Writer's Block

by Lord Midnight

Rating: mature
Tags: Other, Random, Pinkie Pie, Sex, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1332

My secret technique for beating writer's block, and the secret of how Pinkie Pie is my co-author is revealed.

Everypony gets writer's block. There's all kinds of tricks and stuff that people come up with for beating it. Mine, a result of my insanity and the strange way my mind works, is unique as far as I know. I'm going to be demonstrating my technique through this story. Just remember everything is unedited, uncensored and uncut. That's step one. Write whatever you want, nopony is allowed to judge this or will ever see it. (Except in this case where I've published it for the duel purpose of satire and instructing.

Step 2 is give your characters a shard of your soul. Let them breath and live. You don't direct there actions, rather you record them. Pinkie has always done this with me. She is always breaking loose and causing chaos.

Step 3 is to let them help you. Don't backspace anything they say just because it doesn't make sense or isn't flowing or grammatically correct. They are a gateway to the Muse and a means for it to tell you exactly what's wrong.

Sex tag is for discussions about Clop fics and innuendos. It's a bar and I usually write these things with my mind in a weird place. If anyone can think of a good cover art for this let me know, but for now I'll use this. Enjoy what MLP looks like to a color blind person like me.

Published 2015-02-26 19:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-26 19:00:02 UTC

Not even sure why I'm doing this, but Pinkie wants me to help ponies out

How It began.

People wonder how exactly Pinkie Pie is my co-author. Well I’m going to teach everypony my secret technique to beat writer’s block. This only works if you possess the muse that makes the author merely recording the events not directing them. Pinkie Pie and Discord, for example do whatever the hell they want when I’m writing them. I realised I could use this to my advantage,

I created a wonderful place in my head called Writer’s Block. It’s a wonderful bar that has all kinds of visitors and chaos.

AWM-Chap 7-Luna scene.

I stride into the bar annoyed at the stupidity of my writer’s block that’s been keeping me from writing. I sit down at the bar and sigh in annoyance. Discord the bartender pops over. “Why do I have to serve drinks when you can just write them in?” He looks annoyed by the role.

“Because silly, you're supposed to be the wise and insane bartender that always has good advice archetype. Give me a cider! and some cake!” Pinkie pops out of nowhere onto the barstool next to me. I look at her slightly surprised this is actually working.

“Alright Discord, bro. Can I get a Jameson and Dew please?” I ask him with a pleading smile.

“Alright fine, I’ll be the bartender. but only because I know that if I don’t then all of the stories you're writing with me in them will freeze and become so very boring.” He snaps a claw and Pinkie and I get our orders.

“Okie dokie lokie! Why are you being a grumpy pants today, Coy? Normally your fun to hang out with.”

“I’m stuck, all of my stories are stuck. I want to write but every time I try it feels like I can’t find the thread of the story. I don’t know what's wrong. Another Wolf’s Moon is at a great part and I know how the scene should go and exactly what comes after, but the scene itself is messing me up.”

I pull my laptop out of the air next to me and pull up the gdoc with the story showing it to Pinkie. She reads through the scene with a blush forming.

“Gah! Why do I have to read about Wolf and Luna doing that? You better keep your promise and never write anything like this about me. I don’t mind certain levels of innuendo, but if you ever go into detail…” She trails off and the words ‘forever’ and ‘you Pinkie Promised’ echo in my head hauntingly.

“Er, of course Pinkie. I already promised, I never break a promise to my friends. Now as much as you hate this kind of stuff I need help. What’s wrong here?”

“Feels like a continuity error. You must have said something was happening and not done it or done something else.” Discords says appearing behind Pinkie and I reading over our shoulders.

I look back through the story again and notice the error. I’m setting the scene for bondage and Luna is into collering! I correct the grievous error and fix the paragraphs. Thankfully the rest of the scene begins to flow as I catch the thread of the story again. Giving Discord a brohoof and hugging Pinkie I finish my drink and head out of the bar.

Pinkie hollers out as I’m leaving. “Does this make me your co-author?”

AWM-No ambition to write.

I walk into the bar brimming with energy. Absolutely unfocusable energy. I want to write but unfortunately my mind has gone all chaotic again and now I can’t stay on task enough for a plot to interest me. Well I can think of a certain plot that might keep me interested.

A sharp rap on the back of the head stings me and turning reveals an annoyed Pinkie Pie. I chuckle and head over to my chair. Discord isn’t there yet a nice Jameson and Dew is awaiting me. Pinkie plops down on the stool next to me.

“Pinkie, my mind has gone all screwy.” I laugh at the ill fated words reminding her of the earlier errant thoughts.

“It’s ok, if you tried to write a scene like that now it would just get stopped and sidetracked again.” Her voice is strange and a straight maned Pinkie meets my gaze.

“Long time no see Pinkamena. I thought you were a touch more violent today.”

“Yeah well, you can’t follow the threads well enough to handle Pinkie. besides what you need right now isn’t somepony to act as a gateway to your soul. You need somepony to beat the stupid out of you.”

I take a nice gulp of my drink enjoying the rattle of the ice in the cup.

“Well good luck with that one.”

I look around and Pinkamena has tied me to a chair while I was checking fimfic randomly. “Seriously?”

“You know some cupcakes would be good right now.” She gives me an evil grin.

I glare at her. “Not even in jest Pinkamena, not even in jest.”

She shrugs. “What’s it gonna take to focus you? You know where the threads are going. Next scene Wolf is on his date with Nightshade and trying to order. That poor waitress has just been sitting there waiting for hours for you to catch the thread and tell her what you want to eat. Coyote, what do you want to eat right now?”

“Besides-” A rap to the head cuts off the trail of thought. “I want a nice steak. Texas rare with a rosemary and garlic seasoning with a side of poutine and a nice Monster.”

She nods in understanding. “You can’t find the focus because what Wolf wants isn’t on the menu. It’s the steak and the mare. You know he isn’t going to get either and it’s hard to write past that. Then write it. Have Wolf talk about his world. About steak, bacon and everything he can never have again. Let it be chaotic and clean up your mess later. I’ll keep you tied up her till you get the thread again. Don’t keep me waiting.”

I nod and-Writing Powers Activate!- I look around for Pinkamena still tied down. Something feels weird and I’m not sure what. “I’ve got the thread. What did you do to me while I was writing?”

Pink hooves drape over my shoulders. “Guess who.” She breaths in my ear.

You know, anypony else and that would be plenty of clues to tell me. Now however I have to think about it. Pinkie Pie would never do that on page. Pinkamena might, if only for a chance to whack me when I mess up. Surprise however, she’s a wild card of wild cards. Nopony can predict her, not even me. A muzzle rests on top of my head and it tickles when she talks again. “Quit being silly and guess.”

The lack of a flowing silky mane acting as a curtain is the final clue. “Surprise. Been a while since I talked to you too. She twists the chair around and plants a kiss on me and then darts off laughing. Leaving me tied to a chair in the middle of the bar alone. I develop super strength and rip them apart. Only to realize that was just a daydream and I’m still stuck in the chair.

“You god modded the ropes? Pinkamena I’m going to get out of here, and when I do I’m putting a god modded collar on you and making you reenact that scene you helped me write where-” One of the ropes mysteriously wraps around my mouth muffling my rant. I shuffle the chair towards the door in defeat, having learned my lesson again about not giving Pinkamena my fullest attention, regardless of my mental state. Eventually I reach the door and exit the bar to finish my chapter with renewed vigor.