She really isn't half bad.
When Applejack awoke that morning, she had expected a fairly standard day of farmwork capped off with a little get-together with her friends at Sugarcube Corner. She was in no mood for Equestria-threatening villains, ancient monsters, or mysterious quests to far off lands.
After all, it wasn't even Saturday.
She released a drawn-out yawn and rolled out of bed, teetering slightly on her hooves as she blinked the sleep out of her eyes. Her limbs felt stiff and unwieldy, but she wasn't terribly surprised given that Applebucking Season was in full swing. A quick stretch relieved most of the stiffness, and the rest would vanish as she got to work in the orchards. It always did.
Applejack reached for her hat, hung upon the bedpost as it was every morning, and tossed it atop her head where it belonged. She was about to turn and head downstairs when a soft whump sound drew her attention to the floor.
Her hat was sitting crumpled at her hooves.
"What in tarnation?" Applejack blinked.
After giving her head a quick shake, Applejack once more tossed her hat onto her head, and once more saw it somehow fall right back down to the floor. She grumbled under her breath things she would never say in front of Granny, and snatched the hat up forcibly.
"Get on there!" Applejack lifted the hat above her head in both forehooves, paused for a beat, then yanked it down hard over her skull.
A blink, then two, and still the hat remained firmly in place. Applejack grinned, smug as a cat. Victory was hers, for there was no force in Equestria that could outmatch her stubbornness. Many had tried, and all had been soundly defeated, just as she had defeated her latest challenger, the stubborn hat. Truly, she was a master of—
"Applejack, you comin' down for breakfast?"
—she was late for breakfast.
"Aw shoot!" Applejack scrambled out the door and leapt down the stairs two at a time. Even her hair ties were left behind in her haste.
By the time Applejack got downstairs Apple Bloom had gone to school and Big Mac was already hooked to a plow out in the fields. The old house was empty, which seemed almost wrong given how warm and inviting it was. Most of the house was filled with family portraits, photos of relatives, or other meaningful artifacts of the strong familial bond shared through the whole Apple family.
However, none of the Apple family cared much for any decorations that didn't hold any sentimental value, and as a result the kitchen itself was utilitarian and sparse. While it was pretty empty compared to the living room, the kitchen had a different sort of charm. Namely, the fact that there was always something cooking. From morning 'til night, the kitchen would exude pleasant aromas that wafted through the entire house and added to the overall feel of warmth and comfort. As Applejack finally reached the kitchen, she could smell the sweet scent of fresh apple pancakes, and it made her mouth water.
"Sorry about that, Granny," Applejack said as she came around the corner to the kitchen. "I got a mite distracted there, so I won't have time for more'n a quick bite. Thanks anyway tho—"
Clang! Her head smacked against a lamp hanging just inside the kitchen.
"Dangnabbit!" Applejack stumbled and rubbed at her aching forehead. "Why in the hay is this lamp hangin' so dang low?"
"Whazzat, Applejack?" Granny Smith turned away from the stove to address her granddaughter. The second she caught sight of Applejack, the elder mare froze, blinking,.
Applejack tilted her head. "What? I got something on my face?" She looked about for a mirror, which meant little in a kitchen. Only then did she remember that she'd failed to utilize the mirror in her bedroom in her rush to get downstairs.
Before Applejack could run back upstairs to check, Granny Smith finally spoke up, "No, nothing like that. S'just…" Granny squinted hard for several uncomfortable moments, before finally brightening with a jolt. "Aha! You ain't wearing your ponytailer!"
Applejack exhaled. Nothing serious, then. "Uh, yeah, Granny. I didn't have time for it this mornin'." She glanced outside to where the sun was already well above the horizon. "Speakin' of that, I ain't got time for breakfast neither. Sorry, Granny, but I gotta get started if I wanna take tonight off."
Granny Smith waved her off. "Don't worry your little head about it, Applejack. I'll have an extra big lunch ready for ya."
"Thanks, Granny!" Applejack grinned. She turned and dashed out of the kitchen and towards the front door. There was a lamp hanging from the ceiling in the hallway.
Clang! "Ow! Dangit!"
Granny Smith chuckled as the front door finally closed behind Applejack. "That mare sure has grown tall." She hummed an idle tune as she set to cleaning up breakfast and preparing the needed materials for lunch. It was a routine older than even her, and Granny Smith knew of nothing more relaxing. Her thoughts turned back to Applejack as she worked, and Granny couldn't help the swell of pride that warmed her ancient heart.
"Horn and wings, too. Never thought I'd see the day li'l Applejack became a princess."
The day had apparently decided Applejack deserved some sort of punishment, as it stubbornly refused for anything to go smoothly. First she missed breakfast, she didn't do her mane up, and she was late getting to work. When she finally did get to the barn, the harness on the apple cart didn't fit properly.
Maybe skipping breakfast wasn't such a bad idea after all.
After an embarrassing amount of adjusting, Applejack was finally able to get the cart harnessed properly, though even the cart itself felt a little smaller than usual.
"I swear, I ain't letting Pinkie Pie talk me into 'dessert for every meal day' ever again…" In fact, Applejack was beginning to suspect it wasn't even a real holiday.
With the cart finally in place, Applejack trotted over to her first row of trees that needed harvesting. With any luck, she'd be able to finish off the last of the West Orchard before the end of the day.
After dropping off the cart nearby, Applejack approached the first tree of the day. There was always something satisfying about the day's first kick. Her hooves weren't warmed up yet, and her brain hadn't yet tuned out the monotony of her task. The first kick always felt more than the rest. More powerful, more visceral, and just more satisfying.
Applejack couldn't hide her small grin as she lined up and reared onto her front hooves. Her hind legs pulled in tight, wound up like twin springs as big as cannons, and then…
Crack-boom!
She barely even felt her hooves strike the wood. Her legs kept going well beyond where the tree should have stopped them, and Applejack ended up flopping onto her belly with a surprised yelp. Dazed, she lay there for several long moments as the orchard remained silent.
Only when her brain had given up on making sense of what happened did Applejack finally push up to her hooves and turn to examine the damage. What she saw made her freeze and her eyes go wide.
"What in tarnation?"
The tree was gone. Where had once stood a proud and fruitful apple tree, now sat a small crater from where its roots had torn up the ground and taken it with them. Of the actual tree, there was neither bark nor branch. All that remained was a perfect circle of apples lying in the grass around the crater. Applejack stared, unmoving, as she wracked her brain for any curse word that would sufficiently sum up her confusion.
"Hey, Applejack!"
She was startled out of her reverie by a distant, scratchy voice. It was a voice Applejack was used to hearing on Sweet Apple Acres, especially when she was trying to get work done.
"Applejack, that was awesome!" Rainbow Dash shouted as she wove between the rows of trees and came to a skidding stop behind Applejack. "How did you—what the hay!?"
Her friend's startled exclamation got Applejack's attention, and she spun away from the crater to face Rainbow Dash. "What?"
Rainbow Dash took a small step back and flared her wings. "Whaddaya mean, 'what'? Why do you look like that!?"
Applejack blinked. "…Like what?"
"All… weird."
"Weird?" Applejack bristled. "Why don'tcha go ahead and elaborate on that there statement?"
"Are you kidding me? You're way taller—"
"I was always taller than you!"
"—that was never confirmed by an impartial third party, but also your coat's black!"
"Maybe I'm sunburned."
"That's… not… what?" Rainbow Dash shook her head. "Whatever, your mane's all weird and floaty."
"I forgot my hair-ties this morning!"
"I don't think hair-ties would prevent your mane from turning translucent and blowing in a breeze that isn't there."
Applejack tilted her head. "Translucent?"
"Yeah, it means—"
"I know what it means. Just didn't much expect you to pull it out."
"I read! Books n'stuff." Rainbow Dash huffed. She shook her head and refocused, saying, "Wait, why are you even arguing this?"
"I dunno!" Applejack huffed. She grumbled, "You said I looked weird…"
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "Whatever, none of that explains why you're an alicorn and just kicked a tree clear to Detrot."
A beat.
"…say what now?"
"Yeah, I'm serious. I saw that thing flying, and it's probably embedded halfway into the side of some Detrot apartment complex by now. Pshh, not that they'd notice…"
"Not what I meant." Applejack waved a hoof. "You said I’m an alicorn."
Rainbow nodded. "Yep." Rainbow flew up and tapped a hoof against the long, slender, and deadly sharp horn protruding from Applejack's skull like a lance.
Applejack reached up and felt it, only then realizing that it had prevented her from putting her hat on that morning. Of course, that meant…
"Ah dangit! I went and impaled my hat on my horn didn't I?"
"Yeah," Rainbow nodded. "Bold move. I thought that hat meant a lot to you or whatever. Didn't your dead dad give it to you or something?" Rainbow failed to notice Applejack's sniffling whimper as she went on, "Anyway, I gotta say, the bat wings are pretty awesome. Way cooler than the ones Twilight got."
Applejack scrunched up her face. "Bat wings?" She felt back around her shoulders with a forehoof until it made contact with one of the two strong, leathery appendages nestled against her back. "Well I'll be a monkey's uncle," Applejack said slowly. "An honest-to-Celestia alicorn."
Rainbow Dash polished a forehoof against her chest lazily as she said, "Congratulations, I guess. We should probably let Twilight and the other princesses know. So what are you, the Princess of Apples or something?"
"Of course not!" Applejack snapped.
"Alright, jeeze…" She tapped her forehooves together. "So, Princess of Farming, or…?"
"Will you cut it out! I ain't princess of nothing!" Applejack stomped a hoof down and winced when the ground shook from the impact.
"Princess of Cowpony Hats?"
"Rainbow, I swear…"
"Princess of Countryisms?"
"Rainbow, I will kick you."
"…Princess of Kicking?"
Rainbow ducked just in time to avoid a hind-hoof that rustled her mane with the wind of its passing.
"Hah! Missed me—" Wham! "Augh jeeze!" She failed to avoid the other hoof.
"I told you I'd kick you," Applejack said as she walked over to where Rainbow Dash had landed, almost a dozen yards from where they'd been standing. "Heh, I guess I don't know my own strength. Sorry 'bout that, really."
Rainbow Dash groaned and waved a limp hoof. "No, that was my fault. Don't worry about it." Her hoof flopped back down and she let out a long sigh. "As soon as I can feel my legs again, we'll forget this ever happened."
They fell into an awkward silence for a few moments. Applejack scuffed a hoof against the ground and Rainbow Dash took long, slow breaths. Finally, the silence was broken once more by Rainbow.
"Definitely the princess of kicking, though,” she wheezed.
Rainbow Dash leaned forward on the couch. "So, like, do you feel any different?"
The two of them had moved to the Apple Family living room just as soon as Rainbow had been able to walk again. The room was cozy, tidy, and packed with sentimental knick-knacks. From pictures of cousins hanging on the walls to old Hearth's Warming cards sitting up on the mantle, no space in the room was wasted when it could hold some memory or other. An old gas lamp hung from the ceiling in the center of the room, but was unlit at such an early time; the two large windows with their curtains pulled back allowed more than enough natural light.
Applejack shifted a bit where she sat on the floor, too big to comfortably occupy a chair. "I dunno. I thought I didn't feel no different when I got up this morning. In fact, I plum felt great!" She scratched at the back of her neck with a slender midnight forehoof. "Still, uh… I reckon there are a few things, now that I think of it."
"Oh yeah?" Rainbow's ears twitched. "What sorta things?"
"Nothin' major," Applejack chuckled. "Just that my wings itch somethin' fierce ever since I noticed that I had them, and my horn feels all… magic-y."
Rainbow blinked. "Magic-y?"
"I don’t know how to explain it proper, but it's like there's a great big river running through my head, and it’s overflowin’. I know I can touch it, change it, make it do what I want, but I don’t know how. Makes me wanna sneeze." Applejack's eyes rolled up and she tapped her chin in thought, before focusing brightly back on Rainbow. "Oh! And there's this voice in my head tellin' me to destroy my friends, defeat the princesses, and conquer all of Equestria. Plus I'm pretty sure I don't need to use the bathroom anymore."
"…say what?"
"Yeah, I haven't gone once since I got up today. Must be an alicorn thing, though Twilight's never mentioned it. Then again, that girl's always been a mite awkward. Probably blushes red as a beet just thinkin' the word 'bidet'." Applejack chuckled.
"Not what I meant!" Rainbow waved her forehooves wildly. "That last thing! What about conquering Equestria!?"
"Oh, that?" Applejack tilted her head. "Never gave that much thought, really. Figured I didn't much like the sound of what it was sayin' so I just ignored it."
Rainbow Dash nodded. "Alright, cool." She tapped her forehooves together. "So, would you say you're feeling… mostly normal?"
"Fit as a fiddle. Why?" Applejack smiled reassuringly.
"I dunno…" Rainbow Dash squinted at the pitch-black alicorn before her. Applejack's grin was filled with two rows of razor sharp teeth, and above it were a pair of deep emerald eyes with a predator's slitted pupils that almost seemed to glow with a malevolent energy.
"I'm just… starting to get the feeling you might not be a princess."
Applejack's eyebrows formed a straight line as she deadpanned, "You don't say."
If Rainbow detected the sarcasm, she willfully ignored it. "Yeah, this looks different. The whole black coat, slitted pupils, 'destroy Equestria' thing."
"Conquer Equestria." Applejack pointed with a forehoof. "Destroy my friends."
"Whatever. This all feels familiar." Her squinting expression morphed into one of wide-eyed recognition. "No way! You're the Nightmare!"
"What?"
"Yeah, totally!" Rainbow hopped to the floor and paced back and forth as she articulated her theory. "Whatever weirdo Nightmare spirit we kicked out of Luna when we shot her with the Elements must've latched on to you, and now you're Nightmare Applejack! AppleMare… NightJack… whatever."
"NightmareJack?"
"Sure, whatever."
Applejack hummed as she thought it over. "I suppose that does make a lick of sense. It would certainly explain that voice, who will continue to get the silent treatment until she learns some proper manners, thank you."
She said the last part while staring at some fixed point off to the side, but turned back to Rainbow Dash to say, "So what now, then? Am I a villain or something? Should y'all rustle up the Elements?"
"Meh, I don't think so." Rainbow shrugged. "You seem to be handling it pretty well," she tilted her head, "and besides, I don't think you can even shoot yourself with the Elements. They've gotta have some sort of safety feature to prevent that."
"Wait, do we even have the Elements anymore? Or did Twilight's new castle, like… eat 'em."
"I… don't know."
"Weird. Those things seemed so important before."
"Yeah."
"Anyway," Applejack shook her head. "What's the plan of action then? No Elements, but surely we gotta do somethin' about it."
"First of all, don't call me Shir—"
"I swear I'll kick you again."
"Ahem," Rainbow Dash coughed into her hoof. "As I was saying, I don't think we need to do anything. Just, like, ignore it."
"Ignore it."
"Yeah, Twilight'll fix it or it'll just go away or whatever. Fluttershy was a vampire once and that totally fixed itself."
"We fixed that! We chased her around all dang night and lured her into a trap so that Twilight could magic up the cure!"
"…is that what we were doing?" Rainbow Dash tilted her head. "Wow, I was just sorta following you guys. Guess I pretty much tuned out whatever else was going on."
Applejack rubbed just beneath her horn with a forehoof. "Okay, let's just move on before y'all give me an aneurysm."
"Sure, let's get hayburgers."
"Not what I was expecting."
"It's lunchtime."
"…okay."
Rainbow Dash and Applejack trotted down the path towards Ponyville through the crisp summer air. The weather was perfect, with just enough clouds to keep it from getting too hot, but still allow the glory of Celestia's summer sun to warm the coats of Ponyvillians as they went about their days.
Rainbow Dash had, of course, pointed this out to Applejack multiple times.
"Rainbow, I see how nice the weather is, thank you!" Applejack gestured vaguely skyward with a forehoof. "Y'all did a fine job.
"Heehee," Rainbow Dash giggled. "I know, right? Man, I am just so awesome."
As they walked, Rainbow happened to glance at the ground beside them. Her own shadow was diminutive—some would say 'dainty' if they wanted a kick to the face—compared to Applejack's. In fact, the more Rainbow stared at Applejack's shadow, the stranger it felt. The darkness cast by Applejack somehow was deeper, blacker than any normal shadow. It appeared to be less a mere absence of light, and more a living, writhing presence that actively consumed the light from everything it touched. The utter void Rainbow saw when she stared into the blackness seemed to stare right back.
Rainbow blinked. She shook her head violently and refocused on the road ahead. A bouncing green shape appeared over the next hill, beyond which lay Ponyville itself. As the shape neared, Rainbow grinned brightly and called out to it.
"Hey there, Lyra!" Rainbow waved smilingly. "You look bouncy today."
"Hi, Rainbow Dash!" Lyra bounced to a stop in front of them and beamed widely. "And of course I'm bouncy! It's Bon Bon's birthday today."
Applejack smiled. "Oh yeah? Y'all are—"
"Best friends, yes."
"—not what I was gonna say, but sure. Let's go with that."
Eyes closed in a warm smile, Lyra said, "I have an extra special present for her this year, and I was just on my way to her place to… deliver it."
Applejack squinted. "You're not carryin' anything with you."
Lyra's ears twitched. "I know!" Her eyes focused on Applejack's form for a split second, then widened. "Oh my goodness! Applejack!" She took a flinching step backwards as she finally noticed Applejack's appearance for the first time. "You look… different!"
Applejack stared. "You're gonna go with 'different'?"
"Well, 'horrifying' hardly seemed appropriate…"
Rainbow Dash stepped forward, interjecting, "Isn't it cool? She's NightmareJack now. Tell your friends."
"Oh, like Nightmare Moon? That's concerning." She turned to Applejack. "Are you gonna take over Equestria, or plunge the world into…" She tapped her chin. "I wanna say 'eternal apples', but I'm not even sure what that would mean."
Applejack rolled her eyes. "Nah, ain't gonna do any of that stuff. I'm still the same old me, just got a new coat of paint is all."
Lyra stared for a moment, then burst into a wide smile. "Alrighty then. Have a nice day, you two!"
"Bye, Lyra!" Rainbow called out. "Have fun with your… best friend!"
Applejack scratched her head. "You know those two are totally—"
"Great friends?"
"Well, in a way, yes, but I mean—"
"That they're the very best of friends? Don't make it weird, Applejack."
"Seriously, just look at 'em—"
"Friendliest mares I've ever seen! Why you gotta make it weird? Some ponies are just really, really close friends."
Applejack's hoof was never enough to rub away the headache building within her skull.
"Forget it," Applejack dismissed. "Movin' on, I'm surprised at how easy that was. No screamin' or runnin' or nothing. Ponies in this town usually love that sort of thing."
"Pshh!" Rainbow Dash waved a hoof. "You're Applejack. Ponies know you're the best pony. Besides, you're less menacing than Fluttershy's pet rabbit."
"What? I can be menacing!"
"Applejack, you've got rows of serrated teeth and predator eyes, and do you see anypony running or screaming? I don't think so, because you're Applejack." She blinked. "Besides, why do you want ponies to be afraid of you?"
"I dunno, why would I!?" Applejack pressed her forehead up against Rainbow's, which only emphasised the new size difference. The two of them looked like a grapefruit roughing up an actual grape.
"Okay…" Rainbow said slowly. "Now you're starting to scare me."
Applejack sighed and backed away sheepishly. "Sorry. I guess I'm a mite stressed out just tryin' to process all this."
"Applejack, you gotta relax." Rainbow Dash slicked back her bangs and offered a confident grin. "Stop worrying so much and just go with the flow."
"Go with the flow?"
"Sure, whatever. Now are we getting hayburgers or what, because I skipped breakfast and if I don't eat soon I will literally die."
Applejack rolled her eyes, but refrained from comment as the two of them trotted into town.
"Whoa!" A blue stallion called out from across the street. "Hey, Applejack! What's with the new look?"
Before Applejack could respond, Rainbow Dash cupped a hoof to her mouth and shouted in reply, "She's NightmareJack now! Don't worry though, she's actually pretty alright!"
"Cool! See ya later!" The stallion trotted along his way, smiling.
Rainbow Dash nodded in satisfaction and turned back to Applejack, only to be met with a withering glare. Her ears folded back under the scrutiny.
"What?"
"What was that about, 'pretty alright'?"
"Oh come on! You want me to go around telling everypony you're perfect?"
Applejack blinked. "Well… I guess not, but you could use a mite more tact."
"I swear, you're already turning into a tyrant…"
"What was that now!?"
"Nothing! Jeeze!" Rainbow Dash pointed. "Hey look, we're at the burger joint."
Rainbow Dash quickly trotted inside, leaving Applejack to stand fuming in the street for several moments before following after the pegasus. Rainbow was already in line to order, and Applejack fell in silently beside her. The silence lasted all the way up to the register where an orange mare with an even oranger mane grinned at them from beneath the visor of her McBucks hat.
"Hey there, Rainbow Dash, and hello Applejack!" She looked Applejack up and down thoroughly before letting out a low whistle. "When'd you become a princess? I must've totally missed the coronation, but congratulations!"
Applejack sighed. "I ain't a princess, Goldy."
Golden Harvest tilted her head. "No?"
Rainbow Dash nodded. "She's, like, possessed by the evil Nightmare spirit that once enthralled Princess Luna, turning her into Nightmare Moon and makin' her try to end the world or whatever."
Golden Harvest blinked, then blinked again. Finally, slowly, she uttered, "Enthralled?"
"Snnkt," Applejack snorted and covered her muzzle with a hoof.
Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash blushed and puffed her cheeks out. Her brows drew together as she huffed, "Why is everypony so surprised that I know what a thesaurus is!?"
Applejack managed to fight through her giggles to say, "Maybe 'cause before Twilight moved to town, you hadn't even seen the inside of a book."
Rainbow Dash glared, but eventually relented with a sigh. "Okay, fair enough." Her ears twitched suddenly and she snapped her gaze up to Golden Harvest. "But wait, you aren't at all freaked out that Applejack is possessed by the Nightmare?"
Golden Harvest hummed, taking a look at Applejack once more. Applejack's cruelly sharp horn nearly brushed the ceiling, and her coat was blacker than the inside of Golden Harvest's eyelids. Dangerous, slitted pupils stared at her from above a deadly sharp smile, and leathery bat wings were tucked against her coat.
"Hmm, nah." Golden Harvest shrugged. "It's Applejack. It's not like Rarity's been possessed or something. Her, I could see as a villain."
Rainbow Dash nodded vigorously. "I know, right? Flippin' vampire…"
"Excuse me," a chagrined voice piped up from somewhere behind Rainbow and Applejack. "Could you two please order your food already? There's a queue."
Rainbow Dash bristled. "Tough guy, eh?" She moved to whirl around, but Applejack held her in place with a cold iron hoof.
"Rainbow Dash, don't cause a scene," Applejack chided. She turned herself to address the impatient stallion, smiling as gently as she could. "Mighty sorry about that, buddy. Me and my friend just had a bit of catching up to do with ol' Goldy here. We're done now, though, so—"
The stallions eyes had widened the moment she turned around, and his form began to tremble more and more with every word she spoke. Finally, he snapped, shouting, "Nightmare Moon!" and sprinting out the door into the street.
"Hey! That's NightmareJack! Get it right!" Rainbow Dash called after him. "Don't worry, AJ, I got your back."
Applejack's eyebrows drew together. "Jee, thanks…"
"Even after you tell me not to make a scene and then you go and pull that."
Applejack's mane flared as she turned to face Rainbow head on. "So that was my fault?"
"Well, I certainly didn't scare an innocent stallion out of his mind."
"You were about to go off on him!"
"He was a total jerk!"
"Wha… I… Do ya even hear yourself!?"
"You callin' me deaf!?"
"Girls!" Golden Harvest's shout managed to gather the attention of the bickering mares, who at least managed to look sheepish when they spotted every pair of eyes in the restaurant staring widely at them.
Golden Harvest cleared her throat. "Uhm, that stallion did have a point though. There's quite a long queue of ponies waiting to get lunch. So…"
"Oh, right!" Rainbow Dash instantly brightened as if they'd never been arguing at all. "I'll take a number two combo, large drink… Hey, AJ, if I get a large order of hayfries will you eat some?"
Applejack appeared to be trying to burn a hole in Rainbow's head with her gaze. "Y'all're just gonna drop the whole matter? Just like that? Y'all were right fixin' to fight it out a moment ago."
"You still on about that?" Rainbow Dash flicked a wing dismissively. "Come on, girl, it's in the past. Now, I'm really gonna need an answer on this hayfries situation before I can finalize my order, so…?"
Applejack fumed, and fumed. The glare on her predatory face would have frozen a manticore in its tracks, and though nopony else in the building noticed, the wooden floor was beginning to char beneath her hooves. She took a deep breath through her fangs, then two, and finally… deflated with a long sigh.
"Yeah, sure, I could eat some extra hayfries."
"Cool." Rainbow turned back to Golden Harvest. "So yeah, make that a large hayfries too. That'll be all."
Golden Harvest nodded, wrote the order down on a pad of paper, then tore the entry off and passed it through a window to the kitchen. "And for you, Applejack?"
"I dunno, I like the sound of that burger there, but is it supposed to be… green?"
Golden Harvest nodded.
"Hmm…" Applejack tapped her chin. "Rainbow, you even have the green burger?"
"I don't know." Rainbow shrugged.
Applejack blinked. "What do you mean 'you don't know'?"
"I mean, I don't know!"
"How can you not know!?"
"I dunno! They all look the same to me!"
"Wha…" Applejack's eye twitched. "Burgers!?"
"No! Y'know…" Rainbow lazily swirled a hoof through the air. "Like, colours."
"Colours… look…" Applejack's face scrunched up. "Rainbow Dash, are y'all colourblind?"
"Yeah, that's the word!"
Applejack sputtered. "It's ridiculous, is what it is!"
"Hey!" Rainbow Dash pointed. "It's a real disability that affects millions of ponies Equestria-wide… probably."
"Yeah, but…" Applejack gestured vaguely towards Rainbow Dash.
"But what?"
"Y'know…"
"Because my mane has all the colours? Yes! I know! Ponies have told me!" She sighed. "Look, can we just drop it? It's clearly not that big a deal if you just now noticed."
"Fine, fine. Just…"
"Drop it."
"It's just weird."
"Drop it!"
"You, of all—"
"Drop it!"
"Um, girls?" Golden Harvest once more reclaimed the bickering ponies' attention. "The queue?"
Applejack sighed. "Right, sorry. I'll take a number one, hold the pickles…"
Meanwhile, just across town, a sweating, panting mess of a stallion was just reaching the front door of Twilight's Crystal Castle. He staggered to a halt in front of the giant crystal doorframe and leaned against it to catch his breath. After several panting moments, the stallion took a step backwards and knocked heavily on the door.
The stallion pranced anxiously in place as the sound of shuffling steps approached from inside the castle. Finally, the door creaked open to reveal a tiny purple and green dragon with a deadpan expression.
"You, dragonling!" The stallion pointed dramatically. "Fetch your master, the princess, and tell that I have urgent news that requires her immediate attention."
In a miracle of facial muscle control, Spike's expression managed to become even more deadpan.
"Okay, first of all, dude, a baby dragon is called a whelp, not a dragonling. Get it right." His expression shifted to a glare as he went on, "And secondly, Twilight is not my 'master'. The two of us share a deep bond that goes well beyond me being her assistant. We support one another equally in a relationship built on mutual respect and trust—"
"Spiiiike! Who's at the door?" Twilight's voice called out from somewhere within the castle.
Spike pinched the bridge of his nose. "It's some weird sweaty stallion who says he has urgent news!"
"Well if it's urgent, why didn't you tell me?"
Spike growled lowly before shouting back, "I am telling you right now, jeeze!"
"There's no need to snap at me!" Twilight's voice echoed back. There was a beat of silence. "Well, what does he want?"
Spike turned to the stallion. "What do you even want again?"
The stallion was shuffling awkwardly on the doorstep, and jumped when addressed. "Uhm, it's really quite urgent, and I must insist that I bring it directly to the princess herself."
"Ugh…" Spike groaned, then turned back into the castle with a claw cupped around his mouth. "He says it's urgent and he needs to talk to you personally!"
Another beat of silence. "But I just sat down with lunch!"
"I know, I made lunch for both of us, and mine is getting cold right now!"
"Fine! I'll be right there!" Twilight's shout was followed by several moments of silence, before the clopping of hooves against crystal flooring could finally be heard approaching from within the castle. At last, Twilight entered the foyer looking as prim and proper as ever.
"Good day, sir," Twilight greeted with a smile as she trotted up to the antsy stallion on her doorstep. "Spike, you can go eat lunch now. I'll handle this."
"Yes, master…" Spike muttered as he waddled back into the castle.
Twilight watched her assistant grump away, before turning back to the stallion. "So what was this urgent news you wanted to bring me?"
The stallion nodded fervently. "Your highness, I don't know how to say this, so I'll just be direct. Nightmare Moon is back! She's here in Ponyville."
Twilight stared. The stallion shuffled in place. Twilight stared some more. Finally, after several awkward seconds, Twilight stated in a matter-of-fact tone, "No."
The stallion blinked. "No?"
"No."
"Uhm… yes?"
Twilight frowned. "No."
"But, yes."
"No!" Twilight stomped a hoof. "Nightmare Moon was defeated by me and my friends years ago, and even if she had returned, I happen to know that Princess Luna is in Las Pegasus for the weekend and I would've heard if she had left."
"Well I don't know what to tell you, except that I saw Nightmare Moon at the McBucks!"
"No you didn't!" A random mare passing on the street shouted.
Twilight grinned and pointed. "See?"
"No!" The stallion shook his head. "What do you mean?" he shouted to the random mare.
The mare shouted back, "That wasn't Nightmare Moon, it was NightmareJack. Get it right."
The stallion sputtered incoherently, but Twilight managed to call out, "I'm sorry, but NightmareJack?"
The mare finally saw fit to trot over to the castle, and said in a normal speaking voice once she had arrived, "Yeah, the whole town's talking about it. Applejack was possessed by the same Nightmare spirit that transformed Princess Luna into Nightmare Moon, and it transformed her into NightmareJack. Way I hear it, she was holding up the line at the burger joint, too."
Twilight blinked hard. "…I'm sorry, what?"
The mare nodded. "Yeah, totally inconsiderate of her. There were a ton of other ponies wanting to get lunch, and she's at the front of the line chatting away with her friend."
"Not what I meant!" Twilight grabbed the mare by the shoulders and brought their faces inches apart. "Did you or did you not say that Applejack had been possessed by the Nightmare and transformed into a Nightmare Alicorn?"
"Uh…" The mare leaned back as far as she could. "Yes?"
Twilight flung the mare to the side, sending her shrieking into the bushes. "Oh this is bad. This is bad bad bad!"
The stallion, who had been standing as quietly and unobtrusively as possible, raised a meek hoof. "Erm, princess? Is there anything I can do to help?"
Twilight startled, seeming to have forgotten he was there. "Uh… sure. Just go and warn everypony that we might have a dangerous situation on our hooves. Tell them to stay inside and make sure they don't form an angry mob. That's for their own safety as much as Applejack’s. My friends and I need to handle this personally."
The stallion straightened up and offered a quick salute. "Roger that, your highness. I'll get right on it!"
Before he could leave, Twilight called out, "Wait! What's your name, anyway?"
"Dim Bulb, your highness."
Twilight blinked, but before she could respond the stallion turned and galloped away. As she stood stock still in the doorway, Spike wandered up from behind her and took up a position at her side.
Twilight's ear twitched, and she muttered without turning her head, "This is going to go horribly wrong, isn't it?"
Spike nodded, though Twilight couldn't see it. "Yeah it is. The only question is just how wrong." He sighed. "Plus, lunch is already cold."
Applejack stood tall in front of her table, where most of her meal sat cold and forgotten. Across the room, Rainbow stood with a burger in each hoof.
"You ready?" Rainbow called out.
"You gonna talk or you gonna throw?"
"Alright, here it comes!" Rainbow Dash wound up, paused, then tossed both burgers in a high arc straight towards Applejack.
The entire room fell into hushed silence as time seemed to move in slow motion. The two hayburgers sailed majestically through the air, and Applejack never took her eyes off them for a second. Only when they were mere feet from splattering all over her did Applejack finally make her move. She lunged, quicker than lightning, and in two precise strikes had both burgers impaled perfectly on her slender, deadly horn.
Silence, but only for a moment.
The room exploded into momentous cheering. Customers patted Applejack on the back, while others congratulated Rainbow Dash on her expert throwing. Smashed and splattered patties littered the floor surrounding Applejack, an indication of how long they'd been trying as well as how large their bill would be. Still, the burger joint was packed to the max with happy, smiling customers, all laughing and joking and having a good time.
While one or two had run out after that first stallion had fled in terror, most had stayed and quickly found Applejack's new self to be just as get-alongin' as her old self, if not get-alongin’-er.
"Wow, Applejack, I can't believe we finally did it!" Rainbow Dash flew up and clapped Applejack on the shoulder.
"Dang straight, sugarcube." Applejack's grin faltered slightly as she glanced around at the mess surrounding her. "Uh… but who's payin' for all these here burgers?"
Rainbow Dash stared. "What?"
"Nightmare Applejack! Please come out and surrender peacefully!" The magically amplified voice of Princess Twilight Sparkle shook through the building, silencing everypony within.
Until that silence was broken by somepony in the crowd shouting, "It's NightmareJack! Get it right!"
"I… You… Whatever! Just come out and talk to me, one on one!"
Applejack shrugged. "Well okay that seems reasonable enough." She started trotting towards the door, but was stopped halfway there when Rainbow Dash flew in front of her.
"Whoa whoa whoa!" Rainbow Dash held up her hooves. "What're you doing!? It could be a trap!"
Applejack's face scrunched. "A trap? Why in the hay would Twilight want to trap me?"
"She's got an army!" somepony in the front of the store shouted in alarm.
Rainbow Dash grinned smugly.
Applejack glared, but turned to look outside for herself. Sure enough, a thick sea of ponies was gathering in the square outside. The street and sidewalks were packed with pony bodies, most wielding some sort of improvised weapon. The sea of pitchforks and garden hoes was presided upon by Twilight Sparkle herself, who stood atop the base of the Celestia statue and looked out over the heads of her mob.
"What. The. Hay!?" Twilight cast her gaze around until it fell upon a familiar earth pony stallion. "Dim Bulb!" She ripped him out of the crowd with her magic and held him up in front of her.
"Erm…" He fidgeted. "Most ponies just call me DB."
"Don't care." Twilight's glare could melt glass. "I specifically told you to not form an angry mob. This is literally the opposite of that. How in the name of all things good did you possibly misinterpret my request that severely?"
DB only fidgeted more. "Well, I wouldn't call it 'misinterpreting' so much as… taking initiative?" He smiled crookedly. "I thought you might want some help when you saw how big and scary she is, so I thought I'd gather up—"
"A mob?" Twilight raised an eyebrow.
"Well, 'mob' is a strong word, don't you think? I prefer 'a loosely organized gathering of equally angry and violent individuals'."
Twilight groaned and released him from her magic. As DB fell into the mass of ponies below, Twilight rubbed at her forehead. "It's not even Saturday…" she muttered under her breath.
Meanwhile, inside the burger joint, Applejack was having a very similar problem.
"For the last time, we are not doing a sortie!" Applejack shouted, waving her hooves in the air.
"But your highness, it's the only way we'll catch the attackers off guard before they can form a proper siege against us!" The random mare's reasoning was met with shouts of agreement from the crowd at large.
"We're not under siege!" Applejack exclaimed.
"Well…" Rainbow Dash pointed out the window. "We kinda are."
Applejack glared. "Not helping," she hissed.
"Hey, I'm just sayin'!" Rainbow Dash threw her hooves up defensively. "Unless you think we have enough food stores in here to outlast a siege, or even enough defenses to repel a frontal assault, a sortie might be the most tactically sound option available to us." She fidgeted. "Plus, we did sorta throw most of the food on the floor."
"Rainbow Dash, will you quit it! This ain't no war!"
"This is war, your highness!" the mare gestured emphatically at the army around them, outside the burger joint. "If you want to win, you must appoint generals to take command of your troops. You can't manage this siege all on your own!"
Twilight banged a hoof against her forehead several times before she managed to work up the will to respond. "Okay, firstly, this is not a war. This will never be a war. Secondly, I absolutely could handle this siege all on my own! My organizational skills are unmatched!" She paused, blinking. "Um, if this were a siege, which it's not."
"Your highness, I will follow you to the ends of Equestria and back—"
Twilight blinked. "Who even are you?"
"—but know that I believe you are driving us towards defeat."
Twilight sighed and rubbed her aching head. "Look, I just want to speak with Applejack. That's all. This needs to be settled between me, her, and our friends. Nopony else!"
The mare nodded. "Understood, your highness." She turned to the crowd and large and shouted, "The princess wishes an audience with the dreaded Nightmare Applejack!"
The crowd took up the cry. "The princess wishes an audience with Nightmare Applejack!"
A scratchy voice yelled back from within the besieged restaurant, "It's NightmareJack!"
"Get it right!" Rainbow Dash finished. She turned to Applejack and said, "Hey, AJ, Twi wants to talk."
"I heard!" Applejack snapped.
"Alright, jeeze. What's got you so snappy?"
Applejack glared at Rainbow, then looked around the room at the army of ponies brandishing eating utensils and kitchen supplies as weapons, then glared at Rainbow even harder.
Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her neck. "Right. Silly question."
Applejack shook her head. "I'm gonna go talk some sense into Twi."
"I'm coming with you!" Rainbow Dash said with a stomp of her hoof.
"Uh…" Applejack looked askance at her. "Yeah, thanks. I kinda assumed you would."
"Oh." Rainbow blinked. "I sorta thought we were gonna fight about that for some reason."
"Do you wanna?"
"No, no, it wouldn't be the same if you were faking. Let's just move on."
"Alright." Applejack shrugged. She turned to her assembled forces and announced. "I'm goin' out to pow-wow with Princess Twilight now, y'hear? Y'all just… hang out in here or whatever."
"Yes, your highness!" Came the ubiquitous reply.
"Ain't even a princess…" Applejack muttered under her breath as she trotted to the door.
Rainbow Dash followed close behind, and when the two of them reached the glass doors they saw an ocean of angry ponies on the other side. The two of them shared one glance, nodded, and pushed through the door into the street.
The crowd gave them a wide berth, and soon enough Applejack and Rainbow Dash found themselves standing in a large clear space at the base of the town square's fountain. Twilight looked down on them from atop the Celestia statue's foundation.
"Nightmare App—" a low growl from Rainbow Dash caused Twilight to cough "—ahem, NightmareJack. If possible, I want to resolve this peacefully. There doesn't need to be a fight, but know that if it comes to that you will be facing five of Equestria's greatest heroes, and you will not prevail."
Applejack whistled. "That's mighty impressive, Twi, but I don’t wanna fight neither."
Twilight blinked at Applejack's familiar speech pattern, but before she could comment Rainbow Dash opened her mouth.
"Yeah, besides, if it came down to it I'd totally be fighting on Applejack's side!"
"What!?" Twilight shouted. "You're siding with evil!?"
"Thanks, Twi," Applejack deadpanned.
"Uh, no." Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "I'm siding with Applejack. When you get right down to it, I've known her longer. Loyalty is proportional to time or something."
"I can't believe it, Rainbow Dash. I don't want to fight you."
"Well, good, 'cause there ain't gonna be no dang fight!" Applejack shook her head. "Seriously, am I the only pony on-board the 'no fight' train?"
"Yeah, Twi," Rainbow interjected. "Why're you so against Applejack anyway?"
Twilight looked around. "Well, all these ponies said she was possessed by the Nightmare. Dim Bulb even said she chased him out of the McBucks."
"What? I didn't chase him!"
"Well…"
"Not helping, Rainbow!"
"She stole my wheelbarrow!" a random mare shouted from within the mob.
"Y'all lent it to me last week! I'm still usin' it!"
Another pony shouted, "She turned me into a newt!"
Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, and Applejack were all equally speechless as they stared at the perfectly healthy stallion. He fidgeted under their gaze for several moments, before finally muttering "Well, I got better…"
Another mare leapt atop a carriage and pointed an accusatory hoof Applejack's way. "She poisoned our water supply, burned our crops, and delivered a plague unto our houses!"
Twilight reared back. "What!? She did all that!?"
The mare on top of the carriage rubbed her hooves together. "Well… no, not exactly. But are we just gonna stand around arguing until she does!?"
Twilight stared. "I'm beginning to see the flaw in my side of the argument."
Just then, a new voice wafted over the crowd. A richly elegant voice belonging to an equally elegant mare called out, "Please, everypony, let us remain civil and calm!"
"Rarity!" Twilight brightened. "You have to help me out, here!"
"Oh, terribly sorry, darling, but I'm here to join Nightmare Applejack's side."
"NightmareJack! Get it right," somepony inside the restaurant called out.
"What?" Twilight gaped. "How could you?"
Rarity sauntered through the crowd until she stood proudly at Applejack's side. "Again, I must apologize darling, but there's just something that drew me to her. Something about that… darkness just beneath the skin. It… calls to me."
Rainbow Dash leaned towards Applejack and whispered, "Vaaampire…"
Applejack snorted.
"What about Fluttershy?" Twilight called out.
Everypony looked around. The entire square was silent as the four friends cast their gazes about desperately. A few ponies in the crowd coughed awkwardly. A few crickets even chirped, despite it being high noon.
"Oookay," Twilight went on. "What about Pinkie Pie?"
"Yeah! What about me!" Pinkie Pie shouted from where she stood next to Applejack.
To her credit, Applejack didn't jump too high. "What in the hay, Pinkie!?" Applejack exclaimed. "Where'd y'all even come from?"
"Well, when a mommy pony and a rock love each other very much—Ow!"
Rainbow Dash nursed her hoof while Pinkie rubbed the back of her own skull.
"Pinkie Pie," Twilight began. "Et tu?"
"Of course, silly filly!" Pinkie Pie grinned.
"But… why? What reason could you have for blindly trusting a pony who's been infected by the Nightmare?"
"Pshh, ya goof, I'm the only pony around here who's not blind!" Pinkie Pie rolled her eyes. "Just use your eyes!" She gestured dramatically to Applejack's flank.
Twilight stared, everypony stared. The entire town square was silent as every pair of eyes focused on Applejack's flank.
Strange and mixed feelings warred in Applejack's heart.
Finally, Twilight let out a loud gasp, followed by a much much quieter, "Oh…"
"What?" Rainbow Dash looked around in confusion. "I still don't get it. Why is Applejack's butt important? I mean, not that it's not nice…"
"Makin' it weird, sugarcube."
"Right. Sorry."
"Silly Dashie, can't you see?" Pinkie Pie giggled. "She's still got the same cutie mark!"
The entire crowd of ponies shared a truly beautiful collective moment of "Oh!"
Pinkie Pie continued, "Same cutie mark, still our same old Applejack!" She pranced over and wrapped a hoof around Applejack's shoulders. "Besides, she's Applejack. Duh!"
That last explanation seemed to satisfy the mob even more than the cutie mark had. Suddenly, all of them felt very silly for the entire day's events. After all, it was Applejack.
Six friends sat at a table in Sugarcube Corner, enjoying a tray of cupcakes and each others' company. Applejack and Twilight were laughing uproariously as they recounted the glorious misunderstanding of a day they'd had.
Twilight was nearly choking on air she was giggling so hard as she pointed to Rarity. "A-and then Rarity—snnkt—Rarity comes up with this crazy line about 'the darkness'—pfft—calling to her!" Twilight slapped the table. "When really she just used her eye for detail to spot Applejack's cutie mark a mile away!"
While the rest of the table collapsed into laughter, Rarity licked her lips. Her brow sweated as she glanced furtively anywhere but at Applejack."
"Y-yes, but of course. 'Twas a brilliant jest, on my part, and nothing more."
"Hey, Rainbow," Applejack leaned over with a smirk. "Y'all want the blue cupcake… or the red one?"
"Shut up."
"So, Applejack," Pinkie leaned forward with waggling eyebrows. "Does this make you the Princess of Apples?"
"Already did that one, Pinkie," Rainbow Dash interjected, subconsciously rubbing a large bruise on her side as she did.
"Aww," Pinkie pouted. "I was supposed to be the comic relief."
"Applejack, darling," Rarity began slowly. "I was curious about one thing. How, exactly, did you even become… this way?"
The other ponies at the table perked up in shared interest.
Applejack stared at Rarity for several moments. Rarity held her breath in anticipation. After several agonizingly long moments of waiting, Applejack finally shrugged. "Dunno."
The table lapsed into awkward silence until Twilight cleared her throat.
"Ahem. You know, all things considered, I think this day went decently well," Twilight announced to the table.
"Hear hear!" Rarity agreed.
"Yeah, I guess." Rainbow shrugged. "I was kinda excited to see an alicorn beatdown though."
Rarity blanched. "Perish the thought! That's simply brutish!"
"Yeah, Rainbow. I don’t much appreciate y'all wantin' me to beat up poor ol' Twilight here." She glanced over to Twilight. "Uh, no offense."
Twilight sighed. "None taken. The Nightmare's power was able to defeat Celestia's until she accessed the Elements, so it stands to reason that you would be able to overpower me through brute force in spite of my superior magical talent."
Applejack blinked. "Nah, I just meant 'cause you're a nerd—"
"Anyway!" Twilight said a little too loudly. "Rarity's right. Nopony wanted to see me and Applejack tear each other apart in the streets, Rainbow."
Pinkie raised a hoof. "Actually, I kinda did want to see that."
Rainbow Dash smirked. "Up top!"
The two of them shared a high-hoof over the table.
"You two are insufferable at times…" Rarity couldn't help but smile, nonetheless.
Grinning, Applejack picked up a cupcake and raised it. "How 'bout a toast, y'all? To a day that, if nothin' else, managed to end without any senseless violence!"
Before the rest of them could even raise their cupcakes, a bright flash and a thunderclap exploded in the center of the bakery. Standing at the epicenter of the disturbance was Princess Luna with steam rising from her coat.
"NIGHTMARE! the enraged princess bellowed.
Applejack sighed and slowly lowered her cupcake.
"NEWS OF YOUR RESURGENCE FINALLY REACHED ME IN LAS PEGASUS, AND I HAVE COME TO DO BATTLE WITH YOU!"
"Look, yer highness, that's all well and good but we got a bit of a misunderstandin' here."
"ENOUGH TALK! LET'S FIGHT!" Luna's wings flared and her eyes crackled with barely contained magical energy. "HAVE AT THEE!"
"Oh come on…" was all Applejack had time to mutter before the blurred form of Princess Luna impacted her like a cannonball. The force of the tackle knocked everypony else away from the table with its shockwave. The two dark alicorns exploded through the wall and tumbled into the street beyond, tearing deep gouges where they landed.
"My goodness! How positively dreadful!"
"I should write a letter to Princess Celestia…"
"This is awesome!"
"I know, right!?"
Author's Note
Super special thanks to RazgrizS57 for editing this thing!
You think this story is ridiculous now? It was incoherent before he got his hot little hands on it!
