Chapter 1: The Expert
“Manehatten boasts of one of the highest density populations in Equestria, second only to Canterlot and possibly the Crystal Empire capital. Ever since the Princess has offered the grants for development, companies have been leaping at the chance to secure high-end property in this rapidly growing real estate market. We’re here to initiate a new project that will enhance and rejuvenate the property sector. We’ve got the capital and the vision, all we need a good consulting firm to help us push things along. Are you up for that, Mr. Share?”
Share Market, upper-level manager of Big Bucks Consulting, sat across the table and leaned back in his chair. His perfect white teeth flashed as he confidently answered the mare. Mrs. Price Margin was one of the most influential ponies in all of Manehatten... and a very valuable client to the firm.
“Absolutely! We’ve got the best and brightest minds in the industry and our management consulting record is par excellence, if I do say so myself. If you’ve got a problem, we’ve got a solution,” Share reassured. He gestured with a hoof to another stallion sitting to his right.
“This is Mr. Enhance Synergy,” Share continued. “He’s the leading project manager that we’ve hired to assist with this case. As a leader with over twenty years of experience, he knows how to handle clients and make things work.”
Synergy bowed his head, appearing deferential but also somehow retaining his aura of casual confidence. He looked ready to tackle anything, the little glint in his eyes bespoke of the depth of experience he had working for Big Buck Consultants. His ruffled mane made him seem more energetic than his stoic slicked back partner.
“Thank you Mr. Share, I’ve taken the liberty to hire our consultant straightaway. I’ve identified the problem and we’re working on the solution by implementing the industry expert within this field. He’s been called on short notice but I think the call was worth it. After all, an expert is what you need to build confidence in project reliability, is it not?”
There were nods around the table.
Margin cleared her throat. “I hope you don’t mind,” she coughed primly, “But I’ve brought along another independent consultant. Ms.Cross Oculus is our design manager and her vision has been closely linked to mine.”
“Not at all!” Share replied hastily. He grinned winningly at the shy consultant. “Welcome aboard.”
“Hi,” the designer smiled back, giving a small wave.
Share looked around, making eye contact with the key ponies around the table. Eye contact was important to maintaining rapport.
“Well, let’s get started, where is Mr. Andrews anyway?” Share queried, the question directed at Synergy. Synergy smiled, covering his uncertainty by leaning further back in his chair.
“Oh he should be here right about—”
The door burst open to admit a rather strange looking creature that stumbled into the room.
“—now,” Synergy finished rather belatedly. He covered his sigh of relief with a cough and gestured urgently at the empty chair.
“My apologies for running late,” the human gasped, sinking into the chair. The chair let loose an uncomfortable amount of air as the disparate heaviness of the human occupant made itself known to the captivated audience.
“Oh er, sorry you appear to have caught me off guard,” Margin said, glancing at Share in question. Share started slightly, but his posture straightened and his confidence flowed back stronger than ever.
‘Equal opportunity’, Share mouthed to Margin who made an ‘o’ shape with her mouth and nodded.
“Mr. Synergy?” Share prompted.
“Mr. Andrews?” Synergy prompted.
Andrews appeared to have regained his breath in his seat.
“Oh, right! I’m Peter Andrews, a mechanical engineer. I will be able to assist with any mechanical—”
“Excuse me?” Margin interrupted, as she tapped a pen to her muzzle.
“Yes, ma’am?” Andrews replied.
“I was just wondering what kind of background you hailed from, you just look a little… different.”
“Oh I’m a human. I’m not from this universe, but I don’t think that will be a problem, my expertise is quite competent.”
“You’ve graduated from a University?”
“Yes actually, from MIT—”
“Not from an Equestrian University?”
“Well no, but I assure you my degree is just as competent—”
“Hmm…”
Andrews fell silent, he looked around at the meeting members, unsure of whether the fact that he was an alien or his degree was the more relevant point in the discussion.
Share interrupted the sidebar, waving a hoof dismissively. “Ahem, well my project manager did graduate from Canterlot University and I trust his opinions. We can assure you all of our employees are certified and trained at the highest level. If Mr. Synergy assures me that Mr. Andrews is an expert, then I believe him.”
“Well in that case, that’s very reassuring,” Margin replied. Oculus nodded thoughtfully.
Andrews frowned, but didn’t do anything. His stiffened stance deflated as he leaned back in his seat. Though his confidence hadn’t wavered, his mind blared a few warning signals, he decided that it was just the jitters of engaging in a new job after just recently graduating and traversing to a new universe. You know, the usual fears.
Share continued, gesturing at Synergy. Synergy nodded curtly and continued with the agenda.
“I’ve received the basic designs from our client’s architect, Ms. Oculus—” he nodded to the mare and she inclined her head “—we want to do a feasibility analysis on this building. Simple cost and budgeting and proofing on the materials and labour.”
Andrews’ head shot up. His confused gaze drifted from pony to pony as he tried to process what Synergy was talking about.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“We’re discussing the mechanical feasibility of implementing the design,” Synergy said impatiently.
“Yes I understand, you want to build a building, but as you can see I’m a mechanical engineer, not a civil engineer.”
Share tapped his pen against the desk. His look carried the implied threat even if his tone did not. “If we want some help with civil matters we’ll call in a civil engineer,” Share interjected. “You’re a specialist in a narrow field, you don’t see the bigger picture. What we need is mechanical in nature, we’re asking if you can do a simple feasibility analysis on this building. Can you do this?”
“Well yes, but I’m not—”
“Alright, that’s settled, Andrews, you’re in charge of doing the analysis. Anything else you want to add?” Share directed the question to Margin and Oculus.
Margin shook her head but glanced at Oculus.
Oculus glanced at Andrews who sat back in his seat, suitably chastised.
“Well I was wondering if this foal motif would work on the building. Research suggests that consumers are more likely to engage with the building if foals are displayed prominently. It shows that we care about the future generations,” Oculus trailed off looking at Andrews to point out any serious flaw.
“I don’t understand the question, I’m a mechanical engineer, not a designer,” Andrews stated slowly, his voice tinged with frustration. He didn’t know if this was the result of dealing with ponies or if such meetings were uncommon on Earth. “You can put foals wherever you want. As an architect you would know that a civil engineer would be able to help you more with this problem.”
Surprisingly, there were nods around the table. “Yes,” Synergy agreed. “That’s an excellent point, well done Mr. Andrews, I knew you were the right pony, sorry, human for this job!”
Shares smirked, giving Andrews a nod of respect.
“Of course,” Margin laugh, her high-pitched titter echoing in the conference room. “We’d need to acquire foals, what better expert than a civil engineer? This is a civil matter after all! The question is, do we use local or imported foals?”
Synergy shook his head. “What? Are you mad?”
Andrews, who was about to interject sighed in relief. He was about to jump in, what was all this talk about using foals anyway? Weren’t they just putting pictures up or carving reliefs?
“You can’t import foals! What would it look like to the brand if we use foals sourced from some hick town in the boonies? We need a photogenic model foal,” Synergy continued, slamming his hoof on the table. Andrews gaped at Synergy.
“Will the customers be able to tell the difference?” Margin asked curiously.
“Of course they can, foals are a delicate topic,” Synergy replied confidently.
Andrews felt like he was falling down an abyss and there wasn’t any sign there was a bottom. He wished there was, then at least it’d end. He let out a small sigh.
“Mr. Andrews? Are you feeling alright?” Oculus asked, her eyes etched filled concern as she leaned over the table.
“I-I’ll be fine, is there anything else you needed me for? I need to get to work,” Andrews replied. These ponies were crazy.
“Oh yes, we need your expert opinion on one extra matter…” Share said, locking gazes with Andrews. Andrews having half-rose from his seat, lowered himself back.
Andrews cleared his throat. “If it’s within my purview—”
“We need you to construct an engine,” Share continued and Andrews perked up at that, his eyes widening and a confident smile back on his lips.
“An engine? I can certainly help you with that!” Andrews replied confidently.
Share levitated a sheet of paper from his compendium and noted down a few things with his pen. “You see I have it written down here that you’re an expert on engines, fancy that. I thought you were just a mechanical engineer.”
“A mechanical engineer works on engines actually that’s where mech—”
“Ah yes I see it now, engineer...engine-er. Why didn’t I see it before?”
Andrews opened his mouth, then shut it, shrugging. “Yes, engines. So what type of engines are we talking about? I’m most familiar with combustion engines, electrical ones could be a struggle but—”
“Mr. Andrews, please. Would you refrain from using too much technical jargon? We’re not trained in engines, so some of this terminology is going past our heads,” Share rebuked firmly.
Andrews bit his lip, but bowed his head in apology. “Sorry, what I meant was I’d need to know what you want to do with the engine.”
Oculus beamed at Andrews. “You know those foals we wanted?”
“Yes,” Andrews replied cautiously.
“We want them flying around. Preferably at slightly faster than trotting speed. Can you design something for this?”
Andrews’ face had scrunched up. He took a deep breath.
“Uhh, no—” he started.
“What Andrews is saying,” Synergy cut in quickly. “Is that it’s a challenge. We’re here to solve problems. I mean really, what’s stopping us?”
“Physics,” Andrews said bluntly.
There was a short silence in the room.
Margin shook her head. “Now you’re just using technobabble again. I don’t see what’s so complicated. You’re an expert in engines and we need an engine. It’s simple really.”
Oculus looked thoughtful. “What if we use magic?”
Andrews cocked an eyebrow. “I’m not trained in designing engines running on magic,” he said.
“Oh it’s simple then, you’re not using enough magic,” Share said, tapping a hoof on the table to emphasise the point. “Magic solves a lot of problems. If it’s not being solved, just use more magic.”
Andrews bit his lip again to keep himself from screaming in frustration. He ran his fingers through his hair and calmed down. Andrews sighed. “While it is true that magic may be able to solve the levitation principle,” he said. “I mean I’m sure I can get unicorns to do this, but a mechanical engine—”
“So in principle this is possible?” Share asked.
Andrews hesitated before answering, “Well yes, but you wouldn’t need an engine—”
“Excellent! We even cut overheads on the engine!” he exclaimed, Margin was nodding her head in appreciation and Synergy gave him a pat on the back.
“Okay our meeting has gone well. Give me a rundown, Mr. Synergy.”
Synergy nodded, diving right into the summary. “We’ve got a feasibility study on the building handled by our expert, Mr. Andrews, we can implement flying foals, locally sourced of course, and they’ll be aided by the ingenious magical engine-less solution devised by Mr. Andrews. Overall we’re on target and on track. Looks like this’ll be a streamlined project, all thanks to our forward thinking. Anything I missed?” Synergy asked.
There were shakes all around.
“Okay,” Share said smiling brilliantly at Margin and Oculus. “Thank you both for coming, if you would follow me we have a fully catered luncheon for your convenience, all expenses paid by our company, of course…” Share lead the group of ponies out of the conference room, leaving Andrews behind, seated in his chair. On his way out Synergy patted him on the back with a quietly mumbled ‘good work’.
The door shut with a click.
“If you’ve got a problem,” he muttered to himself. “We’ve got a solution.”
Author's Note
I couldn't find a pony version of the Expert and then I thought, 'That needs to change'.
Also, humans, because why not?
Next Chapter: Mountains of valuations.
As always, my pleasantly scented readers, thanks for reading!
P.S. I even considered removing the comedy tag because it's more sad than funny when you think about it...
