The Band of Invincible Idiots

by bluemoon1996

Chapters

The Characters are Created
Dinok and Spring Remedy
Pattern Steel and Swift Ace
Biology doesn't lie
The Characters are Chosen (V 2.0)
The Characters are created (V2.0)

The Characters are Created

Discord was humming a cheery tune to himself as he drank his hot chocolate when the six nitwits he had summoned appeared in the sky with a puff of smoke and confetti. They landed in a crumpled heap atop one another on a pile of various pillows that were conveniently placed below them. He quickly downed the remaining bit of his drink in one gulp before tossing the glass away and kicked his feet off the arm of his chair.

Johnny let out a small groan from the bottom of the pile, "did someone catch the number on tha- Okay, who the hell is on top of me?"

"First off; I think that's me Johnny," Miles groaned. "Secondly; spot check... are we all in a dude mountain? Because I always wanted to chant 'dude mountain.' Since I saw that video last week, anyway."

"DUDE MOUNTAIN DUDE MOUNTAIN DUDE MOUNTAIN!"

"Shut up Brad."

"DUDE MOUNTAIN DUDE MOUNTAIN DUDE MOUNTAIN!"

Johnny just let out a loud exaggerated sigh as Miles joined Brad in his chanting.

Dave and Jake, who were on the top of the pile, let out groans of their own as they looked about the area they had landed in. It was a small wooded clearing about thirty feet wide in all directions. "Okay, I think we're not in Kansas any-," Dave's eyes widened as they landed on the draconequus on his throne before them. He remained silent for a few seconds before he finally said something, "HOLY SHIT! DISCORD!"

Discord smiled, chuckling to himself, "I see my fame precedes me," with that he snapped his fingers and the six humans appeared on their feet in front of him. Brad and Johnny's reactions were about the same as Dave's; though a bit more subtle with just their jaws hitting the floor. Miles let out a squeal of delight; and Jake let out a surprised squeak and hid behind Ryan, who just kept silent.

"Dude, we're all seeing this right?" Johnny looked at the other five who were all in a state of shock like him. "I'll take that as a yes," he muttered to himself before looking back at Discord.

"Now that I've got your attention," Discord said chuckling at their reactions, "we can being discussing our arrangement."

"Arrangement? What the heck are you talking about," Ryan said, saying what the others were thinking.

"Oh, I brought you here for a simple business proposition," Discord snapped his talons and was suddenly dressed in a suit and tie. He got out of his chair and floated over to them on mismatched wings. "And I know it’s a deal that the six of you will find will all find... irresistible."

"And why would we want to make a deal with a Q wannabe like you? You don't make a deal with a mad god; that's just plain retarded!" Ryan quickly snapped back.

"Oh you got me! I lied," Discord mock gasped, "This isn't a business deal," with that he got rid of his attire. "The truth is that you six are here to participate in a game of mine."

"A game?"

“Yes,” Discord confirmed. “A game. A game where you each play a specific role.” Ryan narrowed his eyes at Discord. Suddenly, a shiver ran up the draconequus' spine as Ryan proceeded to glare daggers at him. Shifting uncomfortably, Discord's gaze landed on Miles who was still fangirling over the fact that he was basically face to face with him. Discord grinned; he'd be the easiest to manipulate.

“What kind of game?" Miles asked, excitement clear in his voice “Board game, video game, pen-and-paper role-play, or something darker?”

“First off,” Ryan quickly snapped at Miles, giving him a dirty look, “I don’t wanna know where your brain is going with that last option. Secondly, I don’t quite think we’re reacting with the appropriate response given our situation.”

"Would you rather we were screaming?”

“Yes!” Ryan hollered, reached a new pitch. “We’ve either lost our minds, been abducted by chaos incarnate, or the basic nature of reality suddenly means jack shit! I think a healthy amount of panic is necessary!”

Johnny, Brad, Dave, and Jake took a few steps back as Ryan let out a scream of frustration and ran at Miles; tackling him to the ground and proceeded to punch him in the face. "Umm should we pull them apart," Johnny looked over at his friends.

Brad shrugged, laughing lightly, "Nah, let's just let them beat the shit out of each other."

The four of them and Discord watched in amusement as Ryan continued to beat Miles' face to no avail as he suffered no damage. After several minutes, he got off Miles, panting heavily, "W-why is your face not broken??"

"Can't have you hurting each other just yet," Discord said, answering him.

"You calmed down now Ryan," Johnny asked.

"N-no, still p-pissed..."

"Now that's come and passed," Dave sighed, rubbing his eyes, "What exactly is the game that we'll be playing Discord?"

Discord stopped laughing and looked at them, "It's a game that you all know." With that, he poofed and appeared with a bookshelf. After perusing the shelf for several seconds, he grabbed a book and tossed it at the group of humans. It landed at Johnny's feet and he picked it up. He looked at the front cover before flipping it open to a random page; he blinked in surprise, "classes... creatures... skills... this is D&D guys!"

"So he wants us to do what we were going to do anyways? Eh sure, fine I'll play this game," Brad shrugged.

"Wait, you're volunteering!?!" Was the group's collective response; except for Ryan who was now threatening to deck him in the face.

"Umm yeah, I mean we are talking to flippin' Discord here guys," he gestured towards the draconequus who just watched, grinning like his usual mad self. "A character from a show that shouldn't be standin- well, hovering there!"

"But it's Discord; he's like Q rolled together with Loki and just a dusting of Sheogorath!"

"This is a once in a lifetime experience guys! It's not like a mad god from another world is going to pop in next Tuesday!"

"That's the point," Ryan pounded his fist into his hand, "he's a mad god! Nothing is going to keep that Frankenstein's mon-" His rant was cut off as his mouth was quite literally zipped closed.

"Now that he's shut up, I have an idea that will solve this little dilemma," Discord snapped his fingers and a red white and blue top hat appeared on his head, "why don't you all vote? All in favor raise their right hand while those against it raise their left."

Almost immediately, Brad's right hand and Ryan's left hand shot up. A few seconds later, Johnny raised his right followed soon by Miles. Rather hesitantly, Jake raised his left and and so did Dave.

"A tie!?"

Discord grinned, "it seems that it comes down to me to decide."

"Are you kidding me," Ryan screamed again, his mouth being recently unzipped, "that is about as unbiased as Liberty Prime to Communism!"

"And I say that you shall play my game," he said, clapping his hands to an invisible fanfare as confetti burst out of nowhere.

"Democracy in action right here," Dave groaned, "so if we are playing your damn game, what are our classes?"

"Oh, you gentleman already made that decision for me," and with Discord snapped his fingers and their clothing was replaced with rather archaic clothing and apparel.

Dave's shirt was replaced with a chain shirt. His feet covered in steel boots while his hands were covered in steel gauntlets. A halberd appeared in one of hands.

Jake's clothing was replaced with a heavy iron armor and a large hammer appeared on his back.

Ryan found himself wearing a hooded dark cloak. A belt wrapped around his waist holding a sword in its sheath.

Miles now had a brown cloth shirt with a pair of bandoliers running across his chest; it's pockets carrying various bottles full of liquids. Around a belt with multiple pockets and a satchel on his side.

Johnny was covered in a leather armor, a set of small pauldrons covered both his shoulders. A bandolier crossed his chest and he had a belt that was similar to Miles. On his back was a crossbow and it's quiver of bolts. He had a cloth hood that was currently casting hid face in shadows.

Brad, however, his attire was the simplest but also the most bizarre. He wore a set of black hooded robes and some strange amulet. As if to accentuate the black of his robes, he was painted with a black ink that pulsed occasionally, spreading in swirling patterns and jagged runes across the his visible skin.

They all looked down at their new attire with varying degrees of fascination; though Johnny's face looked like someone had slapped him in the face.

"No... No! I change my vote! I don't wanna play your damn game!" He shouted, fear clearly evident in his voice and face.

"Too late," Discord chuckled, "the ballots were cast and there is no recount!"

Everyone just watched as Johnny quietly muttered to himself before sitting down on the ground and brought his knees up to his chest, holding them tight and started rocking slightly.

"Okay...," Ryan looked at everyone else, "what the hell just broke him?" Jake who was still somewhat hiding behind him, yanked on his sleeve and whispered something in his ear.

"Wait! You two are gunna-"

Jake simply nodded.

"Well, you seem to be taking it far better than him," he said, looking over at the still broken Johnny.

Jake just shrugged.

After that, Dave looked back up at Discord, "I want some answers before we play your damn game."

He nodded, "but of course; ask away."

"First, why the hell are you doing this? Second, why us? And third, where are we going?"

"Well, I'm doing this because I'm bored. Being reformed doesn't allow much in the way of chaos and eventually doing the same stuff over and over just gets boring. Second, you bronies are always the most fun; always causing such a ruckus when I drop you chaps in Equestria. And well, I already answered the third question, you boys are going to equestria. Well, a version of Equestria; can't have you lot going about and messing with my home."

"Wait, you're sending us to Equestria!?"

"Yes, and might I say that the night sky is utterly delightful."

"What the hell does that mean?" Brad said, cocking his head and crossing his arms.

"Well, you'll all see in due time," Discord chuckled and snapped his fingers, causing the humans before him to disappear with a flash of light.

"Let the games begin," he laughed to himself before teleporting away to watch his entertainment unfold.

Author's Note

Edited by Greycait

The actual story starts on the next chapter

Dinok and Spring Remedy

The first thing Miles heard when he woke up was the sound of a fire crackling. He let out a mental groan. Great, just flipping great, I've been caught right off the bat; What is it? Bandits? Cannibals? Vampires? Necromancers?

"You awake yet?" Brad's voice called out from somewhere nearby.

Oh thank Celestia, it's just Dinok! Miles' thought process came to a screeching halt, Wait a sec, Dinok is not Dinok's name! It's Dinok! He let out an audible groan, this has to be Discord's fault.

Finally opening his eyes, Miles was greeted to the sight of stalactites and stalagmites flickering in the flight of a fire, the ground he was laying on was cool and damp. Rolling about, he blinked in surprise at what he saw.

Sitting on the opposite side of a small fire, was a damn anthro! It was a zebra wearing black robes with a amulet hanging around his neck. The zebra smirked at the sight of Miles. "Rise and shine sleepy head," it said in Brad's voice.

"Dinok?!" Damn it that's not his name!

"Who else would it be Spring?" The zebra replied sarcastically.

Wait...Spring... As in Spring Remedy? My character for the game? "Dinok, why did you call me that? That's not my name."

"I know it's not your name," he said flatly, "Discord probably did something to our noggins before he actually dumped us in here cause I can't even think of my own damn name!"

Miles, or should I say Spring, let out a annoyed groan as he brought up a hand to rub his eyes but stopped as a hand that wasn't entirely human came into view. It was covered in fine green hairs that almost looked like velvet to him. A quick inspection of the rest of his body found the he was completely covered in said hairs and a two tone red and yellow tail stuck out of his back side. He reached about to feel his back and there was no wings and with a brush of his hand to his forehead gave him no sign of a horn. "Well, this is certainly new," he blurted out.

Dinok laughed, "at least we won't have to learn to walk on all fours; and it makes weapon wielding a lot easier for the whole lot of us." He snickered, "imagine Thunderbolt trying to use that halberd of his without hands or Dopple use her crossbow; sure she's got magic but..."

His sentence trailed off as he suddenly started snickering, "that's why she was flipping out right before we were dropped here: the poor sod was going to get genderswapped! Pattern was too but she seemed to be handling it far better than he was."

"When has Pattern even been the type to freak out about anything?" Spring asked. Damn it, that's not her name either.

"Umm.... How about that we dared her to tell her grandpa that she was a brony?"

"You dared her," Spring corrected, "I know I'd never make that shy mare do something like that." Spring went silent for a second before groaning, "screw these damn ponyisms man; they're going to give me a headache."

Dinok laughed a little at him but that was soon shut up by a death glare from the earth pony opposite of him. "So...," Spring began after he shut the zebra up, "where the Tartarus is everypony else?"

Dinok simply shrugged, "no clue, you were the only one near me when I woke up just outside this cave. It was night so I dragged your fat flank in here and started a fire."

"You didn't go looking for them?"

He shook his head, "I don't know what but something felt off out there," with that he glanced back over his shoulder, "like it was supernatural or something."

This time it was Spring's turn to laugh, "so you're telling me that the big bad Necromancer is scared of the dark?"

Dinok just glared at him, "I'm telling you something is off out there! I don't know what but something is not natural!"

"So you just plan on letting the guys all stumble about like mole rats till dawn in woods you happen to think are spooky?" Spring raised an eyebrow.

Dinok nodded, "yep, I also happened to make a fire at the cave mouth to attract them towards us if they can spot it and if they don't show up before dawn, we'll leave then and look for them."

Spring remained silent as a thoughts crossed his mind; he said something was wrong about the night outside... Could that mean... No, Discord's not that lazy that he's steal my game too... Would he? "Was the mare on the moon there?"

Dinok blinked in surprise at the sudden question, "umm... What?"

"The Mare on The Moon," he repeated himself, "you know the sign that Nightmare Moon was still imprisoned on it; looked kinda like the Batman?"

"Umm.. You do remember I didn't watch jack squat of the show right?"

Spring groaned, "Yes, I remember Mr. I only joined because Fallout Equestria but that is basic brony knowledge! When we get back, I'm making you watch all of the show!"

"You wouldn't dare," Dinok growled.

Spring smirked, and began to sing, "My Little Pony, My Little Pony; ahh ahh ahh ahh..."

Dinok immediately covered his ears; and if looks could kill, Spring would have been dead in an instant. "You son of-"

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

Before Dinok could finish his curse, a loud feminine scream broke the silence of night causing Spring to stop singing.

They both looked at each other for a few moments. "Do we have to go out into the creepy woods??" Spring just nodded causing Dinok to sigh in defeat, "Celestia lick me like she loves me damn it."

He then blinked in surprise, "d-did I just Littlepip swear..? Awesome."

Pattern Steel and Swift Ace

When Ryan could see again, all he could see was darkness. For the love of Celestia, if Discord blinded me, I'm going to shove my sword so far down his gullet, he'll be crapping out... Sharp pointy things; damn, didn't think that all the way out.

He let out a sigh and just stared forward, waiting for his eyes to adjust to the darkness. As he did so, his vision indeed began to clear up and he noticed something dark spread out far below him.

He raised an eyebrow as he looked down, is that the ground? It seems pretty far away?

It was in that moment that he heard the flapping behind him and looked over his shoulder to see his flapping wings. And it was in that moment that he invoked a rather simple natural phenomena.

Now, some people do things so automatically that they don't ever think about it. But when they do think about it, they can't get it to work anymore. When Ryan looked at his wings, it had that exact same effect. The moment he realized that he was airborne, he, like the good human he had been, probably asked the worst question of his life. How? How am I flying??

With that simple thought the damage was done. And with a rather unmanly scream, he fell from the sky into the forest below.

Pattern Steel quietly moved through the forest undergrowth; well, quiet isn't exactly the correct term. It's kind of impossible to move quietly when you clank like kitchen while walking due to heavy iron armor. The darkness now provided little hindrance thanks to the recent transformations.

He now found himself to be a rust colored thestral with a dark purple mane with a teal stripe. Muscles rippled under his coat with every movement and leathery wings twitched unconsciously in the cool night air. However, there was one rather drastic change that he has suffered aside from the species change; he was now a she. Yep, if the sleek figure and feminine voice didn't give it away; that human was most definitely a mare now.

The surprise of this gender swap wasn't all that, well, surprising to her. She had seen it coming once Discord had given them their equipment and hers happened to be the same equipment she had chosen for the thestral. She had wanted to freak out but kept it compartmentalized; there was no point having a mental breakdown about something that would eventually be fixed when they beat this game after all. Besides, Doppel was the one having the freak out, and with the changeling's penchant for the melodramatic.

As she continued to klunk her way through the woods, her mind started to wander to why she was wandering in the first place. Where the buck were her friends? They had to be somewhere nearby at least; Discord may be a trickster god but what he wasn't a dick who'd drop them all across Equestria... Would he?

She shook her head, 'No, don't think like that. Doppel and the stallions gotta be around here somewhe-."

"AAAAAAHHHHH!"

Pattern's gaze turned skyward just in time to see a pegasi fall from the sky, breaking through the canopy before slamming into the ground with enough speed and force to make a small crater.

The thestral cringed before running up to the edge of the crater. Looking down, she saw a light brown pegasi with a purple mane in a dark coat half embedded Into the bottom of the crater. The pegasi let out a pained groan and Pattern let out a sigh of relief; the pony wasn't dead.

"Hey, hey, you okay down there?" She asked as she slid down into the crater. However, she didn't stick the landing and tripped, landing on top the pegasi.

The pony let out a pained groan, "what fell on me..."

This caused Pattern's eyes to widen in surprise. She knew that voice! "Swift! Swift Ace? It's me Pattern!"

Swift Ace let out a groan, "P-pattern? I thought that fat flank was familiar. Now could you get off me?"

"S-sorry," she said quietly before getting off of him and sitting beside Swift.

It took him several minutes but Swift was able to pull himself free but soon Pattern was helping him peel himself from the ground. She couldn't help but giggle as she saw his eyes; he had gone walleyed.

"What the? I can't see straight!" He said, fear clearly evident in his voice.

"Your eyes have gone Derpy" Pattern replied with a smirk, "I think I can fix it."

"Do it! I don't want to be crosseyed too. I am goi- OW!" His sentence was cut short when Pattern slapped the side of his head hard. "GAH! What the buck was that for?" He said, his eyes shut as he rubbed the side of his head.

"Open your eyes," she replied flatly.

He did as asked; blinking several times before opening them fully, and his eyes were now facing the same direction once again. "You could have given me at least some warning okay," He added, wincing as he rubbed his head.

"Yeah, but you needed that; you were a total jerk to Spring."

"He deserved it; he wanted to do this! Play a mad god's game and now we're all stuck here! Tartarus you're a mare Pattern; a mare!" With that, he groaned, "damn these ponyisms."

"Yeah, I'm a mare; but that doesn't mean I'm mad." Her wings twitched behind her, "we have wings Swift! Wings! We can fly!"

"But you're a mare!"

"Wings!"

He groaned, rubbing his eyes; despite her shyness, Pattern was one of the most stubborn ponies that he knew. The only one with a thicker skull was Doppel but that was a whole different story. "You really do have one of the more hard headed ponies I know."

She gave him a cheeky fanged smile, "I know, and you're-"

*clap clap clap*

Before she could finish her statement, the sound of somepony clapping filled the air. Slowly, both their gazes turned up to the lip of the crater; they were not alone.

A group of four stallions stood around them; their attire reminded both of the former humans of Roman legionaries just covered in golden metal instead. One stallion, a unicorn clearly in charge due to the fanciness of his helmet, clapped slowly as he looked down at the two of them with a smirk on his face.

"Oh how very touching," he said, his voice cold and calculating, "a pegasi in love with those bastard children of Hollow Shades."

Both Swift and Pattern jumped to their feet. "I'm not in love with her," Swift growled, despite the blush on his face, "she's an old friend!"

"And who are you calling a bastard you inbred Canterlot hornhead!" Pattern hissed, baring her fangs.

The unicorn chuckled before looking at Pattern, "you thestrals are all traitors to Equestria; siding with your precious Princess of the Night."

Pattern blinked in surprise.Traitors to Equestria? What the buck does that mean? The bat ponies were all faithful guard to Princess Luna... Oh no....

Slowly, she looked up through towards the sky, a sinking feeling forming in her gut. And when she saw the moon overhead; the Mare in the Moon wasn't there! Nightmare Moon wasn't banished!

The unicorn let out a chuckle as his gaze followed hers, "that's right, you dumb vampire. That traitor Luna, or should I say Nightmare Moon as she's taken to calling herself, isn't going to save you now."

"B-but I'm not a s-soldier," she squeaked, her shyness coming back in full force.

He laughed, "I could frankly care less." With that he looked over at a pair of his soldiers, "get them out of that hole." The two guards nodded and their horns began to light up.

A magical aura surrounded Swift and Pattern found themselves being lifted into the air before being thrown onto to the ground roughly. Both let out grunts of pain as they landed in a heap.

"Get up," the unicorn ordered and slowly, the two got to their hooves.

"Draw your weapons."

"Umm wat?" Swift and Pattern looked at the unicorn in confusion.

"I'm not going to murder you," he said, a cruel smile growing on his face, "but I don't mind self defense. Now draw your weapons." With that, the unicorn drew his ornate sword from its scabbard. The three other soldiers drew their own weapons too; two were armed with swords and wooden shields painted with sun motifs and the third had a large battle axe that would have made a dwarf feel incompetent.

"I said draw your weapons," the unicorn repeated himself, and his blade suddenly engulfed in fire.

"Well shit," Swift said flatly as he drew his sword, "I hate enchanted weapons."

Biology doesn't lie

"Doppel calm the buck down," Dave groaned, rubbing his eyes as he leaned against a tree. On the ground a few feet away was a female changeling in a rather formfitting set of leather armor. Her hood pulled down, showing off a rather tomcoltish haircut and the fact she was sucking on her thumb as she curled up in the fetal position.

She looked up at him, her teal eyes filled with nothing but contempt as she glared daggers into his soul. "Well you aren't the one who suddenly has a cunt you overgrown pigeon! I swear to Chrysalis that I will make Discord a gelding the next time I see that bastard!"

Dave couldn't help but snicker a little, "are you sure you aren't PMSing right now?"

The contempt in Doppel's turned to barely contained rage as she let out a low clicking noise. "Thunderbolt Sentinel," she said in an alarmingly calm voice as she got to her feet, the top of her horn just barely reaching his chin, "don't you dare make jokes about this or I will make sure you can never have kids got it."

"Y-yeah you're definitely on your bug perio-," the rest of his sentence was cut off as Doppel, with an alarmingly calm smile on her face, reached inbetween Thunderbolt's leg and grabbed ahold of his family jewels through his pants.

The yellow Pegasus let out a whimper as he looked down at Doppel, his legs threatening to give out under him. "D-Dop... I...I was joking," he groaned, "I was just jjoooooookkkkkkkkiiiinnnggg."

His voice rose an octave as Doppel squeezed and squeezed hard. Thunder dropped to his knees as he let a high pitched scream of pain.

Dinok and Spring Remedy both jumped in surprise as a loud scream echoed through the dark woods sending several birds flying and one very annoyed owl to hooting in annoyance as he was rudely woken up.

"What the buck was that!?"

"I dunno Din," Spring replied as he picked up the touch from where he had accidentally dropped it, "maybe a siren?"

"Shouldn't we try to help?" The zebra asked, rubbing his still ringing ears.

"You want to take on the Dazzlings when it's just the two of us and you don't even know how to use your magic?"

Dinok was silent for a second, "that's a good point."

"Next time it'll be harder," Doppel said with a cheeky grin as she loosend her grip slightly causing Thunder to let out a sigh of relief.

"U-understood," he panted, "now let the colts go Dop!"

She simply nodded and let go of his jewels earning her a relieved sigh.

"Now did you learn your lession?"

He nodded wordlessly and she gave him a fang filled smile as she started to pull her hand away till suddenly she stopped dead in her tracks, her eyes growing wide. Her hand bruised against something rapidly hardening.

"YOU PERVERTED BUCKER!" She screeched at the top of her lungs; her aura of confidence melting away in an instant. "You sick bastard! That turned you on!"

She felt disgusted absolutely disgusted at both herself and Thunderbolt especially Thunderbolt. She had inadvertently turned the yellow bastard on while trying to geld him!?!

"You got a damn hardon from busting your balls," she looked at the confused Pegasus with utter disgust in her face, "You bucking pervert!"

With that, Doppel slapped him across the face with all the force her little form could muster. Thunderbolt landed on the ground, dazed by the sudden slap; a massive red handprint on his face. As he laid on the ground, Doppel saw an opening and kicked him between the legs as hard as she could.

He let out a strangled scream of pain as his hands went down to clutch his privates. "That's what you bucking get you perverted pigeon," she hissed, "now go buck yourself." And with that, she stormed off grumbling under her breath.

The last things Thunderbolt saw before passing out from the pain was Doppel's backside as she stormed off, her wings buzzing being her. But his eyes were focused on a bit lower down, "d-dat ass...."

Author's Note

Sorry this is short but I just thought of the most silly and over the top way of introducing the last two of our cast of idiots.

The Characters are Chosen (V 2.0)

Five guys sat about in a Skype chat; four of their browsers covered in various charts and stuff as they worked to making their characters.

"So are any of you actually close to being done," one of them finally asked, breaking the silence.

"I'm done Miles," Jake stated quietly.

"Almost finished," the one named Dave replied.

However, the last two, Johnny and Brad, were nowhere near being done. This was Johnny’s first time doing a pen and paper so it was expected that it would take awhile. But in Brad’s case, this was just getting ridiculous.

"For the love of Pete you been at this for ten minutes! Just pick a damn class Brad!"

"I'm thinking I'm thinking; hold your goddamn horses," he retorted, "I'm still getting used to all many numb-"

"So Johnny, You going with a changeling?”

"Yeah," he nodded, “the group needs at least one hornhead and who better than best race?”

"Seriously, you always go changeling,” Brad replied, rolling his eyes,” Why don't you use something else like a griffin or a zebra like me?"

"I like changelings and you know it Brad," he said flatly, "besides we need a stealthy member of the group. And the group is already exotic enough as is; so there is no need for me to play a pigeon.”

"You always play a changeling," Brad said retorted with equal dryness.

"At least, I have the excuse of being new to this. But from what I've heard; you are always a practitioner of the vile arcane.”

“I see someone is channeling Radovid the Fifth,” Dave idly mused as he listened in on the conversation, “when did we arrive in Temeria?” This earned a quiet snicker from Jake as Johnny pouted in an over exaggerated manner

Miles facepalmed, "Oh for the love of... You guys realize I can and might arrange for your deaths, right?"

Both of them laughed. "You wouldn't kill two players right off the bat; that would just screw up the game before it's even started."

"Brad, you seem to have forgotten what happened to Phoenix last game," Miles said giving him a shit eating grin.

His eyes widened as the memory of how his unicorn pyromancer had died in their group's prior game came rushing baсk; the poor guys lost his life after a daemon rip out his nervous system. "Fine," he sighed, "don't wanna have Dinok get his bones ripped out or get a case of the brainworms like Blitzy did before Phoenix.”

“Hey do any of you know where Ryan is?” Jake spoke up, “he was supposed to be here ten minutes ago. I was chatting with him earlier but his call cut out.”

“I got a text from him a little while back saying his Internet crapped out on him due to the weather over there,” Johnny quickly answered. “Said he probably couldn't make it and just to start without him. Weren't you here when I said that?”

“I had to go to the bathroom. But you said something about the weather right?”

“Yeah, apparently he's getting a thunderstorm or something. Knowing California, he's probably on fire now too,” Johnny stated, letting out a little bit of a chuckle. “We may be drier as the Sahara at the moment here in Texas but at least we aren't as screw up as California is.”

"Huh, it's raining up here in Kingston too." Miles mused to himself, leaning back in his chair to look out his window,

"It's raining here too," Dave said, nodding, in agreement.

"Okay moving on from the ever intresting topic of the weather," Miles said, "same rules as usual: piss and drink breaks every thirty to forty-five minutes, if you flub rolls I can make this far wor-"

Miles' warning was cut short as lightning cracked through the sky. And just like that they were all gone, leaving only empty chairs and blue screens of death as a faint mad cackle could be heard.

Author's Note

The first of the rewritten chapters is finished

The Characters are created (V2.0)

Discord was humming a cheery tune to himself as he sat on his throne, drinking a glass of chocolate milk when the five nitwits he had summoned appeared in the sky with a flurry of confetti. They landed in a crumpled heap atop a pile of various pillows that were conveniently placed below them. Discord quickly downed the remaining bit of his drink in one gulp before tossing the glass away where it silently exploded and kicked his feet off the arm of his throne.

From the bottom of the pile, Johnny let out a pained groan. “Ow…. Did someone catch the plates on that—Okay, who the hell is on top of me?"

"First off; I think that's me Johnny," Miles groaned. "Secondly; spot check: are we all in a dude mountain? Because I always wanted to chant 'dude mountain.' Since I saw that video last week, anyway."

"DUDE MOUNTAIN, DUDE MOUNTAIN, DUDE MOUNTAIN!"

"Shut up Brad."

"DUDE MOUNTAIN, DUDE MOUNTAIN, DUDE MOUNTAIN!"

Johnny just let out a loud exaggerated sigh as Miles joined Brad in his chanting.

Dave and Jake, who were on top of the pile, let out groans of their own as they looked about the area they had landed in. It looked like a simple wooded clearing about twenty feet wide in all directions. However, this is where the familiarity ended; the sky above them was black as night with purple clouds zooming by on invisible wind.

"Okay, I think we're not in Kansas any-," Dave's eyes widened as they landed on the draconequus on his throne before them. He remained silent for a few seconds, slack jawed and eyes wide, before he finally spoke. "HOLY SHIT! DISCORD!"

Discord smiled, chuckling to himself, "I see my fame precedes me," with that he snapped his fingers and the five humans appeared on their feet in front of him with a flash of light. Brad and Johnny's reactions were about the same as Dave's; though a bit less vulgar with just their jaws hitting the floor. Miles let out a rather unmanly squeal of delight; and Jake let out a surprised squeak and hid behind Miles.

“Okay, What the fuck is going on?! Did someone drug us! Is this a hallucination!” Johnny looked about in confusion at his friends.

“If we were, then how could we all be having the same bad trip,” Brad muttered, not taking his eyes off the draconequus.

“Oh, I am no mere hallucination Johnny,” Discord said, chuckling as he got to his mismatched feet. “And before you gawk at the fact I know your name; I know all of your names.”

With that, a file cabinet materialized in front of him and he pulled a pair of old fashioned secretary glasses on. Pulling out a file, he opened it and began to read. “Name: Johnny Ray Finley Jr. Blah blah blah….”

He pulled another, the first floating beside him. “Name: David Moul. Still sleeps with a stuffed animal and a night light.”

“No I don't sleep with Sugarpeze anymore!!” David shouted quickly, blushing furiously as Jake let out a quiet laugh.

“Name: Miles Kennedy,” Discord paused for a moment as he was interrupted by Miles squealing in delight again. Discord sighed rolling his eyes, “Name: Miles Kennedy. Has seventeen contingency plans for murdering his friends.”

“What?” Miles looked at the four other people with him who were looking at him with odd expressions. “Only three are for you guys. Five are for my real life friend Rick.”

“Okay! Okay! We get it! You know who we are!” Brad stepped forward, pointing a finger at Discord as the file cabinet and files disappeared into thin air. “But why are we here?”

“Ahh yes, that's the big question isn't it? Why are we here? Why are any of us here?” Discord tapped his chin with a talon, looking dramatically off into the distance.

“Okay, cut the wannabe philosophical bullcarp!” Johnny glared up at him, “Tell us why we are here you Q wannabe!”

“I brought you here for a simple business proposition," Discord snapped his talons and was suddenly dressed in a suit and tie. He floated over to them on mismatched wings. "And I know it’s a deal that the five of you will find will all find... irresistible."

“Bullshit. How in the hell are we supposed to trust you?” Brad crossed his arms as he too glared up at Discord.

“Yeah,” Johnny added, “trusting a mad god is about as safe as saying it was only a small bullet!”

"Oh you got me! I lied," Discord mock gasped, "This isn't a business deal," and with that he got rid of his attire. "The truth is that you six are here to participate in a game of mine."

“What kind of game?" Miles asked, excitement clear in his voice “Board game, video game, pen-and-paper role-play, action RPG, or something darker?”

“First off,” Johnny quickly snapped at Miles, giving him a downright, “I'm still disturbed by the fact you have plans to kill us. Secondly; I don’t wanna know where your brain is going with that last option. Third; I don’t quite think we’re reacting with the appropriate response given our situation.”

"Would you rather we were screaming?”

“YES!!!” Johnny bellowed, his voice reaching a new pitch as he practically got in Miles’ face. “Either we've all lost our minds or been abducted by a goddamn chaos god and the laws of reality suddenly mean jack diddly squat!!! I think panicking is an acceptable course of action right-flipping-now!”

With a roar of frustration, Johnny took several steps back, charging miles and tackling him to the ground where he started to punch him in the face. “Umm…,” Dave said as he looked at what happened. “Should we pull him off Miles?”

Brad shook his head, “Trust me, You couldn't unless you wanna get hit in the face too.”

The three of them and Discord watched in amusement as Johnny continued to beat Miles' face to no avail as he suffered no damage. After several minutes, he got off Miles, panting heavily, "W-why is your face not broken??"

"Can't have you hurting each other just yet," Discord said, answering him.

"You calmed down now man," Brad asked.

"N-no, still p-pissed…,” Johnny panted, still glaring at Miles, “you sir are a goddamn idiot!”

"Now that's come and passed," Dave sighed, rubbing his eyes, "What exactly is the game that we'll be playing Discord?"

Discord stopped laughing and looked at them, "It's a game that you all know." With that, he poofed and reappeared with a bookshelf. After perusing the shelf for several seconds, he grabbed a book and tossed it at the group of humans. Jake let out a surprised yelp as the heavy book landed on his feet and he picked it up. He looked at the front cover before flipping it open to a random page; he blinked in surprise, "classes... creatures... skills... this is D&D guys!"

"So he wants us to do what we were going to do anyways? Eh sure, fine I'll play this game," Brad shrugged.

"Wait, you're volunteering!?!" Was the group's collective response; except for Johnny who was now threatening to deck him in the face causing him to take a few steps back.

“But it’s Discord! He is Q rolled together with Loki and just a dusting of Sheogorath!!”

"This is a once in a lifetime experience guys! It's not like a mad god from another world is going to pop in next Tuesday!"

"That's the point," Johnny pounded his fist into his hand, "he's a mad god! Nothing is going to keep that Frankenstein's mon-" His rant was cut off as his mouth was quite literally zipped closed. His eyes widened for a moment before he glared at Discord.

“Now that he has been silenced for the moment, I have an idea that will solve this little dilemma," Discord snapped his fingers and a red white and blue top hat appeared on his head, "why don't you all vote? All in favor raise their right hand while those against it raise their left.”

Almost immediately, Miles’ right hand and Johnny's left hand both shot up. Brad's right hand followed soon. Soon after, both Dave and Jake's left hands rose.

“Congratulations,” Discord cheered, “you shall partake in my game!” Streamers and sparkles soared into the air behind him as a dramatic fanfare played.

“WHAT!!! We Won!” Dave yelled as Johnny continued to glare at Discord with the enough fury to melt metal as he continued to try to pull the zipper on his mouth open.

“Au contraire, Mr. Sentinel,” Discord grinned from ear to ear, “I gave Miles here two votes because of all his creative intent for the sake of chaos and disharmony.”

Anyway... "Yeah! Discord like me!" Miles grinned, which faded as he saw everyone glaring at him "Ah, I mean, oh no! Discord likes me?"

"Democracy in action right here," Dave groaned, rubbing his eyes.

“Besides, I still would have sent you anyways even if you had won. I’m the personification of chaos incarnate, I don't have to follow your rules. Now let's get you into your proper attire.” With a snap of his fingers, the five humans attire was replaced by rather archaic apparel.

Dave's shirt was replaced with a chain shirt. His feet covered in steel boots while his hands were covered in steel gauntlets. A halberd appeared in one of hands as well.

Jake's clothing was replaced with a heavy looking black armor that seemed three sizes too big on him. A large hammer appeared on his back as well, causing him to fall over from weight. Landing on the ground with a clatter.

Miles now wore a brown tunic over a chain shirt with bandolier crossing his chest. On his waist was a belt with many pockets and a knife in its scabbard. A simple brown cloak hung over his shoulders.

Johnny was covered in a leather armor, a set of small pauldrons covered both his shoulders. A bandolier crossed his chest and he had a belt that was similar to Miles. He had a cloth hood that was currently hiding his face in shadows.

“Okay, I look like a monk,” Brad stated, flapping his arms as he looked at the others before pausing for a moment and grinning. “Feel the emperor's holy wrath you heretic,” he proclaimed, striking a dramatic pose in the process.

As the rest looked at their attire with various degrees of fascination, the still zipper-mouthed Johnny looked as pale as a ghost. Muffled noises escaped his lips as a panicked look filled his face. All the others could do was watch as Johnny sat down on the floor and grabbed his legs before he started to gently rock back and forth.

"Okay...," Miles looked at everyone else, "what the hell was that about?" Jake who was still somewhat hiding behind him, yanked on his sleeve and whispered something in his ear.

"Wait! You two are gunna-"

Jake simply nodded.

"Well, you seem to be taking it far better than him," he said, looking over at the still broken Johnny.

Jake just shrugged.

After that, Dave looked back up at Discord, "I want some answers before we play your damn game."

He nodded, "but of course; ask away."

"First, why the hell are you doing this? Second, why us? And third, where are we going?"

"Well, I'm doing this because I'm bored. Being reformed doesn't allow much in the way of chaos and eventually doing the same stuff over and over just gets boring. Second, you bronies are always the most fun; always causing such a ruckus when I drop you chaps in Equestria. And well, I'm sending you elsewhere. And, well, telling you would be spoilers.”

"What the hell does that mean?" Brad said, cocking his head and crossing his arms.

“A GM never reveals his secrets,” Miles stated simply earning a nod of approval from Discord which made him grin from ear to ear.

"Well, you'll all see in due time," Discord chuckled and snapped his fingers, causing the humans before him to disappear with a flash of light.

"Let the games begin," he laughed to himself before teleporting away to watch his entertainment unfold.

Author's Note

After this, it'll be utterly new content