Which All the Girls Listen To
“Hey Sunny-Side-Up! I have a question to ask~”
I heard Rainbow Dash's excited voice long before I saw her strutting fast onto the field and slipping by the football players assembling there. If she was an ordinary person, I would had a chance in believing she would change her mind from all the grunting boys getting annoyed at her interrupting their practice and the fact I was so far away. I was laying on the outside stadium benches toward the other end of the field where it would take at least, thirty minutes to cross and fifteen if I hurried. Not that it mattered to the speedy disaster.
“It's going to be a good one!”
I stared at her with a well-forged contempt that would had her furious feet stumbling when she crossed my path in the old days. Instead, it only encouraged her to walk faster as if she was excited to hold my attention. I couldn't help but think I was a chimera that had been de-clawed or a hydra without the height. I may no longer be a threat but that shouldn't mean I couldn't be threatening.
My eyes narrowed into a glare but it failed to stop or slow the rainbow blur from making her way to me. In both of her hands, when she wasn't swatting away the few boys who tried to convince her to walk around, she was holding a pair of magazines with an orange construction paper obscuring the covers.
Whatever she wanted, she was intent on getting an answer as she brought reading material to pass the time, and I was sure as hell wasn't going to give it to her.
My nose wiggled at the word I thought of. Hell. It was a interesting human swear. Used as a explosive descriptive when talking about something greatly undesired. There wasn't a similar counterpart to it in Equestria unless ponies talked about Tartarus which was more like a revolving-door of a eternal prison than agonizing absolute burning torture. It just didn't have the same ring. Tartarus. Hell was something that flew off the tongue while Tartarus was something you said with reverence regardless if you were being taken in or not.
Most swears in Equestria revolved around the local history or talked about Princess Celestia in some manner like swearing against her tits or her righteous holy fury.
'Hell', I thought again.
It was an odd word but it seemed to fit in my daily thoughts as I remained in the human world. I wasn't much of a linguistics student before I left but it was something I now played with in my spare time. Learning the native language quirks and social cues of friendship will help me in the long road ahead, Rarity said.
Honestly, I think that was an excuse for her to start pushing her etiquette rules of on a slightly unwilling partner. Not that Rarity isn't a refined mare- I mean, woman- but it seemed out of place with the world and it's lack of flourish. Flourish might have not been the right word but I can't put a hoof on what is missing. I could point out the obvious. There aren't any castles, no ancient monuments or a air of refinement and class. No sense of old, ancient history that made one have to take a step back and recall all of the little conflicts, wars and horrors that made it possible.
This place was different from Canterlot in Equestria but that's all it was. Different. I guessed I just haven't found it's charm yet. With the whole fiasco of my desperate attempts with power and being beaten by Twilight Sparkle, it seems I'm in something of a slump as I deal with this friendships I gained and contemplate heading home. Someday... Someday, I'll have to go crawling back on my knees. What will I have to say to the Princess? What could I report that her new and better student hasn't done already?
Ignorant to my thoughts, Rainbow Dash continued hurrying to me before stomping her way up the benches to the sixth rung where I laid. I glared at her one more time, hoping she would respect her own rule about napping at lunch. Not that I was napping like a little foal. I was only resting my eyes and thinking of when and what I should say when I eventually headed home. If I ever went back...
When she failed to respect the rule, I tugged off my black jacket despite the cool crisp air spreading out over the field and pulled the clothing over my head.
“Hey, don't be like that. It's a serious question.”
Rainbow Dash huffed, crossing her arms before she slammed her butt into the bench, shaking the metal stand. Damn her muscular thighs! My jacket nearly flew off my head and I grabbed before it fell into the wet mud below. “Life and death even! You can't understand how life-changing your answer will be to my question, can you? I swear this will be last question. I double swear!”
“I don't like your questions. All you do is laugh at me.”
Which was true. All of Rainbow Dash's questions tended to be oddly worded and ended with me being laughed at in some way. In Rainbow Dash's own words, “I can't believe anyone took you seriously! Oh my god! You're a... a... freak...!” Which should have ended with me punching her in the face and telling her to back off because I didn't need her friendship! My punching of her was very in the moment of the action. But Rainbow Dash surprised me by grabbing me by the shoulders and declaring me her new best friend.
I couldn't understand humans then and I clearly can't now.
“I promise not to laugh,” She didn't say, 'this time'. I groaned and waited for her to get it over with. “But will you please hear me out?”
“What is it this time?”
“Which do you prefer?” Rainbow Dash took off the construction paper off her magazines, one showing a male human glistening under the spotlight as he leaned back with his g-string hardly hiding his package and the other, a horse magazine with a male stud running across the field. “Horse or human dicks?”
“Why are you asking me this? You've asked a similar question before.”
“Yeah. Yeah. But I really want to hear your answer.” Rainbow Dash flipped through a couple of pages, shoving the magazines into my face as I saw a mix of extended horse cocks with veins pushing to the folds of the skin and various men rutting each other in various theme settings. I whistled as I saw a particular male pair doing something that was listed as the reverse-cowboy bungee. “What if it's different?”
I moved my elbow slightly to prop my head up on my closed fist. Applejack told me that Rainbow Dash was getting her chuckles off me because of cultural differences. Some social taboos they had here weren't the same as the ones in Equestria and Rainbow Dash thought it was hilarious enough to constantly bother me about it. I think I liked her better when she was revenge pranking me for causing the fallout between her and her friends. You know, back in the days where I was respected. During those stupid pranks of hers, Pinkie Pie was the reasonable one until everything came to a head when Vice Principal Luna was dyed from top to bottom, neon pink.
To this day, I don't understand why I was put in detention with them. I was the victim there and I was aiming for Lyra.
“The short answer is: Both. I really, really like dicks in any shape or form to admire but if I had to pick a preference to which I could have inside me...” Rainbow Dash was so weird. Who really thought long and hard about preferences? Unless she was including some magical creatures that would have me backpedaling home, the answer was easy to explain. “I would say both because I have good two holes but I doubt I will have the chance to be soundly mounted by both a human and a stallion at the same time.”
There was a hiss of hot air as Rainbow writhed in her seat. Holding her sides as her lips twisted in glee. Celestia, I hated being apart of a joke that I didn't understand. “You...” She said between frantic gulps of fresh air. “Don't hold back, do ya? Oh my god! Whoo! I should have brought Pinkie Pie.”
I couldn't honestly see what was so funny.
“Don't you have conversations like this with your other friends? I don't see what I say makes it so special that you have to harass me.”
“But you're not supposed to talk like that.”
“Like what? Don't you like dicks?”
Rainbow Dash turned red. “I like guys.”
“But don't you also think about their dicks? In like a casual way? I'm not saying think hard about them.”
“No!” Rainbow Dash muttered. “That's what sluts do! Not that I'm saying that you are a slut because you're not from around here. But yeah. Guys are more than their dicks except when they are being dicks.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Hey, don't make that face at me.” Rainbow Dash said, growing redder and biting her lip. When Rainbow Dash wasn't laughing at me, she was getting frustrated with my words. I can't tell if this was a hang-up with her or some human taboo I've managed to cross. Again. “It's not something you talk about.”
“Dash, I'm not from around here so I'm going to have to clarify some things. The word slut exists in Equestria but I want to make sure we have the same meaning. What is a slut to you?”
Rainbow Dash shrugged, looking away from me. “A slut is someone who is a slut. It describes itself. It is a person who is slutty.”
“And a horn is someone who is horny.” I mocked, shaking my head and releasing my elbow. “Dash, I haven't had a lot of friends in my life but I've had plenty of ponies I've talked to. In Equestria, the dirtier word when talking about dicks is rods-” I explained while considering to explain that there was a different word for dick depending on the stallion type and the city he was being talked about in. “-and dicks is the casual one in loose conversation. If anyone brings it up and most ponies don't because it's just there. It's a dick. Who cares?”
Rainbow Dash perked up. It seemed I said something right.
“Rods? Really?”
“Yeah. You want to get a stallion horny, you start talking about rods before you start specifying who's rod. Like boy, don't I need a divining rod to get me some water? Umph, that purple one might do the trick. Stupid lines like that. They're basic pick-up-lines where I'm from. Yuck.”
“It's different here. Rods is the opposite. You know, I don't think anyone around here talks about rods-” The afternoon bell rang, interrupting the rest of Rainbow Dash's words. “That's great. I have Chem this period.” She whined before rushing down the benches. “But rods?”
“Super sexy.”
Rainbow Dash snorted, waving as she crossed away. “But seriously Sunset, you shouldn't talk like that. Makes you look... Like you know. I don't want you to get in trouble for being so... You all the time.”
“Do you promise to stop asking me questions?” I shouted after her. “This didn't start until you did this.”
“I make no such promises!”
Author's Note
