Episode 1: The Harmonificator
Episode 1: The Harmonificator
“GOOD MORNING GUMMY!”
Gummy peeled one eye open in the most boring way that he could possibly conceive. Opening his eyelid his eye stared vacantly about. He let it wander a little but not too much. He had to make it seem like he wasn’t taking in the whole room and its potential dangers. Overall he succeeded to the utmost. Where most agents might come across as just being sleepy he managed to turn the act into a magnificent display of vacant stupidity.
His act was impenetrable. It was so perfect he doubted any pony would ever even think to question the secrets in his life. The only pony he worried about finding out his secret happened to be the pink pony currently staring into his eyes as he woke.
Pinkie was an anomaly. While completely harmless, if hyperactive, most of the time there were a few moments where she defied all logic. Be it breaking the laws of physics and magic, or that odd way of knowing things that just struck her she was an unknown quantity in his cover. Sometimes he even felt she knew but kept the act up like a game.
After several intense seconds of him keeping his act up and her still staring at him he switched tactics. Closing his eye he wobbled to his feet and opened both his eyes having them stare off to a point on the wall behind Pinkie’s head. Hobbling forward with that vacant look he went up to her leg and began gumming it affectionately.
While this was partly to help his cover it also was true affection. Gummy loved Pinkies overly hyperactive over the top antics. While he couldn’t show affection like a proper gentleman of his standing he had found a number of ways to show his affection while undercover. After about 30 seconds of gumming her hoof Pinkie, who was still staring at him, shook him off smiling and turned towards the stairs saying, “Oki Doki Loki! I’m off to the kitchen to bake for today’s big party! You be a good little gator and don’t tear the place down!”
She bounded down the stairs and soon the smell of cupcakes pervaded the room. After five minutes of just enjoying that good cupcake smell Gummy decided it was time for work. Taking one last look around to make sure no one was near he pulled out his bowler hat and tuxedo. After all every agent needed to present himself as a proper gentlemen… Even those of a less gentlemanly nature…
Heading over to portion of the wall he pushed in a hidden button and a mechanical rod slid out of the wall. He clamped his mouth around the rod and waited for the DNA scanner to verify it was indeed his gums and his mouth.
“Agent Gummy Verified,” a synthetic voice announced, “Opening Entrance to Headquarters.”
The hidden door in the wall opened and Gummy stepped into the elevator. As he waited for it to go down he took out his grappling hook and prepared for the final security portion of entering. All of a sudden the floor of the elevator dropped away. Expecting this he shot his grappling up words so he didn’t plummet to his death.
He never understood the point of these little death traps in the entrances. Yes they made the entrances more impressive but did they really serve any security purpose the scanners to get in didn’t? Lowering himself down via the grappling hook he entered the open chamber beneath the shaft. Below him where the elevator had crashed to the floor was a very large arrangement of pointy rocks. If he had landed on them he would have been cut to pieces. Sighing he lowered himself enough that he had some rope to swing by. Swinging back and forth he launched himself through the air into the vent on the other side of the room and landed gracefully in headquarters.
Agent Angel was already there thumping his foot impatiently as he waited. He was dressed in a dapper black vest and fedora and was currently holding a pocket watch in his hand. On seeing Gummy’s remarkable entrance which the computers watching had judged at a 9.8 he grabbed the dashing gator and shoved the pocket watch in his face. It was 9:50. He was really late. Luckily the Major wasn’t a stickler for tardiness.
Gummy politely pushed the watch away and shrugged to Angel. What was he supposed to do? It was Pinkie’s fault. She had kept him this morning. Angel as if reading his mind slapped Gummy across the jaw. Remember when Gummy had mentioned agent’s not acting as gentlemanly as they should? Three guesses as to who he meant.
Angel did have a point though. He shouldn’t let Pinkie rule his life so much. However a proper gentleman would never let his cover so callously slip like Angel was prone to. Gummy had seen all the abuse he put Fluttershy through. He had no idea how Angel would have managed to keep cover with a less naïve pony. Angel bossed Fluttershy around like he was her owner, not the pet his cover was supposed to be. All those crazy errands he sent her on to get the cottage to himself… He practically threw Fluttershy out of the house to get to work on time sometimes. He even locked her out on a few occasions to make sure she didn’t come back to find him gone. Gummy knew he shouldn’t let Pinkie control his life so much but he also did not want to take Angel’s road. It was just uncivilized.
Walking with Angel through the halls to get to the commanders office Gummy greeted the other Agents they passed. While not every pet was an agent a good portion of the pets ponies had were planted Agents. Gummy remembered when Pinkie had first received him on her Birthday. It had been just after he hatched. Unbeknownst to the ponies who had purchased him for her, however, he had been primed ever since his egg was first laid with the knowledge of what he would have to do. That was the benefit of an egg. You could be trained while in the egg and nobody would know the wiser. Angel had been stuck training in secret since he was born. That was probably the reason he was so rushed. Probably felt like he lost out on field time because of training.
Finally they reached the Major’s room. The Major may be lax in punishment normally but they were really late. They actually hesitated a second before heading in. Major Muffin’s office was orderly and pristine, much like the mare behind it. Dressed in a close-cut military suit, the major gave off an impeccable sense of authority. Her light grey coat matched her gruff as stone personality and the bubble like Cutie Mark on her flank matched the Agencies Emblem. Her mane was blonde and simply cut, reflecting her no-nonsense attitude. The only aspect of her that violated that pristine sense of order was her eyes. They were the opposite of everything else she represented. Pointing in completely different and sometimes random directions they lent her a very clumsy look. She of course used this to her advantage in her own cover. The less ponies that knew of our organization the better.
“Alright Slowpokes! Get in here!” the Major barked when the two agents poked their heads in the door, “You two certainly took your sweet time getting here today!” Angel thumped his leg on the floor in frustration pointing accusingly at Gummy. The Major wasn’t taking any excuses though, “I know you were on time Agent Angel but you two are a team. Both of your actions reflect the other.”
Angel glared at Gummy his hand actually twitching from wanting to beat the alligator upside the head again. Gummy, for his part was staring nonchalantly at the ends of his fingers while leaning against the wall. If he wanted to he was sure he could take Angel in a fight. The boy was too impulsive.
“Enough!” stomped Major Muffin in annoyance, “You two are already late don’t make me add fighting to the list.” Angel glared at Gummy a bit longer then huffed and went to tapping his foot waiting for the Major to debrief them. Gummy just kept leaning against the wall although he had to suppress a toothless grin.
The Major shuffled some things on her desk getting the files she needed. “As I’m sure you were expecting your old adversary is up to no good.” Turning on a projector a particularly unsavory stallion appeared. “Doctor Doughnut Joe a.k.a. Con Mane the infamous ex-spy turned villain extraordinaire. After a particularly crazy Grand Galloping Gala his nefarious activities skyrocketed. He’s bought a new bakery and several new ovens to boot. We don’t know what he’s up to but he must be cooking up something evil. You two need to stop him at all costs. Any questions?”
The two agents stood and saluted. Despite the fact a new bakery and ovens didn’t sound very menacing they had learned not to question the odd stuff Doughnut Joe had bought over assignments. He always found some sort of use for it in his evil plans. His Doughnut shop was just a front after all. A way to get funding for his evil schemes. Activating the jetpacks hidden in their attire they flew through the vent in the ceiling. Below them they heard Major Muffin wishing them good luck as they flew through the vents to the surface.
After about ten minutes of flying through the underground vents they shot out into the Canterlot sewer system and then launched out of a manhole into the streets above. The ponies of canterlot weren’t very observant though with holding their heads so high and keeping their eyes closed in disdain for the world around them. A couple non Canterlot ponies may have seen them but they’d just wave it off as one of the wonders of Canterlot.
Flying to Doughnut Joe’s new Bakery the agents landed outside on the roof. Angel was all for tearing the door down and rushing in but Gummy knew better. There was always a trap. Signaling Angel to wait Gummy walked slowly into the bowls of the laboratory. It wasn’t long before he heard the tell tale swoosh of Angel rushing past him. He also heard the clicking noise of the string and key bouncing down the hall as Angel triggered the tripwire he’d so carefully navigated. All of a sudden pendulums started swinging back and forth, slicing through right were he’d been and all along the hall ahead.
Angel looked back at me and shrugged before darting through the pendulums as quick as a whip. Gummy just thought I told you so over and over to himself as he dashed through the blades. It was a close call. Some of them even cut his tuxedo, such a shame. Finally doing a cartwheel through the last of them he went tumbling into the pit he hadn’t seen placed right outside the door. Glaring at Angel who must have triggered the pit too he put as many I told you so’s as he could into it. Angel just shrugged again. Laughter filled the air as the most foul of villains Equestria had to offer poke his head out looking into the pit.
“Well, well, well… If it isn’t Gummy the Gator and Angel Bunny. I’ve been expecting you you know. A shame you didn’t take the front entrance we had a lovely assortment of cookies, tea, and a shark tank waiting for you,” he said, “Well now that you’re here I might as well tell you my plan. It is protocol for us villains after all.” The alligator and rabbit glared daggers in response. The Doctor couldn’t be planning anything good.
“Well you see the Elements of Harmony paid my little Doughnut shop a visit a couple weeks ago at the night of the Gala. Buying a large assortment of my doughnuts it was rather easy to collect a sampling of DNA from them all,” heading over to a platform above the pit he pressed a button on a stand lowering a mechanism from the ceiling, “The Elements of Harmony are recognized throughout the land as being an item of true power and distilling their essence from my genetic samplings I built this. The Harmonificator! It can turn anything it blasts into the perfect blend of doughnuty goodness!”
Doughnuts? Angel and Gummy rolled their eyes. Was that really all this was about? Perhaps Con Mane had lost a few strings in their last encounter. There was nothing menacing about doughnuts. Catching their sarcastic response Con Mane just laughed however.
“So you too see nothing evil in doughnuts like all my colleagues in evil? Well consider this. With such a perfect blend of doughnuty perfection I can create a biological need for my doughnuts in the kingdom! Soon ponies will be begging for them! Not because they want them, but because they will suffer without them! And with myself as the sole provider they will give me anything I want for them! Money! Power! Celestia would even abdicate the throne for them once their addictive goodness gets into her system.”
Laughing maniacally Con Mane muttered for a while under his breath while the agents pondered over what to do. If what Doughnut Joe claimed was true then they really did have something to worry about. They had to act fast.
Taking out the grappling hook that Con Mane always forgot he had, Gummy aimed it at the nefarious device above him and fired. The hook whirled through the air attaching itself to the machine allowing the agents to pull themselves out of the pit.
Gummy signaled Angel to take care of Con Mane while he went off to find a way to destroy the Harmonificator. Looking around the little gator didn’t see anything capable of destroying the hefty device. It was then he noticed the shark tank. Oh well, can’t blow it up might as well short circuit it.
Con Mane was still muttering to himself. “Yes… Yes… A wonderful backstory. Maybe I should tell them? I’m sure they’d love to know why I’m doing this. Oh boys! I’ve got-“ He had just enough time to see Gummy and Angel were gone before Angel made his move. Pouncing on the ill-prepared Con Mane Angel preceded to quite easily beat the snot out of the poor guy. If there was one thing you could count on Angel to do it was knock the stuffing out of somepony. Gummy didn’t bother watching. Besides the fact that he trusted Angel to distract Con Mane, Angel could be a bit gruesome at times.
Instead he looked for a way to detach the Harmonificator from the ceiling. While his grappling hook was still attached there was no way Gummy could just pull the thing down. Maybe there was a button on the control panel? There was a crash as Gummy considered what to do. Sounds like Angel had pushed the fight off the control ledge meaning the coast up there was clear. Hope he didn’t get too feisty. If he did Gummy had a feeling there would be less of him than the sharks would leave when he was done. Working his way up to control panel he could hear the cries of Con Mane as he lost whatever dignity he had left from losing a fight with a rabbit. With Con Mane on the run it was simple to climb on the control panel and start figuring out what each button did.
That one fired it. That one turned on the milkshake dispenser. That one summoned robotic minions… Oops. Angel had a couple seconds to glare at Gummy for that little mistake before the fight suddenly turned a bit more even. Con Mane was still incapacitated, catching his breath from the fight, but the robots outnumbered Angel four to one. After watching a couple secs to see Angel was doing fine Gummy went back to pressing buttons.
That one lowered the device. That one raised it meaning he had to lower it again wasting precious time. Oh and that one caused the device to fire willy-nilly apparently. Finally he found the button to release the device from above. Thankfully nothing but the floors or walls had been shot since it started firing sporadically, but as it released one of the shots hit Con Mane who was busy chewing his hooves over the anxiety of his plans going awry. Unfortunately chewing on his hooves after being hit gave him a taste of his own medicine.
“Its just so… GOOD!!!” yelled Con Mane before he began chew on his hooves again, “The perfect blend of everything hitting my taste buds… I must have MORE!!!” With that Con Mane was incapacitated from the fight completely. The robots on the other hand were starting to tire Angel. Gummy had to wrap this up quick. Pushing the device across the floor he dunked it into the shark tank. As the device short circuited it sent loose one last shot hitting one of the sharks. The shark licked its lips as it looked at Gummy from below. Again there are really big problems that arise from tasting yourself when you are the perfect culinary treat.
Signaling Angel it was time to go, Angel kicked the last of the robots into the shark tank and came to meet him. Angel thumped his leg angrily pointing at the robots. Gummy just shrugged. It didn’t really matter anymore did it? Besides, if anything it was payback for the traps. Walking out the front exit the grabbed some tea and cookies and just as they blasted off they could hear Con Mane half yell, half mumble as he bit into himself.
“Curse You! Gummy the Gator and Angel Bunny!”
