IDKFA

by MajorDude

Rating: mature
Tags: Other, Spike, Science Fiction, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Crossover, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 4801

The enemies from Doom II are somehow transported to Equestria.

Three former humans. Three flying monsters. A brown human-like creature. A Baron and a Knight hailing from Hell. A dog-like demon. An invisible dog-like demon. A fat flamethrower-equipped monster. A living skeleton with rockets. A creature capable of spells and resurrection. Two spider-like monsters. A gigantic rocket-spewing demon. A Nazi. An eight year-old genius "commander." The icon of sin.

These are the obstacles a certain lone space marine must overcome to survive Hell. Oh, and they're also transported to Equestria.

I do not own Doom or My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

Inspired by cover art

Published 2015-02-27 17:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-03-02 16:01:50 UTC

MAP01: Ponyville

A yellow pony groaned as he put a hoof on his forehead. As he gritted his teeth, he opened his eyes, ignoring the pain that stung all over his body. He examined his surroundings, seeing trees, dirt, and slight darkness from the shades of the trees. He saw in a few feet away a long gray object. He smiled, glad to see his trusty rifle in sight. He extended his arm to grab the rifle. He stopped when he saw that his arm looked not like a human arm, but rather a horse arm.

His jaw dropped slightly as he saw his arm. He slowly stood up, realizing that he wasn't standing up as a human. Blinking rapidly, he looked at the reflection of a nearby puddle.

"What the fuck?!"

He saw that he was an Earth Pony, a green mane grew from the top of his head, complete with a green tail on the end of his body. His eyes were crimson red and his mouth and parts of his military uniform were stained with red blood. He turned around slightly, seeing a rifle picture on the side of his flank.

With a confused grunt, he looked around, wondering where he is.

"Are you sure this is the right direction?!"

"The hell would I know?! I'm a fucking talking skull on fire!"

"Shut up, you two sons of bitches!"

"Fuck you, Lost Soul Number Three!"

A cave once covered in total darkness is now covered in lightness from three flying pony skulls, all of them are on fire, yet feel no burning pain from it. These horned skulls are known as Lost Souls.

"'Em's fighting words, bitch!" Lost Soul Number Three screeched as he charged at the other Lost Soul. As he collided, the Lost Soul exploded, leaving Lost Soul Number Three triumphant.

"Damnit Lost Soul Number Three! You just had to kill Lost Soul Number Number Two!"

The two Lost Souls turned to the source of their voice, along with their master. A brown pegasus flew over to the two burning skulls with an angry look on his face. Dark curved horns were present on the top of his head and the most notable feature was his single red eye with a black and yellow pupil. On the side of his flank was a picture of a Lost Soul.

"He started it, Pain Elemental." The Lost Soul said sheepishly.

"I don't care!" Pain Elemental shouted. "We don't know where we are, so it's important that we stop fucking around! Hold up. I need to make this room less dark."

Pain Elemental cleared his throat as he opened his jagged tooth-filled mouth, revealing a red skull embedded in his throat. With a loud screech, the red skull generated another Lost Soul, causing it to fly out of Pain Elemental's mouth. The Lost Soul turned to its master.

"Hello." Pain Elemental greeted firmly. "You are now Lost Soul Number Two."

"Tee hee. Number Two."

"SHUT UP!"

A squirrel quickly hid to its underground home, along with the other animals in the plains. All of them scared at what they saw walking in the plains.

A fat tannish pony, with blood leaking from his mouth, trotted along with his two companions, a peach-furred thin unicorn and a tall pony skeleton with his lower part soaked in blood and guts. The fat pony's arms were replaced with giant metal tubes that had cords connected to the back of his body. The skeleton wore a silver chest armor and had a mounted device on his shoulders, with two missile launcher tubes on each side. The unicorn had no flesh around his abdomen, showing off his spinal cord and ribcage. The fat pony had a fireball cutie mark, the unicorn had a flame cutie mark, and the skeleton had no cutie mark, since he doesn't have skin in the first place.

"So what coulda happened?" The skeleton asked, despite lacking any organs to actually speak. "Ya know, how we gots here?"

"The hell would I know, Revenant?" The fat tannish pony replied bitterly.

"I'm just asking, Mancubus." The skeleton replied with an angry tone in his voice.

"Guys, quit it please." The unicorn said with a bit of annoyance in his tone.

"Not now, Arch-Vile." Revenant said before facing Mancubus. "Ah can't ask a fucking question?!"

"Guys, shut up." The unicorn said bitterly, yet calmly.

"Suck my dick, bonehead!" Mancubus retorted with a sly grin.

"YA KNOW AH HATE BEING CALLED THAT!!!" Revenant roared furiously as he fired a missile at Mancubus's head, causing his head to explode in a bloody mess, bits of brain staining the grass, along with blood, bone, cranium, and some other parts that the Revenant and Arch-Vile still do not recognize. His body slumped to the ground, more blood leaked from his decapitated neck, causing a part of the grass to go from green to crimson.

"GODDAMNIT, REVENANT!!!" Arch-Vile shouted at the top of his lungs as Mancubus's tongue, teeth, and eyeball fell to the ground.

Revenant just shrugged, which made Arch-Vile facepalmed. Sighing, Arch-Vile stood in front of what was once Mancubus. As his eyes brightened a bright yellow glow, he looked up to the sky, blood forming in his hooves and face. Slowly, Mancubus's neck formed a new head and the blood and body parts that were spilled slowly disappeared.

As soon as Mancubus was fully revived, he blinked his green eyes a bit before turning towards Revenant with an angry face. He pointed his metallic arms at Revenant and fire a couple of fireballs at him. As the fireballs hit Revenant, the skeleton let out a shriek as his spinal cord snapped, gushing out a lot of blood as he dropped to the ground, dead.

Arch-Vile groaned angrily. "This is gonna be a long day..."

Twilight Sparkle was absolutely shocked.

The purple alicorn princess was enjoying a nice picnic with her friends: Spike, her loyal dragon assistant, Rainbow Dash, Ponyville's known rainbow-maned flyer, Pinkie Pie, the happy and joyful pony of the town, Rarity, the beautiful fashionista unicorn, Applejack, local apple farmer, and Fluttershy, the adorable animal caretaker.

Both of her friends ate lunch in one of the local parks of Ponyville, where they enjoyed a lunch of hay sandwiches (and jewels for Spike). They exchanged stories and laughs. They were having a good time.

Until they met two new ponies.

Twilight stared at the brown red-eyed Earth pony, whose fur is covered with white spikes. His cutie mark is a red fireball. Next to the brown pony is a red pegasus, whose notable feature is his only eyeball. His head had white spikes coming from his head. His cutie mark was a green fireball.

The pegasus looked at the ponies (and dragon) with his only green eye. He cleared his throat and said,

"Uh...Howdy?"

MAP02: Canterlot

Author's Note

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. Quick update. :derpytongue2:

MAP02: Canterlot

The green-maned Earth pony walked in the forest, wondering where he is. He kept his rifle strapped to his back. He wondered how he arrived in this forest. He remembered what happened before...

"FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!"

A zombiefied soldier ran away with his eyes widen in fear as he heard agonizing death screams from other zombies combined with a loud buzzing chainsaw noise.

"WE HAD A FUCKING ARCH-VILE THERE AND THAT FUCKING GREEN FUCKER KILLED HIM WITH THAT BIG FUCKING GUN!!!" The zombie shouted as he stopped for a moment to take a deep breath.

The charging sound of the BFG 9000 caused him to jump up and continue to run away, only to bump into a Pain Elemental.

"Oh! Pain Elemental, thank God!!!" The zombie said as he hugged the one-eyed creature.

"What the hell happe-ah, ah, AH-CHOO!!!" The Pain Elemental sneezed, causing a Lost Soul to come out of his mouth.

"Space. Space. Space." The Lost Soul said repeatedly.

"Oh God, it was horrible..." The zombie said as he started to shake. "We were so close to killing that green dude..."

"I wanna go to space. Space. Space. Son, I want you to go to space."

"Th-th-then he got that red med-kit and started to punch the shit out of the other soldiers."

"Space. Kevin Spacey. Office Space. Space."

"And then he found a chainsaw...and then..."

"SPAAAAAAAAAA..."

"Hold up." The zombie said before aiming his rifle at the Lost Soul and firing, causing the Lost Soul to explode.

"What the hell! That was my son!" The Pain Elemental said in anger.

"Just fucking sneeze!" The zombie shouted back. "You have a million flying burning assholes inside you anyway!"

"Eat a dic-" The Pain Elemental was interrupted as a rocket hit him, causing him to explode into three Lost Souls.

The zombie soldier shrieked as he ran away, leaving the Lost Souls alone with the space marine.

"99 bottles of beers on the wall, 99 bottles of beer!" One Lost Soul sang before being blown up by a Super Shotgun.

"Take one down, pass it around!" The other Lost Soul sang before being attacked by a plasma gun.

"98 bottles of beer!" The last Lost Soul sang before being punched to death.

The zombie soldier continued to run until a bright light was emitted out of nowhere, causing him to drop his gun and cover his eyes with his hands. He grunted as the light grew even brighter.

The pony's thoughts were interrupted as he heard footsteps. He blinked as two other ponies emerged from the trees of the forest. One pony looked exactly like the green-maned pony, except that he was completely bald with no tail, his military uniform was darker, and he had a shotgun strapped to his back, along with a shotgun picture on the side of his flank. Next to him was a slightly bigger pony who looked like the pony with the shotgun, except he wore red armor and red boots, had a chaingun strapped to his back, and had a chaingun picture on his flank.

They both stopped as soon as they saw the green-maned pony.

"Former Human?" The big bald pony said in disbelief.

The green-maned pony dropped his jaw.

"Former Sergeant? Heavy Weapon Dude?"

"Demon play with Archie!" A pink Earth pony yelled as he jumped on top of a tan pony with a robot body.

The pink pony had yellow eyes, horns coming out of his big head, and sharp teeth. Despite his appearance, his behavior is similar to a dog.

"My name is not Archie, Demon! It is Arachnotron!" The tan pony replied bitterly as his dark blue beady eyes glared at the pink pony.

Arachnotron's head looked suspiciously like a brain. His robotic body had a plasma gun attached in the front. The pink pony, Demon, ignored Arachnotron and continued to lick his face.

Arachnotron was about to shout at Demon again, but then he felt another tongue licking him.

"Spectre?!" Arachnotron angrily shouted. "Is that you licking my face!?"

He pushed off Demon and looked at the culprit, a partially invisible creature who looked similar to Demon. The partially invisible creature, Spectre, gently pawed the floor with a sad face, though neither Demon nor Arachnotron saw Spectre's sad expression.

"Is Archie mad at Spectre?" Spectre mumbled as he let out a small sniff.

Arachnotron let out a sigh as he calmed down. "No, Spectre. I'm just tired. And call me Arachnotron, not Archie."

The Spectre smiled and licked Arachnotron's leg, causing the tan pony to roll his eyes.

"Where are we, Arachnotron?" Demon asked as he stared to his right, seeing a nice-looking castle next to a mountain.

"I dunno, Demon." Arachnotron said as he walked up to Demon, his legs making a sound every time he walked. "But let's find out. Come on. Let's go a pay a visit to that castle. And please don't create any ruckus. Do you understand, Demon and Spectre?"

Both ponies stood up straight, saluting Arachnotron. "Yes, Archie!"

Arachnotron closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Your highness!" A Royal Guard yelled as he burst through the doors, running up to a white princess and her dark sister, who is also a princess.

"What is it?!" The dark princess, Luna, asked as the guard stopped for a moment to catch his breath.

"There are two ponies vandalizing the town with these green fireballs!"

The white princess, Celestia, stood from her throne. "Then we must waste no time."

She turned to Luna, who nodded at her older sister. Celestia's horn began to glow as she and Luna are transported to the town square. There, they are greeted with the nobles screaming in horror as they ran away.

Celestia and Luna looked at the source of the disturbance.

Two Earth ponies who had two goat horns on their heads and had a dark brown lower body. One pony had a pink upper body and white horns. The other pony had a tan upper body and brown horns. They were about the same size as the princesses and had a green fireball picture on the side of their flanks.

They threw green fireballs out of their hands into several buildings. The pink pony seemed the most aggressive.

"CALL ME A FUCKING GIRL AGAIN!" The pink pony roared furiously. "I FUCKING DARE YOU!"

"I still think this is a bad idea, Baron of Hell." The tan pony said as he threw a fireball at a hat stand.

"Hell Knight, SHUT UP AND JUST CONTINUE TO ATTACK!!!!" Baron of Hell loudly replied back as he continued to throw fireballs.

"No need to yell..." Hell Knight muttered as he continued his rampage with a calm look on his face.

"ENOUGH!!!" Luna yelled in her Royal Canterlot voice, which caught the attention of Baron of Hell and Hell Knight.

The Baron of Hell growled at Luna and threw a fireball at her. Celestia used her magic to create a reflective shield, which reflected the fireball back at Baron of Hell, which hit him in the head, causing him to go blind for a few seconds. Immediately, Celestia used her magic to hold Baron of Hell captive. Knowing that all was lost, Hell Knight shrugged, stopped his attacking, and held his arms up in the air, freely allowing Luna to hold him captive with his magic.

Baron of Hell regained his sight and then stared at the angry Celestia.

"The ponies in this town called me a girl!" Baron of Hell complained. "It's not my fault I'm pink!"

"So let me get this straight." Twilight said as she and her friends stared at the brown pony and red pegasus. "The brown pony is called Imp and you're called Cacodemon?"

"Correct." The red pegasus, Cacodemon, replied with a sheepish grin, showing off his sharp teeth.

"And you say you're from Hell?" Twilight asked as she used her magic to take down notes. "What exactly is Hell?"

"A place where dead creatures go to when they've been bad and the source of all evil." The brown pony, Imp, replied. "AKA home sweet home for me and Cacodemon."

"So you mean Tartarus?" Twilight asked. "Because Hell sounds similar to Tartarus. Wait, if you're dead, how come you're still alive?"

Cacodemon shrugged, something he was unfamiliar with since he was once a giant flying head with no arms to shrug with. "Dunno. I guess we were born from evil and the sins of all the dark beings of life and existence. Sounds cool."

"Me and my red flying friend were blinded by a yellow light." Imp explained. "Next thing we know, we were transported in this world. I suspect our comrades are also in this world."

"In that case, be careful of these five we know." Cacodemon warned. "One's a giant demon with a rocket launcher as his arm, a giant spider brain on robot legs with a giant ass chaingun, some blue guy who has a machine gun and speaks in some human language I can't understand, a kid who wears this stupid helmet and looks like he's being hanged, and a giant demon face."

The Mane 6 and Spike gulped in fear.

"W-W-Well." Applejack said nervously. "Thanks for the heads-up, I guess."

"Here's another thing, why do you smell like blood and organs?" Twilight asked uncomfortably.

Imp and Cacodemon looked at each other uncomfortably. "I wish that green guy was here to kill us now..." Imp whispered nervously.

MAP03: Hell Awakening

The bald, shotgun-wielding pony, Former Sergeant, laughed at the green-maned pony, Former Human.

"You fucking pissed your pants?!" Former Sergeant wheezed.

"The marine had a BFG 9000." Former Human said with a blank face.

Former Sergeant stopped laughing. "I apologize for my behavior."

Heavy Weapon Dude laughed at the two soldiers.

"Cowards!" He barked. "You two are weaker than Heavy Weapon Dude. He could kill marine with three bullets!"

"Hey. That motherfucker punched three chaingunners to death with his fists. Without that red medkit."

Heavy Weapon Dude stopped laughing. "Heavy Weapon Dude apologizes for his behavior."

"So what do we do now?" Former Sergeant asked his two companions.

"I guess we just find some civilization or something." Former Human replied with a tired look on his face.

"Three newcomers are looking for civilization? You are in luck, for I know the location."

Former Human, Former Sergeant, and Heavy Weapon Dude turned to their left, seeing a female zebra with a brown bag full of potions.

"Who are you?" Former Human asked.

"Zecora is what you may call me. Who are you three?"

"I'm Former Human." The green-maned pony answered. "The bald one is Former Sergeant, and the bit one is Heavy Weapon Dude. Nice to meet you, Zecora."

"Why are you rhyming?" Former Sergeant asked Zecora.

The zebra frowned a bit. "It is how I speak. It does not make me a geek."

"Just saying." Former Sergeant said as he threw his arms in the air. "So, you were saying about civilization?"

Zecora smiled as she pointed to her right. "Ponyville is over there. I am heading there to meet a mare. Do you wish for me to lead you to the town? It will save you a frown."

The three ponies looked at each other before letting out a shrug. They turned to Zecora and nodded with a smile on their faces. Zecora signaled them to follow her as she walked to Ponyville, the three ponies following her.

"By the way, what is that on your back?" Zecora asked Former Human. "You know, the thing that is long and black?"

Former Human let out a small sigh.

"I see da light!" Lost Soul Number Two said as he flew to a source of light. The other two Lost Souls and Pain Elemental flew to Lost Soul Number Two.

To their joy, they found a bright sunlight. Pain Elemental squeezed through the small hole. The Lost Souls followed him, not having trouble squeezing through the hole. They were greeted with the sight of the green plains and nature.

"Fuck yeah!" Lost Soul Number One shouted.

"Unce, unce, unce!" Lost Soul Number Three sang joyfully.

"Thank God we got out of that stupid cave!" Pain Elemental groaned as he sat down and began to rub his aching hooves.

"Allow me master!" Lost Soul Number One said as he flew to Pain Elemental's hooves and began to massage them.

...Only to set Pain Elemental's hooves on fire.

"FUCK!" Pain Elemental yowled as he flew to a nearby river and dunked his hooves in the water.

"Ahhh...yeah." Pain Elemental sighed. "That hits the spot."

The one-eyed pegasus heard some giggling, but it did not come from the Lost Souls. In fact, it sounded like female giggling.

He turned around and saw a gray pegasus with a yellow mane. One thing that stood out the most was her crossed eyes.

"Hi!" The pegasus greeted happily. "I'm Derpy Hooves."

Pain Elemental raised an eyebrow before waving at Derpy. "I'm Pain Elemental. These flying guys are Lost Souls."

"HOLY SHIT!" Lost Soul Number Three yelled as he stared at the river's reflection. "I'M A FUCKING TALKING SKULL ON FIRE!!!"

"Awwww..." Derpy said as she stared at the Lost Souls with a adored smile. "They look sooooo cute!"

"They what?" Pain Elemental said in disbelief.

"The gray one likes us!" Lost Soul Number One said as she flew to Derpy, making a kissing face. "Kissy, kissy, kissy!"

Derpy just giggled. "I would love to, but you're on fire."

"HOLY SHIT!" Lost Soul Number Three yelled as he stared at Lost Soul Number One. "HE'S A FUCKING TALKING SKULL ON FIRE!!!"

Pain Elemental groaned as he put a hoof on his forehead. "Listen, Derpy. I have a problem. I'm lost and I have no idea where I am. Think you can help me out a bit?"

Derpy thought for a moment. "Maybe Princess Twilight would know what to do. I can take you to her."

"Great!" Pain Elemental said as he got up. "Well, come on! Let's go!"l

Derpy smiled as she flew to her left. Pain Elemental nodded at the Lost Souls and began to follow Derpy. The Lost Souls shrugged and followed their master.

"By the way, why do you have one eye?" Derpy asked Pain Elemental.

"This coming from a cross-eyed pegasus..." Pain Elemental mumbled to himself.

"Are we there yet, fellas?" Revenant asked as he leaned against a tree. "Ah'm bored. Ah'm tired."

"Couldn't be more happier for you Revenant." Mancubus mumbled as he stopped to stretch his arms.

"Remember that we don't know where we are, Revenant." Arch-Vile said as he stopped to let out a small yawn. "But I'm sure that we'll come across someth-"

"Ah hear footsteps." Revenant interrupted.

Immediately, Arch-Vile prepared his fire spell by lifting up his arms in the air, Mancubus readied his flamethrower arms, and Revenant stood in position to fire his missiles.

Without warning, Revenant was tackled by an invisible being. Arch-Vile quickly clapped his hooves, creating a fire explosion at the creature, which made a familiar death scream.

"HOLY FUCK!" Revenant shouted as red blood and a piece of brain splattered on his skull. "YA KILLED SPECTRE!!!"

"Thin Guy killed Spectre!" Demon yowled as he appeared out of nowhere, running to the invisible remains of Spectre. "Meanie pants!"

Arch-Vile blinked as Demon cried over Spectre's body. Arachnotron walked up towards Arch-Vile.

"OK, first off, one, hello Arch-Vile. And two, RESURRECT SPECTRE NOW!" Arachnotron shouted at Arch-Vile.

"Alright, alright!" Arch-Vile said as he stood next to the remains of the invisible creature and began his resurrection spell.

The blood and brain piece disappeared from Revenant's skull as Spectre's transparent body was fully revived.

Demon smiled and began to lick Spectre. Arachnotron turned to Revenant.

"Hi Revenant."

"Howdy Arachnotron."

Arachnotron turned to Mancubus and let out a smirk.

"What's up?!" Arachnotron greeted as he trotted towards his friend.

"Oh, not much." Mancubus replied with a sly smile. "Just feeling...dead simple."

"That joke sucks and ya know it, Mancubus." Revenant said as he got up.

"Oh, suck a flesh-filled dick." Mancubus said to Revenant.

"Lose weight, fatass." Revenant retorted with a smile.

"Guys. Now's not the time." Arachnotron said as he stood between the two creatures who were about to start a fistfight. "Right now, we have a problem."

"Other than fact that we not know where we are?" Demon asked with puppy eyes.

"And that we may no see our friends: Green-Hair, Baldie, Fatty, Brownie, Demon, Spectre, Fire Head, Red Head, Knighty, Pink Guy, Archie, Fire Head's Dad, Skeleton, Manny, Thin Guy, Big Spider, Big Demon, Nazi, Little Boy, Giant Face, and Stupid Green Guy?!" Spectre whimpered.

"Spectre." Arch-Vile groaned. "Demon, Archie, Skeleton, Manny, Thin Guy, and you, Spectre, are here, remember?"

"Don't care me Archie." Arachnotron retorted.

"Where the fuck did he get the name Manny..." Mancubus mumbled as he facehooved.

"Either way, me, Demon, and Spectre were heading to a castle we saw not too far away. Maybe we'll find some civilization or something.

"We're coming too." Arch-Vile said as Revenant and Mancubus nodded. "You could use some extra protection and I'll take care of what happens when one of you gets killed."

"Agreed." Arachnotron answered as he, Demon, and Spectre walked to their destination, Mancubus, Revenant, and Arch-Vile walking behind their tail.

Both Celestia and Luna were in the integration room with Baron of Hell and Hell Knight, who were both chained to the wall.

"You two almost killed the ponies of Canterlot." Celestia said as she glared at the two ponies.

Baron rolled his eyes. "Oh sure! Defend the horses who called me a girl!"

"That's not the point, Baron." Hell Knight said as he faced towards his pink friend. "She just wishes that there coulda been a more reasonable alternative."

Celestia and Luna took note of Hell Knight's calm manner and his understanding of this situation.

"So, why did you aid him in his attack?" Luna asked Hell Knight.

Hell Knight shrugged. "He may be annoying as fuck..."

"Fuck you." Baron muttered.

"Language please." Celestia said firmly.

Baron grunted as Hell Knight nodded at Celestia. "But he's tougher than me, and when he's pissed, you better do what he says. Besides, I love destroying things with my fireballs."

Celestia and Luna looked at each other before facing toward the two ponies.

"You two are going to clean up the mess."

Hell Knight let out a small smile. "Fair enoug-"

"NO GODDAMN HORSE HERE CARES THAT I WAS CALLED A GIRL!!!!" Baron roared in fury. "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF SOME FUCKING HORSE CALLED YOU A...um...Hell Knight, what could she look like?"

"She could look like a reasonable being that is being fair, instead of the pink pony that's next to me that could be a moron. Oh wait. She is a reasonable being that is being fair. And you're a moron."

Luna couldn't help but let out a tiny giggle.

"YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY?!" Baron barked at Luna with a twitching eye. "FUCK YOU! FUCK YOUR SISTER! FUCK YOUR KINGDOM! FUCK YOUR PONY SUBJECTS! FUCK YOUR LAND! FUCK YOUR CASTLE! FUCK YOUR UNICORN HORNS! FUCK YOUR GIANT WINGS! FUCK YOUR-"

Celestia and Luna just stared at the shouting Baron and then at the quiet Hell Knight.

"Is he always like this?" Luna asked, ignoring Baron.

Hell Knight chuckled. "I can tell you stories, Princess Luna."

"Please. Just Luna, if you don't mind." Luna replied with a smile.

Hell Knight let out a friendly smile as Baron continued his rant.

"FUCK THAT HAT STAND! FUCK THAT-"

"Umm..."

Twilight and her friends were all pale-faced. Cacodemon and Imp smiled sheepishly.

"So...you tried to kill a green being, only for that green being to massacre several monsters who are like you?"

"Correct." Imp answered.

"And each of you have a special power. Imp can shoot fireballs out of his hooves and Cacodemon can shoot fireballs from his mouth."

"Yup." Cacodemon answered.

"Wait." Rainbow Dash asked. "If you're pure evil, then why aren't you killing each other or us?"

Imp and Cacodemon looked at each other.

"I think the fact that we were in Hell is what made us evil." Cacodemon answered. "Now that we're in a fucking pony world and we're fucking horses, we don't feel evil."

"Please don't curse." Twilight said.

"I do's what I wants to do." Imp replied with a frown and crossed arms. "But we have no idea what to do now. Our comrades could be dead or somewhere out there or something."

Twilight put a hoof on her cheek. "I suppose I can contact Princess Celestia about this. Spike, take a letter!"

Imp leaned next to Cacodemon. "You think that green motherfucker is in this world?" He whispered.

"No doubt." Cacodemon replied with a frown.

A white unicorn dressed in a Royal Guard uniform stood next to his wife, a pink alicorn princess. Together, they ruled over the Crystal Empire. Recently, they heard that there was something weird that appeared in town. Both the unicorn and princess arrived to see what it was.

They stared at what all the other Crystal ponies are staring at:

A pale skin colt wearing a yellow helmet that had a green and white stripe painted across it, who was hanging from a streetlamp, a noose was tied to his neck. Despite the fact he is being hanged right now, he seemed to be completely alive and healthy. He was observing his surroundings with crossed arms and a firm look on his face. He did not care about all the ponies gawking at him.

The pink alicorn walked carefully towards the small colt.

"Who...are you?" She asked quietly.

The human stared at her dumbfounded.

"I'm Commander Keen. By the way, what are you?"