Ménage à - Quoi?!

by Noir de Plume

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Shining Armor
Length: 1182

It's every stallion's dream... isn't it?

Sometimes, when I look at fanart... things happen.
This was one of them.
I'm sorry.

Shining Armor has everything - the wife, the house, the life. So when he rolls over to find the creature that crashed his wedding and nearly wrecked his chance at happiness snuggled oh-so-sweetly at his side, with his darling Cadance at his other, it's all he can do to keep it together and try to assemble the missing pieces.

Published 2015-02-25 05:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-25 05:30:01 UTC

Ménage à - Quoi?!

The balcony doors were cracked, and a warm morning breeze stirred the curtains. Shining yawned, stretching his legs from hips to hooves, swishing his tail in the sheets. Cadance slumbered peacefully at his side. She was so lovely, with the golden sunbeams caressing her pink coat, highlighting the pastel hues of her mane, glistening in the pearlescent spirals of her horn. Even the smeared eyeliner on her cheek was enchanting.

Dear Celestia, his head pounded, though... Wincing as a particularly painful throb shot from the base of his horn behind his eyes, Shining nuzzled his bride. Memories of the night slowly surfaced.

Drinks had flowed, of Dionysian proportions. Cider, champagne, wine, and harder spirits as well... Had they done body shots off the kitchen filly? He had danced with her in the empty ballroom, fed her strawberries before the fire. More drinks had followed, and they had retired to their chambers. Things became fuzzy there. Nuzzling and cuddling had devolved into a rougher type of play, and at some point she had brought out a bridle and bit. It had gotten kinky. Something else though...

A sound like a buzz saw in a metal drum made Shining jump. The location of the sound made him nearly wet himself. Ever so slowly, he turned to his left...

"Oh Luna's feathers..." He whispered in horror.

The Changeling Queen laid sprawled like a frog on a dissection table, nestled so close to him he could feel the beating of her heart. Her mouth lay open in a morbid display of vampiric dentistry. At his right, Cadance snuggled closer. Shining swallowed a lump.

No way. No way I drank that much! He mentally reassured himself, thoughts racing in a losing battle with his worsening hangover.

Fix it fix it fix it! His brain screamed. He placed his hooves to his temples.

Stop yelling! He snapped back, taking a deep breath.

Right. Ok. First things first. Dispose of the evidence.

He looked back to his left at Chrysalis, who had rolled to her side and now buried her face in his neck, murmuring unintelligibly against his coat. Hide her.

Yes. Hide her! Good job! He smiled, proud of himself for finding a way over that mental hurdle in this morning’s "The Hell Happened" Olympics.

"Mmmmmmmm, darling..." Cadance said softly, stirring.

Shining shoved Chrysalis with all his might. She slid to the floor with an audible *thud!* and, thankfully, continued to snore. Cadance sat up sharply.

"What was that?" she asked, mane askance with the passions of the previous night, the toss and tumble of sleep.

"N-nothing, love, just the wind," he laughed nervously. She smiled lovingly at her husband.

"Oooooh, last night," she purred. Shining gulped, forcing a grin.

"Yeah," he replied. The purple of his wife's eyes deepened, her eyelashes fluttering.

"You were everywhere... Up and over and in and around... mmmm!" She giggled like a school filly and nuzzled his muzzle, embracing him tightly.

"You, ah, you know me, eager to please, haha," he said, hoping the smile he plastered on his face was passable for a pleasant expression and not the mockery of emotion his brain was telling him it indeed was.

"I lost myself in you," she sighed, moving to rise from the bed. Shining leapt up and grabbed the sheet in his teeth with a flourish, yanking it down over the passed out Changeling Queen on the floor. Cadance raised an eyebrow.

"Airing the sheets?" he tried. She arched the other eyebrow.

"Brush my mane," she said, less a request than a command, and strolled to her dressing table, swaying her haunches seductively as she went. Shining took a quick look at the pokey lump beneath the sheets to ensure its immobility and joined his bride.

"You look a vision this morning," he told her, using his magic to pick up her favorite brush and slowly run the bristles gently through her mane, detangling the lover's nest of knots. Cadance closed her eyes and purred, ruffling the feathers of her wings.

"You're a liar, my love," she sighed, tilting her head to the side. Shining watched the lump on the floor via the mirror's reflection.

"Er, close your eyes and let's get that makeup off your gorgeous coat," he continued, rummaging around on her dressing table for the solution. Cadance sighed again happily, feeling the brush work its magic against her scalp. "Here we-" Shining looked back up into the mirror and made a strangled sound in his throat.

The white lump of slumbering sheet was gone.

"Shining?" Cadance asked.

"Just keep 'em closed, beautiful!" he said hurriedly, carelessly smearing the makeup removing solution across her eyelids and cheeks, his pink aura sloshing the bottle haphazardly. "You, ah, don't want that in your eyes."

"Then don't put it in my eyes," she answered, somewhat tersely. "You're acting remarkably strange, is something wrong?"

"No, no, everything's fine, ah..." he said while casting furtive glances about the chambers. There was no sign of Chrysalis. "I just want this morning to be-"

"Cadance... lovely. Thank you so much," Chrysalis purred, materializing from seemingly thin air and nuzzling his wife behind the ear in a display of intimacy that made his cheeks turn red.

"...perfect," he finished.

"Chryssie, I can't thank you enough for indulging me. So glad we could clear up that misunderstanding from the wedding in time for this," Cadance replied with a smile. Shining felt his jaw drop. The Changeling Queen laughed sweetly and returned his wife's smile.

"Water under the bridge, my dear," she said pleasantly, waving a hoof. "And you, you stallion... put 'er there!" She held up her foreleg for a hoof bump. Baffled, Shining obliged. Chrysalis winked. "We really did show her a good time, didn't we?"

"Uh..."

"Your form was simple enough, but your style? There were moments where I just had to watch. Bravo, my dearest," she complimented, clapping her hooves. "Such technique. I hope I emulated it passably enough."

"Oh Chryssie, I could hardly tell between you two! It was magnificent!" Cadance giggled.

Shining simply stared. Chrysalis chuckled.

"Poor dear has the wine flu, I think. Pity. Those are memories I know I shall cherish for some time."

"Will you not stay for breakfast?" Cadance asked. Chrysalis shook her head.

"I must decline. I have to get this abundance of love and caring back to my starving ones, lest the little darlings become testy with hunger and start wrecking the castle. We'll stay in touch?"

Cadance nodded. Chrysalis blew Shining a kiss and nuzzled Candace once more, then sauntered to the balcony doors and the strange sound of her odd wings filled the air for several moments. Shining became aware that his mouth was still hanging open.

"Cadance," he said after a long while. She turned to look at him with a smile.

"Yes, darling?"

"What. The buck. Just happened?" he demanded. Cadance giggled.

"Certainly you don't think you're the only one with fantasies?"

He stared. Candace rolled her eyes.

"Oh come now. I'm sure she'll come back on your birthday."