Dash's Alcoholic Adventure

by Trials

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Fluttershy, Adventure, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash
Length: 2238

Rainbow Dash discovers the joys of freedom. Plus alcohol.

After a long day of work, Rainbow Dash is tired. She just wants to relax, is that too much to ask? To attempt this, Dash uses Bethesda, Bob Marley and bountiful amounts of booze. Does it succeed? Well, she certainly gets drunk at least.

Published 2012-05-08 02:34:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-08 02:34:01 UTC

Bethesda, Bob and Booze

“Alright!

We're Jammin'

I wanna jam it wid you.

Jammin'

Jammin'

And I hope you like jammin' too!”

Soothing music entered Rainbow Dash's ears. Almost instantaneously, her body started to swing uncontrollably to the sensuous beat. The tune coursed through to her very core and made her feel all warm and tingly inside.

Something told her investing in this brand new stereo was an absolutely fantastic idea.

Before long, Dash knew the lyrics like the back of her hoof. No matter how awful she must've sounded, the cyan pegasus sang her heart out, joining in the sensational melody of Bob Marley.

Rainbow Dash couldn't care less about how loud or poorly she sang, because no other pony would hear it anyway. No one would up this late - especially around Rainbow's house, considering it was in the middle of the sky.

Right now, all she wanted to do was relax.

Soon, the song ended for the fifth time that night. Discontent with the lack of reggae music, Dash pressed the replay button and the song started up again.

The mare suddenly realised that her voice was slightly sore after singing so wholeheartedly. In fact, it felt more than just a little raw – it was actually fairly painful.

As she made her away over to the kitchen, Dash cheerfully hummed along to the song. Something about it just seemed so...mellow! She reached into the contents of the fridge, and after fishing around for a couple of seconds, she finally found the item she wanted.

Sprawling out on to the entire surface of the couch, Dash flicked the small metallic disk off. She tilted the object in her hoof upwards and let the delicious contents spill onto her tongue.

Cider.

Now the combination of both sound and taste surged through the mare's body, leaving her feel overwhelmed with joy. Alcohol and reggae seemed to go particularly well together.

Now feeling rejuvenated, her voice returned to its previous activity. Unfortunately, singing had never been one of Dash's strong points, so it sounded much like a dying cat.

Once the song was finished, the pegasus took another swig of cider. She let the album continue onto the next song instead of repeating the same song again. Slightly bored, Rainbow Dash decided to switch on her PonyStation 3. This would liven things up a bit.

As the mare pressed the button on her controller, a wave of colour accompanied by the PS3 logo appeared on the TV screen. She selected her account and was released into the main menu. Curious, she checked out what games her friends were playing. Of course, the time being so late, not many of her friends were online.

Applejack was playing Red Dead Redemption, which Dash had to admit, wasn't a bad game. For some reason, cowboy/Western games were popular with her apple-obsessed friend. She looked further down the list of names and burst out laughing when she found a particular name.

Scootaloo was playing Pony Warfare 3.

That was without a doubt the worst game to ever come out in the history of games. Most would claim it was just a map pack of Pony Warfare 2, and for that particular reason, Rainbow Dash would never play it. Ever again. However, the prospect of such a young filly playing such a terrible game was hilarious. She imagined her youthful fan yelling down the mic at everypony, calling them noobs and/or other derogative names.

Quickly losing interest, the mare shoved the Skyrim disk into the slot. Now THIS was a mare's game. Something about exploring the vast land of Skyrim just simply clicked with Dash. As the title screen loaded, Rainbow finished the last bit of cider. She got up, pulled another bottle out of the fridge and returned to the sofa.

Pressing on 'Continue' with the large X button, Dash turned her attention to the drink. She flicked the lid and swallowed the entire cider in one gulp. With an exasperated sigh, the mare decided she wanted more, so she went to the fridge and grabbed the remaining bottles.

As the relaxing music played in the background, Rainbow Dash proceeded to gorge herself on alcohol. The precious liquid ran through her mouth, dazzling her senses with intoxicating taste. She giggled as the fizzy bubbles tickled her throat.

The loading screen had stopped now and Dash picked up the controller. Between swigs of cider, Dash made her way through an enchanted forest. Her pony character, Dovahkiin, strolled briskly through the seemingly endless woods.

A roar erupted from behind her.

Suddenly, a huge dragon shot through the sky, flames bearing down on the character.

With a determined glance, Dash used her controller to pull out a bow. Not just any bow, however – the Kuda Bow. The Kudagoskuskus bow was an extremely rare bow found from the loot of Grampy the Mammoth. The power, said to be the stuff of legends, is impossible to be wielded by mere mortals.

Fortunately, Dovahkiin was no mere mortal.

Dash took aim, taking into account the estimated drop of the arrow and the velocity of the dragon. As the fearsome beast spun around to go on another strafing run, the mare released the trigger button. The camera followed the flight of the arrow as it soared through the air. It eventually hit home between the eyes of the dragon.

The huge figure plunged to the ground, incapable of recovery. It gave one last, deafening roar before collapsing to the snow-covered ground. The beast was slain. In the victory of the dragon's demise, Dash gave an audible whoop and punched the air. She took a large gulp of cider as a reward.

Now feeling slightly tipsy, Dash continued on her travels.

As she approached her destination, the sun became visible. The screen, previously filled with darkness, was now enveloped by the bright light as it shone through the detailed branches of the trees.

Rainbow Dash entered the clearing. The location marker identified her target as being a short stroll up the hill. For a short pause, the mare finished her fourth bottle of cider. She was definitely more than just a little tipsy now.

Picking up the controller, Dash made her way over the mound. Her objective just out of sight, she focused on the specific target as she galloped across to it.

Unfortunately, she didn't see the looming figure until it was too late.

A giant.

It roared at her character and began stomping its oversized hooves. Now completely aware, Dash tried to retreat. She turned and ran downhill as fast as she could But, alas, it was all in vain. Her effort was for nothing.

Having giant hooves came as a giant advantage to the giant. Without much effort or time, it caught up to Dash. Repeatedly yelling “SHIT”, the mare prepared for the oncoming onslaught. She equipped her two-hoofed sword and began aimlessly swishing towards her assailant. Almost mockingly, the giant pulled back its enormous hoof and lazily swiped at Dovahkiin.

Making contact, the pony character was launched into the air. It sailed through the clouds, revealing the entire land of Tamriel before the flying carcass. Rainbow Dash couldn't help herself.

“What the BUCK!? I was right THERE, and now I have to walk all over AGAIN.”

The mare raged and ranted until her throat hurt again. She downed another bottle of cider to soothe it. In the background, Bob Marley's voice continued singing without a single care. It was beginning to get on her nerves.

Almost comically, the screen simply stated, 'You are dead'. Dash had had enough.

“Well, no SHIT, Sherlock! I didn't think a trip to the BUCKING moon would kill me!”

She grabbed the controller by the bottom and pelted it at the TV. It smashed through the screen and somehow managed to get stuck in the middle. Sparks flashed from the obviously broken device. Smoke rose from the electronics that were now currently visible. Rainbow Dash didn't even care.

She stood up and crossed over to the stereo.

“Don't worry

About a thing

Cos every little thing

Is gonna be alright.”

Bob Marley's voice was patronising her, and if there was one thing Dash hated, it was patronising.

“You can shut up too!”

The mare turned around and kicked her legs out with a powerful buck. Like the TV, bright sparks flew out of the now ruined speakers. The previously calming music came to an abrupt stop.

“Why don't you stick THAT in your pipe and smoke it!”

Rainbow Dash laughed at her own joke and picked up the last cider bottle. There was no need to go slow, so the mare gulped it down in one. With an exasperated sigh, the cyan pegasus returned to the couch. She jumped down and let her drunken thoughts do the talking.

****************

Fluttershy was making her way back to her home. After assisting the bats by preparing for their hibernation, the pegasus was exhausted. It was in fact, way past her bedtime. As her frail wings fluttered in the deep violet sky, a familiar voice shouted out from above.

“Well, no SHIT, Sherlock! I didn't think a trip to the BUCKING moon would kill me!”

The yellow pegasus looked up and noticed Dash's cloud home. Fluttershy didn't even know how Dash afforded the cloud, it was pretty much a mansion! However, there was just a niggling thought about the yell. It just sounded...wrong.

As she flew closer to the house to investigate, she heard an audible crash. At the sudden surprise, the delicate pegasus gave a small squeal. Something was definitely wrong.

Fluttershy landed on the cloud and peered through the small window on the side. She was just in time to see Rainbow Dash launch a powerful kick into a stereo. With the small explosion of sparks, the cyan pegasus gave a cheer and yelled out.

“Why don't you stick THAT in your pipe and smoke it!”

The oddly-behaving pegasus laughed heartily, before lying down on the couch. It was only then that Fluttershy noticed the several bottles. By the looks and sounds of Dash's abnormal behaviour, it was pretty obvious they were previously filled with alcohol.

Rainbow Dash obviously needed some help. The yellow pegasus gave a small knock on the door and awaited a response. After waiting for several minutes, no reply was received. Worried, Fluttershy peered through the window again.

Her best friend was lying on the couch, snoring loudly. She was oblivious to the noise Fluttershy had made. With a soft push, Fluttershy had managed to open the door.

She stood in the wreck that used to be Dash's home. A game controller was lodged in the TV, cider bottles strewn everywhere and the remains of a stereo were scattered across the floor.

Fluttershy tip-toed around the mess, trying not to step on anything that would hurt herself in the process. Eventually she made it through to the couch.

“Hey, um, Dash? Are you okay?”

The cyan pegasus below her stirred before waking up. After looking around confusedly for a couple of seconds, Dash noticed the familiar face above her and shot it a grin.

“Hey, there *hic* Fluttershy! What are you *hic* doing here?”

Fluttershy could tell that Rainbow Dash was drunk. Her words were slurred and frequently interrupted by hiccups. She had to give her a helping hoof.

“Oh, I just heard some noises, and it kind of sounded like you...needed some help.”

“Help with what, Butterfly Butt? Heh, that rhymes! I am a *hic* genius!”

Fluttershy tried not to react to the nickname. She needed to help Rainbow Dash, not encourage her.

“Dash, let's get you to bed. You look very tired, and I think some rest will help you.”

“Aww, but I was having so much fun! C'mon, join me – we'll make it a proper mare's night! I'm sure I've got some more cider somewhere...”

Fluttershy reached down and grabbed Rainbow Dash by the hoof. She tried to help her fellow friend up, but she wouldn't co-operate. Instead, she managed to place Dash on her back to carry her. Being so close to the drunk pony, Fluttershy could smell the alcohol lingering on her breath.

As the yellow mare carried Dash through the house, she began to speak.

“Hey, Fluttershy. Do you *hic* remember Flight Academy when I walked in on you and Derpy...doing it?”

The question caught Fluttershy off guard. Maybe it was just the alcohol talking, but the yellow mare felt embarrassed. She blushed a fierce crimson and refused to answer, no matter how much she wanted to. The body on the back of her cackled.

“Heh, you two *hic* made the cutest of couples, you know? Those were the good old days...”

An audible yawn followed by a snore occurred behind Fluttershy. Obviously, the alcohol had finally got to poor Dash's head. She was now fast asleep.

Fluttershy brought the slumbering pegasus up the stairs and into the bedroom. Once in front of the bed, Dash was dropped gently down onto the mattress. Then, Fluttershy pulled the sheets over the figure.

Rainbow Dash was obviously comfortable in bed, because a large smile spread across her face.

“Goodnight, Mum.”

The frail pegasus gave a soft giggle before kissing Dash on the forehead.

“Goodnight,” Fluttershy replied as she closed the door softly behind her.

Now there was cleaning to be done.