castle and it looks like her friends have gathered in the throne room and my Twily is going to try and get them to drink that antibiotic.

Oh this is so funny, Twilight is going on about them being under a spell and they think she is a complete lunatic. The writers could never put this in there but instead of asking Twilight about getting into fertilizer, Applejack asked her if the lack of sexual activity had caused her to completely lose her mind! To make matters funnier she said yes and Fluttershy told her that later on she would help her ease those frustrations! Oh the unedited versions are so much better!

Well Pinkie actually drank that shit and Discord showed up with his peanut butter hoof thing and Pinkie finds it funny and now my Twily is all pissy. Poor thing anyway, I'm thinking that maybe I should join her and Fluttershy tonight because I know my Fluttershy will make her feel better, the two of us together will make her feel MUCH better!

Finally my Twily admits to being a jealous little bitch! She finally admitted to everypony that she was not only mad because they had fun with out her but also that she was mad she hadn't seen any action in a few days. Don't you worry Twily, Fluttershy and I will fix that tonight!

So apparently Discord had lied to her friends and told them that they shouldn't invite her so she could do her dumb book sorting and now she's even more grumpy. I know in the past I would have been mad at Discord over something like this but this is hilarious. Unlike it was when I made him turn blue and cause Twily to think he was sick, he did this without any threats from me. Bravo Discord, bravo!

Oh now the tables are being turned on Discord and they have an inside joke regarding the spell. Yeah they are there thinking they're all that and think they will make Discord feel bad. That may have been the case at first but eventually he got a good laugh out of it and there were no hard feelings. Now why the hell couldn't he have always been like this? Why couldn't he just have done comical acts like he did here back in the day instead of ruling Equestria in a state of chaos? Hell he wouldn't have been turned to stone if he would have just played the role of class clown.

Now for what happened afterwards. Despite everything blowing over, my Twily was still grumpy until that night when Fluttershy and I paid her a visit. She was surprised to see me feeling better but she didn't mind. What mattered was that Fluttershy and I made her feel better. After all, we can't have her being all bitchy for the next episode!

Now if all you serfs will excuse me, Twilight really tired me out and I'm sure my cake will be ready here shortly so I must return to Canterlot. After all, you know what a bitch I can be if I don't have my cake!

Chapter 114: The Hooffields and McColts

Chapter 114: The Hooffields and McColts

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess Celestia again and for the most part you have been doing your part and worshiping me as you should so I shall give you my synopsis of "The Hooffields and McColts."

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Here we go again, Fluttershy continues to prove that she cares way too much about a bunch of dumb animals and not nearly enough about me. Seriously Flutters, an animal book club? I could see Twilight doing this but you? You obviously have way too much time on your hooves and are likely frustrated. What a shame Spike wasn't visiting you, I'd just send a message and command that you come up to see me.

Wait a minute, Fluttershy's cutie mark is glowing! Woo-hoo, maybe the spot on the map it will tell her to go to will be my sleeping chambers. Guess what, since she has yet to be called by the map, Twilight's is doing this same. Now I know for sure where the map is going to send them and I'm going to wind up being one very happy princess! I'll get my yellow cake and lavender icing today after all! Wait a minute, their marks are not over Canterlot, they're over some place in Equestria I have never been. Well it looks like I'll just have to find them, no matter how long it takes.

Ok, so they're getting sent to the Great Smokey Mountains. At least now I know where to go. Unfortunately, this place is so far away I won't be able to just teleport there, I'll have to fly there. I should be able to beat that balloon. Once I get there, I can grab them, we can go into the forest and sexy times shall ensue! I've always wanted to get those two out in the middle of nowhere and now my dream shall come true.

Good grief, it's only been a few minutes and my Twily has already tore her library apart and has learned everything she can about the area. Typical Twily, go bat-shit crazy studying when she is frustrated. Poor thing, I'll help ease her frustration later, well unless Fluttershy beats me to it. Hell I wouldn't be surprised if they don't prove how naughty there are in that balloon on the way there.

Now I did something that I like to do. I cast that invisibility and teleport spell down there and then I flew alongside them as they rode in the balloon and Fluttershy made me jealous. Obviously the animators could never show this but Fluttershy ate her icing just right that it caused Twilight to glow! She never glows for me and now I'm a very jealous and upset princess. I'm thinking I shall punish both of them severely for this. No it won't be in my sleeping chambers but we'll likely rob those animals' eyes of their virginity!

After what seemed to be forever we finally arrive out there. This place seems awfully secluded. Kind of odd the map sent them out here because I don't see how they'll solve any friendship problems but I'm not going to complain! This is just how I wanted it, the map sends them out where they can fulfill the needs of your sexy Sun Goddess and take care of their own frustrations. The map wouldn't have sent the sexiest ones out together if that wasn't the plan now would it?

I'm a bit upset because now they're flying around trying to see if anypony lives there and what is worse, a damn pumpkin goes flying past them. Great, just great, it looks like they may have found something that just ain't right. Well as it turns out they have found a couple of families who have been feuding for ages.

Ok, they go see who is firing these pumpkins and it looks like a pony that goes by the name of Ma Hooffield is doing it. Hooffield, that name sounds so familiar. Oh, I got it now. They're the family that can grow food in nothing flat! I had always heard legends about some family that can do that and it looks like my girls found them. What a shame they can't build worth shit though. Ugh, look at their house. It is tiny, it is flimsy and it certainly wouldn't be anything I would even want to set hoof in. Oh wait, I doubt I could even fit in there. Want to know what is pathetic, the CMC's clubhouse is likely built better than it is.

Ok, so Ma is bitching about the McColts who live on the other mountain so my girls go to see what has them so pissy. Wow, look at the house of theirs. It looks more like a fort than it does a house. Now for the big question, can they grow their food really good too or are they one of those families that couldn't grow shit if their lives depended on it.

Once my girls get over there it sounds like it is the latter. These ponies can build good but they have to travel a great distance just to get their food. I am watching all of this and I can't help but think that if these two families would lose whatever idiotic grudge it is they have, they could help one another and life would be good. Perhaps this is why the map called them out here. Oh well, it doesn't matter. I'll still eat my yellow cake and lavender icing regardless. You know how it is, I'm the most powerful being in existence and if I want something, I'm taking it!

Now for something pathetic, the patriarch of the McColts, Big Daddy McColt, can destroy the Hooffield's house simply by yelling really loud. Now that is downright sad and why did they do it? They did it because the Hooffield's pulled the pin out of their wheel barrow that held the wheel on. How did they do that? I ask this because I wouldn't think they'd even be able to penetrate the walls of their fort. Well I suppose the writers just weren't thinking when they wrote this.

Alright, now the time has come to see if my Twily can get them to stop fighting. Yeah Twi, I'm real sure that flying up and yelling at them is going to get them to stop, NOT. She obviously isn't all that bright if she thought that will work. Now if I could strip her of her title and imprison her in my sleeping chambers for being stupid, I would do it. Unfortunately I can't but she's still getting punished over this and of course the fighting resumes!

Come on Twily, you can talk to Ma about how you wanted them to quit fighting all you want but it isn't going to work. Now how are my girls going to get this to stop. My Twily has it! She thinks that if the Hooffields give the McColts an apology cake that they'll all gather around a campfire and sing Kumbaya. Sorry Twily, but I doubt that is going to work but I'm sure this situation will make for some good humor.

Damn, now I am going to say this, that is a huge cake. If I weren't trying to stay hidden, I would head over to the McColt's compound and help them eat it. You know that if there is anything I can't get enough of, it is cake! Well they arrive at the McColt compound and are naturally met with suspicion. I would be suspicious if an enemy of mine suddenly showed up with a cake too. My biggest concern would be that my enemy poisoned it and wanted to take Equestria for themselves.

Apparently the McColts haven't had cake in ages because they look at the thing in awe, almost in as much awe as I am. I don't believe it, they let a sworn enemy inside of their compound. Now I have a feeling that something funny is about to happen, something that Ma probably won't like. Get this, Ma planted ponies in that cake and now they are in the compound assaulting their enemies with vegetables. What idiots, now they have been taken captive and Ma is run out. I would go and save the McColts new captives but I can't let anypony know I'm here. That could very well ruin the reason I came out here, which is to have my Flutters and my Twily in the forest.

Now this has only made matters worse, they have both emptied their mountains and are now fighting in the valley. My poor Twily is so frustrated as she has exhausted every single tactic she had in this book she took with her. Guess what Twily, you're not going to solve a friendship problem with a book. What's that Twily, you're throwing in the towel? You're giving up? I can't believe it! Out of all the ponies that would fail in a mission that map gave them, I never imagined it would be you. Well Twily, you're going to be punished severely because of this. Because Fluttershy isn't ready to give up, I'm going to let her join me in punishing you. You'll be at our mercy.

Now for one thing none of us have noticed, yes not even me. That valley is supposed to be the most beautiful place in Equestria but it looks like shit! It looks so bad that even Moondancer's overgrown yard looks better! Now we are about to find out why as the animals start talking to my sexy Fluttershy. Speaking of her, she is wanting to take those animals home with her, give them hot cocoa and have them join in on her dumb animal book club. What a bitch. She should know by now that she is not to give so much adoration to those animals, all of that should be reserved for me and me alone. Forget her joining me in punishing Twilight, I'll just punish them both at once.

So apparently this feud has ruined this place but there is one thing I would like to know, how do these animals know what happened? Are they part of some crazy sub-species that lives for hundreds of years? I ask this because they proceed to tell Fluttershy about how the patriarchs of these two families were once friends until they moved out here. They couldn't agree on what to do so they began to fight like crazy. Well now that they know what is wrong it is time to tell these backwards hacks what has happened over the ages and that they need to stop.

Now all of a sudden my Twily has gone from throwing herself a pity party and has gone into a "Look, I'm hot shit! I'll fix this, just you watch!" Yeah Twily, sure you will. I'm putting my bits on you two failing miserably and being punished but since Fluttershy is taking part in this, we'll see.

Well my Twily freezes them, all of them! She must be more powerful than I thought. Freezing her friends is one thing, but freeing a couple large families is another. Now is my Fluttershy's time to shine. Fluttershy tells these ponies about how their ancestors were best friends and pretty much told them about what the animals told her. There are a couple of things that the animals told her to say that the writers couldn't put in. Well as it turns out the real reason they started fighting was because their wives were friends with benefits and couldn't decide on what the best sex positions were! What a dumb reason to feud. Finally though, Fluttershy was able to get it through their heads that they need to stop fighting.

Now it looks like things are going to be much better as the Hooffields are going to help the McColts grow food and the McColts are going to help the Hooffields rebuild their house. That is all good because now I get to see the flanks of my sexiest lovelies glow! What a shame my Twily wasn't sopping wet too because you all know how hot she is like that!

It appears as though they are heading home now but that is not what really happened. Once they got out of eyesight of those new friends, I reversed the invisibility spell and led them deep into the woods out there. Let's just say that we had plenty of fun! Yeah I know I said that I was going to punish them but I decided to spare the horn if you know what I mean. Since they fixed the problem, I even let them dominate me and unfortunately for some of the animals out there, their eyes lost their virginity. Oh well, the young ones have to learn about what fun is sooner or later!

Now it is time to get home and I have plans. It is still a while until my lovelies have to be back in Ponyville so we took that balloon up to Canterlot and landed it right outside the castle. Yes some ponies were looking strangely at me as I led them inside with a huge smile on my face. Oh well, they probably figured that it was just me being happy that Twilight was up there.

Chapter 115: The Mane Attraction

Chapter 115: The Mane Attraction

Hi my beloved serfs! This is your beloved Sun Goddess and guess what? Since you all have been good little subordinates and worshiped me the way you're supposed to, I will give you my synopsis of The Mane Attraction.

Well it looks like they're getting things set up for yet another boring festival down in Ponyville, a festival that I would have no interest in. What is that? Pinkie was able to get the top pop star in all of Equestria booked for it! Woo-hoo! Since Sapphire Shores is going to be there, I think I'll go and watch her perform, so I do my invisibility and teleportation spells. Once she is alone I can reverse the invisibility spell and get her autograph! I know she'll be so happy to discover that the most powerful being in existence is a fan of hers.

Wait a minute, it's not Sapphire Shores, it's Countess Coloratura? I'm with Applejack on this one, who the hay is that? Well it seems as though Applejack had a friend named Coloratura when she was a filly, RaRa for short. Now we have a wonderful flashback. I always have found flashbacks of when the ponies were fillies adorable. From the way Applejack is describing her friend, there is no way that she would have turned out to be some sort of diva.

Now the moment has arrived, Countess Coloratura arrives in Ponyville with her entourage. Sweet Mother of Faust, there is no way that this could be that adorable little filly, but we soon learn that it is. Now where in Equestria did she go wrong. Very soon we find out why, it is that she has been corrupted by a manager that thinks his shit doesn't stink.

Ugh, how can she put up with this guy. I can tell by that whiny voice of his that he is likely an arrogant asshole. Ugh, how that bastard has managed not to get killed yet is beyond me. Good grief, those backup dancers are completely hideous. Yuck, those costumes of theirs are a crime against fashion!

Well Applejack tries to talk to her and wow, after having lost touch for so long I'm surprised The Countess remembers who she is. By her initial reaction to her, I can tell she hasn't been fully corrupted but then that manager of hers, Svengallop, apparently tells her what she is doing is wrong so she stops and gives my sister's favorite of Twilight's friends "hoofsies." Who the hay would want a stamped hoofprint on their face. Ok, I don't know this manager but with the way he is manipulating her, he is officially on my enemies list.

One thing I would like to know is what the hell kind of name is Svengallop? Were his parents high or drunk when they named him? My guess is yes and with the way he behaves, chances are his mom was snorting coke or drinking Everclear like it was going out of style the whole time she was knocked up with him. Ugh, he's worse than Spoiled Rich and we all know what a bitch she is. Long story short, he has earned the title WORST PONY EVER!

Come on now Rarity, what is so special about having a stamped hoofprint on your face. To me that doesn't make anypony special, it is just the sign of a singer being manipulated into giving lousy greetings to her fans, well in the case of Applejack, an old friend.

So Svengallop thinks she made a great entrance huh? He has never seen a great entrance because he has never seen me make my entrances to everywhere I go. Now he thinks it was muddied by her interaction with Applejack. What a bastard. It is all I can do not to make my presence be known and execute that fucker in front of everypony. I really want to but something is telling me that controlling my anger will be worth it.

Alright, now this guy is really getting on my nerves and royally pissing me off. You know, I seriously don't think that all those things that Countess Coloratura demanded of Pinkie were what she demanded, they were likely what he demanded. Ugh, what a spoiled little bitch. I honestly feel sorry for Coloratura. I feel bad that she has been brainwashed into not seeing when she is being taken advantage of. I would fix that but it isn't part of my royal duties.

Good news though, since Pinkie got all the shit that Coloratura allegedly demanded, now Shitgallop will let her do her rehearsal. Now I can see if she is all she is cracked up to be. She'll probably be good but no way will she top Sapphire Shores! Nopony can top her.

Well her rehearsal goes as planned and there's Svengallop telling her how good it was because of the things he provided. Damn this bastard is stuck on himself. I personally don't think it was so great. Yeah there were plenty of flashing lights and those back up dancers moves were ok but you know what? Sapphire Shores handles all of her bells and whistles herself. She doesn't have to answer to some whiny voiced little bitch!

Ok, now The Countess wants to go crash in her trailer but luckily Pinkie let's her know that it is time to meet with the school ponies. Thankfully she still does this. I would think that with the way Svengallop has her under his hoof, that she wouldn't even do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so The Countess knows about what a good little sister Apple Bloom is. Big deal, it's not like Applejack wrote to her about me saying that I am the sexiest, most powerful being in existence.

Now for something that really pisses me off, while The Countess was talking to the school ponies, Svengallop is making all these new demands that Pinkie must fulfill if she wants to keep The Countess from being pulled. Who the hell does this asshole think he is. This everypony is why Sapphire Shores manages her own affairs. She has no desire to have somepony else calling the shots at her performances.

Given what has just happened Applejack decides enough is enough and this time she is going to make sure that Countess Coloratura sees that piece of shit manager for what he really is so while he is ranting to Pinkie AJ is able to convince The Countess to give her a chance to prove what she says is true.

Well The Countess summons her pretty colt manager and does exactly what AJ told her to do. She tells him that she is cancelling the school pony competition and the bastard is ecstatic. Finally, she is starting to see him for what he is. Little did he know that while he was making even more demands to Pinkie and threatening to pull "the diva" if she didn't deliver, my sexy Twily used her magic to play it back, video and audio. Since she did that, I think I'll give her some attention tonight. I'll make Spike go see Rarity while I give Twilight the attention she so desperately needs.

Good, now The Countess knows the truth about Svengallop. What a prick, he just up and leaves like that but I do have a feeling that he won't get far. You see, after he stormed off I had a talk with those backup dancers. I told them to beat the shit out of their boss, haul him to the Everfree Forest and feed him to the timberwolves. I even promised them immunity from murder charges so they enthusiastically agreed. Apparently they hate him as much as I do.

Now comes AJ's time to shine. While Rarity was helping The Countess get ready for the show with a scowl on her face, AJ basically tells Rarity to get lost and takes over. Applejack gives her the best advice ever, she tells her to just be her because that is when she really shines. Long story short, lose the glam, lose the diva outfit and be RaRa.

Now for the main performance. I was there, albeit invisible and while everypony else was expecting glitz and glam, I knew what was going to happen. When I saw her take the stage I knew something truly special was going to happen. Rather than a typical diva song, the song she began to sing was a revelation of her true self, something incredibly special. While she was performing her cutie mark began to shine, meaning that she had completely rediscovered the true her. Now this means that the genre of music she will sing will be different. She won't be a pop star anymore, she'll wind up being the most popular inspirational singer in Equestria if I have my way.

Now comes the time for her to invite the winning school ponies up on stage to sing with her. Of course it's going to be Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. I was thrilled when they began to sing "Equestria, the Land I Love." Wait a minute, there is one problem. Who is going to bang something up against the triangle at the end? She very wisely brought Applejack up on stage with her to do it. Those smiles on their faces. RaRa was happy to have a great friend who helped her find her true self while Applejack was happy to see RaRa happy.

Now for what happened after the show. Once she was alone I talked to RaRa about changing record labels. I told her that if she is going to be an inspirational singer, that Manehattan Records would not be the best label for her. She broke her contract with Manehattan Records and signed with Canterlot Records. Don't worry about anything bad happening to RaRa or all her prior work. I got in touch with that record company and forced them to sign all power of Countess Coloratura's music to RaRa. Yeah they weren't happy about it but when I threatened to shut them down and banish them all to the moon, they agreed in a hurry.

Now for something funny. I heard screaming coming from the Everfree Forest and saw six ponies running away. Well those backup dancers did exactly as I said. They hauled Svengallop to the Everfree Forest and fed him to the timberwolves. Now they have a major problem, they don't have jobs and sadly they really don't have any skills that will provide them with gainful employment. I don't know what I'll do right now but I'll make sure that they aren't just living off the system forever.

Now be gone you serfs, I have a sexy lavender mare that I need to give some attention. Hell I need that attention right now so both Twilight and I will win tonight!

Chapter 116: The Cutie Re-Mark Part 1

Chapter 116: The Cutie Re-Mark Part 1

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and do I have a surprise for you. All of you have been extremely well behaved. You all have worshiped me the way the law mandates, you've paid your taxes and I have been scanning the nation's newspapers and there are plenty of letters to the editor praising me and saying how great I am. Even better, not a single pony has written in anywhere and bitched or complained about anything that either Luna or my self has done. Cadence wasn't so lucky but who gives a shit about her, it's not like she has any role in Equestria except being an occasional bootie call for me. Because of all this, I will give you my synopsis of "The Cutie Re-Mark Part 1." As an added reward, I'll give you my synopsis of the second part as well.

I'm going to start out by saying what an incredibly wonderful mood I'm in. Guess what, my Twily is up here in Canterlot to give a speech to my school of gifted unicorns. I'm so proud, my girl not only did what it took to be a princess but now she is giving a speech to other unicorns, some of which are very good in the bedroom! Well she is practicing and despite him being bored as hell, Spike is listening to her. Well she stops for a minute and has to look at a card. Poor Spike, Twilight won't stop with this until everything is perfect. It is just like she is in the bedroom, everything must be perfect!

Now for what they couldn't show. Twilight's speech wasn't until the next day so the night before I led her into my sleeping chambers to calm her nerves. The poor thing was so nervous but after our night of fun, a bit of sleep and a good breakfast, she was as good as new. After all, if she were to screw up or have to look at one of her cards during this speech, it would make ME look bad. It would make me look like I promoted a pony to being a princess before they were ready and I certainly can't have anypony thinking that.

The time has come for Twilight's speech so I will have to do the invisibility and teleport spell into the auditorium to keep an eye on her. She starts out quite well, but Spike on the other hoof, has fallen asleep! There in the front row is the most studious student I have ever had, Moondancer. She is dutifully taking notes and does Twilight a favor by waking her glorified pet up so he can change the slide.

Suddenly Twilight is distracted by something and while I'm concerned as to what would cause her to lose her focus, I'm also curious as to what it is. Wait a minute, is that Starlight Glimmer in the audience? I would have sworn that she died in those caves after she was ran out of Our Town. Another thing I'd like to know is how did she get into this speech because it is only for my students and ponies were required to show their student IDs to get in. Well she is good with magic so she probably cast an invisibility spell and got in.

Now my Twily is all frazzled and will likely need comforting later on. Suddenly Starlight is gone and Twilight loses her focus, again! I don't care if she did see a pony she really didn't want to see again, I'm still going to punish her after this speech is over. Nopony, especially one that I groomed for things like this is going to screw up and get away with it. The only way I would have let it slide was if it had been Tirek that she saw but fortunately for Equestria, he is back in Tartarus and Cerberus hasn't left his post again. If he ever does I'll haul his ass to the vet and have him neutered without sedation.

Well the rest of Twilight's speech went by just fine but she still seemed a bit nervous. I am not a happy princess though because she was supposed to come to the castle to see me before she headed home but she just headed to the train station. I was still invisible so I figured I may as well go with her and once she gets back in her castle, I will punish her severely for this! After all, it is not wise for one of my lovelies to leave town and not say goodbye to me.

Once the three of us got to Ponyville I followed her and Spike back to her castle and couldn't help but laugh a little. She is worried that Starlight is coming back for revenge! Yeah right, as I was headed to the train station I saw her in Donut Joe's feasting on a platter of donuts. She may have just wanted to see a bit of Twilight but chances are her appetite won out in the end. I'm not worried one bit. Don't worry Twily, everything is going to be just fine and tonight will be fun.

Once we get back into the castle and head into the throne room, I am shocked. There is Starlight Glimmer, sitting on Fluttershy's throne. Am I mad at her right now? Yes but it is not for breaking an entering, it is for sitting on my sexy Fluttershy's throne. Now this should be interesting. I know Twilight must not have a good lock spell for her door since Starlight got in and what is about to happen next will be downright terrifying.

Twilight goes off on Starlight wondering why she is there and of course Starlight went on her rant. Now for the scary part. Starlight fired some energy at a scroll and then at Twilight's magical map that takes her away from me at times. I'm looking hard and holy shit, she has altered Starswirl's time spell! What is even worse is that a vortex has opened and she is going to go through it. I must say wow though. Starlight can fly with just her magic! I don't know where or when she's going but I think I'll join her. I'm curious as to whether this will screw things up for me.

Luckily she didn't notice that I was by her side and I'm going to be honest, I think she is an idiot for leaving that scroll behind but perhaps she simply won't need it anymore. After her taunting Twily a little more she, along with myself, fly through that portal. Where and when we went to would scare me a bit. We wound up in Cloudsdale, years and years ago! Starswirl could only go back a week and that was only for a few minutes! I have a feeling that Starlight has done something to where she can hang around as long as she wants. Now I have no clue what is going on with Twily since I am in the past but I'll find out soon enough.

A couple minutes later my Twily and Spike come through a similar portal. Now I can't help but wonder, what the hell is going on? Why would Starlight come here and why would she leave the scroll so Twily could do the same? Does she plan on doing something that will make Twilight all grumpy and be in need of comfort? I hope so because I've always wanted to have fun with her in the clouds.

Now this looks kind of strange yet perfectly normal for young pegasi. It is flight camp and Rainbow races by. Damn, that spell of Starlight's must be better than even I thought as she has taken us back DECADES! If I can ever get her to calm the hell down perhaps I will make her a time princess, maybe not though because then she'd probably travel back a couple of millennia and prevent my sister and I from ever taking power here. An Equestria ruled by a princess, I mean Premier Starlight Glimmer would not be a very pleasant place. She'd probably give Sombra a run for his money when it comes to brutality and enslave everypony.

Ok, back to the episode. Twilight is very observant, yes Rainbow does look young and has no cutie mark because she hasn't earned it yet. I look off in the distance and ugh, there are those disgusting colts giving filly Fluttershy such a hard time. If I didn't think it would destroy the time continuum I would go over there and kill the little bastards. After all, bullying is a very serious crime. Bullies are dealt with harshly and given that they are hurting Fluttershy's feelings, the only punishment that would suffice is death.

Now Rainbow has decided to race the bullies to defend Fluttershy's honor. The race starts off and is going as I expected, Rainbow putting those little morons in their place until Starlight levitates out of a cloud. What the hell? She can walk on clouds like a pegasus too? Just how powerful is she and where did she learn all this magic? I just hope she doesn't try to depose me someday.

There is Rainbow just about to break the sound barrier when Starlight grabs her in her aura and stops her dead in her tracks. Shit, the idiot with the basketball cutie mark won and even worse, without that rainboom, the mane six won't get their cutie marks and they will never meet. Great, just great, now Applejack won't be able to make fritters, Fluttershy and Twilight will never please me in the bedroom, Rarity will never learn to make slutty outfits, Rainbow will never become a narcissistic bitch and Pinkamena is going to become a serial killer. Oh, and I almost forgot, there will be nopony to save Equestria from Nightmare Moon or any other villain for that matter.

Well it looks like Starlight is going to be victorious as a time portal opens again. I really wanted to stay behind and punish Starlight for taking my slaves away from me but I have a synopsis to give so I have to follow Twilight instead. What she returns to does not impress me. Her castle is gone, completely gone! Damn and I really enjoyed having fun with her in there too. I don't know how though, that map thing and pieces of their thrones remain. Epic fail on the part of the writers. In this timeline, Twilight never got her mark, never became my student, never became a princess and never got a castle so that thing should have never come to be.

Now they are trying to figure out where, or should I say when they are. Finally Twilight realizes how much better Starlight is at magic than her but is bound and determined to figure out what happened here. One troublesome bit of information, now the Crystal Empire takes up half the map! What the hell is up with that? Ok, they go into Ponyville but the place looks deserted. This certainly can't be good and when Spike discovers that Rarity's wannabe lingerie shop is boarded up, he acts like the world has come to an end. I do have some advice for Golden Harvest though, leave that dangerous place, go to a big city and contribute to this new society.

Ok Twilight, Ponyville is a total loss but you don't think Sweet Apple Acres could ever change. Are you stupid or something, the whole town goes to hell so I would think the apple farm would be deserted too. Fortunately for Equestria though, that is not the case. The bad thing, it has turned into a factory farm. I don't like this because it looks like all there is there are Big Mac and Applejack, who must have eventually decided to get her ass home. No Granny Smith and no Apple Bloom? I have a feeling that Granny likely passed away much sooner here and who knows what happened to Apple Bloom. Maybe she killed somepony hoping she could get her cutie mark for it and is locked away in Tartarus.

After some spying Twilight finally confronts a much different Applejack, an Applejack who seems much more rude than the cheerful pony I know so well. Now Twilight is showing an epic stupid moment. She thinks that this Applejack is going to know her and see her as a friend! What an idiot, she should know that in this timeline everything is different, especially her fate. I'll give you a clue about this timeline, she wound up falling prey to Timberwolves after running away from home after failing her attempt to hatch Spike. Perhaps the me of this timeline should have at least let her become a maid and once she matured, took her in as a servant with benefits!

Alright, back to Sweet Apple Acres, Twilight sees the place has smokestacks now. Yep, like I said it is a factory farm where they process and can the apples they harvest. Now why this is the case is beyond me but I'm assuming that it has to be because something really, really bad has happened. Now Twilight is bugging Applejack, maybe I can find out what the hell happened.

Also like I said before, Twilight is trying to convince Applejack that they are friends. Look Twily, Applejack is tired, angry over whatever has happened and needs to get back to work. The way things are going here it seems like Applejack thinks Twilight is an idiot who hit her head on a crate of cider. Well she didn't hit her head on a crate of cider but she has hit her head on plenty of other things, especially large, sexy white buns at times!

Finally Twilight gets Applejack to follow her over to that map thing and what surprises me is that Applejack has never seen that thing. Seriously, something this out of place is something you've never seen? Another epic fail on the part of the writers. I almost wonder if that damn thing doesn't just show up wherever my Twily goes to suit what the writers needed.

Now about the story of what happened. Damn it! The Crystal Empire returns and so does Sombra. This is all Starlight's fault! If she would have just let Rainbow become a self-absorbed narcissistic bitch as a filly everything would be fine, but it isn't! So Equestria is now at war against Sombra and his crystal slaves. I don't know what those weird masks are that he puts his slaves in but they look really bad ass. Maybe I should have some made for the royal guard assuming that the time continuum is ever restored to normal.

Now I know where the me in this timeline is, I am out fighting along with the rest of the troops. What has happened to other ponies? Rarity is working in a factory in Manehattan, Fluttershy is shearing sheep to make uniforms and Rainbow and Pinkamena are soldiers. Of course Applejack is running the factory farm and like I said earlier, Twilight ran away from home and was eaten by timberwolves. What a truly awful place Equestria has become. I do hope that my Twily can find a way back into the past and stop this horrible fate.

After finishing her conversation with Applejack she goes to do just that. Luckily she realizes she can go anywhere and any time she wants so she decides to travel back to Cloudsdale just a bit sooner than Starlight did to catch her off guard. Well I better go join them as they are about to get sucked back into the past. I do want to see what happens after all.

Well she casts the spell and we are returned to Cloudsdale on the day of Rainbow's race. Unfortunately, as soon as we returned Starlight imprisons my Twily and Spike in a giant crystal. Luckily I was not detected because it would have ruined everything had I got stuck in that crystal too. Starlight would have known I was there, she would have done something to all three of us and that would mean I'd never have lavender icing again, which would be horrible!

Now I'm watching this wanting to intervene so badly but another part of me just wants to let things play out, and that is what I choose to do. I choose to be a casual observer, besides Twilight is resilient and will probably find a way out of this mess. Now the crystal Twily is stuck in is beginning to sag through the clouds and Starlight begins to go on a rant about how Twilight took her town away from me. You know, if Starlight was to manipulate time just right, she might have a whole lot more than a shitty town in the middle of nowhere to rule over. I hope not because under her communist dictatorship, Equestria would fall. Like I said at the start of season 5, look at Neigth Korea, it is proof that communism is nothing but a failure.

Well she kicks the crystal through the clouds and shit, it looks like my Twily and Spike are going to fall to their doom! Twilight will be killed, Starlight will stop the rainboom and we will return to a present where SHE is ruling with an iron hoof. I can only imagine what an awful time that would be. Dissenters would either be executed, put into slave labor camps or have their cutie marks stolen and left for dead in the middle of nowhere.

Luckily for me though Twilight is able to break her and Spike out of that gem and return up to Cloudsdale. Now to find Starlight. Holy shit, she is going to stop the race altogether. She has got the bullies to not only stop bullying Fluttershy but now they are even going to help her learn to fly better. I will admit, a world where nopony bullies anypony else would be nice, this simply can't be the case here! The whole future depends on that race and now it won't happen so now Twilight has decided that Rainbow will have to create that Rainboom another way.

Now this next moment may look Twilight look like a bitch because she is trying to encourage the bullies to continue making Fluttershy feel bad. How dare she! I know it is important to restore order but still, she is encouraging them bullying others and even if the timeline is restored to normal, they'll still continue to bully other ponies. They'll even continue to bully Rainbow and Fluttershy in a normal present. I think I will punish her if things are ever restored to normal.

Ok, now this is awkward. My Twily finds Rainbow flying around and is now challenging her to a race! What a moron, despite her just being a filly I'm sure she'd still mop the skies with you Twilight. Rainbow however doesn't feel that way and says it wouldn't be fair racing against an Alicorn. Rainbow Dash, didn't your parents ever tell you not to talk to strangers? For all you know, Twilight could be a serial killer. She could abduct you, haul you off to some secret location and kill you. Yes this rainboom is vital for the future but still, fillies shouldn't be talking to strangers.

Well after Twilight asks Rainbow to do what is thought to be impossible, she simply tells Twilight to get lost and flies away. Now the portal opens again and I must join Twilight to return to the present. I have a rather bad feeling that things won't be much, if any, better this time. Hell it could be worse for all I know.

Oh boy, now we have returned to a world where a forest has consumed a large part of Equestria and we are suddenly surrounded by very unpleasant ponies with spears! What the hell is going on? Even Pinkie and my sexy Fluttershy are going to kill Twily and Spike with their spears. I never knew Fluttershy could ever be that violent, regardless of the timeline. Of course with me being invisible I have nothing to worry about but when it comes to Twilight and Spike, it looks like Fluttershy is dead set on killing them.

For now I must get going. I have to hope that two former element bearers don't wind up killing Twilight and sacrificing Spike to whatever deity it is that they likely worship. Don't worry, I'll do part two soon!

Chapter 117: The Cutie Re-Mark Part 2

Chapter 117: The Cutie Re-Mark Part 2

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and as promised, here is part two of The Cutie Re-Mark

Yeah Discovery Family, we all know what happened in the last episode so need to go over it, it's not like it's been a week since we've seen it so let's move on shall we? Ok, of course I'm invisible so me, my Twily and Spike have arrived in a different present and it looks like something bad has happened to Pinkie and Fluttershy. Both are armed with spears and are about to kill Twilight! What am I going to do if they do that? I suppose if they do I'll have nothing to lose. Then I'll reverse my invisibility spell and do whatever it takes to take Equestria back.

Suddenly I hear a very familiar voice, it is that of Zecora! Thank Faust, she has come to stop Fluttershy and Pinkie from killing Twilight. While her head hunters must think they are changelings, Zecora must feel otherwise because she puts some sort of green goop on my lovely and her pet and they aren't revealed as changelings so now they are being led to some sort of hideout. Of course I shall follow because I have a synopsis to give here and besides, I do want to keep an eye on Twilight.

So this is where they are staging this resistance? What I'd like to know is what happened to the me in this world? I know they were saying something about Chrysalis and her army so perhaps she done something to me and my sister. If that is the case, Twilight better go back and make sure Starlight doesn't stop the rainboom or Equestria is going to become a very bad place. Now Applejack comes along claiming Ponyville was attacked.

Yeah, uh huh, sure it was Chrysi. Luckily Zecora can see right through her and the fake Rarity and Rainbow. Hey Chrysi, I have a news flash for you! Zecora isn't just going to surrender to you. Lesser zebras might have but she is strong, smart and wise just like yours Truly so you'll have to fight her. Just as their fight was about to begin Zecora sent Twilight and Spike back to the map so I of course followed. Damn it, we're being pursued by changelings and they almost get us! Luckily the damn things didn't get us and we get to the map in time for my Twily to cast the spell, again.

Shit, just as soon as we return to Cloudsdale Starlight decides she wants to have a magic air war. Now while the race is going on Twilight and Starlight are flying and firing energy at one another. I swear, for only using magic to fly Starlight is very agile. I'm starting to wonder if Twilight can even beat her. I might have to take the risk of ruining everything and intervene but we shall see what happens.

Now something horrible happens. Rainbow and those dumbass colts stop their race to watch. Damn it, now the rainboom won't happen and it looks like I'll be taking another trip through the portal with Twilight. I can't help but wonder what kind of present we will be led to this time. Once we return to the present something doesn't seem right. It was day when we left but now it is night. What the hell is up with that, is there an eclipse going on or something else?

First off, I am going to call out another mistake on the writers. That map thing was not in the Everfree Forest and yet that's where it is now. To make things worse, we have timberwolves surrounding us. I never have liked those things and now they're about to make a meal out of Twily. Damn it, I really wish I could reverse the invisibility spell and destroy them but I can't let Twilight know I'm here because it would likely only make matters worse. Besides, I think it would be rather hard to have fun with her with all the timberwolves around.

As they run away from the timberwolves I can't help but notice something strange. This area looks extremely familiar, it looks like the place where Luna and I used to live before I had to banish her. What? Our old castle has been restored. Perhaps in this timeline Luna got sick of the Canterlot elite and decided to move back out here. We shall soon find out as Twilight and Spike head into the castle.

When we first got in there I noticed a very familiar pony fixing the tapestries, it is my sexy Rarity. What the hell is wrong with her? Why is she wearing her mane and tail in a bun? I know I bitch about her tail a lot but this is downright hideous. The Rarity I know would never wear her hair like this. It is a CRIME AGAINST FASHION!

Despite her breaking every fashion law in Equestria, Spike still rushes up to her hoping that maybe in this version of Equestria he can get laid. Sadly for him, that is not the case. In this Equestria, Rarity is a total bitch to him and absolutely crushes his heart. Oh well, whatever it takes to get him to leave her alone. I guess that spell of her seeing him as a cute child wore off. Oh wait, I never cast that because Rarity never even met him.

If Luna did indeed relocate out here the decor doesn't surprise me. I just wonder how the me in Canterlot is handling it, she probably isn't happy. Hopefully she still has her harem because she would be a total bitch if she doesn't. Oh no, this is bad, very bad. Nightmare Moon has returned and nopony has done anything about it! What kind of dark magic would prevent her from being defeated? Oh wait, my girls never met and that is what led to this so there was nopony there to stop her.

Now I am truly shocked, Nightmare Moon has not only returned to power but she has an army of all sorts of ponies and Rainbow Dash is one of them. Ugh, that mohawk mane cut. What the hell was she thinking, she looks like a dude who wants to be bad ass. And now for what makes this world truly horrible, I have been banished to the moon!

Yep, you heard me, the me in this timeline has been banished to the moon. I thought she only banished ponies to the sun but apparently she wanted a multi-colored moon. I will admit, the moon is pretty but if the original timeline is restored, I will not allow myself to be banished just so she can have a pretty moon. Maybe I'll find some pony with a multi-colored mane and tail, frame them for a high level crime and banish them there so I can have a pretty moon.

So now she wants this travel spell so the elements will never be found. Well I don't really blame her for that but still, she wants to go back further and force eternal night on everypony. She has won in this one so she may as well not worry. Damn that Twilight, why did she have to bring it up? Couldn't she just have found a way out and went back to Cloudsdale. Oh well, I suppose seeing the evil version of my sister happy for a couple minutes will be fine.

Now Twilight has to bring up the map and leads my sister out to it. Maybe this isn't such a bad thing but it does have it's risks. If my sister is able to get that spell and use it, things will be far worse but if Twily can trick her somehow, she can maybe fix this mess. As it turns out it is the latter that happens and the three of us return back to Cloudsdale, again. I sure the hell hope she can stop Starlight from screwing everything up, this is starting to get old.

We get back and Starlight alters the present again. Now where are we going? What I see would utterly terrify me, it is something I never wanted to see, an Equestria where Tirek is in charge. That is infinitely worse than even the Nightmare Moon future. Please Twily, you have to fix this. I don't feel like being imprisoned in Tartarus by some dumb fuck centaur.

Twily casts the spell and we go back again and just like before, Starlight stops the rainboom, again. Oh boy, now this PISSES ME OFF. Discord in charge. King Discord and my sister and I are nothing more than court jesters? Ewww....he even has a Discordcane, a disgusting spinoff on the Twicane that in this timeline never existed. This too is horrible. I'm going to let you in on something, if Twily can ultimately fix this, I'll let her dominate me ALL OFF-SEASON LONG!

Back to Cloudsdale we go, Starlight stops it again and now we have returned to a world where Flim and Flam are in charge. Ugh, how the hell did those two charlatans take control of everything? I'd think that any average unicorn could throw those two in Tartarus on their own. Twily casts the spell again and back to Cloudsdale we go, again.

We are back in Cloudsdale and suddenly things are looking a bit more promising as Starlight is actually listening to Twilight. Come on Twilight, you have to get through to her because I'm not sure how many more presents there can be, how bad they can be and let's say we were to go to one where SHE is in charge and has power over that map thing, we would be screwed. It would be game over and chances are she would haul you up to HER sleeping chambers and do Faust knows what to you!

Unfortunately Starlight doesn't care to listen and she stops the rainboom, again. This time though my Twily has decided to take Starlight with us to the new present. What I see is beyond horrible. There is nothing but desolation, absolutely nothing. Equestria has fallen and all life has ceased to exist. What sort of disaster could have caused this. That brown sky, the strong winds, all that sand. This looks like something that might be inevitable. Too much volcanic activity, a gamma ray burst, an asteroid impact?

Oh boy, now my Twily and Starlight have begun to argue. I can't help but wonder what the hell Starlight has against cutie marks and why she is doing everything in her power to stop my girls from meeting and not even caring about the results. Now something happens that I never imagined would, my Twily has admitted that she can't beat Starlight. What the hell? I make her a princess and she can't even beat a powerful unicorn. Come on, she defeated Tirek for Faust's sake and I didn't think he would fall after he got all that Alicorn magic. One thing I would like to know though is what caused Starlight to go bat-shit crazy. Now we are about to find out as another portal has opened for us.

We travel back to a much different place, a very peaceful and serene place, her village from when she was a filly. Now I see what her problem was, her parents had the audacity to let her be friends with a member of the lesser sex. Now that is filly abuse! Aren't there any other little fillies for her to be friends with or is it either this loser or resorting to an imaginary friend. Personally I'd pick the imaginary friend but that is just me.

What an adorable little filly she was though. Those pigtails were so cute! I just wanted to scoop her up, take her back home and raise her as my own. Hell maybe I should have because then she never would have gone down the path she did. My girls still would have met, everything would have went the way it did and I could have raised an adorable filly into a mature, responsible mare with powerful magic.

Now for why she went downhill. As it turns out this hack is really good organizing books. He winds up organizing some books and he gets his cutie mark. Seriously, something that lame got him a cutie mark? What is even worse is that his mindless parents thought he was destined to be great so they sent him up to Canterlot for magic school. I thought that little rat looked familiar but I couldn't quite place my hoof on it.

So his parents sending him out of town is what upset her? Seriously, she was so upset over this disgusting colt being sent out of town that it caused her to decide to steal cutie marks, oppress towns and now try to destroy the time continuum? She should have been happy that she wasn't being forced to be friends with that thing anymore. Trust me, I know she was being forced because a filly who would grow up to be a powerful mare would never hang out with something like that. Chances are there is some sort of dark magic that caused her to be upset over this in the first place.

Now another portal has opened up and we all go back to Cloudsdale, again. Ugh, I am getting sick of seeing this place and this dumb race. It has started again and Twilight is once again trying to reason with Starlight. Oh no, now Starlight has the scroll and is threatening to tear it up and stop the rainboom! Come on Twilight, try to get through to her. Even if you have to become her sex slave, just convince her to let the rainboom happen.

Now for what the animators could not show or allow to affect their interactions further down the road. Twilight actually did offer herself to Starlight but apparently she must have some morals. She told Twilight that she would never do such a thing in front of any fillies or colts. Wow, I'm shocked. The one who is evil won't expose the children to anything bad while my little princess wants to rob their eyes of their virginity? I am going to have to punish her for that severely and she can forget about me letting her dominate me during the off-season.

Back to what they can show. It looks like Twilight is finally getting through to her. She is getting her to see that her screwing up the time continuum and stopping friendships from forming can ruin everything. Hell yeah it can, if she never meets her friends I will be denied not only lavender icing but also white frosting and yellow cake! That is the worst possible thing!

Finally, Twilight gets through to her and the rainboom happens. One final trip through the time portal and we are back in Twilight's castle. Woo-hoo! Everything is back to normal! I'll still get my lavender icing, my white frosting, my yellow cake and if I'm lucky, maybe I can get some light pink frosting too.

Now things seem to be normal for the most part. Apparently a shock wave shot out of Twily's castle because her friends show up and asked what happened. Now those six have decided to talk about what to do with Starlight. Once again something happens that the animators couldn't show.

While Twilight and her friends were talking, Starlight was waiting outside as was shown BUT I was out there with her. I reversed the invisibility spell and let myself be known to her. At first she was scared that I was going to do something to her but once I talked to her some, she knew I meant her no harm. Now for the somewhat fun part, while we really couldn't go off anywhere to have some full blown fun, we did at least have a heated make out session. I must say, she is quite a good kisser and she seems to have this thing about groping my flank. I'm not going to ask her about it but I have a feeling that she is going to be begging to be part of my harem here pretty quick.

After our make out session I went invisible again and told her not to say a word about this to Twilight and to try not and act guilty of anything. Well Starlight apologized for everything she did and now my Twily is going to take her in as a student AND let her live in the castle with her. I have a feeling that she'll also be letting her sleep with her every night too. I have been watching my Twily and despite everything that has been going on, she has had her eyes glued on Starlight's flank. Hey, having both of them at once will be fun, very fun!

Now Twilight has led Starlight and her friends out into the streets to sing some sappy song about friendship. Why can't they sing a song about friends with benefits? It would be far more entertaining! Now Starlight is doing things with her new friends that they like. Yet another thing that they couldn't show. Apparently Fluttershy has already taken quite a liking to Starlight because while it showed them holding hooves out with her animals, Fluttershy had Starlight inside and was taking her virginity from her! Damn it Flutters, I was the one who was supposed to do that! Oh well, I guess I can't win them all.

In the end everything seemed to be all fine and dandy but for another thing they couldn't show. Twilight was telling Starlight everything about what she would have to do to be her student. My Twily told her that she would have to submit to her in the bedroom, every single night! She won't even let Starlight have her own bedroom, she has to sleep with her! Shit, now I probably won't be able to take Twilight away from her friends for this off-season! Oh wait, I can still do that because I am Twilight's queen. Besides, I'm sure Fluttershy won't have any problems keeping Starlight under her hoof for several months. I know Fluttershy likes her and I have a feeling that the feelings are mutual with the way they looked so lovingly at one another.

Now another off-season has begun and like always, I am taking Twilight with me up to my sleeping chambers. I just thought of something, I don't want to part Twilight from her new lover nor do I want to part Starlight and Fluttershy either so all three of them are going with me. This is going to be very exciting. Now don't any of you worry, they'll be back in Ponyville for the start of season six. Like always though, I have to hand over all power to Luna since I will be occupied by three lovelies. I can only hope that she doesn't start a global war and create that desolate present all of us traveled to.

Now if you will excuse me, my lovelies are whining for me to hurry up so we can get started and I'm looking forward to this just as much as they are.

Celestia Continues Her Punishment: Friendship Games

Celestia Continues Her Punishment: Friendship Games

Hello everypony, this is your sexy Sun Goddess again. Let me start out by letting you know that I am in an extremely bad mood, the type of mood that even makes hauling my whole harem into my sleeping chambers and banging them one by one sound bad. Yes it is that bad and you want to know why? It is because StormLuna is forcing me to do this thing. I'd rather be at the Fillydelphia Baked Goods convention gorging myself on cake but hey, life's a bitch, right?

Once again I have to grab the old Palantir to see what is going on in that Faust-forsaken world. You know, if she had never left these shitty things likely would have never existed but also my sexy Twily likely would have never become a kinky Alicorn either so I guess there is a give and take.

So it looks like the formerly evil Sunset Shimmer is outside of Loser High talking to her friends around that dumb statue. Damn I wish something would destroy that thing so I wouldn't have to do this anymore because we all know humans are idiots and that they like to start wars and screw members of the opposite sex....ugh, disgusting.

Yeah, yeah, yeah girls, we get it. You think Sunset gives a shit about what is going on in your miserable pathetic lives but she secretly doesn't. I can see it in her eyes, she is still fantasizing about when I let her violate Twilight with the Twicane. I wonder if she wants to use it again? I'd gladly take it to her if I had a way and she could punish those so-called friends of hers for being so boring.

Ok, enough about all this, I want to get this over and done with as soon as possible. Well it looks like Sunset is sending my sexy Twily some sort of message. Chances are she wants her to go screw her or she is simply telling her that her life sucks and she wants to come back to Equestria, join my harem and return to being my student. Sorry Sunset, you were a self-absorbed bitch when you were in my school and you weren't that good in bed to start with.

Wait a minute, something interesting is going on! Ok, this girl with lavender skin has shown up with some sort of freaky device and it is picking up something. Is she checking for a natural gas leak? I hope so because if she is, there is a leak and it would take just one spark to blow that place into the sky and allow me to drag some lovelies and some cake to my sleeping chambers. Oh wow, my dream has come true! That girl struck a match, blew herself along with that school into the sky and the credits are rolling! Sweet, I'm thinking the flower mares will be joining.......

"Princess Celestia!"

"What?"

"What did I tell you last time?"

"That this is stupid and you'll let me out of it?"

"No. I said if you want to quit early and not give the readers what they want, that I will take your cake and lovelies away."

"Please no, not my cake and lovelies!"

"Well then, will you do this for me?"

*grumbles* "Yes but if I'm a total bitch the whole time it's your fault!"

"Well as long as you do this, that is all that matters."

"Whatever."

Well I tried to get out of this but hey, I guess I can't win them all. Back to this girl with that meter. What the hell could she possibly be measuring for if she ain't with the gas company? What the hell? Is that a HUMAN Twilight? I certainly hope so because maybe it will keep my Twily where she belongs, in Equestria!

Yeah, yeah, yeah....the same old boring opening theme but now we're transported into Twilight's dungeon. Sweet, maybe she will either be torturing someone or be violating someone with a spiked bat. While the animators never showed it, I saw a pink woman chained to a bed down there. Maybe this Twilight is quite freaky and brutal in the bedroom. Note to self: Don't go to the human world and go to her dungeon. It would likely be very painful.

Now what is that device she is holding and what the hell is up with that evil grin on her face? I can't help but wonder, is she gathering energy to blow that entire planet up? I sure hope so because then I could get out of this!"

Now we're back to Loser High and it appears as though the girls are yapping in the library wondering who that hooded figure was. Look bitches, I'll tell you who it was. It was the girl that will be keeping my Twily home! Since a Twilight Sparkle exists in that world, MINE has no reason to go there. Human Twily can go suck their pussies or whatever they need done to solve their problems.

Before StormLuna throws a fit and threatens to take my lovelies and my cake away from me, I suppose I should tell you what they're talking about. They're talking about these "Friendship Games," whatever the hell those are. Wait a minute, these two schools are making a big deal out of some athletic events? What a moronic thing to do. If I ran the show they'd be taking part in some academic contest since that is what gets you places. I can only imagine what the human me is thinking though, she probably wants to give Fluttershy "detention" every single day. Fortunately for Fluttershy, she is under age in that world and it would be illegal to bang her.

Let's move on, shall we. Well it appears as though they're having some sort of pep assembly. Tsk, tsk, how wasteful. Those kids need to be in class, learning things, not getting all worked over some dumb sports event that they're probably going to lose anyway. I say they simply forfeit these games, get back to studying and in the case of Sunset and her friends, go somewhere and have lots and lots of fun!

Alright, now it looks like the magic-less hack version of my sister is talking to Sunset and the girls about that "strange girl" who was doing shit over around the statue. Ok, we get it Lulu, you don't want magic anywhere near these dumb games because you don't want to forfeit. Big deal, just tell Crystal Prep that you're sick of these dumb games and are going to engage in things that will actually help you succeed in life, STUDYING!

I swear, the magic-less version of my sister must be a complete moron if she is putting Sunset Shimmer in charge of monitoring what Twilight does is a good idea. I can just imagine, Sunset gets a dose of whatever Twilight is doing and returns to being a she-demon. I'm not sure if that would happen but it would be fun to watch. I would love to see Demon Shimmer turn into a beast, smite that place with her fist and then I could quit on this. Hmmm....maybe that will happen!

What's this, Sunset is trying to contact Twilight through that dumb book, again? Yeah, yeah, yeah Sunset, we get it, you're really needy and you're all pissy that you haven't heard back from my Twily yet but there is a reason for that. She is up in my sleeping chambers where she belongs! Sadly since I have to monitor this I'm not pleasing her but hey, Moondancer is having the time of her life right now! I know she wanted her personal space when it came to me but hey, she is still pissed over Twilight bolting so long ago. She wanted to "punish" my Twily severely and I decided to let her do so.

Alright, enough about me letting Moondancer screw Twily, I better get back to this. Alright, back to that primitive world and it looks like poor Twilight is barely even noticed in that school of hers but hey, I'm betting her schoolmates are just jealous that she has a torture/orgy chamber in the bottom most bowels of that place. I can't believe I'm seeing this, Cadence has headed down there for some fun times!

Unfortunately the animators could never show this but it looks like Twilight has ripped the clothes off of her, chained her to her bed and is violating her with something. Wait a minute, she has something that resembles the TwiCane! I think she called it the Sci-Twicane or something like that. Oh well, as long as she can get some action that is all that matters. The girl needs it given no one else pays attention to her.

Ok, I'm getting really bored right now and who is this Principal Cinch that Twilight's little ho is talking about....and about this Everton place. I don't know what it is but perhaps it is a place where Twilight will be taught how to seduce any mare....I mean woman she wants and brutally molest them! That would be fun to see, well once this Twilight hits age 18 of course.

Now I'm going to admit, I actually feel bad for this Twilight. Yep, yours Truly actually feels bad for a human. Just look at all those little bitches and bastards she goes to school with. Come to think of it, they look like human versions of some of the biggest assholes here in Equestria. No wonder Fleur de Lis is there. Now I know why Twilight wants to go off and study on her own. She is surrounded by losers who care more about dumb sporting events than they do excelling in life. After all, nopony, I mean no one has ever succeeded in life because of sports, right?

Alright, now Twilight's Ho, I mean Dean Cadence has led Twilight into this principal's office and I am mortified by what I see. What the hell is that thing? If these people are supposed to resemble ponies in our world, I don't know where this one came from. Hell maybe Hydia from G1 went on a starvation diet, managed to become even more hideous and managed to get through the portal and take over that school. Ugh, that appearance and her personality are horrible.

Now for something even worse for poor Sci-Twi, for that shriveled up witch principal of hers to even consider letting her apply to Everton, she has to take part in these dumb games and make sure they win. What a bitch. If I could find a way there and stay a pony like I did when Pinkamena and I destroyed Canterlot High, I would banish that bitch to the moon and make sure this Twilight's dreams came true.

It looks like after Twilight has to put up with a horrid bus ride with her woefully unintelligent classmates, we are back at Loser High and Rarity has made them slutty outfits. Come on bitch, they aren't even of legal age yet. This is for some dumb sporting event, not on who would make the best beauty....oh wait, her costumes, i mean uniforms are actually modest! Will wonders ever cease?

It looks like Crystal Prep has arrived at Loser High and while the lame version of me is talking to Hydia v2.0, the magic-less version of my sister is talking to Cadence. Hmmm....I wonder, do those two have something going on? I ask this because they aren't glaring at one another and oh my goodness, they hugged. Sadly that is all the animators could show because in the unedited version, they decided to give both student bodies a very sexy show! Boobie sucking, grinding, munchy-munchy times and so much more! Seeing this almost got me wet, almost. If they were ponies I know it would have, before I took it to the next level and joined them.

Things are starting to get interesting. It looks like Twilight is going into that school to suck up more magic or whatever she is doing. Wait a minute, she has bumped into something. It better not be what it is or I will find a way there, abduct it, bring it back here and burn it alive! Guess what, poor Twilight has bumped into Trash, I mean Flash Sentry. Even worse, he knocked her glasses off and now she's blind as a bat.

Poor Twilight is in such a vulnerable state right now and sadly, all I can do is hope that Flash isn't some pervert who would molest a girl who can barely see. Now I am absolutely shocked, Flash Sentry helps her gets her glasses on and does not blush at her. Perhaps Flash has evolved and even better for Twilight, his magic gives that thing of hers one more bar of power. I don't know what it is but I'm starting to think this Twilight may not be such a good girl after all.

*Yawn* I'm getting so tired her and yeah, I saw that Twilight met with the Lame 5 and absolutely nothing happened. They learn that she goes to Crystal Prep and are now comparing her to MY Twily. Look bitches, that world's Twilight may not be an Alicorn or understand friendship magic, but at least she doesn't lose her sanity over Flash Sentry. She has a level head on her shoulders and puts intelligence ahead of her sex drive....while my Twily's sole purpose in this world is keeping me happy and she does a damn good job at it!

What the hell is going on here. After Sunset makes plans with her lame friends she goes to the portal and it is open? Sweet, she's going to come through so I can punish her! Woo-hoo! Now how shall I punish her? Shall I let Moondancer punish her and Twilight together, shall I punish her myself or should I let Twilight punish her? I've got it, that bad ass time traveling pony, Starlight Glimmer can do it! She'll put her in her place for sure!

Now for something really strange. Twilight has that magic sucking device of hers and she trips near the statue and guess what, it sucks the energy right out of that portal. Yes, yes, yes! Thank you Sci-Twi! Thank you for draining that cursed thing of its energy. Now MY Twily will stay where she belongs, here in Equestria. Woo-hoo, she just made my day a whole lot better. Now to create a fake ending and haul some lovelies and cake up into my chambers!"

"Don't even think about it Celestia. If you don't want your cake and lovelies taken away from you, you'll keep on doing this."

"Fine, but in the future I demand tons and tons of lovelies!"

Ugh he can be so irritating at times. He should know that doing this is most unpleasant, shit there I go sounding like Luna again. You get the point though, I don't like doing this and I would rather be doing almost anything else.

Well back to this lame thing. Now that the portal has been deactivated by everypony's, I mean everyone's favorite nerdy girl, the two schools are having some sort of social event. Ugh, boring, boring, boring....Well that is until Pinkie starts talking to Twilight and discovers her magic stealing device. Please don't do something to break it Pinkie, or wait, please do. It might destroy that world, I can jump ship on this early and I can grab a lovely and some cake and head up to my sleeping chambers.

"Princess Celestia!

"Oh fine, I get it. You'll make my life hell if I don't do this."

"Just do this and everything will be fine."

*grumbles* "Whatever, I'll find a way to make you pay for this."

Alright, back to this cursed thing. So now they are having some sort of dance, seriously? Two sworn enemies together at a dance? That would like be orcs from Mordor having a dinner party with the elves from Rivendell. Oh well, that's what is happening and it looks like Twilight's device is stealing more magic. Whatever she plans on doing with it will likely not be good but it should be entertaining.

Wait a minute, are they actually engaging in some sort of academic thing? Maybe this won't be 100% horrible after all. Well all they really did was mix potions and paint things so it isn't overly impressive. It's not like they're trying to disprove some advanced scientific theory so I'll just move on from here, with a slice of cake of course!

Next up is a spelling bee, sweet! Hell, this might actually be worth monitoring. After all, if one is to succeed in life they need to know how to spell good and not rely on spell-check like StormLuna does, well when it comes to the harder words anyway. It looks like Crystal Prep won the spelling bee, no big surprise there.

Now comes the hard part, science. Guess who is going up against who when it comes to doing some sort of scientific theory, if you guessed my Twily....oh wait, I mean that world's Twilight "Einstein" Sparkle. I knew she had it in her and given that she was going up against Sunset "I ran away like a little bitch" Shimmer, she was guaranteed victory and naturally she won. If she was to ever come to Equestria, oh wait....she drained the portal so no chance of that happening. If she could, I'd give her a high level position in my science counsel....well if I had one anyway.

So now Twilight runs into Fluttershy and naturally she shows her some kindness. Good, it's about time someone is nice to her and it looks like they have something in common. Both of them carry animals in their backpacks. Fluttershy carries an adorable bunny in hers and Twilight carries a mutant purple dog that can talk. Now something is going on and Fluttershy grows wings and pony ears. Well this can't be good, for her anyway. Twilight's device fires up and steals her magic. Too bad for her, she looked good with wings too.

Now it looks like traitor Sunset and her lame friends are having some sort of meeting regarding Twilight. Shit, they have figured out that her pendant is stealing their magic. Now here they are talking about how MY Twily would know what to do since she understands magic and pendants. Well guess what, that ain't happening. The portal is lost forever and MY Twily will remain here. Yeah once I'm done with this Moondancer will have to surrender control of Twily but until then, Moondancer will continue to release all that pent up stress.

Well shit, now that they have finished the academic part of this, they are moving on to the completely useless athletic part of this and Hydia v2.0 is telling Twilight that she shouldn't have any problems since she crushed Sunset when it came to proving that the universe is older than dirt, way older than dirt. If this is so important to that shriveled up bitch, why doesn't SHE take part in the archery thing?

Well StormLuna is distracted by a baseball game, again. Good, now I can skip through a large part of this. I'll make it simple, Twilight isn't all that good when it comes to sports, Hydia v2.0 is accusing Loser High of using magic, which is actually being stolen and it looks like it ended in a tie. Now for what really happened!

What the animators never showed was Dean Cadence and Vice Principal Luna got into a nude mud wresting match and Luna won, which means Loser High won! I feel bad for Twilight because she'll never get to go to Riverton, Everton, Evanston or whatever you call it. Poor girl, I truly feel bad.......

"Princess Celestia!"

"What?"

"Look, I know the sports part isn't fun to report on and trust me, I think academics should have been the only part but you have to do this!"

*begs* "Please, can't I get out of doing most of the sports stuff except saying Twilight sucks at sports?"

"No."

*begs again* "Pretty please, with a cheeseburger on top?"

"Oh fine, but the good part is coming up so you can't slack on that!"

"Thanks StormLuna!"

Well I guess you could call that a partial victory. Ok, it looks like Loser High has won this finally and Rainbow has her wings. I guess Twilight hasn't gone Tirek on her yet. One human though is not so thrilled, Sunset. Here she is going into a rage how the magic is going haywire and someone could have got hurt. Hey, as long as it wasn't Twilight, I wouldn't care. Everyone there but her is an arrogant jackass while she is just a misunderstood genius who deserves better.

Good grief bitch, calm the fuck down. Sunset is acting just like she did when I told her that she simply wasn't that good in bed and ran away. She got all pissy, called Twinkleshine a skank and ran through that mirror when I told her I was done with her. Now even worse, she yells at Twilight and she runs off. I am secretly hoping Twilight does something with that magic stealing pendant of hers and enslaves that world. It would be retribution for her for everyone shitting on her all the time.

Oh boy, now we have Principal Hydia, I mean Cinch telling Twilight that if she doesn't make sure they win those dumb games she won't sign her papers to go to Everton. Great, just great. What the hell is she going to have to do convince that shriveled up prune to do that. Is she going to have to run a marathon, get a gun and kill Sunset or have Spike attack and kill my human counterpart? We shall see.

Now that Cinch and her minions have broken into song, I can tell Twilight is eventually going to break and do something with that pendant and it will likely not be good. I have a feeling that something like what happened there before is about to happen. Since it is Twilight though, it will be fun to watch.

Now as all of you know I'd rather be doing just about anything than this. I swear, I really wish Moondancer wasn't so selective on who she wants to punish because I'd love it if she'd punish me! Hell, I'd even give her the Twicane if it would make her feel better but I better get back to this before I piss a certain baseball obsessed author off. Ok, so Twilight has been having Hydia v2.0 and her snotty schoolmates bitching at her to unleash the magic and I think she is about to break.

Oh boy, she did it! She unleashed the magic and it looks like the shit has hit the fan. Enter, Midnight Sparkle, basically a purple version of Sunset Shimmer when she got pissed after my Twily wouldn't put out. Now what kind of sinister plans could she possibly have. Hey, why am I worrying? She can't get here and watching this will be fun, most fun!

Shit, just bucking shit. Here I thought she could simply have some fun with her schoolmates if you know what I mean and now she's tearing holes in the fabric of time. Sweet mother of Faust, save us. She has tore open holes to Equestria! If she manages to get here and steal all our magic, we'll all become sex slaves to the new she-demon, well the hot mares anyway. I'm sure Midnight is like me, she likely has very high standards on who she will buck.

Now it looks like we have a problem developing, an illegal immigration problem. Those magic-less hacks are starting to get sucked into these portals and what the hell am I going to do with them if I simply can't throw them back into their own dimension? One thing is for sure, I'm not giving them any damn welfare! If they stay in their human form, I'll just put them in some sort of traveling circus that has freaks and genetic defects on display for the enjoyment of everypony. Hey, I'm sure the ponies will pay good money to see these mutants!

Well, since StormLuna is distracted by a baseball game again, I'll just tell you what really happened! Ok, this Midnight Sparkle decided to forget about throwing everyone there into Equestria and cast a spell on everyone. Suddenly they were all anthros! Sweet, this is going to be amazing. Even more fun, she cast a sexy times spell on all the mares! I tell you, watching the Shadowbolt mares and the Wonderbolt mares tearing each other's clothes off and having munchy-munchy times is actually getting me wet, very wet. And apparently everypony, yes I can call them ponies since they are anthro, must hate Hydia, I mean Cinch. There are Celestia, Luna and Cadence probing her with their horns and slowly releasing enough energy into her that she'll eventually blow apart.

Now unfortunately those portals are still open so if we have any of these things fall through, they'll still have to go into the freak show since they walk upright and have hands. Want to know the funny thing, one of them did fall through, right in front of Lyra! I'm sure you all know what happened next. Lyra knocked the thing unconscious, I think it was Sour Sweet. She hauled her into her house and cut off her hands! Now Lyra has the hands she always wanted. What she did with the rest of Sour I don't know. As long as she disposes of the body properly after killing her everything will be fine.

Ok, back to Midnight's realm. Not only has she forced everypony, well the mares, to engage in a mega-orgy, she has now ordered them to line up so she can properly punish them. Oh my, she is being so rough with her school-mates, especially that bitch with the glasses....but, her worst wrath was saved for Cinch. She did what Cadence, Luna and Celestia wouldn't. She fired a powerful bolt of energy into her and blew her apart! Woo-hoo!

Ok, as you all know I feel bad for this Twilight and I think with the proper magic, she can be salvaged so I decided to go through one of her portals and visit the place. Luckily I was still my powerful Alicorn self so with my magic I was able to subdue Midnight. I took her back with me through a portal, transformed her back into Sci-Twi, well in pony form, closed up the portals and made her an Alicorn.

Now that she is here, the last thing they showed was me transforming her into an Alicorn. Once the credits began to roll I let her go into my chambers and let her join Moondancer in punishing my Twily severely. Oh boy, you should have seen the fear in my Twily's eyes....it was epic! But then again having a smarter version of you violating you with the Twicane would scare anypo......"

"PRINCES CELESTIA!"

"What?"

"This is it, I have had enough. I'll let you keep your ending since you have the credits rolling BUT effective immediately, not only am I throwing you off this project, but I'm taking all your lovelies and cake away!"

"No, not my cake or my lovelies!"

"Sorry Celestia but I have no other choice. You are a bitch most of the time, you are sexist as hell, you can't go one episode without being perverted....."

"Hey, I went without being perverted once or twice so I'm not all bad!"

"Look, the readers want to know what really happened, not what you wish would have happened, especially Midnight Sparkle coming to Equestria and raping Twilight!"

"But...."

"And the anthro spell and sexy times spell. Midnight Sparkle would not do that!"

"StormLuna, you DID make this a trollfic didn't you? You did make this to where I didn't have to be all prissy and do everything properly didn't you?"

*sighs* "Yes. Look, just do the real ending and I'll let you stay on, you can keep your cake and lovelies AND I'll let you out of doing Legends of Everfree."

"Really!"

"Yes, really. Now finish this up and just promise me you won't do this when the MLP movie comes out."

"I promise I will finish this the way it happened and do the big movie properly."

"Good, now get back to work."

Well since StormLuna is being mean, I guess I better get back to work. Wait, now where did I even leave off? Oh right, Midnight tearing all these portals to Equestria in the time/space continuum. Don't worry everypony, if anything bad happens Luna will handle this since Twilight is chained down, literally, and I have to give you my synopsis.

Oh great, now Sunset has swiped Midnight's pendant and is going off about all the Elements of Harmony. Why is it I have a feeling that little bitch is going to do something that will have everypony thinking I should find a way to get her home and transform her into an Alicorn? Well regardless of what happens, even if that portal is restored, it ain't happening. She dropped out of MY school like a spoiled brat, ran away like a coward and like I've said earlier, she failed her bedroom exams all the time.

What the hell is this? Little Miss She-Demon is suddenly turning into a damn angel? Oh great, my worst fears have come true. Sunset, I mean Daydream, has closed all the tears in the fabric and is arguing with Midnight. Look Sunny, we all know you think you're the best. We all know you want all the fans to worship you but just because you're this good girl now doesn't mean they all will.

Now I'm going to let you all in on something, I was really hoping Midnight Sparkle would crush Daydream, as was StormLuna but then THE WORST POSSIBLE THING happened! That little mutt Spike just had to look up at Midnight with puppy dog eyes and beg her to not want to exact revenge on all the scum that had tormented her for so long. Even worse, she lost her concentration, she was defeated by the demonic angel with bacon hair and Twilight's plans for revenge failed. You know, it pisses me off that the good ones always win. I secretly wanted Starlight to win even though she would have fucked everything up and now Midnight has to lose.

Well what could have been a good movie has been flushed down the crapper. I am making plans though. I'm sure that stupid portal will be restored and I'm going after Sunset. Her punishment, violation with the Twicane and then death in the town square! How dare she suddenly try to act like a perfect little angel when everypony knows she is anything but!

Now all this is drawing to a close and it looks like Hydia v2.0, I mean Principal Cinch is throwing a temper tantrum. You know what? Forget about Sunset, I'm going through there, abducting Cinch, bringing her home and burning her alive in the same place I burned Flash Sentry and Sunset's parents. When I tell the citizens that she used to be Hydia, they'll gladly support this. Nopony has to know she was an idiotic principal who was obsessed over winning a game, right?

Now it looks like this is coming to a close and apparently Sci-Twi has decided to transfer to Loser High. What the hell ever happened to her wanting to go to Edgerton or whatever the fuck it is called. Well I do know one thing, she'll likely graduate as valedictorian there and maybe that will be enough to get her into that fancy place. In the end I am happy....

"Princess Celestia, something really bad has happened!"

"What happened Moondancer?"

"It's Twilight! She somehow managed to escape and I don't know where she is!"

"Damn it Moondancer, I thought you chained her down with enchanted chains!"

"Don't blame me princess, you're the one who chained her down."

"Well that is true. Once this thing gets done we'll have to go and find her. After that, you can continue to punish her brutally."

Well shit, Twilight's gone missing. Wait just a Faust-forsaken minute. Sunset is trying to communicate with her again? What the hell is she trying to tell her now? Is she going to say, "Hey Twilight, I punished a girl with your name after she refused to put out?"

What the hell is this? Now I am pissed! MY Twily used that damn mirror to finally answer Sunset's pleas for help. Oh she got delayed because of some time travel loop. Well she's going to get delayed by something else when she gets back, something much worse. Let's just say that Starlight Glimmer, Colgate and Moondancer are going to have the times of their lives. Don't worry, I won't let Starlight kill Twilight but my little Twily will likely wind up having to get fillings and her parents will have to pay the bill....and if they refuse, I will burn them for all to see!

Oh joy, now in the very end my little Twily meets her superior. Face it, my Twily may be an Alicorn, a very sexy one at that, but we all know Sci-Twi is vastly more intelligent. Let's just hope that doesn't destroy some space/time continuum. Well if it does, I won't have to do these anymore.

"Well Princess Celestia, you finished it so I won't punish you."

"So I get to keep my lovelies and my cake?"

"Yes you do and I won't make you do Legend of Everfree."

"Thanks but why?"

"You see, when I was making the list of episodes, I forgot to put it in so I decided that you won't have to do it."

"Good, I'm so thankful for that."

"But be warned Trollestia, if you piss me off, I'll simply put it in as a surprise for the readers even though it would be out of place AND I will force you to do it."

"Don't worry, I'll be good, I promise."

"Good. Now I'm sure you, Colgate, Starlight and Moondancer have plans to punish a disobedient lovely and I have a ballgame to finish watching so I'll let you get on your way."

"Thanks StormLuna, hopefully your team will win."

Well now that this is over, yours Truly shall have a meeting with the three ponies I selected and we shall go over our plans on how to punish Twilight. I'm sure Starlight's punishment will be the most brutal but if Twilight is scared of the dentist, I'm sure Colgate will terrify her much more. Now be gone you serfs, I have a meeting with three sadistic minded ponies to attend.

One more thing before I go, I did indeed force Twilight to open that portal, I abducted Cinch, brought her back and as it turns out she was indeed Hydia from G1. Sweet, this execution will be beyond epic! Well I hauled her fat ass to Canterlot, led her to courtyard one and naturally everypony knew who she was. We all agreed that burning her alive was the only option and that is exactly what we did. The ponies cheered loudly when they heard her cries of pain as the flames consumed her. I did make one mistake though, before we burned her I forgot to ask her where her daughters, Reeka and Draggle were. Hopefully they are still in Tartarus or stranded in the human world somewhere. It would suck if they came to Equestria and caused us any problems

Chapter 118: The Crystalling Part 1

Chapter 118: The Crystalling Part 1

Hello everypony and welcome to season six! Your sexy Sun Goddess is a bit sad because she had to return three of her lovelies to Ponyville since they have to start whatever boring shit it is they will do very soon. Oh well, several months is better than none at all. I will say one thing though, Starlight is a lot of fun so I'm thinking I will make her join me every now and then. I do want to warn you of something though, Twilight has decided to make her wear her mane in a new, hideous style.

Morning has arrived in Ponyville and Starlight is trying to navigate her way through Twilight's castle and unfortunately I can't see what is going on so I once again do the invisibility and teleport spell. Maybe I should have returned them a week earlier so she could figure out how to get around in there but oh well, I'm sure she knows that all that fun was out of my love for her. There she is, looking in every single room until she finds Spike brushing his teeth. I'm not thrilled that Spike is wasting money on brushing his teeth but I guess it beats taking him to that dentist up here I'm so scared of since she would bill the government an outrageous sum of money just to clean his teeth.

Finally Starlight finds the library to discover that Twilight has fallen back into her old ways. She has tons and tons of papers out trying to figure out what Starlight's first friendship lesson should be. Wait a minute, all of that is just for the A's? Wow, this reminds me of how she was when she lived in that tower and would always have waste paper all over the place when we would have our "special study sessions." What is even worse is that she has an equally huge amount of paper for the B's. One thing they didn't show though was that she had a horrible pile for every letter. I feel bad for Starlight, this must be horribly overwhelming for her.

Now they have headed into the throne room and are talking about the upcoming crystalling. That is right, Cadence is nearing term, how could I have forgot that. I'm STILL pissed though because Pinkie found out she was knocked up before her Auntie Tia did. Once she gives birth and is cleared by the doctors, I think I'll have some rough fun with her. That ought to teach her that she is to tell me about things like this before she does anypony else.

Yeah we already know their customs aren't all that well known since they were gone so long but I honestly don't care. I'd just as soon go up there, meet the baby once it is born, make Cadence set up a "mandatory appointment" with me and then come home. Yeah the crystal ponies are nice and all but I would much rather just come home and take a lovely into my sleeping chambers than stay up there and chew the fat.

Ok, Twilight has officially pissed me off. She has found a potential friendship lesson for Starlight and it is in the Crystal Empire. What the hell? She wants her to reunite with Sunbust, Sunblast, Sunbutt or whatever his name is. How dare she! She should know that he is nothing more than a lowly male, not worth reuniting with. I think I am going to punish her severely for this, and I shall allow Starlight to join me. I'm thinking, perhaps I should let Starlight take and keep her cutie mark for a while or maybe I should take that Twicane and violate her with it! That would be so much fun!

Starlight is obviously nervous about this and is now talking with Spike, who she seems to trust quite a bit. Yeah he can be a little prick at times but he is a good listener and given that Starlight doesn't have an overblown ego like Twilight, I can see why he'd want to listen but enough about Spike and the fact that he does listen, well when he isn't fantasizing about Rarity, it is flashback time.

Oh, I always do love these flashbacks. Like I have said before, Starlight was such an adorable little filly! Those pigtails were so cute and that innocent little face is to die for. But ugh, that waste of space with her is disgusting. Once again we go back to when her parents abused her by making her hang out with a little rat that got a mark on his ass. Even though it's been decades, I'm thinking about casting her parents into Tartarus for making her be friends with that thing and if they didn't make her, I'll at least reprimand them one way or another for allowing her to hang out with it. I'd rather go through that stupid mirror of Twilight's and hang out with humans but that is just me.

Now Twilight is out on her balcony acting like she is waiting for me. I know she's excited but I'm not due to visit her until tomorrow. Soon though she gets a crystalling invitation. What the hell? It was bad enough that Cadence let Pinkie know she was knocked up before she did me but now she let's Twilight know she's given birth before she does me? How dare she! Now not only am I very disappointed princess but I am also a very angry aunt. Listen Cadi, your Auntie Tia is not happy now and she will punish you when the time is right! After all, aunt/niece fun can be quite fun!

Ok, my girls have boarded the train for the Crystal Empire and it looks like some of them are ready for this and have gifts. With Applejack I'm sure she is being genuine with her gift. Rainbow probably wants Cadence to persuade the Wonderbolts to promote her up from the reserves and knowing Rarity, she probably wants to get Cadence in bed with her gift. Sorry Rarity but I'm not sure if she sees you that way. I know she does Twilight, Fluttershy and definitely her Auntie Tia, but not you!

Now I'm going to be honest, I am not happy with Twilight right now. Despite Starlight not wanting to reunite with that thing that she called a friend when she was a filly, she is still going to make her do it anyway. I am thinking more and more that I should find somepony that she doesn't like and make her reunite with them. Who it is, I'm not sure. I've got it! I'll just cast her into Tartarus and she could be Tirek's cell mate! He's weak and has no magic down there so while my sexy little princess won't be in any danger, she'll still be nervous and have to talk to a creepy centaur.

Finally they arrive in the Crystal Empire and what the hell is wrong with Shining Armor? He looks like he could use a Valium right now, or should I say a dozen or so. He is tired and seems like he is about to go bat-shit crazy. Well as long as he can't steal cutie marks like Starlight or he doesn't go on a killing spree like the fan version of Pinkamena, we'll be fine. Speaking of the fan version of Pinkamena, I should pay Pinkie a visit. I could transform her, have her pay Sunburst a visit and put Starlight at ease. I'd even make Pinkamena an Alicorn Princess if she did that. I think Princess Pinkamena, the princess of torture and murder sounds quite fun...well as long as I'm not on her hit list.

Well it looks like Shining Armor is way too tired to do anything at this point so Twilight has offered to take care of the baby and cancels Starlight having to reunite with Sunburst! Yes, I can see the relief in her eyes. I'll admit, I was serious about punishing Twilight with that Twicane had she forced Starlight to do this. What? What was that Spike? So you are going to accompany Starlight to do this now? Now not only is Twilight going to pay for listening to him, Spike will be punished as well. Maybe I'll cast a spell on Rarity to where she will hate him, treat him like shit and as an added bonus, have her sew his mouth shut so he won't make dumb suggestions in the future.

Now ego time has arrived for Spike. Starlight sees his statue up there in the town square and just has to hear about why they put one of him up there. Now normally I would have wanted to smack Spike over his bloviating, but the more Starlight can stall him, the better. They didn't show this but Spike went on and on about how if it weren't for him, those crystal ponies would be enslaved to King Sombra. Actually no, they wouldn't have. Had Spike not got the crystal heart to Cadence, I would have went up there, used a stun spell on Sombra, cut him open and got that crystal heart to Cadence so he ain't all that special.

Now for a much more important part. I along with my sister are up with Cadence, Shining Armor and the baby. What makes this special is that I actually don't have to be invisible! Woo-hoo! I don't have to hide from the writers because of their disrespect for your sexy Sun Goddess. I'm going to say one thing, my Twily and her friends are going to be awfully surprised when they see this baby. Let's just say that ponies like her don't come around very often.

Well Twilight and her friends see the baby and I can read their minds. They, especially Twilight, are thinking "big deal, just another unicorn filly." The looks on their faces when she spread those wings was priceless. They never imagined that they would see a natural born Alicorn. Thing is, they've already seen two, Luna and myself. Now I know I said that there has never been an Alicorn birth in Equestria. That is correct because Luna and I were born in a completely different land. Hell we didn't come to Equestria until we had to cast three rather unsavory bitches into Tartarus after they pretty much wiped out the small eyed equines that preceded us. I know that didn't exactly fit into this episode but I decided you all needed a history lesson. Now though, back to the episode.

Holy shit this baby has powerful magic, she sneezed and blasted a hole in the ceiling. Now if she were anypony else I'm sure Cadence would have punished her one way or another but she can't punish her newborn, especially given how adorable she is. Luckily for Cadence, one of us can just use our magic to fix the problem. Given her magical abilities though, I'm thinking she is going to be a bit harder to handle than we initially prepared for.

While we have been trying to get a grasp on how to handle this baby, Spike has been bloviating about his exploits up here, which unfortunately did not include him knocking up Rarity in the royal bedroom. Now I'm not happy, Spike cuts things short and says they have to go see Sunburst. Why? Is it because Twilight threatened to make sure you never see Rarity again if you didn't put Starlight through this you little bastard? I'll give you guys a hint, the answer to that was yes. I was reading his mind and had that not been the case, he would have went out, boasted some more and Starlight could have laughed over him admitting to screwing up the Cloudsdale anthem. "Oh we're the Wonderbolts and we're super dumb, I mean super fast!" Ok, enough about that, back to the episode."

Finally Starlight knocks on Sunburst's door and that thing answers. Ugh, he looks worse than he did as a miniature rat. Those glasses, that cape and his whiny voice. Seriously Twi? You're making a big deal about Starlight reuniting with this thing. Hell I think meeting up with one of Opal's hairballs would be more entertaining, not to mention preferable for Starlight but oh no, Spike has to try to force this. Look Spike, she wants to hurry up, get this over with and get going. She knows I'm here and I think she is already longing for my loving touch and my tender kisses.

Well as it turns out their meeting was rather quick, short and meaningless. Yes, now Starlight can rest at ease and enjoy the rest of this trip but oh no, Spike just has to make her go back and talk some more. Look idiot, the rat in a wizard's cape didn't want to talk so don't force this. I'm thinking more and more that I'm going to throw you in Tartarus for this. Now if Sunburst were a mare, I wouldn't mind but Sunburst is a gelding. I can't help but laugh as you are all probably wondering why I'm calling him a gelding. You see, when he was in magic school, he was always a complete failure and couldn't do anything more than the most basic magic. I decided that because of that, he should not be reproducing so I had him neutered, without sedation! Enough about what the vet did to that thing, back to the episode.

While Spike was making Starlight's life hell, the baby is being adorable as hell. I will admit, she really seems to have taken a liking to Pinkie. I don't know what it is about her, she seems to simply mesh well with foals. Look at the Cake twins, they like her. Of course though, Pinkie's new playmate shall be taken away from her way too soon and sadly, the consequences are not going to be good.

Yeah Cadence, I know you need the baby so you can do this crystalling thing that I'm wasting my time over. What she does though is awful. Apparently the baby loves Pinkie so much that she throws a fit when Cadence takes her away from her and damn, I have never heard a baby cry so loud in my life! Shit, shit, shit! She cried so loud she broke the crystal heart. What are we going to do? I don't know how to put it back together nor does anypony else.

I do have an idea though. Since the Crystal Empire is going to freeze over and cease to exist, I shall force Shining Armor back into the guard, the baby can move in Pinkie and she along with the Cake twins will have a new playmate and Cadence can move into my sleeping chambers and I'll have a new, full time playmate! Woo-hoo! Maybe this isn't so bad after all. Yeah I know Shining won't like it but oh well, I am Equestria's overlord so anything I want, I will get!

Now if you will excuse me, I have to either aid in evacuating a city or aid in fixing an ancient relic. I do hope it is the first choice but I have a bad feeling that fate will force my hoof to do the second choice.

Chapter 119: The Crystalling Part 2

Chapter 119: The Crystalling Part 2

Hello everypony, it is your supreme overlord Celestia again and since I gave you my synopsis of "The Crystalling, Part 1" I shall do the same with part two.

Yeah, yeah, yeah Discovery Family. We know what happened last time, Cadence pissed me off by telling Twilight about her birth first, Starlight is nervous about reuniting with a rat named Splinter, I mean Sunburst, Twilight is being a bitch towards Starlight, Spike is being a bastard towards Starlight, the baby loves Pinkie, the baby broke the crystal heart and now the Empire will be buried in snow. Let's move on, shall we?

Well here we are, trying to figure out what to do. The Crystal Heart has been broken, Cadence is worried, Twilight is probably wishing we would have stayed in my sleeping chambers and the baby finds all of this funny. Unfortunately for us, the storm clouds are already moving in and are bringing snow with them. Of course everyone's favorite narcissistic pegasus thinks she can handle the problem. Memo to Rainbow Crash: The clouds up here aren't pussies like the ones you handle. These clouds have balls and will stop you dead in your tracks.

Since Crashie can't stop these clouds it is up to my sister and I to do it. Yes this is going to be next to impossible but I'm sure we can do it, we are Goddesses after all! All while my sister and I are battling this storm, I am keeping an eye on that ugly house of Sunburst's. I can see a bit through the window and things don't look bad in there but I can't hear what is happening. This is something the animators didn't show and I'm sure Cadence would stop putting out if she discovered I did this but I did an invisibility and teleport spell into that house. I know that Starlight could kill that thing with one bolt of energy but still, I want to keep an eye on this. I do have a synopsis to give after all.

Things are kind of awkward in here given how long it has been since they interacted. Seriously though, they have nothing in common! She is a powerful unicorn who can steal cutie marks and travel through time while he is nothing more than a book collector that likes to play dress up! Now I honestly wonder why I ever let him into my school and I am questioning my decision not to kill him when he flunked out of my school. Those are the ones who always cause problems down the road, the ones who fail. Oh well, I can't turn back time. Starlight could but I'm kind of worried about how things would turn out if I let her do so.

What the hell? Now that little bastard is saying that there are spells to rekindle their friendship? Now he is going to pay! How dare he think that using magic would even be ethical here. I hated him back when he was my student, I hated him even more when I first saw him as an adult and now I utterly despise him. Now how should I punish this rat? Should I cast him into Tartarus, shall I banish him to the moon, shall I flog him a thousand times or should I force him to eat a box of rat poison? Give me some time, I'll figure it out.

The time to go has come since Starlight left this wannabe wizard's house. I'm glad she did, that place was so cramped, not to mention it reeked of the smell of shit. I'll let you in on something, Starlight yelled at him over the smell and he admitted that he simply shits on the floor. I figured that a pathetic failure such as him would do that and I bet he pisses on the floor too. I almost gave myself away I was laughing so hard. Thankfully for me, Spike took the blame even though it sounded nothing like him.

Now that Starlight is back outside I can get back to work on this storm. I tell you, they didn't show it but Luna began cussing up a storm over my absence. She did calm down though when I told her why I was gone. While we were handling this, my Twily and everypony else were in the castle trying to figure out what to do but big surprise, they are completely clueless when it comes to what they should do. Too bad my Twily wasn't soaking wet and clueless because she is so sexy like that!

As I'm battling this storm I see Starlight and Spike heading back to the palace. Oh wah, wah, wah Starlight. Quit throwing a pity party here. What happened back there was for the best and if Twilight gets mad over this, I'll punish her severely! Hell I might even take her wings and her title and give them to you. Just quit stressing over this, go grab Fluttershy, head to a supply closet and have some fun! It will make you feel so much better!

Now as you all know these crystalling ceremonies are quite a big deal up here and apparently they bring out huge crowds just to see it. Seriously, they go as far as to camp out the night before to see it. I would think the only thing worth camping out all night for would either be for me to give an important address or for a public execution. I remember the huge crowd we had for the execution of Sunset Shimmer's parents after Twilight got back from the human world. I can't help but wonder, will they gather around like this for when I execute Sunburst? If the ponies here don't like public executions, I'll just execute him in Canterlot since they celebrate when I put undesirables to death.

Enough of me bring up public executions and how popular they are, back to the episode. I swear, those crystal ponies must be complete morons. Here it is snowing and they have gathered out for this event. Those idiots should know something is wrong because the crystal heart is supposed to keep the bad weather out. There are Applejack, Fluttershy and Rainbow trying to persuade this crowd that there will be no crystalling but then they bring up that the baby is an Alicorn. Shit, now these dumb fucks are going to be more stubborn than ever. And to top that, the baby's magic is so strong that her energy is shooting outside, looking like a fireworks show. Well maybe those crystal ponies will wind up freezing to death. At this point I don't care. I just want to get home, get some cake in my system and help calm Starlight down.

Oh shit, I have to leave Luna all alone to handle the storm again! So I teleport into the castle and it appears as though the baby is quite the hoofful. Yes she is incredibly adorable but all this flying around and teleportation is making it impossible for them to catch her. That giggling of hers is so adorable! I'm thinking, maybe if I can catch her I should take her to Canterlot, raise her as my own and forget about everything up here. They can find their own way out of here.

While chaos ensues in here Starlight returns hoping that my Twily won't be too mad at her but luckily the baby is keeping her distracted, well I guess I should say that trying to find a spell to fix the crystal heart is. It is the job of everypony else to try and subdue this baby but that ain't going to happen. What is this, Twilight actually found the proper spell book? Woo-hoo! They can fix the heart, clear out these storm clouds, do the crystalling and then we can all go home! I can already taste that cake this is so close to being over and done with!

I'm standing there with a huge smile on my face as Twilight is reading the proper spell and memorizing it, until the baby's magic burns a hole in the book! Damn it, damn it, damn it! Now I have to hope my little princess can remember the spell, write it down and cast it. Well here goes Twilight and Cadence trying to cast the spell while I'm nervously sweating hoping they can do it. Unfortunately for me though, their spell would not work and suddenly it looks like it will be a whole lot longer until I get home.

Not only did their damn spell not work, Twilight seems disappointed that Starlight failed to rekindle that friendship. I felt like reversing that invisibility spell, smacking Twilight and telling her that giving Starlight and me a "special friendship lesson" in Cadi's bedroom would have been much more useful. I resisted though and just sighed until I heard Starlight mention something about a wizard. What? Certainly she doesn't think that little rat could help with this, did she? Now SHE'S in trouble! That sounds a hell of a lot like she's giving him adoration and you know how I feel about my girls giving any adoration to the lesser sex! I've decided that she belongs to me now and for this, she must be punished!

Get this, she just goes barging into a house that reeks of shit and piss to try to get this hack's help. I can't believe she thinks that a pony who has never heard of toilets could do anything here! I seriously am concerned about her mental state now because no rational thinking pony would even think of seeking help from something this undeserving of life! I think Twilight is ruining her. The Starlight that we all loved for so long wouldn't even associate with this thing much less ask for its help!

Back to the palace, well it looks like Shining Armor has decided that these idiots he calls subjects need to be told the truth. Now that they know the crystal heart has been shattered, they along with the rest of us can get going home with the exception of Sunburst. I think I'll hogtie him, leave him here and let the arctic take care of him. It's not like anypony is going to notice or even care anyway.

Regarding Sunburst, back to his house. Give it up Starlight, he ain't going to help because he can't! He finally decides to tell Starlight that he is a pathetic loser who flunked out of magic school. Good, I got sick and tired of him pretending to be some fancy ass wizard. Now maybe Starlight will see him for the fraud that he is, get out of there, get her ass back here, help us in fixing this heart and then we can get home. Trust me, life will be much easier for all of us if she takes my advice.

Oh great, just great. Now they're starting to talk about their past and this is making me very mad. Look Starlight, you are not to give this bastard any more attention than you already are. Oh wah, wah, wah! Cry me a river Sunburst. Yes you sucked at magic school. No reason to go crying about how you knew so much about magic but could never do any of it. Just like it was with that royal guard I had to wipe out a little over a year ago, nopony liked you! Just as everypony in the guard hated him, everypony in magic school hated you and always talked about what a loser you were. Hell, I even joked around with his classmates about how pathetic he was and news flash for Sunbust: I'm the one who came up with the name Sunbust, not your class mates so stop bashing them over it!

Oh good grief Starlight, now you're starting in on the whining too. So what if he left and you stayed. Like I've said earlier, it was all for the best and now here you are CRYING to this little freak. Now I honestly don't know what to do with her. A good, strong mare does not cry in a situation like this. Now if she were airing her dirty laundry to me or my sister it would be fine but a strong mare NEVER cries around a member of the lesser sex, that is a sign of extreme weakness and now she must be punished! How I'll do it I'm not sure but I think I might use that Twicane on both her and Twilight now.

Oh joy, now Starlight has mentioned the snow and how there was supposed to be a crystalling. Now I'm even madder. Suddenly Sunbust....I mean Sunburst is boasting about how he knows what needs to be done and grabs some of his damn books. I have a plan for what I am going to do after this episode. I won't reveal anything about it yet but let's just say that a certain glorified book collector may not like it!

Well those two finally leave his house again and now I can get to the castle because I will soon be needed but first, I must stop the evacuation and lead Sunbust, my worst student ever, to the castle so he can haul out his books. Well as it turns out he isn't completely useless. He does know what spells we need but the fact that he can't actually do the magic necessary to fix this, he still isn't worth anything to me.

Now the time to fix this thing has come. Starlight, Cadence, Luna, Twilight and yours Truly began doing what we needed to do to fix the heart. Now for another thing that has pissed me off. Shining Armor was going to have one of his guard ponies be the crystaller but now he has decided to have Sunburst do it. What a bastard. I think that a royal guard would do a far better job than some pony who likes to play dress up and shits on the floor would. Oh well, I guess this is proof that any hack and his dog can be a crystaller and here I thought you had to be somepony important to do that.

Now the baby is being formally introduced to the Empire and just so they can get the proper energy into this special crystal, those crystal ponies put their heads down to pump all that love and light into the thing. Now little miss, i mean mister, dress up shows he isn't completely useless and puts the crystal into the heart and voila, the heart is fixed! Even better, the snowstorm is gone and this place has been restored to normal. Of course we can't forget that we all become crystal ponies for a brief moment and naturally, I look the best out of all of us! Now we can get to the train station and get home. I have been gone for far too long, I've gone far too long without any cake and two of my lovelies have done things that they shouldn't have so I'm getting very grumpy.

Wow, I'm shocked about who we meet when we get to the train station. Twilight's parents, Night Light and Twilight Velvet have finally shown up to meet their grandfilly. I'm going to let you in on something, back in the day Velvet was part of my harem and my oh my was she good. You know, she is still pretty hot so I'm thinking, I might invite her to join me and Twily sometime. Heehee, I just thought of something, I could always let Velvet have her way with Twily if I got mad enough at her. That would be beyond fun!

Now for something I've been wondering the whole damn time, what is the baby's name? Thank you so much for asking Velvet, I was getting sick of only knowing it as the baby. Well I do think Flurry Heart is a good name for her. There are some things that do not please me much though. Shining and Cadence have decided to make Sunburst their full time crystaller and even worse, they think Flurry can look to him for magical advice. Give me a break, that hack can't do much more than carry books and provide said books for those who actually know how to use them! I'm guessing Flurry has more magical talent already than he ever will so perhaps it should be the other way around.

Oh, speaking of Sunburst, once again I am a very unhappy princess. It looks like he and Starlight are making amends. What is worse is that he blushes at her. "ALRIGHT, HE'S FINISHED, JUST LIKE THAT DAMN GUARD, HE'S FINISHED!" Oh shit, I accidentally said it out loud and Cadence heard me. Great, just great. Now she has the audacity to LECTURE ME over how he is their crystaller and that I can't just wipe him out. Cadence said to me, "Look, this isn't Flash Sentry here! He is important."

Yeah I was grumbling and she could tell I wasn't happy but oh well. I will be keeping an eye on him though. I don't like him, he gives me the creeps and I sure the hell don't like him being around MY Starlight. Maybe someday a good, strong mare will come into Starlight's life. A strong mare that will kill him if I don't do it first....maybe one that Twily doesn't like! It would be so funny to see her and a mare she doesn't like fight over Starlight! You know, I might just have to go find a certain arrogant showmare to introduce into Starlight's life. Now that would be fun!

Now if you will all excuse me, your sexy Sun Goddess must get home because she is starving and some cake sounds so good right about now!

Chapter 123: No Second Prances

Chapter 123: No Second Prances

Well all of you have been good little serfs so your sexy Sun Goddess has decided that she will share with you her thoughts on "No Second Prances."

Alright here it is another morning in Twilight's castle where she and Starlight are waking up. Hmmm....I can't help but see a bit of guilt in their faces. I wonder what is going on there? *GASP* Are they starting to get it on? Is Twilight and her little hottie Starlight getting intimate? They better not be or somepony's going to get punished, and it sure the hell won't be Starlight!

Oh and speaking of this whole making her find a new friend, she thinks that by getting her to make a new friend it will make her look better since I will be paying them a visit. Will it make her look better? Nope, it won't. This isn't about her teaching Starlight enough about friendship to make me think more highly of her. What will really matter is how well she performs in the bedroom that night. You know how I am, it is her performance that matters to me.

Anyway Twilight is giving Starlight a new assignment, to go out and make a friend on her own. Oh shit, why is it I have a feeling this will wind up being a disaster? She'll either befriend somepony who will convince her to travel back in time, cause me and Twilight to never meet or she'll befriend some seductress. Personally I hope it's the latter, I don't like her banging my Twily. This is going to be interesting so I have ordered that my morning cake be delivered to my window so I can watch this.

First she decided to seek the help of her other friends. She asked Pinkie and she suggests Mrs. Cake. Well that seems to be all fine and dandy. Bad idea, Pinkie offers Mrs. Cake Starlight's help and she uses her magic to make a cake in nothing flat. Damn it, she could put Sugarcube Corner out of business so she gets ran out.

Next up is taking Starlight going to Sweet Apple Acres to befriend Big Mac. Once again, bad idea. She can't be friends with a pony who can't talk so she casts a spell on Big Mac to make him talk like crazy. Applejack gets pissed and yet another failure for Starlight.

Now she goes to Rarity's place. Rarity thinks a damn hat will cause her to make an impression to find a friend. The dinner she is set to have with me is tonight but Rarity says it will take three weeks to make. Now this is one of Rarity's stupid moments. I'll punish her tonight by being extra rough with her.

Next up is Rainbow Dash and this obviously ain't going to work. Starlight isn't a world class flyer and she has better things to do with her life such as steal cutie marks, oppress towns and try to alter Equestria's present by changing the past than she does paying attention to the Wonderbolts. Failure number four.

Next up she goes to Fluttershy's cottage. One thing they did not show before they showed her befriending her animals. Fluttershy and Starlight got very hot and heavy in her cottage. Want to know the even funnier thing, I JOINED THEM! Starlight is very good in bed so I'm thinking I'll make her come up and see me every now and then! Failure number five when it comes to making friends though. Unfortunately for her she heads back to the castle a failure. Poor thing anyway. I know she was hoping to impress Twilight but that simply wasn't the case.

Twilight sends her out again to make a friend. Well Starlight goes out to find a new friend but she doesn't do so well, her earlier failures really took a toll on her. She is a bit nervous as would be expected since everypony knows about what she did. Here is what bothers me though. Finally Starlight goes to the spa and shit, I can't see what's going on! So I do the typical invisibility and teleport spell down into the spa and it looks like Starlight has finally found a pony she can relate with. Good, hopefully she will befriend this pony and start banging her every night instead of Twilight. Besides, Fluttershy has constantly been bitching about not just Twilight not being available, but Starlight picking Twily over her. Yeah, those two have a thing going on too.

Now for the funny thing, the pony that she can relate with and has suddenly befriended is an old foe of Twilight's, Trixie Lulamoon! Yes! I was secretly hoping that it would be somepony that Twily didn't like. Well the two head to Twily's castle, followed by Yours Truly of course! Starlight runs in telling Twilight that she has a great and powerful new friend. Twilight looks confused until Trixie lets herself be known. Now Twilight is all grumpy. She lets Starlight know of her displeasure in her choice of friends. Here is what I think though. Yeah Trixie is obnoxious as hell but Twilight's JEALOUS! I'll admit, Trixie is pretty damn hot!

Now they have headed out to do something, probably have fun without me, damn bitches anyway. Get this, suddenly Twilight has decided to follow Starlight, hide in bushes and suggest "better" friends for her. Ok, I don't see that as such a good idea. First she suggests DJPON-3, then Cranky and then Derpy. Sorry Twily but Starlight has her eyes set on Trixie. Finally Starlight tells Twilight to just let her make friends the way I let her make them, on her own without meddling. Well we all know that was a lie given that I told certain ponies to befriend her but that isn't important right now. Starlight needs to go spend some time with her new friend.

As it turns out Trixie has her wagon with her and is setting up for a new show, "The Great and Powerful Trixie's Apology Tour." I think that is what she called it anyway. I am surprised that she would go and put on a show where she is utterly hated. I certainly wouldn't travel to a town where I am hated, well except to wipe it off the map for them hating me.

Ok, back to Starlight helping Trixie. They went into her trailer to talk and have a lot of fun. Yes noise complaints were filed but nothing was done about it. Most of the ponies in town figured that if Starlight was screwing Trixie that they wouldn't have to put up with her and holy shit, even when I finally came down into town to get ready for this dinner, they were still at it! Do I sense wedding bells ringing soon? I hope so, I could marry them and then join them on the honeymoon.

Once I get to the castle and see that Twilight has brought Starlight's new "friends" and we are all waiting on Starlight, I become annoyed. In the show they make it look like I'm annoyed because Starlight isn't there. That isn't the real reason, the real reason is that Twilight brought over three hacks while we could have been having fun waiting on Starlight and Trixie.

Finally Twilight has had enough and goes looking for her pupil. She finds her and Trixie in her trailer talking. Starlight is saying how much better screwing Trixie is than coming to that dinner. Now I am upset with her! How dare she think that having fun is more important than having this dinner. Twilight is pissed too and then manages to turn Starlight and Trixie against one another. I am appalled by how Trixie suddenly started treating Starlight. So much for those wedding bells and the three way honeymoon, damn that Trixie anyway.

Don't worry Twilight. I know you're upset that Trixie upstaged you by not only making Starlight betray you but keeping you away from me. I'll still make you feel better tonight. Now Starlight on the other hoof is devastated that who she thought would be her new marefriend would belittle her and run her off. Now Twilight must go and find her. She is to comfort her and bring her to the dinner. I'm getting bored and if I she doesn't show up in twenty minutes, I'll go home and see if Lemon Hearts wants to have some fun.

Ok, now for the fun part. I forgot to mention earlier that Trixie wanted Starlight to be her assistant in her act. Get this, Trixie was going to launch herself into the mouth of a hungry manticore and then after being swallowed, teleport herself into a black box. Come on, Trixie and her lame street magic can't do that! She wanted Starlight to teleport her into the box. At first she agreed but then after Trixie treated her like dirt, she told her to go to hell and hoof herself. (Well in the unedited version anyway)

Finally Twilight finds a devastated Starlight sitting up on a hilltop overlooking Trixie's lame show. They talk and Twilight told her that Trixie was sorry and convinced her to save her ass once the manticore ate her. Well she does that and after being teleported safely into the box, Starlight joins her on the stage. Again another thing they couldn't show in the show. Those two wind up doing a live porno for the whole town to watch. Yeah Fluttershy was pissed that her marefriend would do that but they eventually made up and things were as good as new.

As far as the dinner goes, it didn't go as planned. Twilight, Trixie and Starlight show up. The food had gone cold so we ran the other three off and decided to have some fun. One thing I learned was that Trixie is very tasty. Starlight and Twilight agree with me but now I do think that wedding bells may be ringing after all. Starlight and Trixie are closer than ever and while the animators never show it, Trixie has her trailer parked behind Twily's castle and those two rock their nights away keeping the whole town awake.

I do have one other plan though, I may cast a fertility spell on Starlight so she can get Trixie pregnant. They may as well get something out of all that horn sex they have and an adorable Starlight/Trixie hybrid wold be awesome.

Chapter 124: Newbie Dash

Chapter 124: Newbie Dash

Hello my subordinates! It is your sexy overlord and do I have a surprise for you! You have behaved and paid your taxes for the most part so I shall give you my synopsis of "Newbie Dash."

Well another boring day in Ponyville has arrived and Scootaloo is tagging along with Rainbow Crash, i mean Dash like she always does. Scootaloo is going on and on about how the Crashie fan club will be attending the Wonderbolts show despite Rainbow only being in the reserves. Come on Scootaloo, all your hero will be doing is ushering ponies to their seats, taking tickets or licking Spitfire's ass before the show. She won't be doing anything important.

Speaking of Spitfire, her and a couple other Wonderbolts are flying overhead and Spitfire must be searching for Rainbow because she lands in front of her. At first I was thinking they better run Scootaloo off and go hide in a bush to have some fun but apparently that is not the case. What is about to happen really pisses me off. Spitfire has come to inform Rainbow that she is now officially a Wonderbolt. What the hell? I have told her on numerous occasions that she was never to allow Rainbow to become a Wonderbolt but she didn't listen and now she must be punished! How am I going to punish her? I'm thinking Tartarus for a few months but it will have to be after this episode is over.

Now Rainbow is just standing there with her jaw hanging open and Scootaloo is celebrating. You know Scootaloo, I don't get why the hell you're so happy. Yes your hero and adopted sister has fulfilled her dream but you are acting more like Twilight does when I tell her that I'll let her dominate me when we have fun. Oh well, I guess some ponies get excited over the most boring and lame things.

The news travels fast and while Rainbow is up in her house getting things ready to head off to Wonderbolts headquarters her friends come to throw her a party. Sorry ladies but Rainbow is on a tight schedule and has to get going. Thing is, I didn't even see any cake at this party so it wouldn't have interested me in the slightest. No cake, no Tia, that is the rule when it comes to parties for me.

Now Rainbow has arrived at headquarters and is acting like a schoolfilly. I can tell that Spitfire is a bit irritated by her behavior but you know how the Wonderbolts are, they don't get excited. Rainbow's going to have to lose the small town hack mentality if she is going to succeed here. To make matters worse as they head there, she is stopped in her tracks when they reach the runway. Rule number one newbie: "Always look both ways before crossing the runway."

Seriously, she didn't know that she is supposed to look both ways before crossing a glorified street. She should have been taught that by her parents but sadly that was not the case. Oh well, I have a feeling that her idiocy when it comes to crossing streets will make things more entertaining further down the road.

Once they get into the barracks both Spitfire and Rainbow are getting all excited over these boring old relics that some former Wonderbolt wore. Who cares! I'll tell you who, NOPONY! Well at least not your sexy Sun Goddess and she is the only one's who opinion matters, not a couple of lame pegasi with superiority complexes.

Now it is time for Rainbow to get dressed so she can get out to practice. Ugh, she is there posing in the mirror thinking she's so great. I could see my moron nephew doing the same thing which makes Rainbow pathetic. I remember how Rarity pulled the same shit when she had those wings Twilight gave her. Looking back on that, I still think it was a bit funny since she didn't plummet to her doom in the end. Oh well, enough about that, Dashie has her first flight as an official Wonderbolt coming up!

Here she heads out and there is the runway. Get this, even though Spitfire told her to look both ways before crossing the runway, SHE DIDN'T LISTEN! She crosses and here come a couple of the other Wonderbolts and she has to get out of the way. Unfortunately for her, in her attempt to get out of the way she speeds across and fails to see the trash can right in front of her. Now she is covered in garbage and that fancy uniform of hers is stained and smells horrible.

Oh boy, here we go, now the Wonderbolts think she is an idiot and chant "RAINBOW CRASH, RAINBOW CRASH, RAINBOW CRASH!" Yes, finally I can call her Rainbow Crash and it will be an official name. Now we have a flashback to Rainbow as a filly. Yeah she was just as narcissistic back then as she was now and in an attempt to showboat her way into flight camp she falls straight into a garbage can! What is it with her and trash cans? It is just as bad as it was for my Twily and falling off cliffs when I sent her to Ponyville so I could get Twinkleshine in bed....oh yeah, and have her make friends so they could defeat Nightmare Moon.

Poor Crashie and once the day is over she learns what happens to the worst flier of the day, they have to clean the whole compound. Now I could have simply fired a bolt of energy her way to clean it for her but I was not about to do that for her. Had it been Fluttershy, yes I would have. Oh wait, had it been Fluttershy she would likely be the narcissistic jock with a superiority complex so no there as well.

After Crashie finishes cleaning the compound she heads home late and is devastated. Well I would be devastated too if they called me names, well I would have before I banished them to the moon. Her friends have broken an entering as they are inside waiting for her and naturally Scootaloo is there going all fangirl over the day's worst flier. Of course Rainbow is in no mood for a party when she gets home so she acts all tired and shit but her friends can tell something is wrong when she doesn't want to talk.

Finally Crash fesses up and tells her friends about her journey into the trash and the nick name she was given. Now here they are feeling bad for her but Pinkie, always the one to try to see something positive, was right about how it could have been worse. She was right about how at least they didn't call her Rainbow Trash. I can't stand her but even I wouldn't go so low as to call her Trashie....well maybe if she really pissed me off I would so I'll have to keep that in mind.

Now her friends are concerned about her and of course they have to give her some bad advice. They mention how they all shine in different ways and that she should try to make a positive impression like them. Oh great, now she is probably going to start acting like a moron and cause Spitfire to ban her from her bedroom for a while. I know it wouldn't be an excessive amount of time though given the nature of their relationship.

The following day arrives and Rainbow seems all bright eyed and bushy tailed as she arrives at Wonderbolts headquarters and good grief Crash, I don't think you barging into their barracks and acting like Pinkie is going to earn you any respect. Ugh, she is acting annoying as hell and they start telling her to go fuck a trash can, well in the unedited version anyway.

Once she loses the Pinkie personality she shifts into the Applejack personality. Now Rainbow is telling the Wonderbolts things they already know. Come on Rainbow, they know that every little pegasus wants to grow up to be a Wonderbolt and they don't view it as special because they have been part of the team for quite some time and most importantly, Wonderbolts don't get excited, remember?

I can't help but wonder why she is continuing to act like her friends. Most of the Wonderbolts think she is already an idiot and unless she does something truly spectacular, she will continue to receive no respect. Ugh, now here she is trying to be a little miss bookworm. She thinks she is imitating Twilight but with those glasses she more closely resembles Moondancer. Oh well, Spitfire thinks she is an idiot and this could put a serious strain on their extra-curricular activities.

After being told she is an idiot and that they already know how wings work, she decides to play the Fluttershy role. Sorry Rainbow, but acting like a submissive little doormat will not get Spitfire to haul you to her bedroom right then and there. Now she finally decides to pull her Rarity act back in the compound and is giving Soarin' the same bedroom eyes that Rarity gives Spike when she wants him to do something for her. Give it up Crashie, you're not going to stand out for anything except being a moron acting like this and Spitfire is right, she better quit acting like this before the show.

Well the show is not too far away and Crashie has decided that she is going to do something really stupid but she has to borrow Scootaloo to do it. Get this, she takes Scootaloo and this storm cloud over to this hill with a conveniently placed ramp for a pony on a scooter. She wants Scootaloo to kick this cloud into her as she is flying by because it would make her look so awesome. While I can't tell exactly how this will turn out, I'm pretty sure that it will make Rainbow look like an idiot and cause Scootaloo to miss most of the show.

Alright, the show is about to start and Pinkie suddenly wants to go and get cotton candy. With the way Pinkie has been for as long as I can remember when it comes to Rainbow, I would think she would be glued to her seat but I guess her sweet tooth comes first. Oh well, she probably won't miss anything special anyway....oh wait, little miss showboat is flying so of course she's going to miss something.

Here we go, the show has started and everything seems to be going on normally. Crash has been able to keep up and hasn't fucked anything up, well yet anyway. The show continues and soon the grand finale will be coming. They soar over that ridge and the time has come for Scootaloo to do what Rainbow put her there to do. Now get this, the show is supposed to end with the Wonderbolts landing in front of the crowd but Rainbow remains airborne so that she can get shocked by that thundercloud.

Now for the pathetic part, that cloud is coming at Rainbow and she is getting scared! Yep, she is scared of the thing she wanted to shock her. In her attempt to get away from it she crashes into a tree, big surprise there right. Then what is even funnier is some birds chase her to where she crashes into the line with the flags on it and then is hurled into the thundercloud, which of course zaps her and she crashes, right into Pinkie's oversized cotton candy snack. What a shame, Pinkie missed the whole show and Rainbow made herself look like a moron in front of all of Ponyville.

Well congratulations Crashie, you have now pissed off your team mates. I was really hoping that Spitfire kicks her off the team for this but their conversation would be very disappointing. Ok, learning their nicknames was funny but what disappoints me is that Spitfire lets her stay on the team as long as she stops showboating. Sadly she agrees and now there will be a rainbow maned pony that I never wanted to watch in an air show. Now why am I complaining? All I have to do is not watch their airshows and I won't have to worry about it.

Night has fallen and Rainbow is cleaning up the arena and suddenly she is in a wonderful mood. Why the hell would she be in such a wonderful mood? She not only has to clean up this mess, she also is on probation AND has to clean the Wonderbolts compound for the next month, what a loser. Oh well, she is happy and her friends are happy for her.

Damn, compared to other episodes, it was rather lame because my little hotties didn't have much of a role in it and because of that, I'm not even in the mood for any fun! Oh well, I'll just go eat a whole cake by myself, that will ensure that this wasn't a total loss.

Chapter 125: A Hearth's Warming Tail

Chapter 125: A Hearth's Warming Tail

Hello everypony, Starlight Glimmer here. Well we have a rather interesting situation here. Normally Celestia would give the synopsis but she decided to take the local florists down to Tampa Neigh for Hearth's Warming. Knowing her, I have a feeling that we'll be hearing Roseluck crying out "The horror, oh the horror!" all the way up here in Ponyville. Luna is holding the annual Winter Moon Celebration over in Fillydelphia, Cadence has to wrap presents for Flurry Heart and Twilight has other things to do so guess what, I get to give you the synopsis for "A Hearth's Warming Tail!" I do hope I won't disappoint.

Ok, another Hearth's Warming has arrived and most everypony is out singing and having a fun time in the cold. Now this makes no sense to me, shouldn't they be inside by the fire rather than risking hypothermia? Now I know why Celestia hates winter, the cold is uncomfortable and unfortunately, we can't all just head south this time of year. Oh well, winter is one of those unpleasant things we all have to deal with.

Now we go inside to where the important things are going on, where I have decided to skip Hearth's Warming Eve. Yep, I'm going to skip it. All it is is an overly commercialized celebration centered around wasting money on gifts that have no real meaning. I might not be a commie anymore but still, the holiday glorifies greed. Oh I gotta have this to show up my neighbor, I want this because nopony else has it and so on. Ugh, perhaps I should have joined Celestia when she invited me to go to Tampa Neigh with her and the florists. The only reason I resisted is I don't think Trixie would have liked me being in the presence of three very hot florists.

Enough about me thinking the flower girls are hot for now, especially Roseluck. Twilight has decided to ask me why I'm skipping it. Look Twilight, it glorifies greed, consumerism and I'd rather be up hoofing myself dreaming of Trixie since she is visiting her mother. What a shame her mother is so intense. If she weren't, I'd be with Trixie having some fun!

Yeah, yeah, yeah Twilight. We all know about the bullshit involving ponies singing around a heart and the mythical windigoes. Wait, there is another Hearth's Warming story? Well she offers to read it to me and I may as well let her. I'm bored out of my mind so I may as well let her read this to me. Maybe if it is boring enough I'll fall asleep and not have to listen to her drone on too much.

Alright, about this story. Apparently it is centered around this pony named Snowfall Frost. Wait a minute, this pony, with the exception of some tiny glasses, is supposed to look like me? I'll admit, I like her manestyle, my old manestyle. I swear, I utterly hate the writers for what they did to me. They ruined my mane, they made me nothing more than an idiotic sidekick to Twilight and they made me be friends again with a weirdo who likes to shit on the floor and claim he is a wizard.

Ok, so Snowfall hates Hearth's Warming, big deal? Maybe she doesn't have the money to waste or she just finds it stupid. Unfortunately though, her loyal yet idiotic assistant, Rainbow Crash....I mean Snow Dash....seems to think it is the greatest thing in the world. Oh well, simpletons will celebrate the most idiotic things. What would be worth celebrating is the wedding I hope to have one day with Trixie!

Back to the story, after Dash leaves Snowfall has decided to create some sort of potion to rid the world of Hearth's Warming Eve. Now yeah, I think it is a waste of time and money but using a spell to just get rid of it. Memo to Snowfall, if you wipe a day off the calendar everything will get screwed up. Give it a hundred years and Winter Wrap Up will be taking place in December. You can't just alter the length of a year and not have horrible consequences.

Ok Twilight, I get it. Snowfall had her reasons for doing things but she still needs to consider the ramifications of altering the length of a year. Alright, so she is singing a song and mixing this stuff out. Also, I can't believe she is stealing wreaths and gifts to put in her cauldron! Does she not know that larceny is against the law! Whoever wrote this book must have either had Canterlot back then have no police department or probably an overweight cop that does nothing but live at the donut shop!

Damn it Starlight, you have got to quit being overly analytical or you'll never get this done! Ok, Snowfall was ready to cast her spell and a spirit shows up. Maybe her house is haunted or something else is at work. What, how the hell did a spirit of Applejack get there? Ok, she is the spirit of Hearth's Warming past. Ok, travel back in time. You know, they should have just had me be in it and truly travel back in time! Ok, they got back to Snowfall's hometown and wasn't her as a filly adorable? She was just as adorable as me!

Now I wonder what caused Snowfall to go wrong because she wasn't forced by some demonic force to hang out with a little rat that would one day forego using toilets, play dress up and show Shining Armor a good enough time he would get promoted from book collector to crystaller. Ok, enough about that little rat, let's find out the real reason why Snowfall grew to hate Hearth's Warming.

Oh, now I see. She had a teacher that was downright awful. Good grief, that scowl on his face, that snarl in his voice and his overall unpleasant demeanor. He is obviously very intimidating because he manages to transform filly Snowfall from a cheerful filly into a mini-me of him in basically ten seconds flat. Luckily this is just a work of fiction because it would really suck if a pony did a complete 180 like that in real life.

Well now that vision is over and Snowfall is back in her house. Despite seeing that vision she looks like she is still going to cast her spell! Good grief bitch, didn't you hear what I said about fucking with the length of a year....ok Twilight, no need to bitch over me emphasizing this. Apparently the ghost of Hearth's Warming present has arrived....and of course Pinkie and her materialistic ways had to come with it.

You know something Pinkie, thanks for helping me make this short by doing this in song. I'm starting to get bored of doing this and the shorter you can make it, the better. I may not have Trixie waiting in my bedroom for me but I can at least fantasize about her. Well her song is over and Spike has to go get some hot cocoa....ugh, why can't he just say hot chocolate. Cocoa is a word that rich, materialistic snobs use.

While Spike is off getting his hot chocolate I may as well see if I can at least get something to go my way.

"StormLuna, can I ask you a question?"

"What is it Starlight?"

"Could you please let me out of this! I'm getting bored and I'm sick of hearing Twilight drone on and on. Her voice is so damn annoying, especially her Pinkie Pie singing voice."

"I'm sorry Starlight but I gave you this opportunity because you're my favorite pony."

"If I'm your favorite you'd just let me say that an asteroid destroyed the world, let me go hit the hay and have Trixie waiting for me in my bedroom!"

"No Starlight, I will not do that! My readers want to hear all of this and besides, an asteroid did not destroy the world in the show so you can't just alter this!"

"Oh fine but if you don't have things improve, I'm coming to your world and stealing all your plushies!"

"Oh, look who is materialistic now! Just do it and maybe I'll have a surprise waiting for you in the end."

"Well you better or I'll never do another one of these blasted things again."

"Ok, now get back to work!"

Well Spike is back and since StormLuna won't let me alter things, I better get back to this. Ok, Twilight starts to drone on again and apparently the present spirit is showing Snowfall what is happening at the party. I can't believe it, little miss Snow Dash, who is supposed to be loyal to me....I mean Snowfall....is in there complaining about her! What a bitch. I swear, had any of my subordinates out in our town tried that, I would have hauled them out in the town square and shot them.

Ok it is obvious that Snowfall is sad and now comes Twilight's favorite part. Yes, we're getting close to the end so I won't have to listen to her drone on for too much longer. Ok, back to the book. It looks like the ghost of Hearth's Warming future has arrived, and it is a huge, badass Princess Luna. I am glad the author saved the most badass pony of them all for this one.

Now this too will be short as Luna has begun to sing about the disaster that will unfold since Snowfall apparently will succeed. It looks like Equestria will be buried in a blanket of eternal snow, no way that would happen in real life. Hey, they can claim those windigoes exist in this book but it is a work of fiction! Unless somepony shows me actual proof, such as real time video or a body of one, I won't believe they ever existed!

Alright, now for the end of this book. Snowfall decides to round up some random stuff from her house and take it to the party that was going on. Of course everypony was shocked but delighted to see her. One thing I do wonder though, what did Snow Dash do with that dragon's toenail? Oh well, it is a work of fiction so that was up to the author.

Alright, Twilight's drone fest has ended and even though I really just want to say "screw it" and hit the hay, I know I'll never hear the end of it from Twilight if I don't join her downstairs to burst into song. Well we burst into song and all seems to be good. I may look like I'm happy but I'm not. I want my beloved Trixie with me so bad I can't stand it.

Once they episode ended there were some things that they couldn't show. They couldn't show me grumbling over me having to do this synopsis nor could they show me having tears running down my face because I didn't have Trixie with me on one of the most special holidays of the year, even if it is just a holiday based around materialism.

Finally I got to my bedroom and closed the door. When I turned around guess who was waiting for me? It was Trixie! Yes, yes, yes!

"Oh thank you StormLuna! I didn't think you'd actually surprise me like this!"

"Well you are my fave so I decided you deserve nothing but the best."

"You certainly delivered and now I'm one very happy mare!"

"Well was doing that synopsis worth it now?"

"Yes it was. I'm as happy as Celestia is when she gets her cake and when Luna gets her fritters!"

"That is good. I'll leave you two alone now. A word of advice though, don't be too loud, I don't want Twilight being all bitchy."

*in unison* "Alright StormLuna!"

Well now that StormLuna is gone, Trixie and I can do things that they certainly could never show! I must say, if this is what Hearth's Warming is going to bring me, I'll do every synopsis for it every year from now on!

Chapter 128: Flutter Brutter

Chapter 128: Flutter Brutter

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and despite over half of you not paying your taxes and several negative editorials about me, I will share with you my synopsis of "Flutter Brutter" only because it features the sexiest pegasus in existence.

For a change an episode doesn't start out in Ponyville, but in Cloudsdale instead. Guess who is up there visiting her parents? If you guessed Fluttershy you are right and surprisingly, she brought Crashie with her. Why she would do that I'm not sure but perhaps Fluttershy's parents wanted to meet the most narcissistic pony I have ever known.

Ok, before I go on I am going to mention something. These parents of hers, the same ones who never went looking for her when she fell to the ground, seem pretty nice. You know, I would go and banish them to the moon for child abandonment had things not turned out the way they did. Oh well, Fluttershy managed to survive on the ground and eventually became one of my lovelies, well my favorite one, so all is good.

Alright, back to the episode. So Fluttershy's dad has retired from the weather factory, good for him. After decades of working there, I'm sure he will be glad to enjoy living out the rest of his days in peace with his wife. Now this is nice, he has been collecting bits of cloud for years and has them safely in some sort of hut. Her mother has her flowers and of course Fluttershy has her animals. Wait a minute, she has a brother and he has his "interests?" Interests in what? It better not be in trying to overthrow the government because if it is, he will be on the moon ASAP.

It looks like we finally get to meet this brother of hers as he returns home. What in the hell is this abomination? Ugh, he is flamboyant as hell, he is annoying and that mane style of his certainly doesn't belong on a stallion, or ANYPONY for that matter! Ok, now I know what his interests likely are, they are probably annoying other ponies, failing miserably at trying to find a mare, or stallion if he's into that sort of thing, and being a flat out failure.

Alright, this brother of hers, Zephyr Breeze. It looks like he has screwed up at something, again. Apparently this pony has been trying to find his path ever since he graduated high school but continues to fail at everything! This time he washed out of mane therapy school. How the hell does a pony do that? Hell, anypony over the age of ten can generally style manes. Ok, I'm being sarcastic but you get the message I'm trying to get across, right?

Oh boy, now he is hitting on Rainbow so I guess he does like mares which kind of surprises me. Well hey, Steven Magnet was flamboyant as hell and I was mistaken about his sexuality so I guess this hack is the same. Believe it or not I actually feel sorry for Rainbow and commend her on her patience. I probably would have smacked that bastard had he violated my personal space like that. Oh well, I'm sure the trauma from all this will be completely forgotten after her and Spitfire have some fun tonight.

Oh boy, Zephyr is moving back home, again! I honestly think Mr. and Mrs. Shy need to tell him to go to hell and mooch off of somepony else, like maybe that creepy book collector up in the Crystal Empire. I'm sure those two freaks would get along just fine! Unfortunately though, his parents are way too soft and kind to tell him no.

It looks like Fluttershy has had it. She is sick and tired of seeing her parents being used like this, she is sick and tired of her brother's obnoxious behavior and has decided that her parents need a good talking to. I must say, this is a completely new side of Fluttershy, a side that I find very sexy! Confidence always is good for a mare to have and the more she has, the better. However, if she was to become so confident she thought she could dominate me all the time, then it would become a problem but I doubt it will ever come to that.

Again I feel bad for Rainbow. While Fluttershy is trying to get her parents to stand up for themselves, Zephyr is whining to Rainbow about how "political" mane therapy school is. It isn't political, it is just a matter of what Zephyr thinks is a good mane style is actually quite hideous. Look at that test head of his! What in the name of Faust is he thinking? As everypony knows, child abuse is illegal in Equestria but since he is an adult, his parents need to take him over their foreleg and paddle his flank. If they won't do it, I will gladly whip him right there in the middle of Cloudsdale. Hey, stupidity is a good excuse to do that!

Eventually Fluttershy got sick of her idiot brother so she and Rainbow headed home and oh boy, my Fluttershy continues to show a new side of herself. She says she is PISSED right around a very small filly! Well ok, that is in the unedited version, in the edited version she only says peeved but that filly's mama must be overly sensitive because she covers her ears. Come on, I've used FAR WORSE language than that! Hell I used every word in the fucking book around Twilight all the time when she was still a filly and she turned out just fine!

Now while Rainbow and my Fluttershy are talking to Applejack and Pinkie, Rainbow says Fluttershy is peeved right around the same mother and filly and good grief, that mother must be a real stick in the mud! No need to glare at Rainbow and drag your daughter away. It's not like they were all talking about the exploits I have had with the hottest mares in Equestria. That poor filly will grow up so sheltered that once she reaches adulthood, she will want to discover what all her friends already know and probably go beg Twilight to educate her!

Finally, Fluttershy realizes that she needs to go stand up for her parents and unfortunately, she would not be happy with what she would discover, nor would I. That lazy bastard is destroying his dad's cloud collection and is forcing his mom to relocate her flowers for this sculpting studio/meditation patio he wants to have. What a miserable waste of space he is. Now this is proof that the Shy parents are way too soft and bravo to Fluttershy! She is firm and pretty much orders this idiot to quit ruining their parents' stuff and believe it or not but their parents agree! Woo-hoo, I was getting pissed seeing such nice ponies being taken advantage of by their own flesh and blood.

After my sexy Fluttershy runs the parasite out of her parents' home, she returns home and everything seems all good and fine, well until that hack shows up and expects her to take him. She better not because if she does, that will mean that we can't have fun in her cottage which will anger me greatly. Oh great, my worst nightmare has come true and she takes him in under the condition that he gets a job. Ok, I guess I won't punish her because there is no way he will be able to hold a job. Chances are he will fuck up and wind up living in a cave, hopefully one where he is far away from civilization and he won't bug anypony else.

Now for his jobs, the first one seems quite simple but leave it to him to fuck it up. Rarity gives him the simple task of doing something with paint and fabric and he pawns it off on the animals! Yeah I don't know exactly what it is because I was distracted by my cake and my sister's ranting over the fact that she found a negative editorial about her in the local newspaper. Oh well, once she banishes their editor to the sun, they'll get their act together.

Failure number one for Zephyr and now Fluttershy is taking him to Twilight's castle to wash windows. Uh huh, I know what will happen. Yes Spike will watch over Zephyr to make sure he actually does the job but rather than going out for tea, Fluttershy and Twilight headed up to her sleeping chambers to have a totally different type of tea! Now I would have teleported down and joined them but this cake in front of me looks too good to resist! For once my stomach's appetite surpassed my sexual appetite. Don't expect this to be the norm though, next time I'll just be more needy.

Now for the next job, Rainbow is going to take him up to Wonderbolts headquarters. Now this should be hilarious. What is even better is that Rainbow is saying that she will zap him with a storm cloud if he doesn't follow orders. Unfortunately they never showed what happened but I will tell you. Rainbow ordered that punk to clean the barracks and get this, he just laid down on the clouds and claimed it was time for siesta. Of course we all know Rainbow zapped him with a storm cloud. I'm not much of a fan of Rainbow but I was thrilled to see her put that idiot in his place.

Now for something pathetic, Zephyr goes crying to Fluttershy claiming Rainbow is crazy! She is not crazy, it is a matter of you being a lazy little rat Zephyr. Now for something even better, Fluttershy is sick and tired of his shit so she sends him packing. Now where will he go, I'm not sure and I don't care. As long as Fluttershy and I can have fun in her cottage that is all that matters and besides, it's not like her brother will ever contribute to society anyway. Like I said before, he can go live in a cave for all I care.

Now Fluttershy is second guessing her decision to kick him out but luckily Rainbow is there trying to get her to realize what she did was all for the best. Just as I thought everything would be fine some dumb bird just has to come and ruin things. That damn thing just had to tell Fluttershy that her brother is proving how truly pathetic he is in the Everfree Forest. This is one of those moments where I did a facehoof. Why the hell does she care, she kicked him out for Faust's sake! Well now her and Rainbow just have to go check on him.

Good grief, there he is getting all agitated because a fire won't start itself! I swear, I have seen a lot of pathetic ponies in this land but he is by far the worst. Watching him knock his pot over, knock that hideous pony head over and tearing down his tent as he went bat shit crazy was hilarious. I'm seriously considering throwing him into Tartarus so he won't be living off the system. I know there are ponies out there who legitimately need help but this idiot, he is just flat out stupid and helpless.

There are my sexy Fluttershy and Rainbow watching this and they realize that if they don't do something that he will die. Want to know what I would do? I would just let him die, he is a waste of space and would be far better as food for the timberwolves than he would causing problems for Fluttershy or anypony else for that matter. Unfortunately though, Fluttershy decides to take him in, again! I know he has to do whatever she says but still, with him there we will never get to do anything fun. If that bum ever leaves, I'm going to punish Fluttershy for this. Yes I love her BUT my lovelies do not just let anypony I don't approve of move in with her.

Ok, so now Fluttershy and Rainbow are going to try to get him to fix one of those pony heads properly! Now this should be entertaining. Now comes something rather boring, a song! Come on you two, no need to sing a song encouraging a dumb pony to try and do something correctly. Now normally hearing Fluttershy sing would make my heart skip a beat but given that Rainbow was singing too, it wasn't so mesmerizing.

Now for something I never expected, Zephyr actually graduated from mane therapy school. I am in a state of shock as are his parents. Of course he showed up back home in his cap and gown and everypony acted like they were so proud of him. I could read Fluttershy's mind though. She was secretly thinking, "Yeah you may have graduated but you'll still fuck up and try to mooch off of either mom and dad or me."

Now for what happened afterwards, I kept my eye on Zephyr to make sure he wouldn't come crying home to mooch off of his family. Believe it or not but he got a job in Las Pegasus doing the mane of some of the performers down there. Am I happy for him, yes. Do I expect him to ultimately fail and go live in the forest, you bet I do. Well that is all and I really must get going, I have some delicious yellow cake that I need to eat!

Chapter 132: 28 Pranks Later

Chapter 132: 28 Pranks Later

Hello everypony, it is your Supreme Overlord Celestia again and you've all been obedient recently so I shall share with you my synopsis on "28 Pranks Later."

It is night and my sexy Fluttershy was out and about with her animals. I am curious as to why she was out at such a late hour. Yes I know Harry could have taken care of any threat but still, it seemed kind of odd. Perhaps she was frustrated because I was unable to go down and see her because I had a stomach ache. Yes, I had a stomach ache because I just had to get into a fritter eating contest with Luna. Of course I lost and got sick. I suppose in the future I will limit my fritter consumption so I will feel well enough to go down and have a lovely snack.

Back to the episode, well it sounded like something was out to get Fluttershy, some sort of flying beast. I'm not sure what it was until it revealed itself. I was not happy when I saw what it was, it was Rainbow Dash dressed up as some sort of beast. How dare she scare my Fluttershy, especially when I didn't feel well enough to go and calm her down. I'm thinking I might punish her, or have Spitfire punish her one way or another.

Now a meeting has been called regarding Crash's idiotic pranks and the others' concerns over how it makes ponies feel. It looks like four of them have the same mindset as me. Don't prank somepony unless you know they will enjoy it and it won't hurt their feelings. Unfortunately Pinkie and Crashie don't see it that way. They think a prank is fun no matter what. Ok, I'll admit that some ponies are fun to prank regardless of what that is done but I wouldn't never make a friend or a possession of mine feel bad.

Now Rainbow has apparently done another prank because a fart came from Twilight's throne when she sat down. I know this isn't natural because my Twily does not fart. Turns out Rainbow had put an idiotic whoopie-cushion on her throne. What an idiot. Those things are nothing more than joke shortcuts that only the lamest of ponies use. Naturally Pinkie and Rainbow found it hilarious but everypony else found it stupid.

They decided to give Rainbow some advice, advice that nopony would he happy with. They told her that if she isn't going to put forth any effort, that she shouldn't prank anypony. I had this really bad feeling that this advice would backfire on them and that is what happened. First we had Rarity discover a giant cake in her boutique along with a sewing machine made out of cake. What a shame I was ill, that would have been really tasty. Then we had her somehow manage to get Applejack, in her bed, out in the pigpen despite our favorite apple farmer setting up plenty of security measures in her room. I get it, anything can happen in a cartoon but like it is in some instances, it was a bit extreme.

Now music sounds as Rainbow starts to prank many, many ponies along with Cranky. I felt bad for him with that damn skunk. He had to take an extremely long tomato juice bath because of that bitch. Even I got pranked. I kept on receiving scroll after scroll thanks to Rainbow's moronic prank involving scrolls and Spike. I got scrolls for homeowner's insurance, chariot insurance, renter's insurance and get this, LIFE INSURANCE! I am an Alicorn and thus immortal so obviously I would have no need for that. I swear, when I get my hooves on her she is going to face my wrath. After I scare some sense into her, she will never pull this kind of shit again, and that is a guarantee!

Well everypony had finally had enough. They were sick of Rainbow's pranking and decided to let the other prankster know about it because maybe she would be the one to put a stop to it. Now like I said before, I was ill that day. Had I not been, I would have went down there to let her know that she needs to stop too. Except with me though, it would not have been a request but an order that she would have to obey or be punished. Unfortunately, she doesn't seem too keen on following everypony's suggestion but maybe that would change that.

Now we had Pinkie going to visit Rainbow over everypony's concerns regarding this pranking bullshit but it appeared as though Rainbow had yet another prank planned, one that would be much worse. She decided that she will prank everypony at once rather than doing it one at a time. This can only lead to some sort of disaster. Once she exposes it, it is obvious that it is an idiotic prank that only the likes of her would find funny.

Get this, she is going to replace all the cookies that the Cutie Mark Crusaders are selling with these idiotic joke cookies that will give everypony a rainbow colored mouth. What is worse is that Rainbow boasts about how everypony will know it was her. I swear, she is a bigger moron than I thought. I know of plenty of ponies that want to strangle her most of the time so this certainly won't help her any. Now for the funny thing, Pinkie didn't find it all that funny. Now if Pinkie doesn't find something funny, then it is obviously a stupid prank that should simply be aborted.

However, Rainbow didn't listen. She still decided that she was going to go through with this ridiculous prank. Seriously though, who in their right mind would even consider doing something so stupid, oh wait, Rainbow Crash would. Pinkie may act like the most immature of Twilight's friends but it is obvious that Rainbow is.

Now on to Rainbow going to complain to Pinkie for not joining her on replacing all those cookies. Good grief bitch, didn't you hear her? She said that your fucking prank is ridiculous and that you should just stop doing this, well in the unedited version. Pinkie ate some of the cookies and now has fallen ill. I guess it is a good thing that they never came up here to try and sell me any. Of course had they, I would have simply exposed Rainbow right there since I had been monitoring everything that was going on.

The time to sell some cookies arrived and I tell you, those girls were having no problems getting those cookies sold. It seemed almost like everypony was overly eager to buy them, even the Cakes who would have no reason to go buying cookies when they can make their own. Oh well, if they want to blow their money like that, that is their business.

Now most of the cookies have been sold and suddenly Ponyville has fallen quiet. Yeah it was dark but it wasn't late either. Now what could have happened? I'm not sure but it is something that I will likely find humorous. Rainbow decided to go and investigate. She first decided to head to Sugarcube Corner and discovered that Pinkie along with the Cakes were suddenly cake craving zombie ponies with rainbow colored mouths.

Ok, now things are getting interesting. Sorry all of this has been exclusively in past tense but like what I said earlier, I was ill so I had to just report things in the past. Now I'm back in real time. Rainbow is suddenly freaking out and her friends and the fillies don't understand why. Well Rainbow decides that they have to head for cover. Shit, they go into the barn to hide and I can't see what's happening. So I do my usual invisibility and teleport spell and now I can see.

Well now I know and soon her friends will find out what happened too. Rainbow finally admits to changing out the filly guide cookies for joke cookies and is now worried that they made everypony sick! With that being the case I am going to have to punish her severely on multiple counts of endangering other ponies. Perhaps a few days on the moon will get her to realize that such infantile behavior is unacceptable!

Now for what is even funnier, Rainbow, Applejack and the fillies have eaten them and are now cookie craving zombie ponies too. Now the ponies of Ponyville are breaking into the barn, ready to get Rainbow. Perhaps if they bite her she will become just like them. That would be pretty funny except for the fact that I would have to cast a spell on all of them and even that would take a while to work. So sadly, chances are I won't be having any lavender icing tonight.

This is too funny! Seeing Rainbow freak out and acting really scared is so entertaining. Normally she plays the tough mare role but here she is more scared than Fluttershy ever has been. Finally though everypony stops what looks like was going to be an attack, wipes that ugly rainbow shit off of their mouth and yelled, "Gotcha!" at Rainbow.

You know, I'm surprised nopony heard me laughing I was laughing so hard. Perhaps it is an invisibility thing, I can make as much noise as I want and go undetected. I wonder if the same holds true with smell? If that is so then after I have fun with one of my lovelies then I can sneak around and not be detected, no matter how much girlcum I'm covered in.

Ok, enough about me walking around covered in lavender icing spying on other ponies. Finally, Rainbow has learned her lesson, or has she? I have a feeling that she'll continue her stupid pranks despite being scared shitless here. Oh well, I suppose the rest of the town can always prank her another way.

Now if you will all excuse me, because of my recent illness, I am very needy and I am trying to figure out what I want. Do I want lavender icing, white frosting or yellow cake? The choice is so hard because they all taste so good! Wait a minute, I'll just pick all three and take them up to Twily's sleeping chambers. Tonight is going to be quite fun!

Chapter 133: The Times They Are a Changeling

Chapter 133: The Times They Are a Changeling

Hello everypony, it is your beloved Sexy Sun Goddess again and do I have a surprise for you! You have all paid your taxes so for the first time in ages Equestria isn't running a deficit so I have decided to give you my synopsis of "The Times They Are a Changeling."

Well it looks like Twily, Spike and Starlight are headed to the Crystal Empire for one reason or another and there are two extremely unhappy ponies. Me because Twilight promised me a raunchy afternoon of fun and Trixie because she does not like her marefriend, I mean friend with benefits, going up there because of what lives there. It is kind of funny because once Trixie learned that Starlight had a male friend, she vowed that if it ever touched her that she would go up there herself and kill it. Personally I hope she does since Cadence wouldn't let me do it.

Ok, enough about me wanting Trixie to kill Sunburst. I can't tell what is going on and I do have a synopsis to give so I do the typical invisibility and teleport spell onto the train. Well Twilight and Starlight are talking and Starlight better be glad Trixie isn't with them. She said that she is excited to see Sunburst again. How dare she! That is her showing adoration to a member of the lesser sex and as badly as I want to punish her for it, I'm thinking I might tell a certain overly possessive showmare about this. Hell I might loan her the Twicane so she can teach Starlight lesson number one, "The Great and Powerful Trixie thought Trixie told you that you are not to show adoration to members of the lesser sex!"

Now for something truly pathetic, Spike is wearing a disguise so he won't get mobbed by the crystal ponies once they get to the Empire. Now why would he do that? Last thing I remember he was an attention whore who bloviated about how he saved their asses twice and gobbled up all the attention they gave him. Oh well, either way he is an idiot. Let's just hope he doesn't fuck anything up this time around.

Once we all disembarked from the train, the streets are deserted. Now I wonder what the hell that is all about? Given nopony is out and about, he takes his dumb disguise off and suddenly he is mobbed by crystal ponies who must have been hiding behind the train station or something. Of course he begins to gobble up all their adoration but suddenly one of them asks "what if that isn't the real Spike" and then they all drop him and bolt. What the fuck was that about? Sorry crystal ponies but he didn't use some sort of time spell and come back to see himself.

As we all headed to the castle we were greeted by some of their guards who also think that we aren't the real us. What has everypony been doing up here, sniffing paint? Oh, now I know why! They just notified us that a changeling has been spotted in the area and think that one of us may not be real. What a lame excuse, what is a lone changeling going to do, imitate Shining Armor, haul Cadence up to their sleeping chambers, bang her and knock her up with a Cadi/changeling hybrid? Personally I think that would be cool because the offspring would likely be just as adorable as Flurry Heart!

Well once they realized that it was indeed us (well not me since they didn't know I was there) they let us proceed and very soon I would wish they had brought Trixie with them. That freak they call a crystaller shows up with the baby and immediately him and Starlight start talking. I do know one thing, had I brought her she likely would have strangled Sunburst with her bare hooves and then took Starlight up to Cadence's sleeping chambers and punished her for associating with that creature.

Enough about that for now and since the crystal ponies idolize Spike's shit, they have decided that Spike can accompany the guards out into the arctic to find this changeling. Oh sweet Mother of Faust, I hope he doesn't capture it because if he does, his already overblown ego will only get worse. He'll go claiming he saved the Crystal Empire three times and probably expect them to give him blow jobs since Rarity won't give him anything.

Now Spike has gone off to look for the changeling on his own and being the idiot he is, he manages to fall down a tunnel and nearly fall off a cliff. I suppose it is a good thing he didn't though because getting in touch with Twilight would be harder and more time consuming without her scroll hacking pet. After getting away from the edge of the cliff he sees his reflection in some ice. Oh joy, now we get to see him admire himself and talk about how great he is, well until his reflection doesn't move just like him. Holy batshit, he found the changeling and while the animators would never show it, he shit his scales!

Now Spike panics and nearly falls to his doom but this changeling seems different as he saves Spike instead of letting him go splat. Now I know this changeling is really odd, he actually helps Spike clean the shit out of his scales. Either this thing is into dragons and wants to get Spike in bed or Chrysalis dropped him on his head a few too many times when he was just a hatchling.

About this changeling, we learn his name is Thorax and he was scared of his siblings when he was first born. Oh cry me a river Thorax, you're a changeling. You were supposed to be born tough and I have a feeling that Chrysalis thought you would likely be either a failure, a traitor or an all around loser once you got older. Is that why you fled the cuckoo's nest? Was it because your mother let your sibling's beat you? Oh so that's it, you saw all the friendship and love that erupted at the Canterlot Wedding and wanted to share love instead of feast on it. What a loser, chances are his mama threw him out for being a whiny little bitch.

So Thorax wants Spike to go back to the castle and tell everypony that he is nice and simply wants a friend. What an idiot, he should know that they aren't going to want anything to do with him and Spike proved his idiocy for the millionth time by agreeing to do so. Well he returns and get this, he tells the guard that the changeling is nice and that he means no harm. Naturally this draws a good laugh out of them and causes Shining Armor to piss all over himself and blow his stack at the same time.

Remember Spike, there is no such thing as a nice changeling so now you must go back out into the arctic and tell Thorax the bad news. Once he gets out there he tells him that the crystal ponies told him to go fuck himself and then crawl in a hole and die, well in the unedited version anyway....and we all know how much better the unedited version is!

Now Thorax has come up with a plan, he will take on the form of a crystal pony and think that nopony will notice. Well that may seem like a good plan but there is one problem, he won't have a birth certificate, an Empire ID number and given that he is taking on the form of a colt, he won't have parents either so he will wind up being spotted and taken out in no time!

Well the two return to the castle and suddenly Spike has a new friend nopony knew about before. Apparently his name is Crystal Hoof, what a lame, generic and dumb name that is. Certainly Spike could have come up with something more original. Now for what is more pathetic, Spike tells my little Twily that they are pen pals and even worse, she believes him. Come on, I would think she would know if he were sending out mail but apparently not.

Now Spike has decided to take "Crystal Hoof" out to meet the other crystal ponies. You'd think they would wonder where he came from given that he has never been seen before and that there are no records of crystal ponies living outside of the Crystal Empire. Well I suppose they see what they think is one of their own who is new and they'll flock to him like flies flock to shit.

Guess what, Cadence has decided that "Crystal Hoof" is deserving enough to meet Flurry Heart! Now everypony probably thinks this is just a matter of a new citizen meeting the royal baby and will be uneventful but I know it will be anything but that. Well little Flurry radiates so much light and love that suddenly Thorax reveals his true self and now everypony is all pissy, well except for me of course. I know he means no harm and besides, I thought it was kind of funny seeing him feed on that love like that. *HISS, HISS, I WANT TO SUCK YOUR LOVE!*

Now Spike shows he ain't such a good friend after all. He brings Thorax into the castle in disguise and gets everyone to like him but once he takes his true form because of love overload, Spike suddenly turns on him and acts like he doesn't know him. What a little bastard. I guess the love and adoration of the crystal ponies is WAAAAAY more important than somechangeling who gave you genuine friendship. The more shit he pulls like this, the more I wish they would have grabbed a different egg for Twilight to hatch.

Now Spike, who is crying crocodile tears, has went out into the arctic to find Thorax and eat crow. Once he finally finds him Thorax isn't exactly glad to see him and I don't blame him. Get this though, Spike again falls into that chasm but Thorax, once again, flies down and saves him. I sure the hell wouldn't save some asshole who betrayed me like that, I would have let them plummet to their death and then ate a celebratory cake to dishonor their pathetic corpse.....speaking of cake, I hope we can get this over with so I can get home. I'm late and you know what a bitch I can be without my cake!

Now it looks like Spike is going to be a real friend for a change and take Thorax into the throne room in his true form and once again, everypony but me gets all pissy and if looks could kill, Spike and Thorax both would have been dead. You know I truly feel bad for Thorax. He seems like a nice changeling, too caring towards traitors though, but still nice.

Now Spike goes singing some sappy song about how he should have been a good friend and wondering if the crystal ponies will still love him. Enough about that, I see something that Trixie must know. Starlight is standing next to Sunbust. Oh boy, I can only imagine how Trixie is going to react when I tell her this. I'm sure Starlight will have a very angry wife, I mean friend with benefits, for a few days. At first I was thinking of punishing Starlight myself but having Trixie do it will be much more effective! I'll save my punishment for a certain wannabe wizard crystaller.

Now my little Twily finally realizes that Thorax isn't bad because he is friends with Spike and she befriends him too. Now everypony is more than willing to befriend him and he even gets to see the adorable little Flurry Heart in his true form. Even better, he doesn't start hissing and sucking her love. Now things can get back to normal for the most part, although I did see Starlight giving Twilight bedroom eyes but hey, that beats her associating with a wannabe wizard who shits on the floor.

Now I did have plans as to what I was going to do with nopony noticing, something that disgusting little crystaller of theirs would not like but there is a whole cake calling out to me at home. Yes I hate Sunburst and want to either kill him or at least maim him in one way or another, but CAKE IS MORE IMPORTANT!

On the way home things went normally for the most part though I'm sure Trixie would not be thrilled with the romp Twily and Starlight had in an empty car. I have decided though not to tell Trixie about this because despite being her lover, Starlight is a lot like me, she has to have her Twily when the opportunity presents itself.

Now if you will excuse me, I have decided to go and join Starlight and Twilight in their little romp. Yeah they'll be surprised to know I was there all along, monitoring their every move but it will give me the chance to reprimand Starlight and warn her that in the future if she pulls shit like she did, I will tell Trixie and loan her the Twicane.

Chapter 137: Viva Las Pegasus

Chapter 137: Viva Las Pegasus

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and I have a surprise for you! As I have scanned the country I have not found any negative editorials in any of the newspapers, there haven't been any uprisings and even better, everypony has paid their taxes for once so I shall share with you my synopsis of "Viva Las Pegasus."

The day has just started and something has to happen to ruin my good mood. Applejack and my sexy Fluttershy are being called to Las Pegasus by Twily's map. Ugh, why couldn't it have called Applejack and Pinkie? Oh wait, Pinkie already came up here and helped Rarity save that amazing restaurant. Why not Fluttershy and Twily? I could have headed down there and joined them for some fun! Oh well, I suppose those two have a reason for going down there and we'll see what it is.

While I really wish that I could simply stay here and gorge myself on cake I know that Applejack and Fluttershy will not be out in an open area all the time. Ugh I wish StormLuna would just let me report stuff without having to make me constantly do the invisibility and teleport spell to follow them. If I remember correctly, when Crashie was in the hospital he didn't make me go there!

"Princess Celestia!"

"What is it StormLuna?"

"I'm sorry but I can't just let you do that."

"Remember 'Read it and Weep?' You didn't make me do it then so why should I have to now?"

"Ok, you got me there. Tell you what, if you won't try to alter what happens any I'll let you stay home and just report BUT if you try to alter things, you'll have to go."

"Ok, I promise I won't try and alter what happens!"

"Alright, now get to work and I might throw an extra cake your way at the end."

"Sweet, I'll do it!"

Thankfully StormLuna isn't making me go so I shall chow down on my cake while I bring you what happened. Ok, Fluttershy and Applejack arrived in Las Pegasus and neither one seemed all that thrilled. I can't say as though I blame them, I don't like large crowds either and the cake is so expensive down there!

Once they went into this resort it was as expected, busy and noisy as hell and I'm wondering how the hell they are going to find a friendship lesson in there? Well things aren't exactly looking promising for them and then they run into this prima donna that acts like he is the best thing in the world, Gladmane I think his name is. I'm not overly sure where this will lead to but there is something about him that I don't like, he seems like a crook if you ask me.

Now for something I do not like, he knows who Applejack and Fluttershy are! Somehow he knows they are the "cohorts" of the Princess of Friendship. I swear, he better not try anything with them. It seems like this guy is obsessed with friendship. I can't help but wonder what kind of friendship he is talking about though. One good thing I'm sure of though, it likely isn't friendship with benefits because ugh, what pony, mare or stallion, would want to engage in activities like that with him?

Ugh now look at that smug bastard, announcing to everypony at that place that he thinks of all of them as friends and is offering them 3 for 1 discounts on....did I hear that right, fritters! Oh boy, I better make sure Luna doesn't hear about this....oh wait, why would she go pay for fritters when the Apple Family gives them to her as a gift of their gratitude for everything she does for them.

Back to the resort, it looks like Gladmane is going to take his new "friends" on a tour of the place and have them meet the entertainers he has working for him. Well this should be interesting, well sort of. I'm not sure what kind of entertainers they have down there but I highly doubt he has anypony who sings songs about how sexy I am. What a shame too because if he did, I might not think he's a crook and maybe visit that place sometime.

Ok, on to his "friends." First he introduces Fluttershy and Applejack to the trapeze star and the director of her act. Ok, they seem to not be having any problems but why the hell do they go all fanfilly over Gladmane? Yeah he may sign and cut their paychecks but still, he isn't that special is he? Now to the prairie dog act and naturally my sexy Fluttershy is drawn to them and their trainers obviously aren't having any problems. Perhaps the map simply called them to the wrong place or it called the wrong ponies somewhere. I still think it should have called Fluttershy and Twily to my sleeping chambers, that would have been far more useful!

The tour is done and those two seem frustrated that they can't find a problem. Ok ladies, I have an idea. Just pack up and go home since nothing is wrong. Applejack can fix Luna some fritters and Fluttershy can take care of my needs, oh wait, perhaps a couple of ponies are having a friendship problem after all!

I remember back when Flim and Flam sold Granny Smith that useless tonic and were ran out of Ponyville. I always wondered what the hell happened to them and it looks like we now know, they are working for Gladmane selling tickets to the acts down there. Get this though, two brothers who once got along so well are now fighting because they want to sell the most tickets. I'm not sure why they have this competition but personally I think Flam is the better salespony, there is no need to go selling the tickets for cheap and screwing over the performers.

Ok Applejack, calm down! I know those assholes have wronged you twice in the past but there is no need to go getting so upset. They are merely having a disagreement and now I have some advice for you two, get going and let them fight. I'm sure Applejack would have done just that but oh no, the sexiest pegasus to have ever roamed the earth might think they're the ones with the problem? Not just no but hell no! Guess what Flutters, for you caring too much about those bastards and not nearly enough about me I have decided to punish you severely and I won't be doing it alone! I may invite a former student of mine, a sadistic blue unicorn, to come join in on the fun.

Now here comes Gladmane apologizing to those two for having to see that and I'm thinking, "Come on, they've seen far worse that that!" Ok, it looks like Applejack is bound and determined to find a friendship problem in that place while Fluttershy is going to try to get Flim and Flam to stop fighting. My question is why? Don't you remember what they did to the Apple Family, twice? Don't you remember them trying to run Sweet Apple Acres out of business and don't you remember the fiasco with the tonic? Oh wait, she wouldn't remember the tonic fiasco because she, Twilight and Rarity were being good mares and were up here making me happy.

Listen Flutters, there you are talking to those two trying to get them to see that they shouldn't be fighting but you are failing miserably! You are failing there just as much as you are failing in being loyal to your friend Applejack. Oh wait, Crashie would have been the one to stay true to her friend and not help those charlatans.

While Fluttershy was doing something she shouldn't have been, Applejack has headed backstage and it sounds like she has found a real friendship problem. Ok, this is odd, the trapeze star and the director got along before coming to Gladmane's resort and both of them act like he is the best friend they ever had? Something doesn't seem right here and now they are accusing Applejack of either being a snitch for the other or simply putting down their boss!

Not only are they having problems, it looks like the prairie dog unicorns are having similar problems. They are fighting and it seems like Gladmane is responsible there too. I'll let you in on a little something, despite me not knowing him I have decided to add Gladmane to my shit list because he is obviously a crook. How awful, destroying two great acts solely so he can continue to make more money? You know I could go down there and let these performers know the truth but I don't want to have to leave my cake. I have no desire to return to a stale, harder than a rock cake.

Alright, so now those two have figured it out that Gladmane is up to no good and are trying to figure out a way to trick him into exposing himself. Good luck with that ladies. I know how ponies like him work, they always think ahead and despite being narcissistic assholes, they manage to keep their trickery a secret. Now Fluttershy, I know you mean well but you know that Applejack isn't going to agree to get Flim and Flam to stop fighting just to expose this crook or will she?

Now it looks like both of them have decided to help those two and at first they didn't believe Fluttershy's claims that Gladmane was making them fight but once Applejack put her two cents in, they knew it was the truth because she never lies! Luckily she didn't tell them that they are on my shit list though because who knows what they'd try to do to buy themselves off of it.

Now for the plan that those four have decided to concoct. I highly doubt it will work and could cost a couple of conponies their jobs but hey, it's not a zero chance risk. Apparently my Flutters has decided to dress up as Impossibly Rich, the grand matriarch of the Rich family. Fun fact though, the grand matriarch of the rich family does have that name but she certainly isn't rich, anymore! I know this doesn't fit in here but when ponies try to cheat investors, their wealth vanishes in a hurry once they are caught and your sexy Sun Goddess gets more cake money!

I tell you, once Gladmane thinks he could maybe get close with one of the wealthiest ponies in Equestria, he is excited until he learns she is planning on a resort of her own. Now it looks like the crook is going to concoct his own plan and I can tell he knows something is up and it looks like he was right. He saw straight through their plan and now Flim and Flam are probably going to get fired and my ladies probably should get going before Gladmane has them forcibly removed.

Oh good grief you two, don't go up to Gladmane's office, get out of there while you still can! Perhaps they are going up there to tell them that I will banish him to the moon if he doesn't clean up his act. You know ladies, going in and telling him he is an asshole isn't going to get him to change his ways. I am proud of them though for seeing through his lies, too bad it won't do any good, or will it?

Get this everypony, in his arrogant moment he fails to notice that while he is boasting and admitting the truth, my Fluttershy has pushed the button to activate his loudspeaker and now all his employees and everypony else there knows he is a crook. I'm proud of you Fluttershy, I've decided I won't punish you for showing kindness to Flim and Flam after all, I might even let you push my button but only if you hurry up and get your flank home!

Now that Gladmane has been exposed and he heads for the exit they are tearing down his statue in the resort. Now it looks like Flim and Flam are running the place. Unless they ask me for a loan with a high interest rate to hire some ponies, all they'll have are those fun games OR I could always grant them a casino license and they could be a true Las Pegasus resort. You know, I think I might just do that! Hey, if it will keep them away from Ponyville it will be worth it.

Oh sweet, now Applejack and Fluttershy's asses are glowing which means they can hurry up and get home! I am going to tell Luna about this so she can hurry up and get to the apple farm and I'll be all ready for Fluttershy, legs spread, button exposed and all!

Now for something that has pissed me off that happened after the credits rolled. Those two headed to New Las Pegasus where the casinos are that the animators couldn't show and get this, both of them won huge amounts of money playing poker! Now I am not happy because Fluttershy is denying me the love I want so I shall tax her winnings at a higher rate than permitted by law UNLESS she rocks my world when she gets home. As far as Applejack goes, I'll just make sure she gets Granny's hip replaced.

Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to sit here and pout because I won't get my Flutters as soon as I should.

Chapter 142: To Where and Back Again Part 1

Chapter 142: To Where and Back Again Part 1

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and I am not in the best of moods because I discovered the castle chef put laxative in my cake a couple days ago so I've had the shits here recently. Oh well, once I put him to death in a couple of days I'll feel better but for now, I shall share with you my synopsis on "To Where and Back Again, Part 1"

Another day has arrived in Ponyville and it looks Starlight is helping Twily and her scroll hacking pet move some old books to her reference section. Good grief Starlight, don't you have better things to be doing, such as me? Oh I get it, your wife, I mean friend with benefits would get mad if you did that and she isn't available so you have to do something to take your mind off of your frustration, right?

Well this is new, the mailmare is delivering something to the castle? Well it obviously isn't for Twilight since I can send her messages via her scroll hacking pet. Oh it is for Starlight and she seems concerned about it. Ok Starlight, so it is from your old village? Are they dissatisfied with being free and they want you to back out and want you to oppress them again? Oh no, it's worse than that! Night Glider doesn't have a date for the Sunset Festival and wants Starlie to go rock her world!

"Princess Celestia, not this already!"

"But StormLuna!"

"Don't but StormLuna me Tia! This episode is very important to me and if you foul it up, I'll let Starlight take your cutie mark AND your lovelies!"

"Not my cutie mark! Not my lovelies!"

"Will you do this right then?"

*sighs* "Yes, I'll do this right but you better not let anything bad happen to me!"

"Oh fine, I won't. Now get back to work."

*grumbles* "Fine."

Ugh he is such a stick in the mud sometimes. Alright, well the letter is from her old village and they are inviting her to the Sunset Festival and she is terrified! Why the hell would she be terrified to go to a festival? I would be thrilled because there will likely be cake but given her history out there, I guess I could understand.

Hello everypony, it is thy Princess of the Night. It is getting late and my sister is very tired so I shall take over for her.

It appears as though Starlight has decided to attend this festival after all. Yes she was nervous but who wouldn't be. Now for something that does not sit well with me, Double Diamond and Party Favor act like they are surprised to see her there. I would think they wouldn't be given that they invited her. She showed them her invitation and what is horrible is that they laugh at her and rip it up and it looks like Party Favor is back up to his old ways with that facial expression, "but I didn't listen!"

Suddenly it has gone dark and quiet out there. Starlight was having a nightmare and I of course went to save her. I feel bad for her having such a nightmare so I decided to give her some advice. I told her that perhaps she should talk to her friends about this. I'm pretty sure they will be understanding and provide her with the advice she needs. Now it is time to go because her nightmare has drawn to a close and it is time for me to lower the moon.

I'm back and I'm certain that my sister's part of this was boring as hell but then again what's new, right? Ok, so Starlight is in the throne room sharing her concerns with her friends and good grief Rainbow, get over yourself. Yes Starlight has changed but you don't need to go bringing up her past and how bad of a pony she used to be. Now Twilight gives her some great advice, take a friend. Maybe it isn't such good advice though because I know Twilight wants to go with her and ignore me. We have a hot and raunchy afternoon planned and if she runs off just so she can either bang Starlight or try out one of the mares out there somepony will be punished and I'm sure you know who that will be!

Luckily for me Starlight chose her wife, I mean friend with lots of benefits, Trixie. Now I'm sure that Trixie will likely be begging Starlight for them to go stay in her old house and she can do to her what she did to Fluttershy out there except with Trixie, it will be consensual and both parties will have their wits about them. Now Twily, don't be so jealous, I know you wanted to go but remember, you have me coming over this afternoon so that should more than make up for it, right?

Well Starlight and Trixie finally get within eyesight of Our Town and I am shocked that they did not stop somewhere along the way and have some fun. Perhaps it is because Starlight is too nervous for sex or Trixie wants to wait, grab one of the local mares there and make it a threesome.

Alright, enough about that, they get into town and the ponies are thrilled to see Starlight. The way they are acting you'd think she was a long lost friend they were greeting rather than a pony who once ruled over them with an iron hoof and stole their cutie marks. Anyway, they are so happy to see her that they suddenly start asking her to help with and be in charge of certain events!

Now this is where I'm wondering why Starlight is freaking out. I would think she would be happy that they have forgiven her to that point but instead she is a nervous wreck. Now I'm sure if they wanted her and Trixie to be in charge of teaching the fillies there sex ed it would be a completely different story. Ok, maybe not because Starlight isn't like that given she refused to let Twily put out in front of those pegasi foals in Cloudsdale before she was reformed.

Ok well Starlight winds up freaking out so bad that she unleashes that magical ball she did when it was discovered that she had a real cutie mark and her communist dictatorship was coming to an end. Luckily for her, Trixie and her smoke balls saved the day and they ran out of town. Now I'm pretty sure I know what won't happen on the way back to Ponyville!

Ok Starlight, I get it, you freaked out and don't feel like you should ever be in charge of anything. I don't know why you feel this way that you constantly take charge in the bedroom with Trixie, you've done so with Twilight and you sometimes do it with me so calm down! Maybe tonight Trixie can help calm her down or maybe Twilight can. Now you're not going to believe this, in her trying to console her marefriend, I mean friend with benefits, Trixie admits that even she makes mistakes! Can you believe it, even The Narcissistic and Sexy Trixie makes mistakes!

"Leave me alone, don't touch me! Help little sister, they're back!"

Starlight Glimmer here, I don't know what the hay happened but suddenly Celestia and Luna have gone missing so I will be giving you this synopsis for now. Ok, well once Trixie and I got back to Ponyville, something just didn't seem right. My friends who are usually so friendly and nice have no clue what is going on and have become grade A bitches. Since they're being awful to me I'll go and see Twilight and let her know what happened.

What the hell, Spike is being a little asshole to me and the door is locked? Ok, something really bad is going on and once Twilight does let me in she isn't acting like herself either. I was fully expecting her to tell me that she would come with me and she could explain to the ponies out in my old village that I was just scared of being in charge of things but that isn't what I got from her. She told me to cut my losses and never go out there again. I'm thinking, "What in the world is wrong with her? Why would she tell me to just cut my losses?"

Eventually I just headed up to my room to escape Twilight's unexplained bitchiness and Spike's suddenly being a grade A asshole. Eventually night fell and I fell asleep. Suddenly I'm back in my old village and everypony is just walking from house to house in a complete trance. I tried getting their attention but suddenly they vanish and Twilight and her friends show up and sweet Celestia, Twilight is being a total bitch!

Oh thank goodness, Luna shows up again, well sort of. She is trying to escape the lunar disk and is telling me to be careful who I trust because the changelings have returned. They have captured her and Celestia and I have a feeling they probably captured and replaced my friends as well. Well I woke up in a cold sweat and I know that there is only one pony I can tell about this, Trixie.

Unfortunately Trixie was being a bit of a grump when I woke her up and what made matters worse is how grouchy she was when I had to make sure she wasn't a changeling herself. When she told me that she said even Trixie makes mistakes I knew it was fine.

I knew something was up and I decided to have Trixie join me in the castle and we were going to see if we could figure out what was wrong. One thing that was wrong was that the door to the throne room was cracked and there was light coming from in there so we decided to go and see what it was.

Good grief, what the hell is going on. They're in there acting like total bitches and treating Spike like dirt, well the changeling that resembles him. Eventually we discover what is going on when they set up these stones that let them communicate with Chrysalis and they finally do reveal themselves. Now it is confirmed, the worst case scenario has occurred and we have to figure something out.

Oh great, the changelings sense something and here they come. Now comes a chance for me to show off more of my magic so I cast this weird invisibility spell that allowed Trixie and I to blend into the wall and avoid detection. Once they had all dispersed I teleported us back outside and Trixie admits that she can't handle this because she is just a performer. Oh yes Trixie, this is princess level material but guess what, there are no princesses available so we'll have to figure this out ourselves!

I was thinking we should get to the Crystal Empire before the changelings got the royal family up there too but forget that. Thorax shows up because the royal family up there has been captured and replaced too. I was thinking, "Oh isn't this just dandy. What else could go wrong?" While I was thinking this my thoughts were distracted when I noticed something seemed different about Thorax, his wings were sparkly since he no longer has to feed on love but Trixie's extreme paranoia over his presence didn't exactly thrill me but I still love her nonetheless. Once she found out he was reformed she did calm down some but I can't help but wonder, what the hell are the three of us going to do to save everypony that was foalnapped?

Just as I said that Discord shows up and naturally we needed to make sure it is him and luckily it was. At first he didn't seem overly concerned when I told him about everypony being captured until he discovered that Fluttershy had been taken. I know Discord and Fluttershy are good friends but good grief, when he discovered she had been taken by the changelings he snapped his claw and we were right there at the edge of the changeling kingdom in nothing flat. He was dead set on rescuing his friend so now here we are, probably the four least likely characters to be put in charge in saving Equestria. Oh well, I'm sure everypony will find a nice change of pace compared to Twilight and her friends always saving the day.

Well here comes the break and I have been notified that I will be in charge of a good part of the second one as well.

Chapter 143: To Where and Back Again Part 2

Chapter 143: To Where and Back Again Part 2

Hello everypony, Starlight Glimmer again. Like I said just a moment ago, since Celestia and Luna have been captured by the changelings, I will be in charge of a huge portion of this and more of it will be an account of what actually happened than sarcastic remarks and opinions. With me having a huge role I suppose it is only fitting, right?

Ok, like I said at the end a moment ago, Discord had snapped his claw and we were right at the edge of the Changeling Kingdom but almost immediately he began to complain. He started complaining about how he had meant for us to go straight to where Fluttershy was in the hive. Good grief Discord, you got us this far. Isn't that enough for you or is walking a little bit going to kill you?

Discord is friendly but he simply won't listen that his magic won't work here. His flying pigs fall apart the second they cross the border into the Changeling Kingdom and my energy falls apart as well. Finally after enough of his bellyaching he finally listens to Thorax who lets us know that only changeling magic works there. Yeah he continued to complain pretty much the whole way to the hive but at least we got there without getting caught.

While we were walking there we continued to try to figure out what the hell we were going to do since only Thorax had his magic. Finally we decided to just have Thorax lead us through the hive since the rest of us would have got lost and what surprises me is that we somehow managed to get past the guards. Luckily for us the sides of it have holes that open up every now and then. There is no way we would have got through the main gate.

Of course one thing that Thorax let us know is that his kind can use their magic here and could duplicate any of us so we came up with a code word to make sure it was actually us. Much to Discord's displeasure, we came up with the term Klutzy Draconequus. Hey it will work and I have a feeling that we will need to use it.

Once we finally got it and noticed that the walls are constantly changeling I felt all the more relieved that we had Thorax to get us through it. He told us that a non-changeling would easily get lost and captured in there and he was right. Alright, now comes the hard part, figuring out how we're going to destroy Chrysalis's throne once we find it without magic. I wasn't exactly sure and of course Trixie just had to throw in a snide remark. Yes I love her dearly but that did kind of piss me off but soon I'm thinking that her smart ass remarks will be the least of our problems.

As we continued on another major problem arose, Trixie and Discord were arguing like foals. Good grief, at that moment I was seriously considering just having Thorax and I go on without them. They'd get captured and then once Chrysalis's throne was destroyed, they'd be free but the writers didn't have that in store for us. Their plan was to have my overly loud marefriend and an obnoxious draconequus continue to put Thorax and I at risk.

One thing I did learn during our journey through the hive was that changelings are always hungry for love, well except for Thorax since he has friends now. Perhaps that was the cue for me to not be giving Trixie too much love because the other changelings would detect us and catch us. As much as I hated to, I had to temporarily shut off my love for her as we continued our journey.

Just when I thought things were going to be fine, Discord has to go being loud again and attract a changeling patrol. Oh great, isn't that just dandy! But all is not lost and since Trixie still has smoke bombs, Thorax was able to disguise himself as her so we could get away from the patrol. Luckily what I thought was a plan that may not work worked out according to plan and after making sure "Trixie" was actually Thorax, we continued on our journey.

Now those changelings have given us a sign of what they are up to. Since two changelings went down one tunnel, we know that the other one is full of them ready to attack. So we sent Discord to distract the guards and ok, he isn't the best stand up comic but hey, he was able to annoy them for long enough that the rest of us were able to get through.

Ok, now for the fun part. Discord has been blabbering on so much about Fluttershy that he eventually runs into "her." Yeah Discord, I'm real sure that is your beloved friend, especially once there were a whole bunch of them and unfortunately he wound up getting captured. Ugh, I know Fluttershy is Discord's best friend and he would do basically anything for her but come on, I'd think he'd be able to tell that was a trap immediately! Since he is now captured, it is just the three of us remaining to pull this off.

Well those dumb changelings must think we aren't all that bright because they send a fake Discord our way and are trying to trick us. He is claiming that he heard changelings talking about which way to go. Seriously, do those changelings think we're dumb or something? Well Thorax has said since he is saying go left, we go right.

Once again though, I am questioning my leadership abilities and for us to be able to do this, Trixie is going to sacrifice herself so that Thorax and I can go do what we need to do. I know my Trixie can boast a lot but she reminded me of what I used to know, I am a good leader. With her going to take one for the team here, I think I will reward her once we get this finished. Hell I might even let her dominate me and you know that's never happened before.

Before we parted ways it shows us hugging. That isn't what really happened. Yes it had to be rather short given the situation we were in but we did engage in a passionate kiss. I figured that if I could get one more kiss from my true love that it would give me more confidence. We parted ways and I was upset that Trixie got caught but Thorax and I have a mission and we're not about to fail Equestria here. Everypony had to be rescued.

Finally we reached the throne room and I would not be happy when I saw my beloved Trixie trapped in a cocoon along with the rest of my friends but I had to hold my anger. What I should mention is that Thorax and I came up with a perfect plan. We decided that he would take the form of me and once Chrysalis went to attack him, I would sneak behind her field of vision and work on destroying the throne.

Well it worked and while Chrysalis finally discovered that "I" was actually Thorax, I got to work on that throne but sadly I wouldn't get anything done before she caught me and I wound up having to hide and next up was Chrysalis and her arrogance. Oh good grief bitch, would you just shut the hay up? We get it, you changelings always have to feed and you want your subjects to go devour it from Equestria and bring it back to your ugly ass. Well if I have anything to say about it, that ain't happening!

Oh yes Chrysalis, you think you know what it takes to be a good leader? You think that being ruthless and ruling with an iron hoof is the way to do it? Look, I've been there and done that. I hate to burst your bubble, well not really, but I changed and made friends along with a very sexy marefriend and my life is a whole lot better. A true leader doesn't force her subjects to deny who they are, they celebrate what makes them unique.

Oh great, after her continuing her temper tantrum she finally decides to drain every last bit of love from Thorax. What will happen to him when she does that I'm not sure but I don't want to find out so I suggested that he gives her his love, all of it! When he did that he actually became encircled in light and I was curious as to what was going on but I knew it had to be good.

What I saw next was amazing, Thorax changed completely. I don't know if this is what a changeling's true form is when they aren't feeding on love or what but he looks magnificent. I realized that this was the chance to finally defeat Chrysalis so I told the other changelings that what happened to Thorax is what happens when you give love instead of taking it. Luckily they gave her their love and all that energy destroyed her throne along with a good portion of the hive. Even better, we have our magic back and my friends are free!

Hello everypony, well your Sexy Sun Goddess has been freed so I shall now resume what should never have been taken from me. Now that everypony is free Starlight immediately rushes over to her wife, I mean friend with tons of benefits to make sure she is ok. How sweet, aren't they just the most adorable couple? While the animators only showed them hugging they actually engaged in a passionate kiss. I was hoping they'd take it to the next level and give us all a live porno but unfortunately that is not what happened.

Now of course Starlight had to go check on my Twily and make sure she was ok too. I can't help but wonder if maybe she wanted Twily to join her and her marefriend in a threesome but I highly doubt Trixie would be up for that, especially after how affectionate they've been lately. I must say that I am impressed though, I never imagined that Starlight, Trixie, Thorax and Discord would wind up saving Equestria. I can't help but laugh because I remember it was just 26 episodes ago that Starlight nearly destroyed Equestria.

Ok, so Starlight has saved Equestria but now she's going to try something even harder, reforming Chrysalis. You know Starlight, I know you suddenly think you're a hero but this isn't going to work. Just the way they were acting for a minute though, I thought she actually might. The look Chrysalis was giving her was the look she gave Twilight when she folded like a lawn chair last year but sorry Starlie, Chrysi ain't going to do that!

Unfortunately for Starlight, Chrysalis told her to go fuck Trixie (in the unedited version) and that she would exact revenge on her sometime in the future. You know, I actually think that will happen and let's just say that was to happen and Starlight managed to either reform her, banish her somewhere or kill her, I have a set of light pink wings locked up in Canterlot Tower that would look great on her.

Ugh, now here goes the love-fest between Discord and Fluttershy. Ok, I know they're only friends and I'm being overly dramatic but if I ever was to find out that they were more than friends, a certain sexy pegasus would find herself in Tartarus and an obnoxious draconequus would find himself on the moon. Let's hope that doesn't happen but I'm serious, despite her being very sexy, Fluttershy betraying me and putting out for a member of the lesser sex would warrant such a punishment.

Now that everything is back to normal and since we have all decided to let the changelings get their new kingdom set up, Starlight has decided on another plan for us to celebrate and Discord would take us there. Before we knew it we were out in Our Town and their Sunset Celebration was still going on. They seemed shocked to see her given the way she ran off earlier. Luckily for her and the rest of us, they weren't mad and welcomed us all with open hooves!

Alright, now as the show is ending Starlight is running off with Sugar Belle to feast on some treats, leaving Trixie behind like she is nothing! Well she wasn't the only one to go judge that baking contest, I did as well and damn, I'm seriously thinking of offering Sugar Belle a job as the castle baker because her cake is the best I've ever ate!

Now for what happened after the show ended. Eventually Starlight apologized to Trixie for putting cake ahead of her and they decided to go spend some time in Starlight's old house. Good grief, that place must have extremely thin walls because the whole village heard Starlight and Trixie moaning and squealing! I can't be 100% sure but I have a feeling that those two will be staying out here for the whole off-season. They will spend time out mingling with the villagers, feasting on Sugar Belle's treats and when they're not doing that, they'll be feasting on one another.

Guess what though, they won't be the only ones staying. Remember that old propaganda hut that Starlight locked my girls in? Well it is empty but there are a couple of spare beds out here that the ponies are going to loan me. I have decided that me along with Twily, Fluttershy and Rarity are going to spend the off-season out here as well. After all, what is better than eating three of my lovelies for several months? Eating them and having Sugar Belle's cake!

Now be gone with all of you, I have a cake calling out to me and after that, I have three lovelies begging for my loving touch. If you have any problems that must be resolved, go talk to Luna once she gets home because I'm going to be busy, very busy!

Chapter 144: Celestial Advice

Chapter 144: Celestial Advice

Hello everypony and welcome to season 7. It is your beloved Sun Goddess again and it has been quite the off-season. My sister has been working with Thorax and is responsible for the Changeling Kingdom and Equestria being allies while I have been dealing with more important things, such as tons and tons of lovely time. I must return them now because they have to return to their normal, boring activities. I am in a good mood so I shall share with you my synopsis of "Celestial Advice." The best thing about this one, I don't have to hide from the writers!

Another lovely morning has arrived in Ponyville and it is a very special day. Twilight has decided to hold a special ceremony for not just Starlight, but Trixie, Thorax and Discord and my sister and I must be present for this because I have some awards to hand out. Alright, regarding Starlight, she is getting up and Spike is distracting her for some reason. Now what in the hell is Twilight doing in Starlight's room measuring the wall for? Certainly this couldn't have anything to do with sexy times so who knows what is going on? Oh well, I'm sure I will find out soon enough.

There is one little problem though, despite Twilight going to be having this grand and elaborate celebration for Equestria's four newest heroes, she has not even bothered to decorate her banquet hall! How in Equestria could she be so lazy, oh wait, that is likely my fault because she has been "distracted" here lately but luckily for us, Pinkie had it all covered so everything will be just fine!

Once this party got started I was so happy! I didn't have to hide from the writers and neither did my sister. Now what was about to happen is something that has actually never happened before, that is what a rare event a celebration like this is. My sister and I had been talking and we decided to give those four Equestrian Pink Hearts of Courage. After all, it took a lot to do what they did, especially given that three of them did not have their magic while they were in the Changeling Kingdom, well until Chrysalis's throne was destroyed.

Now wait just a minute, who is that talking to Starlight? It is him, Sunburst and obviously I am not very happy and you know what, I'm not the only one! Trixie is furious but knows she can't go and strangle him in front of everypony and everychangeling, especially given she was awarded that Pink Heart.

Now there was something that the animators could not show, Trixie and I headed over to a corner to have a little talk. She discussed with me her concerns over Sunburst talking to Starlight and had her worries about what he might do. Now of course I reassured her when I told her that Starlight only likes mares but I don't like him so her and I came up with the perfect plan, something funny and something that a certain glorified book collector may not like.

Now back to what they could show, Twilight has went running out of this party and has been followed by Spike. What could be going on with her? Well I'm thinking I better go check on her. Maybe she has gone into heat and I can make her feel all better, well after I run Spike off of course.

Come to find out she has headed to the throne room and is freaking out over not having any kind of plan for what Starlight would do next! Oh how I love it when she freaks out like this, she is just so damn adorable when she is in panic mode....and often times a whole lot of fun. Oh boy, she has fallen into her old ways, again! She has paper all over the place and is looking through it trying to figure out what to do next.

Now my sexy Twily has one little problem, most all the friendship lessons she has planned are either too basic for her, she has already completed and one Starlight actually taught her! Tsk, Tsk, my Twily was woefully unprepared for Starlight's overachieving ways. Now I feel like a lousy teacher. I should have taught her at some point how to handle ponies who excel, oh wait, I think we cancelled that lesson after being held up by one of our "special study sessions" if you know what I mean.

Now I decided it was story time and what was the story about, it was about how once upon a time I had a very talented and intelligent filly as a student but she had one problem, her academic ambition had caused her to have no desire to make any friends. No matter how much I tried to get her to make friends, she just wouldn't do it! Now yeah, once she matured I may have been partially responsible for that but eventually once Twinkleshine started giving me bedroom eyes all the time, I decided to send her away.

Now Twilight is starting to go into full blown freakout mode and you know what that means, sexy times would ensue soon! Now they would have sooner but when the castle is full of changelings, half of Ponyville and with Spike being present, that just couldn't happen. After all, I can't have Thorax knowing about my true nature. If he did he would likely only want to deal with Luna and her fritter craving ways.

Alright, enough about how hot Twily is when she freaks out. She has decided that she will graduate Starlight and send her off somewhere. First she brings up the Changeling Kingdom and how nice it would be for her. Yeah, I agreed with her and all seemed good until she started getting this worse case scenario freakout that only she could have! Come on Twily, the changelings have reformed and wouldn't pull the shit you think one of them might do! Well forget sending her there.

Next she brought up the dragon lands. I'm not sure about that and in Twilight's weird fantasy this time, Starlight and Ember start bumping chests and acting more like buckball players after slaughtering their opponents. Uh Twilight, neither one of those two would act like that. Ember isn't like those idiot juvenile boy dragons and neither is Starlight. Speaking of those idiot juvenile boy dragons, Twilight has her fears that one of them may wind up grabbing Starlight and jumping with her into some lava! Starlight would just teleport out of that situation so fantasy failure number two.

Next up, the Crystal Empire. Now I seriously wanted to smack her over this one because she thought that her and Sunbust....I mean Sunburst could work together because he knows so much about magic and she can actually do it. Sorry Twily but she could never get that loser to actually be able to do magic. The most I've ever seen him do is carry a few books in his aura and that is it! She again goes into freakout mode and thinks they would get overly ambitious and try to retrieve ancient relics and create black vortexes that would probably swallow up all of Equestria. Again she fails and realizes that she has no plans for her.

Now I can think of another place she could send her where I know she could excel and there would be absolutely no dangers of anything bad happening, Trixie's trailer! They could continue to explore the "magic of friendship, with benefits!" Wait a minute though, what if Starlight got a hold of a fertility spell, cast it on herself and when she was giving Trixie horn sex she got her pregnant? What if neither one of them were ready to be parents? Ok, here I am having an epic freakout and I was laughing over Twily's. Oh well, she didn't know I was doing this so I'm good.

Well after we had our freakouts we went back to the banquet hall so Twilight could announce Starlight's graduation and tell her that it was time to go, it was time to leave since she was jealous of her and Trixie being so close. Ok, that isn't what she really said but I know she's jealous of Trixie. I know she wants Starlight so bad she can't stand it but something is about to happen that will make Twilight happy.

Finally Twilight announces that Starlight has graduated because there is nothing else she can teach her....at all! Nada, nothing, no more friendship lessons, no more munchy-munchy sessions (Trixie saw to that) and of course we all know that Starlight's magic is more advanced given she can travel through time and fly without wings while Twilight can't. Because of this, Twilight has decided that Starlight's future is in her own hooves. Are you sure you should do that Twily? What if she went back to stealing cutie marks or wrote a time spell so advanced she could travel so far back in time that she prevented my sister and I from ever conquering Ponyland and turning it into Equestria?

Thankfully Thorax, Trixie and Discord come to the rescue. Thorax brings up a changeling gourd feast, yes they actually have to eat food now, Trixie brings up a girls' trip to Las Pegasus and Discord wants to turn my castle into cheese! I have him reformed years ago and he wants me to live in a block of cheese, the nerve of him! Personally I hope she chooses Trixie's option because I could join them and sexy times could ensue.

Wait a minute, what's this? Starlight isn't ready to leave and Twilight is happy? Sweet, this means I will still be able to have Twilight and Starlight together at the same time....well with as close as they have become I know Trixie will join us as well but hey, she's hot so I won't mind one bit! In the end everypony was happy, Starlight was staying so Twilight won't get lonely and Trixie won't have to relocate!

Now remember how mad Trixie and I were over Starlight talking to Sunburst? Well after the episode Trixie and I abducted a book collector that shits on the floor and took him to the dungeon Twilight has that nopony knows about. Down there we decided to give Sunburst a sex change operation! Yeah he will still have that nasty Y chromosome but hey, we had fun and now all I have to do is get Sunburst started on estrogen therapy. If we are to truly make him/her, whatever we would call him right now a true mare, we must eradicate that testosterone (if he ever really had any) and replace it with estrogen.

Now if you will excuse me, Twilight is still a bit frazzled and I need to go make her feel better and we all know what Trixie and Starlight have planned. I was hoping that they would join Twilight and I but they already ran off to Trixie's trailer and I really don't want to interrupt their intimate moment.

Chapter 145: All Bottled Up

Chapter 145: All Bottled Up

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and you have all been good little serfs. You've paid your taxes, nopony has complained about me in the papers and the ponies down in Las Pegasus held a festival in my honor so I shall share with you my synopsis of "All Bottled Up."

Our day starts out in Twilight's castle and crap, I can't see what is going on so I do my usual invisibility and teleportation spell to see what is going on. It looks like Starlight has become the teacher now! It looks like she is trying to teach Trixie how to do transfiguration spells. It may seem easy but trust me, working with Trixie is anything but easy, even for a unicorn whose magical abilities are only outdone by my sister's and mine.

Good grief Trixie, you can't just yell "teacup" and expect something to turn into one! Well Starlight tells her she has to picture the cup in her mind and you're not going to believe this! The pony who so many view as just an average showmare did it! She did REAL magic and you know what means! That means that it won't be long until Starlight shows Trixie some more real magic in her bedroom!

Oh wait, hold that thought. Trixie has just ruined the tea cakes that Starlight was making for Twilight and her friends for this friendship retreat. To top it off, Trixie's celebration of doing real magic for the first time in her life isn't sitting real well with her marefriend, I mean friend with many benefits. Oh boy, that red cloud coming from Starlight's horn can't be good. Whatever it is, I have a feeling that Starlight will continue to show us that she has more talent than my Twily does.

After destroying the tea cakes, Trixie and Starlight accompany Twilight and her friends to the train station so they can go off on some friendship with benefits retreat. Now I have a huge decision to make, do I go with Twilight or do I stay in Ponyville with Starlight, Trixie and Spike. I really wish Spike would have went with them but maybe he has a bad vibe that Trixie is really going to screw something up. Oh well, I can just kick him out because I think it would be really fun to have it be just me, Trixie and Starlight for a day of fun.

Now Trixie and Starlight are back in the throne room trying to figure out what to do next. Well I have an idea, let's kick Spike out, go up to Twilight's sleeping chambers and defile that place! The animators could never show it but that is exactly what we did. You know what a showboat Trixie is? Well Starlight and I decided to punish her for her showboating. The only bad thing was that we had to clean her bedroom so she wouldn't know what was going on. After all, Twilight knows what all three of us smell like and I can't have her knowing that I'm having fun with them both! She would be really pissed if she did and do who knows what. Oh well, Starlight could always travel back in time and fix it.

Let's move on shall we. Now Trixie is wanting to try something much harder, teleportation. I have a feeling that this won't end well. Her first thought is to teleport Spike. Now the animators couldn't show this but I was in a corner of the room cheering for her to do it. After all, if she did that, we could head back up to Twily's sleeping chambers and defile it more! Unfortunately Starlight wouldn't let her and suggested something not living.

Get this, Starlight puts an apple on that friendship map that always takes my lovelies away from me and instructs Trixie to send that apple to who knows where. Get this, Trixie teleported the map somewhere else and now Starlight is all pissy. Come on Starlight, Trixie is a free spirit and isn't going to be uptight like you are becoming. Now Starlight has to run off because she is releasing that red energy again.

Now to the kitchen where Spike is washing the hundred or so teacups Trixie made and she is looking for something to store her anger in. Well she finds a glass jar with a cork top. Really Starlight, a glass jar, a jar that could break? We all know what happened last time she used something breakable to store things in. Luckily though, she doesn't go enslaving villages or anything real bad, well yet anyway.

After locking all that negative energy up she heads to the throne room to find Trixie sitting in Twilight's throne eating an apple. Oh Trixie, you can be so adorable sometimes. You honestly think that Starlight never gets mad at you? Just because you are the first pony to win her heart, well sort of, doesn't mean she won't get angry with you. Oh well, let's get moving.

Now on to the search for the map. This would seem simple enough but there is one problem, Trixie can't remember what the last place was that she was thinking about. I would think it would be Twilight's bedroom since the three of us just had fun in there but it wasn't so they head off to look for it.

It looks like the first stop they made was in this jewelry store but it wasn't, it was at Bulk Biceps's cinnamon nuts stand and we learn that Trixie has her own vice, cinnamon nuts! I have my cake, Luna has her fritters and now Trixie has her cinnamon nuts, which I'm sure will fit in Starlight's gem perfectly, perfect for Trixie to use to eat them from! Ok, enough about that.

After discovering it wasn't in the jewelry store and Trixie no longer being interested in that brooch, they next head to Sweet Apple Acres since Trixie was in the mood for apples. Unfortunately for them, that is not where it went so once again they have no idea where it could be and once again, Starlight puts more anger in her bottle. Besides locking up her anger, Starlight's mane has lost its shape for the most part. Her mane now looks like that of a track star trying to sprint a marathon. Well this is nothing compared to what will happen next.

Starlight has now made the mistake of bottling up some anger and Trixie sees her saddlebag glow. This can't be good and it winds up not being. Starlight's jar flies in the air and then shatters right in front of Granny Smith, the jewelry pony and Bulk Biceps. Now they are infected with Starlight's anger and are saying everything to Trixie that Starlight has been thinking and holy shit, their red eyes make them look like terrifying demons!

Now poor Trixie is getting cussed out royally, well in the unedited version anyway, and she is being pursued by three extremely angry ponies. To top it off, all of Starlight's energy has now infected those three and she can't cast any kind of spell! Nothing whatsoever so Trixie is basically at the mercy of three ponies infected by Starlight's anger.

Finally though Starlight admits to Trixie that she is mad at her and her energy returns, restoring the sanity of three perfectly friendly ponies. Trixie, listen to Starlight, ok? Everything she is saying is the truth, although I would simply it and say, "You fuck everything up bitch! You don't listen to me, you treat everything like it is a game, you don't care that you could get me in trouble and you didn't even say you're sorry." Then wink and laugh, "I'm gonna be rough with you in the makeup sex, got it sexy mare?"

Well the two apologized to one another and Trixie admits what we knew all along. She admits that she loves Starlight! Well some have said that she simply said she loves the Starlight that is emotional, reckless and downright bitchy over the lame Twily version she was becoming. I don't care though, I can see it in her eyes. Trixie is madly in love with Starlight and I know the feelings are mutual.

Now finally Trixie remembers where she teleported the map to, the place where they met, the spa! Now if that isn't proof of her love for Starlight I don't know what is. Now they get the map home and fixed just right as Twilight and her friends were getting back from this friendship retreat.

Well Rarity wants to go to the spa and Trixie will never learn, she wants Starlight to cast a spell on the spa ponies to get them to forget the map was there. Starlight was against it so I did a quick teleportation spell and did it for her. After Twilight and her friends headed out, I teleported back and those two did have that rough makeup sex I was expecting. I would have joined them but makeup sex is not to be shared with a third so I just recorded Starlight "punishing" Trixie for her recklessness. Hey, I needed a new addition to my massive porno collection anyway. Even better, this is the first one that will solely be of two former antagonists and hey, both of them are hot to trot so this will really help me release when none of my lovelies are available.

Oh, and regarding that friendship retreat, it just didn't fit into the main part of the episode but I was informed by the pony running "Manehattan Retreats" that my girls wound up singing a song, doing nothing sexy and falling two seconds short of a record set by some griffons. I guess I was right in staying in Ponyville with Starlight and Trixie.

Now if you will all excuse me, I have to get home, have some cake and then watch my newest porno!

Chapter 151: Hard to Say Anything

Chapter 151: Hard to Say Anything

Hello everypony, Starlight Glimmer here. Normally Princess Celestia would give this synopsis but the reins have been handed to me for a very specific reason, one which you will find out later. So here we go, my synopsis of "Hard to Say Anything."

Another day in Ponyville has arrived and the CMC are up to something involving these costumes left over from Rarity's shop. I swear, I don't know what is going on with that but it seems like Rarity has been spending more time up in Canterlot here lately. Ok, that is irrelevant here so let's get moving on shall we?

It looks like Big Mac is getting ready to haul another delivery of apples to somewh....wait a minute, he's making another delivery out to my old village? Now who in Equestria would be ordering so many apples all the time. Unless my old village has transformed into a big city, I wouldn't think so many apples so often would be necessary.

Of course the CMC are also interested and they must know something that nopony else does. They ask about the delivery and he blushes? Alright, I'm very curious and I'm going to find out what is going on so I'm going to take a page out of Celestia's playbook. I did the invisibility and teleport spell into the back of Big Mac's cart and I would not be alone in this journey. It looks like the girls are curious as well. They seem to think he has a crush on somepony out there and we'll see. I'm not sure of who out there he would have a crush but it will be fun to see.

After a very long ride we finally arrive out there and unfortunately, I have to stay invisible! What a shame too because I really wanted to go and eat some of Sugar Belle's treats. Speaking of her, she is the one who has been ordering all the apples. I can't help but wonder why....oh boy, Big Mac is blushing at her! It looks like the hardest working pony out there has his first crush and I can't help but wonder if the feelings are mutual.

Naturally the CMC are going to try to get those two to hook up and while I wasn't around to see them try to play matchmaker before, Twilight told me enough about it that I couldn't help but do a facehoof over it. Seriously girls, you three are the last ones I'd want to try and hook other ponies up. No love poisons this time girls, you've got to try and make this natural!

Unfortunately it looks like Big Mac isn't the only one trying to win Sugar Belle's attention. It appears as though Feather Bangs was trying to as well. Ugh, even when I had him unmarked he still acted like a bit of a prima donna but with his mark, he is basically an attention whore on steroids. I remember when I first met him he hit on me so naturally I unmarked him before Double Diamond and Party Favor gave him too much of a welcome. He learned right away that nopony hits on me and gets away with it. I'm thinking, perhaps Trixie and I should make another trip out there. I could point him out to her, tell her of his behavior and not only would I be happy, but so would Big Mac.

Now for something that has me rather confused. I know back in the day Sugar Belle wasn't overly fond of Feather Bangs, well ok both of them were unmarked so that may not count. Anyway, back to the present. Feather Bangs is trying to win Sugar Belle's attention and I'm not impressed by how he's doing it. Big Mac picks Sugar Belle a simple flower to give to her, nothing too flashy but Feather Bangs just had to get some over the top bouquet. First off, where the hell did he get it? I've looked around and I don't see any floral shops around here.

Well it looks like Big Mac is throwing in the towel and headed home. Don't do that Big Mac, you gotta show her that you're the better stallion. I'm not the only one thinking this, the CMC are as well but naturally, they are going to give him some advice that may not work out so well. Memo to Sweetie Belle: Just because things like this work out in some idiotic fairy tale doesn't mean it will work out in real life!

Here we go with the shenanigans. First up, rescuing a damsel in distress. I know Sugar Belle well enough to know that she ain't going to go crying and whining over something those three would do. Ok Scootaloo, you do realize that stealing her saddlebags is illegal, right? Well Big Mac looks like he is going to stop her and get his crush's bags back for her but unfortunately, Feather Bangs just has to grab it and give it back to her.

I swear, this is so frustrating and that isn't the worst thing. He gives them back to her, makes some cheesy remark that he thinks that will win her over and three other mares sigh acting like he is the best thing in the world. I have a feeling that the town must be growing because those three ditzes weren't there when I was running the show. Hell maybe I should unmark them, no wait, maybe I should unmark the pretty boy and they'll lose their mindless obsession with him.

Now on to attempt number two. Alright girls, let me start by saying this. You have Big Mac dressed up like an idiot. I can not think for the life of me, of anypony who would wear that hideous outfit. Well they tell Big Mac to go wake her up from her mid-day nap by kissing her. If somepony had ever tried that with me, or if they still did, I would unmark them and slug them. Hell I wouldn't even tolerate Trixie pulling shit like that.

Well just as he was about to kiss her, Sugar Belle wakes up and is terrified. Then of course Feather Bangs shows up in some sort of chariot and takes her off into Scootaloo's "metaphorical sunset." Well perhaps that was for the best because had he not shown up, she would have likely smacked Big Mac, never talked to him again and quit ordering apples from the Apple Family.

Big Mac, I have some advice for you. Before you allow the CMC to make you fail for the third time, just tell them that their idiotic ideas won't work. Tell them that Sugar Belle is a REAL PONY and not some dingbat from a fairy tale. Unfortunately he doesn't do that and now he has sneaked into her bakery and breaks into a song. This should be one of those moments that makes me do a facehoof.

This doesn't surprise me. He decides to do a country song but he wouldn't be there for long. In comes pretty colt Feather Bangs and now they are singing to win her heart. I'll be like Celestia here. Thankfully this part is done in song so I don't have to give every single little detail. In the end, they both fail and Sugar Belle gets covered in some goop. I feel sorry for her, all she wants is to have a normal day but thanks to three clueless fillies, a hard working stallion who listens to them and a pretty colt that is impossible for her.

Finally she's had it. She tells them to leave her alone and let her have a normal day. I feel bad for Big Mac, well somewhat. If he wouldn't listen to fillies who read fairy tales he wouldn't be in this mess.

Before we move on to the next part it looks like Party Favor has taken Night Glider out for lunch. I never knew those two had special feelings for one another. I may be becoming soft but I hope something works out for them. Yeah I always thought Party Favor and Sugar Belle would hook up but hey, as long as they're happy, that is all that matters. Now what happened to Double Diamond, I'm not sure. Maybe he is up in the mountains skiing.

Now back to Big Mac. He is looking through Sweetie Belle's dumb book and realizes that none of the shit in there works and let's the girls know it. Suddenly those four finally get it, you're not going to win a pony's love by acting like an idiot, you do it by being nice, being thoughtful and doing something special for them. Now given that Sugar Belle's display case got destroyed during the singing fiasco, Big Mac has an idea, an idea that may just work.

Well now we have Scootaloo in a completely hideous and moronic disguise. Give me a break Scoots, anypony would know it was you and you look like a moron. Naturally Sugar Belle eventually sees through this and gets to her shop where she is greeted by a wonderful surprise, Big Mac has built her a new, larger display case. He remembered her talking about how she was talking about that. Now girls, this is what love is all about, not dumb songs, idiotic outfits and having ponies stealing saddle bags.

I can see it in their eyes, the crush is mutual! Now to see where this leads. Will the writers even keep this as part of the story line in the future or will this just be a one time gimmick to appeal to fan fic writers. I hope they keep this going but I have a bad feeling they won't.

Oh good grief, along comes Feather Bangs hoping he can win her heart but sorry pretty colt, you're too late! Sugar Belle has chosen Big Mac but hey, don't worry. You have three dingbats who seem to be mesmerized by every pathetic pickup line you make. Go see if they'll hook up with you.

I learned that he would but he is afraid to talk to ponies? Apparently that is why he can't get a mare. He is all glitz and glam yet he doesn't have an ounce of substance. Get this, he asks the CMC for help in hooking up with one of them and they agree to! Well with their help, he'll never get a mare. Oh wait, it doesn't take much to impress those three so he may not have any problems getting them. His biggest problem will be picking just one and hurting the other two's feelings and this is where what the animator's could show ends.

Now for what they couldn't show. As soon as the episode ended, I reversed the invisibility spell. I brought bits with me and I was going to buy some treats from Sugar Belle. Well I shocked everypony, especially Big Mac and Sugar Belle. And I did indeed buy some treats from Sugar Belle and I tell you, her treats are tastier than ever. I'm assuming that is because she is getting the highest quality apples in Equestria.

All seemed to be great but I did notice one thing that displeased me, my house was gone! Apparently it gave them too many bad memories so they tore it down and planted a tree where it was. Where would I stay if I was to come out and visit everypony for a couple of days? Well I asked Sugar Belle about this and she said I could stay with her and Night Glider. Good, because I may come out and visit again sometime. Sadly though, I doubt they would be thrilled if I brought Trixie and we did what we always do at night.

Now we all head back to Ponyville and on the way home, Big Mac and I told the girls to NEVER meddle in anypony's love life again. Hopefully it won't be a matter of them giving everypony mindless looks and saying WE DIDN'T LISTEN further on down the road.

Chapter 153: A Royal Problem

Chapter 153: A Royal Problem

Hello everypony, this is your sexy Sun Goddess. All of you have been very good, you've paid your taxes, there haven't been any negative editorials about me and to top things off, the ponies in Manehattan held a special celebration honoring me even though they didn't have to! Because of this, I have a very special surprise for you. I have decided to give you my synopsis of StormLuna's new favorite episode. "A Royal Problem."

Another day has arrived in Ponyville and I can't see what is going on in Twilight's castle so I do the typical invisibility and teleport spell to check on things. What is this, the map is calling Starlight Glimmer to Canterlot? I didn't think this was possible, I thought a pony had to have a throne for her ass to light up and have a replica of her mark fly over some place on it. I can tell Twilight is upset that Starlight will be doing this one solo. Obviously whatever is going on requires that Starlight have complete and absolute focus. I can't help but wonder, what if it is the exam Trixie has been asking me to give Starlight? You all know, that exam that can only be given in my sleeping chambers? Well I better get home because Starlight will be heading up to Canterlot soon.

Luckily I was able to get back up here before Starlight arrived and I must say, I never expected to see her alone before me before nor did I expect her to bow to me. I always thought that if we were in this situation she'd brag about how she had yellow cake for lunch and had two of my other lovelies locked up out in that town. Ok, enough about that, my sister has arrived and she seems to be in a less than stellar mood. Perhaps she just had a bad night or Applejack didn't have her morning fritters ready for her.

I don't know what kind of freaky magic Twilight is using but she is doing it to take the form of one of those annoying music things to check on Starlight. I thought Twilight knew that she is not to meddle in these map missions. I'm pretty sure that if Starlight meddled she would be all pissy and do Faust knows what. Well Starlight is talking with Twilight and oh boy, Twilight might have an epic freak out because Luna and I aren't exactly getting along. I hope she does because she is always so much more fun when she does that.

I swear, Starlight must be very perceptive. My sister and I said there was nothing wrong but unfortunately, she can tell there is. With any luck she won't ask what it is about or try to go into any detail. I have plans down in Ponyville later today and I really can't be late or a certain sexy pegasus will be devastated.

One thing very few ponies know about me is that I like to fix breakfast not just for my sister and I, but any guests I have so I fixed Starlight some pancakes. I will say I am shocked. For a pony with as checkered of a past as she has, she certainly was grateful and thanked me. What a shame my sister isn't like that. Well she's been kind of a bitch like this every morning here lately so what can I really do. Maybe if I have fritters imported from Sweet Apple Acres that will put her in a better mood.

Now this is really starting to bother me, Starlight went back to her room to seek counsel from music box Twilight. Hmmm.....I just thought of something, my Twily looks rather sexy in that outfit so maybe I should make her wear it next time she comes to see me but she will lose that ugly bun! Ok, back to the show. So Twilight wants to know what she is going to do. I'm not sure what it is but knowing Starlight, it will likely be something nopony else would have the guts to do.

Now it looks like Starlight is talking with my sister while she hangs lavender in the castle hallways. Oh my goodness, what a hard job! I wish I had it that easy but oh no, I'm stuck dealing with moronic delegates, cutting ribbons, opening stores and fundraisers for bratty little foals when I would rather be eating yellow cake with lavender icing and white sprinkles.

Well it looks like Starlight has figured us out and is telling her oh so sexy music box that she thinks we are hurting the other's feelings and not knowing it. No that is not the case. Luna is just being a bitch and doesn't know how stressful my job really is. Hell this is starting to remind me of the time she brought that possum into the castle and irritated my FORMER scheduling advisor for a day. I say former because I had to banish him to the moon for flirting with Twilight once.

Ok, enough about that bastard, back to the show. Well Starlight continues her talk with Twilight and she's going to do what? She is going to confront us over this? I don't think so Starlight, you may have more guts than Twilight and her friends combined but remember, I still OWN you. If you try that, I'm warming up the Twicane. Nopony confronts me and gets away with it! Remember what happened to Nightmare Moon Starlie?

Another night came and went and as badly as I wanted to drag Starlight up to my sleeping chambers and have some fun, I resisted. Given that she was up here on official business, I figured that if I did that it may screw up whatever nonsense she has come up here for. Of course in the morning I fixed her and my bitchy, ungrateful sister pancakes again. Naturally Starlight flattered me and told me how great I am while my sister just gave me an unappreciative grumble. I don't know what I'm going to do, this is getting old, very old.

Well this is something different, Starlight is bringing up why she was sent up here to both of us. Oh boy, she just had the audacity to confront both of us! So we are the ones having the friendship problem? I call bullshit on that, we are sisters and sisters have fights, just ask Pinkie and her grumpy sister Limestone. After all, Limestone told Pinkie she was an annoying bitch at Maud's graduation when the animators weren't looking.

Ok, I'm going to be honest. I NEVER imagined that anypony other than Luna would confront me over anything and I can only imagine what is running through her mind. I have a feeling she is wanting to banish a meddlesome unicorn to the sun right now but we shall see. Hey Twilight's map sent her up here so forget punishing Starlight, Twilight will face my wrath instead and a creation of Discord shall join me!

Oh joy, now Luna is claiming she has it so hard. She thinks all I do is smile and be adored by everypony. Actually that is Twilight's job, to smile, wave and be adored. Look Luna, I have real jobs while all you do is visit ponies in their dreams, scare off manticores and don't think I don't know about you prowling around Sweet Apple Acres hunting for fritters.

Oh great, it is that comic book all over again, minus Tiberius and Kibitz. Here she thinks she can do my job, again. If I didn't think she'd fuck everything up royally I'd let her do it. What the fuck has just happened, I have Luna's cutie mark and she has mine? What kind of dark magic is behind this. Oh joy, Starlight has a guilty grin on her face. I knew she had strange powers but not only can she steal cutie marks but she can swap them too? Especially the marks of the two most powerful ponies in existence? You know, I'm thinking maybe I better not try to punish her. I think negotiating with her will work much better.

Now for something just dandy, this freaky spell of hers lasts for 24 hours and she did it so we will have to do the other's duties? Fair enough, Luna can put up with the shit I have to put up with and I can sleep all day and then go visit ponies in their dreams and whatever else it is Luna does during the night. This is going to be a piece of cake! Speaking of cake, I think I'll pay Fluttershy a visit tonight and have some yellow cake and I may as well grab Rarity so I'll have some frosting.

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Hi, Starlight Glimmer here. Since Celestia has decided to go back to bed, despite sleeping all night long, I have been given the job to bring the events of my day with Luna to you. Luna would give you the synopsis but she is in way too bad of a mood to do it so I hope I don't disappoint you.

Before I start my day with Luna I decide to tell Twilight I switched their cutie marks. I thought she would be impressed that I can do things she could never dream of but she was upset that I swapped their marks! I don't mean to brag but you know something, my magic truly is superior to hers, there is no way she could steal cutie marks or swap them! If it weren't for the Elements, she wouldn't be anything to write home about. Ok, enough bragging about how superior my magic is, the time to help Luna through her day has arrived.

The first thing I do is go over Celestia's list with her and I must say, Celestia is right when she brings up that old comic. What a shame Tiberius wasn't here, I'm sure I could have fun playing with him while Luna took care of everything on this list. Get this, she thinks this list will be easy. Personally I think I'd rather put in a hard day's work at the rock farm than deal with everything on there but we'll see how easy it is for her!

Well the day wound up not going so easy for her and thanks to the fact that her cheeks hurt from smiling so much, the foals at the local school failed to raise enough money to go on a field trip. To make matters worse, Luna did terrible with her afternoon schedule because she was obsessed over failing at that school event. Ok, I'll admit that town hall with those mayors was boring as hell and if I had any glass jars with me, I would have stole their cutie marks just to shut them up but oh well, I can't go back. Well technically I could but we all know that time travel isn't the answer for everything.

Finally Luna made it through the day and so did I. Simply accompanying Luna through Celestia's schedule was exhausting so I have no room to criticize her less than stellar performance today. Now she has decided to turn in for the night and thank goodness Celestia is back. Her schedule is exhausting and now I can get some sleep too!

****************************************************************************************************************

Well I'm back and unfortunately, because she is so tired I don't get the luxury Luna had. This really pisses me off that she had Starlight there to keep her company and I have to do this all alone. Wait a minute, why am I complaining? Not having anypony around will make this a whole lot easier!

Alright, let's get started. You know, I forgot how easy raising the moon is! Perhaps this whole swapped cutie mark thing won't be so bad after all. Luna can deal with all the assholes I have to put up with, she can handle the heavier celestial object and I can simply put up with the most important pony of them all, ME!

Ok, I'll admit, talking to myself is weird but it still beats dealing with delegates that think I owe them the world. Alright, its time to deal with ponies' dreams. Ok, Colgate is torturing some idiot with a cavity, Daring Do is getting chased by Ahuizotl's pets, Flurry Heart is overthrowing her parents, Fluttershy is dreaming about screwing Rarity....hmmm, I should join that one, it looks fun! Oh wait, I have to do this Luna's way and Luna doesn't jump into dreams and make her fantasies come true. Wait, Starlight is having an odd dream. Hee, hee, my pancakes are talking to her and now she's falling into lavender. Too bad it wasn't lavender icing and I would join her.

Oh boy, Starlight needs me so I guess I get to see what doing this is like for Luna. Well I get there and Starlight finally admits that she screwed up. Damn straight she did and yes Starlie, you have driven us even further apart. She thinks my job is so damn easy and WHAT? Shit, Nightmare Moon is back.

This is just dandy, not only is she back but this is Starlight's nightmare and I don't have much power in the dream world so I can only hope for the best. Here I thought having her back was bad enough but now MY evil counterpart has arrived, Daybreaker. Yes I am saying that I will never turn into her but deep down I'll admit, sometimes I do wish I could transform into a more powerful, even bitchier version of me. I do know one thing, Daybreaker would probably kill Twilight instead of make love to her. Hell she might kill me and you know what they say about dying in your dream, you really....wait, this is Starlight's dream, not mine so I'm good.

Now Starlight is saying that she shouldn't have gone on this mission but I have more pressing matters, dealing with TWO evil ponies that STARLIGHT conjured up! Suddenly I realize something, I need Luna if I'm going to succeed here and apparently she's having her own horrid dream involving a bunch of sad fillies. I don't know if Luna can do this or not but I'll do my best. I quickly leapt into her dream and pulled her into Starlight's. Wow, this is sweet! I didn't know I'd have these kind of powers. Ok, now to get her to help me defeat two evil ponies who want to kill us.

What? Since she's Sunbutt now she has no power in the realm of sleep? She can't even help me with this now? Shit, I suppose this is all up to me......wait a minute, something ain't right. We have left the dream-scape and are now in the throne room. I hope this suddenly isn't real because if it is, Equestria is doomed.

I can't believe this, Luna and I finally get one another. Her job is hard, harder than hell. I don't know how she fights these perils in the dark, here I am terrified of Daybreaker and Luna has to face things like this all the time? How does she do it?

Finally I mustered up the magic of Luna's within me and I was able to defeat Daybreaker and chase Nightmare Moon off. Now things have returned to normal and Starlight, despite you thinking you screwed up by going with your gut, you did exactly what needed to be done. Nopony else would have had the balls to confront BOTH OF US like that and it was by you doing this that we saw the error of our ways.

Finally, Starlight wakes up but somehow we are where we were when I defeated Daybreaker. I don't know if her dream escaped into the waking world or what, but I'm thinking Luna needs to keep a close eye on Starlight's dreams. I don't think Equestria could handle her nightmares coming to life but for the moment, I am so thankful she pulled what she did as my sister and I are close again and we know how hard the other's job is.

Now for what is scary, the part that took place in the throne room WAS REAL. I can't help but wonder if Luna could have been able to keep Starlight's nightmare confined to the dreamscape. One thing I do know is that her job is difficult and the other thing I know, NEVER EAT HER PANCAKES! They are terrible!

Now the two of us admitted to Starlight that the map was right in sending her because nopony would have been so bold. Nopony else would have even confronted us the way she did much less swap our cutie marks. Of course nopony else would even have that ability but you know what I mean, right.

Finally, 24 hours have passed and our cutie marks are returned to normal and Starlight's cutie mark glows and you know what that means? It means she has accomplished her mission and I am extremely impressed. Nopony else has ever had to do one of these missions alone, nopony has had to fix a friendship problem involving the two most powerful ponies in existence and nopony has been as bold as her. *sighs* While I hate to do this, despite her being very hot, I have decided that a pony who will take as extreme risks as her should not be the property of anypony. I have decided to release her from my harem. I know Trixie will be happy because now those two can have their intimate moments to themselves.

Now for something that displeases me, oh wait, I'm starting to sound like Luna. Let's just say that Twilight suddenly shows up and I can't help but wonder, was she spying? Well she couldn't have been during the dreamscape sequence because she wasn't in the nightmare. I personally hope Starlight emphasizes how she swapped our marks and got us to see that we do need one another. Twilight may be an Alicorn princess but I do think Starlight has the stronger magic, and the stronger personality.

In closing, don't worry I dipped into the treasury to make that field trip happen, I dispelled the fears over the timberwolves and Twilight was very impressed by what Starlight did. Oh, and I had an empty schedule so I had some fun with Twilight and even better, Starlight got it all on video. Sorry you serfs, it won't be for sale nor will it be mass produced. It will solely be for my enjoyment, well I might let Starlight and Trixie borrow it from time to time as well if they wish.

SPECIAL: Equestria Girls Short (Mirror Magic)

SPECIAL: Equestria Girls Short (Mirror Magic)

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and I must say that I am not in a very good mood. StormLuna LIED to me! He said I wouldn't have to do anything else Equestria Girls but he is making me do a synopsis of one of the shorts solely because his waifu, I mean favorite character, Starlight Glimmer, is going to be in it.

"Princess Celestia, I said you wouldn't have to do "Legend of Everfree," I never said anything about you getting out of everything Equestria Girls."

"Well I'll do it BUT you must make a promise, you MUST give me tons and tons of cake and more lovelies!"

"Ok then, get to work."

You know, I was really hoping he'd pawn this off on Luna because I'd gladly loan her my Palantir. Well I guess I better get to this.

To do this thing I grabbed the old Palantir and took a look into this world and see this Juniper girl bitching and complaining because pretty much everypony but her is becoming famous. What an idiot. I know of some ponies that would absolutely love it if they could fly under the radar undetected, and just so you know, that pony is not me. I love all the attention I get.

What's this, she has found some sort of enchanted mirror that she can gaze into and see something other than her reflection? Hey, I think she looks decent for a human but what she winds up seeing in that mirror is hideous. Good grief, why would anypony want to see something other than their own reflection in a mirror? I wouldn't but then again I am the hottest, sexiest, most powerful pony in existence so why would I?

Ugh, now here we move along to Loser High, I mean the Canterlot Social Club for teenagers. Yes I say social club because I have never actually seen them in class, EVER. Enough about that, it looks like Sunset is trying to send my Twily a message. She better not be begging her to come to that world for a night of fun because I have set a very specific list of ponies that she can have fun with and sorry Sunny, but humans aren't on her menu....I mean list.

Wait a minute, Twilight is writing her back and she wants her to come to Equestria? Sweet, now I can take care of something I've wanted to for a very long time. Let's just say that a setting sun will get raised back up into the sky by a sexy Alicorn Goddess!

Oh joy, more Juniper. Why the hell are they focusing on this lame bitch's life so much? Wah, wah, wah bitch, just clean up the damn popcorn spill and move on with your life. What the hell is this, that mirror of hers is enchanted and she used it to clean up the mess. Well shit, I've had enough problems with one enchanted mirror....oh wait, that one isn't going to bother us here in Equestria so why should I care? Still though, enchanted mirrors are bad news!

Now for the best part, and only good part of this, Sunset heads out to that dumb block of concrete and heads through, back to Equestria. Yes, yes, yes! She's back so now your sexy Sun Goddess has decided to go down to Twilight's castle. We did the teleport spell down there and I tell you, Sunset sure was surprised to see me!

Of course Starlight was happy to see me and even though they didn't show her, Trixie was there as well. I'm wondering, would Starlight and Trixie be.....oh wait, I forgot I released Starlight from my harem so she would have to voluntarily do it and I don't see Trixie wanting them to join Sunset and I.

Ok, for what the animators definitely couldn't show. While it appeared that Sunset was only there for a new journal, she wasn't. She wasn't thrilled but I led her up to Twilight's sleeping chambers and guess what? Starlight and Trixie followed us but not to join us. Starlight had a video camera and Trixie was there to cheer me on. I swear, Sunset obviously has become very sensitive because she cried out in pain once I put my horn up in her! Good grief, she used to not do that! What happened, did her human pussy join her on this trip?

What matters though is that I FINALLY have footage of me banging Sunset to add to my porn collection. I swear, I never thought I would get that but now I have it and another idea has crossed my mind, I'm thinking of making Sunset stay here. Even though she is still just as lousy in bed now as she was back in the old days, I'd still take her back as my protege because I'm sure she would improve!

"Princess Celestia!"

"What?"

"Look, I know you're happy you were able to bang Sunset again and want to relish in your success forever but you have a synopsis to give and the readers want to hear it!"

"But StormLuna, it's been so long and so many want Sunset to come back to Equestria! She did so and I know they'd rather hear about my tryst with her!"

"Perhaps so but there are still plenty of readers who want to hear this. You know the drill...."

"I know, I know. Do this or I take your cake and lovelies away?"

"Yes, now are you going to do this?"

*grunts* "Fine but you better give me lots and lots more lovelies and cake."

"You already have most of the lovelies! I don't know if there are any more out there!"

"What about Sea Swirl, I don't have her yet!"

"Fine. Just do your job and you can have your cake and her."

"Good, I'll get back to work."

Well at least I'll get something in return for doing this. Ok, back to work I go. What is this, Starlight wants to go to the human world with Sunset? Why the hell would she want to do that? Oh boy, it better not be for the reason I think it is! If it is, I know a certain showmare will be asking me if she can borrow the TwiCane and you know what, I'll let her borrow it! I've decided Starlight must be punished for doing this! I would force her back into my harem but hey, Trixie can be far more brutal if she needs to! There is no wrath worse than that of an upset wife, I mean friend with benefits, right?

Well it is time to teleport back up to Canterlot and look through my Palantir so I can resume this cursed thing. Well Starlight is just like Twilight, she had to try to walk on her hands and knees when she first got to that cursed place. Oh well, at least she doesn't have a hideous talking purple dog with her BUT what the hell? She is wearing pants with holes in them? Good grief, why in Equestria would she do that? From what I understand, humans discard pants with holes in them and buy new ones, not just wear holy pants for the fun of it!

Alright, back to the cinema. There is that idiot Juniper playing around with that mirror again. Oh good, it looks like it is just an old mirror again with no desire to clean up her messes for her. Yeah I may seem like a cold, uncaring bitch when it comes to the human world but even I don't want to see that place get destroyed by a mirror that belongs to a dingbat working a low wage job, talks to mirrors and envies everypony, I mean everyone else.

Alright, now Sci-Twi and her friends have apparently come to get some concessions and there is Juniper throwing a fit about how she is the worst (well Aria would say that if she was there) and despite that mirror refusing to be her custodian earlier, I have a bad feeling about this....those girls do have Equestrian magic after all. Oh shit, Juniper has wished they'd go away and they got sucked into the mirror.

Well maybe this isn't all bad. I can simply go through the portal, drag Sunset and Starlight home and then destroy the mirror. Hey, since the other six are stuck in the void or something like that it is game over for Equestria Girls, right? Want to know what I did? I went to Twilight's portal, went through, found Starlight and Sunset, dragged them home, destroyed that mirror and punished Sunset while Trixie punished Starlight....and there go the credits!!!! RIP Equestria Girls, woo-hoo!

"Princess Celestia!"

"What now?"

"You can't just go saying that happened because it didn't! Now tell the truth or not only will I let Luna take over Equestria, I'll kick you off this project, have Starlight take your cutie mark and cut off your cake and lovelies forever!"

"No, not my cutie mark! Not my cake and lovelies!"

"Well then, will you tell everyone what happened?"

*grumbles* "Fine, but I'm only doing this so you won't punish me."

"Whatever it takes, just do your job, alright?"

"Fine."

I should have known trying something like that wouldn't work on a night when there is no baseball on so back to work I go. Like I said, Sci-Twi and her friends have been sucked into a freaky hand mirror. I swear, for a world of magic-less hacks, there sure are a lot of magical items over there. Perhaps it is for the best that they aren't here, they'd cause more problems than I already have to deal with.

Now back to Sunset and Starlight. There they are yapping about something, I can't tell exactly given the audio on this Palantir isn't perfect but I do see one thing and it disgusts me. Starlight Glimmer is just walking around with ice cream smeared on her face. Ugh, how disgusting. Is it just me or does she seem to be more primitive as a human because I know pony Starlight would not just go walking around with her face dirty like that. Hell, maybe Sunset is going to lick it clean or human Trixie will find her and do it. Well we shall see, right?"

Wait a minute, now Sunset has her arm around Starlight? Is she going to try and get her in bed or something? I'm secretly hoping she is and succeeds because then Trixie and the TwiCane will be busy punishing a mare who should never have gone anywhere that she shouldn't have. Another thing I noticed, Starlight is wearing a rather big watch. Is she *gasp* going to travel through time over there and alter their present? Time will tell I guess.

Ok this is weird, all that is showing up on this thing is an image of that mirror and a message flashing "SERVICE NOT AVAILABLE." I'm guessing that is what happens when the show shows what is going on in that mirror. Damn, what a shame too. What if those girls were in that thing having an orgy? What if they were showing Sci-Twi what the magic of friendship with benefits is all about? What a shame, I'll never know.

What the hell, Sunset and Starlight walk in on this crazy Juniper using the mirror and all of a sudden Sunset has been sucked in to. Now we have Starlight all alone, hiding behind one of those claw machines. Apparently Starlight decided to grow a brain because she took off without Juniper seeing her and came home. Now yeah, Trixie was obviously extremely angry but since Starlight came home without tasting the setting sun I was able to convince Trixie to spare the rod, I mean the TwiCane. And there roll the credits! Sunset and her friends are trapped, nopony can save them and over here in Equestria, we're all happy! The last sound heard before the screen went black and moved on to a rerun of "Littlest Pet Shop" was the sound of glass shattering. Yes, the portal is gone and I don't have to do these anymore, woo-hoo!

"Princess Celestia, this is your last warning!"

"What?"

"Do it right or no more lovelies and no more cake."

"Not my lovelies, not my cake!"

"Well do it right then, everypony wants to know what really happened and like I said, you do this right I'll let you have Sea Swirl. Hell I'll throw in Lemony Gem too if you want."

"Sweet! Ok, I'll do it."

"Good."

You know, I'm going to have to wait until he is distracted by either baseball or hockey before I do this again. Ok, Starlight catches Juniper doing this and once again I'm getting an image of the mirror with the words SERVICE NOT AVAILABLE flashing again. Maybe whatever is going on is not fit for even my eyes to see and for Faust's sake, I've seen everything and then some!

And now we have yet another she-demon creating event coming along. Magic flows from the mirror into Juniper and now she's this hideous she demon, claws and all! Seriously Hasbro, can't you come up with something a little more original for Equestria Girls. She demons are so 2013 anyway. Now how to stop this thing, I'll admit, this one looks lame and weak compared to Sunset and Midnight Sparkle but still, I don't feel like going over and dealing with it so guess who has to do it, Starlight Glimmer.

Now I'm sure if Starlight were in pony form she could totally kick this thing's ass because she and her friends managed to free me and everypony else important from Chrysalis but given she is a human, she'll likely fail just like she failed to keep that town of hers enslaved....let's see how it plays out shall we?

Now Starlight has grabbed that mirror and got it away from whatever the hell it is Juniper has turned into and is playing a glorified game of keep-away. Now for the big question, will she save Sunset and her friends or will she have to run for her life if she doesn't want to become mirror food. I know how she is, she'll likely find a way to get Sunset in bed, I mean save Sunset and her friends.

Oh good grief, Starlight honestly thinks the same "oh I've done things I've regretted" thing is going to work here. Hey Starlie, it failed against Chrysi and it will likely fail here too! Just give that creature it's mirror back, come home and I'll convince Trixie to not punish you, alright?

Wait a minute, it actually worked and Juniper demon released her mirror's captives. Well that is good because now Starlight can get her flank home where it belongs but wait. Now it is time to befriend Juniper and go have an orgy. I get it Starlight, you're needy and Trixie isn't available so you'll throw yourself out to whatever you can get. Now for the befriending thing, all the former bad girls share their past and now they're all besties. Only in Equestria Girls does it work out like that, here in Equestria we don't have lame villains that are defeated so easily. Now yeah, we have only killed one of them off but still, we don't go singing campfire songs and making out or whatever it is humans do when they reform villains.

Alrighty, now Starlight is going to come home where she....wait a minute, WHAT? She is going to stay there for a few more days until she is needed. That's it, I don't care what Trixie thinks but she's going back in my harem. She may be able to swap cutie marks, take cutie marks and travel through time but this is proof that she is weak, wanting to stay in the human world. And look how her and Sunset are interacting, I know exactly why she wants to stay. And now the credits are rolling and the time to watch what happened after the show has arrived.

I'm going to let you in on something, not only was I watching, but I had poor Trixie by my side. I feel bad for her because she had to watch her wife, I mean friend with benefits, having four straight days of munchy-munchy times with not only Sunset, but also the reformed Juniper and Sci-Twi. At first Trixie was devastated but then she was mad as hell and I don't blame her.

Let's just say that when Starlight finally decided to get her ass home, she received a stern lecture from Trixie. "Trixie thought she said that The Great and Powerful Trixie's marefriend with benefits is to only have fun with her and nopony else!" And of course we all know what happened after that, Trixie punished Starlight so bad that she promised never to return to the human world.

Now if you serfs will excuse me, Trixie and I are going to have a three way with Starlight, a very punishing one and after that, I'm sitting down to have some yellow cake with lavender frosting and white sprinkles.

Chapter 160: To Change a Changeling

Chapter 160: To Change a Changeling

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess Celestia again and I am in a very good mood. Not only have ponies been paying their taxes and worshiping me like they are supposed to, Flitter and the Flower Mares have come up to Canterlot for some fun. Because of this, I shall give you my synopsis of "To Change a Changeling."

It looks like Starlight and Trixie haven taken a trip so I'm sure I'm not the only one that will be having fun. You know how those two are, you get them alone out in the middle of nowhere and they'll defile the place until they poison the ground. Ok, enough about them poisoning the ground, let's find out where they are headed.

As it turns out, these two have decided to go and pay Thorax a visit since he is still having problems governing. Wait a minute, did I just hear that right? Starlight has been teleporting them all over Equestria! Trixie may be bitching about her not getting them to the right place the very first time but don't let that deceive you. I know what they did at each stop, they rented a room and had tons and tons of fun! Alright, enough about their bedroom activities, it looks like they have arrived in the new changeling kingdom.

Good grief Trixie, quit your whining. Just because Starlight didn't get you into the hive and you still had to walk a bit doesn't mean that your magic is better than hers. You've just barely ascended above street performer level while Starlight is only bested by Luna and me. Now we have Trixie claiming that she is unscareable? I call bullshit on that and that would quickly be proven when they run across a changeling who has not transformed.

It looks like not only has this one not transformed but also he is still doing his old job, patrolling and he has captured a couple of very sexy intruders. Instead of hauling them to Thorax why couldn't he have just brought them to me. I know that everypony would enjoy that a whole lot more.

Ok, so it seems like Thorax has been able to convince every single changeling to transform except for one, Pharynx, his brother. You know, his brother may seem tough and still feed on love but I'm going to admit, I like his design better. Changelings are supposed to look tough, they're not supposed to look like some grade A animation error.

Well Pharynx has presented his captives to Thorax and he is obviously surprised to see those two. I can see in his eyes though that he isn't completely happy to see them because he knows how they are, he knows that they will likely wind up doing Faust knows what and rob those changelings' eyes of their virginity. Anyway, let's get moving on shall we?

Now we get to see how Thorax has changed the hive and good grief, it looks like he has turned that place from a foreboding home to warriors to some sort of hippie commune. Ugh look at some of the shit they're doing. They have dramatic theater now, they have some craft activity going on and apparently two changelings have drawn some art of Equestria's hottest couple to honor their visit, how sweet! Yeah the hive looks boring as hell these days but who knows, maybe Trixie and Starlight can teach them all about the magic of friendship with benefits!

Now one of Thorax's subjects has had black paint dumped on him and he's throwing a fit. Oh my goodness, it is the end of the world! The way that drama queen was acting you'd think Pharynx had poured acid all over him. Before I move on though I'm going to raise a question. I know Thorax and Pharynx are males but what about the others? How do you tell the difference between a male and a female? I have a feeling the ones with horns are males and the ones without are female but I can't be completely sure.

One thing I am sure of though is that everypony is sick of Pharynx and his desire to stick to his old ways and who is being charged with the task of talking to him and convincing him to wimp out and be like the rest of them? Since Thorax can't get through to him and his serfs are a bunch of little cowards it is up to my girls to do this. When they finally find him he is destroying these vines since enemies could hide in them. I agree with the other changelings "what enemies" but hey, I think he finds them ugly too.

Alright, now Trixie and Starlight have figured out that simply talking to him like anypony else would isn't going to work with him so they decide to bring up their past but first bring up Twilight. What the hell, he thinks Twilight sounds horrible? Well to your average unreformed changeling she would but for anypony who's had her in bed, they know differently. Perhaps it is for the best that those two didn't bring up how good she is in bed because I really wouldn't want there to be the chance of Pharynx finding her, banging her, impregnating her with a Twily/Changeling hybrid and then claiming her as his own. I however would not mind if he did that to Cadence, I'm STILL mad that she told others about her baby before she did her Auntie Tia!

Now those two do go into their past and it seems like Pharynx doesn't think they're all that bad. Want to know the funny thing though? While the writers weren't looking both Starlight and Trixie mentioned how they had made Twilight their little bitch and he got quite the laugh out of it but then those two just had to screw up. They mentioned how they changed and their lives were better. You know what, Pharynx is right, they're both losers! Thank you Pharynx for speaking the truth and you know what your Sexy Sun Goddess does to losers don't you? She takes them into her sleeping chambers and punishes them! So guess what, they are back in my harem! Thank you Pharynx, thank you!

Oh and another thing I noticed about Thorax's wannabe hippie commune, they have a feelings forum! Yep, they have a place where they can go cry and whine about how their lives suck and how they sometimes feel like they're a different color. Ugh, that feelings forum makes my skin crawl. Yeah Chrysalis was a bitch who imprisoned me in goop and tried to take over Equestria but at least her hive wasn't full of wimps.

Another thing about this feelings forum that I don't like. It is also a place to go bitch and complain about other changelings you don't like. Personally I'd like to see Pharynx go in there and call them out on their talking behind his back and that is exactly what he does. He probably should have also called them out on alleged drug use because only losers who sit around doing drugs have feelings forums.

Well after this idiotic feelings forum ended and my girls told those other changelings that they don't do live pornos for anypony except me, they got all mad and headed off their separate ways. Now what is this, they are claiming that Pharynx is a lost cause? I call bullshit on that. What I see is a changeling that simply doesn't want to become a little wimp that talks behind other changelings' backs and he doesn't want to whine all the time, or ever for that matter.

So now Trixie and Starlight have decided that they have to deliver the bad news to Thorax about his brother but once they go to talk to him, he begins to talk about why he thinks Pharynx may be like he is. First, he was the head of patrol and second, he was like most every other changeling when he was a hatchling, he wanted to be a warrior while Thorax played with dolls.

Apparently Pharynx got sick and tired of seeing his brother get bullied so he managed to change into a huge monster thing and scared the bullies off but still, he was mean to his brother in making him hit himself. In the end of the flashback though, Pharynx was right. Thorax really needed to grow thicker skin and be tough. Had he done that, he likely never would have defected from the hive, he never would have caused everypony in the Crystal Empire to shit in their coats nor would he be running a hippie commune either so I guess it could have been worse.

Ok, there is something that Thorax had brought up earlier but I forgot to mention it. Apparently the hive has been having problems with this maulwurf monster that has been causing problems. You know, the changeling kingdom didn't have problems like this until they stopped feeding on love and plants started growing there again. Apparently Thorax had some of his serfs go place leaves to lead it away but it looks like Starlight has come up with a plan, a plan that will lead it there. She placed the leaves to lead it to the hive.

Tsk, tsk Starlight. If you truly think Pharynx is a lost cause why would you do this. Now for what's funny, Starlight is telling Trixie about their plan and some of those changelings are going into all out panic mode right after being happy over news that Pharynx had left the hive for good. Kind of funny, they celebrate the one changeling with balls leaving and now here they are panicking when they would need him the most.

Now they have to go and tell Thorax two bits of bad news, the fact that Pharynx left and that Starlight decided to lead that damn maulwurf straight to the hive and finally, Thorax finally shows some sort of emotion other than being a misguided lonely changeling or being overly unsure of himself. Come on now, don't be too mad at Starlight! Her heart was in the right place, right?

Thorax has ordered Starlight and Trixie to go help him find his brother and now Starlight decides to give an inspirational speech. She attempts to get those other changelings to grow a set and go help them with finding Pharynx and facing off against the beast that is plaguing them. I'll admit, it was an amazing speech and I thought for sure that it would have the rest of the hive ready to take this thing on but oh no, they just decided to stay put, go cry and whine in their feelings forum and leave my girls and Thorax to go face off against that thing alone.

Thorax is upset and I can understand why but hey, it could be worse. It could have been two maulwurfs they had to go against but they would be surprised by what they would find, Pharynx going up against that thing alone, and to think if the whole hive still had his mentality they could have chased that thing off so long ago. Now what really surprises me, very soon it ain't just my girls, Pharynx and Thorax going up against that thing, but the rest of the hive joined them!

Now yeah, I still am not going to count on them defeating it but when Thorax and Pharynx get that dumb thing to start hitting itself I knew they had it taken care of. One thing I have learned from this is that the maulwurf obviously isn't all that intelligent. Finally they got that dumb thing to leave and suddenly Pharynx is ready to start talking about his feelings.

Now we finally learn that despite being unpleasant to be around, that Pharynx has always cared a lot about the hive and finally his fellow changelings admit that there is a place for him there. I however think that is only because he had the guts to protect the hive and wow, Pharynx is finally transforming! Now one bit of good news, unlike his fellow changelings, he is still darker in color. I'm guessing that is because he never lost his warrior mentality and still wants to look intimidating.

Now finally Pharynx goes and tells the whole hive that Trixie and Starlight thought he was a lost cause and naturally this does not sit well with them. Oh well, all that matters is that the hive was not destroyed by the maulwurf, Pharynx transformed but is still tough. One thing I can't help but notice, Pharynx has antlers just like his brother. Does that mean he is kind of what Luna is like to me, that he is the sibling that would take over if any calamity were to happen? Perhaps but I'm not going to worry about that, the chef is placing a fresh cake right in front of me.

Now be gone with all of you, I have a delicious cake sitting right in front of me and I need to eat it before it cools off and like I mentioned earlier, I have three very hot florists and a pegasus that is almost as sexy as Fluttershy waiting for me. The flower mares are normally submissive but Flitter does get mad if I'm late so I must get going because an angry Flitter is something I don't want to face.

Chapter 161: Daring Done?

Chapter 161: Daring Done?

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess and I have some good news for you. Even though I'm not in the best of moods and the castle chef is sick so I won't have any cake but I've still decided I'll give you my synopsis on "Daring Done?"

Another day has arrived in Ponyville and it looks like Pinkie and Rainbow are out yapping and surprisingly Pinkie bought a newspaper. That is kind of surprising given that she normally doesn't give a shit about what happens in the news but hey, even she isn't a complete dunce, unlike her narcissistic friend.

Ok Pinkie, I doubt Rainbow is going to give a shit about food in Whinnyapolis, she probably isn't going to care about some political shit going on in Cloudsdale, wait? What? Did I hear that right, did I hear Pinkie say that Daring Do is calling it quits? Shit, that can't happen because I love those books! Why is she quitting, is she quitting because Rainbow hasn't been satisfying her needs in the bedroom? Well given that those two are going to go harass her I guess we'll find out.

While those two are heading out to A.K.'s, Pinkie is wondering if the only reason Rainbow is doing this is to make sure that her beloved author will not retire. Rainbow can say what she wants but I know that is the real reason. She knows that if A.K. Yearling quits doing her adventures, that she probably won't need to unwind anymore and that would absolutely crush her fragile heart.

Finally they get out to her cottage and everything seems quiet. Poor Rainbow is banging on the door hoping that her friend with many benefits, I mean hero will answer but it seems like nopony is home. Leave it to Pinkie to go peeking through her window like some sort of stalker. I can't see in her cottage too good but apparently she is in there wallowing in self-pity for one reason or another. I can't help but wonder what her REAL reason is for calling it quits and throwing a pity party.

Finally Rainbow bangs on A.K.'s door yelling, "A.K., it is me Rainbow Dash, we need to have some fun!" Ok, that was in the unedited version but she did get her idol's attention for long enough that she let them in her house. Well it is an extremely long way but if I use the castle telescope I should be able to see what is going on without going on out there. I would but without my cake, I just don't have the energy to do so....you know what, screw it. I'll do the invisibility and teleport spell anyway. I'm bored and maybe A.K. will have something sweet to eat.

Well I do the invisibility and teleport spell and I discover that Pinkie and Rainbow are trying to console our beloved author but right now, it looks like she is quitting over some things that happened on a recent adventure of hers down in Southern Equestria. Ugh, those are the ponies who are always seeking independence and have never truly bowed down to me like they should. They hold on to their past way too much for my liking and still have these crazy old myths they treat like they are facts.

Ok, bravo Rainbow and Pinkie! They have convinced A.K. that they need to go down to this town called Somnambula where she apparently caused all sorts of trouble and destroyed everything she touched. This should be interesting and since I have a synopsis to give, I shall follow them. Maybe after all this is said and done I can appear and make sure that these southern Equestrians will finally know that they bow down to only one pony, ME! Ok, I'll bring up Luna too because you know how she gets if I get more love and adoration than she does. I doubt southern Equestria wants to freeze in eternal night.

After what seems to take forever we finally got there. It would have been quicker but remember, Pinkie can't fly so we remained grounded. As I look around and see all these relics from a time when somepony else was in charge, I was not thrilled but hey, maybe once I get a statue of myself put up down here they'll start loving me like everypony else does!

Huh, it looks like there used to be a statue of somepony important here in the past but it got destroyed and from the way these ponies talk it sounds like Daring Do destroyed it. Sweet, now I know that her allegiance truly is to me and not the idiot who publishes her books. Alright, I need to listen in so I can get a better idea of why these ponies hate Daring Do so much.

Ok, so she destroyed some old fart's apple cart, big deal? It's not like those things can't be replaced and so she left a hotel without paying, big deal. If the innkeeper had any brains at all she would have just overcharged a couple of other ponies to make up the balance OR if maybe she has a hot daughter, she could let me spend the night for her and I'd give her a bit of money from the treasury.

Now I'm surprised that A.K. is still at that resort given that if she were to lose her disguise and be revealed for who she really is she'd likely have an angry innkeeper kicking her out and maybe even exposing her! We certainly can't have that so if anything happens, I'll use my magic to make sure she isn't revealed for who she really is.

The next day arrives and it looks like there is some sort of meeting at that destroyed statue. Maybe they are going to discuss plans to contact me to replace it with a huge golden statue of your sexy Sun Goddess instead! Maybe I should just reveal myself now and demand it, or maybe not, that could have unintended consequences that.....WAIT A MINUTE, IS THAT DR. CABALLERON?

Damn, now I've seen everything but apparently our protagonists here simply aren't bright enough to tell. I would think that anypony who knows what he looks like would be able to tell by his muzzle alone! I swear, if the writers would let me get away with it I would expose him right now and let these ponies down here know that Daring Do was trying to save their ungrateful flanks and that Caballeron is the real bad guy.

Oh boy, now Rainbow is going to go and tell these ponies that Daring Do was trying to save them from Ahuizotl but she just had to insult that rubble heap that used to be a statue and now we get to hear about an old legend. Yeah, it will likely be about some pony in the distant past that they STILL idolize rather than worshiping me like Equestrian law dictates.

Ok, I've heard everything now. So some sort of evil sphinx wound up oppressing them and demanded a lot of their food? I can see into the narrator's mind and this thing looks kind of fake. Now I am even more angry, they had a pharaoh and a prince? Ok, maybe this all happened before my sister came in and annexed this desert wasteland but still, it pisses me off that they would glorify a time before I came to power.

So apparently this sphinx abducted their prince and hauled him off into a pyramid and this one mare, Somnambula was the only one willing to go and save his ass. Wow, I must say, she was pretty hot. What a shame she wasn't around today because she most definitely would become a lovely and join my harem whether she wanted to or not.

Alright, back to the legend. So apparently she decided to put herself in danger for a member of the lesser sex? What a loser, had it been a princess or the pharaoh's wife, it would be different. Ok, so she solves this riddle and then walks across a bridge blindfolded and saves that prince. Now she was rewarded with these green stones, glowpaz I think they call them. You know what I would have given her for saving some leader, especially a male, that is unworthy of the air he breathes? She would have got a thousand years on the moon if I were in charge and for the idiot she saved, death would be the only thing that would suffice.

Ok, enough about how I would punish her if she were alive today. Whoa Nelly, Dr. Caballeron has exposed himself and is gloating in what he thinks of as a victory? Now for something that really pisses me off, these ponies down here just stand around like a bunch of idiots while Rainbow is captured and hauled off to the local pyramid by Caballeron and his henchponies. Ok, I've had it with him. He is no longer my favorite villain in the Daring Do series, Ahuizotl is now. Hopefully one day he'll eat this asshole for lunch.

Well it looks like perhaps this old legend is going to come to life as Pinkie and Daring Do have headed to the pyramid to save Rainbow just like Somnambula did that loser prince. Even more fun is the fact that Daring Do can't fly in the pyramid and there is no bridge like there was in the legend. Ok, so now they are basically screwed. There is no bridge either so I might wind up seeing some ponies drown in green slime. Yeah these two aren't the ones I want to see die but I guess if I want to see fatalities I can't be picky on who suffers.

Ok, this is weird. Pinkie jumps and suddenly these pyramid things are shooting out air to save not only her, but Daring as they head over to save Rainbow? Ok, I know the writers needed for something to prevent Rainbow from taking a bath but still, seems kind of too convenient to me. Alright shit like that happens all the time and I constantly bitch about it but hey, you wouldn't expect me to be all sweet about it, now would you?

Back to the village we go and it is time to confront Caballeron. I'll admit, I wanted to reveal myself, capture him and his goons, wait until nightfall and banish them all to the moon but there are reasons why I did not do that, reasons I'm sure you would expect out of me.

Enough about why I won't hold them captive, it looks like they spilled those glowpaz stones and now all these ponies are mad at Caballeron and are happy Daring Do came in and tried to save them. How sweet, Daring Do is now adored by these ponies but unfortunately, the same can't be said for me. Oh well, they'll know eventually who they owe their loyalty to.

Ok Daring, pay attention to Pinkie. Yes you had hope and you fucked things up royally and now you have to make things right. You're rich so you know what to do! You have to get that one idiot a new apple cart, pay that bitch that runs the inn and replace their dumb statue. Well now that this is taken care of and those three have left, I can now tell you what happened after the episode ended.

I finally decided to reveal myself and I am not happy with them. Most of them didn't even know who I was and to make matters worse they even thought I was a foreign leader. Now I would have dished out some major league punishments on not just them but that whole town but I resisted because of other reasons, reasons that would wind up making me a very happy princess and make up for the absence of cake for the last couple days.

Ok, there were a couple of really hot mares down there. There was that unicorn that first discovered Caballeron stole their glowpaz and another one that looked a lot like her, except she had a blond mane. I have decided that I want them and you know how things are, if I want a hottie or two, I'm taking them and there isn't a thing anypony else can do about it! I'll find out what their names are once I get them into my sleeping chambers.

For now though I must get going because I have two hot unicorns that I must carry in my aura as I fly us home and once we get back to Canterlot, sexy times will ensue. Yeah I'm sure these girls are probably upset they had to come with me now but give it time. Once they eat the finest food in Equestria, meet the rest of my harem and have some sensual moments with yours Truly, they will consider this the best day of their lives.

Author's Note

One of Celestia's new lovelies

Celestia's other new lovely (the unicorn mare on the right)

Chapter 162: It isn't the Mane Thing About You

Chapter 162: It isn't the Mane Thing About You

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess and do I have a surprise for you! There haven't been any uprisings lately, I haven't found any negative editorials in the papers about me and I just had a fresh cake delivered to me so I shall share with you my synopsis on "It isn't the Mane Thing About You."

It looks like Mares' Day has arrived again and most everypony down in Ponyville is rushing the flower stand at the last minute. Oh my poor flower mares, they look so stressed out! I'm actually glad to see them in distress like this because you know what that means! It means that I will be paying three of my sexiest girls a visit tonight, a four mare romp does sound quite fun after all.

Everypony is wondering what color of flowers to get and along comes little miss Rarity and she glows! She has never once glowed for me so I have decided I shall punish her severely for this. The flower girls have always wanted to get in her coat and tonight their dream shall come true.

Oh well, enough about that. She suggested they get flowers that match the recipient's mane and I'll agree, that does sound like a good idea and then she goes to help Mr. Breezy. I swear, she must be in an extra generous mood because she is giving him ideas on how to help boost sales. Maybe I won't punish her for glowing after all.

Next up she gives the pony who runs Quills and Sofas some advice, more colors for sofas! Well yeah, I'd think he would know that you increase the variety in your inventory, you'll get more ponies to come and buy your stuff. Now she finally goes to visit Pinkie who is holding an anniversary part for get his, the anniversary of the twins' first sneeze! Good grief, does she have a memory like a steel trap or something? Oh well, regardless of what it is it is a ridiculous reason to throw a party. It's not like she's throwing an anniversary party commemorating the first time I scored with Twilight, which has been several years ago now.

Oh boy, Pinkie has unleashed the power of sticky string and it is caught in everypony's mane. Oh no, this is THE WORST POSSIBLE THING! Rarity has a photo shoot with Photo Finish tomorrow for Vanity Mare's most hideous, I mean beautiful manes in Equestria. Before I go on this is where I am going to admit my anger and jealousy. Why isn't she coming up to photograph MY mane? Yes other ponies may have beautiful manes but mine, well Luna's too, but our manes are the only ones that have a natural wave to them. Oh well, enough about my jealousy, now Rarity has to go to Zecora's to get some good shampoo to get rid of that string and Pinkie needs remover potion to remove it from the walls.

Now I'm actually surprised that Pinkie was able to convince Rarity to so easily head into the forest. Perhaps I shouldn't be since her mane is in dire need of cleansing. You know, I can't see them now so I have to do my typical invisibility and teleportation spell so I can see what's happening. Yeah going through that part of the forest is unpleasant but oh well, I promised this and I'm not going to go back on my word.

Once they arrived at Zecora's cottage it was like it always was, she was mixing together her potions and speaking in rhyme. You know, I have always wondered how she manages to do that with such ease. Anyway she gets them made but a sudden movement by Rarity causes the vials to fall to the floor and oh boy, it looks like Rarity might be grabbing the remover potion. Hopefully it won't cause her any problems but we shall see.

Now we have got back to Ponyville and I'm thinking, should I go monitor Pinkie trying to clean up the sticky string or should I go monitor Rarity in the shower. I think I shall monitor Rarity and who knows, maybe I'll even be able to join her! I've always wanted to shower with her like I do Twilight because she is so hot with a wet mane but I shall resist for now. I'm getting a sixth sense telling me to just wait.

It looks like she's done and hey, at least I'll get to see her with her wet mane for a moment. Wait a minute, she has wrapped her mane in a towel and her body in her fancy robe. I can't help but wonder, what if something were to happen to her for denying me a good view of her. Oh wow, perhaps my holding back on my desire to join her was a good thing because she removed her towel and she has lost a lot of her mane and it looks like her tail suffered a lot too. I know I bitch about her mane and tail all the time but good grief, this is beyond hideous! It is so hideous that even I don't find her hot now!

Back to Zecora's she goes to let her know about this calamity. Normally when I would follow her like this I would grab her, haul her off somewhere and have some fun but not when she looks like this, I do have standards you know. Ok, so here she is blaming Zecora for her hair falling out but Zecora isn't the one to take the blame for not messing up. Hey Rares, you simply grabbed the wrong potion and now you must live with your mistake and Zecora is right, she isn't just going to be able to mix something up in nothing flat so deal with it!

Alright, back to town we go again and good grief, I know Rarity looks hideous but she is even making foals cry now. Shame on you Rarity, you could have at least kept that hood over your head. It looks like my flower mares are busy selling flowers and thanks to Rarity's advice, they'll have enough money saved up to have a good sized cake ready for me tonight. Hey, they know how I am, they know that I am much more loving and tender if I have cake before I have my florists.

And Mr. Breezy and the Sofa and Quill pony, I think Rarity called him Davenport are also doing well because of her advice but oh no, she and her ugly mane have been exposed and everypony is in shock. Now this could never be shown but in the unedited version the ponies yelled at Rarity and told her that she was ugly as hell. The flower mares who know about her started laughing about how they'll just take her slot from now on. You know, until her mane grows back, I'm going to take them up on it!

Finally Rarity decides to go hide in one of my favorite places, Twilight's castle. Yes she did whine and Twily and Starlight tried to give her some mane, there is one thing they never showed. Since Trixie was off visiting her mother, Starlight decided to join my Twily and I in a threesome and despite being completely hideous, Rarity wasn't completely useless since she got video of it. Hey, I need footage of the three of us to get off to when none of my lovelies are available. Oh wait, I'll always have those hotties from Somnambula available but hey, they can watch my videos with me and then we can relive the moment!

Ok, so now they are taking Rarity elsewhere to get a new mane. Sorry girls but I doubt a milk maid's bonnet with braided pigtails will work and a quick memo to Rainbow Crash, that cloud ain't portable and I'm surprised you got it to stick to her head. Now had it been my sexy Twily's head or that of any other pegasus or Alicorn, it would have worked. And finally she seeks Fluttershy's help and ugh, that is the worst of them all. Damn Flutters, are you trying to turn her into a spectacle you would see at a circus freak show or something?

Well after my girls failed to give Rarity a new mane, Rarity headed home to throw a pity party. I'm not sure if it is because her mane looks awful, if it is because she didn't get to join in on the threesome or maybe both, but she has gone to her old standby, gorging herself of ice cream. Ice cream is ok but seriously Rarity, you couldn't gorge yourself on something better? You couldn't gorge on cake and invite me?

Rarity's friends are right, she has done enough pouting all over her mane. Yes Rares I know losing your mane has hurt your confidence but still, you could be out doing something productive. Oh well, I have a feeling her friends will get her out and about. Now it looks like Photo Finish won't have to come take pictures because Rarity has cancelled the photo shoot. Well that is a good thing because I certainly can't have photos of one of my lovelies looking like that out in Equestria! If that happened, what if I suddenly had ugly mares coming and begging to be part of my harem? I certainly can't have that!

Well finally Rarity's friends have convinced her to quit pouting like a little bitch and suddenly she has taken on a punk look and will go aid everypony she can. I'll admit, she does look decent but not harem good. Alright, now it is time to get her out helping ponies and restoring her confidence.

While she was out helping everypony I'll admit, she did put herself to good use but I'm not overly thrilled with three little hotties. When they saw her, suddenly the flower mares acted like they wanted to get in her coat. Good grief girls, just because she gave you good sales advice and doesn't look completely hideous now you want to bang her. For that I will punish them severely and no matter how much cake they have for me, I will not be gentle!

After boosting sales for everypony she tried to help earlier the show progresses several months later and during that time, the flower girls did enjoy taking some of Rarity's spots while my girls from southern Equestria took the others but finally her mane is back to normal and the big edition of Vanity Mane is out and Rarity doesn't even care. Well I don't blame her since she isn't going to be the cover mare.

Wait a minute, she is? How the hell did she wind up getting herself on there? Yeah I know that punk look was better than what she had before but still, I wouldn't say it was beautiful. Ok, so her friends contacted Photo Finish and Twilight whored herself out to her to take pictures of Rarity like this and even worse, Fluttershy did the same just to get her as the cover pony! Now I am extremely upset with them! How dare they go bang a mare who is only semi-decent looking when there are so many other, much better looking mares out there!

I suppose I shouldn't be completely upset because they got Rarity to see that being productive is better than staying inside pouting all the time. Now if you will excuse me, now that I know that some of my lovelies put out for somepony I didn't authorize them to, they must be punished and to reward her for her generosity, I shall allow Rarity to join me in the punishment of Twilight and Fluttershy.

Chapter 167: Uncommon Bond

Chapter 167: Uncommon Bond

Good morning everypony it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and I am in an extremely bad mood. For starters, the castle chef lost the recipe for my favorite cake so he decided to go out and get some store bought shit and it was awful. To top that off, somepony must have cursed me because my lovelies got vaginal yeast infections all at once so not only do I not have any cake, I don't have any lovelies either. Because of this, I have decided to punish you with my synopsis of "Uncommon Bond."

Another day has arrived in Ponyville and I am extremely upset with Starlight right now. Not only did she grind with Twily and get a yeast infection but she is waiting at the train station for that dickless rat that Trixie and I gave a sex change operation. Yep, she is waiting for Sunburst. I don't get her, here I thought she was a good, strong mare but then she goes and waits for that creature? Seriously, it's not like I'm giving her one of the girls from Somnambula as a gift and sending her down there on the train. I have a feeling that something bad is going to happen but I must resist going down there. I'm in way too bad of a mood to go down there so I will watch from my balcony.

Finally the train arrives and she starts going bat shit crazy because that loser she calls a friend isn't right there. She goes searching every car until finally that disgusting thing shows up and then she goes and hugs him. Alright Starlie, I'm already making plans on how to punish you. You are showing way too much adoration to that thing and guess what, this will be far worse than the Twicane.

Ok so the first thing he wants them to do is go looking at old junk that nopony except for the biggest losers care about. Oh no, they are going inside but like I said I am in far too bad of a mood to go down there so I must ask someauthor for a favor.

"StormLuna, can I ask you a question?"

"I already know what it is and yes you can simply use whatever method it is to monitor what happens inside during this episode."

"Sweet! I really appreciate this."

"No problem."

Wow, the last time StormLuna was this understanding was when Luna and I made Cadence put up with that stupid summit when Spike wanted to be a princess. Well back to work I go and guess who my disobedient lovely and her overgrown rat run into? They run into my Twily, yep my sexy Twily.

Now Starlight is already bored with looking at this old junk that should probably be in the dump but Twilight and Sunburst are suddenly bonding over this. Ok, another one of my lovelies must be punished for showing adoration to this creature.

Ugh, look at them going all fanfilly over this old junk but hey, it could be worse. They could have been screwing each other or badmouthing me. Hell right now I wouldn't mind.......oh wait, unless Twily sat on his face I don't know if he'd be able to get an infection. I secretly hope she does though, seeing Sunburst with a yeast infection in his mouth would be rather funny.

Oh and want to know something worse? Sunburst wound up buying a barrel full of junk but he doesn't know what is inside it? Now that right there is proof that he is an idiot and what is even worse is that my Twily seems to think that these junk barrels are a good thing too. I swear, is Twilight going to need a psychological evaluation before she is allowed in my chambers again? I ask this because no sane pony goes and buys something that they don't know what it is.

Enough about their time in the junk store, it looks like they are heading back to the castle and now Starlight has conned Sunburst into playing some idiotic game they played when they were foals. Good grief Starlight, I thought you would have grown out of such silly things. Come on, at one time you were stealing cutie marks and traveling through time and now you're doing this? Where is Pharynx when somechangeling is needed to tell somepony they are a loser?

Well they got their dumb game done and over with and now Starlight is talking to Sunburst, in his damn bedroom. I am really going to punish her now! No self-respecting mare would ever go into the same bedroom as a stallion unless they are married! I am beginning to wonder if maybe she didn't bump her head on something because the Starlight I knew would either steal his cutie mark or travel back in time to make sure he was never born.

Alright, now Sunburst is in there talking about how wonderful Twilight is and how much fun she is just to hang around with and Starlight is getting sad. Oh wah-wah-wah, get over it Starlie. So he thinks my nerdy little princess is more fun to hang around with. I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm actually proud of Sunburst for mentioning what he really thinks rather than trying to spare Starlight's feelings. Don't any of you worry though, that won't get him off my shit list!

Oh good grief, now Starlight has sank really low, so low I may have to, I mean am going to have to imprison her in my sleeping chambers and re-educate her about what is important in life. She got up well before dawn, barged into Sunburst's room and woke him up. Good grief Starlie, are you out of your fucking mind or something? I am extremely unhappy now, not only is she giving that creature way too much adoration it seems like she might even have something for him. It looks like all of us are going to have to teach her that mares are where it is at, using any means necessary!

Ugh, Sunburst must be an idiot too because he follows Starlight over to Sweet Apple Acres and they wind up waking up Trixie. Now three ponies are going to get punished for trespassing. Now for what is worse, Sunburst seems fascinated with Trixie's lame street magic! Yep, he is fascinated by it and what makes it worse is that Starlight is there pouting that Sunburst is giving her marefriend, I mean friend with tons of benefits, more attention than he is her. Screw punishing Trixie, I'll just let her punish Starlight for this.

Now we have Trixie trying to do her showboat magic by locking herself in chains and she can't free herself! What an idiot and Sunbust, I mean Sunburst, attempts to help her and he only makes matters worse. At least Starlight still showed she had a little bit of dignity by freeing her wife, I mean bestie with tons of benefits. I am sitting here shaking my head over this. I know Sunburst is an idiot but seriously, an interest in stage magic? Well since he can't do real magic maybe he should become a showpony and take his show on the road.

Oh great, now Starlight has broke the seal to the mirror pool. Oh Mother Faust, please don't let those two go in and make copies of themselves. One Sunburst is enough but duplicate ones would be a disaster. Wait, maybe I should hope he does because then I could use that spell to send them back and I would send them all back, the real one and the fake ones! Oooh, I bet I could get away with him doing it and then me sending them all back and someauthor wouldn't even stop me!

"Princess Celesta, as much as I would love to allow you to do that, I kind of can't let you mess things up further down the line."

"But StormLuna, you hate him more than I do!"

"Tell you what, I can make a non-canon episode further down the road where you can get rid of him and we'll both be happy."

"Oh alright, if that's the best we can do then I'll have to deal with it."

"Good, just wait until then and we'll all be happy, well sort of."

If it weren't for Hasbro and their plans for future episodes involving that bastard, I know StormLuna would have let me get rid of Sunburst but oh well, I guess I can't win them all. Now this is interesting, that mirror pool apparently is connected to Maud's cave, underground chamber or whatever the hell we're going to call it.

Now this is hilarious in a way, Sunburst is now giving Maud more attention than Starlight and get this, she runs off like a spoiled little brat! What the hell has corrupted her mind? She is being a whiny bitch, she seems fucking obsessed with the attention of that little rat Trixie and I punished and now she's going back to the castle to cry to Twilight over it?

Ok Starlie, both Twily and I get it, you're sad that that creature you call a friend is expanding his friendship circle and showing he has more interests than babies' games, big deal. With the way you're behaving right now, I wouldn't want to hang around you either. The only reason I plan on bringing you up here after the episode is to punish you and re-educate you so you fit in with the rest of my harem.

Ugh so Sunburst returns and now I am partially amazed and completely repulsed. Starlight has wrote her own magic to not only transform the castle back into his childhood home but an age regression spell so that they can be foals to play that stupid Dragon Pit game. Well it looks like Starlie has gone too far and Sunburst demands she return them to being adults. The more I see, the more I wonder about what I'm going to do with Starlight. Hell maybe I should force her to make her return herself to being a filly, raise her as my own and install the qualities in her that I think she needs.

You know what Starlight, so Sunburst has a lot more in common with your friends than he does you, big deal. Oh and Twilight, they don't have that much in common with magic. Starlight actually wrote an incredibly advanced spell, cast it successfully and reversed it successfully. She can steal cutie marks, travel through time and all sorts of other things. Yeah Sunburst may have knowledge of magic but he can't do it! That is what makes Starlight superior to him, she has ability. If only I could get her out of the dumps she is in and restore her confidence and dignity.

Oh good grief, now what happens next is pathetic. Twilight and Starlight's friends have moved things out of the throne room so they can play a life sized version of that stupid Dragon Pit game. That is beyond pathetic and now I have decided some time for numerous punishments has come. Now Maud I may just increase her taxes and with Sunburst I'll cast a spell on Cadence to violate him with a spiked crystal but the others, rough hate sex is in store, well once their yeast infections go away of course.

Ok, my synopsis of bitchiness is coming to a close as Sunburst is getting ready to leave but Starlight and her friends hug the bastard before he leaves! Again, pathetic, absolutely pathetic. Give it a few days or until the Marenistat finally cures my girls and then sexy times will ensue. With some they will be sensual, with others they will be punished severely and I'm sure you know who will be on each list.

Well the train has departed and finally this is over and it is time to dish out my punishments. I decided to spare Twilight and Trixie my wrath because they agreed to help me punish Starlight. Once everymare's infections went away, I decided to put a horn cap on Starlight, cuff her to my four post bed and let the other girls punish her brutally. Want to know who was the roughest with her? If you guessed Trixie you are right and I am glad she was. I would be mad if my wife, I mean bestie with lots of benefits gave adoration to somepony I didn't approve of too. After several days of brutal punishment, I certainly hope Starlight learned her lesson. If she pulls this shit again she's going to the moon for who knows how long.

Now if you will excuse me the castle chef found that cake recipe and has fixed me one so you know what I'll be doing while Starlight's getting punished. Perhaps this cake will get me out of bitch mode.

Chapter 168: Shadow Play, Part 1

Chapter 168: Shadow Play, Part 1

Hello everypony, it is your Sexy Sun Goddess again and I am feeling a little bit sad because another season is drawing to a close but nopony has caused me any problems and my lovelies have been putting out as mandated by law so I shall give you my synopsis of "Shadow Play, Part 1." And don't worry, I'll do Part 2 as well!

It looks like we are starting out with a history lesson abut the pillars of Old Equestria and how they had to face up against The Pony of Shadows. Come on now, everypony knows that thing was nothing more than an old mares' tale meant to scare. Now I would believe it was real but Sunbust, the one who Trixie and I gave a sex change operation at the start of the season is the one who claims to have Starswirl's old journal so I'm calling this nothing but bullshit.

Unfortunately, my sexy little Twily suddenly believes it is all real because it was in what she thought was his journal. Now that is her showing way too much adoration to a member of the lesser sex and you know what that means! It means a certain lavender Alicorn, a very sexy one at that, is going to be punished severely! I don't care if it is Starswirl, she's still going to learn her lesson tonight!

Well I am a very unhappy princess now, Twilight has decided she is going to do a massive research project to decipher whatever the hell is in that journal. Yeah his hornwriting looked like chicken scratches when he would grade the exams my sister and I had to turn into him and of course this means one thing, my Twily had no idea what the hell he was talking about and perhaps this will be the end of this. I say we just burn it and Sunburst alive in the courtyard below my balcony and go on with life but oh no, Starlight just had to ruin things!

As it turns out, she could sort of decipher what he wrote and now they have decided to go out to Pon-henge since that is apparently where the Old Pillars faced off against the shadow pony. Damn it, I have Flitter up here threatening to punish me if I don't hurry up and get to bed but this is too important to simply have a guard monitor. Unfortunately Luna sleeps during the day so I may wind up being punished severely by the second sexiest pegasus to have ever roamed the earth.

They headed out to Pon-henge and find nothing interesting until Twilight sat that journal on one of the rocks out there and what the hell, holograms of the Old Pillars show up? Damn, I guess that was Starswirl's old journal after all. Now how Sunbust, I mean Sunburst got that thing I'm not sure but I'm certain it was highly illegal so he will be put to death after Part 2 is over, that will teach him to go stealing ancient journals!

Now I am not thrilled, my Twily is going all fan filly over a mere hologram of Starswirl. Seriously Twily, are you doing this because you want me to punish you more severely than ever before? You should know that there is only one pony you are allowed to act like that towards, ME! Right now I am cursing myself for ever letting her learn about that old codger....I should have renamed that wing of the library "The Sexy Celestia Wing" since we had so many "sexy times" encounters in there. I know of one pony that could assist me with this but given that time travel can have serious consequences, I decided against forcing Starlight to do that for me.

Now for something even weirder, holograms of items connected to the Pillars. Before I continue on I am going to let you know that I am extremely pissed because Starlight is talking to Sunburst alone! I guess she wants to be punished severely for associating with that creature, especially alone. I'll figure something out, perhaps I should take the Twicane to both her and Twilight after all this is said and done.

Ok, I've decided that Twilight is going a little crazy in her desire to save the Old Pillars from limbo. She has created replicas of Pon-henge and now it looks like Starlight is back to her old ways, making duplicates of books. Tsk, tsk Starlight, what are we going to do with you? Well as long as she doesn't go back to being a commie and making those disgusting manifestos again she will be fine, well unless she decided to write a book about how awful I am, duplicate it and then give it to all the serfs, I mean citizens of this country, she will be fine.

Now it looks like they have discovered where these items that were connected to the Old Pillars are thanks to that map. Well shit, I was hoping to convince Fluttershy to tell Twilight to take her study session, shove it and come see me but oh no, now she is dead set on going out to that bayou and getting Meadowbrook's mask. To make matters worse, Rarity is going to go to that place where Mist Mane lived to retrieve her flower. Well I suppose that once this is over, I will have to face Flitter's wrath and she is getting madder and madder with every passing minute.

After Twilight reveals her plan that retrieving these objects can save the Old Pillars, there is one pony who is doubting her plan, Starlight. Naturally she brings up the dangers of opening up portals but oh no, my sexy Twily and that disgusting creature she befriended when she had that yeast infection are adamant on doing it. Memo to Twilight, Starlight didn't use the time spell Starswirl wrote, she PERFECTED it and don't you forget it. When I look back on that, I realize that Starlight is far more intelligent than he was. He could only go back a week for a minute or two while Starlight can go back as far as she wants and hang around as long as she wants.

Well after everypony refused to listen to the one rational thinking pony in the castle, they all took off to find their artifacts. Applejack headed off to find Rockhoof's old shovel and is treated like she is an idiot by this snobby professor who claims it is just a myth. Now I would have thought the same thing until I saw those holograms of the Old Pillars and I was amazed how Applejack saved those ponies from that huge rock. Rockhoof saved his village from lava and Applejack saved a bitch from a rock that was many times bigger than her. Guess what, the shovel is real and when Applejack grabbed it, it glowed. I'm not sure if I should be amazed or if I should be scared because that might be a bad sign.

Now for Rarity, it looks like she found some run down dump in a place that at one time had an empress. As you all know, this pisses me off just as much as those punks down in Somnambula who idolized false leaders and believed in a sphinx that looked like a very bad OC or an animation error. Anyway, back to Rarity. She tried to get that flower that had somehow been preserved for ages and is stopped by an old pony who probably doesn't worship Equestria's overlord. Give it up Rarity, she ain't going to give you the flower just so you can go give Twilight a reason to buck you. Now for what displeases me, she prunes that garden, makes it look like it did in the old days and now she has the flower. Shit, this ain't looking good. I have a bad feeling that Starlight's fears of everything going to hell might come true.

Next up is Crash and Spike going to the dragon lands to retrieve Flash Magnus's shield and guess who has the shield? If you guessed that narcissistic little bastard Garble, then you are right. I honestly don't get why I haven't killed that dumb bastard yet. He proved his stupidity in the past but because I have been too preoccupied with satisfying my appetite in more ways than one, I haven't got around to it. Back to the show, well he has challenged Spike to a race down a lava flow and guess what, Spike wins! Sadly, garble won't hand over the shield but then proves he is a moron again when he challenges Crashie to a race back up the flow. Now it gets funny, Rainbow tells him that shield would slow him down and he hands it to her and she took off. Now for the funniest thing, the other dragons tell him that he is a fucking idiot and should go kill himself, well in the unedited version anyway. They did rub it in face that he was outsmarted though.

Now we have the sexiest pegasus to have ever roamed the earth heading out to the bayou to get Meadowbrook's mask and of course she is greeted by Cat Tail who is having problems with those stupid bees again. What is sad, Fluttershy once again proved that she cares way too much about stupid animals and not nearly enough about me. She used that mask to get those bees to get lost so some critters can cross the river and then Cat Tail lets her use the mask so she can impress Twilight enough that she will let her dominate her in the sack tonight. Well guess what Flutters, that ain't happening! You will find yourself at my mercy or perhaps I should turn Flitter loose on her, she can be even worse than me when she is pissed like she is right now.

Now only one artifact has to be retrieved and it is by Pinkie Pie. I tell you, I wanted to go with her down to Somnambula and see if there were some more hotties I wanted to bring home and force into my harem. Sadly I have a synopsis to give and besides, I just had a cake delivered to my balcony so I shall resist my urges. I don't believe it, they are draining that pool of slime and sadly, Pinkie found the blindfold and now I'm certain some sort of disaster will happen unless Starlight butchers Sunburst and rocks Twilight's world so much that she forgets about saving the Old Pillars.

Here we are back at Pon-henge and while Twilight and that disgusting creature she calls a friend now are going all fanfilly over the prospects of getting Starswirl in bed, I mean saving him from limbo, Starlight is once again the voice of reason. She has her concerns that saving them could lead to dire consequences and I'm betting she is right. Yes she has shown adoration to a creature that I should have euthanized a long time ago but she isn't blinded by emotion either. Memo to Twilight: Just listen to your superior, bring those artifacts up to me and then make me a happy princess and things will be just fine!

Well everypony returns with their artifacts and have placed them on the proper stone and isn't this just dandy, the Old Pillars have returned and I'm sure you know what happened next. My Twily went all fanfilly over Starswirl and immediately begged him to follow her to his castle and have some fun, well in the unedited version anyway. Now as you all can tell I'm not exactly a big fan of Starswirl but he did make a point, you can't just bring them back. Way to go Twilight, you just brought the Pony of Shadows back. I have decided that not only am I going to have Starlight take her cutie mark, but I will turn an increasingly pissed off Flitter loose on her once this is taken care of.

Well everypony, I better go and take care of Flitter's anger before the second half starts and if I don't return, just know that I loved you all and Luna will banish a sexy pegasus with a bad attitude to the sun.

Chapter 169: Shadow Play, Part 2

Chapter 169: Shadow Play, Part 2

Hello everypony, it is your Sexy Sun Goddess again and I have some good news! I promised Flitter a couple of sacrificial lovelies for tonight so she spared me her wrath. Alright, now on to more important matters, as promised, I shall give you my synopsis of "Shadow Play, Part 2."

Now where were we? Oh yes, Twilight has released the Pony of Shadows from limbo and is now terrified. Well perhaps she will think twice in the future and listen to Starlight for a change. You know, if she would have defied me like that she would have been punished so bad that her cries would have been heard by Luna on the moon. Alright, enough about that. Well here we have Starswirl the Arrogant being certain that he can take this thing on but he can barely get any magic out of his horn! What a loser, my guess is that Pharynx could imitate him and produce more magic.

And now for something worse, apparently the spell to fix this problem was in Starswirl's journal, or allegedly anyway but thanks to Starswirl laying an egg in his attempt to take out the Pony of Shadows, it was able to destroy his journal and now they have to find out another way to take care of the problem. Memo to Starlight: Go back to the castle, travel back in time a week, promise Twilight you'll let her dominate you if she will not mess with this and everything will be just fine! Sadly that did not cross her mind and now Equestria could be cast into an eternal shadow, thanks a lot Twily.

It looks like my Twily is going to try and impress her idol by at least running off the Pony of Shadows with her magic but it looks like that thing is going to defeat her, it is shoving her magic down into her. Guess who saves the day though, Starlight! With her incredibly superior magic she was able to save my Twily from blowing up or whatever would have happened to her. Eventually the shadow pony winds up running off to cause mayhem elsewhere and they have decided to return to the castle. While they are headed back, I finally got a good look at Somnambula and guess what, I'm getting another lovely, I'm getting another lovely! Also, remember how she saved that stupid prince from that sphinx? It may be over a millennium overdue but I'm punishing her severely and I know Flitter will gladly join me!

Once they arrived back at the castle, Starswirl noticed something about the castle, its energy. Oh my goodness, that old codger figured out that it came from the Tree of Harmony! You know, I thought with the way he has been behaving lately that he was going senile but apparently not. It looks like he has used his magic on the map and the Tree appears. Oh joy, somepony used their magic on the map again and now it is probably ruined just like it was when a certain unicorn with more magic that my Twily zapped it.

Alright, we have learned from the Old Pillars that the Tree actually came from them and the Elements are tied to their qualities. Huh, I could see that with most of them but I don't think Starswirl's being an asshole exactly mirrors Twilight's being second best when it comes to magic. Anyway, now they have to come up with a plan to defeat the shadow pony before the land is shrouded in darkness. Wait a minute, if it is shrouded in darkness it may keep my lovelies in the mood all the time so maybe it won't be so bad!

Alright, now I am an extremely unhappy princess. Starswirl has got it in his head that to defeat the Pony of Shadows that they are going to have to sacrifice the Elements of Harmony. What the hell? Does that old coot not know what the hell would happen if the Tree was to die? Now my Twily is showing that she still has some sense when she told him that Equestria would suffer without the Elements but her idol doesn't care! He wants Equestria to suffer it seems. You know, life would be so much easier if they just got in touch with me, had me come out there, banish the shadow pony and Starswirl to the moon and then spill Sunburst's blood out there. Unfortunately, that would make way too much sense to happen.

Alright, it looks like the places where the Pony of Shadows could be hiding. I'm not overly sure about this because a lot of those places aren't so dark anymore. Of course it is likely just Starswirl and his absent minded sorcery that is causing this. He doesn't know anything about modern geography so how would he know anyway, his magic is inferior to Starlight's and he has done nothing but bitch, bitch, bitch ever since he got back!

Well the Pillars have headed out with Twilight's friends to try and find the shadow pony while Twilight and Starlight have stayed in the castle. Now get this, Twilight is pouting over her releasing evil into the world just because she wanted to meet her idol. Yes Twilight, you fucked up royally and now you have to live with the consequences. If anypony dies, it will be your fault and you will be punished severely, even more severely than I already have planned.

Now Twilight is actually showing a little bit of sense, she admits that she should have listened to Starlight. Damn straight she should have. This whole mess could have been averted had she just listened to her superior and joined her in her bedroom but oh no, she just had to go and release the Pony of Shadows. Now for one little thing they couldn't show while the animators weren't looking. Starlight forced Twilight onto the map and punished her! Starlight was in the mood for horn sex and I tell you, she sure gave it to Twilight rough, so rough I heard her cries of pain! Maybe next time Twilight will learn to listen to Starlight instead of putting Equestria in jeopardy.

After Starlight being rough with Twily and then cleaning the blood off of her horn, we can get back to what the animators could show, Twilight was feeling bad about them not only going to lose the Old Pillars but going to lose the Elements as well. Starlight says she has another idea that wouldn't involve banishing but it is immediately shot down by my Twily because she "wanted to take her magic as seriously as Starswirl does." I can tell by the look on Starlight's face that she thinks that Twilight really needs to rethink things and unless she wants another punishing session of horn sex, she probably better.

While Twilight was getting punished by Starlight and Starswirl and Sunburst was doing Faust knows what (I'd rather not know), it looks like the other girls and their elder counterparts have headed to Manehattan to discover that it is way too bright and over developed for the Pony of Shadows to be hiding there. Well no shit ladies, I could have told you that without you wasting government funds on the trip out there. I'm thinking I'll simply force Applejack to give Luna fritters for free, force Pinkie to give me cake for free, fine Rainbow a ton of money and punish Rarity and Fluttershy over this. Hey that way, we all win, right?

Alright, after finishing wasting government funds, everypony has returned to the castle and all of a sudden Twilight has come up with a new banishing spell, one that wouldn't require losing the Elements. Good, I was hoping that she could come up with something to keep Starswirl from destroying our wonderful country. Now for the bad news, Starswirl claims her spell is only half baked and that he wouldn't consider using it. What a prick! Now Twily, do you see now why Starswirl never got laid? Do you see now why he couldn't get a marefriend to save his soul? It was because he was an asshole, that's why!

Now they are planning their trip to Hollow Shades and while most everypony seems enthusiastic, Starswirl still seems to be his grouchy, asshole self. Now for something amazing, the only rational thinking pony in the bunch has finally decided to offer her alternative to dooming Equestria forever. Yep, Starlight has suggested talking to the Pony of Shadows and seeing if they could convince him to not want to doom Equestria. Good girl Starlie, good girl! Unfortunately, Starswirl dismisses the idea and then pisses me off. He claimed, "Once a villain, always a villain." That old coot knows nothing about modern Equestria. Let's see, Starlight, Luna, Discord and Sunset are proof that his uneducated statement is completely false.

Now we learn about what may have finally caused the Pony of Shadows to come to be. Get this, it was a pony named Stygian who actually got the Old Pillars together to defeat *gasps* the sirens! So that is what they looked like they were banished? Ok, now I know for sure, do not go through the mirror, find Sonata and bring her home because those things look scary as hell! Wait a minute, they had those pendants back then. I wonder if since they don't have them anymore that if I brought them back that they would be ponies instead? As much as I think that Sonata would likely become a little hottie who would be forced into my harem, I better not risk anything.

Alright, back to Stygian. Well after rounding up the Old Pillars and tricking the sirens to go through a portal to the human world, they all celebrate but he gets no credit at all. He may not have had powerful magic but he did round them up so that should have counted for something. According to Starswirl, he stole their artifacts and wanted to take that power for himself. Given that this is coming from him, I call bullshit on it. I'm certain there has to be something else that happened, something that may actually be a sad story.

I swear, the more I see Starswirl and his attitude, the more agitated I get. I swear, if Flitter were into guys I'd turn her loose on him right now with as pissed as she is but luckily for your sexy Sun Goddess, she isn't! Alright, back to Twilight's castle. Starlight finally decides to tell Starswirl what she thinks. She uses herself as an example that ponies can change and has hopes that maybe Stygian could as well but Starswirl blows his stack over it and claims you can't befriend a pony like that. You know what, Starlight is right. It's a good thing he wasn't around back when she was defeated or Twilight may have banished her to limbo. The look on Twilight's face when she said that was priceless. It looked like maybe she was finally beginning to see how shortsighted her idol is, but will it really sink in?

What happened next would bring me a lot of concern, they headed out to the Tree of Harmony and took the Elements away! Do they not remember how it nearly withered away and died last time? Oh but because Starswirl said it was necessary, everypony except Starlight went along with the plan. Complete idiots they are, believing an old coot in a wizard outfit would know best. Hell that is almost as bad as taking anything that creature Twilight befriended seriously. Come on all of you, if Starlight says your idea is screwed up, then it is likely screwed up!

Now they have went to Hollow Shades and have fallen into the Well of Shade. Guess who shows up to wipe them out, the Pony of Shadows. Oh please all of you, please just let Starlight talk to that thing, let it know that it can change and that life would be better. Use your story as an example and maybe Equestria would be saved. Unfortunately, that is not what happened.

Well it looks like they have decided to screw Equestria over and use the Elements on that thing. Wait a minute, is that a pony trapped in there? It is Stygian and it looks like Twilight is finally going to put to use the skills I taught her, she is heading in to offer that poor soul friendship. I can't help but feel bad for him, he admits that he wasn't jealous and wanted power, all he did was make replicas so he could have their respect. Now I'm not sure if Twilight can get through to him but I know of somepony who can!

Enter Starlight Glimmer, she too goes into the shadow to talk to this poor soul and despite this, the darkness is still consuming him. My girls know they have to do something so they attempt to pull him out of the shadow. While I admire their perseverance, it turns out it will take a whole lot more than just them to save him, it took everypony and the power of the Elements of Harmony but finally, they were able to save Stygian, destroy the Pony of Shadows and guess what? The Elements were not lost nor were the Old Pillars!

I am so relieved that everything wound up being ok but there were two things that made me the happiest. Starswirl admitting that they were a bunch of assholes to Stygian and that arrogance clouded their judgment. What was even better, my Starlie bragged to Starswirl about how she was RIGHT! Yep, diplomacy did the trick here and Starlight is the one who was pretty much responsible for them choosing the right path to handle this. She may be Twilight's student but with the way she acts, you'd think she was mine. I'm so proud!

Get this, Twilight had the audacity to bring the winner of the 2017 Grump of the Year award to the castle. Weird thing is, he lost the attitude when he saw us but instead, complemented me on how tall I had gotten! Damn straight Starswirl, when you're the most powerful being in the universe you're going to grow big! Now for what I finally wanted to hear, he praised my subjects and said that if I needed wisdom, just turn to my lovelies and their not so attractive friends. Oh Starswirl, if you only knew. I have plenty of wisdom but Starlight is probably the one who could provide me with everything I need to know.

Oh boy, I have a feeling that Starlight is likely going to anger Trixie. Look at the way her and Twilight are interacting. Twilight admitted to Starlight that she was right and when they hugged, I could tell what was really going to happen when they got home, sexy times! Now I would normally have joined them but makeup sex is meant to just be between two ponies, not three or more. Now don't worry about me, I grabbed Fluttershy and Rarity, hauled them up to my sleeping chambers and gave them to Flitter. Now Starswirl and the other Pillars asked what those cries of pain were and I simply had to tell him that they was hearing things.

Oh and don't worry everypony, he didn't demand that we turn over those essays we owed him before he went missing. Good thing too because I don't think either one of us even remembered what we were supposed to write.

Now season 7 is over and after Twilight and Starlight have their makeup sex, Twilight shall join me in punishing Somnambula for saving that prince. She's finally going to learn that you do not go saving members of the lesser sex, especially when your true overlord is far more powerful!

Bonus Episode! A Flurry of Destruction

Bonus Episode! A Flurry of Destruction

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and I have some amazing news for you! For the first time ever, the writers have decided to not just force everypony to go into hibernation for several months and are going to have some things happen during the off-season. Yeah it means that Twily won't be confined to my sleeping chambers but perhaps I can cause some trouble! I'm in such a good mood I shall give you the synopsis of the unexpected episode, "A Flurry of Destruction."

Another day has arrived in Ponyville and it looks like my little Twily has quite a busy day on her schedule. It looks like she is going to go give some sort of lecture at the local school. Seriously Twily, I didn't think they were ready for sex ed! I know Cheerilee is frustrated and has been wanting some action but is school really the place to do that?

As you all probably know I am upset that Twilight would put all of this ahead of coming up to see me so I have decided to stir up some trouble. A couple days ago I sent a message to Cadence telling her that I needed to see her, Shining Armor and that sorry excuse of a creature they call a crystaller for a couple days. To make things more fun, I told them that Twilight had a completely empty schedule and ordered them to drop Flurry off with her!

Now for the fun part, Twilight's reaction when the royal couple showed up with Flurry and basically pawned her off on her. Of course my sexy Twily, wanting to reclaim her title of BAE (best aunt ever) immediately agreed to watch her despite Spike throwing a fit claiming that they had so much to do. Now I must say I am proud of Twilight, she smacked Spike and told him to shut the hell up! To make matters better Hasbro decided to air these off-season bonus episodes on FX so no editing is needed!

Ok, Flurry has been dropped off and Cadence and company are headed up here. Now I am going to need to have somepony keep them occupied because not only have I had a cake delivered to my balcony, I'm sure that Flurry is going to cause all sorts of mayhem. I hope she causes so much that I have to go down and make Twily feel all better!

It took a while but eventually Twilight, Flurry and Spike head off towards the school so her and Cheerilee can give the kiddos a live porno. Now both of them must be punished. It is bad enough they are going to do this in front of the students but exposing Flurry to this is unacceptable! I'm pretty sure she still has virgin eyes because no way in hell does Cadence screw her mane stylist in front of her.

Alright, it turns out that Twilight is simply giving them a history lesson on Equestria and as expected, most of the kids have fallen asleep and Flurry is yanking on Twilight's tail because she wants to play instead of listening to her drone on about something that nopony cares about.

Now my plan is really going to start to take shape. Flurry finally got sick and tired of Twily not paying attention to her so she simply decided to start discharging energy. I can see in one of the windows and what I saw was hilarious! She woke those brats up by destroying a few desks, she caused Cheerilee to scream in pain when she burned her so bad she lost most of her tail and get this, she bit Twilight! Yep, she clamped down on one of her ears and continued firing energy until she took out an entire wall! This is way too funny, our beloved Flurry is causing some damage.

Now I am not happy with Twilight. She went into full blown bitch mode and began yelling at poor little Flurry. Of course Flurry put up her defense shield until Twilight decided to calm down and apologize to her for being such a bitch. Now that the school has been destroyed and Cheerilee frazzled, what else do they have to do?

Oh yay, now Twilight is going to see Rarity! Now girls, don't go doing things around her that she shouldn't be seeing! Shit, I can't see inside of Rarity's home so I do the invisibility and teleport to see all the action. Now I never knew that Twilight had any interest in sewing because Rarity is giving her a lesson. I can see it in Twilight's eyes though, she's thinking that maybe if she learns how to sew, that Rarity will pick her more often than she does Fluttershy.

Once again Flurry is angry and begins to discharge energy, blasting out windows in Rarity's house. Now I feel so bad for Flurry because Rarity has began calling her every name in the book! Now Flurry must have heard all these words before because she begins to destroy Rarity's inspiration room! Oh this is too funny, she destroyed her fabric, she destroyed her sewing machine and blew out a window before taking off. Now Twily is all grumpy and has taken off after her and of course I have to follow them!

I wasn't sure where Flurry was going to go next but soon I would discover it and I would be happy, well somewhat. She has flown over to one of my favorite places, Fluttershy's cottage. Fluttershy was once again proving that she cares way too much about those stupid animals and not nearly enough about me as she was out there trying to teach her squirrels how to dance! Good grief, what a dumb bitch. Luckily for me that would be interrupted when Flurry landed on Fluttershy's back and clung to her.

When Twily arrived she was visibly angry and when she tried to pick Flurry off of Fluttershy's back, she put up her defense shield because she was scared of Twilight and was not about to go anywhere with her. Now Fluttershy's reaction was hilarious. She scolded, "Now Twilight, if you'd stop being such a bitch to the poor thing maybe she wouldn't be doing this!" Oh how I love the FX version, no editing!

Well my Twily decided that if she can't get her with magic, she'll get her the old fashioned way, with her hooves. Once again Flurry has proven that she does not want to go anywhere with her because she bit her, again! It isn't just Twilight that she has angered, she has angered Fluttershy too. In a desperate attempt to avoid being taken, she fired some energy and fried one of Fluttershy's rabbits! Sweet, now I can have that rabbit stew I have been dreaming of.

Now Flurry has taken off and you'd think that my Twily would take off after her but she didn't! Her and Fluttershy were both so agitated and frazzled that they went into her cottage and had some fun! Normally I would have joined them but I had to keep an eye on Flurry. I know that Cadence would be a grade A bitch if Flurry suddenly went missing and there was no trace of her. Hey, I'm doing Twilight a favor because I know for a fact that if Flurry went missing entirely, Cadence would stop putting out, well for her anyway.

Luckily for me and unfortunately for Twilight, Flurry took off for Canterlot. I know Twily will have a very angry brother and an even angrier sister-in-law if they see Flurry up here without her. I'm going to let you all in on something and if you tell anypony else, I'll slaughter Rainbow on screen since I know you all love her so much. Trying to keep up with Flurry is challenging and tiring!

Finally though I followed her into the library and she began to giggle like she always does and like always, the snotty patrons of the library told her to shush for making noise. Most ponies obey their requests but Flurry continued to giggle louder and began destroying books, whole shelves of books. I tell you, she especially angered Moondancer when she destroyed not only the table she was sitting at but the books that were on it.

Now I was not happy when the unicorns in there started firing energy at her. It looks like I'm going to have some ponies to round up and punish severely, perhaps the moon for a while. For all of you who love Flurry don't worry, I know who they are. After destroying a great number of books Flurry finally blew a window out and headed towards the palace, probably looking for her mama.

I followed her and she was sitting there on my balcony doing something that would normally piss me off, she was eating my cake! Yep, she was eating my cake but I'll let it slide since she is so adorable and didn't know any better. Now I better catch her before she eventually finds her parents. I went after her but she headed in, blew my door off and headed straight towards the throne room. Shit, that is where Cadence is! If she gets there, Cadence and Shining Armor will be furious! They're already mad enough I threw their crystaller in the dungeon because he smiled at me and now this? What if she was to stop putting out for me too? I can't let that happen!

I continued to chase her but before I could catch her, she flew into the throne room and landed on Cadence's back. Great, just great. Cadence gave me a horrible glare and asked me why Flurry was in the castle and not with Twilight. It was then I realized, this ain't my fault so why should I worry. I told her that I wasn't responsible for her, that she put Twilight in charge of watching her. That got her to calm down but oh boy, she began to talk about how she was going to punish Twilight for being the worst aunt ever.

She asked me where she was and I told her how I had been watching things from my balcony and that she was with Fluttershy engaging in some of their favorite activities. Cadence knew what I was talking about so she had Shining Armor watch Flurry while she sped off to Ponyville to punish a couple of ponies, Twilight for simply allowing her to fly off and Fluttershy because she took Twily inside to have fun and while she did that, I headed up to my balcony to watch what was going on.

I tell you, this is where the FX version is so much better! As I watched from my balcony I saw Twilight and Fluttershy sucking face outside of her cottage and Cadence landed in front of them in a fury. I was seriously hoping that Cadence would punish them severely outside so I could watch them from up here but like always, I had to do the invisibility and teleport spell and holy shit, Cadence is really punishing them! Their cries of pain are almost unbearable even for me! Key word though, almost!

As the episode was ending they showed Cadence exiting Fluttershy's cottage with a bit of blood on her horn. I suppose that there are even some things that even they can't show. Oh well, I'm sure that most everyone knew what was going on. I'm sure they figured that Cadence was running her entire horn up inside both of them!

The episode ended and I decided to check on my girls and the poor things were bloodied down south and I decided to be nice and use my magic to heal them, at a price! I forced them to come with me up to my sleeping chambers and locked them in for six days straight and you're not going to believe this, Luna decided to join us. I never once imagined that my sister would join in on my sexy times but I must say, she has a thing for Fluttershy and I think the feelings are mutual! Oh well, I'm sure we can make an agreement on who gets Fluttershy on what day.

Now if all of you will excuse me, my sister and I have two hot mares to have a whole lot of fun with. If you need something taken care of, talk to one of the guards. I'm sure they can take care of things.

Bonus Episode! Swamp Fever Strikes Again!

Bonus Episode! Swamp Fever Strikes Again!

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and it looks like we have another unexpected off-season bonus episode. Fortunately, everypony has paid their taxes and there haven't been any uprisings so I shall share with you my synopsis of "Swamp Fever Strikes Again!"

Well it looks like my sexy Fluttershy is out addressing most of the town so I shall watch here from my balcony so that in the event she freaks out and needs some TLC from yours Truly, I can quickly get down there.

Remember how she found the cure for Swamp Fever after she got Zecora sick? Well she is out informing the town about the disease, everything from what causes it to the symptoms, to the cure and how it is acquired. I am proud of my girl for spreading her knowledge but some of the ponies down there I am not so impressed with. I am watching Pinkie from here and I can see the wheels turning in her head, I can see her wanting to cough bubbles and sneeze lightning.

Alright, it looks like Fluttershy has finished her lesson and now something completely unexpected happens. It looks like Pinkie has rounded up Cheerilee and her entire class and they are discussing taking a visit to this swamp to see how these flowers actually work. Now I have come to the conclusion that not only is Pinkie out of her pie craving mind but Cheerilee is a fucking moron. Seriously Cheers, you would rather go and risk getting sick than coming up and making me happy? Guess what folks, after this episode is over the sexiest schoolteacher in Equestria is going to get punished severely!

All I have to say is that I'm glad that the CMC did not join everypony else on this botany lesson. I swear, most of those kids must be idiots and so must Cheerilee because they got in the water and got sprayed. Even worse, in her attempt to rescue my teaching lovely, Pinkie got sprayed too. Now get this, this leaves Snips and Snails as the only ponies to go and get this cure. I have a bad feeling that I'm going to wind up being short one lovely because from what I understand, once the victim of Swamp Fever completely turns into a tree, they can't be saved.

Now I have only one option, I must follow Dumb and Dumber out to the bayou to watch them and the trouble they are going to cause. I swear, some places in Equestria are so remote. This place seems just as remote as that hippie commune Apple Bloom made that pie delivery to. Enough about that though, I am officially in a state of shock. Snips and Snails managed to remember what Meadowbrook's tree looked like from what my Fluttershy told everypony.

Just like what my girls did, they broke into the place and were greeted by Cat Tail. You should have heard his response when he heard what those two told him and this is why the FX version is better. He yelled, "Good grief, is your teacher a fucking moron or something?"

I swear, those two must have lame parents because they got upset at him for using profanity around them! They claimed that their parents don't think colts should be exposed to such language. What a bunch of losers, yeah they may be smarter than Cheerilee right now but they are obviously a couple of naive fucks who need to go and get a life.

Alright, Cat Tail told them about what they need to do to get the honey and they act like they have no idea what he is talking about. Hell Snips even went as far as saying that he bet he could get the honey without that mask, what an idiot. Even though his slightly less dumb friend and Cat Tail told him to wear the mask, he went and tried to get the honey without it. Of course we all know the little idiot got stung multiple times.

After dragging Snips into Meadowbrook's tree, Snails put the mask on and was able to easily get what should be enough honey to cure the idiots back home but something is going to delay their return. Apparently Snips is allergic to these bees' venom and has went into a delayed state of shock. Well isn't this just dandy? Now they are going to have to wait a couple of days before they can return. What is even worse, there is no anti-venom for these damn bees so if Snips winds up dying, Snails will likely go into emotional despair and drown himself out here.

You have no idea how badly I wanted to just grab that honey and fly it back to Ponyville but unfortunately someauthor won't let me! He won't let me save my sexy schoolteacher!

"Princess Celestia, I am sorry but that is not part of the plan!"

"But StormLuna, what if Cheerilee turns into a tree? I will lose a lovely and there will be nopony to teach the foals!"

"Oh I'm sure I can find you another lovely and I'm sure finding another teacher won't be that hard."

"But who StormLuna, I don't think there are any other good teachers out there!"

"Oh I'll get Iron Will to do it. His self help business collapsed and I heard his zeppelin cruise business failed too."

"But he's a mino...."

"No buts Celestia, if Cheerilee turns into a tree, just deal with it!"

Can you believe it? StormLuna doesn't even care if I lose a lovely and the foals lose their beloved teacher. Well I guess I'll just have to hope that he will find another lovely for me and I suppose Iron Will churning out a bunch of narcissistic brats will have to do.

We all had to wait for three days for Snips to be ready to return to Ponyville, three days. I am getting really worried because what if ponies succumb to this a lot quicker than zebras do? I may have to just grab them in my aura and fly them home but I shall resist because I don't want to anger an author who is pissed his baseball team has fallen down 0-2 in the NLCS.

Finally Dumb and Dumber got back to Ponyville and it looks like my fears were right, not only had they begun to grow leaves but a few even began to take root, including Cheerilee. Luckily for me though Snails managed to give the honey to everypony and they were all saved except one. The colt with the silverware cutie mark turned into a tree. Don't worry, I forced Cheerilee to go and notify his parents of the bad news but after that, I decided she had to be punished severely for taking her class over there to start with. Pinkie on the other hoof, I'll just fine her a few hundred bits since she has saved Equestria in the past.

Once the episode ended I decided to hand out some punishments. Cheerilee I hauled up to my sleeping chambers and not only did I give it to her rough, I also let the girls from Somnambula give it to her rough. I tell you, they are so much happier now than they were the day I brought them home with me but Cheerilee wasn't the only one I punished!

I decided that since Fluttershy brought it up in front of the whole town that she had to be punished too. Let's just say that not only did I give it to her rough, Luna has really gotten freaky and made her life miserable as well and of course, the girls I brought home had their way with her as well.

I tell you, these off-season specials are pretty fun and have given me a bit more leeway in the way I can punish my girls when they misbehave. Now that I have satisfied my sexual appetite, it is time to go chow down on the cake that is being delivered to my balcony. If you need something that requires royal help don't bother. I'm eating my cake, Luna is chowing down on the girls from Somnambula and Twilight, well I don't know where the hell she is, maybe she went to screw Cadence since those two like getting freaky fairly often.

Bonus Episode! Back Out to Our Town

Bonus Episode! Back Out to Our Town

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess and I am in a very good mood. The girls I brought up with me from southern Equestria have been extremely subservient, everypony has paid their taxes and there have been no uprisings so I have decided I will share with you my synopsis of the unexpected episode "Back Out to Our Town."

Another morning has arrived and it looks like some ponies are getting ready for a road trip down in Ponyville and guess what, I have decided to join them. I want to know what they are up to and I don't feel like simply using my magic to monitor them so I decided to do the invisibility and teleport spell to go down there.

Regarding this trip, it looks like Big Mac is making another apple delivery out to Our Town, again! I can't help but wonder if something is going on between Big Mac and Sugar Belle. I know that I bitch when mares grow close with members of the lesser sex but I'll make an exception here. Big Mac is strong, nice and loyal and I can tell if he and Sugar Belle hook up, he would be perfect for her. I'm going to share a little secret with you but don't you tell anypony or I'll impale Twilight with my horn, Big Mac is the one male I don't consider to be inferior. I actually think of him as equal with mares which is why I will give a relationship between him and Sugar Belle my blessing.

Now regarding the other ponies going on this trip. Starlight looks like she has grabbed a fair amount of bits and plans on buying a lot of treats from Sugar Belle since they are so good. I wonder if she makes cake because if she does, I'll force Starlight to buy me some since she has misbehaved lately and I own her again. The CMC are also going because they got a letter from that Feather Bangs idiot requesting that they help him talk to the mares up there without getting so nervous he can't say much of anything to them.

Eventually we headed out and I can't help but wonder what is going to happen regarding this Feather Bangs idiot. Starlight has told me a bit about him and she told me that he is a pretty boy that probably shouldn't be chasing after mares since he is basically a grade A diva. Maybe I won't have to worry about it because I'm sure I can get most of the mares up there to see that mares are better and he'll die of a broken heart.

Once we got out there I couldn't help but remember seeing my girls imprisoned in the propaganda hut which has been turned into another house and just like she told me, Starlight's old house is gone and has been replaced by a tree. It is kind of saddening because I could have used that place to break in any new lovelies I might acquire out here.

Naturally once we got to town Big Mac headed straight to Sugar Belle's bakery. Starlight was going to head straight there too but she thought she'd give the two love birds some space so she went to talk to Night Glider, Party Favor and Double Diamond to catch up. There wasn't anything interesting going on there so I figured I'd spy on the CMC while they went to find Feather Bangs and he wouldn't be too hard to find.

Get this, now he is trying to impress Night Glider! Good grief he is an idiot! Can't he tell that she and Party Favor have grown fairly close and that Double Diamond seems fairly protective of those two. Oh well, with Starlight being there I know things will be fine. I was secretly hoping that she would unmark the idiot and injure him but she knows she can't do that. She did however smack him a few times and told him to leave her friends alone.

Eventually the girls heard him whining and begging Starlight to stop smacking him so they went to his rescue. This is sad, very sad. Three fillies had to save a "stallion" from a mare who would stop at nothing to stand up for her friends. It was kind of funny how the girls were giving him words of comfort and trying to build his confidence back up. Oh well, if the mares in this town paid attention to this, they'll see how truly pathetic he is and maybe run him out of town.

Now for the girls aiding Feather Bangs in learning how to talk to the mares instead of him simply using lame pickup lines and doing dumb shit like juggling. They told him that the mares aren't going to be impressed by that, that they will be impressed by him doing meaningful things for them. Well he better hope that none of them want things built for them because I'm pretty sure he has no experience with a hammer.

Now this is horribly pathetic, he saw those three mares that seemed so mesmerized by him and the girls told him to go talk to them. Even though he was a babbling mess and only said some dumb pickup line to them they still gave him that lovesick sigh and started talking about how wonderful he was. I have decided that is going to stop. I haven't exactly decided how I'm going to do it yet though. Who knows, I may make myself known, tell these ponies that he MUST be unmarked and then have Starlie unmark him. I know that will bring back bad memories to these ponies but hey, if I tell them it must be done then they won't think anything bad about Starlight.

Enough about Feather Bangs for now, off to the bakery. It seems like just another delivery, well for Big Mac anyway. Sugar Belle and Big Mac are talking about how life is going so maybe I can sneak in undetected. I did so for two reasons, one I wanted to see if I would eventually be officiating a wedding but more importantly, I wanted to see if there was anything good to eat. Now I would not be thrilled with what I saw, there was no cake in there! There was not even one measly slice in there. Now I feel like this trip was all for naught and that maybe Luna should have done this instead since there were tons and tons of fritters.

Enough of this, watching Big Mac and Sugar Belle giggle and talk about their feelings is boring as hell and I'm not even going to bother listening in on Starlight and her other friends because I am watching from a distance and it.....wait a minute, am I hearing this right? Is Night Glider talking to Starlight about having a threesome with her and Trixie? Maybe this will be worth my time.

I sneaked over there and sure enough, that is what I heard. What really surprised me is Night Glider told her to bring Trixie out and they could have that threesome next weekend. Of course Party Favor sighed in sadness because apparently that is her sign that she only likes mares and that she only sees him as a good friend. Now this makes me happy knowing that another mare in this country has proven that she has good taste in who she wants to buck.

Enough with them, I'm going back to monitor the girls and Feather Bangs. Now here is something hilarious, he tried talking to one of the other mares in town and used that pickup line and she smacked him! Yep she smacked him and even better, she told him that she hopes that Starlight unmarked him and then gave him a sex change operation. I'm going to be honest though, I don't see Starlight even exposing herself to something as nasty as a penis. I could see her simply pawning him off on me and making me do it but hey, I'll gladly do it since I've done it before.

Finally after what seemed to be forever Big Mac is ready to leave and Starlight was finally able to go in and buy some treats. I decided to follow her in and I am not a happy princess. She wound up buying a lot of fritters and told Sugar Belle that she is hoping to "get on Luna's good side." I can't help but wonder what the hell she meant by that. I think she knows about how Luna has suddenly started joining in on my sexy times and she wants to get in Luna's coat. What if she was to want to have a solo session with Luna? Well I guess that would beat her engaging in activities with a member of the lesser sex.

Here we are at the end of the episode and the girls finally got Feather Bangs to go talk to those mares that like him so much. Scootaloo simply told him to tell them what he really felt and get this, he told them that he would love nothing more than to knock them all up! What happened next was even funnier, they ganged up on him and stomped him into the ground. Now I have decided that those three must be rewarded for this!

The last thing they showed was the CMC pulling his bruised body up but after the credits started to roll, I made myself known and I shocked everypony. Now was I going to go and whine to Sugar Belle about her not having any cake, no I was not. I did go and talk to three hotties who suddenly proved that they are not mindless dingbats. While everypony else was leaving, they led me into their house and we decided to have some fun. Yes other ponies bitched about the noise but that wouldn't be a problem for much longer.

Those three not only meet my requirements because of their sexiness, but they also satisfied my needs in the bedroom and best of all, they begged me to take them home with me and get them away from Feather Bangs. Sweet, unlike the mares from Somnambula who were unhappy I took them, these three happily joined me! Now that they will join the other two as on-site lovelies, I figure I may as well build them their own room. I also told those three about my other girls and they can't wait to meet them!

I know I'm likely going way too much into detail but these three are rather assertive so I know they'll own the girls from southern Equestria and maybe dominate me once in a while. Normally I wouldn't allow that but I might let these three do it rather frequently, all at once of course!

It is time to go now and I have three very hot mares to carry home in my aura. What a shame they didn't share their names with me when I gave them their entrance exam but I'll find out once I get them home. Now there is one final thing I have to hope for, I have to hope that Starlight doesn't seduce Luna with those fritters she bought because I know for a fact that Trixie will be devastated and a devastated Trixie is no fun in the sack.

Author's Note

Celestia's newest lovelies

Bonus Episode: Shattering Crystals

Author's Note

This chapter is not canon and will not have any affect on season 8 episodes.

Bonus Episode: Shattering Crystals

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess and do I have a surprise for you. One of my lovelies who had been extremely disobedient here lately was finally reeducated and punished enough that she came back to the good side. Also, the castle chef tried out a new recipe for cake and it is even better than the last one! Because of all this, I shall give you my synopsis of the unexpected episode "Shattering Crystals."

Another day has arrived in Ponyville and my girls are in the castle and I can't see what is going on! Well rather than begging StormLuna to just let me use some other method to report this, I did the invisibility and teleport spell into the throne room and it looks like Twilight, Starlight and Trixie are in there discussing an upcoming road trip, a road trip just for those three. I can't help but wonder, what if they are going to Las Pegasus to do some gambling and then have a threesome in the fanciest hotel room down there? I certainly hope so because I would gladly join them and make that a foursome.

Unfortunately though that is not where they are going, they are going to the Crystal Empire to visit the royal family and apparently her reeducating wasn't enough because Starlight wants to see Sunburst. Luckily though Trixie warned Starlight that either she lets her stay by her side the whole time or she along with the rest of my harem would punish her severely!

Enough about their discussion in the throne room, they have headed off to the train station with me following of course and I can't help but notice that Spike isn't present. Oh well, he could be enslaving himself to Applejack or attempting to whore himself out to Rarity and I honestly wouldn't care because he would just get in the way. What matters is that he will not be in the way causing any problems. Another thing I couldn't help but notice is that while Starlight and Trixie were talking, they were looking at one another straight into the eyes and Trixie's horn was glowing. I wonder what she could be up to but I do have a feeling that it will make me a very happy princess!

After a boring trip to the Empire the train arrived, we disembarked and headed straight to the palace. Once we arrived at the palace we were greeted by Cadence, Shining Armor, Flurry Heart and that creature that both Trixie and I hope to wipe out one day. I swear, the look on Trixie's face was priceless, it was a look of pure hatred and if I weren't invisible, everypony would see the same thing from me.

Naturally Sunburst immediately runs to Starlight and they embrace but Trixie pulled them apart and decided they should all embrace at once. I certainly don't like her giving that thing any attention or even pretending to but I know what her true reason is, I know that it is to keep her marefriend from being corrupted again.

Twilight immediately rushes to the royal family but I have decided to keep an eye on my girls and that glorified babysitter that Starlight considers a friend. Sunburst wanted him and Starlight to go talk in his house alone and I am not thrilled. Despite Trixie threatening Starlight with punishment, she still told her to go to the castle while they talked. I feel so bad for Trixie, she ran off towards the palace with tears streaming down her face. I decided that I would monitor Starlight and that loser friend of hers in the event she was to do something a lovely of mine should not be doing.

It turned out that it was good that I decided to stay and monitor this. Sunburst began talking to Starlight about their friendship and how despite them having differences that they had grown closer. I was seriously hoping Starlight would disagree but she didn't, she agreed. After that they decided to study some magic that Sunburst is far too stupid to do. Get this, remember how Cadence turned the water mane into crystal to stop the flooding during that miserable summit, Starlight was reading how it worked and she decided to try it on something. She wound up turning one of Sunburst's plates into crystal. I knew she could do it but I was really hoping she would turn something else into crystal instead but oh no, she wouldn't turn a glorified babysitter into crystal, dumb bitch anyway.

After two hours of yapping those two finally decided to leave and head to the castle. Once we got there poor Trixie was beside herself. She was in the dining hall by herself crying, sobbing about her marefriend betraying her. Since nopony else was around I revealed myself to her and let her know that I spied on them and told her that nothing bad happened. I did tell her though that Starlight learned a new spell to turn things into crystal and I could see the wheels turning in her head, I could tell that she was going to try and get Starlight to show her how it works on something fairly close to Sunburst but cause her to misfire and hit him.

Ok, I had to go invisible again and a more confident Trixie joined the others in the throne room and while Twilight wasn't sure about it at first, Cadence let Trixie go up to Flurry Heart and talk to her. Get this, she actually landed on her back and began to nibble on her ear, bringing out a bunch of giggling. Isn't that cute, little Flurry Heart likes Trixie but what was the funniest was when she said, "Ma-ma" right in Trixie's ear. Wow, the adorable thing has learned to talk but now Cadence is devastated that her daughter called somepony else ma-ma. Oh well, I'm sure I can make her feel all better later on.

Now they have all decided to sit down and have some boring talk about how they think that with the right help, Starlight and Twilight could help Sunburst make himself useful and not only know a lot about magic but actually know how to do it. I can't help but think, "Yeah right, if that loser had any real magical abilities, he would have been able to cast spells when he was in my school." Sorry ladies but you can't fix stupid.

After Twilight brought up how hard that would be, Trixie brought up her ability to cast transfiguration spells and wanted to show off her abilities. Cadence was completely against this being done in the throne room but had no problems doing it in what Cadence called their "relaxation room." At first I thought she was talking about their sleeping chambers but it wound up being a larger version of a commoner's living room.

Now for Trixie to show off her powers, Sunburst was sitting in a rather uncomfortable guests' chair and Trixie told him that she could easily turn that thing into a comfortable recliner. She fired some energy at that thing and did exactly what she said she would do. Now for what is funnier, Sunburst admitted that Trixie had more magical talent than him! Well I'm going to have to tell Discord this and warn him that he better never call Trixie a below average showmare ever again.

While they were discussing magic, Starlight was talking about how she learned how to turn things into crystal and both my sexy Twily and Trixie wanted to see her do it. I'm thinking that Trixie must be rubbing off on Starlight because she boasted that she could turn that recliner into crystal while avoiding striking Sunburst. Now everypony except Sunburst wanted to see this and despite his pleas for her to not do so, she fired the energy.

Now despite me being invisible, I can still nudge other ponies so I gave her a slight nudge that caused her to misfire just a little bit. She turned both the recliner and Sunburst into crystal! I could see the elation in Trixie's eyes because she thought that maybe this would be the end of him. What was funny was when Cadence asked Starlight if she learned the reversal spell and fortunately she didn't which meant that Cadence would have to do it.

Here is the thing with those reversal spells, they require a lot of concentration and can't be done with too much power or they will wind up shattering the crystallized object and in the event of something living that had the spell cast on it, kill it and this gave me an idea!

I walked over by Cadence and despite them hearing my hoof steps, they just talked and assumed they were hearing things. Once Cadence's horn began to glow I readied myself to make Trixie a very happy mare. Just as Cadence began to fire her energy and cast the spell, I grabbed her flank which caused her to put a ton of power into it.

Everypony looked on in shock as her energy was so powerful that it lit up the room and then there was that sound of shattering crystals. Once her energy subsided all that remained was a pile of shattered crystals. The recliner had been shattered, Sunburst had been shattered and you know what that means, Sunburst is dead!

"Yes, yes, yes! Thank you StormLuna, thank you for letting me cause Sunburst to die!"

"You're welcome Celestia. I promised you a non-canon episode where he would die and you know I wouldn't lie about something like that."

"So now you'll let me, Starlight and Trixie celebrate!"

"Yes but it will have to be after the credits roll."

"Well I can live with that and again thank you!"

"Again you're welcome but now you need to get back to work."

"Gotcha, getting back to work."

I'm so happy StormLuna let things go my way for a change and he didn't even make me promise not to alter future endings! Well I guess I better get back to work if I don't want to risk losing those after episode sexy times with my girls.

Of course Cadence, Shining Armor, Flurry Heart and Twilight began to sob uncontrollably but I couldn't help but notice Starlight's reaction. I thought she too would be sobbing but she was just standing there with a solemn look on her face. When Trixie tried to console her she simply replied, "Well there is nothing we can do now. Death is just part of the circle of life."

You should have seen the looks on the faces of the others. Their jaws dropped open over Starlight's reaction but eventually they figured that Starlight was simply trying to remain strong. Now of course they had to get a memorial service set up but it would take three days to get it ready! While Twilight figured that it was important that they stay and attend it, Starlight and Trixie were just itching to get home but my sexy Twily made them stay.

Yeah it was a nice ceremony and Starlight tried her hardest to look sad but she was failing miserably and I know exactly why. I honestly thought they would show this but during the time they skipped, Starlight and Trixie stayed in their VIP bedroom. Those two claimed it was so that Starlight could mourn and Trixie could console her but I know what really happened! Let's just say it's a good thing that room has thick walls because sexy times ensued, lots and lots of raunchy, kinky sexy times!

After the memorial service we all headed home and I tell you, once we all got back to Ponyville they headed into the throne room to discuss everything. Twilight was really trying to make Starlight feel better and believe it or not, Starlight did a really good job of looking sad but the same couldn't be said of Trixie as she had a slight smile on her face. Twilight saw this, yelled at her and called her a heartless bitch on screen. Now yeah there wasn't much of anything that would need editing if it were to air on Discovery Family but it did have a spectacular ending.

Now for what happened after the credits began to roll. Starlight and Trixie headed out to her trailer where I reversed my invisibility spell and told them how I was the one that nudged both Starlight and Cadence. Both of them were thrilled over this and just as I had hoped, they were begging for me to take them up to Canterlot so we could have a multi-day threesome so naturally I took them with me.

Now Trixie is happy because she doesn't have to worry about her marefriend being led astray by a disgusting creature from her past and I am happy too. I am happy because I don't have to reeducate one of my hottest lovelies because she knows mares are where it is at! In the end those who are important were happy so you could say that everypony came out ahead in this one.

Bonus Episode! A Magical Proposal

Author's Note

Unfortunately, this chapter is not canon and will only affect future bonus episodes.

Bonus Episode! A Magical Proposal

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess and do I have a surprise for you. The cake the castle chef made last night was extra good and all my lovelies joined me a few nights ago for a mega-orgy so I have decided to give you my synopsis of the bonus episode "A Magical Proposal."

Another day has arrived down in Ponyville and something seems different, Starlight, Twilight and Spike are not having breakfast in the castle like normal, they are eating at the cafe. Normally I would just wait up here for my cake but just by the way they are acting, I have a feeling that something important may be being discussed. I can't help but wonder, what if they are making plans to round all the girls up for another mega-orgy? If that is the case that would be sweet!

So that I can listen in on this I did the typical invisibility and teleport spell and what I heard when I got down there was not surprising but something seemed different about Starlight's tone of voice, her voice seemed so dreamy. She was going on and on to those two about how much she loves Trixie, how much she means to her and how perfect she is. I'm not sure about all that perfection but I will admit, having those two in my sleeping chambers together absolutely is perfect!

I can tell by the looks on both their faces that they are getting tired of Starlight's rambling on and on about how wonderful Trixie is. Eventually Twilight told her to shut the hell up and talk about something other than how sweet Trixie is. Well Starlight did so but then she did something I never thought she would do. She decided to tell those two that she planned on asking Trixie "the big question."

Wait a minute, I thought they already were marefriends! What else could she possibly be thinking about....wait a minute, does she mean "the big, big question?" Wow, if that is the case I will be amazed beyond belief. I know that Starlight loves her but is she really willing to commit like this? Come on Celestia, what are you thinking? Yes Starlight loves Trixie but she isn't going to ask her that because she loves all the trysts she has with my other girls and if they committed to one another, she couldn't take part in our orgies anymore!

Alright, now that I have eased my fears of maybe losing two of my lovelies to some silly thing such as "the big question" I can focus on what is more important, focusing on those three and keeping my eyes peeled on Sugarcube Corner, waiting for the smell of a freshly baked cake!

After what seemed to be forever they parted ways and I decided to follow Starlight and see what she is up to. Get this everypony, she headed to the jewelry store of all places! Is she going to get Trixie a brooch or some necklace to celebrate their five hundredth sexy times session or something? Whatever it is, it is likely going to be something expensive because she has a huge bag of bits. I can't help but wonder though, where the hell did she get those bits to start with?

Ok, she has gone into the jewelry store and is talking to the clerk about how she has to find a ring that is perfect for her sweetie because she plans on proposing that night. What, am I hearing this right? Is she actually going to ask The Arrogant but Sexy Trixie to marry her? She better not or somepony is going to be devastated and I'm sure you know who I'm talking about, right?

I'm standing there watching in shock and then a state of disapproval as Starlight has found a horn ring with a diamond that must be at least two karats. I know she has a good sized bag of bits but seriously, she has enough to afford that thing? Apparently the clerk knows Starlight ain't that rich and asked her how she's going to afford this. Now I am a very angry princess, Twilight decided to loan her the money! That little bitch, how dare she enable two ponies to commit to one another and leave my harem? Yes I'm happy that those two will be getting married, assuming Trixie says yes, but still I'm upset. I'm sure you know what that means! It means that Twilight shall face my angry wrath.

Well Starlight bought the ring and left the store. I decided to follow her because knowing her, I'm sure that she won't go to visit Trixie directly and I was right. She was talking about heading up to Canterlot to ask me how to go about this in a perfect manner. I swear, is she completely nuts? How the hell would I know anything about marriage proposals, I'm allergic to monogamy and have no desire to commit to one mare and she should know that!

You know what I did, I decided to break protocol and start calling out to her to go behind the train station. She did so and I revealed myself. Yeah she was very shocked to see me but I told her that I had been listening in and I had the perfect advice to make that proposal perfect. I told her to take her sweetie out to supper IN MY SLEEPING CHAMBERS, then we'd have a threesome and then she could propose to her.

Of course anypony with common sense would consider this the perfect plan but she didn't think so! She went as far as to call me a nympho and that I should mind my own business when it comes to this. What a fucking bitch she has suddenly become since she has a rock to give to Trixie. Guess what though, I have decided to not punish her severely or banish her to the moon, instead I will simply give her my blessing, officiate the wedding and then join them on their honeymoon. Too bad she killed Sunburst though because I could have forced him to watch it and then he could have went and killed himself which is something everypony would have celebrated. Oh well, we can't go back now. Well Starlight could but I doubt she would even think about it, much less actually do it.

After talking with her I told her I was going back to Canterlot and went invisible again. As you know though, I did not return to Canterlot, I followed her to Trixie's wagon where she wound up inviting her to lunch. Naturally Trixie accepted the invitation to go out for free food, especially since her hot soon to be fiance offered it. As they headed towards the cafe I watched with a sick feeling in my stomach as I was pretty sure they would no longer want to take part in sexy times with me. Wait a minute, I just realized that I can force them to remain part of my harem whether they are married or not. I am the top princess in the land after all and just like those hotties from Somnambula and Our Town, if I want hotties, I'm taking them!

Eventually they reached the cafe and Starlight told Trixie to order anything she wanted because she had plenty of money and let me guess, Twilight loaned her money to buy Trixie the most expensive thing on the menu too. What a little bitch, here she knows how much those two mean to me yet she goes giving Starlight money thinking that a fancy meal will woo Trixie into no longer wanting sexy times with me? Well guess what, Twily is going to be punished extra severely tonight. While Starlight and Trixie will likely be rocking the night away, Twilight will find herself in a rather painful experience with my horn or should I go get the Twicane to do this? I haven't used it in a while so I suppose I could go get it and punish her both ways!

Finally those two have their fancy ass meals delivered and Starlight is acting strangely, very strangely. Trixie noticed this and asked what was going on. It looks like I was right, Starlight got down on one knee, held that ring up to Trixie and asked her to marry her, with everypony at the cafe watching! Trixie's jaw dropped open and she went silent for a moment. I could see Starlight's eyes dropping and I was thinking that she may need some serious counseling and perhaps some time with Luna if Trixie said no but eventually she looked around and announced, "The Great and Powerful Trixie shall accept Starlight's proposal! The Great and Powerful Trixie will gladly marry Starlight!"

Naturally you know what happened next, Trixie put that huge ring on her horn and then those two engaged in a passionate kiss and everypony at the cafe began to cheer for two former antagonists cementing their love in that way. I'm thinking that I will hold this wedding down in Ponyville because those two are relative unknowns in Canterlot and I also know that with Trixie going to play the role of the traditional bride that she will want all the love and adoration possible.

After their lunch they headed back to the castle to tell Twilight the good news and naturally she was ecstatic. I was watching with a bit of disgust as Twilight was hugging the two but then I got a huge grin on my face when she told them what Starlight would have to do to repay her. She told them that they would have to take part in several days of sexy times and that she would dominate both of them. Believe it or not but they actually agreed. I did decide one thing though, that was not going to be a three way for several days. I revealed myself, shocked them all and told them that I would take part in it and dominate all three of them!

I wasn't overly thrilled that Twilight would loan Starlight government money so I told Twilight I was going to punish her for doing that, I told Starlight that I would punish her for accepting the loan and that I would punish Trixie for accepting these gifts from a pony who obviously wouldn't have the money herself. Now had she accepted those gifts from me it would have been a different story but like I said earlier, I have no desire for monogamy and I am allergic to it as well.

Now for that night, I did punish them as promised and you'd think that with them being engaged now that Starlight and Trixie would object to it but they were not at all displeased over it. They both enjoyed it and said that they hope that even after the wedding, that they can continue to take part in our orgies and of course you know what I told them! You know I told them that I would gladly allow them to do so.

Well unfortunately the off-season bonus episodes have come to an end but it ain't all bad. Now I can haul Twilight into my sleeping chambers for a couple months again and I decided to let Starlight and Trixie celebrate their new engagement alone. Don't worry though everypony, I'll return Twilight back to her castle the night before season 8 is set to start. Now if you peasants will excuse me, I have a lavender Alicorn to punish for multiple months.

Oh and don't bother trying to bug Luna, she informed me that she is taking Fluttershy into her sleeping chambers until the night before season 8 starts as well so if you need royal help, talk to a guard. I'm certain that one of them would be more than glad to have some relevance for a change.

Pre-Season Bonus Episode: A Superior Descendant

Pre-Season Bonus Episode: A Superior Descendant

Hello everypony, it is your Sexy Sun Goddess again and I am kind of relieved actually. StormLuna decided to force Flitter to go home and has made a special pre-season special, "A Superior Descendant." I'm in a good mood and I know if I don't do this, Flitter will be summoned back here to punish me more so here you go! Good thing though, it's airing on FX so no editing will be needed!

Well it is another day up here in Canterlot and my grumpy old teacher is in the throne room badgering both Luna and I over that assignment we never turned into him. Seriously, that old fart thinks he has the power to demand something like that from the two most powerful ponies in existence? Eventually Luna and I got sick of him so we told him to go find somepony else to bug so he headed off to the old birth records to do some research.

Like I often do, I cast the invisibility spell and decided to follow him. I have a feeling he is going to find something interesting and I want to be there to see how he reacts to it. SPOILER ALERT: It involves who he is related to!

Ok, so I followed him into Canterlot Tower and he gasped in shock when he saw how much the birth records had grown. He even went as far as to bitch about how there have been too many ponies born since he decided to throw himself into limbo. What a shame Starlight wouldn't have been around back then, she could have told him how to properly handle things without banishment. Oh well, what is done is done.

Back to the show, I swear, he is as bad as Twilight is, he had books strewn all over the place and had made a complete mess. I don't care if he winds up finding out I'm here or not, I will force him to clean this mess up or he'll find himself banished somewhere else! Nopony gets away with making a mess in my castle, NOPONY!

Four hours had passed and suddenly he screams so loud that it hurt my ears. He found the birth records of his entire family, going back several generations before him all the way up to the present. He gasped, "I'M RELATED TO HER?"

My initial reaction was, "How the hell is that possible, he never got a marefriend and fathered a foal." Well I decided to stand over him and I was shocked. It turns out that he actually was married for a brief while and fathered a filly before his wife left him for another mare. Sweet, she saw the light after putting up with his grumpy ass for a few years.

He may be an asshole but at least he did clean up the birth records before heading to the train station to visit this relative and of course I followed him. The train ride down there was boring as hell but once we arrived, we disembarked and he headed straight towards the castle. That can mean only one thing, his descendant must be one of my lovelies! Which one it is I can't be sure of but I have a feeling that she is incredibly powerful.

Once we arrived at the castle, he knocked on the door, Twilight answered and he asked if he could speak to Starlight!

Yes! I knew that it would be the hottie with superior magic, I knew it would be the one that perfected his time spell. Well Twilight told him to go to the trailer parked out behind the castle because she was having fun with her friend....don't you mean she was likely rocking her wife's world Twily? Well he headed to the back of the castle and found the trailer. He had a stunned look on his face when that thing was rocking back and forth and Trixie's squeals were deafening.

He approached the trailer with apprehension but then I decided to break protocol, well sort of. I whispered, just open the door, everything will be fine!

Believe it or not but he did as I suggested and when he saw Starlight on top of Trixie, grinding her as hard as she possibly could, the old codger fainted, yep, he fainted! Now naturally Starlight nor Trixie were not one bit pleased that somepony would have the audacity to walk in on one of their sexy times sessions, they stopped screwing one another and checked on him.

Starlight was shocked when she saw that it was Starswirl. The very first thing she did was start bitching about how Twilight must be jealous and sent her idol to go interrupt them and of course Trixie vowed to punish him. Don't worry about that Trixie, I'll handle it. I've never shoved the Twicane in an ass before but there is a first time for everything, well as long as I sterilize it later on.

Starlight grabbed him into her aura and hauled him into the castle. Her and Trixie said that they were going to punish Twilight for what he did and it did not take them long to find her. She was in the throne room so Starlight threw him on that map table and screamed, "Twilight, what is the meaning of this? Why the hell did he walk in on our sexy times session?"

Twilight of course denied which only made the two madder and apparently their yelling woke Starswirl up. Now get this, Twilight got mad at him too, she began to yell at him about walking in on them and asked why he would do such a thing. What was the funniest though is when he claimed a voice told him to!

Now all of a sudden the three think he has some serious psychiatric problems given that he is hearing voices, especially telling him to walk in on two mares in heat. Eventually they calmed down, Starswirl apologized for interrupting a sexy times session and told them that he had come down over something very important, something involving his descendants.

Twilight's eyes began to grow wide in anticipation when he stated that he learned a descendant of his lived in the castle but just as quickly as she got happy, she got sad when he said that he learned that Starlight was his descendant. The look on Starlight's face was both one of shock and one of disgust. Before he could say anything else, she yelled at him and told him that a pony should not walk in on family when they are busy!

Well after Starswirl apologized he told Starlight about everything he had found in the book and decided to sit down and talk magic with her. I almost broke down laughing when Starlight began boasting about everything she has done, everything from the larceny involving cutie marks, the flying with just magic, her perfecting his time travel spell, her saving Twilight from getting destroyed by the pony of shadows, her aiding in saving Equestria from Chrysalis, how she always kicks Twilight's ass in magic competitions and most importantly, her bringing joy into the life of a showpony who was once insecure!

At first his jaw dropped open but then he admitted to her that he could understand their relation given her superior magic. He even pointed at her mark and said that he should have known given that her cutie mark was literally a star with a swirl of magic over it. What made it even funnier was that he told Twilight that she simply wasn't that good when it came to magic and that Starlight should become her teacher.

Eventually I couldn't take it anymore, I just had to get involved here so I reversed the invisibility spell and I tell you, they were sure shocked to see me. Starswirl naturally was not exactly thrilled that I was there listening in on things, Twilight, who never knew I would spy on other ponies, wasn't that happy but Starlight and Trixie were fine with it. Naturally Starlight knows I do this because I did follow her and give her advice about proposing when she bought that rock for Trixie.

Ok, back to Starswirl learning how great Starlight is with magic. While she was boasting about her superior magic, she brought up how she turned Sunburst into a crystal. When he found out about that, he was even more impressed and now for something beyond fantastic, he got to talking to Trixie and while she is just a step above being a stage magician, he said he was glad that Starlight chose her and not that zero talent that Cadence killed when he was turned into crystal.

Naturally Trixie was ecstatic but then Starswirl did something to preserve the family lineage and keep it going. He asked Starlight when she planned on casting a fertility spell on herself so she could get Trixie pregnant! Ok, I get it Starswirl, your vastly superior descendant is a lesbian and you don't want the blood line to die but if Trixie was to get pregnant, she'd be out of commission for quite some time! Now for the big question, do I share with Starswirl how his former pupil has a huge harem or not? Nah, he'll probably find out his kin is in it when Twilight spills the beans someday. Regarding that, if she ever was to, she would have to be punished severely.....you know what, screw it. I'll just punish her after the episode because I can!

Now for something I didn't know, apparently Starswirl wrote fertility spells for unicorn mares and he offered to teach them to Starlight. Starlight and Trixie both liked the idea and I really wish Starlight hadn't mentioned it but she said that she may as well put that horn sex she gives Trixie to good use and keep the family line going! How dare she reveal that to a member of the lesser sex. Am I going to punish her, yes I am! How, rough horn sex, that's how and just for fun, I'll punish Trixie too!

Apparently Starswirl must want them to hurry up and get a bun in Trixie's oven because he told Starlight and Trixie to follow him up to Canterlot so he can get Starlight the proper books. Earlier I officiated a wedding and now I might have to wind up delivering a foal too? Oh well, it will be all worth it because yet another pony will be born who has better magic than Twilight....and wouldn't it be funny if it was an Alicorn?....just so you know, I could make that happen! Just to piss off Twilight, I might turn the parents into Alicorns someday too....maybe even before Starlight can get Trixie knocked up!

Ok, it wasn't long until Starswirl and the love birds headed back to Canterlot so Starlight can learn what she needs to know to keep that lineage going and Twilight and myself, well I'm sure you know what happened there, no need for me to tell you!

Now if you will all excuse me, I have some lavender icing I must eat. Wait a minute, I need to go grab some yellow cake to put it on and white sprinkles to add to it. The icing alone simply won't do it!

The Last Problem

Hi everypony, Celestia here. Well retired life is going quite well and it looks like my suddenly larger and power hungry Twily is up to something. Now normally my plan would involve going and getting into a food fight with Dusty Pages but my Tia sense is really tingling so I shall share with you "The Last Problem."

Ok, to do this I grabbed the old Palantir so I could spy on my old home and what I saw did not make me a happy pony. Let me start out by saying that I am not thrilled with how things have turned out in Canterlot. What the hell is a griffon doing as a royal guard? Royal guards are meant to be ponies! Also, it looks like Twilight has been feeding Spike steroids and put him in a position that he has no business being in, going out and trying to get other creatures to get along. As I see what is going on I am seriously beginning to question my decision to retire. Yes life is easy, I don't have to put up with undesirable shit like summits and other crap but seeing Twilight turning the city into a multi-cultural clusterfuck has angered me greatly. What the hell I can do now I don't know but I'll think of something.

Ok, so Twilight has this shitty student named Luster Dawn. Ugh, I look at her behavior and it resembles Twilight before I sent her ass to Ponyville. The little bitch goes on bitching about how friendship isn't worth it since they don't last forever. Now my Twily had a look of disapproval and I can't help but wonder how she punished her and if she had any fun doing so. Well as it turns out Twilight is absolutely nothing like me! I learned that never once has she "punished" disobedient students nor has she disciplined her friends since she became miss high and mighty. What a shame too, I know how much fun she always had punishing them.

Ok, StormLuna is distracted by hockey so I can skip over the boring flash back shit. I suppose this is what happens when Hasbro tells their writers to throw together something that won't matter in the end anyway. Ok, so after learning about all this and when Twilight's friends show up for some friendship summit or other boring shit like that, Luster begins to realize that perhaps friendship is important.

Now wait a fucking minute. What the hell, Pinkie Pie got married to that Cheese Sandwich idiot and had a kid? Ok, now I am officially pissed with how Twilight has let things go. I never would have allowed such things to happen. To make matters worse, it looks like Discord is in a relationship with MY Fluttershy. Ok, this former princess is pissed and is dead set on fixing things. No way in hell is Discord even remotely good enough for my Shy. Now had the career mare Rarity took her, I wouldn't be so mad but this is unacceptable and I'm going to find a way to stop this shit. Wait a minute, I've got it! I'll go talk to my little Starlie and get her to take us back in time, prevent me from ever retiring and rather than hooking up with Discord, Fluttershy will marry ME instead!

Ok, StormLuna is still distracted by a hockey game that he doesn't care who wins so this is what I did. I decided to travel to Ponyville and I went to the school. Well to nopony's surprise, I caught Starlight and Trixie having a make-out session in her office. I stopped them and I talked to Starlight. I told her that we were going to go back in time. Initially she refused but when I told her that I would dissolve their marriage and take Trixie for myself, she really changed her tune.

Well we went to Twilight's old castle and fortunately the map is still there so she flared up her horn, cast the proper spell and back in time to Canterlot we went! Ok, we arrived right after the Legion of Doom had been defeated and Twilight was celebrating and shit proclaiming that her time had finally come. Now to take care of things, I cast the invisibility spell on myself and pulled past me into an adjacent room. I undid the spell and she sure was surprised to see me.

I began my conversation with her and told her how Twilight was going to fuck everything up if she and Luna retired. I told her about the griffon thing, I told her about Fluttershy, I told her about the multi-cultural thing, I told her about how Spike became more important than he should be and I told her about what appeared to be steroid usage by Twilight. She was not one bit happy and when I told her that she better not retire or I'd throw her in the dungeon and take things over myself, she quickly agreed!

Now the look on Twilight's face was priceless when past me told her that she and Luna weren't retiring after all. At first she was shocked, then she was angry and then she was sad. Past me simply told her that she didn't want her fucking anything up and sent her on her way. Then suddenly I was sucked through a vortex and wound up back in the throne room in the present, a present in which I had not retired.

Things were so much better. All the guards were still ponies, Pinkie Pie did not hook up with Cheese Sandwich, Twilight still ran the school, Spike was just as useless as ever but best of all, I had forced Fluttershy and Rarity to marry me! Yep I literally owned two lovelies but hey, I still had the rest of my huge harem too so everything was just fine! Now this is how it was supposed to end. In your face Hasbro, I changed an ending and someauthor didn't even stop me. He was so obsessed with a hockey game that I got away with........

"Princess Celestia!"

"Oh shit.......I mean, what is it StormLuna?"

"You do realize I was fully focused on your altering this in the way you did, in a way that was radically different than the real ending."

"Please don't make me give the real ending! Nopony liked it!"

"Hardly anypony did and personally I hated it."

"Really?"

"Yes and that is why I'm going to let you keep this ending. Screw the canon ending, this is much better."

"Oh my goodness! Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"You're welcome Celestia and the best part, you're still a princess....as you should be!"

"Damn straight I am and it is me ruling the roost, not my naive little Twilight!"

"Now I shall let you get going. The second half of the hockey double header has started and I'm sure you have some cake and lovelies to take care of."

"I do StormLuna and again, thank you!"

I can't believe it! StormLuna had absolutely no problems with me altering this and making me a very happy princess! Now I'm sure Twilight has been grumpy for the past thirty years but from what I have learned, the Twi-Cane calmed her pissy flank down whenever she would bitch and complain. Oh yeah and one other thing. The real Grogar came back and freed the Legion of Doom. From what I understand they are living in Ponyville. Tirek is working for low pay in a shoe store where he makes fat jokes about the mares, Chrysalis is blowing all his paychecks on pointless shit and Cozy Glow wound up becoming ~~dictator~~ mayor and is having her way with every hot mare she wants.

So you see everypony, everything turned out just fine in the end! What a shame I won't get to tell you this anymore, well unless StormLuna does post-series things but I must go because I have yellow cake along with white frosting on the docket. I do however have to go down to Ponyville and get some lavender sprinkles assuming Mayor Cozy Glow isn't eating them now. Oh wait, if she is I'll just make her surrender them. I have more pull than her so why am I worried?

Chapter 1: Friendship is Magic, Part 1

Chapter 1: Friendship is Magic, Part 1

Hello everypony, this is your Supreme Dictator Celestia and I want to share something with you. Remember the first two episodes of MLP: FIM? The beginning of the best show in history? Well I am about to tell you how things really happened!

Finding a Way to Get Twilight Out of Town

Alright, well let's get past all the beginning narrative because we had nothing to do with that. We will get right to Twilight's first interaction. Of course as we all know Twilight is a great student, a bit OCD though, is seen walking towards the tower that I so generously gave her to study in. She runs into three of my lesser students, Lemon Hearts, Twinkleshine and Colgate. Well they ask her if she wants to go to a get together they are having with Moondancer. I was hoping she would say yes but oh no, she just can't go socialize, she has to get back up to her tower and find yet another reason to annoy me, dumb bitch anyway. What is even worse is that Yours Truly bought a gift for her to give to Moondancer. Well I deliver it to Spike thinking she would at least take a minute to go and socialize but she just had to knock that dragon of her's flying when she opened the door. What happens? The present gets stuck on Spike's tail and gets ruined. I spent 5 bits on that fucking thing, FIVE BITS! I should send a bill to her parents and threaten them with torture if they don't reimburse me.

Alright, next she decides to start digging through all these dusty old books trying to find information on an old mare's tale I told her about. She finds it and has Spike send me a message regarding her concerns regarding Nightmare Moon's return. What she told Spike to write during the show was not what she really had Spike write. Here is what she really wrote, "Celestia my master, I have been looking in a book and it says that the stars will aid in Nightmare Moon's escape and she will cast Equestria in eternal darkness. We have to do something! Love your little ho, Twilight Sparkle"

When I received this letter I couldn't help but laugh so hard I fell over. Well no shit Sherlock, I've known about this from the day I banished her, I just let everypony think she was banished permanently. I knew that something had to be done and luckily it would get her out of town, at least for a little bit. After all, Twinkleshine has been giving me bedroom eyes so I want to see how she is in bed. I decided to have her go supervise the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration. Little did she know that I already had things set in motion that would make her pathetic life miserable down there.

*************************************Preparing for the Summer Sun Celebration***************************************

Alright, I watched Twilight and Spike depart for Ponyville. Thing is, I was going to make sure that she actually did her job. Sorry Twinkleshine, but I have to make sure that Twilight doesn't fuck things up or ignore her orders. After all, she was rather pissy over me sending her to do this. So what I did was cast an invisibility spell on myself and I flew by the chariot taking her down there. I saw her reaction and heard her whine when I told her in the letter to make some friends. I was not about to let her just go and hide out in the library.

When she landed she first ran into Pinkie Pie. I couldn't help but chuckle a little bit when she darted off to plan a party in the library to welcome her. One thing nopony except those who would become her friends know is that I flew down there a few days before and met with those who would accompany Twilight to my old castle. I knew they would be involved in the preparations and told them to be as nice as possible to a bitchy purple unicorn I was sending down there. While Applejack seemed reluctant at first, I reminded her that I was her overlord and could blow her to bits if I wanted to. That got her to agree in a hurry.

Speaking of Applejack, she was the first pony after Pinkie that Twilight would encounter. I stood there watching their interaction and while Applejack seemed truly happy to see her, I read her true thoughts. She was thinking, "So this is the bitchy purple unicorn Celestia has cursed upon me. Ok AJ, just be polite, try not to kill her and everything will be fine."

I absolutely loved the reaction the Apple Family had over her not wanting to stay to eat, especially the sweet innocent Apple Bloom asking her if she would stay for brunch or lunch, I couldn't make out what she said entirely. How could anypony say no to an adorable little filly like that. No wonder Twilight has the reputation of being my bitchiest student. The way she said "fine" would have pissed most ponies off but the Apple Family and their desire to feed everypony kept them from beating the shit out of her like she deserved.

I was watching her walk away from the farm and the way her gut was hanging down made me so hot. Had it not been broad daylight I would have pounced on her and made sweet love to her. Too bad I couldn't shoot sperm out of my horn so I could knock her up. She would look so hot being pregnant.

Next Spike mentions something about Rainbow Dash and how she was supposed to be keeping the skies clear. Well Twilight's reaction when she was looking around was quite funny. Her comment regarding the skies not being clear and Rainbow not doing a very good job was snide but true. But what was really funny when RD crashed into her, causing her to fall in a puddle and get wet. That got me so hot and bothered! She always was hot when she got wet like that, which is why I always forced her to shower with me, well once she matured into a mare. No way would I have done that when she was a filly.

Then of course Rainbow went on how she needed to practice for the Wonderbolts before she would clear the sky. This made me laugh. Rainbow has no clue that after I initially met her I told Spitfire to deny her entry to them. Who wants to watch a narcissistic, rainbow maned pony in an air show anyway. I would rather give Discord pegasus wings and have him fly with them. Alright, back to Twilight meeting with her. Rainbow takes a cloud and dumps rain on her, making her even hotter than before. I should have reversed the invisibility spell and pounced on her. Hell, I could have dragged Rainbow in with us and had a threesome for the whole town to see, but I resisted. I can't have my subjects knowing I am a nympho, that might cause a rebellion. Then Rainbow turned me off to Twilight completely when she fucked her mane and tail up. Ugh, gag me. I don't know if I'll ever get that grotesque image out of my mind. Thanks a lot Rainbow, now I have to find a new ho.

Oh boy next up is Rarity. I was bored by Twilight's initial reaction, simply saying the decor was beautiful. It was Spike's reaction that made me laugh. From the very first second he saw Rarity he wanted to bang her and the results of that could have been downright scary. Dragon/Unicorn hybrids? Those are things I would have had to banish to the moon just so they wouldn't scare anypony and besides, I doubt she would want a dragon. Hell, the little bitch shot me down when I came to tell her about Twilight coming so I cast a spell on Spike to where he would never leave her alone, to where he would always be horny as hell around her and just to spite him, I cast a spell on her to where she would always just see him as a cute child, nothing more.

I was laughing to myself when Rarity was putting Twilight in all those different outfits and fixing her mane and tail differently. Good thing she got rid of that hideous look Twilight had going otherwise everypony would have ran like hell from her. Bad thing, I'll still have that horrible image of Twilight looking like she did after Rainbow screwed her up. Oh well, I am hoping to seduce Twinkleshine and if she shoots me down there are plenty of other mares in my school that are hot to trot.

Finally she runs into Fluttershy to check on the music. While everypony watching thought she was simply timid, she was just scared that Twilight would scream and yell at her for having a beautiful mane and tail. I found it quite humorous though when Fluttershy got all excited over Spike. Leave it to her to get excited over a baby dragon. Nopony else would have even cared. The scowl on Twilight's face when she was being followed by Fluttershy on the way to the library was a repulsive sight to see. If I could have smacked her and got away with it, I would have. The more she interacted with those five, the more of a bitch she became. While I wanted to just snatch Fluttershy and take her home with me right then and there, I decided to let her keep her virginity for a while longer. After all, the Gala wasn't too far away!

Finally Twilight gets into the library where it is dark. While everypony thinks Pinkie is the one who set it up, she wasn't, I was. I just made everypony think she did. What amazes me is that Twilight got mad over the party because libraries are supposed to be quiet. She must have forgotten about all the trysts we had in the library in Canterlot. She sure didn't mind being noisy there with all those deafening squeals and moans of her's. Now when it comes to Pinkie being quiet in a library I can understand. All she does is yap, yap, yap. She is worse than those stupid miniature dogs that some mares keep in their saddlebags and we all know how annoying those little fuckers are.

For most of the party Twilight was up in what would become her bedroom pouting about how she couldn't do any research on the Elements of Harmony because she had to make friends. Finally a bit after four in the morning Spike comes and forces her to get her sorry ass over to the town hall for me to raise the sun. Now this is really funny. Remember how Twilight thought the stars freed my sister and she showed up instead of me when it was time for sunrise, well this was a little plan my sister and I concocted. The stars didn't free her, I did.

A couple of weeks before the Summer Sun Celebration, I decided to visit Nightmare Moon and I told her of what I wanted to do to see how everypony would react and asked for her assistance. Well she said she would but under one condition, that upon being defeated by the elements, that she would not be banished back to the moon. I told her that I would let her return to being Luna, but that she would be a more juvenile form of herself for a while. She wasn't overly thrilled over it but she finally agreed.

Well finally the time comes. Well Fluttershy got her dumb birds to start singing just so the mayor could speak. Are you kidding me? Why the hell would she have her birds sing anything just for that loser mayor when I was coming? Oh well, when they did announce I was coming the birds chirped a happier tune. The looks on everypony's faces were quite funny when I didn't show up. Then Pinkie's reaction when my sister's purple mist began to develop was hilarious! When my sister did appear, everypony's reaction was priceless.

When my sister began to speak to them I could sense the sarcasm in her voice. She was asking them if her crown no longer counted, if they hadn't seen the signs and if they knew who she was. Of course Twilight replied in her arrogant, I'm hot shit voice. I was hoping my sister would have flown down and smacked her but she probably feared being sent back to the moon if she did that.

Then when she said, "remember this day ponies, for it was your last. From this moment forth, the night shall last forever!" I was thinking that maybe it was a mistake setting her free. I then began to think about how funny it would be if I became a nightmare pony named Solar Flare and talked my sister into cutting Equestria in half. She could have frozen one half in eternal darkness and I could have baked the other half in eternal day. I finally decided against it because had I done that, I probably couldn't seduce any of the mares in my school. Hell, I probably wouldn't have a school anymore at all!

Author's Note

A first pony account by Celestia regarding Friendship is Magic, parts one and two.

Chapter 2: Friendship is Magic, Part 2

Chapter 2: Friendship is Magic, Part 2

Alright, now here we go on to part two. Yadah, yadah, yadah, yes Hub, we know what the highlights of part one were, so lets move on.

****************************************************************************************************************

Alright, so I was standing there invisible watching the events unfold. My sister was laughing and causing lightning to flash inside the building. I was thinking, "Come on little sister, burn this baby down, it is an eyesore." But then the damn mayor had to order the royal guard to seize her because she was the only one who knew where I was.

While that was true that mane dying dingbat had no clue I was in there, well nor did anypony else except my sister. My sister's eyes turn white and her energy knocks the royal guard backwards. Ok, it is time to get different guard ponies. They are obviously pussies if they can't even handle a pony looking at them. My sister then turns into her purple mist and takes off. Alright, the first part of our plan to rid me of Twilight worked. The arrogant rainbow maned pony took off after her thinking she could actually catch her. That is your typical athlete though, all muscle and speed yet absolutely no brains or common sense. I mean come on girl, you aren't going to catch a fast moving purple mist.

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So Twilight heads off to the library and starts digging through all the books trying to find the book on The Elements of Harmony. I found it amusing how she kept digging through the books throwing them on the floor. For a pony who is allegedly so smart she sure was stupid when it came to finding a book in a small library. Those who will soon be her friends barge into the place and interrogate her. What I found funny that it was Pinkie, not Twilight, who found the book. Twilight asks her how she found it with the thoughts that an earth pony whose number one priority is partying couldn't find a book. I love Pinkie's response. "It was under E!"

I just realized something, the shelving system at the Canterlot library is horribly complex, no wonder even I can't find shit in there. I have decided that the common sense approach the previous librarian here used will be much more effective. Then of course later on Twilight had to fuck it up when she would reshelve the damn place every other day. Alright, enough of my rant involving Twilight's idiotic shelving system.

Well they finally discover where they can find the elements, at the old castle Luna and I have. Twilight says, "The ruins are in what is now..." then the all say the Everfree Forest in unison. They sound scared to death as they say it. One would think they were marching into Tartarus to have a hoof to paw fight with Cerberus. Well they head on in nervously but soon they will be in for a big surprise. My purple mist sister somehow manages to get herself into the rock that makes up part of a cliff. Well Twilight's soon to be friends get to talking about how unnatural the forest is when Rainbow tries acting like hot shit prowling around saying nopony who has ever went in has come out.

As soon as she finishes saying this, my sister sped out of the rock causing the cliff to give way. Well Rainbow kept Pinkie from falling while Fluttershy kept Rarity from falling. Twilight begins to slide down when Applejack, who managed to hold on to a small vine further up slid down to keep her from plummeting to her death (damn you Applejack). Well AJ then looks up and sees that the two pegasus ponies are ready to catch Twilight when she lets go of her. Applejack was telling Twilight to let go and everything would be ok. She was reluctant for a while but she finally let go. Rainbow and Fluttershy did catch her, although for a minute I thought Fluttershy was going to drop her. If she would have, I would have reversed the invisibility spell, scooped up Fluttershy, took her back to Canterlot and made sweet love to her.

****************************************************************************************************************

Next my sister turns into a thorn and rams herself into the paw of a manticore, which naturally pissed it off. Well Twilight and her soon to be friends run into it. I would have thought Rainbow would have been the first one to go and piss it off more but it wasn't, it was Rarity. Well she punches it and what does it do? It roars so loudly and with such force that it screws up that pretty mane of her's. Well forget her, I'm completely turned off to her now as well. Fluttershy tries telling them to wait but next AJ tries to ride that thing like it is a bull. End result? She can't ride it for eight seconds, so that was a failure on her part. Next up, Rainbow goes up to it and starts flying around him really fast, thinking that would calm him down. What an idiot. He just flings his tail and knocks her out of her wannabe tornado. Then all of a sudden Twilight tries to be all badass, she snorts and then acts like she is going to charge at him.

Finally Fluttershy gets them to stop. She smells his paw and he opens it up. Like the kind, sweet pony she is she is able to reassure him that it would only hurt for a second. Well she bites it and removes it from his paw. He grabs her and roars loudly. Next thing you know he is licking her hair and purring. Hell even I can't get a manticore to purr! Now if I can get Fluttershy to purr for me at the Gala, I'll be all set!

Next up my sister manages to fit herself into some trees, causing them to have scary looks on their faces. This scared all of them but one. It was quite funny that Rainbow, who I would think would attack the trees, got scared. It was Pinkie who just walked up to them and laughed at them. At first it was funny but then she had to break out into a song. Ugh, would someone but a muzzle on that bitch? If there is one thing I hate, it is ponies other than myself singing. After all, we all know how hot my singing is. She gets her friends to start laughing with her and soon Nightmare Moon decides to head off to her next target, which I think was the funniest.

I am assuming she was heading towards the castle I used to share with her but on the way she rips half of this river serpent's mustache off. Well he causes the river to flow so fast and causes so many rapids that Twilight and company couldn't cross. Twily hears him throwing a fit and asks him what is wrong. I swear, I have never seen any creature so flamboyant. He starts crying about a purple cloud of smoke ripping half of his "beloved moostache" clean off. I'm surprised they didn't hear me I was laughing so loud.

Give me a break, I didn't know such pathetic and weak minded creatures existed in MY kingdom. I am thinking perhaps I should have him killed for being an embarrassment to Equestria. He splashes them all with water and they look pissed but then little miss generosity rips one of his scales off and cuts part of her tail off. She fuses it into his face giving him a multi-colored mustache. Oh well, her tail is hideous to start with, it improved her looks dramatically. They then cross the river since the drama serpent calmed down.

Next up is the bridge leading up to our old castle. Twilight decides to charge towards it but soon finds herself about to fall off another cliff but Rainbow just had to save her, dumb bitch anyway. Well my sister decides to transform herself into three ponies known as the Shadowbolts. At first I thought Rainbow was going to say "the hell with loyalty, I'll join them instead of fixing the bridge." Too bad she didn't join them, I was starting to think eternal night wouldn't be that bad. But then she fixes it and tells the rest that she would never abandon them. Yeah right, I'm sure had they offered her a few bits she would have flown off and forced Fluttershy to fix the bridge. Had Rainbow abandoned them, just think of all the cold, dark days and nights that Fluttershy could have kept me warm! Well I guess I can't win them all.

Next they head into the old castle and discover the element stones. Twilight is so happy when she runs into them but her friends realize there are only five. They seem skeptical but in her I'm hot shit voice she tells them to stand back because she doesn't know what will happen. Well they leave while she starts putting energy into the stones thinking it will make them roar to life and cause the sixth to appear. I can't believe that she actually thought that just because the five stones were together that the sixth one would appear. Come on Twily, you honestly think using your magic on five stones is going to make the sixth one appear? I guess you aren't that bright after all! Go on and be Rarity's ho, I don't want your dumb ass anymore.

My sister then enters in her mist form and starts to make the element stones encircle her. Twilight jumps in the mist and is transported to another part of the castle. Upon arriving there was Nightmare Moon, my beloved sister, standing there levitating the elements. What happens next proves to me that Twilight is as arrogant as Rainbow. She lights up her horn and starts charging at my sister. I mean come on Twilight, you think you're going to beat my sister like that? She will mop the floor with you, she will kill you and feast on your nasty corpse!

Twilight then teleports past my sister to where the element stones are. She uses her horn to try to pump magic into them, AGAIN. My sister then looks badass as she heads over to get Twilight away from the elements. Twilight is then thrown backwards but the stones still have some magic in them causing my sister to be nervous. Come on little sister, there are only five of them and they are just sparking a bit with magic. The magic dies and then the funniest thing happens. Nightmare Moon rears up on her hind legs and then slams her front ones down, shattering the stones. Twilight's jaw drops and her face had the look of ultimate defeat. I wanted to reverse the invisibility spell, approach her and shout, "You FAILED Twilight. I should have never allowed a pathetic loser like you into my school!" I would have then looked at my sister and continued, "Come on sis, let me grab Fluttershy and we can go back to Canterlot and have a threesome."

But then what happens, the other five come and Twilight hears their voices. All of a sudden she realizes that they are truly friends. This was a most unfortunate event because when she started telling my sister about how they got them past every obstacle she threw at them, the broken stones suddenly start to float and fly towards the pony they represent. Twilight looks like she is going to cry when she says that she suddenly realized that they were her friends. Damn it, the elements form and the magic stone forms above her head. She starts to lecture my sister, dumb bitch anyway. Then she unleashes the same rainbow upon her that I unleashed upon her a thousand years ago. It doesn't cause her to be banished though, it causes her to be transformed back into Luna.

At first Twilight and her friends are admiring their necklaces and Twilight's tiara, except for Rarity who had her tail restored. Ugh, gag me. Then I decide the time has come to reveal myself. The sun rises, I reverse the invisibility spell and reveal myself to them. Twilight comes running up to me in a way that says she wants her and I to have fun basically idolizing me. I have to be nice to her friends and give her the "let's have fun tonight sexy girl" reaction. Then I blab about friendship to them (gag me). After that I walk over to my sister to discover that she has been reduced to being a filly, at least she returns to being a mare by the Luna Eclipsed episode. Her and I have some sappy ass moment before we all return to Ponyville to be greeted by the whole damn town.

After the little ceremony where a couple baby pegasi give Luna a wreath of flowers I see Twilight looking sad. I am thinking to myself, "Damn it, now I'm gonna have to really give you a good time tonight. All I'll be able to remember is that hideous hairstyle the rainbow maned pegasus gave you."

I ask Twilight if she wasn't happy to return to her studies in Canterlot and her response made me happy as a lark. She said that she finally discovered friendship and now she has to leave her friends. I then remember how in the beginning I told her to make friends. I realized that she had accomplished the mission I sent her down to this dump for. So I decide to make her study friendship down here so I can move on to hotter and sexier ponies. She hugs me since I allow her to stay and then the episode ends. But that wasn't the end of the sequences of what happened that day.

Remember how I said that I was going to wait until the Gala to take Fluttershy's virginity? Well I just couldn't help myself so after everything calmed down, I seduced Fluttershy with my sexy body and some sweet singing. She lead me over to her cottage and we made hot, sweet love all night long. Yeah I had to let Luna handle my duties but hey, taking Fluttershy's virginity was all worth it. I'm surprised we didn't keep the whole damn country up that night with as loud as she was! I told her that she would have to come up every weekend to Canterlot and have threesomes with me and Twinkleshine. I warned her that if she refused, that I would butcher her and mail her remains to her friends. That got her to obey me. Now every Friday and Saturday night, your overlord and queen gets threesomes and boy are they fun. Now leave me alone you pathetic serfs, I have mares to do and things to see.

Chapter 18: The Show Stoppers

Chapter 18: The Show Stoppers

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again. Well you have all been good, well for the most part, you have all paid your taxes and nopony has bashed me in the papers so I will give you my synopsis of "The Show Stoppers."

Another lovely day has arrived in Ponyville and Applejack is leading the Filly Illuminati to a secluded part of the farm. Is she going to spank them over something? Did they steal some apples or try to kill a pig in the name of getting a cutie mark. Oh well, if she does I'm sure it was warranted. Actually no, she has decided the time has come for those fillies to have a clubhouse.

Great, just great. Now they are going to have a place to make plans on over throwing the government. There is one good thing though, one of the windows faces Canterlot so I can keep tabs on them. There is just one problem though, their clubhouse is in horrible shape. I would think that thing should be condemned, not given to fillies or anypony else for that matter!

Now this is something I am having a hard time believing actually happened. Apple Bloom has transformed a pile of scrap wood into what looks like a clubhouse built by professional builders. Now why the hell did she not earn her cutie mark for this? Why did she not get a hammer cutie mark and be destined to be a carpenter? I get it, the writers don't want to wipe out an important part of the show just a few episodes after they joined forces so they can try to depose me.

Oh boy, the fillies have a map of Ponyville and guess what they are going to try and do? If you guessed go to various places and do dumb shit to try and get a cutie mark, you are right. Ok, first they go to the barn and feed the pigs. Sorry girls but feeding pigs will not get you a cutie mark. Want to know why? Any dumb hack can feed pigs, hell even a mule could feed them, a mule!

Next up is dying mane. I have a feeling that this will only lead to disaster and of course I was right. That poor mare! Her mane is ruined, absolutely ruined. Luckily for her the spa ponies' mane stylist was in that day so she was able to get it fixed before she embarrassed herself in front of too many ponies.

The mane dying attempt was a nice try but the next three are ridiculous. Playing a stupid card game, scuba diving and climbing a rock not much bigger than them. That right there is proof that they are complete morons....especially playing that stupid card game where you try to guess what the card is. That reminds me of something that they set up in the cheat stand section of a carnival. Sorry girls but your destiny is not lowering yourself to the bottom rung of society and being a disgusting carnie.

To finish off their fruitless attempt in getting cutie marks they have gone and ruined Twilight's library. Apparently they think they can tear the place up and re-shelve the books. Unfortunately for them all they do is fuck things up and piss Twilight off. Now Cheerilee has an idea for them, compete in the school talent show. Yeah, like that will help them any but as long as it prevents them from trying to overthrow me, I'm all for it.

Now for something they couldn't show. Once the Filly Illuminati left, I teleported myself into the messed up library. I threw Spike out and then Twilight, Cheerilee and I had a whole lot of fun! As you all know Twilight is one of my lovelies but I'm thinking of adding Cheerilee to my harem. She is incredibly hot and she loves it when I am rough with her so she'll be perfect!

Enough about me adding another hot mare to my harem, I need to get back to this. It looks like the girls are getting ready for the talent show and not much exciting happens except for Scootaloo trying to come up with lyrics, "With our cutie marks we'll rock Equestria, we use our stomachs to digestia?" I must admit, I got quite the laugh out of that but I can actually relate with her. I have the sexiest voice in all of Equestria but when it comes to writing my own lyrics, I'm horrible at it!

After getting a fan and borrowing a book from Twilight, the fillies are ready for this talent show but before their performance were some others. Snips and Snails' magic act was ok but nothing to write home about and Peachy Pie and Sunny Daze did a good job reciting their favorite poem on roller skates but I do know one thing, Luna and I would have sounded a whole lot better.

Next up was the Filly Illuminati and I will say this, I think they did a great job. Yeah they had a few things go awry here and there and Scootaloo can't sing worth shit but oh well, I think it made the whole thing more interesting. In the end they won the award for the best comedy act and I will admit, they were very funny.

Now that the talent show is over and the credits are running, I can go and have round two of fun with Twilight and Cheerilee. I swear, those two are so much fun together! Cheerilee is always trying to lecture Twilight over how a certain position should be done and I am there trying to comfort her because she cries when Cheerilee lectures her! Hey, I enjoy it because it makes giving it to Twilight all the better.

Now be gone with you, I have a sexy lavender student and an extremely hot school teacher on the docket tonight and you know how I am if I don't take care of things on my docket!

Chapter 26b: The Best Night Ever from Luna's Perspective

Chapter 26b: The Best Night Ever from Luna's Perspective

Greetings citizens of Equestira, this is thy Princess of the Night and our take on The Best Night Ever.

Ok, for starters we do not attend this event as we find it most unpleasant. What we did do though was cast an invisibility spell upon ourselves and monitor it. Unlike our sister who likes to comment on every last detail, we shall just give a general synopsis on it.

Our dear friend Applejack was only able to sell one apple pie and the rest of the Gala was awful for her. Once our sister is preoccupied with something else, we shall go into the treasury and take her a few thousand bits. Granny Smith needs that hip replaced, they need their roof fixed and they could use a few new plows.

Pinkie Pie couldn't get the rich jerks to have fun. It is no wonder that we hast no desire to spend time with them.

Fluttershy made our sister's animals most angry. We feel bad for her but even we can't get our sister's animals to approach us. We get along better with timberwolves than our sister's animals.

Rainbow Dash was being most annoying and couldn't realize that she wasn't going to get into the Wonderbolts with a few slick moves.

Rarity is an idiot. She should know that our nephew would have no use for her. We wish to share a little secret with thee. When he was born, our sister could tell he would be evil so she neutered him. So even if Rarity was able to hook up with him, no foals could be created.

Twilight is too clingy to our sister yet we have known this ever since we returned from the moon. We do hope that one day she will become a bit more independent so our sister can relax.

The last thing we learned was that Spike almost ate Donut Joe out of house and home. We don't care though as we find his treats most disgusting. Applejack's treats are far better.

And the guard did relay our sister's message to us. We are most suspicious of our sister's claims as we hear much moaning and squealing coming from her room but we are most scared of what we would discover if we barged in. Besides, we find doing Celestia's duties as most enjoyable. It will be most fun when we decide to scrap the summer sun celebration and replace it with the Winter Moon Celebration!

One a side note, we nearly started a war with Saddle Arabia over a trade disagreement. Once we banished their ambassador to the sun, they knew not to mess with thy Princess of the Night so all is most fine!

Chapter 72: Bats!

Chapter 72: Bats!

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again. Most of you have been well behaved, you haven't called me any dirty names and you've paid your taxes so I shall give you my synopsis of "Bats!"

I have yet to raise my sun and Applejack is up early, waiting for apple bucking day to start. Now I know why my sister likes her so much, such industriousness is a virtue. Just imagine if she weren't like this, Ponyville would likely starve or at least not have any apples or cider.

I raise my sun and she is ecstatic. She begins trotting through her orchard trying to decide where she is going to start. Well she gets started and oh no, the apples just splat on the ground. She looks up and shit, vampire fruit bats have infested Sweet Apple Acres. I'm upset but I know Luna will be worse because she tends to be bitchy if she doesn't get her fritters.

Once everypony is up Applejack rings a bell I never knew she had to alert everypony that she needs their help. They all arrive and there is Rarity telling her to calm down. What a bitch, I know how Applejack is. She isn't like Roseluck and her girlfriends who freak out over everything. Speaking of those three, they haven't paid me homage in a while so maybe I'll take care of that tonight.

Ok, back to Sweet Apple Acres. Applejack is informing her friends about the vampire fruit bats and what they are capable of. I remember that year when they destroyed most of the orchard. Granny Smith and her folks were worried that I would be angry over them not being able to get me any cider but hey, I'm an understanding pony and didn't do anything bad to them. The vampire fruit bats however, weren't so lucky. I thought I had drove them to extinction but unfortunately, that is not the case.

Now we have Rainbow Dash freaking out because there is a high probability that there won't be any cider. Good grief, is that all that bitch cares about is cider? Well I suppose that is better than her being overly concerned about the Wonderbolts. While she seems to be at least semi-rational, it is the other pegasus that I will not be so happy with.

Get this, Fluttershy thinks that Applejack should just let the bats have part of the orchard. Ok, now I know for sure that she cares about destructive creatures WAY TOO MUCH and of course she doesn't care even remotely enough about me. I think she needs to be punished for this. Roseluck has mentioned how she hopes she can sit on Fluttershy's face one day, well tonight her dream shall come true. Come to think about it, so has Twinkleshine, Cheerilee and all the other mares that have to pay me homage.

Now in comes my sexy Twily and makes a fantastic suggestion, cast a spell to keep the bats from wanting to destroy the orchard and this huge apple Applejack grew that I forgot to mention earlier. Wow, that apple is spectacular and it would really suck if it were to fall victim to these little beasts. For Twilight's suggestion to become a reality they must go to the library to do some studying.

She finds a spell and now we know that for it to work that my sexy Twily must have the bats' full attention and the only way that will happen is for Fluttershy to do her stare on the bats. There is just one problem, Fluttershy doesn't want to do the stare on the bats because it would be taking away their true nature. Oh boy, now Fluttershy is really going to pay. Roseluck's dream shall come true and you know what, I'm going to record all this, after all sometimes I have to hoof myself and having a good porno always makes it a bit better.

Finally though Twilight was able to make her see that Ponyville having apples is more important than those dumb bats still having their nature to ruin ponies' livelihoods. Now they head to the orchard and after a bit more persuasion and rounding up the bats Fluttershy starts her stare on the damn things. Now my Twily does her part and success, the bats no longer want to eat the apples. Applejack's orchard is saved BUT that doesn't mean that Fluttershy will escape her punishment. She will still be at Roseluck's mercy since she cared too much about those dumb bats to start with.

That night, while I had intended on abducting Fluttershy, rounding up the flower girls and taking them all up to Canterlot so Fluttershy could be punished, I got sick to my stomach so Roseluck's dreams would have to be fulfilled on another night. The next morning arrives, I feel better and Applejack is again waiting for me to raise my sun so she can start applebucking. I raise it and she gets to work. Unfortunately for her, the apples are still going splat on the ground. With the bats no longer sucking the juices from the apples, what could it be? Could it be drained apples that the Apple family simply forgot to get bucked off the trees or is it something else. Personally I hope it is the latter of the two, it would be more interesting.

Night time has arrived and Applejack and her friends have decided that they are going to do a stake out in the orchard so they can catch whoever or whatever is doing this. Of course Fluttershy is nervous about doing this and of course Rarity is trying to calm her down. Just wait, they'll probably have some make out session in a secluded part of the orchard. Surprisingly, that does not happen. Fluttershy has her sights set on something else and unfortunately, it is not me. I will have to punish her further for this and I'm sure Daisy and Lily will be thrilled since I'm going to let them join Roseluck on Fluttershy's punishment.

Rarity is walking in the orchard when a shadow flies overhead. At first she doesn't seem overly worried until it flies over again. Now I wonder what that could possibly be. What surprises me though is that Rainbow is actually a bit nervous, normally she would be wanting to hunt down and hurt whatever it is she saw fly overhead. However, when Rainbow sees a figure off in the distance she goes into her arrogant "look at me, I'm hot shit" mode and attacks the figure. Come to find out it was a lousy scarecrow. I should have used my magic to have it attack her but other things were distracting me, such as Twilight's swaying ass as she headed to see what was up with Applejack, who has apparently seen something odd.

There stands Applejack with her flashlight and her jaw hanging open. My sexy Twily notices this and sees what is going on up in a tree. Pinkie, always the curious one has climbed up in the tree and is shouting "suspicious" at whatever is in it. She shines her flashlight at it and guess what, Fluttershy has transformed into a fruit craving vampony. Now how could this have happened? I'm not sure but I do find it funny. I guess it is a good thing I didn't go to satisfy my sexual appetite that night.

Now we have Flutterbat on our hooves and Pinkie has suddenly went from being overly curious to digging a tunnel in the ground like a little chicken shit. Flutterbat of course knows that they are going to try and catch her so Twilight can try to reverse the spell. She wants none of that though and starts flying around and eating apples. Normally when she flies around I can't help but watch her and get wet but this is a different case. Fruit vamponies are not all that attractive and if she were to come up here, what if she were to develop a taste for blood? If that were to happen, she would likely try to kill me.

After causing a bit of mayhem my sexy little princess has come to the conclusion that Fluttershy's transformation is their fault. Ok, she figures out that her spell backfired and caused the craving for fruit juice to go from the bats into Fluttershy. I have decided that for doing this to Fluttershy, that she too will be punished. Hey the flower girls have wanted to get in Twilight's coat for ages but were simply afraid to ask her to go out on a date.

Now it is time to catch Flutterbat and restore her back to her sweet, sexy self. At first their attempts are fruitless, not so much for Fluttershy though since she was able to drink more apples dry. Finally Pinkie, out of all ponies, brings up Fluttershy doing her stare on the Flutterbat. Holy shit, I never thought that she would be the one to suggest that. Twilight and Applejack, yes but Pinkie, no.

Unfortunately for Applejack, she must sacrifice her prize apple to do this. What a shame too because I know it would have won first prize down in the Appaloosa Produce Competition. They also need some mirrors which Rarity easily supplies. You know how she is, she has a mirror in every room so she can admire herself all the time. Ugh, she's as bad as my idiot nephew and you all know what a narcissistic bitch he is.

Now for the sad part, they cut open Applejack's prize apple to lure Flutterbat to them. Well that works perfectly and just before she can latch on to the thing and start to suck it dry, they kick it out of the way so she will stare at herself. I honestly wish they would have let her have some of it but unfortunately to get this to work my sexy Twily has to have her full attention. Flutterbat flies back and forth between mirrors until she is finally giving herself the stare. Now my Twily's time to shine has come and she succeeds in restoring Fluttershy back to her sexy self.

By the time they finish everything it is daylight and now they are writing their rather boring journal entry. Blah, blah, blah, so Applejack learned not to force a friend to do something they don't want to and Fluttershy learned that sometimes one has to tell their friends no. I thought she learned that when she told Iron Will she wasn't going to pay him for his shitty self help lesson. To finish things now Fluttershy has convinced Applejack to give those damn bats part of the orchard. I thought those things didn't crave fruit anymore. I did ultimately find out why they craved fruit again though. Without me noticing, Fluttershy clamped down on Twilight's ear until she restored them to normal. Now both shall be punished worse than ever. Tonight is going to be extremely fun.

Now on to that night. I headed to Ponyville and first I grabbed the flower girls. They were ecstatic when I said that each one of them would have a hot element bearer to force to eat them and after that, I abducted Twilight, Fluttershy and just for shits and giggles, Rarity as well. Yeah Rarity didn't do anything bad but I am the most powerful pony in existence so I can do what I want. Once we got back to Canterlot I led them into my sleeping chambers. Of course just like I promised them, the flower girls had their night dominating the ones they wanted and just as I promised, I grabbed my digital video recorder and recorded a very hot porno.

Yes the night is over but could you serfs just leave me alone now. I have decided to hold these six captive for a few more days. After all, I want to have fun with them too and the flower girls need to further their release with my sexy element bearers. Oh and I hate to disappoint you but I will be the only one to have a copy of that porno. So before you ask, it is NOT for sale nor will it be mass produced!

Celestia Punishes Her Serfs: Synopsis of Rainbow Rocks (With a Special Ending)

Celestia Punishes Her Serfs: Synopsis of Rainbow Rocks (With a Special Ending)

Rainbow Rocks

Hello everypony, it is your ruthless yet beloved dictator Celestia. I'm going to start out by saying that I am in an extremely bad mood, the type of mood that even makes flashbacks to when ponies were fillies seem horrible. Because of all the negative editorials, failure to pay taxes, a couple of uprisings and one of my lovelies being very disobedient, I have decided to force you to listen to my synopsis of "Rainbow Rocks."

Let me start out by saying that for this I have to monitor things in a very unconventional way. You see, a long time ago Starswirl had this crystal ball thing known as a Palantir. From what I understand he used it to spy on evil creatures he banished to primitive worlds and fortunately, I can use this to monitor what is going on so I can do this.

Well this dumb thing starts out in some cafe. I wonder what the hell could be so special about this. What if they were holding a public execution there? While that is what I was hoping for, the most we would get are three girls in less than stellar moods, well one of them doesn't seem that bad. You know, I wonder what that cute one with the ponytail would look like as a pony in Equestria? You know, if I had a way to get there, I'd grab her, drag her back here and I'm betting that she would definitely meet my requirements to be a lovely! The other two, not so much....especially the bitchy one with the pigtails.

Now wait a minute, what is that bright light off in the distance. What the fuck? How the hell is Equestrian magic leaking over into that Faust-forsaken place. More importantly, why is it? Well this is something your sexy Sun Goddess is going to find out and I will put a stop to it. I certainly hope my sexy Twily isn't responsible for it somehow but we shall see.

Well a bit of time passes and it looks like the students at that school for lame humans is going to be having some sort of battle of the bands. BORING! That is something that I would never be even the slightest bit interested in but it appears as though the magicless hack version of me is. Speaking of this "Principal Celestia," I wonder if she still remembers me paying her a visit and threatening to banish her to the moon? Oh well, that ain't important right now. I have some dumb rehearsals to monitor and tell you how they went.

Alright, once again something is wrong in this world. When the Lame 5 play their music they are still getting wings and pony ears. I am not thrilled that such magic is existing in a place that shouldn't have it. Oh well, as long as it doesn't have any negative influences on our world, I suppose I shouldn't care.

Well there is one thing that is familiar and just like it is here....Crashie is the leader of their little group and is boasting about how she is the best, everywhere. Whatever bitch, you can't fly over there and caterwauling worse than everypony, I mean everyone else won't.....wait a minute, someone is interrupting. Ugh, the very sight of that boy makes me want to vomit. It is the human version of that guard I executed, Flash Sentry. I'm wondering, perhaps next time that dumb mirror opens if maybe I should go through, grab Brad, bring him back here and execute Flash again in the same courtyard? Ponies love it when I put undesirables to death and I know they'd love to see him burn, again!

Ok, enough about burning Brad in the town square so let's move on shall we? I've been way more in-depth on this than I should be but let's just move on to the next important movement. Well it looks like Loser High, I mean Canterlot High, is getting more students, yay! These girls, Adagio, Aria and Sonata seem kind of odd....wait a minute, there's the one I want to drag over here and make one of my lovelies! I've got to figure out how to do this soon, I don't want to have to wait for that dumb mirror to open up again.

Speaking of these girls, guess who welcomes them? Little miss she-demon. I still have an ax to grind with that bitch for how she simply dropped out of my school and ran through that mirror like a damn coward. I have a great idea, I'll go through the mirror next time it opens and abduct both Sunset and Sonata. Sonata will become a lovely and Sunset will die by fire with Brad! What do ponies like even more than me putting an undesirable to death?, putting two undesirables to death.

Ugh, I wish I could just really skip ahead with this....I would love to just reveal the ending, go take a lovely along with a few slices of cake to my sleeping chambers and have some fun but oh no, someauthor just won't let me!

"Princess Celestia, you can take a lovely up to your room after you do this!"

"StormLuna, can't I just alter things a little? Couldn't I just say some foreign country nuked Canterlot and that was the end of it?"

"NO, you can not say they got nuked! Trust me, I would have loved if that would have happened but you just can't alter this so you can go take a lovely up to your sleeping chambers!"

"Why not?"

"Because the readers are expecting you to do this! Now if you want me to cut off your cake and lovelies, you can go ahead and quit on this early."

"Cut off my lovelies and cake? No, please don't do that!"

"Well then, are you going to finish this synopsis."

*sighs* "Yes, I will finish it but I demand lots of extra lovelies and tons of cake!"

"I'll see what I can do, now get back to work."

Well that was all for naught, well I tried. Ok, where was I? Oh yes, these new girls were welcomed by Sunset and have now decided to go sing in the cafeteria. Big deal, I don't think they're that great but what the hell is up with that green smoke? Maybe it is flammable and it will blow the school up! I should just say that happened and finish this up early.

"Princess Celestia, do you want me to take your cake and lovelies away?"

*sighs* "Sorry, I'll get back to this."

I swear, he is so harsh, he won't just let me lie about something nopony liked! Well something didn't seem right about those girls and the green smoke so now Sunset is going to write about it in her journal? How boring, what the hell does she think it will do? Does she think it will autodial her congressman, have him come, round up these weird girls and put them in prison or something? That would be even worse than Twilight casting a come to life spell on her Smarty Pants doll so she could fix its friendship problem.

Wait a fucking minute, something ain't right. "Dear Twilight...yadah-yadah-yadah?" Now why the hell would she be saying Dear Twilight? Is that her journal's name or is something more sinister at work here? I have a bad feeling that something more sinister is at work here.

Wait a minute, the scene has shifted to Equestria? Does this mean that Meghan McCarthy realized everypony hates humans and decided to finish this off? Even better, I can do an invisibility and teleport into Twilight's castle so that is what I did! I'm thinking I might run the non-lovelies off and drag my lovelies up to Twilight's sleeping chambers and have some fun! I'm so needy right now I may just do that.

Ok, into Twilight's castle. What the fuck is going on with that book that is not only glowing, but vibrating. What sort of dark magic is this? Well before we learn what the dark magic is we learn that Sunset has written to tell Twilight that something doesn't seem right about those new girls. So fucking what, it doesn't affect our lives here in Equestria so why should we even care?

Well it is history lesson time! That book that depicted my sister and I so long ago and Scorpan and Tirek has a lesson about sirens in it too, sirens that Starswirl banished a long time ago so perhaps me bringing that Sonata girl back here wouldn't be such a wise idea after all.

What was that Twilight, you think they need you over there? Hell no they don't, your master needs you up in her sleeping chambers ASAP. Guess what, I reversed the invisibility spell, shocked them all, convinced Twilight to not care about the human world and she came up with me! We had a very fun time and this is proof that yours Truly has more power than Meghan McCarthy!

"Princess Celestia, what did I say about you and altering the ending?"

"But I don't want to keep doing this! Besides, my ending is so much better! Twilight doesn't go to the human world and she makes me happy!"

"Yes, I agree your ending is much better and had I wrote that damn movie that is what I would have had happen but I didn't! You have to tell the fans what really happened."

*sighs* "Fine. Just know I'm only doing this so you won't take my lovelies and my cake away from me."

"As long as you do it, that is all that matters."

"Fine, I'll do this."

Well I tried, again. Ok, now I am not very happy that Twilight cares so much about the problems in the human world but I'm more pissed that she has a way to communicate with the she demon. Now something even worse is going on involving Twilight and that dumb mirror.

Get this, she has somehow rigged that damn thing to where she can open it whenever she wants and she is going to go there and help her so called "friends" with this siren problem. Fine, let her go. When she gets back let's just say that when she gets back she is going to have a little date with the Twicane....make that an excruciatingly painful date with the Twicane. Does she not know that such devices are to be handled carefully? Does she not know the dangers of just opening things like that can cause serious damage. Well when she gets back not only am I going to violate her with the Twicane, but that mirror has to go.

All I can do is stand there in disgust as she turns that thing on and goes through. Now I had plans on having fun in Twilight's sleeping chambers today and even though she decided to be an idiot and go through that mirror, I'm still going to have fun there. Let's just say I shocked her REAL friends by reversing the invisibility spell. I kicked four of them out and then hauled Fluttershy up to Twilight's chambers. Well we had our fun and after that I began to have different thoughts run through my mind.

I began to wonder if Twilight is mentally stable enough to be a princess. Seriously, who the hell goes through some dumb mirror to help a world that has absolutely no use to us here in Equestria. Maybe I should just destroy the mirror while she is a dumb fuck human. Let's see, who could I replace her with? There is Twinkleshine who meets my bedroom standards, there is Lemon Hearts who has a level head on her shoulders and then there is Colgate, who would become a ruthless dictator and force everypony to have perfect teeth or die. I'm thinking I'll go with Lemon Hearts. Yeah she may not be as good in bed but she'd be competent. What do you think everypony, how does Princess Lemon Hearts sound?

Well sadly I can't put that plan in action so all I can do is hope Twilight doesn't get killed in the human world OR interact with Brad. If she does, that Twicane will have tons and tons of fun! Ugh, let's get back to this so StormLuna won't take my lovelies and my cake away from me, alright?

Well Twilight has returned to the human world and to her fake friends so they decide to treat her to lunch and that Applejack just has to bring up a "certain blue haired guitar player" around Twilight. What is worse is that she has a dingbat moment and seems excited that Flash Sentry asked about her. Alright, I'm going to warm up the Twicane because it will be used....and I'm thinking I might see if Luna would be interested in joining me in punishing her when she gets back. Yeah Luna is straight laced and you think she'll say no but if I bribe her with fritters, she'll do it!

Well that is bad enough but guess who she crashes into, hugs and blushes at! That's right, Flash Sentry and now I am enraged.

"LITTLE SISTER, GET DOWN HERE, NOW!"

"What is wrong big sister, thou seems most angry."

"I am! Take a look at this."

Now Luna didn't even know I had this Palantir but when I showed it to her and she was not very pleased. She could see the fury in my eyes.

"So big sister, we are taking it that thou wishes to punish Twilight upon her return?"

"Yes little sister. I have different plans but I do know one thing, that Twicane is going to have fun."

*gasps* "Seriously big sister, thou art going to violate her with the Twicane over this?"

"Yes, little sister, I am AND I want you to help me. She must be punished for this!"

"But sister, she was thy personal protege! Thou groomed her to be a princess!"

"Do you want some extra fritters?"

"Yes big sister, we do."

"Alright then, you will aid me in punishing her and aid me in creating a very special day for a certain yellow student of mine."

*gasps* "Big sister, art thou going to strip Twilight of her crown and make Lemon Hearts a princess?"

"Yes, I plan on it. I know she has a level head on her head and will not put the affairs of a lesser world full of lesser creatures ahead of Equestria and its citizens."

"We do agree, what Twilight hast done is a serious crime! We are most tired though, thou keep watching her while we get some sleep."

"Don't worry little sister, I will."

I told you I would get Luna on board with punishing Twilight. Well back to this thing and now it looks like they are starting to argue over who the best band is at their pathetic little high school and of course everyone thinks theirs is the best. Naturally all their fighting is giving the sirens, The Dazzlings, more power and I can't help but sit here and laugh. Despite Twilight being in that world, I don't care if they destroy it. Pretty soon Lemon Hearts will be our newest princess and there are plenty of other lovelies out there so losing Twilight won't be as much of a problem for me as some of you may think.

Well now it looks like the Lame 5 has found a new band member, my little Twily. While I can't stand Sunset, I do feel a little bad for her that they are leaving her out, especially given that she actually lives there and doesn't only show up when she decides to betray Equestria and piss me off. Who knows, maybe them leaving Sunset out will be a good thing.

Now for this plan they are cooking up to try and defeat the sirens, they want to use some sort of counter-spell song. Of course only Twilight or Sunset actually know how to do this since they understand the magic of Equestria. Well we shall see if this little plan of theirs will work or if it will fail. I secretly hope it fails so I can go tell Twilight's parents that their daughter is an idiot who failed in trying to liberate a lesser world from three teenage girls. Then to spite them I might force them to go to Lemon Hearts' coronation.

Now this should be fun, Twilight and her fake friends have decided to do a sleep over! I'm hoping that they'll engage in some fun activities, such as munchy-munchy times or maybe violating each other with bats or something. What a shame one of those other girls doesn't have something that resembles the Twicane! That would be so much fun to see!

Well midnight has arrived and my moronic little princess can't sleep and guess who else can't, Sunset! Oooh, maybe sexy times are about to ensue! Now what happens next certainly couldn't be shown because it would wind up making this an R rated movie, or maybe even X. Guess what, I decided to make that happen. I teleported to Twilight's castle, went through that mirror, ran from the school to where they were having that sleepover and decided that fun times were needed. Now I didn't tell Twilight anything about my plans for her if she returns but Sunset sure was shocked to see the REAL me!

The first thing I did was imprison those two in the spare bedroom. After that, I decided to punish Sunset for refusing to put out after a while and run through that stupid mirror and I decided to punish Twilight for rigging that mirror to open whenever she wanted. I'll wait to punish her over Flash Sentry until she gets home. Now how did I punish Sunset? I took a little something with me to that world. If you guessed the Twicane, you are right!

I tell you, it felt so good hearing her screaming in agonizing pain as I rammed that thing in and out of her with as much force as I figured was necessary. I screamed, "This is what you get for running away you little bitch! Had you just let your overlord bang you when she wanted maybe YOU would be a princess!"

The look on her face was a combination of severe pain and extreme sadness. I finally got that little bitch to realize that she could have never had to put up with all this but it was too late now. Regarding Twilight, just for shits and giggles I FORCED Sunset to take it to her. Yeah she didn't like it but oh well!

Well the night would be over soon so I left that house, headed back to the school and then came home. What would happen next would be EPIC. Once I got home I destroyed the mirror and then watched through my Palantir in joy as a a ballistic missile struck Canterlot High and killed them! It killed them all so I decided to have a cake and my sister decided to have some fritters to celebrate the death of a bunch of undesirables along with a princess who betrayed her home......

"Princess Celestia! What did I tell you about altering the ending?"

"But StormLuna, that ending is so much more fun! I know you don't like Equestria Girls much either so I thought you would let me do this!"

"No Celestia, the readers want to hear what really happened. They don't want to hear what you and I wish would have happened."

*sighs* "Whatever, I still think they would find my ending better."

"Some may and some may not. Remember, if you don't do this my way, no lovelies and no cake from now on!"

"Can I leave the part about what couldn't be seen? Can I leave the part about me going there, punishing Sunset and Sunset violating Twilight with the Twicane?"

"Sure, why not. The people who watched the movie never knew you did that. Now get back to work."

Well unfortunately StormLuna won't let me make this better so I guess I better get back to the boring and lame Meghan McCarthy version of this. The next day they all show up at Sweet Apple Acres to do a rehearsal for their song. Now they did ask why Twilight and Sunset were walking with a grimace on their face but they knew better than to say, "Princess Celestia came from Equestria and violated us with the Twicane." Too bad they didn't, that would have really made things interesting!

Ok, they do their rehearsal and of course Rainbow Crash is acting like she is all that and a sack of shit and something just doesn't seem right. I don't know if they are simply mad over what song they're going to sing, Rainbow's narcissism or the fact that the Twicane may have diminished the magic that Twilight had. Well I can't speculate because this damn thing continues to go on and on. If StormLuna would just let me make my own ending, this could be shorter. I could finish it, grab some cake and a lovely and head up to my sleeping chambers before I crowned Lemon Hearts as the new princess.

Now the time has come for the first round of their lame music competition and I swear, some of that music is horrible! I think I would rather listen to the royal guard fart all day than listen to that shit that Snips and Snails "sang." Ugh, I know some humans have bad taste in music but this is proof that many of them are even lower on the evolutionary scale than undesirables! Luckily the Snips and Snails here in Equestria just stick to lame magic shows.

After a couple other lousy acts it looks like the Lame 5 + Twilight "The Traitor" Sparkle are going to perform. Get this, they are going to sing "Shake Your Ass, 'For Principal Celestia!'" What the hell kind of song is that? Ok, I get it, the Tia in that world is a pedophile and watches the asses of teenage girls. Perhaps I need to go visit her, drag her here to Equestria and burn her alive. That is the punishment for pedos and even though I hate that world, ridding it of a pedophile would make me a hero, EVERYWHERE!

Alright, they sing their song and all sorts of weird shit starts happening and it is obvious that someone is behind it. Is it The Dazzlings? Is it Brad the Bi-Boy and the Undesirables or is it Trixie and the Skanks? My guess is that it is Brad.

Now for some funny things going on, I don't remember quite when it was but Flash actually showed he had a brain and treated Twilight like shit! Yes, yes, yes! Maybe now she will see him for what he is, an idiot who doesn't care for her and would rather be screwing Bulk Biceps than talking to her. Now maybe Twilight will bail on this, come home and maybe rather than further punishing her, I will make her feel all better. Key word, maybe!

Ugh this is so boring, more performances go on but at least The Dazzlings had a good performance, it was so good that it had the lame versions of me and my sister thinking they were the best thing in the world. Now I know for sure that no matter how hot I think she would be in this world, I can not abduct Sonata and bring her here. She could actually be the downfall of Equestria and if Aria somehow came with her, she'd have us all in chains and be telling us that we are the worst.

Finally after way too many boring acts the lame me decides that it will be The Dazzlings going up against The Lame Five Plus Twily. Now I have some special plans coming up for this. It will involve me and a certain serial killer paying that world a visit but I'm not going to go into too much detail. Now naturally Trixie and the Skanks are not thrilled over this but hey, the Trixie there is a schemer just like the one in this world and I'm sure she'll make sure she advances instead.

Guess what, I was right! Somehow there was a very conveniently located trap door on that stage and Trixie managed to open it and cause The Rainblows to fall under the stage. Now it is set, Trixie and the Skanks vs. The Dazzlings. Now I'm predicting they'll both lose due to an act of a Goddess and I'm certain you'll all love it!

Now for something funny, The Rainblows have started to fight under the stage. How cute, maybe after they're done they'll hall have an orgy of makeup sex, something that certainly couldn't be shown and all this hate is only feeding The Dazzlings even more. Yeah it may help them win but like I said, divine intervention will prevent that.

Wait a minute, how the hell did those girls get out from under the stage? Oh, I see, DJ-PON3 freed them and now here they think they can use her music machine to play their dumb song to free the crowd from The Dazzlings' spell. Now the time for action has come.

Ok, StormLuna is distracted by the pregame ceremony for the World Series Champion Chicago Cubs so now I can do things my way and get away with it! Here in Equestria I decided to pay Sugarcube Corner a visit. Of course I was greeted by Pinkie who I knew would object to my plans so here is what I did. I used a powerful spell to transform her into not only an Alicorn, but the FAN VERSION of Pinkamena. Once I told her of my plans she gladly joined me. Before we went through, I cast another spell on us, something that will protect us after we went through that stupid mirror.

Well we went through and as we emerged, we were STILL ponies! Yes, we still had our magic! Now of course we could hear the music from that contest given we were on school grounds but one thing that movie never showed. There is a military base in that town as well so that gave Pinkamena and I an idea. We teleported over there, we each stole an attack helicopter and headed towards the competition, ready to unleash that divine intervention.

And it looks like we arrived just in time. Not only had The Lame Five + Twily started to play, but the sirens had taken their true form and were ready to smite their enemies and that appears to be just what they did. Now Sunset has finally decided to do something productive and begins to sing, prompting The Dazzlings to add more power to their song.

All while the battle between these two groups was going on no one bothered to notice that two attack helicopters were moving in. As it looked like The Rainblows may win it, Pinkamena and I opened fire. We began to mow those undesirables down and I mean all of them! The panic in their faces was epic as they continued to go down and what was most satisfying is when Pinkamena destroyed DJ-PON3's music machine, The Rainblows, Sunset and Traitor Twily.

Once they all looked dead we landed our helicopters and surveyed the damage and how sweet it was! We destroyed everything! We leveled that school, we destroyed the stage and we had claimed every single life, except one. Principal Celestia was laying there and was horrified when she saw two talking Alicorns heading her way. She must have remembered me because she said, "You? It's you, the one who wanted to banish me to the moon!"

I smacked her and laughed, "Damn straight it is bitch! Your world has caused me enough problems and now you must be punished."

Pinkamena saw the trophy lying on the ground and levitated it to herself. I nodded to her and we began to sing,

"Equestria, the land I love
A land of harmony
Our flag does wave from high above
For ponykind to see

Equestria, a land of friends
Where ponykind do roam
They say true friendship never ends
Equestria, my home"

Once we finished I held the principal closer to me and snarled, "Say it!"

Very weakly she said, "And the winner of the Canterlot High Music Competition is "The Goddess Queens of Equestria!"

I gave her a smile and then nodded at Pinkamena. She levitated her to herself and bit her neck open before allowing her corpse to drop. We smiled at one another and in unison said, "Mission accomplished!"

"Princess Celestia!"

"What?"

"This is your last warning! You can not alter this, especially in such a bloody and unrealistic manner!"

"Unrealistic? Look at the skin of these undesirables we killed! Now these so called humans are unrealistic!"

"Look, I agree that your ending would be much funner and had it really happened that way, I would watch that film over and over but it did not happen that way!"

"Come on, just let me finish this once!"

"You know what? Fine, I'll let you finish this your way BUT keep in mind, you can not alter any other endings, alright?"

"Alright, but now let me and Pinkamena gloat in our victory!"

"Alright, just this once. Now finish this up and then do whatever it was you planned on doing."

I am so happy! StormLuna decided to let me end one my way! Alright, where was I. Oh yes, Pinkamena and I stood there triumphant on the battle field, looking over the corpses of our fallen enemies and we headed over to where The Rainblows were singing and found Twilight. Now was it a bit saddening to see her body blown apart but at the same time I felt a great sense of satisfaction. I punished a tyrant who betrayed her homeland by putting lesser creatures ahead of them. Now given that Pinkamena had levitated one of her arms to herself and began to snack on it, something crossed my mind.

"Hey Pinkamena, want to be a princess?"

"Yes, being a princess would be FUN, FUN, FUN!"

"Alright, once we get back to Equestria I will crown you Princess Pinkamena, the Princess of Murder and Torture."

"Don't worry Celestia, I won't let you down. I'll kill any and all undesirables!"

"Good, let's get going home!"

Pinkamena nodded and we headed back to the horse statue, which managed to escape the destruction laid down by our gun ships. Once we arrived back in what was now her castle, I destroyed that mirror and forever cut ties between Equestria and that primitive world. Once we finished that we decided to call it a night and prepare for a special event.

Well the following day arrived and I must say, Pinkamena's friends were shocked to see her in her new form. Well naturally they would be and of course they asked about Twilight and we had to break the bad news to them, that she wound up getting killed in that other world. Naturally though we would never tell them how she died nor would we let them know that we were responsible for it.

The four of them began to cry and we did our best to console them but we figured that the event that would soon unfold would wipe all those tears away. Now in the past we always held coronations up in Canterlot but I asked Pinkamena where she wanted it held so we decided to hold it here in Ponyville.

Now yeah my sister was shocked and many of the ponies in Ponyville were stunned and sad that Twilight was gone but hey, she betrayed the ponies of Equestria so she had to be punished! Now you probably wonder what happened regarding bringing in a sixth since there are six thrones. Well I decided that rather than having Lemon Hearts on board, I would promote that dentist I'm so scared of to being part of this group. Yes, Colgate now has a throne and I'm certain she will keep the others from letting their teeth get in bad shape!

Now I must say that things in Equestria are far better. We have a bad ass princess in Ponyville, my sister will still get her fritters, I will still get my cake and more importantly, my lovelies and regarding Cadence? Who gives a shit about her? As long as she keeps on putting out I'll be happy....and now we move on to a new Equestria, a new My Little Pony centered around my Princess of Murder! Yeah the show will likely be moved to FX or somewhere else they will show that but oh well, everypony will be happy!

"Well Celestia, are you happy?"

"Yes, I am very happy! Thank you for letting me end that movie so much better than Meghan did."

"You're welcome Celestia but you must do one little thing for me if you want to keep your cake and your lovelies in the future."

"What is it?"

"You must give your synopsis of the REAL ending of Rainbow Rocks!"

"What? But it was awful and lame compared to mine! That traitor Twilight lives and Pinkamena doesn't become a princess!"

"I'm sorry Celestia but I do have fans who want the real ending as well. Either do it or I take your lovelies and your cake away."

"Oh fine but I'm only doing this so I don't get punished!"

Ok, *yawn* where was I. Oh yes, DJ-PON3 had her headphones on and was never brainwashed by The Dazzlings and somehow Twilight's mutt notified her to free them and then take them to some ridge where she had her car/music machine parked. Unfortunately the Lame Five got their instruments plugged in and they began to sing to counter the spell the sirens had brainwashed everyone with.

Ok, the sirens put more power into their song, those pendants begin to glow and they finally take their true form. Kind of unnerving but hey, at least they can't get me watching them through this thing. Oooh, fun, the sirens strike The Rainbooms directly and knock my moronic Twily's microphone out of her hand and it looks like The Dazzlings will win this and enslave that world. I'll just go destroy that mirror to keep them from coming here and we'll be short one princess. Oh well, we did just fine without Twilight before, we'll live without her after this.

Now for what I don't get. Sunset Shimmer, who had mostly been ignored, denied a chance to be part of their stupid band and then she decides to start singing to beat the sirens. Then the worst possible thing happens, The Rainblows start singing and playing and they get their pony-like additions, the ears and wings. Ugh, why did this have to happen? Oh that's right, because StormLuna is being a stick in the mud and making me do the boring ending too.

Well in the end The Rainblows, I mean Rainbooms won, the sirens' pendants broke and it was all over. Oh joy, now Twilight's overblown ego and ridiculous loyalty to these hacks is only going to get worse. Oh well, she'll pay for this when she gets home. Luna and I are warming up the Twicane and in the event she does something else that will piss me off, we may have even more plans for her, plans she won't like.

The concert is over and once again I am enraged, Twilight is hugging Flash Sentry! That's it, her punishment will be far more brutal this time. She hugged him, she smiled at him and for a second it looked like they might kiss but luckily for her, she didn't. Had she done so, I would have smashed that mirror, she could have stayed there, got knocked up by Brad (still, what a lame name) and wound up on "Sixteen and Pregnant."

Finally after yapping with her fake friends for a bit she gets her ass home where it belongs....and the credits roll. Good thing they did because it hid what the animators could not show.

When she got home it was not her friends that were waiting for her, it was Luna, me and the Twicane! Let's just say that the four of us went up to her sleeping chambers and had tons and tons of fun. I'm guessing that after this experience, she will deactivate that mirror permanently and forget about those magicless hacks in that other world. If she doesn't want me to rip her insides out with the Twicane, she will.

"There StormLuna, happy? I did the lame ending."

"Yes Celestia, it was acceptable so I won't take your lovelies or your cake away from you."

"Good and now I must get going, I need to get some cake in my system and I'm sure you have a Cubs game to watch."

"That I do so you enjoy your cake, alright."

"Alright, and you enjoy your game."

You see, everything is fine between the two of us. I'll still get my lovelies, I'll still get my cake and don't worry, I won't try to really screw these things up in the future, well for the most part and hopefully the Cubs win or StormLuna will be in a very foul mood.

Chapter 138: Every Little Thing She Does

Chapter 138: Every Little Thing She Does

Hello everypony, it is your Sexy Sun Goddess again and you want to know something? I am actually in a pretty good mood because nopony has shown any dissent against me, my lovelies have been putting out and the cake has been even better than normal here lately so I shall share with you my synopsis of "Every Little Thing She Does."

It is early in the morning and it looks like my girls are already up and are testing their magical abilities. Ok you two, so you think you're going to outdo the other when it comes to magic? Guess what Twily, I know you're great with magic but there is one thing you must remember, Starlight has outdone you when it comes to magic in the past. Remember her cutie mark removal abilities? Remember her time traveling abilities? Remember her Trixie seduction abilities? Sorry Twily but I'm pretty sure Starlight will come out on top here.

Despite me being sure Starlight will completely kick Twily's ass, those two start off their competition anyway and I must say, I am shocked that Twily is doing so well. I thought for sure she would have given up by now but just wait, I'm sure Starlight will wind up winning in the end and naturally she does. What truly fascinated me was that Starlight can do a duplication spell and I'm sure you all know what that means! Let's just say that Twilight wound up having double the fun when Starlight and her clone hauled her up to her sleeping chambers. I bet Twily never imagined she'd get violated by the same pony twice at the same time.

Finally their magic competition is over and Starlight has mopped the library with Twilight but then again what's new? When it comes to magic, Starlight always comes out on top. Too bad her friendship abilities weren't equally as good. Yeah her "friendship with benefits" lessons with Trixie are coming along splendid but when it comes to regular friendship, she just ain't that good.

Now I'm getting kind of surprised by Starlight here. Ok, she is fantastic with magic but little things like baking a cake with Pinkie terrifies her. Now come on Starlie, you don't have to worry! I can always come down there and help you bake a cake and then we can have some dessert afterwards! Apparently Spike doesn't truly understand her fears but oh well, he has more important issues to deal with, issues that are certain to make me a very happy princess!

Alrighty, regarding me being a very happy princess. It appears as though Twilight is all pissy because Starlight has been avoiding her friendship lessons like I said earlier. Twilight has decided to give her the task of tackling a friendship lesson while she is out of town. Guess what, she is coming up to see me! Sweet, it looks like yours Truly is gonna get laid, woo-hoo!

Now how the hell am I going to monitor what is going on while I have Twily in my sleeping chambers? I've got it, I'll just have a guard keep an eye on things for me. For now though, I shall continue to monitor this until she arrives. I don't know exactly what will happen but I am almost regretting the fact that she is coming up here. Key word though, almost!

Oh great, this is just dandy! How the hell am I going to keep an eye on her while I'm waiting on Twilight?

"Princess Celestia!"

"What is it StormLuna?"

"Tell you what, you can do here what you did with Viva Las Pegasus, alright?"

"Sweet! I promise I won't let you down."

"I know you won't so get to work, alright?"

Well this will make life easier for me since I don't have to actually go there to see what is going on. Apparently Starlight has decided that handling these things one at a time suddenly isn't good enough. She has decided that she will try and handle all five of these at once! Can you believe that? If my Starlie thinks that she can pull this off without everything going to hell she's got another thing coming.

You know something, your friends are right. I highly doubt Twilight would want you trying to do this all at once but I know how you are, you're stubborn as hell and unless you get some action with Fluttershy, you won't have it any other way. Oh yay! Starlight is getting all worked up and panicked and it is so adorable! I honestly think I should just head to Ponyville now, have the guard tell Twily to go screw Lemon Hearts and go provide Starlight some comfort because she obviously needs it so much!

Damn, my little Starlie is freaking out so much that she is actually going to cast a spell on her friends to assist in getting these friendship lessons done. How dare she, does she not know that casting spells on other ponies is highly illegal and because of her disobedience here, she must be punished! How I will go about it right now I'm not sure but maybe I'll force her into Colgate's bedroom and some painful sexy times can ensue!

What the hell Starlight? Those spells you cast are pretty high powered, they have enough power that even I wouldn't be able to do them so easily. Maybe I better rethink casting her into Colgate's bedroom because I'm terrified of what she might do once she was set free, well her and Trixie both.

Ok, so now she has cast the spell and said the trigger words to get her friends' attention. Now this should be fun as she and Pinkie have headed to the kitchen to bake a cake! Am I seeing this straight, there's going to be cake? You know what, forget Twilight coming up here! I'll just head down to Ponyville and partake in some....oh wait, I see Twily flying into town so I'll just wait for her to come see me instead.

Now this is hilarious, Pinkie hardly even knows what is going on and Starlight has to tell her very specifically what to do? Oh this is hilarious, "Whatever you want me to do Starlight Glimmer." Well Pinkie, I have an idea. How about you go clean Starlight's room for when I decide to come down later because I can't have it being a mess! Yes Starlight is a hottie but your sexy Sun Goddess does have standards, she doesn't like messy rooms.

Now the time has come for Starlight to help Rarity sew and Applejack do some scrapbooking. I have a feeling this isn't going to go over all that well but you never know, it might not be too bad. Ok Starlie, you've told Rarity to make a dress exactly like the one in the picture and given the state she is in, you honestly think she'll be able to do it? I hate to tell you this Starlight, but I think you're going to find Applejack's stories regarding those pictures boring as hell, I certainly do!

To make matters worse, Fluttershy has somehow managed to just let the animals run away! Good grief, did she become a grade A ditz all of a sudden? Normally she can keep those dumb things in line but oh well, with a bit of persuasion from Starlight, she'll go round them back up and now Rarity has proven she ain't all that bright. In her current state she draws an image of the dress instead of making it. Ok, I get it, you're a total dumb ass and you can't take orders from Twily's sexy second in command without screwing up.

Oh boy, this is looking bad, very bad. Pinkie is now burning cake after cake after cake and AAAAAH! Fluttershy is covered in bugs and I am downright terrified. I honestly don't know if I'll ever get that image out of my head. Thanks a lot Starlie, you just made me scared of my sexiest lovely and for that you must be punished! Should I use the horn, the hoof, the Twicane or should I let somepony else do my bidding? I think I'll go with the somepony else option and I can think of a sadistic blue unicorn that would be more than happy to do it!

With the whole castle filled with smoke because of the burning cakes Starlight can think of just one thing, she orders Rainbow to get water to put the fire out but the dumb little bitch brings in storm clouds. Good grief, just how stupid can that ditz be? Now there is one thing I am getting upset about though. I know I saw Twilight flying into town a while back and she still hasn't come to see me. I tell you, if she wound up leaving without paying homage to me, Colgate will get to punish TWO PONIES instead of just one!

I can't believe it, Twilight skipped town without coming by and saying, "Hi, let's have some fun!" Well after the episode is over I shall send a guard over to the dentist's office and have him notify Colgate that she will have a couple of ponies to punish and I'll even loan her some horn caps and the Twicane! Ok, enough about that. Now comes some fun times, my Twily throwing a fit over Starlight's recklessness.

Calm down Twily, I know Starlight screwed things up royally and made my sexiest lovely absolutely terrifying but I have a feeling her heart was in the right place! She did just want to please you and that's what matters, right? Ok Starlie, I think you might have missed the point somewhere along the line. Casting spells on your friends is not going to get Twily to let you dominate her!

You know, I was going to just go and grab my most magical lovelies and take them to be punished but I resisted because I have a feeling that things might go over better and besides, Starlight does have to apologize to her friends and I doubt doing so while she is in excruciating pain will seem genuine. The next day arrives and good grief, it looks like her friends have been hit by a truck!

Alright, I get it ladies. Starlight was being a bitch to you, she shouldn't have cast spells on you and she probably shouldn't have been trying to impress Twilight as much as she was but hey, at least she apologized! That is all that matters, right? Luckily for Starlight they accepted her apology and now she must go and help Twily clean the castle.

What's this? Starlight's friends are going to go help her and guess what, she is finally working on those friendship lessons Twily had been bitching at her about. I can't help but sit up here and smile to see Starlight seeming to have fun doing things that wouldn't interest me in the slightest, well except for the baking a cake. We all know how much I would like that and you know something? I'm thinking I might make Starlight come up here and bake a cake with me too, after that a mandatory dessert in my sleeping chambers of course!

Ok, Starlight finished off her list with the whole chillaxing with Crashie in the end but that is not the end of the action. Ok, I have decided to forego punishing Starlight but the same can not be said of Twilight. She had the audacity to come up here and not drop by for a visit. Right now I'm not even in the mood to see her so I have sent a guard down to get her and haul her over to Colgate, who I have already loaned the Twicane. So if any of you here in Canterlot her her crying out in agonizing pain, just know that it is a sadistic unicorn putting a disobedient princess in her place.

Now if you will excuse me, I honestly don't feel like hearing Twily cry out in pain so I'm headed to Ponyville to give Starlight some much needed attention! After everything she's put up with, she could really use it.

Equestria Girls Special: Forgotten Friendship

Equestria Girls Special: Forgotten Friendship

Hello everypony, it is your ~~brutal dictator~~ benevolent dictator, I mean princess, and I have a huge, huge surprise for you! You know how I normally hate having to do anything involving Equestria Girls? Well my Tia sense is telling me that I should give you the synopsis of "Forgotten Friendship" because I will most likely be in it, in pony form!

Before I can begin I had best grab the old Palantir because I certainly am not going to go through that mirror to do this, you know how I feel about not having my magic. Alright, another day has arrived at Loser High and it looks like Sunset is taking pictures for the yearbook since she is the dictator who "punishes" anymare, I mean any girl, who doesn't let her take their picture. I think that is a bit excessive but hey, she's been in that world long enough she's going to have human urges.

Ok, once they get into the yearbook room, Sunset and her harem, I mean friends, are in there counting votes to see who is most likely to do this and most likely to do that. It looks like Sunset and those so-called friends of hers have been voted best friends. What the animators forgot to put in there is that it was not "best friends," it was best friends with benefits! Life would be so much more fun if they would just air those on FX like the bonus episodes so that editing would never be needed.

Well apparently there is this shy girl, Wallflower Blush, that Sunset has known but ignored since their freshman year on the yearbook committee as well. Memo to Wallflower: Perhaps it was best she ignored you back then. If you remember correctly, she was a bitch who turned into a she-demon after she stole my oh so sexy Twily's crown. I get it, Sunset is nice now and you want to get her in bed but I don't think her besties are going to make room for an eighth girl.

Moving forward we have Trixie barging into their little meeting demanding that she be named the "Greatest and Most Powerfulest" student. Sorry Trixie but that title doesn't exist! Now had somepony done that to me, denied me my rightful spot in the yearbook, I would have banished them to the moon but the magicless hack version of Trixie can only throw smoke balls down and vow to punish them. Well good luck Trixie, Sunset is rather protective of her harem. Maybe you should just go invite Wallflower to have some fun. I'm certain she would gladly join you.

After Trixie left, the girls simply leave the yearbook room and didn't even notice that Wallflower was still in there. You know, I'm thinking I may pay the magicless hack version of my sister and demand that she "punishes" those girls if she doesn't want me to drag her back here and banish her to the moon. That would teach them to not just ignore a shy, innocent girl.

Now what is this, is Sunset writing something to my Twily in her journal? Perhaps she is asking her if she could drop in for a visit! I certainly hope so because then sexy times would definitely ensue. Unfortunately for me, she was simply telling Twilight what she and her so-called friends had been up to. The animators certainly couldn't show it nor could she mention it but she went into graphic detail about what their orgies are like and get this, she asked my Twily if she would come and join them. Now I know for sure if she ever comes back, she is going to pay. Sci-Twi is in that world for a reason, to keep my Twily here where she belongs!

Now it looks like Sunset's friends are at the beach and apparently Sci-Twi has this drone thing that she can not only use to spy on other people, but take pictures of herself. The very fact that she has a selfie drone is proof that she isn't a submissive little thing like my Twily, she may not act like it but I bet deep down she is an alpha female, one who punishes other girls in ways that only I could back here.

Enough about Sci-Twi, her drone and her being an alpha female. Sunset has shown up and get this, none of her friends remember her, well the nice her. All they remember is the bitch that ran that place during their freshman year. I can't help but wonder, will this devastate her and cause her to just come home? I'm sure it will harm her psyche but I'm not exactly going to count on her bailing on that pathetic place. She'll likely go befriend the nerdy girls, turn them into sex slaves and then write to Twily bragging about how good they think she is in bed.

Now for something freaky, Sunset has grabbed Applejack's arm and she can suddenly read her mind and discovers that she has been erased from her memory! Now I don't know exactly what it is she is using to do this but I will tell you this, if she ever comes to Equestria and has the ability to be a mind reader, she's going to the moon! Yes I say I want her back as my "protege" but a pony with those kind of powers would be an enemy of the nation.

Oh wah, wah, wah Sunset. Don't go crying because you have been erased from their memories and all they remember is the she-demon and bully version of you. Here we go again, she is going to write to Twilight and tell her how she suddenly has no friends with benefits. Maybe if I'm lucky Twilight will tell her she is a stupid bitch and destroy that mirror OR tell Sunset to come home and then destroy the mirror. Either way Equestria wins. That mirror is a threat and if someauthor would ever let me destroy it, I would!

What is this, Sunset is coming home again? Sweet, I better ready myself to teleport down into Twilight's castle for a threesome but first I'll let Sunset cry and whine to Twilight about how her harem doesn't remember her anymore. What's this, Twilight is going to bring Sunset up here? She has the audacity to bring that little tyrant up here after what she did? Well if she does, somepony is going to be very happy and it won't be Twilight! Let's just say that a setting sun is going to get raised back into the sky by a sexy sun goddess!

Once I discovered Twilight was going to bring Sunset up to me as an offering, I mean to find out what was wrong, I was ecstatic. Yes I know they made me look mad when they first got into the throne room but in the unedited version, the correct version, I was giving her a seductive smile and licking my lips. Guess what, she actually apologized to me for running away like a little bitch! She did what she did not when I took her in Twily's bedroom so I decided I would lead them into the restricted section of the library. That place is so restricted that even my Twily never saw it!

Once we got in there both of them were in a state of shock. Neither one knew it existed but you know how my Twily is, she immediately became immersed in all those books and didn't even pay attention to her surroundings so I decided that is when I would set my plan in action.

Ok, StormLuna is distracted by hockey so this should be relatively easy. While they showed Sunset and I looking through books too, that is not what happened. Nopony knows this but there is a secret passage from that section of the library that leads up to my sleeping chambers and that is where I took Sunset. I figured that since her harem forgot about her that she would be much more likely to stay.

When we arrived, her eyes grew wide when she saw that I had not changed the decor any since she was last in there. I started to smell something and I knew exactly what it was, Sunset must want me! Want to know what happened next? She jumped up on my bed, spread her legs wide and begged me to take her, so that is exactly what I did and wow, she has changed dramatically since the last time we met! She was so good that time, almost as good as Fluttershy and definitely better than my Twily and I didn't think that was possible!

Now for the truly fun part, after she rocked my world we began to talk and she said she wanted to come back and resume being my protege. I agreed but I told her that she had to be initiated into my harem. I could tell she was a bit curious about what this initiation would be like but when I told her that Colgate would initiate her, she begged me to not let her hurt her again!

I knew it! I knew that Sunset was being a disloyal little bitch when she was my protege! I knew that she had somepony on the side but I never imagined that Colgate had been making career plans that long before she finally blew her cover when she used me as a guinea pig. Alright, now not only am I going to turn her over to Colgate, I'll piss Flitter off and they can initiate her together all while I get it on video! This is going to be so much fun, well for everypony but Suns....."

"PRINCESS CELESTIA!"

"What?"

"Look, I know you're happy that Sunset is back and want her to stay with you but that is not what happened!"

"But StormLuna, everypony wants her to come home and she was finally good in bed!"

"Don't you 'but StormLuna' me Celestia, either you do this right or I'll take your cake away, take your lovelies away and turn a wrathful Flitter loose on you."

"No, not my cake, not my lovelies and please, not a wrathful Flitter!"

"Well then, will you please tell everypony what really happened and not what you wish happened?"

*grunts* "Fine but just know, I'll find a way to make you pay one of these days."

"As long as you do it, that is all that matters."

*grumbles* "Whatever."

I swear, StormLuna can be so mean sometimes. Alright, back to the restricted section of the library. As it turns out, there was this memory stone thing that Clover the Clever had and apparently he wound up burying it somewhere. Where he buried it, I don't know and I'll be honest, I really don't care. Hey, I should tell Sunset I know where it is! I'll tell her that it is in some extremely remote area of Equestria, like out where the McColts live. Her and I could go there, search aimlessly for it and see if Big Daddy McColt would let me and Sunset borrow his sleeping chambers!

"I'm warning you Princess Celestia. Do it right or I'll have Flitter punish you severely!"

"No, please no! I'll be good, I promise!"

"Very well then, get back to work."

*sighs* "Fine."

Well I should have known that wouldn't work but I tried. Ok, now my Twily seems to think that perhaps that stone was buried in the human world. My first thought is "how?" How did Clover get to the human world unless Starswirl tore a hole in the fabric of the universe, sent him there to bury it and then had him come back. Well my Twily thought that it may be buried there so I watched in sadness as Sunset and Twily headed back to her castle so she could return home.

I had to get the Palantir as the scene has shifted back to the human world and it looks like those girls are having a day at the beach. I swear, humans do some of the most boring things. I thought for sure Sci-Twi would have them imprisoned in her bedroom and be punishing them either one by one or all at once, well them and Trixie since she was there still bitching about not getting a special place in the yearbook. Trixie, just get over it. Go find that Wallflower girl or some other little hottie, drag them into your trailer or where ever you live, unwind with her and forget about the damn yearbook.

As I watch through this thing I am sad because there is Sunset, back in the human world trying to get her harem to remember that they are indeed friends with benefits. There she is trying to show them pictures of them together on a phone but then Trixie, who should have gone off and found a lovely by now, reminded them of how she altered pictures in the past. Yeah she did do that but who cares, that was then, it certainly ain't going to get her back in my sleeping chambers where she belongs!

Now while Sunset is trying to get her harem back, my Twily has discovered that memory stone somehow managed to get buried in the human world and that if someone's memory is erased for three days, it will remain lost forever. Sweet, now all I have to do is hope that the memories of her harem are gone for more than three days because then they will run her back through the portal and into my needy hooves! It looks like this might turn out good for your sexy Sun Goddess after all!

Alright, now it looks like Sunset, Trixie and that Wallflower girl are back in the yearbook room and now Sunset is reading her mind and holy shit, Wallflower has the memory stone! And of course she broke out into song and revealed that she used it on Sunset's friends with benefits so that she suddenly wouldn't be little miss popular. Get this, remember how Sunset used to be such a mean girl, well she has reverted to her old ways when Wallflower wouldn't surrender it so she can destroy it. I'm going to let you all in something. The real reason Sunset got so mad was because StormLuna wouldn't let me have my way with her, it had nothing to do with her harem forgetting she exists!

Now Wallflower has decided the time has come to take that memory stone somewhere it will be safe until after the sun sets, which would guarantee your sexy Sun Goddess would have a bacon haired lovely returning home to her for good. I hope she succeeds so bad!

Now we have Sunset and Trixie locked up in the yearbook room and while they never showed it, I'm sure you know what happened in there, something definitely worth me monitoring this. Sexy times ensued and after that, they discovered some video on Sci-Twi's spying device that Wallflower is behind all the memory erasing. Come on girls, I knew that from the second they showed her being ignored. I knew that Sunset's new friend with benefits would never engage in such activities!

Get this, Trixie somehow managed to get them out of the yearbook room and Sunset caught up with Wallflower before she could go and bury the memory stone or whatever she planned on doing it. Finally, this girl reveals she stole their memories and now has decided to steal the memories of Sunset's friends with benefits but Sunset gets in the way and sacrifices her own for them. Now she has no clue where she is and thinks she is still a pony in Canterlot. Ok Sunny, just go to that block of concrete, walk through the portal, come home and I promise I'll be good to you. You'll be a lot happier that way.

Oh shit, now those so-called friends of her are calling her their friend and they now all use these geode things of theirs to create enough power to destroy the memory stone, right before my dreams could have come true. Damn them all to Tartarus anyway, how dare Equestrian magic be used in such a place! Curse that Wallflower ditz for not running away with that thing because now, Sunset and her harem have their memories back and I know what will happen before too long.

Oh wah, wah, wah Wallflower. Now here you are feeling all ashamed of yourself because you've been a bad girl. You're just as bad as Sunset was when she became a she-demon, Sci-Twi did when she became Midnight Sparkle and Juniper did when she turned into whatever the hell it was. At least those sirens never whined and felt bad like losers after they were defeated. Personally I hope they come back sometime, challenge the Rainbooms to another singing contest and win, that would be sweet.

Ok Sunset, we get it, you have to tell Twily about everything that happened before you go and make Wallflower feel loved and no longer feel ignored. What they didn't show is that Sci-Twi joined them and they had quite the threesome to bring this one to a close.

Now be gone you serfs, your sexy Sun Goddess is devastated because not only did StormLuna not let her have her way with Sunset, he also hasn't even forced the castle chef to bring me a cake! Now if you will excuse me, I have a whole lot of pouting to do.