I couldn’t tell if she simply meant ‘male’ or ‘stud’ when she said stallion. “I would hope so. I try to be nothing less.”

Fleur lifted a brow. “She also tells me that you’re quite the mare.”

I shrugged. “Most of my friends are female. Donning a disguise to spend more time with them is my way of getting into the inner circle without forcing my way in.”

“You know, a pony could argue that switching genders as you please is a betrayal of yourself and what you stand for.” Fleur commented idly. Fancy was about to say something to her, but I waved him off.

“You could also argue that switching between personas might drive you insane. People say a lot of things; you have to figure out what you care about, and I care about my friends.”

“So you would be willing to become a female for them?”

“For a short amount of time. It’s a way of meeting them in the middle, so to speak.”

“It sounds as though it were a reasonable compromise.” Fleur acquiesced. “What do you do with your friends while you’re a mare?”

“Usually we go shopping or have a slumber party. Girl stuff in general that I would feel silly doing in my man suit.” I was tempted to ask if she and Fancy would mind tagging along on a shopping trip with Rarity and I, but I didn’t want to waste money and Fleur was kind of confrontational in a very passive aggressive way, so fuck that noise.

“Your ‘man suit’?” Rarity asked.

“That’s what I said, isn’t it?” I raised a brow.

“Yes, dear, you really must learn to listen better. He said it quite clearly.” Fleur added.

Rarity caught herself before she could get flustered. “You really must forgive me, it’s just that Max says some strange things every now and again. You see, when he says ‘man’, he means stallion.”

“So he said that he wears a stallion suit. I suppose that if you change between the sexes often enough, the different forms begin to feel like separate ‘suits’ if you will.” Fancy clarified for her. “It’s really not that strange once you’ve put some thought into it.”

“Thank you both for defending me against my date. She’s always trying to embarrass me, one way or another.” Rarity colored slightly and the look in her eye promised retribution. I grinned at her. “You know, there was this one time where Rarity had a bit too much to drink and she tried to ‘pair up’ with another mare for a quick-”

“Max, no! That is not true!” Rarity protested. “Please ignore him. These are some of the strange things I warned you about.”

Fleur passed me a sly smile. “If it’s all the same to you, dear Rarity, I’d like to hear the rest of the story.”

“I’m so sorry to disappoint, but the story is all false anyway. This is the first formal party I’ve ever gone to with Rarity.” I said.

“Surely you have more stories, though! Any stallion worth his bits has a few good ones he likes to tell.” Fleur stated.

“How true. Do tell us something from your past, if it's no issue.” Fancy asked.

I tapped my chin. “Well, I can’t tell you much about my work as an Operative, and the only things of interest that I’ve done are illegal. I could tell you some of my life before I came to Equestria I suppose, though I don’t think the subject matter is terribly proper for polite conversation.”

Fleur and Fancy cast a few quick glances around us. Fancy said, “Perhaps we’ll take our conversation where polite ears can’t hear?”

“That does sound like the best plan of action. Our new friend has piqued my interest.” Fleur’s smile turned sultry and I wondered just what we were going to be doing, wherever we were going.

Fancy obviously noticed his wife’s sudden change, but all he did to address it was lift a brow. I’ve noticed that outside of Ponyville, the Ponies tend to be a bit more astute when it comes to social nuances and certain inflections. I still considered Ponies gullible by and large, but that didn’t mean that there weren’t a few that are as keen as I am. Crimson, for one, pays enough attention to get by, but I would like to cite that incident in Gryphonia as evidence of certain Ponies not having much of a self-preservation mechanism.

The mustachioed gentleman lead the way up stairs. Apparently the third floor was cordoned off for private conversations and the like, though I could hear more giggling from the rooms than any actual conversation. I mentioned that to the group and I got a few chuckles for my attentiveness. Rarity laughed because she didn’t know what the Hell we were talking about, but it was fine. She didn’t actually need to know what was going on until someone started stripping, though I may have just misread Fleur’s look. Still, my boosted perception allows me to know how someone is feeling most of the time, and it told me that Fleur wanted a piece of me.

Using the same power, I could tell that Fancy was mostly indifferent to his wife’s flirtation, though I swear I could sense some envy coming from him, and it wasn’t aimed at me, however, I do think it was because of me. If I wasn’t mistaken, then I had two nobles trying to put the sex on me. And here I thought that I’d needed to bring a date.

Fancy took us into his study and had Rarity and I take a seat. He grabbed some crystal from a cabinet and Fleur did the same. Fleur set a wine glass in front of Rarity and Fancy set a tumbler in front of me. None of the four glasses stayed empty very long, and when Fancy tool the first sip of his scotch, I took it as my cue to delve into some of my more exciting feats. Within twenty minutes of telling them about the time I stole a replica of the royal crown from an armored truck using a very well mapped out plan, I had everyone in the room wrapped around my finger. As with all good stories, I kept the embellishment down to a believable level, though I may have exaggerated the worth of the fake crown. I’d only gotten a few thousand quid for the thing, though I knew it was worth a lot more since it was made from real gold, but I’d had one Hell of a time trying to fence the thing myself.

Once I finished up with my third story, Fancy regaled us with some of his own. I found them to be quite interesting, though Fleur and Rarity seemed to think otherwise. During a bathroom break, Rarity told me that it was because all we were doing was bragging about our glory days like old men, so I gave her a kiss on the cheek and called her my favourite trophy wife. Rarity actually took it as a compliment. What that says about her character, I’ll not write here.

We rejoined Fleur and Fancy for some more drinks, though I dropped a hint to Fancy so that we would allow the ladies to speak. He picked up the hint and accepted it reluctantly, and I quickly found out why. At least when we had been talking about ourselves we’d actually been sharing important information from our past that explains why we are how we are. Fleur and Rarity just gossiped for forty minutes, and I was ready to blow my fucking head of by the ten minute mark. Eventually, Fancy asked Rarity if he could show her around a bit, which meant that Rarity really couldn’t refuse for fear of being rude, leaving me with Fleur. Alone. In a secluded area. Where people were already playing around. After quite a few drinks. If I wasn’t being set up, then I didn’t know what was happening.

Fleur sat down next to me once her husband and my date were out of the room. “So, Max. You have some very interesting stories, though I can’t say that I believe them.”

I extended a hand and she placed one of hers within its grasp. “You’re a smart woman. You should never believe what you hear, though in this case, I’m sad to say that most of what I’ve said is true.”

“Why would you be sad to be a dashing rogue?” Fleur flirted shamelessly. “Living above the law, meeting all kinds of ponies, taking what you want.”

“It’s because there’s plenty more that goes into it than that, love.” Fleur blushed lightly. “There’s the constant paranoia, betrayal, and double crossing you’ve got to keep an eye out for, as well as making sure the law doesn’t catch up to you and doing your best to make the right decisions the first time.”

“Yet you managed all of it and came out on top.” Fleur complimented. “That has to take intelligence, perseverance, and stamina.”

“You’re right, and I’ve got them all in spades. But what about you, my sweet flower? What are you made of?”

“You know, not many ponies know that my name is Prench.” Fleur answered, dodging the question.

“I’m not a pony, and I’m not most people anyways. I’m a one of a kind, love.”

Fleur took her hand from mine and stroked my cheek. “Yes, you are. I daresay that I’ve never seen a creature quite like you.”

“That’s because I’m the only one, you xenophile.” I grinned. “I’m the only human on this planet that we know of.”

Fleur smiled at me. “Truly one of a kind, then. You know, there’s something about you that I just can’t put a finger on.”

I held up her ring. “Is it this?”

Fleur glanced at her hands and her eyes widened. “I never even felt it!”

I handed it back to her. “Skilled hands, love. Sorry for taking your lovely ring, but I wanted to prove a point.”

“And that point is?”

“If I could steal your ring without you noticing, what does that mean for your heart?” I grinned devilishly.

Fleur leaned forward and rested her hand on her chin, grinning. “A thief who can take nearly anything. I see why you’re an Operative.”

I smiled. “That includes people. What do you say, Fleur? Could I steal you away for the night?”

Fleur’s hand went to her bosom. “Why, Max, I had no idea you were thinking of such things! What would my husband say?” She gasped playfully.

“I think he would say ‘Hurry up, I can’t keep Rarity busy forever.’.” I chuckled.

Fleur smiled and stood up. I followed her to the door with my eyes and watched her lock it before she came back and offered her hand to me. “I trust that you know how to treat a lady?” She asked.

I rose and stepped well within her personal space. “What I know and what I do can be very different things, love. I’ll try not to mess your hair up, if that makes you feel any better.”

I don’t know if it made her feel any better, but I do know that the first time around, Fleur’s mane survived well enough. By round three, I’d gone and fucked it up nice and proper, and Fleur had loved every second of our time together. Thankfully, I’d learned some shit about fixing hair from my time as Roxy and was able to help her get it under control, though me helping her with her hair lead to us messing it up again. Fleur would have gone for round five had I not reminded her that we were on a time limit that we’d most likely run down during round two. Fleur was thoroughly disappointed, and that tickled my pride in just the right way.

Fleur and I left the study roughly two and a half hours after we’d started. I asked Fleur if Fancy was going to bother trying to charm Rarity and she told me that there wasn’t a chance. I asked what she meant and she said that Rarity just wasn’t Fancy’s type, which kind of confirmed my earlier suspicions. While we were on the second floor looking for our dates, I asked, “Is Fancy gay, or is he just really picky?”

“Why the ‘or’? Can he not be both?” Fleur teased.

“I was just curious. You know, I thought marriage was supposed to be exclusive despite the polygamous aspects of Equestrian life.”

“Are you really worrying about that now?” Fleur asked, surprised.

“I’m not worrying about it at all. I would have asked you three hours ago, but you’re both attractive and pleasant, so it’s not like I was going to risk asking questions.”

Fleur touched my arm and gave me a smile. “To answer your question, it’s supposed to be, but Fancy and I have an agreement of sorts. I do trust you’ll keep this conversation between us, won’t you?”

“Love, you and Fancy are some of the few nobles I actually like. I’m not going to risk alienating some of the most pleasant people I’ve met for the sake of gossiping. I believe Fancy and I share an opinion on the matter.”

We dodged some people on our way back to the first floor. Music was still playing, so Fleur took a moment to enjoy it over the dull roar that was the crowd. “I’m glad that you and he share the same sense of loyalty, then. I would have expected something similar from Fancy himself.”

“The fellow and I have a lot in common, though our tastes are different. I’d like to say that mine is generally better.”

“Oh? Would you dare say that to Fancy?” Fleur asked coyly.

“I would. His sense of decor is perfectly fine, but his taste in ‘partners’ could use some work. Why go for anything other than the masterpiece he already has by his side?”

“If you flatter me any more, we’re going to have to go back upstairs.” She warned me, completely serious.

“As tempting as that might be, I do believe the party’s winding down.” I observed. There were fewer people than there had been, but there were still plenty around.

“I assure you, Fancy can handle Rarity as long as he needs to.” Fleur said. “We could spend the rest of the night together and I doubt that she would be able to get away from him if he didn’t want her to.”

“The power of polite conversation and social maneuvering can be quite scary. It’s nice to know that I don’t have to deal with anyone using that particular piece of leverage against me.”

“How so?”

“I don’t care that much. If I really want to get away from someone, Rarity and I have very different ways of disentangling ourselves.”

“And what would your way be, hmm?” Fleur asked.

“Cussing someone out until they get the picture. It might not be the prettiest way to get someone to leave you alone, but I find it to be one of the most effective ways of verbally degrading someone until they no longer feel the desire to talk to you. In fact, it’s been known to work longer than most other ways. I’ve cussed people out and had them avoid me for years, despite seeing me on a daily basis.”

“Ooh, does this mean the the 'Big Bad Operative' is going to be mean to me?” Fleur asked coquettishly.

“No, it means that the ‘Big Bad Operative’ might not stop between rounds next time.” I remarked casually.

Fleur gave me a dirty smile. She touched my arm again and pointed out our dates. I hadn’t really been looking since I was secretly hoping for round five, but I was fine with finding them. Rarity looked relieved when she spotted us, and I couldn’t help but wonder just how boring the past couple of hours had been for her. Just as I was about to mention that Rarity’s dress seemed like it had gotten tighter, I bit my cheek, so I took that as the universe's way of telling me to shut the fuck up.

Fleur and I rejoined Rarity and Fancy. Fleur was quick to send Fancy and I off for some drink so she and Rarity could talk. The older gentleman and I grabbed some champagne, though I stopped him on our way back to ask, “Are you sure you’re okay with the night’s events? I can’t take my actions back, but I can apologize for stepping on your toes.”

Fancy shook his head and waved his glass about. “I knew that my Fleur would take a liking to you within minutes of meeting you, so I set you two up. I wouldn’t have taken Rarity for such a long walk if I hadn’t planned for Fleur to ‘get some action’, as it were, tonight.”

“Back in my world, we’d probably be fighting right now.” I chuckled. “It’s odd to think that I was set up by a woman’s husband.”

“I suppose it is, but it’s just how Fleur and I operate. I’m sure she’s told you that these words don’t need to be repeated.”

“I already planned on keeping it quiet. Lord forbid we give some of the folks around here any more to talk about.”

“My thoughts exactly. Just between us chaps, how was she?” Fancy asked.

“She was probably the second best I’ve ever had to be honest with you. Before I continue that sentence, I need to know that you’ll let this information stay within this conversation.”

“Of course. Mum’s the word.”

“Lovely. The only woman that I’ve had more fun with was Celestia herself.”

“Surely you jest!” He exclaimed suddenly, his eyes shooting open. He also spilled a few drops of champagne, but they were unimportant. Fancy just stared at me for a moment.

“I’m being completely serious, and don’t call me Shirley.”

Fancy closed ranks and got closer to me so we wouldn’t be overheard. “You know that I have the connections to confirm that, correct?”

“You’re welcome to utilize those connections, though I still want you to keep it on the down low. Celestia and I didn’t go public while we were together for a reason.”

“Wait, you courted the Princess?” He asked incredulously.

“I did. I met her student, Twilight Sparkle, and she introduced us. My general lack of respect for authority and willingness to treat Celestia like any other person got me into her good graces, though I don’t suggest that anyone else do it. I only get away with talking so much nonsense to royalty because, and I quote, ‘I’m cute and exotic’.

“My dear sir, you Imust tell me about some of your experiences with the Princess!”

We stopped and I told him about the first time I got to lay Celestia, or rather, the time I almost got to lay Celestia. Twilight’s interference was something that I had to remind myself of. I still needed to make her apologize for that. Fancy got a kick out of that story, so I told him about the time Celestia spanked me in the middle of Day Court while Luna watched, and some of what happened afterward. I lied about why Celestia had turned me into a woman, though I did leave in the part where she forced me to stay a woman for a week. Since she hadn’t done it as a form of punishment, and I had agreed to it (As far as Fancy Pants knew), it wasn’t illegal. The spanking story took some convincing, but by the end of it, I think Fancy believed what I’d told him. I didn’t really care whether or not he believed me outright, but I didn’t want the guy to think I was just some spinner of tall tales and I told him as much.

It had taken about twenty minutes to get back to our dates, though they appeared to have not noticed our extended absence at all. We handed off drinks to each others dates to see if they would notice and they just kept talking like we weren’t there. Fancy caught my eye, so we bounced.

He’d lead the way the last couple times we’d walked together, so I took him outside and showed him a little item that I’d brought along with me. “So Fancy, do you fancy a little smoke session?”

Fancy reached out and pulled a beautiful pipe from his own pocket. It was gilded and chased in gold and silver, and the wood was a lovely, dark ebony. “I wouldn’t mind too terribly. Do you have your own mix of herbs that you like, or do you go with the shop special?”

“I don’t know about a mix of herbs, but there’s one in particular that I like.” I pulled out the little box that I keep my finely chopped bud in. “I don’t believe there’s a shop that sells smokeables in Ponyville.”

“Oh? So where did you get this from?” Fancy asked.

“This comes from my own personal garden, and it’s one of my favorite intoxicants. I can’t promise that you’ll like the taste, but everyone I’ve shown it to likes the effects pretty well.”

“So what is this herb called? It reminds me a lot of mugwort.”

“I forget what it’s called in Equestria, but on my planet it was called marijuana, weed, ganja, or grass.” I stuffed my pipe and handed the box off to Fancy Pants before lighting up a match. I puffed on the plant easily. “Make sure you don’t draw too hard. It’ll make you cough if you’re not careful.”

“Trust me, lad, this isn’t my first rodeo.” Fancy chuckled. He packed his own wonderful little piece and handed my box back to me. Once he took his first puff, recognition dawned on his face. “I know this herb! I was having brunch with Princess Celestia and a stack of brownies suddenly appeared along with a note, and those brownies tasted a bit like this!”

“Sorry you got caught up in my prank, mate, but I’m sure you had a good time with it.” I grinned.

Fancy mimicked me. “I did, though I didn’t move for a few hours. The guards came in and thought we were poisoned!”

I had been hitting my pipe at that moment, so I choked on smoke and laughter. “Dear Lord, I didn’t take that into account! At least Celestia wasn’t too mad at me.”

“Fleur may not be happy with you when she learns that you’re the one who nearly got her arrested for treason. When she partook in your prank, she came onto Princess Luna rather fiercely. If nopony else had been affected, then I’m sure that Princess Luna would have done something.”

“Luna isn’t really the playful one out of the two of them, though she does have a mischievous streak in her.”

Fancy and I passed the time, puffing on our respective pipes and talking about nothing of importance. Fancy loosened up and actually swore a couple times after he finished his bowl, which surprised me quite a bit. I was even more shocked to find that he was still standing since I was pretty lit myself. Fancy told me that his pipe had a smaller bowl than mine did, and I took his word for it because I’m not about to go digging through the guy’s pockets to figure out whether or not he was telling the truth. Rarity and Fleur eventually came outside to tell us to get our arses out of the biting wind and snow, but Fancy and I were perfectly fine where we were. My English blood offered me a little resistance to the cold and Fancy had been through worse in his time as a soldier, so neither of us were in a rush to come back outside, and the drinks we had in us probably didn't hurt at all. Our dates, however, had decided that our presence was necessary then and there, so we finished what we’d been smoking on and rejoined them.

Fancy and I learned that the reason they wanted us around was so that we could say our goodbyes to the majority of the party goers. Midnight had come and gone a few hours ago, so luckily there weren’t many people to see off, though Fancy asked Rarity and I to stay behind so we could spend some more time together. I was actually glad that I was going to get to talk to Fancy Pants some more. The guy was cooler than a polar bear’s toenails, and far more pleasant to look at. Fleur was also pleasant, but I desired male company more than meaningless sex at the moment, so I wasn’t as excited about spending more time with her.

It took an hour for everybody to get the fuck out of the house, and Rarity was looking pretty tired, despite her claiming that she was wide awake. I left it at that since she’s a grown ass woman who makes her own decisions, though I did warn her that I would purposefully forget her coat if she fell asleep. Rarity in turn warned me that she would forget to give me my presents if I did that. Of course, I objected heavily to her using gifts that were already late as bargaining chips, but I guess finding her coat wouldn’t suck enough to make me avoid getting it. Still, that was some real bullshit.

I saw Fleur walking towards us and waved. She stopped where she was and gestured for us to come to her. We ended up following her upstairs, and I started to get a little nervous. We went up to the third floor and started walking toward the study, which made me even more nervous before I realized that I didn’t give a single shit whether or not Rarity knew that I slept with Fleur. What was she going to do, bitch at me? Take my presents away?

Our little trio walked into the room and I was surprised to find that it didn’t reek of sex. Sure, you could catch a whiff of it on the air, but someone had been polite enough to light a few candles and open a window. That did mean that it was a bit chilly in there, but Fancy closed the window when we came in, allowing the fireplace to do its work. Rarity and I sat on a large loveseat a few meters away from where Fleur had taken up residence on Fancy’s lap.

“You know, it’s rather rare for us to have guests over after the party.” Fleur commented, inspecting her nails. “I suppose that would mean that you two are special.”

I didn’t miss the inflection in her voice, but Rarity did. “Thank you for having us, Fleur, Fancy, it really has been a wonderful time! Hopefully Max will throw a party sometime soon so you can come visit us- er, him, in Ponyville.” Rarity smiled uneasily after her misstep. She’d told me that she didn’t want anyone to know that she was from a small, no name town, despite my assurances that her status as an Element of Harmony would negate any negative responses. Hell, everyone in Canterlot already knew, according to Fancy. Neither of us guys understood why she was so worried about representing her home town, though I did mention that there were just sucky people out there that would judge her for something she had no control over.

“I might.” I admitted. “I’ll probably only invite you two and a few others from Canterlot. As much as I tolerate my position as a Baron, I’m not exactly looking to dive into the life of an Aristocrat.”

“It certainly does take some getting used to.” Fancy admitted. “I know when I became Guard Captain, I was unused to dealing with nobles or the noble way of life. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the luxury of being able to take it as it came, though I did have Fleur to help me out.”

“That’s pretty much where we are.” I replied. “Rarity helps me with things of this nature, and I suffer for it.” I grinned. Rarity swatted my shoulder and I leaned away from her.

“You do not! Why, I’m beginning to think that you just want ponies to think I’m evil!” Rarity protested.

“He’s just having some fun with you, dear. No need to take it to heart.” Fleur admonished gently.

“If he would learn to stop, I wouldn’t mind as much.” Rarity responded drily. Fancy and I had a chuckle at that, though Fleur narrowed her eyes at her tone.

“Perhaps if you weren’t so serious all the time, he wouldn’t poke fun at you.” Fleur replied with an edge to her voice.

I decided to step in before things got uncomfortable. “It’s just how I am. Rarity has already come to terms with it, she’s just trying to make me into a more polite fellow.”

Rarity snapped and beamed. “Exactly! I wanted to say that, but I didn’t want to embarrass you.”

I heard Fleur mutter, “It’s embarrassing enough to have you on his arm.” Fancy also picked up on it since she was sitting in his lap. I didn’t miss the pinch he gave her as a result, though, yet again, it seemed as though Rarity was completely oblivious. Of course, Fleur hadn’t exactly shouted what she’d said, but I thought that it was audible enough. Sometimes my advanced perception screws with me.

“You can’t embarrass me, Rarity. I embarrass you, that’s how these things go.” I remarked calmly while giving Fleur a pointed glare.

“Oh Max, with your charm, I doubt there’s much you could do to embarrass a mare that you couldn’t fix.” Fleur surmised.

“Darling, if you spent more time around him, you would know exactly what I mean.” Rarity gave me a small smile and some side eye. “Max might be charming and loveable, but sometimes he likes to argue.”

“Hey now, that’s just false. I don’t like to argue, I like being right!” I smiled goofily.

“Don’t all stallions?” Fleur sighed mockingly.

“You say that, but it goes doubly so for mares.” Fancy chuckled. We traded a look and the women did the same.

“Come to think of it, Fancy, I know that you’re older than me, but you don’t feel like it. How many years have you been on this planet, if you don’t mind my asking?” I inquired.

“I’m forty three, but I was sure that you knew that already.” Fancy said.

“I never asked.” I said, scratching my head. “You know, the last person I asked gave me a similar response. Do you Ponies just know each other’s age on sight?”

Rarity, Fleur and Fancy looked at each other in turn. “...I guess I never really thought of it.” Rarity admitted.

“I believe it’s the same story for us.” Fleur said.

“That’s so strange.” I stated. “Maybe I should ask your age if I can get you away from the strict limitations of polite conversation.” I said cheekily.

“Don’t you know it’s impolite to ask a lady’s age?” Rarity chided.

“Don’t you know it’s impolite to point out someone else being impolite? We’ve had this conversation, bonny.”

Before Rarity could respond, Fleur said, “Bonny? What an adorable little pet name!”

“Why, thank you!” Rarity held a hand to her chest. “Max told me that it means beautiful in his country.”

Fancy raised a brow. “What does it really mean?”

I shrugged. “Beautiful. I was raised in a way that won’t allow me to call a woman anything she isn’t, which is why I never call Rarity cute.”

Rarity sat up a bit straighter and looked at me. “What do you mean by that?” She asked with a bit of an edge to her voice.

“I have to admit, you’ve sparked my curiosity.” Fleur said.

“First I pique your interest, now I spark your curiosity? Hopefully I’ll galvanize your attention next.” I grinned.

“Max, I would like it if you answered my question. “Rarity said coldly.

I let the smile melt off of my face. “Change your tone and I’ll consider it.”

Rarity crossed her arms and leveled a glare at me, so I ignored the fuck out of her. “Could I interest you in some more marijuana, Fancy?”

“I believe I’m fine, but I would like Fleur to try some if you don’t mind.” Fancy replied.

“Not at all.” He pulled his pipe out and I tossed him my box. Fancy got everything set up for her, and Fleur took a hit.

“It’s better than your usual blend.” Fleur stated neutrally. “What’s this called again?”

“Marijuana. I’d say I grow it myself, but I have a gardener who takes care of my plants when I don’t feel like doing it.” Which is pretty much all the time.

Fleur took another puff and frowned at the pipe. “It’s awfully strong, isn’t it? I think I’m beginning to get a little light headed.”

“That’s the point of smoking it. It induces lightheadedness.” I answered with a grin.

Fleur looked at Fancy and he nodded, so she shrugged and puffed away. Fancy levitated my box back to me because Unicorns are fucking lazy in Equestria, though I wasn’t about to say that. I packed my own pipe and started puffing on it.

“So how did you two meet?” I asked once I got my shit lit.

“Oh, please dear?” Fleur asked, batting her eyelashes at Fancy.

He rolled his eyes and patted her thigh. “Go on.”

Fleur’s smile grew brighter. “I met Fancy when he was still just a member of the Guard, and I was still in Magic School. I was a young filly, and he was the most dashing stallion I’d ever seen.” She said sweetly. “I’ll never forget the day my class went on a field trip to see the guard’s training grounds. Fancy was standing there, clashing with one of his fellow guards during a sparring match. I still remember the way his mane stuck to his face, the sound of his sword clashing against that other stallion’s-”

“Stone’s Throw was a mare, dear. And she was a buffalo, actually.” Fancy corrected

“Hush and let me tell the story, will you?” Fleur asked, giving Fancy a pout that she was probably too old to be using.

Fancy gestured for her to go on, and so she did. “As I was saying, I can still see the way the sweat gleamed from his muscles when I look at him.” Fancy rolled his eyes again and smiled. “From that day on, I’d always had a massive crush on him.”

“I accidentally had her arrested because of that crush, once.” Fancy stated.

“It was just a simple misunderstanding.” Fleur said quickly.

Fancy wiggled his mustache and I saw the gleam in his eye. “She was around fifteen, and was trying to sneak into my apartment to get… Wait, what were you looking for?”

Fleur looked away from him and muttered something. “What was that, dear?” Fancy asked.

“I said that I was looking for the shirt you’d worn while sparring that day.” Fleur admitted. Her face was bright red. “I was young and in love! You can’t possibly hold that against me!”

“You know I don’t, my sweet flower,” I withheld a chuckle directed toward Fancy. “Because you don’t hold what I did when I caught you against me.”

“What did you do?” Rarity asked.

Fleur answered. “He tied me up and held me at sword point until some of his friends that were on duty showed up.”

Fancy chuckled and played with his mustache. “It wasn’t one of my better moments, but I had just gotten back from escorting an ambassador into Catro, and things went terribly for pretty much the entire. I almost got stabbed by a Cat around Fleur’s age while I was there, so I wasn’t willing to take any risks when I got home.”

“I’d noticed that he was gone the day that he left.” Fleur said proudly.

It was a shame that they faked every emotion they’d shown during the story. “How astute of you, though I’m sure Fancy didn’t necessarily feel the same way.”

“If she was older, I would have filed a restraining order.” Fancy said flatly. “Luckily for both of us, I went to talk to her after she got arrested and she told me everything about myself. I was a little amazed-”

“And a little creeped out.” I added.

Fleur looked offended. “I’m quite sure that nothing I did was creepy!”

Fancy just pursed his lips and looked down, finding particular interest in Fleur’s dress. Fleur swatted his arm. “Fancy Pants, you tell them that I wasn’t being creepy or else!”

“Or else what?” I challenged. When I realized what I’d said, I blinked. “Sorry, I’m so used to being the one in trouble that it just kinda came out.”

“It’s the stallions curse, old chap.” Fancy chuckled. “For the record, however, I thought it was very romantic of Fleur to pursue me as she did.”

I lifted my brows. “Right.” Fancy and I traded knowing looks and turned our gazes to our dates. Rarity made a point to not look at me, and Fleur whacked Fancy again. “You know, if you keep abusing Fancy Pants over there, I’m going to have to take you to see a fellow named Shining Armor.”

Rarity rolled her eyes and excused herself to go ‘powder her nose’ before Fleur said, “That stallion has no sense of humor.”

Fancy shook his head. “I’ve met the rest of his family. The Twilight’s are both lovely women and his father is a very kind man, which makes me wonder how he turned into such a stiff.”

“I agree for the most part, though I’ve seen Night Light’s rigid side for myself. He and Shining favor just a little when it comes to Twilight, but other than that, they’re rather different for being father and son.” I said.

“Wait, are you laying Twilight?” Fleur asked incredulously.

“I would ask which one, but the answer is the same for both of them at the moment.” Fancy and Fleur leaned forward a bit. “I’m dating Twilight Sparkle but I’m not laying her. I might like Velvet, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to go after her.”

“So you’re dating Princess Celestia’s own personal student? Cudos to you, Max!” Fleur grinned.

Fancy coughed. “If it’s status you’re congratulating him for, then I believe he’s already gone above dating Celestia’s student.”

“What do you mean by that?” She asked.

I gave Fancy a sly grin and he said, “Max? Care to explain?”

“Of course. What Fancy is getting at is that I’ve dated Celestia.”

“Preposterous!” Fleur exclaimed as Rarity was walking back in.

The white mare froze in the doorway. “I believe I’ve missed something.”

Fleur and Fancy turned back to me, so I said, “Fleur and Fancy were just asking about my relationship with Celestia.”

Rarity crossed her arms and glared at me. “I didn’t ask you anything.”

“Rarity, stop acting like a petulant fucking child and get over yourself for the duration of this conversation. You’re always barking at me about maturity, so take your own advice and just let it go.”

Rarity turned her nose up at me and I just stared at her. She opened an eye to peek at me and saw that I wasn’t having any of her shit, which made her sigh and drop the bullshit. “When you’re right, you’re right. I suppose. I apologize for being difficult.” She said before reclaiming her seat.

I grabbed her hand and gave her a winsome grin. “It’s fine. Next time you have a problem, just ask to have a word with me outside or something. You know I’ll listen to you, no matter what.”

Rarity beamed and looked to Fleur. “I just love his reasonable side! It never fails to shine through whatever mood I happen to be in.”

Fancy and I traded a look. Fleur and Rarity had started talking about the good sides and bad sides of us, which meant that we were stuck listening to them. I saw Fancy start packing his pipe, so I did the same with mine. In the middle of me pinching some bud to put in my bowl, I noticed that Fancy was hovering his own stash of smokeables in front of me. I went half and half since I still wanted to get high, and used my telekinetic tentacle to send both of our boxes over to him. Fancy did the same thing I did; sit back and tune out the babbling going on.

Rarity said something to me and I came back to Earth. “Beg pardon, love? I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Really?” She said blandly. “I hadn’t noticed. Fleur asked about your relationship with Celestia, and I told her that you two had dated, but broke up for some reason. I asked what that reason was.”

“Oh. Celestia messed up a few too many times for me to forgive.” I answered simply.

Jaws dropped around the room. “What? Is there something on my face?”

Fancy had broken out of his own reverie to stare at me. “When you said that you dated Celestia, I was certain that she’d broken up with you.”

“How does one break up with Princess Celestia of all ponies?” Fleur asked, shocked.

“I do concur, Max. I never knew that you broke up with her!” Rarity said, equally stunned.

“I don’t talk about it for a reason. We didn’t really break up, we’re just separated at the moment.” That made me think about the number of mares that I’d slept with outside of Fluttershy and Rarity. That number was only three, which included Mary, the Mayor, and now Fleur. I don’t think I recorded the time I spent with Lyra, though I didn’t really count that one as ‘sleeping’ with her. Still, I’d upped my number by a bit, though it wasn't like I couldn’t do that while I was with Celestia.

“So it was a nasty break up.” Fancy guessed.

“It was pretty bad.” I admitted. “We talked things out in the end and we’re still friends now, but some serious changes need to be made before we can get back together again.”

“Like what?” Fleur asked, leaning forward as I’m sure Rarity would have done if she hadn’t been sitting next to me.

“Like she needs to keep her hands out of my life when it doesn’t concern her, and that’s as deep as I’m going into this topic. I hate to be impolite, but it’s really not something I want to talk about.”

“Are you sure you dumped the Princess, and that it wasn’t the other way around?” Rarity asked.

I gave her a hurt look. “I’m pretty sure that I told the woman I loved the most in this world to take a hike, yeah.”

Rarity pursed her lips and looked away. I wasn’t actually hurt, but I knew I was supposed to be or something like that, so I played the part. In fact, I didn’t mind talking about my relationship with Celestia at all as long as we didn’t get too far into it, but I didn’t want to give away any of Celestia’s secrets since I knew that could undermine her position if used properly, so I tried for the ‘forlorn, heart broken fellow who did what he had to’ routine.

“I do apologize for bringing up such a sore subject, but my curiosity got the better of me.” Fleur said. “Could you forgive us for our tresspasses into your privacy?”

I jabbed Rarity in the side, causing her to jump and squeak adorably. “You see, Rarity? This is what Pinkie should have done when she stole my journal. Apology accepted and forgiveness given, Fleur.”

“I already know that. Why did you poke me?” Rarity huffed.

“Because you do cute things when I do.” I answered.

“I thought you said I wasn’t cute?” Rarity crossed her arms.

“You’re not cute, you’re beautiful. You just happen to do cute things.” I shrugged.

“What’s the difference!?” She blurted.

“May I take this one?” Fancy asked. I gestured for him to go ahead and he said, “There is a certain difference in beauty and cuteness, my dear Rarity. Foals are cute, mares are beautiful. Either way, Max is giving you a compliment. I do believe that this is what he meant earlier.”

Rarity blushed and covered her mouth. “Are you saying that I got so upset over being complimented?”

“Yes, we are. I was wondering why you were upset.” Fleur said.

I raised a hand. “I knew why, I just wasn’t having your attitude.”

“So instead of clarifying you exacerbated the problem?” Fleur asked.

I shrugged. “I never said that I was nice. I did say that I would have answered her question if she changed her tone, however.”

Fleur continued looking at me. “...Maybe you didn’t understand me. I just pointed out that you made the problem worse-”

“I know what exacerbate means, love, and I know what you meant. What you don’t understand about me is that I’m apathetic about, well, most things. It’s so incredibly difficult for me to give a damn that I stopped trying. If it doesn’t happen naturally, I rarely try to force it these days.” I shrugged. “I didn’t care for Rarity’s attitude, so I wasn’t going to deal with it.”

Fleur and Fancy traded a look. “...How much of your business as an Operative does Rarity know of?”

“Not enough to keep going down this path. Who here likes the Canterlot Crown Confectionery?” I tried to switch topics.

“Max, how many lives have you ended?” Fancy asked softly.

I glanced at Rarity. She was staring at me. “We’re not talking about this. Not right now.”

“Max, you know I wouldn’t judge you for anything-” Rarity started.

I cut her off. “You do it constantly. There’s no reason for me to give you more to judge me on, and there’s no reason to continue on this topic.”

Fleur tapped Fancy Pant’s shoulder twice and got up from his lap. He rose, walking over to Rarity. “I believe Fleur and Max have something they need to discuss. Perhaps we could pick up where we left off?”

She looked between myself and Fancy. “While I appreciate the offer, I’d rather be by Max’s side.”

I closed my eyes and sighed. “It’ll be easier on all of us if you just go with him, bonny. I’ll finish up with Fleur soon enough.”

Fancy gave me a look that screamed ‘Dats wot u tink m8’, Cockney accent and all. “Leave the door open when you’ve finished; we’ll make a few circuits around the house before returning.”

Rarity reluctantly followed him out, and Fleur took her place next to me on the loveseat. “You know, Max, it really does help to talk to somepony. I’ve been where you are, and you’re not alone in this.”

“Fleur, I’m literally the only human on this planet.” I chuckled.

She frowned deeply. “That’s not funny.”

“It is to me. I’ve made my peace with what I’ve done and who I am now, Fleur, I’ll be okay. We don’t need to have this conversation.”

Fleur gave me a long, hard look before she presented her forearm to me. “Feel my coat.” She commanded.

I raised a brow at her and ran a finger down her arm. “Okay, I’ve touched your coat.”

Fleur continued to stare at me while she took my hand and pressed it against her forearm. I felt something there that made my heart skip a beat. “You feel it, don’t you?”

“...Yeah.”

“I used to say the same thing you are now. I used to tell my friends that I was fine, and that I would get over it eventually. I lied to Fancy’s face and told him that I’d already made my peace with my work as an Operative. He found me, and the only thing that saved my life was the magic he learned as a Day Guard medic. I know what it feels like when you don’t care whether or not you see tomorrow, and I know what it feels like to feel so alone that even the ponies closest to you feel like their on the other side of the planet. I have been there, Max. I’ve felt your pain, I have lived through your struggle. I know we aren’t exactly the best of friends, but let me be there for you, as one Operative to another.

“Humans are different from Ponies, Fleur.” I stroked her scar gently. “I will be fine, I just-”

“You just what? You just want to make your friends and loved ones suffer when your gone? You just want it to be over so you don’t have to deal with it anymore?”

I grit my teeth. “I just need more time. I will get over it, if not for my own sake then for my friends and loved ones.”

“I can see I’m not getting through to you.”

“No, Fleur, I hear you! I’m listening. It’s just that-”

“How many times have you tried already?”

“...I’m not answering that.”

“Max.”

“Fleur.”

Fleur set her jaw and the sleeves of my suit suddenly went up my arms, exposing my forearms. “Kingslayer?”

“A token from a mission.”

Fleur’s jaw dropped. “You didn’t.”

“It’s effectively the reason I’m a Baron. Hurt like a bitch.”

Fleur shook her head. “Did you do this?”

“No, someone else did. It should have healed by now, but the cuts were pretty deep. If she hadn’t sewn me up, I probably would have bled to death.”

“It’s good that you didn’t do this. I don’t see any other scars…”

I had to grit my teeth to avoid blurting out that the other ones had healed when I’d died. No one besides me and Celestia knew about the first ones. “You won’t. There aren’t any more.”

Fleur’s horn glowed weakly. “That’s not the whole truth, Max.”

“Are you seriously using lie detection magic on me? Fucking seriously?” I said indignantly.

“If you would just tell me the truth, I wouldn’t have to.” Fleur said evenly.

I got up to open the door to the study, but Fleur’s magic enveloped my hand. “Let. Go.” I murmured darkly.

“How many times have you tried to kill yourself?”

“I lost fucking count after twenty, now kindly fuck off.”

Fleur’s jaw found it’s usual place on the floor. “...How are you alive?”

“I heal too fast to slit my wrists, eat poison, or drink myself to death. There aren’t any high places near Ponyville, so I never got to try jumping. Drowning only works if no one catches you, so that one was a bust. Nothing in the Everfree is willing to risk crossing me anymore, so there goes getting eaten alive. Is that the answer you’re fucking looking for, Fleur? Did you really want to reopen old wounds so you could close them like they already were!?”

Fleur took my hands in hers, but I snatched them away. “Max, those wounds aren’t closed-”

“Well they were perfectly fucking ignorable until you brought them up, so thanks for that, really.” I snarled.

Fleur sighed. “So how many lives have you taken?”

“By my own hand, fifteen. I’ve technically killed twenty people.” I said, losing a bit of my steam.

“Wow… You’re so young.” Fleur shook her head sadly. “It’s a shame that you’ve had to go through this, but I doubt that there are many who would have lasted as long as you have.”

“The only reason I’m alive right now is because I died and came back stronger. I would have been perfectly happy staying dead.”

“How did you die?” Fleur asked. I guess she knew better than to ask if it was true.

“I had a witch doctor whip up a couple potions for me and a friends so we could talk to animals. It worked, but the berries we used to make the potion are poisonous to humans, and they killed me within a few minutes of drinking it.”

“How are you alive?”

“Celestia and Twilight Sparkle brought me back with magic, though they were aided by something far more powerful than both of them, if my journals are correct.”

“So you don’t remember what happened after you died?” Fleur asked.

“I did. Long enough to get everything written down. I don’t know if I was hallucinating before I died, but when I came back, I knew exactly how long I’d been gone and who was trying to bring me back. I also knew that I had new powers that I didn’t have before. My journals said that the thing that gave me my powers made it so that I would only be able to remember what I’d gone through long enough to get it written down.” My heart had twinged throughout, warning me to be a little more vague.

“I know I’ve just spent the past few minutes digging far too deeply into your personal life, but do you think I could read those entries sometime?” Fleur asked.

“I would, but if they get read by eyes other than mine, and I knowingly let it happen, I’ll die a very painful, very long death, so I’m not exactly loose with the information I’ve given you. As it is, I could feel some things that are telling me that I can’t really explain much more than I already have.”

“Do you know what brought you back? I mean, if there’s something out there more powerful than Princess Celestia-”

“To answer your question, yes I do know what brought me back. I tell people that it was a Leshy, and that’s effectively what brought me back, depending on you definition of a forest.” You could call a planet with trees on it a forest. It has trees like a forest. My logic might be a bit wonky, but that’s my story and I’m sticking to it, though by my own logic, you could technically call Earth a house. “And there are a lot of things out there more powerful than Celestia. It’s just that when you’re immortal and nearly all powerful, doing whatever you want loses it’s luster, so most of them just keep their hands off the world. The only reason Celestia rules Equestria is because she feels like it more often than not.”

“But if that’s the case, then why don’t other countries have leaders as powerful as Princess Celestia? If there’s as many as you say, then there should be far more immortal rulers than the two that we have.”

“I’m guessing that Celestia is just in a certain place on the power ladder. She’s more powerful than the mortals, but she’s not as powerful as the Almighty. She’s probably just somewhere in the middle” I shrugged. “I don’t really know.”

“You know, you really are an interesting stallion.” Fleur grabbed my hand and smiled. “Keep that in mind next time you’re tempted to try another attempt.”

“And you really are nosier than an anteater.” I responded drily, Fleur looked taken aback before I let a small smile slip. “But, I do have to admit that you were right. The lives I’ve taken will always weigh on my conscience, but I needed to get my suicide attempts off of my chest. I trust that this conversation never leaves this moment.”

“Of course, though I want to request that I be allowed to tell my husband if he asks.”

I nodded. “It’s fine by me, but if I hear that this spread on your watch, I’m coming back to kill you.”

Fleur rolled her eyes. “I’m certain that if such a thing were to occur, that you’d only take a single limb as payment.”

“You never know: I might show up pissed and start making blood slugs.” I lifted my hands, palm upward. “You just never know.”

“As much as I love being idly threatened, I think I’ll just keep our conversation between us and Fancy.”

“Please do. I’ve never actually made a blood slug, and I don’t really want to start.”

“Let me know if you ever do. I’m sure some well placed morbid curiosity might lead us to something new.”

What the fuck? Was this bitch neck deep in Katawa Shoujo or something? “...You might want to reword that, love, because it sounds like you have an amputee fetish.”

Fleur blushed and swatted my arm. “The only fetishes I have are rough sex and roleplaying! I assure you, I have no interest in amputees.”

“That’s pretty shallow of you. Have you ever considered how they might feel? Because being snubbed by a woman as beautiful as you might drive them to something drastic.”

“How is that my problem? If I don’t find them attractive, then I have no obligation to them whatsoever, shallow or not.” Fleur huffed.

“It’s not your problem. You ate the bait, love.” I grinned and Fleur swatted me one more time.

“Talking to you is like trying understand Neighponese, I swear.” Fleur chuckled. “I really haven’t met another creature like you in all my years.”

“Speaking of your years, how many of them are there?” I asked.

“Didn’t Rarity tell you that it’s impolite to ask a mare her age?” Fleur scolded playfully.

“I think the need for politeness goes out the window after you sleep with someone. After you’ve given your body over to a person, is there really any reason to maintain social grace in private?”

Fleur tapped her chin. “I suppose you have a point, just don’t be upset with me.”

“Why would I be?” I asked.

“Well, being over thirty means that some stallions aren’t as proud of their conquest.” Fleur answered, looking down at her hands.

“I honestly don’t see why. I’d be proud, no, I am proud that I nailed one of the three hottest women I’ve ever met. I don’t see why being over thirty would have anything to do with anything unless you’re some kind of pedophile.”

Fleur patted my leg and chuckled. “I know you understand why, but it’s nice of you to say that.”

“Alright, just because I get it doesn’t mean I approve, obviously. Really though, why would you think that age matters to me? I dated the one of, if not the`oldest being on this planet.”

She blinked a couple times. “I didn’t think about that. I guess I just assumed that you thought like a stallion around your age, despite what you’ve shown me of your character.”

“How old do you think I am, sixteen?” I responded, mildly offended.

“I know it’s poor decor to tell a pony you’ve slept with about past experiences, but I think it’s rather important to the conversation for you to know that I’ve been spurned at least four times because I pretend to be younger so I can fit the ‘trophy wife’ image.” Fleur scrunched her face up in disdain. “If it wouldn’t ruin me, I would be honest about how old I am, but it will so I won’t.” She shrugged.

I patted her knee and sighed. “C’est la vie. At least know that I'm not going to judge you for being over thirty, though that does beg the question of which thirty are you.”

“I’m the first one after zero.” Fleur chuckled. “Approximately ten years older than you.”

“How do you know how old I am?” I asked.

“Didn’t the odd fact that ponies immediately know each other’s age come up in conversation?”

“Okay, fair point. Still, that’s super weird to me.”

“It’s just a normal part of Equestrian life, as far as I know. The question has never come up while I was abroad either.”

It took me a second to piece together ‘abroad’ rather than ‘a broad’. “Speaking of, where all have you been so far? It’s pretty rare that I meet another Operative.”

“Oh dear, I’ve been just about everywhere. Neighpon, Gryphonia, the Dragon Lands, Bridleland, Scotchland, Whales, Mexicolt, you name it, I’ve probably been there. I just recently retired as an Operative, after all.”

“It does pay pretty well. Care to share any interesting missions?”

“Well, there was the time I went to Neighpon to assassinate some rebel upstart, though I think I would rather hear about you. How did you get to Adolph when even Princess Luna failed?”

“I’ll tell you if you tell me about Neighpon, wherever that is.”

“It’s a medium sized island on the east coast Zhongguo, one of the largest countries in the world.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re talking about the equivalent of my world’s Japan, then. They fit the description pretty well.”

Fleur nodded and proceeded to tell me about the Neighpon mission. According to Fleur, it was her third mission as an Operative, and it had taken months of preparation . Luckily, Fleur had always been good with languages, so learning Neighponese wasn’t an issue, though she did forget a word every now and again. She’d entered the country via Teleportation Station and met up with the contact there before taking a long wagon ride to a place called Noshappu, a town on the Soya Bay Peninsula. Once she arrived there, she spent a week scoping out her target and the security before making her move. The night she was slated to kill her target, however, ninjas showed up and actually helped her with the job. She later learned that the ninjas were two of the fellows sons that had grown up to hate their father because of his abusive ways and harsh nature.

Fleur told me that when she’d watched the fellow, all she’d ever seen was him picking up and playing with his younger children while he was outside. Apparently, he’d actually been a pretty good guy in life, and learning that a year after the hit nearly destroyed Fleur. I noticed that her enthusiasm took a severe hit, so I told her about my assassination of King Adolph. She shook her head at my method of getting to him, and I really couldn’t blame her since it was needlessly violent, though she assured me that she was just surprised that it worked. Fleur’s jaw found the floor again when I told her that Queen Elfriede had actually, physically caught me, but let me go after I pretended to be a rebel that was trying to put her in power. I made sure to hold Fleur chin for her when I spoke about Elfriede wanting some dick from me so it wouldn’t bruise or get from spending so much time on the ground.

I had just finished my story when we heard a knock on the door. “Oh my, how long have we been talking?” Fleur asked before getting up to go get the door.

“About two hours. It’s already four in the morning.” I answered.

I heard Fancy say, “I hate to interrupt, but are you two finished?”

Fleur let them in. “We’ve actually been finished for some time now, we just forgot to open the door.” She giggled.

“I see from your mood that things went well.” Fancy observed.

“Yeah yeah yeah, we had a real Hallmark moment.” I grumbled loudly.

“I don’t know what that is, but it sounds like a good thing.” Rarity chimed in.

“It is. After our little talk, Fleur and I have been trading stories from times gone by.” I explained. “We kinda lost track of time.”

“I’m sure you could stand to learn a lot from Fleur, if you pay attention.” Rarity said.

Fleur pouted comically. “Now Rarity, that’s unfair to Max. He’s been quite the well mannered colt while I’ve been looking after him.”

Rarity snorted. “He’s only so well mannered for so long. I’m honestly surprised he hasn’t offended anypony yet.”

“Who says I haven’t? Maybe I offended Fleur while you were gone, ever think of that?” I jested.

“It wouldn’t surprised me.” Rarity yawned. “As much as I’d love to stay, shouldn’t we be getting back to our room, Max?”

“It is pretty early.” I tilted my head toward Rarity.

“Don’t you mean late?” She asked.

Fleur, Fancy, and I all chorused, “No.”

“Well then.” Rarity said, pursing her lips. “I suppose I’m out of the loop.”

“You can be in my loop anytime you want to be.” I grinned and stood up before stretching.

“Speaking of the time, isn’t it a little late in the night slash early in the day to be going places?” Fancy asked. “Why don’t you two just stay here for the, well, not quite night, but you know what I mean.”

I looked to Rarity. “We’d be delighted!” She answered for me.

Fleur caught my eye and gave me a subtle wink, making me grin in anticipation of the delayed round five. Fancy lead Rarity and I to separate rooms, but neither of us objected. I think Rarity was just happy that she didn’t have to share a room with me for when the morning came, and I was glad to be away from her morning halitosis. Seriously, shit was absolutely savage.

Rarity was worried about not having her usual kit with her, so Fleur and Fancy teamed up with her to teleport back to our room in the hotel to grab some of our things. Apparently they trusted me enough to leave me alone in their house, so I made sure not to betray that trust and stayed put in the study while they were gone. They came back with a ‘pop’, making me jump a little, though any noises that they claim I made did not happen.

Fancy was carrying my shit, and Fleur was helping Rarity levitate the ridiculous amount of things she’d brought with her. Fancy and I had a conversation without words about women and excessive packing, both of us chuckling. If you’ve never had a conversation without saying anything, then you probably don’t understand. I’m not going to fucking explain here because I understand it, and if you’re reading this, then I better be there to explain it, or I’m knocking your teeth down your throat, through your ass, then back into your ass and through your mouth. If you’re not with me, that’s your fucking problem, now iddinit?

Asides aside, I only had to wait thirty minutes for someone to come knocking on my door, though much to my surprise, it wasn’t Fleur. Rarity stormed in right past me when I opened the door. Thankfully, she’d totally ignored the thing I said, so I was in the clear for the time being.

“Maximus, do you even realize how terrible you made me look to Fleur and Fancy? You can’t even trust me enough to tell me how many ponies you’ve killed, but you can tell Fleur?” Rarity hissed. “Are we even friends, Max-”

I cut her off with a black glare. Rarity took the finger she was pointing at me,curled it to allow it to join the other fingers, then lifted that hand to her chest like she was pulling a string that would dump a bucket of fecal matter onto her. I wasn’t even mad, I just wanted her to shut up so I could say something, but I had to pretend to be mad for the sake of seeming like I have emotions. Life is really tedious sometimes.

I pointed a finger at her. “Rarity, don’t go there. I trust you with my life, and you damn well know that, so don’t you even think for a moment I don’t consider you one of the closest friends I’ve ever had.” Which was fucking sad, but true. I paused for dramatic effect and lowered my finger. “The reason I talked to Fleur instead of you or any of the girls is because she was an Operative like I was. What you need to understand is that everything about my works need to stay secret. When I say everything, I mean it. What I do cannot escape my lips beyond vague hints if I’m not talking to another Operative, save for Celestia and Luna.”

Rarity set her jaw when I stopped glaring at her. “So why did you tell Fleur and not either of the Princesses? You always claim to be friends with them, don’t you?”

I laughed in her face because she thought she had a point. “Listen, you really don’t understand my relationship with the Princesses. I’ve already told you that Luna has plans to kill me, and I assure you that she will enact them if the time ever comes. Luna will not hesitate to strike me down, so why would I talk to her about what’s just on my mind? We make barbed jokes to each other, play some pretty mean ‘pranks’, and occasionally talk about what’s on her mind because I’m one of the few outlets she has.”

Rarity opened her mouth to speak, but I cut her off. “And that’s probably the healthiest relationship I have out of the two of them, honestly. At least I know where I stand with Luna; with Celestia, she could kiss, kill or kidnap me, and there isn’t a damned thing I could do about if she really wanted to. If you could understand the levels of bullshit that Celestia has put me through,” I stopped before I could say that she’d made us forget multiple occurrences, “then you would understand why I deal with Celestia at length now. Seriously, do you think I really want to be talking to her right now? Do you think that our correspondences mean that I’ve magically forgiven her for… Multiple mistakes? Because I haven’t, Rarity. I’m still livid with Celestia, but she could wipe me off of the face of this planet, just like her sister will if she thought I didn’t need to be around any more.”

Rarity stared at me with her mouth slightly open, like words were dying on her breath as she drew air. I grinned. “My life has literally been at risk ever since I first spoke to Celestia, and I rather doubt that thought has crossed your mind, seeing as how you happen to think that the Princesses are really my friends. I’m allowed to ask favors of them because I make life interesting for them, I listen when they want me to, and they fuck with my life enough as it is that doing something nice for me every once in awhile isn’t a big deal, especially when they ask for something in return.”

There was a knock at the door, so I answered it, and once I saw that it was Fleur standing there, I said, “Oh, hullo there. Gimme like, fifteen to twenty minutes to make things up to Rarity and I’ll be right with you.”

“...Is everything okay?” She asked cautiously. “I’ve been here for a little while.”

“I’m just doing some much needed venting about my relationships with the Princesses. If you could-”

“I’ll never repeat a word. I’ll see you soon, Max.” Fleur said with a flirtatious smile.

I just grinned by way of response. I turned back to see tears streaming down Rarity’s face. “If it makes you feel any better, I’m not mad at you any more.”

“M-Marginally, b-but I-I can’t b-believe the P-Princesses m-mistreat you so, Max!” She half sobbed.

“I deal with it. It’s not as bad as I said it is, I was just angry, so things came out harsher than they really are.” I lied. Well, it may have been the truth. I thought what I’d said was correct, but it’s not like I could see into Celestia and Luna’s minds.

“R-Really?” Rarity asked through her tears.

“Pretty much.” I shrugged. “Oh, and Fleur and Fancy don’t think you’re a bad friend or a bad person. Fancy left with you because I can’t legally say anything to him, either.”

Rarity dried her eyes and I brought it in for a hug. “That actually does make me feel a fair bit better. Thank you.” She said, gently pushing me away.

“I spend too much time infuriating you, don’t I?”

“Far too much, but it makes it even nicer when you actually try to be pleasant.” Rarity offered me a little smile.

“I try all the time, I just don’t put much effort in on occasion.” I gave her a peck on the cheek and she lazily swatted at me before heading toward the door.

“Of course you do. If I pass Fleur on the way to my room, I’ll send her in... “ Rarity paused with the door halfway open and closed it. “Max?”

“Yes, bonny?” I raised my brows.

“...Are you sleeping with Fleur?” She asked slowly, as if she were testing the words out before releasing them.

“Yup. Sure am. Fancy knows.”

“I was going to tell you that he did, but if you already know that he knows… How can you look him in the eye?”

“Because he set me up with her. It’s just how their thing works.” I shrugged.

Rarity pursed her lips and nodded. “Do you mind if I ask if you’ve been with her recently?”

“Do you really want that question answered? Fleur isn’t going to replace you in my life or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about. I already have one hard headed, stubborn, fashion obsessed piece of delicious marshmallowy goodness, and I don’t think I need another.”

Rarity blinked a few times before responding. “I don’t believe I’ve ever had a stallion that could truly guess, without any help, what was on my mind. I would feel silly for feeling that way since we’re not even dating, but I’m too busy being surprised.”

“Guess that makes me a one of a kind.” I sighed. Thanks to Fleur bringing up the fact that I was soul crushingly lonely, that phrase lost a fair deal of it’s luster.

Rarity narrowed her eyes. “Is something wrong?”

“Just the usual only-being-of-my-species-on-a-foreign-planet-with-no-hope-of-seeing-my-home-again.” I answered casually. “I tried not to think about it, but it came up earlier while I was talking to Fleur, and I still don’t really care to address it.”

“I would press you, but I don’t want to make you angry again…”

I wondered if I should tell her that I faked most of the emotions she saw for a moment. “At least I don’t stay mad very long. Just have a neutral party interrupt while I’m yelling, and look scared when I turn back to look at you. I’ll feel bad, and even if I know what you’re doing, it’ll probably knock the edge off.”

“You know you’ve just given me a free pass to infuriate you whenever I see fit, correct?”

“You could do that, but I might end up killing you because I can hold a grudge like no other.”

“...I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.”

I threw my hands up in the air. “That’s why I don’t talk to anyone about how killing people makes me feel! It’s super uncomfortable!”

I swear Rarity closed her eyes and counted to ten. “Goodnight, Max.”

“Sweet dreams, bonny. Sweet dreams of me, that is.”

Rarity walked out the door while muttering, “Celestia knows I need another nightmare.”

“I heard that!” I called out after her.

In the ten or so minutes I had left before Fleur was due to come back, I changed into my night clothes so I could chill in bed without wrinkling my suit. I probably could have just gone naked since everyone in the house knew I was about to get laid, but I thought that seemed a little excessive. Besides, it was more fun if you had clothes to take off of each other: just like unwrapping a present.

Fleur returned soon enough and we proceeded to do a little dance, make a little love, and get down. Actually, we just had some rough sex that ended with me gaining the knowledge of what being bitten by a pony feels like. It’s really weird. Their teeth are a bit wider than a Human’s and they’re all flat, so it didn’t hurt at all, it was just a bit unsettling. It was like being bitten by a giant crisp clip that had little indentations mottled about it’s teeth. I didn’t mention any of this to Fleur since I didn’t know if she’d even get what I was talking about. I did, however, whisper sweet nothings in her ear until she fell asleep like a good little gigolo.

The Sun rose soon after I finished up with Fleur, and I was still wide awake. I fixed that issue with the advent of some herbal remedies and eventually passed out while marvelling at how soft Fleur’s mane was. Needless to say, I’d probably ruined the room with the smell of weed and sex.

I just realized that I live a life of vice. High five.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I woke up at two in the afternoon and waited for Fleur to get up. She’d taken her makeup off last night before we’d gone to bed, so I looked at her natural countenance and whistled. Rarity looked better without the colorful gunk, but Fleur was still a stunner in any case. She stirred when I brushed a lock of hair off of her face and opened her eyes when I pulled back from a kiss.

“Good afternoon, sleeping beauty.” I smirked.

Fleur blinked a couple times and a smile started to ease it’s way onto her face. “Hello there, handsome. Care to try kissing me awake again? I’m not quite there.”

I leaned down and gave her another kiss.

“One more?”

Another kiss.

“Really mean it this time!”

I shrugged and went for it. By the time I was done, we were both panting lightly. It was nice to have someone who could keep up with me again. “Do you want another one, or was that good enough?”

“Different lips, same kiss. Be sure to do that thing with your tongue.” Fleur said with a cheeky grin. She pushed the comforter off of her and stretched.

I complied with her wishes, and thus began the umpteeth round. Fleur really was a voracious lover, though I was happy to try and sate her desires to the best of my ability. Honestly, I hadn’t had that much fun with sex since I’d been with Celestia. All due respect to Fluttershy, Rarity, and Mary, but they just couldn’t hold a candle to Fleur's appetite.

After some more great adult fun time, Fleur left to go fulfill her morning routine and I did the same with the amenities in my room. Luckily I’d brought my knives with me so I could shave, though the Warbling Blade is the only one sharp enough to use for such a purpose. I was very careful not to nick myself and even got a nice, close shave while I did it. Shaving with a knife always adds points to the Man Card, so I felt like the risk of cutting bits of my face off was worth it. If it weren’t dangerous, it wouldn’t be worth doing.

I meandered about the house for a little bit until I found Fancy puffing on his pipe outside on the patio. I went back upstairs to grab my coat and pipe before I joined him, though all we did was sit in companionable silence and listen to the sounds of Canterlot. I didn’t feel the need to say anything because we’d already talked all fucking night, and I was pretty sure that he felt the same way. I was going to stay out and smoke another bowl, but Fancy got up and asked if I wanted to collect the ladies to go grab some breakfast at a little shop he knew. I was all for it since it meant I didn’t have to cook. I doubt that Fleur or Fancy would have let me, but still.

Fleur joined us an hour before Rarity got her lazy arse up and moving, so we spent the time telling stories to each other. Fleur told another story of her adventures as an Operative, Fancy went with his first assignment as Guard Captain, and I cut down the story that I’d used for my Midnight Stroll book so I wouldn’t take up too much time. Rarity came down to the sitting room around five thirty, so we finally got a move on and went to a some bistro with a complicated name. Every dish was fancier than Fancy himself, but that didn’t dissuade me in any way. I never understood why people back on Earth used to take pictures of their food. Just fucking eat it, nobody cares.

Our late lunch was nice, although there was a biting chill waiting to escort us home. It took it’s toll on my nose, but I was fine enough with my coat, gloves, and ratty old scarf. Fleur and Rarity had dressed for cold weather, but none of us had expected it to get so cold so quickly, which meant that our poor damsels were in distress. I caught Fancy’s eyes and nodded toward Rarity. He gave me a nod in return and we removed our coats simultaneously, handing them off to Fleur and Rarity respectively. They thanked us because they were supposed to and I embraced the cold like I was a Stark, my nipples turning into diamonds within seconds.

Luckily I was wearing another suit, so it’s not like it was noticeable. Without my warm peacoat, it was a little brisk out, though Fancy seemed to be weathering the weather whether he had his coat or not. I mimicked his stoicism in the face of face-numbing adversity and we soldiered on through the cold winds. I tried to keep everyone’s spirits up by telling terrible jokes on the way, and I got the pained groans I desired from my witty puns. Despite being told to end Rarity’s suffering, I abstained from beheading her as per her request.

Fancy and I walked Fleur and Rarity back to their mansion so we could get some quality archipelago time in. The older fellow lead the way toward his favorite smoke shop, a place called ‘Smoky’s Bowls and Better’. The name was rather uninspired, but it’s not like the name had anything to do with the quality of the shop’s wares. Just walking in, there was a sense of old money that seemed to choke the air, though that might have just been the copious amount of smoke in the room. Displays with beautiful pieces lined the walls and there were a few islands dotted about that held the particularly expensive pieces.

Fancy and I roamed around to see what I liked, and this one piece stood out to me above all others. It was a dark, ashen wood with a high polish and a timber wolf motif etched into it, wrapping around the sides with the majority of the picture on the bottom of the pipe. I fell in love with it immediately and pulled out my pocket watch to compare the engravings. Looking at them together, they seemed awfully similar, so I showed Fancy Pants my little discovery and he asked the clerk to remove the pipe from the display case so I could purchase it. The older gentleman hobbled off into the back room and returned with a replacement for the case in a handkerchief. He used some magic to lift the case and swapped the pipes, using another handkerchief to pick up the one I intended to buy.

Fancy asked me to show the old man my pocket watch, so I did, and when he saw them together, he told me that they’d been made by the same mare, and he even knew where she worked. I gave him a nice tip for that information and paid for my new piece before dragging Fancy along to go meet my favorite luxury item producer. Our destination was actually pretty close since we were in the arts and crafts section of town, so it didn’t take us long to cross the fucking street.

We walked into a shop that only had a menagerie of tools as decoration on its sign, though there wasn’t anyone at the counter. In fact, the front of the place looked like it was rarely ever used, so I called out, “Hullo? Anyone home?”

There was a clash from further in, but I thought it would be rude to invite myself in any further, so I hung back at the doorway until a disheveled looking woman came strutting in from out of my line of sight. She was around my age, if I had to guess, and she looked awfully familiar. She had a cream colored coat and a dark brown mane that hung to her shoulders. She reminded me an awful lot of Nebula, come to think of it.

“Who the hay are you?” She asked testily.

I help up my purchase from earlier. “Did you make this?”

She came closer and took the piece from me to inspect it. “Yeah, I did. What’s it to you?” She handed it back.

I held up the pocket watch. “You make this too?”

She did the same thing with it. “Yeah, I made them. Again, what’s it to you?”

“I like the things you make. How do I know if you made them?” I asked simply.

The woman blinked. “I’m the only pony who uses timber wolves that I know of.”

“Well that solves that. If you make anything else, send me a message via Dragon Fire or carrier pigeon. Whichever works for you. I’ll probably buy whatever it is, if it’s the same quality as either of these.”

“Sorry to rain on your parade, bub, but I stopped making that garbage a couple years ago.”

I shook my head. “Shame, you were good at it. I suppose I could leave you to whatever you were doing now.”

“Please do. It was very important work.”

“I swear, if you say that you’re cooking up poison, then I’m going to flip my shit.”

She just looked at me. I took that as my cue to leave, so I lead Fancy out onto the streets, and he took over from there to get us back to his place. It didn’t bother me that there wouldn’t be any more timber wolf pieces, but it did bother me that I hadn’t learned the craftswoman’s name, despite seeking her out. At least I had met the person that made my cool shit.

Fancy and I had our coats back, so the cold wasn’t as much of an issue as it had been before. There was another place that my host wanted to show me, so I walked with him to a genteel club that was full of stuffy old dudes. Most of the rooms in the placed had smoke pouring out of them, and the heady herbal odor made me go anosmic within minutes. Still, I got this one old guy incredibly high, so the trip was well worth it.

After I’d had my fun and Fancy had done a smidge of damage control, we went back to his place, and from Fleur’s body language, I immediately knew something was wrong. Fancy picked up on it himself and went to go have a word with her, so I went to go find Rarity to do the same, but before I could get far, Fleur told me that Rarity had gone back to the hotel room in lieu of staying around any longer. I asked about what happened and she said that she and Rarity had just had a disagreement on whether or not some secrets need to stay secret.

Fleur was of the opinion that some secrets could only be told to certain people that fulfill various requirements. Rarity believed that a secret shared with a friend was sacred, the ultimate form of trust, and she thought that I had robbed her of the opportunity to grow closer to me. Fleur had argued that the information I shared would have alienated her from me, despite Rarity’s claims, and Rarity had a problem with that. After a brief clash of harsh words, Rarity stormed out. I couldn’t do much more than shake my head at my friend’s particular brand of bullshit. It killed me that she still didn’t quite get the idea of me not being able to talk about certain things, but I was tired of explaining the same thing to her, over and over again. I felt like I needed to have a very loud word with her on the specifics of why she shouldn’t keep asking about what I do as an Operative. I mean, a loud conversation would get my point across in the usual fashion, but I thought about going for a scolding based around staring Rarity down. I knew that I could, and I could be more polite that way while sounding lethal, so I decided to go with that.

Fancy wished me luck and Fleur told me that she hoped Rarity would get over it. She wasn’t quite that blunt, but that’s pretty much what she said. I marched on through the streets of Canterlot, backtracking every so often because I hadn’t really been paying attention when Rarity and I rode to Fancy’s. When I got to the hotel, I learned that I’d actually shown up before Rarity. I waited around in her room until she came in, shivering and miserable. She plopped down next to me and laid her head on my shoulder. I was tempted to shrug her off, but if I could solve this in a nice way, I guessed that I could do that.

“Bonny, what’s really eating at you?” I asked softly.

“Oh, I don’t know! I thought that I was jealous of the attention you were giving Fleur, but then it just got out of hand. I heard you last night and this morning, and I just… It’s hard to let you be your own stallion sometimes. I… I don’t want to be just friends with you, but I refuse to share you as anything but a friend! Do you understand what I’m saying, Max?”

“You’re either in love with me or obsessed with me.” I answered casually.

“...You’re not making this easy.”

“Let me ask you a few questions and I’ll make it easier.”

Rarity hesitated. “Go on.”

“Why wait until now to say anything? We went months without much more than the occasional cuddle, and all the while I was with Fluttershy, but you never said anything. Why do you feel threatened by Fleur, but not by Fluttershy?” I asked.

“Fluttershy is just so different from me that she doesn’t really threaten your affection for me in my eyes. I really tried to keep my emotions out of our agreement, Max, I really did, but after the first time I woke up in your arms… It was over for me.” She admitted.

I closed my eyes and sighed, drawing in the silence for the moment. I looked at Rarity and said, “I’ll tell you the same thing I told Fluttershy, and the same thing I told Celestia. I’m not someone you can tie down and expect to keep on a leash at you leisure. I will not allow you to control my life beyond the interactions I have with you. I’m a terrible person with terrible secrets, and if you can’t accept these four facts, then you’ll only end up miserable by my side. Fluttershy learned to let me talk when I’m ready, and Twilight learned to ask the right questions. What have you learned?”

Rarity thought about it for a moment. “...I suppose I haven’t really given what you need much thought. I thought that you only needed a shoulder to cry on on rare occasions, but I didn’t want to face the fact that you don’t really cry anymore. You hold your pain inside and only let it show during those rare times when you can open up. It’s not really a question of whether or not you want to, it’s more like it’s whether or not you can.”

“That’s pretty accurate, though it’s not like I ever really want to open up. I’ve never been one to share his feelings beyond an argument, which is how Fleur got me to talk in the first place.”

“So I have to make you angry for you to let me know how you feel?” Rarity asked.

“Depending on what you’re trying to find out, then yes. I’d prefer it if you just let me have my space, but that’s usually what needs to happen for me to get something off of my chest.”

Rarity sighed heavily. “I suppose I’ll have to keep my distance from you once I apologize to Fleur for being so unpleasant. As much as I would love to try and work things out…”

“We’re just too different.” I summarized.

“That, and I don’t believe that we’ll ever find happiness with each other. I’m far too possessive to share you with just any random mare, and you desire your freedom too much.”

“What if I told you beforehand and asked if it was okay by you? I don’t exactly sleep around often, and I don’t mind as long as you get some peace from it.”

Rarity shook her head. “It wouldn’t be enough. I think it’s just better if we end our agreement and stay friends.”

“I can’t say that I’m not disappointed, but I do understand where you’re coming from. Thank you for honoring our agreement, even if it is a little late.”

“I wish that I could say it was no problem, but it’s been on my heart for some time now.”

I nodded sagely. “Understandable. So are we still going to the Equestrian Harmonic in a couple days?”

“With all due respect, I believe I’ve had my fill of Canterlot for now. I bought a ticket back to Ponyville while I was out, and I leave in two hours, so I really do need to speak with Fleur before I go. If you want to join me, you know that you’re welcome, but I do hope that you’ll stay to see them perform.” She gave me a wan smile. “It would be a wonderful opportunity for you to take Twilight’s parent’s out so you can get to know them better, and you can spend some more time with Fancy and Fleur. I know you’ve taken quite the liking to them.” Rarity said wistfully.

“I’m sure that Fleur will forgive you, and I know Fancy understands your struggle better than I do. I’ll ask Night Light and Velvet if they want to go, because that’s a fucking wonderful idea. I like those guys.”

“I hope she will, and don’t you usually only say ‘fuck’,” She used some air quotes, “when you’re upset.”

“No, I say fuck all the time. I use fuck to describe a lot of things, actually.”

“I’ve noticed, but you say it more often when you’re upset.”

“I tend to, but it’s not always an indicator. Fuck you for thinking that, by the way.”

Rarity rolled her eyes and rose from the bed. “Whatever you say, Max. I’m going to go see Fleur, are you coming?”

I thought about it. “Do you want me there for some kind of emotional support?”

“It would be easier for me, but I’m not asking you to come with me as anything other than a bystander.”

“Then I’m just going to head to Twilight’s parent’s place, if that’s the case. I’ll meet you at the train station before you go.”

“Don’t bother.” Rarity said quickly. “It’ll just be an inconvenience for you.”

“I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t want to, bonny-”

“Please stop calling me that.” Rarity asked.

“...Yeah. Okay. I’ll see you in Ponyville then.”

“Until then, Max.”

Rarity left the room and I suddenly felt like I didn’t want to be there either, so I grabbed my coat and hit the streets. It was pretty dark out, but the street lamps lit the main roads just fine, though it didn’t matter to me at all. I was travelling through the alleyways, looking for a spot of trouble or a scuffle to get my mind off of Rarity. I hated that things would never be the same between us, and I wished that I could have fallen in love with Rarity so that I wouldn’t have had to lose her. It already caused a little ache in my chest, knowing that I’d probably just lost a friend as well as a lover, and I wasn’t trying to deal that shit at the moment, so I did what I did the first time I was allowed out and about at night in Canterlot: I found a place to case.

I wanted nothing more than to get into action, but I had to keep a cool head if I was planning on plying my trade, so after I marked my mark on my mental map, I meandered through the streets until I found Night Light and Velvet’s house. If I could, I would try to burn some time there so my mark had a bit of time to go to sleep, but it’s not like I would hold them up if they were preparing for bed themselves.

After waiting for a minute or two, Night Light answered the door. He greeted me much more cheerfully than he had the last time, so I asked him if he and his wife would like to accompany me to the Equestrian Harmonic in a two days. Night Light told me that they’d already been planning to go and invited me to sit in the balcony seating they’d secured with a few friends. There were still a few open seats as long as I bought a ticket for one of them, so I agreed to sit with them as long as I could include Fancy and Fleur in some of the aforementioned open seats. He was kind enough to let me know that Fleur and Fancy were also planning on attending, so that meant I pretty much had my night to myself if I so desired.

I couldn’t find a reason to take up any more of his time, so I bid him goodnight and fucked off, trolling through back alleys for a couple hours. It was one in the morning when I came across a familiar little jazz joint that still had it’s lights on. I pushed my plans for breaking and entering to the back of my mind and walked in. Surprisingly, the first thing I noticed was that the same cellist was on stage. I kept an eye on her while I walked into the bar, which caused me to bump into someone. I whipped my head around and spotted a slightly off white colored coat that happened to be on a rather cute young woman. Her hair was a combination of blue and electric blue that told me that this one liked to party and her shades were pretty cool.

“My bad, love, I wasn’t watching myself.” I apologized.

She looked me up and down with a scowl. “Be more careful, will you? It’s not like it’s exactly close quarters.”

“If I hadn’t just apologized, I’d do it here. Let me buy you a drink to show you that I meant it.”

She gave me a befuddled look. “Don’t most ponies just apologize again and go on with their lives?”

“You might want to take your glasses off, love. I’m not exactly a Pony.”

She smirked and took her glasses off. “Wow, they make you look better.”

“I think you look fine without them, don’t be so hard on yourself.” I jibed.

She rolled her eyes. “I wasn’t talking about-”

I interrupted her. “I know what you were talking about, I’m not dumb. I suppose you would have figured that out if you weren’t so busy making cliche jokes.”

The woman shook her head at me before sitting at the bar. I stood by for a moment to see if she would say anything else, so I wasn’t surprised when she asked, “Didn’t you say you were going to buy me a drink?”

“Sorry, I only buy drinks for people with names.” I said as I sat next to her.

She rolled her eyes again. “My name’s Vinyl Scratch, and I’d like a Wonder-Clap.”

The bartender heard her from a meter or so away and raised a brow at me. I gave him the nod and thus I opened a tab for the night. “So what the Hell is a Wonder-Clap?”

“It’s a Cloudsdale special, a mix of a Wonderbolt and a Thunderclap.” Vinyl answered.

“What goes into it is what I’m asking. The liquor, not the names.”

It was a night for eye rolling apparently. “How do you drink, but not know what goes into anything?”

I pulled out my pipe and packed it while she was talking. “Because I don’t usually drink at bars or clubs. There just isn’t much of a club scene where I live, though I might start coming here if the cellist on stage keeps coming back.”

“So you’re not a Canterlot native, nor do you live in Canterlot. Why the buck are you here at party pony hours?”

“I ran out of shit to do. I was originally just here for a party with some nobles I don’t despise and to go see the Equestrian Harmonic next time they perform, but now I’m looking for some trouble.”

Vinyl snorted. “That explains why you look like some stuck up douche, but that doesn’t explain why you’re here.” She said, pointing downward. The bartender passed her her drink, and it looked pretty good.

“Oh. The first and last time I came here, the cellist was playing, so I stopped looking for trouble and came in for a drink.” I just went with some bourbon because it felt like a bourbon kinda night to me. My drink was a lot easier to make, so I got it within seconds

“You know the cellist has a name, right?”

“People tend to, don’t they?” I asked sarcastically.

“You’re a real smart ass, you know that?”

“I also induce headaches and arousal depending on the conversation. Sometimes I do both at the same time.”

Vinyl laughed. “I’m so warning Octavia to stay away from you. You’d send her straight into a conniption or something like, five minutes into a conversation.”

“Do whatever you want as long as you don’t cock block me. If her hands can work an instrument like that, just think about what she could do to you.” I chuckled.

Vinyl guffawed. “Dude, I’m telling her you said that when she takes a break. That’s just too funny!”

“Give me a chance to tell her that she’s great before you do. I’d like her first impression of me to be half decent at least.”

“You say that like you care.”

“Hey, just because I approached you with snark and sarcasm doesn’t mean I do the same thing to everyone.”

“You bumped into me! Sorry I was a little salty, but you could’ve tried being nice or something.”

I scoffed. “You’re not crying or mad, so be happy. I could have been a much bigger prick if I felt like it.”

“You say that like I couldn’t be just as bad.” Vinyl said, sipping her drink.

“I doubt it. You’re too short and sweet to be mean.” I flirted shamelessly.

“Smooth… Wait, what’s your name again?” She asked.

“Max. I can’t believe you already forgot my name. Am I that boring?” I asked with a grin. I hadn’t mentioned my name on purpose so she would have to ask, though I’ll warn any eligible bachelors out there that it only works if a girl is interested in you in any way.

“Max. I don’t think you told me your name. I would remember something as interesting as that.”

“Are you sure you haven’t just been drinking too much? You’ve had so many Wonder-Claps, your hair turned blue!”

Vinyl looked at me like I was stupid before smiling like she was stupid. “Hey, what do you say I introduce you to Octavia now? She just finished her set.”

I looked over to the stage to see that Vinyl was correct. Octavia had left her cello resting on a stand, but she herself had disappeared. “Huh, would you look at that. Yeah, we can do that if you don’t mind.”

Vinyl picked her drink up and I left a fifty bit piece on the counter when I grabbed my own because I wasn’t done yet. I followed Vinyl onto the stage and through the curtains to a back room where Octavia was changing clothes. I immediately left the room, though Vinyl didn’t follow me, which I imagined was her plan in the first place. She’d probably lead me in there to see whether or not I would stay for an eyeful, and I hoped that I’d made the right choice in leaving.

While I was bemoaning the fact that I may have just ruined a potential threesome, Vinyl opened the door and gave me a shit eating grin. “Sorry, I forgot that Octy likes to change when she’s finished with her sets for the night. You can come in now.”

I gave her a flat look and her smile deeped. “Oi! Octavia!” I shouted.

Vinyl gave me an odd look. “Yes?” I heard from behind the door.

“Are you decent?” I called back.

“Yes.” She responded. Vinyl just huffed and went back inside, so I followed her shortly thereafter.

When I stepped back into the room, I saw that Vinyl had removed the jacket she had been wearing and that Octavia was, in fact, clothed this time. “Hullo, Octavia. It’s nice to put a name to the number.” I extended a hand to her.

“You are speaking of a musical number, yes?” She said, tilting her head.

“What else would he mean?” Vinyl asked.

“He could mean a literal number. I am unaware of all the possible ways that Max may know me.” Octavia stated.

“For the record, I know you from here. I was having lunch one day while I was meandering about town and saw you play. That was a few months ago now, but I’ve always wanted to compliment you for your artistry.”

Octavia nodded. “Thank you for your compliment. Is there anything else you wished to address?”

“Not at the moment. Thank you for your time.” I raised my drink to her and turned to leave, but Vinyl caught my arm.

“Dude, is that seriously all you have to say?” She asked, bewildered.

“I told you all I wanted to do was compliment her. What do you want me to do, bend over and ask her to shove her bow up my arse and play my intestines like she does the cello?”

“For the record, I would not fulfill that request.” Octavia remarked.

“Thank you, I wouldn’t ask you to do that.” I replied.

“If you have a song you would like to hear, I will play it for you if I know it.” Octavia offered.

“I don’t really know much about Equestrian music to be honest with you. I’d love to see you play again sometime, though.”

“If you are interested in more orchestral music, I will be performing with my band during the interlude at the Equestrian Harmonic’s performance the day after tomorrow.”

“Looks like I’m in luck, then. I already have plans to attend so I’ll see you there.” I gave her a crooked smile.

Octavia returned it with a muted one of her own. “It will be nice to know that I have a fan in the audience.”

Vinyl patted her back heartily. “You always have fans in the crowd, babe! You just need to have some confidence in yourself for once!”

“I possess confidence in my abilities-”

“But not in yourself?” I asked.

Octavia stared at me. “It is very impolite to interrupt someone.”

“It’s also impolite to blah blah blah, but something, words, and I don’t know you well enough to think that you’re a good person or something.”

Vinyl joined Octavia in staring at me. “You know you’re supposed to try and be supportive, right?”

I shrugged. “I can’t be supportive to someone who’s already doing extremely well. What if their ego explodes and I go to prison for manslaughter? Or ponyslaughter. Whichever.”

Octavia and Vinyl traded a look. “He reminds me of you.” They said in unison.

I looked between them. “Does that mean the threesome Vinyl promised is back on?

Vinyl burst out laughing and Octavia looked at me some more. “I feel no desire to participate in sexual acts involving more than one pony.”

“How about now?” I asked.

“The answer is still no.”

I snapped and sighed. “Got my hopes up for nothing.”

Vinyl caught her breath. “Octavia, you should’ve heard what he said earlier!”

“I feel as though I should not listen to anything pertaining to your actions together.” Octavia said.

Vinyl gave her a stern look. “I told you I was past all that!”

“Past all what?” I asked.

“I used to be a real party mare. Like, I really liked parties, and the things you may or may not do at them after a few drinks.” Vinyl replied.

“Ah, so you were a nympho.” I nodded sagely. “I understand your struggle.”

Vinyl joined me in nodding. “It’s so hard sometimes. Especially when I see that it's hard.”

“I know the feeling. When I see a woman with a nice bottom pass me by, it’s difficult not to try and charm her.”

Vinyl looked at me then turned around and looked at her arse. “Is that why you started talking to me? I’ll bet you were just using that bump as a way to get to me!”

I chuckled. “No, that would have failed if I’d done it on purpose. I was actually just watching Octavia play while walking.” I checked her out. “Though I probably would have talked to you anyways. You do have quite the arse.”

Vinyl rolled her eyes at my antics. “I totally just gave you a great setup, and you blew it.”

“Sorry, love, I’ll do better next time. If I feel like it.” I grinned.

“Do better now and you might get lucky.” Octavia said.

Vinyl and I looked at her. I was a little shocked that those words had actually come out of her mouth. “He might get lucky with you, but his chance at me is already gone.” Vinyl stated.

A smile started to grow on Octavia’s face. “I would be willing to bet that Max could change your mind with minimal effort.”

Vinyl snorted. “Fat chance. Have you heard this guy talk? He’s been throwing jabs at me since I met him!”

“Haven’t you ever heard that boys are mean to the girls they like?” I said with a grin. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to change your mind with words, though.”

“If you can do it with a kiss, I will give you twenty bits.” Octavia offered.

Vinyl opened her mouth to argue and I went for it. Thankfully she closed her mouth so I could actually kiss her, though she pursed her lips and tried to push me away once. I risked being a prick so I could win the bet, and it paid off since Vinyl stopped trying to get away after that one time. She eventually started getting into it, but before I let her win a bout of tongue wrestling, I pulled away and wiped away some excess.

“How’d I do?” I asked. Vinyl wasn’t as aggressive as Fleur, so I’d been able to go at my own pace.

Vinyl, however, was a little out of breath. “G-Good. You did good.”

I turned to Octavia and gave her a wink and a thumbs up. She shook her head at me, sighing. “I did not think that would happen.”

“What were you expecting? Did you think he was just going to give me a peck and be done?” Vinyl asked, crossing her arms.

“As a matter of fact, yes. Yes I did.” Octavia remarked.

“Well then maybe you should see if you want to sleep with him after one little kiss instead of trying to get me laid, if that’s how you think.”

Octavia stepped a bit closer and examined me closely. It was a bit weird since I swear I could feel her gaze, but I withstood the awkwardness and awaited her verdict all the same. “I do not want to take the risk. I must be at my best for the show.”

Vinyl scoffed. “It’s in like, two days. You have time to get some and gather yourself in two days.”

“I still do not wish to take the risk.”

I coughed a couple times to garner some attention. “I can respect that, though I’m wondering why you’re trying to get your friend laid since she doesn’t seem to have a problem with finding her own boy toys.”

“Oh, dude, Octavia’s not my friend, she’s my mare. We’re dating.”

I blinked. “That just fills me with more curiosity, both about my question and about other things.”

Octavia held up a hand. “Save you gutter thoughts for another time. I am trying to have you sleep with Vinyl because I have been unable to perform my duties as her special somepony due to my schedule. Vinyl has been abstaining from intercourse because I asked her to, but I know that it has been hard for her. I find you to be an amusing fellow, and Vinyl seems to like you, so I am okay if she chooses to sleep with you.”

I nodded. “You really just want to know who she’s doing before she does. When am I going to get those bits, by the way?”

“Exactly. And I'm sure that you will receive adequate payment.” Octavia answered.

“Well then.” Vinyl pursed her lips. “If you’re going to give me permission, then I’m just going to catch you at home…” She scratched her head. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

“I would not have said so otherwise, honey bunny.” Octavia stated drolly.

Vinyl blushed hard and I grinned. “The pet name is strong with this one. I like it.”

“Shut up and let’s get a move on, we don’t have all night, and I’d like to get some sleep before noon.” Vinyl said.

I scoffed. “Good luck doing anything tomorrow. I’ve brought more experienced women than you to their knees. Not for anything in particular, it’s just a dominance thing.”

Vinyl swatted my arm and gave me a dishonest frown. “The more you talk, the drier I get.”

“Sorry love,” I said, leaning into my ‘accent’ a bit, “I wasn’t being considerate. Let me make it up to you, yeah?”

I saw the corner of her mouth start twitching and she said, “We’ll see. Let me say goodbye to Octavia and I’ll catch you at the bar.”

I nodded and said farewell to my new favorite wing-mare. She didn’t even really know me and she was about to let me bang her girlfriend, which was kinda weird, but I was going to get laid out of it, so who am I to complain? I drained my drink on the walk back to the bar and picked up my pipe from where I’d left it. Usually I wouldn’t be so careless with my items of interest, but the club only had a few patrons anyway and the pipe was still full of some unknown herb, so I figured that it would be safe enough. I struck a match and mimicked a few of the other patrons, blowing smoke rings into the air. It had been some time since I’d done it, but once you learn, you don’t really forget.

Vinyl caught up with me at the bar and was eager to get back to my hotel room, so I finished my drink and we were on our way. Just to keep things from getting too quiet, I asked Vinyl a few personal questions and she gave me a whole lotta snark. In fairness, I gave it right back to her when she started asking her questions, but she did it first! Bullshit aside, we got to the hotel unaccosted. I would write down what happened, but I guess I was spoiled by Fleur. Vinyl was perfectly fine in that she could keep up, but it was like something was missing. Still, I had fun, and after a few rounds, I even got off. By the end of it, Vinyl was passed out and I was wide awake with the Sun rising on a new day. After lying around for an hour, basking in the afterglow, I lit my pipe and pulled a couch over to the window to watch the world slowly rotate. The coffee I made was expensive because it was an expensive hotel, but it was well worth it.

I spent my morning burning through my stash like it was going out of style, but I had plenty left in my bags. I’d assumed that Rarity was going to be annoying the Hell out of me during the entire trip, so I’d packed accordingly. Now that she wasn’t around to irritate me, I missed her and her prissy ways. I knew that sitting around and longing for her company wasn’t going to do me any good, which is why I stayed high all morning. Sadly, I couldn’t fall asleep, despite my constant smoking, so I got a few spare sheets of paper and wrote my journal entries.

Vinyl woke up a few minutes before I finished with my writing, but it wasn’t like she was going anywhere. We’d gotten to the hotel at five thirty or so in the morning and hadn’t gotten any rest until ten. It was six by the time Vinyl woke up, and I realized that I’d wasted an entire day waiting for her to get the fuck out of bed. There was some good news in the form of Vinyl offering to meet up with me if I was ever in town again, and a little parting gift from her by way of mouth hug. She left shortly after a shower that I’m sure was lonely, and I followed her lead about thirty minutes later.

I didn’t have anywhere that I wanted specifically to go, so I headed to the castle to say hi to Luna since the Sun had already set. Unfortunately, the castle wasn’t very close to the hotel, so I had a bit of a trek ahead of me, though I would get to stop by the Triple C on my way there. When I got there, I bought some various chocolate covered fruits for Luna, a small Germaneigh chocolate cake for Celestia, and a few biscuits for myself. They were chocolate chip, and straight out of the oven, so they still retained their gooey nature. I was in heaven for the duration of my snacking.

The Night Guards at the castle gates had no idea who I was until I flashed them the Warbling Blade. I actually got some respect from them for that, so I was sure to wish them a good night and good luck because they weren’t pricks. I knew that the Night Guards were generally more laid back than their daytime counterparts, but the disparity between them was a little excessive. I think I remember Velvet Breeze telling me that Night Guards tried to be nicer to offset their intimidating appearance.

I shouldn’t have brought her up. That still smarts a bit.

Luna really did take my advice to heart when I told her to revamp the bureaucracy. I only had to sign one paper to get into Night Court; a far cry from the ten I still had to fill out if I ever wanted to see Celestia. After giving the steward guy a completely unnecessary (and probably unwanted) hug, I walked into the Court Hall and said, “Who’s ready for a snack?”

Luna lifted her head from her hand and looked at me. “Maximus. It is good to see you, though I wish you would have told me that you were coming beforehoof.”

“Sorry, but you know how spontaneous I can be.” I grinned. “I brought you a present.”

“Present your present, then.” Luna punished.

I groaned and grabbed the box of candy I’d gotten her, walking closer to the dais. “You know that was super gross, right?”

She sniffed. “I don’t believe I know what you’re talking about. Puns are perfectly acceptable.”

“My puns are acceptable. Yours make me wish I was underneath a very large, very loud man, getting my fudge packed.” I remarked.

“I don’t see what confections have to do with anything. You really must learn to use fewer colloquialisms with me.” Luna scolded.

“If I didn’t say things you don’t understand, I wouldn’t get away with half the shit that I do.” I grinned and handed her the candy.

She opened the box and tried a piece. “Chocolate covered oranges?”

I cringed. “Okay, that sounds pretty bad. It’s supposed to be chocolate covered fruits, but I didn’t know that there were random things in there. I figured it was cherries and strawberries or something.”

Luna ate another one. “They’re not terrible. I suppose you can be nice.”

I rolled my eyes and sat down next to the throne. “You’re full of crap. Wait until you get the piece I shoved a thumbtack into, then you’ll get the idea.”

Luna tossed a piece to me. “I hope it’s that one. It would serve you right to have your own tricks turned against you.”

I popped it into my mouth. “If that’s so, then my mischief tastes like honeydew. I fucking hate honeydew.”

“So do I. That’s why I gave you that piece.”

“You suck sometimes, you know that?” I asked.

“I believe I do less sucking than yourself. How often have you found a stallion in your mouth?”

“Not as often as you have, I guarantee it. Unless you’ve been a lifelong lesbian, you’ve got little chance.”

“I would argue that a thousand years would be a long enough time to invalidate any previous encounters.”

“Eh, I’ll give it to you, though the only time I ever had a dick in my mouth, I bit it off.” I jested.

Luna chuckled. “One would assume that such a brutal method of castration might make you many enemies.”

“I’ll say. It made the rest of the gangbang rather awkward.”

Luna covered her mouth and bit back her laughter for a few seconds. Once she was done convulsing, she sighed and said, “Thank you for that. I needed a laugh.”

“Anytime, Lulu. As long as I get to keep calling you Lulu without dying or being gelded, I’ll come up with funny shit to say.”

She used her magic to whack the back of my head. “Then any other kind of abuse is fine?”

“Don’t push your luck, Blue Bean, I’ll give you a wet willy you’ll never forget.” I threatened.

“What is that?” Luna asked. I slobbered on my pinkie and put it in her ear, though the effect was different than I’d intended. Instead of shivering in disgust, Luna punched me in the ribs and that shit hurt. I took a moment to gather my breath and Luna pawed at her ear, trying to get my spit out of it.

“Why was your finger wet!?” She demanded.

“Because it’s a wet willy.” I gasped.

“I do not like them. Do not seek to give me another.”

“No problem. Won’t hear me complain.” I massaged my side.

“What manner of nonsense was that? Did you put your finger in your mouth or something?”

“It’s not like I brought a bottle of water with me.” I replied.

Now Luna shivered. “Disgusting!”

“Playground bullies have been doing it for hundreds of years, love. I’m surprised you didn’t have something like that back in your time.”

“Never. A pony’s ears are very sensitive. Too sensitive for any manner of tomfoolery.” Luna huffed.

I reached over and started rubbing her ear. Luna turned her head to look at me like I was dancing through a minefield. “I’m sowwy Lulu, I didn’t mean to huwt your eaw.”

“What are you doing?”

I grinned at her. “Rubbing your ear.”

“Why are you doing that?”

“How does it feel?”

“...Pleasant. Please stop.”

I stopped and kept my hands to myself. “I’ll have to try rubbing someone’s ears sometime. If theirs are as soft as yours, then I’ll have fun with my little experiment.”

Luna shook her head. “Playing with a pony’s ears is an intimate gesture. If my guards didn’t already know that you are my friend, they most likely would have seized you.”

“I figured they would’ve gotten to me when I got up here on the dais if they didn’t already know. When you say that it felt pleasant, what do you mean?”

“When you rub a pony’s ears, it can be either mind numbingly comforting or sensual.”

“I’m going to guess that I’m not supposed to guess which one you are out loud.”

“Your supposition is correct.” Luna tugged at my arm until I bent over so she could pat my head. “Good Max.”

“I’m not your dog, love.”

“I’m not your love, dog.”

I traded some more quips with Luna for a while longer because it’s always a fun time and she usually has some great comebacks. I left Celestia’s cake with her along with an explanation as to why I was there in the first place. Telling someone that you just desired their company is a good way to make someone’s day on occasion, and I was glad that I could make Luna smile without saying something completely retarded for once.

I didn’t really feel like doing anything, so I went back to my hotel room, and thankfully, the maid service had come through like I’d asked. I fell into bed and stared at the ceiling for a little while. I didn’t feel like doing anything, so I made myself get up and get my journal caught up. I didn’t really want to bother with them since I would have to copy them into my new journal anyway, but I didn’t want to forget anything important, so I did it anyway. I went to bed shortly after and lied there for a few hours until I eventually got dragged into the undertow.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next morning, I woke up a bit sore. I’d gotten plenty of sleep through the night despite waking up a few times, so I wasn’t lacking in energy too badly, though my pelvis was letting me know that I should have slept after having Vinyl over. In any case, I had hours before I had to head over to the Canterlot Concert Hall, so I was going to spend my time doing something productive. I decided to continue the sequel to A Single Breath, but couldn’t remember if I’d named it or not. I was only a few chapters into the story as it was and wanted to take it in a different direction, so I tore out the pages I wanted to retcon and started from there. A Thousand Moments would be better than A Single Breath if I had anything to say about it. It was going to be chock full of sweet romance, but I couldn’t help but grin at the tragedies I’d already had planned out, and thus I began my scribbling.

I passed hours with the inspiration Rarity and Vinyl had given me. I even made sure to give one of my main character’s friends some very Rarity like qualities so she could live on in my stories. I wanted to write in a character like Fleur, but I couldn’t find a way to do so that gave her the proper respect she deserved, though I tried my best anyway. Fancy also made it into the book as a love interest for the protagonist, but he was ultimately going to be dumped because of some contrary bullshit reason that I hadn’t thought of yet. The book was shaping up better than it had been before and I wondered if I should revamp the Midnight Stroll book I had in progress. I thought about it and decided to continue the series, but with a few of my less interesting stories mixed in. I was about halfway done with A Thousand Moments when I realized that I was running low on time to get prepared for the Equestrian Harmonic’s show.

I got dressed quickly and hoped that it wasn’t a black tie event. Navy blue would probably be passable, but I thought about switching up until I said fuck it and told myself that it really didn’t matter that much. I grabbed my essential gear and got to stepping, glad that I would be able to go home once this was all over. I mean, I wanted to see Octavia perform and all, but I had wanted to see the Equestrian Harmonic with a good friend and now that friend was probably not feeling very friendly toward me if our last encounter was anything to go by. I tried not to let it get me down, but it was still depressing to think that I had lost both of my original friends with benefits after love was involved. I hadn’t lost Applejack due to love, but still.

With my mood thoroughly soured, I was looking forward to seeing my noble friends so I could cheer the fuck up already, so I walked through the streets of Canterlot at a brisk pace. After a quick check with my pocket watch, I saw that I had ten minutes before the show started and only a five minute walk, so I picked up the pace and got my arse into gear. I arrived at the Concert Hall with time to spare and spotted Fancy and Fleur in the audience already, though Twilight Velvet and Night Light were nowhere to be seen. Fleur gestured for me to sit next to her, though I wondered why they were so far in the back of the balcony seating. I could see the stage just fine, but I doubted that Fleur or Fancy could. I shrugged it off and took my place next to the magnificent creature that is Fleur.

The show started and the first piece was a heartbreaker, causing Fleur and Fancy to shed a tear at the end. They started strong and the show only got better as it went, and luckily, Velvet and Night Light showed up in time to catch the majority of it. The only part I wasn’t happy about was the fact that they didn’t sit with Fancy, Fleur and I, but I dealt with it. Soon enough, the interlude began, though it was going to take a moment for Octavia and her group to get set up. Fancy went off to go talk to Night Light and Twilight Velvet for a moment, and the second he left the row, Fleur was in my lap.

“Fleur, as much as I love having you where you are, I’m kinda dating Night Light’s daughter and I really don’t want him to think I’m fucking around on her.” I said.

“Don’t worry so much. Fancy went down there to keep them busy so we could have some time. I really have taken a liking to you, Max.” Fleur flirted.

I grinned. “I see, but do you really have to be in my lap to show me that?”

“Does it hurt at all?” She asked.

“Not in any way that matters.”

Fleur kissed my nose. “Exactly. Now shut up and listen; they’re starting again

Fleur leaned so that she was out of my way and I watched as Octavia began the first few notes of her song. It was an enchanting, somewhat melancholy melody that made my heart ache, though I didn’t know why. It reached me in a way that the Equestrian Harmonic just couldn’t. Eventually the interlude ended and Fancy returned, signalling for Fleur to get off of me. I crossed my legs and waited for the band to begin again.

Sadly, I wasn’t to be left alone to enjoy the show. Fleur poked and prodded around my lap subtly until she found what she was looking for. When she did, she gave it a galvanizing squeeze, and then took her hand away, giving me a devious smile. I lifted an eyebrow by way of response and saw that Fancy was looking on with mild interest. Fleur gave me a wink and Fancy gave me a nod. I was being set up again, but this time, I was sure that Fancy would be watching, which creeped me out a little bit.

Here’s to new experiences, yeah?

(CTRL+F Scene Two is Over to Skip)

I slowly nodded by way of response and Fleur’s magic made quick work of my belt and zipper. I looked around to see if there was anyone with wandering eyes, but most people seemed solely focused on the show. I tried to relax as Fleur leaned over, but my eyes were pretty much glued to her cleavage. She took my member into her hand and gave it a couple strokes to bring it to full mast. Fleur removed the glove she’d been wearing and tried again, and this time, I was quite aware of how soft her coat was. It was odd to think that Ponies really were covered in fur rather than just having differently colored skin, but Fleur was a Pony and I’ve been told countless times that they have fur. Still, Fleur’s grip was tender, yet firm and it was enough to make me sigh softly.

Fleur stroked me gently for a few minutes and Fancy pants watched on. We made eye contact and he gave me a knowing smile that I didn’t know how to return. I was still busy being floored by the fact that he had just given me permission to fool around with his wife in public. Well, I was busy doing that up until Fleur gave me a long, slow lick. My attention immediately switched back to her ministrations and I stopped caring about the fact that her husband was watching his wife prepare to give me sucky sucky.

The elegant former Operative looked up and gave me a brilliant, sexy smile before taking my entire length into her throat in one go. I had to bite my lip to prevent myself from making a sound, but then Fleur began using her tongue to swirl around my shaft, and I couldn’t help but draw a comparison to Celestia. They were both incredibly skilled, but I was beginning to think that Fleur's ability to ply her craft more often than Celestia may have given her a leg up in this situation. Fleur had me tapping her shoulder within five minutes of her bobbing her head.

Fleur knew all too well how to properly tease someone, and I learned that as she gave me one last lick that nearly sent me over the edge. After a few moments to cool down, Fleur began again and I had my stamina back. I slouched a little in my seat and listened to the wonderful hymns that were beings played as Fleur turned my lower half into jelly.

Soon enough, I was ready to pop again, so I let Fleur know by tapping her shoulder again. She immediately pulled away, though she kept her mouth open just in case I’d been a little late. Luckily for her and her makeup, I had been right on time and after another brief cool down period, Fleur went back to work and this time, I actually tried to hold out. Ten minutes later, I failed miserably. I placed my hand on Fleur’s shoulder and she got the idea. This time, there needn’t be a break. Fleur’s head bobbed slowly, milking every moment leading up to my climax in the perfect way.

I was finally at the peak of my pleasure when Fleur bit me.

I shoved down tonnes of pure panic and tried to let her work her magic, but I was freaked the fuck out until I realized that it didn’t hurt at all. It actually felt like a welcome addition, though I wasn’t sure about how Fleur felt about the load in her mouth. I got my answer when she placed my member back where it had been, fixed my trousers, and showed me what she had collected. Then she turned around and showed Fancy. With a clearly visible swallow, my children were gone and Fleur flashed a triumphant smile.

(CTRL+F Scene Two is Over to Skip)

“Next time, we’re going to the theatere.” She announced. I glanced over to Fancy and he was raising a brow. I mimicked him and we nodded at the same time for some odd reason that I didn’t really understand. I guess the next time I came to town, I was going to get a slinger at a play or something.

The show ended with a clash of symbols and I was too busy replaying what had just happened in my head to realize that the concert was over. Fleur and Fancy shuttled me off to go say hi to Night Light and Velvet, although I’d already planned on seeing them before we left. Fancy offered to have Night Light and Velvet join them for the evening and they agreed, though I had to cut my visit short so I could collect my things and get back home. The four of them were sad to see me go, though I think Fancy and Fleur were a bit more upset than Twilight’s parents. Fancy asked me to join them very politely and very specifically, which meant that I couldn’t say no without being impolite, so I told them that I would be over shortly after paying for another night at my hotel. Fleur asked that I bring my things over and just stay the night and I agreed because, again, it would have been rude to say no.

Politeness gets you into trouble sometimes.

Fancy, Fleur, Night Light, Velvet and I borrowed a carriage so we wouldn’t have to walk home, despite the fact that all four of them were unicorns and could have teleported us home. I pointed that out and heard a collective groan from my older friends before they all joined hands. Moments later, we were out of the carriage and in Fancy and Fleur’s house. I then pointed out how lazy it was for them to teleport home instead of just waiting out the carriage ride, and I swear Night Light was about to send me back to the Concert Hall just for being difficult. I dialed it down a notch and thus a long night began.

Velvet and Fleur held up the conversation by themselves, so us fellas decided to take our party out into the cold so we could smoke in peace. No one said anything, which made me realize that guys in Equestria rarely talk that much when they’re alone, or at least, all the males I had been alone with so far didn’t seem like they wanted to do much talking. Maybe it was just because mares did so much talking that no taken man feels the need to say anything when they’re away from their spouse. After fifteen minutes of some very male silence, we headed back in because it was dark and colder than shit. Apparently Night Light and Fancy’s magic didn’t extend to keeping a person warm, which I found to be some bullshit. Twilight could do just about anything, but other Unicorns were extremely limited in what they could do.

I brought that up and apparently one’s aptitude in magic depends on their personality, rather than random Ponies having random amounts of power like I’d thought. Apparently Twilight and her mother were rather alike though since Twilight Velvet was actually a well respected scientist, though that information was news to me. I hadn’t been aware of the fact that Velvet actually had a job in the first place, so imagine my surprise to find that the chatty, sweet woman I knew was actually one of the brightest people in the city.

While I was busy lauding Velvet’s choice in career, Fancy and Fleur went off to go grab some alcohol because aristocrats really are just well behaved alcoholics. They returned with a bottle of whiskey and wine respectively, though I wasn’t sure which I’d rather have. I went with the whiskey because I had to keep up my appearance as a macho man, even though Fleur’s cherry wine was made by one of my favourite vineyards.

Velvet and Night Light left around midnight, and I was hoping to get to sleep soon. I wanted to be in Ponyville before the majority of the day was over, so I was going to need to get moving in the morning, but Fleur and Fancy had other ideas. They had a proposition for me that I didn’t really want to accept, but I figured that letting Fancy watch while I nailed his wife was only fair. For the thousandth time that night, I reminded myself that I was basically a cuck.

After that little event, I was allowed to go to sleep by myself, though restful slumber eluded me until Luna pulled me into the Dreamscape. We policed dreams for a little while to get my mind off of the night terrors and Luna let me wake up with the Sun. Fancy and Fleur were still in bed when I got up, so I went downstairs and had a seat in the sitting room so I could pick up where I left on with A Thousand Moments. Fleur was the first one downstairs, surprisingly.

She peeked into the sitting room and saw me writing. She walked in and said, “Thank you for being so understanding last night. It’s just one of Fancy’s fetishes that we never get to indulge in.”

“No problem.” I said without looking up. I wasn’t trying to be rude, I was just trying to finish a sentence.

Fleur waited for me to say something else, so I put my book off to the side and gave her a smile. “It was definitely something new, but it got easier when you started moaning.”

She blushed and shook her head, smiling. “If we hadn’t broken down so many walls when we first met, I might’ve been surprised that you said that. What are you doing?”

“Just writing. I’m working on a sequel to my first book, A Single Breath.” I stated. “Nothing too important. Is there something I can help you with?”

Fleur eyes widened when I mentioned my book. Her horn lit up and a familiar book appeared in her hands. “You wrote A Single Breath?”

“Yeah. It started out as a prank on one of my friends, but then she liked it, so I kept it going.” I shrugged. “Do you like it?”

“Like it? Max, this is one of the most popular books in Canterlot! I have to have you sign mine for me!”

“Bring it over and I will, love, just don’t freak out on me.” I said, raising my hands.

Fleur beamed and brought the book over to me. “I know you’re going to make it out to me, but could you write something special? Just for me?” She pleaded.

“Of course, love.” I cleared my throat and said, “To Fleur, my all time favourite fan. Stay beautiful.”

Fleur nearly snatched the book away from me and giggled. “Thank you! I never thought for a moment that I was-” She stopped abruptly. “I slept with the author of A Single Breath.” Fleur swooned and I raced to catch her. I should have let her fall, but I’m nice like that sometimes.

She came to a few moments later with a flutter of her eyelashes. “W-Where am I?”

I looked deep into her eyes and said, “My dick is magic.”

“...You know you wasted a perfectly good moment, right?”

I dropped her and offered her a hand up. “Can I offer you a hand, my lady? The floor is no place for one of your beauty and grace.” I said with a bow.

Fleur scowled and accepted my help. “If you didn’t drop me, I wouldn’t have needed the hand.”

“My deepest apologies, but I was simply stricken by your countenance. It was like I’d opened my eyes for the first time all over again, and I couldn’t help but recoil. I didn’t deserve to touch you.” I flattered, trying to sound genuine with every word.

Fleur seemed uneasy. “What are you trying to do?”

I grinned. “Am I not allowed to tell a beautiful woman that she is, in fact, beautiful?”

“...I suppose it wouldn’t hurt. I’m still upset with you for dropping me!”

I closed the distance between us in a single step. “Let me make it up to you.” I murmured to her.

Fleur’s breath caught at my tone and sudden change in demeanor. “If you want.”

I did want, and so I did. By the time I was done with her, we both needed another shower, so we took one together. After that, we were both dirty all over again, so Fleur grabbed some lube so we could get dirtier. After that, I made Fleur behave and prepared to get my shit together and leave, hoping to catch the next train to Ponyville. I hugged Fancy before I left and Fleur gave me a peck on the lips because why not. After bidding farewell to my favourite new friends, I headed to the train station and had my ticket exchanged for a small fee.

The train ride back to Ponyville felt like I was leaving a piece of myself behind in Canterlot, and I suppose that was true. I was leaving my tolerance for nobility and city life behind to get back into my usual comfort zone in my small town life. It would be nice to be back home, but I would miss Fleur, Fancy, Vinyl, and Octavia.

Hopefully I’ll meet them again sometime. Maybe Canterlot isn't as bad as I'd thought.

Author's Note

Long ass chapter. Very long ass chapter. Let me know what you think.

Leave a comment or a like to let me know how I'm doing.

Stay Cool, Kids.

Edit: Fixed some phrasing and syntax. Shit like that. I forgot what all I fixed since I had to do this chapter over multiple days, but I'm on some serious swag noways. Shit took forever to read since I haven't had time for it.