“Will give you wings...” Pinkie Pie mouthed as she stared at the strange, slender can. She'd heard a lot about this strange drink from her friend Lyra, the turquoise unicorn being knowledgeable about all things human. As she examined the canister, noticing a strange tab at the top, meant for hands not hooves, she sat down and pondered.
“Wait, wait, wait.” She said. “If this will give me wings, then wouldn't I become a Pegasi?” As interesting the thought was, and as much as the pink earth pony could ponder on such a wounder, yet oddly painful thought, she decided that the phrase was irrelevant, unimportant and didn't matter.
She circled the can, prowling as if she were a predator, and this poor, helpless can of mystery liquid was her prey. What did it taste like? Why would any pony or human claim it gave you wings? Did it have enough carbonation to let her burp the Pony Rock Anthem? She smiled to herself, taking pride on her priorities.
“Well, this can isn't going to open and drink itself.” The mare voice, adding philosophically, “Because that would be can-ableism.”
She giggle snorted at her pun and grabbed the tab with her mouth and pulled. The pink party pony shot straight up with a gasp as the fizzy drink shot up her nose in a ear crackling fssssssz. Pinkie slapped a hoof to her nose in agony.
“I could be wrong,” She moaned painfully. “But I don't think it's suppose to go that way.” A few snorts and a giant sneeze later, she returned her attention back to the unassuming aluminum can. “Okay, mister fizzy a fizz! That was not nice at all. What do you have to say for yourself?”
Silence.
"Don't you know that it's impolite-no- inconsiderate-nay-just plain down right, rudie rude to spray yourself up some poor ponies nose?"
Silence.
"I want you to sit there and think about what you've done, you meanie mean bully. My nosey-wosy is sore and the bubble-wubbles are tickling and burning in a tickling burning way."
She paused for a moment to put her hooves on her hips and glare at the tin can, which now looked incredably guilty for tickling and burning Pinkie's nosey-wosey.
"Now, you feel bad about what you did, you tinny tin tin of a can can?"
Silence.
“I thought so.” The earth pony gingerly lifted the can with both hooves and lifted it to her lips, taking a long drink, feeling the fizz burn and tickle her throat on it's way down. Pinkie made a face. It didn't taste all that great, and any burps were just foam that went up her nose. No, this drink was not for ponies. Why humans like this silly drink, was beyond her.
“Hey Pinkie!” A blur of color and Rainbow Dash hovered over her, wings beating an even tempo, keeping her aloft. “What's up?”
“Why you silly.” Pinkie laughed, sipping at the drink again, because, why not? “Oh, and the clouds- you missed a few- and the sky and the sun and stars, and-”
“Wh-oa, wh-oa, sl-o-w do-w-n th-ere.”
Pinking blinked for a moment. Then, tilted her head. Was it her, or was everything around her now going slower? She took another sip of the strange, not so great tasting drink.
"Dashie? What's wrong, you're not saying anything."
Rainbow dash started to open her mouth to speak, when a thought came to Pinkie's head.
"Oh! Oh! Wait! I thought of a joke! Okay, two ponies are walking. One walked into a bar, the other ducked! Hahahahaha-hehehe-snort- wasn't that hilarious?"
Rainbow dash didn't reply, her eyes blinking almost as slow as gummies.
"Okay, not your cup of tea, which actually makes no sense, since we're not drinking tea, and come to think of it, what tea do you like, I mean if we were drinking tea what tea would you be drinking, and if you didn't like that tea, it wouldn't be your cup of tea, actually it would, but considering that that you don't like it, why would you be drinking it?-gasp- is it because it's not your cup of tea, but Twilight Sparkles? Why would you be drinking Twilight's tea? I mean, I know she likes tea, and she probably has enough to drink as is on her own, but still, that would be taking something that isn't yours, that is if you took it, I mean, she could have given it to you, Twilight is that kind of mare, you know, really nice nice to all, but still, then it would be a borrowed cup of tea that you don't like, but why would you borrow it if you didn't like it? Is it because you don't know that you don't like it? Aww, Dashie, why would you do such a thing, but wait, if you took the tea AND the cup, then you would be stealing, because she said you could take the tea, but not the tea cup, so give it back, but she'd forgive you, her being nicey nice, like a good cup of tea, but wait! You don't like tea, so why are you drinking it in the first place? Really Dashy, what do you have to say about that?"
Rainbow Dash looked startled. Well, she would be looking startled if she'd been moving like she was suppose to.
“Pin-kie...W-hy a-re y-ou t-al-king s-o f-ast...?” Rainbow Dash asked, as if she were speaking in slow-mo.
Pinkie laughed. “Oh, Dashie, your so funny. I'm not moving fast, your just being slow, silly. But the more I think about it, why are you moving slow, you're not a slow poke or anything, but why would you be a slow poke? You don't poke anything? Really the expressions we make up are so silly willy it makes me look normal, and I try and be anything BUT normal, because normal is no fun, because I like to keep it random and PAR-TAY to the MAX! You know what I mean? Of course you know what I mean, what a silly question.”
With a sigh, Pinkie drained the last of her drink and tossed the empty can aside, thoroughly disappointed. That drink was nothing more than a failed party in a can, and tasted like soggy cookies in water, ewww. With a shrug, Pinkie trotted off to find something more interesting and fun to do, to make up for the disappointment of the drink that had promised wings.
Rainbow Dash blinked, and the pink mare was gone, leaving only a blue and silver checkered can behind. Landing, very confused at what was going on, she examined the can closer, reading,
'Red Bull. It will give you wings'
“Pony feathers.” Dash grumbled. “I have a bad feeling about this.
