Of Angels

by PaulAsaran

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Angel, Fluttershy
Length: 4014

What makes an angel? Is it wings and a halo? Is it good deeds, a gentle touch, beauty? I’ve thought on that long and hard.

All his life, Angel Bunny has been plagued by a single question. At long last, he has an answer, and he longs to reveal it. Doing so may be the single most important thing he's ever done, but Angel doesn't know how to deliver the message. After all, rabbits have no need of writing.

Angel needs to learn. Knowing this task is far too important to let his pride get the better of him, Angel does something he never thought he'd do: ask for help. There's only one pony for the job.

One of the most unique fics I have ever read. —PresentPerfect

A hugely welcome addition to the small pile of stories that take Angel's character seriously. —Louder Yay

The structural gimmick is both well-used and well-explored. —Royal Canterlot Library

A deeply emotional tale, told piece-by-piece through the perspective of someone who desperately wants to say something but is unable to say it. —Bad_Seed_72

...unique, endearing, heartwarming, cute, and proved to me you can write Angel Bunny in a way that doesn’t make me want to strangle him. That last part alone is enough for me to think this story is a work of genius. —Vertigo22

Preread by Dash the Stampede
Edited by Hopeless Appraisal
Cover art used with permission from WhitediamondsLtd (click image for White's DeviantArt page)

3/29/2015: Now featured on Equestria Daily!
11/28/2015: Now featured in the Royal Canterlot Library!

Published 2015-02-27 16:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-27 16:50:02 UTC

Lessons

u ther

“Are you there?”

And yes.

Have you been practicing?

yes

“Yes ma’am.”

som slac

hard

I understand. Let us take it slow.

duh

Your pawwriting has improved, well done!

thanx

“Thanks.”

Thanks

Period.

Thanks.

Very good!

Have you been practicing the alphabet?

yes

arms hurt

That is okay, you can show me tomorrow.

This has been a successful test so far. I am glad Spike thought of it!

Are you ready?

here

“I am here.”

Include a subject and capitalize the first letter.

Okay like this

Better, but not quite.

Did you see what I did?

Think so

This better

Indeed.

Your spelling has improved, by the way.

Thanks

I think we will work on your punctuation next.

Kay

“Okay.”

Okay.

Very good!

Twilight?

You ther?

Hello again, Angel. Are you ready to give it a try?

Think so.

Great! And your punctuation has improved a lot this past week.

Good.

Start now?

Go ahead.

Windy Jam thezebra hurried friend the unicorns hut to quickly pour exac volums grape juice.

Not bad for a first try.

Really?

Really!

I dont know.

“Don’t”

Maybe next time I’ll teach you a bit more about contractions.

Sentence is to long.

Arms hurt.

And sentence structure.

Maybe I can shrink some pencils so they are more your size.

Thanks.

No problem.

Hello again, Angel.

Hey, Twilight.

Thanks for the new pencils, much easier now.

Glad to hear it.

Before we begin, Spike has something to say.

Oh boy.

Hey, Angel. I’m sorry I called you an annoying old rodent, okay?

Lie. Twilight forceing you.

Hey! That was sincere!

Was not.

Angel, be nice. Spike really is sorry.

Yeah, I really am!

You need to accept his apology so we can move on.

Fine. Apology accept.

Really?

Angel?

Yeah, really.

Okay.

He keep quit?

“Quiet,” and yes, he will not tell anypony.

I promise.

See?

Do not trust.

Hey, I’m nothing if not dependable, ya fuzzy lit

Then trust me, Spike will behave. You do trust me, do you not?

have i choice?

Capitalization.

And yes, you do.

Fine. Trust you.

Just me?

FINE, both of you.

Avoid capitalizing every letter.

Sorry.

It is okay. Now, let’s see it.

Windy Jam the zebra hurried to her friend the unicorn’s hut to quickly pour exact volumes of grape juice.

Perfect! Well done, Angel.

But tomorrow we will need to address a few things: possessives, common spelling errors, more on contractions, proper tense. Maybe we will start working on sentence structure.

Sounds like a lot.

Do not worry, I know you can do it! With a teacher like me, is there any doubt?

Not funny.

You there?

Guess not.

Well alright then.

Windy Jam the zebra hurried to her friend the unicorn’s hut to quickly pour exact volumes of grape juice.

Windy Jam the zebra hurried to her friend the unicorn’s hut to quickly pour exact volumes of grape juice.

Windy Jam the zebra hurried to her friend the unicorn’s hut to quickly pour exact volumes of grape juice.

I hate that sentence.

Windy Jam the zebra hurried to her friend the unicorn’s hut to quickly pour exact volumes of grape juice.

Really hate it.

Windy Jam the zebra hurried to her friend the unicorn’s hut to quickly pour exact volumes of grape juice.

Come on. Where are you?

Windy Jam the zebra hurried to her friend the unicorn’s hut to quickly pour exact volumes of grape juice.

Windy Jam the zebra hurried to her friend the unicorn’s hut to quickly pour exact volumes of grape juice.

Windy Jam the zebra hurried to her friend the unicorn’s hut to quickly pour exact volumes of grape juice.

Is this even worth it?

Windy Jam the zebra hurried to her friend the unicorn’s hut to quickly pour exact volumes of grape juice.

I am not sure.

Windy Jam the zebra hurried to her friend the unicorn’s hut to quickly pour exact volumes of grape juice.

Windy Jam the zebra hurried to her friend the unicorn’s hut to quickly pour exact volumes

Five minutes.

Windy Jam the zebra hurried to her friend the unicorn’s hut to quickly pour exact volumes of grape juice.

Windy Jam the zebra hurried to her friend the unicorn’s hut to quickly pour exact volumes of grape juice.

Windy Jam the zebra hurried to her friend the unicorn’s hut to quickly pour exact volumes of grape juice.

Windy Jam the zebra hurried to her friend the unicorn’s hut to quickly pour exact volumes of grape juice.

Windy Jam the zebra hurried to her friend the unicorn’s hut to quickly pour exact volumes of grape juice.

One minute

I’m here! Sorry I’m late.

I see you’ve been practicing your alphabet.

One more time, I would eat my pencil.

“One more time and I’d have eaten my pencil.”

Maybe you should take a break from that for a while.

But it looks like it’s helping! Your writing is much more clear now than it was last week.

You really think so?

I do! You’ve come very far in such a short time. I’m proud of you.

I

Thanks.

I’ll have to teach you to write more complex sentences soon.

Also, when I told you to avoid confusing contractions, I didn’t mean all of them. Relax.

You’ll get the hang of it. Trust me.

But you know, I have a question.

No.

You didn’t even let me ask the question.

I do not need to.

No.

You can’t be learning all of this just to learn it. It’s just not you.

You do not know me.

Don’t sass me, mister. This is for Fluttershy, isn’t it?

Angel?

Forget it.

I’m done.

Hey! You can’t quit now.

Angel?

Come on, talk to me.

Angel?

Please?

Angel?

You there?

Come on, I know you’re paying attention. This means too much to you. If it didn’t, you wouldn’t have asked in the first place.

What do you want?

There you are! Why didn’t you show up for practice this week?

Angel?

I practiced on my own.

That’s good.

But you shouldn’t be skipping our lessons.

You shouldn’t ask questions.

You’re right, I shouldn’t pry. I apologize.

I won’t push you for answers, okay?

Promise?

Pinkie Promise.

So no hard feelings?

I guess.

Good. So I’ll see you tomorrow?

Yeah, sure.

Great! I can’t wait to see how far you’ve progressed in the past week! Of course, we’ll have to work extra hard to make up for lost time.

Oh, joy.

Twilight? You there?

Of course not. It’s past midnight.

Hey.

Spike?

That’s my name.

What are you doing up at this hour?

Late night snack. Don’t tell Twilight.

You’re telling me not to tell Twilight?

She’s gonna read the journal later, you know.

Didn’t think that one through, did ya?

Shut up.

What are you doing up this late, anyway?

I couldn’t sleep. Too much on my mind right now.

Yeah, I know that feeling. Reminds me of the Dragon Migration a couple years ago.

What are you thinking about?

Wait, nevermind. I forgot you don’t like questions.

Hey.

Yeah?

You ever watch Twilight sleep?

That sounds weird.

Why?

No reason.

Not to pry, but

I mean, feel free to shut me down.

Is this about Fluttershy?

Forget it, I shouldn’t have brought it up.

No, it’s okay! You wanna talk about it?

Or write, as the case may be.

Angel? You’re not mad, are you?

Have you ever wanted to say something really important to her?

But just couldn’t figure out how?

Is that why you’re doing this?

Something like that.

I’m going to try to sleep again.

Yeah, okay.

Good luck.

If you ever want to talk about it, you can.

Just thought you should know.

Noted.

And

Thanks.

This big pencil is a pain in the flank.

Why do I put up with this?

Oh, what is this? Is the widdle bunny-wunny writing a love letter?

Get your buck-ugly face out of my journal, you pile of rabbit droppings!

Now that’s not very nice. We’re supposed to be friends, remember?

You’re no friend of mine, freak.

Discord! I should have known you’d decide to ruin Angel’s hard work.

What? Me? Why, my dear Twilight, you wound me. Perhaps I’d just like to help.

Please tell me you can zap him away or something.

Hah! You wish, furbrains.

As much as I hate to admit it, hOeh’s croimgehtn, otwh, eryeo’ us lnoovtehmien. g I can do. What the hay?

Scram, ya overgrown spawn of Tartarus. AIchtauvaelltyo Tparratcatriucseiasndlyoovue’ lrye tnhoitsmtaikmiengoift caennyteuarsyi.er.

Stop that!

Twilight, can’t you do something?

Don’t include the punctuation in the code, it looks tacky.

Twilight?

Sorry, Bugsy, she’s busy playing a game.

What did you do?!

Oh dear. Avoid interrobangs as much as possible.

Now you’re just making crap up. HNooww vuunldgoarw.haOthe,vmeyrvyiorugdiind etyoesT!wilig

Stop that!

Tsk–tsk, I spy a run on sentence. For shame! I guess Twilight’s not much of a teacher after all. Hey!

~~Get~~ out ~~of m~~y jo~~urna~~l!

But why? I’m only trying to help. Do you know how illiterate most of Equestria is? Why, I think you might even qualify as a hero. We can parade you around to schools all over the land, showing young foals how even an obnoxious puff of fur can learn to read and write. I’ll even promise to keep your carrying pen watered!

~~G tsota li]nesthwi snl/ o[n [u tth ab.ywkii liliva]irat heiih t unet~~

What the fAh-ah, we don’t use those words. Do you want Fluttershy to wash your mouth out with soap?

Don’t be like that. I was rather enjoying our conversation.

What does a walking hoofball need to learn to read and write for, anyway?

It’s not like the secrets of the universe are hidden in that tiny little skull of yours.

A monster wouldn’t understand.

Oh, someone wrap up my bleeding heart before the blood seeps into the poorly-enchanted paper.

Do you care about Fluttershy?

Yes.

So do I. Please, stop this and let me practice.

But you are practicing! Are you not writing me?

Yeah, but writing with you is like going down the rabbit hole.

First of all, you’ve never been down a rabbit hole. Second, stop it: only two individuals are allowed to break the wall, and neither of them is a rabbit.

What?

Come now, you can express yourself a little better than that.

I should have known you wouldn’t respect my efforts.

Why do you need to write? No, really. Fluttershy can understand you, just talk to her. Not that she’d want to, you being such a boring conversationalist.

If you think I’m so boring, leave!

Yes.

YYeess ttoo wwhhaatt??

Yes to the very first thing you said to me tonight, Discord.

Discord?

Did you break him?

Maybe. Heh.

Wait, what did he say?

Something random and dumb, of course.

Okay?

Look, you just keep practicing. I might be having a long and annoying conversation with a draconequus in a few minutes.

Don’t be discouraged, you’re doing great!

Thanks. Good luck dealing with the jerk.

Thanks, I’m going to need it. You owe me big time for this.

Yeah, I guess I do.

Angel? You there?

Guess not.

Here again. Are you going to practice tonight?

Hello?

Fluttershy?

Wow, a book that writes back!

No no no no no! You can’t read this!

I can’t?

It’s supposed to be a secret!

I’m sorry.

Twilight? Is that you?

Put the book down!

Sorry, Fluttershy. I’ll be over in a moment. Please don’t say anything to Angel!

Angel? What about him? He didn’t pressure you into doing something, did he? He’s been a real hoof-full lately.

Twilight?

She’s already out the door.

Spike?

You really should put the book away, Fluttershy. Like, NOW.

Angel?

Come on, Angel, talk to me.

I’m sorry Fluttershy found out.

Angel?

Come on, Angel. It’s been three weeks.

Don’t you want to do this for Fluttershy?

Hey. Spike here.

Just checking in.

Twilight isn’t saying anything about it, but this is really eating at her. So come on, little guy. Can’t we at least get an explanation?

I tried watching her. Like you said.

It hurts sometimes. I think I get what you were trying to say.

So

Please don’t give up. We’re here if you need us.

I’m here.

I think I’m ready to try again.

Okay, let’s see it.

Okay.

Angel?

Give me a second to think.

Alright.

I don’t know if anything I write will be good enough. It’s important that I say exactly how I feel. I have to do this right, no matter what. It’s too important to me. That’s why I came back. If I can just write it all down, and tell her what’s on my mind… maybe then I can finally get through.

Angel?

That was great. I think you’re ready.

Are you sure?

It took me ages to write that. Shouldn’t I be faster after three months?

Some writers are just slow. Your writing is fine. I really think you’re ready.

So I should try it now?

Sure. And if you want me to edit for you, I’d be happy to.

No. Only Fluttershy can read it. I’m going to need a lot of those little pencils, though.

Alright, I’ll see what I can do.

Okay. Thank you, Twilight. Really. I know I haven’t made it easy.

It was my pleasure, Angel. I’m just so happy I could help. You were a great student!

Was not.

Didn’t anypony tell you not to argue with your teacher?

Not really. Never had a teacher before you.

Thanks, Twilight. Really.

You’re welcome.

I’m ready.

Can I borrow your dictionary and thesaurus?

I need more words than I know.

Of course you can. I’ll have Spike deliver them tonight.

Thank you, Princess.

For everything.

Good luck.

Of Angels

There are days when I hate my name. You call me Angel, and I feel sick. It’s not you I’m angry at, though. It’s me. I stole the name, and it makes my skin crawl.

I’ve tried to be more deserving. You know as well as I do that it hasn’t been easy. As my age caught up to me, it just got worse; never satisfied, picky, grumping about every little thing. It must be hard for you.

Why is it the worst things always come from the best intentions? You probably should have called me ‘Devil.’ Yet no matter how much I deserved such a moniker, I know you never thought of me that way. I was always ‘Angel.’ Hearing you call me that with your ‘oh-so-sweet’ voice makes me want to rip my ears off. All these years I was trying to toughen you up, and you call me something I’m not.

What makes an angel? Is it wings and a halo? Is it good deeds, a gentle touch, beauty? I’ve thought on that long and hard. I wanted to be your angel. You deserved the best.

I don’t need to tell you that the average rabbit only lives three years in the wild. You’ve kept me going for five. Five years trying to figure out how to live up to my name. Trying and failing. It’s frustrating. I had so much I wanted to do, and strong legs to do it. Now I have to rely on the other animals to get around. I had a goal, a dream, and now…

I can’t describe to you how much I wanted to be your Angel. I had my good days. Well, more bad than good, really, but you always forgave me and treated me with the utmost kindness, kindness I sure as hay didn’t deserve. I’m a jerk most of the time. I’m well aware of it. Sometimes I have a reason for it, but lots of times I just… mess up.

I mess up a lot.

I’m not your Angel. You never seemed to understand that.

I’m going to tell you a little something that I’ve always wanted to tell you, and then maybe you’ll understand.

What is your very first memory? The first smell, sound, sight? The first feeling? Is it a happy memory? I hope so.

The first sound I can recall is a hunting cry. I think it must have been a hawk.

The first sensation was pain, the first smell of blood.

These things lasted in my mind. I don’t know why the bird didn’t eat me right there, or why it left me alone. I’ve always wondered about that. It’s one of those things that I always look back on. By all rights I should be in bunny heaven. Or perhaps Tartarus, come to think of it. If they would have me.

I was cold. It was late spring, and I was cold. The grass poked my face like little daggers. I couldn’t move. It hurt too much. I didn’t understand my situation just then, not really. The sun was burning on my back but my body still felt cold. I was scared and confused. Not that I knew anything back then. I was only a kit, after all.

At some point I realized I was still bleeding. I could feel a sting in my chest every time I breathed. I don’t really know how bad it was.

There was movement. I looked out beyond the grass daggers, and I thought I could see buildings. Of course, they might have been mountains for all I knew. The important thing was the colors: blues, greens, purples, whites, yellows, oranges, all moving around in a blur. It took time for my vision to clear and recognize the blurs as creatures.

I didn’t know they were ponies. I didn’t know if they were nice or mean or if they ate little rabbits like me. All I knew was that they were there. Right there. I wanted to call to them, but I could make no sounds. Trying to move just led to more pain. Even so, I tried. I don’t think I got one step closer.

I called, shouted, screamed, but it was all silent. They walked right on by, not even noticing. I couldn’t have been ten steps away, but I might as well have been invisible.

It’s amazing, how much I remember of that time. Even more amazing is the clarity of thought.

I stopped calling for them. I just lay there, watching them walk by. I know I cried, but I couldn’t sob; every time I did, my chest burned. So I lay, and I cried, and I watched, and I hurt.

How cruel. That’s what ran through my mind: the world is cruel. There I was, a little baby rabbit barely grown into his fur, and already I lay at death’s door.

Am I so insignificant? Am I that unimportant to them?

I’m here.

I’m alive.

Please, I’m still alive!

I wanted somepony to hold me. I ~~am~~was so scared. Why wouldn’t they just look at me?

Please, stop. Look at me. Acknowledge me. Talk to me, pet me, comfort me.

Why won’t they comfort me?

It’s so horribly lonesome in the cold. The grass kept poking me, little taunting daggers. The sun still digging into my back.

They’re so colorful. Like a cruel rainbow. How could they just ignore me?

The same phrases ran through my head again and again:

I exist.

Somepony, please, just acknowledge my existence. At least give me that.

I hated them. I hate them so much. Even at this age, their cold indifference chills me worse than the lingering talons of death. I wish they were in my place so I could ignore them!

They deserve it, the bastards. All of them. Colorful, smiling bastards.

The sun’s going down. Back then, I knew that when it disappeared, so would I. Being alone in a place so full of life is maddening. I grew just a little crazy. I guess it was the perfect time to look at myself.

Why was I even there? Why? Had I just appeared in that exact place in time, my sole purpose in life to die? Maybe some great bunny in heaven sent me there, just so I could come right back and tell him what the world looked and felt and smelled like. It wouldn’t have been a happy report.

To this day, I don’t know if I was dreaming or not. Perhaps you know. All I can say for sure is that the sun was just barely over the horizon… then it was gone. I thought I was dead. It was certainly colder, but the light didn’t fade. That was when I saw the most beautiful thing ever. It was yellow. It was pink. It glowed orange like a million suns. I heard a voice, and it ran through me like a cool stream in a parched desert.

I drank.

I drank.

I drank so much of that voice.

It lifted me away from the daggers and cradled me in the downy wings of heaven. I didn’t feel pain anymore, and the vicious light drifted away. The calm waters of the voice tickled my ears, and I rocked to the lullaby of Elysium.

You can’t know the pleasure, the cool calmness or the sweet nectar of an angel. I was swimming in the most pristine of waters, flying in the clearest air, sleeping on the softest bed. No more fear, no more hurt, no more anger. Just me, the darkness and a velvety voice.

You see, I’ve met an angel. I was saved by an angel. I was cared for, nursed back to life and given a home by an angel. I live my life every single day in debt to an angel. An angel so incredible, it even gave me its name.

This is why I hate my name, and love my name. I’ve tried so hard to live up to it, and now I know I never will. I will never be an angel. The things that I saw, those first terrible, precious memories were my answer all along. I know what an angel is, and it is not me.

But I will be your Angel. I understand it now. You gave me your title because you wanted me to be blessed. And I am. I am so blessed. I am far more blessed than any bunny, than any being on this earth deserves to be blessed. You’ve been so patient with me, accepting my many flaws despite me being intolerant of your friends.

Even though I took your name.

I will hold onto it. I have been Angel, and I will be Angel. It is the one great reminder of who I should be.

Your other name, the one that you go by in this world… well, I suppose it is fitting.

But to me, you will always be an angel who is too kind to an undeserving little whelp of a rabbit.

Someday, maybe I will earn this name.

Someday, I hope to make you proud that you gave it to me.

Someday.

—AB

Author's Note

The concept of this story hit me years before I ever became a fan of MLP, from a sad day in college that had a profound effect on me. I always wanted to write something from that experience, but it wasn't until I applied it to Angel that a solution finally hit me.

For the record, I suck at writing Discord.

The idea here was to have Twilight give Angel a journal, similar to the book used by Sunset Shimmer to communicate with her across the worlds. The first chapter is a view of a few select bits of dialogue between them, skipping over the long and boring parts of Angel's slow reading development. Because everything is coming directly from the journal (i.e. 'Talking Heads'), I thought it would be good to have the text reflect the characters who are writing via colors, which is also something Angel's journal was meant to do.