Pickle of a Princess
Celestia’s sun rose over another glorious day in Equestria. In Canterlot, a satisfied Celestia furled her wings and stared out over the wonderful day she had brought. She adored moments like these, it was really one of the only times she didn’t have to meet with somepony important, or spectate at some sort of event. It was one of her only times of relaxation…
“SISTER!”Celestia’s eyes shot open as she immediately recognized the roar of Luna’s Royal Canterlot Voice.
Celestia sighed, as an ageless and immortal alicorn princess; she seemed to be yearning for a few precious moments of repose more and more every day. “I’ll be right there, sister,”Celestia replied in her gentle voice that somehow carried throughout the vast halls of the castle. A white glow encompassed Celestia’s horn as she magically pinpointed Luna’s position. With a bright flash, Celestia transported herself outside the palace pantry, surprising Luna and causing the dark alicorn to fall back on her rump.
“CELESTIA! WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS PERFORM THAT SPELL SO CLOSE TO ME?! YOU KNOW I-“Celestia cut her off with her gentle, yet overpowering Regal Voice.
“Luna dear, I would very much appreciate it if you would stop using the Royal Canterlot Voice. We have discussed it before. I stopped using it centuries ago, due to ponies coming closer to me and getting their eardrums blown out.”
Luna glanced downwards, and then looked back up at Celestia. When she spoke, her voice had a regal and calm demeanor. “I am sorry, dear sister. I was quite excited by this… thing that I have found.”
She pointed a hoof at the oblong shape resembling a lumpy and rounded cylinder. It was long and green, and slightly wet. Celestia crinkled her nose. “Oh, those belong to our gardener, Hayseed.”
“But what is it?” Luna asked.
“It’s called a pickle. You hated them before your exile. I never really liked them myself, save for on the occasional sandwich. I doubt you would like it. Luna?” Celestia looked up to find her sister wasn’t around her.
“MORE!” Luna roared from within the pantry. “ I must have more of these delectable treats!”
Celestia suddenly realized she wasn’t holding the pickle anymore. She chuckled. I guess even our tastes can change, she thought.
Celestia peeked inside the pantry to see Luna searching for more pickles. She found a jar filled with pickle spears, and twisting the top off, began to munch away.
Celestia watched in amusement as Luna happily nommed on her newfound favorite treat.
“Eh, what’s this?” Luna said, looking at the nearly empty jar and floating out a whole pickle.
“It’s a whole pickle, Luna.”
“It is in a jar meant for pickle spears. It must be an omen. This pickle shall be my guide for now on!”
“What?” The dumbfounded and confused Celestia managed as a happy Luna trotted out with the pickle levitating beside her.
* * *
The next few weeks found Celestia in a bit of an embarrassing situation. Luna carried the pickle everywhere; the throne room, at balls and galas, special public events, even in the royal baths.
Luna didn’t even stop there. She had gone so far as to stitch together a tiny fez for it.Celestia knew she had really gone off the deep end, however, when she found her doing something with the pickle that just didn’t seem sane. She was walking by her sister’s room one day, when she heard gleeful giggling coming from her sister’s room. Curious, Celestia peeked into the moon alicorn’s bedroom. What she saw made her gasp in shock.
“Luna, you have gone too far!”
Luna blinked in surprise and looked up from her tea party, looking like a foal surrounded by several stuffed animals and of course, her pickle.
“Oh, hello Celly! Would you care to join us for tea?”
Celestia composed herself quickly and put on a gentle smile, off put by what she was about to say.
“Luna dear, I must say that you have lost your mind.”
Luna was taken aback.
“H-how dare you Celestia! How can you say that?”
“Easily. You are having tea with a pickle. Furthermore, that pickle seems to be wearing a fez and what appears to be evening wear.”
Celestia looked at Luna’s downturned face, and lifting it with a hoof, saw that Luna was crying.
“Luna?”
Luna sniveled, and then said, “You called Rodrick a pickle. He is my FRIEND; he is not just a pickle.”
Celestia felt terrible for having to hold back a laugh, especially since her sister was so emotional about it, but she couldn’t help it. Luna had a name for the pickle! When she felt she could finally speak, Celestia put on her motherly smile and asked,” Luna, why don’t you let Rodrick go? He won’t stay fresh forever, of course.”
Luna lit up, and triumphantly declared, “Oh but he will! With magic he can stay fresh for a very, very long time, practically forever, in fact!”
“Oh, well, that is convenient,” Celestia said, silently cursing their superior alicorn magic. She would do things similar to this from time to time before the Nightmare Moon incident,Celestia thought. I should probably play along for now.
* * *
Five months. It had been five months, and still Luna treated the pickle, ahem, Rodrick, like a real living being. Celestia didn’t want to discourage Luna from having a friend, but seriously, it was getting ridiculous. Luna had an entire wardrobe for it, she had a bed on her nightstand, and treated him like a prince. Their relationship seemed slightly more than that of a young foal and her doll, and that skeeved Celestia out. Luna was a princess, not a schoolfilly playing House.
The absolute biggest surprise came a few weeks later, while the two sisters were eating breakfast. Celestia had one of her students student from Canterlot University who had come to assist her with some maintenance spells while Twilight Sparkle was preoccupied with planning a birthday for one of her friends. The student was a unicorn colt named Jerryrig, a machine specialist with two meshed gears as a cutie mark. The three of them were sitting at the table as Celestia explained to Jerryrig what she wanted him to do, when Luna cleared her throat loudly, a signal Celestia recognized as her wanting something.
“Ahem, Celestia, may I speak to you alone?”
Celestia sighed and turned back to Jerryrig. “Rig, could you please leave for a moment?”
The tan unicorn bowed and replied, “Of course, your majesty.”
As Jerryrig made his way through the door, he placed a listening spell on the room, disguising the glow of his horn with him closing the doors. He figured that whatever the Princesses had to say in private would be good for a journalist class he was taking.
“What is it, Luna?” Celestia said in her calm, motherly voice.
Luna was practically jumping up and down in excitement. “You do know how Rodrick and I spend almost all of our free time together?”
Celestia mentally rolled her eyes. How could I not? She thought.
“Of course, sister.” Celestia maintained the smile as she sipped her orange juice.
“Well,” Luna couldn’t sit still as she told her sister the good news. “Rodrick asked me to marry him!”
To Luna’s credit, it was a very smart idea to put an invisible force field up before telling Celestia this interesting tidbit of news, and was thankful not to have orange juice all over her face.
“You can’t possibly be serious Luna!” Celestia cried exasperated, and replacing the smile with a look of shock, disbelief, and slight horror.
“Of course I am, Celly. I recently gave Rodrick vocal cords, magically, of course, and it turns out that he likes me more than a friend. And, being practically immortal with alicorn magic, I never have to worry about him growing old. He can be with me forever!” Luna was obviously very pleased with herself.
Celestia facehoofed like never before. “Luna?”
“Hm?”
“Where is Rodrick?” Celestia asked her sister, rubbing her temples as she spoke.
“Oh, he is in my bedroom. He was tired after last night.”
Celestia started to say something, and then thought better of it, thinking it better if she didn’t know what that meant.
“Luna, I assume in give him a mouth, you gave him ears, as well?”
“Yes,” replied Luna happily. “He now sports a nose, mouth, arms, legs, and other basic functions that support life. He is now sentient!”
Celestia had a look that could only be described as a mixture of awe, shock, and disbelief.
“Luna?”
“Yes, sister?”
“You are in love with a pickle, is that correct?”
“More or less a pickle person now, but yes.”
“Ok, I just wanted to make sure that was abundantly clear before I tell you that you are in a relationship with something that was once an inanimate cucumber that was pickled in a vinegar mixture and meant to be eaten. I don’t know what else to say except, why?”
Celestia started to regret her words when she saw Luna’s downcast face, but luckily for her, Luna didn’t cry. Instead, she slowly raised her head until she was looking Celestia eye to eye, and fixed her with an intense stare.
“Celestia, one of the things I love about the Equestria I returned to is the freedom of sexuality. Mares can marry mares, and colts can marry colts. So I ask you this; is an interspecies relationship very different? If a mare finds a dragon she loves, their love shouldn’t be barred. If a honey badger finds love in a goat, they shouldn’t be kept from each other.
So tell me Celestia, if those beings are allowed to be with each other, then why can’t I be with Rodrick?!”
Her voice had risen to nearly a shout, and she had tears in her eyes.
It was then that a change occurred within Celestia. She blinked. “You really love him, don’t you?”
“Very much so, sister.”
“Then Luna, may you please bring Rodrick in here? I wish to speak with my future brother-in-law.”
Luna’s eyes lit up. “Do you really mean it, Celly?”
Celestia nodded. “Absolutely, my dear sister.”
“But what about your student you have visiting? Jerryrig?”
Celestia frowned. “You are correct. I will talk with Rodrick later. But for now, it would probably be for the best to keep the whole Rodrick thing under wraps.”
Luna nodded as Celestia trotted out to retrieve Jerryrig. Celestia looked around the empty hallway. I guess he got tired and left. I will contact him later, thought Celestia as she returned to the kitchen.
* * *
Within two days, the story was plastered on the front page of Equestria Daily.
“LUNA IN LOVE WITH A PICKLE?”
Celestia sighed as she read it. So much for keeping it under wraps.
“I am going to bring back the moon punishment one day,” she murmured as she trotted to her sister’s room to help her plan her wedding.
The End?
(Author’s note: first and foremost, I want to apologize if this fic wasn’t up to snuff. I was simply working on this in my spare time, and it wasn’t so much about quality as it was about making a crazy fanfiction about one of the only shows that I still watch on TV. I will continue to work on other short fanfictions, as well as a chapter fiction about… well, you will see (hopefully soon). Those future works will be better prepared, and hopefully you won’t judge my writing ability based on this single fiction, because as I have said, this was simply a just for fun fiction. If enough people actually like this, I might do more fictions like this, but I will mainly be working on my serious fiction(not MLP) and my chapter MLP fic. Ciao for now,
Tektiger.)
